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LOST PIECE
an undergraduate journal of letters

VOLUME I, ISSUE IV
Getting to Know You
LOST PIECE: Issue IV an undergraduate journal of letters
S X S X

LOST PIECE
an undergraduate journal of letters
© Copyright, Lost Piece; All rights reserved.

No part of this journal may be used or reproduced by any means, VOLUME I, ISSUE IV
graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, record- Getting to Know You
ing, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the
written permission of the Editor–In–Chief except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. The works included
in this journal are printed with explicit permission of their authors.

J
Lost Piece: An Undergraduate Journal of Letters
The University of Notre Dame
Center for Undergraduate Scholarly Engagement

Stephen Lechner
Editor in Chief

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA Raymond Korson


Supporting Editor

Josef Kuhn
Conor Rogers
Editors
LOST PIECE: Issue IV an undergraduate journal of letters
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Table of Contents Something of a Mission Statement


Lost Piece: Issue IV From the Editors
Something of a Mission Statement
From the Editors ....................................................................................5
Meet the Writers
Lost Piece................................................................................................6 Lost Piece exists to facilitate undergraduate reading, discussion,
Searches and writing of an intellectual nature beyond course curriculum
Stephen Lechner......................................................................................8 and without distraction from the grade point average.
In Search of Myself
Daniel O’Duffy.......................................................................................12 Lost Piece seeks to help undergraduates to complement
and even unify what they learn in their classes with
Lifeline
their own personally driven intellectual pursuits.
Claire Gillen...........................................................................................16
Man, According to Primo Levi
The goal of Lost Piece is to combat mediocrity in all
James C Dever........................................................................................17
things, and particularly in all things intellectual.
And How He Is
Scott Posteuca..........................................................................................26 Lost Piece holds that the goods proper to intellec-
Bayview tual activity are ends in and of themselves and are to
William Stewart.....................................................................................30 be sought regardless of whatever recognitions may or
Interpretations and Intersubjectivity may not be extrinsically attached to such activity.
Mark Tancredi........................................................................................36
People By Day
Stephen Lechner......................................................................................41
Penury Everlasting
Nicholas Brandt......................................................................................46  
A Portrait of T.S. Eliot
Josef Kuhn...............................................................................................48
A Girl Without A Country
Maria Santos..........................................................................................51
Goodbye
Javier Zubizaretta..................................................................................57

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Meet the Writers


These groups have contributed The Program of weekend to start a literary T:
to the writing of the Fall 2010 Liberal Studies: society. Its members include T is a group of undergradu-
Edition of Lost Piece. We So it turns out that PLS students from the Colleges of ates who meet together to
encourage you, as an undergrad- students don’t only like to talk Arts and Letters, Science, and discuss issues of importance,
uate, to contribute your writing about such trivial things as Engineering, but strangely ranging from theology to
to future editions whether indi- “free will” or “the meaning of none from the college of philosophy to current issues
vidually or as part of any such life” as approached through Business. They write, simply in any and all fields. It is a
intellectual society. You can the lens of certain Great put, despite the obvious fact casually structured, socially
send your writing and feedback Books, but they also like, that they are only tyro writ- engaging event that welcomes
to the editor at slechner@nd.edu. even need, to engage ideas ers, and they criticize each the opportunity to find both
wherever they can find them. other’s writing as best they common ground and a mul-
That’s why a few of them got can. One of their goals is to titude of opinions on topics.
together to watch movies every bring back the essay (which And they drink tea, too.
week, first as a social event literally means “an attempt”)
and later more as a discussion as a form of writing and as The Orestes Brownson Council:
group. They like to think they a rhetorical work of art. The As a club, OBC is focused
are staying true to the spirit group takes its name from on better understanding the
of the word “seminar” (which one of Cicero’s orations. Catholic intellectual tradi-
literally means “seedbed”) by tion and its interaction with

D holding profound conversa-


tions on their own from which
they hope to bear the fruits of
The Philosophy Club:
The Philosophy Club is
a group of a few dozen
philosophy, politics, and
culture. It takes its name
from the American Catholic
new ideas, serious dialogue, undergraduates who enjoy political thinker who is
and lasting friendships. arguing, using big words, buried in the crypt of the
attempting to answer “life’s Basilica of the Sacred Heart,
Istum: great questions,” asking more Orestes Brownson. V
(Also called That Thing) Three questions, and arguing.
years ago, a group of friends
decided to get together every

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Searches
An Introduction
Stephen Lechner career of puzzle-piecing. But Notre Dame who decided that that he and I undertook to start
Class of 2011
Editor-in-Chief I must confess: it wasn’t until he was missing something in the literary society that would
working on this journal that his education. He had classes, eventually become one of the
I once heard someone de- I actually experienced this friends, a place at an excellent driving forces behind this
scribe life as an autobiographical frustration literally. We had university with excellent profes- journal. Istum has met once a
dramatic narrative; I have yet to already decided on the name, sors, and a great interest in week for three years now and all
hear a description I like better. Lost Piece, and Ray and I were learning—in short, all that he this while we have been sharing
It’s a story, simply put, and a piecing together a puzzle to ought to have wanted. But nev- our thoughts, arguments, and
collection of stories—stories see how we liked it. To say we ertheless he needed something writing with each other as
from many places, distant and were shocked to discover that more, something he couldn’t friends. Why? Because we like
varied, that come together there was, in the end, one piece seem to find, something to pull to. Because we are friends. It’s
sometimes in patterns and missing does little to capture it all together and put it into an eclectic mix—Philosophy
sometimes in explosions, often the ridiculous situation in which perspective. If this all sounds majors, premeds, Theology,
colorful, always mysterious. we found ourselves: there we familiar to you it is because I English, Math, Political
This issue can be better under- were, two editors of a new took his idea of “something Science, Classics, Economics,
stood if one knows the stories journal titled Lost Piece tearing missing” and made it the and several engineers—and
that pieced it together. I’d like apart the room trying to find cornerstone for the first issue of a small one—about seven
to tell some of those stories now. the lost piece to the journal’s this journal. And what did he regulars and another eight
The first story concerns the cover on our first attempt decide this “something” was? or so who come every now
journal’s name, Lost Piece. I at piecing it together. The One might call it an “intellec- and later, usually averaging
don’t know if you’ve ever suc- irony was magnified when we tual community”, a community anywhere between seven and
ceeded in assembling a puzzle, realized that the piece we were within which he could not only ten. It seems to have worked
a large puzzle, after hours looking for was, like the floor, go to class and learn things, but out well, even though we never
of fumbling with cardboard brown and that the two of us really live an intellectual life in had a place to put our writing
wedges only to find a single are both colorblind. Needless which all of it—the classes, the when we finished it, until now.
piece missing from the picture. to say, we never found it... friends, the books, the degree— But even Istum was not quite
The frustration of such a Another story is, perhaps, cooperated in a sensible way. enough for Jerry—some of you
situation is, perhaps, enough more to the point. In the fall of It was with the intention know him, I’m sure—and he
to justify an early end to one’s 2007, there was a freshman at of starting such a community decided to leave Notre Dame

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after his second year. Why? He military? Then why haven’t I faculties of universities are miss- it, is to finish his studies at
couldn’t see the point of staying done so myself? No. I tell it ing. It is something that under- Notre Dame upon his return
here. Why college? To get a now in hopes that you might graduates themselves are miss- from the Army three years
degree? What use is a degree? consider your own point to ing and need to provide if they from now. Ultimately, he will
To land a job? What should college, a point that you may are to gain a higher education. have earned his education by
college have to do with that? or may not have actually The notion of having a point his own very difficult service
And nobody else seemed to considered recently, or even at extends beyond one’s college as a private in the Army, and
even question the point, despite all. Strangely, it’s fairly easy to career—indeed, it extends to the expense of his education
the forty-six thousand dollar ignore the question of a point life itself—and it is with this will burden neither his federal
price tag that comes with it to college—everyone else is in mind that these writers have government, nor his university,
every year. In the end he took a here, and nobody else seems presented their thoughts. Let nor his family. He is the only
year off to work at home, a year to be wondering why. And so these insights give credence to person of whom I know I
that became four years when he long as friends are near, beer the claim already presented in can say this. I most certainly
joined the army last March. cheap, and a career soon to a previous issue: that human cannot say it of myself. V
Was that the only reason he follow, what’s to worry about? beings, as rational animals,
left? Who can tell for sure? What could be missing? cannot live without purpose.
But it was for no less. His But evidently something is Human beings thrive on
grades were well above average. missing, because Jerry isn’t here purpose. A story, to be
He had, and still has, many right now. It isn’t something called a story, requires at least
friends here. His is easily unique to Notre Dame; rather, enough order to make a plot.
one of the sharpest minds I’ve universities in general seem I should say that Jerry, as last
ever come across, and he had to share this absence—even I heard from him, is still serving
an ambitious and genuine the Ivies, which seem to fool safely at his post in Iraq, having
interest in studying. He themselves most successfully been commissioned there this
should have had all he wanted of anyone into thinking that September, and is reading the
here—he even told me so. the virtue of scholarship can be entire works of Shakespeare in
So why do I tell Jerry’s story institutionalized. More impor- what little spare time he has.
now? Do I want you to leave tantly, it isn’t something that His plan, as last he’s considered
college, perhaps to join the either the administrations or

