Prologue

My body shook to the point where it ached. I felt numb all over. Nothing felt real
anymore. How I didn�t want it to be real. The cold wind brushed against my body
when the door opened. I had not a single piece of clothing on my body. There was
only the blindfold that covered my eyes and a rope that bound both my wrists
together.

Warm hands wrapped around my waist. I flinched. I feel disgusting everytime they
touch me. Ayaw kong hinahawakan nila ako. They made me do disgusting things. They
hurt me.
The hand guided me down the sudden drop. I was now out of the car I was in. Even if
I couldn�t see anything, I knew I had been in a car. He tied my hands and drove for
hours and hours before I heard the engine stop. Tears began to drip from my eyes,
dampening the cloth that covered my eyes. The soles of my feet touched something
wet and sticky. Mud?
I was held captive for days. Tied, used, and tortured repeatedly. And I never even
saw their faces.

Was he going to kill me now? Was this the place where he was going to bury my body?
He placed me in front of him and we walked while he held me by my shoulders. Then
we stopped. I heard the clicking of something behind me. It was a gun. I knew
because I�d been in a shooting range with my Dad.

More tears streamed down my face. Hindi na ako natatakot mamatay. They�d done
things to me worse than death. I remember begging for them to just kill me, to just
end it all. I felt relieved now, soon I�d be out of my misery.

I thought of my family. My Mom and Dad, my siblings. There were so many things I
regretted. Sana niyakap ko si Mommy at Daddy bago ako umalis. I wished I could have
hugged them more. I wished I could have said I love you more. Sana nakinig ako sa
kanila.

Madaming sana ang tumatakbo sa utak ko pero huli na ang lahat.

I felt warm breath breathing in and out behind my ear. �Takbo.�

His voice was deep and throaty. Suddenly, my heart stopped beating.

�Tumakbo ka at huwag na huwag kang titigil. Kapag nahuli kita babarilin kita.� He
warned and then fired a shot. Napaigti dahil sa gulat ng marinig ko ang putok ng
baril. �TAKBO!�

Adrenaline kicked in. My legs began to move. I ran. Hindi ko na inisip kung saan
ako pupunta. Gusto ko lang makatakas. Gusto kong makawala. I ran even though I
couldn�t see where I was going. I ran as fast as I could. I ran and I ran until I
could no longer feel my legs. I lost track of time. I could be running for hours
and I wouldn�t know. I just wanted to get away from the monsters who had hurt me.
And so I ran even faster. Exhaustion chased after me and it caught up. My legs gave
in and I blacked out.

Hingal na hingal na napaupo ako sa kama. My heart was beating a thousand miles per
minute, even though it was cold I could feel beads of sweats on my forehead, my
body shook like a leaf.

�It was just a dream. Calm down.� I tried to soothe myself with those words.

I hugged my folded knees against my chest and rocked back and forth. It was just a
dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. They can�t get you now.
But no matter how hard I tried to comfort myself I still ended up crying. I buried
my face into my knees and cried as horrible memories began to assault me again. I
took shallow breaths as fear choked my throat. It made me want to crawl out of my
skin. I felt dirty and disgusting.

I was found in the middle of a plantation by a farmer and his wife, still
blindfolded and my hands tied together. Dinala nila ako sa bahay nila at dinamitan.
When I regained my consciousness, they helped me contact my parents. Dad cried
angry tears when he found out about what happened to me, he swore he�d kill whoever
did those horrible things to me. Mom broke down. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga
mukha nila at ng mga kapatid ko habang nakatitig sa akin. There was nothing in
their eyes but sadness, pity, and anger. Sinubukan nilang hanapin kung sino ang
gumawa nito sa akin. But it was done so flawlessly. They found no clue, no trace,
no witnesses.

I rocked myself back and forth over and over. Sana pinatay na lang nila. This was
worse than death. Paulit-ulit bumabalik sa isip ko ang kahayupang ginawa nila sa
akin. Sometimes I just want to hit my head on the wall really hard, hoping I�d
forget all these. I didn�t want to remember anymore but some memories are stronger
than what we want.

Chapter One
�Hey, sweety. Fall is already starting there. I�m sure it�s getting colder now.
Magsuot ka ng makapal na coat, okay? I don�t want you to get sick. Always keep your
door and windows locked. Saka huwag kang masyadong magpapagod sa trabaho. If you
need anything, call us. Your Dad, siblings and I miss you so much.� It was a voice
message from Mom.

I sighed heavily and pressed the button to make it stop before the next message
played. I�d been living in California for the past four years now. Bumibisita naman
sina Mama at Daddy dito, they visit almost every two months. Minsan pati yung mga
kapatid ko. I miss home but I couldn�t get myself to set foot in the Philippines.
Mas mabuting dito na lang ako. Hindi ko kayang tumapak doon na alam kong hanggang
ngayon malay pa rin ang gumawa sa akin ng kahayupang iyon. Mom and Dad never quit.
Hanggang ngayon hinahanap pa din nila ang dumukot at gumahasa sa akin. Dad swore he
would never stop until he finds them.I went to the bathroom and took my clothes
off. Much as I didn�t want to, I couldn�t help but lower my gaze and touched the
scar embedded on my left breast. I was branded like a farmyard animal and no amount
of skin laser therapy could ever remove this. I went into the shower when I
realized that I was going to be late for work. I worked as a librarian at a local
public library just a few miles away from my house. I overstayed in bed again so
now I had to rush. I wore a red cashmere sweater, a black skirt, dark stocking
underneath it, and a pair of brown leather boots. I grabbed my keys and made sure
all my windows and doors were locked before heading to my car. I started my car and
drove to our local library.

�Good morning, Mrs. Keri.� I greeted the old woman with a smile as I walked in, Ms.
Keri was the head librarian for over three decades now. She was at her workspace,
busy sorting out the returned books.

�Good morning, darling. How�s the weather outside?� She gave me a sweet smile. She
had genuine love for her work, she wouldn�t last this long if she didn�t. This old
dusty library had been my life for the past years I�d been here. This may seem like
a boring job but I�d rather deal with books than people. This place gave me the
quiet I needed.

�Getting colder.� I took off my brown coat and hang it on the rack. It was nice and
warm in here.
�Good thing it doesn�t snow in California. But my God, have you seen the trees?
Mother nature has outdone herself this season.� Her voice even though raspy from
smoking cigarettes, was cheery and welcoming as always.

�I�m going to put these books away.� I said, pushing one of the two book carts full
of, well, books.

�Hold on there, darling.� She said before I could even take my second step. She
closed the book in front of her and stack it up along with the books she�d already
scanned. �If I were to set you up on a date with my sweet nephew, what would you
say?�

�No, thank you.� I politely answered.

�My nephew�s name is Edward. He�s a smart young man, very kind and polite. He�s
always clean and well-groomed. Give yourself a chance to get to know him. I�m sure
you�ll like him.�

�I don�t think I�m ready to meet anyone yet.� I shrugged.

�Oh, darling.� She exaggeratedly put her hand to her forehead just like in those
old hollywood films. �What are you doing? Wasting your pretty face on this old,
smelly library? I�ve never heard you talk about any guy in all the time we�ve
worked together.�

�There haven�t been any.� My eyes lowered. �Dating is not my priority right now.�

�If I could bring back my youth and look as pretty as you, I�d be dating left and
right by now.� She shook her head, looking disappointed. �Would Saturday be good?�

I shook my head. �I�m sorry, Mrs. Keri. I have an appointment on Saturday.�

I meet with my therapist every Saturday. Cindy had helped me recover from the
trauma of what had happened to me. I used to get really vivid flashbacks before. It
was like watching a film of the assault, it felt like reliving it again and again.
It was hard at first but having someone to talk about it was a big help. Over time,
the flashbacks lessened and I started to live normally again but to this day it
still sometimes visits me in my dreams.

�If only we could switch bodies.� She sighed deeply.

Yeah, if only. I didn�t want to be stuck in this body anymore. I hate what had been
done to it, I hate what it remembers, I hate what it let them do�
I shook my head, trying to push the thought away. I sorted the books out, putting
them back in their proper shelves. This helps me keep my mind off of things that I
shouldn�t think about. I just had to make sure the books should be in the genre
they belong, the titles in alphabetical order. That�s all I needed to think about.

�Excuse me.� I heard a deep voice from behind me with a tap on my shoulder.
Startled, the book I was holding flew out of my hand. It was followed by a manly
chuckle.
I frowned turning to face him. �Did you need any help?�

�No, I need a doctor.� He flashed a playful smile, revealing his pearly white
teeth. He was hot. Hollywood A-list kind of hot. He had dark and mysterious aura
about him. I didn�t know, maybe it was because of his dark, silky but messy hair or
was it his eyes? They were the darkest eyes I had ever seen, it was almost
vantablack. Vantablack is the darkest material ever made and looking at his eyes
made me feel like I�d been sucked into a black hole. �Of course, I need help.�
This was the first time I had ever seen him in my two years working in this
library. I knew almost everyone who comes in and out of here. I�d been friends with
most of them.

�Hello, earth to librarian.� He waved his hand in front of me. His words finally
sunk into me and I blinked.

�What do you need?� I rested my hand on my hip, showing him a little hostility.

�A book.� He said with a smug smile.

�Yes, but what type of book do you need?� I rolled my eyes.

�Sorry, you weren�t being specific.� He let out a delicious chuckle.

�You were the one who came up to me and asked for help.� My frown grew deeper and
then said under my breath, �Gwapo nga, antipatiko naman.�

�Salamat. Harsh judgement but still, I�m flattered.�

My eyes snapped up at him and then they widened. My jaw dropped open. Nakakaintindi
siya ng tagalog? He did not exactly look caucasian but he didn�t look like what a
typical Filipino would look like. He looked hispanic with his well-defined jawline,
his sharp nose narrow and boldly arrogant.

�Kabayan.� He sneered.

Nag-init ang magkabilang pisngi ko at tumalikod ako. I didn�t want him to see me
blush.

�I�m quite busy. Ano bang kailangan mo?�

�Saan ba dito ang psychology section. Sorry, this is the first time I�ve ever been
here. I still haven�t moved my books from my old house. I just moved into a new
home a couple of days ago.� He said.

�The last aisle to the left. That�s where all the psychology books are.� I answered
in an even tone, trying to send him the message that I wasn�t interested in talking
to him.

�Okay, thanks. See you around.� He said and then walked away.
I let out a deep breath it was as though I�d held it the whole time. Muli kong
binalik ang atensyon ko sa mga libro.

�Bye, darling. I�ll see you on Monday.� Mrs. Keri waved her hand at me and I
answered with a smile. I put the last of the book on the book cart and got ready to
go home. My mind battled whether to stop by at Papa John�s to grab a quick dinner
or should I just drop by at Safeway to do my grocery shopping. I grabbed my coat
and hoisted my bag on my shoulder. I made sure I�d locked the library before
getting out.

Kailangan ko pang umikot sa likod ng library dahil nandoon naka-park ang kotse ko.
Post lights lit up the outside of the library. I began to walk to the parking lot.
But I felt something off as I was walking. My shoes clicked clicked on the pavement
but I could hear another footsteps behind. I looked down and saw a shadow behind
mine. I began to pick up my pace, my fast walk became slow jog. My heart slammed
rapidly against my ribs. Nakita kong humabol din sa akin ang aninong nasa likod ko.

I dipped my shaky hand inside my purse and grabbed my can of pepperspray. I would
not let it happen again. No�
The shadow was getting closer to me. I turned around and aimed the pepperspray to
whoever it was. Just then a large hand grabbed mine, immobilizing them in a firm
grasp. I took a sharp inhale when my pepperspray dropped to the ground, taking away
the control I felt like I had at that time.

�Let me go!� I screamed. I had attended a bunch of self-defense and martial arts
class. I tried to kick him but he managed to block me off. Nadulas ako sa sahig at
nahulag ang malaking katawan sa ibabaw ko.

�Noo�� I silently said when I felt the heavy weight on me.

�Patayin mo na ako, demonyo ka! Patayin mo na lang ako. Just end this!� I screamed
over and over as he took me. My hands were tied above my head. I tried to pry my
hands off the rope but the more I pull, the more it tightened around my wrists. The
callous hand opened my legs wider and he thrust deeper and harder into me. I
screamed in pain. My insides were already sore and raw but he still wouldn�t stop.

�No! No! No! Get off me! Get off me!� I punched and pushed the body on top of me
and crawled away, hugging myself as I trembled. Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata
ko at pilit pinalis sa isip ko ang pangyayaring iyon.

�Hey� hey� it�s me. I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to scare you.� The voice gently said.
I looked up and saw his face. Still dark but there was now it had a soft and gentle
streak. His hand reached up to touch my face but I quickly slapped it before it
even came in contact with my skin.

�Get away from me!�

�I thought you were going to shoot me with a gun. I�m sorry.� He explained.

�Bakit mo ba ako sinusundan?� Galit na sabi ko.

�You locked me in the library.� He huffed. I stood up and dusted my skirt. Tumayo
din siya. He easily towered me as he was tall and big.

�Bakit hindi ka man lang nagsalita?�

�The lights suddenly went off. Nasa pinakadulong aisle ako. How was I supposed to
know?� He brushed his fingers through his midnight dark hair.

�Eh bakit sinusundan mo ako?� My eyes narrowed at him.

�Hindi kita sinusundan. Dito naka park ang kotse ko.� He shook his head. �I�m
Callum.�

He held his hand out to me.

I looked down at it but I didn�t take it. �Okay.�

�Okay?� His brows raised in amusement. �You�re really friendly.�

I gave him a sarcastic smile.

�So, are you going to tell me what your name is?�

�My name is none of your business.� I said and walked to my car.

Chapter Two
�Cindy, don�t do this to me.� I groaned. My therapist of four years told me she was
going to move to New York. She already told this to me two weeks ago but it just
finally sunk into me when she told me today that she won�t be seeing me anymore
next weekend.

�I�m sorry, Drey. I have to. I can�t pass up this opportunity. My boyfriend and I
have been planning for a long time to move to New York. Don�t worry, I found a good
therapist for you.� She said as she put her things in the box. Her bookshelves were
now empty, her table was empty, this room was empty now. She wasn�t supposed to see
any patients today as she was packing her things but I was here not as a patient
but a good friend. She�d been my therapist for three years and I didn�t know how
I�d do without her around anymore.

�But I only want you.� I pouted.

�I�m sure you�ll like your new therapist. He�s warm, friendly, and kind of funny.
I�ve spoken to him and liked him instantly and you know I don�t like a lot of
people.� She let out a wide smile.

�Wait- what? HE?!� Surprised, I got up from the armchair I was sitting on. A guy
therapist?

Cindy nibbled on her lower lip. �Drey, we�ve been going over this for years now.
You need to get over your fear of men.�

�I�m not scared of men. I�m just� just not comfortable around them.� I said,
hugging myself and rubbing my arms. �I don�t think I can see a guy therapist.�

�But you need to.� She rested her hand on my shoulder and rubbed it, trying to give
me comfort. �Think of this as one of our cognitive behavioral therapy. This might
be a way for you to get over your fear or you being uncomfortable around men. You
can�t live like this. You�re not just my patient, you�re my friend. You�re one of
the nicest, sweetest people I�ve known and you didn�t deserve what happened to you.
I want you to take your life back.�

�Thanks, Cindy.� I said, getting kind of teary-eyed.

�Will you try, Drey? Please?� She gave me a soft look.

I smiled and nodded my head.

�Thank you.� She said. �If things doesn�t work out with you and your new therapist
you could switch to a new one. But right now I want you to try.

�We said our goodbye and hugged each other and wished each other good luck. She
said if I needed anything I could always call her, not as a patient though but as a
friend. I helped her pack her things and carry it to her car. She told me I could
visit her when I go to New York. We hugged each other again.

�I hope when we see each other again, you already have a boyfriend.� She said when
we pulled away.

I laughed. I�d surely miss her. Meetings with her were so easy. It wasn�t a
clinical patient-therapist interaction. With her, I felt like I was just talking
with my girlfriend. She had been the only close friend I had since I moved to
California.

�Hey, none of your business.� A deep, manly voice made my head snap up. I looked at
the pair of dark eyes in front of me, they were so hypnotizingly black. I was
sitting in front of the bookshelves, putting the books on the bottom shelf.

�What do you want?� I averted my attention back to the books.

�I think this is yours.� He handed me my can of pepper spray, the one I dropped
when I thought he was following me and I tried to spray it on him.

�It�s rude to sneak on people like that! Don�t do that again!� My hand reached up
to snatch the can from his hand but our hands touched. It was so warm and for some
stupid reason, my cheeks heated up. I quickly pulled away from the hold and lowered
my head, avoiding his eyes.

�I wasn�t sneaking on you.� Even though I wasn�t looking at him, I could hear the
eye rolling in his voice. �Why would I do that? Mukha ba kong stalker?

�Stalker, no. But he looked dangerous, like sin personified. I shrugged. All men
are dangerous to me. They�re never truly harmless. The only men I could trust were
men in my family.

�I am working here. Pwede bang huwag mo akong kausapin, nagugulo ako.�

�Do you need help?�

�No, I�ve been doing this for years. I can handle this myself just fine.� I
shrugged, trying to keep my voice as cold and uninterested as I could. �If you
don�t have anything else to say, you can go down. I have alot of things I need to
get done.�

�I think we got on the wrong foot so let me reintroducing myself to you.� He sat
down on the floor next to me. � You already know my name, I�m Callum. I live just a
few blocks away from here. I�m originally from Maryland. Baltimore, to be precise
but I decided to move to San Francisco because why not? I work out four times a
week. I hate doing squats and I love jogging in the morning. I like my sandwich
without crust and my drinks with little ice. I tried In-N-out a couple of days ago,
we don�t have that in east coast, pretty good I must say. I liked it. I�ve been
exploring the town and trying go get to know my new neighbors, trying to make new
friends.�

�Good luck.� I said, sounding frosty and uninterested as possible. I tried to focus
my attention on the box of books in front of me as he spoke.

�Damn! You are one tough cookie to crack.� He shook his head.

I quietly picked up the box and stood up. I turned away from him. He seemed like a
likeable guy. He looked intimidating at first but then he opened his mouth. It
actually surprised me how chatty he was. Wala kasi sa itsura niya.

�None of your business!� He called but I ignored him. Sumunod siya sa akin and he
easily caught up with me. �Ba�t ba ang sungit mo?�

�Will you leave me alone? I�m working here.� I sighed, picking up my pace.

�Tayo na nga lang ang magkababayan dito, sinusungitan mo pa ako. Whatever happened
to your bayanihan spirit?�

I stopped in front of the children�s book shelves and started arranging the books.
�I don�t have that. Sorry. I just want to be left alone, thank you very much.�

�You�re really playing that uptight spinster librarian stereotype really good.� He
nodded his head, looking at me intently. It made me extremely uncomfortable. �I
wonder if there�s a sexy librarian underneath-�

�Get out.� Mariin na sabi ko. I dropped the box to the floor and it made a loud
thud. I planted my hands on his chest and pushed him. �Get out of here now!�

�Darling, what is happening here?� Mrs. Keri power walked towards us.

�You are banned from here forever, you pervert!� My voice trembled. I slapped him
across his face. �Bastos ka! Wala kang modo!�

�Hey.� He caught my wrists. �What the hell?�

�Get out of here or I�m going to call the cops on you.� Mrs. Keri threatened.

�But I didn�t do anything. I swear, I didn�t do anything.� He said with a confused

look on his face.

�He�s harrassing me!� I exclaimed, pulling my wrists from his hold.

�What are you talking about? I�m just trying to be friends with you.� Nalukot ang
mukha niya.

�Out. Out. Out.� Mrs. Keri pointed at the library�s door. �Do you want to wait
until the police gets here, mister?

�He sighed and shook his head. With shoulders slumped and a downcast look, he
walked out of the library.

�Are you okay, darling?� Mrs. Keri asked, sounding worried. �What did he do to you?
�

I shook my head and lowered it. �He harrassed me. I asked him to leave me alone but
he won�t. And then he said� things.�

�Oh, dear.� She put her hand over her chest. �You poor fragile thing. I didn�t know
someone that handsome could be a creep.�

Mrs. Keri and I went back to doing our work. Anything could easily trigger me and
make me fly off the handle. I feel uncomfortable when guys look at me, it makes the
hairs on the back of my neck stand. I didn�t want any guys to look at me as sexy. I
didn�t want to attract any. I just� I was messed up. I was messed up in the inside
and I didn�t know if I�d ever be normal again. All those years of therapy is just a
weak glue to hold me together. I felt like a broken doll that was barely put back
together, ready to fall apart any second all over again.

I stretched out my arms after putting the last book on the shelf. The only thing I
look forward to tonight was the new episode of my favorite tv show. I put on my
coat and grabbed my bag. I turned off the lights on my way out and locked the
library.

�Hey.� I jolted when I heard a voice from behind me.

I turned to see him again. �I swear, if you keep doing that I will have you
arrested. You are practically sexually harrassing me. Do you want to be a sex
offender?�

�I just want to apologize.� His eyes lowered and massaged the back of his head.
�What I said earlier was out of line. I�m sorry.�
�Stay. Away. From. Me.� I slowly said, each word heavy.

�I will.� He raised both his hands in front of him as if surrendering. �You won�t
see me here again. I�m really, really sorry.

�I didn�t say anything. I just turned my back on him and walked away. I drove back
to my house, took a quick shower and watched my favorite tv show. Then I decided to
videocall Mama and Dad.

�Hi, anak! Kumusta ka naman diyan?� Ma�s face popped on my laptop screen. It was
morning in the Philippines and Ma looked like she just woke up. She and Dad were
still in bed. �It�s only been two weeks since our last visit and your Dad and I
already miss you so much.�

�I miss you too.� I sighed. �How�s everyone?�

�Okay naman kami dito. What time is it there?� She asked.

�It�s nine in the evening.� I answered.

�It�s six in the morning here. Alam mo naman itong Daddy mo, mahirap gisingin.�
She pointed the camera at Dad, he was lying in his tummy right next to Ma, sleeping
like a baby.

�Tell him I called when he wakes up.� I smiled. I remember when I was a kid, I used
to crawl in their bed in the morning and wake them up. My Dad was a heavy sleeper
and I literally had to jump on him to wake him up. I didn�t stop doing that until I
was eighteen.

�Cindy�s moving to New York.� I pouted.

�Sinabi mo na sa akin yan noong pumunta kami. It�s okay, I�ll find you a new
therapist.� Mom said.

�She recommended a new one. Susubukan ko muna yun.� I told her.

Nagkuwentuhan kami ni Mama hanggang sa magising si Dad. I told them about Old Joe,
a regular library user since I could remember, losing his dentures at the library
and me having to find it under one of the tables. Lorna returning a book that was
two years overdue. But I never told them about Callum, I knew Dad would freak out.
If you think my reaction was over the top, his would be over the top of Mt.
Everest. He�d probably have his bodyguards shipped to me right away. I didn�t want
to worry them. Callum was harmless, probably. Pero sa susunod na lumapit ulit siya
sa akin irereport ko na siya sa police.

I just wanted to live a peaceful, quiet life. Ayaw ko na ulit mangyari ang nangyari
noon sa akin. I desperately wanted to regain a sense of normalcy in my life again.

I took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Today, I would meet my new therapist.
He�s a guy. A man. I didn�t know much about him except his name, Dr. Francois. Siya
na ang pumalit sa office ni Cindy kaya hindi na din ako mahihirapan hanapin siya.

I pushed the lever down and the door opened. It was evident that this wasn�t
Cindy�s office anymore. The office lost its soft and welcoming touch and was
replaced by musculine feel. Dark area rug. Leather and wood chair.

The man behind the doctor�s desk had his head bent down, he seemed to be so
absorbed in the book he was reading.
�Dr. Francois?�

He lifted his head up. �Hi.

�I blinked, doubting what my eyes was seeing right now.

He wore that stupid charming smile on his face. �You must be�� He opened the drawer
behind his desk and took out a file and opened it. �Audrey Cordova?�

I swallowed. �Is� is this a joke?�

�No, unfortunately, it�s not. I am very pleased to see you again.� He said in low
laughter before standing up. He walked over to me and held his hand out to me for a
handshake.

�I am Dr. Callum Francois.�

Protected: Chapter Three

�I�m sorry I think this is a mistake. I�m gonna go now.� I shook my head and headed
for the door.
�Audrey, please.� His voice was pleading. �Dr. Miller told me about you. Will you
give me a chance to help you?

�I bit my bottom lip, looking at him and thinking. I promised Cindy I�d try. Just
this one time. If this doesn�t turn out the way I wanted I could always switch
therapist. I needed to step out of my comfort zone. Iyon ang madalas na sinasabi sa
akin ni Cindy. But why him? Sa dami ng pwede kong maging psychiatrist bakit siya
pa?

�W�what did she say?� I asked, hardly looking at him.

�Dr. Miller told me to look after you. That you�re in a very vulnerable state and
that you need my help. She spoke of you so dearly. I know she cares about you more
than a doctor should care about her patient.� He gave me a warm smile.
I rubbed my elbow, still keeping my eyes from looking at him. �Nice to meet you,
Dr. Francois.�

�Will you take a seat with me?� He asked in a very polite and professional tone.
I nodded my head. He slowly walked back to his table and I followed him. Umupo siya
sa likod ng table niya at ako sa armchair na nasa harap nito. He clasped his hands
on the table and looked at me. �How are you?�

�I�m good.� I fidgeted with my fingers on my lap. I felt like the walls were
closing in on me�us. I was in a room with a man I practically don�t know. I could
already feel the tremble starting from my hands. I always feel like men were out to
get me. Any man outside my family all wanted to hurt me. Just like they did.

�Audrey, are you okay?� He asked in deep worry.

�Y�yeah�� There was shiver in my voice.

�Do you mind telling me why you�re here?�

�PTSD.� I answered. That was what I diagnosed with. Post traumatic stress disorder.
Cindy said it was a heightened response to trauma that doesn�t stop even after the
trauma is over. She was right, it felt like living the same day again and again.
The nightmare never stops. Even now that I was �fixed�, there was still residue
left of what had happened.
He nodded his head and started writing on the paper in front of him. �Can we go
back to the very beginning? I want to know what caused your PTSD. I want to
understand you better.

�I swallowed, feeling my throat closing. I bit my lower lip to keep it from

trembling. �It was my twenty first birthday�

�A cold splash of water woke me up. I let out a shrilling scream and opened my eyes
but I couldn�t see anything. It was just dark. I tried to move only to find out
that both my hands were tied behind my back and my feet together.

�What is this? Ano bang nangyayari? Pakawalan niyo ako! This isn�t funny� I
squirmed. I thought maybe it was my friends or my idiot twin brother playing a
prank on me, pretending to kidnap me on the night of my birthday. How original. I
wanted to roll my eyes. I�d seen this in movies before.

�Gising na pala ang prinsesa.� I heard an unfamiliar voice of a man and then he
laughed. His voice was throaty and rough, his laughter menacing and scary.

That�s when I knew I was in deep trouble. This wasn�t a joke. Sinubukan kong
alalahanin ang nangyari bago ako napunta dito. I remember having dinner with my
family on the eve of my birthday. Ma made her special lasagna for me. Dad promised
he�d book my plane ticket for my Eurotrip. I�d been to Europe and a bunch of
different coutries with my parents and siblings. But this time I wanted to go alone
at finally pumayag na din si Dad. After that, I snuck out of the house to meet up
with my friends at a club. I wanted to start my twenty first birthday with a bang.
I was now legal to drink alcohol and go to casinos. Inisip ko na sana pala sinabi
ko kay Dad na gusto ko sa Vegas icelebrate ang birthday ko. I went into the club
and saw my friends, we drank, talked, and danced. I excused myself to go to the
bathroom and on my way, someone grabbed me from behind and covered my face and
nose�

�WHO ARE YOU?!� I angrily screamed, fighting the urge to cry. �Sigurado akong
pinahahahanp na ako ng Dad ko ngayon. Pag nalaman niya ito, papatayin niya kayo!
You wait and see!�

I felt someone grab the back of my hair and lifted my head up. �Eh paano kung
unahan ko ang tatay mo? Paano kung ikaw ang patayin ko?�

His face was just a few inches away from me. I could smell his breath. His breath
stank like an ashtray. Parang gustong umakyat sa lalamunan ko ang nakain ko kanina.
I growled and spat on him. �Fuck you!�

�Yan ang gusto ko sa babae, palaban.� Another man said, chuckling.

�Mukhang mapapalaban talaga ako dito.� And another voice said.

�Putanginang �to!� Galit ng sigaw ng lalaki sa harap ko at naramdaman ko ang palad

niyang dumapp sa pisngi ko. It left a stinging pain on my left cheek.

�Mga hayop kayo! Mama and Dad will be here any minute now! You won�t get away with
this!� Tears began to fall from my eyes. They always do. Ma and Dad never once
failed me. Dumarating sila kapag kailangan ko sila. And now was when I needed them
most.

�Ang dami mong dada! Hindi na darating ang mga magulang mo! Mula ngayon amin ka
na.� I flinched when I felt his hand on my side, moving it up and down. Nandidiri
ako sa paraan ng paghawak niya sa akin. Naramdaman ko ang hiningi niya sa tabi ng
tainga ko. I could feel him breathing against my skin. �Ang ganda ganda mo, alam mo
ba yun? Nag-iinit ako sa�yo.�

He sucked on the lobe of my ear and I tried to move away but he held me down. More
tears fell from my eyes. I felt so helpless. Gusto kong makawala pero hindi ko
magawa. Gusto kong lumaban. Gusto ko siyang itulak palayo. His hand snaked up,
cupping the bottom of my breast.

�P�re, huwag mo naman solohin. Gutom na din kami.� Sabi ng isang lalaki.

�Ang sarap, pare.� I felt his tongue slid below my neck. Pakiramdam ko ang dumi
dumi ko na sa ginagawa niya. My whole body shook in fear.

�Tama na� Maawa kayo sa akin. Pakawalan niyo na ako.� I begged them, crying.

�Kanina lang ang tapang-tapang mo. Ngayon nagmamakaawa ka na?� Natatawang sabi ng
isa sa mga lalaki.

�Huwag kang mag-alala, maeenjoy mo din ito.� Bulong niya sa akin at sinimulan akong
halikan sa leeg. I wanted to throw up in disgust.
I heard the sound of the door opening and closing.

�Yan na ba yun?� Sabi ng isang bagong boses.

The man suddenly stop what he was doing and to my relief, he pulled away. �Kanina
ka pa namin hinihintay. Gusto mong mauna?�

I was suddenly picked up carelessly like a ragdoll, like I had no weight at all. I
tried to squirm away and scream and fight but it did nothing.

�Bitiwan mo ako! Mga hayop kayo!� I screamed.

I was dropped on top of a hard, solid surface and then the ropes that bound my feet
was hastily untied. I folded one leg and was ready to kick when his brutal hand
closed around my ankle. The hand snaked up my skirt and it was able to grab hold of
my underwear. He pulled it down with so much force it made a ripping sound.

I cried as he pulled my legs apart, my whole body started shaking so hard as though
I was convulsing. I had never felt this helpless in my whole life. My chest felt
tight. I couldn�t breathe anymore from crying and sobbing. His hand cupped my
bottom and pulled my to him. I screamed when I felt a rush of jolting sharp pain in
my most intimate part.

�Tama na! Maawa ka sa akin! Get off me, please!� I cried through gritted teeth. He
groaned, pushing himself further in. I felt like my whole body was breaking in
half. I let out a scream of pain and anguish. Gusto kong magwala. I wanted to kick,
punch, and hurt him for doing this to me. Binaboy niya ako. He continued to move
and I stopped fighting. Something inside me shut down. My mind couldn�t take what
was happening to me anymore.

�Ayos. Mukhang masikip pa.� I heard one of the three men say.

�Basta ako ang sunod diyan.� The other said.

I shut my eyes, feeling nothing but the unbearable pain. I passed out from the
physical pain and mental exhaustion. There was nothing I could do to stop him.
Them.??

Tears dripped down my lap as I relive the moment again. Dr. Francois handed me a
box of Kleenex. With my shaking hand, I grabbed a tissue and dried my cheeks.

�I�m sorry�� He looked at me with pity in his dark eyes. �I know you�re scared and
I can feel your anger. I understand what you�re going through.�

�Wala kang alam sa pinagdaanan ko!� My head turned to him, giving him a sharp
glare. He was a man! How could he possible understand me? How dare he say that?
�Hindi mo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng paulit ulit kang binababoy. They took
away every kind of normalcy in my life. My abusers stole that piece of me and
burned it up. They left me with nothing but ashes of multiple, repetitive traumas!�

�Audrey�� He got up from his seat and walked around his table to me. Lumuhod siya
sa harap ko at tinitigan ako sa mga mata. �I am here to help you heal. You don�t
deserve to suffer like this. You deserve to be happy. Gagawin ko ang lahat para
matulungan ka.�

�Binababoy nila ako, ginamit nila ako, pinaglaruan nila ako.� I whole body was
shaking so bad I felt like there was an earthquake happening under my feet.

�Shh, wala na sila. You�re safe now. They can�t hurt you anymore.� He pulled me to
him and I cried on his shoulder. I wanted to scream until my throat is sore. I
wanted to cry every last drop of tears in me. I wanted to hit someone, something,
anything. Why did it have to happen to me? Why me?

�I hate them! I hate them so much! Gusto ko silang patayin! Gusto kong magbayad
sila sa ginawa nila!� My fists tightened on his shirt. All I could see now was red.
Anger, hate, and fury bubbled inside me as flashbacks of what they did to me
assaulted me.

He rubbed my back to try to calm me down. He let me cry as much tears as I could.
He let me cry until his shoulder was wet from tears. Then it was like I�d been
pulled back from the trance I was in. Biglang parang bumalik ako sa realidad. I was
no longer in that dark place�

I pulled away and wiped my tears. �I-I�m sorry, Dr. Francois.�

He gave me a gentle smile that didn�t reach his eyes. �Don�t apologize. This is
what I�m here for. You have to let all those anger and pain out.�

Embarrassed, I wiped my tears and looked away from him.

�What you�re going through is not easy, Audrey. When you surpress your emotions and
bury it, it will only hurt more. I do not want you to ever be ashamed of your
emotions, especially with me. You can share with me everything. You need to know
that it�s okay to be mad, to be sad, to cry, scream. It�s okay to lose control. I�m
sorry for what happened to you. Pinapangako ko sa�yo na gagawin ko ang lahat para
tulungan kang makalimot.�

I slowly turned my head to face him again. �Thank you for listening, Dr. Francois.�

�Just call me Callum.� He gave me a friendly smile. �Thank you for trusting me
enough to share your story with me. Hindi madali sa�yo yun pero mas lalo kitang
naintindihan dahil doon.�

�When will it stop?� I felt desperate.

�I wish I could make it stop in an instant but it will take time. You deserve
nothing but all the good in life. I want to remind you that you�re not alone on
this. You have alot of people who wants to love you and care for you.�
�Dr. Francois?� My brow arched when I saw him standing next to the library�s door
when I got to work. �What are you doing here?�

�You can call me Callum, Audrey.� He sighed.

�Okay, Callum.� I said and my brows furrowed. �What are you doing outside? It�s
freezing cold out here.�

�Today�s my books� due.� He lifted three books he had in his hand. �I need to
return them.�

�I see. Ba�t di ka pumasok?� I asked him.

�You banned me, remember?� He grinned and then added. �Forever.�

�Oh, right�� I nodded my head.

His face straightened. �I�m sorry about what I said. Now I understand why you
reacted the way you did. I didn�t mean to scare you or make you uncomfortable. My
mouth always gets me in trouble since I was a kid.�

�It�s not your fault. You didn�t know.� I kept my eyes to the ground.

�Audrey, you�re not talking to an ant. I�m right here.� He chuckled.

�Huh?� I lifted my eyes up at him. They were met with a pair of super duper dark
eyes. Damn him and his two black holes! They make me more nervous than I already
was. He was my therapist! He was a man but he was my therapist. I should be more
comfortable with him now. I mean I felt comfortable when we were talking in his
office last Saturday pero iba pa rin kapag nasa labas na kami ng opisina niya.

�Why do you keep your eyes on the ground when we talk?� He asked.

�No, I don�t.� I denied.

�Okay.� He chuckled. �Can you return these for me?�

�Pwede ka naman ng pumasok.�

�I�m a man of pride.� He stood straight up. �I don�t go back to places where I�ve
been rejected.�

I rolled my eyes. �Right�� And then I took the books from him. �Ako na ang
magrereturn nito.�

�Also, I want to check out a book.�

�What book?�

�I�ll tell you when you�re already inside.� He said.

�How?�

�Trust me.� A playful smile crept over his lips.

I went in and returned the books he borrowed. I was going to start putting the
piles of books back to the shelves when I saw him standing outside the large window
of the library. My brows furrowed when he started making weird gestures and then I
suddenly realize what he wanted to do. He wanted to play charades. I had to put my
hand over to my mouth to stifle my laughter.

I started playing the game with him and finally guessed what book he wanted. I
didn�t know if I guessed it right or he just gave up on me and was too tired to
try. I checked the book out and went outside to hand it to him.

�Did I guess it right?� I couldn�t help but chuckle.

�Meh, this will do. We�ve been playing for twenty minutes and you still haven�t
guessed. You�re horrible at charades.� He shook his head with a smug smile on his
face.

�Ang gulo mo naman kasi. Ano ba talagang gustong libro?� Okay what he said was
quite true. My siblings and I used to play charades and they say the same thing.

�I was going for Beyond Good and Evil by Freidrich Nietzsche.�

�Oh, that�s why you keep drawing circles above your head and making horns with your
fingers.� I slightly slapped my forehead. �Pero paano ko naman mahuhulaan yun? Ang
daming libro sa loob ng library, ano?�

�You should�ve at least tried.� He chuckled quietly and then looked at the book.
�Ano ba tong ibinigay mo sa akin? The Ego and the ID?�

�I did try.� I grinned cheekily. �That was really professional, Dr. Francois.�

�Just because I�m a psychiatrist doesn�t mean I�m not allowed to have fun. I�m not
one of those grey and bland professionals out there. I do like to humor myself once
in a while.�

�I have to go back to work. Marami pa akong gagawin.� I bit my bottom lip.

�Thanks. I hope to see you again on Saturday.� He flashed me his pearly whites
again.
I nodded my head. �Bye.�

�Bye.� He replied.

I went back inside. I couldn�t wipe off the smile on my face as I walked in. I
couldn�t remember the last time I felt this genuinely happy. I remember feeling
like this when I was a teenager and crushing on a boy. It had been years since I
felt this weird emotion. I shook my head. No, I didn�t like Dr. Francois. He was my
psychiatrist for, Christ�s sake! He was just the first guy other than my Dad to
make me laugh after the abuse.

�How now, brown cow?�

I jolted when I heard the old lady�s voice. �Mrs. Keri! You scared me!�

�I know that kind of smile, Audrey. We�ve been working together for years and this
is the first time I�d ever seen you smile like that.� She looked at me amused.

I pressed my lips together, trying to keep a straight face. �I just� um��

�You like him, don�t you?� Her brows lifted up.

�I just find him funny. That�s all.� I avoided her gaze, feeling like my eyes would
give it all away. �I�m going to finish putting back the books.�
Protected: Chapter Four
I flinched when I felt something wet and cold over my private part. It soothed the
soreness for a moment. Biglang unti-unting bumalik sa akin ang nangyari. I was
abducted and brutally raped. I began to kick my legs, trying to get away from the
hand that massaged me.

�Pakawalan niyo ako, mga hayop kayo! Pakawalan niyo ako!� Tears of sorrow and anger
dripped from my eyes. My hands were tied together above my head and I couldn�t move
them. I grew even more frightened. The anxiety I felt heightened. It was writhing
under my skin, wanting to get out.

A pair of hands caught my waist and they slammed me down. I winced as pain shot
through me. Pero hindi iyon sapat para tumigil ako. I�d stop when I�m dead. I�d
rather they kill me than let them rape me again.

�You�re not going to get away with this! Hinahanap na ako ni Mama at Dad, they
won�t stop until they find me. Kapag nalaman nila ang ginawa niyo sa akin,
mananagot kayo.

�His fingers tightened around my waist.

�Dad will kill you.� I said through gritted teeth, hot angry tears slid down my
cheeks. �Magbabayad kayo sa ginawa niyo! Binaboy niyo ako, mga hayop kayo!
Binababoy niyo ako!�

In one swift motion, I was turned over to my stomach. Those big, brutal hands held
me firmly in place. Hindi ko nagawang gumalaw. My body shivered in fear when I
heard the unbuttoning and unzipping from behind me. That sound was all too familiar
and I knew what would happen next.

My eyes widened when I felt something hard pressing on my rear opening. Sunod sunod
akong napailing. �No, please. Don�t��

I screamed in pain as he slowly invaded my body. The pain of him pushing inside me
was all too real and all too much. My hands balled into fists, my fingernails
digging into my palms. It was so painful I broke into cold sweats.

�Hayop kayo! Mga hayop kayo!� I cried out.

He thrust into me and pulled out, each thrust were brutal and hard. I wished at
that time, I would just pass out just like the first time. But I didn�t. I felt
every pain. I eventually stopped screaming, my throat was already raw from screams
and cries. All I could do now was utter a soft mewling, crying silently as he
abused my body. He buried himself one last time, digging deeper than he�d ever been
and then he paused. He let out a long groan and his weight was on me.

�He didn�t just rape me, he sodomized me. Pinaglaruan nila ang katawan ko. At that
time, I didn�t feel like I was a human being anymore, they took away every dignity
I have in my body.� My whole body shook as tiny fragments of what had happened
played in my head.

Callum sat on his chair with leg crossed over the other. He had a clipboard in one
hand and a pen on the other. He was writing down the things I tell him on his
paper. �I want to know how you feel about yourself today, pagkatapos ng mga
nangyari sa�yo.�

�I don�t feel safe in my own body anymore. The skin that wraps around me is
tainted. It�s dirty. I�m dirty and disgusting.� Tears stung my eyes.
�Don�t say that. I don�t ever want to hear that from you again.� He gently said.
His professional mask slipped and something shifted on his face. Those gorgeously
dark eyes softened into a lighter tone when as he looked at me. �Hindi totoo iyon.
You�re not dirty and disgusting. You�re beautiful and brave and I admire you for
everything you�ve gone through.�

�Thank you.� I gave him a faint smile as tears blurred my visions. �But no
beautiful words could ever take the pain I feel. Binaboy nila hindi lang ang
katawan ko kung hindi ang buong pagkatao ko. Alam mo minsan iniisip ko na sana na
baliw na lang ako. At least I wouldn�t be this aware. Kahit anong kuskos ko sa
katawan ko, kahit ilang beses akong maligo, kahit anong gawin ko hindi matatanggal
sa akin ang kahayupang ginawa nila.�

�I�m sorry that you feel that way. I wish there�s something I could do or say to
take away the pain but unfortunately I know nothing can change the way you�ve been
hurt.� I saw genuine sadness in his eyes. It was absolutely beautiful how his eyes
spoke for him. They were like a mood ring. Different hues of black for different
emotions. �I�ll be with you every step of your recovery process. I don�t have the
power to erase from your mind all the things that had happened to you but I promise
to help you overcome it.�

�Audrey�� I was walking to my car when I turned my head to see Callum jogging over
to me. He waved at me. �Hey!�

�Hi.� I stopped and smiled at him. I just got out of his clinic and here he was
again, standing in front of me.

�Do you want to get coffee with me?� He asked.

I bit my bottom lip. I paused, collecting myself and evaluating my emotions before
I answer. Was this a coffee date? Should I say yes? Was I ready?�
I was just going to grab a coffee and then I saw you. It�s okay if you don�t want
to.� His usual confident aura faltered faintly. I thought it was cute. It made him
seem more harmless now. He looked like a teenage boy expecting rejection after
asking someone out.

�Sure.� I said.

He let out a wide smile �Really?� And then he shook his head and tried to supress
his smile. �I mean, great. Let�s go get some coffee. My treat!�

There was a coffee shop just a few blocks away from the hospital. That�s where we
headed. He order coffee for us and we sat on the table next to the window. I felt
nervous like being on the first date. He looked at me and caught me staring at him.
I blushed and looked away.

�How long have you been staying in California?� He asked, trying to open a
conversation.

�Mula noong nangyari �yun�.� I answered, my eyes lowering. I didn�t like feel
comfortable talking about it outside his office.

�I see.� He nodded his head. �Ikaw lang ang mag-isa dito?�

�My parents visit every now and then.� I took a sip from my cup. �Ikaw? Dito ka ba
lumaki? Bakit marunong ka pa rin magtagalog?�

�We moved to Maryland when I was in middle school. I�ve never been to the
Philippines since then.� He said and then snickered, his snicker turned into
laughter.

My brows furrowed as I looked at him. �What? Ano�ng nakakatawa.�

�I used to be in a band we named Glow Worms when I was middle school. Those were
the days.� He laughed. �We thought it was cool at that time.�

�What happened to your band?� I asked.

�My bandmates and I parted ways after highschool. We kind of accepted the fact that
we�d never be the next The Beatles.� He was smiling nostalgically and shaking his
head.

�What do you do in your band?� I asked, propping my elbow on the table and resting
my chin over my palm.

�Everybody gets to do everything alternately. Sometimes I sing, I also play the

guitar, piano, violin if needed.� Sabi niya.??�You sing?� My eyebrows lifted in
amusement.

�Bakit parang nagulat ka?� He grinned cheekily.

�Wala kasi sa itsura mo. You don�t look like you know how to sing.�

�Just so you know, I was our band�s Paul McCartney.� He said with so much pride.
�Baka pag narinig mo kong kumanta ma inlove ka sa akin.�

�Sige nga, I want to hear you sing.� I dared him.

�Okay, I�m going to sing you one of my favorites. Hey Jude.� He sat straight up and
cleared his throat. �Hey Jude, don�t make it bad take a sad song and make it
better, remember to let her into your heart then you can start to make it better�
Hey Jude, don�t be afraid, you were made to go out and get her, the minute you let
her under your skin, then you begin to make it better� And anytime you feel the
pain, hey Jude, refrain. Don�t carry the world upon your shoulders, for well you
know that it�s a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.�

His voice was like a purr to my ears. It sounded so smooth and silky as he sang. I
felt like a melting honey. I sighed inwardly. My chest filled with so much warmth
and my breath caught in my throat.

�So? Did you like it?� He asked, one corner of his lips tugged upwards.

I blinked and then looked away, I could feel my cheeks heating up. He probably
caught me intently looking at him. �It was okay.� �Okay? What the hell does that
mean?� His eyes narrowed at me. �When I was in highschool, girls used to jump on me
after hearing me sing. No kidding.�

�You�re not in highschool anymore.� I rolled my eyes.

�You, ma�am, are hard to please.� He chuckled.

�Parang ang layo naman ng profession na kinuha mo. From a musician to a

psychiatrist?� I asked. �Did you really want to be a psychiatrist?�

�No. I originally wanted to be a rockstar.� His smile disappeared and so did the
glow in his dark eyes. They were darker now than they usually were. �But I also
wanted to help someone really close to my heart. �
There was a twinge of pain and sadness in his voice. He closed his eyes and when
they opened again the sadness in them disappeared.

�What about you? Did you really want to be a librarian?� He asked.

�Ni hindi ko nga naisip na magiging librarian ako.� I shrugged. �I really didn�t
know what I wanted to do back then. Siguro kung may pinangarap ako noon, iyon ay
maging katulad ni Mama. I wanted to have a family. A big one, just like ours. She�s
an amazing woman and admire her more than any woman in the world.�

�Is she?� He said in a low tone. His voice lost the enthusiasm it had before. He
looked out the window as if in deep thought.

�Yeah�� I quietly said.

We finished our coffee and went back to the hospital. Hinatid niya ako papunta sa
kotse ko. I got into my car and placed his hand on the hood, leaning down. �I had a
wonderful time with you, Audrey.�

�Me too.� I said, looking up at him.

�Thank you, Callum.�

�I�ll see you around.� He said.

I nodded my head and then started the engine. He moved back, allowing me to
maneuver.

�How�s your new therapist?� Ma asked while we were video chatting. I could see Ma
walking around her kitchen, the phone she was using was placed on the spot where I
could see everything. It was only hers. When Mom�s in the kitchen, nobody�s allowed
to touch anything. She took out an egg carton and started cracking them open in a
bowl.

�Callum is, well, he�s better than I expected.� I bit my bottom lip to keep myself
from smiling. I felt like a teenager all over again. �He�s really laid back and he
makes me feel comfortable and safe.�

�Callum. So that�s his name, huh?� She nodded her head while beating the eggs with
a whisk.

�Yeah.� My voice squeaked a little.

�I want to meet him someday.� Mom said. �He seems like a nice guy. How old is he?
About your age?�

�I think so� Maybe a little older. He�s a psychiatrist and it takes a long time to
become a doctor.�

�Single?�

I rolled my eyes. Ma, like Ms. Keri, had been pushing me to start dating. �Ma,
stop. He�s my psychiatrist!�

�Wala naman akong sinasabi.� She shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

�Mama!� I heard a little boy�s voice and then Arthur walked into the kitchen in his
blue pajamas. My eyes went back to the tv in front of me. Nakabukas ang tv at
walang sound iyon �Can we go outside and play?�
�You haven�t even had your breakfast saka nakapajama ka pa.� I heard Ma tell him.

�Tawagin mo muna ang Daddy mo at saka Kuya Coco mo para makakain na tayo ng
breakfast. Tapos magpaligo ka na sa Daddy mo after so you can play outside.�

�Ma, I�m going to bed. Good night.� Paalam ko sa kanya.

�Is that Ate Audrey. I wanna say hi to her.� He said.Bigla kong ibinaba ang video
call at nilakasan ang volume ng tv

Chapter Five
Today was harder than most. It was my twenty fifth birthday. It had been exactly
four years ago since �that� happened. My birthdays were the worst days as I
remember the abuse more vividly. There were alot of questions running through my
head, alot of regrets. If I didn�t sneak out that night, if I just stayed in my
room, if I didn�t go to that club my life would�ve been normal. I wouldn�t be like
this. Maybe I would�ve had the family I�d always dreamt of by now. I was at the
wrong place at the wrong time.
I couldn�t muster the strength to get out of bed. I couldn�t function. I laid in
bed and just stared at the ceiling, wishing the day away. I wished I could just
skip this day. Would I ever be normal again? Hanggang kailan ba �to? Kailan ako
makakawala sa bangungot na ito?

The doorbell rang, pulling me out of my trance. Who could that be? I wasn�t
expecting anyone. I forced myself up and went to get the door. I looked through the
peephole and saw Callum there. My heart started beating a little faster just like
it always does when he�s around. Callum and I had gone out a few times already. I
wouldn�t say they were dates, just casual coffee catch ups. Sometimes instead of
doing therapy in his office, we do it outside. There was this one time I didn�t
bring my car with me because I had washed and he insisted on dropping me off.

Callum was a very interesting person. Ngayon lang ulit ako nalapit sa isang lalaki
na hindi part ng family ko. He was funny, witty, and he understands me. Well, it
was part of his job as a psychiatrist to try to understand. He�s very professional
during therapy sessions but I get to see his real personality when it�s over. He�d
tell me funny stories and stupid jokes and little by little I got to know him
better and better. One thing I love most about being around him was that for the
first time in a long time, I felt safe around a guy. He makes me feel like I�m
going to be alright. I reminded myself to call Cindy and thank her for this. She
said having a male therapist would be good for me, this cognitive behavioral
therapy she said was really working.

I cracked the door open just enough to peek out with one eyes. �Hi.�

�Hey, Audrey.� He flashed a stunning hollywood A-list smile at me. I had to swallow
a sigh.

�What are you doing here?� I asked in a tiny voice.

�You didn�t come to therapy today so I came to you.�

�You didn�t have to. I�m sorry I can�t let you in.� Although I was already
comfortable around him and I knew I could trust him, I still couldn�t get myself to
let a man into my house.

�That�s fine by me.� Kibit bakat na sabi niya. �I don�t think I want to go in
anyway. I�m enjoying the nice weather out here today.�
I pressed my lips together, trying to hide my smile.

�You want something to drink?� I asked.�A glass of water will do.�

�Sandali lang.� I said, shutting the door and going to my kitchen. I got him a
glass of water and I was about to head back to him when I heard a tap on my kitchen
window.

Halos mahulog ang baso sa gulat ng makita ko siya sa bintana. He waved at me and a
small chuckle rose from my throat. I pulled my kitchen window open.

�Ano�ng ginagawa mo diyan?�

�I was actually just admiring the flowers around your house and then I saw you. I�m
sorry, I didn�t mean to scare you or seem stalkerish.� He said, apologetically.

�It�s okay.� I handed him a glass of water.

�Thanks.� He took it from me.

�Don�t you have any other patients?�

�You know, the funny thing is I�m not supposed to be taking any patients on the
weekends. I only made an exception for you because Dr. Miller said you�re only free
on Saturdays and Sundays. You�re my one and only patient today.�

�Thanks, Callum. You don�t know how much of a help you and Cindy are to me.� I
sincerely said.

