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A WoMan of Many FaceS

Teen mom
Special edition

Alexa Perez

December 2010

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Table of Contents

 Beginning of a WoMan of Many Faces


 Pregnancy
 Emotional Reactions
 Education
 Support
 Independence
 Living on my own
 Employment
 The present and my current roles
 Testimonials from family, friends and co-workers

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The beginning of a WoMan of Many Faces

I describe myself as a Woman of many faces because on a daily basis I have

to play various roles in order to survive in the society we live in. I am a mother first,

but I am also a financial provider, educator, student, sister, and daughter. My story

is not uncommon where I was raised. I grew up in Washington Heights and became

a mother at the age of fourteen. Many young girls were becoming and are still

becoming teenage mothers not only in my neighborhood, but all over the country.

Due to my early pregnancy, I have experienced many obstacles along my journey.

The balance between motherhood and work has not been easy, but despite my many

adventures, I have emerged a successful woman.

Being Latina possesses two strikes against me, one for being part of a

minority group and two for being female. Being a Female in general, we come

across many disadvantages especially when coupled with being a teenage mother

and a low social status. However, there are certain that can be avoided, one being

becoming a teenage parent. This is why communication between children and

parents is crucial, especially when children are entering adolescents. I strongly

believe that if parents felt more comfortable speaking with their children about sex

and proper protection then the outcome would be lower rates of teenage

pregnancies.

I am a single mother of three boys, as well as taking care of my younger

brother and a Yorkie dog. The key toward my daily success relies heavily within the

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support of my brother and children. I like to preach this to them “we each have a

job to fulfill and I personally have made many sacrifices to get to where we are

today, therefore your complaints do not take away what has to be done, so just do

it.” This sounds harsh but if I am not stern with them and myself it would be

impossible to provide financially for them. Therefore I ensure I am inserting values

ever day that passes by.

My mother grew up in a strict and traditional household. My grandfather

was very militant and his daughters were not allowed to date. My mother got

married at a young age because she wanted to become independent from her

parents. Therefore she married in order to start a new life with freedom and not

face as much limitations. However she became a widow after the age of twenty

when my father passed away and I was only a one year old baby. My mother was

faced with being a single parent and she was forced to have my grandparents

support her and help her raise me. This made a huge impact on her parenting skills

as she was very laid back with my upbringing, hence my outcome.

The parenting style of my mother and I differ tremendously. I would have

never allowed my daughter to have had a boyfriend at the age of thirteen. That was

my situation. This is how old I was when I met my first son’s father. I was not a

rebel growing up. I was extremely shy. I was a “good girl”. But somehow was

persuaded by my son’s father to engage in unprotected sex. He was five years older

than me, but my mother still allowed me to have this relationship. Looking back, I

do not believe my mother was a bad parent, but her approach toward teenage

relationships should have been different! What do teenagers know about love? A

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very debatable topic, without a right or wrong answer, but surprisingly we were

allowed to date even with the huge age difference at the time. My son’s father was

accepted in my mother’s house and when I met his mother she was not pleased, but

allowed me in her household anyway. There were plenty of criticisms about my

mother’s character from her, even though she was also condoning it.

Pregnancy

When I found out I was pregnant I thought my life was over. How was I

going to face my mother, but most importantly my grandfather? He was my father

figure and has always played a major role in my life. I feared of the outcome that

that news would bring and I ran away with my son’s father. We ended up staying

with my mother’s friend for a month, at his cousin’s house for about two months. It

was insane that friends and family supported us in staying away from my family. I

was scared to death and ashamed and I also put my mother through a difficult

turmoil by running away. I felt that is what I needed to do in order to keep the

baby that was growing in my womb. However, my son’s father’s cousin had a

conversation with us and at that point we both realized that it was time for us to go

home.

Emotional Reactions

I can’t describe how I felt going back home, it was simply terrifying. Mostly

facing my grandfather, those were one of the worst feelings of my life. I knew then

that things were going to be different forever. The relationship had changed and

there was a great distance between us. My mother was happy that we rekindled our

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relationship. My son’s father’s family was not too pleased with the situation, but I

was too far in my pregnancy so abortion was out of the question. I started living

with my son’s father at his mother’s house, which was a huge challenge as I was no

longer the average teenager. During that time, the living arrangements at his house

was far better that the one at mine. So I was somewhat lucky and grateful that his

mother opened her home to me. However my family was not welcomed at all, which

created a farther distance between my family and me. Ironically we lived only one

avenue apart. I never had my mother or anyone else accompanies me to a prenatal

visit. I accomplish those things on my own. I was living in a household with people

that did not care about me, but dealt with me because of my unborn child. I was

lonely and sad but there was no way I could turn back at that point. The

relationship between my son’s father and I, took a toll for the worse during this

period. His father was controlling and abusive, but it is a common characteristic in

most young couples I have seen.