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In Search of Myself
An Essay
Daniel O’Duffy other minds – or my own – if “For my part, when I enter most intimately into what I call
T
all I see are shadows dancing myself, I always stumble on some particular perception or other,
on a cave wall? I ask, “what is of heat or cold, light or shade, love or hatred, pain or pleasure.
What am I? Science tells
love?” and I am told that it is I never can catch myself at any time without a perception, and
me that I am Homo sapiens,
like “like a red, red rose”. I ask, never can observe anything but the perception. (Hume)
constituted of atoms that form
“what is life?” and I am told that
cells shaped by billions of years
it is but “a brief candle”. These I read Hume and follow his can affect its angle somewhat,
of evolution, but this does not
answers, like anything encoded gaze, peering into my con- as the wind does during a
answer my question. Though I
in language, can only flirt and sciousness. I try to make sense storm, but I am powerless to
may zoom into my body with
flit with the truth, never truly of what I find but all is at sea, a prevent its inevitable descent.
science and see my elements, I
encapsulating it. We are limited tumultuous crashing of percep- Breathless, I retreat to normal-
am no closer to understanding
by language and experience tions, thoughts and feelings that ity, chastened. Is this all there
my innermost self. Throughout
to hear mere echoes of truth. threaten to drown me under a is to humans – an ephemeral,
time, man has zoomed in on
Never will we be able to truly cascade of sensations. I try to elusory existence consisting
himself with the intellect,
convey in words or show or say swim through it to locate the of no more than fleeting pas-
questing for answers. From the
the secret of that which most locus of being, but I am unable sions? Hume concluded thus,
insight of the social sciences
fundamentally constitutes us. to see through the perceptions denying the existence of ‘self ’.
to the wondrous perspicac-
The answers to human identity that fall into my awareness Is this the end of my journey?
ity of literature, humans have
may thus only be found with like shifting curtains of rain. I
recorded their attempts to find
introspection, not extrospec-
themselves. Through tracing
tion. Searching for myself, I “Behind your thoughts and feelings, my brother, there stands a
these thoughts, I marvel at the
will take as my guide the great mighty ruler, an unknown sage, whose name is self.” (Nietzsche)
epic tapestry that illustrates the
philosophers, following their
human experience. I am enrap-
meditations. I ask myself, then,
tured when touching the mind Nietzsche beckons me back With Hume, I looked within
where I can be said to exist. The
of another… yet still I cannot into myself with the promise to find only passions, but I do
answer is apparent, Cartesian
grasp at the truth, the answers that there is indeed something not conclude that this is all I
in nature: I am that which asks
to those uniquely human ques- more, that I am hidden beyond am. After all, there must be
what I am. I look to my mind.
tions. How may I come to know the deluge of mental activity. a subject of these perceptions,

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something to experience them. perceptions around me to look knowledge to ascend once more,
Is this “me”? I turn my gaze down at the nameless figure, zooming back out and escaping
from the constellations of this pivot in the center of it all. this dark cave of ouroboric
questions. This is the essence of
“The philosophical I is not the human being, nor the human philosophy. We live in the midst
body, nor the human soul with which psychology deals. The of plethoric puzzles that scream
philosophical self is the metaphysical subject, the bound- at us, begging to be answered:
ary – nowhere in this world.” (Wittgenstein) What are we? What is reality?
Attuning to these thoughts can
be maddening, or liberating; it
Spurred on by Wittgenstein, observer in the middle is a void,
is no doubt much safer to plug
who talks of a self beyond that an entity entirely devoid of
our ears! The greatest minds
which I had contemplated, character. There is no wondrous
of humanity nevertheless tied
I reach the final intellectual answer, no Grail at the end of this
themselves to the mast of
magnification of the self, at last quest, just... emptiness. I am the
‘reality’ and turned to face that
approaching the nucleus of being. empty vessel into which experi-
siren’s call. Did any find their
I look down into the awareness ence is poured, nothing more.
Penelope? I do not know. They
within to see... nothing. The
have left me clues to their path,
a path that I may follow out, but
“The mental and the material are really here, but there is no person to
ultimately this odyssey must be
be found. For it is void and fashioned like a doll.” (Visuddhimagga)
undertaken alone. Following
I have not found my ‘self ’, only Like Descartes, I have worked my philosophy, I have journeyed
diaphanous awareness. All of way down into the bottom of a to my innermost self, zooming
the things that I had once called doubt parabola, questioning every in to find nothing. Following
‘me’, my thoughts, my feelings, level of my existence down to the philosophy, I may journey back
are apparently no more than poor absolute minimum point - some- to reality, and find meaning. V
players upon a stage, moving and thing is aware. This is all I know,
interacting in the Cartesian the- all I can know for sure, unless
ater by a script that I do not write. I can construct an edifice of
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Lifeline Man According to Primo Levi


A Poem A Literary Research Paper
Claire Gillen James C Dever but in order of urgency”,1 deals
Class of 2011 Class of 2011
Philosophy Club Orestes Brownson Council almost exclusively in particu-
lars. In compiling numerous
From the outset it is impor- experiences of life in the Lager,
tant to note that Primo Levi, in Levi constructs a rich and
Though blessed beyond measure, still I grumble. complex picture of humanity.
is work Se questo `e un uomo, is
Preoccupied with charting an assured way, both participant in and narrator His writing demands that the
Through daily duty, I fumble, stumble, of various encounters with men, reader engage general questions
Trying to stay upright, measure each day. all of which contribute to his regarding the human condition
Just Water drives relentlessly, sapping all conversation with the reader on the level of particular. Levi
My strength in its perpetual motion. regarding man’s nature. For the invites the reader to deepen
At length, the mighty force recedes and hurls sake of focus and clarity, I will his or her reflection on the
A wounded, gasping girl upon the shore. retain this division between questions he is raising, rather
Alone, confused, within herself she curls – Levi as author and Levi as than provide definitive answers
participant in one of these of his own. In this essay I have
Doubts her power to recover, face more.
encounters, addressing first how attempted to synthesize Levi’s
But, when placing trust in my greatest friend,
he as author is expressing his treatment of particulars in a
My yoke is easy; anxieties end.
conception of man’s nature and fashion that does not neglect the
as my map’s nearly complete, I fall complexity of his work. Having
second how he as participant
From my high peak into raging ocean. V reflected on Levi’s text, I will
came to his understanding. The
particularity of his experience argue that for Levi, a man is a
as participant will serve as being driven by the seemingly
evidence for the various themes unquenchable desire to discern
the work examines as a whole. meaning in experience, reflect
I will constrain my discussion upon this lived experience in
to one particular encounter memory, and then convey the
found in “Il canto di Ulisse”. The contents of those reflections to
form of Levi’s text, “written not others by means of language.
in order of logical succession,
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Man’s Search for Meaning Ulysses. The open sea is in- to search. Levi quotes Dante’s
scrutable, but still calls Ulysses Ulysses again and comments
In “Il canto di Ulisse” Levi Levi’s search for meaning in
as both author and participant the Lager and Ulysses’ search ‘Think of your breed; for brutish ignorance / Your mettle was
grapples with questions sur- for meaning in Inferno. Levi not made; you were made men, /To follow after knowledge
rounding man’s desire to begins his meditation abruptly, and excellence.’ As if I also was hearing it for the first
search for meaning. For Levi, “…the canto of Ulysses.” It time: like the blast of a trumpet, like the voice of God.
man hungers for meaning, is motivated initially by the For a moment I forgot who I was and where I am.3
and attempts to discern the desire to teach Jean Italian, but
content of lived experience is soon transformed into an
The impact of this moment that he and Jean are engaging
according to principles of opportunity to discover mean- is tremendous for Levi who in conversation seems to fill his
reason. Levi’s reflection on ing in the inferno of the Lager. seems to have received a kind soul with an affirmation of his
Dante’s canto di Ulisse from Levi first draws the parallel of divine revelation about his own humanity. The essential
the Commedia establishes between Dante’s text and the situation in the Lager as well difference between Levi’s search
an implicit parallel between current situation of the two men as what it means to be a man. and that of Dante’s Ulysses
On Ulysses’ words, men follow is the role community plays
‘…So on the open sea I set forth.’ Of this I am certain, I am sure, after knowledge and excellence, in deepening one’s ability to
I can explain it to Pikolo, I can point out why ‘I set forth’ is not pursuing the great questions of pursue knowledge and excel-
‘ je me mis’, it is much stronger and more audacious, it is a chain man’s existence in an attempt lence. Ulysses abandoned the
which has been broken, it is throwing oneself on the other side to discern meaning. On all of very members of his community
of a barrier, we know the impulse well. The open sea: Pikolo Levi’s descriptions, the Lager is that Levi emphasizes must be
has traveled by sea and knows what it means…there is nothing essentially a place of dehuman- remembered. In engaging in
but the smell of the sea; sweet things, ferociously far away.2 ization, breaking down what it the search for meaning with
means to be a man in the minds another Levi affirms the need
of the prisoners. The revelation for community and friendship.4