�Just doing my job, ma�am.� He winked at me, tipping his invisible hat.

I rolled my eyes at him teasingly. �So are you my therapist now today or are you my
friend?�

�I�d like to be your friend today. Do you want to go out and get something to eat?�
I thought for a few moment. This would be the first time I�d ever go out on my
birthday since my twenty first. I had nothing to look forward to today aside from
watching a comedy movie to distract myself. I wanted to recover and Callum was here
to help me.

�Sure. I�ll just get my bag.� Sagot ko.

We went to get burgers and fries then he said he didn�t want to eat in a greasy
burger restaurant. He drove to Twin Peaks because he said he wanted to catch the
nightview of the city. It was a really high point in San Francisco where you can
see all the lights. It had a spectacular view of the whole bay area. I�d been in
San Francisco for years now and I�d heard of this place but this was the first time
I�d ever been hear. The view was breathtaking. The sky was already painted with
deep shades of purple and pink as the sun sets. Lights began to appear like star
lights below us.

�Are you going to play?� I asked when I saw him took out a guitar from the trunk of
his car.

�You bet.� Sinabit niya ang strap ng guitar sa katawan niya. �Have you heard of the
song Blackbird?

�I shook my head. �No, I haven�t.�

�It�s another The Beatles song.� He grinned. I knew he was a huge, huge fan of The

Beatles, he had been very vocal about it. �It kind of reminded me of you.�

He strummed his along the strings of his guitar and it started playing a tune.

�Black bird singing in the dead of night, take this broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life. You were only waiting for this moment to arise. Black bird singing
in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life. You
were only waiting for this moment to be free. Black bird fly, black bird fly� Into
the light of a dark black night.� He sang.

I close my eyes, took in a deep breath, letting the cold wind fill my lungs and
breathed out until they were empty. His voice felt like velvet stroking against my
skin. It was beautiful.

�That was amazing.� I said after the song was over.

�I take it to mean that no matter how dark everything aroudn you is, there is
always a small glimmer to be found. We all have our blackbird moments. I�ve had
mine. And broken wings or not, it�s up to us to hobble our way towards the light.

�My eyes lowered as tears stung them again. I tried to blink them away.

�Beautiful.� I heard Callum said.

Bumukas ang mga mata ko at pumihit ang ulo ko sa direksyon niya. We were both
sitting on the hood of his car. He was staring at me when I looked at him. He
swallowed and then looked straight ahead. �The view is beautiful up here.�

�It is. I�ve never been here before.� I confessed and I started playing with my
fingers.

�Thank you for taking me here, Callum.�

He smiled softly while still staring at the spectacular view. �I want your birthday
to be a happy one. I don�t want you to associate it with something bad that has
happened to you.�

�You know it�s my birthday?� I cocked a brow.

�Of course. I�m your shrink, remember? I know everything I need to know about you.�

�Oh so this is still therapy?�

�This is a friend trying to help a friend.� He grinned and then turned his head to
me.

�Don�t worry, it�s free of charge.�

A small chuckle rose from my throat as I shook my head. That small chuckle turned
into laughter and then suddenly I was crying. I buried my face into my palms and
cried until my shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.

�It�s alright�� Callum pulled me to him, stroking my hair. �Cry all you want.�

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his chest. �Bakit ako? Why did
it have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?�
�You did not deserve everything you went through. You did not deserve to be treated
that way.� He whispered soothingly. �This is why I�m here. Gusto kong tulungan kang
kalimutan ang lahat ng iyon.�

�I can�t! I can�t! No matter what I do I can�t forget what they did to me. Hindi
mawawala sa isip ko ang kawalanghiyaang ginawa nila sa akin.� I sobbed, my hands
fisted against his chest. �I don�t want to live like this anymore. Sometimes I feel
like this will never stop and I just want to die.�

�I�ll fill you with so much good memories, you�d have no room for the bad ones.
Don�t even think about wanting to die. Anything but that. You want to kill someone?
I know a good place to bury a body. You want to do drugs? We�ll find you a dealer.
Want to drink until you pass out? God, Audrey, I�d rather see you fucked up than
dead.� He hugged me a little tighter.

I sniffled and looked up at him. There was a strong hue of black in his eyes. I
didn�t know what it wanted to convey. Fear?

I didn�t know what had gotten into me when my hands reached up to cup his face. I
tiptoed and pressed my lips against him. His eyes widened in shock but then he
relaxed and closed them. He answered my kiss back with a deeper one of his own.

I think I had found my small glimmer in the darkness.

Chapter Six
Our lips didn�t break as we stumbled inside. His lips felt like home. I surrendered
to him without any thought. This felt right. I�d never felt this right with a man
before. I have had a boyfriend back when I was a teenager. We did kiss but I didn�t
feel anything close to what Callum�s making me feel.

He brushed his lips lightly against mine. Nipped the top lip and then the bottom.
It was as though he was savouring a delicacy. Then his teeth nip my lips. A gentle
swipe of his his before finally thrusting it in. I welcomed him in, mimicking the
movements of his.
His hands swiped over my sides, caressing them. I tried to push my fears aside. He
wasn�t going to hurt me like how they had. Hindi siya katulad nila. Hindi siya
masama. I kept reassuring myself that I was doing this for me. I wanted to get
myself back. I wanted to get back the piece of myself they stole from me.

We stumbled into his room and then pulled away, sucking air into our deprived
lungs. Callum looked at me straight in the eyes. I tried to hide the trembles that
slowly crept inside my body, waiting for the opportunity to get out. I was ready to
do this� or at least I wanted to. I wanted to forget what they did to me, erase it
from my mind� my body.

�Audrey�� He softly said, cupping my cheek with one hand. �Have you been intimate
with anyone after what happened?�

I lowered my eyes and shook my head.

�Do you think you�re ready for this?�

I swallowed and then met his eyes. �I want to� Tulungan mo ako, Callum. Guide me.
Show me what to do.�

�I don�t want you to force yourself.� He wrapped his arms on the small of my waist
and kissed me on the forehead.

My eyes were fixed on his lips and I brought my fingers to trace them. �I trust
you, Callum. You make me feel safe and protected. Hindi ba sabi mo sa akin you�re
going to erase all the bad memories?�

He crashed his lips back to mine and we kissed again. We kissed with so much
passion. I became bold and let my hands ran over his body. His body was solid and
soft at the same time. I had never touched a man the way I was touching him. I
started unbuttoning his button down shirt and felt his skin against my hands. I
didn�t feel helpless or disgusting as he kissed and touched me.

�Is it okay if I�� He gently asked, eyeing on my shirt. Him asking permission made
me feel empowered and in control of the whole situation. It made me feel more
secure that he wouldn�t do anything I wouldn�t want.

I chewed on my lower lip. I got a little nervous. They left a scar on me and I was
afraid he�d be horrified and wouldn�t want me after he sees it.

�It�s okay if you�re not ready. Audrey, you don�t have to feel bad.� Lumamlam ang
mga mata niya. �Maiintindihan ko kung hindi ka pa handa.

�My hand shook as I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it up. I unhooked my bra
and let it fall to the ground. Cold air brushed against my body. I fought the urge
to cover myself up when his eyes lowered. His eyes stopped on my right breast. I
wanted to cry while he was looking at me. Something shifted in his dark, dark eyes.

It smelled like something was burning. I moved, trying to pull my hands from the
rope that bound them. My body had been badly abused already. My thighs hurt from
having spread open. My private part and my rear was sore and swollen from being
used. They had raped me, they put things in me. What they were planning to do next?
Burn me alive?

�A-ano�ng gagawin mo sa akin?� I asked.

I felt someone straddle my torso so I couldn�t move. I tried to kick him but my
legs were held down by someone. I could feel the burning scent even stronger now. I
screamed when I felt an intense burning pain on my left breast, just above my
nipple. It was excruciating- painful beyond what I could ever imagine. My whole
body shivered with pain as the hand pressed the hot iron even harder against me.

�Mga demonyo kayooo!� Umiiyak na sigaw ko. I could smell the burning of my flesh
and I threw up.

It left a scar on my breast. It had two triangles with the tip touching each other,
like an hour glass symbol and a cross overlapping it like a sword. It was like an
hourglass with a sword over it.

I swallowed back the tears that wanted to escape. �They� they did that to me��
�Shh�� He shushed me softly. �I don�t want you to talk about it right now, okay? I
don�t want you to remember that now� or ever again.�

His head lowered to my breast and he began to kiss my scar. He grazed his lips ever
so lightly against my scar. He traced it with his lips with so much gentleness that
tears began to flow from my eyes. I had never had someone kiss my body with this
much gentleness. The abuse was all my body had ever known.

He took my breast in his mouth and began to suckle on it. My fingers combed through
his hair. He swirled his tongue around my nipple and then flicked it. I could feel
it hardening. He moved to my right breast and did the same. He carried me to his
bed and got on top of me.

He looked into each others eyes. Oh, his eyes were my weakness. They suck me in
like a blackhole. His eyes lowered to my breast, down to my stomach and further
down to my crotch. We were still wearing jeans.

He looked at me again as if asking for my permission. I tried hard not to shake

when my hands went to the button of my jeans and I undid it. I slowly pulled it
down along with my panties. He helped pull it down until it was off. I tried to
focus on his face so I�d always know it was Callum. I just looked at his face as
his hand snaked between my thighs. I flinched when the warmth of his palm touched
me there. I cupped his face and I kissed him again.

My eyes opened wide when I heard the familiar sound of the unbuttoning and
unzipping. My heart began to thump a little faster. I pulled away from the kiss and
looked into Callum�s dark eyes.

It�s Callum. He�s not going to hurt you. I tried to comfort myself. My eyes lowered
on the small space between us. I saw his manhood, they were big and erect with
veins bulging. This was the first time I�d ever seen one. Feeling brave and
curious, my hands went down to touch it. He allowed me. I felt liberated being able
to touch and explore his body, like I had been given back my free will.

�You ready?� He gently asked, burying his nose into the nook of my neck.

I nodded my head. He reached for something inside his bedside table drawer. A foil.
He unwrapped it and took out a round, transparent plastic like thing. He pushed the
round thing down his manhood and it expanded, covering his length. I felt something
hard pressing against my womanhood. I watched Callum�s expression as he slowly slid
inside me. He slid slowly and careful, watching my reaction with every movement he
made.

I feel the pressure of his length and girth slowly stretching me. But I couldn�t
feel anything other than that. I knew I was supposed to feel something I couldn�t
feel anything physically and emotionally. I was hollow from within. As if it would
make an echo if someone drops a coin inside me.

I stared at the ceiling as he started to move in and out of me. I just laid there
without feeling anything. It was like all my emotions had been switched off. They
remapped my anatomy. Screwed up my whole endocrine system. Torched my soul. Rewired
my ability to feel physical sensations as they are. They numbed me physically and
emotionally. Smashed the connectors that would have made intimacy an act of love,
bonding, comfort and release.

�I can�t feel anything, Callum�� I said in a whisper. He suddenly paused, propping

his body from mine and then looking at me. Emotions suddenly flodded back in. I
hugged him, my fingers clawing his back. Tears ran down the side of my eyes. �I
can�t feel anything. Why can�t I feel anything? Why?�

He rolled off me and pulled me into his arms. �It�s okay��

�No, it�s not! Why can�t I feel anything?� I sobbed hysterically. �They messed me
up��
He stroked my hair as I cried in his arms. Nang mahimasmasan ako, tumayo si Callum
at lumabas sa kwarto. He came back with a cup of tea. I wrapped his navy blue
blanket around my body and sat up, with my back leaning against his headboard. He
handed the tea to me.

�Are you okay now?� He asked.

I nodded my head.
�I�m sorry.� He sighed.

�It�s not your fault. I�m just� messed up.� My eyes lowered to my cup. �I want to
feel normal but I can�t.�

�Why can�t you feel anything while we were having sex?� He asked. I knew that tone
well, it was his psychiatrist voice.�Don�t use your psychiatry expertise on me
now.� I tried to joke.

He kept a straight face. �I want to help you, Audrey. You can tell me everything.

�I gulped down my tea. �I don�t know what to tell you. I don�t even understand
myself.�

�Tell me what�s going through your head. I might be able to help you understand
yourself.� He kissed me on the forehead.

I tried so hard not to cry. I felt embarrased and ashamed of myself. �I don�t know.
I kept remember what they did. I�m not used to how you were treating me. My body�s
not used to gentleness. I was used to feeling fear and anticipating the pain.�

�And you need to feel that rush�� He quietly said.

�That�s all I�ve ever known. I never enjoyed what they did to me but I was trying
to find the feelings they made me feel.�

�The heightened senses, the fear, the pain?�

I slowly nodded my head. I couldn�t even look at him straight in the eyes. I felt
like a freak of nature.

�I�m damaged beyond repair, Cal. You shouldn�t even waste your time on me. I can�t
be fixed anymore.� My voice shook.

He nipped my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him. �I�m here to
fix you.�
Chapter Seven
If I were to drop a pin in this room on the marble floor, the sound would hurt our
ears. I silently sat on the armchair in front of his table, fidgeting with my
fingers on my lap and my eyes fixed on the ground. Callum stared at me with fingers
clasped together. He opened his mouth but no words came out so he closed it back.

I had sex with my therapist. I tightly shut my eyes, trying to get rid of the
memories of him naked and on top of me.

�Audrey�� I jumped a little when I finally heard him speak. �First of all, I want
to apologize. I�m sorry. I shouldn�t have touched you.�

�It�s not your fault, Dr. Francois. Ako ang may gustong mangyari yun.� I tried to
keep my voice from shaking. Was it that horrible that he had to apologize? I felt
even more embarrassed that I already was. My little meltdown ruined it.

�Did you really feel ready for that type of intimacy?� He asked.

�I� When we kissed, I felt like I was ready.� I bit my bottom lip.

He nodded his head as if analyzing what he heard. He didn�t speak for a few seconds
and I felt like I should say something.
�When you were kissing and touching me, I really felt ready. I want to be normal
again, to feel normal. You�re the first man I�ve ever felt comfortable with since
what happened. Binigyan mo ako ng pag-asang maibabalik ko ang dating ako.�

�But you went numb when I got on top of you?� He asked in a very professional way.
Na para bang hindi sex ang pinaguusap namin.

I slowly nodded my head. �I don�t know why that happened.�

�What was running through your head?�

I hugged myself and rubbed my shoulders. �Hinahanap ko yung takot na ipinadama nila
sa akin, yung sakit. My body craved the pain and agony. I wanted to feel
something.�

�This is a sensitive question I have to ask you and I want you to answer with all
honesty. Have you ever felt arouse while being violated?�

Suddenly, my eyes shifted away from him. I swallowed back the lump forming in my
throat. �After raping me, they�d� they�d touch me down there. They�d play with me
until� until I�d feel something� I didn�t want it. Hindi ko ginusto ang mga
ginagawa nila sa akin. I never told anyone about it. Just you. Lalo akong nandidiri
sa sarili ko sa tuwing iisipin ko yun. I feel ashamed of myself.�

�It�s normal, Audrey. I know you didn�t like it. It�s simply a biological response
that you can�t do nothing about. Sexual arousal is housed in the autonomic nervous
system, this is also where the fight or flight response comes from. That�s what
most women like you struggle with. Just because you�re body responded to it, it
doesn�t mean you like it. A common analogy is tickling. When it�s done against your
wish, it can be unpleasant but your body would still respond to it. You grew
accustomed to it that you�re body had learned to associate pain with sex and pain
became your pride at surviving.�

�Help me, Callum.� I pleaded helplessly. �Ikaw lang ang may kakayahan na tulungan
ako so please help me.�

�Audrey.� His eyes turned softer, his hand reached up to touch my face. �If I had
the power to erase all your painful memories, you won�t remember a thing.�

�But you do.� Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa ibabaw ng kanya. I brough it to my lips
and kissed each finger. �Callum, you made me forget. Kapag kasama kita
nakakalimutan ko iyon. You�re the only man who ever made me feel safe again.�

He pulled his hand away. �This is wrong� I shouldn�t have touched you in the first
place. It shouldn�t have happened.�

It felt like a slap on my face. Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig. I blinked
and shook my head. �Yung nangyari sa atin. Does it mean anything to you?�

He sat straight up with an air of formality. �I think we shouldn�t talk about that
anymore.�

�You�re right. I�m sorry.� I nodded my head.

I got up from my seat and ran out of his office. He stood up and called my name but
I ignored him. I tried hard to keep my tears at bay as I walked. What happened
between us didn�t mean anything to him. I didn�t mean anything to him while he was
my source of comfort in the deep pain and emptiness.
�Hi, Ma.� I waved at her in the video. Everytime I feel down, the first thing I do
is call my Mom. Nasa veranda sila. I could hear Dad and my sibling�s voice in the
background. It was one of my favorite spots in our house. Dad used to set up a
tents at our backyard every summer at gumagawa pa siya ng bonfire.

�Hey, Drey. Kumusta na?� She asked. �Kumpleto ang mga kapatid mo ngayon dito. Ikaw
na lang ang kulang.�

�Ate Drey, when are you coming back?� Ronnie popped into the screen. Siya lang ang
dark haired sa amin magkakapatid. We had blonde hairs like our Dad because he was
of Spanish and American descent. She used to always wonder why her hair wasn�t like
ours and we used to tease her and tell her that she was adopted. She�d come running
to Mama and Mama would always explain to her that she got her dark hair from her.

�I still don�t know.� My smile disappeared. �Ikaw na lang ang bumisita dito.�

�Dad�s actually planning to spend our Christmas holiday there.� Sabi ni Ronnie.

�We can go to New York.� I excitedly said.

�We can�t wait to see you again, little sis.� Kuya Miggy said.

�It�s been months since you last visited, kuya. I miss you.� I pouted.

�Hindi ka man lang nakapunta sa engagement party ko.�

�How are you and Hazel?�

�Still happily together.� He smiled.

�I�d love to meet her in the future.�

�Drey!� Coco waved at me with Cookie straddling his shoulders. He grew up to be a

handsome little guy. He had the same blonde hair as me and Coco. Habang lumalaki,
lalo siyang nagiging kamukha namin.

�Hi Tita Drey!� The handsome little man blew me a kiss. He was a real charmer for a
child his age. �We miss you.�

I smiled. �I miss you too. So much.�

�What are you going to tell your Tita?� Sabi ni Coco.

�Oh, thank you for the bike you gave to me on my birthday.� He said.

�You�re welcome, baby. Ang laki laki mo na, sa susunod binata ka na.� I sighed.
�Don�t be like your Daddy Coco ha. Be a good boy when you grow up. Saka makikinig
ka palagi sa Mommy Anais mo, wag kay Daddy.�

�Okay.� He said.

�Cookie, huwag mo nang kakausapin ang Tita mo kahit kailan.� Coco frowned and then
he looked at me. �Stop making me look bad in front of my child!

I laughed.

�Hi, ate Drey! Thank you for the toy robot. I named him Chips and I like playing
with him!� I paused when I saw him. He was sitting on Dad�s lap. My face paled. I
felt like a candle being burnt at both ends.
�Last Monday was his first day in preschool.� Dad proudly said.

�And I was the only one who didn�t cry.� The child said.

�What a brave little guy you are.� Dad shuffled his hair.

�Ma�� I quietly said.

�Audrey.� I heard Ma sighing.

�Ma, please!� My voice grew louder and stronger.

Ma took her phone inside with her and we talked where no one would hear us.

�Ma, we�ve already talked about this.� My jaw clenched. �And please, stop telling
him lies. I never bought anything for him!�

�Don�t be hard on Arthur, honey.� I could hear Ma�s sadness in her voice. �Sinabi
na lang ng Dad mo na ibinigay mo yun sa kanya. It was his first day of school last
Monday. Naiingit siya kay Cookie dahil palagi kang may ipinapadalang regalo kay
Cookie kapag birthday niya o pasko. You�re being unfair.�

�You�re lying to him. I want absolutely nothing to do with him!�

�Don�t say that�� She whispered. �You�re still his��

�Ma, this conversation is going nowhere. I have to go.� I said and pressed the end
button. I tossed my iPad on the bedside table.

I locked the library�s door and turned into a warm body. I looked up and saw
Callum�s dark eyes. They shone with deep sadness as he looked at me. It�s been
weeks since I last saw him. I was actually planning to switch therapist.

�Audrey, can we talk?� He asked.

�I don�t think we have anything to talk about, Dr. Francois.� I tried to keep my
voice as even as possible. I avoided his gaze and pushed him out of my way.

�Why did you stop seeing me?� He asked, following behind me as I jog walked.

�I won�t ever be seeing you again, Dr. Francois. I�m switching therapist.� I
shrugged.

�Why?� He asked, exasperated.

I turned to face him. �Are you really asking me that question?�

�Dahil ba iyon sa nangyari?�

�You acted as if what we did meant nothing to you. I feel like I�m just an
experiment to you. Ano�ng title ng research mo, Dr. Francois? How A fucked up rape
victim responds to intimacy?� The corners of my lips tugged downwards at the
struggle not to cry. �Ikaw lang ang unang lalaking pinagkatiwalaan ko. The only one
I ever trusted to touch me and you were acting like what we did meant nothing to
you.�

�You don�t know how much that meant to me.� His eyes softened as he looked at me.
�But I just want to protect you from me and from yourself. You�ve been through alot
already. I just don�t want to take advantage of your situation.�

�You weren�t. Ginusto ko ang nangyari. I willingly gave myself to a man for the
first time in my life and it felt liberating.� My voice quivered a little.

�I am still your therapist.�

�Then from now on, you aren�t anymore. You brought back the normalcy I thought I�d
never have again. You taught me how to trust again.�

�This is so wrong.� He sighed and shut his eyes.

I swallowed and slowly nodded my head. �Okay, I understand. Goodbye, Callum.�

�Audrey, I like you. Damn it! I don�t know what to do because I�m not supposed to
like you! I�m a psychiatrist but I think I need one right now! You won�t believe
how crazy you make me.� He brushed his fingers through his hair.

�Callum��

�I desperately want to help you in any possible way I can. I can�t lose you like
this.� His voice trembled with so much passion. He crashed his lips against mine
and murmured.

�You�re making me break my own rule. You don�t know how bad I want this��

�We want this.� I whispered against his lips

Chapter Eight
I watched as Callum poured himself a glass of whiskey and downed it in one gulp.
His dark black eyes were filled with disbelief that he found difficult to hide
mixed with a strange loss and deep thoughts. He must�ve thought I�d gone crazy. I
wanted the ground to swallow me whole as I faked confidence.

�Callum�� I touched his shoulder when I couldn�t take the silence any longer.

He blinked and then turned to look at me. �Are you sure that�s what you want?�

I slowly nodded my head. �I� I want to feel helpless and give up any restraint.
Bondaged, blindfolded, and controlled. Only to be rescued by you. I want to be
rescued by you. I want you to absolve me from all this.�

�You�re asking me to do the very same thing your abuser did to you.� He raked his
fingers through his hair.

�I know it sounds weird but I need it. I need to feel again. I�m asking you this
because I trust you. Hindi ka katulad nila, Callum. I know you won�t do anything
against my will. I want to know you won�t�

�He lightly brushed his palm against my cheek. His dark eyes showed pain and pity.
�I�ll only be feeding your demons. I can�t do this to you.�

�Gusto kong kalimutan ang pambababoy nila sa akin. I don�t know how to explain this
to you but I feel like this is the only way I�ll ever feel safe and comfortable in
my own body.�

�It�s called repetition compulsion. I�ve seen it in alot of traumatized patients.

There�s power in taking something someone has done to you and reinacting your
version of it on yourself. Since what you want is control of your sexuality, you
are trying to incorporate your experience to it. You know it�s a safe controlled
environment and your mind wants to master what has happened to you by reliving it
but with a different result.� He explained.

�Will you help me, Callum? Heal me.� I begged.

�I want to help you but it�s not a healthy impulse. You might re-traumatize
yourself. It�s only going to make it worse.�

�I�ll tell you when I�ve had enough. I need to feel pain for something to feel
better. I need it to heal.� I said. �You�re the only one I feel comfortable with
because I know you can help me. I need you to silence my demons.�

�Are you sure you want this?� There was resignation in his voice.
I nodded my head. He poured himself another glass of whiskey and drank.

Callum tied both my wrists in front of me. I couldn�t see anything as my eyes were
already covered with a sleeping mask. I could feel the rope slowly tightening
around my wrist as he knotted them together. My heart thumped against my ribs.

I gasped when he gave it a little yank. �Is this tight enough?�

�Yeah��

I could feel his breath against my ear. �Remember, you have control over how much
power you want to give me. You�re in control of this. Anything I do to you, you can
stop anytime you want. You understand?�

I nodded my head.

�What exactly do you want me to do to you?� He asked.

�I want you to treat me like the way they did. I want to be forced. Get as rough
with me as you want.� My voice shook as tears began to wet my eyes. I wanted it to
be replaced with Callum�s touch and kisses.

He pressed a kiss on the side of my head and it trailed down my cheek reaching down
to my jawline. He pressed small gentle kisses on my lips, softly grazing his
against mine. I took a sharp breath when he suddenly nipped my bottom lip with his
teeth. My open mouth allowed him to slip his tongue inside my mouth. I could taste
the whiskey he drank. His tongue deliciously explored every corner of my mouth.

He broke away from the kiss and then pulled me by the rope that was tied around my
wrists. He pushed me onto the bed and then pulled my hands above my head. He tied
the other end of the rope, keeping me in place. I knew I was completely
defenseless. The lack of sight and my ability to move brought me back to that
horrible memory. The similarities were too raw to seperate them apart.

�Callum!� My anxiety grew as I squirmed, feeling helpless and unable to do anything

about it.

�Audrey, it�s me.� He softly whispered. My body relaxed when I heard his voice, the
voice that reminded me I had no reason to be frightened. �Do you want me to untie
you?�

�No�� I answered. �Just keep going. Go rough on me. Babuyin mo ko katulad ng ginawa
nila sa akin.�

�Tell me when to stop.� He said.

I yelped in surprise when I heard and felt the tearing of the cloth that covered my
torso. I felt his fingertips gently tracing the scar on my breast. Then he harshly
pulled my bra down, revealing my breasts. The cold air settled on my skin. I felt
his hot hands closing on both my breasts, kneading them carelessly as his brushed
his palms against my nipples. I could feel them hardening at his touch. He pinched
my nipples with two rough fingers and then twisted them. The threat of pain brought
shivers down my spine. I whimpered as he twisted harder and harder until it hurt.
His mouth was suddenly on my breast, sucking and biting my nipple and wanting more
with each nip. He gave my other breast the same attention. He didn�t leave them
alone until they were raw and sensitively painful.

He pushed my skirt over my hips and in one swift pull my panties tear with a harsh
rip. He pulled my legs wide apart until they hurt. His hand slithered down my
stomach to my slit, he brushed his fingers along before pulling my folds apart to
reveal my aching nub. I could him staring at my womanhood. I was so wide open I was
sure he could see my inside. I felt defenseless, vulgarly exposed to him, and so
utterly humiliated. The same feelings I felt at the hands of my abusers. Tremors of
anticipation vibrated through me.
I shuddered when he touched where the pressure was. He pulled my clit hood back and
I was sure he saw how hard, red, and erect it was. I jolted when he pinched me
there, throbbing the bundle of nerves. The pleasure pain sent me whimpering. His
fingers moved down and played with my entrance. Then two fingers surged inside me,
stretching me faster and harder than I�d been prepared for. I cried out in pain.

�This is what you want, right?� Callum�s gentle voice was the opposite of how rough
his hand were on me. �If you want me to stop, just tell me.�

�No, don�t stop� Rougher�� I whimpered as his fingers assaulted me, aggrivating my
walls. He shoved a third finger inside me. He struck me fiercely and with abandon.
His hand abused my tender flesh, forcefully stimulating me. Faking and reality
became blurred. Tears began to wet my blindfold. Shamefully aroused fear flooded my
entire system. Panic ballooned in my chest as the memories of the distant nightmare
flooded my conciousness.

�Nooooo!� I screamed in pain when he added the last finger. I counted as he entered
each one of them. He inserted them one by one until he had all five of them inside
me. I felt my walls stretching as he pushed his fist deeper inside me. I let out a
cry of anger and pain. I felt like I was being ripped in half as he thrust his fist
in and out of me. I was so open and empty and throbbing and gaping. This was like
the first time again, when they stole my virginity from me. Another hand rubbed my
clit and the most humiliating thing happened. My body turned against me and I felt
the release of something warm from inside me. It leaked out of my body and me
shuddered. I felt lower than dirt.

�Audrey, you�re shaking. Do you want me to stop?� Callum�s voice pulled me back
from reality.

�No. Rougher.� I demanded. Pushing the fear aside.

�Are you sure?�

�Yes� I want you Callum. Only you. I�ve never wanted anyone this bad.�

�I want you too, Audrey. You have no idea how much I want you right now.� He
whispered in a hoarse, ragged breath. �God, you�re soaking wet.

�I could feel his warm breath over my womanhood. Then he locked his mouth against
my sex. His tongue moved wildly against me. He was greedy as he licked. His wide
tongue trailed up and down as his three fingers continued to torment me.
Suddenly he released me and I felt empty. He level his head with me and I could
smell my arousal on him as he pressed kisses all over my cheeks.

�I�m going to fuck you, okay?� He warned.

�Please� I want it hard.� I begged.

He positioned himself between my legs and with a single violent thrust he was
inside me. I�d been stretched so rapidly and harshly that I almost felt like a
virgin again. He speared himself over and over, holding my buttocks in both his
hands to pull me even deeper. He fucked me hard, our crotches touching everytime. I
couldn�t move or resist. He had taken control over every part of my body. His
thrusts were savage and brutal, violently pounding against my walls, enough to
bruise me. I felt another surge of heat escaping my body.

Callum let out a powerful growl and pulled himself from me. And then felt warm
liquid showering my stomach and the outside of my sex. He buried his face into my
neck and murmured. �Sorry� I�m so sorry��

He untied my hands and took off the blindfold. The first thing I saw was his dark
eyes sucking me right into his vortex. Guilt and pity filled those haunting eyes.
They were glassy as they looked at me.

�You don�t have to apologize. Ako ang humiling nito sa�yo.� I cupped his face and
pressed a kiss on his lips.

�I�m only going to ruin you more.� He choked.

�You�re helping me.�

He brought my hands to his lips and kissed my red, sore wrists. �I want you to
forget and what I�m doing we�ll only make you remember.�

�I feel safe in your arms and I trust you. I know you won�t do anything I�m not
comfortable with. I want to validate myself and you helped me. Do you understand
me?�

�You want it because it�s intense and potend and real?�

I nodded my head.

�Because it makes you feel strongly, regardless if it is pleasurable or paining.

You want the adrenaline rush you get from the fear, the heightened arousal, the
possibility of projecting a positive feeling on top of a negative experience.�

�Yes�� It was weird how he gets me. He said all the things I couldn�t confirm to
myself.

�I�m so messed up.�

�I read a quote a long time ago that says �Insanity is doing the same thing over
and over but expecting different results�. It�s your mind trying to cope and make
it into a good thing.� He pulled me closer against him.

�Callum, thank you so much. Alam kong hindi madali para sa�yo itong ginagawa mo.� I
nuzzled my face into his neck.

�It�s not. But if this helps then I�ll do it. Just as long as you�re comfortable.�
He sighed and then kissed my forehead. �I think I got into a wrong field. I
should�ve been a sex therapist.�
�You are� you�re my sex therapist. Pero sakin lang ha.� I giggled.

�Of course. It�s free of charge.�

I wouldn�t say what we have now was love. It wasn�t yet. But he gave me the
security I needed. With him, I was never scared, worried or in fear. I felt safe
with him and this was better than love. I could share and act out with him my
deepest sexual fantasy. I could tell him all the demons that haunted me.
Chapter Nine
�Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey, look out on a summer�s
day, with eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills, sketch the
trees and the daffodils. Catch the breeze and the winter chills. In colors on the
snowy linen land� Now I understand what you try to say to me, and how you suffered
for your sanity. And how you tried to set them free. They would not listen, they
did not know how. Perhaps they�ll listen now.� I woke up to the sound of Callum�s
beautiful face and the soft, gentle strum of his guitar.

He was sitting on the window nook, the glow from the moon shone on his face and
naked chest. The light picked out his features as though they�d been chiseled in
marble. I was very pleased to watch him, he was so absorbed with the song he was
singing. It seemed to breathe such an innocent serenity on him. He had the most
beautiful eyes. They were a mesmerizingly dark as if even the brightest light
couldn�t penetrate them. When you looked into them it was as if you were being
transported to another world.

He suddenly paused, probably feeling the weight of my stare. Callum turned his head
and his dark eyes met mine. �Sorry. Did I wake you up?�

I smiled at him and shook my head. He was so breathtaking beautiful in nothing but
his grey boxers. �Go on. I want to hear the rest of it.

�He began to strum his guitar again as he looked into my eyes. �Starry, starry
night. Portraits hung in empty halls. Frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes
that watch the world and can�t forget. Like the strangers that you�ve met, the
ragged men in ragged clothes. The silver thorn of bloody rose, lie crushed and
broken on the virgin snow.�

�That was beautiful.� I said, almost in a whisper.

He placed his guitar against the wall and walked up to the bed, sitting on the edge
of it. He raked his fingers through my hair and stared at me with soft eyes. I
wasn�t sure if it was sadness I saw in them or he was just tired. His hand traveled
down my face to touch my cheek. �You�re more beautiful.�

�Was the another The Beatles song?� I pulled that hand to my lips and kissed them.

He shook his head. �Nope, it�s not.�

�I�ve heard of that song before but I just don�t know where.�

�It�s a pretty old song.� �You seem to be fond of old songs.�

�There�s so much beauty in old song you wouldn�t find in the modern ones. The
lyrics are so authentic and you can feel the genuine passion in each melody.� He
said as he looked at me with his dark eyes as he stroke my hair.

I left feather kisses on each of his fingers. The intimacy between us was intense
and raw. I felt like when he holds me, I am no longer trap in a cage. I could roam
free. He gave me a sense of security I hadn�t felt in a long time. �Cal, you don�t
know how much you�re helping me. Gusto ko ng lumaya sa nakaraan ko��

�Did I hurt you?� He said, worry in his voice.

�I�m just a little sore.�

He closed his eyes and let out a heavy breath. �Oh Drey, what am I doing?�

�You don�t have to feel bad. I wanted it.� I sat up, clutching the blanket on my
chest.

�Hindi dapat ganito. I don�t want to damage you even more. Why did I do that to
you?� He mumbled.

�Cal�� I quietly said as I pulled him to me. He rested his head on my lap like a
child would. �You did nothing wrong. Since what happened to me, every man around me
became a threat but with you I feel safe. I�ve numbed myself for so long, locking
myself in my own world and pretending like it never happened. You made me feel
again.�

�You didn�t deserve what happened to you. It�s not fair.� He sighed heavily. �But
you can�t do this to yourself. You can�t re-live the past and hurt yourself over
and over.�

�I�m not re-living my past. I�m trying to change how I feel about it.�

�This is a dangerous game you�re playing. This is not good for you, Audrey. I
didn�t even know why I agreed to this. I don�t want this to turn into something we
both might regret. Baka magkasakitan tayo sa huli. And I�m not talking about the
physical aspect.�

�You�re the only man I�ve given myself to. Sa�yo ko lang naramdaman ang pagiging
babae ko. If you�re worried about me becoming emotionally attached to you, I won�t
I swear. There won�t be any emotional attachment involved. This would be just pure
sex. I just want to feel normal again. Gusto ko lang ibalik sa akin ang kinuha
nila.�

�Audrey, I�m not sure what I�ve gotten myself into.� He reached up and traced my
jaw.

�But I want to help you. I promised I would.�

He pulled my head down to his and we kissed. We fell asleep clinging on to each
other�s bare bodies.

I woke up with my head on Callum�s chest. I slowly slipped out of bed, careful not
to wake him up. I picked up all my clothes from the floor and put them. I glanced
at Callum who was sleeping peacefully in his bed. He was lying on his back and the
rays of sun coming into the window bathed his naked body. My eyes lowered to his
lower part and saw his manhood. My eyes widened and I quickly looked away, my
cheeks heating up.
Nagmamadali akong lumabas sa kwarto niya at sumakay sa kotse ko. I went home to
take a quick shower and to get ready for work.

�Good morning, Mrs. Keri.� I greeted cheerfully as I passed by her desk.

�Good morning, darling.� She replied as she scanned the returned books. �You have
loads of books waiting on you today. I feel like I�d be gaining arm muscles after I
finished scanning all these books. Those pesky elementary kids who took a field
trip at our library last week are all returning the books they borrowed.�

�Great! At least this will keep us busy all day. We haven�t been this busy for
quite a long time.� I smiled.

Her eyes lifted up to look at me. �What�s wrong with you, darling?�

�What do you mean what�s wrong with me?� I chuckled.

�You seem so happy today.� She noticed.

�I do?� My brows furrowed.

�Are you on something? I want whatever you�re on, darling.� She narrowed her eyes
at me.

�I�m not on anything.� I smiled, shaking my head.

�Wait a minute. I know that glowing look on your face. I was young once, you know?
Before I became a librarian I was a wild child. I travel across the States in a bus
with my group of hippie friends.� She smiled nostalgically and snapped out of it
after a few moments. She looked at me. �Back in my days, we have sex like we were
rabbits. Then reality slapped me in the face. I got married to a guy who turned out
to be a crack addicted asshole, after two miscarriages and a lot of beating I
finally came to my senses and left him. I got myself a job here as a librarian with
the intention of saving up until I could afford to divorce him but I�ve been
working in this library for decades now and I still have his surname. Keri.� She
sneered spitefully. �Hell! I don�t even know if he�s still alive.�

�I�m just going to return the books.� I said, not knowing what to tell her.

�Where were we again?� She asked me.

�I don�t remember anymore.� I simply said and pushed the book cart forward.
I kept myself busy with my job, putting the books back in their proper shelves. I
pranced and sang around as I worked. For some reason I felt lighter now. It was
like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. What happened between Callum and
I gave hope that someday I�d be free from my past. Hindi man ngayon, balang araw.

Of course there wasn�t any emotions involved between us other than the feeling of
safety and control over my body. It would be like a one night stand between us,
except only with one man.

I was done for the day. I switched off all the lights and locked the door.

�Hey.� I almost jumped when I heard a voice.

I turned and saw Callum leaning against the wall. He smiled at me.

�Callum!� I exclaimed. �You scared me! Talaga bang hobby mo na ang gulatin ako?�

�I�m sorry. I�ve been waiting for you.�

�Bakit hindi ka pumasok?� I asked.

�I�m banned.� He reminded cheekily.

�I already told you, you�re not anymore.� I rolled my eyes at him.

He walked up to me, cupping my face into his hand and he lowered his head to kiss
me on the lips. I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him
back.

After a couple of seconds, we pulled away from each other.

�Bakit bigla ka na lang umalis kaninang umaga?� He asked, resting his forehead
against mine.

�I didn�t want to interup your sleep.� I bit my bottom lip.

�I just came from work and decided to stop by to ask if you want to have dinner
with me.� He said.

�Kaka-grocery ko lang last week. Do you want to have dinner at my house?� I asked
him.

�I would love to. That sounds perfect.� His pearly whites appeared again.
We went into our own cars and he followed behind me to my house. For the first time
I was letting in a man that was not my family in my home. I trusted Callum. I felt
completely safe and at ease with him.

�What are we having for dinner, chef Audrey?� He asked while I got my ingredients
ready.

�I hope you like beef penne.� I said.

�Are you trying to impress me, woman?� His eyes narrowed into a suspicious slit.
�Cause let me tell you this. It�s working.�

�You wish!� I rolled my eyes but couldn�t stop the smile on my face. He helped me
in the kitchen. He chopped all the food that needed chopping and I took care of the
rest. I finished cooking and served the food on the table.

�Ah nothing beats a good home cooked meal.� He said after gulping down the food.
�Ang sarap mong magluto.�

�Si Mama ang nagturo sa akin magluto.� I smiled.

�Don�t you miss your family?� He asked.

�Of course I do.� I sighed.

�Wala ka bang planong bumalik sa Pilipinas?

�My eyes lowered to my food as I played with it. �I can�t� I just don�t feel safe
there anymore.�

�I�m sorry you had to go through what you�ve been through.� There was a somber tone
in his voice.

�You know, I just realize ang dami mo nang alam tungkol sa akin. I want to know
more about you.�I tried to change the topic into a less depressing one.

�Well what do you want to know about me?�

�Let�s start with your family. Tell me about them.�

�I lost my Dad to cancer and my Mom passed away from heart failure due to
depression after a few months. She had always been depressed but my Dad�s death
took a toll on her.�

�I�m sorry�� I sadly told him.

�It�s okay. That was a long time ago.� He gave me a reassuring smile.

�Ikaw na lang pala ang naiwang mag-isa.�

�I still have a sister but after my parents passed away madalang na kaming
magkita.� He shrugged.

�Why did your family move here?�

�Like you we wanted to start a new life. Marami din nangyari sa Pilipinas na
gustong kalimutan ng Dad. The scandal, the lawsuits, the bankrupt business. Here we
could live a quiet life, away from all those.�

�So your family was into business?� I asked. �Businessman din ang Dad ko.�

�I never really took interest in my Dad�s business. I�ve always been into music.
When I was still in college, I used to make money by teaching kids how to play
musical instruments.� He smiled, looking at me. �I�ve never heard of you talk about
your favorite hobby.�

That made me think for awhile. I never really did the things I loved doing since
the abuse. The things I do were usually a mere distraction. Lahat ng ginagawa ko ay
para makalimot sa nangyari sa akin noon. I lost a big part of who I am because of
it. I was destroyed to pieces until I couldn�t recognize myself anymore.

�I used to like travelling. Madalas kaming ipasyal ni Dad at Mama sa iba�t ibang
bansa, lalo na pag summer vacation.� I sighed nostalgically. I was supposed to
travel around Europe on my own after my twenty first birthday but unfortunately, I
never did.
We talked until we finished our food. He helped me clean up the table and I washed
the dishes.

�Thanks for the wonderful dinner, Audrey.� He said, wrapping his arms from behind
me. I dried my wet hands with a small towel hanging on the oven handle.

�Callum�� I moaned when I felt his lips brushing against my neck. I turned to face
him and crushed my lips against his.

His hand began to move, stroking my sides. �You are incredibly beautiful, Audrey.
Do you know that?�

�Cal, please.� I softly breathed against his lips. His lips trailed down my jaw and
to my ear.

�I know. I know�� He said biting the lobe of my ear.

�Take me.� I dug my fingers through his hair. �I want to feel you inside me again.
I want you to ravage me like how you did last night��

�Audrey��� His eyes turned a hue softer. �Do you really want me to do that again?�
I nodded my head.

�Tell me when to stop.� He left a gentle kiss on my lips.

Callum suddenly turned me around and held me down the counter top. I took in a
sharp inhale when he pinned both my hands down, my chest pressed againt the marbled
top. It was sick how I enjoyed the feeling of being helpless and weak compared to
Callum. The feeling of having no physical control but at the same time feeling in
complete control. The physical threat on my body but the safety of knowing he�d
stop whenever I wanted him to. That was what gave me the rush. My heart was pumping
more blood than it should.

Wordlessly, he pulled my pants down to my knees along with my underwear. His

fingers traced along my slit and I yelped when he pumped it inside me. His fingers
went deep inside me until I could feel his knuckles against my womanhood.

�How can you still be this tight?� He asked as he moved his fingers in and out.

I bit my bottom lip and swallowed a whimper. His fingers brutally thrust in and out
of me. The unbearable pleasure just approached the pain. I felt his hold loosened
on my wrist and he was no longer holding me down.

My whole body shivered when his warm and wet lips covered my womanhood from behind.
His hands were on my hips, pushing me against the edge of the counter top. His
tongue expertly teased me, tentatively stroking my slit. He opened me up with his
fingers. I felt so exposed and dirty under his gaze. I could feel him staring at my
womanhood and it took me aback how I enjoyed that feeling. The tip of his hardened
tongue played around my opening. He swirled his tongue around before he finally
thrust in. One of his hands went to my front and started massaging my nub. He
pinched them between his two fingers and I let out a yelp, the pleasure and pain
sent me shooting to my tiptoes. His tongue delved in and out of me and I rocked
against his movements. He rotated his face against my flesh, adding a new depth of
speed and friction to an already overwhelming feeling.

My body began to tighten and then I convulsed. I almost dropped to the ground but
Callum held me back up. The sound of him unbuckling his belt and unzipping his
pants brought fear. The sound was so familiar it felt like I was back in that dark
place again. When I hear that, I knew I would be used again.

�Callum?� I whispered. I wanted to hear his voice, to pulling me back from the
miserable place. I wanted to make sure it was still him even though I couldn�t see
him.

�It�s me, Audrey�� He whispered in a gentle voice.

I relaxed again. He pushed my legs further apart. I gasped when he shoved his
entire length in me in one swift motion. He leaned forward, his body touching my
back. His hands went to the front of my blouse and I shrieked when he suddenly
yanked them open. Ripping my blouse apart and the buttons going everywhere. He
pulled my bra cups down, exposing my breasts to the cool air of the room.

He began to brutally move in and out of my body as he pulled my nipples with his
fingers. He played, stretched and molded my breasts. I could feel his whole length
and width inside me each time he thrust in. Everything about him forced and
ambushed me.
His soft moans turned into grunts as he pushed harder and deeper. He pushed so deep
I could feel him hitting my cervix.His thrust increased pressure as if he was
trying to tear down my inner walls.

I felt another orgasm and then my walls tightened around him. It triggered his own
orgasm and then he pulled out of me.Then I felt his warm essence covering my
bottom. I went completely limp against the counter top. I tried to muster the
strength to even lift my fingers but I couldn�t. I was paralyzed by the after
effect of the orgasm.
He took a paper towel to wipe it off and helped me get dressed. He carried me to my
room and laid me down my bed. Tumabi siya sa akin and we cuddled for awhile.

�Are you okay?� He asked, concern in his voice.

I smiled and nodded my head.

�Are you on the pill?�

�Pill? What pill?�

�Birth control.� He whispered kissing the side of my head.

I shook my head and looked up at him. My eyes widened in horror, he didn�t use
protection on me. �You didn�t use condom��

�I�m clean, I swear.� He promised.

�That�s not what I�m worried about. What if I get pregnant?�

�I pulled out but there�s no guarantee. I�ll grab you a morning after pill later
and maybe we should start getting you on the pill.�

I nodded my head, agreeing.

�You haven�t been on the pill before?� He cocked a brow.

�No.�

�Have you never had a boyfriend?�

�I did but that was when I was a teenager. We lasted for six months and we never
went beyond kissing.� I said, snuggling my face into his neck.

�God, I never realized how innocent you are.�

Chapter Ten
�Tama na� please, ayoko na. Patayin niyo na lang ako.� I silently sobbed. A finger
lightly brushed away a few strands of hair away from my face. I swallowed, my whole
body shaking with fear as I felt myself anticipating what he�d do to me next. It
was always unpredictable. Always more brutal than the last. I let out a loud cry.
�Just fucking kill me already!�
�Aaahhh!� I screamed when I felt pain on the burnt part of my skin. The smell of
alcohol wafted over me. A cloth was gently patted on my skin and then I felt a cool
gel touch my burn. The stinging pain lessened and my body was able to relax.
The hand cupped the back of my head lifting it up and another forced a pill in my
mouth and washed it down with water.
�Why are you doing these things to me? Ano bang kasalanan ko sa inyo?� Umiiyak na
tanong ko.
There was no answer. There had never been an answer before. All there is was pain
and silence. Defeaning silence. The worst thing about silence is its indifference.
Besides the low grunts and groans they sometimes make when they�re impaling in and
out of me, there was nothing more. The absence of noise from my abusers were
unnerving. It made me hard to imagine what kind of people they were or if they were
at all. They could be the devil for all I know.
I was tied and locked up in God knows where. I couldn�t see anything. I couldn�t
move. The things I exist for, my dignity, my whole being were all taken away from
me. All I knew now was pain. It was the only stimulus I could have.
�Bakit? Bakit niyo ginagawa sa akin ito? Bakit ako?� This time my voice were soft.
Nawala ang sakit ng paso at napalitan iyon ng pagod. I felt drained, emotionally
and physically. All I wanted to do now was to sleep.

A warm body laid beside me and an arm encircled around my waist.

�N-no� no� please�� My voice shook, instinctively moving my body away from it.

The arm pulled me closer and I tried to pull away but I couldn�t. It was wrapped
around me like steel bars.

�Bitiwan mo ako! Bitiwan mo ako!�

�Nooo! Let go of me!� I pushed the body away from me and huddled in the corner of
the bed. I hugged my folded knees to my chest as I trembled in fear. Callum lifted
his head up and looked at me with eyes still hooded from sleep. He had a dazed,
confused look on his face.

�Audrey�� He slowly sat up. �It�s me. It�s Callum��

My heaving breath finally slowed down. It was just a dream. My body stopped shaking
as the realization sunk in. I jumped on him, wrapping my arm around his naked
torso. �I� I�m sorry� I didn�t mean to wake you up.�

�It�s alright. No worries.� He said, soothingly stroking my hair. �Did you have a
bad dream?

�I nodded my head as an answer.

�I�m here. No one can hurt you now. I won�t let anyone hurt you�� He left soft
kisses on my forehead.

�Cal�� I slowly pulled away from him. �I think it�s better if you sleep a little
farther away from me. I� I don�t like being held while I�m asleep�

�Am I making you uncomfortable. I�m sorry. Do you want me to go home?� He gently
asked with an undertone of worry in his voice.

�No� no�� I shook my head.

�I�ll just move to the couch.� He said, trying to make me feel more comfortable.

�No. I want you here. Huwag mo akong iwan.� I said and my eyes lowered. �Callum, I
like being with you. It�s just that some things remind me of what they�ve done to
me. I� I�m sorry.�

�I understand. There�s nothing wrong with that. It�s completely normal. You�re
healing in your own way, in your own phase and in your own time. I want you to know
that I will be with you every step of the way. When you�re done, things will be
good again.� He stroked my cheek and forced a smile. His dark eyes bore a hint of
something I�d seen in most people when they find out what I�d gone through. I hated
it.

�You�re no longer my therapist. Bakit ginagawa mo ito? Why do you want to help me?�
I asked.

�I- I don�t know.� He let out a deep sigh.

�Dahil ba naaawa ka sa akin?� I asked, accusingly.

His gaze lowered.

�I don�t want any pity, Cal. I am tired of people pitying me. Pati ba naman ikaw?�
I let out a deep sigh.

�I don�t mean it like that. I admire the braveness you have despite what you�ve
been through but I know you�re already tired. You have a lot of repressed emotions
you don�t want to face. � He took my hand in his and kissed the back of it.
�Audrey, I don�t want you to ever feel like you�re alone in this. It�s okay to feel
scared. It�s okay to feel weak.�

�You know what I feel? I feel angry!� My hands clenched into fists and my eyes
watered with hot tears. �Gusto ko silang magbayad sa ginawa nila sa akin. Mga hayop
sila! Binaboy nila ako!�

He pulled me to him and I was in his arms. I started punching his chest in an angry
fit as memories began to flood me. �Binaboy nila ako, Cal! Mga walanghiya sila! Ano
bang kasalanan ko? Bakit ginawa nila sa akin iyon?�

�Shh�� He hushed soothingly as he kissed my hair. �You did nothing wrong. It wasn�t
your fault��He gently laid me down the bed as he stroked my hair. He just held me
and let me cry my eyes out, silently assuring me that he was here for me.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. My eyes were heavy and puffy from
crying myself to sleep last night. My body immediately searched for Callum�s
familiar heat but it wasn�t there anymore. I found myself alone in bed when I
opened my eyes. All that�s left was his natural manly scent mixed with his cologne
and wrinkled sheets beside me. I felt kind of disappointed but I had to remind
myself that what Callum and I had was just casual sex. I shouldn�t let myself get
too emotionally involved with him. It was better this way.

I sighed, reaching for my phone. Mama was video calling me again. I quickly grabbed
the blouse I wore last night and put it on before answering the call. The first
thing I saw was Mama�s smiling face.

�Hey, honey.� She spoke with her usual gentle voice.�Kamusta ka na? Have you had
your breakfast?�

�I just woke up, Ma.� I answered.

�I�m sorry. Nagising ba kita?� she asked.

�No, it�s alright. Magseseven na rin naman.� I yawned, stretching my arms out.
�How�s everything there?�

�Everything�s fine. Your Dad and I miss you.� Sabi ni Mama.

�Miss you too, Ma.� I sighe and smiled. �Is Dad there?�

�He�s taking a shower. Why?� She asked, her brows crumpled.

�Well, I�m kind of seeing this guy�� I bit my bottom lip and I immediately felt
butterflies in my stomach.

Mom�s lips broke into a wide smile. �Finally! Who is he? Saan kayo nagkakilala?�

�His name is Callum.� I couldn�t help but giggle like a little girl.

The door suddenly opened and I could see Callum walking in with only his boxers on.
I gasped and put the phone down so Ma wouldn�t see him. It would be so embarrassing
if Mama did see him.

