1/1/2011 Addicted to heartbreak: Is it love or are…

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Addicted to heartbreak: Is it
love or are you just in a co-
dependent relationship?
ADDICTIONS & ANSWERS Visit our new
T ravel Section!
Friday, August 6th 2010, 4:00 AM
Explore deals, hidden
Like Be the first of your friends to like this. vacation fiestas, the best
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"When I told my boyfriend I loved him, he said no, I was merely co-addicted to him, and weekend escapes!
he felt suffocated by it." GO NOW!

BILL: Back in my single days, Dave, I used to hear it all the time. Some guy would meet a WHY ST ARS FAIL REHAB
new girl, maybe the bedroom was great, but he couldn’t wait for the weekend to be over.
"She made me feel suffocated," he would tell me. I once mentioned this to Helen Gurley Money can't buy sobriety
Brown—I was writing for Cosmo at the time. "I hope you notice,” she said, "they say this
after they’ve taken the girl to bed, not before.” Dave, I thought those days were over. But These celebs have waged public
here’s Janice, in despair because her boyfriend takes any sign of affection or attention battles against addiction. Here's
from her as "co-dependent addiction." Doc, is that just a fancy, medico-sounding term why the odds are stacked
wayward Romeos use to cover their fickle nature? against them.

DR. DAVE: Bill, you seem to be taking an old-fashioned, male-chauvinistic stance on this
question. Healthy love is given freely. Co-dependency enters when hidden issues of EDIT ORS' PICKS
control and abandonment become a driving force.
Hamster? Gerbil? No, it's
BILL: OK, I agree that men can fear getting the brush just as keenly as women. But when Snooki inside that ball!
my ex unexpectedly served me for divorce, I didn’t think of suicide, I got mad. DR. DAVE:
Reality TV 'star' practices for
“Normal” to the co-dependent becomes a belief that, if you care deeply about someone,
tonight's ball drop (love the
the primary sign of love is you are their life preserver 24/7.
plastic cup, Snooks!)
BILL: My friend, addiction therapist Lynn Telford Sahl, tells me her experience is the
average woman thinks about sex about once a day, "unless they’re in the early stages of Happy Stinkin' New Y ear:
romantic love, which lasts for six to eight months." And Lynn, the author of "Intentional No trash pickup til Monday
JOY: How to Turn Stress, Fear & Addiction into Freedom," went on. "What women are
addicted to is the longing for their man to fit the romantic illusion they see in the movies. Garbage removal, street
Jennifer had been married to Mark, divorced and remarried twice, but still together. After sweeping still days away, says
twenty years of hoping he’d change, he still hadn’t, yet she clung to the 'someday' fantasy. NYC sanitation boss.
The relationship worked for him yet she could neither let go, nor get what she really
wanted."
Russell Brand likely in t he
doghouse for t weeting
DR. DAVE: My sense is Jennifer’s co-addiction is expressed in her feeling that to leave
THIS pic
Mark would be to destroy his life. What she didn’t see is that her own self-esteem was
invested in this caretaker role -- behavior she may have learned as a child in an alcoholic The funnyman posted this photo
home. BILL: Which brings me - ta-DA! -- to Lindsay Lohan. Did you see those video of wife Katy Perry with no make-
interviews [link] where her father said it was his mission to rescue her from drug up on and quickly deleted it.
addiction-- though the effort is likely to kill him before the drugs kill her?
What is she 'do-ing?!
DR. DAVE: Whether you call it smothering with love, addicted to the addict or some other Kardashian sports braids
catchy phrase; the professionally accepted criteria for co-dependency is "Continued Reality TV starlet is
investment of your self-esteem in the ability to influence/control feelings and behavior, photographed wearing tight
both in oneself and in others, in the face of serious [life crises]. " cornrows. VOTE: Hot or not?

BILL: La Lohan recorded that song "Daughter to Father" that really shows how the addict
and co-addict become involved in a relationship where their personal boundaries are so The most notorious
merged that on any given day it’s hard to tell who is who. Ironically, it was recorded after Twitt er moment s of 2010
her father had been arrested for brawling and ordered to rehab himself . Demi Moore tweeting of pics
herself in a bikini was a
DR. DAVE: I’m in favor of letting a reader take a non-professional stroll through a good milestone in stupidity.
website; one that comes at codependent love attachment the same way Janice or Helen
Gurley Brown might have-
Mom, daughter accused of
BILL: Using common sense language and the usual 40 self-diagnostic questions, "Are molesting same teen boy
you a ---" etc.? DR. DAVE: PLUS social support meetings on the 12 Step Model. In this for 3 y ears
case, a group founded in 2004 has just such a website at Love Addicts Anonymous. Police say the pair did it without
knowing about each other’s
BILL: And if that rings a bell or two, what about a professional help? DR. DAVE: I usually relationship with him.
send patients to a couple of centers that have a very solid clinical approach-both are in
Arizona. One is found at Sierra Tucson Treatment Center [link]. The other is at The
Meadows Center.

nydailynews.com/…/2010-08-06_addic… 1/3
1/1/2011 Addicted to heartbreak: Is it love or are…
BILL: And next time someone says, "I can’t live without you," get on your skateboard and
roll? .

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