Cozette Ming

Dear Abby,
My four year-old-daughter seems to process ideas very slowly. Are girls lower at processing
information? I've heard if children go straight from sitting to walking without crawling it causes
brain development problems. She scooted but didn't crawl much and now she has a very difficult
time skipping. She always will be inside out with the same leg and doesn't swing back and forth.
Is that normal for a four-year-old? How can I tell if something is wrong?
-Slow in San Francisco

Dear Slow in San Francisco,

You do not need to worry about your daughter. At age 4, she is still developing her motor skills.
Each year between the ages of 2 and 6, children develop new skills. At age two children are able
to walk up stairs and run without falling. At Age 3 they are able to jump, climb ladders, and walk
downstairs. At age four, your daughter will most likely be able to brush her teeth, dress herself,
hop on either foot, and use scissors. However, she will most likely not be able to skip until age 5
or 6 (Berger 232). Please keep in mind that all of these numbers are a proximate, and all
children develop at their own pace. This DOES NOT mean that there is anything wrong with
them. I assure you that your daughter’s brain is developing perfectly normally, and that it will
continue to do so as long as you provide her with plenty of opportunities to have experiences that
she will learn from (Berger 233).
-Abby

Dear Abby,
I had the funniest thing happened the other day. My daughter was upset because her sister had
more pennies than she had. Without giving her any more pennies, I spread out her pennies so
there was more distance between them. She suddenly calmed. My husband thought she just
wanted the attention of someone interacting with her. But I think she calmed down because she
actually thought there were more pennies when they were spread out. What do you think? Do
you know why she acted the way she did?
-More in Montana

Dear More in Montana,

It is very likely that your daughter actually did believe that she had more pennies than her sister
when you spread them out. Your daughter is probably in the stage that Piaget called
preoperational thought. One major aspect of this stage is the idea that children cannot understand
conservation, which is when “the amount of a substance remains the same even when its
appearance changes.” For example, if two cups have the same amount of liquid in them, but one
of the glasses is thinner and taller than the other, a preoperational child will most likely believe
that the thinner cup has more liquid in it than the one in which the liquid does not rise as high. A
Cozette Ming

very similar thing occurs when preoperational age children are trying to calculate number. If
there are two rows of pennies with the same amount in them and both are evenly spaced the same
way, your daughter will be able to understand that both rows have the same number of coins in
them. However, when you space one of those two rows out so that there is more distance
between the pennies, she will believe that there are more pennies in the spaced out row because it
appears longer (Berger 253).
-Abby

Dear Abby,
I'm trying to teach my two-year-old son to share. Often he takes away toys from other children
and doesn't feel bad about it. But if they take toys from him, he lashes out at them. Would it be
helpful to reward him with a sticker each time he shares his crowns are toys? Do you have any
suggestions that might help my child be a better citizen in the nursery?
-Greedy in Greenville

Dear Greedy in Greenville,

Kathleen Stassen Berger, a child and adolescent development professor, stated, “Toddlers are too
self-absorbed to be good playmates, but they learn quickly… As they become better playmates,
children learn emotional regulation, empathy, and cultural understanding” (288). It is perfectly
normal for a child to only be concerned about their own desires. Your son will grow out of it.
People who study child development have noted four major forms of aggression that develop in
most children from early childhood to adolescence, and sometimes even adulthood. The first of
these is called “Instrumental Aggression.” This is defined as a “hurtful behavior that is aimed at
gaining something (such as a toy, a place in line, or a turn on the swing) that someone else has”
(292). This form of aggression is most prominent in ages 2 to 6, and is quite normal for children
in that age range.
-Abby
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