�W-what are you still doing here?� My head turned to face him.

�I�m sorry. Narinig kasi kita sa loob. I hope you don�t mind me going through your
kitchen. I�m making breakfast for us.�

�It�s� it�s fine.� I bit my bottom lip, trying to focus on nothing but his face. I
was careful not to look further down.

�I�ll call you when breakfast is ready.� He showed his pearly whites before closing
the door.

�Audrey�� I heard Mama�s teasing voice. Inangat ko ang phone ko at nakitang nandoon
pa siya sa screen. She had a wide grin across her face. �Is that him?�

�Ma, I�m sorry�� I felt so embarrassed that my Mom had to see that.

�He�s a handsome young man.� Sabi ni Mama. �How long have you been seeing him?�

�Not long ago.� I shrugged. �But we�re not really dating. It�s kind of a� um,
casual affair.�

�I see.� Mama nodded her head. �Ang mahalaga masaya ka sa kanya. That�s all I ever
want for you. I want you to heal and live a normal life.�

�I�m trying�� I forced a smile.

�I�m glad you are.� Mom gave me the gentlest of smile. �Just don�t tell your Dad
about this yet, okay? Alam mo naman ang Dad mo, minsan may pagka-overprotective
iyon.�

�I know. Kaya nga sa�yo ko lang muna sinabi.� I chuckled.

�How was your sleep?� Callum asked while we were eating breakfast. He made
omelette, bacon, sausage, and pancake for us. He was big on breakfast while I
usually have fruits and oatmeal. This kind of reminded me of my family. Ma would
wake up before any of us so she could make breakfast for us. Matakaw din kasi si
Dad at ang mga kapatid kong lalaki pagdating sa breakfast kaya kala mo palaging may
feast sa umaga. Even when Kuya Miggy had his own home, he�d always drop by in the
morning tpo have breakfast with us. Ganon din sa dinner.

�My sleep was good.� I answered between chewing my pancake.

�Who were you talking to?� His eyes narrowed with curiosity.

�My Mom. Gano talaga si Mama, she always calls to check on me�

�She must be a good mother.� He commented.

�She�s been nothing but wonderful.� I smiled and then that smiled turned into a
quiet snicker.

�What?� His brows furrowed.

�She kind of saw you.�

�Are you serious?� His eyes widened. �I was only wearing boxers.�
�I know. I was so embarrassed.�

�I�m sorry, I didn�t know you were talking to your Mom.� He said in genuine
apology.

�It�s okay. Mama thinks you�re a handsome young man.� I snorted.

�She does?� He smiled. �Does that mean your mother approve of me?�

I pressed my lips together to keep myself from smiling like a teenager who�d seen
her crush. �Don�t get too giddy. Madali lang kuhanin ang loob ni Mama. You�re going
to have a huge problem with my Dad. Masyado kasing overprotective yun.�

�I�d love to meet your family someday.� His eyes turned intensely darker as he said
those words and then he lowered his gaze. �My family was never like yours. Growing
up, I�ve always felt alone��

I swallowed, feeling something dislodged in my throat when he said that. It was as

if I could feelt the pain seeping through me with his words.

�Now you have me�� My hand snaked over his.

His eyes lifted to mine and he smiled again. �Thanks. Audrey.� He let out a deep
sigh as he gently looked at me. �Why haven�t we met sooner?�

We finished ur breakfast and I insisted on cleaning up and doing the dishes as he

had already cooked breakfast for us.

I found Callum in the living room. Nakatayo siya sa harap ng cabinet ung saan
nakadisplay ang mga pictures namin. He was scrutinizing the pictures.

�Callum�� I called him out.

He turned his head and looked at me. �You have a lovely family.�

I smiled and stood next to him. �I miss them so much. Mataga na akong hindi
nakakauwi sa Pilipinas.�

�Wala ka bang planong bumalik?� He asked.

�Wala pa sa ngayon.�

�You look so young here.� He pointed at the picture of Coco and I.

�Nineteen pa lang ako niyan.� I smiled.

�Is that your brother?�

I nodded my head. �He�s my twin.�

�That�s why he looks so much like you.� He chuckled.

�That over there is my Dad and Mom.� I pointe at the next frame.

�Phoenix Cordova.� He silently said.

�You know my Dad?� My brows furrowed.

�Of course I do! He�s a legend in the business world. Haven�t I mentioned that my
father was a businessman? I actually met him when I was a kid.� He smiled. I stared
at him and I never realized how ferocious he looked when he smiles. His canine
teeth were longer than the rest, making him look almost dangerous.

�Small world.� I chuckled a little. �Ano bang pangalan ng Dad mo?� I�ll ask if he
remembers you and your Dad.�

�I�m sure he doesn�t. We�d only met him at a business convention once. Besides,
smaill time businessman lang si Dad compared to him.� He shrugged and his attention
returned to the frame. He looked at the huge family picture placed in the center.
Nandoo si Dad, he was sitting in the middle with Mama standing beside him. Nandoon
si Coco karga si Cookie, si Kuya Miggy, si Ronnie at isang batang nakakandong kay
Dad. �Those must be your siblings.�

�This is Coco, my twin, and that handsome little guy there is my nephew, Cookie.
He�s my twin�s son. Tapos ito naman si Kuya Miggy, he�s our older brother and that
dark haired girl is our bunso, her name�s Ronnie.�

�What about that cute little boy over there?� He looked intently at the boy sitting
on Dad�s lap, drawing his face closer.

�He�s Arthur�� Iyon lang ang nasabi ko.

�Is he your nephew?� He turned his head to me and smiled a gentle smile.

I blinked and pretended to look at the clock. �I-I�m going to be late for work. I
think you should go home.�

�You�re right.� He agreed. �I have to go. I don�t have time to go to the gym
anymore. I�ll be heading straight to the clinic.�

He cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead and then looked me in the eyes.
�Bye for now.�

�Bye��

Chapter Eleven
�What�s this?� I asked when he handed me two rectangular boxes.

�Birth control and Plan B.� He answered. �I thought you�d need these after the
unprotected sex we had last night.�

�Thanks.� I took it from him and read the instructions.

�The plan B you only have to take twice, there�s only two pills in there. Take it
now and the second one after twelve hours. But you have to take the birth control
regularly.� He explained.

I nodded my head and he handed me a bottled water. I took the pill out of the
blister pack, popped it in my mouth, and downed it with water. Callum and I planned
to have dinner at a restaurant downtown. Mrs. Keri let me out of work early, she
told me she�d be fine on her own and that I should go out every once in a while. I
didn�t bring my car with me as Callum said he�d pick me up after work.

Was it wrong that I found solace in him? I wasn�t expecting my life to change
overnight. Just when I thought that there was no place that knew how to help me.
That I was too broken in many places to even be fix, I met him.
�What are you looking at?� He took a quick glance at me as he drove and chuckled.
I shook my head and rested my chin over to his shoulder. I pressed a gentle kiss on
his jaw and smiled. �Thank you, Callum.�

�For what?� His brows furrowed.

�For everything. For listening to me and for trying to understand me.�

�It�ll always be a pleasure.� He winked at me, turning his head to kiss my

forehead. �So what are you in the mood for tonight? Where do you want to eat?�

�Surprise me.� I smiled.

He took me to a french restaurant in Palo Alto. The restaurant had a very romantic
atmosphere and a cozy feel to it. We were greeted by the receptionist and Callum
chose to be sitted on the table outside of the restaurant. The sun was just about
set and the weather outside was nice. It wasn�t cold at all as it had been days
ago. The golden hour was just about to disappear into the sky. The setting sun
tinted everything the light could reach soft red. It was so beautiful.

We were given a menu. I ordered a duck confit and Callum ordered salad and steak
and a bottle of wine for us. Our order were served after a couple of minutes. By
that time, the sun had already disappeared and it was already dark outside.
Everything looked even more beautiful at night. Everything was brightly lit and it
was as though the whole downtown was inhabited by fireflies- bright and shining.

�The food�s delicious.� I commented as we ate.

He shook his head and grin. �It isn�t as delicious as you.�

�Callum.� My eyes widened as I looked around to see if anyone was near enough to
hear us. �You jerk! Mamaya may makarinig sa�yo. Nakakahiya.�

He let out a delicious chuckle. �They don�t care.�

�Well I do!� I shrieked.

�Oh Audrey, you�re so refreshing.� He leaned back against his seat. �You�re unlike
any girl other girl I�ve ever met.�

�Siguro marami ka nang babaeng �nakilala�.� My eyes narrowed at him as I took a sip
of wine.

�Wait? Are you jealous?� His grin grew even bigger.

�Why would I be?� I defensively said.

�I don�t know. You tell me.� He laughed.

�I am not jealous.� My voice was as tensed as my body. �Why would I be? We�re not
even in any sort of relationship.�

�So does that mean I could still see other women?� He folded his arms over his
chest.
I shrugged and took another sip of wine. The thought of him seeing another woman
made my stomach churn. �Nasa sa�yo yan.�

�Okay lang sa�yo na may kahati ka sa akin?� His brows lifted up.
�I don�t get to decide on that.� My face involuntarily crumpled. �Look, we�re just
having�� I swallowed and whispered. ��sex. Nothing more, nothing less. I�m not
asking for exclusivity. I don�t care much about what goes on with your life outside
the bedroom. You can date around all you want. I mean, as long we�re not hurting
anyone then we�re good.�

�I have no desire to see any other woman.� His expression shifted into a serious
one. He took my hand in his and kissed it. �You�re all I need.�

Much as I tried, I couldn�t keep myself from smiling at what he said. I shook my
head, pressing my lips together so my smile wouldn�t show. �Cal, tama na sa akin
kung anuman ang meron tayo. You�ve given back a pieces of me they took away. I know
I still haven�t truly recovered but you�ve been a big help. I just want to get back
to the old me��

He bent down to kiss my hand again, not taking his gaze away from me. There was a
gentle glint in his dark eyes that revealed a soft, gentler side of him. �Stop
trying to be the person you were before the trauma. It�ll only exhaust and
frustrate you. It�s okay if you�ve changed.�

I let out a deep sigh, his words sinking into me. �But it shouldn�t be this way.
It�s not normal. What I want and feel are not normal.�

�Audrey, there�s no set rule book for how you should be after a trauma. You�ll heal
in your own way, phase, and time. And I want so badly to help you.� He huffed.
�Just look at you, you�re a girl who�s holding the whole world on her shoulder� the
world!�

My eyes lowered. �Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. I ask myself all the
time, why I didn�t listen to Mama and Dad. Why did I sneak out that night? Why did
I got to that club? And out of all the people in there, why me? Siguro ibang-iba
ang uhay ko ngayon. I wouldn�t be this mess that I am now. I have a lot of baggage.
Don�t you get tired of me?�

�No and I never will. You have to promise me you won�t go through anything alone
again. You have me now and I want to be with you althroughout. I know sometimes
it�s still hard to let me see you in all your vulnerabilities but know that even in
nights when you just want to collapse into my arms and your body�s broken into a
thousand why�s, you still are the most beautiful thing I�ve ever seen.�

I felt my heart swell with the feeling I had never felt before. It felt as though
he�d ripped off the band-aid I�d placed on my soul and exposed it so he could
stitch it back together for it to properly heal.

�Thank you.� I said, almost inaudible. �Maraming nagbago sa akin simula ng makilala
kita. You gave hope when I need it the most. I don�t know how I can ever repay
you.�

�Hindi ako humihingi sa�yo ng kahit ano�ng kapalit. I just want you to be better.
Like you, I was broken too but it doesn�t mean you can�t be whole again. I wish I
could carry your demon so you wouldn�t have to.�

We decided to go for a walk after having our dinner. We were walking on the
sidewalk, passing by the boutiques that were lined up on the street. It was
starting to get cold but still bearable for an autumn night. His hand reached for
mine and held it as we walked, our fingers interlocked with each other. I felt warm
all over as he held me.

�I didn�t have a good childhood, Audrey.� He let out a deep breath. �Our family
only looked good on the outside. We were a poster family to those who knew us but
nobody knew what was going on behind closed doors. My father was very abusive to my
mother, my sister, and I. My mother was no good either. She�d just looked the other
way everytime our father hurt us. She was a self-centered woman who lacks the
ability to care about anyone but herself. Ang kapatid ko lang noon ang kakampi ko.
I vividly remember the time when I accidentally spilt a glass of juice on my Dad. I
was walking around with the glass in my hand and I ran into him. He was so furious
he punched me in the face. I was a little kid back then. A little kid. Can you
imagine that? That punch left a huge bruise on my face. I still remember how much
it hurt and how hard I cried. My mother heard me and came rushing to me. She grew
frustrated when I wouldn�t stop crying and dragged me to the pantry and there she
locked me. It was dark in there and I barely had any room to move. I was hurt,
scared, and I felt alone. It was a scary feeling for a five year old.�

�Oh Callum�� I could feel the lump forming in my throat while listening to his
story. �I�m so sorry.�

�My sister was the one who opened the door. She was the one who cleaned my bruise.
She was the only one who cared.�

�I care�� I silently said, squeezing his hand to try to comfort him. �Nandito na
ako at hindi kita iiwan katulad ng hindi mo pag-iwan sa akin.�
He turned his head to me and smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. It was like seeing
stars in that pair of dark holes.

�I was in an abusive home from the day I was born to when I was eighteen. What I�m
really trying to say is that people could survive most things. It doesn�t have to
do with being strong, it�s just that there isn�t really any choice.� He explained.
�I turned my attention to music. During that time, it was what helped me cope.�

I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hugged the pain away. That was one thing I
had never experienced. I grew up in a very loving family. I had never once been hit
by my Dad. I had wonderful parents who loved us with all their hearts. I could feel
the heaviness, the pain he�d gone through while growing up.

�In the face of pain, maybe we�re all just the same.� I said.

He looked at me with his dark, dark eyes and I felt a deeper connection. We
understood the things that haunted each other. Something we never really share with
other people.

We walked some more until we pulled up to one of the boutiques. The store�s name
was Good Vibration. At first, I had no idea what kind of boutique it was and what
they were selling but as soon as I stepped inside the store, I couldn�t help but
gasp.

�What are we doing here?� I whispered as if we were in the library.

�Why are you blushing?� He gave me a teasing grin. I could, indeed, feel my cheeks
heating. �We�re just going to look around and see what we need.�

I clutched tightly on his arm, almost burying my face into his shoulder. He
casually walked about the store as if looking for a shirt in a department store.

�Can I help you with anything?� A gothic looking woman with red hair came up to us.

�We�re looking for a restraint for bondage.� Said Callum. I didn�t know how he
managed to say that without flinching while I wanted the ground to swallow me
whole.
�It�s right over here.� She pointed. �We have cuffs, collars, hog ties. If you need
anything else, I�ll be behind the counter.�

�Thanks.� Callum simply said.

There were all kinds of restraints I had never even imagined before. I didn�t even
know what Callum grabbed as I was too embarrassed to look at it. The next thing I
knew, he was already holding a basket full of �toys�.

�Have you ever used a vibrator?� He asked.

�Um� no.� I swallowed.

�Do you want to give it a try?�

I bit my bottom lip, not knowing what to answer.

�You don�t have to be ashamed of anything. I want you to be comfortable with your
sexuality. It�s okay if you don�t want to.�

�Okay, I�m going to try.� Nahihiya pa rin na sabi ko.

He smiled. �That�s the spirit.�

I couldn�t help but chuckle at the silliness of all these and he laughed too. The
awkwardness went away the longer we stayed in there. Callum walked up to the
counter to check out all the items he picked.

Why was I suddenly excited to go home?

Protected: Chapter Twelve

�Inhibitions are not allowed inside this door. � He said, leaned against the door
frame to his room. He stared at me with his vandablack eyes sultry with suggestion,
a teasing smile playing on his lips. �Are you ready for this?�
I swallowed, tensing my spine straight. I tried to look more confident than how I
felt.

�Yes��

He cupped my face and pressed a gentle kiss on my forehead. �I�m glad that you want
to explore your sexuality but there�s no pressure. You don�t have to force
yourself. You don�t need to do anything you�re not comfortable with.�

A smile broke across my lips. �I trust you, Callum. I know you wouldn�t cause me
harm.�

�Never.� He said with a wild glint shining in his eyes, his lips remained curved
into a smile. His face lowered to my face and then I felt the warmth of his lips on
mine.He tasted of every dark dream I�d ever dreamt of.

He pulled away and started to walking backwards, not taking his eyes off me. He
held me by the hand. I watched him, speechless, as he pulled me into the room. It
was as if I was being sucked into a dimension I didn�t know. I could have stop this
with my will but there was no choice. Not if I was there to heal. Stopping it would
have. Stopped the healing

This was Callum and I trusted him. I felt the wounds and memories relax and lose
their memory charge. I trusted him.
�This, in this room, is a world where you can be whatever you want. Audrey. Do you
understand? �He asked.

I nodded my head.

�Do you know what you�re getting yourself into?�He looked a little worried as he
tucked my hair behind my ear.

�I know. I�ve read Fifty Shades� �I joked, trying to lift serious mood a little.

�Audrey� �He moaned, chuckling a little and pulling my head to him to give me a
kiss.

�So you want an S and M relationship? �

I bit my bottom lip. �I don�t know really know what I want.�

�You know, I�ve been in that kind of relationship way back in med school. I was
doing some research and I supplemented it with a bit hands-on experimenting. A
friend introduced me to that kind of practice.� He brought my hands to my lips and
kissed my knuckles. �She willingly helped me with my research. It�s a lifestyle for
her, she just loved it. The first time I ever did it, she asked me to put a collar
around her neck and hold the leash attached to it. She asked me to walk her out the
back of the house just like the bitch she was. She walked on all fours, completely
naked as I held the leash. It felt weird at first but the more we did it, the more
I got used to it.�

�Did you� Did you like it?� I timidly asked, curiosity taking over me.

He shrugged his shoulder. �I wouldn�t say I liked it but I don�t hate either. I
never went back to that kind of practice after my research. Well, until now. Hindi
ko akalain na magagamit ko sa ganitong paraan ang natutunan no noon sa research
ko.�

�If you�re not comfortable, we can just forget about this�� I swallowed.

�We have to learn this together. Audrey. I want to give what you want.� He looked
me in the eyes. �You have to be vocal. What do you want me to do?�

�I want you to take in complete control of me. I want to be used, just an object
for pleasure.� I said in a tiny voice.

He stepped forward, pinching my chin between his two fingers. He sealed a quick,
soft kiss on my lips and then his eyes shifted into a different hue of black. As if
there was some switch inside him and it suddenly turned on.

�Strip.� He said in stern tone. He�d never sounded this serious outside of his
clinic. I blinked, taking me a couple of seconds before I was able to process what
he just said. My hands went to the button of my blouse and I started unbuttoning
it. I let it fall to the ground. Inabot ko ang hook ng bra sa likod ko at hinayaan
din mahulog iyon sa lapag.My heart pounded against my chest as I slowly undressed
in front of him.
I had a little surprise for him and I wasn�t sure if he would like this.

�Your skirt and panties too.� His eyes lowered. My hands lowered to the band of my
skirt and I pulled it down along with my panties.

�Audrey.� He softly whispered as though he was out of breath. I wanted to cover my

body but willed myself not to. This was Callum. I didn�t need to hide anything from
him.

�You have a clit piercing?� His brows wrinkled. His hands went down to touch my
pussy.

I gasped at the sensation when he flicked his finger. �I�m sorry. When did you get
this? Is this just new?�

I shook my head and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. �M-my abusers, t-they
did this to me� �

He looked at me ,void of any emotions. He seemed to not like it. I tightly shut my
eyes while the memories began to flood my mind.

Each of my ankles we�re tied,forcing my legs apart.The smell of alcohol reached my

nose.

I felt a hand a wet cloth wiping around my private part. My heart pounded fast and
loud,like it wanted to jump, out of my chest. Alam kong may gagawin na naman sila
saakin. Nararamdaman ko�

I let out a scream, my throat already raw and aching,every breath a fiery pain,but
still I couldn�t get enough air. I felt the pain of needle going through my skin.I
broke out in sweat while I panted. I exhaled tiredly and rested my arched back down
the ground.It was, thankfully, a quick sudden pain but I could still feel the
throbbing and mild sting. I could feel the pressure on my clit,the heaviness of the
ring.

�I thought you might like this. I wanted to surprise you�� I bit my bottom llip and
then sighed. �I didn�t even know that the pierced hole was still there. I just
noticed it the other day while I was cleaning myself and bought a ring for it.�

He toyed the round jewerly with his fingers which made me squirm with delight. It
was pierced through my clitoral Hood. I never thought this could bring so much
tingling sensation.

�Don�t you think you�re taking this a bit too far too soon?� He gently said, his
eyes softening.

�Cal,may tiwala ako sayo� I assured him. �I know you�re the only one can help me.
Ikaw din ang nagsabi, inhibitions are not allowed in this room.�
I whimpered when he gently tugged on the ring. �Why are you doing this to yourself?
Tell me I want to understand you more so I�ll be able to give you what you want.�

�I want to be objectified, used, changed up, dehumanized. I feel an enormous relief

when i surrender myself to you, when I�m tied up and blindfolded, when my
acceptance is not necessary and my words are not needed. I trust you enough to
willingly give my full control to you knowing that I could make you stop at any
time and regain my control back. There�s no uncertainty to it.�

He let out a sigh of resignation. �I don�t want to take anything too far. I�m not
going to hurt you but you�ll be restrained. We�re going to need a safe word,
something you can use when things get to intense.�

�Just like in Fifty Shades?� My eyes widened with amusement.

He chuckled a little. �Maybe I should start reading the book. Having a safe word is
a dogma in the BDSM community.�
�Trust.� I said, looking at him in the eye. �That�s my safe word.�

�Very well then��He nodded and took me to the bed. The straps we bought from the
sex shop we�re ready as if they�d been waiting for me. Callum handed me a
blindfold. I took him from him and put it over my head. Suddenly everything was
dark.
H guided me down the bed and carefully laid me down. He started putting cuffs on
each my hand and then around my ankles until I was spread eagle on the bed. I was
unable to see anything or move. My flesh was exposed for him to use anyway he
wanted. I felt powerless but I never felt more alive, in control. It was so
thrilling.

�Ahh!� I shrieked in surprise when he put the small vibrator against my nipple. The
sensation was amazing. He slid it around and around while his warm mouth closed on
my other breast. He started sucking my nipple and playing with the other one with
the bullet vibrator until they were painfully erect.

The vibrator trailed down my stomach as his mouth move to my other breast. He
licked, sucked and nibbled on it like he did to the other one. My inner muscle
tightened when I felt the vibrator on my pelvic area. It slid further down to my
folds. He put it against the little ring, making it vibrate. Overwhelmed with the
sensation, I wanted to clench my legs together but I couldn�t as I was tied. My
breath hitched when he brought it to my opening. He teased me, moving the vibrator
around my core and I took sharp inhale when he pushed the small bullet inside me. I
could feel it inside me, vibrating faster now.
His mouth trailed down until I could feel his breath between my legs. He left small
kisses in my inner thigh and then around my womanhood. I was melting inside out,
aware every part of my body the way I�d never been before.Being blinded and
restrained only amplified the sensation.He used two finger to part my folds and
then flicked my clit ring. He started running his tongue between my folds while the
vibrator was still inside me. He flicked my clit ring,my pulsed throbbed between my
thighs. He played and tugged on the little jewelry with his teeth.

�Callum�� My head thrashed

�It�s okay��He said, assuringly.

�Please, I want you� �I begged.

I whined when the vibrator was pulled out of me but I was quickly filled with him.
I felt him stretching me as he pushed himself in. His movements was slow,
controlled, beautiful and deep. I bucked my hips up toward him and shuddered when I
felt every inch of him impaled inside me. Every last inch. Our pelvis touched as he
was in as deep as he could.Callum pinned my hip down and started fingering my
ring,imparting a more concentrated stimulation, while he slowly pulled out and
pushed back in. The pleasure had intensified to a whole new level that it was
driving me insane. I could feel myself nearing an orgasm. I could feel the build up
in my stomach.

�Callum, I-I�m going to come.� I moaned and come I did. My body limped against the
bed.
I felt his weight over my body and then he was leaving soft, gentle kissess all
over my face.He touched my lips and slipped a thumb inside my mouth. I closed my
lips around it and sucked. I didn�t mean to, it was just a natural reaction to the
fire stoking he was stoking inside my body.

�Do you want mine inside this pretty mouth?� He whispered to my ear.
I found myself nodding my head. He pulled out of me and I felt his weight shifting.
He was suddenly straddling my head.

�Are you ready?� He asked in a groan

I nodded as an answer.

�Ipaalam mo sa akin kung hindi mo kaya. Pull the rope and I�ll stop.� He descended,
the tip of his manhood touched my lips. I could taste myself on him. I willed
myself to open my mouth. This had just been inside me and now I was taking it
inside my mouth. He started thrusting the tip of him in and out of my mouth. Callum
was a massive man and I didn�t know if I could take him all in.

A memory squeezed into my mind�

I woke up with my hand tied behind my back while still blindfolded, naked without
anything on. It wasn�t a nightmare. I was abducted and raped. I could feel the
fresh pain between my thighs with every moment I made. But it doesn�t matter now.
Wala na along pakialam king masaktan ako dahi ang gusto ko lang at makaalis dito. I
tried to pry my hands to whatever I was tied down to. I managed to sit up and tried
pulling myself. Suddenly the rope I was tied down to snapped. Adrenaline kick in.
Nabuhayan ako ng loob. Nagmamadali akong tumayo. My hands we�re still tied together
on the back but my feet we�re not. Sinubukan kong kumawala sa pagkakagapos ng kamay
ko but they we�re tied tightly together. I didn�t have all day. Kailangan ko nang
kumilos. Gusto ko nang makaalis dito. Gusto ko nang umuwi.

I couldn�t take off the blindfold as my hands were still tied together behind my
back. So i aimlessly walked without sight and knowing where to go. I had no other
choice. I had to take a risk .I relied on my senses and just walked. Natatakot
akong bumalik sila at gahasain ulit ako. Gusto ko nang umuwi gusto ko nang makita
si dad at mama,ang mga kapatid ko. Nag-aalala na ang mga iyon siguro sa akin.

�Gising na pala ang prinsesa.� I heard a mocking laugh from behind me. Tumayo ang
mga balahibo ko.

My chest suddenly felt tight and my whole body shook. My feet started moving
quickly.

�Tatakas ka pa ha?� Said another grating voice of another man as strong hands
wrapped around my arms.

�Pakawalan niyo na ako.Nagmamakaawa ako. Hindi ako magsusumbong� I begged as tears

flowed richly down my cheeks. �Ano bang gusto niyo sa akin?�

�Ikaw ang gusto namin.� Tumayo ang balahibo ko ng hawakan niya ako sa magkabilang
braso at hinimas ang kanyang mga kamay doon.He smelled ashtray and alcohol

�Tama na po please, please, ayoko na. Kung gusto niyo ng pera. Marami ang daddy ko
noon. Magkano ba ang gusto niyo? Kung gusto niyo tawagan niyo siya, ako ang
kakausap sa kanya�I sobbed incoherently.

�Huwag ka nang umaarte mageenjoy ka din�He burried his face into my hair and
inhale.

�Hindi ko kailangan ang pera ng Daddy mo. Alam mo and kailangan ko? Malabas ang
init sa katawan ko. Sigurado ako masikip ka pa rin. Ilang beses ka lang naman
ginamit.�

�Ipapalasap namin sayo ang langit. Sa una talaga masakit yan pero pag tumagal-tagal
na masarap na.� Said another voice. They laughed as if it was just a joke to them.
Gathering all the strength I had, I kicked my foot on the back, hitting him between
his thighs. He let go of me and let out a curse. I ran as fast as I could.

�Putangina habulin niyo! Pag yan nakawala patay tayo! �One of them shouted. I could
hear their heavy footsteps as they ran after me. I bumped into something hard and
soft in front of me and I fell right on.

�Kala mo ha, hindi ka makakatakas sa amin.� I was harshly picked up by the arm by
one of the men. Then there was sudden silence with no other noise but my cries. The
immediate silence told me that they were up to something again .I was thrown back
to the ground.

�Lumuhod ka. Humingi ka daw ng tawad� Commanded one of the men.

�No�� I refused in between mg sobs. �Mga demonyo kayo! Masahol pa kayo sa hayop!�

�Palaban talaga �to.� A man chuckled.

I heard the unbuckling of jeans right in front of me and a soft whoosh of a zipper.
My cries became even worse as i already had a feeling of what was about to happen.
I vigorously shook my head. �No, please, don�t� �

My jaw was held by a strong hand and I felt something pressing against my lips. I
kept my lips tightly pressed together. Two fingers pinched my nose together until i
couldn�t breathe any longer and was force to open my mouth. I took in a deep
inhale, dragging air in my depraved lungs. I felt him put a strap on my head and a
hard ring-like mouth piece was placed between my lips, forcing it open. He thrust
his manhood into my mouth through the middle of the ring and i gagged when it hit
the back of my mouth. I could feel it hardening inside my mouth as it repeatedly
move in and out. I could hardly breathe. Mas nahirapan pa akong huminga dahil sa
pag iyak ko. Diring diri ako sa kanya. Sa sarili ko sa mga panahon iyon. I wanted
to throw up. It pushed further in until I could feel it in my throat. The thrust
was brutal, hard. I gagged even more, my stomach churning in disgust with what was
being done to me.

�Hayop mukhang masarap pati bibig ng babaeng yan� Natatawang sabi ng isa sa mga
lalaki.

�Magaling sumubo.� Said another man. �Ilang lalaki na ba ang nablow job mo?�

�Yan ang nababagay sayo! Sinipa ako niyan!� Sabi ng isa pang lalaki.

Even though I couldn�t see anything. I could feel their stares. I could feel their
perverted eyes on me and it made everything more disgusting.

I felt something warm and slimy and disgusting fill my mouth. I swallowed some of
and then cough it out until I�m vomiting. Nanginginig ang buong katawan kong
napahiga ako sa malamig na sahig. I breathed heavily, in and out. I laid there and
just cried.

�Audrey�� Callum groaned and then I was pulled from my trance. �I-I�m going to
come� I�m coming��

He thrust furiously in and out of my mouth and then I felt a surge of warmth inside
my mouth. Dahil nakahiga ako, bumaba iyon sa lalamunan ko. I had no choice but to
swallow it. The taste stuck to my tongue. It had a thick texture and a salty taste
to it I could even feel his manhood pulsating inside my mouth before he finally
pulled out.
He pulled down my blindfold and I was able to see him again.
�Are you okay?� He asked.

I nodded my head. He unclasped the straps around my wrists and ankles and collapsed
next to me. Hinatak niya ako sa mga bisig niya at sumiksik sa tagaliran niya.

�Nabigla ba kita?� He sounded worried

�No.� I answered �Nothing you do will ever be worse as they�ve done to me.�

�Audrey.� He sighed and kissed my forehead. �If only I have a power to make you
forget all the bad memories. You are too precious. �

I forced a smile and nuzzled against his sharp jaw �What you�re doing is already
helping me. Hindi na ako natatakot dahil nandito ka na.�

�Sana nakilala ko kung sino ka bago mangyari sayo yun. When you weren�t damaged and
jaded, and filled with so much bad memories. Your eyes were full of life in your
old photos.� He took my hand and clasped our fingers together. �What were you like
before? Were you always this timid, shy librarian that you are now?�

�Bata palang ako madaldal na daw ako sabi ni Mama. I was the only princess in our
family until Ronnie, my little sister came. I was the center of everyone�s
attention being the only one girl in the family. I like being around with people. I
like going to parties. I had a lot of friends. I was very social person.� Kwento
ko.

�And everything changed after you we�re abducted?�

I nodded my head. �Nawala yung tiwala ko sa ibang tao. Lalo na sa mga lalaki. I
feel like they�re always going to do something bad to me so I isolated myself. But
then you came.�

�I wish I could�ve come earlier. I wish we could�ve met five years ago. I wish I
could�ve done something, Audrey.� His voice croaked, bringing my hands to his lips
and kissing it.

�I promise I�d be here with you as long as you need me. You don�t have to do
everything alone. You are so beautiful and I want you to believe that you can have
a full life, an open life, a free life. I want you to learn to live again because
you deserve so much more than survival.�

�I�m trying, Callum.� I felt a lump forming in my throat.

Mag isa nalang ako sa kwarto ng magising ako kinaumagahan. I slowly sat up and a
red rose on top of the bedside table next to me quickly caught my attention. I
couldn�t help but smile when I saw it. Dinampot ko iyon at dinala sa ilong ko para
amuyin. The rose smelled sweet and fresh. There was a plate of pancake, a bowl of
berries, and a glass of tea next to where I picked up the the flower. Sa tabi ng
teacup ay may maliit na card na nakasandal doon.I picked it up and read what was
written in the card.

Went out for a jog, Eat up and wait for me.

Love, Callum

I hugged the tiny paper to my chest and threw myself back down the soft bed. I
wanted morning like this. I ate the food and went through Callum�s closet. Humiram
ako ng puting t-shirt at sinuot ko iyon. Nilabas ko mula sa kwarto niya ang mga
plato at dinala sa kitchen para hugasan.
I waited for him just as he told me to .I walked around his house and noticed one
thing. His house was so impersonal�and cold. It was just furnitures. Dark,
expensive furnitures. His house was the type you�d see in furniture showrooms. Good
to look at but it didn�t have any personal touch. Malinis ang bahay. Eveything was
in order. Everything was where needed to be. It was so impersonal and cold. Wala
man lang pictures niya o nang pamilya niya. I knew he didn�t have a food
relationship his parents but they must have had at least one picture together.

Masyado akong naaliw sa pagikot sa bahay niya. The only room I hadn�t explored yet
was the door next to his bed. I wonder what was in there. I found myself reaching
for the door knob and turning it. It was like a study room. The walls of the room
we�re filled with books and in the far center of the room was a table and a
computer. Dito siguro siya nagtatrabaho pag wala.siya sa clinic. There were piles
of psychology book on top of his desks and paper scattered over. Iyon lang yata ang
nakita kong lugar sa buong bahay niya.

Lumapit ako sa desk niya para linisin iyon.Inayos ko ang mga libro at naaga ng
pansin ko ang isang puting binder. What really caught my attention was my name on
it.

Audrey Cordova

Binuklat ko ang binder. There were a lot of pages in there. I started reading it
and then i scanned through some pages. I clutches tightly onto binder when the
words in there finally sinking into me. My heart dropped to my stomach. My palms
were already sweating. Hindi ko alam kong maiiyak o magagalit ba ako. How could he?
I trusted him

�Audrey!� The door opened and then Callum was standing there.

My eyes were blurry with tears. �I trusted you��

�Audrey, I can explain.� He ran his fingers through his dark hair.

Binato ko sa kanya ang binder at tumakbo palabas ng kuwarto.

Chapter Thirteen
Just when I thought I�d found someone who I could give my full trust to, someone
who understood the ordeal I�d been through and wanted to genuinely help, I found
out the truth. I was made into a human guinea pig without even knowing it. The
binder contained everything we�d ever talked about and done, even in bed. It even
had a full transcript of conversations we had in the past, he probably had it
recorded in his phone or something. It was written in ther my sexual fantasies, my
thoughts, how I reacted with what was being done to me, and his hypothesis. It was
detailed, concise, and so clinical. Like he was observing a lab rat or something. I
was used as a subject in his study on traumatic reenactment and revictimization.

I was used again. Ang masakit pa ay yung taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko ang gumamit sa
akin. For years, I struggled with trusting people and the Callum came and in a
short span of time, he was able to get me to trust him. And then I find out he was
just like them. He used and violated me to his advantage. He�d shattered that last
hope I had.

Tears began to sting my eyes when I thought of it again but I quickly blinked it
away. I wasn�t going to cry over it now. Tapos na akong umiyak kagabi. I turned my
attention back to the books I was putting away.

�Audrey�� I almost dropped a book when I heard Callum�s voice from behind me.
�What are you doing here?� I asked in a stern voice.

�You haven�t answered any of my calls or text messages. Kausapin mo naman ako.
Hayaan mo akong magpaliwanag.�

�Stay away from me.� The words came out hard and flat. �I don�t need your
explanation. What I saw was enough.�

�Audrey, I only want to help.�

�You don�t want to help. You used me to your convenience. Wala kang pinagkaiba sa
mga taong nanamantala sa akin.� I felt my throat constricting.

�No, don�t say that. Please don�t say that, Audrey.� He said in a small voice. �I
genuinely want to help. I want to understand you more and help people like you.�

�You did it without my consent!�. I tried to keep my voice under control. �You have
a transcript of our conversations, everything we did in bed, how I reacted and even
my thoughts were written there! You make me feel like I�m a sex freak! Like I�m
some lab animal you�re experimenting on. I�m a human being, Callum! I may be
damaged but I�m still a human being.�

�I�m sorry. I�m really sorry�. His voice shook. �I didn�t mean to make you feel
like that. I admit, your case piques my interest. I wanted a deeper understanding
to what�s going through your mind. Hindi ko sinabi sa�yo kasi alam kong iyan ang
iisipin mo. You�re not a sex freak. Normal iyon. People respond to trauma in
different ways.�

�For years, I didn�t trust anyone outside of my family but I trusted you, Callum.�
The corners of my lips sagged downwards. �And you broke that trust. Ayaw ko nang
Makita ka. Umalis ka na.�

�Audrey, please�.� He took a step towards me.

�Don�t go any nearer.� I glared at him.

�Audrey, I�m so sorry.� His eyes, that were as black as a darkest night, were
coated with sheer sadness. �What we had, what I showed to you were all genuine.�

�Get away from me! Umalis ka na sabi!� I shouted at him as tears began to spill
from my eyes.

�Audrey, is everything okay?� Mrs. Keri was suddenly striding towards us. I quickly
wiped the tears in the corners of my eyes. She stopped in front of me and then
averted her gaze to Callum. �Is he harassing you again, Audrey?�

I didn�t answer.

�I�m going to call the cops to assist you out if you don�t leave within ten
seconds.� Mrs. Keri warned.

�Audrey�.� He silently said.

�Just leave!� I angrily screamed at him.

His shoulders and face sagged. With heavy feet, he turned to the door and started
walking away. I could feel the pressure in my throat as I tried hard not to cry. I
forced my attention back to the books I was putting away.
�Are you okay?� Mrs. Keri asked in a concerned tone.

I never knew it hurt so much to smile when I had to force one out as I nodded my
head.

�Aw, you poor, sweet thing.� She asked, her eyes looked worried. �The next time I
see him anywhere near him, I will call the cops and have him arrested. What a
creep.�

�Thanks, Mrs. Keri.� I said.

�Anything for you, darling. I�m going to get back to work now.� Sabi niya bago
naglakad pabalik sa table niya.

Callum had filled a void I�d longed for in my life. He was the only man I trusted
to pit my mind, body, soul, and pleasure into his hand. After so many years, I
finally let my walls down for someone only to find out I was just some experiment
to him. I thought I�d already found an emotional shelter.

�Ma�.� I decided to call my family. I needed them right now. Just the mere sight of
my Mom makes everything feel a little lighter. Mama was in the playroom, it used to
be our playroom when we were little. Now it was Cookie�s and the other kid�s. �I
miss you.�

�Drey.� Suddenly Mama�s smile faded as if she�d sensed that something wasn�t right.
Sometimes I feel like Mama had an ESP. Even when we don�t say anything, she
instantly knows when things aren�t right. Like that time when I accidentally
dropped Ronnie when she was a baby. Mama and Dad were at a party that night and we
called Tito Rome to bring Ronnie to the hospital because she wouldn�t stop crying.
The morning after that, Mama kept asking Kuya Miggy, Coco, and I if there was
something we weren�t telling them. �May problema ba?�

I shook my head. �Wala, I just miss you and Dad. Kumusta na kayo?�

�Your Dad�s at work right now. Nandito si Cookie at si �..� Mama paused. �Kumain ka
na ba?�

�I had my dinner hours ago. It�s pretty late. I was just about to go to sleep.�

�How�s the guy you�re seeing? What�s his name again?�

�Callum.� I lowered my gaze. �I�.I stopped seeing him�.

�Bakit? Ano�ng nangyari?� I could sense the concern in her voice.

�It just didn�t work out.� I shrugged. Iyon na lang ang sinabi ko dahil ayaw kong
mag-alala pa siya sa akin.

�Baby, sometimes things doesn�t work out the way we want to. Pero hindi ibig
sabihin nun isara mo na ulit ang puso mo. You�ve built a wall around you and
wouldn�t letting anyone in. When callum came into your life, ang laki ng pinagbago
mo. I saw life in your eyes I�ve never seen in years.� She let out a sad sigh.
�Please, Drey, don�t ever stop loving. Kahit hindi muna ang ibang tao. Kahit sa
sarili mo lang muna.�

�Ma�.� I bit my bottom lip.

�Tita Drey!� Cookie suddenly jumped into the screen and waved at me.
�O, tapos na kayo ni Arthur magplay?� Mama asked.

�Mmhm!� The cute blonde head nodded. He looked exactly like my brother when we were
little at kasing kulit din ni Coco.

�How�s our little monster?� He never fails to lift my mood up.

�Tita Drey, I�m going to be in first grade really really soon. School�s about to
start and Mymy and Dada already bought me a new bag and a boring pair of shoes. I
said boring because it�s just regular shoes. I want the one with wheels and you can
press a button to turn it into regular shoes but Dada said it�s not safe for
school.�

�Gusto mo ba bilhan kita� I asked him.

�YES!� He frantically nodded his head.

�What color do you want?�

�BLUE!�

�Hi Ate Drey, I�m going to school too! What am I going to be again, Mama?� Said a
voice of a younger child. Hindi ko siya nakita sa video pero narining ko ang boses
niya. I completely froze. Just the mere sound of his voice was enough to make my
chest ache.

�You�re going to be in preschool, baby.� Mama turned her to the child and let out a
sad smile. Thank God, he wasn�t on the video. I�d seen a glimpse of him in the past
but I can�t stand looking at him. �Cookie, maglaro na lang muna kayo ni Arthur
dyan. Lalabas lang si Mama, okay?�

�Okay!� Cookie said.

�Can I say goodbye to Ate Drey?� Asked the other child.

�Maybe some other time.� Mama let out a sigh. She took the pad with her and went
out of the playroom. �Drey, can you at least show him a little kindness? Lumalaki
na siya. Natututo na siyang magtanong. I�m sure nararamdaman niyang malamig ka sa
kanya.�

�Ma�� I swallowed.

�At least acknowledge him as a human being. Kahit simpleng hello lang pag nandyan
siya, matutuwa na yung bata. Huwag mo naman iparamdam na ayaw mo sa kanya.�

�Please, Ma, this is not the kind of conversation I want now.� I exhaled heavily.

�I�m sorry.� She quietly said. �Naaawa lang ako kay Arthur. Alam mo bang ikaw ang
dahilan kung bakit niya gustong pumasok ng school? He wants the same attention
you�re giving to Cookie.�

�You know I never wanted him in the first place!� I exploded like a dynamite and
tears began to roll on the corners of my eyes. �Kayo ang pumilit sa akin na ituloy
siya! I already scheduled an abortion and you stopped me! Sabi mo ituloy ko yun,
sabi mo pag nandyan na siya hindi ko na siya makikita, you said you were going to
put the child up for adoption!�

�Hindi ko kaya, Drey�.� Her voice cracked.

�Hindi ko din kayang makita siya! Hindi ko kayang marinig ang boses niya! Ni hindi
ko nga alam kung sino ang ama niyan!�

�Drey, please calm down. I�m sorry, I�m so sorry�..� Mama looked at me with pity
and guilt. �I shouldn�t have opened it up. I�m sorry.�

I blinked as if I had been in a trance. Agad akong nahimasmasan. �I�m going to go

to bed. I�m having a bit of headache.�

�Get some rest.� Ma sounded like all energy had been sucked out of her body. �You
don�t have to go through everything alone. You�re surrounded with people who loves
you and cares about you. Nandito kami para sa�yo.�

I turned off the cam and went to my room. I slipped into the blanket and hugged a
pillow.

Sleep was not kind to me that night. My mind wouldn�t let me rest and so I tossed
and turned in bed.

Things hadn�t been the same since the abduction. Wala akong ginawa noon kung hindi
umiiyak. Hindi ako makatulog at hindi ako makakain. Nights were always the worst;
nights when I had difficulty falling asleep. I would lie in bed and suddenly
flashbacks what they did to me comes rushing back as if I was back in that place
again. Whenever I do get any sleep, iyon lang din ang napapanaginipan ko. I was
close to snapping. Iniisip ko nga lang noon, sana mabaliw na lang ako. At least I
wouldn�t be that aware anymore.
Two months after, I received a new blow. I was taken to the clinic for my monthly
checkup and that�s when we found out I was pregnant. I was hysterical. Galit na
galit ako sa mundo noon. I�d already been through so much and I didn�t want to go
through another ordeal. I packed up my things and booked a flight to California
without my parent�s knowledge. Dito kasi legal ang abortion. I wanted to get rid of
the thing inside me.

It was a disgusting feeling to feel that my body was invaded by a horrible monster
I want killed. That his seed was now growing inside me. The creature inside me was
a monster and a child at the same time. I never thought of it as a baby. I saw it
as a parasite who invaded my body through rape. I just wanted it gone.

Mama and Dad followed me and stopped me from having an abortion. I already had the
date set. They arrived three days before the abortion. They talked me out of it,
Mama cried and Dad begged me, even getting to his knees, to change my mind.
Mama stayed with me here all throughout my pregnancy. Dad went back and forth
between here and the Philippines as he had a business to run and he was taking care
of my case. Minsan bumibisita din sina Kuya Migs, Coco, at Ronnie. Nobody knew that
I was already pregnant at that time except for my family. I never wanted anyone to
know. Sabi ni Mama noon we�re going to get to put him up for adoption so I wouldn�t
have to see him again.

After some months, I gave birth to the child. Mama, Dad and all my siblings were
there. I never breastfed the child. I never let him anywhere near me. They were the
one who made the decision to keep him. Sila ang nagdesisyon para sa akin.

They brought him back to the Philippines. Pinalabas nilang anak siya ni Mama at
Dad. That Mama was the one who gave birth to him and he was our sibling. Hindi ko
kayang tanggapin ang bunga ng kahayupan nila sa akin. He wasn�t mine. I couldn�t
accept that I had to spend the rest of my life sharing a child with a man who raped
me and I knew I wouldn�t be able to look at it without thinking of what they did to
me.
Kung pwede ko lang ibalik ang panahon, I would have him aborted. I angrily clutched
onto the pillow as hot tears began to trickle from my eyes.

Chapter Fourteen
I�d survive worse than this. For the past four years, I�d been doing fine on my
own. I didn�t need him but I�d be lying if I say his absence doesn�t affect me.
With him, I found a sense of self that I had lost a long time ago and all the while
he was just using me. I�d been betrayed by the first man I�d ever let in. I
should�ve seen it coming. How could I be that stupid???I sighed as I pushed my car
door open. I pulled the compartment open and took out my grocery bags. Dumaan din
ako sa grocery bago ako umuwi galing sa library.

My day was mundane as it could get. I never touched my phone because he�d been
calling and texting me. I needed to get used to not having him around. Kailangan ko
na ulit masanay na ako lang. I already had alot of emotional baggage to begin with
and I would collapse if I had to carry more.??I went inside my house, putting the
grocery bags on the counter tip. I took out all the ingredients I needed to make my
dinner. I was about to turn on the stove when I heard a faint sound of guitar
playing outside.

�And Audrey was her name, a not so very ordinary girl or name. But who�s to blame,
for a love that wouldn�t bloom. For the hearts that never played in tune. Like a
lovely melody that everyone can see, take away the words that rhyme it doesn�t mean
a thing�??I tightly shut my eyes. I argued with myself wether to go out to see him
or not. Ayaw ko sanang makita siya. It would only make everything harder. I exhaled
and opened my eyes. Paalisin ko lang siya then I would walk back in and I�d never
see him again.??I walked to the front door opened it and saw Callum standing on the
front porch with guitar strapped over him.

�And Audrey was her name, we tripped the light and dance together to the moon. But
where was June� no it never came around. If it did it never made a sound. Maybe I
was absent or was listening too fast, catching all the words but then the meaning
going past.�

You could see the passion he had for music. It was seeping out of every pore of his
body. I wanted to lean against the door frame and just listen to him sing. His
voice was smooth, calm and angelic despite his speaking voice being slightly rough.
If he ever did pursue his music career, I�m sure he�d be famous by now. There was
certain texture in his voice that made him distinct and special from the others.

�Callum� I silently said.

He lifted his head up from his guitar and looked at me. There were dark circled
under his eyes telling me that he hadn�t had a good sleep. Tinanggal niya ang strap
ng guitar nita at inilapag iyon.

�Audrey, please kausapin mo naman ako.�

�Umalis ka na.� I brought my hands to his chest to try to push him. �Hindi ka ba
nakakaintindi? I don�t want to see you again.�

�I�m not going to deny what you saw. I had our converstions recorded on my phone. I
wrote down how you responded to me in bed. I wrote everything we ever did togethr
in hopes of understanding you more. I need to understand you in order to help you.
I need to know what goes on in your mind. I want to help you more than you know.�
His eyes were filled with undeniable sorrow.

�I trusted you, Callum. Akala ko lahat ng pinakita mo sa akin ay totoo. I don�t

need someone to study or analyze me. I�m tired of being used and lied to. I already
feel less than a woman, huwag mo nang mas pababain ang tingin ko sa sarili ko.�

�I was scared of how you�d react. I want to find a way to ease the pain you�re
goung through. Gusto kong malaman mo na totoo lahat ng pinakikita ko sa iyo.� He
lifted the white binder I saw in his office from the ground and handed it to me.
�Here are all the files. Do whatever you want with it. Throw it out. Burn it. I
don�t care. You�re all I care about. I care about you beyond this and I don�t want
to lose you, Audrey�

�Leave, Callum.� I let out a exhausted exhale. �Hindi mo kailangan mag-explain sa

akin. What we had was just sex. It�s better if we stay away from each other�

He dropped to his knees and wrapped his aems around my waist. With face buried
against my stomach, he murmured. �I can�t. I don�t know what I�ll do without you.
Everything feels right with you. With you I feel like I�ve discovered my purpose
and I don�t feel lost anymore.I don�t want to go back to waking up with nothing to
look forward too. I�m not giving up on you.�

�Callum, stop�� I tried to pry his arms around me but he only hugged me tighter.
Why does my heart feel like it was being squeezed by an invisible hand. I was
finally able to push him away and took steps back. I ran inside my house and closed
the door.

Napasandal ako sa pinto. He started banging on the door and begged me to open the
door so we could talk.

I had already finished my dinner. I looked out the window and saw Callum, still
sitting on the steps of my front porch. He said he wouldn�t leave until we talks
and occasionally strumming his guitar. Mapapagod din siya at aalis.

The rain started to pour after I cleaned up and did my dishes. It was already cold
outside without the rain. I had my heater turned on. Paano pa ngayon na umuulan.
Sigurado akong aalis na yun. I peeked out of the window in the living room and he
was still there.

Even though my front porch had a roof, the rain was pouring in torrents. The roof
he was under couldn�t protect him. I could tell from the thick mists that
surrounded my house that it was freezing cold outside. I kept telling myself that
he would eventually leave and closed the window.??I slipped into my bed and tried
to sleep. The rain kept getting louder and louder, it was as if someone was
throwing rocks over my roof. I knew for sure that it was already raining hail
stones outside. Hindi ako mapalagay. What if Callum was still outside? He wouldn�t
able to make it in the morning kung sakaling nasa labas pa siya.

After almost an hour of tossing and turning, I decided to get out of bed to get
myself a glass of water. Okay, excuse ko lang yun sa sarili ko. I just wanted to
see if he was still outside. To my surprise, he was still there. Nakahiga siya sa
bench na nasa porch ko at yakap ang sarili niya.?? I opened the light and then the
door.

�CALLUM!� I called him out.

He didn�t respond.

Kinabahan na ako kaya tumakbo ako palapit sa kanya. I shook him awake. �Callum�.�??
�Audrey�.� He moaned.

He didn�t look well at all. It was as cold as a freezer out here and his clothes
were damp. He was probably getting hypothermia.

�Come on, we�re going to get you in.� Pilit ko siyang hinatak paupo at isinampay
ang isang braso niya sa akin. I helped him up and took him inside. His lips were
blue. God, his lips were already blue.??I took him to my bedroom and set the heater
high. Isa-isa kong tinanggal ang damit niya at kinuha ko ang heater blanket ko at
iyon ang kinumot ko sa kanya.

After just a few minutes, nagkaroon na ng kulay ang mukha niya. Hinawakan ko ang
mukha niya at naramdaman kong mainit siya.

�Audrey�� With eyes closed, he took my hand that was placed on his cheek and
brought it to his lips.

�Do you want me to take you to hospital?� I asked, worried.

�I�m okay.� He answered and then let out a faint smile on his lips. �Sabi ko na nga
ba, hindi mo ko matitiis.�

�Cal, magpahinga ka na.� I told him

�Hug me.�

�Cal.� I said in an annoyed tone.