His interpretation of the side of a barrier, crossing into the
from Dante’s Ulysses that men
passage points towards the unknown, driven by the human
are made to seek after knowl-
similarity of their situation in impulse for meaning. Jean knows
edge and excellence and the way
the Lager to that of Ulysses, what the open sea means and
throwing himself on the other thus its particular relevance for
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Memory and Connection memories that shed important transcend the Lager, allowing dusk of evening as I returned
to the Past light on Levi’s subsequent him for a time to forget who he by train from Milan to Turin!”8
exegesis of Dante’s text. Levi is and where he is. Levi’s lapses The pain of memory is lasting,
Se questo `e un uomo is essen- writes, “We spoke of our hous- in memory point to the power yet revivifying, echoing Levi’s
tially a collection of memories. es, of Strasbourg and Turin, of of memory to transcend imme- sentiments earlier in the book,
Elsewhere in his work Levi the books we had read, of what diate circumstances. He writes, “For a few hours we can be
described himself as “a normal we had studied, of our mothers: “I would give today’s soup to unhappy in the manner of free
man with a good memory.”5 how all mothers resemble each know how to connect ‘the like men.”9 There is something
Levi was an author who was other!”6 In this brief exchange on any day’ to the last lines.”7 uniquely human about the pain
very concerned with human between the two men, their In asserting his willingness to one can suffer from a memory
memory and memory’s role in memories enable them to surrender this ration, Levi is es- that while transporting one
the communication of truth establish a link with their past sentially claiming that he would from his or her environment
about the human condition. lives. Memory, in creating have given his life to remember makes them acutely aware that
In this section I will address that link between the past and the way the final lines of the it will only be temporary.
Levi’s emphasis on the power of present, allows Levi and Jean canto are connected. For Levi, it
memory to create connections to reflect on a time when their would be better to contemplate Language and Community
with the past. This is significant humanity was not somehow the imagery of Dante’s text
both on the level of being as in question, a time when they with Jean in the manner of One’s ability to search for
an essentially human capacity knew they were in fact men. men. The capacity to remember meaning and reflect on lived
associated with meaning, and Levi relates as much of the and to relate one’s memories to experience in memory are
on the level of the ability of canto as he is able to remember. another is something uniquely ultimately frustrated without
memory to recall instances He struggles to translate and human. The power of memory the capacity to express oneself
of lived human experience, comment on the fragments he is further attested to as Levi’s in meaningful language. As
especially in moments when is able to recall, while stitching rendering of the canto sparks with the power to discern
one’s humanity is in doubt. together what he has produced. other memories, notably of his meaning, and reflect on
Within the narrative, Here memory performs the home in Turin, “…do not let me memory, the use of language
Levi begins his journey with same act of linking Levi in the think of my mountains which is something that is essen-
Jean speaking about various Lager to words and ideas that used to show up against the tially human. Furthermore, in

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order for communication to be in the Preface to Se questo `e Thus, to speak is something that ideal listener throughout Levi’s
meaningful it must be directed un uomo, “The need to tell our is essentially human. It is the frantic lesson. Levi mentions
towards a listener, establishing a story to ‘the rest,’ to make ‘the manner in which one relates to his “great attention” and “how
community. In this final sec- rest’ participate in it, had taken “the rest”. The exercise of lan- good Pikolo is”.13 Jean partici-
tion I will show how language on for us before our liberation guage is carried out in commu- pates verbally only once, but for
facilitates the creation of and after, the character of an nion with other human beings. a majority of the time follows
community between Levi and immediate and violent impulse, The main action of Levi’s Levi’s reflections intently,
his readers as well as between to the point of competing commentary in Il canto di Ulisse deepening his own reflections
Levi and Jean in the Lager. with our elementary needs.”11 is an attempt to establish a on their condition in the Lager
The epitaph from Coleridge’s Both of these statements echo form of community with Jean as they are implicitly compared
“Rime of the Ancient Mariner” similar sentiments of a violent by teaching Jean his native to those of Ulysses. Levi writes,
is found at the beginning of impulse to share one’s story language. Jean is depicted as the
his work, I sommersi e i salvati, with others as well as notions
“Since then at an uncertain of community and otherness. …he is aware that it is doing me good. Or perhaps it is something
hour, / that agony returns, / Levi is deeply concerned with more: perhaps, despite the wan translation and the pedestrian,
And till my ghastly tale is told one’s ability to communicate rushed commentary he has received the message; he has felt that it
/ This heart within me burns.”10 meaning to others. In I som- has to do with him, that is has to do with all men who toil, and
Levi writes of the burning mersi e i salvati, he writes: with us in particular; and that is has to do with us two, who dare to
desire to share the “ghastly tale” reason of these things with the poles for the soup on our shoulders.14

Jean affirms Levi’s burning reflect with him on the great


Except for cases of pathological incapacity, one can and must com-
desire to speak by providing questions of meaning they face
municate…To say that it is impossible to communicate is false; one
him with a willing ear to listen. in the Lager. This experience
always can. To refuse to communicate is a failing; we are biologically
Beyond mere courtesy, however, of communication shared
and socially predisposed to communication, and in particular to its Jean has been affected by Levi’s between the two men allow
highly evolved and noble form which is language. All members of the story. In sharing his transla- both to recognize the humanity
human species speak, no non-human species knows how to speak.12 tion and commentary, Levi is of themselves in the other. For
able to deepen Jean’s ability to Levi and Jean, who dare to

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reason about these things in the author, Levi invites the reader readers. In Il canto di Ulisse Levi
Lager, shared communication is to become participant in those offers his own commentary
another way in which humanity experiences and engage the text and interpretation of Dante’s
may be retained. This is the as a living strand of conversa- poetic text with a particularity
fact of man’s life on earth that tion on what it means to be of circumstance that provides
Dante’s Ulysses neglected. human. His reconstructions of new meaning to the text itself.
In separating himself from his human encounters provide By allowing the reader to
human community in order the basis for the search for follow his journey with Jean
to search after knowledge and meaning, investing his readers through Dante’s text. Levi has
excellence he rebelled against with a sense of purpose as they provided us a model to follow in
man’s natural impetus towards follow his thought in the text. interpreting his own. Probing
fruitful social interaction and Levi’s memory provides the area the depths of meaning that are Cited:
1 Se questo `e un uomo, p. 15-16
the virtue of friendship. in which the search for meaning present, taking adequate time to 2 Ibid, p. 119
Thus far, I have attempted to is carried out. He invites the reflect what we have managed 3 Ibid, cf.
4 Inferno XXVI, 94-99, “No
show an understanding of man reader into his most intimate to grasp, and finally carrying tenderness for son, no duty owed
as rational, linguistic, and social thoughts with all the urgency of on the conversation once more, / To aging fatherhood, no love
that should / have brought my
in Levi’s relation of his encoun- the original moment. Both the deepening our understanding wife Penelope delight / Could
ter with Jean in Il canto di Ulisse, invitation and sense of urgency each time we return. Se questo overcome in me my long desire /
burning to understand how this
but to reduce Levi’s relation of are expressed through Levi’s use `e un uomo does not offer us a world works / and know of human
his encounters in Se questo `e un of language. Language creates finalized definition of what it vices, worth and valor”; note 9
5 Levi, Stories and Essays, quoted
uomo to a dogmatic definition the relationship between the means to be a man, but rather in Woolf, “From If this is a Man to
of man, however, would be speaker and the listener in a invites the reader along the The Drowned and the Saved ”, p. 35
offensive to the complexity of manner that demands of the path of Levi’s own search for 6 Se questo `e un uomo, p. 117
7 Ibid, p. 120
Levi’s text. As we have seen listener a willingness to reflect meaning through his memory 8 Ibid
Levi’s work is characterized by with Levi on the nature of and expressed in his language 9 Ibid, p. 82, “A Good Day”
10 Coleridge, ‘The Rime of the
its emphasis on the particularity man. In the same way Levi’s indicating that these three Ancient Mariner”, 582-585
of human experience. Levi encounters are necessarily components of man’s nature 11 Se questo `e un uomo, p. 15
12 I sommersi e i salvati, p. 89
chooses to relate his experiences singular, so too is the response were essential to his under- 13 Se questo `e un uomo, p. 118, 119
as experiences of individuals. As to Levi derived from his standing of what man is. V 14 Ibid, p. 119-120

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And How He Is
A Poem

Scott Posteuca
Class of 2011
Philosophy Club

It is so easy just to throw up


your arms and to pretend It seems to me that by being
it is all pretend. man, I demand certain
The nauseating drone of the alarm clock things from the Reality about me
—tiresome, bothersome, a nuisance : for one
“Get up,” it says, “Get up and go... go... go...go... go...” that it be more
tiresome, monotone, and clueless— more than just pretend
fails under quick fingers more than just a dream
and we sink :for another
into that it be worthwhile,
dreams... worth a great deal
dreams do not complicate (worthy of a sunset,
(don’t say there’s nothing to do in the doldrums...) perhaps, on a warm summer
dreams are easy. day at the edge
of the sea;
But that is just the thing worthy of a deep look
(Aye, there’s the rub): into its vast,
Perhaps it is too easy, this throwing up, this pretending, shimmering eternity;
too easy to be worthy of a good whiff
the proper response to it of the salt
all (life, work, love, breathing), all spray of unknown Adventure)
that being as man entails.

