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Analysis: Sex, Lies, and Conversation

Misunderstanding between men and women is because of the difference in their genetic

makeup and how they are raised in the past. In “Sex, Lies, and Conversation”; Deborah Tannen

reveals that men and women are totally different in their ways of perceiving situations and their

response towards certain things. Tannen combines the findings of many sociologists and

psychologists and concludes that both of these genders grow up differently and therefore their

way of communication is different as well. In her essay, Tannen shows various examples related

to everyday life such as a boyfriend not listening to her girlfriend and a man not understanding

what her wife wants from him. We often tend to ignore life experiences, gender, and cultural

upbringing while explaining the communication between men and women and therefore our

conclusions mostly carry us away from reconciliation.

Men and women have different social and cultural responsibilities and while growing up,

they are continuously taught to act in a certain way. Even if they are not taught by anyone, they

ultimately take the hint from the society around them. Tannen explains that while growing up,

girls tend to chatter more with their friend and share secrets with each other. They make

relationships on a deeper level and expect everyone to understand what they are feeling and what

they want. On the other hand, boys are expected from a very young age that they have to struggle
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like everyone else is doing around them. They are more competitive than their counterpart

gender. I have heard many mothers telling their sons that “men don’t cry”. This is how we shape

the children and how we expect them to act different, according to their gender.

Contrarily, girls are expected to be soft, kind hearted, and helping towards everyone.

They are naturally vulnerable in emotions and are often intimidated by the problems they face in

life. They tend to share their problems with other people while boys mostly try to solve their

problems on their own. These distinctions in assumptions regarding cozy connections, the writer

finishes up, makes people be baffled in personal associations with the contrary sex, particularly

marriage. Be that as it may, Tannen consoles us, finding out about these correspondence

contrasts can help couples to state what they truly mean and hear what the other individual is

truly endeavoring to convey.

Tannen explains how gender makes a huge difference in the way we communicate and

act in a society and after explaining this fact, she moves on to explain why our marriages fail and

relationships end. We can see many girls around us complaining about their boyfriend for not

being caring enough or for not being expressive enough. On the other hand, boyfriends and

husbands blame their spouses to be overly dramatic and complaining about everything they do.

The problem is that both these genders are unable to understand what the other want. Tannen,

through her essay, tries to change this practice of blame game and suggests that in order to

understand the difference between the two sexes, one has to understand the sociological, cultural

and linguistic implications. Whenever certain couples around us are asked about their secret of a

happy life, most of them respond that they understand each other and give each other space for

the mistakes. The key to this understanding is to understand the dynamics of gender and its effect

on the relationships.
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