�It�s so cold.� He muttered.

I rolled my eyes and slipped into the blanket with him. He pulled me into his
shaking arms and hugged me. I had no choice but to hug him back. He felt solid and
soft both at the same time and his skin was warm to the touch. I could feel the
steady beat of his pulse. Soon enough his arms relaxed and his breathing become
deep and steady telling me that he�d already fallen asleep.

This was the first time we�d been physically intimate without sex. I buried my face
into his neck getting the smell of raw manliness that he emitted. I found myself
hugging him tighter. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, intoxicating my senses
with him.

My fluttered open. My room was brighter than when I closed my eyes. I Iifted my
gaze and saw Callum looking at me. His eyes shone brighther now.

�Hey, good morning.� He smiled.

�Morning.� I sat up and felt his forehead. He was still kind of hot but not as hot
as last night.

�How are you feeling?�

�Better.� He flashed his pearly whites.

�Kanina ka pa ba gising?�

�About half an hour ago.�

�Why didn�t you wake me up?�

�You were so stunning when you were sleep, almost as stunning as you are awake.� He
said, his eyes sparkled with a divine radiance as he looked at me.
I rolled my eyes at him.

�What were you doing last night? Nagpapakamatay ka ba?�

�Alam ko naman kasing hindi mo ko matitiis.� He propped his head with his elbow. He
lifted one hand to touch my cheek. �Audrey�. you are so beautiful and I can�t think
of anything better than waking up next to you.�

I wasn�t going to deny it. I was addicted to how he makes me feel. After long years
of solitude, it was nice to feel� desired.

�Audrey, I�m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I want to help you just as badly as
you want to live a normal life. I want to give back the life that was taken from
you. I want to be able to walk you into your darkness and assure you there.�
Lumamlam ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. I could feel yhe sincerity of
his words and I wanted to melt into them.

�All I want is for someone to understand me. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya.
Gusto ko lang maramdaman na babae ako, na tao aki� Is that too much to ask for?� My
eyes lowered so he wouldn�t see the tears that were starting to blur my visions.

�You are not what happened to you. You are what was done to you.� He said. �I did
what I thought would help you. In my years of practice, we were taught that humans
are easy to predict. That the best way to understand a person is through their
pattern of behaviour. That�s what dictates my perception of someone and how I
should deal with them. But everything I�d learned went out the window when I met
you. We shouldn�t even having this kind of relationship to begin with.�

�Callum.�

�You�re damaged in the most beautiful way. A bit rough around the edges and
difficult to stereotypes. Your eyes tell the hell you�ve been through and your
smiles fought through wars. I want you to know you�re perfect and I adore you the
way you are.� He said, holding my chin between his two fingers. �I like you,
Audrey. I like you alot.�

And I liked him too. More than I should have.

�I�d like to start over with you.� He said. �Let�s pretend I was never your
psychiatrist. I want to start in a clean slate with you.�

�And pretend that you�re just some random naked man in my bed?� I teasingly cocked
a brow.

�Yeah�. that�� He raised his brows with amusement.

�Im going to make breakfast. What do you fancy?� I asked, smoothly getting out of
bed.

�Anything edible will do.� He said stretching out his arms. �Where are my clothes?�

�I threw it in the washing machine and forgot about it.� I bit my bottom lip. �Pero
huwag kang mag-alala, madali lang naman yun malabhan.�

�Admit it, you just want to see me prance around naked in your house.� He teasingly
grinned.

�Of course not!� I exclaimed, scandalized.

His face shifted into a serious expression. �Audrey, I don�t want our relationship
to be purely physical anymore. I don�t want it to just be about sex. I want to get
to know you, the real you.�

I pressed my lips together, trying to get a hold of my emotions. I didn�t know what
I was supposed to feel or react. So I just shrugged my shoulders.

�It�s so hard to build a relationship when women are only after your body.� He
groaned in a joking manner.

�Alam mo ang yabang mo.� My face crumpled.

Tumawa siya.

�Let�s start from the beginning.� He held out his hand. �Hi! I�m Callum Francois.�

I found myself lifting mine and touching his and then I smiled playfully. �My name
is none of your business.�
Chapter Fifteen
�Hey beautiful.� Startled, I dropped the key to my car and let out a shriek. I
turned my head to see him leaning against the hood while holding a bouquet in one
hand. He chuckled, his laugh deep and hearty.

�Callum! What are you doing there?� I asked, putting a hand over my chest.

�Bringing you flowers.� He said while walking up to me.

�What for?� I asked, pressing my lips together to stop myself from smiling.

�For being beautiful.� He smiled cheekily, his eyes wrinkling.

�That was so corny.� I couldn�t help but laugh.

�I�m trying okay?� He frowned.

�Well atlest you tried.� I shrugged and chuckled.

�How do we do this?�

�Do what?�

�This. In the Philippines the man courts the woman he likes, right? He said with a
tone of embarrassment.

My brows lifted and I couldn�t help but laugh. I didn�t mean to laugh. I suddenly
just felt butterflies in my tummy. I remember feeling this way back when I was in
college. When my crush asked me out. It was nice to feel this normal again.
�Anong nakakatawa sa sinabi ko?� His face flushed.

�Nothing.� I shook my head and then took the bouquet from him. �Sige na. Thank you
so much for the flowers. I appreciate your effort, Dr. Francois.�

�You�re very much welcome, Ms. None of your business.� He winked. �I hope you don�t
have any plans for tonight. I�d like to take you out to dinner.�

�How do I know you won�t be recording our conversation?� My eyes narrowed at him
suspiciously.

He dug into his pocket and took out his phone. �Here you can have this while we�re
together.� And then he lifted both his arms and grinned. �You can do a pat down
search on me if you want.�

�I think I��ll just keep this until later.� I took the phone from him. I rolled my
eyes and shook my head with a smile on my face. �I can�t believe you�re a
professional psychiatrist.�

�Let�s go grab something. I�m starving. Kanina pa kita hinihintay lumabas.� He

rubbed his belly.

�Fine� I laughed a little. We went to a drive thru and ordered some tacos and
burritos from Taco Bell and we ate at a parking lot. Nothing fancy, really. Then I
followed behind his car and he took me to this cute outdoor cinema. He laid out a
blanket over the grass and we sat there and began eating out Tacos.

�Too bad hindi natin naumpisahan ang movie.� He said, popping the burritos in his
mouth and taking a huge bite from it.

�It�s fine. I�ve already seen this movie.� I said. A Walk To Remember was the movie
that was playing on the screen. A woman a few feet in front of us stood up and ran
and the guy she was with ran after her. �She broke up with him. She loves him but
they�ve been together for so long and she�s starting to question if life with him
is the life she wants to have for the rest of her life.�

�What?� Callum asked.

�The guy and the girl.� I said.

�Were you eavesdropping? How did you know?�

�I don�t. I mae up stories in my head sometimes.� I said. �The woman will go away
and try to find herself but eventually, she�ll realize that she belongs with him.�

�And they�ll live happily ever after?�

I nodded my head and let out a bitter smile. �Who wouldn�t want a happy ending? My
mom used to read us fairytales when my sister and I were little. I�ve always loved
them. It�s funny because I try to create happy endings for strangers in my head yet
I can�t even imagine one for myself. It just feels too out of reach, too hard to
get, too hopeless.�

�That�s not true. Infact, I think those happily ever stories, they weren�t created
for princesses. They were created for those who have collected broken pieces of
themselves. Fairytales were written for you, Audrey. All of them.� He grabbed me by
the waist and scooted closer to me until I was in between his legs and leaning
against his chest. He started kissing my hair. �If I could, I would take every
broken pieces and mend it back into its original state but we both know that it�s
not how it works. But I promise I will try to ease the pain. I will try to show you
that not everything in this world is painful and ugly. I will hold those broken,
sharp pieces of yourself that no one knows how to deal with.�

�Callum.� I turned my head and cupped his face, pulling him to mine. His lips were
so soft and they were what I needed now. My lips clung onto him like they were my
lifeline.

I didn�t want to stop even when my lungs were begging for air. When you�ve been
deprieved of something all your life, you learn to appreciate and cherish it. You
learn that you must make the most out of it and so I did with Callum. I felt like I
could never get enough of him. But eventually I had to pull away and we were both
panting.

He rested his forehead against mine, brushing his nose against my nose and he
smiled.

�You are so beautiful.�

We cuddled against each other. His arms around my waist as we continued to watch.
Half an hour later, we were heading back to the parking lot to get our cars. His
fingers were entwined with mine as we walked., our arms swaying together. I was
enjoying this �getting to know each other� stage.

�Why does Jamie have to die? They were so perfect.� I said, still sniffling.

�Akala ko ba napanuod mo na yung movie?� His brows furrowed as he grinned.

�This is like the seventh time I�ve seen it but I still get emotional.� I
explained.
He turned his head, his eyes on the softer side as he squeezed my hand. �If I die
in the next five minutes I�d be okay because I already met you.�

�I don�t want you to die�� I silently said, feeling the lump in my throat at the
mere thought of it.

�Why?� He asked in a boyish smile.

�Because I really like you and I haven�t had enough time with you. You�re always
the one lifting me up and saving me and I honestly don�t know what I�d do without
you.� My voce broke at the end of the sentence.

He pulled me to him and kissed me on the side of the head. He let out a low
chuckle. �I�m not going anywhere.�

I pushed him away, feeling slightly embarrassed. �That�s the sappiest I�m ever
gonna get so don�t get used to it�

�Got it.� He laughed.

Our car were parked next to each other. I slipped int my car and before I could
start the engine, I saw him walking back to me from his car. He gestured for me to
lower the window and so I did. He leaned down and handed me a small rectangular
box.

�What�s this?�

�You�re going to need that so yiu won�t miss me too much. Open it when you get
home.� He winked and then pressed a soft kiss on my lips. �Good night, Audrey.�

He stepped back and I nodded my a goodbye to him before starting my engine.

I opened the ittle box the moment the door behind me closed. Placed inside it was a
cylindrical purple thing. Initially my brows furrowed but it widened when I
realized what it was. It was the egg vibrator he used on me.

That jerk.

My cheek heat up in embarrassment but at the same time the temperature seemed to
have gotten hotter even without me having to turn the heater on. I only feel this
way when Callum�s touching me. Memories of what he�d done to me flashed through my
mind.

I took off my coat and suddenly something dropped out of it. I looked down to see
Callum�s phone on the floor. I forgot to return this to him but it was already late
and I was already tired to drive to his house. I�d give this back to him first
thing in the morning.

I headed to my room, changed into my pajamas. I placed Callum�s phone and the
�gift� he�d given me on the bedside table. I contemplated a bit if I should try it
but I still didn�t have enough confidence to do so. And I was already super tired.
I decided to slip into bed and quickly dozed off.
The next day, I woke to the sound of Callum�s phone ringing. Nilapag ko iyon sa
bedside table para hindi ko makalimutan na daanan si Callum bago ko pumunta sa
library. With one eye still closed. I grabbed the phone. And it stopped ringing.
There was a message from someone named Raven. Because it was already there on the
screen. I couldn�t help but read it.

�I got laid off work. I need money for rent and bills. Will pay you back as soon as
I get a new job�

I knew I needed to return this to Callum. Someone needed his help. I jumped out of
bed and went to take a shower. I dressed up and got ready for work. I made sure I
already had his phone inside my bag before I went to the garage to get my car. It
was already eight thirty in the morning, he�s probably still at home.

I pulled up in front of his house and went to the front door. The door, to my
surprise, was slightly opened.

�If I don�t pay my rent, I�ll be homeless by the end of the month. I�ll pay you
back, I swear. I�m just a bit down on my luck right now.� I heard a man�s voice
from the inside.

�Why don�t you just go back home? Bakit ba pinapahirapan mo pa ng sarili mo?� It
was now Callum.

�I�ll be fine on my own.�

�I don�t think you are. You�re grown ass man Raven. Get your shit together.� I
could sense the controlled anger in his voice.

�I didn�t go here to get lectured!� There was annoyance in the other�s guys voice
and then the door swung open.

The man stood in front of me. He was a few inches shorter than Callum but he still
towered over me. He wore a permanent scowl on his facewhich made him look
dangerous. His presence made me take a step back. Our eyes met, he had a similar
pair of dark eyes s Callum. Except his were more empty looking and tired. He looked
younger than Callum but they were tired and gloomy.

�H-hi�� I stuttered.

His eyes narrowed at me as if it was the first time he�d ever seen a human being.
He just stared at me and I froze not knowing what was I supposed to do. I wasn�t
used to men staring intently at me like that other than Callum. It makes me
nervous.

�RAVEN!� Calum took fast and big steps to where we were standing.

Still not saying a word, the guy who I believed was named Raven looked at Callum
and then stared back at me. Callum�s jaw clenched, he took out a wallet from the
inner pocket of his coat and took a few bills out. �Ito na yung pinunta mo dito.
You can leave now.�

Nagpalit-palit ang tingin niya sa amin dalawa I could feel the uncomfortable
tension in the air. Callum shoved the money into his chest. �Take the money and
leave.�

The man absently took it, his eyes were on me. His eyes were dark and sharp like
Callum�s but this guy has a more disquieting look. Like he�d seen every worst thing
in the world and he was furious with everyone of them.

�Raven, fucking leave!� Callum exclaimed. The tension was undeniable.

Finally, that glazed look on Raven�s eyes disappeared and then looked away from me
only to turn his head to Callum. They looked at each other.

�Get out of here.� Callum said in a low growl.

And he did. He took another look at me before deciding to walk away. I watched as
he walked to his car and drive away.

�What are you doing here?� Callum sounded exhausted. I turned my attention back to
him and he was pinching his nose with his two fingers.

�Hindi mo nakuha itong phone mo kagabi.� I took it out from my bag and handed it to
him.

�Thanks.� He said, unsmiling.

�Who was he?� I asked him.

�My sister�s son.� He let out a huff. �He�s such a headache sometimes.�

�I see.� I nodded my head and giggled.

�What are you laughing about?� He lifted his gaze up to me. A look of puzzle on his
face.

�You sound like a Dad when you were scolding him.� I said.

�I�m the only father figure he has. Let�s not talk about him anymore.� He shrugged
and then cupped my face, giving me a kiss on the forehead. Then he brought his lips
to my ear. �Did you use the little gift I gave you last night?�

�Cal, you jerk!� My eyes widened and I pushed him away.

He let out a hearty laugh.

Chapter Sixteen
He made me feel like a teenager in love all over again. He would randomly have
flowers sent to me, he takes me out on dates, and he calls and texts me throughout
the day. He lit up my life. He�d given me hope that maybe someday I�d be able to
have my happy ending too.

�Audrey.� Daisy, the receptionist greeted me with a smile on her face. �How are
you? I haven�t seen you in a while. I thought you�ve already been seeing a new
psychiatrist.�
Daisy had been working here for as long as I�d been seeing my previous psychiatrist
and we�d been friends since. I never forget to give her and my psychiatrist then,
Cindy, Christmas gifts every year. Mrs. Keri, Cindy, and her were the only people I
regularly interact with before Callum. She was a nice, stout, middle-aged woman
with curly red hair who likes to gossip. I�d usually chat with her and listen to
her neverending stories about people she worked with while I wait for my name to be
called. That�s why even when I don�t interact with them, I feel like I already know
them through her stories.

�I�m doing good.� I smiled at her. �Is Dr. Francois in?�

�I�m sorry, hun, I believe you don�t have a schedule with him today. He�s done with
his last patient a few minutes ago and usually at this time, he�s already getting
ready to go home. How about I schedule you for tomorrow?� She suggested.

�I�m not here to see him as his patient. I want to surprise him.�

�Oh.� Her eyes widened into two big circles.

�We�re just friends.� I defensively explained.

�A man as hot as Dr. Callum and a woman as beautiful as you wouldn�t simply be
friends.� She teasingly said and shrugged. �But it�s none of my business so��

�Can I come into his office?� I asked.

�Dr. Sophie�s in.�

�Dr. Sophie?� My brows arched.

�The other shrink.� She answered and then leaned closer to me. �You might want to
watch out for her. She obviously got the hots for Dr. Callum. I mean I can�t blame
her, most nurses are crushing on him but Dr. Sophie�s not as subtle when it comes
to flirting with him.�

I bit my bottom lip. I felt something I wasn�t allowed to feel. Jealousy. I

shouldn�t be jealous as Callum and I weren�t in a relationship. He�s allowed to see
any woman he wants to see.

I was about to turn to leave when the door to his clinic opened and a beautiful
woman with brown hair came out. Callum followed behind her and they were talking
and laughing about something.

�Audrey!� Callum smiled when he saw me. Lumapit siya sa akin at ipinulupot ang
isang bisig niya. He gave me a kiss on the forehead. �Hey, beautiful. You didn�t
say you were going to come ever. What are you doing here?�

�I just want to visit you.� I shrugged.

He let out a huge smile and then turned his head to Dr. Sophie. �I want you to meet
Dr. Sophie Doyle, she�s the new resident psychiatrist that I�m supervising.�

I smiled at her. �Hi, nice to meet you.�

�Sophie, this is Audrey, my girlfriend.� He said.

�I�m very pleased to meet you too, Audrey.� With hands folded in front of her, her
red lips stretched into a perfect smile. �You are one lucky girl.�
My head snapped at Callum. Did he just said what I thought he said? He look down at
me with a huge proud grin on his face.

�We have to go. My girlfriend obviously can�t wait for a date tonight.� He said.

My brows arched up. What a cocky bastard.

�Have a good one.� Dr. Sophie said and starting walking to where we were standing.
She stopped in front of Callum and gave him a double Italian cheek kiss while her
maroon painted finger lightly brushed on his nape. �I�ll see you tomorrow.�

Callum awkwardly pulled away, looking a bit stunned. She was obviously flirting
with him. Good thing hindi pinatulan ni Callum iyon or I would�ve walked out right
away. Dr. Sophie looked like a woman who�d aggressively chase after what she
wanted. And I knew she wanted Callum. I�d encountered women like her before.

Callum said a proper goodbye to Dr. Sophie. We went out of the hospital and to the
parking lot.

�I don�t remember agreeing to be your girlfriend.� I said as we were walking

�Nanliligaw ka pa lang. I didn�t say yes.�

�You will, eventually.� He chuckled.

�Ang yabang mo talaga.� I rolled my eyes at him.

�Mayabang daw pero ako ang pinupuntahan mo ngayon.� He teasingly said.

�Kasi palagi na lang ikaw ang pumupunta sa akin.� I said. �Don�t worry, this will
be the last time.�

�I was just kidding.� He said.

I invited Callum to my house and we dropped by the grocery because he wanted to buy
wine for us. I cooked steak for us and made a salad and parmesan shrimp risotto. I
thought it�d be nice to have home cooked dinner instead of going out tonight.

�Pinaghandaan mo talaga �to.� He was leaning against the countertop with a glass of
wine in one hand while I got our food ready. �Mukhang may balak ka na naman sa
akin.�

�You are so into yourself.� I rolled my eyes, placing the salad I�d just tossed on
top of our table. �I just want to make dinner for us dahil palagi na lang tayong
kumakain sa labas. I want us to have a nice homecooked meal for a change.�

�Too bad I�m a doctor and not a chef.� He shrugged. �I usually just dine out or
microwave frozen meals.�

�Kaya nga ako na lang ang nagcook ng dinner para sa atin. Even your pancakes
sucked.� I said.

�Why are you so hard to please?� He frowned.

We ate a nice dinner together in the living room while we watched the movie he
picked, Django Unchained. After we finished our food, I found myself in his arms as
he spooned me in the couch.

We laid here together not out of desperation, without intimacy or the expectation
of sex. He was so absorbed with the movie, his arm wrapped around my waist and our
feet tangled together. The intimacy we have now were in a whole new level. I had
never connected with someone so deeply that I didn�t worry about being vulnerable.
To have someone understand your mind, even when sometimes you don�t, is the best
intimacy.

�How long have you and Dr. Sophie started working together?� I chewed on my bottom
lip.

He lifted his head up to look at me and his brow furrowed. �I don�t know. Nagsimula
siya about two weeks ago.�

�Mm�� I said. �And you didn�t tell me about her?�

�Well, I don�t think it�s really relevant. I don�t like talking about work when I�m
not at work.� He said and then squinted suspiciously. �Wait. Are you jealous?�

My brows raised as high as Mt. Everest. �Masyado ka talagang feeling. I�m just
asking.�

�I just don�t see why we need to talk about her.� He said, grinning. �I mean you
don�t hear me talk about Daisy or Lupe or any of the women I work with at the
hospital. You�re jealous, aren�t you?�

�I�m not.� I denied. Good thing all the lights were turned off and the only thing
that was on in my house was the tv and the heater or he�d see me blushing like a
tomato. �It�s just that� I think she kind of likes you.�

�Well, I hate to break this to you but a lot of woman in SFGH likes me.� He winked
and then lowered his head to kiss my shoulder and murmur against it. �Too bad I
only got my eyes on one woman. Kaya lang ang hirap ligawan.�

�Nahirapan ka pa sa lagay nay an?� I cocked a brow. �You�re having it easy.�

�I think you�re just playing hard to get.� His chuckle vibrated against my skin.

�Hindi ka lang talaga marunong manligaw.�

�Paano ba nakuha ng past boyfriends mo ang matamis mong oo.�

�Past boyfriend. I only had one. Ikaw ba, ilan na naging girlfriend mo?�

�One in middle school. Two in highschool. I was lonely in college so I had a bunch
of short flings. None in medschool, I was too focused on my studies. And one in the
hospital where I used to work, she was a neurologist. He said.

�So that�s�� I paused, counting it in my mind. �Four girlfriends and a bunch of

short flings.�

�Yeah.� He answered. �Ano bang nagustuhan mo sa naging boyfriend mo noon? What made
him special?�

�Nothing. I was young and everybody�s having boyfriends and he happened to be a

popular basketball player in our school. You know how teenage girls are and their
idea that �love� should be the center of everything.�

�So you just dated him because you were a dumb teenage girl.�

�Exactly. I just wanted to know if love is as magical as how they describe it in

the movies and the books I read.�
�How long have you been together?�

�Six months.� I answered. �On and off. We used to fight a lot because we rarerly go
out on dates and see each other. Hindi daw niya nararamdaman na girlfriend niya
ako. Mahigpit kasi si Dad sa akin at ang twin brother ko na si Coco palaging
nakabantay sa akin. It was an okay relationship even though it wasn�t how I
pictured.�

�You two broke up because of it?�

I shook my head and giggled. �We broke up because I didn�t want him to feel me up.
Pinagbigyan ko na nga siya sa French kiss, even though he was a sloppy kisser but
he wanted to touch my boobs. Pinipilit niya ako sabi niya wala daw masama doon kasi
boyfriend ko siya. I felt so uncomfortable that I ended up punching him on the
face. I think I even broke his nose.�

�That was badass. Poor guy.� Tumawa nang malakas si Callum.

I laughed as I reminisced. �I never saw him again after that. I heard he even got
his nose fixed.�

�I hope I don�t piss you off in the future and I sure hope I�m not a sloppy
kisser.�

�You�re not a sloppy kisser.� I cupped his face in one hand. �I may have only
kissed two men in my life but we definitely know who�s the winner.�

His face went down to mine and his lips touched my lips. We kissed for what seemed
like an eternity. He stroked my hair, his fingers gently raked my scalp. Each time
his lips were on mine, it still sends electricity down my spine. We pulled away
when my lungs were already burning from lack of oxygen. I took in a deep breath and
then relaxed against him again. He stroked my hair, kissing the back of my head.

�Mama toldt me to only give myself to the man I could picture spending the rest of
my life with. She taught me to wait. I sometimes wish I didn�t listen to her. If I
knew I�d have my virginity taken away from me in the worst possible way, I would�ve
just given it to Sean. Even though he was self-centered and thinks the whole world
revolves around him, he was better than those men�� I swallowed the lump in my
throat.

He soothingly rubbed my shoulder. �Everything will be okay, I promise. I won�t

allow you to get hurt again for as long as I�m here.�

I knew it was already morning when I woke up as the sun was shining through the
window in my living room. With eyes still closed, my hand tried to reach for my
phone under the pillow where I usually place it. I held my phone in my hand and I
tried to open my heavy eyes. I saw Therese�s name flash on the screen.

�Hi, girl!� She waved at me, the black face mask on her face almost made me throw
my phone.

�Therese!� I said. �You scared me!�

�My pretty face scared you?� She laughed.

�Good morning, beautiful.� Suddenly I saw Callum�s head popped from behind me
through the screen.
�Callum!� Agad akong napatayo. �What are you doing here?�

�What do you mean what am I doing here? We watched a movie last night.� HE
stretched out his arms.

�Hi, Callum.� T waved at him with a smile that reached her ears. �Are you Audrey�s
boyfriend?�

�I�d love to be but unfortunately, she still hasn�t said yes.� Callum happily
answered.

�Let�s talk later.� I told T.

�Ano�ng talk later? We haven�t talked in like two weeks now and this is the only
free time I have. We definitely have something to talk about!� Nakangising sabi
niya.

�I�m going to go to the kitchen and um� make breakfast for us. What do you want?� I
asked Callum.

�Whatever you have is fine.� He said, yawning.

I got up from the couch and went to the kitchen. Inilapag ko sa counter top ang
phone ko, leaning against the wall.

I huffed and rolled my eyes. �Hindi ka talaga nagkamali sa pinili mong profession.
Ang tsismosa mo.�

�Well, what can I say? This is my passion.� She laughed and then pouted. �You have
a lot of things you�re not sharing with me anymore!�

�I don�t know how to tell you about Callum� I said, opening the fridge and taking
out eggs.

�He�s a real hunk. Ano�ng nationality niya? He looks Spanish.� She said.

�He�s Filipino.� Sabi ko. �Him and his family only moved here when he was a child.�

�How long have you been seeing him?�

�We�ve been hanging out for like two months now. He�s a great guy.� I bit my bottom
lip to stop myself from smiling.

�And all the while you never even mentioned him to me!� T had a look of
exasperation on her face.

��Cause I know this is how you�d react.� I answered while I heated up the pan.

�Of course, I�m your bestfriend. I�m just so happy for you, Audrey. Finally. It�s
about time na magkaron ka na din ng love life. After so many years�� She looked
happier than me.

�Do you think he�s finally the one?�

�I� I don�t know.� Kibit-balikat na sabi ko at napabuntong-hininga. �All I know is

that I feel happy whenever he�s around.�

�Then go for it, girl. Kahit ngayon lang, stop using your brain and follow your
heart instead.� She urged. �Saka he�s super hot. Hindi ka na talo d�yan.�
We gushed about Callum while I cook our breakfast for us. Then the fun ended when
Callum entered the kitchen because we couldn�t talk about him anymore. Nagpaalam na
din si T because she wanted to get her beauty rest so she�d look pretty on her
coverage tomorrow.

�What were you girls talking about?� He curiously asked as he pulled me to his lap
while I put a plate of toast on the table. Napaupo ako sa kandungan niya. He
wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder.

�Nothing important. We just caught up with each other.� I answered.

�I see.� He nodded his head. �I�ll be in Nevada next week.�

�What are you going to do there?� I ran my fingers through his hair.

�An annual meeting is held every year by the Psychiatry Association. Kailangan kong
umattend doon.� He explained. �I�ll be staying there for five days.�

�Is Dr. Sophie going to be there too?� That was the first question that popped into
my mind.

�Sophie will be accompanying, yes.� He answered. �That�s why I want to invite you
to come with me to Nevada. Para hindi ka nag-iisip ng kung anu-ano habang nasa
Nevada ako.�

�I don�t want to distract you from whatever you need to get done.� I said.

�Come on. We�ve never been out of the States together. It�ll be like a vacation for
us. You will indeed distract me.� He pressed a kiss on my neck. �But you�ll be the
most beautiful distraction. Besides, I don�t want to miss you.�

I let out a low chuckle. �I�ll think about it.�

Chapter Seventeen
I stood right in the middle of Las Vegas. The sky was dark when we got there yet
the whole city was brightly lit up by the neon lights and advertisements, hundreds
and thousands of them. The whole place was full of energy that you could feel it in
the air. The city was so alive and vibrant and bustling with activities.

�This is us.� We just got out of the cab where we were picked up from the airport.
Callum was pulling my luggage in one hand while he carried his travelling bag on
the opposite arm.

I looked up at the building in front of us. The humungous building lit up with
golden lights. It brought out the grandeur of the place even more. This was where
we were going to stay. Dito din kasi gaganapin ang annual psychiatry conference ni
Callum at ng mga psychiatrist na dadalo.

�Everything�s grand and flashy and tacky. We�re really in Vegas.� I joked.

�Hey, doctors do know how to have fun to, you know.� He winked at me.

�Callum!� Suddenly, Dr. Sophie in a maroon bodycon dress was waving at us. �Hi!
Nice to see you. I didn�t know you were going to bring your girlfriend with you.�
She took a quick glance at me and then turned her eyes back to Callum.

�I can�t leave without the love of my life.� He said, pulling me against his body.
�We�ve never travelled outside of California together before and I knew I�d miss
her so I thought might as well bring her with me.�

I decided to play along, wrapping my arms around his waist. He looked down at me
and wore a grin on his face. She needed to know that this was my man and I wouldn�t
let her have him.

�Oh doctor, Vegas isn�t called Sin City for nothing.� She let out an annoying
laugh. �How are we going to have naughty fun when the girlfriend is around?�

�He�s still going to get his �naughty fun� later in our room� I smiled at her.

�I like that.� Callum chuckled.

�I don�t mean to offend you, Audrey. I was kidding.� She placed one hand over her
chest. �We�ve gotten so comfortable with each other that jokes like that comes
natural to us. I meant nothing by it.�

�Don�t worry, you didn�t offend me. Not at all.� I confidently said, showing her
that she was not a threat to me.

�We�ll see you around, Sophie. We need to check in, these baggages are heavy and I
can�t wait to get my naughty fun.� He told her.

�Have a good night, you two.� She said, trying to keep her smile intact.

�She definitely likes you.� I whispered as we walked away.

�I already know that. You have a hot boyfriend, you have to get used to it.� He
snided.

�Wow! Kala ko ba desert ang Vegas? Bakit ang hangin naman yata ditto?� I said.

�I�m just kidding.� He said, kissing the side of my head. �But seriously, Audrey,
you don�t have to worry about any woman. Ikaw lang ang gusto ko.�

I felt butterflies in my tummy again. I pretended to roll my eyes at him but at the
same time, I couldn�t help smiling. We checked into our room. Callum went straight
to the bathroom and took a shower. He had nothing on but a towel around his waist
when he came out. I tried not to look at his well sculpted body as I took out my
pajamas from my luggage but it was such a distraction.

I immediately got up and took a nice bath. I scrubbed all throughout my body until
I was squeaky clean and smelled of the peach body wash I�d brought with me. I got
out of the shower, dried myself, and put on the sexiest nighties I have. It was a
black silk nighties that I only wear in summer when it�s super hot. I slowly walked
into the room to find Callum in bed. He was on his back, wearing a striped pajama
bottom.

�Hey�� He held out to me as I walked to the bed.

I smiled and took his hand. He pulled me down the bed and buried his face into my
neck. His lips trailed to my jaw and up to my lips. I gently nipped my bottom lip
between his teeth and a low moan rose from my throat. Het let go of my lips and
then looked me in the eye.

�Good night, Audrey.� He whispered and the snuggled against me. Not a moment later,
he was already in deep sleep. I sighed as I brushed my fingers through his dark
hair.
�I was barely a teen the last time I was here. Vegas is still the Vegas I
remember.� Sabi ko habang naglalakad kami ni Callum pabalik sa hotel naming. We
spent the whole day together. We are at a restaurant and strolled around and before
we knew it, the sun was already starting to set and the bright lights were starting
to shine. They turned on one by one, creating a reminiscent feeling inside of me.
�My dad co-owns a casino here.�

�The Firebird Casino.� Said Callum.

�Yes, how did you know?� I asked, smiling.

�My Dad�s a businessman too, hindi ba nabanggit ko na sa�yo yun? He admires your
Dad so much. He thought it was a bad move when your Dad invested a huge amount on
what was then Crystal Palace as it was fast approaching rock bottom. He thought it
was a hopeless case. Noong siya na ang naghandle, the casino boomed like never
before. Sabi nga nila Phoenix Cordova is the modern day King Midas. Everything he
touches turns to cold, hard gold.�

�Kaya siguro kaming magkakapatid gold din ang buhok.� I joked.

Callum let out a low chuckle. �Smartass!�

�Kuya Miggy, Coco and I all had dirty blonde hair just like our Dad�s. Yung bunso
naman naming, si Ronnie, siya lang ang nagmana kay Mama. She may look more like our
Mama pero ang ugali kay Dad niya na mana. Kapag may gusto siya at hindi niya
nakuha, lalo siyang nanggigigil. She won�t stop until she gets what she wants.
She�s driven, too driven sometimes. Just like The Phoenix Cordova. Si Kuya Miggy
naman, he�s more of a serious type but when it comes to us, he�s really sweet and
caring lalo na with the kids. And there�s my twin brother, Coco, siya yung sakit ng
ulo ni Mama at Dad. She got my friend pregnant at sixteen, his own bestfriend and
my Dad�s bestfriend�s daughter. Si Cookie yung baby niya, the blonde kid you say on
the family portrait.� I enthusiastically talked until I realized I�d been talking
for minutes ow. I bit my bottom lip and felt slightly embarrassed. �I�m sorry. Am I
talking too much? Namiss ko lang sila.�

�It�s okay. I�m listening. I want to hear more.� He encouraged. �I honestly love
the radiance in your eyes and the carefreeness in your voice when you talk about
your family.�

�Wala na akong maisip na ikwento sa�yo.� I shrugged my shoulder. �What more do you
want to know?�

�You forgot to mention the other kid in the family portrait.� He said.

�Oh him�� My gaze lowered. I had shared with Callum every small detail of abuse I
had experienced and how badly I�d suffered from it. But I left one detail out. I
could never tell him that Arthur was the son of a rapist. He was like a stain I
couldn�t get rid of. I didn�t want him in my life so I�d learned to pretend that he
doesn�t exist at all. I bore the son of a rapist and I have to live with it for the
rest of my life. No one knows and will know how hard it was and still is.

�Arthur. That�s his name, right?� He asked.

I nodded my head. �He�s my� my brother.�

Those words felt like bile in my throat. Nasty, bitter bile. Everyone knew him as
our brother. Ang alam ng lahat anak siya ni Mama at Dad. Sila ang kinilala nitong
magulang. Pero ayaw kong amging konektado sa batang iyon sa kahit anong paraan.
MAsamang masama ang loob ko noong nalaman kong inuwi ni Mama ang bata sa Pilipinas
at inako nila ni Dad bilang anak. I felt betrayed by my own parents. I didn�t talk
to them for months. I didn�t want the kid to play any part in my life. They said
that after I give birth, they�d put him up for adoption. They kept him and raised
him as their own.

�Akala ko ba si Ronnie ang bunso niyo at siya lang ang nagmana sa Mama niyo na dark
haired?�

�I wasn�t around anymore noong dumating siya sa family naming kaya palaging
nawawala sa isip ko.� I felt every muscle in my body went stiff from all the lies
I�d been spurting.

�Don�t you have any plans of going back to the Philippines?�

Nagkibit-balikat ako. �I don�t know. Maybe� One day.�

We went back to our hotel so he could change to a formal suit and I changed into an
evening dress for the party later. Just when I thought he couldn�t look any more
handsome, he wore a suit. He looked sinfully good and I knew women would be turning
their heads later at the party.

�You are a beauty.� He breathlessly said as he held me by the waist. His eyes dark
and warm as they looked at me.

�You don�t look bad yourself, doctor.� I chuckled, smoothing his suit coat with my
hand.

�Tama lang pala yung profession na nakuha mo. Women are going to go crazy over
you.�

�Ma�am, are you hitting on me?� He said with a playful snide.

�Maybe.� I bit my bottom lip and started playing with his tie.

�I like that.� He nodded approvingly. �Try harder and we�d be staying in this room
all night.�

I rolled my eyes. �We have to go. Sayang naman yung outfit natin and I�m sure Dr.
Sophie would be looking all over for you.�

�Is my girlfriend jealous?� He grinned in a teasing manner.

�I�m not your girlfriend and I�m definitely not jealous.� I frowned.

�If you say so.� He raised his brows, bemused. Then he offered his arm to me.
�Shall we?�

I wrapped my hands around hi sand we went to the banquet hall where the party was
being held.

�Callum!� There she was again in a dark blue sparkling dress with a deep V-neck
that revealed a generous amount of her cleavage. Dr. Sophie leaned over and gave
him a cheek to cheek kiss. �I�m so glad you�re finally here.�

�Dr. Francois, I am very pleased to meet you. Sarah Mitchells from Boston.� They
shook hands. �I�ve heard so much about you. You�ve only been in this practice for
how many years and you�re starting to make a name for yourself.�

�Five years. Thank you very much, Dr. Mitchells. Coming from an APA awardee and one
of the best practitioners, I am very much flattered.� He said and then pulled me
closer against him. He turned and looked at me. �This is my girlfriend, Audrey.�

�What a handsome couple you two are.� Dr. Mitchells smiled. Him, Dr. Mitchells and
Dr. Sophie talked about things related to their profession. I felt out of place. I
didn�t feel like I belong there. I just stood there like a log while they talked.

Dr. Sophie kept pulling Callum and taking him to chat with different doctors. This
woman also knew how to make a name for herself. Nakikipagkilala siya sa iba�t-ibang
kilalang mga doktor through Callum. She knew they wouldn�t throw a single glance at
her if she weren�t with Callum. Callum was surprisingly well-known in his field. I
found out that he was awarded the Lasker Prize, whatever that was, for one his
research. I wanted to push her away when she wrapped her arms around one of
Callum�s and I was sure her breasts were touching his arm. Instead, I stood there,
clutching onto his other arm.

�Are you okay?� Callum asked.

�Yeah�� I silently told him

�I know you�re getting bored. Do you want to leave?�

�Cal, Dr. Kusnetsov is dying to talk to you about your research. Can�t you stay
here for a bit longer?� Dr. Sophie batted her thick fake lashes at him. He called
him Cal! Ako lang ang tumatawag sa kanya ng Cal!

�It�s okay, Cal.� I told him. �Marami pang gustong makipag-usap sa�yo.�

He nodded his head. �We�ll stay for another thirty minutes and then we�ll sneak
out.�

�Come on, the party barely started.� Dr. Sophie moaned.

�I�m sorry, Sophie. If my lady here wants to leave, we will leave. She�s the boss.�
He said, kissing the side of my head. I giggled a little at his sweet gesture and I
noticed how Dr. Sophie�s face turned sour.

Callum went to talk to a few more people and then he decided to bail out. We walked
out of the banquet hall and then we were breaking into the hotel�s rooftop. It was
dark up here but the lights below us were so bright I feel like I�d go blind by
looking at it. I took in a deep breath and let the air fill my lungs.

�Bakit tayo umalis? Kung ako lang ang dahilan, I could just go back to our room.
Kaya ko naman mag-isa.� I told him.

�I�d rather be with you than with anyone else in the world. Isa pa, kanina ko pa
talaga gustong umalis para masolo kita.� He said.

�We�ve been together the whole day.� I rolled my eyes at him.

�A whole day is not enough. I am insatiable when it comes to you.� He said and his
brow arched. �Do you drink?�

�Just wine and champagne.� I answered.

�I only have Domaine De Canton here.� He said, taking a bottle out from his coat.
�You want to give this a try?� It�s a ginger flavored liquor.�

�Saan mo nakuha yan?� I asked, laughing.

�At the party.� He grinned.

�Let�s give it a try.� I shrugged.

And so we did. We sat down and we drank and talk, letting the world around us blur
away into a banner of noise and color. The view was so beautiful and the wind was
blowing my hair and everything felt right.

�Dad told me that Vegas is the city that shines the brightest at night from space.
Can you believe that? We�re at the brightest spot on earth right now.� I said.

�And you are the brightest thing in my life. You�re like the moon because even
during the blackest of the nights, you shine extraordinarily bright. I want to be
the stars that surrounds you. I feel privileged just having to sit here and breathe
close to you.� He leaned over to me and nipped my chin between his two fingers. He
pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.

�Callum��

�You are so beautiful. Audrey.� He whispered.

He crashed his lips against mine and then we were lying on the ground. Our lips did
all the talking. There was no other soul in sight but we were being watched by
hundreds and millions of stars.

Our lips parted and he buried his face into my neck. I brushed my fingers through
his hair and counted all those stars.

The walls I had built between Callum and I crumbled down until it was nothing but
dust and there was no turning back. I had stopped wishing for happiness a long time
ago, I only wanted the pain to go away. He came and suddenly turned everything
around.

�Audrey, I love you.� He whispered into my ear.

�You�re just drunk.� I told him.

He chuckled and propped his torso up. �I know what I�m talking about. I know it
sounds crazy but this is real, Audrey. Okay, I didn�t fall in love with you at some
fancy Italian restaurant. I didn�t meet you while it was raining outside and you
were stuck in some shed waiting for the rain to stop and then I happen to pass by
and offer to share my umbrella with you. Our love story began in my clinic. I fell
in love with your weakness and your strength, your desires and your nightmares.�

�Callum, no�� Nangingilid ang luha na abi ko. �This isn�t right.�

�All of this isn�t. I was your therapist, Audrey. Your goddamn therapist. I�ve been
told to follow the rules, to stick to the guidelines. But when it comes to loving
you, I would rather be punished for going out of line than never crossing it at
all. And don�t you dare say you don�t have any feelings for me.�

�I do�� I swallowed.

�Then say it.� He demanded.

I closed my eyes and tears began to run down the corners of my eyes. �I love you,
Callum.�

I loved him because it was much easier than loving myself.

�Will you marry me?�

�W-what?� I opened my eyes.

�We�re in Sin City. We can do whatever we want here and we can worry and regret
about everything later on. But tonight, I want to marry you.� He said.

I found myself saying yes to him. We rushed to a 24 hour wedding chapel and had a
quick wedding. In Vegas, getting married is as easy as buying a burger from a drive
thru. I didn�t want to think, I just did what my heart told me to do.

�Do you, Callum Francois, take Audrey Cordova, to be your wedded wife to cherish in
love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in
disappointment, to love her faithfully, today, tomorrow and for as long as the two
of you shall live?�

�I do�� He said, looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman.

�Do you, Audrey Cordova, take Callum Francois, to be your wedded husband to cherish
in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in
disappointment, to love her faithfully, today, tomorrow and for as long as the two
of you shall live?�

�I do.� I answered with a smile despite the tears that blinded my eyes.

�You may now kiss the bride.�

He bent his head down to kiss me and it was the sweetest kiss I�d ever tasted in my
whole life.

�Hold on!� Callum said as I was about to step inside our hotel room. �I have to
carry you in. Hindi ba Filipino tradition iyon?�

I laughed a hearty laugh when he lifted my up from the ground to his arms and
carried me to the bed. He gently laid me down the bed and got on top of me. He
kissed me and I answered back. His kiss was different than the kiss we�d had
before. It was slow and gentle, as tender as the past kiss had been hungry and
demanding.

�I want to love you, Audrey. I want to worship your body. No restraints, no

blindfold. I want to make love to you.� He murmured against my lips.

�Callum�� I moaned.

He removed his coat and began to unbutton his button down shirt, tossing them to
the ground. Then he unbuckled his pants and pulled it down along with his
underwear. Unclothed, his body was like one of those marble statues I see in
museums. I had never thoroughly looked at his wholeness until now. He was a God
personified.
He took his hands and placed it on his chest.

�I want you to touch me and feel me. I want you to be familiar with my body.� He
huskily said.

And so I did. I felt his chest. I touched him like it was the first time I had come
in contact with a human being. He was hard and soft at the same. I could feel his
heartbeat against my palm and it was beautiful feeling. My head went down and came
in contact with his skin. I mimicked what he had done to me a couple of time
before. My moist lips wrapped around his nipple, teasing the tip with my tongue. He
tasted of salt, arousal, and pure masculinity.

His fingers dug into my hair as I move on to his other nipple and gave it the same
attention. My lips lowered to his sculpted abs, placing soft kisses on his six
pack. He stiffened when my lips lowered further down to his crotch. I didn�t know
if it was the alcohol working but I felt boldness like I had never felt before.

His cock was engorged, he was big and thick and veiny. I swallowed, feeling
slightly intimidated. The sight of it doubled my heart rate and intensified my
sexual desire. When I felt brave enough, I took it in my hand and stroked it. I
felt every inch of it with my hands.

�Audrey�� He slid his hand inside my dress to knead my breasts, his fingers playing
with my nipples.

A restrained soft growl emitted from his mouth. He grabbed me by my arm and pushed
me down the bed. Then he was undressing me, pulling my dress and underwear down and
almost ripping then off my body. He kissed my breasts as he had always done before
but now I had control. I was no longer tied down.

I felt like a fragile porcelain doll as he kissed me all over. He made sure every
inch of my skin hadn�t been left untouched by his lips. His mouth traveled down to
my womanhood after spoiling my breasts. He pulled my legs apart and began kissing
my inner thighs.
He spread my folds open and smiled. I had worn the ring for him tonight.

�Beautiful. You are just so beautiful, Audrey.� He breathlessly whispered before he

lowered his head down. I watched as he slid his tongue along my slit then flicked
it against my clit ring over and over. My legs bucked at the sensation. It felt so
good. His tongue lapped at my wet folds and I had to clench my fists to keep my
hips from arching upwards.

I came. For the first time, I orgasmed without the blindfold, the restraints, the
abuse.
He stopped licking me and positioned himself between my legs. He impaled himself
inside me and lowered his body to mine.

�Audrey, look at me. I want you to look at me while I make love to you.� He said.
I looked into his beautiful dark eyes. It was like staring into space.

�Callum.� I softly whispered.

�Yes, it�s me. I don�t want you to think abuot anything but me now.� He groaned as
he began to move in and out. He took his time. It was gentle and slow and romantic.
But it just wasn�t what my body was used to. I wanted it hard. I wanted it rough. I
wanted it to hurt.

�Callum, please� faster� harder�� I begged.

A flash of sadness crossed his eyes and I wanted to feel guilty for it. He pinned
my wrists together with one hand over my head and started slamming inside me. This
was what I wanted. This was the closest to making love I have ever experienced.

We both came almost at the same time. I felt his warmth explode inside me. He
collapsed on top of me, his breathing rapid and labored.

�I love you, Audrey.� He murmured against my neck. �God, I love you��

�I love you too��
Chapter Eighteen
Yesterday I was Audrey Cordova and today I woke up as Audrey Francois. This
beautiful thing sleeping beside me was now my husband. I still couldn�t believe
that Callum was my husband. It all happened too fast. We just snuck out of the
party last night and then we were driving to a twenty-four hour chapel.

�Hey, beautiful.� Callum, my husband, fluttered his eyes open. He gave me a lazy
smile.
I clutched the blanket tightly against my naked body. Does he remember anything?
Does he remember that we just got married last night? I�d only drank a bit last
night and he�d almost finished the bottle of alcohol he brought with him. Paano
kung lasing lang siya noong mga panahon nay un? I didn�t know how he�d react once
he finds out that I was now Mrs. Callum Francois.

�Callum�� I bit my bottom lip.

�What is it, Mrs. Francois?� He asked with a wide smile on his face as he sat up.

�You remember?� I asked.

�Of course, I do.� He answered and then his thick brows furrowed. �Nagsisisi ka ba?
�

�It just� it just happened way too fast. I can�t believe I�m now your wife��

�Do you regret it?� He asked again.

�I don�t know� I don�t feel like I should. Do you regret it?� I asked him the same
question.

�I agree about what you said about it happening too fast. I was never impulsive,
Audrey. I always knew exactly what I�m doing but with you, I don�t know anymore. I
don�t� all I know now is that I�m madly in love with you. For once, I did what my
heart told me to do. So no, I don�t regret it. Not one bit.� He lifted his hand to
brush away some strands of hair on my face.

A slight smile spread across my face. He cupped my face and kissed my forehead.

�We have two options, Audrey. We can either have a divorce or we can try and make
this marriage work. You decide.�

A part of me was telling me that this was wrong, it happened to quick. My parents
taught me the value of love and marriage. It doesn�t happen overnight. Marriage
isn�t something you do when you�re in Las Vegas and you had a few drinks on the
hotel rooftop with the man who looks at you like you�re more beautiful than the
stars in the sky. But I fell in love. I fell in love with him and the moment we had
together. It was stupid and impulsive but I�d still stick to my excuse. I fell in
love.

�I don�t know but it wouldn�t hurt to try, would it?� I chewed on my lower lip.

A smile spread across Callum�s face and his eyes were a warmer hue of black. �Alam
kong masyado tayong nagmamadali pero hindi ibig sabihin mali ang naging desisyon
natin. I�d prove to you that we didn�t make a wrong decision when you married me.�
�Pero paano kung ikaw yung nagkamali ng desisyon. I have a lot of baggage and one
day you�re going to get tired of me.�

Callum shook his head. �I�ll carry those baggage with you. Nandito na ako. Hindi mo
na kailangan buhatin yun mag-isa.�

�I�m not a wife material. Maduming babae na ako. Binaboy na nila ako. Hindi ko nga
alam kung ilan silang gumalaw sa akin. I don�t even have normal sexual desires.� I
swallowed the tears in when I felt it starting to come up. Kaya ba niya akong
mahalin sa kabila ng ginawa nila sa akin? Because I knew I couldn�t. I couldn�t
love myself. I was disgusted with my own self.
�Don�t you ever say that again, Audrey. Hindi ka madumi. There is nothing wrong
with you as a person. After what you�ve gone through, you deserve every good thing
in this world. You deserve to be loved so please, let me in. Let me be here for
you, let me love you.�

�What if I�m not-�

�Shh. Enough with the what ifs. This is the what it is. We�re married now and we
love each other. Iyon lang naman ang mahalaga, di ba?� He asked with warm eyes.

I slowly nodded my head.

He nipped my chin between two fingers. �Hey, listen up. You�re married to the
hottest psychiatrist in town. Cheer up, love.�

I couldn�t help but laugh at what he said. My face scrunched. �Yabang.�

�I�m just trying to make you smile.� He kissed my forehead.

When we got back from Las Vegas, Callum decided to move in with me to give our
marriage a try. He still had his house but he brought some of his things and
clothes to mine. We wanted to get a feel for married life and we wouldn�t be a real
married couple if we lived apart from each other.

Honestly, I was excited. Callum brought back the normalcy I never thought I�d have
again in my life. Since the abuse, I never thought I�d be able to find someone
who�d want me. I was a mess. I had a lot of issues. I felt like I was a defective
human being who no one knew how to fix. But then he came and turned everything
around. Naranasan ko ulit kay Callum ang magmahal. I couldn�t wait to find out what
kind of life we�d have together as a married couple. I wanted to know how Callum
would be as a husband.

I helped Callum unpack his things and we had dinner together. Tinulungan niya akong
magligpit ng pinagkainan naming pagkatapos. After we were done cleaning up, we sat
on the living room and he started playing his guitar.

�Whenever I�m weary from the battles that rage in my head. You make sense of
madness when my sanity hangs by a thread. I lose my way but still you seem to
understand. Now and forever, I will be your man. Sometimes, I just hold you, too
caught up in me to see. I�m holding a fortune that heaven has given to me. I�ll try
to show you each and every way I can. Now and forever, I will be your man.�

He looked up at me as he strummed his fingers in his guitar strings. My heart

swelled as he sang to me with his lullaby voice. The song was beautiful by itself
but it made it even more beautiful because I knew he was singing the song to me.

�Now I can rest my worries and always be sure that I won�t be alone, anymore. If
I�d only known you were there all the time. All this time� until the day the ocean
doesn�t touch the sand. Now and forever, I will be your man.�

By the time he was done, I was already teary-eyed. I prayed to God n asana siya na
ang lalaking ibinigay Niya para sa akin. He treated my scars as beauty marks. He
loved me when I couldn�t even love myself. Now that I�d experience bliss and love
like I had never experience before, I didn�t want to let go of it anymore. I wanted
this marriage to work out. I wanted a family with Callum.

�Hey, why are you getting tear-eyed? Hindi mob a nagustuhan ang kanta?� He asked,
wiping the tears on the corners of my eyes.

�I loved it so much.� I sobbed.

He pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. �Then why are you crying?�

�Because now I have you.� I said.

�Audrey�� He pulled me against him. �From now on, you�ll always have me. I�ll be
with you for as long as you want me to. Araw-araw kitang liligawan. I will make you
feel that you�re worthy of being loved every day hanggang sa maniwala ka. Hanggang
sa matutunan mo rin mahalin ang sarili mo.�

I wrapped my arms around Callum and he took me in his. �Thank you for always being
patient with me, for trying to understand me when I can�t even understand myself.
My life would still be miserable if it weren�t for you.�

�No, you don�t need to thank me. With you, I couldn�t be happier. Sa�yo ko lang
nakita ang pagmamahal na matgal ko nang hinanap. You think I�m saving you when
really, you were the one who saved me. All I knew was darkness but then I met you.
You�re the only place in this world that feels like home. For the first time in my
life, I�d experience what real happiness is with you.� He said, kissing my hair.

