https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=7BBDj4_YfkQ
[00:00:00] Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman. Now, here's the thing most people
believe that success in life is directly correlated to their intelligence level or their IQ, but
is actual unfortunately not. Here's the thing we actually need emotional intelligence in
order to be able to harness the most out of our raw intellectual horsepower. So this
book really teaches us how to do that, how to use our emotional intelligence in order to
get the very best out of ourselves, how to manage our emotions, how to harness the
power of our emotions and how to work with others. Some key fundamental skills in life
in order to be able to do our very best. Now, emotional intelligence has five
components. Asper Research by Peter Silvey. So we're going to focus on those five key
components. And that program also talk about 10 specific actionable ideas on how to
actually apply emotional intelligence in life, how to actually get the benefits of emotional
intelligence, how to develop emotional intelligence. Ten ideas on how to develop
emotional intelligence. We're going to talk about that after we kind of break down the
five components of emotional intelligence right here. All right. So here's the first
component of emotional intelligence is what's called self-awareness or metacognition.
Now, self-awareness in some ways is the basis, the fundamental of emotional
intelligence. It's about being able to know one's emotions and to recognize your feelings
and your emotions, because the truth is, if you can't really nor does your feelings.

[00:01:39] If you can't really understand your emotions, you are at the mercy of those
feelings. A psychologist named John Mayer, he said self awareness means being
aware of both our mood and our Tod's about that mood, as it were be. We're able to
think about our thinking. We're able to think about our mood, that self-awareness. So we
have to be able to identify and name the emotions were feeling. We have to be able to
understand what emotion I'm feeling any given moment. This is the fundamental skill in
emotional intelligence. This is the skill on which everything else is built in the world of
emotional intelligence. Every other emotional intelligence skills is kind of using the skills
involved in the basics of self-awareness and metacognition. And the key here and this
almost goes to meditation now. The key is when we are able to identify and name the
emotions we're feeling without being reactive, without being judgmental. That's when we
truly have metacognition. That's when we truly have self-awareness. Because what
happens is as soon as we're able to identify and name the emotion we're feeling, our
neocortex are the language part of the brain. The prefrontal cortex gets involved. It
needs to get involved. And in order to be able to observe the emotion, be able to name
the emotion. And as soon as we do that now, we have gotten away from the grip of the
amygdala, the lizard part of the brain that's only thinking about fight or flight.

[00:03:12] And that gets activated in face off, really charged emotions in some ways. So
all of self awareness and metacognition really boils down to us being able to rise above
the experience and a mega level of consciousness being being aware of the experience
as it is happening, rather than being completely immersed in that experience, not being
able to rise above that experience. And this is in some ways, as I talked about, this is
the essence of mindfulness meditation, a meta level of awareness, developing that
metacognition, being able to see your emotions and being able to experience their
emotions without judgment, without being reactive. All right. So that was the first
component of emotional intelligence. The second component of emotional intelligence is
our inability to manage those emotions. So first, we identify those emotions, we observe
those emotions, and now we have to be able to manage those emotions. Right,
especially the ones that are charged emotions, negatively charged emotions. The key is
the ability to handle emotions, not to suppress emotions so actively, not to numb
emotions. That's the other thing. It's not about numbing all the negative emotions and
just feeling positive emotions. Not at all. As Aristotle said, the key is to have emotions
appropriate to the circumstance. Not too much, not too little, not too no negative
emotions, and only feel positive emotions. It's not actually possible to do that. If we
cannot selectively numb our emotions, we have to be able to feel both.

[00:04:41] So we have to develop the ability to defuse the challenging emotions, to feel
their emotions and let them be to not let them run our lives. There are a lot of specific
things we can do to manage our emotions, and we're going to talk about that in the 10
specific actionable ideas on developing emotional intelligence. So stay tuned. Or those
specific actionable ideas. Now, the other component of emotional intelligence, the third
component of emotional intelligence is self-motivation, harnessing the power of your
emotions. Now, here's the thing. Be able to use your emotions in order to get the goal.
Your desire is crucial. It's crucial. That is really important. And so, in fact, that is a key to
high performance in the highest of pursuits, being able to use your emotions in face of
obstacles and challenges to be enthusiastic and persistent even when things are hard.
That is a requirement to give your very best, because emotions, when they are out of
control, especially negative emotions, when they're out of control, they can literally bring
us down. But if we can learn to manage them and harness them, we can truly more do it
ourselves. If you had two different people who had very similar mental capacities.
However, one of them was severely limited by their emotions because they could not
handle their emotions while the other one was able to use their emotions to give their
very best in their pursuits.

