IN THE VISION OF VEDANTA - I Am What I Want to Be (Part 1)

Vedanta is an equation. In its vision, the seeker - the individual happens to be the sought. The
seeker-sought identity is unfolded by an equation. Any equation reveals an identity which is
intrinsic to two factors or two sides. Apparently they look different. Essentially they are the same.
THREE UNIVERSAL URGES
If I analyse, I can reduce all my seeking to three fundamental things. Everyone has a love to be
(to live), nobody wants to die away. This love for survival is instinctive in every living organism.
This instinct doesn't die away at any time. That I want to live and live a day more, is the Universal
Urge. The conclusion that I am a mortal is the basis for the urge to live a day more. No human
being can accept a total decimation. I always want to survive.
It is natural because, at this moment, I am alive as a person. I cannot visualise, a total absence
of myself though there is an appreciation, that I will pass away. We don't give up our attempt to
live. That is because there is love for ETERNITY. There is a love for survival and to escape from
the thraldom of time. Love to be free from the hold of time is expressed in various forms.
Nobody wants to be old. If you ask one's age, you are in for a bluff. If he is 36, he will say he is
32. If he is 54, he will say he is 51. If he is 73, he will say he is 85, because he wants you to
believe that in spite of being 85, he is still strong and healthy. Nobody wants to age and pass
away. The love to be is very universal and this love is really to be free from the hold of time.
But there are people who do commit suicide. It seems they love to die. Why should they commit
suicide? If everybody wants to live there should be no suicide at all in the society. But we do
know that there are suicides. How can we say then that everybody wants to live? Well, that is
because there is an equally powerful urge to be happy.
The first urge is, I want to live. The next is, I want to live happily. For the time being, if I am
convalescing in hospital I am ready to deny all pleasures that I generally seek, in order to
survive. Once I survive I want to live happily. People do commit suicide not because they want to
die, but because they have concluded that they will not be happy in future.
Though it is erroneous, the conclusion that there is no chance of being happy in the future makes
a person want to commit suicide. Here is a person (M) who has a bunch of pills in his hands and
he is going to swallow all of them to commit suicide. And I (S) happen to be there and ask him:
Swami (S): Hey! What are you doing?
M : Swami, I am going to die.
S : But why?
M : Well, Swamiji, I don't think in this life, I would be happy anymore.
S : Why? You are okay. Your health is okay; the body is fine. Why can't you make yourself
happy? What's the problem?
M : Well, Swamiji, I have lost all my money.
S : How much money?
M : So many thousands of dollars.
S : What did you do? Did you go to the races or gamble?
M : No Swamiji, I did some business.
S : What happened?
M : I lost. Everything is gone Swamiji. I am answerable to so many people and I have no money.
I have no faith in the society. I want to die.
S : Okay. Do you want to die for these few thousands?
M : Yes Swamiji. For you Swamiji, it is just a few thousands. You are a Sadhu. Perhaps it is
nothing for you. For me it is all that I had. All my life savings are gone.
S : Okay. Suppose I ask somebody to help you now with the money?
M : Really! When Swamiji?
S : Tomorrow.
M : Really Swamiji?
S : Yes
M : When should I return?
S : You need not return till you make enough money.
M : Really Swamiji? What is the interest?
S : No interest. It is interest free loan.
M : Really Swamiji! When I make the money I will return! Thank you. Thank you so much
Swamiji.
Now, he didn't even decide to drop the bunch of pills that was in his hands, in order to do
namaste to me. They got dropped very naturally. Do you know why? Because he wants to live
and he thinks he has a future. Unfortunately, he equated money to happiness. That was his
problem. Not having known the moneyed people intimately, he thought anybody who is moneyed
is happy.
He had not observed himself before when he had all the money. He had been unhappy even
then. Due to this wrong equation, he decided to die. But later, when he saw he could make up for
the loss, the pills got dropped naturally because the love to be (to live) is equally powerful as
even the love to be happy.