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:and for another, perhaps


most importantly,
that it be
real, that it be
relevant, that it
exist, that it not be

w
a lie!
Man, for him to exist
as man,
requires
demands,
depends upon
Truth;
and how he is
restsless upontil he befriends it. V

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Bayview
A Story
William Stewart sales and violin repair shops the reply. ‘Close the door!’ welcome to look around.’
Class of 2012
Istum that day. For her, it was a We skirted hurriedly Hoping to stumble across
slow stumble through a frag- through the doorway as the some priceless treasure bound
The clocks all look out mented memory of disinterest voice emerged from beneath a with glue and string, I turned
toward the shore, each tick and the impatience of an precariously balanced teepee of down the miniature isle,
and each tock pointed to the eight-year-old: underexposed dust jackets and first editions. drawn by the shelves upon
shore. It is a city of hands, negatives that would never ‘It’s air conditioned. shelves of forgotten best-sellers
asymmetrical pairs, one little, quite fully develop. For me, it Naturally air conditioned, and abandoned novelty.
one big. Soaring above the was a chance to retrace an all- see,’ the teepee explained. But he continued,
streets and smokestacks, the too-hurried, frantic and lost The chief who emerged was trapping Madeline.
time-piece towers stand over afternoon when the blackness ancient, with three days of ‘Nicer in here than it is out
the factories and warehouses, of the sky began to fill the acid-free paper stubble embel- there, eh? Cooler down here.
solitary sentinels of the surge cab of the pickup as the radio lishing his chin. His pants That’s why I say ‘naturally’ air
and setting of the day. The blurted warnings of impend- hung high, suspended by elastic, conditioned. Just a few win-
sweeps obscure the faces as ing weather. We decided to the brass clasps worn with age. dows and plate glass. Keeps it
the hands wave in and out the walk the streets we had only Glasses, thick with text, shaded cooler in the summer. I just am
highways, the railways, the the faintest remembrance of. his brilliant, sunken eyes, the writing this letter. I don’t really
port lanes. Even the summits The sign just said books, arms running from the heavy own the place, just I’m running
of the churches inhabit a vertically, three feet tall, lenses to his tired ears across the it for the day. But that’s why
breed of these mechanical beginning just above the valleys of his cheeks and temple. I didn’t want you to have the
star-gazers, a metronome crown of my head. It may I quickly stepped to the door open for too long. It lets
for the worshipers and their have been lit at some point, side, out of the way, leaving all of the cooler air escape.
God. My footsteps along the but the hours had corroded Madeline to greet him. Like this, see, there is no extra
side walks are matched by the its wires and cracked its glass. ‘The place is open,’ he bill. People don’t think of that,
tolls of the hour: inhale, high On the window glass was answered absently when queried though. But it helps you not
tide, tick all mirrored with posted ‘Closed’ but also ‘Open if we could look. ‘I’m only here have to pay. So that’s why I put
the tock, low tide, exhale. June 19-20.’ Craning my for a few minutes. Probably there, on the sign, “naturally”
Madeline and I found our- neck, I opened the door. about fifteen. I just have to air conditioned. See. Because
selves in a land of rummage ‘Close the door!’ came finish this letter. But you are there is no real air conditioner.

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But it’s conditioned air. It’s just crier, and gracelessly scrambled ‘What?! You never heard of to one side, instead of how they
been conditioned by the build- over box and bag into the far him?! I can’t believe that. One used to decide for every person,
ing. As long as it is different back corner of the store. The of the smartest men to ever act. each one to his own vote, you
that the air outside, it’s con- entire shop could not have been He played in, and then he was know? But, instead, he didn’t
ditioned. So this air is colder more than 200 square feet. in. Maybe you say it is because get the votes, so they couldn’t
than the air outside but it’s I recognized even less pat- you are young. But you know elect him, but if they had just
colder because of the building, tern on these shelves, with who Charlie Chaplin is. If I let the votes fall as they were,
so it’s naturally air conditioned. signed copies sharing space ask you who Charlie Chaplin he could’ve taken enough away
Anyway, I’m just finishing with pulp fiction and nudists. is, you would know who he is, himself. He could’ve been
writing this letter then I need ‘How am I going to finish wouldn’t you? That just doesn’t president. A run off, at least.’
to go, but you can sure look this letter? It is a book,’ he make sense because you don’t I laughed, feeling bad
around here while I am here.’ muttered to himself, droning know about one guy who was that I had stranded her
He shuffled back into off into indecipherability but later than one, but if I ask you again with his rambles.
his cavern of binding and certainly remaining in the about Chaplin, you would know ‘Alright, let’s see what we
Cubs-Indians on the radio. realm of audibility. The players him, but not the younger one. can do here. I probably am
Madeline laughed at me with were tied in the 11th inning. ‘But what about Ralph going to leave in about five
her spread eyes as I sniggered He just wanted the company. Nader?’ resurrecting his old in- minutes. I want to get to
into a volume I had absent- ‘Ralph Nader could have ternal debate. ‘You know about church a little early today. So
mindedly pulled off of a shelf. been president!’ He snapped him. He almost could’ve won I will probably leave in a few
The shelves appeared towers, out of his contemplations the last election. The one before minutes. But I think it will
stacking up to the low ceiling when Madeline asked to last. He would’ve had enough, be, let’s see. Two books, hmm,
instantly, crammed with every make a purchase, but not but, they always do that kind yea, two books, two dollars.
variety of book, every variety of before dragging the front of thing. You know that if the Thank you. I guess now I can
time, every variety of subject, end of his derailed train of people who voted could’ve voted close up and head out.’ He
and in no particular organiza- thought through his teeth. instead of the electors, because shut off the radio mid-pitch.
tion. I left her by the sections ‘O, these are old ones,’ you mean to tell me that the I clamored out from behind
on Lincoln and Bestsellers, he commented. ‘You ever electors vote the very same for the avalanche of books above
loosely designated, tip-toed know about,’ asking her about all one guy as just the people me and handed him my choice.
past our book and baseball some long-forgotten great. voted for, but when they all go ‘Heh, we were about to

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close up. What do you have he would be open again, of the street, turned at the inter- have been swallowed up by
there? Ah, a Merton. Disputed he shook his head. section, and I cast a glance back the storefronts abutting it,
Questions? I have never, I don’t ‘Today is the only day. over my shoulder to the crack in swallowed up by the city that
remember this one. Let me see. Then it will be closed until the masonry from which we had took no notice of it, swallowed
I have more Merton here in the September. But it’s not mine just exited. Open one day the up by the clocks that soared so
office. But I don’t know about anymore, see. I sold it to anoth- whole summer. Half an hour far above its basement stacks.
this one.’ He gestured to a wall er guy. I have to go in for treat- later and the bookseller would The sidewalk carried
of the teepee, and I carefully ment. Surgery for my heart. So have failed to even exist for us. our feet around the block:
inched out a well-read copy of there’s not really time for me The serendipity of the step, step, high tide, low
The Seven Storey Mountain. to finish setting the shop up. afternoon, stepping into the last tide, tick, tock. V
He thumbed frantically But I think he will finish that 15 minutes of a man’s career,
through an appraisal book, back room that you were in,’ to listen to him calmly finish
considerably flagged and gesturing to the natural disaster a letter to his brother, it was
underlined and circled. Calling that I had just escaped from. like catching an extra inning
out four digit numbers of prices As we turned to of game whose turbulent at-
and explaining that he usually leave, I stopped. bats were not betrayed by the
charges some incomprehensible ‘Ayn Rand, you say? Ain placidity of the identical scores.
amount for his books, depend- Rand? Ain. Yea, I think I Inside the naturally air con-
ing on ten percents, the phases have some right here. Right ditioned basement, where the
of the moon, and the Chinese here. Somewhere on this only windows looked straight
New Year, he tried to determine shelf. I think so. I just put up to the sky, time had paused
the going rate for my choice. some up there. It might be to let us into a story that would
His thought process was spo- side ways. Hmm. You just end as soon as we reemerged
radic, most of it leaking through have to look.’ He trailed off. into our city of clocks. Had I
his mouth. But it was too ‘Don’t worry about it. There’s walked back down the street to
much, even for him. He ended not enough time. Besides, you the sign that had not glowed
up reluctantly asking me for $10 need to get going. Church?’ “books” in twenty years, I
for both. I was happy to pay. The door closed emphatically have no doubt that I would
When I asked him when behind us. We reached the top have found the shop to already

