Assignment 2:

Love and Communications in Intimate Relationships

Name: Thomas Paul

Prompt 1: Family, Peers, or Culture

Source:
Mother and Father
Using YOUR OWN narrative describe an event, experience, or situation that conveyed a
message about Love and Communications in Intimate Relationships (1-4 paragraphs).
Growing up, my parents’ relationship was rocky to say the least. Being the youngest of six kids, I
have come to live in a time of their old and grumpy years, but they have their moments. Many of
them, specifically revolving around faith and family. Yelling at everyone to “get the hell in the
car or were leaving without you” on the way to Sunday service sounds harsh at times, but then I
understand how many times they’ve done this, and I cut them some slack.
But there was this one time. A random night when all my siblings were away scattered across the
country either at different jobs or in school. Just me and my parents alone in the house. I was,
naturally, hiding away in my room and they were cooking dinner together which is unusual.
Either my dad cooks on the grill or my mom does the kitchen work-conforming to social norms.
But this night way different. I walk downstairs from my lair and see them slow dancing in the
middle of the kitchen. I don’t want to think about this in the least bit so to help myself get
through this; I was NOT sexual- it was ‘intimate’. They weren’t kissing or anything or getting all
grabby, it was just 2 people, who have been together for 40 or so years looking into each other’s
eyes and truly appreciating one another. This really showed me an example of love at a young
age and as much as I can thought its gross, it was special and was a positive example that I’m
fortunate to have witnessed.
What message does your narrative convey about Love and Communications in Intimate
Relationships (1-4 paragraphs)?
Did it convey a healthy relationship? Volatile? What did you learn about intimate relationships
from this source?
In my opinion, I can see that not many people unfortunately can say they have seen this example
of love displayed by their parents, so of course I learned something. I learned to not take this for
granted. I am fortunate to have loving parents as much as they give me a hard time, and it has set
a precedent of what my future marriage should look like. And although there are peaks and
valleys in this relationship, the valleys are small compared to the peaks. This may not seem like a
healthy relationship from the fighting and screaming sometimes, but deep down, I know they live
for each other and their children. Another thing I have learned from this relationship of my
parents is that one fight does not mean you cannot work through it. This has led to me applying
this same principle in some of my relationships were one fight doesn’t defy the status of a couple
and most things can be worked on and improved.
Critical Analysis of the message using a SOCIAL framework (1-4 paragraphs):
One social difference that my mother and father had when they started dating was that my father
parents did not like my mom since she wasn’t Italian. My grandparents on my fathers’ side came
over from Italy and did not want to “change the genes” through their son. They were not
accepting of my mother into their family. This cultural difference was overlooked between to my
parents but was still an underlying disappointment to my grandparents, especially my
grandfather. My mom had to learn to adapt to the situations at hand. For example, when they
were dating, my mother told me that she absolutely had to finish every single piece of food
cooked by my grandmother that was put on her plate or it was considered a sign of disrespect.
She learned to not change who she was but adapt some of her activities to make a sacrifice for
their relationship.
Now for me to see this as a child and hear the stories from them about their rocky bumps in their
relationship history sends an important message. Not everything’s perfect at first. But with a
different outlook and a hope for a brighter future, there really is no boundary for love, cheesy
right? But its true, its something that all of us have within us no matter our race, gender, social
class, etc. This has definitely sent a message of hopefulness and optimism for my future.
 Prompt 2: Media
Type of Media:
Television
Source of Media:
Jim and Pam: The Office

What message does the media convey about Love and Communications in Intimate
Relationships (1-4 paragraphs)?
Depending on if you have watched the show, Jim and Pam have an ongoing relationship that
lasts 9 seasons long. You see them drop subtle hints at having a crush for each other, denying it,
accepting it, and eventually getting married. Seeing their whole relationship beginning to end
unfold in front of the viewer, made you feel different emotions, whether it was happy or gloomy
corresponding to the way their relationship was acting at the moment, but what I like most about
their relationship was what the relationship stood for.
What this relationship conveyed to me was that some of the finest things are worth waiting for.
You see Jim from the viewers perspective that he knows she is cute and wants to pursue her. But
unlike what modern media portrays, he didn’t jump on this opportunity to date her right away. It
is clear to see a friendship needed to first be built before Jim would make any moves and this
resulted in a stronger relationship in the end. Although he wasn’t dating Pam, he still looked out
for her by protecting her through another bad relationship, and once they were dating, he did
things like trying to make everyone in the office follow her eating habits when she was pregnant
and other various acts of kindness. It was the small things like these that made it clear that he
cared for her, which is a very good example of a healthy relationship. This type of media truly
conveyed the proper types of communication and chivalry among two people who love each
other, and I think every viewer, whether they realized it or not, learned from this.
Critical Analysis of the message using a SOCIAL framework (1-4 paragraphs):
As stated previously, the relationship had its up and downs, as most do. It began with just Jim
and Pam being friends in the office, they watched each other go through other relationships and
hardships. They eventually came to their senses and started dating, had children got married, and
moved in with each other. Conflict exists when Jim takes a job in another city and is gone from
Pam for a long period of time. Pam is not happy for this even though its been Jim’s dream job for
a while. It ends with them coming to a resolution where they relocate while they keep all of their
friends in Scranton, but ultimately proves, life goes on. While they were separated, there were
issues and bumps within their love life as the separation was getting to both Pam and Jim,
handling the kids and the work drama. It wasn’t the same once one of them left to pursue dreams.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEQcQ-1feqA

(or google search this is the pdf doesn’t display the URL… “Jim & Pam: Real Love - The Office US”)

In this video, the first 30 seconds or so displays Stonewalling, 1 of the 4 Horsemen. You can see that Jim
and Pam re having relationship problems as Jim is leaving once again for his new job. This is a dramatic
time for their relationship since it means that Pam must take on challenges without Jim which she is
learning to come accustomed to and is finding it hard to keep going happily without him. In this
interaction, you see them parting ways, but instead of Pam being exited and joyfully saying goodbye, she
stonewalls the conversation by saying a simple, ”bye” and not displaying her actual affection toward Jim
or speaking up about what she didn’t like. The Four Horsemen video displays that the anecdote to
stonewalling is to wait 20 minutes, calm down, then return to the conversation. Now, with this being a
television show, that 20 minutes was actually only around a minute or so, but you can see that revisiting
the conversation opened up new things and emotions later in the video clip, which proves the coping
mechanisms in the Four Horsemen video.

I think that something this show did well is that they did not blow anything out of proportion. It was a
very real experience watching this relationship evolve given that the show is all about and average life of
people working in an office. So, I really think the struggles and exiting times depicted in the show were
as close to real as they can be. Normally, television would blow love out of proportion and make a
fairytale ending, but this wasn’t the fact in the office. The whole premise of the show was average
people doing average things, which is why it thrived- it went against anything television at the time was
producing and defied the typical love story. Yes, there will be bumps in the road and sometimes it
doesn’t end up the way everyone wants it to, but hey, that’s life and nothing is perfect.