I turned my head and kissed him on the jaw. My lips trailed to the corner of his
before I finally placed my lips on his. And then the next thing I knew, I was in
his arms and he was carrying me inside our bedroom.

I was easing more into him now. I was getting more comfortable. I explored his body
the way he�d explore mine. I was slowly learning to familiarize myself with the
touch of his skin against my palms, with how it feels against my lips.

�Let�s do something a bit different tonight.� Whispered Callum as I kissed him on

the chest while I stroke his growing length in my hand.

I looked up at him. �What do you mean?�

�Hold on�� He got up from bed and went to get something from the luggage he�d
brought with him. It was a small camcorder.

�Cal!� My eyes widened.

�This is our first night in this house as husband and wife. I feel that you�re
already opening up to me. I want to capture this moment so we could watch this
again in the future.� He said.

I frowned. �Baka mamaya you�re just recording this for your research again.�

�I�ll let you have the camcorder when we�re done. Ikaw ang magtago.� He said,
setting it up on top of the drawer beside our bed.

�We�re not porn stars.� Sabi ko.

�Tonight, we will be.� He grinned before sliding back in bed with me.
The thought of a camera pointing at us, recording everything we do thrilled me.
Callum began kissing my neck as he brought his hand between my thighs. I gasped and
threw my head back and sighed in delight when his fingers run along my folds. His
strokes were controlled, the rhythm of it matched my pulse. I let out a moan when
he pulled my lips apart and slipped a finger inside me.

Callum lifted his head up to look at me in the eyes. �I want you to look at me,
Audrey. I want you to know that this is me��

And so I did. He added another finger and they darted in and out of me all the
while his thumb was rubbing my clit. I looked down and watched as his two fingers
disappeared and reappeared in and out of me.

�Callum�� I breathlessly whispered as he added another finger.

�You look so beautiful when you�re excited and flushed.� He smiled, his dark eyes
clouded with unadulterated passion. His strokes were hard and fast, I could feel
his knuckles hitting me every time he thrusts his fingers in.

He suddenly stopped and I almost cried out with need, thrusting my hips up to him.
He laid down the bed and positioned me on top of him. I was on my hands and knees
with my bottom right in front of him and his manhood on my face. I wasn�t that
innocent. I�d seen this when Therese, our friends, and I were teenagers. We�d
clicked on a spam link which redirected us to an adult website and curiosity got to
us. We watched a few videos with a mixture of fascination and disgust. We just all
laughed about it afterwards.
I took in a sharp breath when I felt his hot mouth on my sex.

�Suck me off, Au.� He moaned.

I took his manhood in my hand and lowered my head to him. Callum released an
appreciative growl that boosted my confidence. I began stroking the base of his
length in one hand while my mouth bobbed up and down on the tip of it. He lapped on
me like a thirstly dog and nibbled on the outer layer of my folds.

I bucked my hips, trying to meet the strokes of his tongue. I wanted more. I wanted
more than this. I wanted him inside me. I wanted to feel his length ravaging my
insides.

�Cal, please�� I begged.

�What do you want, Au?� He asked, panting.

�I want you to ravish me.� I moaned.

He shifted our position and I was now on my stomach right under him. He lifted my
hips up and he positioned behind me. Callum slammed himself inside me with such
powerful force. I screamed. It was so deep and hard I was no longer able to think.
He gripped my hair and gently yanked my head back. He gripped a hair full of fist
so he could pound harder. He knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted it rough and
dirty and wild. I didn�t want to be treated like I was a fragile. I wanted to feel
like I was nothing but a vessel for his pleasure. I wanted to feel helpless and at
his mercy.

I came and then he soon followed after, burying himself deep inside me and we both
collapsed. He rolled over next to me, breathing heavily. I scooted close to him and
he pulled me into his arms.

�I can�t believe I�m married to the most beautiful woman.� He let out a lazy smile.
Ipinatong ko ang baba ko sa dibdib niya. �And I can�t believe I�m married to a
handsome psychiatrist.�

The following days had been nothing but bliss. He was a wonderful husband to me and
I tried to be the best wife to him. I found my purpose again through him. It felt
good to wake up in the morning with something to look forward to. Before me, I was
merely living. I was just surviving.

Those simple things like going to his clinic so we could have our lunch together,
coming home to him, our movie nights together, our weekend dates�. Those things
were what kept my spirit high for the past few weeks.

I woke up without Callum next to me. Usually, I�m the first to wake up. I picked up
his grey t-shirt and put it on. The shirt was big on me and the hem grazed just
above my knees. I went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and then
I exited our room. I found him in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for us. He was in
front of the stove with nothing but his grey boxers on.

�Cal, what are you doing there?� I asked, yawning and stretching my arms.

�Good morning, wife.� He pressed a kiss on my lips. �Nagluto na ako ng breakfast

natin. Do you want coffee or tea?�

�Just tea, please.� I told him.

He poured a hot water to a cup and dropped the teabag in. we sat on the table and
ate our breakfast together.

�The last time I had your pancake it was so rubbery I felt like I was chewing on a
huge gummy bear.� I complained.

�Sinarapan ko na yung pancake ko kaya di mo na mapipintasan yan.� He winked at me.

I chuckled and took a bite. It was soft and fluffy like how a normal pancake would
be. �I am impressed, Dr. Francois.�

�You should be. Isn�t that the best pancake you�ve ever had in your life?�

�You are so quick to cling on your small achievements and milk everything you can
out of it.� I shook my head, laughing.

�Audrey, honey�� My body stiffened when I heard a familiar voice. Was I just
imagining it? I hoped it was just my imagination. �We�re here!�

I just heard my Mama�s voice from the living room. My head snapped at Callum to see
his reaction. I wanted to know if he, too, heard what I just heard. Callum put his
mug down and stared at me with brows furrowed.

I chewed on my bottom lip.

�Audrey, nasaan ka na ba-� Mama�s head peaked through the dining room door frame.

Agad na nahagip ng mga mata niya si Callum as he was the one facing the door. Her
eyes initially flew up in shock.

�Ma�� Lumingon ako sa kanya at tumayo sa upuan.

Her eyes softened and she smiled at me. She held out her arms to me and I walked up
to give her a hug. Her familiar cologne filled up my nostril and I inhaled it even
more.

�I missed you, Ma.� I told her.

�I missed you, too.� She rubbed my back before pulling away. Her eyes averted to
Callum.

�How are you?�

�I�m doing good, Ma�am.� Callum politely nodded, his face void of any expression.
He was probably just as shocked as I was.

�Where�s Dad?�

�Tinabi lang yung luggage naming sa room,� She said. They had their own bedroom
here in this house. Doon sila natutulog kapag binibisita nila ako ditto. Mama�s
head snapped at Callum, who couldn�t stand up because he had nothing on but his
boxers. �Oh God! Paano �to?�

�Ma, bakit hindi niyo naman kasi sinabi sa akin na pupunta kayo?� I gently
muttered. Callum would be so dead when Dad sees him.

�Biglaan kasi.� Mama bit her bottom lip.

�Cass, Drey�� I heard Dad�s voicing from the hallway.

I tightly shut my eyes. I heard Dad�s footsteps on the wooden floor growing louder
and louder. And in a few seconds, he was standing behind Mama.

�Drey, my baby girl.� Malapad ang ngiting bati niya sa akin. �Come here, give Daddy
a hu-�

His eyes flew to the table where Callum sat.

�Who the hell is he, Audrey?� Dad�s voice boomed throughout the room.

�Nick, calm down.� Agad na humarap si mama sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa dibdib.

�There�s a fucking naked guy in my daughter�s dining room and you�re telling me to
calm down?� His jaw clenched.

�Dad, I can explain.� I massaged my temples.

�You better do, young lady!� He exclaimed and looked at Callum. �Who the hell are
you?�

�Babe, your daughter�s twenty-five. Matanda na siya para magdesisyon para sa sarili
niya.� Mama tried to keep him away from Callum. Hinarang niya ang sarili niya kay
Dad.

�Do you fucking talk english? Didn�t you hear what I just asked you? Who the fuck
are you?� Dad asked again.

�I am Callum Francois, sir.� Cal calmly answered, still on his seat. The poor guy
couldn�t stand up. It would be so awkward if he did. My parents would see him in
his boxers.

�What are you doing here, you son of a bitch?� Dad asked his tone hard and harsh.
�Dad, we�re living together now. He�s my husband.� I said.

Chapter Nineteen
Callum and I were fully clothed now as we sat in the living room with my parents.
Dad�s face was flushed with anger as he held a glass of whiskey in one hand to calm
his nerve. While Mama�s hand rubbed Dad�s thigh soothingly as if it was her way of
trying to calm him down.

�Tell me you�re kidding, Audrey. Tell me this is just a joke.� Dad said, putting
his glass down the coffee table.

�No, Dad. Kasal kami ni Callum.� I chewed on my lower lip.

�Why are you kids doing this to me?� He muttered as he massaged his temple. �Bakit
ginagawa niyo sa akin �to?� Kayong magkakapatid, mula sa Kuya Miggy hanggang sa�yo
ba naman? Medyo nabunutan na nga ako ng tinik sa kambal mo, ngayon ikaw naman.�

�Babe, don�t stress yourself out. Audrey�s old enough to make her own decisions.
Pakinggan muna natin ang explanation nila.�

�We don�t even know who the fuck this is!� He held his hand out to Callum. �Tapos
malalaman kong asawa ito ng anak ko.�

�I know who he is. Napakilala na sa akin ni Audrey si Callum noon.� Mama defended.

�And you didn�t even tell me?�

�Because I know this is exactly how you�d react.�

�Kung matinong lalaki yan, magpapakilala muna sa atin yan bago siya nagpakasal sa
anak ko.� Dad said in controlled anger. �How long have you even known each other?�

�Dad, we love each other.� I said.

�I�m sorry, Mr. Cordova. I guess it just never crossed my mind. I�ve always been
independent and I�m used to doing things on my own. Hindi ko naisip kayong pamilya
ni Audrey. I didn�t mean to disrespect you.� Callum apologized with his head hung
low.

�Iba naman kasi ang culture ng mga kabataan dito sa US.� Mama explained to Dad.

�Hindi pa rin tama iyon! Tayo ang mga magulang niya pero wala tayong kaalam-alam na
kasal na ang anak natin!� Dad�s voice boomed in fury. �Kung hindi namin nalaman
ito, wala ka bang balak sabihin sa amin, Drey?�

�This is so stupid and impulsive. What if he�s just after our money?�

�Mr. Cordova, I don�t need your family�s money. I may not be as wealthy as you but
I earn enough to give Audrey a comfortable lifestyle.� He said in an even tone. He
obviously was offended by Dad�s remark, his eyes were of distaste.

�He�s a doctor, Dad.� I defended him. �Dad naman, asawa ko na si Callum. Please,
don�t be like this.�

�How can you tell me not to be like this when you married a man we don�t even know!
� He brushed his fingers through his golden hair in frustration.

�I�m sorry, Dad. I�m so sorry. I know it was impulsive but I love him. I�ve been
trapped in the past for so many years. Akala ko nga hindi ko na mararanasan ulit
sumaya. But then Callum came and turned everything around. Dad, I just want to be
happy.� My voice croaked at the effort not to cry.

Dad�s hard face slowly softened as he looked at me.

�Oh, Audrey.� Ma said her eyes watering with understanding and pity. �Mahal na
mahal ka namin ng Daddy mo. We just want the best for you. I understand where
you�re coming from pero naiintindihan ko din ang Dad mo. We just wish you told us
about this. Nabigla lang kami ng Dad mo.�

�We want you to be happy, Drey. You�ve been through a lot and I�d give you all the
happiness in the world if I could. Wala akong hinangad kung hindi ang maging maayos
kayong magkakapatid. I would protect you at all cost and the last thing I�d want is
to see you hurt.� Dad quietly said.

�Sir, mahal ko si Audrey. I�ve never loved any woman as much as I love your
daughter.� He clasped our fingers together. �Marrying her in Vegas was a spur of
the moment decision but it was the best decision I�ve ever made in my whole life.�

Dad leaned back against the couch and let out a long, deep exhale. �You married in
Vegas? You don�t know what you two have gotten yourself into. Marriage is not that
easy. Kahit kami nga ng Mama mo, I�ve loved her since she was sixteen but we still
struggled. This kind of relationship we have didn�t happen overnight. We struggled
really hard to get to where we are now.�

�Dad, I know that�� I said.

�Have you considered divorce?� He asked.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Callum. I didn�t want divorce and the look on Callum�s dark
eyes told me that he was against the idea.

�We decided we want to give this a try, Dad.� My eyes went back to my parents.

�We�re already married and we love each other, Mr. Cordova. Wala naman sigurong
masama kung susubukan namin. Hindi ko pag-iinteresan ang pera niyo dahil may sarili
akong pera. You don�t have to worry about Audrey dahil kayang kaya ko siyang
buhayin.� He said, keeping a straight face.

�You don�t understand the pain my daughter went through.� Dad said, his voice weak.

�I do, Mr. Cordova. I know everything she�s gone through. I want her happy just as
much as you.� Callum told Dad.

�Hindi na ba talaga kita mapipigilan?� Dad looked at me.

�We love each other, Dad. Divorce isn�t an option right now. We can get a divorce
anytime we want but we�re choosing to make this marriage work.�

�Very well, then. You�re old enough to make your own decisions.� He said and looked
at Callum. �But if my daughter comes to me crying. I swear, you will regret the day
you were born.�

�I understand, sir.� Callum nodded his head.

�Nasaan na ba ang mga magulang mo, Callum?� Mama asked.

�They�re gone. Dad died of cancer and Mom soon followed after.� He answered.
�I�m sorry.� Ma�s face softened with sympathy.

�It was a long time ago.� Callum said.

�May mga kamag-anak ka pa ba?� Tanong ni Dad.

�I have a sister but she lives in a different State. We�re not a close-knit family,
sir, never have been.�

�I see. My daughter said you�re a doctor?�

�I am a psychiatrist, sir. I�m originally from Baltimore. I used to work at John

Hopkins but I happened to land a job here at San Francisco General Hospital.�
Callum answered.

�How long have you two been married?� Dad asked.

�Almost three weeks.� I bit my bottom lip.

�Nagpunta kami dito ng Mama mo para sabihin sa�yo na ikakasal na ang kambal mo.�

Dad sighed. �Pero hindi namin alam na mas nauna ka pa pala.�

�Who�s he going to get married to? Bakit wala siyang nabanggit sa akin?� I asked
feeling happy and excited for my brother.

�Biglaan din iyon. Magpapakasal na sila ni Anais.� Dad said.

�Finally.� My lips stretched into a smile. �Oh, I�m sure matutuwa si Cookie!
Magigin complete na ang family niya. How is he?�

�Malaki na si Cookie and he�s a very smart boy. Nagmana lang sa kapilyuhan sa Dada
niya pero matalinong bata.� Nakangiting kwento ni Mama.

�I miss him so much.� I sighed.

�Kaya nga kami nagpunta ditto para sunduin k asana. Anais and Coco wants you as
their Maid of Honor.� Mama smiled.

�Ma��

�They knew you were going to say no kaya hindi nila muna sinabi sa�yo. Iyon na lang
ang hinihinging wedding gift ng dalawa sa�yo. Pagbigyan mo na�� Ma said.

�Why don�t you come with us, Callum? Para naman makilala ka din ng pamilya.� Dad
suggested.

�That�s not a bad idea.� Mama nodded her head.

Callum looked at me as if asking what he should tell them.

�Now that you�re my daughter�s husband, parte ka na ng pamilyang ito. Unlike yours,
we�re a tight knit family. I want to get to know you more. Gusto ko din makilala ka
ng mga anak ko at gusto kong makilala mo din sila.� Tiim na sabi ni Dad.

�Dad, I�m not even sure if I�m going to Coco�s wedding.� Sabi ko.

�That�s your twin brother�s wedding, Audrey.� Ma reminded.

�I know but�� I trailed off, biting my lower lip.

�Drey, they�d be very disappointed if you don�t come to their wedding.� Sabi ni
Mama.

�I�d have to think about it, Ma.�

Dad and Callum were on the living room right now, they were having a drink and I
was sure Dad was interrogating my husband. Mama and I went to the grocery store
together earlier and had to leave the two. Natatakot pa nga ako noong una dahil
baka awayin ni Dad si Callum. But I thought they were getting along just fine now.

Dad had always been meticulous and details were his forte. Lahat ng bagay kailangan
niyang suriin. I knew that was what he was doing to Callum. He was observing him.
He was trying to dig deeper into him. Callum looked intimidated and stiff at first
but now I think he was slowly loosening up.

We had our dinner together and after dinner, Dad grabbed a bottle of brandy and
invited Callum to drink with him. I peeked through the living room and the two were
still having a drink, talking about God knows what.

�How�s married life?� Ma asked.

I turned to see Ma with a smile on her face. I couldn�t help but smile too.

�I feel like I�m on cloud 9 everyday, Ma. Masaya ako kay Callum.�

�I can tell�� She said.

�Biglaan ang pagpapakasal namin pero hindi ko pinagsisisihan iyon. I never thought
I�d find happiness again.�

�You deserve it, Drey.� Lumamlam ang mga mata ni Mama. �Iyon lang ang gusto namin
ng Dad mo. Ang makita kang masaya ulit. If Callum makes you happy, masaya na din
kami para sa�yo.�

�Thanks, Ma.� I hugged her.

�Anything for our princess.� She said, rubbing my back.

�Ma, do you think we�ll last?�

�No one can tell. Back then, I didn�t even think my marriage with your father would
last but look at us now.� Ma said with a nostalgic smile.

�Ano ba ang secret niyo ni Dad?�

�Syempre dapat palagi kayong may tiwala sa isa�t-isa. You need to try to always
understand each other. Importante din yung communication. And of course, sex. Lots
of it.�

�Ma!� My eyes widened as I laughed. I never in my wildest imagination thought I�d

hear the last part from my own mother. I mean, of course, we did get the birds and
bees lesson from Mama but that was as far as it could get.

�Sinasabi ko lang.� Ma laughed along. �Men are sexually irrepressible, it�s their
nature.�

�So you and Dad still�� I couldn�t even finish my sentence because I was giggling
so hard.

�Of course, we�re still active. Hindi pa naman kami ganon katanda.� Ma answered. Ma
may be in her 40s but she looked younger than her age. You could mistake her for a
woman in her late 20s or early 30s. There was not a single wrinkle on her face. Si
Dad din naman, he doesn�t look like he was in his 50s. If anything, time had only
made Dad look more refined and dignified.

�Drey�� Sumeryoso ang muka ni Mama. �It will be nice kung pupunta ka sa wedding ni

Coco. Matutuwa ang kambal mo at miss na miss ka nan g mga kapatid mo pati ni
Cookie. You don�t have to scared of anything, honey. Hinding-hindi hahayaan ng Dad
mong masaktan ka pa ng kahit na sino.�

�I know that.� I took a deep breath.

�Drey, please.� Ma said.

�Pag-iisipan ko muna, Ma.� I said.

My head was resting on top of Callum�s chest while my fingers traced random shapes
on his skin. I knew from his breathing that Callum was still awake. I looked up at
him. His eyes averted to me from the ceiling and he gave me a lazy smile.

�What are you thinking of?� I asked him.

He shook his head. �Nothing. What about you?�

�Iniisip ko yung wedding ni Coco. I don�t know if I should go�� I silently said.

�You should because I�m going to be there.� Sabi naman ni Callum.

�Pumayag ka?� I lifted my head up, my brows furrowed as I looked at him.

�Your Dad didn�t give me a choice. He said I have to be there.�

�You should�ve said no!�

�He said he�ll disown me as his son-in-law if I don�t come to your brother�s
wedding. Kailangan daw akong makilala ng pamilya niyo.� He played with a few
strands of my hair.

�Ugh! Si Dad talaga! Napasubsob ako sa dibdib niya. �You don�t have to go. Just
tell him you can�t leave your job here.�

�I don�t want to get on Dad�s bad side.�

�Dad?� My brow arched.

�Ganon na kayo ka-close?�

He chucled. �He�s my father-in-law. What am I supposed to call him?�

I shrugged.

�Hindi naman ako makatanggi sa Dad mo baka sabihin niya hindi ako marunong
makisama. Besides, I haven�t been in the Philippines since I was a teenager. Ayaw
mo bang umuwi at makita ang pamilya mo?� He asked.

I didn�t answer. Instead, I shifted and turned my back on him. Callum spooned me,
wrapping his arm around my waist. There was something i never told him, something
he doesn�t know about me and wouldn�t want him to know.

�Hey, what�s wrong?� He gently asked, his lips playing on the shell of my ear.
�Audrey, wala kang dapati ikatakot. I�ll be with you and I promise, I won�t let
anyone hurt you. You�re my wife now. I want to meet your family and I want to get
to know you better. Let go, Audrey. I want you to let go of your past.�

�Okay.� My voice squeaked.

�Okay?�

�Okay, we�ll go to my brother�s wedding.�

Chapter Twenty
Ma and Dad were sitting on the chairs across the aisle. There were only the four of
us in here and we had the business class cabin to ourselves the whole flight. We
were in one of Tito Seth�s commercial airplane. His family owns an airline company.
When we were a little younger and we�d go on family trips abroad, we�d usually use
one of Tito Seth�s private jets. But since it was just Mama, Dad, Callum and I, we
decided to take a commercial flight to the Philippines. I looked out of the window
as the plane came to a halt. After four long years, I never thought I�d go back to
this place again. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. I was excited
but at the same time I was a bit scared. I didn�t know what was waiting for me
here.

�Audrey�� Callum, who was sitting next to me, took my hand. �Are you okay?�

I turned my head to face him and nodded. I�d finally get to see my family and
friends. Iyon na lang ang iniisip ko. I didn�t want to think anything else.

�They�re so excited to see you, Drey.� Mama smiled.

�Hindi nga makapaniwala si Coco na uuwi ka. Kanina pa ako minemessage, maya�t-maya
ang tanong kung malapit na ba tayo.� Dad said.

We got up from our seats when the flight attendant told us that we could get off
the plane now. I hesitated at first but Callum held out his hand to me. I took it
and stood up. Ma and Dad gave an encouraging nod.

�Callum, we�re a big family. Saka may mga bata kaya medyo magulo sa bahay. I�m just
giving you a heads up.� Ma said as we walked through the air bridge, her arms
around Dad�s arm.

�Hindi ka bisita dito. You�re my daughter�s husband. Ikaw ang makisama.� Dad coldly
shrugged.

�Nick naman.� Ma scolded.

�I understand, Mr. Cordova.�

�Akala ko ba Dad na?� I teasingly whispered to him. Because when Dad�s not around,
he calls him Dad too.

He just gave me a sideway glance and pressed his lips together, trying to stop
himself for grinning like an idiot.

�What did you say, Drey?� Lumingon sa akin si Dad.

�Nothing.� I shook my head.

We had our passport stamped and then we walked to the arrival area. My heart
pounded like a jackhammer. For the first time in years, I could believe I was home
again. The first person I saw was Cookie. He was sitting on Coco�s shoulder holding
up a sign that said

�Welcome Home, Audrey�, obviously written by a kid and decorated with a bunch of
stickers. Halos maluha ako nang makita ko sila. I ran to them and gave my twin
brother a huge hug.

�Welcome home, sis.� He hugged me tightly. �We all missed you.�

�I missed you too.� My voice was already cracking.

We quickly pulled away so I could get a look at my handsome nephew.

�Hi, Tita Drey!� The cute little boy waved at me.

�Cookie, I missed you! Halika nga dito, give Tita Drey a huge bear hug!� I told
him. He climbed down his Dada�s shoulder and hugged me. �You�re so big already!�

�Cause Mymy makes me drink lots of milk! He said.

�Napakakulit na niyang pamangkin mo. He�s like his Dada.� Anais said, rolling her
eyes and shaking her head.

�ANAIS!� I ran up to her and hugged her. �Finally! Magiging sisters-in-law na din
tayo! I�m so excited for your wedding.�

�Maid of Honor ka ah.� She said.

�Of course, kaya nga ako umuwi dito.� I said with a wide smile.

�Hey mister! Why are you staring at us? Don�t you know it�s rude to stare?� Cookie
asked Callum with a frown.

�Cookie!� Sabi ni Anais at kinuha ang anak niya. She looked at Callum
apologetically.

�Hindi ba sabi mo yun Mymy? Stranger danger!� He said.

I laughed. He was still the bright little boy I knew. I walked up to Callum and
wrapped my arms around his upper arm. �This is my husband, Dr. Callum Francois.�

�Hey little guys, can I get a high five?� He sweetly smiled at him and held his
palm out.
Cookie jumped and gave him a high five. �I thought you�re a stranger.�

�Husband?!� Coco exclaimed and blinked. �Your husband?�

�Yes, my husband.�

�I�m very pleased to meet you.� Callum nodded, acknowledging him.

�Ma, Dad!� Tawag ni Coco kina Mama at Dad na ngayon ay papalapit sa amin. They were
walking with Kuya Miggy who had a tray of coffee in one hand and Ronnie, Dad was
holding a little boy in one arm and Ma was dotting on him. Para akong binuhusan ng
malamig na tubig sa nakita ko at agad akong tumalikod.
�What is it?� Dad asked.

�Audrey has a husband!� Sumbong niya.

�We know.� Dad flatly answered.

�Oh my God, Ate!!!� Ronnie hugged me from behind. �I so missed you.�

I slowly turned to face her. I was careful not to lift my gaze so I wouldn�t see
what I didn�t what to se. I hugged Ronnie. �Hey, dalagang-dalaga ka na. Saan ba
kayo galling?�

�We went to the coffee ship. Kanina pa kasi kami ditto at nagutom itong si Art-�
She paused and then pulled away from the hug. She knew how I didn�t like talking
about him. Tumingin siya kay Callum �Is he your husband?�

�Yes, siya si Callum.� I introduced him

�I�m Miguel, their older brother.� Lumapit si Kuya Migs sa amin.

�Nice to meet you.� Sabi naman ni Callum

Kuya Miggy offered us a cup of coffee. I took one and Callum politely refused.

�I heard you�re a psychiatrist.� Kuya Miggy said.

�Yes, I am.� He answered.

�Maganda pala yun, may psychiatrist na tayo. Baka magamot mo itong kapatid namin.
May sayad �to eh, nabagok kasi noong bata.� Coco patted Ronnie�s shoulder.

�Kuya!� Ronnie snapped her head to Coco and frowned at him �You are so mean to me!
I don�t have sayad!�

�Tama na yan! Baka mamaya magkapikunan na naman kayo.� Saway ni Mama bago lumingon
kay Callum. �I told you. Nasa airport pa lang tayo nito ah! Wait til we get home.�

�Oh Kuya Miggy!� I threw my arms around my older brother.

�Glad to see you here again.� He hugged me and affectionately rubbed my back. �I
missed you so much.�

�I missed you too, Kuya. Every one of you.� I said and then we pulled away from the
hug.

�Hi, Ate Drey!� I heard a tiny voice of a child say. I was sure it wasn�t Cookie. I
pretend I didn�t hear anything and turned to the opposite direction.

�Hey, little guy.� Callum waved at him.

�Who are you?�

�My name�s Callum.�

�I�m Arthur.�

�Nice to meet you, Arthur.�

�Are we going to get picked up?� I asked, trying to divert my attention elsewhere.
�There�s already a van waiting for us in the parking lot.� Kuya Miggy said.

�Then what are we doing here? Let�s go.� Aya ni Dad.

�Ikaw lang ba ang gumawa nitong banner?� I fondly asked Cookie as I held the
welcome home sign.

�Arthur and I did that. Well, I did the writing because Arthur still doesn�t know
how to write.� Sabi ni Cookie. Cookie was strapped in his booster seat in the front
row with Anais and Coco. Callum, Kuya Miggy and I sat on the middle row and Dad and
Mom with Ronnie and the kid sat on the last row.

�Yeah, I helped too! Nilagay ko yung stickers!� The kid proudly said. I feel a
squeeze in my heart every time I hear him talk. Why did I think this was a good
idea? We should�ve just taken a cab! I wanted nothing more than to get out of here.

�Ate Drey, I also made a welcome card for you. I drew you and me together in the
card.� He said.

Yumakap ako sa braso ni Callum at humilig sa balikat niya. The tension around us
was thick and heavy. Alam kong nakikiramdam lang si Mama at Dad. Buti na lang at
nakatulog si Callum. I didn�t want him to notice anything.

�Ate Drey?� He called out again.

�Nakatulog na yata ang Ate Drey mo. Let�s not disturb her, okay?� She�s probably
really tired.� Mama told the kid.

�Okay.� I heard him answer. �I�m sorry, Ate Drey.�

My heart clenched with a new ache as I tightly shut my eyes. He wasn�t supposed to
be here. I didn�t want him here. He was nothing but a painful memory, a living
proof of what had been done to me. It was really painful because the child reminded
me of all the options that was taken from me without my consent. Once when I was
raped and again when I conceived.

The van stopped and we all went into the house. They already had food ready for us
when we got there. Callum carried our luggages out from the van and took it in.

�Cookie, I bought you something. Can you guess what it is?� I asked him as we sat
in the living room. I was rummaging through my luggage, looking for the pair of
shoe I bought for him.

�Mm�� He thought for a while. �A dog?�

�A dog?� I laughed. �Hindi pwedeng ilagay ang dog ditto sa loob ng luggage. Try
again?�

�A dinosaur?� His eyes widened.

�A dinosaur won�t fit here!� I grabbed him and tickled him just like I used to do
when he was little. He roared with laughter and dropped to the ground.

�Tita Drey, sto-oopp!� He said between his laughters and when he was out of breath
from laughing. I finally stopped and let him go.

�Ikaw, niloloko mo si Tita Drey.� I told him �What did I promise to give you?�
�Um�� He thought for a while and then his eyes widened. �A pair of shoes with
wheels!�

�Tadaaaa!� I said, taking a box out from the luggage.

�Yay! Thank you, Tita Drey!� He hugged me. �You�re the best! I want to go outside
and try it out!

�We will later. For now, I just want to spend time with my Cookie monster.� I said,
hugging him tither. �Do you remember when you were little? Ako nagpapalit ng diaper
mo sometimes pag nandito ka sa amin.�

�I don�t wear diapers anymore. I�m a big boy!� He said.

�I know but you�ll always be our Cookie monster!� I kissed him on the cheek.

�Ate Drey�� There�s that tiny voice again. I lifted my eyes to see him standing in
front of us. I felt repulsed as I stared at him and my heart dropped to the pit of
my stomach. He looked nothing like me� like us. �This is the card I made for you.�

He had a blue folded paper out to me. I looked down at the paper.

�The food�s ready!� Mama hurriedly came up to us and held him. �Arthur, may chicken
nuggets na niluto si Yaya para sa�yo. Come on, let�s go eat.�

�I�m just going to give this to-�

�Later.� Mama tried to pull him.

�Mama, look at my new shoes. There�s a button you can press when you want the shoes
to have wheels. Bigay ni Tita Drey sa akin �to.� He showed it off.

�Cool!� Said the kid.

Callum walked into the living room and went up to me. He gave me a gentle kiss on
the forehead. �I already brought some of our things in your room.�

�Thanks.� I quietly said, keeping my eyes to the ground.

�Ate Drey, ako walang gift? Bakit si Cookie meron?� The kid asked, puzzled.

I looked up at Mama. I could see through her eyes that her heart was breaking for
Arthur. She brushed her fingers through the boys� hair. �Na forget ni Ate Drey mo
pero may dala naman si Daddy Nick niyo para sa�yo at kay Cookie na toy.�

�Bakit si Cookie hindi niya na forget? It�s not fair�� The kid�s voice cracked with
tears.

�We can take turns.� Cookie suggested.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away. I wanted to just walk away but I
felt glued to where I was at.

�It�s okay, little guys.� Lumapit si Callum sa bata at lumuhod sa harap nito. �We
have something for you too.�

�Really?� His voice were once again filled with innocent amusement.

�Of course. You think we�d forget about you?� Callum cheerfully said and then
playfully messed his hair. He then stood up and took the guitar case next to my
luggage and then he went back to the boy. He patted the hard case. �This is my
favorite guitar. I�ve had his since I was in highschool.�

�What�s a guitar?� He asked.

�It�s a musical instrument.� Callum answered.

�Oooh! I know that! Dada and I play Guitar Hero!� Sabi naman ni Cookie.

�But this is a different kind of guitar.� Callum chuckled a little and took out the
guitar from the case.

I looked at Ma. She stood there with a smile on her face as she watched Callum
patiently explain to the kids what a guitar was and how to use it. The two were in
awe when Callum started strumming the strings and playing a tune.

�Come here, Arthur. I�ll teach you how to play the guitar.� He said.
Lumapit ang bata at umupo sa kandungan niya. He placed the guitar in front of them
and took his tiny hand and positioned it on the strings.

�COOL!� They boy exclaimed when he strummed again.

�This guitar is yours now, okay? I�ll teach you how to play.� Callum said.

I couldn�t stand it any longer so I stood up and walked out of the living room. I
suddenly burst into tears. It was a strange feeling seeing him. I remembered how
much I hated my whole pregnancy. I was miserable. Every time I felt him move, I
hated it. I hated it so much that I wanted to slice my tummy open so that that
�dirty thing� could come out. I couldn�t believe that �dirty thing� was not a
living, breathing human being. A little boy.
His very existence mocked me. He was the proof of what they did to me. He wasn�t
supposed to exist. He wasn�t�

�Audrey.� I heard Mama call me.

I quickly wiped away my tears.

�Drey, honey�� She walked up to me.

�Ma, I want to be alone.� I sighed, trying to get rid of the tightness in my chest.

�Walang kasalanan si Arthur sa nangyari sa�yo. Hindi niya kasalanan ang kasalanan
nila sa�yo. He�s a sweet boy. Malambing siya. Makulit minsan. Mabait na bata si
Arthur. He has your personality.� She said.

�Ma, I said I want to be alone, please�� My chest felt heavier than it ever did.

�Naiintindihan ko nag galit ka pa din sa ginawa sa�yo, sa nangyari sa�yo. Pero

huwag mo naman iparamdam sa bata ang galit na iyon. He has nothing to do with it.�
Ma�s voice cracked with tears.

Chapter Twenty One

�Audrey�� Callum hugged me from behind. I turned to face him and wrapped my arms
around his waist. His head leaned down to mine and we shared a gentle kiss
together.

�Why did you leave me downstairs? Why have you been locking yourself in here all
day?�
I spent all day in my room. I went down to have dinner earlier and then I went back
to my room. I just took a shower and was getting ready for bed when Callum came in.
Callum had quickly gotten along with my family. He, Kuya Miggy, Coco, Dad, and Tito
Axel were talking and having drinks when I left them in their �man cave�. It was
the room where Dad, my Dad�s friends, and my brothers all hang out when they get
together.

�I�m still tired from the trip.� I lowered my gaze from his. The truth is I
couldn�t stand being around the child. Hindi ko siya kayang tignan. I tried to stay
as far away as possible from him. I did not want to see him, I did not want to hear
him, I did not want to communicate with him. I didn�t like the feelings he makes me
feel whenever he�s around. Alam kong ramdam iyon ni Mama, Dad, at ng mga kapatid
ko. They too tried to keep him away from me.

�Okay, we�ll rest. I�m just going to take a quick shower.� He kissed me on the
forehead.
I nodded my head. He walked towards the bathroom door but paused midway.

�I almost forgot.� He took something out from his pocket and handed me a blue
paper.

�Arthur told me to give this to you. Welcome home present niya daw sa�yo.�
I didn�t want to take it but I didn�t have a good reason to tell Callum as to why.
I hesitantly lifted my hand to take the blue paper.

�The boy�s such a sweet heart, Love. I feel sorry that we forgot to bring him
anything. Hindi tayo nakapamili ng pasalubong kahit para sa mga bata lang. Good
thing he loved my guitar. He�s really interested in learning how to play it. I have
a feeling that we�re going to get along pretty nicely.� He said, turning his back
to me once more and walking to the bathroom.

I looked down and saw the paper crumpled tightly in my hands. Rip it and throw it
out, I told myself. But instead I found myself opening the folded paper. It had on
it a drawing of a female stick figure holding hands with a smaller figure in a big
heart.

My heart sank. I sat on the edge of the bed and tears began to drip down the paper.
I couldn�t love the boy. Hindi ko kayang mahalin ang batang hindi ko ginusto.
Tuwing lumalapit siya sa akin pakiramdam ko ang dumi-dumi ko. Hindi lang nila ako
binaboy, I also had to carry their child. And I had to live with it for rest of my
life.

I wiped away my tears and hid the paper in my bedside table when I heard the shower
in the bathroom stop. Humiga na ako sa kama. Callum walked out of the bathroom with
a white towel wrapped around his waist. He put on a pajama bottom and slipped into
bed with me.

He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me against him and kissing my shoulder.

�Callum�� I quietly said as we lay in bed.

�Mm?� He murmured lazily, his face buried into the crook of my neck.

�You were great with my family, especially with the kids.� I raised one hand to run
my fingers through his thick dark hair. �Thank you.�

�You don�t have to thank me. Now that I�m your husband, they too are my family.
What�s mine is yours and what�s yours is mine.� He nuzzles against my skin. �I want
to have our own baby someday.�

�Cal.� I was slightly baffled.

�I�m not in any hurry, Love. I know we just got married and we�re still getting to
know each other more. I just never expected I�d enjoy being around kids.�

�Maybe in the future, maybe a year from now, pwede na tayong magkaron ng baby. It�s
a huge responsibility.� I sighed heavily.

I wonder how he�d react if he finds out what about Arthur. When he finds out that
before our child, I had already carried and gave birth to the child of the man
who�d violated and abused me. Mandidiri din ba siya sa akin katulad ng pandidiri ko
sa sarili ko?

�Did Dr. Callum give you the card I made for you?� I almost dropped the plate I was
holding when I heard a tiny voice of a little boy from behind. Then I felt a tug on
the hem of my dress. �Ate Drey, did you like my drawing?�

�Don�t touch me.� I flinched away from him. I took in a deep breath, trying to calm
my emotions. �Leave me alone. May ginagawa ako.�

I�d been minding my own business here in the kitchen and then he had to show up. I
wanted to make something for my family and friends who were going to come over
later. Pupunta din ang fashion designer na gagawa sa susuotin naman for Anais and
Coco�s wedding. I�d been trying all day to think of other things other than him and
here he was.

�Arthur, come here. Huwag mong guluhin si Ate Drey.� Ronnie went to get him. She
immediately grabbed the boy away from me.

�Am I bad, Ate Ronnie?� He asked, all of a sudden.

Ronnie gazed at me before turning her eyes back to Arthur. �Bad? Minsan makulit ka
but you�re not bad. Bakit? Sino nagsabi sa�yo niyan?�

�Eh bakit parang di kami bati Ate Drey?� He innocently asked.

�What are you talking about? Busy lang si Ate�� Ronnie�s voice sounded somber.

�Ate Drey, are you mad at me kasi kinukulit kita sa car yesterday? I�m sorry�� His
usual cheery tone was now gone.

I felt an unexplainable pang of pain in my chest as I listened. Bakit ba kasi siya

lapit ng lapit sa akin? Why were they letting him? They knew I didn�t want that.

�No! Hindi mad si Ate, she�s just busy, okay?� Ronnie explained. �Halika na nga.
Doon ka na lang muna sa play room.�

�Hey, wife.� Callum suddenly walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around my
waist. �Nandito ka lang pala.�

�Cal.� I swallowed the lump in my throat.

�Dr. Callum!� The kid ran up to him and hugged his leg.

�Hey, little guy� Callum chuckled and picked him up in his arm. �Where�s our
guitar?�

�It�s in my room. Turuan mo ulit ako magplay ng guitar.� He wrapped his tiny arms
around his neck. I looked away, pretending to be busy with the food in front of me.

�Of course.� Callum answered. �Let�s go get your guitar.�

The two left and there was only Ronnie and I. Ronnie leaned against the countertop
and let out a deep sigh.

�He was so excited to see you, Ate. He made a card for you, he and Cookie made a
welcome banner, he even wants his piggy bank opened so he could buy you something
nice.�

�I don�t want to talk about him.� I said in a stone cold tone.

�Don�t you feel anything for him? Kahit konti lang?� Ronnie�s voice shook. �Naawa
na ako sa kanya. All he wants is a little love and attention from you.�

�I said I don�t want to talk about him! He will never get anything from me. I don�t
want anything to do with him kaya huwag niyo nang ipagpilitan sa akin ang bata!� I
exploded like a dynamite, tears coating my eyes.

�I- I�m sorry, Ate.� Ronnie chewed on her bottom lip with guilt all over her face.

�Mukhang si hubby gusto ng magka-baby.� Therese said, her eyes on Callum. Since
there was only glass sliding door seperating the dining room from the veranda, we
could see Callum from here. He was sitting on the outdoor sofa with the little boy
on his lap and a guitar in front of them.

I lifted a glass of tea and took a sip, not knowing what I should say. Nobody knew
but my family that the boy came from me. I never wanted anyone to know that I
conceived the rapist�s child. All they knew was that he was our brother.

�Wala pa rin kayong plan ni Callum?� Scarlett asked.

I shook my head. �It�s too early for that. Kakakasal lang namin.�

�Mukhang he�d be a real good Dad naman.� Sabi naman ni Maddie.

�Ako nga hindi pa kami kasal, may Cookie na.� Anais chuckled.

�I don�t think we�re ready. Gusto muna namin ma-enjoy ang pagiging married.� I told
them.

�Sabagay, having a kid is a lot of work. Halos hindi na nga kami makapag-solo ni
Coco simula ng magkaron kami ng Cookie.� She said.

�You have a point. You can always have kids later on pero hindi mo na mababalik
yung kayo lang.� Maddie said.

�Hello Ate Anais, Ate Therese, Ate Maddie, Ate Scarlett!� The little boy came
running inside from the veranda, waving at them. �And Hi Ate Drey.�

I lowered my gaze to the cup I had in my hand and pretended I heard nothing. He
gave each one of them a kiss. He tried to kiss me to but I pulled my head away and
stood up. I pretended to get something from the fridge.

�Dr. Callum, show them our guitar!� Fortunately, his attention turned to Callum
when he walked in. Callum let out a chuckle and handed the guitar to him. Dinala
niya ito papunta kina Anais.
�We even drew on the guitar. See!� He proudly showed the drawing on it. �This is
Kuya Callum and this is Arthur!�

�Wow! Ang cute naman.� Therese said.

�Ako nagdrawing yan, di ba Dr. Callum?�

�You did a great job.� Callum playfully messed with his hair.

�And you should�ve heard Kuya Callum play the guitar! He�s really good tapos
tinuturuan niya ako ngayon. I�m having a hard time because I�m just little and the
guitar is kind of too big for me.� The kid told them.

�Maybe we�ll get you a smaller one to practice on.� Callum said.

�But I still get to keep this guitar?�

�This is all yours now. We just need something smaller to get you started. There�s
still some strings you can�t reach properly because you�re hands are still too
small. When you�re a little bigger, you can use the bigger one.� Callum lifted him
up in one hand.

�Okay. Thank you, Dr. Callum. You�re the bestest!� He exclaimed and kissed him on
the cheek.

�Aw. You two are so cute.� Scarlett commented.

�Dr. Callum can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Right, Kuya?� He looked at him.
�Do you want to hear him play?�

�Of course, we do.� Anais answered.

�Come on, Doctor! They want to hear it!� The child encouraged. Callum laughed a
little, putting him on top of the table and then he started strumming his guitar to
the tune of the nursery song.

�Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are? Up above the world so
high like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle star, how I wonder what you are.�
The boy sang.

�Very good!� My friends cheered.

�You did a great job!� Sabi naman ni Callum sa bata.

I wondered how he�d be like with our own children someday. Ngayon pa lang nakikita
ko na na magiging mabuting Daddy siya. But I do wonder how he�d react when he finds
out that Arthur was the product of what my abusers had done to me. I didn�t think
I�d ever want him to know. It was a secret I wanted to take to the grave. My life
with Callum now was perfect and I did not want him to be a part of it.

�Hey girls.� Coco walked in with Cookie.

�Mymy!� Cookie jumped on Anais.

�Saan na naman kayo nagpunta?� Anais asked.

�We went to the park. I tried the shoes Tita Drey gave to me.� Cookie answered.

�Cookie, look at my guitar. It has a drawing of me and Dr. Callum!� He proudly

showed Cookie.

�That�s awesome. Me and Dada has a Guitar Hero guitar.� Cookie said.

�Dr. Callum is still teaching me how to play.� He said.

�I don�t know how to play that. It doesn�t have any buttons and aren�t you supposed
to plug that on the TV?� Cookie�s brows furrowed.

�It�s a different kind of guitar. That one is the real one.� Coco exclaimed to his
son.

�Let�s just play Guitar Hero! That looks kinda hard to play.� Cookie said. �Dada,
can we go to the movie room to play Guitar Hero?�

�Sure. Pabukas niyo na lang kay Ate Ronnie yung PlayStation.� Coco said.

The two boys raced out of the dining room. Callum came up to me and wrapped one arm
around the small of my back. He gave me a kiss on the side of my head.

�Kailan niyo ba bibigyan ng kalaro si Arthur at Cookie?� Coco asked as he stood on

the back of Anais� seat, his arms around his soon-to-be bride. He bent his head
down to kiss her on the shoulder. �Baka maunahan pa namin kayo magka-baby. I have a
feeling we�re going to have another one pretty soon.�

�Coco.� Anais giggled, pulling away as my twin shower her with kisses.

�Honeymoon muna, Coco.� Scarlett joked.

�We already had our honeymoon.� My twin grinned.

�Nothing is in order with you two. Magbestfriend kayo pero nagkaron kayo ng baby,
ngayon naman ikakasal na kayo pero mukhang mas nauna pa ang honeymoon kaysa sa
kasal.� Therese joked.

�Are you okay? Why are you so quiet?� Callum whispered in a worried tone.

�I�m just tired.� I shook my head.

�Baka naman you�re pregnant na din.� Therese teased. �Hindi niyo pa sinasagot ang
tanong ni Coco. When are you two planning to have a baby?�

�In the near future, maybe.� Callum answered. �Arthur seems so fond of you.� Anais
commented. �You�re great with kids.�

�I used to work with kids too during my residency. And Arthur�s a real charmer,
he�s a great kid. He�s very easy to get along with.�

�Kung okay si Arthur sa�yo, okay na din ako sa�yo.� Coco said.

My head snapped and I threw a glare at my own twin brother.

�Mukha din naman okay si Cookie sa�yo.� Agad na sabi niya, probably realizing what
he just said.

�We�ll get there when we get there. We�re not in a hurry.� I answered.

Chapter Twenty Two

Anais and Coco�s wedding was held at Hacienda Zamora. The whole venue was straight
out of a fairytale. Anais looked like a princess in her beige wedding dress as she
walked down the garden. There were flowers of every kind, everywhere.

Their vows for each other were a tearjerker. I cried the whole ceremony. I couldn�t
believe that my twin was finally getting married. They�d been inseperatable
together as bestfriends since we were just kids and now I got to see them get
married. He finally had his happy ending with Anais and their son. Masayang-masaya
ako para kay Coco, Anais at syempre para kay Cookie.

After their wedding, they went straight to the airport. Mama and Dad gave them a
ticket to New Zealand so they could spend their honeymoon there together. They
promised Cookie that when they get back from the trip, they�d fly out of the
country together as a family. Gusto lang nila masolo ang isa�t-isa sa honeymoon
nila.

After their wedding, they went straight to the airport. Mama and Dad gave them a
ticket to New Zealand so they could spend their honeymoon there together. They
promised Cookie that when they get back from the trip, they�d fly out of the
country together as a family. Gusto lang nila masolo ang isa�t-isa sa honeymoon
nila.

Now that Coco�s wedding was finally over, we could finally get back to our normal
life. Wala naman akong plano magstay dito sa Pilipinas. My stay here was
exhausting.

Spending one week in our house was a mental torture to me. Araw-araw kong
sinusubukan iwasan ang bata dahil ayaw kong magkasakita pa kami. I didn�t want any
kind of interaction with him. I wanted nothing more than to get out of here and go
back to California.

I peaked into the living room and saw Callum with the kid again. Isa pa itong
kinakatakot ko. Habang tumatagal, nakikita kong napapalapit ang loob ni Callum sa
bata. Tuwing nakikita ko si Callum palaging nakadikit sa kanya ang bata. I did not
want him to grow attached to the boy. I was afraid he�d grow so attached to him
that he�d communicating with him when we get back to California.

�Audrey.� Callum lifted his head up, the kid sitting on his lap. I felt like a deer
caught in the headlight when our gaze met. �Arthur�s a quick learner. He already
knows how to play Twinkle twinkle little stars. Come here! Listen to this.�

�I shook my head. �I have alot of things I need to get done.�

I quickly turned my back to them and went upstairs to my room. Two more days. I had
to stay stay two more days and then we�d be back to our usual life. I�d already
gotten the luggages ready. Inayos ko na din ang mga gamit namin ni Callum. I�d be
lying if I said I wouldn�t miss this place and my family but this was for the best.
For my sanity and for the kid. I wanted to forget but I wouldn�t be able to habang
nandito siya.

I went inside my walk in closet and started getting all my clothes so I could put
them in our luggage. I�d just leave enough clothes to use for two more days.

�Ate Drey�� Mula sa labas ng closet narinig ko ang boses niya.

I shut my eyes tightly and let out a sigh. What was he doing here? Kanina lang
kasama siya ni Callum.

�Ate Drey?� He called out again. I stayed in my closet, hoping he�d just go away,
when I heard a loud crash in my room. Bigla akong napatakbo palabas ng closet. I
saw the expensive figurine clock that I had placed on top of my vanity table now
shattered on the ground. It was my favorite and I�ve had it since I was twelve, Dad
had bought that for me for my twelfth birthday when we went to Haworth.

�What did you do?!� My voice boomed throughout the room.

�I-I�m sorry, Ate Drey�� He looked like he was about to cry. He bent down to try to
pick up the pieces.

�Don�t touch that baka mabubog ka pa!� I shouted and then stormed towards him. I
grabbed him by the arm. �I said don�t touch it! Didn�t you understand what I just
told you? Hindi ka ba marunong umintindi?�

All those pent up emotions suddenly exploded. Parang nagdilim ang paningin ko.
Bumalik lahat ang sakit na ginawa nila sa akin. I saw my abusers through the boy.
Humigpit ang hawak ko sa braso niya and then I started shaking him.

�Bakit ba ang tigas tigas ng ulo mo? Bakit ang hirap mo pagsabihan? Bakit ba lapit
ka ng lapit sa akin? Hindi mo ba ako titigilan?� I felt hot tears in the corners of
my eyes.
Arthur began to cry and that shook me out of the trance. I let go of him and took a
step back. The boy didn�t stop crying. He just stood there and cried his eyes out.
The door slammed open and Callum came in. He was fazed for a second as he looked at
the boy and then he looked at me.

�What did you do to Arthur?� His eyes wide with confusion and shock as he walked up
to the boy and carried him into his arms. Yumakap ang bata sa kanya at sinubsob ang
mukha sa dibdib niya. He wouldn�t stop crying.

�Audrey, ano�ng ginawa mo sa bata?!� He repeated, his voice now loud as thunder
that it echoed through the room. I had never seen Callum this angry.

I opened my mouth but no words came out. I couldn�t think of anything to say and
even if I did, I wouldn�t have voice to say it. Nagmamadaling pumasok sa kwarto si
Mama at Dad.

Lumapit si Mama sa bata at hinimas ang likod nito habang walang tigil sa pag-iyak.
�Hey, stop crying. Nandito na si Mama.�

�What is happening here?� Dad asked.

Lumapit si Mama sa bata at hinimas ang likod nito habang walang tigil sa pag-iyak.
�Hey, stop crying. Nandito na si Mama.�

�I- I just w-want to give h-her flowers and I-I a-accidentally b-b-broke her
clock�� The boy said in between his sobs.

Ma and Dad looked at me like I was some monster. I felt like a monster. I did not
expect the outburst. I did not plan this. Hindi ko naman inisip na masasaktan ko
ang bata. I stood there, my eyes burning with tears that I tried so hard to keep
from falling. I could feel the thick and strained emotions in the air.

�I�m just going to get him something to drink.� Callum said in a gloomy voice as he
carried Arthur out.

�Did you hurt him?� Dad asked in a controlled voice.

�I� he� he�s not supposed to be here!� I couldn�t hold my tears back any longer. I
felt hot liquid pour down my cheeks. �Binasag niya kasi yung-�

�Hindi sapat na rason yun para saktan mo siya!� Dad�s voice was now loud and angry.
�Kahit kailan hindi ko kayo pinagbuhatan ng kamay kaya huwag na huwag mo din
sasaktan si Arthur! He�s your son, Audrey! How could you hurt him?�

�He�s not my son!� I angrily exclaimed. �Anak siya ng lalaking gumahasa sa akin!�

�Drey, he came from you. Huwag mo naman sanang tratuhin ng ganon ang bata. Please
stop it already. He�s yours. He grew inside you. You gave birth to him. Huwag mong
pagbayarin si Arthur sa kasalanan na hindi niya ginawa.� Mama was already in tears
as she spoke.

