Writing Improvement Exercises: Redundancies

Your Task. Revise the following to avoid redundancies.

1. Because his laptop was small in size, he could carry it everywhere.

Because his laptop was small, he could carry it everywhere.

2. A basic fundamental of computer safety is to avoid storing your password on a

file in your computer because criminals will look there first.

A fundamental of computer safety is to avoid storing your password on a file

because criminals will look there first.

3. The manager repeated again his warning that we must use strong passwords.

The manager repeated his warning that we must use strong passwords.

4. Although the two files seem exactly identical, we should proofread each and
every page.

Although the two files seem identical, we should proofread each page.

Writing Improvement Exercises: Flabby Expressions

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby phrases.

1. We cannot complete the construction at this point in time due to the fact that
building costs have jumped at a considerable rate.

We cannot complete the construction due to the fact that building costs have
jumped at a considerable rate.

2. In the normal course of events, we would seek additional funding; however, in

view of the fact that rates have increased, we cannot.

We would seek additional funding; however, in view of the fact that rates
have increased, we cannot.

3. In very few cases has it been advisable for us to borrow money for a period of
90 or fewer days.
In few cases has it been advisable for us to borrow money for a period of 90
or fewer days

4. Inasmuch as our sales are increasing in a gradual manner, we might seek a

loan in the amount of $50,000.

As our sales are increasing in a gradual manner, we might seek a loan of

$50,000.

5. Despite the fact that we have had no response to our bid, we are still available
in the event that you wish to proceed with your building project.

Despite that, we have had no response to our bid, we are still available if you
wish to proceed with your building project.
Writing Improvement Exercises: Jargon, Slang, Clichés, Wordiness

Your Task. Revise the following sentences to avoid confusing jargon, slang,
clichés, and wordiness.

1. Our manager insists that we must think outside the box in promoting our new
kitchen tool.

2. Although we got burned in the last contract, you can be sure we will stand our
ground this time.

Although we lost in the last contract, you can be sure we will be firm this
time.

3. Beyond the shadow of a doubt, our lousy competitor will make another snarky
claim that is below the belt.

We have no doubt that, our lousy competitor will make another unfair claim.

4. If you refer back to our five-year plan, you will see that there are provisions for
preventing blowing the budget.

If you refer to our five-year plan, you will see that there are provisions for
protecting the budget.

Writing Improvement Exercises: Lists, Bullets, and Headings

Your Task. Revise the following paragraph using techniques presented in this
chapter. Improve parallel construction and reduce wordiness where necessary.
1. Revise the following by incorporating a bulleted list with category headings.

Auto accidents account for a high number of accidental deaths. The most
common causes of these accidents are due to the following causes. In all
probability, the most common cause is distracted drivers. Makeup, cell phones,
texting, food, and the morning newspaper are all common ways that drivers are
being distracted. Another cause is most assuredly impaired driving. Alcohol and
drugs impair judgment and reaction times. This obviously results in accidents.
Another cause has got to be aggressive drivers. Being an aggressive driver
instead of a defensive driver puts you at risk for getting involved in an accident.
Finally, road rage is a significant cause. Drivers who get angry easily and then
take it out on other drivers are one of the leading causes of accidents.

Auto accidents account for a high number of deaths. The most

common causes of these accidents are due to the following: distracted
drivers making up, talking on cell phones, texting, eating and reading
morning newspapers.

Another cause is impaired driving. Alcohol and drugs impair judgment

and reaction times. This obviously results in accidents.

In addition is aggressive drivers. Being an aggressive driver instead of

a defensive driver puts you at risk for getting involved in an accident.

Finally, road rage is a major cause. Drivers who get angry easily and
then take it out on other drivers are one of the leading causes of accidents.