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CONTENT

CANADIANS
TRUST
JUNE 2018

Canada’s
TICK BOOM:
How You Can Stay Safe
PAGE 28

70 STRANGERS RESCUED
TWO BOYS FROM A RIPTIDE
PAGE 42

DO NOT CALL MY DOG OLD


PAGE 38

MICROFIBRES: THE UGLY TRUTH


PAGE 74

ODE TO A TRADITIONAL TIMBIT


PAGE 70

IS MEDICAL MARIJUANA
RIGHT FOR YOU?
PAGE 82

AN INSIDER’S VIEW OF THE ROYAL WEDDING... 16


DID A COW SOLVE THIS MEDICAL MYSTERY? ... 26
WARTS 101: FROM WHY TO GOODBYE............... 22
YOU’VE GOT OUTRAGEOUS MAIL STORIES .... 104
Mag_RD_Spring2018_EN
Contents JUNE 2018

Cover Story Inspiration


28 Battling the Tick Boom 50 Master Chef
What you need to know about How Jean Paré taught our
the disease-carrying critters. country to cook. K R I ST Y
JILL BUCHNER WO U D ST R A F R O M T H E WA L R U S

Heart Life Lesson


38 How to Speak to My Dog 56 The Bright Side
A lesson in respecting elderly Creating positive change
canines. JA N E T M AC L E O D might depend on casting off
F R O M T H E G LO B E A N D M A I L cynicism. SA R A H B A R M A K

Drama in Real Life Family


42 Caught in a Riptide! 60 Driving With My Daughter
When two young boys Parenting a teen can be trying.

AARON WILLIAMS
get sucked out to sea off But when we’re in the car,
Florida’s Panhandle, dozens singing along to our favourite
of beachgoers must band song, everything else falls away.
together to save their lives. JOE POSNANSKI
DEREK BURNETT F R O M J O E P O S N A N S K I .CO M

P. | 90
P. | 38

Heart
78 Thank You So Much
for Caring
After the death of his wife,
a young widower writes an
open letter to her medical
team. P E T E R D E M A R CO
F R O M T H E N E W YO R K T I M E S

Health
82 The Cannabis
Companion Guide
Is medical marijuana right for
Memoir you? Find out which conditions
64 To Know Myself it helps—and where further
At 27, I was diagnosed with research is still needed.
multiple sclerosis and faced VA N E S SA M I L N E

a very different future than the


Editors’ Choice
one I had planned. M E R E D I T H
W H I T E F R O M T H E WA L R U S
90 Flame Wars
By 2014, Aaron Williams had
Department of Wit been fighting wildfires in B.C.
70 Being Old-Fashioned: for nine summers. But he’d
A Tragedy never seen a season quite like
After a lifetime of rejection, a this one. F R O M C H A S I N G S M O K E
plain Timbit speaks out. C A S S I E
B A R R A DA S F R O M C B C CO M E DY

Environment
74 Micro Management
Tiny pieces of our clothing are
JASON GORDON

poisoning our waterways. But


one Nova Scotian just might
have a solution. T I N A K N E Z E V I C
F R O M T H E WA L R U S ILLUSTRATION
BY KYLE METCALF

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 3
Vol. 192 | No. 1,150
JUNE 2018

ART OF LIVING

12 Safety Measures
Community advocate
Sarah Blyth is curbing drug-
related deaths.
C H R I ST I N A PA L A S S I O

The RD Interview
16 Royal Watching
A Q&A with historian Carolyn
Harris. CO U R T N E Y S H E A
GET SMART!
Culture
18 RD Recommends 102 13 Things Lifeguards Wish
DA N I E L L E G R O E N You Knew
MICHELLE CROUCH
Health A D D I T I O N A L R E S E A R C H BY
22 Warts and All A N N A- K A I SA WA L K E R
How to get rid of these
unsightly skin growths. 106 Brainteasers
SA M A N T H A R I D E O U T
108 Trivia Quiz
Health
109 Word Power
26 What’s Wrong With Me?
SY D N E Y LO N E Y 111 Sudoku

READER FAVOURITES

15 Life’s Like That 73 Laughter, the Best Medicine


CLAYTON HA NMER

20 Points to Ponder 89 @ Work


37 Rd.ca 104 That’s Outrageous!
54 As Kids See It 112 Quotes

5 Editor’s Letter 9 Contributors 10 Letters

4 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Editor’s Letter
Pest Control
THE FIRST TIME I SAW A TICK, I had no idea what I was looking at. Last
summer, while at our cottage north of Montreal, my husband noticed
an unusual bump on our dog’s leg. Round and shiny, the nub more
closely resembled plastic than it did a living creature. Then we spotted its legs,
which were tiny compared to its engorged body, and realized we were dealing
with a deer tick—one that had feasted on our dachshund, Lizzie.
In truth, I’d been anticipating this moment. As the owner of two dogs and
someone who spends a fair amount of time outdoors, I knew I would cross
paths with a tick eventually. We carefully removed the pest using tweezers and
put it in a zipped plastic bag, following a procedure
DOMINIQUE
I’d once read about. What I didn’t know was what
WITH HER DOGS
PEACHES (LEFT) should happen next.
AND LIZZIE
As ticks proliferate across the country, access
to information about these parasites is more
critical than ever. Our cover story, “Battling
the Tick Boom” (page 28), breaks down
the essentials—from identification and
removal to Lyme disease testing to the
best tactics for protecting yourself, your
family and your pets.
Do you have a story you’d like to share about
ticks? We’d love to hear from you by email (at
the address below) or on our Facebook page.
Let’s keep the conversation going.
ROGER A ZIZ

Send an email to
dominique@rd.ca

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 5
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H Y P O A L L E R G E N I C • PA R A B E N - F R E E
T E S T E D U N D E R D E R M AT O L O G I C A L C O N T R O L
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VOL. 192, NO. 1,150 COPYRIGHT © 2018 BY READER’S DIGEST
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8 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Contributors
SARAH BARMAK JONATHAN DYCK
(Writer, “he Bright (Illustrator, “Caught in
Side,” page 56) a Riptide!” page 42)

Home base: Home base:


Toronto. Previously Winnipeg. Previ-
published in The Walrus and ously published in The Walrus and
Maclean’s. Cynicism can prevent Maisonneuve. Uplifting stories like
you from helping others if you this one remind me that collabora-
believe nothing you do will make tion can help us defy expectations
a difference. These days, it’s more and challenge the limitations of our
important than ever to stay ener- own perspectives. Recognizing a
gized and fight. The efforts of peo- common problem—and understand-
ple who care deeply—even in the ing that it transcends our individual
face of adversity—are what lead to experience— can motivate us to
real change. work together.

IAN DOWN KYLE METCALF


(Writer, “hat’s Outra- (Illustrator, “Battling
geous,” page 104) the Tick Boom,”
page 28)
Home base:
Montreal. Previ- Home base:
ously published in The Concord- Calgary. Previously published in
ian and Nuns’ Island Journal. Monocle and The New York Times.
I think we’re drawn to outrageous I didn’t realize that ticks were an
(BARMAK) KAYLA ROCCA

stories because our day-to-day lives increasingly big issue. I thought that
are usually pretty boring. When we Lyme disease was an obscure illness
read about a strange occurrence that only famous Canadian female
happening to other people, we singers got. After reading this story,
remember that the world is a place I’ll be sure to wear long pants and
full of wonder and possibility. And shirts when I go out for hikes, and
disruptive turkeys. check myself for bugs afterwards.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 9
Letters
READERS COMMENT ON OUR RECENT ISSUES

past six months, and we are living


through exactly what Loney describes.
This finally answers our many ques-
tions about why my mother’s behav-
iour has changed and what we should
do next. A big thanks for a great story.
JEAN-CHARLES HENRY,
Baie-Comeau, Que.

NO LAUGHING MATTER
I just finished reading your Depart-
ment of Wit, “Keeping the Faith”
(April 2018), and was left with feelings
of disappointment. I didn’t like that
the writer mocked his culture and
religion in his responses to his young
MOMENT OF CLARITY son’s questions about faith. While
Thank you for Sydney Loney’s health some of the writer’s honesty is appre-
article “State of Confusion” (March ciated, the flippant exchange detailed
2018) and your corresponding edi- at the end of the story was not.
tor’s letter, “Decoding Delirium.” Holy HEATHER ALLINGTON,
moly, what a revelation. My mother- Bowmanville, Ont.

in-law has been in and out of the hos- Published letters are edited for length
pital a number of times during the and clarity.

WRITE We want to hear from you! Have something to say about an article you read in Reader’s
TO US! Digest? Send your letters to letters@rd.ca. Please include your full name and address.
Contribute Send us your funny jokes and anecdotes, and if we publish one in a print
KATIE CAREY

edition of Reader’s Digest, we’ll send you $50. To submit, visit rd.ca/joke.
Original contributions (text and photos) become the property of The Reader’s Digest
Magazines Canada Limited, and its affiliates, upon publication. Submissions may be
edited for length and clarity, and may be reproduced in all print and electronic media.
Receipt of your submission cannot be acknowledged.
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ART of LIVING

Vancouver community advocate Sarah Blyth


is helping to curb drug-related deaths

Safety Measures
BY C H R I ST I N A PA L A S S I O
PHOTOGRAPH BY TANYA GOEHRING

! THE VENDOR STALLS of Van-


couver’s Downtown Eastside Street
up to five a day. (According to a B.C.
Coroners Service report, fentanyl-
Market are piled high with ’80s detected deaths increased in Van-
action-movie DVDs, parasols, hand- couver from 32 in 2015 to 280 in 2017
knitted booties and Justice League due to the potent opioid narcotic
comics—a trove of treasures for all contaminating the drug supply.)
types. The sprawling social enter- “Whenever there was an overdose,
prise gives sellers, many of whom are someone would come screaming,
living on low incomes, a chance to ‘Narcan, Narcan, where is it? Do we
earn extra money. It buzzes with the have enough?’” says Blyth, referring
chatter and convivial chaos typical to the nasal spray version of naloxone,
of such places, but in 2016, when a drug used to block the effects of opi-
the city’s opioid issue became a full- oids, especially in overdose situations.
blown crisis, that flurry of activity “I thought, We need to be more organ-
turned ominous. ized than this. The market is filled with
At the time, community activist hundreds of people, and we only have
Sarah Blyth was working as a man- a few minutes to respond.”
ager at the market, which is located When there was a death up the
in an area that is popular with drug street, Blyth and two market volun-
users. She started witnessing more teers decided things had to change.
and more overdoses—sometimes In September 2016, unsanctioned

12 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
“The opioid crisis is a
tragedy,” says Sarah Blyth,
founder of Vancouver’s
Overdose Prevention
Society. “It’s a good
feeling when you can save
lives in a dignified way.”
READER’S DIGEST

by the market or any agency, they sanctioned sites take some time to
established a pop-up overdose pre- establish—and the number of over-
vention site nearby. They put up a doses continues to balloon. While
tent, secured some Narcan, found making it easier for people to inject
a volunteer trained in administering drugs safely is controversial, Blyth
naloxone and started a GoFundMe says it’s a matter of public health.
page to raise money for supplies and “In order to really help people, we
honorariums for their volunteers. In need to change our opinions and
2017, the pop-up—now called the the way we’ve addressed the crisis.
Overdose Prevention Society (OPS) We’re not going to police our way
and supported by Vancouver Coastal out of this.”
Health—received more than 100,000 In December 2017, OPS moved
visits, saw more than into a building owned
300 overdoses and by B.C. Housing. The
logged zero deaths. Open seven days organization is open
Blyth knows that seven days a week and
doing the right thing
a week, the has between 300 and
sometimes means Overdose 500 visitors daily.
doing what many Prevention Blyth, now the exec-
consider to be wrong. Society sees utive director of OPS
From Nanaimo to
between 300 and and of the Downtown
Ottawa, nurses and Eastside Street Market,
harm-reduction work- 500 visitors daily. oversees 30 trained
ers have come to the volunteers, all mem-
same conclusion, as bers of the Downtown
the opioid crisis places them in the Eastside community.
difficult position of having to take Joy is a peer-support worker at OPS
illegal action to save lives. It was and a recovering opiate addict. “Me
Blyth who inspired nurse Leigh being able to relate with using nee-
Chapman and her fellow volunteers dles, and being able to relate with
to open a pop-up safe-injection site being homeless, it helps. I under-
in Toronto’s Moss Park neighbour- stand what they’re going through,”
hood in the summer of 2017. she says. Joy credits OPS with sup-
Several cities, including Kamloops, porting her to quit using. “Working
Edmonton, London, Toronto and here, I’m changing my life.”
Montreal, have approved supervised Helping others should never be
safe-injection sites in the past two optional, says Blyth. “Saving a life isn’t
years. But unlike the pop-up versions, something you don’t do if you can.”

14 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Life’s Like That

Mr. Evans realizes that he is living in uncertain times.

ONE DAY IN COLLEGE, our teacher I WORK AS A MECHANIC. My cell-


stapled answer sheets to the back of phone was already on the fritz when
every test by mistake. We were asked it fell into a pail of oil at work. I
to draw a flow chart for the last ques- sprayed it with brake cleaner and set
tion. I checked the answer sheet, it down to dry, but then some stray
which simply said “Answers will vary.” sparks set it on fire. Not only did it
I drew my flow chart, tore off the still ring, the ringer was louder and
answer sheet and walked to the front clearer than before. The buttons all
podium to turn the test in. I checked to worked again, and the call quality
see what everyone else had drawn for was great. The next day, as I was leav-
their flow charts. They had all written ing for work, my wife asked, “Why are
the same thing: “Answers will vary.” you taking your laptop? It’s broken.”
reddit.com I answered, “I know. I just want to
try something.”
SON: I got a D in math. RICHARD MERRICK, O ra n g e v i l l e , O n t .
MIKE S HIELL

ME: That’s really bad.


Send us your funny stories! They could
WIFE: You need to stop doing be worth $50. See page 10 or visit
his homework. @SOFARRSOGUD rd.ca/joke for more details.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 15
THE RD INTERVIEW

Historian Carolyn Harris on Prince Harry’s wedding,


the Queen on TV and the family’s changing attitudes

Royal Watching
BY CO U R T N E Y S H E A
ILLUSTRATION BY AIMÉE VAN DRIMMELEN

Between Prince Harry and Meghan


Markle’s wedding on May 19, a
new baby for Prince William and
Kate Middleton and the success
of The Crown, is the intrigue with
royalty at an all-time high?
There’s definitely been a revival of
interest among younger people, par-
ticularly here in Canada. That actu-
ally started in 2010 when the Queen
visited to celebrate Canada Day. And
then, a year later, William and Kate
chose our country as their first over-
seas tour after marriage.

What do you make of Markle-


mania? Why is the newest future
royal so popular?
We’re definitely seeing her interact
with the public in a way reminiscent of
Princess Diana. Just as Diana received
a lot of attention for crouching down

16 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
to speak with children and those who Are you a fan of The Crown?
are ill, Meghan has been hugging peo- I think it’s a very well crafted TV
ple and making human connections. series—but it’s certainly a blend of
fact and fiction. For example, there is
Pippa Middleton famously stole no evidence that Prince Philip had an
the show at William and Kate’s wed- affair, so those rumours are played up
ding. Any bets on who might upstage for a great deal of drama in the show.
Markle on her big day?
Ha! Well I think the public will be How do you think the Queen feels
interested to see George and Char- about having her private life pil-
lotte. William and Kate are generally fered for entertainment?
very protective of their children’s I don’t know if she watches the show.
privacy, so if the kids are in the wed- But it’s interesting that, in her most
ding party, that’s going to attract a recent Christmas address, she paid
lot of attention. tribute to Prince Philip and to their
marriage. She made a joke that when
A 2016 Ipsos Reid poll reported that she began her reign there was no such
about half of Canadians believe we thing as a platinum anniversary.
should cut our ties to the monarchy
when the Queen’s reign ends. Is there Back then the idea of a royal mar-
any reason not to? rying a divorcée was absolutely
I would say that when you look at the unthinkable. Is the relationship
political climate around the world between Prince Harry and the once-
right now, you can see the value in divorced Markle a sign of how much
having a level of government that is times have changed?
above party politics. I think so. People look at the monarchy
as a very traditional institution, but the
Is there any chance Charles could Queen has reigned over a period of
get skipped in the line of succession tremendous social change, including
in favour of his more popular son? attitudes towards divorce. Her uncle,
No chance. Charles would have to Edward VIII, had to abdicate to
abdicate and there is nothing to sug- marry Wallis Simpson, but in 2005
gest that is something he is consider- Prince Charles married a divorced
ing, or that Prince William is eager Camilla Parker Bowles. That’s helped
to become the king before his time. pave the way for Prince Harry.
Prince Harry has even alluded to the
fact that none of them really want Carolyn Harris’s Raising Royalty was
that role. published in 2017.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 17
CULTURE

Our top picks in books and movies

RD Recommends
BY DA N I E L L E G R O E N

1
OCEAN’S 8
Did we really need a remake of a 2001 remake of a 1960 Rat
Pack film? We sure did. This glittering, gender-flipped reboot swaps
in marquee actresses hatching criminal schemes in an array of killer
coats. Sandra Bullock is Debbie Ocean, a newly paroled ringleader
who gathers a team of bandits—played by Cate Blanchett, Mindy Kaling,
Sarah Paulson, Helena Bonham Carter, Awkwafina and Rihanna—to nab
$100 million worth of jewels off Anne Hathaway’s neck at the Met Gala. June 8.

(OCEAN’ S 8 ) BARRY WETCHER © 2016 WARNER BROS. ENTERTAINMENT INC.

DID YOU KNOW? Not content with his already-impressive cast, director
Gary Ross (The Hunger Games) scored cameos from Serena Williams,
Anna Wintour, James Corden, Kim Kardashian and Matt Damon.

18 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
2 WARLIGHT
Michael Ondaatje
Following the end of the Sec-
4 FLORIDA
Lauren Groff
Most of the stories in this bracing collection
ond World War, Nathaniel and began as a thought experiment about some-
Rachel’s parents take off for one the author loves. Protectiveness toward
Singapore, leaving the teens her sister transforms into a haunting tale
behind in London with a taci- about two abandoned girls on an island in
turn guardian known as The a storm; her grandmother-in-law’s work
Moth. Michael Ondaatje’s during the war morphs
latest novel unspools like a into a portrait of a woman
(WON’T YO U B E MY NEIGH BOR ? ) THE FRED ROGERS COMPANY; (O N CHESIL BEACH) E L E VATION PICTU RE S

hazy dream: there are shad- who slips away from


owy figures in a tube station, domestic life. Florida is
an epileptic seizure in a movie a spiky and exhilarating
theatre, assignations in empty book—it’s easy to see
houses and doped-up grey- why Lauren Groff counts
hounds on a racetrack. May 8. Barack Obama among her
many fans. June 5.