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Interpretations and Intersubjectivity


An Essay
Mark Tancredi of a man’s being alone on an the man from the island have also about emotions. Behaviors
Class of 2011
Istum island might be incomprehen- any behaviors at all? If they give expression to emotions,
sible for a man living in New are outward demonstrations but they also do something
Suppose there is a man York City. But do we not also of something intrinsic to him, more: they provide identity and
living on a deserted island recognize in the man from the who are they demonstrations substance to emotions; they
who has never known another island an altogether different for? That is, why should he have help to define emotions rather
person, but has instead raised understanding of what we call behaviors rather than mere acts than merely embody them.
himself entirely and learned “happiness” that owes itself to of instinct? If I rub my eye to ***
independently all those things that emotion’s being cultivated signal that I am tired, what Emotions are contextual; the
that he needs to know about his in a different context? We might distinguishes that behavior from ability to identify a particular
behaviors. His behaviors might think that the man from the my rubbing my eye because emotion as “happiness” or “joy”
be peculiar from our point of island understands “happiness” there is an eyelash in it? How is more than simply putting
view. Perhaps he scratches his in the same way we do—that is it that another person can a name on it. Naming is only
ears with his foot or snorts he understands at base the same interpret my behavior? What one part of identifying, and
when happy or talks to himself emotion—and that he is simply does that other person need to the name “happiness” is only a
by slapping his face and clasping acting it out in a different way. know? If my intent is what is at label, just as “Mark Tancredi”
his hands around his arms or But what reason do we have to issue, there must be something is merely a label for me.
performs any number of other think this? Why do we feel that that supplies others with “Happiness” stands in place
odd rituals. Suppose also that “happiness” is pure and simple knowledge of my intent. For if of all those features that are
there is a man living in our own and that emotions are uniform my friend asks (or suggests) that held together in the emotion.
society who exhibits all of these and unaffected by the practices I am tired and I insist that I am But those features for which
same behaviors. If we reflect on that embody them? Is it not not, he may still argue with me “happiness” serves as shorthand
these two persons, is it not pos- possible that the island-man’s that I am, and argue further are not qualities of only the
sible for us to say that the first “happiness” and our “happiness” that that is the reason that I emotion; they are also quali-
is sane while the second insane? are similar but not the same, rubbed my eye. This can only ties of its use. Thus emotions
And would we not say this in the same way that an Oak be because he has interpreted are not basic entities that just
because of the contexts in which and a Maple are recognizably my action in context. This, I am need to be named. Identifying
their behaviors developed? different and yet both trees? going to suggest, tells us not just an emotion means noting its
What is understandable in light And now I ask, why should about actions and behaviors, but features along with something

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about the appropriate situations context does not serve simply to mourn, I must first learn to some other way of expressing
that evoke those features. to provide a name, but it serves recognize those situations in sadness, I would then have
Notice that this does not mean to provide an identity. Context which mourning is appropriate. learned more about sadness.
that I must identify all those feeds back onto the emotion of I then learn the appropriate The movement is dialectical,
situations, but it does mean that interest and makes us under- behaviors to exhibit, words and without such a movement
situations provide a component stand it and understand how to to speak (“I’m sorry for your my emotions remain just emo-
of the emotion’s identity; in act on it. Even if “excitement” loss,” “My prayers are with tions; they are not “sadness”
experiencing situations, I and “fear” subjectively feel the you,” etc.) and activities to do or “happiness” or “anxiety”.
learn the emotion’s identity. same, they are not separated in such situations, and later I That I can observe happiness
“Happiness” is not something only by context; they are phe- begin to repeat them. Finally, in a very young infant says
internal that merely responds to nomenologically distinct. I make them my own. Only relatively little about the infant
a given circumstance. If it was, An emotion is not an entity at this point can I be said to and comparatively more about
we could call something “happi- that we know from experience understand the sadness that socialization. That I can, in
ness” by describing just its fea- or that we can isolate and calls for mourning, for I now fact, interpret happiness from a
tures without noting anything describe the features of. understand how to express sad- smile says much about me. That
about the context in which it Nothing can be said about an ness to other people. Only then an infant can smile is perhaps
is experienced. But this is not emotion except that it is an can I go through a card aisle in reflexive; that that smile can be
possible, for what would we say? emotion (and perhaps that it is a grocery store and understand a response to the infant’s feeling
Even if the subjective “feeling” pleasant or unpleasant) unless why different cards are grouped of what I may call happiness is
of happiness does not change context is taken into account. in different sections. But more more significant; but that I can
with circumstance, the identity *** importantly, I learn something call that feeling “happiness”,
of that feeling does. Here I am Consider how one learns to about emotions and the actions that I can interpret the move-
not simply saying that the same act on a very basic emotion— they might elicit at the same ment of an infant’s lips as a
basic emotion can be given sadness, for example. While time; the actions provide scope smile, that I can read the child
a different name depending crying may be universally and detail to my emotions, and as conveying a recognizable
on the context. I am instead consistent, it is largely instinc- as I begin to clarify my emo- emotion to me when I cannot of
suggesting that the identity of tive as a behavior; mourning is tions, I also begin to understand course know first-hand what the
an emotion is contextual; the neither of these things. If I am how I might put them to use. child is feeling suggests some
If I were later to understand level of intersubjectivity. It is

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People By Day…
A Thought Experiment
not that I am projecting onto it is a convenient reason for us Stephen Lechner the morning? Constant IV?
Class of 2011
the child, if this is understood to discount objections to our Istum ***
to mean that I am ascribing own thoughts. So “happiness” Now say that while a person
behavior to the child that the is generally thought good to Imagine that a new drug is under the influence of this
child does not intend, for I produce, but rarely thought becomes fashionable and highly drug, they retain an appearance
can never know what anyone good to form and even less accessible. It makes a person much like that of any other
intends unless I interpret their likely to be thought of as some- rational human being, but that
feel really good, it makes them
behavior in the same way that thing that needs to be educated at some point they begin to
forget their problems for a
I interpret the smile of an or learned. (What would that act in an irrational manner.
little while, it cures simple
infant. What this suggests is even mean to most of us?) And They begin to do things that
depression temporarily but
that emotions are neither basic gut reactions—what we “just they would ordinarily not do,
thoroughly, gives them a sense
nor distinct entities. They are feel”—are deemed reliable and whether or not those things are
of companionship with others
also not firmly ingrained, and should be listened to; unless, things that they would want to
who take the drug, provides a
particular emotions need not of course, that gut reaction is do under normal circumstances.
certain boost or high that can
be universally felt. Rather, that of a friend with whom we They moan and groan a little,
make even the most stressful
emotions are something of a disagree. But in this case, what they find suddenly that they
situations become a Sunday
capacity, something awaiting are we left with? Weighing one can dance and sing when
picnic, and has a bearable health
development and clarification person’s gut reaction against previously they could not, and
recoil—definitely not enough
by interpersonal relationships. another’s? My sorrow to my they suddenly begin making
to cause serious injury, and only
*** neighbor’s pride? As long as love to any other human being
enough to cause a slight dis-
We spend much of our lives emotions are common currency of the opposite sex (or of the
for talking about right and comfort that is much less than
focused on emotions—on same) that they find the slight-
satisfying them, on rectifying wrong behavior, we will never the typical stresses of daily life.
Question: Would you take est attraction to. They do all
them, on assuaging them, on actually talk about right and sorts of ridiculous yelling and
pursuing courses of action that wrong behavior. Nor will we ac- the drug? If so, how often? On
special occasions? In tough screaming and singing and
will produce the most of certain tually talk about emotions, since
times? On holidays? On stumbling and jumping and
kinds of them—but we often to talk about them would be
weekends? After a hard day’s crawling and spitting and biting
do not give thought to what fundamentally to talk about the
work? After work? During and howling and even some of
informs them nor, indeed, to behavior that molds them. V
work? When you wake up in the unspeakable, but they do so
what forms them, except when
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mostly amongst themselves and young people) at night in flocks Note that the effects of this Say that one Saturday night
instances of bad things like ac- looking for sources of flesh and drug wear off within eight hours you walk in the hall of your
cidents, violence, injury, assault, blood and have been witnessed or so (or whatever is a good dorm past a young man, a class-
death, rape, etc… are almost to be capable of tearing animals night’s rest) leaving the druggy mate of yours named Bob, who
always amongst themselves apart as a means of satisfying as something like a supposedly is under the influence of this
and even then have the reputa- this hunger, but they rarely ever normal person, so several of drug and whose appetite find’s
tion of occurring so seldomly kill people, since people quickly these people who walk around you likeable to a half-pound
that one need not worry that learned to avoid them (they can- as zombies at night are the same burger. He begins stumbling
they happen to oneself. not move about very quickly, for people who you go to class with after you and wailing, and you
Same questions as before. they become slow and clumsy) in the day—yes, even the same shake your head in pity for him
*** and to lock their doors at night people who work hard during as you usually do to people
Now say that while a person (they do not hunt people in the day and get A’s (A’s!) in in such situations (especially
is under the influence of this their rooms, but there have their classes and go on to get Bob), and you make for the
drug, they retain the appearance been instances when they have high paying jobs. Their nightly exit door behind you. To your
much like that of any other mistaken other rooms for their activities might affect their daily distress, the door is inoperable.
rational human being, but that own and things have ended up activities, but not enough that it You do not know whether it
at some point they begin to act badly). Let’s say that for some be noticeable to the professors, be jammed, locked, blocked
in a more seriously irrational reason the proper authority is rectors, parents, etc… or at least from the other side by another
manner. They gain unexplain- either uninterested or incapable not enough for them to care or drugged person, but neither do
able strength and a certain of stopping people from taking do anything about it. It is so- you have time to find out before
hunger for flesh and blood along this drug and that the drug cially accepted that these people Bob walks up to you and sub-
with an inability to distinguish is sufficiently available that do what they do at night and it sequently devours you. You do
between other animals and anyone who wants it can get it is socially abnormal for people not particularly like Bob, and
one’s own kind, although with little effort, and they do. to complain about this or to for the time being you cannot
they strangely do not have an Question: Assuming that think it strange or stupid, etc… think of another drugged up
appetite for anyone who is also you would not take the drug Question: Do you complain human being by whom you
under the influence of this drug. (although you might, given in any way? Do you pretend would more despise being de-
They tend to roam universities its positive effects), do you get not to think it strange? voured. You turn to meet him,
(it is popular especially amongst angry at these people? *** find the hall sufficiently narrow

