Writer’s Notebook 2 1

Sample Writing from Writer’s Notebook 2

English 360: Technical Writing

Amanda S. Gottfredson

Cal State University Fullerton

Writer’s Notebook 2 2

10/30- Peer’s Feedback What will you try next based on their feedback?

I liked that my classmates gave me the ideas about partitioning my infographic. My topic

is ending child labor. They suggested that I compare two ideas while halving the page. My

argument is save electronics so valuable children can be saved. My peer suggested finding the

wage of what children are paid and comparing it to wage of an adult in the U.S. Another peer

wants to know how fixing an iphone will help child labor. Based on this input in my infographic

I want display effective reusing electronics can be in ending child labor. I am going to research

the effects and display in a pie chart.

11/13 Parts of Argument

Old Version: Example: Nicholas Apergis conducted a study regarding Oklahoma

housing statistics (2019). Oklahoma has been experiencing earthquakes after fracking occurred

in 2006 (Apergis, 2019). Oklahoma allows a drilling of a well near a home but a home cannot be

built by a well (Aspergis, 2019). However, data concludes that housing prices have gone up

indicating that this location is still desirable even with potential health risks and earthquakes

(Aspergis, 2019).

New Version: Example: Fracking occurring near houses does not affect the housing

market (Claim). This is supported by Nicholas Apergis in which, fracking increases the

economy’s financial success thus positively affecting the housing market Reasons (2019).

According to data, Oklahoma state had 4681 drilling wells as in 2000 housing market

averages 125,000 and then increases in 2014 to 200,000 Evidence (2019). Apergis conducted

a study regarding Oklahoma housing statistics (2019). Oklahoma has been experiencing

earthquakes after fracking occurred in 2006 (Apergis, 2019). It may be argued that fracking
Writer’s Notebook 2 3

decreases the price of houses in the area. However, this is not the case because other factors

may be the cause not fracking (Acknowledgement and Response). Oklahoma allows a

drilling of a well near a home but a home cannot be built by a well (Aspergis, 2019). However,

data concludes that housing prices have gone up indicating that this location is still desirable

even with potential health risks and earthquakes (Aspergis, 2019). Drilling wells for fracking

should be built away from homes but this study proves that this will not affect the housing

market (Warrants).

11/18 Sentence Revision Strategies

Old Version: Fracking is a drilling process that uses substances such as water to cause pressure

underground to break rock that causes the release of oil and gas trapped in this rock. This could

be thought of breaking into an oyster shell. The oyster shell represents the rock and the knife

represents the drill and pressure. The oyster shell must break like the rock in order for the pearl

or oil to be obtained.

New Version: Fracking is a drilling process that uses different liquids to cause pressure

underground to break rock(replace vague words). This releases oil and gas trapped in this rock

(Interrogate every word). This could be thought of as an oyster shell in which the rock and the

knife are like the drill and pressure (combine sentences). The oyster shell must break like the

rock in order for the pearl or oil to be obtained.

References

Apergis, Nicholas. "The Impact of Fracking Activities on Oklahoma's Housing Prices: A Panel

Cointegration Analysis." Energy Policy 128 (2019): 94-101. Web.

Markel, Mike (2016). Practical strategies for technical communication: Boston/St. Martins