3 WON’T YOU BE MY
NEIGHBOR?
If you believe decency to be 5 ON CHESIL BEACH
A pair of nervous young newly-
in painfully short supply these weds holed up on their honeymoon anchor
days, Won’t You Be My Neigh- this aching drama about sex and class
bor? comes as a welcome anti- in early 1960s England. Theatre director
dote. This behind-the-scenes Dominic Cooke stacks the deck for his film
documentary takes a tender debut, drawing on a subtle screenplay by
look at the sweet-natured Ian McEwan, a gifted cast led by Lady Bird’s
world created by children’s Saoirse Ronan, and the gorgeous, curving
television host Fred Rogers. shoreline of the Dorset coast. May 18.
Five decades after its premiere,
his show, filled with tremulous
tigers and imperious kings,
still offers clear-
eyed lessons
for curious
kids. June 8.
Points to Ponder
BY C H R I ST I N A PA L A S S I O

PHOTOS: (JAMIESON) INDSPIRE.CA. QUOTES: (SHOALTS) SEPT. 13, 2017; (EBERLE) DEC. 16, 2017; (JAMIESON) JAN. 12, 2018;
This is something that isn’t immedi- I think what’s different now is that
ately apparent from looking at an some men are thinking, “Yeah, I was
expedition map: you’re constantly kind of a jerk and now I’m thinking
confronted with important, stressful about that.” That’s important.
decisions and you don’t want to
make a wrong [move]. A c t r e s s a n d A i r Fo r c e c a p t a i n
LUCY DECOUTERE, in Chatelaine,
in response to #Metoo
E x p l o r e r ADAM SHOALTS, on his
4,000-kilometre human-powered solo trek across the
Arctic, in Canadian Geographic
So much of comedy is about bringing
out into the light the little dark cor-
I try to play [guitar] every day. It’s ners of shared human experiences.
something that takes me away from It happens to be a moment in time

(DECOUTERE) CH ATELAI NE (JAN. 18, 2018); (DEMERS) DEC. 4, 2017.


hockey a little bit. Music helps, when those dark corners are expand-
since it means using a different ing and coming out into the middle
side of the brain. of the room.

Ne w Yo r k Is l a n d e r s r i g h t w i n g e r C o m e d i a n CHARLIE DEMERS,
JORDAN EBERLE, in the Toronto Star in The Georgia Straight

I’m asking you to take an active


role—a supportive role—in
building Canada for the next
150 years. Find Indigenous
movers and shakers in your
area and ask them: what
support do you need?
ROBERTA JAMIESON, l a w y e r a n d Fi r s t
Na t i o n s a c t i v i s t , on CBC Radio’s Ideas

20 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
We take it for
(DOUCET) CBC RADIO’S IDEAS (DEC. 29, 2017); (THOMPSON) NOV. 15, 2017; (JANVIER) FEB. 9, 2017; (TORRENS) CANADIAN LIVING (NOV. 28, 2017).
PHOTOS: (BACHIR) DEA N TOM LINSON/CNW GROUP/OC AD UNI VERSI TY. QU OTE S: ( BACHIR) ENROUTE (JUNE 2, 2017); (DAVIS) JAN. 23, 2018;

granted in the bigger


cities, but in smaller
towns, there’s still an
incredible amount of
homophobia, and
young kids are
coming out and
need support.
SALAH BACHIR, p r e s i d e n t o f C i n e p l e x
Me d i a , on why he supports LGBTQ+ cause

What does it mean to be human decouple yourself from day-to-day


and alive? The cultures of the world crises, to look back at history, to learn
respond in 7,000 different voices, from it, to see trend lines.
[and they are] our human repertoire
for dealing with all the challenges Te c h - c u l t u r e w r i t e r
that will confront us as a species. CLIVE THOMPSON, in THIS Magazine

An t h r o p o l o g i s t WADE DAVIS, Maybe that’s why I was placed on


on CBC Radio’s Ideas this earth … to just shout: “This
is bullshit!”
Never have we been able to know so
much, but never have we struggled Fi r s t Na t i o n s a r t i s t ALEX JANVIER,
to find out what is really happening. member of the Indigenous Group of Seven, on CBC Arts

LYSE DOUCET, t h e A c a d i a n - b o r n Trinity Harbour, N.L.; Ucluelet,


chief foreign correspondent for the BBC B.C.; Banff, Alta.; Pangnirtung, on
Baffin Island; and there is some-
A culture that is stuck in the present thing beautiful and haunting about
is one that can’t solve big problems. the Prairies. Go everywhere.
If you want to plan for the future, if
you want to handle big social and JONATHAN TORRENS, on his top
political challenges, you have to five notable spots to visit with your kids in Canada

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 21
HEALTH

How to get rid of these


unsightly skin growths

Warts and All


BY SA M A N T H A R I D E O U T

! CAUSED BY HUMAN papil-


loma viruses (HPVs) and transmit-
could speed up the process by erod-
ing the wart a little bit at a time.
ted via touch or contaminated sur- Another option is visiting a derma-
faces, warts are so common that tologist, who can administer more
you’re nearly guaranteed to get one aggressive removal methods such as
over the course of your life. hese freezing the wart off with liquid nitro-
small, rough skin growths, which gen, burning it away with an electrical
can show up anywhere, typically charge, or cutting it out with surgical
afect the hands, feet or genitals. tools. These treatments may not be
hey’re usually harmless but can be covered by medical insurance, so find
bothersome and embarrassing. out ahead of time whether you’ll be
VLADIM IR FLOYD/ISTOCKP HOTO

Part of what makes warts so frus- paying out of pocket.


trating is their stubbornness: they can Particularly obstinate warts might
take months or even years to go away respond better to immunotherapies,
on their own—and some never do. If which aim to give the body’s natural
you’re tired of waiting, you could try defences the boost they need to sup-
salicylic acid, which is available in press the virus. For instance, a chem-
over-the-counter treatment kits. It ical such as diphencyprone might be
won’t resolve matters overnight but applied to the affected area to trigger

22 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
a mild reaction and kick the immune See a doctor if a wart is painful, if
system into gear. it bleeds easily or if it changes colour
Until removal is complete, it’s best or appearance—you’ll want to make
to practise “wart etiquette” to avoid sure it isn’t skin cancer.
passing on your infection. Plantar If it is indeed a wart, then it’s
warts, which mostly “just a cosmetic nuis-
affect the soles of the ance,” says Dr. Colm
feet, are caused by viral At least O’Mahony, a member

65%
strains that thrive and of the European Acad-
spread in wet environ- emy of Dermatology
ments; therefore, wear and Venereology. “In
flip-flops or cover your extremely rare cases,
of warts disappear
warts with waterproof a genital wart can
without intervention
tape in locker rooms within two years.
become massive [many
and public pools, as centimetres wide] and
well as the shower. can become cancerous,
Don’t share personal items—socks, but that’s incredibly unlikely.”
towels—that come into contact with Feel free to get your lesions treated
warts. And resist picking at them, if they distress you; otherwise, you
which often helps to propagate the may choose to just get on with life,
underlying viruses. warts and all.

TEST YOUR MEDICAL IQ

Polymorphous light eruption is…


A. a rash triggered by sunlight. C. gas caused by eating too quickly.
B. when acne medication backfires, D. an asthma flare-up due to
worsening an outbreak. volcanic debris in the air.

Answer: A. Polymorphous light eruption is a bumpy or patchy rash that


is triggered by the sun. (It’s an immune-system reaction, not a sunburn.)
It’s most likely to happen after one of your first substantial exposures to
sunlight in a long while and normally clears up within two weeks. Until then,
avoid the sun, cover up with clothing or wear high-SPF sunscreen.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 23
NEWS FROM THE

World of Medicine
BY SA M A N T H A R I D E O U T

Shedding Pounds Can milks and concluded that soy milk


Lead to Same for Partner offers the most nutritional value. In
Working toward a healthy weight may addition to a balanced blend of the
benefit not only you but also your bet- three macronutrients—carbs, pro-
ter half, suggests a recent American teins, and fats—soy also contains iso-
study that tracked 130 couples for six flavones, compounds that may help
months. One person in each pair was prevent hormone-related cancers by
actively trying to shed pounds. Their binding with estrogen receptors.
significant others, who weren’t mak-
ing an intentional effort, nevertheless Herbal Remedies Can Clash
stood a one-in-three chance of losing With Prescriptions
three per cent or more of their body Just because a product is “natural,”
mass—a modest yet meaningful that doesn’t mean it’s always safe. This
change. The lead author described fact was driven home by a review con-
this as a “weight-loss ripple effect,” ducted in South Africa and featured in
explaining that our partners’ lifestyle the British Journal of Clinical Pharma-
habits tend to rub off on us. cology in January. By studying the

CLAI RE BENOI ST; (PROP STYLI ST) JAN INE IVERS EN


medical literature published since
Plant-Based Milks Not All 2001, the researchers found 44 pos-
Equal, It Turns Out sible incidents of adverse drug-herb
Cow’s milk is nutritious for those who interactions; resulting problems
can digest it properly, but around included liver damage, kidney
65 per cent of adults cannot. damage and bleeding. One
Enter plant-based milks, man drowned because a
each variety with its own ginkgo supplement inhib-
pros and cons. ited his anti-seizure med-
Scientists from McGill ication. The key point:
University in Montreal when you get a new pre-
compared the unsweet- scription, tell the doctor
ened versions of soy, or pharmacist about every-
almond, coconut and rice thing else you’re taking.

24 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
IN PARTNERSHIP
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HEALTH

What’s Wrong
With Me?
BY SY D N E Y LO N E Y
ILLUSTRATION BY VICTOR WONG

THE PATIENT: Gavin, a 43-year-old He had bruising over his ribs and
Holstein cattle farmer abdomen, but no bones appeared to
THE SYMPTOMS: Compressed be broken, his blood pressure was
abdomen, vomiting normal and he was lucid enough to
THE DOCTOR: Dr. Stuart Whitelaw, answer questions. After 12 hours of
consultant surgeon, Dumfries and observation, the farmer was worried
Galloway Royal Infirmary, Scotland about his livestock and asked to go
home, but doctors convinced him to
! TEN YEARS AGO, on a frosty
December morning, Gavin was
remain overnight. The next morning,
he began vomiting large amounts of
attempting to deliver a breech calf greenish, small-bowel fluid. Doctors
in a ield on his small farm in south- ordered a second CT scan and dis-
west Scotland. he birth took hours covered a complete obstruction in
and when it was inally over, Gavin his small bowel that hadn’t been
collapsed on the ground—and the visible before.
exhausted cow collapsed on top of An exploratory abdominal opera-
him. Gavin’s cries for help were tion revealed that a loop of the bowel
eventually heard by a neighbouring was trapped by an adhesion, a band
farmer, who attached ropes to his of scar tissue that binds two other tis-
tractor to pull the animal away. sues together that are not normally
Gavin was conscious but in severe attached. Ninety per cent of these
pain. He was transported by heli- occur after abdominal surgery, says
copter to Dumfries inirmary, Dr. Stuart Whitelaw, but they can also
120 kilometres away. be the result of an injury. “It’s likely

26 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
in this case that the patient suffered a together and sent the specimen to
long-forgotten blow to his abdomen the lab. Gavin, meanwhile, made a
in childhood (perhaps falling from a quick recovery and within days was
tree or receiving a punch on the play- back on his farm, attending to the
ground) that led to the development new calf and its mother.
of an adhesion.” A week later, the pathology report
Had the cow not fallen on Gavin, revealed that Gavin had early-stage
the adhesion may never have caused bowel cancer, caused by a genetic
a problem, Whitelaw says. “But the mutation. Fortunately, it had been
cow compressed his abdomen and, caught early. “When removed at
bizarrely, forced the intestine through this stage, the prognosis is very good,
a gap caused by the adhesion.” It was with a 95 per cent five-year survival
a life-threatening prob- rate,” Whitelaw says.
lem. The small bowel Often patients with
would become stran- bowel cancer don’t
gulated, blood flow
While he was have any symptoms
would stop and the inspecting or, by the time they
integrity of the lining
Gavin’s organs, manifest, it’s too late
of the bowel would be because the tumour
compromised. This Dr. Whitelaw is more advanced. “If
could allow bacteria noticed a small the cow hadn’t fallen
into the bloodstream, on him, his diagnosis
leading to septic shock tumour. would have been
and multiple organ fail- delayed, the tumour
ure. That same result would have grown and
could occur if a perforated bowel he might have presented at a later
allows bacteria to leak into the stage when the prospect of a cure
nearby abdominal cavity. was less likely, or even impossible.”
Whitelaw performed an emer- A decade later, Gavin continues
gency operation to divide the adhe- to do well, and the cancer shows no
sion and relieve the obstruction, but sign of recurrence. And, thanks to his
while he was inspecting Gavin’s other diagnosis, his three children can have
organs, he noticed a small tumour on DNA testing to see if they also carry
the patient’s cecum (a pouch at the the cancer gene and require further
beginning of the large bowel). The screening, Whitelaw says. “In the end,
doctor removed the tumour by cut- the farmer saved the cow and the cow
ting out the right side of the large saved the farmer—and potentially his
bowel. He then joined the ends children and their children.”

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 27
COVER STORY

Due to our changing climate,


the parasites are on the rise in Canada—and you
no longer need to be in the wilderness to risk
getting bitten. Here’s what you should know about
taking on the disease-carrying critters.
BY J I L L B U C H N E R
ILLUSTRATIONS BY KYLE METCALF

28 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

HOW TO SPOT A TICK


Unlike insects, which have six legs, ticks are eight-legged arthropods: they have
jointed legs and an exoskeleton, similar to crabs and scorpions. Kateryn Rochon,
assistant professor in veterinary entomology at the University of Manitoba,
suggests looking for the one-piece teardrop-shaped body—this sets ticks apart
from spiders, which have a differentiated abdomen and head. There are about
40 species of ticks in Canada, but luckily only a few typically bite humans.

Blacklegged tick, a.k.a. deer tick American dog tick, a.k.a. wood tick
■black ■ rarely ■ pale
spot near transmits markings
mouth illness on shell

■ black

CC-SCOTT BAUER/USDA, S USAN ELLIS/USDA AP HIS PPQ/ BU GWOOD.ORG ,


legs (adult ■ can
females carry ■ reddish-
are red Lyme brown

CALI FORNIA DEPARTMENT OF PUBLI C HEALTH, ISTOCK PHOTO


and black) disease legs

Very similar to the blacklegged tick Very similar to the American dog tick
is the western blacklegged tick, is the Rocky Mountain wood tick,
found in Western Canada. found in Western Canada.

SIZING UP THE NEW


TICKS* TICK IN TOWN
Recently, there have been reports of ticks that
Nymph (young tick) cause meat allergies showing up in Canada.
poppy seed for comparison
Known as Lone Star ticks, they are native to the
United States. In humans, a bite can lead to a
Male adult twentyfold increase in alpha-gal antibodies—
sesame seed for comparison alpha-gal being a sugar molecule found in red
meat. So the next time you order a steak, you
could have a nasty allergic reaction, from hives
Female to anaphylaxis. Luckily, the species
flaxseed for comparison is rare on this side of the border—
the few ticks that have arrived
in Eastern Canada and
*Ticks that are engorged Ontario probably hitched
with blood are larger. a ride on migratory birds.

30 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
RISING
TEMPERATURES,
RISING
POPULATIONS
Tick populations have been expanding THERE
for the past few decades, even infiltrat- COULD
BE TICKS
ing northern Saskatchewan, the city of HERE!
Yellowknife and larger urban centres
such as Toronto. Tick dragging in that
city’s Rouge Valley area in 2017 came TICK
up with 122 of the blacklegged variety,
63 of which tested positive for the bac-
TERRITORY
You’re likely to find ticks in deciduous
teria that cause Lyme disease. Climate forests where they can hide in moist
change has a lot to do with the surge, leaf litter and be protected from
says David Lieske, associate professor drying out in the hot sun. However,
at Mount Allison University in Sack- though there tend to be more ticks in
ville, N.B. Lieske co-authored a 2018 rural areas, populations can establish
themselves in city parks, in treed lots
study published in Ticks and Tick- and along trails—anywhere there’s
Borne Diseases about the prevalence vegetation and wildlife, says Rochon.
of blacklegged ticks in New Brunswick They’ll perch on blades of grass or
and found that mild winters and more low shrubs, where they can attach
precipitation led to a growing popula- to people or animals brushing past.
To find out if Lyme disease–
tion. While ticks might die during a
carrying ticks live near you, go to
cold, dry season, snow cover with an canada.ca/lymedisease and click
overlay of leaves provides the insula- on “Risks” to find problem areas
tion they need to survive and lay eggs. listed by province.

DIY TRACKING
A computer science student from the University of
Sherbrooke in Quebec is behind Detectick, an app A single
that lets users take a photo of a biting critter and tick can lay
then gives a percentage likelihood that it’s a tick.
Scott Weese, a professor at the Ontario Veterinary THOUSANDS OF
ISTOC K PHOTO

College at the University of Guelph, created Pet Tick


Tracker, an online tool that solicits input from users
to identify ticks on pets. This can help researchers
track when and where ticks are being found.
EGGS!
rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 31
READER’S DIGEST

7 WAYS TO BUG SPRAY


PROTECT BASICS
YOURSELF DEET repels ticks for two to 10
1. Wear closed-toed shoes hours, with higher concentra-
and tuck your pants into tions protecting for longer. Ten
your socks. per cent DEET—the strongest
2. Gather your shirt into concentration recommended
your pants to keep ticks for kids 12 and under—
from climbing up and shouldn’t be relied on for
getting to your skin. more than an hour or two.
Icaridin repels for up to
3. Wear light colours so
eight hours and is safe for kids
you can spot ticks on your
clothing and flick them off. starting at six months of age. A concen-
tration of 20 per cent is most effective.
4. Coat yourself with bug
repellent, especially from
the thighs down, where
ticks typically attach.
5. Consider investing in
tick-repellent clothing,
which is pre-treated
with repellent that lasts
through washing.
6. When you get home,
throw your clothes in
the dryer on high for 10
minutes to kill any ticks. CAN YOU FEEL
7. Shower. Rochon says A TICK BITE?
people who bathe shortly When a tick bites, you likely won’t
after a hike are less likely notice anything. The tick’s saliva con-
to get a tick-borne illness.
tains a numbing anaesthetic, as well
The water and scrubbing
ISTOC K PHOTO

removes ticks that haven’t as an antihistamine that prevents


attached yet and those itchiness and swelling until the tick
that are too small to get has finished feeding. Afterward, the
a grip. bite site may be itchy.