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that you cannot circumvent him bottle of beer over someone’s perhaps with a chair this time
without some probable contact, head just as one sees in the instead of a bottle? If in fact
and discover that he is about movies. It shattered beautifully. you do repeat said action, do
five hobbles away. You coolly Question: Do you hate Bob? you realize beforehand that
walk up to him, take your bottle Question: Do you find it odd you will have to convince the
of Guinness that you have been that you do not find it odd that professor of the soundness
drinking and, as he lifts his this sort of thing happened? of this explanation upon the
hungry, shaky arms towards *** completion of said act lest you
you, you bash the shapely Two days later, you have to find yourself in the hands of
glass bottle over his forehead give a presentation in class. At some uninformed and punish-
(he is a little taller than you) the question-answer part of the ing authority? If in fact you do
sending beer and glass flying presentation, the first person to repeat said action, how do you
across the hall in a glittering raise a hand to ask a question suppose Bob might react? V
golden spray. Bob stumbles is none other than a sane and
to the ground and with little sober Bob, a perfectly normal
hesitation you walk past him Bob except that he has a black
to your room to go to bed. and blue bruise on his forehead,
You lie awake for a while that the appearance of which he
night because of a complex cannot seem to remember.
combination of feelings: you Question: Do you have a
are shocked because you have reaction to his question? Do
nearly been devoured, you you listen to his question? Do
are angry at Bob for nearly you answer his question? If
devouring you, you are mourn- you do answer his question, is
ful that you had to waste a your answer non-violent? Can
half-bottle of Guinness in you give any explanation as to
order to save yourself, and why you might feel the sudden
you are very proud at having urge to repeat what you did
successfully broken a glass to him two nights ago, except

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Penury Everlasting
A Poem
Nick Brandt
Class of 2012
T

A flighty flair for affluence, Many will go, many will go,
Mocks the tyrant poverty, And I will stay, for this I know,
Basking in the garden of earthly delights, That just as the farmer grows his pay,
It rests on the golden ashes, So also my golden earthly bouquet.
Of its predestined forefathers.
And I am not their savior,
Many will go, many will go, I am the captain of Her Majesty’s Jewel,
And I will stay, for this I know, The ship of the line,
That just as the sun rises in May, The treasure trove of prosperity,
So also my golden earthly bouquet. The perfect target,
For vicious piracy.
It is the constant gardener,
The still point in Eliot’s turning world, Many will go, many will go,
Because McMansions have McOwners, And I will stay, for this I know,
McMarkets have McBrokers. That just as the sea holds its sway
So also my golden earthly bouquet.
Many will go, many will go,
And I will stay, for this I know, And even when I die, this much I say,
That just as the market paves its way, Much like your poetry, so must gold stay,
So also my golden earthly bouquet. And shine in brilliance upon my grave,
Bathing me in sunlight, as a light upon a wave. V
Was it not Matthew who dared proclaim,
“The poor you will always have with you?”
The poor reap harvests of harvests not theirs,
Devouring the sweat of laborious lament.
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A Portrait of T. S. Eliot
A Story
Josef Kuhn the street lamp was talking to soaking through the fabric of much searching, many infernal
Class of 2011
PLS him! He, Eliot, twenty years his left shoulder, the blood of nights, to find that there are
of age, his grey hair combed the Lamb. It was on his face, only two ways: the way up and
Old men ought to be neatly so that no one would too; he could feel it, warm and the way down. And the only
explorers, thought one as he ever suspect—he was secretly sticky, although he could also way up is the way down. And
ventured out the door into training to become a prophet. feel plants growing there, grass the only way out is the way in.
the grey London street, once Wait—that man there, the and clover; these spread down There are only two ways,
cobblestoned, now paved. one with the briefcase, smells across his jacket, which was, Two-Face Eliot repeated to
History always gets paved over, dusty, like he stepped right out after all, a lively spring green. himself as a mantra while he
but Eliot was conscious of the of Ezekiel. A terrifying vision His visage hadn’t always been passed a church, St. Peter’s
cobblestones buried beneath his suddenly flashed before Eliot of so springy, so sanguine; back or St. Paul’s. As a boy, in a
feet; his footsteps sent vibrations a brown scar of earth, the dried in the days of straw men, living white-washed room with low
down to them, which they sent husk of the Th ames, winding in limbo, he had powdered his ceiling and wooden benches,
back up, slightly altered. He under London Bridge, and the face a pale green and stalked he had eaten bread, and under
received these intimations of the million umbrellas of London through the streets like a living high stone vaults trimmed with
past into his head and churned open on the bridge, waiting for disease. It was his need, then, gold flourishes, he had eaten the
them about as he walked, eyes a drop of rain, but none came and his burden, to question Lord. He remembered fishing
downcast and brow furrowed, and they were all just blown everything, even asking who he in the mud of the Mississippi
trying to apply words to the away, along with everyone’s was. Thomas, he found, for the and foraging for crabs on the
shadow-pattern shapeshifting top-hats. And then they all dubious Apostle; Stearns for his coast of Massachusetts. The
through his mind. He looked just stood around, looking brooding countenance, driving sea-breeze wafted into his
up for one second and noticed dumbfounded and glum. all easy companionship away. nostrils as he played among
the day was overcast, or maybe As he progressed down But he was also an Eliot, with the rocks, Mother watching
it was just the twilight. A black Bloomsbury Way, the prophet roots dug down into the earth of him closely because of his weak
cat flitted across the sidewalk fingered the lapel of his green East Coker. Both of these faces legs. Dear Mother, where is
in front of him, disappearing jacket. Green, on the one side, were his, and only the vertex she now? He owed so much
behind some rubbish bins. but red on the other; he was of the two could point him to her—his education, his
The street lamp sputtered, the sure people could see it, the on toward the horizon. Yes, it appreciation for letters, his
street lamp muttered—yes, blood from his bullet wound, had taken him a long time and desire to know God. And later,