�Hindi niyo ako naiintindihan! You don�t know how painful this is for me! Kaya ang
dali-dali niyong sabihin sa akin yan dahil hindi niyo naranasan ang naranasan ko.
Hindi kayo yung na baboy! Ako! Ako!� I sobbed.

�I was raped too!� Mama cried out loud. �Napagdaanan ko din ang pinagdaanan mo. I
know how painful and hard it is. I know what it�s like to be disgusted with your
ownself. I know what it�s like to feel dirty and used. I, too, got pregnant from
rape. I was so young, I had my whole life ahead of me��

�You�re lying�� I quietly said.

�Your mother would never lie to you.� Dad said, his eyes red with unshed tears. �I
know because I was the one who did that to her. I was on drugs when I forced myself
on your mother and I got her pregnant. Ang Kuya Miggy niyo ang naging bunga ng
ginawa ko sa Mama niyo. She was seventeen when she had your brother. She was too
young when she got pregnant with a baby that was forced on her and she had no idea
what to do and who to turn to. But despite all that, minahal niya ang Kuya mo ng
buong-buo. She loved your Kuya with all her heart despite what I did to her.�

�Don�t try to make me feel better by telling me all those lies.� I shook my head. I
was indenial. I couldn�t believe what I was hearing. Was this some kind of a sick
joke? The father I looked up to was my mother�s rapist?

�Buong buhay kong pagsisihan ang ginawa ko sa Mama mo. Habang buhay kong ihihingi
ng tawad iyon. I blame myself everyday for what what happened to you. Pakiramdam ko
sa�yo bumalik ang ginawa ko sa Mama mo.� Dad�s voice was weark with tears.

�No, don�t say that. Wala sa atin ang may gustong mangyari iyon.� She told Dad and
looked to my direction. �You�re not alone, Drey. I know how it feels like. I know�
Tinangka ko din noon na ipalaglag ang Kuya mo. Wala akong naramdaman kung hindi
takot at galit ng malaman kong na buntis ako. Nagtanong din ako kung bakit nangyari
sa akin yun, bakit ako. Hindi ko itinuloy dahil alam kong habang buhay kong
pagsisisihan kapag pinalaglag ko ang batang dinadala ko noon. That was the best
decision I�ve ever made because if I had that baby aborted wala kayong Kuya Miggy
ngayon. Noong hinawakan ko siya nawala lahat ng takot at galit sa puso ko. Nagkaron
ng kasagutan ang lahat ng tanong ko. Mahal ko ang Kuya Miggy niyo, mahal ko kayo ng
higit pa sa buhay ko.�

�Do you know why I didn�t want you to have that abortion? Kasi naisip ko ang Kuya
Miggy mo. Just the thought of him not being a part of our lives breaks my heart.
Ayaw kong gumawa ka ng isang pagkakamaling hindi mo na pwedeng maitama. I don�t
want you to carry any guilt for the rest of your life. I don�t want you to live
your whole life wondering what could�ve been. If only you�d give Arthur a chance,
Audrey. Kung bubuksan mo lang ng konti ang puso mo para sa kanya baka siya pa ang
maghilom ng sugat diyan sa puso mo.�

I cried as the words sunk into me. Mama and Dad hugged me. What I just heard about
my parents� dark past overwhelmed me. I didn�t know about that. I didn�t even think
Kuya knew about that. But I admired Mama more now than ever for what she had been
through. I had never doubted her love for Kuya Miggy. I just didn�t know if I could
love Arthur the way Mama loved Kuya Miggy. Hindi ko pa rin tanggap ang nangyari sa
akin. Masakit pa din.

�I was once like you are now and I know that it�s not easy, to be calm when you
found something going on� But take your time, think a lot, why, think of everything
you�ve got. For you will still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not� How can I
try to explain, when I do he turns way again. It�s always been the same, same old
story. From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen. Now there�s away and
I have to go away� It�s not time to make a change, just sit down, take it slowly.
You�re still young, that�s your fault, there�s so much you have to go through�� I
heard Callum singing in Arthur�s bedroom. When I peaked in, I saw the boy in his
bed and Callum sitting on the edge of his while playing his guitar. The boy had
stopped crying. I wanted to come in and apologize but I didn�t have the strength to
do so.

�Go to sleep okay?� Callum told him, brushing his strong fingers through the boy�s
soft hair.

�Thank you, Dr. Callum, for making me feel better.� Arthur said.

�Why, of course, I�m a doctor. That�s what I do. But I�m a different kind of
doctor. I heal heart and mind pains and illnesses.�

�You made my heart feel better, Dr. Callum.� He said.

�When your heart is not feeling good, you can always talk to me. I�m your Dr.
Callum.� He gently said.

�And I�m your Arthur.� The boy giggled.

�You�re my Arthur.� Callum nodded his head with a gentle smile on his face. �Good
night. Matulog ka na. I know you�re tired from all those crying.�

�Night night, Dr. Callum.� He yawned.

�Good night.�

He stayed for awhile before he decided to come out of his room. Our gaze locked
when he exited the door. His dark eyes were as cold as black ice. I fidgeted with
my fingers in front of me.

�How is he?� I asked in a small voice.

�It took long before I got him to stop crying. He was really heart broken. Hindi
naman sinasadya ni Arthur na mabasag yung gamit mo. He left the rose he bought for
you when he and your Mom went to the grocery earlier. He had his piggybank opened
so he could buy you those flowers. Gusto niyang iwan na lang sa kwarto kasi galit
ka daw sa kanya.� Callum said, his voice strained.

We walked to our room and I closed the door behind us.

�Nabigla lang ako�� I swallowed the lump in my throat.

�Sana hindi mo dinadamay si Arthur sa init ng ulo mo. I�ve been abused as a kid too
and I never want him or any child to go through the same pain as I did. What is
wrong with you?�
�Callum, there�s something you need to know about Arthur.� My eyes welled up with
tears.

He turned to face me. His eyes turned the darkest shade of black as he looked at
me. My heart pounded against my rib. It sounded so hard I could hear it in my ears.
My legs shook and wanted to give in.

�What is it, Audrey?� He asked in a deep tone.

�Hindi ko kapatid si Arthur. He came from me. Siya ang naging bunga ng panbababoy
nila sa akin��

Chapter Twenty Three

�Cal�� I quietly said when he didn�t speak. He just stood there, rubbing his jaw
with an absent look on his face. I could see emotions brewing in those dark eyes.
Emotions I couldn�t identify. I felt like crying. I feared that he�d feel the same
way I felt about myself. Kung ako hindi ko matanggap ang nangyari sa akin, siya pa
kaya. The fact that I shared a DNA with my rapist was simply too much of a baggage.

�I was just waiting for you to admit it.� He said, his voice low and flat.

�You knew?�

He shrugged, his dark eyes turned cold. �I had a feeling. I�ve never heard of you
talk about him, it�s always just Cookie. I�ve never once seen you held him. You
treat the boy like he�s invisible when he�s around. You try to stay far away from
him as possible.�

My eyes lowered in guilt. I knew I was a horrible person to the boy. I had to stay
away from him to keep my sanity. He was a constant reminder of what had happened to
me. He was my nightmare personified. Nananalaytay pa rin ang dugo ng demonyo niyang
ama sa bata at hindi ko matanggap na ako ang nagbigay ng buhay sa kanya.

�Kahit na may pakiramdam na ako, iba pa rin ang marinig yun galing sa�yo.� He
slightly shook his head.

�I�m sorry for hiding it from you. Natakot ako. It was bad enough that I�d been
used by a bunch of men pero nabuntis pa ako sa kanila. I carried my rapist�s child.
Nabababuyan ako sa sarili ko. I�m so isgusting.� I bit my inner cheek to keep the
tears at bay.

�Maiintindihan kita kung hindi mo kayang tanggapin iyon, if you�d want to get out
of this marriage� We�ll file a divorce as soon as-�

�Shh�� He cupped my face and made me look at him. �There won�t be a divorce, okay?
What happened to you is never your fault. You�re not disgusting, you�re a strong
woman, Audrey. And my love and admiration for you is deeper now that it has every
been.�

I buried my face into his chest. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around
me.

�Thank you, Callum.� My voice shook.

�You don�t have to thank me for anything. Other than being your husband, I�m also
your psychiatrist. I know what you�ve been through and I know it wasn�t easy. I
promised to always be here for you, didn�t I?� He gently whispered, cupping my face
and making me look at him. �I love you.�
�I love you, too.� I answered, tears streaming down my cheeks.

�I respect how you feel about Arthur. I do understand you, Love. I really do. I
know his mere existence triggers a lot of ugly memories. I know it�s not easy for
you to see him or even be around him. Hindi ko sasabihin sa�yo na tanggapin mo siya
o ang nangyari sa�yo. It doesn�t happen overnight and it�s not something I want to
burden your shoulders with while you�re healing.� He let out a deep sigh. �You have
every right to feel angry. You�ve been badly hurt and it�s okay. Feel whatever you
need to feel. But please, don�t direct your anger at Arthur. Hind niya kasalanan
ang nangyari sa�yo. Hindi siya ang hurting him won�t make anything better. It�ll
only do worse. I�ve been abused as a child and I still carry the trauma with me.
It�s not a good feeling. For so long, I questioned myself kung ako ba talaga ang
may mali, kung ano bang problema sa akin, kung bakit hindi nila ako kayang mahalin.
I don�t want the same thing to happen to Arthur��

I felt an invisible weight pressing on my chest. I didn�t know what I was doing
when I hurt him. Nagdilim ang paningin ko. Hindi ko siya kayang tanggapin pero
hindi ko naman gustong saktan siya.

�Love, promise me you won�t do it again. You won�t ever hurt him again.� He
silently said.

�I didn�t mean to hurt him. It was never my intention�� I shook my head.

He held the back of my head and kissed me on the forehead. �We�re only going to be
here until Saturday. I�m not going to ask you to be nice to him or anything. If you
can�t be around him, stay away from him. Just don�t make him feel anything bad.�

Bukas ng gabi ang flight namin ni Callum pabalik sa California. I kept thinking
about the boy. I couldn�t get out of my mind how my fingers dug into his tiny, soft
arm. He was so scared and shaking like a leaf in Callum�s arms. I felt like a
monster.

Mama, Ronnie, and I decided to go out and have some quality girl time before we go
back to the States. Nagpaiwan si Callum kasama sina Dad at si Kuya Miggy We we
going to have a barbecue dinner later on and we left the men in charge of it.

We went to a spa salon to relax and spend time together. Ronnie was having her
mani-pedi while Mama and I were getting a massage. We were in a dimly lit room that
smelled of lavender and everything good. Our beds were right next to each other and
we were on our stomach while the masseur massaged our backs.

�Drey�� Mama�s voice broke the solemn silence in the room.

�Yeah?� I asked.

�Yung sinabi namin sa�yo ng Dad mo, sana huwag nang malaman ng mga kapatid mo.� She
said.

I didn�t understand. I still hadn�t fully absorbed what they told me that night. I
couldn�t imagine Dad doing that horific act to Mama. I couldn�t wrap my head around
the fact that he had forced himself on Mama. Dad had always been a wonderful father
to us and he�d been a loving husband to our mother. We knew how much he loved Mama
and he wouldn�t do anything to hurt her. I even remember that one incident when we
were teenagers and Coco got expelled from his nth school. Mama was scolding him and
Coco talked back to her. Galit na galit siya kay Coco noong narinig niyang sinagot
niya si Mama. Dad pinned and cornered him on the wall, he told him that he�d break
his teeth with his fist if he ever heard him talking back to Mama again. Sabi niya
kay Coco palalampasin niya pa kung siya ang sagutin niya pero hindi si Mama. He
told him he�d never let any one of us disrespect our own mother. He rarely gets
angry at us and if he does, we�d usually just get a slap on the wrist. Kaya nga
lumaking pasaway si Coco kasi palagi daw kinukunsinti ni Dad. Mama was the
disciplinarian. That one time was the worst I�d ever seen Dad angry. He had always
treated Mama like she was a precious jewel and I couldn�t believe he�d do such
thing to her.

�Audrey?� Ma called me out again when I didn�t answer.

�He�s� he�s just like them, Ma. He did the same thing to you�� I swallowed.

She let out a deep sigh. �Hindi masamang tao ang Dad mo, nagkamali lang siya.
Nagkamali kami pareho. Hindi siya katulad nila. He was my boyfriend at that time.
Nakipaghiwalay ako sa kanya dahil sa isang misunderstanding. He turned to alcohol
and� and drugs. Alam kong hindi na sikreto sa inyo ang nakaraan ng Dad niyo.�

Noong magkaaway pa sila ni Tito Axel, I�d been hearing Tito Axel say that Dad was a
drug addict back in his younger years. Dad never really denied it and none of us
ever had the courage to ask about his past.

�I�ve gone through the same thing as you did. Pero hindi katulad nila ang Dad mo.
Nagkamali ang Dad mo pero hindi siya masama. He made up for all the mistakes he�s
ever done to me. Mahal niya ako at mahal niya kayong mga anak namin.�

�I don�t know what to say, Ma�� I bit my bottom lip.

�You don�t have to say anything. I only told you about our past because I feel like
that�s what you needed to know. Hindi lang ikaw ang nakaranas nito. I�m sure there
are a lot of women out there who�s gone through the same thing and knows how you
feel, how we feel� Sana lang huwag magbago ang tingin mo sa Dad mo dahil sa sinabi
namin sa�yo. Napagbayaran niya na ang kasalanan niya.� She said.

After getting our massage and having our nails done, we decided to go to the mall
to do some shopping. We�d always done this since we were little girls. This was
what I had missed and would miss the most. Dad would drive us to the mall and he
and our brothers would go to the arcade while waiting for Mama, Ronnie, and I.

We went inside a boutique, Ronnie and Mama were busy going through the racks and
picking out clothes. Right next to the boutique was a toy store. I found myself
getting out of the boutique and going to the toy store instead.

I looked through the shelves and thought of Arthur. I had never given him anything
yet. Gusto ko sanang may maibigay man lang sa kanya bago ako umalis. I wanted to
give him an apology present.

Palaging kinukwento sa akin ni Callum si Arthur. He had mentioned to me that Arthur

loved Curious George. Minsan late na nakakabalik sa kwarto namin si Callum dahil
binabasahan niya ito ng story at Curious George ang gustong-gusto nitong book. To
my delight, I saw a Curious George stuffed animal. I picked it up and smiled.

�Ate!� Ronnie came up to me. �You�re just here pala. Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap.�

�What are you doing here, Drey?� Ma asked.

�Wala kasi akong makitang maganda sa boutique so I decided to go in here and look
around.� Dahilan ko.

�Naghahanap ka ng gift for Cookie?� Ma asked.

�Ate, hindi magugustuhan ni Cookie yan.� She said, her eyes on the stuffed animal I
was holding.

�Hindi mahilig yun sa monkeys. Gusto niya yung Paw Patrol.�

�Si Arthur, magugustuhan niya yan. He likes Curious George.� Ma smiled.

�Yes, si Art-� Ronnie paused for awhile and then smiled. �I�m sure matutuwa siya
kapag may nagbigay sa kanya niyan.�

It was our last day here in the Philippines and tomorrow we�d fly back to
California. I would never have to see him again. I�d just give him the stuffed
animal and apologize for what I had done and it would be over.

I headed straight to the playroom with a Curious George stuffed animal in my arm as
soon as we got home from shopping. They said Callum and Arthur were playing
together in there. It was funny how they�d grown into each other since we came here
when the child and I barely even talk. My legs shook with each step I took. I
finally stopped in front of the door and I had to take a deep breath to calm my
nerves. He was just a little kid. I shouldn�t be this scared but I actually was.

This wasn�t easy for me. It wasn�t easy bringing myself right where I was standing.
It wasn�t easy willing myself to come face to face with the nightmare I�d been
trying to run away from. But I knew I had to do this.

I slowly pushed the door open and saw his little frame, his back turned to the
door. He was sitting on the lego table, abala siya sa pagbuo ng lego.

�Dr. Callum, look what I made-� He turned to me, probably hearing the door open.
His eyes widened in fear, nearly toppling over his seat, when he saw me.

�Hi.� I slowly walked towards him.

�DR. CALLUM!� He ran past me and I turned my head to see Callum standing behind me.
Callum caught him in his arms and carried him. �Hey buddy, what�s wrong?�

�Dr. Callum, hindi ko naman mean ma-break yung clock niya.� Arthur buried his face
into the crook of Callum�s neck. He held onto him tightly.

Callum lifted his gaze at me and asked. �What happened?�

�I� I just want to give him a toy�� I explained, feeling a clench in my chest.

�Did you hear that? She just wants to give you a toy.� Callum told him.

�I don�t want it.� He shook his head, keeping his face buried into Callum�s neck.
�Make Ate Drey go away. I don�t want her to hurt me, hindi naman ako bad��

�No, you�re not bad.� Callum ran his fingers through the little boy�s hair. �Ate
Drey won�t hurt you.�

My arms fell to my sides, the stuffed toy dangling on my right arm. My throat
constricted. He was scared of me now. He couldn�t even look at me. I didn�t know
what I was feeling but it certainly didn�t feel good.

�I won�t hurt you. May sorry gift ako sa�yo�� I said in a low tone, blinking away
the sting in the corners of my eyes. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanila.

He peaked a little and then hugged Callum tighter. �I want to get out of here! I
want to go to Mama and Daddy!�

�Okay, okay� I�ll take you to your Mama and Dad.� Callum said in a soothing tone.

I tightly shut my eyes and let out a deep huff, trying to release the tightening in
my chest. The kid doesn�t want to be around me. He had obviously been traumatized.
This should be a good thing, right? Mapuputol na ang koneksyon namin sa isa�t-isa.
He wouldn�t pester me anymore. I could live my life as if he never existed.

After collecting myself, I went out the backyard where everyone were. We had a nice
barbecue dinner together. This was the last dinner I�d have with my family before
going to back to US. Arthur kept his distance from me. The kid didn�t even want to
be near me. I tried to tell myself that this was a good thing. Now he�d be
completely cut off from my life. He wouldn�t want anything to do with me anymore.

�Drey�� Ma came up to me as I sat alone on the table. They were all sitting on the
outdoor sofa. Dad and Kuya Miggy were holding a can of beer in their hands. Arthur
was sitting on Callum�s lap with the guitar. Ronnie was listening and talking to
Arthur. �May problema ba?�

�Nothing�� I shook my head.

She gave me a knowing look. Of course, she was our mother. She knew when
something�s bothering us.

�I tried to apologize to him. Natatakot siya sa akin, Ma.� I swallowed.

Mama�s face fell. �Your Dad and I or anyone in this family have never hurt him or
even shout at him. Drey, he just wanted you to like him. Alam mo bang excited na
excited siya noong binili namin sa grocery yung bulaklak na ibibigay niya dapat
sa�yo. Inipon niya yun sa baon niya. Sabi niya pag nakita mo yung roses, bati na
daw kayo. Matalinong bata si Arthur, marunong siyang makiramdam. Nagulat lang
siguro siya sa naging reaksyon mo.�

�Ma, hindi ko sinasadya yung ginawa ko. Nabigla lang ako.�

�I understand that.� She nodded her head and tucked some loose strands of my hair
behind my ear. �Sinusubukan ko naman ipaliwanag sa kanya ang lahat. Pinupunan naman
namin ng Dad mo ang pagmamahal na dapat maramdaman niya. I don�t want him to grow
up feeling like his missing something from his life.�

�You and Dad have raised him well. Thank you, Ma.� I threw my arms around her.

Natapos na ang dinner namin. Ihahatid daw kami nila sa airport bukas. We even video
chatted with Coco who was having his honeymoon with Anais and he told me they�d
come visit me in California. I felt a slight sting in my heart. I�d be leaving my
family again and I knew for sure that I�d miss them. Masaya din ako kasi mas
nakilala nila si ang asawa ko at kahit paano madali nilang natanggap si Callum sa
pamilya namin. Gusto nila si Callum dahil kay Arthur, the boy and him were just
inseperable. Dad even told him he�d be a good father someday.

Callum took Arthur to his bedroom and I stood outside his room and just listened to
them.

�But who would teach me how to play guitar?� Arthur asked.

�I still will. We can talk over the phone.�

�Over Mama�s iPad?� He asked.

�Yes. We can video chat.�

�You promise?�

�I promise.�

�Do you really have to leave, Dr. Callum?�

�I have to. I�m a doctor there, I have patients waiting for me.� Callum explained.

�I�ll miss you, Dr��

�I�ll miss you too, buddy.� I could hear the squeak in his voice.

�Babalik ka pa ba dito, Dr?� The little boy asked.

�Maybe in the future.� He said. �Can I get lots of kisses and a huge bear hug?�

�Mwah. Mwah. Mwah!�

I don�t knowI felt heaviness in my chest as I listened to their conversation. I

wasn�t supposed to feel this pero naiingit ako sa closeness nila ng asawa ko. We
never had a moment like tha together.

�I�m so proud of you.� Callum slipped into the covers and wrapped an arm around me.
His head bent down to give me a kiss on the shoulder.

�For what?� I asked, shifting to face him.

He looked at me with a smile in his dark eyes. �For reaching out to him. I know it
isn�t easy but you did anyway.�

�He doesn�t like me anymore.�

�He�s just scared of you. Bata pa siya and if you try, he�ll eventually warm up to
you again. He�s a nice kid.�

�Mukhang malapit ang loob mo sa kanya.� I commented, brushing my fingers through

his dark hair.

Callum let out a smile that didn�t reach his eyes. �He�s not hard to love. In fact,
it�s the easiest thing to do. You know I�ve had a very rough childhood. Nakikita ko
sa kanya ang sarili ko. I, too, begged for my Dad�s love and approval. No matter
how much it hurt, I strived for his validation.�

�Cal, ganon ba talaga ako kasama sa kanya?� I asked, feeling my heart sinking.

�What you went through and is still going through is not easy. Healing is a very
long and painful process. Nobody can tell you, not even me as your psychiatrist,
how you should heal. Hindi ka masama, you�re just very hurt.� He pressed a kiss on
my lips.

�I just can�t wait to go back to our normal lives. I�m so emotionally exhausted.
I�m so glad this will be over soon.� I let out a tired huff as I cuddled tighter to
him.

Chapter Twenty Four

�Ma�am Drey, sinugod sa ospital si sir Nick kaninang madaling-araw.� Iyon agad ang
sumalubong sa akin pagkababa ko. I just finished taking a shower and I went down to
have breakfast with my family only to find the dining room empty.

�A-ano�ng nangyari kay Dad?� I asked, faltering.

�Ma�am, di ko din alam. Basta nagmamadali silang umalis kanina. Ang alam ko lang
nagpadrive sila kay Mang Oscar papunta sa ER. Hinihintay ko nga itong si Mang Oscar
na umuwi, sandali lang kami nakapag-usap kaya di ko siya masyadong na chika. Bumaba
kasi agad si Ronnie tapos nung nalaman niya, nagpahatid agad sa hospital. Kaalis
lang nila.�

�Hey.� Callum grabbed me by the waist from behind. �Where�s everyone?�

�Dad�s in the hospital.� I quietly said.

�Why? What happened?� He asked in a worried tone.

�I still don�t know. We need to go to the hospital.� I urgently said.

�What about Arthur?� Tanong ni Callum.

�Ay sir, ako na ang bahala kay Arthur. Mamaya pa ang gising nun, ako na lang
magpapakain.�

We went to the garage and Callum drove one of Dad and Coco�s car collections to the
hospital they were at. I couldn�t contact Mama, her phone just kept ringing but
nobody was picking up. She�d probably left it in their room. We got to the hospital
in less than twenty minutes and I headed straight to the reception counter.
I asked for Dad and the receptionist searched his name and found that he was
checked into a suite. Callum and I went to the suite and a cry from inside the room
made me pause.

�Dad, please hold on. Kumapit ka. Huwag kang bibitaw. Kailangan ka pa namin. Maliit
pa si Arthur, he needs you. We all need you. Dad, huwag mo kaming iwan.� Ronnie was
wailing inside the room.

My knees suddenly went weak. I felt like my legs would give way. I almost didn�t
want to see what was on the other side of the door. Ano bang nangyari sa kanya? He
was fine last night. Umiinom at nagtatawanan pa nga sila ni Callum at ni Kuya
Miggy.

I gathered all the strength I had in my body and I pushed the door open.

�DAD!� Mangiyak-ngiyak na ako. I was expecting to see him unwell, I�d already
imagined the worst scenario but what I saw shocked me to the core.

�Dad, kaya mo �to. Don�t give up. Makakayanan mo yan, malalampasan mo din yan.�
Ronnie tugged on his blanket.

Dad was on the hospital bed, his upper body reclined, while he flipped through the
channels on the tv with a remote control. Ma was sitting on the edge of Dad�s bed,
peeling off an orange. Kuya Miggy was sitting on the couch, his attention on the
phone he had in his hand. Everyone was going about their businesses, completely
ignoring Ronnie.

�Ronnie, will you shut up for a second? You�re giving me a migraine.� Kuya Miggy
shook his head.
�Bakit ba? Pinalalakas ko lang loob ni Dad.� She scowled.

�Dad, akala ko kung ano ng nangyari sa�yo.� I hugged him, relief washed over me.

�I�m okay.� He said, rubbing my back.

�Ano bang nangyari sa�yo?� I asked.

�Your Dad woke up in the middle of the night with chest pain.� Mama explained.

�Oh, Dad�� I felt even more worried. �What did the doctor say?�

�It�s nothing serious. Huwag kang mag-alala. You�re forgetting something.� Dad
smiled, playfully pinching my nose as if I was a little girl again.

�What?� I pouted.

�I�m Superman.� He chuckled gingerly. He used to joke about him being Superman when
we were little and he got hospitalized.

�Dad naman�� I rested my head on his check. �You scared me.�

�He�s in perfectly good health. Nag ECG at heart MRI na siya, sabi ng doktor niya
normal naman daw ang resulta.� Sabi ni Mama.

�Then why are you wailing like a cow?� I shot a glare at Ronnie.

�You know your sister. Ronnie will always be� well, Ronnie.� Dad shrugged.

�Dad needs encouragement.� Dahilan ni Ronnie.

�He needs peace of mind and we all need you to shut up.� Kuya Miggy flatly said.
�Dad�s not going to die. He�s just very stressed out and you�re not making it
better by wailing like a deranged cow.�

Ronnie made a face.

�Yan kasing Dad mo, masyadong workaholic.� Mama shook her head. �I keep telling him
to slow down but he won�t listen to me.�

�Dad, ako na ang bahala sa business natin. Why don�t you and Mama take a vacation?
Para naman makapag-unwind kayo� Kuya Miggy suggested

�That doesn�t sound like a bad idea.� Dad looked at Ma with glimmer in his eyes and
a playful smile on his lips.

�You need that, babe.� Ma let out a gentle smile.

�Where are we going to go?� Ronnie eagerly asked.

�Hindi ba may pasok ka pa, Ronnie?� I asked. �Let Mama and Dad spend some time
together.�

�Yung mga bata pala. Who�s going to take care of them while they�re gone?� Ma
sounded worried.

�I�ll temporarily move back to our house.� Sabi naman ni Kuya.

�Migs, you�re going to have a hard time. Hindi mo pwedeng pagsabayin ang
pagpapatakbo ng negosyo at pag-aalaga sa mga kapatid mo.� Dad said, disappointment
evident in his voice. �Magbakasyon na lang tayo kapag break na ni Arthur at ni
Ronnie sa school.�

�Ilang buwan pa yun, Dad. Isama mo na lang kami.� Ronnie batted her lashes.

�We can extend our stay. Kami na ang bahala kay Ronnie at Arthur.� Callum suddenly
spoke.

I turned my head and looked at Callum. He stood beside the door with hands casually
tucked inside his pockets. Callum raised his brows and shrugged his shoulders.
Nagpalit-palit ng tingin sa amin dalawa si Mama bago siya nagsalita. �If it�s not
too much trouble��

I let out an exhale and turned my head to Mama and Dad. They looked at me as if
waiting for my answer. They really wanted this and Dad needs this. I didn�t have
the heart to say no to parents who had dedicated their lives raising and taking
care of us.

�Well, you badly need that vacation. Kami na ang bahala sa kanila.� I said with
resignation.

�Thank you, Drey.� Ma smiled.

�Dad, Ma, si Arthur na ang last na baby sa bahay ah. Baka pagbalik niyo may baby
number six na.� Ronnie teased.

Dad�s doctor released him that very same day. He was adviced to take some rest and
to try to avoid stress as it could possibly lead to a more serious illness if he
doesn�t.

�Dr. Callum!� Arthur greeted my husband with a hug when we came in. Sinalo ni
Callum ang bata sa mga braso niya. �Akala ko nasa sky ka na!�

�We�ll be staying here for a little longer.� Callum said with a huge smile on his
face.

�Really?� The little boy�s eyes glowed with happiness.

�Yes. Matutuloy na natin yung guitar lesson mo.� Sabi ni Callum.

Dad and Mama walked in and Arthur asked to be put down. He saw me staring at him,
and he instantly cowered in fear, running as fast as he could past me and go to
Mama and Dad. Dad wrapped his arms around Arthur and kissed him on the cheek.

�Daddy, Mama, where have you been?� Arthur asked.

�Daddy had to go to the hospital.� Mama answered.

�Why? What happened to you? Did you get sick?� The little boy worriedly asked as he
looked at Dad.

�Daddy�s fine now. Chineck lang ako ng doctor.� He explained.

�I hope you�re okay now, Daddy�� He leaned his head against Dad�s chest. �I don�t
ever want you to get sick. Or Mama, or Kuya Miggy, or Kuya Coco, or Ate Ronnie��

�Aw, you�re such a sweet little thing.� Ronnie pinched his pink cheeks.
Kuya Miggy playfully messed with his dark hair and bent down to give him a kiss on
the side of his head. �Take care of Dad, okay?�

�Okay!� Arthur gave him a thumbs up.

�Dad, Ma, I really need to go. Baka malate kami sa appointment�� He pulled his
sleeve up and looked at his wrist watch.

�Drive carefully, okay?� Mama reminded like she always does.

�Dito ka na magdinner mamaya.� Dad said.

�Okay, Dad. Get well soon. Relax ka lang.� Kuya Miggy patted him on the shoulder.
�Ako na din bahala sa pagbook ng trip niyo. I�ll see you later.�

Kuya Miggy said goodbye to us and left.

�Nagbreakfast na ba ang baby namin?� Dad turned his attention back to Arthur.

�Mmhm! I had waffles and orange juice and a banana!� He cheerfully answered.

�Mama and Daddy are going away for vacation. Hindi tayo kasama at baka pagbalik
nila may bagong baby na naman tayo. Hindi na ikaw yung bunso.� Ronnie said.

�Ronnie�� Mama rolled her eyes and sighed.

�Bakit hindi kami kasama?� The boy pouted.

�Because you and Ate Ronnie have to go to school. Pero bibilhan kita ng maraming
candies at chocolates.� Dad told him.

�Sino gagawa ng baon ko pag wala si Mama? Saka sino tutulong sa homeworks ko? Sino
magpapaligo sa akin? Sino maghahatid sa akin to school?� He asked.

�Kami muna.� Callum answered and then wrapped an arm around the small of my back,
pulling me to him. �Ate Drey and I will take care of you while your Mama and Daddy
are away.�

His gaze landed at me and then he threw his arms around Dad�s neck and buried his
face, he shook his head. �I don�t want.�

�Bakit? I thought you like Dr. Callum?� Mama asked, raking her fingers through his
hair.

�Just Dr. Callum�� He murmured, barely audible.

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach when I heard what he said. It was a horrible
feeling. I wish I could turn back time and undo the trauma I had inflicted on him.
He used to always try to be close to me and all I ever did was ignore and push him
away. Now he couldn�t even look at me.

I tried to tell myself that this was a good thing. I didn�t want to get attached to
the child of the man who abused me. We were only going to be here for a short span
of time. Hindi ko naman kailangan maging malapit sa kanya. Nandyan naman si Kuya
Miggy, si Ronnie, si Callum. My plan was to stay as far as possible away from him
and wait until Mama and Dad comes back from their vacation.

I exhaled a deep breath. �I�m just going to go upstairs and unpack our things�� I
turned and walked up to our bedroom.
In less than five minutes, the door opened as I unpacked our things from the
luggage and Callum went in.

�Audrey, I�m sure he didn�t mean what he said.� Sabi ni Callum.

�I don�t care if he doesn�t like me. I never wanted him�� I said, taking our
clothes out from the luggage and walking to the closet to put it in. �We�re only
going to be here for awhile and then when Mama and Dad comes back, we�ll go back to
California.�

�Audrey.� He stood in front of me blocking my way.

�Cal, I�m unpacking our things.� I tried to push him away but he didn�t budge.

�I know you want to reach out to him. What�s stopping you? What are you scared of?�
He gently asked.

�That he�d be just like his father! Ayaw makita ang kahit katiting na bahid ng
hayop na ama niya sa kanya! He is the child of one of the men who abused me, Cal!
Ano bang mahirap intindihin dun?� My fingers clenched into fists as I tried to keep
my emotions under control.

�He�s not like his father. He�s loving and sweet and affectionate. I just wish
you�d stop looking at him that way and see him as he really is. He�s just a little
boy�� Callum gently said with sadness in his eyes. I knew he just wanted to help. I
could feel the genuinity in his voice.

�He doesn�t even like me! We don�t like each other! It�s better this way. I don�t
want to hurt him more.�

�Is that really the memory you want to carve into his young mind? Kung pagpapatuloy
mo ang trato mong ganito sa kanya, lalaki siyang may sama ng loob sa�yo. I just
hope you don�t leave him with nothing but bad memories.� Cal placed his hands on my
hips and let out an exhausted sigh.

�You don�t understand��

�I understand more than you think I do. I see so much of myself in him, Audrey.
Naramdaman ko ang mga nararamdaman niya ngayon. I love you and I understand and
respect what you�re going through and I know it�s hard. But the child is hurting
too. Someday he�s going to grow up and remember how you treated him.�

�I don�t know what to do, Cal.� I quietly admitted, my eyes fixed to the ground.

�This is what I�m here for. We�ll work on this together. If you let me, I will help
you.� He pulled me against his body and kissed my forehead.

I didn�t know if this was going to work. I didn�t know if I could look at him and
not think of all the disgusting things that was done to me. I didn�t know if I
could stand next to him without feeling dirty. I didn�t know but I wanted to try to
open my heart for him. Gusto ko siyang makilala bilang siya, hindi bilang bunga ng
kahayupan sa akin. And I trust that Callum could help me with this.

Chapter Twenty Five

�Okay lang ba talaga sa inyo na kayo muna ang magbantay sa dalawa?� Mama looked at
Callum and I.

�You don�t have to worry about anything. Kami na ang bahala kay Arthur at Ronnie.
Just try to enjor yourselves.� Callum assured her as he stood next to me. Dad was
waiting for her at the door with their suitcases, he carries Arthur in his arms
while Ronnie stood next to him. The three were saying goodbye to each other and the
boy was showering Dad with kisses.

�Thank you, Callum.� She smiled and then turned her gaze to me. �Drey honey, take
care of them, okay? Huwag mong pababayaan ang mga kapatid mo. Please be patient
with them.�

I quietly nodded my head. She then kissed me on the cheek and went to join Dad with
Arthur and Ronnie. Sumunod kami ni Callum.

�Basta Dad, don�t forget to buy me something nice.� Ronnie said, throwing her arms
around Dad�s neck.

�Of course, makakalimutan ko ba ang baby girl namin.� Dad kissed her on the side of
her head. �Just don�t give your Ate Drey and yur Kuya Callum a hard time and don�t
do anything stupid.�

�Do I look like someone who�d do something stupid?� She said, looking exasperated.

�Yes.� Dad flatly answered.

�We�re going to be late for our flight. We need to go.� Sabi ni Mama.

�Bye, Mama!� Arthur held his arms out to her.

�Oh, you! Come here. Give Mama a hug and kisses!� She pulled the boy in her arms
and kissed him. Arthur gave Mama a tight hug and kissed her all over the face.

�I�m going to miss you and Daddy. How many mornings will you be gone?� the boy
asked.

�Mm� fourteen mornings.� Mama answered.

�That�s a lot of mornings!� He exclaimed, his eyes widening. �When you went to the
US you were only gone for three mornings.�

�That�s because Daddy and I has to take a vacation. Daddy needs to relax or else,
he�ll be sick.� Mama explained.

�Why can�t we go?� He pouted.

�Because you have school. If you come with us you�d have to miss a lot of school
days. You don�t want that, do you?� Mama said as she held Arthur in one arm and
used her free hand to brushed he fingers through his hair.

He shook his head, his lips still pouting.

�Bibilhan ka na lang naming ng mararaming toys. Kayo ni Cookie.� Dad told him
before kissing him on the forehead.

�And when they get home meron ng bagong baby.� Ronnie added.

�Ronnie�� Ma scolded.

�I�m just kidding.� Ronnie said before wrapping her arms around Mama�s waist. �I�ll
miss you, Mama. May birth control at condom ba kayong dala?�
�Phoenix did you hear what your daughter said?� Mama�s eyes widened in
horrification.

�Young lady, san mo natutunan yan?� The lines of his face formed into a deep frown.

�Ma, Dad, we had sex ed in high school. It�s not like I�m five!� She rolled her
eyes.

�If I found out you are sleeping with a boy�� Dad�s eyes narrowed into a slit. �I
will castrate that boy in front of you.

�Relax, ang puso mo.� Ronnie playfully massaged Dad�s shoulders and laughed. �Don�t
worry Dad. I�m as chaste as a nun.�

�Dad, Ma let�s go. You�re going to be late for your flight. Baka ma traffic pa
tayo.� Kuya Miggy came in from the front door and lifted some of their luggages.

�Miggy, bantayan mo din ang mga kapatid mo, take care of them.� Mama reminded.

�Yes, Ma. You and Dad enjoy yourselfves. You don�t have to worry about anything.�
Sabi ni Kuya

�Drey, huwag na huwag mong papalabasin ng gabi si Ronnie. Six o�clock dapat nasa
bahay nay an. Pag wala pa rin, itawag mo sa akin. Do not, under any circumstances,
let her leave by herself, palaging nakakalusot yan sa securities.� Dad told me
before wrapping an arm around me and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

�Yes, Dad.� I answered, hugging him back.

Callum helped carry the luggages to Kuya Miggy�s car while Mama and Dad were saying
goodbye to us. They promised they�d call when they get to Monaco where they�d be
spending their vacation. After loading the car with luggage, Ma and Dad got in and
we watched as Kuya Miggy drove the car away.

I watched as Callum and Arthur played in the living room. Callum chased after
Arthur as he jumped from one couch to the other, he caught the little boy in his
arms and started tickling him. I felt so lucky having callum as my husband. I could
safely say that I made the right decision to marry him. Hindi lang ako ang
tinanggap niya ng buong buo pati na rin ang nagging bunga sa nangyari sa akin noon.

I see how much the two had grown fond of each other. Their bond was undeniable and
I couldsee how deeply Callum cared for the little boy. Mas nagging magulang pa nga
si Callum kay Arthur kumapara sa akin. I had never hugged Arthur. I had never
laughed with him. I had never kissed him. I had never even held him in my arms. All
I ever showed to him was coldness and hostility.

I didn�t want Arthur. I never wanted him. My rapists were out there somewhere,
roaming free, while I was stuck with the living memory of them. There was a grief
and anger like I�d never felt before, wanting to find those men. Bakit ako ang
kailangan na habang-buhay na magbayad sa kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin? I saw
Arthur nothing but as a living breathing memory of the assault

But the more I got to be with him, the more I see him as a child. Not a bad memory.
He was full of hugs and giggles and he makes the house light up with happiness. I
tried to stay away from him because ther is still this fear na kapag tinanggap ko
siya parang tinanggap ko na rin ang nangyari sa akin. Gusto kong magbayad ang mga
demonyong iyon sa ginawa nila sa akin. I didn�t want to but I could feel my
maternal instinct overpowering the hatred that I felt. Whether I admit it or not,
my heart was slowly softening to him.
�Love�� Callum lifted his head up to me and smiled. �What are you doing there?�
I blinked, snapping away my thoughts. �Dinner�s ready.�

Arthur threw away hi arms on Callum�s neck and buried hi tiny face into his broad
chest. Callum looked down at him as he cowered and stroked the little boy�s hair.

�What�s wrong?� Callum gently asked. �Are you afraid of Ate Drey?�

He slowly nodded his head and then peeked a little. When he saw me looking at him ,
he buried his face back into Callum�s chest.

�Why?� He asked.

�Hindi kami bati. She doesn�t like me. Sabi ni Cookie nice siya pero kay Cookie
lang siya nice, sa akin hindi.� His voice shook with tears and the corners of his
lips tugged downwards.

�That�s not true at all.� Callum said.

�Gusto ko lang naman maging friends pero nagalit siya sa akin kasi na break ko ang
clock niya. I said sorry pero ni hurt niya ako. Sabi niya wag na daw akong lalapit
sa kanya.� Sumbong ng bata.

�Nabigla lang si Ate Drey. She won�t do it again, will you? Callum lifted his gaze
up to me.
I slowly shook my head, feeling the lump forming in my throat. My heart constricted
when I heard what he told to Callum. Sa sobrang galit ko nakalimutan kong isa lang
siyang bata. He was just like Cookie and any other kid. He wasn�t a monster like
his father. He was innocent and pure and a sweet little child.

�See.� He said to the boy. �She�s not going to hurt you.�

The boy hesistantly lifted his gaze at me then he hugged Callum a little tighter. I
could see genuine fear in his innocent eyes as he looked at me.

�Do you think Dr. Callum will let anyone hurt you?� He gently asked.

Arthur shook his head, still unsmiling.

�I promise I won�t let anyone hurt you.� He kissed the side of the boy�s head.

I tooked a deep breath hoping it would lighten the heaviness in my chest. �Nagluto
ng baked mac. Sabi ni Ronnie favorite mo daw yun.�

�Nagluto si Ate Drey ng favorite mo. Do you want to eat?� Malambing na tanong ni
Callum.

�Okay.� He answered, almost in a whisper.

�All that playing must�ve made you hungry, huh?� Callum tried to lift the mood back
up.

�A little.� He answered.

�Just a little?� He playfully pinched his nose.

�Mmhm.�
�Really? Then I guess you�re not hungry enough for Ate Drey�s baked mac?� Callum
cocked his brows.

�Maybe a little more than a little.� The boy said.

Callum laughed and carried him in his arms. �Come on, let�s have sinner. I don�t
wan�t you to get more hungry a little more than a little.�

He walked up to me with Arthur in his one arm while he clung to him. They were so
comfortable with each other and their closeness was all too real. Callum wrapped
his other arm around the small of my back and kissed me on the forehead. I turned
my head to see Arthur looking at me, when I caught him looking at me, he
immediately turned away and rested his chin on Callum�s shoulder. Isighed as I
didn�t know how to approach him.

�I�m sure Ate Drey�s baked mac tastes good, don�t you think so?� He asked Arthur,
trying to ease the child to get more comfortable around me.

�Yeah�� The answered, his voice soft.

We headed to the dining room Ronnie already seated and was digging into the food.
Callum set Arthur down next to his seat and gave him a plate full of baked mac. We
all ate together but my attention was on my husband and the little boy. Callum
helped Arthur with his food and fed him just like how Mama always did.

�Wow. You ate the whole thing!� Sabi ni Callum when Arthur took his last bite. �Was
it good?�

Arthur let out a cheeky smile and lifted his hand to give him a thumbs up as he
chewed his food.

�What do you have to say to Ate Drey? She was the one who made the baked mac for
you.� Sabi ni Callum habang pinupunasan ang gilid ng labi ni Arthur.

Arthur swallowed and the looked at me. He looked back up at Callum with
hesitationin his eyes. Callum raised his brows, encouraging him.

�Thank you Ate Drey.� He quietly said and then looked away.

�You�re welcome.� I answered.

Pagkatapos kumain ay nagyaya ulit si Arthur na maglaro ulit sila ni Callum. My

husband happily obliged and took him to the living room.

�Ang sweet ni Kuya Callum kay Arthur. They look so cute together. Para silang mag-
ama.� Ronnie said as she watched them leave the room.

I answered with a smile.

�I�m sorry Ate.� She bit her bottom lip, realizing what she said.

�It�s okay. I already told Callum about Arthur. Alam na niya.� I sighed.

�Really? What did he say? How did he react?� she curiously asked.

�Naramdaman niya na daw nung una pa lang. he told me I didn�t need to hide anything
from him and that I should treat Arthur right.�

Ronnie let out a slight smile. �I�m glad you found the right guy for you Ate. Hndi
lang ikaw ang minahal niya pati na din si Arthur. I�m sure he�ll be a great Dad
someday.�

�I know.� I nodded my head back as smile began to break across my face.

�Are you planning to have a baby together?�She asked.

�Not at the moment.. isa pa, I don�t think I�ll be a good Mom.� My eyes lowered to
the ground as tears stung my eyes. �Hindi ko pa nahahawakan si Arthur. The first
time I ever really held him, nasaktan ko siya. Ni hindi nga niya alam na ko ang
tunay niyang ina.�

�Ate hindi madali ang napagdaanan mo. It�s hard to accept something that came from
a horrible experience. It�s something that no woman should ever go through. I
admire you a lot, Ate. More than you�ll ever know. Ikaw ang inspirasyon ko para
ipaglaban ang karapatan ng mga kababaihan. Kung alam lang ni Arthur ang
pinagdadaanan mo maiintidihan ka niya. You�ve always been a wonderful Ate to me and
I know you�ll be the best mother to your future kids.� Ronnie�s eyes were soft
filled with so much emotions.

�Ronnie, you don�t know how much those words mean to me.� My eyes were glazed with
tears as I hugged her.

After hanging out with Ronnie doing our hair and nails together just like how we
used to. I checked up on Arthur and Callum. Kanina ko pa kasi hindi naririnig ang
dalawa. Usually when the two are together there�s always noise. It was unusually
quiet when Ronnie and I got out of her room after having some girl time.

I saw light coming from Arthur�s bedroom and I slowly pulled the doors lever to his
room to open it. I saw Callum siiting on the armchair next to Arthur�s bed as he
silently watched the sleeping boy. He turned his head to me with eyes hooded with
sleep.

�Hey�� He smiled and held his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me to sit on
his lap. He then rested his chin on my shoulder.

�He�s sound asleep now.� Sabi ni Callum habang nakaingin kay Arthur. My eyes
averted to the little boy. He was hugging the Curious George stuffed toy that I
gave to him. I couldn�t help but feel a swelling in my heart when my eyes caught
it.

�Did you give that to him?� I asked.

�Yeah�� Callum said.

�He likes you a lot.� I commented.

�I love him. He�s a precious little boy.� He said and kissed my shoulder. �Thank
you, Audrey.�

�For what?�

�For reaching out to him. He�ll warm up to you again, don�t worry.�

�Callum ako nga dapat magpasalamat. Thank you for loving ang taking care of Arthur.
Sa akin siya nanggaling pero hindi ko siya naalagaan.�

�You don�t have to thank me. I�m your husband. What�s yours is mine and what�s mine
is yours.� He nuzzled his nose into my neck. I couldn�t asked for a better husband
than

Callum. He was even more than what I ever prayed and hoped for.

�What�s he like? Ano ba ang favorite color niya? Ano�ng favorite tv show niya?
Favorite books? Anong madalas niyang ginagawa?� I asked, staring at Arthur.

�He�s a charming little man. It�s not hard to love him Audrey. He�s very sweet and
pure. He�s favorite color is blue because it remind him of the sky. He likes to
watched Bob the Builder and he laughs a lot when I read him captain Underpants to
him so I try not to read it to him as a bedtime story because he wouldn�t be able
to sleep. When I first asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up he told me
he wants to be a builder like Bob or maybe a zookeeper so he could have his own
George but now he wants to be a musician. He loves learning how to play the guitar
and all the music I sing to him.�

My lips etched a sad smile. My husband knew more about my son than myself. For a
moment, the room fell silent.

�He looks so much like you, love. Look at him.� He whispered to my ear.

I studied his face for a few moment. He look slightly like Mama and Ronnie with his
dark hair. He also had lips the same as mine. I was so fixed to the idea that he
was the child of my rapist and not mine.

�He�s beautiful.� I sat on the edge of his bed and couldn�t help brushing my
fingers through his hair. Tears started sliding down my cheeks. This was the first
time I really felt hiw skin against my palm. He was so warm and soft. I had a
sudden epiphany. I knew right then that he was brought to me for a purpose. Hindi
siya isang parusa sa akin kung di isang magandang regalo. This wasn�t the life I
planned but somehow, this was the life I intended to have. And now, I was ready to
embrce it.

I held his little hand and buried my face in it. I held him and just quietly cried.
He shifted and moved a little but he didn�t wake up. I felt Callum�s hand on my
back as he rubbed it, trying to comfort me. I turned my head and looked at Callum
who fought the tears that was threatening to fall from his eyes.

�Thank you.� I silently said.

Protected: Chapter Twenty Six

I was roughly slammed on my back and two hands automatically pinned me down by my
wrists. I tried to pry but it was so strong. I could hear the menacing laugh of the
man over my head. I felt another pair of hands holding me by my thighs. I kicked
but it was no use. Those fingers only dug tighter into my skin.

I had broke free from the rope I was tied to for the second time and for the second
time they�d caught me again as I tried to pry my hands from the rope that binded
them together.

�Nooo�� My whole body shivered with fear as he pulled my thighs apart and I felt
him settling between them. Even though I knew my please were all in vain, I still
tried.

�Huwag. Please, tama na��

I tried to pull my arms away but it was no use.

�Huwag kang lumaban. Di ka na naman virgin.� Humalakhak ang lalaki.

�Wala nang butas niyan ang virgin.� Another man commented and then they all
laughed.
I heard the man between my thighs unzipping his pants. My heart wanted to leap out
of my chest. I knew what was to happen next. I violently shook my head. I hoped and
prayed that something would happen to make them stop. I didn�t care if its an
asteroid would crash into earth and kill us all. I just wanted to stop.

I jolted, my hips recoiling as I felt the brutal invasion in my body. I cried out
hard and loud as I had done before and made all the struggles. I cried out until my
throat was raw and sore. As he entered in and out of me. Every thrust in felt like
it was ripping me from the inside.

And then I went numb. I went into a state of calm awareness. I refused to feel
anything at all and tried to escape inside my head. I created a bubble around me
where I could hide as they did to my body whatever they wanted. I was there but my
mind wasn�t.
After awhile he groaned and stiffened on top of me and I felt a surge of heat
inside me. The other man cheered and laughed. He pulled out and jus as I thought
they were over, I was turned over to my stomach.

I heard audible gulps and swallows from behind me. After a few seconds or so, I
recoiled when it felt something cold and hard against my rear opening. Just when I
thought I my tears where drained, I let out a scream as that object assaulted me. I
clawed my nails on the hardwood, not caring if they bend, break or bleed, as it
would stop the assault. The cold, hard object went in and out of me. The whole room
echoed with shout and laughters as if I was a clown in the circus.

�CALLUM!� I screamed as I tried to pry my eyes away from the ropes that bound my
arms. I felt panic growing in my chest and it overwhelmed me.

�It�s me�� He gently whispered as he took me from behind. I got the reassurance I�d
desperately wanted to hear.

�Callum, I want more� Harder�� I panted.

He held me by my waist as he continued thrusting in and out of me. Every thrust was
hard and rough. He savagely powered in and out, deep and quick. My inner walls were
sore from the brutal thrusts but never enough to truly hurt me.

I liked it better when he takes control of me and how he possessed me. This kind of
power made me vulnerable in ways that I show my true self. The complete surrender
of everything was such a relief. This moment when I was vulnerable was when I feel
the most powerful. It was like looking at my dark past in the eyes and saying fuck
you. All the fear happens in one moment. It�s scares me and then it�s over.

He dug into me one last time and then he released himself inside me. The hot liquid
that filled me was enough to bring me to my third orgasm. Callum paused for awhile
before slowly easing himself out of me. He untied me and we huddled together. He
mindlessly played with my hair and I drew random shapes and his naked chest.

�Have you ever thought about having a baby?� I asked, out of the blue.

�A baby?� His brows furrowed.

�Yes. A mini you. You know I�ve always wanted to have a big family just like ours.
As a child, I�ve always dreamt of being like Mama.� I bit my bottom lip.

�Of course, I want to have a baby.� He brushed his fingers through my hair. �But
what about Arthur? Have you thought about telling him that you�re his real mother?
Or will you just let him know you as his sister for the rest of his life?�

That was one of the hardest questions that was ever asked to me.