32 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
4 PLACES
TO CHECK
HOW TO TICK- YOURSELF
PROOF YOUR… FOR TICKS
Once indoors,
YARD strip down and
■ Mow your lawn frequently so ticks have fewer
places to hide. pay close attention
■ Rake. Ticks love to take shelter under dry leaves. to these spots:
■ Get rid of tall grasses or brush at the edge of your
lawn and replace them with a border of gravel or
1. Your armpits,
wood chips, which will keep ticks from travelling over. behind your knees
■ Put a fence around your vegetable garden to keep and in the groin
out deer (favourite hosts of blacklegged ticks). area. Ticks thrive in
KIDS warm, moist places
Children are particularly at risk for tick bites that are rich in
because of their daily outdoor playtime. blood vessels.
■ Protect them with tick checks and proper clothing.
■ Opt for play areas that are away from long 2. At the base of
grasses or brush. your ponytail and
■ When installing play structures, avoid the edge
even under your
of wooded areas and construct a gravel border.
belt, as ticks enjoy
DOGS being in tight, pres-
Canines can contract Lyme disease and bring ticks surized areas.
into the house that might bite other family mem-
bers. (Take comfort, cat lovers: felines rarely get 3. At your hairline
tick-borne diseases.) and at the back of
■ Check your pet for ticks if you’re in a Lyme hotspot.
Troye McPherson, president of the Canadian Veterin-
your neck.
ary Medical Association, has treated a Yorkshire 4. In small crevices,
terrier that contracted Lyme disease without ever such as between
leaving its yard.
■ Talk to your vet about getting a prescription for
your toes, in or
an oral medication for protecting against ticks, behind your ears
suggests McPherson. Two of her own dogs have and in your belly
contracted Lyme in the past, so the vet now has button.
ISTOCK P HOTO

her pets on the monthly pill.


■ If your dog won’t take pills, try a tick collar,
which works topically to repel and kill ticks.
■ For added protection, ask your vet about an
annual vaccine against Lyme disease.
5 MYTHS
ABOUT TICKS
1. IF A TICK BITES YOU, YOU CAN SMOTHER IT.
The only really suitable removal procedure involves
tweezers. Attempting to burn or suffocate a tick can
actually stress it and cause a greater release of saliva.
2. IT’S DANGEROUS TO LEAVE THE HEAD
✔ Do use BEHIND WHEN YOU REMOVE A TICK.
If a piece is left in your skin, it’s likely the mouth—ticks
tweezers to don’t have separate heads. Wash your skin with soap
remove a tick, and water, and if the mouth doesn’t come out easily,
grasping the don’t worry—it will work its way out on its own.
tick as close 3. ALL TICKS CARRY LYME.
to the bite site In Canada, blacklegged ticks are thought to be the
as possible. only ones that have the bacteria that cause Lyme,
and not all of them are carriers.
✘ Don’t delay. 4. AS SOON AS A CARRIER BITES YOU,
If you’re in YOU’VE GOT LYME.
the wilderness It takes at least 24 to 36 hours to transmit the bac-
and without teria, so if the tick has been attached for only a few
minutes or hours, you won’t develop an infection.
tweezers, use
your fingers if 5. YOU NEED A BULL’S EYE RASH FOR
you must. A DIAGNOSIS OF LYME DISEASE.
Up to 80 per cent of patients will get a rash at
the site of the bite, but it only sometimes looks
✘ Don’t twist like a bull’s eye.
as you remove.
Pull directly up.

✔ Do clean
ISTOCK P HOTO

the site of the


bite with soap
and water.
34 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
LYME DISEASE:
A PRIMER
THESE ARE THE TICK-BORNE I’VE FOUND A TICK.
ILLNESSES YOU CAN CONTRACT NOW WHAT?
IN CANADA.
Remove the tick.
Lyme disease is an inflammatory condi-
tion caused by strains of Borrelia bacte-
ria, carried by blacklegged ticks. It’s the
most common tick-related illness, and it
often comes with a rash, as well as fever,
Place it in a sealed container.
nausea and muscle and joint pain.

Babesiosis is caused by the microscopic


parasite Babesia microti, which can be
carried by blacklegged ticks. The para-
site infects red blood cells, causing fevers, Submit the tick for testing.
chills, headaches and fatigue. More severe
cases can lead to jaundice, anemia and
shortness of breath.

Human granulocytic anaplasmosis is


spread by blacklegged ticks carrying the
bacterium Anaplasma phagocytophilum.
It attacks white blood cells and leads to HOW TO
fever, chills, headaches and muscle aches.

Rocky Mountain spotted fever, mostly


TEST A TICK
confined to the southern U.S., can be
Go to canada.ca/lymedis-
transmitted by an infected American ease and click “Removing
dog tick or Rocky Mountain wood and submitting ticks for
tick. It typically shows up with a fever,
headache, nausea and then a rash.
testing” to find instructions
on what you need to do
Powassan is a tick-borne virus that can
be transmitted by the blacklegged tick
before contacting your local
but is extremely rare—only 21 cases have public health unit. Testing
ever been reported in Canada. Some won’t help with your own
ISTOCK P HOTO

people don’t develop any symptoms, diagnosis, but it will inform


while others have a fever, headache,
vomiting or even inflammation of the surveillance of where ticks
brain and meningitis. and Lyme are spreading.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 35
READER’S DIGEST

GETTING A
DIAGNOSIS
If you have Lyme
symptoms and
have been bitten
by a tick or visited
an area where
Lyme carriers
live, your doctor THE TREATMENT
may diagnose When you’re diagnosed, a doctor will
you with the ill- prescribe the antibiotic doxycycline for
ness. There is a 10 to 21 days to kill off the bacteria. “It’s
blood test that a very effective treatment,” says Mary
can confirm a Southall, a public health nurse on the
Lyme infection, communicable disease team at KFL&A
but because it Public Health in Kingston. But, she says,
takes four to six if you continue to have symptoms after
weeks for evi- that, follow up with your doctor.
dence of the bac- If you’ve just been bitten by a tick in an
area where Lyme is endemic and believe
teria to show up the carrier has been attached for at least
in your blood, 24 to 36 hours, see your doctor even
physicians won’t before you show signs of illness. Your
wait if there are doctor may prescribe 200 milligrams of
other signs of doxycycline as a preventive measure.
the illness.

LIVING WITH LYME


Typically, if Lyme is caught and treated early,

987
Number of cases of
Lyme disease reported
patients will recover fully. But if you miss the
initial signs, the disease can progress for
months after the initial bite and bring on symp-
toms such as headaches, weakness and fatigue.
When the illness remains untreated, the result-
in Canada in 2016,
ing inflammation can lead to extreme fatigue,
up from 144 in 2009.
arthritis and long-term neurological problems,
including palsy, says Southall.

36 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
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cider vinegar and banana peels

6
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health hazards at rd.ca/poisonivy

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TO MINERAL
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rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 37
Jed the
basset hound,
photographed at
home in Toronto on
March 29, 2018.
HEART

How to
Speak
to My
Dog
A lesson in respecting
elderly canines—
and their owners
BY JA N E T M AC L E O D F R O M T H E G LO BE AN D MAI L
PHOTOGRAPH BY JASON GORDON

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 39
READER’S DIGEST

Among willful hounds, answering to


“Hi, old timer!”
said the man in the park. He had bent
one’s name is a bit of a novelty.
Jed came into our lives when he
down to pat my dog, who is an excep- was four years old as part of a pack-
tionally handsome basset hound age deal that included two cats. Jim,
named Jed. my partner, and I had seen his photo
“Hey, buddy,” the man murmured on an adoption website, had fallen in
happily, as he clamped his meaty hands love with his freckled snout and
on either side of my dog’s head and decided we should meet. The caption
wiggled his soft, floppy ears. Jed sighed under his picture described a “small”
with contentment. Finally, the man basset hound (he’s not) who doesn’t
looked up to address me. “So how long shed (he does) and his two beloved
do these guys live?” cats (they hate each other) who must
I shouldn’t have been surprised, all stay together.
and yet I always am. This question is Jim and I almost got knocked over
brought up almost daily and it never by the 60-pound dog who greeted us
fails to rankle. Usually it comes from a at the animals’ former home. Jed came
well-meaning person who admires skidding over to Jim, gazed up at him
canines but clearly doesn’t own one. with soulful brown eyes and arched
People who have dogs would never ask one caramel-coloured brow. Then he
such a thing. To inquire about my pet’s wiped his slobber on my pant leg,
mortality is akin to approaching some- barked loudly and chased a screeching
one sitting on a bench with their cat down the hall. Slightly shell-
granny and saying, “What’s the lifes- shocked, we agreed to become the
pan of this old gal?” new foster family for this crew of crea-
Of course I think about how old Jed tures. But once they were under our
is. I think about it all the time. The roof, we knew that Jed (and the cats)
thought is a small, dark cloud hovering wouldn’t be leaving.
over my head, and I am constantly
pushing it away. AS FIRST-TIME pet owners, we did
Jed is 13 years old and he’s going have some adjustments to make. The
grey. He walks quite slowly, which isn’t hound, in particular, was a challenge.
unusual for bassets, except that it’s a For a short dog, Jed is capable of large
little leisurely even for him. Also, he’s antics. We soon learned that he will
almost completely deaf. When I call eat birthday cupcakes (with or with-
him, he can’t always hear it—or he out candles) and that he will leap into
may be ignoring me to smell a daisy a swimming pool (even though he
instead. This, too, isn’t that remarkable. cannot swim). Jed will set his own

40 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
pace for our walks, going from saun- His bed is beside ours, and that’s where
ter to jet-speed at the sight of a pigeon. we want him.
While his clip has slowed these days, Initially, he chose to sleep between
he’s still pretty bouncy, incredibly cute us. We know this is bad behaviour, so
and easily the most popular member to encourage him to behave even more
of our family. badly, we put a bench at the end of the
Unfortunately, the place he holds in bed to help him up. A few years later
our hearts isn’t obvious to everyone. we added a second, lower bench to
“So,” continued the man in the park, make the climb even easier. But now
relentlessly, “he’s pretty old, huh?” he’s decided we’re crowding him and
“No, you’re pretty old!” is what I he sleeps in his own bed, located at
wanted to say. But I didn’t. I bit my the foot of our own.
tongue in the same way I do when The point is, we are a family and it’s
faced with similarly insensitive com- rude to ask people how long their fam-
ments. Things like, “Looks like his days ily members are going to live.
are numbered” or “Do you think you’re So I lie. When people say that my
going to have to carry him home?” dog looks really old, I opt for decep-
tion. Last week, I told someone that
TO BE FAIR, not everybody is so Jed was prematurely grey. I informed
inconsiderate. Some people, realizing another passerby that my dog was 27
they’re in the presence of an excep- in people years. A third nosy individ-
tional dog, will compliment his fine ual was advised that bassets have an
physique, his perky gait or his shiny exceptionally long life span. The truth
coat. His bark, I might add, is also is they don’t, but if I were to think
quite impressive. Then they will say about a life without my sweet friend I
how wonderfully he is doing “for an would start to cry.
old guy” and how we must be doing Recently, when yet another stranger
something right. said my dog looked old, I wanted to
Darn tootin’ we are! When we bought punch him in the head. Instead, I just
our current home in 2013, we did so nodded and said that basset hounds
specifically because it’s only one level. always look that way and they always
Bassets, for those who don’t know, are dawdle at their leisure. Then the man
shaped like giant hot dogs, and going asked how long Jed was going to live.
up and down stairs is hard on their “Forever!” I replied, as though the
spines. We would never allow Jed to answer was obvious. And we slowly
be separated from us by a staircase. walked away.

© 2018, JANET M AC LEOD. FROM THE GLOBE AND MAIL (JANUARY 29, 2018), THEGLOBEANDMAIL.COM

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 41
DRAMA IN REAL LIFE

When two young boys get sucked out


to sea off Florida’s Panhandle,
dozens of beachgoers must band
together to save their lives

TT
K BURNE
BY D E R E
DY CK
JO NATH AN
TI ON BY
IL LU ST RA

42 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

T
 
HE STORY BEGINS back to shore and can barely graze the
on July 8, 2017, in sandy bottom with their feet.
Florida’s hard-work-
and-cold-beer Pan- AFTER A FEW MINUTES, it becomes
handle. Members of clear that they are all trapped in a rip
the Ursrey family, current. Rips move perpendicularly
eight in total, are to the shoreline and can quickly
enjoying an evening together at the exhaust swimmers who try to fight
beach. At around 7:30 p.m., as the sun them; the National Oceanic and
sinks lower, the two boys—Noah, 11, Atmospheric Administration reports
and Stephen, 8—take their boogie that 93 people drowned in these flows
boards and wade into the waves with- in 2017. Safety experts warn against
out the grown-ups noticing. When the fighting the pull and advise that any-
kids are about 65 metres from shore, one trapped in a rip should swim par-
they realize that the ocean has tugged allel to shore until finally exiting its
them out to sea. After trying hard and deadly belt—or float calmly to pre-
failing to paddle back in, they start wav- serve energy if exiting isn’t possible.
ing and screaming for help. But the The women try swimming, but no
lifeguards have clocked out for the eve- matter which way they move, they’re
ning. There’s a yellow flag flying, indi- still stuck.
cating caution, but most of the regu- Brittany, who has eight-year-old Ste-
lars were scarcely paying attention to phen, is petite and struggling to keep
the warning. her head above water. Panicking, she
The boys have been struggling for releases the boy and makes a frantic
several minutes when Brittany and push for safety. By now, some teen-
Tabatha Monroe, a married couple agers have heard the commotion. One
from Georgia, stroll by. They don’t of them, a boy who is tall enough to
see Stephen and Noah at first, but keep his feet on the ocean floor, dashes
they hear them. “If someone yells for into the water, grabs Brittany and
help, I’m going to try to help if I can,” hauls her back to shore.
Tabatha says. Meanwhile, Tabatha can feel herself
The two women leap into the ocean being pulled further out. She is tread-
and easily reach the brothers, who are ing water, already exhausted and begin-
still in water less than six feet deep. ning to despair now that she’s trying to
The women reassure the frightened save both boys alone. The waves keep
boys and grab their boogie boards— plunging her underwater as the two
then discover that they, too, are in boys bob next to her, holding their
trouble. They can’t make any progress boogie boards.

44 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Onshore, Brittany is hysterical. Shaun
Jernigan is heading back to his car but
stops. “What’s wrong?” he asks her.
“My wife is drowning!” Brittany says.
Shaun, a hulking house framer from
Georgia, looks out and sees the trio of
heads through the waves. He immedi-
ately strides into the water. A year ago,
Shaun had been caught in a rip cur-
rent in this very spot and narrowly
escaped drowning. The feeling of the
ocean lapping about his nose and ears
is familiar—uncomfortably so. Still, he
wades out as deep as he dares, up to
his chin.
Four metres still lie between him and
Tabatha and the boys. She’s screaming
for help, and while it’s painful to aban-
A family day at the beach turned
don them, he knows that if he contin-
terrifying for Stephen Ursrey (left),
ues, he’ll become another victim. He and his brother, Noah.
turns around.
“Please don’t leave me,” Tabatha sprints into the water, fighting the waves
pleads. “I’m fixing to die!” to get to her sons and the stranger who
“I’m not leaving,” Shaun answers. is trying to save them.
“I’ll be right back.” “I’m going to help you,” Roberta
says. She seizes the boys’ boards and
IT’S AROUND THIS TIME, about starts kicking for shore but quickly dis-
15 minutes into the rescue, that Roberta covers what others had before her. It is
Ursrey, the boys’ mother, returns from nearly impossible to make headway in
the bathroom and looks for her chil- any direction.
COURTESY ROBERTA URS REY

dren. She is shocked to see them float- By now, people on the beach have
ing with their boards much further out begun to notice the stranded group,
than they’re allowed to go. She hol- though the gravity of the situation isn’t
lers at them to come ashore, and they entirely clear. A few yards away, an
scream through tears that they’re stuck. Asian couple are treading water and
She can’t make out what they’re saying trying to inflate a child’s ring-shaped
but can tell that they’re upset, so she flotation device. They likely came out
flings her phone onto the sand and to help the boys, but when Roberta

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 45
READER’S DIGEST

“Don’t come out here!” Roberta says.


“We’re gonna drown.”
He moves toward them anyway.
“Give me one of the boys,” he tells his
aunt. Roberta can’t bring herself to
relinquish either of her children. Justin
finally persuades her to give him
11-year-old Noah and sets out to tow
him on his boogie board toward shore.
But Justin, too, learns that he’s no
match for the force of the water.

