Pardon my Pandemic

By Dan Fiorella

MOE
LARRY
CURLY
DOCTOR
NURSE
PATIENT

INT. HOSPITAL

A DOCTOR and NURSE stand over a bed-ridden PATIENT.

DOCTOR
This case has me stumped!

NURSE
But there are so many people getting
sick!

DOCTOR
Yes, I know. That’s why I called in
those three specialists from Vienna.
They should be here any moment! Nurse,
please call them.

NURSE
(goes to door)
Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor
Howard!

MOE, LARRY and CURLY enter. They wear hospital scrubs. Moe and
Larry wear surgical masks. Curly wears a party mask.

DOCTOR
You must be the doctors from Vienna!

CURLY
(pulls out tin)
Sure. And we brought the sausages!

MOE
Knock it off, socially distance,
socially distance!
 LARRY
What’s with this socially distance?

MOE
Spread out, chowder heads!

Moe slaps their foreheads.

LARRY
Hey, watch it, I’m sterile!

MOE
You mean puerile.

Moe take out glove, puts it on, then slaps Larry.

LARRY
That’s better.

CURLY
That’s no way to treat your colleague!

MOE
Oh, it isn’t?

CURLY
Certin’ly not.

MOE
How about this?

Moe pulls Curly’s mask away from his face and then lets it snap
back.

CURLY
I’m a victim of circumstance!

MOE
Ok, chief, you called us and we came.
What seems to be the problem?

DOCTOR 2
You must see if you can tell us what’s
making everyone sick!

LARRY
Oh, we got a virus amongst us!
Curly pulls his ear, opens his mouth and flushing noises are
heard.

CURLY
I’m feeling pretty flush myself! Kiss
me, I’m virush!

MOE
How about one in the kisser?

Moe slaps Curly.

MOE
What we gotta put together is a medical
miracle!

They go over to a lab set-up. Moe pulls out rubber boot. Larry
and Curly start handing him chemical beakers.

MOE
I need some farbecella. A dash of
humperpahpa. Give 10 cc’s of
Mericbilin.

Curly hands him a beaker.

MOE
Is this 10 cc’s?

CURLY
Si, si!

MOE
Now I need two.

CURLY
Two?

MOE
One-two

Moe counts his two finger the jabs Curly in the eyes. Larry
steps up.

LARRY
 Cut that out. I’ll show you medicine
what is medicine!

Larry pours in some more liquids and it starts smoking.

LARRY
This’ll cure what ails ya!

Moe sniffs it.

MOE
If it don’t kill ya. Here, give some
of this to the patient.

He hands the boot to the Doctor. Who hands it to the nurse.

The nurse give some to the patient. The patient wakes up.

MOE
Success!

LARRY & CURLY

Success!

They all shake hands.

MOE
How you feeling, kid?

PATIENT
Hungry, actually. I could go for a
nice bat hero.

STOOGES
Whoa!

The stooges all react negatively and flee.

The end