[00:06:06] Who would you bet your money on? Who would give their very best? Who
would be the winner? Of course, you know the person who can use those emotions to
bring out the very best from their mental capacities. That's the one who's going to win.
So our job is to be able to harness the most art of our menu who capacities using our
emotions. Now, there's a lot of talk about how stress is bad for you and how stressed
should be totally avoided. But that's not truly the case. And let me explain that by what's
called the yawk starts on curve. Actually, our performance tends to go up with a little bit
of stress. We can actually perform better. In fact, there is a peak performance zone
where we give our very best when the stress is a little bit at the medium level. Too much
stress will impede our performance, but too little stress can lead to ennui and boredom.
Now, here's the thing. While some people have a very small stress profile, some people
can have a very large stress profile. So in this graph we have on the y axis is
performance and on the X X axis, the stress. And if you look at this. It is like an inverted
U. So this performance kind of goes up as the stress level goes up until a certain point
and then it kind of peaks out at a certain stress level and then it starts to diminish.

[00:07:22] Right. However, different people have different stress profiles. So while some
people might actually start to go down, when the stress level gets to a certain level,
other people actually might start peaking at that level. Other people might have a much
wider stress profile in the sense they can handle a lot more stress and still give their
very best while some people might be able to handle very little stress. And only then
can they give their very best. The key is for you to be able to understand where you are
in the stress zone, to be able to tune yourselves so that you are constantly able to give
your very best answer at the highest levels stress or under a very wide level of stress.
That is the key to be able to give high performance you at various different levels of
stress. That is emotional intelligence at its best. And this is research by Yorke's
Derksen. That's it's called a Yorke's Dotson stress group stress performance curve. I
recommend you check that out. So realize we can improve our performance even under
stress levels if we know how to be emotionally intelligent. Now I want to dig a little more
into how to manage, how to self-motivated, how to harness the power of our emotions
and all that. Show you some actual tests that show how important the power of
controlling our emotions, of managing our emotions is.

[00:08:41] And the first of those tests is called a marshmallow test by Walter Mischel.
Now, marshmallow test. Well, something that was conducted back in 1960. This was a
large scale experiment that conducted a four year old kids. And the researcher offered
each of these kids one marshmallow. However, they said, if you don't eat this
marshmallow for 20 minutes, we'll give you another marshmallow. Now, as you can
expect, some kids couldn't wait and just ate the first marshmallow while some kids
waited for the second marshmallow. And for the researchers actually followed these
kids for 14 years. And then 14 years later, they looked at their S.A.T. scores. The kids
who could not wait for second marshmallow. Their average S.A.T. score was 1052,
while the kids who waited for second marshmallow, who were able to delay gratification,
who were able to control impulses, their score was 1262. So almost 20 percent higher
than kids who did not have impulse control or self-control. And that is literally, as you
can see, 20 percent is a huge number just by having that ability to delay gratification,
just by having that impulse control. Huge advantage these kids had. And these kids
went on to become much more successful. They were much more socially or just. And
they had much better people, relationships and all this stuff, so you might be wondering
how you can develop impulse control, how you can develop this self-control and
willpower. Well, there are quite a few grade books on these topics.

[00:10:12] Willpower by Roy by maester The Bar instict by Kelly McGonigal. And we
have full summaries of these books in our two mental toughness program where we
summarize where I've summarized 60 of the greatest books on building self-confidence,
building self-esteem, building mental toughness, building willpower, all those different
aspects of building mental toughness. 60 book summaries are completely in this
package and you can check it out by Gorder two thousand books, dot com slash stuff.
There's or 15 plus hours of video summaries of books, honorees in there. So check it
out. All right. So we just talked about impulse control and the importance of important
impulse control. In in in in getting the best art of ourselves, in performing at our very
best in life. Another key another key to self motivation is understanding. Optimism is to
be able to harness the power of optimism. And in his book. Martin Seligman talks about
the definition of optimism. Optimists are by definition the people who seem who see the
reason for failure as within their control and they fail. They feel like everything is within
their control and they can make things happen. While pessimists, on the other hand,
they see reason for failure as something that is fixed and cannot be changed, whether
that reason is inside them or outside of them. They just think that they cannot make it
any better and something must be wrong with them, and hence that's why they continue
to fail or struggle.