FORTUNATELY, MORE HELP is on the


way. Shaun Jernigan has told his
daughter to call 911 and has returned
to the water’s edge. He’s frantically
searching for a rope or other lifesaving
equipment when he sees a man run-
Brittany (left) and Tabatha Monroe
ning toward the water. He tries to stop
were the first to try to save the boys.
him. “Don’t go out there!” Shaun says.
tries talking to them, she runs into a “We’re trying to get them out!” But the
language barrier. Just beyond them boys’ father, Bryan Ursrey, charges in
is a young man on a surfboard who is anyway. “That’s my family out there!”
attempting to catch waves. Tabatha and he says.
Roberta scream to him for help—they Shaun spots two police officers and
know that if they could all cling to the rushes to them. The officers not only
surfboard, they would survive until a refuse to help but also attempt to stop
rescue boat comes. But the surfer mis- him and any other would-be rescuers
understands, laughs and paddles away. from entering the water. (Deputy Police
Roberta sees her grown nephew, Chief Chad Lindsey later explains in a
COURTESY TABATHA M ONROE

Justin Hayward, surface nearer to the televised interview that the officers
shore. He’d been exploring the shal- thought it was too risky to let anyone
lows underwater, oblivious to what swim out to the boys.) Shaun ignores
was going on further out. He can see them and instead flags down a few
now that his aunt and cousins are in other beachgoers, and together they
trouble. Even though he broke his start to wade in.
hand playing football just a week To keep from losing their footing in
before, he swims hard for the boys. the current, they hold on to one

46 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
another, and that gives them an idea: Derek grabs Noah’s board from Jus-
why not form a human chain extend- tin, who has been trying desperately to
ing from the beach out to the swim- get his young cousin over to the chain,
mers? As long as the furthest link in part by plunging beneath the waves
stays connected to those whose feet to “walk” over the ocean floor while
are firmly planted in the sand, they’ll holding the boogie board over his head.
be safe.
Of course, that will require more
links—probably dozens of them. Shaun
calls to Derek and Jessica Simmons, “YOU JUST HEARD
a local married couple in their 20s, THE CHAIN, ‘PULL!
and they start rallying the folks who PULL!’ ALL THE
have been watching the drama with WAY BACK TO
passive concern. “Don’t just stand THE BEACH,” SAYS
there!” Derek yells. “There’s got to be DEREK SIMMONS.
some hope left for humanity in some
of you!”
Then the most astonishing thing “I was telling the boy, ‘Everything is
happens: one by one, link by link, total going to be all right. Just stay on your
strangers wade into the waves and board,’” Derek says. At one point, Noah
grasp one another by the wrists. falls off, and Justin grabs him by his
trunks and hauls him back up. “As
JESSICA SIMMONS IS an unusually soon as I got him to the end of the
strong swimmer for her small size. As chain, where Shaun was, it was like
her husband continues to recruit res- lightning. Shaun started passing him
cuers, she grabs two boogie boards back, and you just heard the chain:
and heads out past the still-forming ‘Pull! Pull!’ All the way back to the
line to see how she can help. When she beach. Everybody on the beach pulling
reaches the end of the chain, she sees them in.” It takes only a minute or so
that it’s still at least six metres shy of for the chain to ferry him to the beach.
the group of swimmers. A tall man at Jessica has been helping little Ste-
the end of the chain says to her, “Do phen make his way over to the chain,
you think you could get them close which is now some 70 volunteers
enough to where we could grab them?” strong, and when he reaches it, he, too,
“Yeah, I can do that,” Jessica says. is whisked ashore.
When she turns around, she sees her Next comes Roberta, who is so
husband swimming just behind her. “I exhausted that she blacks out just as
couldn’t leave you out here,” Derek says. Jessica helps her connect with the

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 47
READER’S DIGEST

careful of his broken hand. Derek


swims up to assist. By now, Barbara
has become delirious and incoherent.
Finally realizing the gravity of the
situation, the surfer has returned and
given his board to the Asian couple. “I
just remember saying, ‘God, give me
the strength to get this lady up on that
surfboard or we’re both gonna die
today,’” Derek says. “And it was just like
a burst of energy I had. I picked her up
and I just chucked her in the middle of
Barbara Franz (left), shown here with this couple who were hanging on to
her daughter, Roberta Ursrey, spent the board. And that’s where she stayed
several days in the hospital.
until we got probably three metres
chain. The people pass along Roberta’s from the chain, and then there was
limp body, one link to the next, and another boogie board. We transferred
deposit her on the beach. It will be five her onto that.”
minutes before she wakes up. As it Somehow Justin swims to the end of
turns out, that was a blessing, consid- the chain to add a link and ensure that
ering what’s happening to her mother his grandmother is taken ashore.
out in the ocean. When the man next to him grabs his
injured hand, Justin hears the bones
BARBARA FRANZ, 69, saw her two rebreaking. The man recoils but Justin
grandsons struggling and swam into reassures him that it’s okay.
the danger—despite the fact that she’d Moments later, they shuttle the Asian
had two heart attacks in the past two couple down the chain, and Justin and
months. Within minutes, the water a stranger carry Barbara onto the beach.
overwhelmed her. She’s still out there She appears lifeless but a moment later
when Roberta and the boys are brought begins vomiting seawater. (Barbara
COURTESY ROBERTA URS REY

to shore. In fact, she doesn’t realize spent a few days in the hospital and
they have been rescued as her body months recovering from what turned
continues to fail her. out to be a third heart attack.)
Justin struggles to float his grand-
mother along on a boogie board, but FORTY MINUTES INTO the rescue,
she keeps flopping off. Over and over, everyone is ashore except for Tabatha,
the waves hit them, she goes under, who flounders about six metres from
and Justin brings her back up, being the end of the chain, and the boys’ dad,

48 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Bryan. Tabatha is beyond exhausted, her the last few metres to the chain,
beyond despairing. which zips her back to the beach. In
“Hold on, baby girl,” Bryan tells her. the meantime, Bryan manages to find
“I got you.” Again and again he digs the his footing and wades in on his own
tips of his toes into the sand and tosses steam. Everyone, miraculously, has
her forward—and again and again, the made it.
sea undoes his feeble progress.
THE VAST MAJORITY of the rescuers
from that day remain anonymous: the
teen who helped Brittany ashore, the
THERE’S A GREAT lanky young man who swam Tabatha
SCRAMBLING IN THE in, the Asian couple. Each deserves to
SURF, AND THE be celebrated—but won’t be. This hum-
CHAIN FORMS AGAIN, bles the Ursreys almost beyond words.
ALIGNED TO “There were people there who didn’t
RESCUE TABATHA. know how to swim whatsoever, and
they were up to their necks in water,
holding on to other people,” says Bryan.
Shaun and the others in the human “It didn’t matter what colour you
chain see what’s happening, and the were, what age you were. People
shout goes out to move the rescue stopped what they were doing. They
operation down the beach, closer to got off their phones, tablets, whatever,
where Tabatha has drifted. There is a and helped my family out of the water,”
great scrambling in the surf, and a he says.
moment later the chain forms again, “Those people on that beach that
aligned to rescue Tabatha. day were angels on earth,” says Roberta.
A fresh swimmer splashes up to her. “Whether it’s the first person or the
“Come on—grab my arm,” he says. last person in that chain, they were
Tabatha reaches for him and he tugs our heroes.”

VANTAGE POINT

I always thought that “thriving” would come when everything


was perfect, and what I learned is that it’s actually
down in the mess that things get good.
J O A N N A G A I N E S , HGTV host

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 49
INSPIRATION

Master
Chef
How Jean Paré,
author of the
Company’s Coming
BY K R I ST Y WO U D ST R A
books, taught our
FROM THE WALRUS
country to cook
COURTESY OF GRAN T LOVIG; (P HOTO-I LLUSTRATION) GERRI T DE JONGE

SIX YEARS LATER, Gail Lovig still Just as Paré showed her daughter
remembers the afternoon her mom tricks for achieving perfect pastry that
taught her how to make pie crust. day, she helped a generation of Cana-
Lovig laid out the required ingredients dians learn how to cook and bake. She
in her kitchen in Fanny Bay, B.C., while launched Company’s Coming Publish-
her mother—who happens to be Jean ing Limited with her bestselling cook-
Paré, of Company’s Coming cookbook book 150 Delicious Squares in 1981 from
fame—perched on a stool nearby, a her home in Vermilion, Alta. By the time
glass of white wine in hand. When she Paré hung up her apron 30 years later,
was ready, Lovig looked at her mother she’d won numerous awards, authored
and said, “Okay, tell me what to do.” and self-published more than 200
Paré had always made pies for get- books (which have collectively sold
togethers, so Lovig had never felt the more than 30 million copies) and estab-
need to make her own. But as Paré got lished herself as one of the most suc-
older, her daughter wanted to carry on cessful cookbook authors in the world.
the tradition. “It’s food, it’s connection One of Paré’s great insights was see-
to your family,” reflects Lovig, now 60. ing the potential in “a book about bars

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 51
READER’S DIGEST

and squares,” says fellow Canadian- best. You often put your name on it,
cookbook author Elizabeth Baird. that’s how proud you were.”
“She had an eye for what people really Judy Schultz, the Edmonton Journal’s
wanted, and she did a good job in giv- food writer for 26 years, also wrote the
ing it to them.” Paré’s books looked biography Jean Paré: An Appetite for
and felt like heartwarming instruction Life. In it, Schultz describes Paré’s vora-
manuals, with knee-slapping puns cious appetite for reading and collect-
and colourful photos of comfort food ing any and all recipe books, and her
scattered throughout. “particular fondness for community
During her reign, Paré—who turned cookbooks…anything written by those
90 last December—became an archiv- homemaking women she considered
ist of Canadian cooking traditions, to be the real cooks in North America,
preserving and interpreting recipes and indeed everywhere else she trav-
she collected. But even as she became elled in the world.”
a Canadian tradition herself, she never The Company’s Coming titles were a
abandoned one of her most treasured vital addition to the Canadian culinary
sources of inspiration: the community canon, says Kathryn Harvey, head of
cookbook. “She wasn’t trying to be a archival and special collections at the
fancy-pants,” says Baird. “She was just University of Guelph’s library, where
being honest in the way she was.” Paré donated 6,700 recipe books from
her personal library in 2009. “When you
IN THE FIRST HALF of the 20th century, think of published cookbooks, you tend
most of our country’s home cooks to think they are more aspirational, that
didn’t own many cookbooks. (Paré they don’t really tell you what a com-
only had two when she first married in munity or society ate,” she says. “Com-
1946.) But they didn’t lack recipes. pany’s Coming was an empire, yet it
They relied on ones clipped from mag- had the feel of community cookbooks.”
azines, handwritten by loved ones and Paré’s books also evoke her own
pulled from the community cookbooks practicality, down to the original
that have been curated across North series’s telltale spiral bindings, which
America since the late 1800s. allow the books to stay open as cooks
“These local cookbooks were often measure, stir and pour. Having raised
about fundraising for your church or four kids largely on her own, Lovig
the war effort, and what they ended up says, Paré understood that sometimes
being was this amazing collection of it was necessary to prepare good food,
recipes,” says Toronto-based culinary fast. Why worry about making a sauce
historian Elizabeth Driver. “You’d only from scratch if a can of creamed soup
give a recipe that you thought was your worked in a pinch? And who needed

52 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
to peel and mince fresh garlic for a skill level, to succeed. A photo of her
weekday dinner when powdered was calm, reassuring face appeared on the
ready to go in the cupboard? back of her books, as though she was
Each of her themed titles, from Any- saying, “You’ve got this. I’m here with
time Casseroles to Most Loved Pies to you.” Readers loved her for it, sending
Adding Vegetables to Everyday Meals, her thousands of letters to thank her
offers simple recipes made with ingred- for simplifying their lives. She kept
ients that could be found even in every single piece of correspondence
rural areas. As the brand grew and and wrote each person back, by hand.
Paré moved her test kitchen and office When Paré received the Order of
to Edmonton, she still insisted on tast- Canada in 2004, she was perplexed.
ing every dish herself. “Why would they give me this?” she
“There’s a reason why [Company’s asked her daughter. But to Lovig the
Coming] did so well,” says recipe answer was clear: her mother made
developer Annabelle Waugh, who has cooking accessible for readers who
contributed to Canadian Living pub- might otherwise be intimidated.
lications. “When you put out 200 cook- Paré has applied that same humility
books, it’s because you’ve built up an and practicality to planning for her
incredible trust relationship with your funeral, telling her children to keep the
reader, and I think that speaks more service simple, no longer than 20 min-
to her style than anything.” utes. When the family discussed where
to hold it, in Vermilion or Edmonton,
AS OPPOSED TO GLOSSY books with Lovig stressed the importance of choos-
complicated recipes and hard-to-find ing a location big enough to accommo-
ingredients, or even today’s more pol- date everyone—just the Company’s
ished guides to home cookery (think Coming staff and their spouses will
Rachael Ray or Delia Smith), Paré’s amount to a couple hundred people.
guides look like the community recipe “She looked at me in disbelief,” Lovig
collections that inspired her. She says laughing. “Like she can’t imagine
wanted her readers, no matter their anyone wanting to even come.”
© 2017, KRISTY WOUDSTRA. FROM THE WALRUS (NOVEMBER 13, 2017), THEWALRUS.CA

FINANCIAL REPORT

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.
@COLLEGESTUDENT

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 53
As Kids See It

“This looks like more fun than taking a bath.”

PLEASE DO NOT compare your dog WHEN MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD daugh-


problems to parenting. Your dog ter came home from school on the
cannot say your name 3,258 times bus, I muted the work conference
in a day. @PERFECTPENDING call I was on to ask about her day.
She responded, “Shhh! Go back to
CONA N D E VRIES

WHILE TAKING MY SON for a walk work! I have a list of things I want
around the park, he told me I had to you to buy me with the money
carry him. When I asked why, he said, you’re making.”
“My feet are bored.” women.com KAYLA REYES, h u f f i n g t o n p o s t . c o m

54 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
TODDLER: (Getting ready to jump off
the bed.)
AND ONE FOR THE KIDS
WIFE (to me): Do something!
ME: (Takes phone out to record it.) Q: How did the lagoon greet
WIFE: Do something else! his sibling?
@IWEARAONESIE A: “Oasis!” @IanDown1996

WE TOLD OUR KIDS that we are no


THE BABY JUST discovered
longer saying “shut up” because it
the footrest release on the recliner.
sounds mean and can hurt people’s
So if you need me, I’ll be here
feelings. So our kids are getting cre-
doing hamstring curls for the next
ative. Our nine-year-old daughter
seven hours.
was talking and talking, and our six-
ANDREW KNOTT, w r i t e r
year-old son couldn’t take it anymore
and said, “Silence, you peasant!”
I WAS DRIVING my three-year-old
CANDY AND ERIK CISNEROS,
huffingtonpost.ca
granddaughter, Nevaeh, to daycare
one morning after a heavy snowfall.
I said to her, “Everything is so white
FIVE-YEAR-OLD (glares at me): My
Grandma doesn’t even know where
shoe doesn’t fit.
the road is.” She innocently replied,
ME: You grew. How is that my fault?
“Grandma, it’s under the snow.”
FIVE-YEAR-OLD: You fed me.
BONNIE GRONNING, Ho u s t o n , B . C .
@XPLODINGUNICORN

THE BAD THING about the baby


ONE SUNDAY AT church, I requested
napping in my room is that I can’t get
that the pastor bless my six- and
dressed or grab the dirty laundry.
seven-year-old granddaughters dur-
The good thing about the baby nap-
ing the Holy Communion. When it
ping in my room is that I can’t get
was their turn, the pastor asked the
dressed or grab the dirty laundry.
younger one if she would like to
@BETSYK1
receive the host. Apparently she had
seen the pastor dipping the host
into the chalice of wine, because Want to wake up to a $50 cheque in
your mailbox? Send us your stories! If
she replied, “Yes, please, but with- your kids make us laugh, you could win
out the sauce.” big. For details on how to submit an
MARGARET CHEE, R i c h m o n d , B . C . anecdote, see page 10 or visit rd.ca/joke.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 55
LIFE LESSON

Creating positive change in your life


and in your community might hinge on
how well you can check your cynicism

The

Bright
Side BY SA R A H B A R M A K ILLUSTRATION BY WENTING LI

AS AN UNDERGRADUATE in his early “I realized people weren’t really


20s, Christopher McKinnon often approaching the issues with a deep
attended political protests. In 1999 and level of analysis; they were just arguing
the early 2000s, he went to Toronto and fighting,” he says. “I felt powerless
rallies in support of anti-globalization and thought, ‘I can’t possibly change
actions worldwide, such as the World anything. The world is just a mess.’”
Trade Organization protests in Seattle. It’s understandable that one could
Instead of being filled with hope by view humanity as being on an irrevers-
these actions, however, after a few ibly wrong path. News headlines are
years he became skeptical when he dominated by school shootings, accel-
saw what little progress was being erated climate change, threats to demo-
made both in the political sphere and cratic institutions, economic and racial
within his own communities. inequality, and gridlocked government.

56 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

If anything is guaranteed to make this new awareness get you down so


things worse, however, it’s checking much that you’re paralyzed. Instead,
out and giving up. Thankfully, there you should recognize it as the first move
are ways to keep caring and even main- towards solving the problem.
tain a positive outlook.
Focus on the positive
Unlock your critical Some who succumb to negative expect-
thinking ations do so because they think that
Gallup surveys in the United States constantly preparing for the worst
show that trust in institutions such as insulates them against it. Research has
government and the medical system shown that the opposite may be true,
has been declining precipitously since however. In 2014, a University of
the 1970s. While our country hasn’t Eastern Finland study reported that
seen as much of a drop, in 2014 only agreeing with statements such as “it’s
38 per cent of Canadians surveyed by safer to trust nobody” correlated with
Statistics Canada expressed confidence being almost three times more likely
in the federal Parliament. to develop dementia. And two years
But as McKinnon’s story shows, later, researchers at the University of
gloominess about the state of the Cologne in Germany discovered that
world can actually be a sign that you people earned 230 euros less per
have—or had—high standards for month after nine years of holding
something you care about and you’ve cynical views.
become discouraged. According to “Focusing on bad news can become
David Mazella, author of 2007’s The a self-fulfilling prophecy,” agrees
Making of Modern Cynicism, the term David Richard Boyd, author of 2015’s
“cynic” was used in exactly this way in The Optimistic Environmentalist. “It
ancient Greece, where a person was really does make your health worse,
described as such if they believed in and lead to less success and taking
“the autonomy of the self and the abil- less action.” Working in Canadian
ity to be moral no matter how corrupt environmental law for over two
things become around you.” decades had left Boyd depressed and
Feeling cynical, Mazella argues, is hardened about the planet’s future.
useful if it allows us to identify where But with the help of his daughter, he
a situation isn’t aligned with our discovered the benefit of deliberately
values—especially if it “helps you seeking good news.
slow down to see if you can verify and Five years ago, the then-seven-year-
believe what you’re getting told,” he old Meredith came off the school bus
says. The next step is to avoid letting crying, saying she had learned that

58 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
global warming was causing certain at the Toronto International Film Fes-
species—including her favourite, tival. There, he witnessed his charges
polar bears—to go extinct. “To see finding meaning in helping others,
your own child in tears because of bad and ended up doing so himself. When
news about the environment is like he taught one elderly volunteer how to
being stabbed in the chest with a dull use the Internet and set up her first
knife,” says Boyd. He told her that while email account, she later came to the
that was true, some species, such as office proudly showing off pictures of
sea otters, had been brought back her grandchildren that had been sent
from the brink of extinction by con- to her. “I found value in realizing I
servation efforts. could be helpful,” he says. “It didn’t
From there, he began what he calls need to be big. Even the small things
“a real journey of hope,” seeking simi- could be powerful.”
larly inspiring stories that included Seeking more ways to improve his
improvements outside his field—from world, McKinnon joined one of the
the rise in literacy worldwide to the working committees involved in the
decreasing global maternal mortality Green Line, a Toronto-based commu-
rate. The unheralded boom in green nity outreach initiative that aims to
energy affected him the most. “I abso- better use green urban spaces. As part
lutely think we’re going to make it,” he of that effort, he became the enthusi-
says. “I think we’re in the early stages astic organizer of an annual Novem-
of turning the ship around.” ber 1st pumpkin parade, at which kids
While news organizations tend to compete to see who carved the best
lead with the bad, balance can be jack-o’-lantern and local businesses
found if you look for it. “The great hand out prizes. “Families come out
thing about optimism is it’s not some- and people meet and talk to each other,”
thing you’re born with or without,” he says. “The conversations they have
says Boyd. “It can be cultivated.” are often about how we can make our
neighbourhood better.”
Be the change These days, McKinnon even has a
One easy way to escape the negative more optimistic opinion of the politi-
news feedback loop is to volunteer in cians he once distrusted. “People in
your community. Doing good, even on power are just like us,” he says. “There’s
a small scale, can dramatically trans- a capacity inside of everyone to be
form your outlook. good and make a difference, to look
Now in his 30s, McKinnon says his around you and say, ‘The world is not
own about-face began about 13 years the way that it should be. I can be a part
ago when he was managing volunteers of that change.’”