The arrival of my son Aaron was painful and unique. I did not know what I

was going to feel or expect. The emotions were grand. The pregnancy was a

struggle and this was due to my age and emotional condition. I experienced high

blood pressure, but delivered a healthy and full term baby. Aaron joined me into

the world March 08, 1991. Although my mother was mainly absent during my

pregnancy it was her who I requested and wanted be present throughout my

delivery. She was the only person who attended it.

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Education

My education suffered with many missed days of school. I did not graduate

from middle school. Therefore my options were limited. I obtained assistance from

a social worker from the New York-Presbyterian. She provided me with a listing of

alternative high schools. West Side high school stood out because it had a large

population of teenage mothers and in school daycare: “The Life Program”. This

program was facilitated by the board of education and it was free of charge to

students. I saw this as my opportunity to not become just another statistic. I

wanted to continue my education. I went into West Side by myself and successfully

enrolled into the school.

Support

Although my mother did not provide me with the guidance and support that

I needed, I was very fortunate to have crossed paths with amazing individuals that

actually cared about their jobs and provided me with the support that I didn’t

receive from my mother. West Side high was the perfect choice for me and I made

the best decision in choosing that to continue with my educations. In this school, I

received the greatest support from caring and devoted teachers, especially from my

grade advisor; she was amazing and filled a huge void. West Side was not known

for their academics foundation but they also had the most effective support system

for teenagers like me.

The social worker also introduced me to The Valley. This was a youth

organization that assisted teenagers. It held several programs that ranged from

preventive care, guidance, parental work shops, tutoring and much more. I was

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part of TASA, whose purpose was to serve teenage mothers. The Valley made house

visits, held trips, as well as conducted ceremonies in recognition and rewarding all

their youths for making changes and strides within their lives on a daily basis. The

youths that took part in this organization were from low income households. I am

extremely grateful that I had them to guide me. It was with the help of The Valley

that I was able to gain independence. I became very engaged with my social worker

at The Valley to the point where she understood that my living conditions were

emotionally unhealthy for me. I went back to living with my mother in my aunt’s

house.

Independence

It was my social worker that assisted me with my housing. She set an

interview for with a Tier Two Shelter, the West End Intergenerational Program.

She also accompanied me to the interview. Fortunately to me I was accepted into

the shelter. The shelter provided temporarily housing for teenage mothers. I was

closer toward being fully independent and living on my own. The program served

as assistance in seeking low income apartments. At this point, I learned that I was

pregnant with my second son. This was an overwhelming discovery considering I

was taking contraceptives and was very aware about prevention. I was involved in a

new relationship and I was only seventeen, but did not want to have an abortion.

The emotions and feelings were different. Ironically I was not as scared as I was

with my first pregnancy. This time I was at a different place in my life. But I was

once again involved with a partner that was also controlling and had a strong

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temperament. I knew it was not going be easy. I proceeded with the second

pregnancy. Tough times were heading my way but this was the path I had chosen.

Darrin my second son was born on December 22, 1993. He was healthy and

was a full term. This was a much more pleasant pregnancy and delivery then the

first. My social worker at the shelter helped me tremendously with making some

crucial decisions about housing. I had lived at the shelter for eleven months before I

found an apartment for my two boys and myself. At eighteen years old I was living

on my own and graduating high school. It was exciting for me, a sense of worth and

accomplishment. I was and continue to be very proud of myself. It had been a long

journey and this was the beginning of a new chapter. A college education was the

next step.

In 1999, my brother started living with me and my sons, he was fourteen

years old. The reason for this life change was due to extenuating circumstances.

My mother could not provide him with the proper environment and because I

always loved my brother in a special way I could not allow him to grow up in chaos.

Therefore, I decided that the most appropriate decision was to keep him in my

household and under my guidance.

