SIMPLY PUT

I'm going to keep this workshop rather analog and simple

because attracting one's partner is actually a very simple
formula. The real effort comes from unblocking, expanding,
stepping into your worth and MOST IMPORTANTLY   –not
settling. Therefore, I want to cut all the fat and spiritual fluff,
so you truly integrate the important meat.

Manifesting a partner all comes down to energetics, with the

most important energetic being revealed right out the gate:
not settling. This means completely and utterly valuing your
worth and not settling for anything less than what you
deserve and want. That concept is the main energetic in
attracting your partner. This can be distilled down into
appreciating your authentic worth so much, that you would
not settle for a partner who isn't in alignment with your
worth — and vice versa for those who are consciously or
unconsciously calling you in (as well).  

Let's start with the first and most important concept that
might help you begin to understand why you are even
attracted to certain people and why they are attracted to
you in the first place! This will give you a foundation (and
reality) to stand on when tests begin showing up. And it will
help to deprogram any happily ever after Disney movies that
have been affecting every client of mine – the "but what if
he’s the one" syndrome.

THE ONE
Number one, there is no such thing as the one.

THE ONES • There are many people for every one person.
Always. Everyone is simply our teacher and our mirror. We
are all shifting, expanding and we're all in constant motion;
therefore, as we evolve, our "ones" can transition as well.
However, when two people continue to evolve together at
the same pace, this is a long-lasting unity. But let go of "the
one."  This idea keeps far too many of my clients spinning
their wheels for far too long in the wrong courting, dating,
and relationship dynamics.

Now, I'm not proposing to leave a relationship as soon as the

going gets tough. Not at all. Especially when one is in a
conscious (two people committed to working on themselves
and the relationship) dynamic, and they are evolving at the
same pace. But again, there is no "one." As soon as the
fictitious "one" shows up, and your hormones and brain
chemistry balance out after the six months to two-year bliss,
you are going to be faced with your mirror who is here to
show you all the places that you need to grow and develop.
We don't have "ones," we have teachers who mirror.

MIRRORS • The Universe sends us mirrors to show us where

we need to heal, expand and grow to align back into our
authentic selves. These mirrors come in the form of suitors
and relationships. Therefore, where our worth is high, we
receive the mirrors that bring the best out of us. Where our
worth is low, we receive mirrors that bring out the worst in
us. You can further call the latter "lessons," for they have
come to teach us quite a few lessons on where we need to
grow our worth and get into our authentic selves. You can
further deduce that when you are with someone (or many
people) who bring out the worst in you, you are further away
from your worthy authentic self.

These lessons can show up in many different ways!

Emotionally unavailable, cheaters, abusive, uninterested
(when you are), not your match but you're with them
anyway...the list goes on. Lessons are your most significant
gifts because they put you right into the frustrating and
sometimes painful tension that forces you into doing the
work that's needed to shift closer to your authentic, worthy
self!

TRAUMA BONDING
Now onto the fun bit.

OLD BRAIN • Everyone attracts partners from their

prehistoric limbic brain or old brain, aka the subconscious
mind. The one that was imprinted in childhood. It imprinted
everything it was exposed to through caretakers, media,
peers, community, and so forth. Therefore, the subconscious
draws your suitors and partners from the modeling it
witnessed growing up. We attract our trauma through these
missing puzzle pieces that our brain believes will make us
whole.

Have you ever had the experience where you've met a

person, and it felt like an instant addiction? Instant love at
first sight? "I feel like I've known you my whole life. Can't
live without you. I know you're the one." This is called
trauma bonding. It means their trauma attracted your
trauma. Meaning that we attract suitors and partners who
are the culmination of the traits of the caretakers who raised
us. We do this because our subconscious believes that we
will be able to work out our underdeveloped worth, trauma,
and pain through this missing puzzle piece Unconsciously,
you believe you will make each other whole.

Dating variations of this can be: you feel this instant

attachment and fireworks moment, but the other person
doesn't reciprocate. They represent the other half of your
trauma, but you don't represent the other half of theirs.

SLOW YOUR ROLL • The next time you have the full-
fledged fantasy and you project it on the suitor showing up,
stop yourself. You are literally having an unconscious trauma
bond reaction to the person in front of you. This doesn't
mean "you are destined for one another." It just means that
your fucked-upness is in degrees of opposition to their
fucked-upness. And you've come together to unconsciously
mirror back the healing needing to take place in each of you
individually.

Let the Disney story go. Let the fantasy go. Let love at first
sight go. Let, "well they live above the spot I always go for
dinner, so that must mean something, right?" go. Yes, you
can attract exactly what you want (outlined throughout this
entire workshop); however, it will never be happily ever
after. So I hope this imparts some chill-out vibes when you
have that visceral reaction to the person showing up who is
"everything you've ever dreamed of." That's great, but slow
your roll and learn in the next few days why you need to be
in your worth and navigate accordingly.  

BUT WHAT IF NOTHING IS

SHOWING UP AND IM ALWAYS
SINGLE? 
This can be due to several factors.

1. Your subconscious isn't expanded enough to know that

you are capable of having what you want, for it hasn't
seen that such a person and relationship exists (more
on this tomorrow).
2. You have deep-rooted shadow created by shame that
you aren't worthy of love.
3. Or you have deep-rooted fears of abandonment (usually
from childhood or adolescence).
4. Or you are subconsciously fearful of recreating the
relationship(s) you saw modeled by your caretakers,
which felt potentially toxic, boring, a prison, stale,
controlling, or lacking romance. This can be because it
seemed confining or painful; therefore, your
subconscious rejects ever wanting to find yourself in
the same situation (for your limbic brain believes that
this will be true for any relationship you enter).
5. You've been programmed to believe that you "want" a
certain thing, but your soul desires something totally
different. This can look like one client, and friend, who
had grown up on the Upper East Side around wealthy,
successful, high-profile men. She attracted these in, few
and sparingly, and they were always emotionally
unavailable. Then, while watching the show "Sons Of
Anarchy," she found herself having a visceral and soul
reaction to one of the characters. He was dark, but
sensitive, artistic, nomadic, unrefined, and spirited. She
called me, living in LA and all, wondering if it's because
she and the actor were meant to be together? I said,
 "most likely not, and this is actually a really common
thing. It's your soul showing you what you actually
desire while also expanding you” (more on expanders
tomorrow). Later that week, she met this actor's
doppelganger (a New Zealander and all) in line at a
bakery. The complete opposite of everything she'd ever
been "fed" that she should be with. They now live
together and are very much in love. 

SO YOU'RE SAYING
When that little version of you that bought into Disney
magic, happily ever after, and prince charming meets the
next person and begins to fantasize or project where you'd
like a relationship to go, take a step back and realize that
what is actually happening is your subconscious has
recognized this person as having many of the dysfunctional
characteristics of your caretakers combined. Therefore, they
feel like your soulmate or someone who is going to help you
work out unfinished business from childhood  – romantically
referred to as "completing you." When we are "drawn" to
someone, it is because of this. Hopefully, this will breathe
some reality into some of you who are too quick, easy,
giving, and needy and attach. I have been all of those things
in the past, and I see it daily in my practice with clients.

LISTEN
Let's uncover some subconscious stuff. Sit up in a chair, so
you don't fall asleep. These meditations are most effective
when you are very relaxed and cover your eyes. Everyone's
device will be different, so adjust the volume to your comfort
level.