�I had honestly never thought about that before.� I admitted and then exhaled. �I
don�t know Callum. Ayaw kong maguluhan siya dahil si Mama at Dad na ang kinilala
niyang magulang. Besides, how will I explain to him things? Paano kung nagtanong
siya kung sino ang ama niya? Ano ang isasagot ko? Na nabuo siya dahil sa kababuyan
na ginawa sa akin?�

�Audrey, I�m your husband. You know I�ll always be here for you. He doesn�t know
about that. We can tell him that I�m his father. When I married you, I didn�t just
marry you. I married your past, I married your family, your skeletons, and
everything that makes up of you.� He kissed my forehead.

A smile made its way across my lips as I turned my head to look at him. I couldn�t
help but feel heaviness in my chest. Sana hindi nangyari sa akin ang nangyari noon.
Sana si Callum na lang ang nagging biological father ni Arthur at hindi ang mga
hayop na yun. He was a great father to him. Everything would�ve been perfect.

I had already cooked our breakfast and was now packing Arthur and Ronnie�s lunch in
their bags. Callum was busy with getting Arthur ready for school and Ronnie, God
knows what she was doing now. I had sent Didi, one of the helps, countless of times
but all she got were grunts from her. Sabi nga ni Mama mahirap talagang gisingin si
Ronnie lalo na kapag maaga ang pasok. You�d have to literally drag her out of bed
which is what I was going to do kapag hindi pa rin sya bumaba mamaya.

I could already hear Callum and Arthur talking and laughing in the other room. I
carefully placed Arthur�s lunch in his rocket ship lunch box and the walked into
the dining room. Arthur suddenly paused when he saw me and ran into Callum�s arm.
I didn�t even know how I should approach my own child without him running away from
me. I had hurt his innocence deeply. Ako na sarili niyang ina pa ang unang nanakit
sa kanya. I wondered if he�d ever be able to forget what I did and forgive me.

�Hey, it�s alright. It�s just Ate Drey.� Said Callum and sat Arthur down back to
his seat.
Our gaze met and I gave him a slight smile. Arthur turned away, looking a bit
scared. I let out a deep exhale. He couldn�t look at me without feeling any fear.
Ayaw ko naman pilitin siya o biglain ang bata. I knew it would take some time
before he eases up to me again. What he experienced with me wasn�t easy for his
innocent little mind.

�Did you make all these French toasts for Arthur, Ate Drey?� Callum lifted his gaze
up, breaking the tension in the air.

�I did.� I quietly said. �Did you like it?�

He didn�t answer.

�Ate Drey�s asking if you liked the french toasts.� Callum said to Arthur,
encouraging him to talk to me.

�Yes.� He answered, his head hung low.

�It�s like Mama�s French toasts.�

�Good morning, world!� Ronnie suddenly popped into the room and walked to the
table. She sat on her usual seat next to Arthur and kissed the little boy on the
cheek. �Ang bango bango naman ng baby naming.�
Arthur giggled, hugging Ronnie. I wondered if I�d ever get to experience that with
him.

�Ate Ronnie, Dr. Callum said he�s going to take me to school. My classmates will be
jealous because I have a doctor Kuya.� He said in a proud tone.

Callum and Ronnie laughed at what he said.

�Bakit naman sila magiging jealous?� Asked Ronnie.

�Because I�m the only one who has a Dr. Callum and most of them wants to be a
doctor when they grow up.� He cheekily answered.

�Do you want to be a doctor when you grow up?� Ronnie asked again while stroking
his hair.

He shook his head. �No. I�m going to be a moose- mush- um, I�m going to play guitar
and sing and have a band like Dr. Callum!�

They roared with laughter. They looked so happy and I just sat there, feeling like
I was on the outside looking in.

�A musician. You want to be a musician?� Sabi ni Ronnie.

�Yes, that!� He exclaimed.

�It�s musician. Say it.� Callum encouraged.

�Mushishan.�

�Ano yun Japanese restaurant?� Natatawang sabi ni Ronnie.

�No. it�s muse�� Callum slowly said.

�Muse�� Arthur repeated after.

�Sician.�

�Sician.�

�Musician.�

�Mushishan.�

�Close enough.� Callum chuckled.

�I�m going to be just like you when I grow up! I�m going to have my own band but
I�m not going to name it after bugs. Like your band and The Beatles.� He giggled.

�What are you going to name it then?� Callum asked.

�Mmm�� He thought for a second.

�Um, Arthur�s band!�

�Nice name.� He praised. �I bet you thought of that band name really hard, huh?�

After everyone was done with dinner, we headed to the garage and borrowed one of my
parent�s car. The two hopped inside the minivan, Callum slipped inside the driver�s
side and I on the passenger�s seat. Ronnie buckled Arthur down in his car seat and
Callum drove off.

Within less than thirty minutes we were already in the parking lot of their school.
Bumaba kami sa kotse para ihatid si Arthur papasok sa gate.

�Ronnie, take care of him, okay?� I said, when we stopped in front of the door to
his classroom.

�I know, Ate. You don�t have to remind me. para kang si Mama.� She replied.

�This is my Dr. Callum!� Arthur proudly introduced Callum to another little boy as
he held on to his hand. �He�s a mind doctor and he heals people�s brain.�

�Hi. How are you?� Callum waved at the boy.

�I have to go na, Ate. Baka malate na ako sa first class ko.� Ronnie said.

�Yung lunch niyo baka makalimutan niyo.� I reminded, handling them their lunch
bags.

�Ate, I�m already in college. Who brings baon in college?� She rolled her eyes.
�I did.� I answered.

�Bryce and I eat at the school caf�. I have my debit card with me.� Ronnie said.

�Just take it.� I insisted.

She grunted before grabbing her lunch bag from my hand. I turned my head to look at
Arthur, he was now in Callum�s arms and they were saying goodbye to each other. He
hugged Callum and gave him a juicy kiss with a loud smack. They looked so adorable
together. I walked up to them and handed him his rocket ship lunch bag.

�Here�s your lunch. Don�t forget to eat your fruits.� I handed Arthur his lunch
bag.
His eyes lowered to the bag, there was hesitation in them whether he should take it
or not. He finally took it from my hand and buried his face into Callum�s chest.

�Say thank you.� Callum urged.

�Thank you�� He quietly said.

�You need to go to your classroom. Baka malate ka.� Sabi ni Callum.

�Okay. Bye, Dr. Callum!� Arthur kissed him on the cheek.

�Give Ate Drey a kiss too.� Callum said.

Arthur looked at me and then he hid his face into Callum before shaking his head.

�Why?� He asked.

�She might get mad at me again.� Arthur mumbled.

�She won�t�� Callum looked at me.

�Ate Drey, will you get mad if Arthur kisses you?�

�No, I won�t.� I croaked a little.

�See. Come on, give Ate Drey a goodbye kiss.

He hesitantly leaned over me and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. The feel of his
kiss lingered on my skin and in my heart. I unknowingly held my breath, feeling
something melt in my chest. I felt tears well up my eyes but I swallowed, trying
hard not to cry.

�Your teacher�s waiting for you. Go inside your classroom,� Callum gently said.

�Bye, Dr. Callum.� He waved at him.

Ronnie opened the door for him and we watched as he went in we could see him
through the small window of his classroom. He took off his bag and sat on his seat.
Ronnie said goodbye to us and went to her class.

Callum and I headed back to the car and he drove off. I let out a deep sigh as I
looked out the window. The weather was nice and sunny outside but I felt gloomy. I
wondered if Arthur would ever be comfortable around me again. It would be nice to
get a chance to play with him, hug him, and kiss him.

�He�ll warm up to you again.� Callum took a quick glance at me as if he had read my
thought. �He�s a kid. Makakalimutan niya rin iyon.�

�What if he doesn�t?� I asked, worried.

�With time, he will. We�ll fill him with good memories until he finally forgets
about it.� There was promise in his tone.

Kuya Miggy came over for dinner and Mama and Dad called just after we finished.
They were already in Monaco and they just wanted to check how everything were.
After dinner, Callum spent his time teaching Arthur how to play guitar. I watched
and listened to them from afar. Hindi pa rin ako makalapit sa kanya ng hindi sya
natatakot sa akin. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi kung ganon ang maging reaksyon niya
tuwing makikita ako.

He had to pay the ultimate price for what they did to me. I looked at him as
monster like the men that had violated me but he was just an innocent child. My
child. I couldn�t bring back all the moments we didn�t spend together. I could only
hope that one day, he�d be able to forgive me.

Callum bathed him and changed him into his pajamas. He brought Arthur to his room
to tuck him to bed and I went to our bedroom to take a shower. When I got out of
the bathroom, Callum was already in bed, sound asleep. All those playing must�ve
tired him out. I slipped into bed and called Mama and Dad to check on them. They
were really enjoying Monaco. I didn�t want to disturb their fun kaya nagpaalam na
din ako agad sa kanila.

I turned off the night lamp beside my bed when I heard a cry from outside our room.
It sounded like Arthur. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran outside the room.
Arthur stood in front of Mama and Dad�s room.

�Mama! Daddy!� He cried.

�Arthur�� I walked towards him and dropped to my knees to level with him. I gently
wiped the tears from his face. �Why are you crying?�

�Mama and Daddy�s not in their room!� He sobbed. He looked like he�d just awoken
from his sleep and was still dazed.

�They�re on a vacation, remember?� I gently told him.

�I want my Mama!� He cried even harder.

�Shhh�� I pulled him into my arms and carried him.

�I-I w-want my Mama�� Humihikbing sabi niya. He rested his head on my shoulder.

�I�m right here�� I hugged him tighter, feeling my throat constrict at the effort
not to cry. It felt so good having him in my arms.

He finally calm down, his cries turned into small sobs. I took him to our bedroom
and laid him down next to Callum. His sobs might have woken Callum up and he looked
at me and then his gaze averted to Arthur. From a dazed and confused look, his eyes
softened when he saw the little boy. He scooted closer to him and wrapped an arm
around him. Agad naman nakabalik sa tulog ang dalawa.

I laid down next to Arthur and hugged him too. I kissed his hair and inhaled his
scent. He still smells like a baby. I didn�t want this moment to end. I wanted so
bad to make up for all the times I never got to kiss him and hug him and just be
with him. How I wanted to stay in this moment forever.

A rush of pure longing assaulted me. I hadn�t been a part of his life for almost
four years. I didn�t know a single thing about him. I wondered how many smiles and
laughs had I missed. He was one happy kid. Maybe thousands of it, probably even
hundreds of thousands. Ilang beses na kaya siyang umiyak sa loob ng mahigit tatlong
taon? Naisip ko din ang ilang beses na wala ako para patahanin sya. Ilang diapers
niya ang hindi ko napalitan? Ilang beses niya kaya akong kinailangan at wala ako sa
tabi niya? Tatlong birthday niya ang nagdaan at ni sa doon wala ako sa tabi niya.
Walang regalo, walang kahit ano. Mama and Dad would always send me pictures of his
birthday parties but I never looked at any of them.

Chapter Twenty Seven

�Good morning, love.� Callum let out a gentle smile when I fluttered my eyes open.
He was on his side, gently stroking Arthur�s hair as he cuddled against Callum�s
broad chest and my arms were around his waist.

I let out a lazy smile and he leaned forward to give me a quick kiss on the lips.
Our gaze both lowered on the precious thing right between us. He was still sound
asleep, looking like the angel he was. Everything still felt surreal to me. I
couldn�t believe he was beside me, my arm wrapped around his tiny waist. Never in
my wildest dream had I thought this would ever happen.

I never gave him a chance. From the moment I found out that there was a life
growing inside me, I wanted to get rid of it. Wala pa sya sa mundo I already
rejected him. I hadn�t realized that he was as much a victim as I was. If Mama and
Dad didn�t intervene I would�ve had him aborted. Wala sana sya dito sa tabi ko
ngayon. I took a mental note to call them later and thank them for convincing me to
keep Arthur.

Because now after a long time, I was finally at peace with myself. Arthur redeemed
what they tried to destroy inside me. He was the flower that grew from the cracks
in my heart. I knew at this moment that this gift, rare and beautiful, was given to
me with a purpose. He had no part in any of the ugliness that surrounded his
conception. He was the reward I got from all the pain I went through.
�Thanks for opening your heart to him. I know it won�t take long for him to warm up
to you again.� Callum softly said.

�Callum, am I a bad mother for abandoning him? Am I a bad person?� My voice

trembled as I spoke, my eyes still fixed on Arthur.

He shook his head. �I don�t want you to ever think that. You did what you thought
was right for you and it�s okay. You thought Arthur would make everything more real
for you, more painful. But he was the beauty that came out of it. He�s your battle
scar, Audrey. He�s yours and yours alone.�

I buried my face into his hair and inhaled his scent. He smelled of baby shampoo
and innocence. Callum was right. Arthur was mine. He was my baby. Just mine.

�I can�t take back the time we didn�t have together. I didn�t even have the chance
to be a mother to him. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakabawi sa kanya.� I quietly
said, my tears starting to sting the corners of my eyes.

�We have two weeks with Arthur. You can�t take time back but it�s not too late.
This is your chance to be a mother to him. Hindi man n�ya malaman na ikaw ang ina
n�ya, at least just make him feel your love for him. We can be a family for two
weeks.� He said with hopeful pair of eyes.

�You think he would finally like me?� I asked.

�He�ll love you�� Callum gave me a warm smile.

�Oh, Cal, I can�t ask for a better husband. You�ve always been so supported from
the very start. Sometimes I feel like I don�t deserve you.�

His dark eyes turned into somber hue, he lifted his hand up to gently touch my
face. �Don�t say that. You and Arthur are the best thing that ever happened to me.
I, too, am damaged. I know how you feel. But I also want you to know that you
deserve every good thing that ever happened and will ever happen to you. I need you
as much as you need me, Audrey. We�d be lying to ourselves if we say we don�t need
each other, if we don�t need love to heal. We need someone to ease our sufferings
and I found that someone in you. I�ve never felt a love as gentle and soothing as
yours that it makes my fears, pains, and anger melt. You and Arthur have shown me a
more beautiful part of life. You made my entire being feel like I�ve reached home.
I don�t ever want you to think that you don�t deserve this because that�s not true
at all.�

I took the hand that cupped my face to my lips and kissed it. I thank God for
giving Callum to me. What we had was so intimate and raw. He�s help me heal the
wounds in my heart. Without him, I wouldn�t be laying next to Arthur like this. For
so long, I�ve been trying to cover the wounds but all it did was ooze out and blead
through the bandages I�d put and it continued to stain my life. He was the one who
gave me the courage and strength to stick my hand inside the wound and pull the
core of the pain that held me back from my son. With them beside me, I found my
solace.

�Daddy? Mama? � Arthur lifted his head up with one-third of his eyes opened. He
rubbed his eyes with his fists.

�Hey, good morning, little guy.� Callum gave him a kiss on the side of the head.

�Dr. Callum?� He said.

�Your Daddy and Mama�s on vacation, remember? Ate Drey and I will take care of you
while their gone. We can call them later.� Callum gently told him.

�How many mornings till I get to see them again?� He buried his face back into
Callum�s chest.

�Thirteen more.�

�What do you want for breakfast, Arthur?� I asked, hoping he�d finally speak to me.

He shyly turned his head to look at me and then hid into Callum again. �Um, I want
waffles and sausage.�

�Are you talking to my chest?� Callum chuckled. �Look at Ate Drey and tell her what
you want. She�s the one who�s going to make our breakfast for us.�

Arthur slowly turned his head to me and looked at me. �Ate Drey, I want waffles and
sausage.�

My heart welled up with unexplainable happiness when he said my name. It felt like
it wanted to leap from my chest. I couldn�t help the smile from cracking on my
lips. �Anything for you. Bababa lang ako. You and Dr. Callum go get ready for
school okay? I�m going to make you the best waffle ever.�

He hesitantly nodded his head. I took a quick shower and went down to cook their
breakfast for them while Callum was getting him ready for school. Kuya Miggy came
over to check up on us and have breakfast with us. We dropped the kids off to
school after our breakfast.

The door to Arthur�s classroom, their teacher stood by it, while the children
walked out in line. Callum and I waited for Arthur and when he saw Callum, his face
immediately lit up and he ran to him. Sinalo s�ya ni Callum sa mga bisig nito at
binuhat.

�What did you do today?� He asked.

�We made art.� Arthur answered.

�What kind of art?�

�Arthur grabbed his backpack from his back and unzippd it. He took out what he
looked like a white paper plate and on the white were scribbly numbers around the
plate in different colors and two arrows stuck in the center. There was also a
drawing of a two stick figures holding hands.

�We made a clock.� Arthur proudly showed it to Callum. �My teacher said that we can
never take time back so we shouldn�t waste it . We should always give it to someone
we love. Now I know why Ate Drey got mad at me because Daddy gave that clock to
her.�

He slowly turned his gazed at mine. There was no fear in them anymore. My breath
caught in my throat at the apology in those wide eyes.

�Ate Drey, I want to give this to you. I�m sorry for breaking your clock.� He held
the clock craft to me.

I felt painful sting in my heart. Ako ang may kasalanan at ito siya ngayon,
humihingi ng tawad sa akin. Kung alam nyiya lang kung gaano kalaki ang kasalanan ko
sa kanya. I wanted to kill him when he was still inside me and I wanted to give him
away when he was still a baby. I rejected and abandoned him from the day I found
out I was carrying him. I�d done so many things a mother wouldn�t do to her child
and now he was the one apologizing to me.

I shook my head and I couldn�t help wrapping my arms around him. Kinuha ko siya
mula kay Callum at niyakap ng mahigpit. �No, don�t apologize to me. It�s not your
fault. I�m sorry, Arthur. I�m so sorry.�

My heart ached with longing and so much love, I thought it was going to burst. I
buried my face into his hair and couldn�t help but cry. �Wala kang kasalanan. It
was never your fault.�

�Bati na tayo Ate Drey?� He asked innocently as he looked up at me with doe-like

eyes.

�Of course.� I sniffled. �I�m so sorry for everything I did to you.�

�It�s okay. Don�t cry. Why are you crying?� He lifted his tiny hands up to touch my
face and wiped away my tears.

Callum let out a low laugh. I couldn�t help but laugh too despite the tears gushing
out of my eyes. He was just adorably innocent. I hugged him tighter and kissed him
on the cheek.

�Ate Drey�s just very happy.� Callum answered for me.

�Me too. Kasi bati na tayo.� He wrapped his arms around my neck. �I love you Ate
Drey. You�re not mad at me anymore?�

I shook my head. �Hindi na. I love you, too.�

It felt so good to say that to him. I wanted to say those words to him over and
over again as if it would make up for the times he hadn�t heard it from me. I
wanted to hug him for as long as I could. It was like I was holding my breath all
this time and finally getting to breathe again. I had never felt an emotion as pure
as this.

�Ate, nandito yung mga videos at albums ni Arthur simula noong baby pa siya.�
Ronnie handed me a small box. We all had our own boxes where Mama keeps all our
memories. I took the blue box with his name embedded on the lid.

�Thanks, Ronnie.� I smiled.

�Ate, I�m so happy for you and Arthur.� She sincerely said. �Kahit hindi niya alam
o kahit niya malaman na ikaw ang totoong Mama niya, alam naman niya na minahal mo
siya. He was so happy, Ate.�

What she said melted my heart. I didn�t know it had that much impact to him.

�He�s a real sweetheart, Ronnie. Alam mo gusto ko mainggit dahil nandoon kayo sa
mga importanteng parte ng buhay niya. Alam kong hindi siya nagkulang sa pagmamahal
niyo pero gusto ko pa rin ibigay sa kanya ang pagmamahal na hindi ko naibigay sa
kanya sa loob ng tatlong taon na wala ako sa tabi niya. I should�ve love him
instead of focusing on the hate I feel for the men who abused me.�

�It�s okay, Ate. It�s not yet too late. You can make new memories with him.� She
said.

I let out a warm smile despite the squeeze I felt inside my chest. That was what I
intend to do. Kahit hindi man niya malaman na ako nga ang tunay na ina niya, gusto
ko maalala niya ako sa magandang paraan. I wanted him to forget all the bad things
I did and remember only the good things.

I walked in on Callum and Arthur playing guitar on our bed. I stood under the door
frame and justwatched and listend to the two.

�Close your eyes. Have no fear. The monster�s gone. He�s on the run and your
daddy�s here. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful�� Callum looked at Arthur, giving him
his cue.

�Beautiful boy�� Arthur sang and giggled.

�Before you go to sleep. Say a little prayer. Every day in every way, it�s getting
better and better. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful��

�Beautiful boy.� The little boy sang together with him again.

�Out on the ocean sailing away. I can hardly wait. To see you come of age. But I
guess we�ll both just have to be patient. Cause it�s a long way to go. A hard row
to hoe. Yes it�s a long way to go. But in the meantime� Before you cross the
street. Take my hand Life is what happens to you while you�re busy making other
plans.� Callum wiggled his brows to him.

�Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy�� They both sang.

I put the box down so I could clap. They just looked so adorable as they sang
together. The two looks up at me with grins on their faces.

�Hey�� Callum said.

�Anong song yan kinakanta niyo?� I asked as I walked to the bed with the box in my
hand.

�Beautiful boy by John Lemon.� Sagot ni Arthur.

�John Lennon. Not Lemon.� Callum snorted.

�I keep forgetting.� He cutely wrinkled his nose.

�It�s okay. You did great.� He playfully messed the boy�s hair and pulled him in
his arms. �Are you going to sleep with me and Ate Drey again?�

�Mmhm!� He nodded his head.

�Very well then. Let�s get to bed. We have to be up early tomorrow.� Sabi ni Callum
at humiga sa kama. He then lifted his eyes up to me as they laid in bed together.
His eyes averted to the box I had on my lap. �What�s that?�

�Arthur�s videos and pictures.� I smiled.

�My pictures?� He turned his head to me.

�Yes, when you were a baby.� I brushed my fingers through his thick, dark hair.
�Kasi wala si Ate Drey noong baby ka, di ba? I missed your birthdays, I missed
three Christmas with you, I missed seeing you grow up to the smart little boy you
are now.�

�In the next Christmas and my birthday, are you and Dr. Callum going to be here?
Babalik ba kayo sa Amerika?� He asked, yawning.
Callum and I looked at each other. Both of us were obviously stunned. We didn�t
know how to answer his question.
�We still haven�t talked about it, Arthur. Pero huwag kang mag-alala kahit umalis
kami, I promise we�ll be here for your birthday and Christmas, diba Ate Drey?�
Callum looked at me.

�Of course�� My voice croacked a little. Just the thought of leaving Arthur again
made my insides ache. I knew leaving him would be for thebest. Ayaw kong maguluhan
ang bata. I didn�t want him to know that he came from me because Iwas afraid he�d
ask about his father. Ayaw kong malaman niya na demonyo ang ama niya. I never
wanted him to know that he was carrying the blood of one of the men who abused me.
I would always be just Ate Drey to her.

�Why don�t we just watch the videos?� Callum suggested, trying to lit up the somber
mood.

�Yeah, I want to watch!� Arthur excitedly said.

I found his first video as it had a date on it. It was the day I give birth to him.
He was a big baby. I remember being in labor for a whole day. I remembered hearing
his cry after my fifth push. I didn�t want to see him after that. I wanted him away
from me. Ni hindi ko siya nagawang tignan noon. All I knew was that he was a big
baby. Yun ang sabi sa akin ng doctor at ng mga kapatid ko.

Seeing his video now made my heart ache. This was the moment I lost and could never
get back. Ronnie was filming as I could hear her voice while Mama carried him in
her arms. Dad stood behind Mama, cooing over him. He had rosy pink skin, cute
chubby cheeks, pinkish lips and pointed nose.

�He�s a handsome little boy.� Callum said as he brushed his fingers through
Arthur�s hair as he slept on top of his chest.

�I could�ve been the one holding him that time�� May panghihinayang na sabi ko.
Callum held his arm out to me and I scooted closer to him, resting my head on his
chest. I looked at Arthur who slept like an angel, his face just inches from mine.
I could feel his breath on my face and it smelled of milk that he�d had before he
went to bed.

�What�s important right now is that he�s here with us. We�re a family now.� Callum
gently said.
I wrapped my arm around Arthur and Callum and gave the little boy a kiss. The
thought of it warmed my heart. We were a family. Arthur, Callum, and I. I wished it
could stay like this forever.

�This is the family I never had in my childhood. I�ve always wanted this. I don�t
think I can leave him, Audrey.� Callum let out a deep sigh. �My father thought I
was my mother�s son from previous affair. But I knew and my mother knew that he was
my real Dad. All his anger was taken out on me. I was like a human punching bag to
him. My mother never intervined, my Dad rejected me and so did she. She�s just
watched with cold, empty eyes whenever my Dad would hurt me. I get beaten up for
the smallest things like forgetting to wash the dishes.�

�Oh, Cal�� I looked at him with pity.

�Sa�yo at kay Arthur ko lang naramdaman ang ganito. I don�t ever want to let go of
this. Of him.� He said, his voice sounded desperate. Far from the rational Callum I
knew. �Why don�t we just tell him that you�re his real mother and I�m his Dad. I am
willing to father him.�
My eyes lowered back to the little boy. �Si Mama at Dad na ang kinilala niyang mga
magulang. We can�t just come into his life and tell him that we�re his parents.�

�I only knew him for a short period of time and I already love him. He�s a special
boy. He�s our boy.� He said, sorrow evident on his voice.

Chapter Twenty Eight

I had been watching Arthur and Callum run around the backyard, barefoot, since
getting home from school. After getting tired of playing, Callum went in to get
their guitar so they could have a mini concert and their audience was none other
than me, I entertained him for a bit and played with him while Callum was inside.

�This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home, this little
piggy had roast beef, this little pig had none and this little piggy�� I said,
holding up Arthur�s last toe, the smallest one. He was already grinning from ear to
ear, anticipating what I�d do next. I made a dramatic pause just so that I could
surprise him. Then I tickled his feet and he began wiggling and laughing. �This
little piggy cried wee wee all the way home!�
�Ate Drey!� He hysterically laughed as I tickled his foot.

I stopped after when he couldn�t catch his breath from laughing so much. �Tama na.
Baka kabagin ka na niyan.�

�Ate Drey, I want to play more!� He excitedly said.

�Aren�t you tired yet? I asked, brushing my fingers through his thick hair.

�No! I like playing with you! Ngayon lang kasi ikaw nakipagplay sa akin kasi dati
ayaw mo. Kaya nagwawatch lang ako pag nag peplay kayo ni Cookie but sometimes I get
jealous. Now I get to play with you!� He happily said. His innocence was
heartwarming and heart shattering at the same time. I couldn�t imagine the pain and
jealousy he felt at that time. It was him who I should be loving more but instead
all I ever gave him were heartaches.

�Oh, Arthur. I�m sorry.� I hugged him really tight, the tightest I could. As if it
would make up for all the times I didn�t get to hug him like this. I felt his soft,
little body against mine. I inhaled his scent and I never wanted it to go away.

�Why?� He said, sounding puzzled.

�Because I never got to play with you when you wanted someone to play with.� My
voice squeaked, feeling like something was stuck in my throat.

�But now and tomorrow and the tomorrow after tomorrow you�ll play with me again?�
He asked.

I nodded my head. �I will always be here to play you.�

�When Mama and Daddy comes back, you and Dr. Callum will go back to America. Paano
tayo magpeplay? � He pouted.

�Pwede naman tayong mag video call katulad ng ginagawa niyo ni Mama at Daddy ngyon
habang nasa vacation sila.� I said, tears stinging in my eyes.

�You will talk to me? Kasi kapag nagcacall ka kay Mama di kita nakakausap.� His
usual vibrant hazel eyes turned sad.

�I�ll talk to you. I�ll call you and we�ll talk every day.� I said, keeping my
tears in. �Palagi mo akong kukwentuhan kung ano ang ginawa niyo sa school, ha? Kung
kailangan mo ng help sa homework mo, nandito ako. Ikwento mo sa akin kung may new
friends ka o kung may award kang nakuha. Tell me all the good and bad things that
happened to you and Ate Drey will always listen to you.�

He nodded his head.

�Pinky swear?� I held out my pinky finger.

�Pinky swear!� He entwined his pinky with mine.

�Halika nga ditto! Give Ate Drey your tightest bear hug! Katulad ng hug mo kay Dr.
Callum.� I said.

And he did. He hugged me and the smile on my face collapsed. Mas mabuti na yung
ganito. Mabuti na yung siyang alam na hindi niya ako Ate. It would hurt him if he
finds out that Mama and Dad were not his real parents. Maguguluhan lang siya.
Masaya naman siya kina Mama at mahal na mahal nila si Arthur. They gave the love I
never gave to him while he was growing up. I knew it would hurt to leave but this
was for the best. This was for him. I wanted him to live a normal life and to have
a normal family.

�Hey!� Callum sat next to me. �What are the two love of my life doing?�

�Dr Callum!� He lifted his head up from my shoulder and turned his head to my
Callum. �Ate Drey and I are playing.�

�What are you playing?� Callum sat on the rug next to us.

�Little piggies!� He climbed on Callum�s lap and sat there.

�Pakiss nga sa baby namin.� Malambing na sabi niya. Callum bend his head down to
give him a kiss on the cheek. He giggled cutely as Callum�s stubbles brushed
against his smooth skin. �I have a surprise.�
�What?� He excitedly turned his head to him.

�Tadaaaa!� Inangat ni Callum ang kamay niya at ipinakita ang isang garapon. Inside
the clear jar was a butterfly.

�Oooh! A butterfly!� His eyes widened and his mouth formed an o.

�Isn�t it cool?� Callum smiled. �When I was a kid, I used to catch bugs and
butterflies all day. Wala kasi akong kalaro noon.�

�What do you do with the bugs you catch?� Arthur curiously asked.

�I let them go.�

�You let them go? Why?�

�Because they don�t belong in a tiny jar. They need to be somewhere big and
beautiful with lots of flowers and plants. I only catch them so I can name them so
when I see them again, I can say hi to them.� There was an innocent glow in
Callum�s dark eyes. It was so amusing to see. �What do you want to name this
butterfly?�

�Ringo Starr!� Arthur grinned.

�That�s my boy!� Callum chuckled, playfully messing Arthur�s dark hair. �Please, do
the honor of opening the jar.�
Arthur opened the jar and the butterfly flew out of it, its orange wings flapping
gracefully.

�Cool!� Arthur exclaimes as he watched the butterfly.

�See. He looks so much better in the garden than in a jar.� Sabi ni Callum.

�Bye, Ringo Starr!� Arthur jumped up and down, waving at the butterfly.
Callum and I both laughed and then he pulled the little boy back to his lap.
�So bugs were your only friends, that�s why you love The Beatles and you named your
band Glow Worms.� Arthur snorted.

�You�re one smart little boy.� He chuckled and mindlessly raked his fingers through
the boy�s hair. �I stopped hanging out with bugs when I discovered music.�

�Who thought you how to play music?� Arthur asked.

�My music teacher. She taught me how to play guitar, she would let me take her
guitar home so I could practice by myself. I was a really lonely kid. My father
doesn�t like me playing with other kids.�

�Why?�

�It�s hard to explain, Arthur.� He said and kissed him again. He exhaled heavily.
His father believed that he was his mother�s lover son. Bukod sa pananakit ng ama
niya ay ayaw niyang nakikita ng ibang tao si Callum.Sinabi niya sa akin na
ikinahihiya siya ng ama niya. I couldn�t help but feel squeeze when he was telling
me his story. I remembered Arthur and myself. I treated Arthur like how his father
treated him. Kaya siguro ganon na lang ang pagmamahal niya kay Arthur. If I could
only turn back time, I would. �But whenever I play the guitar or any other music, I
don�t feel as lonely anymore.�

�Sometimes I feel lonely too. Especially when Cookie has to go to Ate Anais� house
and I have no one to play with. But now I am not lonely because I have you and Ate
Drey.� He wrapped his arms around Callum�s neck. �I�ll get really, really sad when
you go back to America.�

�I�m going to leave the guitar to you. Play it whenever you�re lonely or sad, okay?
� He gently said.

Arthur nodded his head. �And I am going it too whenever I miss you and Ate Drey.�

�And whenever you miss me and Ate Drey.� Callum lifted his gaze up at me and
smiled.

Why couldn�t everything be as perfect as this moment? I wanted to get lost in our
own little world right here. Just Arthur, Callum and I. I wanted so bad for us to
be a family. Knowing that our time was limited, that we�d have to go back to
reality once Mama and Dad comes back, felt like a punch in a gut.

�You said you two are going to perform.� I pushed those thoughts away and tried to
focus on this b beautiful moment with them.

�We are!� Callum grabbed the guitar that was strapped on his back.

�May concert kayo pero wala pa rin pangalan ang band niyo.� I giggled.

�We already have a name for our band.� Sabi naman ni Callum.
�We do?� Arthur�s brows furrowed.

�Yeah. Our band�s called Arthur�s band. We�re going to be the best band ever. You
and I. We�ll be better than The Beatles and Queen.� Callum said.

�Yeah!� Arthur agreed.

Callum grabbed a banana from the snack plate I took out and pretend it was a
microphone. �Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the band that will
make The Beatles look like a garage band. Arthur�s band!�

Arthur played a bit, he already knew how to play a little bit of the song Twinkle,
Twinkle Little Stars. Still a bit out of tune but he was good for a beginner. I
laughed and cheered for them as the two struggled with their mini concert. But the
concert was cut out short when Ronnie and Tito Rome came out from inside the house.
Nagpaalam si Ronnie kanina na magshhoshopping at pinayagan ko lang ng sabihin
niyang kasama si Tito Rome.

�Aba! Ang galing naman ng baby na yan.� Tito Rome said. Tito Rome was Mama�s
bestfriend and he�d been in our life for as long as I could remember. He was like a
second mom to us. He was our go-to whenever we knew we were in trouble with Mama
and Dad. I didn�t have to introduce Callum to him as they�d already met a couple of
times before.

Arthur turned his head smiled, a big smile when he saw Tito Rome. �Ninong Rome!�

�Hi baby!� Tito Rome greeted him with a hug. �Ang galing mo na magplay ng guitar.�

�Dr. Callum taught me how to play!� He proudly said.

�They�re having a mini concert. Why don�t you two sit down and watch them with me
para naman hindi lang ako ang audience at para lumaki na ang fans club ng Arthur�s
band.� I joked.

�Oh, sure! Ako ang magiging unang fan ng baby Arthur natin.� Sabi ni Ninang.

�Nauna na ako, Tito Rome. I am the first and number one fan!� I laughed.

The two sat down next to me and watched Arthur and Callum�s mini concert.
Pagkatapos ng concert ay nagdinner na kami. Tito Rome decided to stay and have
dinner with us.

�Your Mama asked me to check on you.� Tito Rome as he cut through his steak with a
knife. �Alam niyo naman yung mother dear at ang pudra niyo, masyadong paranoid.
Sabi nga nitong kapatid mo , hindi daw siya makalabas ng walang bantay.�

�Fairy godmother, grabe sila! Buti na nga lang talaga dumating ka, mababaliw na ako
dito. Daig ko pa ang nasa bilibid prison dito. Makatapak nga lang ako ng isang
beses sa tapat ng gate namin feeling ko maglalabasan ang SWAT team.� Ronnie
exaggeratedly said.

�Kaya nga I took her out. We went shopping, nagpasalon kami at nagpamani-pedi. Ayaw
mo naman sumama, minsan na nga lang tayo makapagbonding.� Sabi ni Tito Rome.

�May next time pa naman,Tito Rome.� I smiled and turned my attention to Ronnie.
�For sure, malaki na naman ang ginastos ng baby girl ni Mama at Daddy. Ang dami
mong paper bag na inuwi. You know, money doesn�t grow on trees.�
�There were no trees harmed during my shopping trip. I used Daddy�s credit card .�
She let out a cheeky smile.

�RONNIE!� Pinandilatan ko siya.

�Dad said I can use it.�

�For emergency!� I exclaimed.

�It was an emergency. An emergency shopping haul.� She reasoned.

I couldn�t help but slap my forehead with my hand. Now I knew why Mama and Dad had
to get away from� from THIS!!!! She s such a headache.

�Kaya ito ang favorite ko. She�s my spirit animal.� Tito Rome hugged my sister.

�Hayaan mo na. Mayaman naman ang Daddy niyo. A fashion emergency is a real
emergency.�

I just rolled my eyes. Nakahanap na naman ng kakampi ang gaga.

�So, Callum� you seem so good with children. May plano na ba kayong magkababy?�
Tito Rome asked.

I almost choked on the steak I was chewing.

Nagkibit-balikat siya. �We haven�t really talked about it but if it comes, it

comes.�

�Sayanag ang genes niyo, I�m sure your baby will look as beautiful as Arthur. Ang
ganda-ganda ng Audrey namin at unfairness, may taste siya dahil ikaw ang
pinakasalan niya. Isa pa, walang Cordovang pangit no? Magbaby na kayo at baka
maunahan pa kayo ng Daddy at Mama niyo.� Tito Rome chuckled.

�As long as it�s okay with Audrey and Arthur, I�m fine with it.� Callum Gabe both
of us a tender smile.

The thought of building a family with Arthur, Callum and our future child together
warmed my heart.

�Yun naman pala eh.� Sabi ni Tito Rome. �Arthur, pag nagkababy ba si Ate Audrey at
Kuya Callum, is it okay with you?�

�Um�� He thought for a while and then he pouted. �If they�ll have a baby, I won�t
be their baby anymore.�

�You won�t be anymore because you�ll be a Kuya Arthur. Don�t you want that?� Callum
wiggled his brows.

�Kuya Arthur. That sounds so grown up.� Tito Rome said. �Ikaw na maghehelp na mag-
alaga sa baby ni Ate Drey mo.�
�Pwede na din sumali ang baby sa band niyo, madadagdagan kayo. Diba ang The Beatles
four ang mushishan. Eh kayo two lang ni Kuya Callum.� Ronnie joined in.

�Well, okay! Can we get a baby tomorrow?� He innocently asked, looking at me and
Callum.

The dining room filled up with laughter.

I laid on my side, watching Arthur s he slept peacefully beside me. I stroked his
dark hair and just savored every moment I had with him. I didn�t know motherhood
would be like this . This would be forever etched in my heart and mind.

�Ang bilis naman makatulog ng baby natin.� Callum said as he looked at Arthur.

�Napagod sa concert niya kanina.� I laughed.

�Our little musician wants to be a Kuya.� Callum said, his gaze lifting up to mine.
� What do you think? Should we start making one?�

�Right now?� My eyes widened.

�Right now.� He nodded his head as a naughty smile broke across his lips.

�Ano ka ba? Natutulog dito si Arthur.� I bit my bottom lip.

�We still haven�t take a bath.� He playfully winked and then slowly slid out of the
bed. �I�m going to set the mood in there. I�ll wait for you okay?�

�Callum.� I shook my head, giggling.

He exaggeratedly bit his lips and winked at me before disappearing into the
bathroom door. I didn�t play hard to get. After a few minutes, I found myself
quietly getting out of the bed, careful not to wake the little one up.

Chapter Twenty Nine

The ambience in the bathroom was intimate and romantic. There were small lit candle
around the tub where Callum sat in, the dim lights were the only lights that were
turned on, there was a slow romantic music playing in the background.

He held his arm out to me, inviting me to join him in. I slowly took off my dress
and let it fall to the ground. Then my bra and underwaer until I was left with
nothing on. Callum�s dark eyer glinted with pure unadulterated passion as they
grazed down my body. I slowly walked towards him and took his hand. He guided me as
I stepped inside the tub.

�I want to make love to you, Audrey.� He pulled me to his body as I settled astride
his hips, our sex touching each other. �I want you��

Our lips lightly grazed upon each other. He pulled me to him, deepening our kiss.
He dipped his tongue inside my mount and explored it. He teared his mouth from
mine, his lips trailed down my neck and he began lightly sucking my sensitive
fleshs as his hand went down between my legs. He found my clit and started playing
with it with two fingers. He knew exactly where to touch me and what would make me
go crazy.

This wasn�t as rough and wild as our usual lovemeking but I was starting to feel
something now. This felt so good, normal, and natural. It wasn�t an attempt to
erase memories of awful touches. This was making love.

Callum lowered his head to my breast and began suking it, his fingers dug inside me
as his thumb continues playing with my clit. I closed my eyes and just felt every
sensation he gave to my body. I welcomed them with abondon as he plunged his two
fingers in and out of my wet mound. My hips started moving up and down on his
hands, meeting his fingers thrust. While doing that, his lips moved from one of my
breasts to the other. I could feel his tongue swirling around my nipple and
flicking the very top of it.
�Cal�� I moaned his name, fingers tightening on his shoulders. �Cal, that feels so
good. Faster. I want more. I want you inside me.�

He sucked on my breast harder and then added a third finger. I was on the verge of
orgasm. I could feel a scream rising from my throat when his mouth tore away from
my breast and he stopped fingering me. How I wanted to scream and cry out his name.

�Cal, please�� I breathed heavily.

�Touch me.� He panted, guiding my hand to his length.� Just touch me, Audrey. Let
me show you�ve done.�

My fingers authomatically wrapped around him. He was thick and big and I could feel
his veins pulsate with life against my skin. I started to move my hand slowly up
and down, he groaned and crashed his lips against mine. I nestled against his
thigh, stradding it. I strocked back and forth, grinding my aching sex against him
to try to find relief.

�Yes, fuck my thigh.� He encouraged. �How does it feel, love?�

�Good.� I answered, humping his thigh harder as I continued moving my hand up and
down his length.

�I want to feel good, Audrey. I want you to make yourself feel good.� He said,
burying his face into the crook of my neck. �Have you ever pleasured yourself
before?�

I slowly shook my head, feeling even hotter between my thighs.

�You�re such a good girl�� He shook his head abd then sighed. �I want you to
explore your body. I want you to be afraid of anything it can do, okay?�

I nodded, biting my bottom lip.

�Come here.� He held me by the waist and pulled me to him with my back resting
against his muscular chest. �You can stop whenever you feel uncomfortable.�

�Okay.� My voice came out as a squeak. I didn�t know why my heart was suddenly
pounding hard against my ribs. He took my hand and brought it between my thighs and
placed my palm on my sex.

�There�s no wrong or right way to pleasure yourself. Just do what makes you feel
good.� He whispered breathlessly.

And so I did. I swallowed as I began moving my finger through my folds. I could

feel Callum�s chest heaving in anticipation against my back and his manhood poking
me while his hands squeezed my waist. My breath hitched when my fingers grazed my
clit. This was my where it felt good the most.

�Callum�� A moan escaped my lips as I rubbed my nub. I leaned against his body,
relaxing as pleasure took over me.

�Keep going, love. I want to see you come.� Callum hoarsely whispered in my ear. He
brought my free hand to my breast and cuppred it there. I rubbed myself even
faster, my hips thrusting high. My other hand started squeezing my braest. Callum
held me by my jaw and turned my face to him. His lips were instantly on mine and I
opened my mouth to him. His tongue thrust in again and tasted my mouth.

�I want you so bad it hurts.� He groaned into my mounth.

�I want you too, Cal.�

He lifted my hip up and slowly, he eased me down his manhood. I let out a satisfied
exhale when I felt him slowly entering me.

�Don�t stop. Keep touching yourself for me.� He pushed me further down until he was
all the way inside me. My lips parted, overwhelmed with the pleasure I felt. I was
rubbing my clits while he was deep inside me. There were no words to explain how
good and erotic this felt.

Callum began to lift my hips up and then he moved me down again. He impaled me soft
at first but he soon picked up the pace. He bent me over the edge of the tub and
positioned myself behind me. He thrust in and out of me with full force as he held
on to my waist. All the while I was touching myself. The heat built up in my
stomach and it was almost intolerable.

�You feel so good, love. I�m going to come. I�m going to come inside you�� He
panted heavily.

�Yes Cal, please�� I said.

I felt the explosion inside me, both from his and mine. My body slowly relaxed as I
came down from my climax and he collapsed back on the tub. He cuddled me in his
arms and rested his head on my shoulder.

�That was amazing.� He left a soft kiss on my neck.

�Mmm�� I purred, agreeing.

�Stop taking pills so we could make Arthur a Kuya soon. We need a new member for
our band.� He chuckled quietly.

I couldn�t help but laugh. �You two would have to wait for at least nine months.�

�We don�t mind waiting. I hope our baby will be as cute and smart as his or her
Kuya Arthur.�

I turned my head so I could look at him in the eye. �Cal, thank you for loving my
son.�

�No, thank you for giving me a son. I don�t want you to ever see him as just yours.
When I married you, he became my son too. He�s mine as much as he�s yours now, he
won�t be any different from the children we�ll have in the future.�

�Oh Callum�� I turned my body to his so that I could embrace him.

�I am so excited kasi makikilala na ng teacher at classmates ko ang Dr. Callum ko

at ang Ate Drey ko.� He said, swinging both our hands that�s was holding each of
his. �They�re going to think I�m cool because I have a doctor and mushishan Kuya.�

�I�m starting to feel jealous, Arthur. Puro ka na lang Dr. Callum.� I faked a pout.

�I told them my Ate Drey takes care of the books in the book house. Some of my
classmates like books.� He wrinkled his nose.

�Si Dr. Callum langyata ang love mo eh.� Kunwaring nagtatampong sabi ko.

�No. I love you and Dr.Callum.� Sabi niya.

�Sige nga, kung love mo si Ate Drey gie her your biggest and sloppiest kiss.�
Callum lifted him up in his arms and he leaned over to me.

Arthur wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss with aloud smacking sound.
�Mwah!�

�Sa lips din.� I said, puckering my lips.

He gave me a peck on the lips.

�I love you.� I told him. Every timeI say I love you to him, I mean it to bits.
Those words weren�t just words for me. Arthur gave me the purest version of me by
forgiving me and loving me despite all the things I did to him.

�I love you too Ate Drey.� He said.

�What about me? Don�t I get a kiss too? I�m startingto feel jealous too.� Callum
joked.

I wrapped my arms around Callum�s waist and Arthur wrapped his around his neck.
Sabay kaming humalik sa magkabilang pisngi niya. At that time, I really felt like
we were a family. I could feel myself growingmore andmore attached tohim. Baka
pagbalik ni Mama andDad mahirapan na akong ibalik sa kanila si Arthur. Iniisip ko
pa lang na iiwan ko din siya parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko.

We were greeted by his teacher when we entered his classroom. Today was family day
in Arthur�s school. Kagabi pa lang excited na excited na si Arthur at siya pa nga
ang gumising sa amin ni Callum kanina. I was as excited because I�d get to be with
him on his first family day.

�Sabi ni teacher, marami daw games at toys.� Arthur said and then turned his head
to his teacher. �Di ba, teacher?�

�Of course. Kaya kailangan galingan niyo para manalo ka ng prizes.� His teacher
smiled.

�I don�t really like frieses, teacher. I just want the toys.� He said.

Natawa kami sa sagot ni Arthur.

�No, not fries. Prize. Yung prize, yun yung makukuha mo kapagnanalo ka sa isang
game.� Callum explained.

�Oh okay! I want frieses teacher!� He grinned.

�Oh you!� Ilaughed again and pushed some strands of his hair back. �Just do your
best, okay? But always remember that even if you lose, you�re still the best for
me.�

We were gathered at the school�s vast yard where the games and celebrations would
be held. The two actively participated in the games. Tuwang-tuwa si Arthur ng
manalo si Callum sa balloon dart, they got a lego set asa prize. After the game,
they came up to me and I handed them each a bottle of water.

�Pawis na pawis ka.� Sabi ko habang pinupunasan ng towel si Arthur. �Magpahinga

muna kayo dito. Take it easy Huwagmuna kayo sumali sa susunod na game.�

�But I want more prizes.� Arthur said.

�We�re going to take all the prizes, yeah?� Callum held out his hand for a high
five, his chest heavily heaving up and down from running as he drank water.

�Yeah!� Arthur high-fived him.

�You need to eat first para may energy kayo ni Dr. Callum. Hindi kayo mananalo
kapag gutom kayo. Biniliko kayo ng burger at hotdog.� Sabi ko.

I handed them the food I bought from the kiosk not far from here. Natuon ang
atensyon ng dalawa sa pagkain. They gobbled it up like a monster.

�Hi!� A lady sat on the bleacher net to us and waved at us. �Ako nga pala si
Rowena. I�m Jake�s Mom. Naaalala ko kasi itong batang ito. I always see him in the
classroom,. Wala naman akong kilala dito at wala akong kausap kaya I hope you don�t
mind if I sit next to you.�

�No, not at all. Nice to meet you Rowena. I�m Audrey and this is Arthur and my
husband Callum.� Sabiko habang abala sa paghuhubad ng top ni Arthur. His shirt was
already wet with sweat. Buti na lang nagdala ako ng ilang extrang damit para sa
dalawa. Now, I understand why Mama had to bring a whole bag full of clothes every
family day. I had a Dad and a two brothers and guys sweat a lot, especially when
they�re active.

�Hello, Jake�s Mom.� Arthur waved at her while he chewed on his burger. Sinuotan ko
siya ng bagong t-shirt pagkatapos ko siyang lagyan ng powder.

�Hi cutie. Bakit hindi ka sumali sa game? Nandun si Jake o, kasama Daddy niya.� She
pointed at her son.

�Sa next game magjojoin kami ni Dr. Callum. Di ba, Doctor?� He turned his head to
Callum who was busy with his hotdog sandwich.

�Oo naman. We�re going to win.� He confidently said.

�Ang cute naman ng mag-ama mo. Hawig mo pero mas kamukha ng Daddy.� Rowena
chuckled.

My gaze lifted at Callum and Arthur. Nagtama ang tingin namin ni Callium. Maybe it
was because of their dark hair I didn�t say anything as I didn�t want to correct
Rowena. Itjust felt so good that someone would mistake us as a family and Callum as
Arthur�s Dad.

�Hey Arthur, let�s go I thinkthe leg race is about to start.� Callum swiftly picked
Arthur up in his arms.

�Teka, hindi pa kayo tapos sa food niyo. Magpahinga muna-� I sighed and shook my
head. Wala na akong nagawa kunghindi panoorin ang dalawa pabalik sa field.

�Boys.� Rowena rolled her eyes and laughed. �Ganyan din ako. I can�t keep up with
my son and my husband. Minsan magtataka ka kung saan sila kumukuha ng energy.�

�So true.� I agreed. �Ilang taon na ang baby mo?�

�He�s turning four soon.� Rowena answered. �Eh yung sayo?�

�Magfofour na din.�

We chatted as I watched Callum and Arthur participate in another game. Isang beses
pa sila nanalo sa game. Pagkatapos ng games ay nagkaroon ng talent show at hindi
din nahiya ang dalawang musician ko na sumali. Callum played the guitar while
Arthursanga The Beatles song. I felt so proud watching my two boys as they
performed in front of the huge audience. Iwas the proudest mother and I was sure I
had the loudest clap in the crowd. When the song ended. They did not win, they got
the second place. Pero tuwang-tuwa pa rin ang dalawa at nakapag perform sila sa
harap ng maraming tao. I kept telling them how proud I was.

�This is the happiest day of my life. I got to sing in front of a lot of people and
everyone clapped for us.� He just couldn�t stop talking about the talent show. It
was the highlight of the day. Kahit ngayon nakahiga na siya sa kama.

�You were so good. I am so proud of you.� I kissed him on the cheek.

�Someday, you�ll get to perform in front of bigger crowd. A crowd as far as the
eyes could see.� Callum slid inside the blanket and lay next to him.

�Yeah. And I want you and Ate Drey to be there so you can watch me.�

�We�ll be there. We�ll always be here for you, Arthur. Nandito lang ako para
umalalay sayo.� I stroked his hair.

�Pag bumalik na sina mama at Daddy, aalis nakayo.� His lips pouted. �You�ll go back
to America tapos hindiko na kayo mahuhug at makikiss.�

�We�ll try to visit every once in a while.� I could hear the shakiness in Callum�s
voice.

�How many more mornings do we have?� He yawned, his lids getting heavier.

�Nine�� I quietly answered, my throat constricting. I could feel the time I had
with him slipping off my fingers. They were like water in cupped hands, I couldn�t
hold on to it no matter how hard I tried.

�Why you and Dr. Callum just stay?� He asked in a sleepy murmur. I didn�t have to
answer his question because he�d already fallen asleep before I could even open my
mouth. I lowered my head down to give him a kiss on the cheek and I stayed there to
inhale his scent.

I wished there was some way I could preserve his scent. Para kahit malayo na ako sa
kanya, maaamoy ko pa rin ito. He smelled of everything beautiful and innocent. I
wanted to etch in my memory the feel of his soft, warm skin against mine so I could
just have to close my eyes and go back to this moment whenever I miss him. I had to
let go of him to live a normal, happy life.

Callum gave me a kiss on the forehead and he did the same to Arthur.

�What do you mean you�re here in the Philippines?� I woke up to the sound of
Callum�s voice. I slowly lifted my head up and looked at his space next to Arthur.
It was empty. I turned my head and saw the open sliding door to the balcony.�

Dahan-dahan akong bumaba sa kama at lumapit doon. I wanted to check if he was

alright. I saw him holding a phone to his ears as he paced back and forth,
agitated.