[00:11:39] So realize that optimists are the ones who are always seeing that they can
make something happen, that they can make life happen. And that's what does the skill
we need to learn when it comes to overall self-motivation and harnessing the power of
our emotions when we become optimists. We know we can make things happen, we
can influence things and optimism can be learned. There's we can develop certain self-
efficacy in order to build our optimism. Another great way to harness the best, to
harness the most out of ourselves, hard to hold, to use the power of emotions, to get
into what's called the flow zone, also known as the zone. Also, the zone might be flow
actually might be the peak of exercising your emotional intelligence, because when you
get into flow zones, when you get into that flow, you are literally performing at your
highest level. You are harnessing the power of all your emotions at the highest level.
Now, what exactly is flow? Flow is that point in time flow? Is that the time when you are
utterly absorbed in a task and nothing at matter else matters and you're paying
completely complete attention to that task? And it requires you to give your very best.
You're right at the edge of your competence. You're not really concerned about how
well you're performing. It's like playing a sport. You're trying to give your very best.

[00:13:02] That's why playing sports or even playing video games is so much fun
because you're constantly in flow. You're just enjoying the moment as it does. You are
focused, your focus, all your attention on a very specific task. You have a very well-
defined goal. You have very specific boundaries. And the demand for the task is right at
your level of competence or write about it. That's why it's really fun to play sports with
someone who's at a very similar level to you. But if someone is very high with someone
is way more advanced than you, then you quickly lose interest because you're unable to
meet the demands. However, if someone is at a very low level compared to you, even
then you don't enjoy the game. So you have to be at that level where the challenge is
just for just right for you in that moment. Just at your highest level, that's when you get
into the flow zone. That's when you enjoy your very best. So realize being able to find
flow experiences and being able to harness them is crucial. It's a great skill to have to
be able to get into flow and to be able to harness the power of flow, because that's
when you're actually performing at your very best. It's the peak of emotional intelligence,
as Daniel Goldman talks about, and the book Flow By Me How it Looks at Me. I had
talks about this in great detail.

[00:14:17] All right. So we talked about three key components of emotional intelligence
so far, self-awareness, metacognition not being number one, second being managing
emotions, the third being self-motivation and harnessing the power of emotions. The
fourth pillar, the fourth component of emotional intelligence is empathy. And empathy is
just simply speaking. Recognizing emotions in others, it builds on the first component of
emotional intelligence. Where does self-awareness? The more we understand our
emotions, the more we can read and feel them in others. And all of rapport actually
starts with empathy. And research has now shown that empathy is actually empathy is a
very powerful thing and it helps us. Become more popular, more outgoing, more
sensitive. Build better relationships with the opposite sex and there's a lot of other great
benefits of having empathy in life. All right. The fifth component of emotional intelligence
is handling relationships. The key is being able to manage emotions in others. And in
order to be able to manage emotions in others, we need to master skills, manage to be
able to manage our own emotions and to have empathy for others. We have to be able
to tune into other people's emotions and we have to be able to drive their emotional
state. We have to be able to bring others into our emotional realm. And then we can set
the tone, the emotional tone of the interaction. That's when even the most powerful
person is the one who has who sets the tone of the emotional interaction.

[00:15:46] And here's the key. Even though you want to be able to. Oh, said the
emotional tone, and to be able to read people and to be able to tune in to people, you
don't want to become a social chameleon. You instead want to be able to act in
alignment with your values and feelings, to be able to do the right thing no matter what.
Right. And one of the greatest books ever written on how to build relationships, how to
handle relationships is how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie. And I
have a beautiful animation summary of that book here. Linked up here as well. So when
you download this mind map, make sure to click on this video and watch this video, by
the way. I highly recommend this. You get this mind map for free. You can get it by
going to 2000 books, dot com slash self or go to the eye button in the top right corner to
get this mind map. And the key to this might know why it's so powerful is because you
have access to all these ideas instantly. You will have access to all those actionable
ideas to be able to practice emotional intelligence right away at your fingertips. You can
just click on them and see those ideas. Right. All right. So we just talked about the five
components of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, magic, emotions, self-motivation,
empathy and handling relationships.

