ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY

Societal Perception about a divorced woman in South Asia

against United States of America

INB490
SUBMITTED TO:
FAIZ IBNE HOSSAIN (FSS)
LECTURER,
SCHOOL OF BUSINESS
NORTH SOUTH UNIVERSITY

SUBMITTED BY:
SAIYARA ISLAM
ID: 1631450030

DATE OF SUBMISSION: 23-12-19

From the beginning of civilization of the humankind, marriage and divorce has always kept
an equal balance among themselves. As the number of marriage has increased along with the
centuries so has the number of divorces. There are two types of marriages which are generally
known among people. The first one is arrange marriage, here the family would decide for a
person with whom they would have to spend the rest of their life. The second one is love
marriage which has become more popular among the people in recent times. Here the couple
would select each other and decide to spend their life’s together through the bondage of
marriage. However the South Asian society is yet to completely accept love marriage as a
source of perfect bondage among one another. They still feel that the best way to get married
is through arrange marriage where various sources from within the family or outside would
come together in order to find the perfect match for the boy or girl. But there is a saying that
marriages are made in heaven and similarly there is also a saying that divorces are made on
earth. And unknowingly why, it has usually been a woman blame to share. Our society has
always blames a woman for not being able to stay with a man and not the counter side. Even
in this 21st century, divorced women are yet considered as taboo in many places of the world.
Despite all the laws and regulations created for women in one way or the other they are still
ending up as victims of our society. Being hard to digest they are still being blamed for the
cause of a divorce despite of the case and situation being in favor of them. On the other hand,
it is very natural for a woman living in United States of America to get divorced because this
shows how courageous she is when it comes to her happiness. Here is the difference of both
cultures where both the countries couldn’t meet yet. Society of the western countries do not
melt their nose in other’s personal matters rather they would love doing more progressive
works. But in South Asian countries like to discuss about other’s life. And love to blame the
women for such things they shouldn’t be blamed. However, I believe that our society is yet
unable to accept a divorce woman as a human being.

Even in 21 st
century, Divorce is a yet a word which is not applicable for discussion on the
dinner table. Since my childhood I have been brought up in a family where I have seen my
cousin sisters and aunts to step up on their own feet and bring a huge amount of salary earned
by them home. There was time 10 years back it hadn’t been easy getting divorced in a society
where women are considered like a show-piece to put upon a table for decoration. South
Asian countries like Bangladesh, India and Pakistan etc. So it has been a taboo for women to
get divorced what so ever has happened or not. At that time I have seen my aunt got divorced
from an abusive relationship. But this was not the end. She had to go through a lot even after a
having a respective job and a heavy salary. The problem was her surroundings. She got very
depressed and started feeling all alone. The people whom she used to consider her closest,
they had shown their back. And that was the turning point when she started becoming
stronger. So after her there were some other women in my family I have seen suffering from
same situation. That is why I have chosen this topic for my essay. I have also researched on

2|Page
this topic on internet. I have seen that Divorced women also encounter a great deal of misery
and isolation when they are seen to deviate from the traditional family and have little male
support from their native communities. This does not apply to all South Asian women, of
course, as gender relations are shaped by a variety of factors such as race, class, region,
religion, age and other differentiations. Women may be able to negotiate different levels of '
accommodation ' and support within their own families, but they are all subject to the
omnipresent, overarching, but changing ideology of gender.
Indian woman Siva went against the trend by embracing her breakup in a country where
marriage is often considered sacred and even quintessential for a woman, and divorce is
regarded as a sign of failure. To understand why this is a big deal, we need to look at India's
divorce rate— which, according to a survey from the Organization for Economic Co-
operation and Development, stood at 1 percent in 2017. While the total number of divorces
has increased over the past decade or so from 1 in 1,000 to 13 in 1,000, India remains at the
top of the list of countries with the lowest divorce rates, it said. This is an example of women
are breaking the stigma of patriarchy.

Even in Pakistan, when a Pakistani woman leaves her husband, even though he is abusive, she
is seen as dishonoring her in-laws as well as her own kin. But why so? Is it really important to
stay in a marriage where you are not even happy?

Now comes in Bangladesh, being a Bangladeshi citizen we’ve seen our mothers to suffer from
inferiority if they do not earn anything. They are being considered as if they do not know
anything but men forget that it was not only their father who brought them up so well and
make them this credible to earn respect and position in the society. It was their mother as well
who had bestowed their whole to bring them up. So dominating a woman is very tranquil for
men in this society. And when they raise their voice they become toxic. The sufferings go into
a new level for them who ask for separation. So in South Asia, Divorce is a curse for the
society.

On the other hand in United States of America, surprisingly the rate of Divorce had been
degrading. The reason might be very unusual for a Bangladeshi. But this is true that taking a
decision of getting married in a very young age has changed into taking a decision of living in
together without marriage has made it very easy. Most of the millennials are taking the
decision of living in together so that they get to know their partner accurately and before
getting married they could take the perfect decision for themselves.

