Laura Conaway

Critique Letters
Dear ______,
I enjoyed reading through your chapter and found it engaging. The synopsis you provided
in class about how you envision the story unfolding was helpful while reading this section.
There is great dialogue between the characters, specifically Pince and Toril. In addition,
the descriptive words used were well done. I found myself able to envision the situation, setting,
and interactions between the characters and the scenario that was playing out. I found the ability
to orchestrate this technique important for readers, especially when reading fantasy, because it
takes less time for them to transport themselves, so to speak, into this world. To go along with
this idea, I feel your execution of evoking a fantasy world was well done. As the reader, I felt it
easy to imagine this kingdom and the characters’ quest to the ruined city and the anticipation for
visiting Corian. Through this imagination, I was able to consider the possibility of this being a
real place even though I know that is not correct. Therefore, the process of suspending the
reader’s disbelief, I felt, was done effectively.
Your attention to grammar was also good, and I did not notice any major mistakes. The
only word I would change is on page nine where Renault is speaking and says “alright.” I believe
this should be switched to two words, “all right.”
You also did a great job of providing a situation that makes the reader want to keep
reading and find out what will happen. Some of the questions going through my mind were what
happened in Illuthe, where are all the people if they aren’t dead in the city? These types of
questions encourage the reader to keep going to find out more.
There was a portion of the chapter I was confused about. On page one, it states that Pince
is not excited about being a knight. From the first paragraph, I gathered that Pince is frustrated
and begrudging his call as a knight by the way he drags the sword and is sitting by the tree at the
stable. Why does he get upset over this calling? Is it a responsibility or title he doesn’t want to
have? Then, on the last page, nine, when the king tells Toril it would be good to take Pince on
the journey to Corian, Pince gets excited about going on this journey to a faraway place. What is
the switch that happens in his mentality? Does he still not want to be a knight but is someone
who likes adventure? Is it through his encounter with Toril investigating the burned city that his
mind changes? If that is the case, it would help the reader to make that clearer. Or is this
excitement and desire to be a knight going to be explained in a different chapter?
I also feel some back story or setting would help the reader understand what is
happening, why, and where it’s all taking place. By doing this, it will further the reader’s
imagination and suspension of disbelief. I also enjoyed the dialogue on page seven between Toril
and Pince as they are walking to the castle and she jokes with him about being quite a character.
I think this interaction is well done and shows a bit of Pince’s character and personality. I feel
there is a sense of Toril’s personality coming through during this chapter as well with the way
she interacts with Pince and the King Renault. I would encourage you to continue drawing out
each character’s personality so that the reader can get a sense for who they are and decide if they
are going to love or hate that specific character.

Overall, you did a fantastic job, and I am excited to read more.

Sincerely,

Laura Conaway
Laura Conaway
Critique Letters
Dear _______,
I really liked reading through the first chapter of your mystery novel. I think you did a
fantastic job of bringing the reader into the scenario and scene at hand right away; it was a good
jumping off point. This engagement made me, as the reader, want to keep going and find out
what Jack is doing and how the TV news will play a part later in the story.
I also think you did a phenomenal job of bringing out character’s personality traits.
Specifically, on page four, I see this tactic done with the interaction between Jack and Stephanie
at the hotel. I got the sense that Jack is arrogant and prideful and enjoys flirting with women. On
the other hand, Stephanie is a girl who falls prey to that flirting and feels the need to have a guy
helping her. In addition, Trey’s character was well done, too with his vocal thoughts and
interactions with Jack in the hotel lobby. I think these individual characteristics continue to shine
through during the rest of the chapter and the reader gets a stronger feel for who these people are
and what they are like. This technique is important in helping the reader develop an attachment
or dislike for each person, which is all the more important in a mystery as people are labeled as
victims, suspects, or culprits.
I also enjoyed how you kept the reader guessing, which makes them want to read another
chapter and find out what is going to happen. For example, with the men in the hotel room and
the strange smells and situation that plays out with them, I continued to run different possibilities
in my head as to what may be actually happening. At the end of the chapter, I was also left with
questioning how Jack dies from the food and what about this food is making people fatally sick
considering that it is happening to random people throughout the city.
Finally, the use of imagery throughout the chapter evokes a plethora of feelings for the
reader, and I feel this was done exceptionally well. From describing the smells in the hotel to the
interaction with the upset mother and family who was awakened by the noises, I was able to
visually picture what was happening and play it out like a movie in my head.
There are a few suggestions I would make to improve this piece. The majority of the
grammar is accurate; however, on page five, there were a few errors to be fixed. An extra “o”
should be added for “to” when it says “by the way, she is way to young for you…” The word “it”
should be inserted after isn’t [it] time to settle down?” And finally, glaze should be changed to
gaze in the sentence that says, “she catches my glaze and flashes me a smile.”
In addition, I liked the beginning of the story and the two characters, Jack and Sarah
bumping into each other on the street. I am intrigued with how this is going to play out later on
in the story. But, I felt that the topic/discussion was random and too in-depth for a quick
interaction passing by on the sidewalk. Specifically, I’m referring to when Sarah says that she
wants a sincere apology for never giving Beth one. Does Sarah hold a grudge against Jack, and is
that why she is asking him to do this? Clarifying this situation may be helpful for the reader to
further understand the significance of this conversation.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this portion, and I am looking forward to reading more.

Sincerely,

Laura Conaway