[00:16:59] Now, let's talk about specific actionable ideas on how to develop emotional
intelligence, on how to be able to harness all of these components of emotional
intelligence. All right. So the first actual idea is mindfulness meditation. Now,
mindfulness meditation has so many scientifically proven benefits that are exactly
related to emotional content. Just let me just read out some of them. So mindfulness
meditation, these are the scientifically proven benefits. It helps reduce anxiety,
depression, stress, nervousness, only that it helps improve self-awareness, awareness
of emotions, metacognition, pain tolerance, impulse control, optimism, great
compassion, self-compassion, performance under pressure, brain performance. There
are over 900 studies that I have found that literally talk about meditation and how
powerful that is, especially mindfulness meditation. And I want to make sure that you
are doing mindfulness meditation. So make sure to download my guided meditation
audio. I've been meditating for 20 years. And what I have put together for you is a really
simple 15 minute guided mindfulness meditation audio. You can just go to 2000 books,
dot com slash, meditate and download that meditation audio and start meditating right
now. Right now. So you can just press play on the meditation audio, sit down and
meditate every single day. And also, I'll send you a few emails about how to meditate
the right way. It's like a mini course on meditation. So hopefully enjoy it. All right. Again,
as I said, meditation is the ultimate power strategy when it comes to developing
emotional intelligence because it kind of touches on all the different five components of
emotional intelligence.

[00:18:37] If there's one thing, one actionable idea, one specific thing you can do to
develop emotional intelligence, it is mindfulness meditation. Another great exercise. And
rather simple one is to just write down the emotion you're feeling when you're feeling a
strong emotion. Write down the emotion as it pops up in your brain. Just the act of
naming that emotion, being able to write it down, diffuses the power of that emotion in
your amygdala and your lizard brain because your language center gets engaged, your
prefrontal cortex now gets engaged as soon as you have to give a name. As soon as
you have to define that thing. And only that when you start writing down those emotions,
you will develop an emotional vocabulary and you develop your self awareness. All
right. The third actionable idea is cognitive behavioral therapy. Now we talk about a lot
of cognitive behavioral therapy in the book, Feeling Good by Dr. David Berns. Actually,
cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most powerful ways to help treat depression.
So I highly recommend this book for anyone who's struggling with a lot of negative
challenges and negative thoughts. This book will really help you. We have included this
book feeling good in our 2.x Mental Toughness program, where we have other 60
books, summaries on self-confidence, self-esteem, building mental toughness and all
those things.

[00:19:53] So check out our 2000 book start com slash stuff. I'm going to give you a
quick overview of foresta. Or we of cognitive bureau therapy, of course, I go into a lot
more detail on 20 minutes of details on how to actually do come to be a retard when we
do this book summary. So first of all, you're going to notice that you are having some
challenging emotion. Maybe it's depression maybe or anxiety or whatever it is. Then
you're going to ask yourself what part what specific part is leading to that emotion? It's
not the situation, but what's the part about that situation that's leading to that event?
That emotion? What part is leading to that emotion? The event is leading to a thought
which is leading to emotion. What's the talk? Right now you're going to ask yourself,
what is the distortion in your thoughts? And no matter how good you think you are in
terms of your thinking and you might think that you have no distortion, there are actually
ten commonly known cognitive distortions that cause these negative emotions. And
these distortions are usually the root cause of all these challenging emotions. And you
can get the list of all those distortions when you get the summary of this book feeling
good in our mental toughness program. So you have all these cognitive distortions that
cause these challenging emotions inside of you. Once you under once you understand
that these are the distortions, now you can actually respond to this, respond to this
negative, talk to yourself so you can actually have a dialogue with this distorted thinking.