Another reason is according to a research World Economic Forum, Young people in the U.S.
are rebelling against the age of their ancestors, though not in the manner one would anticipate.
New research suggests that Americans have less than 50% chance of divorce in their late 20s.
Here we can see a graph below-
As the chart shows, in the early 1990s, the U.S. divorce rate began to decline and has since
proceeded on a downward trend overall. There were 4.8 divorces per 1,000 in 1992. That had
fallen to 3.2 by 2016.

The declining rate of divorce may have much to do with the attitudes to marriage of
millennials. Analysis of data from the American Community Survey (ACS) by Philip Cohen,
a professor of sociology at the University of Maryland, indicates that young people do things
better than before.

According to Cohen, millennials make better marital decisions than previous generations. He
also said that “many of the people getting married today are more privileged than they used to
be: more highly educated (both partners), and socially and economically stable, all of which
bodes well for the survival of their marriages (even if it means more inequality in society)”

So we can see that millennials have made marriage as a choice, not a binding. And even if
they get divorced they are not being parted from the society. Divorced are becoming fewer
and fewer Citizens, with numbers dropping 18 percent between 2008 and 2016.

In the meantime, older adults are becoming more likely to divorce themselves. Scholars have
reported an increase in divorce from 1 in 10 in 1990 to nearly 1 in 4 in 2010, among those 50
years of age or older. This phenomenon is referred to as "Grey divorce." And they are
becoming more self-dependent and confident. Several older adults are leaving their miserable
relationships because they have been separated. In her research and her forthcoming book,
Crystal Hemesath, marriage and family psychiatrist, describes dropping out of romantic love
as a lack of sexual desire, relational intimacy, or a sense of interrelation.

So these are the cultural differences between South Asian countries and The United States of
America.

Now as per my research I have done some survey of 12 questions of general people (Societal
perception) which means the youth as well as the victims who had gone through this. So that I
can assure others that I wasn’t biased regarding this matter. Firstly I will show how general
people have reacted about a woman getting divorced.

The responses are given below-

1.

As we can see in the chart that 77.8% people prefer love marriage and 22.2% arranged
marriage. That means the preference of going for love marriages are higher. This is a mixed
sign. As it shows a conflict in the thought among our generation and our previous generation
consisting of our parents and other elders. Even now in 2019 there are a lot of elderly people
who believe that arrange marriage is better and would work out when compared to love
marriage.
 2.

So those people who believe in love marriage think that love marriages are going to be
successful and would work out better. 56.6% people think that love marriages will work out.
And 44.4% people think that arranged marriages will work out well. However we can also
state from this pie chart that not all the people who believe that love marriage is better than
arrange marriage would agree to the fact that the marriage would work out better if it is a love
marriage rather than an arranged marriage.

3.

So in this question we can see that 91.4% people are saying that both men and women should
be responsible for saving a marriage. That means men should be equally responsible for
saving a marriage and failure of a marriage as well. However there were a few respondents
who blamed either the man or the woman for being more careful in order to save a marriage.
This clearly shows that not all the people of our so called modern society are yet aware of the
fact that it is both the husband and the wife’s responsibility to save a marriage. And equally it
is both their blame to share in case a fight or a divorce. This could easily save a marriage
when both the partners have this wonderful mindset.

4.

As we can see, 43(53.1%) people have a very neutral point of view. They are claiming that it
is both men and women’s fault of failure of a marriage. 2.5% saying it is all men’s fault.
3.7% saying it’s almost men’s fault. 19.8% people are saying that it’s almost women’s fault.
Then we see 12.3% people are also saying it’s women’s fault and then 3.7% of the
respondent have stated that it is the woman’s fault when it comes to a broken marriage. This
chart again shows that how our society is viewing a woman once she might have decided to
get out of a torturous bond and it also indicates to a significant level of how much a woman
must go through in order to live a life that belongs to her and not of the society. Though the
maximum response received from this survey shows that they are neutral regarding this
matter. However among all the respondents there are 40.7% of the people who believe that the
divorce that occurs in the recent times is a blame to be shared by a woman
 5.

As per previous responses, if a success and failure of a marriage depends on both the husband
and the wife. Then we can see the response of this questions shows that 67.1% people are
saying that women always get affected with the divorce. That means women have to suffer all
alone after a divorce. This is what the Asian women are going through. 28.9% people are
saying that both the husband and the wife have to go through the difficulties where “women”
is still common. And another option is not even statistically countable. This shows how unfair
the society is with a woman. This also shows that how isolated a woman can become due to
our society once she has gone through the divorce which in itself was a big turning point for
her life.