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A Girl without a Country


An Essay
when he had read Pascal, he Maria Santos with excitement. It takes me
Class of 2011
had thought back on her, her PLS ten minutes to coax her to
simple acceptance of miracles, leave. We scurry through the
and realized she had been right. It’s Salsa Night at Legends. cold night, relaxing at last
So the end of all his learning I’ve never been before, but in her Walsh Hall room.
was to arrive at his summer my friend Kelly promised “I’m so jealous of your
home back in Gloucester, back that she knows some guys Cuban genes,” Kelly giggles.
where he had started, and to who are great dancers. She She is still thinking of the
know it for the first time. V was right. My dance partner, dashing boys who asked her
one of her friends, guides me to dance. “How much better
effortlessly across the floor. my salsa would be! And my
He twirls me around, his tango and merengue, too.”\
movements smooth and fluid. I begin to point out, “Being
He is sure and graceful, poise Cuban doesn’t make you a good
incarnate. I trip, mid-twirl, dancer, as I am living proof,”
and step on his foot. Again. but I stop myself. There is no
He gives up after a few point in arguing. I learned
minutes. There’s no hope of that at a high school dance
teaching me to dance. He’s one three years ago, when my date
in a long line of failed instruc- actually got mad at me for my
tors, including my mother, admittedly clumsy dancing.
all my high school friends, “You have to actually move
and several ex-boyfriends. your hips,” he lectured with
I stand by the wall looking mounting frustration. Finally,
for Kelly, who is nowhere to he burst out, “Come on, you’re
be seen. Silently, I reaffirm my Cuban! This is in your blood!”
vow, broken again, to avoid Is there a gene for dancing?
dancing at all costs. Kelly If there is, why am I apparently
flutters over at last, breathless the only Cuban who it skipped?

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*** change me from being Cuban. a friend’s mom said that my even replied to the invitation.
What does it mean to be Cuban blood flows in my race must have “really helped” The event scared me, partly
Cuban? What qualities, physical veins- whatever that means. in my college applications. My because I knew I wouldn’t fit in.
or intangible, am I lacking? But in actions and appearance, dad went to Harvard and then I could picture it in my head:
However you define “Cuban,” I’m as American as the Fourth to Columbia Medical School, random white girl who can’t
I don’t fit the description. My of July Parade, as “white” and my mom holds a Ph.D, so speak Spanish surrounded by
parents used to be Cuban. as The Preppy Handbook. they are convinced that it was students imported direct from
Now they live in Chicago. In I hate that choice I’ve had my naturally inherited ability Puerto Rico. I was afraid of
fact, with my light brown hair to make again and again, and not my race that earned feeling out of place, but I was
and pale skin, Midwestern between being “white” and me a spot at Notre Dame. I more afraid that I would be
accent, and Fighting Irish being “Hispanic.” I first try to believe that my parents exposed as a fake. One look
pride, I’m a better fit for noticed it when I started taking are right, but I know my high at my pale face, my thin hair,
South Side Irish myself. standardized tests. They ask school grades were no better and my hopelessly butchered
My grandparents used to you to “Choose one” in the than those of my friends who Spanish, and they would never
tease me for my “gringa” accent Race category. I feel like a liar weren’t admitted here. believe that I’m Cuban.
when I spoke Spanish. Now when I fill in the “Hispanic” Am I a fraud? I wonder, ***
they pretend not to notice that I bubble. I always do anyway. It’s sometimes, if Notre Dame I can’t prove that I’m Cuban,
barely speak Spanish anymore, a statement, a protest of one. only let me in to boost their I’ve realized. Examine my
only throwing in the rare And of course, I hoped it would reputation for diversity. I was blood. Test my genes. You’ll
“muchas gracias” or “te quiero.” help me get into better schools. a poor choice, if that’s the find no special evidence.
I sued to live in Miami, where The thought behind that case. I don’t look “Hispanic” That is what makes me lie,
everyone spoke Spanish. Now, hope was the worst of it, actu- and I have no interest in any telling anyone who asks that
my family doesn’t even speak ally- when people assumed that of the multicultural student I’m fluent in Spanish. That
Spanish at home. My few I got into Notre Dame because agendas they like to publicize. is why I make a big show of
Spanish phrases are a final ploy I am Hispanic. It makes my dad Before I decided to come camaraderie whenever I meet
to prove to my grandparents, furious that people think that. here, Notre Dame invited me another Hispanic. It’s why I
and really to myself, that I “Is there a school where you to spend a weekend at Notre say silly meaningless things
am somehow still Cuban. get affirmative action for being Dame, an event for prospective like “Americans don’t know
In one sense, nothing can rude?” he exploded once, when minority students. I never how to show emotion” or

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“Cubans have a much better today. Miami, that haven of On Christmas Eve, my family I was defined, again, by an
sense of style.” I am clinging refugee Cubans, is an interna- eats a traditional Cuban meal identity I don’t recognize or
to an identity of which I am tional city which is much more and holds a parade through feel. I felt like an ambassador
almost completely ignorant. American than the die-hard the house with images of the sent to represent a country I
My racial identity crisis has Cuban abuelos like to admit. Nativity, a Cuban custom. had never visited. Perhaps I
only grown worse since I got to The Cuba I try to identify with Ideas and images of Cuba, will always feel that way.
college. Here at Notre Dame, may exist only in the minds of sometimes garbled, dominated Race is a tricky thing to
I’m awash in a sea of All- my grandparents’ generation. my childhood, and continue define. Morgan Freeman asked
American varsity, polo shirts, Still, I cannot stop searching. to arrest me at family events. that he no longer be called
and Ugg boots. My friends I have always been defined, at That part of my identity is still “black,” believing that the best
who attend Northwestern least in part, by my Cuban-ness. too present to be abandoned. way to end racism is to stop
joke, when they visit, that my I was the only “Hispanic” girl *** talking about it. On surveys and
school looks like a live J. Crew in my elementary school class. Last summer, my boyfriend census reports, my dad refuses
Catalogue. I often dress and I taught the other girls nursery brought me to his annual family to choose between “Hispanic”
look like a prep myself. When rhymes and playground games reunion for the first time. His and “White.” Instead, he checks
I tell people that I’m Cuban, at in Spanish, passed down from relatives interrogated me. “Other” and writes in “Human.”
first, they never believe me. my mother. I fell asleep most “What does Cuban I will never learn to Salsa,
*** nights of my childhood to my food taste like?” and my Spanish is a long way
What do you become when mother singing Spanish lul- “How do you feel about from fluent. Yet whatever it
your nationality is just a label? labies. My dad says a blessing the United States’ relation- means to be a Cuban, I am
I’m not the immigrant from the in Spanish whenever my friends ship with Cuba?” one. That is the truth behind
Old Country who mourns her come over for dinner, perhaps “Do you prefer to be the “Cuban-American” label.
children’s detachment to their his own small way of asserting called Cuban-American or I am lucky enough to live in
heritage. I’m those children’s that he is still Cuban. I used Hispanic? Are you offended America, where I am defined
child, and I do not know what to play a game with my sisters by the term ‘Latina?’” by my talents rather than my
my heritage is. I don’t even called “Escaping from Cuba,” They had never met a ancestry. And I am lucky
know if it exists. After all, the based on my grandparents’ Cuban before. They were enough to have an ancestry,
Cuba of my grandparents was fascinating stories of fleeing so kind, so genuinely inter- still unfamiliar to me in many
not the Communist Cuba of Castro’s Communist regime. ested- and I was so ignorant. ways, that nonetheless gives

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Goodbye
A Story
me traditions and customs Javier Zubizaretta nothing – South Bend and
Class of 2011
that are fairly unique. Raised Film, Television, Theatre Cleveland respectively – we
more American than Cuban, bought candy. We bought sodas.
my heritage at times feels like The bags were packed. We bought milkshakes. We
just a label, a bubble to fill in. The rooms were in order. The bought ice cream. We bought
Perhaps it is time for me suits were pressed and the the accoutrements we felt
to burst that bubble, reach shoes polished. Everything necessary for a road trip. We
out to my ancestry, and make and everyone had long been snickered at the mullet hair-do’s
that identity my own. V prepared for the twenty-fifth of and joked about the guides
April. We were ready, set, go. to Amish country. We were
Father John would be there giddy. The iPod was DJ as the
with us. His sour-lipped, road spun a party on past. We
screwed-tight face would take guessed the drivers in upcoming
a break from supervising horny cars – perhaps a single, blonde
undergrads to provide the much white lady age 35, perhaps a
needed support. He instructed husky, balding Asian man aged
us on the etiquette: Don’t fall 60, and so on. We moved on to
to pieces, don’t say you know guessing zodiac signs and when
how they’re feeling, just say I announced “Cancer!” the car
your peace and move along. He fell quiet and I felt stupid.
made a crack at my black-on- ***
black-on-black suit, shirt, tie. We were in the parking lot.
How fitting – a priest saying Father John met us there. A
you wear too much black. I just white sedan pulled up and out
assumed the color appropri- stepped a pair of zebra-print
ate, but then we were off. stilettos with a 16-year-old
attached. Make-up caked and
***
At a truck stop halfway bra doing wonders, we did
between nothing and more our best to look away – no,