[00:21:19] You can rationally respond to your own distorted thoughts because you can
see the cognitive distortion in your thinking. You can see that you are just globalizing
something or you're just making everything. You're making a mountain of a molehill or
you're taking one little experience and extrapolating. There's so many different cognitive
distortions there out there. These are just some examples of those. So this was a really
simple outline of cognitive beral therapy. If you talk about that and a lot more great
detail in the summary of the book. Feeling good in art, too. It's mental toughness
program. So check that out. All right. The fourth actionable idea is to change your
physiology. One of my favorite ways, actually, because changing your physiology
literally changes your biochemistry. Just standing in a powerful position will increase
your dominance hormones and reduce your stress hormones. Dominance hormone
being testosterone. Stress hormone being cortisol. And in the book, Unlimited Power.
Tony Robbins talks about the power of physiology and the words and the pictures you're
holding in your mind and how that actually affects your emotional state. And actually did
a video on how I logged on 10 feet of red hot burning coal just by using these
techniques. But by harnessing the power of physiology, the words and the pictures, I
was able to do that.

[00:22:31] And I have a video of that on our channel. I'll make sure to link it up here as
well. And we have the complete summary of unlimited power in US mental toughness
program. Now, here's another power hack, a really simple power hack. Whenever
you're feeling depressed, stressed, fearful, nervous, anxious, just stand up, stand up in
a powerful in a power pose like a superman occupying a lot of space, maybe spread
your hands in the air or maybe put your hands right by your waist and stand up in their
power pose for two minutes. What will happen is, again, the same thing. Your
testosterone goes up, your cortisol goes down, and now suddenly you start to change
your biochemistry and you are feeling different. And in the book presence, Dr. Amy
Cuddy actually talks about this in great detail, how this actually works. And of course,
we covered that book as well in our mental toughness program. So check that out. And
one of my favorite hacks, along with these power body language hacks is simply
changing your Bayaka, changing your physiology to go walking or running that
yourselfers, shake you out of a mood. When I am feeling like I'm in a funk and I'm
feeling a little down. I go for a run. And if I go for a run off for 30 minutes or forty five
minutes or for an hour, I'll certainly forget about that down mode.

[00:23:42] And I will be in a completely new state of the changing of their physiology will
completely change my biochemistry and I'm a new person. That's one of my favorite
ways to dominate my negative emotions. In some ways. All right. By the way, make
sure you download this mine my for free because you can literally get access to all
these ideas at your fingertips any given moment and to order to download this mind
map. All you have to do is click on the button. Here at the top right corner of the screen
or just go to two thousand books, dot com slash self and you can download this mine.
So make sure to get this mine map again. All right. The next actionable idea is deep
breathing. Now, this is a very simple exercise when you are stressed out, when you're
nervous. Use this one. Okay. Breathe in. Using this pattern. Breathe. You are. You're
going to be breathing in this pattern just for maybe ten breaths, maybe for a minute. And
certainly you'll be able to see a difference in your emotional state. So what you're going
to do is you're going to inhale to the count of four. Hold your breath to the count of four
and exhale to the counterfeit with your mouth open. So let me just do it with you. Inhale
to the count of four. Hold to the count of four. And now EXELL to the counterfeit. That's
it.

[00:24:58] And you repeated this pattern for ten breaths. What that does is it gives
control back to your prefrontal cortex, away from your amygdala and your back to being
centered again. So a really powerful exercise, really simple exercise. If you just do it for
one minute, you will get control back, especially when you're angry. Tried to do this,
tried to do this. Deep breathing pattern for just ten breaths. Inhale, hold, exhale. Make
sure the EXELL is at least twice as long as your inhale, because that's when it really
cools you down in some ways. Really simple hack. It's actually been proven this simple
breathing pattern has been proven to reduce your blood pressure as well. So upper very
powerful breathing pattern here. All right. The next actionable idea is to architect a small
win when you're feeling unmotivated, lazy, lethargic, sad or in a funk, you assign
yourself a small task, even write it on a small piece of paper. And then when you
completed cross it off from the piece of paper, it give you an emotional boost. It'll give
you a sense of completion, a sense of victory, and then you arrange your take on a
bigger challenge. I I use this quite often, especially when I'm feeling like I'm in a funk. I
will assign myself a small task, arrange this desk or a small task like, ah, do the dishes
or small tasks like arrange the bedroom, anything like that. I'll assign myself the task
and then I'm going to complete it even if it takes just five minutes.