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 59
FAMILY

Driving
With My
Daughter
Parenting a teen can be trying.
But when we’re in the car,
singing along to our favourite
song, everything else falls away.
BY J O E P O S N A N S K I F R O M JOEPOSNANSKI.COM

SHE’S 14 NOW, a turbulent age. Everyone warned


us. There will be times when she’s still your little girl,
they said. And there will be other times when she
lashes out with such fury, you will wonder where
you went wrong. They warned us, and we heeded
them. My wife and I had many talks about being
patient and open, but also firm when needed.
We were ready.

60 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 61
READER’S DIGEST

WE THOUGHT we were ready. this moment not to ask her about school
I’m a sports writer for a living and or homework or friends. I think she’s
I’ve heard many elite athletes say that pleased, too, not to be talking about
in their first professional game, every- any of that. The air is cool and fresh,
thing moves so impossibly fast that and the windows are cracked. “Video
there’s no way to prepare for the speed Killed the Radio Star” is playing. “I like
and fury and violence of it all. this song,” she says. I tell her that years
We just thought we were ready. ago, I made a list with my friends of our
We weren’t ready at all. favourite 100 songs, and this was on it.
“Would it still be now?” she asks.
SHE GETS INTO THE CAR. It’s night- She’s in a curious mood. She used to
time, and I’m picking her up from a be like that all the time. “Tell me a story
school activity, and she is happy. She of when you were a boy,” she’d say when
used to always be happy—or at least a she was little. She doesn’t make that
lot of the time. Now it’s a 50-50 prop- request anymore; for a teen, curiosity
osition at best. Right away, she shows is a sign of vulnerability, a too-eager
me a picture she wants to post on Ins- admission that they need to know some-
tagram of herself with a friend. She thing. I remember feeling that way.
asks if it’s okay. I tell her it’s okay. I don’t Sometimes, when I offer advice or
know if it’s okay; I’m trying hard to keep instruction, she yells back, “I don’t need
up with the rules. But more importantly, your help!” And I remember saying
she is happy. I start the drive home. that, too. She shouts, “You don’t under-
A few blocks from the school, we get stand!” but adds, “It doesn’t matter.
stuck at a red light because of the inde- I’m going to fail anyway.” I remember
cision of the car in front of us. I growl thinking that most of all.
at this car. She laughs and mimics me.
I suddenly remember one time when SHE HAS LITTLE interest in recalling
she was a baby and we took her to a the past. For her, the clock only moves
spring-training baseball game in Flor- forward, and that’s where she wants to
(P REVI OUS S PREA D) THE VOORHES

ida. It was unseasonably cold, and we look—there’s so much ahead for her.
had her bundled up in a blanket. Every In a year, she’ll be in high school. In
now and again from the blanket there two years, she’ll be driving. In three,
would emerge a loud “Rahhhhrrrrrrr,” she’ll start looking at colleges. Forward.
and people in the rows in front of us Always forward.
would look back to see who—or what— Meanwhile, I look back. I am rocking
was making the sound. her, her tiny head resting on my shoul-
The light turns green. We talk about der, and I’m singing “Here Comes the
nothing important, and it’s pleasing for Sun,” trying to get her to fall asleep. I’m

62 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
walking with her through the gift shop She still is. She sings along to every
at Harry Potter World as she decides word. I do too.
between a stuffed owl and a Gryffindor
bag. I’m helping her with her math You may feel alone when you’re
homework when the problems were falling asleep
still easy enough for me to figure out And every time tears roll down
the answers in my head. I’m watching your cheeks
The Princess Bride with her for the first But I know your heart belongs to
time, and I hear her say in a delighted someone you’ve yet to meet
voice, “Have fun storming the castle!” Someday. You will. Be loved.
“Hey, Dad,” she asks, bringing me
back. “Can I have your phone? Can I She looks over and smiles. I still
play some music?” expect to see braces, but they’re gone
“Sure,” I say, handing it over. She now; her teeth are straight. She leans
punches a few buttons, the song begins closer and says, “Don’t you love this
and immediately I know what it is. song, Daddy?”
I hear her say “Daddy” and I’m sent
I once knew a girl backwards again, to when she was
In the years of my youth seven and racing over to me at the air-
With eyes like the summer port as I returned from a work trip,
All beauty and truth shouting my name and hugging me,
In the morning I fled not letting go.
Left a note and it read She’s 14, a turbulent age. Tomorrow,
Someday. You will. Be loved. she may look right through me. But
now, in the coolness of this evening,
I introduced her to it a year ago. she smiles at me and holds my hand,
“What kind of music would I like?” she and we sing along with our favourite
had asked. “Why don’t we try some song. We are off-key. But we are off-
Death Cab for Cutie?” She was smitten. key together.

FROM JOEPOSNANSKI.COM (SEPTEMBER 2015), © 2015 BY JOE POSNANSKI

BLANK CANVAS

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.


JON STEWART

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 63
MEMOIR

The good news: there was no


sign of a stroke. The bad: my
brain was covered in lesions.
I was 27, newly diagnosed
with multiple sclerosis, and
facing a very different future
than the one I had planned.

To
Know
Myself BY M E R E D I T H W H I T E FRO M THE WALRUS
PHOTOGRAPH BY MAY TRUONG

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 65
READER’S DIGEST

fter a weighty pause, my neurolo-

A
gist told me that this year’s MRI
was “not too bad,” whereas last
year’s was “rather concerning.”
“If you have another attack,” he
said, “call our office immediately.
In a case like yours, I’ll want to see
you right away and put you on
something stronger.”
Then he paused and added, as a I pay my rent. When I see my friends
kindly afterthought, “But of course, this Thursday.
hopefully that doesn’t happen.” Then one day, I couldn’t see.
I got the feeling he thought it would
happen one day. In a case like mine, I SHOULD CLARIFY: I couldn’t see
whatever that means. properly. The centre of my vision was
Four years ago, things were a lot sort of missing, and whenever I looked
less uncertain. I had extracted myself straight at something, it would dissolve.
from a Ph.D. program in classics that This wasn’t new to me; it seemed like
was feeling increasingly untenable and the aura I typically experience before
moved from Cincinnati, where I’d been a migraine. Usually, I’d take an Advil
studying, back to Toronto. and resign myself to 30 minutes of
I made just enough peace with the being slightly spacey before the aura
fact that I would not be spending the would lift and the migraine would
rest of my life studying Greek litera- arrive. Only the aura didn’t lift, and
ture that I could finally sleep at night the migraine never arrived.
without panicked second-guessing. I’d After two days, I was frustrated but
started a job and found an apartment still sanguine about this curious devel-
with a friend from high school. I had opment. A couple more days and I
all these things, a whole edifice of was panicked, wondering what was
definitiveness, around me. No more happening. I saw my family doctor,
starting thoughts with “if”: “if I pass who referred me to an ophthalmolo-
these exams,” “if I complete my dis- gist, who ruled out glaucoma and
sertation.” I’d settled it—enough for referred me to a neurologist. This
me, at least. My life felt solid, full of appointment was months away; after
statements. When I go to work. When about two weeks, my vision slowly

66 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
returned to normal, and I eventually cord: it shields the wire inside from
stopped worrying. damage and thus also protects the
By the time I saw the neurologist, I current that the wire carries. Spots of
was studiously blasé, wondering out damaged myelin can allow the elec-
loud if I should have cancelled the trical pulses that run through our
appointment. He wasn’t too concerned, nerves to become scrambled, resulting
either, and thought that it was a “com- in loss of motor skills, tingling, trem-
plicated migraine,” which is to say, a ors, vision problems and loss of sensa-
migraine that didn’t work properly. tion in limbs. The spots where demy-
“But there’s a tiny chance,” he contin- elination happens become lesions.
ued, “that you’ve had a stroke, so I’ll Multiple sclerosis is a brain covered in
schedule an MRI to make sure we can these little scars.
rule that out.” In one type of the disease, relapsing-
Then he added, “Of course, if any- remitting multiple sclerosis, a sufferer
thing else happens, give my office experiences attacks, or flare-ups, when
a call.” demyelinating activity in the brain
Nothing else happened. One night, causes a sudden neurological symp-
three months later, I slid into an MRI tom to manifest—such as, say, being
machine and lay as still as I could, a unable to see properly for two weeks.
little fascinated, a little bored, a little When the attack subsides, the symp-
anxious. To give myself something to toms will also subside, though lesions
think about, I recited a William Butler will be left behind and the damage may
Yeats poem that came to mind: “I have not be completely reversible. Over
drunk ale from the Country of the time, a person with MS can accumu-
Young / And weep because I know all late small disabilities that build toward
things now ...” In it, the speaker has major ones, such as impaired mobility
gained prophetic vision but is miser- and limited vision.
able because he learns he will never Jean-Martin Charcot, a 19th-century
be with the woman he loves. Know- French neurologist, first identified
ledge of what is to come, Yeats sug- the disease in 1868, though the lesions
gests, will not spare you from the neces- on the brain and spinal cord caused
sity of experience. by demyelination had been observed
in the decades prior. When Charcot
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS IS a neurode- created his set of diagnostic criteria,
generative disease where the myelin lesions could only be observed through
sheath, a fatty insulating layer on one’s dissection, and he relied on the out-
neurons, is damaged. Think of myelin ward manifestations of MS for a diag-
like the rubber casing on an electrical nosis. But now, medical technology

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 67
READER’S DIGEST

allows us to peer into the recesses of our waiting, it seemed the moment of diag-
bodies that have never been opened to nosis passed by almost without notice.
the light. On MRIs of the brain, lesions “If I get diagnosed” bled seamlessly
show up as little spots of white. And into “when I got diagnosed.”
as much as it is peering into the dark
recesses, it is also peering into the IT TURNS OUT THAT learning one has
future, because it turns out that not a chronic disease does not chart a clear
every lesion necessarily causes a neuro- path to the future; it only highlights the
logical symptom—they may simply risks in a way that is both useful and
foretell a likelihood. useless. I take medication to reduce the
rate of demyelination, an act that low-
ers the risk of an attack while bringing
its own set of attendant complications,
MY DIAGNOSIS from hair thinning to cardiac failure.
HAS HAD THE EFFECT But I cannot know with certainty what
OF REMINDING is coming next any more than I could
ME JUST HOW three years ago, or yesterday.
MYSTERIOUS OUR There are still days—like when the
BODIES CAN BE. neurologist looks at my most recent
scans and reminds me once again to
call the clinic if anything happens—
In my case, the good and expected when the ifs and whens start to blur in
news was that my first MRI came back my head and catastrophic thinking
with no sign of stroke; the bad and causes me to retreat to what I do best
unexpected news was that my brain with my troublesome brain: look up the
was covered in demyelinated patches. etymologies of words. I observe that, in
“Something lit up,” as the neurologist Greek, “diagnosis” means “distinguish-
told me. My sparkling brain. ing, discernment; medical diagnosis.”
Seventeen months later, after obser- But it also means, in legal writing, “res-
vation and two more MRIs, I heard the olution, decision”—which sounds like
physician at the MS clinic say, with the a level of certainty that I suspect many
awkwardness with which one delivers people with medical diagnoses wish
bad news, “At this point, we consider they could achieve.
the diagnosis to have been made” while The “-gnosis” part of “diagnosis”
flipping through MRI images of my comes from a Greek root, “-gno,” which
brain, covered in pale dots. I was now means “to know.” If you’ve read a bit
one of the estimated 100,000 Canadi- of Plato, you might have come across
ans with MS. After more than a year of gnothi seauton, “know thyself,” the

68 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
maxim written at the temple where know, none of this care to safeguard
ancient Greeks visited the Oracle of my future would be possible.
Delphi to learn about the future. The vision in my right eye never fully
If I really knew myself—physically, returned. With both eyes open, I don’t
rather than the way that Socrates notice this, but if I squint or wink or
meant it—perhaps I would know what cover over my left eye, I am reminded
the future has in store for me. Instead, that I carry this small neurological scar
my diagnosis has had the effect of and that one day I might have more.
reminding me just how mysterious I’ve wondered, struggling through a
our bodies can be. For months, I was bout of debilitating fatigue, if the fog in
obsessed by the fact that there were my brain and the weight in my limbs
things happening in me that I couldn’t might never lift and if this would mean
sense even if I wanted to. The scope of I have to give up my ambition to do, to
my life shrunk down to this diagnosis; see, to write, to accomplish anything.
nothing else was relevant. I try to look straight at the future, but
In the face of knowledge, what to it dissolves, in my flawed vision, into a
do? Despite my fears a few years ago, continuing mystery with a slight pos-
my life has not been permanently sibility, now, of bad things. A life can
unsettled: I have a more interesting feel so small. But there is a contin-
job; I have my own apartment; the sky gency plan, phone numbers of the
didn’t fall. I manage through periods clinic to call if I need to. I take a deep
of fatigue caused by the disease—a breath. I remind myself that there are
whole-body tiredness unlike anything many things beyond myself that are
I had experienced before—but still, I worth investigating in the meantime.
wake up every morning and take a There are so many activities worth
pale blue pill that, through its own doing with a belief in their certainty.
unseen magic, slows down the rate of When I go to work. When I see my
demyelination and mostly keeps the friends tonight. When I finish this essay.
symptoms of MS at bay. If I didn’t When, when, when.

© 2018, MEREDITH WHITE. FROM THE WALRUS (FEBRUARY 22, 2018), THEWALRUS.CA

EYES WIDE OPEN

Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.


P E M A C H Ö D R Ö N , Buddhist nun

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 69
After a lifetime of rejection,
a plain Timbit speaks out

BY C A S S I E B A R R A DA S FR O M C BC CO M E DY | ILLUSTRATION BY GRAHAM ROUMIEU


DEPARTMENT OF WIT

As the most unadorned Timbit, What happened next?


you’ve often been overlooked, even This is painful for me to talk about.
maligned. Here’s your chance to One by one, all my friends—from
show the world what life is like for Chocolate to the Fruit brothers
one of the least popular types of (Blueberry, Strawberry, Lemon and
fried-dough confectionery. Raspberry)—were dipped, glazed or
Thank you so much for the opportun- sugared and immediately became
ity. It’s nice to be approached with too “important” for schoolyard
journalistic neutrality instead of the antics. At first I thought, “What’s their
usual judgmental grimace. problem?” But as I slowly became
outnumbered, I started to feel child-
Of course. When did you first notice ish. For a while I had my twin brother
that you were different from the to play with until … well, you know
other Timbits? how the story ends. He goes by
In grade school we were all the same: “Old-Fashioned Glazed” now.
just round balls of dough playing hop-
scotch, dreaming of what we could How did you cope during such a
become and speculating about how trying time?
much being deep-fried might hurt. I prayed to my makers every day that
We were all the very best of friends. I would be glazed. Then, as hope
faded, I pleaded for at least a light
What changed? dusting of sugar. But it was not to be.
I remember it so clearly. We were Without any sweetening, I was bru-
in the middle of a game of kickball tally isolated from the Timbits I’d
when Apple Fritter sauntered toward grown up with. I held out some hope
us. She looked different somehow, that it would get better as I got older.
carrying herself with a new maturity.
We suddenly realized why: she’d Did it?
been glazed. And in an instant, she Have you met me? I’m the only one
was the coolest Timbit in the yard. who doesn’t fulfill my purpose in

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 71
READER’S DIGEST

life—no one wants to eat me. I don’t wasteful to throw me out and
want to be sleeping on a wire rack bravely chooses to eat me. But
for my whole life, but day after day actually, a large part of my day is
I’m ignored in favour of Timbits that devoted to my music. I’m really into
are apparently worth consuming. bluegrass; I have a custom banjo.
It’s discouraging.
That’s a start. Do you think you
Does anything bring you comfort can reinvent yourself in the eyes
in those moments? of the public?
Not really. I occasionally feel hope- Probably not. The kindest thing any-
ful. At the end of the night, when the one’s ever going to say about me is,
store is nearly closed, sometimes a “I guess I’ll eat it.”
customer will request a box of two
dozen Timbits. And of course, my What about those who claim you’re
plain brethren and I are all that’s left. their favourite?
We’ll be in the process of getting To be honest, I don’t exactly want to
packed up before the customer real- be associated with the people who
izes what they’re getting and says, choose me. You know they’re all
“Oh, no. No thanks. I’ll just eat a wearing Crocs in the winter and
napkin instead.” searching with Yahoo instead of
Google. They’re weirdos. And prob-
Does anyone have it worse than you? ably the last people who would get
Sour Cream Plain Donut, for sure. chosen for any sports team—
Eating the whole thing is a commit-
ment most aren’t willing to under- Go on.
take. That guy has no shot at any sort Sorry, I suddenly realized I’m reject-
of professional satisfaction. ing my fans just like they’re … old-
fashioned plain Timbits. God. What
I see. Moving on, now is your a bitter thought. I clearly have some
chance to rewrite your narrative. things I need to work through.
Tell us something surprising or
unexpected that not many people Do you have anything else to add?
would know. Just a question: would you be inter-
Everyone thinks I just spend my ested in consuming me?
time rolling around hoping some
“hero” will decide it would be Absolutely not.
FROM “I DIDN’T ASK TO BE MADE: AN OLD-FASHIONED PLAIN TIMBIT SPEAKS OUT,” BY CASSIE BARRADAS, CBC COMEDY
(JANUARY 24, 2018), CBC.CA/COMEDY

72 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Laughter
THE BEST MEDICINE

BITE THE BULLETS


Lists tick me off.
THE BEST JOKE MARTIN BAKER, To r o n t o
I EVER TOLD
BY MATT WRIGHT WHAT’S IN A NAME?
“Hey Dad, have you seen my
I feel bad for hockey players
sunglasses?”
because they can get traded.
Imagine if you were 19 and you “No, son, have you seen my
worked at Subway and one day dad glasses?”
you went in for your shift and reddit.com
they said, “Sorry, now you work
at Quiznos in Winnipeg.” I’M TRYING TO DATE a philosophy
Follow Matt on Twitter at professor, but she doesn’t even know
@mattwrightjokes and on if I exist.
Instagram at @mattwrightcomedy @CASEYTDUNCAN

APPARENTLY YOU CAN’T use


“beefstew” as a password. It’s
not stroganoff.
reddit.com

ACCORDION TO RESEARCH, nine


out of 10 people don’t notice when
you replace words with the names
of random musical instruments.
@PEACHESANSCREAM

Send us your original jokes! You could


earn $50 and be featured in the magazine.
See page 10 or rd.ca/joke for details.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 73
ENVIRONMENT

TINY PIECES OF PLASTIC FROM OUR


CLOTHING ARE POISONING OUR
WATERWAYS. BUT ONE NOVA SCOTIAN
JUST MIGHT HAVE A SOLUTION.

