I admit that I am a huge fan of Shah Rukh Khan.

I am full of adulation
for him and I’m sure that I will adulate him forever. However that does
not mean that my love for Avi is adulterated. People may adulterate milk
with water and vegetables with poison, but my love is forever pure.

It is only after the advent of love in my life, that I felt complete again.
Love came, and I started blossoming. It was actually adventitious that
love came into my life. It came to me when I least expected it but I was
extremely fortunate.

Loneliness is my biggest adversary and I shall have to combat it till the

day Avi and I will get married, because then there will be no adverse
effect on my mental and emotional health. This is because we will no
longer be separated. Adversity is part of life. We have to face misfortune
with grace. Whenever a hostile situation or adversity faces us, we must
advert to our basic principles and try to stay calm and peaceful. We must
learn not to advocate every little problem that we come by, but instead try
to face it with courage and dignity. Our conscience and will power will
provide us with aegis and protect us from the temptation of going onto
the wrong path. Just like the eagle that sets its aerie in the high altitudes,
we must learn to build our homes and dreams of higher standards,
because they say, if you aim for the stars, at least you’ll reach the sky.

The paintings of Van Gogh may not be traditionally aesthetic, but they
were animated and a breath of fresh air. He was not at all an affable
person and he mostly lived alone. Most people tend to think of him as a
crazy man, but he never had affected mannerisms as he never pretended
to be of a high-class society. He emphasized the hard work that the
working class put in and his paintings like the Potato Supper, Pilgrim’s
Shoes and Crows in a Field are affidavits to this.

Most people are well affiliated with the fact that he was a brilliant painter.
But what people do not know is that he felt a special affinity for people
from the working class who struggled to make ends meet. He even
housed a prostitute once and made a portrait of her. All this is an
affirmation of his uniqueness and brilliance because it confirms it
positively.

However we must not affix too much value to only one person. We must
learn to attach value to certain other things as well. The affliction that he
went through as a result of his mental illness must have been a great
burden, but it also provided him a source of inspiration for his tireless
painting episodes. He had no form of affluence and depended on his
brother for all money. However, his brother did not at all feel affronted
by the fact that Van Gogh kept depended entirely on him for money. In
fact, he was very punctual with his payments and never insulted or
offended his brother.

When one looks at a Van Gogh painting, one stands agape, staring at the
marvellous use of colour and strokes.

Let us move our agenda from paintings back to love. Love is an

agglomeration of affection, pain, fights, kisses, hugs, commitments and
so many other things heaped together between the two people. Love
aggrandizes the feeling of joy as it makes it overwhelming and more
potent. However sometimes, small incidents may aggregate into one huge
fight and no one remembers who was aggressor that attacked first. Both
may be aghast at the situation or left aghast by the situation but one must
take the step to mend the problem.

At the end of the day, like the agility of an acrobat, the relationship must
also be flexible to circumstances and both partners should be able to
adapt to hostile situations. They must learn not to agitate each other. I
was agnostic once, but after I fell in love, I regained my faith in God
because one cannot deny that some higher power, which is beyond our
control, can change things that we cannot change. It is more about having
faith, than what thing we have faith in.

When I was not in love, I was always agog at the mention of the word
love. I was always curious and excited about the topic since I did not
know that much, so I had made so many assumptions and held so many
opinions about love. I always discussed this topic with alacrity as I loved
discussing this topic, just like I loved discussing alchemy. Amidst the
agrarian policy of the Indian Government which I would study in my
textbook, I was often distracted by the topic of love. I would run up to the
terrace and climb on to the adjacent tree and onto the tree house which
was my secret alcove and write poems about love under the alias, Debbie
Saunders.

I did not like to alienate myself, but sometimes I like solitude. I would
read of the alimentary canal in biology and then run off to write love
poems to imaginary lovers. I remember once, my dad was watching a
television series in which a husband who was divorced from his wife lost
all his money in alimony payments to his wife and my dad was extremely
happy that he married someone he truly loved and therefore they would
never be separated.
I remember that whenever I was angry, Avi would try to allay me by
making cute baby sounds and singing songs. But I kept alleging that he
did not take me seriously so they were rendered useless. But then finally
we pledged allegiance to each other and all would go back to normal. I
would read out allegories like Animal Farm and Catch 22 and my poems
full of alliteration to him before he went to sleep and I would give him
back massages to alleviate the pain in his shoulders and back muscles.

We allocated a certain time to talking each day. But sometimes when I

didn’t want him to leave I would allude him to staying. Some people
might think that my love was alloyed by selfishness, but that is not true.
His eyes and mannerisms were so alluring that I couldn’t help but be
attracted. I was becoming more aloof to my college and friends. All the
hurt feelings began to amass and we would end up in several altercations
that were a waste of time and money. Several unrelated feelings would
amalgamate and he would end up shouting at me even if he did not mean
to.

I was not able to clarify the ambiguity of my words to him and as a result
a peaceful and loving ambience could not return to our relationship. I was
in a state of ambivalence with on the one side wanting him to stay so that
I could profess my love for him even more and on the other side letting
him do his work and study.

I have never been an altruistic person and neither am I courageous

enough to be an amazon. But like the horse has to amble on the high
mountains, I have to learn to take things at a slow and easy pace. Just the
like gods that give ambrosia to give immortality to humans, Avi and I
give love to each other that will make love immortal. We will always try
to ameliorate ourselves for each other so that we can be the best for each
other. We will amend any shortcomings and try to make it become
ambulatory every time it is threatened to be paralyzed. We shall take
turns to be amenable to each other so that no one person shall be bossy all
the time, because both of us enjoy it sometimes when the other person
takes control.