After that I had a fourth addition to my family. Jared was born on August

25, 2006. Twelve years after my second son, a long gap compared to the previous

two. He also was not planned, but I still say he is my blessing.

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Employment

I have held several jobs of increasing responsibilities. I worked in the

medical room throughout my high school years, as well as for summer youth for

four years during the summer. I was then hired as a full time regular employee at

Mid Manhattan Library where I stayed for two years. I then moved on to retail

and worked four and half years at the GAP. Thereafter I worked for Apple Bank

for a year and half, and lastly joined HSBC Bank USA NA. This is where you

would find me these days. I have worked for the company for ten years. I am a

Premier Customer Experience Associate. My role is crucial within my branch not

only in serving clients but as a team player.

The Present and Current Roles

My college career has been difficult. Juggling between motherhood,

employment and school has not been easy. Each role has been extremely

demanding! Attaining my college degree has been the hardest accomplishment for

me. I have attended College part-time on and off for several years. This is because

I have experienced many bumps along the way, but I am now closer toward

completing my undergrad degree. I am now a senior and just need a few more

credits before graduating.

My priority has always been and will continue to be being a mother. I feel

that I have done an excellent job at it. I may not be perfect but I think I am one of

the best. I love being a mother! I am devoted 110% toward this role. I have filled

the role of being a mother and father for my children and my brother. My children

are my priorities and I am their biggest supporter. I tend to their needs first before

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anything else. I enjoy spending quality time with them. I always read to them

because I knew how essential it has been and still is for their developmental growth.

I keep a firm hand with their schooling. I continuously have played various roles

within their schools. I have participated in many functions such as: Parent Teacher

Association, School Leadership Team, Bake Sales, and more. I know that my strong

involvement with my children puts them ahead of the game because they have

received special attention and this is very important to me. I am a strong believer in

working closely together with their teachers because I want them to have many

options.

For the most part, I have raised my children alone. It has been extremely

difficult but I have been quite successful in raising them. They are great children

and my oldest is now a college student. He graduated from the Beacon High School,

which is an excellent school. My second child is a High School Senior and my

youngest is in a Pre-K program with a private daycare. My brother works full time

and will be starting college in the fall.

I have experience many obstacles but aside from all the turbulence; I can say

that I have done descent job for myself and my family. I was a teenage mother that

was able to graduate on time from high school. I am lucky to have crossed paths

with many outstanding individuals that cared. Its not often we come across people

that truly want to make a difference. I am successful, but I have to also give credit

to my brother who assisted me with my sons while I attended night courses at

Hunter. After my last child was born my brother also became engaged with

dropping my baby off at daycare, as well as my oldest son. In my household we are

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a TEAM and need each other. This is how my family functions. It is also by this

that I am inserting values. I also communicate with them openly about sex and

drugs. I do not want the cycle to repeat. Therefore I constantly speak to my

children and brother. So far I have been successful. My brother has said he is not

having children for now. He has felt the pressure of dealing with them and knows

you have to be prepared to bring a life into this world. My boys have also sensed

what it would be to have children at a young age. I rely on them heavily and they

have no choice but to be my hands with the youngest. It is not often young girls

have the opportunity in sharing their stories. No one can understand or relate

unless they have walked the same road. I always express that I am not normal. I

am a woman of many faces.

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Testimonial

My name is Mary Ellen and I have the extreme pleasure of working with Alexa.

We have been coworkers for over a year and I can honestly say that she is one

of the hardest working women I know. Between her job, school and her family,

Alexa takes on multiple tasks a day without hesitation. She is able to find the

humor in a situation that some might find overwhelming. I believe her dedication

and grace helps her to succeed. Her work ethic is highly regarded. She is

reliable and trustworthy. I appreciate Alexa’s passion and willingness to learn.

While working with Alexa I have learned not only about her but also about her

family. She is a wonderful and caring mother of 3 boys (4 if you count her

brother). I know by the way Alexa speaks about her family that she would do

anything for them. I am lucky and honored to have been able to work with her

and wish I could have a branch full of employees just like her.

My name is Tisha Brugman and I run a group family daycare called Lil' Thinkers. This is where

my affiliation with Alexa began. She enrolled her son Jared in my family daycare. Alexa Perez

character is of a very skilled, hardworking and nurturing individual who ensures that she sets a

good example for her children. I believe Alexa will excel in anything she puts her mind too. She is

a well rounded person.

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