MICRO MANAGEMENT
BY T I N A K N E Z E V I C FR O M THE WALRUS
ILLUSTRATION BY DREW SHANNON

IN 2001, THE BASEMENT of Blair Jol- with a stainless-steel mesh screen.


limore’s house near Dartmouth, N.S., When a load of laundry drained, he
flooded with sewage. He called the could see lint gather as the water passed
septic company. “The guy showed up the screen in the clear discharge hose.
and he goes, ‘You have a lint problem,’” Not only did his filter work, but
Jollimore remembers. In his septic neighbours, worried about similar
tank, a layer of lint seven centimetres issues, began asking him to install the
thick was floating like a grey cloud. device in their homes. In 2003, he sold
Jollimore, who has worked in main- around a dozen at his first home show
tenance for an aircraft-engine manufac- in Halifax, enough to cover expenses.
turer for 30 years, is no stranger to fix- He named his product Lint LUV-R and
ing things on his own. After a few failed launched a website, Environmental
attempts, he came up with an idea to Enhancements, for homeowners
keep the problem from happening around the world to order the filter
again: modify a water-filter housing and install it on their own. He now

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 75
READER’S DIGEST

ships around 600 filters each year—a cubic metre of water sampled off Brit-
household product that may also be ish Columbia’s coast. We are figura-
a solution to a nearly invisible global tively drowning in these little threads.
environmental concern. Depending on their size, microplas-
tics can be ingested by fish and even
MICROPLASTICS ARE the hidden zooplankton, and lacerate or block
scourge of our waterways. These par- intestines, leading to starvation, injury
ticles measure less than five millimetres or death. They can leach chemicals
and are dangerous precisely because into an animal’s tissue. (Even gutting
they’re small and ubiquitous. So far, a fish won’t remove the toxins in the
global attention has focused on two of filets on our plates.)
the three sources of microplastics: Jollimore’s Lint LUV-R could be a
macroplastics (from plastic bags or key weapon of defence. After an ecolo-
containers that have degraded into gist in California first documented the
fragments) and microbeads (plastic pollutant as a global problem in 2011,
exfoliators in toothpastes, body washes several researchers (and eventually
and face scrubs). But scientists are Ross’s team) became interested in test-
learning that the third kind, microfi- ing Jollimore’s filter. One test is show-
bres—microscopic plastic threads that ing that its second-generation model
shed from our clothing—are potentially can catch over 80 per cent of fibres.
the most abundant of the three.
Municipal wastewater-treatment WHEN THE DANGERS of microfibres
plants can capture some microfibres, first became publicly known, polar
but most facilities aren’t capable of fleece seemed to be the principal cul-
stopping their flow into our waterways prit. The cozy material, created by engi-
each time liquid from our washing neers at a textile mill in Massachusetts
machines leaves the drain. And while who wove polyester fibres into a dense
natural materials also shed, synthetics fabric, came to market in the early
have scientists particularly worried. 1980s in partnership with the Ameri-
Peter Ross, vice-president of research can outdoor-gear company Patagonia.
at the conservation association Ocean Fleece shot to popularity as a
Wise, based in Vancouver, has been replacement for wool: it was soft and
researching microplastics since 2001 lightweight, and it provided excellent
and is leading a Canadian study on insulation. It was also billed as eco-
microfibres. In 2014, his team pub- friendly, especially once it began to be
lished research that found as many as manufactured from recycled products.
9,200 microplastic particles—of which The problem, though, was that it shed.
about 75 per cent were fibres—in each As accusations against fleece began to

76 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
mount, Patagonia commissioned a well-designed and tailor-made man-
2016 study and found that each time agement strategy for end-of-life plas-
a single fleece garment gets laun- tics, humans are conducting an uncon-
dered, up to two grams of microfibres trolled experiment on a global scale.”
are released.
We know now that microfibres don’t THIS JULY, THE SALE of toiletries con-
end with fleece. Many companies use taining microbeads will be banned.
synthetics, such as polyester, nylon (The selling of natural health products
and acrylic, to make anything from and non-prescription drugs contain-
leggings to button-up shirts. ing microbeads will be prohibited next
Mountain Equipment Co-op, keen year.) But regulating microfibres, a by-
to produce clothing with a low envi- product rather than an additive, will
ronmental impact, provided Ross be more difficult.
with 45 of the 111 textile samples he Even consumer choice can only go so
is running through his test washing far. It’s much easier to swap out harmful
machines. After specialized filters col- face wash than to find a T-shirt that
lect the effluent, Ross’s team spends doesn’t shed, and few rules dictate how
hours peering through microscopes, clothes can be manufactured or laun-
trying to understand which materials dered. In the same way that many prov-
shed most—information that could incial fire codes require that dryer lint
inform how MEC engineers its textiles. traps be cleaned regularly, researchers
The company’s samples are largely hope that mandatory washing machine
the synthetic performance gear it’s filters will one day be the norm—that
known for, but MEC has also given Ross a global threat may be considered as
materials made from natural fibres, serious as a personal one.
to test how much they shed relative to Jollimore is still using his original
synthetic textiles. Cotton, wool and silk prototype filter, which he only needs
are often treated with chemicals—dyes, to empty every few weeks. He is wait-
softeners, stain-release agents—that ing for research, rather than legisla-
change how they break down. tion, to roll in, and he is ready to grow
Researchers say that washing our his business as microfibres become
clothes less frequently and buying better known. “The silver lining of the
fewer, built-to-last items—which shed cloud was for me to come up with an
less—are the best ways to keep micro- idea,” he says. “This solution that I’d
fibres out of our waters. But as one come up with can maybe help solve a
recent study has warned, “Without a world pollution problem.”

© 2018, TINA KNEZEVIC. FROM THE WALRUS (MARCH 2018), THEWALRUS.CA

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 77
HEART

After the death of his wife, a young widower


writes an open letter to her medical team

THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR

Caring BY P E T E R D E M A R CO FR O M T H E N E W YO R K TIMES

AS I BEGIN TO TELL my friends and nurses, respiratory specialists, social


family about the week you treated my workers and even cleaning staff mem-
wife, Laura Levis, in what turned out bers who cared for her.
to be the last days of her young life, they “How do you remember any of their
stop me at about the 15th name that names?” they ask.
I recall. The list includes the doctors, “How could I not?” I respond.

78 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
The author
and his wife,
Laura, hiking
in Scotland.
READER’S DIGEST

Every single one of you treated Laura yourselves invisible? How many times
with such professionalism, kindness did you help me set up the recliner
and dignity as she lay unconscious. as close as possible to her bedside,
When she needed shots, you apolo- crawling into the mess of wires and
gized that it was going to hurt a little, tubes in order to swing her forward
whether or not she could hear. When just a few feet?
you listened to her heart and lungs How many times did you check on
through your stethoscopes and her me to see whether I needed anything,
gown began to slip, you pulled it up to from a bite to eat to a drink, from fresh
respectfully cover her. You spread a clothes to a hot shower, or to find out
blanket not only when her body tem- whether I needed a better explanation
perature needed regulating but also of a medical procedure or just some-
when the room was just a little cold and one to talk to?
you thought she’d sleep more comfort- How many times did you hug me
ably that way. and console me when I fell to pieces,

The nurses shifted Laura in her bed, leaving


room for me to crawl in with her one last time.

You cared so greatly for her parents, or ask about Laura’s life and the person
helping them climb into the room’s she was, taking the time to look at her
awkward recliner, fetching them water photos or read the things I’d written
almost by the hour and answering every about her on Facebook? How many
one of their medical questions with times did you deliver bad news with (P REVI OUS PAGE) COURTESY P ETER D E MARCO

incredible patience. My father-in-law, compassionate words and sadness in


a doctor himself, as you learned, felt your eyes?
he was involved in her care. I can’t tell When I needed to use a computer
you how important that was to him. for an emergency email, you made it
Then there was how you treated me. happen. When I smuggled in a very
How would I have found the strength to special visitor, our tuxedo cat, Cola,
make it through that week without you? for one final lick of Laura’s face, you
How many times did you walk into “didn’t see a thing.”
the room to find me sobbing, my head And one special evening, you gave
down and resting on her hand, and me full control to usher into the ICU
quietly go about your task, as if willing more than 50 people in Laura’s life,

80 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
from friends to co-workers to college room for me to crawl in with her one
pals to family members. It was an out- last time. I asked if they could give us
pouring of love that included opera one hour without a single interrup-
singing, guitar playing and dancing, as tion, and they nodded, closing the
well as new revelations to me about curtains and the doors and shutting
just how deeply my wife had touched off the lights.
people. It was the last great night of I nestled my body against hers. She
our marriage together, for both of us, looked so beautiful, and I told her so,
and it wouldn’t have happened with- stroking her hair and face. Pulling
out your support. her gown down slightly, I kissed her
There is another moment—actually, breasts and laid my head on her chest,
a single hour—that I will never forget. feeling it rise and fall with each breath,
On the final day, as we waited for her heartbeat in my ear. It was our last
Laura’s organ-donor surgery, all I tender moment as husband and wife,
wanted was to be alone with her. But and it was more natural and pure and
family and friends kept coming to say comforting than anything I’d ever felt.
their goodbyes, and the clock ticked And then I fell asleep.
away. By about 4 p.m., finally, every- I will remember that last hour
one had gone, and I was emotionally together for the rest of my life. It was
and physically exhausted, in need of a a gift beyond gifts, and I have Donna
nap. So I asked Laura’s nurses, Donna and Jen to thank for it.
and Jen, if they could help me set up Really, I have all of you to thank for it.
the recliner, which was so uncomfort- With my eternal gratitude and love,
able but all I had, next to her again. Peter DeMarco
They had a better idea.
They asked me to leave the room Laura Levis was a patient in the inten-
for a moment, and when I returned, sive care unit at CHA Cambridge Hos-
they had shifted Laura to the right pital in Cambridge, Mass. She died in
side of her bed, leaving just enough 2016, at the age of 34.

FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES (OCTOBER 6, 2016), © 2016 BY THE NEW YORK TIMES COMPANY, NYTIMES.COM

A GRAND ENTRANCE

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.


MILTON BERLE

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 81
HEALTH

The

Guide
Is medical marijuana right
for you? Find out which
conditions it helps—and where
further research is still needed.
BY VA NESSA M ILNE
ILLUSTRATION BY RAYMOND BIESINGER

82 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
READER’S DIGEST

ABOUT 15 YEARS AGO, James O’Hara began experiencing an aching pain


and stiffness in his left hip, symptoms that were eventually diagnosed as
osteoarthritis. The former banking executive, now 60, managed the condition
with Tylenol and Advil for a while, before finally turning to a prescription
drug. After a few years, one of the medication’s side effects—stomach upset—
became so severe that it caused what’s known as refractory pain, which trav-
elled up a nerve to O’Hara’s left ear. “It was horrific,” he says, and for years he
relied on an ever-changing cocktail of prescription medications to combat
the side effects from the first one, with varying levels of success.

The idea of trying cannabis as an plant—is beginning to get clearer


alternative came to O’Hara five years around a number of different uses.
ago, after several of his friends began Here’s what current science suggests
using it for their own health problems. about using medical marijuana to treat
Despite not having smoked pot regu- eight common conditions.
larly since his early 20s, O’Hara experi-
mented with recreational marijuana for Five Areas Where the
pain control and eventually got a for-
mal prescription from a cannabis clinic.
Evidence Is Strong
“I was shocked at how well it CHRONIC PAIN
worked,” says O’Hara, who this March In 2013, 65 per cent of Canadians using
became CEO and president of Canadi- medical cannabis were prescribed it
ans for Fair Access to Medical Mari- for pain related to severe arthritis.
juana. “With it, I could function better, Pain relief in general is what often
and mentally, I was a lot clearer.” motivates people to try it for the first
Almost 170,000 Canadians are, like time. With more than 30 randomized
O’Hara, registered users of medical controlled trials on using cannabin-
marijuana—a number that’s expected oids for this purpose, it’s also one of
to rise after cannabis becomes legal in the best-researched areas. The results
Canada this summer. Many of those have been contradictory, with some
who have tried it are enthusiastic about studies concluding that cannabis or
its benefits, but doctors and research- cannabinoids work for pain, and oth-
ers point out that we still don’t have ers finding they are no better than a
enough data to be confident that it’s as placebo. But more and more doctors
effective as some believe. Fortunately, are giving them a thumbs-up.
evidence from studies—most of which “[The effectiveness of cannabis]
employ cannabinoids, the chemical isn’t proven yet, but the evidence is
compounds present in the cannabis growing,” says Andrea Furlan, senior

84 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
scientist at the University of Toronto
faculty of medicine and co-chair of
Project ECHO Ontario, which helps
primary care providers choose the best
GREY AREA
treatments for chronic pain. Although
MAYBES
For many disorders, there’s not
Furlan notes that we still need larger
enough information to conclude
studies and ones that look at a wider whether marijuana is beneficial,
range of conditions, she says it’s rea- mainly because there haven’t
sonable for people to turn to prescrip- been enough high-quality, ran-
tion cannabis for pain, especially if domized clinical trials—the kind
other treatments aren’t working. required before a pharmaceut-
ical drug is allowed into the
Scientists are still unsure exactly marketplace for use.
how marijuana might work to combat According to Fiona Clement,
pain. Cannabis affects the endocan- an associate professor at the
nabinoid system—receptors in the University of Calgary, the lack of
brain that are connected to appetite, research is primarily due to the
fact that medical marijuana has
pain, mood and memory—but we
only been allowed for use since
don’t know what those receptors do. 2001 and has been subject to a
However, in addition to interacting more stringent approval process
with the physical aspect of pain, it from Health Canada in order to
seems that marijuana may ease its psy- study it. “And there’s also an
issue of funding,” she says. “His-
chological side, as well.
torically, this has been an illegal
“Pain is the alarm system in our body, industry that’s not in a position
so it activates the emotional part of the to support research.”
brain,” explains Furlan. “It makes you One interesting area of debate
feel like you cannot wait, that you have is anxiety. We know that people
to stop everything you’re doing and with anxiety disorders are more
likely to use marijuana, but it’s
fix it.” For chronic pain, she says, that unclear whether the plant helps
reaction isn’t useful, because there’s control their anxiety or contrib-
nothing to fix. Patients tell her that can- utes to its development.
nabis helps dull those strong emotions. “People report that they take
it to relax, so it’s natural to con-
clude that cannabis might help
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS
with anxiety,” says Ziva Cooper,
Canada has one of the highest rates of an associate professor at Colum-
MS in the world, with about 100,000 of bia University. However, we are
us living with the condition. Canna- still awaiting proper clinical tri-
binoids seem to help sufferers with als to prove it.
one of the disease’s core symptoms,

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 85
READER’S DIGEST

spasticity—stiffness that can make evidence that cannabis can help


movement difficult and cause painful improve patient-reported spasticity,”
muscle spasms. says Ziva Cooper, one of the co-authors
Studies examining assessments by on a National Academies of Sciences,
doctors tend to find improvements so Engineering and Medicine report on
small they could be due to chance, but cannabis and cannabinoids.
reports from patients have been more
positive. One 2012 study, run by 22 NAUSEA AND VOMITING
institutions in the U.K., found that 29 FROM CHEMOTHERAPY
per cent of patients who took a can- The interaction between cannabis and
nabis extract said their symptoms had chemotherapy is another area that’s
improved, while only 16 per cent of well studied. In 2015, the Cochrane
those taking a placebo reported a pos- Collaboration—an international non-
itive effect. That adds up to “substantial profit that analyzes evidence around

CHOOSING YOUR and oils don’t have that problem,


but it’s difficult to estimate proper
STRAIN AND dosages with them. For these, it’s
HOW TO TAKE IT important to start with a small
Medical marijuana comes in hun- quantity and wait at least two hours
dreds of strains with many different before having more. Cannabinoids
components, but the two we know are also available as brand-name
the most about are tetrahydrocan- drugs for some medical issues,
nabinol (THC)—which produces the making it easier to find the right
euphoria we associate with pot— type and dose.
and cannabidiol (CBD), the part Shelita Dattani, an Ottawa-based
that seems to be behind most of pharmacist, notes that there’s a
the known medicinal effects. Many misconception that marijuana is
people who are prescribed the drug innocuous; like any drug, it has side
opt for strains high in CBD and low effects. The most common are diz-
in THC to get the health benefits ziness, dry mouth, nausea, fatigue,
without the high. drowsiness and euphoria. That’s
Doctors warn against smoking another reason why doctors sug-
cannabis, as that can cause breath- gest you “start low and go slow.”
ing problems and might be carcino- Additionally, cannabis can inter-
genic; a vaporizer, which boils the act with other medications, so be
buds rather than burning them, sure to tell your doctor that you’re
reduces those issues. Edible versions using it, if they’re not already aware.