[00:26:20] Once I completed, I crossed it off from the piece of paper and I feel good. I
feel that I've accomplished something and now I can go and accomplish bigger
victories. So architect a small win, a great way to get yourself out of a funk. Another
great actionable idea is to help others in need. One of the most powerful ones in the
book, Upside of Stress, Dr. Kelly McGonigal talks about how they did research studies
and found that mortality rate goes down by 30 percent. If we spend time on a weekly
basis helping others in need, of course, we covered this book in detail in our mental
toughness program. So check it out at two thousand books, dot com slash stuff on other
book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It's one of the Dale Carnegie talks of our
idea of how helping others in need is one of the greatest ways to change your own
moods for the better. How that itself would stop all the worry and help you enjoy your
life. And I have a complete video of this book of how to stop worrying and start living in
the eight best ideas from it. And it's right here. So you can click on this video when you
get this mind map and you'll be able to watch this video. So help others in need.

[00:27:27] All right. Number eight, in the list of actionable ideas to build emotional
intelligence is empathy, exercise. Now, this is really simple. Try to read other people's
emotions by just watching their non-verbals and you'll be surprised how accurate you
can be when you start to develop this practice. Throughout this practice of reading their
face, reading their eyes, reading their eyes while reading their the way their hands are,
reading the way they're sitting, reading the way they're standing, reading the way they're
walking. All of those over time. As you do this again and again, you will develop the
ability to to watch people's nonverbals and realize what emotions they're feeling. When I
went to a Tony Robbins seminar called Unleash the Power Within World Excises he
made us do was split us up into pairs of dual, let's say, person and person B and person
A was asked to enact do to go into a specific emotional state, whatever they want. And
Person B was supposed to figure out what emotional state person A was in. And usually
one of the best ways to do that was to start to actually adopt the same specific physical
state. That person it was in person B were to adopt their physical state. They would
certainly start to feel that emotion. And that's the key to be able to just be able to feel
people's emotions, to be able to understand people's emotions just by watching them as
a very powerful strength you can develop.

[00:28:53] And it's a very powerful key to develop your emotional intelligence. Right. It
develops empathy. Another actionable exercise is to reframe. Now, reframing is a very
powerful way to handle any negative, negative thoughts or feelings you have about a
situation, no matter how difficult the situation. If you ask yourself, how will the situation
turn out to my advantage and why is this good for me? Now you're reframing that to
something positive and you can even reframe your past failures. How that specific
failure helped you move forward, how it made a positive impact in your life. And in the
book Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins talks about a lot of specific reframes,
different kinds of fragments reframes. And we, of course, summarize the whole book in
our mental toughness program. Check it out. Two 2000 books, dot com slash stuff on
other great reframe is to realize that the obstacle that's standing in the way is the way
forward. And there is a whole book by that name called Obstacle in the Way by Ryan
Holiday, which it says that one of the most powerful quotes in the book is by is from
Marcus Aurelius, the great stoic philosopher, he said. The impediment to action
advance is action. What stands in the way becomes the way he's literally reframing the
impediment as something that advances action. He's reframing what's standing in the
way the obstacle in the way is the way forward.

[00:30:10] A great book, by the way, to check it out. And it's also in our mental
toughness program. We summarize the book in there as well to check it out. All right.
Another. I'm probably the last action of the idea. We are going to talk about is how
narked walked when the words from people are in conflict with how they're saying them.
You have to trust how they're saying rather than what they're saying. You have to trust
their body language, their tonality, their gestures, their ways. As you might have heard,
93 percent of communication is nonverbal. And that's actually true. We have to trust the
non-verbals, not the words that are coming out of their mouth. So don't trust what they
said. Trust how they said it. All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this video. I hope you
learned a lot about emotional intelligence from this video. Make sure to get this mine
map for free. Click right here to get this mine map or go to two thousand books, dot com
slash self to get the mind map. And if you haven't here, subscribe to a channel. Make
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make sure to subscribe. Our guys see you next time. Bye bye.