6.
Here is another question that the 74.4% of the society itself thinks they have been doing
injustice with women since the starting. And it was an easy equation to solve because
everyone has seen it since their childhood. Even now in this era a woman is tortured mentally
and physically through various ways regarding their character and body shaming once they
get divorced. Moreover it is like the societies unauthorized duty to torture a woman when she
gets a divorce. On the other hand 15.9% people are saying they are not sure regarding this
matter. And lastly 9.8% says that the society does justice with the divorced women which is a
small number when considered in mass population.

7.

And as expected 64.6% respondents are saying that social perceptions of a divorced woman
haven’t changed yet. It has always been a taboo and it still is for the society to get separated.
However 35.4% people said it has changed. But the majority is saying against the social
culture regarding a divorced woman. This indicates a lot about our society and their mindset,
surely the over the years our GDP has increased, our country has developed but sadly same
development never occurred when it came to our culture.
 8.

This was a question I have thrown to the people to see the thoughts about women they have.
Here we can see that 48.8% of the respondents have answered no whereas 31.7% of the
respondents have taken the side of not sure and the remaining 19.5% of the respondents have
stated yes. The true purpose of this question was to analyze how the society views a woman
regardless of the fact that if she is divorced or not.

Lastly these are the responses of some of my known women who got divorced and
leading their lives with such dignity.

1.
So I got 6 responses about how they have been accused from their relatives, in-laws and
friends even. Half of the respondents here have answered that they were mostly accused by
their in-laws, that the in-laws and their family kept on blaming them for the divorce. Now this
is a very obvious answer as no one is the villain in their story rather are the heroes. Hence for
a person to be blamed for a divorce by their in-laws was an expected answer. However on the
contradictory side the answer that was more shocking was that there were respondents who
said that their own relatives kept on accusing and blaming them and belittling for asking for a
divorce. Even after that when yet the person is to going to file a divorce they got the close
people known as friends who had accused them for their misfortunate situation.

2.

Now this is a question with which all the respondents have taken sides. Despite of the fact that
I had expected that there shall be a few variations among the result however it seems that the
thesis statement stated earlier that our society is not keen towards divorce woman is stated
true. Since the beginning where ever we are either in our house or at our educational
institution, we have always been taught to stand up for the right cause. However in some cases
it seems that our society has forgotten the norms and values which were the base of our
beliefs. It is because here we can see that our society mostly consisting of our immediate
family members and relatives asks a woman to stay back in a wounded relationship and in
return receive more pain and suffering all throughout here life and not get a divorce and life
her life on her terms.
 3. What were the reaction of your surrounding after you got divorced? 6 responses

 They were supportive.

 They are not helpful
 Very bad
 They asked me that what will happen to me now.
 They were not supportive. And accused me for what happened.
 They kept on blaming me for it.

4.

5. Could you please explain your answer? 4 responses

 I was very sure because I was cheated.

 My husband got drunk and physically abused me.
 I had an abusive marriage.
 We could never understand each other.

So we have seen all the responses where we can easily say how women in South Asia have
been impertinently suffering from social pressure, financial crisis. Even if they get promoted
in their work they never got the credit of their intelligence and hard work. This has become a
part and parcel that they will always have to face this no matter they are married or single or
divorced. Our mindset has become so slender that we cannot take things straight or think
things straight. Despite being in High-contextual culture we cannot grant divorced women as
a normal human being. The victims were told to change their decision yet before the night of
the divorce. So this should be stopped. The patriarchy should understand that the Wind of
Change is going to happen very soon. I think it is not that far when the women will also be
called the head of the house or the bread-earner.

References
Annotated Bibliography regarding Societal Perception about a divorced woman in South Asia
against United States of America

Guru, S. (2019). Retrieved 22 December 2019, from

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/229937143_Divorce_Obstacles_and_opport
unities_- South_Asian_women_in_Britain

Jordan, T. (2019). Why fewer and fewer Americans are getting divorced. Retrieved 22
December 2019, from http://theconversation.com/why-fewer-and-fewer-americans-
are-getting-divorced-115036

Wilcox, W. (2019). The Evolution of Divorce. Retrieved 22 December 2019, from

https://www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-evolution-of-divorce

Dabur Amla What Women Want | 104.8 Ishq. (2019). Malaika Arora & Kareena
Kapoor Khan -Divorce & Women [Video]. Retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hls10nIQ4cM

Wood, J. (2019). The United States divorce rate is dropping, thanks to millennials. Retrieved
22 December 2019, from https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2018/10/divorce-united-
states-dropping-because-millennials/

Bhatt, S. (2019). Happily divorced: Indian women are breaking the stigma around
separation like never before. Retrieved 22 December 2019, from
https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/happily-divorced-indian-
women-are-breaking-the-stigma-around-separation-like-never-
before/articleshow/67704287.cms?from=mdr