86 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
health interventions—concluded that is, with many patients reporting less
people undergoing chemotherapy who daytime fatigue.
took cannabinoids were three times Although researchers are unsure why
less likely to experience nausea and it has this benefit, some hypothesize
five times less likely to have that turn that the tetrahydrocannabinol (THC)
into vomiting than those who had been in marijuana—the compound that
given a placebo. In fact, those positive makes you feel high—acts as a sedative.
findings mean that, for some patients,
medical marijuana could be just as EPILEPSY
effective as the traditional anti-nausea Marijuana’s ability to stop seizures
drugs currently prescribed. became famous in part thanks to a
The Cochrane Collaboration did 2013 CNN documentary, Weed, featur-
warn, however, that patients reported ing a child—Charlotte Figi—who had
more side effects from cannabis-based hundreds of seizures a week, which
medications than with conventional robbed her of the ability to walk, talk
ones, including feeling high, dizzy or and eat. When Figi was five, her par-
sedated. Shelita Dattani, director of ents persuaded doctors to prescribe
practice development and knowledge her cannabis oil, and the frequency of
translation for the Canadian Pharma- Figi’s seizures dropped to two to three
cists Association, says that’s why it’s times a month.
not doctors’ first choice for nausea. Those kinds of “profound case
“It’s adjunctive therapy,” she says. “It reports” inspired more rigorous
would be used for patients who have research on the effects of cannabin-
not responded to the multitude of trad- oids, especially in children, says Fiona
itional options out there.” Clement, an associate professor at the
University of Calgary. A recent study
INSOMNIA on cannabinoid use for children with
People frequently turn to marijuana to treatment-resistant epilepsy condi-
help with sleep problems, and there is tions reported the frequency of seiz-
promising evidence that cannabinoid- ures dropping by upwards of 20 per
based medications can work for them. cent—and sometimes down to zero.
So far, most of the research has
looked at marijuana’s effectiveness Three Areas Where the
when it comes to improving sleep dis-
turbed by medical issues like sleep
Evidence Is Weak
apnea, fibromyalgia or MS. Cannabis CANCER
seems to improve both how much Stories have long swirled on the Inter-
sleep people get and how restorative it net that marijuana cures cancer; some

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 87
READER’S DIGEST

unscrupulous doctors have even built a lot to learn about how medical mari-
their practices around this idea. Can- juana could affect our mental abilities.
nabinoids have been shown to kill
cancer cells in the laboratory, but GLAUCOMA
that’s a long way from curing cancer The belief that marijuana helps treat
in real life—in other studies, research- glaucoma started in the 1970s, when
ers found that cannabis also harms studies showed that it lowered pres-
crucial blood vessels, weakens the sure in the eyes—one of the condi-
immune system or even encourages tion’s causes, which can lead to vision
some cancer cells to grow. The evi- loss. However, follow-up studies found
dence of its effectiveness in people that marijuana only maintained this
with cancer is mostly anecdotes about result for a few hours, so sufferers
patients making miraculous recover- would have to use the drug up to eight
ies, which could be coincidental. times a day for it to be beneficial.
So far, there have only been a few very Cannabis also reduces blood flow to
small clinical trials in this area. One the optic nerve, which can damage it
found a positive effect with adding can- and cancel out any positive effects of
nabis to standard chemotherapy—but lowered pressure. Newer prescription
was observed in a sample of only nine medications, on the other hand, work
people with aggressive brain tumours. for much longer without those issues,
“I’m not a believer,” says Clement. so doctors recommend them over med-
“Cannabis doesn’t cure cancer.” ical marijuana.

DEMENTIA AS WELL AS SUFFERING from osteo-


Some studies have found that canna- arthritis, O’Hara experiences focal seiz-
binoids help remove amyloid clumps— ures as a result of an old head trauma,
the protein buildup in the brain that which make him forgetful and disori-
is a hallmark of Alzheimer’s disease— ented. Since beginning to take medical
in lab mice, and increases their abil- marijuana, he says these seizures have
ity to learn. However, human trials been reduced by about 85 per cent. On
haven’t yet been run, and it’s not top of that, he believes cannabis helps
unusual for drugs to benefit animals his chronic asthma.
and fail entirely in people. “I was surprised by these unexpected
In the meantime, other research has benefits,” he says. “For me to realize I
shown that heavy marijuana users had gone through my life not knowing
score worse on cognitive tests while that this was available to me made me
high, with diminished memory and quite angry. It made me ask, ‘Why aren’t
attention, suggesting that there is still we talking about this more?’”

88 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
@ Work
CAREER HACK FOR CODERS:
Arrange your first job in Spain. That
way you’ll be Señor Developer from
day one.
@JAREK000000

ONCE AT MY NEW JOB, I needed a


pen. I went to the supply closet on
my floor, which was locked. I asked
the floor’s administrator, who told
me to go to the main supply room in
the basement. When I headed to the
basement and asked for a pen, they
@ElaineF told me my request had to be
approved by my department head.
IN A GROUP REVIEW meeting, my
She worked in a city hundreds of
boss turned to one of his direct sub-
kilometres away, so I emailed her
ordinates and said, “I’m told a
asking if I had permission to get a
strong manager will admit to his
pen from the supply closet. I
mistakes. So tell us, how did you
explained the situation in my first
manage to lose so much money?”
one-on-one meeting with my boss.
cbsnews.com
She got up, went to her desk and
grabbed me a handful of pens.
WHEN LOOKING FOR A parking
reddit.com
spot at his job, a friend of mine was
cut off by another car. The driver
I CAN’T BE ON MY PHONE at work,
jumped out, turned to him and
so now I tell my boss it’s my support
shouted “Sucks to be you!” My
Twitter. @BROWNDOGBLANKET
friend found another parking spot
and went inside to interview a can-
Are you in need of some professional
didate for a job at the company. motivation? Send us a work anecdote,
Guess who that person was? and you could receive $50. To submit
reddit.com your stories, visit rd.ca/joke.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 89
EDITORS’ CHOICE

Firefighter
Dan Dykens in
August 2014.

90 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
By 2014, Aaron Williams had
been fighting wildfires in B.C. for
nine summers. But he’d never seen
a season quite like this one.
FR O M C H AS I N G S MOK E
READER’S DIGEST

The edge of this fire is supposed to be


somewhere around here, but a fire this
big doesn’t have edges, at least not from
the perspective of two guys walking
down a dirt road in the dead heat of
the afternoon.
Balsam and spruce trees candle on changing direction, trying to figure out
the hills around us. It’s hard to distin- how best to access the fire.
guish the sound of distant burning from The walking soon becomes more
the gusts of wind shooting across this like pacing. It’s impossible to tell what
barren logging block 200 kilometres counts as contained here, and if some
southwest of Prince George, B.C. bit of fire isn’t where it should be, it’ll
Brad, a third-year crew member, take more than two of us to put it out.
and I continue along the road. We’re With this in mind, as well as other
looking for a small escape fire that has factors including time of day (late),
popped up on its north side, the wrong day of deployment (last) and general
side. This breach is one of many in the morale (low), we decide to walk back
tenuous containment of the Chelaslie to our truck.
River fire, a massive blaze in the But as we’re walking, a helicopter
north-central part of the province being comes out of the haze, breaking the
monitored by a few dozen firefighters silence. It’s Dan, our crew supervisor.
and a few helicopters. He radioes us from the air, saying he
Higher on the hill, we see another sees a road for us to use to get to the
(PREVIOUS SPREAD) AARON WILLIAMS

road running parallel to ours. Above uncontained blaze. But we’ve already
that, trees burn. They flare up in groups checked it and know it’s a dead end.
of two or three, the taller balsams He says to wait there.
being the most impressive to watch. Ten minutes later, Dan arrives in the
Sheets of flame unfurl from their truck with two other crew members.
branches, sending black smoke into He blows past the junction where Brad
the sky to join the mother-ship cloud and I sit waiting. Seeing us as he drives
of grey hanging permanently in the air by, Dan locks up the brakes, skids on
above us. We stare at the plumes of the loose gravel and puts the truck in
smoke and keep walking, frequently reverse. I can see from the slope of his

92 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
shoulders, the jut of his neck, that he’s 2014, six days before official fall, way
enjoying the drama of his entrance. past its actual start in northern B.C.
The chase is back on. Our season should be over.
We find our escape fire on the next Still, here we are, trying to contain
road up from where Brad and I had the biggest fire the province has seen
been walking. The spot is in an area in 30 years.
that was recently logged, and the fire is
active, churning through whatever lit- MAY 2014.
ters the forest floor. It anchors itself to We’re cutting a “fuel free,” a three-
decaying stumps and root systems or metre-wide break in the timber some-
flares up in the richer deposits of brush times used in firefighting. Once a fuel
left behind by logging. The flames are free is cut and the wood has been
taller than we are, but there are places cleared off (we call this “swamping”),

The five of us work in silence.


There’s laboured breathing and the
clink of tools hitting rock.

where they’re less active, and from we’ll dig “a hand guard” down the
those areas we dig away at the edge of middle. A hand guard is a trench about
the fire, pulling it in on itself as if dab- 30 centimetres wide and five centi-
bing the edge of a wound. metres deep. With the right bird’s-eye
A helicopter buckets another spot view, a completed fuel free and hand
nearby, coming in and out of focus and guard should look like a highway
earshot, disappearing into the smoke through a forest—a swath of cleared
to refill with water at a nearby lake. trees with a path right down the centre.
The group of us, five in total, works in In theory, a fuel free and hand guard
silence on different sections of the should be enough of a break in fuel to
escape. There’s laboured breathing and slow or stop a large fire.
the clink of tools hitting rock. The whole process, from felling trees
Our bodies and clothes are filthy, to bucking them up to clearing the
our hands blackened and calloused. debris to digging a hand guard, is an
The smoke cloud is starting to descend insane amount of effort. And we’re
toward the ground. It’s September 16, leaving the worst of that work—the

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 93
READER’S DIGEST

swamping and guard digging—for the “I don’t know,” I said. “We probably
rookies to do during their training week. do maintenance on our oxygen tanks.”
What’s more ridiculous than the I didn’t know that oxygen tanks were
labour, though, is that we’re cutting in no way part of the forest firefigh-
down perfectly healthy trees to teach ter’s equipment. Using an oxygen tank
our recruits the value of work for work’s when fighting a forest fire would be
sake. But this is what makes us better. like using a football to play basketball.
It’s my ninth season. I have two arts With no oxygen tanks needing main-
degrees and no hard skills. I’m 28 and tenance, what did we do in our down-
I’m still on the Telkwa Rangers unit time? We have lots of it—we usually
crew. The last two seasons I’ve left my only work on fires for about half the
home in Halifax and my girlfriend, summer. When we’re not firefighting,
Sue, to come back to firefighting. I met we do “project work,” which ranges

Using an oxygen tank when


fighting a forest fire would be like using
football to play basketball.

Sue in B.C. between my second and from cutting firewood to brushing forest
third seasons, and since then we’ve service roads to laying bricks.
spent most summers apart. It wasn’t The first of this year’s project work
so bad in the beginning, but with Sue is burning brush piles near the Telkwa
now permanently working in Halifax, Fire Attack Base. This is called fuel
it’s getting old fast. management, an ongoing project.
Every summer we cut down dead trees
WHEN I INTERVIEWED to be a fire- and limb low-hanging branches on
fighter in March of 2006, I didn’t know green trees. Afterward, we pile them
anything about the job. I came from up in one spot and, when the condi-
Prince Rupert, B.C., in a rainforest so tions are right, burn the piles. This is
AARON WILLIAMS

wet it could repel napalm. My lack of to stop “fuel loading”—that is, the
knowledge was evident throughout the accumulation of too much burnable
interview and was most obvious when stuff on the forest floor.
the interviewer asked, “What do you The size of the project is beyond
think we do in our downtime?” comprehension, and as far as I know,

94 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
Top: Dinner on makeshift benches during the early days
of the Chelaslie River fire. Bottom: Dry conditions and
big fires made “burning off ” a common tactic in 2014.
Kara is about to lay down another swatch of fire.
READER’S DIGEST

fuel management hasn’t been proven to and my eyes are raw. The tree I’m
actually stop fires. More than a decade leaning on moves in the wind, and I
into it, we can still see our fire base from can feel the roots under my feet lifting
where we’ve been picking up sticks. me up and down a little, like I’m stan-
At lunchtime, I sit with Kara. There ding on a dock hit by a boat’s wake.
are bonfires burning all around us.
We’re seated on decaying logs, bits of THE HOTTEST MONTH of the year
broken glass from teenagers’ old bush has arrived and we haven’t made one
parties glinting in the sun. extra dollar yet.
Kara is a second-year who grew up Because July is also the halfway
in Smithers, B.C. She’s in her mid-20s point of the season for many crew
and has just finished university. Her members, it’s a natural time to com-
mom is from Papua New Guinea and pare stats. One deployment is about

Near the end of the day,


my arms are burnt, my nose is running
and my eyes are raw.

her dad is from Germany—an unusual average at this point, two is good. To
combination in her blindingly white the best of my knowledge, three have
hometown. She’s at ease in the testos- occurred only once in the history of
terone-heavy environment of the unit the Rangers, in 1998. Zero fire days by
crew (there are usually three or four July 1 has happened before, but not for
women on the Rangers’ crew of 20). at least 10 years.
That afternoon, the wind is strong Crews in other parts of the province
and the blue smoke is thick among the aren’t doing anything, either, a com-
young pine trees. We’re in the heat forting thought in the petty realm of
constantly, chucking green rounds of inter-crew jealousies. There’s money at
wood onto the piles, rounds weighed stake, after all. On average, a unit crew-
down with water and sap. Each pile member can expect to make about
hisses with the sound of water being $5,000 in a two-week deployment.
squeezed out of wood. Near the end of With 30 unit crews spread across the
the day, I stop and lean on a tree. My province, though, there are bound to
arms are burnt, my nose is running be discrepancies. One crew that always

96 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca
seems to kill it is the Fort St. John it until he sees a blue wisp of smoke out
Rhinos. Fire season comes early in his cab window later in the day.
northeastern B.C., peaking around the It’s all liable to happen now.
summer solstice, when the near 24
hours of daylight dries out the forest. BACK IN MAY of 2006, the Rangers
The Rhinos are also in oil country, so were called to a fire near Vanderhoof,
most fires are close to industry activity. B.C. The snow had been gone for only
July is the beginning of the end of a couple of weeks, but a warm spell
the fire season for the northern half of meant everything dead from the pre-
the province, but the southern half— vious fall was cured and ready to burn.
Prince George and lower—is just start- On our way to this fire, we were held
ing up. Areas like the Okanagan and up by a section of road that had mys-
the Kootenays tend to start burning at teriously turned into a grey slurry, only

It’s not heatstroke hot, but


we’re at that point when fires will burn
even if it seems like they shouldn’t.

this time. If it’s a hot year, every crew passable in four-wheel drive with the
from the north, including the Rhinos, pedal to the floor.
will migrate south. At first we thought it was just spring
For now, we’re still making base melt. But then we realized what we
wages—$1,200 every two weeks. It’s were seeing was a consequence of the
not heatstroke hot, but it is definitely mountain pine beetle infestation. For
warming up, and we’re at that point millennia, these beetles kept forests in
when fires will burn even if it seems check, killing off older trees and lea-
like they shouldn’t. ving their dry husks to nurture the soil
Lightning will pass over a lonely or burn up in rejuvenating wildfires.
mountain in an evening squall and But in the mid-’90s an infestation of
leave embers to smoulder overnight, the beetles grew so big it eventually
waiting to be truly born in the sun’s killed off forests covering a fifth of the
heat the next day. A spark from a bull- province’s land mass.
dozer blade will shoot into the finest One reason beetle populations got
of lichen and the operator won’t know so out of hand was climate change;

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 97
READER’S DIGEST

Top: Smoke in the distance, not in the firefighers’


lungs. A rare clear ride on the Ootsa Lake barge.
Bottom: An Electra plane drops retardant on the
Chelaslie River fire.
they thrive in warmer temperatures. part of an effort in recent years to let
Another was overambitious forest wildfires burn free when possible.
firefighting. For the better part of a
century, the policy was to fight any DESPITE ATTEMPTS to let the blaze
forest fire, no matter how remote. This be, three weeks after Nancy’s call, the
meant that a greater number of mature ministry sends us to what is now known
pines—the beetle’s primary target— as the Chelaslie River fire.
would be potential fodder for the next We drive south from the town of
big infestation. Burns Lake, crossing François Lake on
I remember standing next to that a ferry. Another two hours of driving
bit of road, trying to wrap my head and we’ve reached a second water cros-
around how this plague had caused sing. This one will take us to the south
the entire water table to rise; how there side of Ootsa Lake and the western

Our presence here will have as


much impact as getting rid of a single
car would on global warming.

weren’t enough living trees to sop up flank of the fire. When the barge reaches
spring snowmelt. the opposite shore, its ramp drops like
After a few years, beetle-killed trees a drawbridge and we drive off into a
(TOP) AARON WILLIAMS; (BOTTOM) PETER SMIT

shed their needles. There are billions of remote wilderness, seeking out the
these ghost pines in the interior of B.C., edge of a massive inferno.
desert-dry standing sticks of firewood. We try to get our bearings on where
This was the state of the forest in the the fire ends, but every time we gain a
Ootsa Lake area when, on July 8, 2014, new vantage point there’s a new hori-
at 6:23 p.m., Nancy Dogleon, one of zon of smoky edge.
only a few people still employed as a The only clear message we get is
fire lookout in B.C., made a call to the how undermanned this fire is. Its
Northwest Fire Centre. Lightning had 50,000-hectare (and growing) size is
started a fire in a remote area. For split into two halves. To the east, unit
several days, the Ministry of Forests, crews are working from a fire camp.
Lands, Natural Resource Operations On the western half, we’ve joined a few
and Rural Development left it alone, contract firefighters and two managers

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 99
READER’S DIGEST

from the ministry. In short, we have back to the trucks, as there’s nothing
two-dozen people with which to moni- useful we can do.
tor 250 square kilometres of fire. Our That evening, we sit around the fire
presence here will have as much impact in the gathering smoky dark, enjoying
as getting rid of a single car would on enormous servings of steak. Yesterday
global warming. we were so clean we looked like actors
cast as firefighters. But after one half-
WE’VE SET UP CAMP at an aban- assed day of work we resemble the iron
doned log-sorting site at the edge of grill that dinner was cooked on.
Ootsa Lake. At five a.m. I wake up and
poke my head out of the tent. The lake THE FIRE ACTIVITY we saw from a
is calm and dark purple in the pre- distance yesterday ended up challen-
dawn light. It’s cold, and I decide to ging the stretch of land we were hosing.
stay in my sleeping bag until a flurry of The next morning we discover that an
alarm clocks goes off at six. In the escape has burned into debris from an
confines of the tent, I put on as many old logging operation.
clothes as are available before wrig- Partway through the day, help arrives
gling out the door. Once outside, I in the form of an old excavator jostling
hurry to put on more clothes. I eat cold down the cat guard. In the cab is a tall
breakfast cereal with the bowl in my man well into his 60s. He’s sitting down
lap, alternately warming each hand but still a presence. When I reach up
over boiling dishwater. There’s no cere- to shake his hand, he grabs it like a
mony in this meal, no coffee, no fire bear swiping at a fish. I press back, but
inviting a few minutes of staring before my bony fingers barely register against
we get ready. his. He introduces himself as Carl. I
Our best option for beating the ask him what he does when he’s not
cold is to get to work. We set up hose working fires.
on a long cat guard—a wide strip of “Well, I’m tired, not retired,” he says.
exposed dirt left by a bulldozer in an He tells me he owns a ranch just off
attempt to stop fires—built before we the François Lake ferry dock, where he
arrived. In the distance, the fire is lives with “the wife.”
threshing huge tracts of forest with Carl owns a bunch of equipment, and
algorithmic efficiency. The dry condi- during fire season he contracts himself
tions and the fire’s aggressive behav- and his machinery out to the ministry.
iour at this hour are good indicators His jeans are worn thin, as is his denim
that this workday will be cut short. shirt. The chest hair poking out from
We stand around on the guard, baking his shirt looks like it could plane wood.
in the hot sun. Later, we’re pulled I want to know more about his life.