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to look aloof. A devilish grin pleasant. We shared anecdotes smirking to the high heavens. looked tired. He spoke earnestly
slipped out of Father John, with the Midwestern folk “Hmph. Didn’t know you to me, gratefully. “I just want to
“Hmph. Didn’t realize we about our football team. could move like that.” And so thank you for coming out.” Oh,
were in the red light district.” And so we came into the we laughed. We laughed! We it was nothing and thank you
God it was hilarious, this main hall and there he was, laid laughed with such nerve we for having me. “It just means
new memory we were out in his suit and apparently should have been ashamed. so much to know Matthew has
so spoiled to make. taking a nap as well-wishers *** such good friends.” Perhaps I
*** streamed past. There was no His father tried to hide it, blushed. “These past two years
St. Patrick’s Day. Freshman exclamation point, no question but his mother acted upon it, have been so difficult for Mrs.
year. Hair was growing back mark, just a simple period. making sure each detail was Molloy and I, it’s just nice to
and alcohol was no longer off There he was. There we were. in order, that my bed on the know…” And then Matthew
limits. Celebrations were in There were his parents. It couch was comfortable, that the entered the room. We were
order. After the obligatory was as perfectly arranged as fried shrimp was to my liking. both embarrassed. Matthew
Guinness and fiddle music, the red and white carnations You could see it though, that that I should learn of any
Captain Morgan and a blister- surrounding his coffin. inhumane burden laid upon weakness, me that I should
ing Salsa filled the room. The surprise and exclama- them. They had gone across the be considered a good friend.
Girls were dancing, we were tion came when we turned to river Styx, witnessed the blood ***
red in the face, and within our left and saw a display of and bile poured out, the poison Perhaps they hadn’t suffered
an hour I was offering my photographs, from his birth and radiation injected in, they enough, perhaps watching
shirt up for singles. through elementary school knew what it was to suffer. Yet tumors devour your son’s brain
*** and on to his college days. now was Easter and the friend wasn’t enough to justify their
We stilted through a mile-long And there in plain sight for from college was coming to visit grief, but there they stood
line of terribly polite and ter- family, friends, and seemingly and the pain was assuredly over. next to his coffin. Each well-
ribly condolent Midwestern the whole of Cleveland, was We were preparing for wisher was greeted warmly, a
folk in blazers and cardigans. my drunk ass parading around brunch. Matthew was still in quiet thank you, an occasional
Between the litany of flower with a four-leaf clover necktie. the bathroom and I was waiting embrace, perhaps even a chuckle
arrangements and warm af- And Father John, whose job it in the bedroom. Mr. Molloy at some shared memory. Their
ternoon sun, the building was to prevent such libatious entered. It wasn’t for lack of stiff-upper lip decorum of-
was terribly and irrevocably revelry, was standing behind me sleep the night before but he fered an empty assurance. I

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told myself they were okay, I could do was hold on to my from him my whole life, up their home to us. The Ferry
we were okay, I was okay. friends as they bawled fero- whenever his light was on I children were sent elsewhere
But then they saw us. ciously and gravity gave way. knew he was still up and we so the boys from Notre Dame
Mr. Molloy crumbled first. *** could talk. And god I’d talk to would have a place to sleep. I
His face fell to the floor and We played a movie trivia him. He coached me through was in one of the girl’s room
flooded with tears. I fumbled game that night. In competi- every boyfriend. He hated all and staring up at the daisy-print
in my mind as this grown tion with his friends from of them. Hated them. And walls I felt – nothing. I wasn’t
man wrapped his arms around high school we shouted out you know how he is, if he numb. Numb comes after you
me and cried buckets on my the answers – Kevin Spacey! really didn’t like the guy he feel pain. No, I was simply
shoulder. The words, “It was Revenge of the Nerds! Toto! wouldn’t talk to me for weeks.” laying there growing more and
an honor to know your son,” As the game neared its climax We both smiled at this. I put more frustrated with myself –
stumbled out foolishly. I surveyed the room and re- my head down and watched as for god’s sake your friend just
We were herded forward, minded myself that the person Sara swung her feet in the air. died! Cry a little! Something!
knelt before him, and perhaps connecting this odd collection “When he graduated we I considered whether I even
I said a prayer. Nick and of strangers was awaiting his finally admitted we liked liked Matthew, whether I was
John and Jacques were to my burial. It would have been each other, but we decided even his friend. I thought back
left – shaking as heavy tears an appropriate moment to we wouldn’t start dating until to any grievance we commit-
fell down their ruddy cheeks. feel remorse, but no. Just he finished chemo.” ted to each other – he once
This was death. Not a goldfish, another statement. No tears. And now he’s asked me to attend a special
not a border-collie, not a I stepped outside with his dead, I thought. Mass for a fallen friend and
great-grandma, but a friend, friend Sara – a slender girl She didn’t know what she I feigned sick, wanting a few
a peer, a child like ourselves. with ivory hair – and sat on was going to do without him more hours in bed. He once
We weren’t prepared. We the back bumper of somebody’s and I didn’t know what to say insulted my writing. I would
hadn’t even brought Kleenex. truck. The stars were out. so we just sat there and watched welcome any excuse for my
And dammit all to hell but She gave me a bracelet that the stars for a while longer. apathy, but instead just felt
I couldn’t cry. Not a single tear read “Cancer Sucks” – so *** further like an asshole.
would come out. I would gladly people remember that life I was in bed. The Ferry I flipped through the grieving
have poked myself in the eye is still great, she told me. family – it was our first time stages. I tried on anger, tried
for one purposeful drop. All “I’ve lived across the street meeting them – had opened to get mad at him, at God, at

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the world but it just felt silly. I Perhaps for Matthew, perhaps with lines scouring her face away – not even the cancer.”
tried on depression too, I thought for his family, but mostly I turned and said, “Oh, you’re She looks like she’s
about seeing his body in the coffin cried for life. That life was getting wet.” I pushed through doing really well.
and his parents and my crying formaldehyde in an oak coffin. the bodies in black and hid “She is. She’s a smart girl.”
friends, but when nothing hap- That life ended so horribly. That my face in the car’s back seat. We told everyone
pened it just reminded me of how life ended at all. We walked *** goodbye, an incongruous
awful I must be. I called home from the church and into a world There was a reception word with no real mean-
but “Everyone grieves differently” bursting of springtime petals later. It was hosted at St. ing, but after learning of
wasn’t a satisfying answer. and blooms that would fall and Bernadette’s Elementary farewells, we meant it. V
After a while I just fade and die. I thought of my School. As we munched on
went to sleep. parents, that they looked older cookies and felt guilty for
*** than I remembered. That they each bite we got to take,
The Mass was lovely. The would die. That I would die. Sara came over. She knew
choirboys gave an aching And because we are gluttons we were leaving soon and
rendition of Ave Maria as they for punishment, we had to bury wanted to offer her farewell.
wheeled in the coffin. Father him in the ground. And because In the far corner of the room
John gave a touching homily. it couldn’t get any worse, it started I saw his sister, Ashley.
We all shared in Communion to rain. We huddled about the The pre-teen was wearing a
and selfishly, I could only worry gravesite beneath a canopy of bright dress of purple and
over how I wasn’t feeling. collective umbrellas and watched green. She was laughing
His mother and father placed as the ceremony continued, as the with the girls around her.
the white cloth over his coffin Molloy’s were forced to say good- I asked Sara how
and the presiding priest made bye. I swear I heard his mother Ashley was doing.
mention that like baptism, first say, “It’s okay, Matthew, we’ll be “I talked to her yesterday
communion, and confirmation, right here,” but she was too far and she’s doing really well.
death was another rite of initia- away for that to be possible. A gap She just told me, you know,
tion, that it was another step in appeared in the umbrellas above we had almost thirteen
life. The bagpipes began their me and rain was dripping on my years together and they were
moaning dirge and finally I cried. suit. A woman in her eighties great. Nothing can take that

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LOST PIECE
an undergraduate journal of letters

Colophon:

This journal is compiled entirely from the


works of undergraduate scholars at
The University of Notre Dame.

The editors of Lost Piece: An Undergraduate Journal of Letters


are indebted to Dr. Cecilia Lucero for her invaluable assistance on
behalf of The Center for Undergraduate Scholarly Engagement.

The editors also extend thanks to the


Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program,
and the Institute of Scholarship in the Liberal Arts,
both of which are directed by Dr. Agustin Fuentes.

Stephen Lechner, Editor in Chief


Raymond Korson, Executive Editor
Josef Kuhn and Conor Rogers, Associate Editors

Lost Piece was designed in Adobe InDesign, CS5;


VOLUME I, ISSUE IV its body copy is set in 12 pt Adobe Caslon Pro.
Getting to Know You This publication was designed by
Vu Nguyen ‘10, VuNguyen06@gmail.com.

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