100 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca


“So is it just you and the BY MID-JULY 2014, there
wife at the ranch?” I ask. were more than 3,000
I’ve already built a vision people fighting fires on the
of it—eggs for breakfast, west coast, only 1,600 or so
farm work all day, maybe of them employed by the
he watches the news with provincial government.
the wife in the evening. Help came in from across
“Yeah, it is,” he says in a the country and as far away
satisfied tone. as Australia. During the
The sample size is small, summer and early fall of
but people living on the that year, 1,424 fires consu-
south side of François Lake med more than 3,590 square
seem to be from a different Editors’ kilometres of B.C.’s forests.
time altogether—a time of Choice The largest fire of the sea-
fire lookouts, primitive son was the one near the
machinery, a rifle behind the front seat. Chelaslie River, consuming 1,330 square
We return to camp in the evening kilometres. Three months after being
to find our tents coated in ash. discovered, it was 75 per cent contained
There’s a patch of blue sky visible but still burning.
directly above the lake, but all around Matters did not improve following
us in the middle distance, smoke rises Chelaslie River. The 2017 fire season
up from the forest. Its movement devastated almost 8,950 square kilo-
looks like the slow billowing of a metres of land and produced the Ele-
theatre curtain. phant Hill fire, the largest-ever single
We’re completely alone here, and blaze in the province. Managing the
it’s firefighting at its best. No manage- destruction required 3,900 people on
ment, no eyes in the sky, no rules. It’s the ground and $316 million in funds
a massive fire and us. from the B.C. government.
© 2017, AARON WILLIAMS. FROM CHASING SMOKE, PUBLISHED BY HARBOUR PUBLISHING, HARBOURPUBLISHING.COM.
REPRODUCED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE PUBLISHER. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

TIME MANAGEMENT

Better three hours too soon


than a minute too late.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 101


GET SMART!

13 Things
Lifeguards
Wish You Knew
BY M I C H E L L E C R O U C H
AD D ITION AL R ES EAR C H BY A N N A- K A I SA WA LK E R
ILLUSTRATION BY CLAYTON HANMER

1 Avoid talking to lifeguards unless


it’s absolutely necessary. They’re
supposed to listen politely, but chit-
3 Lifeguards may be the first line of
defence, but parents need to pay
attention to their charges, especially
chat is distracting. When staff are on when trained staff aren’t on the scene.
the stand, they’re scanning the area More than a third of drownings of
and taking head counts every min- children under five happen when
ute or so. caregivers are present but distracted,
according to the Lifesaving Society.

2 Lifeguards are only human. It’s


rare, but staff can fall asleep on
the job. Staring at the water in the 4 Don’t equate standing with
safety. Many parents feel com-
bright sun can be mind-numbing, fortable leaving their two- and three-
and the combination of heat and year-olds in half a metre of water
dehydration is a recipe for fatigue. where they can touch the bottom. But

102 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca


with their top-heavy bodies, toddlers
can’t necessarily right themselves if
they lose their footing. “Always stay
9 The job involves more than sav-
ing people. Lifeguards might
also need to perform first aid for minor
within arm’s reach,” says J.P. Molin, cuts and bruises and manage the
communications manager of the pool filtration system.
Lifesaving Society’s Ontario branch.

5 Drowning doesn’t look like the


flailing and splashing you see in
10 Never come to the pool with
bare feet. The virus that
causes plantar warts thrives in moist
the movies—it’s often silent and swift. environments. Other skin infection–
Lifeguards are trained to spot the sub- producing viruses and bacteria, like
tle signs, which can include an upright MRSA and molluscum contagiosum,
posture, mouth bobbing in and out also lurk in locker rooms and on per-
of the water and a glassy-eyed stare. sonal items. Always sit on a clean
towel and wear shoes or flip-flops.

6 It doesn’t matter if no one’s seen


any lightning—if you hear thun-
der, you’ll be ushered from the pool 11 Researchers at the University
of Alberta estimate that an
and indoors for at least 30 minutes. average-sized public pool has up to
That’s how long Environment Can- 75 litres of urine in it—something
ada recommends keeping swim- to think about before you splash with
mers out of any body of water after your mouth open.
the last rumble.

7 Some lifeguards are very young.


They can be certified to work at
12 Another reason to avoid swal-
lowing water? A 2017 U.S.
study found that one in four adults
public pools and beaches starting at reported that they would swim
16, with wading pool attendants as within an hour of having diarrhea,
young as 14. and 52 per cent rarely or never
shower before going for a dip.

8 Still, it’s no joe job. Lifeguards


undergo up to 100 hours of train-
ing by the time they start, and more 13 Your actions can save a life.
If someone needs help, grab
for beach, water-park and manager- anything that floats. A frantic drown-
ial positions. They participate in ing victim will claw and climb on you
emergency simulations multiple in an attempt to get out of the water,
times a year and must recertify their pushing you under. Instead, throw
credentials every two years. something buoyant to them.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 103


That’s Outrageous!
YOU’VE GOT MAIL
BY I A N D OW N

POULTRY IN landed on his


MOTION doorstep in May
In December 2014, containing
2017, a crew of what appeared
hooligans threw mail to be a set of
service in Rocky wings and a
River, Ohio, into dis- remote controller.
array. The culprits? A rafter of eight According to UPS, the package’s ori-
to 10 wild turkeys who pecked at the ginal label fell off during shipping,
postal employees and disrupted mail which could have caused the mis-
service to nearly 30 homes. Carriers take. So, rather than showing up at
employed multiple tactics to scare a government-run marine sanctuary
the birds off: one resourceful worker in Massachusetts, the package ended
even resorted to blasting an air horn. up at a New York residence. Thank-
After several weeks, animal control, fully for UPS, the receiver sent them
along with the Ohio Division of Wild- back—no rescue mission required.
life, stepped in. Using loud noises,
they routinely chased the ruffled FIRE AND WATER
ruffians out of the neighbourhood, If you think your current job has you
giving carriers time to do their jobs— drowning in work, don’t send your
and sending the message that no fowl CV to Vanuatu Post, an underwater
goes unpunished in Rocky River. post office that lies three metres below
sea level off the coast of Efate Island
THROW ME A DRONE in the Pacific. There, visitors can dive
Sometimes you accidentally get a down and send special waterproof
PIERRE LORAN GER

letter intended for your neighbour, postcards to their loved ones. If that
and sometimes you accidentally get seems too mundane, Vanuatu Post
drone parts belonging to the U.S. has a mailbox next to an active vol-
government. That’s what one man cano. And you thought your inbox
learned when a mysterious package was about to explode!

104 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca


“Does your bladder leak
underwear fit this beautifully?”

Depend Silhouette Always Discreet Boutique

Always Discreet Boutique. Fits closer. Keeps you drier, too.*


*vs. Depend Silhouette Small/Medium. Depend Silhouette is a trademark of Kimberly-Clark Worldwide.

‹3 *
Brainteasers
Challenge yourself by solving these puzzles and mind stretchers,
then check your answers on page 111.

o o x o
o
FOUR-BIDDEN
(Moderately difficult) o o x
Place an X or an O in each empty
o x x

(FOUR-BIDDEN) FRAS ER SI MPS ON; (THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF I T) MARCE L DANE SI
cell of this grid so that there are
no four consecutive Xs or Os
appearing horizontally, verti-
x x o
cally or diagonally. There’s only o o o o
one solution. Can you find it?
o o o x
o x o

THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT (Easy)


A The current heights of five growing girls—
Jane, Juanita, Jasmine, Jin and Jacqueline—
were marked with chalk on a wall, as shown.
B Can you figure out which line indicates
the height of which girl based on the infor-
mation that follows?
C
■ Jin is taller than Juanita but shorter
than Jane.
D ■ Jacqueline is shorter than Jane and
Jasmine but taller than Juanita and Jin.
E ■ Jane is taller than Jasmine.

106 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca


FAMILY RELATIONS (Easy)
Carmela receives a text message from
an unfamiliar number, so she texts back:
(FAM ILY RELATI ONS) MA RCEL DAN ESI ; (A RITHM E-PIC K) FRASER SI M PSON; ( MAK E IT WORK ) ROD E RICK K IMBAL L OF E NIG AMI. FU N

“Who is this?”
The strange response: “It’s one of your
female relatives. Your mother’s mother
is my father’s mother-in-law.” Even
assuming that this information is true,
it doesn’t help Carmela pinpoint an
individual, since there are two relation-
ships it could describe. What are they?

ARITHME-PICK (Moderately difficult)


Place one of the four basic arithmetic operations (+, –, ×, ÷) in each box
to make a correct equation. Symbols may be repeated, and you don’t have
to use all four. All operations are performed from left to right, ignoring the
mathematical order of operations. The result at each step must be a positive
whole number. What’s the equation?

3 6 2 6 5=3
MAKE IT WORK (Difficult)
Arrange the whole numbers from 1 to 9 in a three-by-three grid so that all
of the following conditions are satisfied:

■ The numbers in the right-hand column add up to 7.


■ The numbers in the left-hand column add up to 16.
■ 3 doesn’t share a row, column or long diagonal
with 1 or 4.
■ The numbers in the bottom row add up to 20.
■ There is a row that contains only prime numbers.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 107


Trivia Quiz
BY PAU L PAQ U E T

1. Paul Doumer and Marie François 8. Although he won the Nobel Peace
Sadi Carnot were the only presidents Prize in 1993, who remained on the
of which country to be assassinated USA’s terrorist watch list until 2008?
while in office?
9. The inventor Thomas Edison
2. What fictional character was based helped to make William Kemmler the
on Vlad Tepes, a real medieval prince? first person executed in what manner?
3. In 2007, immunologists suggested 10. Which country did Queen
that which organ is actually an emer- Wilhelmina lead through the
gency reserve of gut bacteria? First and Second World Wars?
4. Which British prime minister often 11. Who is the only person appearing
derided opponents within her own on post-colonial Indian bank notes?
party by calling them “wets”?
12. Martin Winterkorn resigned as
5. Originating in Algeria and CEO of what car company after
Tunisia, the deglet nour is a it was caught fudging diesel-
popular variety of what fruit? emission readings in 2015?
6. On which day of the week 13. Which Nirvana tune
do Muslims come together was named the most iconic
for a prayer called Jumu’ah? song of all time by research-
ers from Goldsmiths, Uni-
7. A byte has 256 possible
15. Which classically versity of London?
values. Therefore, Inter-
defined type of female
national Programmer’s singing voice has the lowest 14. What 1994 prison
Day is on the 256th day drama depicts an
CC CASABLANC A RECORDS

range? Examples include


of the year, which falls Cher, Sarah Vaughan and inmate hiding a rock
in which month? Amy Winehouse. hammer in his Bible?

13. “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” 14. The Shawshank Redemption. 15. Contralto.
Mandela. 9. The electric chair. 10. The Netherlands. 11. Gandhi. 12. Volkswagen.
3. The appendix. 4. Margaret Thatcher. 5. The date. 6. Friday. 7. September. 8. Nelson
ANSWERS: 1. France. Doumer was killed in 1932 and Carnot in 1894. 2. Count Dracula.

108 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca


Word Power
Think clearly and focus intently as you unravel the meanings of
these unusual adverbs from the English language. As with every quiz,
the goal is not to do great but to do well. Enjoy!
BY R O B LU T E S

1. hence—A: from this time. 9. cap-a-pie—A: from head to foot.


B: in the past. B: rhythmically.
C: in a circle. C: covertly.
2. singly—A: musically.
B: with extreme heat. 10. alfresco—A: taking place outside.
C: separately. B: in water.
C: on a rooftop.
3. betimes—A: at regular intervals.
B: always.
11. slantwise—A: suggestively.
C: early.
B: with insight.
4. widdershins— C: at an angle.
A: counterclockwise.
B: with great pain. 12. erstwhile—A: formerly.
C: swiftly. B: currently.
5. thus—A: in this way. C: rarely.
B: only if.
C: officially. 13. deedily—A: in a friendly way.
B: industriously.
6. athwart—A: out of view.
C: with great anticipation.
B: from side to side of.
C: menacingly.
14. nigh—A: near in time or place.
7. notwithstanding—A: meekly. B: quietly.
B: in spite of this. C: close to the ground.
C: with the body reclined.
8. aloft—A: on a wide platform. 15. forsooth—A: in truth.
B: up in the air. B: in confusion.
C: lightly. C: in anger.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 109


READER’S DIGEST

Answers
1. hence—[A] from this time; as, 9. cap-a-pie—[A] from head to foot;
The new documentary is set to be as, When he arrived home from the
released five months hence. hunt, Edgar was dressed cap-a-pie
in camouflage.
2. singly—[C] separately; as, Tourists
wandered the heritage site singly and 10. alfresco—[A] taking place outside;
in groups. as, Eloise and Harry dined alfresco
and watched the Tuscan sunset.
3. betimes—[C] early; as, Paolo was
up betimes and enjoyed a leisurely 11. slantwise—[C] at an angle; as,
walk to work. Helga opened the blinds and the
evening light spilled slantwise into
her study.
4. widdershins—[A] counterclock-
wise; as, The amusement-park ride
turned clockwise, then widdershins 12. erstwhile—[A] formerly; as,
with equal speed. There were erstwhile seven towns
dotting the now-abandoned island.

5. thus—[A] in this way; as, Raisa


deftly outscored her younger oppon- 13. deedily—[B] industriously; as,
ent, thus securing the gold medal. Imani worked deedily through the
week to complete the report.

6. athwart—[B] from side to side of;


as, Fallen trees lay athwart the nar- 14. nigh—[A] near in time or place;
row road, making passage impossible. as, Peaches felt the air cool as even-
ing drew nigh.

7. notwithstanding—[B] in spite
of this; as, Though some members 15. forsooth—[A] in truth; as,
opposed it, the council followed the Dawkins was barely fit, forsooth,
plan notwithstanding. to lead anyone into war.

VOCABULARY RATINGS
8. aloft—[B] up in the air; as, Follow-
7–10: fair
ing the team’s victory, the coach was 11–12: good
held aloft by his players. 13–15: excellent

110 | 06 • 2018 | rd.ca


Brainteasers:
Answers
Sudoku
BY I A N R I E N S C H E
(from page 106)

FOUR-BIDDEN

o o o x o x x o
o x x x o o o x
x o o o x x x o 7 8
x
o
o
x
o
x
x
x
x
o
x
x
o
o
x
o
3 1
o
o
o
x
o
o
x
o
o
o
o
x
o
x
x
x
5 7 1 4 3
x o o x x x o o
3 9 6 8 7
THE LONG AND 9 2 7 3
THE SHORT OF IT
A = Jane.
B = Jasmine.
4 5 1 3 9
C = Jacqueline.
D = Jin. 9 8 1 6 7
E = Juanita.

FAMILY RELATIONS
1 5
SISTER OR
FIRST COUSIN.
6 2
ARITHME-PICK
3×6÷2+6÷5=3 TO SOLVE THIS PUZZLE…
You have to put a number from
MAKE IT WORK
1 to 9 in each square so that:
(S UDOKU) SUDOKUP UZZLER.COM

6 8 1 ■ every horizontal row


and vertical column
SOLUTION
1
5
3
9
8
2
9
6
2
3
7
4
5
1
6
7
4
8
contains all nine numerals
3 5 2
4 7 6 1 5 8 9 3 2
(1-9) without repeating 8 6 9 3 1 5 4 2 7

any of them;
3 1 5 7 4 2 6 8 9

7 9 4
2 4 7 8 6 9 3 1 5
■ each of the 3 x 3 boxes 9 2 3 4 8 1 7 5 6

has all nine numerals,


7 5 1 2 9 6 8 4 3
6 8 4 5 7 3 2 9 1
none repeated.

rd.ca | 06 • 2018 | 111


Quotes
BY C H R I ST I N A PA L A S S I O

FOR ALL THE TALK OF Just received a


text that started
FEMINISM AND [PURSUIT]
with “Good
OF WOMEN’S RIGHTS, afternoon, Mr.
THERE IS NOT GENDER Buff …” and I
EQUALITY IN THE BROADER gotta say…did
CONTEXT OF PARLIAMENT not hate it.
HILL. M I C H E L L E R E M P E L BRENT BUTT

WE SEEM TO BE SO HARD
SET IN WHAT WE CALL OUR
PRINCIPLES, WHICH ARE NOT
SO MUCH OUR PRINCIPLES BUT
OUR PREJUDICES. LET’S TRY
TO GET BEYOND THAT. A L E X T R E B E K

One thing I’ve learned is that sometimes we don’t


realize how strong we actually are. M A L I N AC K E R M A N

I SHAKE MY HUSBAND’S Legitimately, the


HAND AND KNOCK ON meanest thing
WOOD WITH HIM EVERY
you can do to a
NIGHT, BEFORE EVERY
SHOW. EVEN AFTER person is to land
HE’S GONE , I STILL a plane and then
TALK TO HIM. not let them off it.
CÉLINE DION D E B R A D I G I OVA N N I

PHOTOS: (REMPEL) MICHELLEREMPEL.CA; (TREBEK) CC ANDERS KRUSBERG/PEABODY AWARDS;


(DION) WENN LTD / ALAMY STOCK PHOTO. QUOTES: (REMPEL) CONVIVIUM.CA (JAN. 31, 2018);
(BUTT) TWITTER (JAN. 24, 2018); (TREBEK) NPR (APRIL 17, 2017); (ACKERMAN) HELLO! (APRIL 3,
2017); (DION) ET CANADA (FEB. 5, 2017); (D I GIOVANNI) TWITTER (FEB. 6, 2018).
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