�Damn you! Bakit kailangan mo akong sundan dito? Why can�t you just wait for me to
get back?� He could barely control the anger in his voice. �You fucking bastard,
don�t you dare Raven! Don�t you fucking dare! Just stay away from me. Hindi ka
pwedeng lumapit sa akin. I will kill you if you go anywhere near my family! Huwag
mo akong subukan. Kalilimutan ko na anak ka ng kapatid ko.�
�Callum�� I walked into the balcony.

He almost dropped his phone when he sawme. He pressed the end button and put his
phone down.

�Audrey.� He blinked. �How long have you been there?�

�Sino yung kausap mo?�

�Si Raven, my sister�s son.� He massaged his nape and shook his head. �I�m close to
giving up on him. He�s a hopeless case.�

�Nandito siya sa Pilipinas?� I asked, folding my arms over to my chest.

�Yeah.� He coldly shrugged his shoulders.

�He�s your family. Why do you want him to stay away from you? Bakit parang galit ka
sa kanya? May problema ba kayo?� I asked.

His eyes shot up ,his iris turned the blackest I�d ever seen. �You don�t know
Raven. He wreaks havoc wherever he goes Ayaw ko lang madamay kayo sa kung anumang
katarantaduhan ang gawin niya.�

I slowly nodded my head and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He embraced his
arms around me and gaze down at me.

�I love you Audrey.�

�I love you too.� I tiptoed giving him a kiss on the lips. �Let�s go back to sleep.
Baka magising pa si Arthur.�

Chapter Thirty
�Cal, saan ka galing?� I asked as he pulled up in front of the main door. He got
out of my parents� minivan, the car he uses to drive around. Arthur and I had been
looking all over for him. We woke up with him gone and the help told us he left
early. I tried calling him only to find out that he left his phone in our room.
Habang nasa playroom kami ni Arthur, nakita ko mula sa bintana ang kotse na pumasok
sa gate bumaba ako at sinalubong siya.

Callum grinned going around the trunk of the car and open it. He took out a small
blue bicycle. �I bougth a bike for the little one. Do you think he�ll like this?.�

�Oh, I�m sure he�ll love it. Lahat naman ng ibigay mo, gusto niya.� I smiled and
walked towards him. He wrapped an arm around my waist. � Bakit naman naisip mong
bilhan siya ng bike? Baka naman pangarapin niya naman maging next Lance
Aarmstrong.�

He chuckled and buried his nose into my hair. �I saw him trying to ride his
cousin�s bike. Masyadong malaki yung bike ni Cookie kaya hindi niya maabot.�

�Kanina ka pa niya hinahanap. Umiyak nga kanina noong di ka niya makita. He thought
you went back to California. I had to explain to him that you probably just went
out to buy something.� Natatawang sabi ko.

�Oh poor little guy.� He shook his head. �Hindi ko na kayo ginising kanina kasi ang
himbing ng tulog niyo. Besides, I want to suprise him. Where�s he anyway?�

�He�s inside. Kanina pa kami naglalaro sa playroom. I left him in there when I saw
the car. Busy kasi sa panonood ng leapfrog. I�m going to go get him, ilagay mo na
sa backyard yung bike.� Sabi ko.

�Yes, ma�am.� He cupped my face and kised me firm on the lips.

I went up to go get Arthur who was still watching tv.

�Nandyan na si Dr. Callum.� I sat down next to him and kiss the top of his head.
�He has a surprise for you.�
�What is it?� He suddenly sounded excited.

�It�s a surprise kaya we need to go downstairs. Hinihintay ka na ni Dr. Callum at

ang surprise niya sa�yo.� I nuzzled my nose against his soft and rounded cheek.

�Okay, lets go downstairs, Ate Drey!� He excitedly squeled.

Bumaba kaming dalawa and just before we go to the garden, I covered his eyes with
my palms.

�What do you think Dr. Callum�s surprise is for you.� I asked as I carefully walked
him to the backyard.

�A spaceship!� He said.

�Close enough.� Callum chuckled.

Tinanggal ko na ang kamay ko na naapatong sa mga mata niya. In front of him was the
blue bike Callum had bougt for him.

�It�s an Arthur ship!� I giggled.

�Wooow! This is so cool!� His eyes widened as he looked at his bike. He went around
it and checked out every sides of it. �Is this mine?�

�It isn�t called Arthur ship for nothing.� One corner of Callum�s lip tugged
upward.

�I�ve always wanted a bike!� He excitedly climbed up the bike.

�We know. That�s why Ate Drey and I bought you one. Nagustuhan mo ba ang surprise
namin?� Callum asked.

�Yes!� He frantically nodded his head.

� Marunong ka na ba magbike?� I asked.

�Yeah! I biked Cookie�s bike before and Kuya Coco helped me.� He said as he started
pedaling.

�Ang galing naman ng baby namin.� Callum cheered as he began to move.

�Careful, okay?� I reminded him and turned my head to my husband. �Didn�t you get a
helmet and elbow and knee pads for him? Baka mamaya mahulog siya sa bike niya.�

�I did but he doesn�t need it. Nandito lang namn siya sa backyard at may training
wheel naman ang bike.� Sabi ni Callum

�Cal, he�s still going to get hurt.� I worriedly said.

�Fine. I�ll put those on him.� He said and chased after him. �Arthur, come over
hare we forget to put your helmet and your pads.�

Arthur stopped and he started putting helmet oh him. I help and atarted putting on
his elbow pads wile Callum knelt in frot of him to put on his knee pads.

�I don�t like this. I can�t move a lot and I feel like I robot.� He complained.

�But you need it. Do you want to get hurt?�

�No.� He shook his head.

�Pagbigyan mo na si Ate Drey. She�s just being overprotective.� He chuckled.

�You�re the most handsome robot I�ve ever seen.� I cupped his face and kissed him
on the forehead. �Sige na. You can go ride your bike again. Just be careful.�

�Okay!� He answered before hopping back on to his bike.

Callum and I just stood there and watched Arthur as he wheeled his bicycle around
the backyard.
�Now, Imagine having at least three more of those.� A smile broke across Callum�s
lip as his eyes followed Arthur.

�Three more?� I cocked my brow, my arms folded across my chest.

�The Beatles had four band members. Gusto ni Arthur bumuo ng sarili niyang banda.
We�d have to give him three more sidlings so he could for his band with them.�
Callum chuckled.

�You are so supportive of him.�

�What can I say? I�m a stage Dad.� He shrugged, smiling proudly.

I couldn�t help but let out a small snicker. He pulled me to him and I wrapped my
arms around his waist while we watch the little one. This was one of those moments
when I wanted to stop time. Relish the sight, sound and feelings I could wrap
around my senses because everything ws just wonderful.

�Did you wash behind you ears o baka naman puro play lang ulit kayo ni Dr. Callum?
I asked as I walked into the bathroom. Callum bathed Arthur while I was busy with
cooking their breakfast. The two hadn�t gotten out of the bathroom for almost an
hour now so I decided to check on them. Arthur was still playing with his toys in
the tub when I got there.

�I washed him behind his ears.� Agad naman na sagot ni Callum habang nakaupo sa
gilid ng tub.

Kinuha ko ang blue towel ni Arthur at lumapit sa tub. �Let�s get you out of there.
Your finger and toes must be so wrinkly now.�

�Aww�� He whined.

�Listen to Ate Drey. Come on, big boy. Mamaya maglalaro ulit tayo.� Callum gently
pulled Arthur up from the tub and covered his body with a blue towel.

�Halika na, bibihisan na kita.� I took his hand and brougth him into our bedroom.
Nakaready na ang susuotin ni Arthur sa kama. A khaki pants and blue shirt. I put
powder and cologne on him and then I helped him put on his clothes.
�Ang handsome at ang bango naman ng baby namin.� I smiled as i neatly comb his
hiar.

He cutely smiled back at me. I couldn�t help pulling him into a hug and started
showering him with kisses. He squirmed on the bed as i playfully kissed him all
over his face.

�Ate Drey, that tickles.� He giggled.

�I can�t help it you smell so good.� I sniffed his neck and lifred my head up to
look at him. �I love you.�

�I love you too, Ate Drey.� He wrapped his little arms around my neck.

I gave him a peck on the lips. �Always remember that, okay? Ate Drey loves you so
much.�

He nodded his head. Callum suddenly dove into the bed next to us. He wrapped his
arms around Arthur�s waist and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

�I�m getting jealous. Where�s my hugs, kisses, and I love yous?� Callum jokingly
said.

Ikinawit ni Arthur ang isang biig niya sa leeg ni Callum habang ang isa naman ay
nakakawit sa akin. He left a sweet kiss on our cheeks and pull us into a hug.

�I love you Dr. Callum.� He said and then turned hid head to me. � And I love you
Ate Drey. I wish you cn just stay here forever and not go back to America.�

I wished the same too. He wouldn�t understand it when I tell him that what I was
about to do was for his own good. He was better off with Mama and Dad. Mahal na
mahal nila ang anak ko. They were his family now. Ayaw ko nang guluhin iyon.

We went downstairs to have our breakfast together and then we decided to go to the
mall. Gusto namin ipasyal si Arthur at bilhan na din siya ng mga toys. We only had
a few more days together before Mama and Dad comes back.

�I can have all the toys I want?� Arthur�s eyes shone with excitement.

�All the toys you want.� Callum answered.

�Is it okay if i get a lot of toys?� He asked.

�It�s okay. You can take whatever you want. I said. It wouldn�t be bad to spoil hi
every once in a while. Kulang pa ito sa mga taong hinid ko man lang siya nabigyan
ng regalo sa birthday niya at tuwing Christmas.

�Ate Ronnie, it is my birthday today?�

He turned his head over to Ronnie who ws walking bside me. She decided to come with
us had nothing to do in the house. It was weekend today and the two doesn�t have
school. Mahipit na pinagbilin ni Dad na hinid pwedeng lumabas si Ronnie ng walang
kasama.

�No. it�s not. Malayo pa ang birthday mo.� She answered, chuckling.

�I thought it�s my birthday because when I turned three, Mama and Daddy let me get
all the toys I want that can fir in the basket. I got the soldier toys, a bunch of
dinosaurs, and a nerf gun and Daddy even let me get a huge train track even when it
can�t fir in the basket anymore.� Kwento niya.

�Wow! Marami ka na palang toys.� Sabi ni Callum.

�Well, I had to give some of my old toys to the orphanage to mke room for the new
ones. Sabi ni Mama, sharing is carinf.� He said. It had always been like that since
I was a kid. We had our own toy chest and we were only allowed to keep the toys
that could fir inside it. The rest goes to the orphanage.

�That�s right.� He ruffled his hair.

We entered the toystore and Arthur just went crazy. He ran and went through every
aisle, grabbing all the toys he wanted. We just watched and followed himm and
around. He filled a whole cart full of toys and when he got tired we went to the
cashier to pay for them.

�I forgot to get the ninja turtles�. Sabi ni Arthur habang nasa cshier na kami.
�Can I get the ninja turtles?�

�Sure.� Sagot ko naman. �Do you know where it is?�

�I know where it is.� Sabat ni Ronnie. �I�m going to go get it.�

�Sama ako, Ate Ronnie. I want to pick!� He excitedly said.

Ronnie held his hand and Callum and I both watched as the aisles of toys.

�Our little musician is having so much fun.� Callum smiled and sighed. His smiled
slowly disappeared. �I think I�m going to have a hard time leaving him.�

�Me too�� I swallowed. �Hindi ko na siya pwedeng angkinin, Callum. As much as I

want to be with him, si Mama at Dad ang kinilalang niyang magulang. He has a great
life with Mama and Dad. They love him with everything they have.

�I know�� He silenty said.

�This isn�t how I want it to be but this is what he needs. I can�t reject him and
then show up and claim that I�m his mother. Magiging selfish ako at hindi lang si
Mama at dad ang masasaktan ko, pati siya.� I said.

�I understand. Its just that I�ve already grown attached to him. The idea of him
and the reality� it�s just hard�� He exhaled heavily.

I saw Ronnie walking towards us without Arthur. The moment I saw her, I instantly
felt uneasy. Like something wasn�t right.

�Ate, nasaan si Arthur?� She asked.

�What do you mean? Kayo ang magkasama�� Panic rose from my chest.

�He was running around and then he saw a man in a Spiderman costume. Tapos� tapos
hinabol niya� I- I tried chasing after him but I lost sight of him�� Ronnie�s face
slowly paled as she tripped over her words. �Kanina ko pa siya hinahanap. Hindi ko
siya makita.�

Callum breathed out a soft cuss.

�Baka naman nandito lang siya. Let�s go find him.� I could feel mu heart dropping
to the pit of my stomah but I didm�t want to panic. Maybe he just got lost. Maybe
Ronnie just didn�t look hard enough.

�Call the securities, Ronnie. Hell, call the police.� Callum instructed, urgency in
his voice. �Kami na ang bahala ng Ate mong maghanap Kay Arthur.�

Ronnie noddd her head, eyes already moist with tears. Tumakbo siya papunta sa
securities at sinimulan namin hanapin si Arthur. Callum went to find Arthur in the
toystore while I spoke with the staff and asked for their help. They sent out all
their sraff to find Arthur and Ronnie came back with five securities. Hinanap namin
si Arthur at hals mabaliktad na namin ang toystore sa paghahalughog pero hindi
namin nakita kahit anino niya. They decided to have the mall closed down so nobody
could go in or out as they tried to find him. Announcements were being made in th
speakers. Nagkalat ang mga securities at police sa buong mall para hanapin si
Arthur pero hinid siya nakita.

�Hey, it�s okay. We�ll find him�� Bulong ni Callum sa akin habang hinihimas ang
likod ko.

�What if he kidnapped? Ayaw konf mag-isip nang kahit anong masama pero bakit hindi
pa rin siya makita?� I sobbed, burying my face into his chest.

�We�ll find him. Hinding-hindi ko hahayaan na may mangyaring masama Kay Arthur. I�d
kill anyone who tries to hurt you or Arthur. Anyone.� I could feel the bite in his
tone.

�Ma�am wala po kami staff na naka-costume na Spiderman.� Sabi ng manager ng

toystore habang kinakausap kami ng police na dumating. She overheard what Ronnie
told the police.

�Then why the hell did you let someone come in here in a costume? Alam niyo naman
puro bata ang nandito.�

Callum�s voice shook with anger.

�Sir, wala din po kasi kaming alam.� Sagot ng manager.

�Wala ba kayong CCTV footage?� Callum massage his temples.

�Meron po, Sir!� She immediately answered.

We were taken to the control room where we watches the footage. Nakita namin ang
lalaking naka -Spiderman na costume. He ws covered from head to toe. He gestured
for Arthur to come over to him when Ronnie wasn�t looking. Sumunod naman si Arthur.
The guy in the costume made Athur chase after him and then he grabbed Arthur and
left with him through the other exit. We followed them througt a different camera
angle as they went through the parking ot. Sinakay niya si Arthur sa isang
motorbike, the plate number covered up. And then thay went off.

I lost every ounce of strength I had in my body when I saw the vedios. Para akong
pinagbagasakluban ng langit at lupa. He was clearly kidnappred. My so was
kidnapped. I bursted into tears and Callum caught me in his arms. He must be so
scared right now. He must be crying for Mama and Dad.

Flashbacks of me being kidnapped starting flooding my mind. It was so scary being

kept in the dark and tied down. I had never felt more scared than I did at that
moment. I�d never felt more alone and helpless. It was as though the world had
turned its back on me. Sa mga panahon noon, I had a hard time believing that there
was benevolent being up there. If there was, why would He allow something like this
to happen to me?
Ayaw kong kahit kailan maramaman ni Arthur iyon. Ayaw kong maranasan ang kahit
karampot ng takot, hirap, at sakit na naramdaman ko.

�Bakit si Arthur?� Tears gushed out of my eyes. �Bakit pati ang anak ko? Why? Sana
ako na lang I�d go through all those pain again, wag lang si Arthur. Ako na lang!�

�Shh� It�s going to be alright. I promise. We�ll find him and everything will be
okay again.� He said.

�Sorry. Ate�� Ronnie sobbed, her words almost incoherent. She hugged me from my
back and began crying too. �I�m so sorry. Dapat binantayan ko maigi si Arthur.�

�If I have to descend to hell to find our son, I will. Mamamatay muna ako bago may
makapanakit kay Arthur.� He said with a silent roar in his voice.

�Ano�ng nangyari kay Arthur?� Kuya Miggy ruched over to us.

�Kuya, someone took Arthur�� Naiyak na sabi ko.

�Son of a-� His jaw clenched, his eyes had a mixture of anger and fear in them.
�Nasabi niyo na kay Coco, Kay Mama at Dad?�

�Natawagan ko na si Kuya Coco about ten minutes ago.� Humihikbing sabi niya. � Ate
Anias contacted her Dad to ask for help. May connection si Tito Axel sa PNP.
Nagbook na sila ng flight pabalik dito sa Piipinas. Baka bukas nandito na daw
sila.�

�What anout Mama and Dad? Alam na ba nila �to?� Kuya raked his fingers through his
hair.

I slowly shook my head.

�We�re too scared to tell them.� Sagot ni Ronnie.

�Kuya, Ikaw ang kumausap kay Mama at Dad. I don�t know how to tell them��
Pakiusap ko sa kanya. Tears still dripping from my eyes.

Kuya Miggy took out his phone from his inner coat pocket and dialed a number.
Callum stared blankly into space with jaw clenched tight. Ronnie couldn�t stop
crying and I wanted to go crazy. If anything bad happened to my son, hinding-hindi
ko mapapatawad. Ang sarili ko. We�d only been together for a few days. Ako ang
pinagkatiwalaan ni Mama at Dad na magbantay at magaalaga sa kanya, Hindi na nga ako
naging mabuting ina asa kanya at ngayon ay hinayaan ko pang may masamang manyari sa
kanya.

Chapter Thirty One

�Ano na ang balita kay Arthur?� Coco asked the moment he stepped inside the house.
My tired eyes watered again when I heard my twin brother say his name. I hadn�t
slept a blink or eaten at all since yesterday. It was five in the morning when Coco
and his family arrived from the airport and headed straight here. I greeted him a
hug and he hugged back even tighter.

�Hindi pa rin nila nakikita si Arthur�� I sobbed into his shoulder.

�It�s going to be okay.� He gently said. �Makikita din natin si Arthur. Hindi tayo
titigil hangga�t hindi natin sya nakikita.�

�Tita Drey, I hope we find him soon because I miss him so much. We even bought toys
for him.� Cookie�s lips tugged downwards, his eyes getting misty.

Anais stood behind her son with a sad expression on his face. Hardly anyone in the
house had a good night sleep. There were police everywhere. Our phones had been
tapped incase the kipnappers called. Kuya Miggy and Callum had been up all night
getting updates from the police. Ni hindi ko nga nakita ang dalwa na umupo man lang
para pumikit. Ronnie wouldn�t stop crying and blaming herself even thought I kept
telling her that it wasn�t her fault. Tito Axel sent the best search team to look
for Arthur. Pumunta din sila Uncle Tristan at aunt Andi and all Dad�s friends were
heare with us until midnight. Help poured in like rain.

Kuya Miggy said Mama and Dad were on their way home.Hindi ko pa sila nakakausap. I
couldn�t. Ano�ng sasabihin ko sa kanila at paano ako haharap sa kanila? Pakiramdam
ko napabayaan ko sya. He�d been with Mama and Dad his whole life at ilang araw lang
nilang silang nawala at pinagkatiwala sa akin si Arthur ganito na ang nangyari. He
was better off with them. I felt like I was a useless mother.

�When will this end? It feels like it�s happening all over again.� Coco raked his
finger through his hair.

�Sana wala silang gawin masama kay Arthur. Sana ako na lang kinuha nila. Bakit siya
pa? Arthur�s too young. Siguro takot na takot siya ngayon.� Maluha-luha ng sabi ko.
Callum pulled me to his side and tried to comfort me. �We�ll find him.�

�I hope they�re just after the money. Kahit mahknaong halaga ang hilingin nila
ibibigay ko, masiguro lang ligtas na makauwi si Arthur dito.� Kuya Miggy said as he
paced back and forth. He closed and opened his palms as if to relieve his stress.
Anxiety was evident.
Could it be na may kinalaman yung mga kumuha kay Drey dati sa kumidnap kay Arthur?
Coco said.

�Oh, I hope not�� Anais said, putting her hand over her chest.

�What do they want from Audrey? From us? I don�t understand why they�re doing this!
� I could hear the frustration and anger in Coco�s voice. �When Audrey was
kidnapped, we didn�t receive any calls. Walang humingi ng ransom o kahit ano. Is it
their life long mission to make us miserable?�

Mama and Dad suddenly entered the living room. Mama�s eyes were red and puffy from
crying and Dad had dark circles under his eyes, a sign that he hadn�t slept very
well.

�Kumusta na? Wala pa din bang lead ang mga pulis?� Dad said, looking and sounding
stressed out.

�No calls, no anything?� He asked.

Kuya Miggy quiety shook his head.

�Mama, Dad, I�m sorry.� I got on my feet and Mama embraced me. �Hindi mangyayari
ito kung hindi ko pinabayaan si Arthur. It�s my fault. I should�ve taken better
care of him. Ngayon ko na nga lang siya nakasama, mawawal pa siya.�

�No, Don�t blame yourself. Walang may gusto sa nangyari.� Mama said, her voice raw
from crying. �Walang mangyayari kung magsisisihan tayo. It was nobody�s fault. Ang
mahalaga maibalik si Arthur ng ligtas.�

�Paano pag may nangyari kay Arthur?� I could feel the physical pain clenching in my
chest at the thought of it.
�No, no�� Mama shook her head vigorously. �May awa ang Diyos. Mabait na bata si
Arthur. I know He won�t let anything happen to him.�

�Mama, I can�t lose him again. Ayaw ko nang mawala sa akin si Arthur.� Halos hindi
na ako makapagsalita sa paghikbi.

�We�re not going to lose Arthur. We�re not going to lose anyone in the family��
Mama assured as she hugged me tighter.

�Pakiramdam ko pinaglalaruan na tayo.� Dad�s jaw and fingers clenched, his eyes
reddening with angry tears. �Kung sinuman ang mga tarandong iyon, they will pay
hell for what they did to my Audrey and my Arthur. I will slowly kill them with my
bare hands. Hangga�t nabubuhay ako, hindi ako titigil sa paghahanap sa kanila at
pagbabayarin ko sila sa ginawa nila sa inyo.�

I hugged Arthur�s Curious George stuffed animal. Ito ang unang regaling ibinigay ko
sa kanya. Palagi niyang hawak ito kapag natutulog siya. I buried my face into the
stuffed animal and inhaled. It still had his scent on it. It felt like he was just
here with me.
Nakakain na kaya siya? Nakatulog ba siya ng maayos kagabi? Were they treating him
right? Did they give them a comfortable bed to sleep in? Arthur�s a bit of a picky
eater. I hope they fed him the food he likes. I hope they read him his bedtime
stories, he couldn�t sleep without being read to. Sana nagbukas sila ng nightlight
bago matulog kasi hindi nakakatulog si Arthur kapag madilim na madilim. Sana hindi
nila sinasaktan si Arthur. I hope they realized how precious and innocent and
fragile he was.

�Love�� Callum smoothly sat to me kissed the back of my head. �You still haven�t
eaten anything.�

�I don�t want to eat. Gusto kong Makita ang anak ko.�

�There�s nothing more I want than to have Arthur back again. We�re going to get him
back, I promise. Lahat gagawin ko maib alik lang si Arthur ng ligtas.� He lifted my
chin up and looked at me.

�Paano kung sinasaktan nila si Arthur?� A sob rose from my throat, my hands
clutching tighter onto his stuffed toy.

�They won�t dare. If they hurt even the tip of our son�s finger, I will hunt and
kill them wherever they are.� He said through gritted teeth.

�Gusto kong magwala. Gusto kong sumigaw. Guso kong umiyak ng umiyak. Ang sakit,
Cal. Mas masakit pa ito sa kahayupang ginawa nila sa akin. Ano bang kasalanan ko sa
kanila? Bakit pati ang anak ko dinamay nila? Ang dami pa naming hindi nagagawa.
Nagpromise ako sa kanya na dadalhin naming ang bike niya sa park. Sabi niya
tatawagan niya ako araw-araw pag nasa California na tayo. Sabi niya palagi niya
akong kukuwentuhan. He said he�s going to have his own band and he�ll be the
greatest musician.� I said, bursting into tears.

Policemen and investigators went in and out of our house. I could feel the anxiety
in the whole house. The busyness of it. I felt I was in a snowglobe that some had
shook hard. I just stood in the middle while all kinds of chaos were going on
around me. I just wanted everything to end.

�Huwag mo akong gaguhin! Tell me where Arthur is!� Callum�s voice boomed throughout
the room.
Napabalikwas ako. I hadn�t even realized that I already fell asleep on the couch
until I woke up to Callum�s voice. Callum paced back and forth as he held on the
wireless telephone to his ear

�I don�t know what game you�re playing but we�ve all had enough of it. Huwag mong
idamay ang bata sa katarandaduhan mo. Don�t you dare do anything that would hurt
Arthur. Hahanapin kita kahit nasaan ka pa and I will you fuck you up.�

�Cal�� I sat up. I was sure they were talking about Arthur.

Callum, averted his eyes to me and massaged his temples. �Yes� yes� Siguraduhin mo
lang na ligtas mong ibabalik sa amin si Arhutr. Kahit anong gusto mo ibibigay
naming sayo. Kahit magkano pa. Nakikiusap ako sayo, don�t harm the child.�
Nabuhayan ako ng loob sa narinig ko. The kipnappers had already called.

�Hello? Hello?!� His face crumpled and then his body collapsed next o me.

�Cal, ano�ng sabi nila? Ano daw gusto nila? Magkano ang hinihingi nila?� Tanong ko.

�Sinabi lang nila na nasa kanila si Arthur and then they hang up.� Callum looked
like he�d aged ten years. He, himself hadn�t had any sleep since last night.
�We need to tell Dad and the police. They�ll be able to trace the call.� Sabi ko. I
got up from the couch and went to Dad who was busy talking to the investigators in
his library.

I told him that Callum had picked up a call from the kidnappers and they told him
that they had Arthur. The investigators and policemen immediately worked to trace
the calls we�d received from the kipnappers.

We later learned that the call was from a payphone near our village. Agad kumilos
ang mga tauhan ni Dad para puntahan ang lugar kung saan nanggaling ang tawag. After
a few hours, we received an update from the police. May dinala dawn a bata sa
kanila na nagfit sa description ni Arthur at kamukha ng nasa picture niya.
Gusto kong maglulundag sa tuwa ng marinig ko iyon. We quickly rushed to the police
station where the child was.

Callum and I held hands as we walked from the car to the police station. I hadn�t
been this nervous for a long time. Sana si Arthur talaga ang batang sinasabi nila
at sana maayos siya.

�Do you think it�s really him?� I asked in a shaky voice.

�I hope so�� He quietly said as he squeezed my hand in his.

We entered the police station and I immediately saw Arthur. He sat on a chair that
was too big for him, swing his legs back and forth. Agad kaming tumakbo ni Callum
palapit sa kanya. We hugged him in a tight embrace.

�Saan ka ba nanggaling ha?� I pulled away from the hug and brushed his dark hair
back. I couldn�t help the happy tears from flowing down my cheeks.

�We�ve been looking all over for you. You scared us!� Callum caught his tiny face.
Pinugpog niya ng halik si Arthur Sa mukha. �Huwag mo nang gagawin iyon ulit. Huwag
kang sasama sa strangers, okay?�

�May ginawa ba sila sa�to? Sinaktan ka ba nila?� I worriedly asked, lifting his
arms and legs up. Checking for any signs of scratch or bruises.

�No, Mr. Spiderman was really nice to me.� He smiled his usual cheeky smile. �We
ate ice cream and cake for dinner but I did cry at night because I miss you and Dr.
Callum and Mama and Papa and Ate Ronnie. But he said he�d take me back when
tomorrow comes and now was tomorrow.�

�Arthur!� Agad na tumakbo si Mama at Dad papunta sa kinauupuan ni Arthur pagpasok

pa lang nila sa police station.

Dad took him in this in his arms and hugged him.

�Mama! Daddy!� He was so happy when he saw them and he gave them both hugs and
kisses. Kuya Miggy and Coco soon joined him and in no time he was being showered
with so much love and attention.

�Baby!� Umiiyak na niyakap ni Ronnie si Arthur. �I�m sorry, I lost you. Hinayaan
kong kunin ka nung lalaking iyon.�

�Mr. Spiderman�s a really cool guy. He let me watch cartoons all day while I eat
cake and ice cream.� He said.

�Do you know what he looks like?� Tanong ni Dad.

�When he�s nothing wearing mask, he looks like a normal guy. He has eyes, nose, and
lips.� Sabi ni Arthur.

�Did he tell you why he took you?� Kuya Miggy asked.

�Well, he said he was waiting for the result because he wants to know it I�m a hero
or not. He put something in my mouth and then put it in a small bag and then he
gave it to his friend.� Kwento ni Arthur.

�How many were they?� Coco asked.

�There was just Mr. Spireman in the house but his friend visited last night and
then this morning. Tapos binigay niya sa akin itong paper.� He took something out
from his pocket. �Sabi niya ibigay ko daw sa Mommy ko.�

Mama took the envelope from Arthur and opened it. Her eyes scanned through the
paper and suddenly her face paled.

�What is it, Cassie?� Dad�s brows crumpled with worry.

Mama gazed at me and I knew by the look of her face that it had something to do
with me. With shaky hands, she handed the paper to me.

There were letter and numbers, I didn�t really understand. But then my eyes went
down the bottom of the paper. Parang hinatak ang puso ko ng Makita ko ang nakasulat
sa baba ng papel.

Probability of parternity: 99.9999%

Underneath it was a sentence that horrified me even more. Pakiramdam ko para akong
naupos na kandila.

I am nearer than you think.

Chapter Thirty Two
My legs wanted to give in as I stared at the paper. Tears dropped from my eyes to
the paper I had in my hand. My abuser had my child. Alam niyang nagbunga ang
pangbababoy na ginawa niya sa akin at si Arthur iyon. Mas natatakot ako ngayon para
kay Arthur kaysa sa sarili ko. They had managed to get their hands on my son and
who knows what they could�ve done to me.

�Audrey�� Callum caught me before I fell to the ground. Napayakap ako kay Callum at
umiyak sa dibdib niya. He took the paper from my hand and his eyes scanned through
it. His jaw suddenly clenched and so did his hand, he crumpled the paper tightly
into fist.

�I will fucking kill him.� He said in a silent roar.

Dad snatched the paper from his hand and read it. He had the same reaction as Mama
when he saw what was written in there.

�Ibig sabihin lang nito malapit ko nang maibigay sa�yo ang hustisyang dapat na
matagal mo nang nakuha. I will make them all pay, Drey. Magbabayad sila sa ginawa
nila sa�yo.� I could see the flare, the burning hatred in Dad�s eyes as he said
those words. And I knew he meant every letters in those words.

Arthur was interviewed by the investigator. Arthur sat on a chair in between Mama
and Dad while the investigator sat across from them. I stood by the door with
Callum behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist.

�Do you remember where Mr. Spiderman took you?� The investigator asked.

�In his house.�

�What does his house look like? Can you describe it for me? Ano yung nakikita mo sa
bahay?�

�It�s small and it doesn�t have doors like in our house. Only the bathroom and when
you enter the house. The bed and the couch and the kitchen�s in one room.� He
answered.

�Eh yung labas ng bahay? Do you remember it?� The investigator asked, writing down
something on the clipboard he was holding.

�It has lots of trees and there are no other house.�

�Alam mo ba kung paano pumunta doon?�

Arthur shook his head. �No. It�s too far away. Like from here to Pluto far away.�

�You said Mr. Spiderman has a friend? Did you hear what they talked about while his
friend was there?�

�They were talking about the hero test. Sabi ni Mr. Spiderman he needs the result
really, really soon.�

�Why?�

�Because I need to go home.�

I inhaled, trying to lighten the heaviness and anxiety in my chest. Callum hugged
me tighter, resting his chin on my shoulder. He kissed my neck as if saying he was
here to comfort me. I hugged the arm that was wrapped around me.

�I love you.� He softly whispered.

It was clear that they were toying with us. They were trying to rattle us and it
worked. It would be less scary if they asked for something, like money. Hindi
katulad nito na hindi namin alam kung ano ang gusto nila mula sa amin. Takot na
takot ako para sa anak ko. What if they take him away again? Nagawa na nila yun at
hindi malabong magawa ulit nila.

�You�re hugging me too tight, Ate Drey.� He giggled as he ate his dinner. Hindi ko
mapigilan ang yakapin at halik-halikan siya. I was just so happy that he was back
here with us.

�Kumain ka ng madami, okay?� I brushed my fingers through his hair and kissed him
on the cheek.

We sat on the dining table with our entire family present. Everyone�s eyes were on
us with big smiles on their faces. Callum couldn�t let go of Arthur too. Ramdam ko
din ang pagkamiss niya sa anak ko. He was there to help him finish his food and
wipe the corners of his lips. I�d lost count of how many times he�d kissed his
head.

�Can I have a bowl of ice cream for dessert, Daddy?� He asked after finishing his
dinner.
�You can have all the ice cream you want.� Dad looked at him with love radiating
from his eyes.

�Can I watch cartoons too while I eat ice cream?� He innocently asked.

�Yes, you can.� Mama answered.

�I want to watch cartoons too.� Sabi ni Cookie.

�Cookie, Mymy�s not feeling well. Sa bahay ka na lang manood ng cartoons, okay?�
Sabi ni Coco.

�Awww�� He complained.

After a wonderful dinner with the whole family and everyone was about to leave, Dad
stopped them. He said we needed to discuss something really important with the
whole family. He called us into the living room and had Arthur sit on his lap.

�Arthur, you know we all love you, don�t you?� Dad asked.

�Mmhm!� He nodded as he licked a spoonful of ice cream.

�Everything we do is for your own good.� Sabi niya.

�Arthur, do you remember what Mama told you before?� Mama brushed her fingers
through his hair. �Hindi ba sabi ko sa�yo noon hindi ka nanggaling sa tummy ni Mama
noong baby ka pa? Not like Kuya Miggy, Kuya Coco, and Ate Ronnie. You came from a
different tummy.�

Nagkatinginan kaming magkakapatid. My throat suddenly went dry. I was never

prepared for this situation but I anticipated this. I was nervous but at the same
time, I was excited. Handa na akong malaman niya na ako ang ina niya at handa na
ako sa kung anuman ang kahihinatnan nito. I was tired of putting on a pretense
anymore. I wanted him to know me not just as his sister but his mother. When I lost
him, I thought I would die. And I knew I couldn�t lose him again.

�Yeah.� He slowly nodded his head.

�Well, do you want to know whose tummy you came from?�

�Um, Daddy�s tummy?� He innocently said.

Dad laughed and shook his head but I saw tears swell in his eyes. �No, silly.�

�Your real mommy is Ate Drey, you came from her tummy.� Mama carefully said as if
each word were made of glass.

�Ate Drey?� He turned his head to me.

By that time, my eyes were already flooding with tears. He looked at me with those
innocent eyes that reflected his heart. He understood but the purity in his eyes
stayed intact. There was no hate in those eyes, no pain, no questions. Just pure
amusement.

�Arthur�� I knelt down in front of him. �Ako ang Mommy mo. You came from me.�

Those words freed me like a shadow that settled on top of me for a very long time
had passed and the light came flooding back in. Like I had the weight of the world
lifted from my shoulder. Like a bird flung up to the sky. Like a tiger let loose.
It was so freeing and healing for me.

�From your tummy?� His eyes went down to my stomach.

Despite the tears, I nodded a yes with a smile on my face.

�If I came from your tummy then Mama isn�t my Mama?� His brows furrowed.

�She still is. She�s our Mama. She�s your grandmother, she and Dad made me and I
grew inside her tummy. At ikaw naman, I made you you because you came from my
tummy.� I tried hard to keep my voice steady.

�Is Daddy still my Daddy?� He turned his head to Dad. �Are you still my Dad? Did
you make me?�

�He�s your grandaddy.� I sniffled.

�Then who�s my Daddy?� He asked, confused.

Everybody exchanged tensed looks. This was the question I feared the most because I
didn�t how I�d answer it. I didn�t want to tell him that he was the product of a
violent abuse that was done to me. I didn�t want him to know that the other half of
him was from a man who had brutally violated me.

�I�m you Daddy�� Callum broke the awkward pause when he said that. He cupped my
son�s face and kissed him on the forehead. �From now on, I am your Daddy and I will
always be your Daddy.�

�Can I call you Dr. Daddy?� Arthur grinned.

Callum�s eyes were teary as he smiled and nodded his head. �Yes, I am your Dr.
Daddy.�

�And you always tell me that I am your Arthur.� He beamed.

�I am your Dr. Daddy and you are my Arthur.� He chuckled causing the tears to spill
from his eyes.

Callum took him from Dad and carried him into his arms, I wrapped mine around the
two of them and we both showered Arthur with all the love and kisses we could
possibly give him. This was what I didn�t know I longed for until now. I knew with
his tiny little arms wrapped around Callum and I that he was the most precious
thing given to us. He made my womanhood complete.

I regret the amount of time that I spent without my son. All those birthday, those
christmas, those mother�s days, I could have had all those before but I could never
take time back. I could only anticipate the future with him and Callum.

�Mommy is sorry�� I sobbed as I hugged. �Sorry wala ako sa tabi mo habang lumalaki
ka. Sorry, Arthur.�

�It�s okay.� He petted my hair.

�From now on, hindi na tayo magkakahiwalay. I will be here for you. I will make up
for all the years I wasn�t by your side.� I looked him in the eyes.

�You�re not flying in the sky to America anymore?� He asked.

�No� I wil celebrate all your birthdays with you and we�ll spend many Christmas
together. And I will watch you grow into a handsome big man.�

�Just like Dr. Daddy?� He asked, his eyes shining with excitement as he looked at
Callum.

�You will be bigger and more handsome then me.� Callum bent down to rub his nose
against Arthur�s

�Do I call you Mommy Ate Drey?� He asked.

�Just Mommy�� My voice croacked from all the tears.

�Mommy and Dr. Daddy.� He hooked each of his arms around our necks and pulled us to
him.

He wouldn�t stop asking questions and Callum and I both answered it. He asked if he
could still call Mama and Dad, Mama and Dad even though he had a Mommy and a Dr.
Daddy. He asked if he could still love them the same. If he could still give Dad a
gift for Father�s day and Mama for Mother�s day. He was one bright child. Alam ko
na kung bakit napamahal agad si Callum sa kanya.

�Do I still have the same birthday?� He yawned as we put him to bed between us.

Isinara ni Callum ang librong binasa niya para akay Arthur at tumawa ng mahina. �Of
course, you still do.�

�I thought now that I have a different Mommy and Daddy, I also have a different
birthday.� He said.

�That�s not how it works and no, you don�t have a different Mommy and Daddy. Si
Mama at Dad, Mama at Dad mo pa rin sila.� I explained as I stroked his hair.

�Nadagdagan ka lang ng Mommy at Daddy. Now you have your Daddy and Mama and Mommy
and of course, me Dr. Daddy. We all love you so much.� Sabi naman ni Callum.

�I love you too, Mommy and Dr. Daddy.� He lazily said, his eyes finally giving in.

I couldn�t stop staring at Arthur as he slept. I was afraid I�d lose him if I
turned away even just for a second. Ang mawala siya sa akin ang pinakanakakatakot
na bagay na naranasan ko sa buhay ko. I didn�t want it to ever happen again. I
realized at that moment that he was the most important thing in my life and losing
him would cause me to lose my sanity.

�Cal, thank you for claiming him as your own son.� Mahinang sabi ko. �Hindi ko alam
kung paano ipaliliwanag sa kanya ang lahat kung wala ka.�

�I want to adopt him, Audrey. I want him to have my name. Ngayon alam niya na na
ikaw ang tunay niyang ina, gusto kong ako na ang tumayong ama sa kanya. He doesn�t
need to know about the truth of his conception. I love you and I love Arthur. You
and him are my life now.�

�Oh, Cal��

�You�re my family.� He leaned over to kiss me and we both looked at the little one
sleeping right in between us.

Chapter Thirty Three

�Dr. Daddy, fasteeeeeerrrr!� He laughed as Callum pushed him on the back of his
bicycle. I couldn�t help but let out a giggle as I watched the two. They looked so
happy together. Para talaga silang mag-ama. But then again, he was the father of my
son now. I didn�t want to think of Arthur as the child of the man who�d abused me.
Anak namin siya ni Callum.

�Not too fast, Cal. Baka mahulog si Arthur.� I reminded.

�We�ve too slow down. Mommy�s getting worried.� Callum slow the bicycle down and
tried to catch his breath.

�We�ll be careful.� Sabi ni Arthur.

�Kahit na. Mamaya na nga kayo magbike. Kita mo, hingal na hingal na si Dr. Daddy mo
kakapush sa�yo. Uminom muna kayo ng juice at papalitan ko na yang damit mo. Pawis
na kayong dalawa kalalaro.� I told them.

I was loving being a mother to Arthur. With Mama and Daddy�s help, hindi nahirapan
si Arthur na kilalanin ako bilang ina niya. Mama and Dad explained to him
everything in a way that a child would understand even before. They never lied to
him so it was easier for him to accept that I was his mother. He still knew that we
were one family. That we were all his family and that we loved him so much.

Arthur pedal his way towards me as Callum walked beside him. He jumped out of his
bike and came running towards me. I caught him in my arm and kissed him on the
lips.

�Amoy pawis na ang baby natin.� I playfully wrinkled my nose.

�Let me get a sniff.� Callum buried his face into his neck and Arthur giggled.
�Hindi naman. Our musician still smells like a baby.�

�Baka si Dr. Daddy yung amoy pawis.� I laughed.

�Ako ba yun? Why don�t you smell me?� He leaned over to us. �Come on, smell me.�

And we did, we buried our faces in his neck.

I jokingly scrunched my nose. �It is Dr. Daddy!�

Callum pulled me against his body, squeezing our son in between us.

�YUCK! Dr. Daddy, you�re rubbing your sweat all over us!� Natatawang sabi ko.
�I know! Mommy, can we take a shower here in the backyard?� Sabi ni Arthur.

�Shower? Here? How?� I asked.

�The sprinklers!� He pointed at the sprinklers on the grass. �Can we turn it on?�

�Yeah, that�s a good idea.� Sabi naman ni Callum.

�Turn it on, Dr. Daddy, so it will feel like it�s raining.� He demanded.

�Can we, Mommy?� Callum batted his lashes at me.

I rolled my eyes. �Okay pero sandali lang. Maligo kayo na kayo after, okay?�

�Okay!� They answered, almost in chorus.

They turned on the water sprinkler. Tuwang-tuwa ang dalawa habang nagtatampisaw sa
tubig na nagmumula sa sprinkler. I just smiled and shook my head as I watched my
two boys. I didn�t think I could be any more happier than this. Arthur brought me
back to the purest place in my heart, where my hopes were. Lahat ng sakit at
paghihirap na natamasan ko noon, nawala iyon dahil sa kanya. What was taken from me
was given back in his form.

�Mommy needs a shower too.� I saw Callum running towards me.

My eyes widened, knowing what he was planning to do. He caught me in his arms
before I could even run away and brought me to the sprinklers. Our son laughed even
harder when the water soaked my dress.

�Cal!� I whined, laughing.

�You need to take a shower too.� Arthur giggled.

�Kayo talaga ng Daddy mo, palagi niyo kong pinagtutulungan.� I pinched his tiny
button nose.

We ended up playing tag, still with the water sprinklers on. Pero hindi ko din sila
pinagtagal. Baka kasi matuyuan si Arthur at magkasakit pa kaya huminto na kami.

�I hate to ruin your fun but we have to go inside.� Sabi ko.

�But I still want to play.� He complained.

�We�ll inside. You might catch a cold if you don�t take a bath. And look at you and
Dr. Daddy, you�re all muddy and dirty.� I said.

�Come on, Art. We�ll take a bath and then we�ll play the guitar. How does that
sound?� Callum picked him up in his arms.

�Tomorrow we�ll do this again?� He pouted.

�Tomorrow we�ll buy a kite and we�ll fly it, okay?� Cal smiled at him.

�Okay!� His mood lifted.

We finally convinced him to go in and have his bath. Callum and him took a bath
together and I took a bath after them. When I got out of the shower, the two were
already in the living room, playing their guitar.
Tumulong ako sa kusina para mapaghanda ng makakain ang mag-ama ko. Oo, mag-ama ko
sila. I was owning it now just like how Callum owned Arthur and treated him as his.
Para sa akin si Callum ang ama niya at wala nang iba. He may not be Arthur�s
biological father but I could feel the love he had for Arthur.

I went to the kitchen to make them their lunch. I was busy making sandwiches for
them when Mama walked in.

�Do you want chicken sandwich, Ma?� I asked her.

�No, thank you. I already had my lunch with your Dad outside.� She smiled.

�Arthur and Callum have been playing all day. Hindi ko alam kung saan nila akukuha
ang energy nila. You won�t believe how much of a handful they are. Kanina ba naman
binuksan ang sprinklers at naligo sa labas. It�s crazy having two boys.� Natatawang
kwento ko.

�Oh, I know believe me. I raised four boys myself.� Mama chuckled.

My gaze lifted to Mama and my eyes softened. �Ma, thank you for taking care of
Arthur. Kayo ni Dad. You raised him to be a good kid. Despite how I treated him
before, he didn�t hate me. Tinanggap pa rin niya ako bilang Mommy niya. And Mama, I
want to thank you and Dad for giving me a chance to be a mother to him.�

�Your Dad and I are happy for you and Arthur. Noon pa man, hinanda na namin siya
para pag dumating ang araw na magawa mo siyang tanggapin hindi niya siya
maguguluhan. We knew this day would come, Drey. We knew you�d open yourself up
again. You�ve always had a pure heart. Alam kong nabalutan lang ng takot at galit
ang puso mo kaya nahirapan kang maramdaman ang pagmamahal mo para kay Arthur.� She
gently said.

�I know thank you will never be enough for what you and Dad did for me and Arthur.
But thank you, Ma. Thank you.� I threw my arms around her.

�Just love him, Drey. Ikaw na ikaw siya noong bata pa siya. Napaka-sweet at
lambing.� She rubbed my back.

�I will.� I said, as we pulled away from the hug.

Mama cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead. �I�m happy that you found love
and peace through Arthur and Callum. This is what I�ve been praying for for so
long. You deserve this, Drey. You deserve nothing but love and peace of mind. I
want to see you build your own family with Callum and have more children.�

I nodded my head.

�Nakapag-usap na ba kayo ni Callum tungkol dito? Ano na ang plano niyo ngayon? Are
you going to go back to California? Are you going to take Arthur with you?� She
asked, biting her bottom lip. Mama�s voice trembled, probably to the thought of
losing Arthur.

�Cal wants to adopt Arthur. He wants him to have his name. Iyon pa lang ang
napapag-usapan namin. But Ma, I want to stay here for good. I don�t want to take
Arthur away from you and Dad. I know how much you love him.�

�No, don�t worry about me and your Dad. We�ll be fine. Do what you think is best
for you and your family.�
�Malulungkot din si Arthur kapag nalayo siya sa inyo.�

�Sanayin niyo ang bata na kayo ang palaging makasama. Let him recognize you as his
parents. He�ll eventually get used to you and Callum. Unt-untiin niyo lang.�

�Maybe we�ll move in to a house near here. Parang sina Coco at Anais. Para kapag
namimiss niya kayo, malapit lang kayo at mapupuntahan niya.� I said.

Ma stroked my hair, her eyes getting misty with tears. �You don�t know how happy
and proud of you I am. You�re not just surviving anymore, you�re living again. Your
Dad and I promise you�ll get the justice you deserve. Your Dad and brothers are all
working with the police. Lahat kami walang ginusto kung hindi mamuhay ka ng payapa
at walang takot sa dibdib. I know that day will come soon. I can feel it��

�Thank you, Mama.� I relaxed my body against her as tears began to seep from my
eyes too.

�I�m going sleep with Mama and Daddy tonight.� Arthur said as I was putting his
pajama on.

�You�re not going to sleep with Dr. Daddy and Mommy tonight?� Cal rested his head
on my shoulder, his arms encircling my waist.

�Just tonight because I miss sleeping with Mama and Daddy.� He said.

�Okay.� Callum arched his brow. �I guess I�ll have Mommy all to myself tonight.
What do you want? A baby sister or a baby brother?�

�CAL!� I shrugged my shoulders.

�I�m just asking.� He chuckled gingerly.

�I want an iguana.� Arthur answered.

�An iguana?� I giggled.

�Yeah, we have an iguana pet in our class and I want my own.� He said.

�Okay, maybe next week we�ll get you a pet iguana. You are a simple little guy,
aren�t you?� Callum stroked the little one�s dark hair. �You don�t want to be a
Kuya yet?�

�I want to be a Kuya.� He smiled.

�You�re going to help take care of your little sister or brother?� I stroked his
hair.

�Yeah!� He enthusiastically answered.

�You�re going to have brothers and sisters that will look as cute as you really
soon because we�ll start making one tonight.� Cal grinned.

I turned my head to him and gave him a warning glare.

�How? What are you going to make the baby with?� He confusingly asked.

Callum�s laughter filled the whole room. He bent down to give our son a kiss on the
forehead. �You�ll know when your old enough.�
Arthur yawned and rubbed his eyes.

�Let�s get you to bed. Ihahatid na kita kina Mama.� Aya ko sa kanya.

�Well, someone�s a bit excited tonight.� Callum arched a playful brow.

I rolled my eyes at him. �Feeling mo!�

�Come here, give Dr. Daddy a hug and lots of kisses.� He scooted over to the edge
of the bed and lifted him up to sit on his lap. Arthur gave him a hug and kisses
all over his face and Cal ended it with a goodnight kiss on his lips.

Naiingit ako. I took him in my arms and started giving him sniff kisses all over
his neck. He laughed a heart laugh.

�Bakit si Dr. Daddy lang ang may hugs at kisses?� I asked.

�I�ll� give� you hugs� and kisses toooooo!� He said in between his laughters,
tickled with my kisses on his neck.

I stopped giving him tickle kisses and he hugged and kissed me too.

�Don�t you want me to read you Curious George before you go to Mama and Dad?� I
asked him.

�I left it in their room. Daddy�s going to read it for me.� He said.

�Okay, one last kiss?� I puckered my lips.

He gave me a peck. Callum and I brought him to Mama and Daddy�s room and then we
headed back to ours. This was the first night since Mama and Dad left that Arthur
wouldn�t sleep with us. It was just one night and I already miss him.

I slipped in to bed and reached over to the bedside table to continue the reading
the book I started a few days ago. When suddenly Callum walked out from the
bathroom with nothing but a black towel around his waist.

My brows furrowed when he walked up to the middle of the room and pressed the audio
player on. I put the book over to my chest and couldn�t help but laugh when the
song started playing. He sang along with the song as he does a macho dancer dance.

�I�m never gonna dance again. These guilty feet have got no rythm, though it�s easy
to pretend. I know you�re not a fool�� He sang as he thrust his hips in the air.

�Cal!� My stomach began to hurt from laughing.

He hopped on to the bed and crawled his way towards me. He mounted on top of me,
straddling my torso between his musculine legs.

�You�re crazy�� Natatawa at naiiling an sabi ko habang sumasayaw siya sa ibabaw ko.

�Unwrap your present, love.� He teasingly said, his gaze lowering to the towel
around him.

I bit my bottom lip and my hand reached up to the top of the towel that was firmly
wrapped around him. I slowly pulled it open and it fell from his waist, revealing
his engorged manhood. My laugh died down as I looked at him, my eyes twinkling with
passion. With the thought of what it did and could do to me.
I swallowed as I took him in my hand. I wrapped my fingers around his hardness and
he groaned when I started stroking it. I gasped as I watched him grow harder in
front of me and in my hand. Wanting a little taste of my husband, I lowered my
mouth to him and took him in. I sucked the tip of him. He tasted of heady male musk
with a hint of soap. Warmth infused my whole body when I heard his moan and every
inch of my body tingled with awereness.

I swirled my tongue around him as my hand pumped up and down the base of his
manhood. He held onto my head as I bobbed up and down him. He was warm, musculine
and yet so gentle. He was familiar. My hand move in time with my mouth.

�Au, I�m going to blow if you keep doing that.� He harshly exhaled, pulling himself
from my mouth. He dropped his body on top of mine and pinned my hands on top of my
head, his head leveling to mine. He looked at me with eyes burning with desire. �I
want to come inside you, love. Shoot so deep. I want you to feel my warmth and I
want to feel your pussy clenching around me.�

His words made me shiver with anticipation. He had the right mixture of gentleness
and lewdness, it turned me on even more. He yanked the blanket that covered me and
stared down at my body.

His hand glided down my thigh and up the silk dress I was wearing. He cupped my
sex, petting it for a little while before he pushed my panties aside and touched
me. He touched me there while looking straight into my eyes. Those dark eyes
intensified even more when a moan rose from my throat. He fondled my folds so
slowly it made me quiver. He rubbed my own wetness around my clit, acting as a
lubricant. I lifted my head up and locked my lips against his. Our tongues moved
against each other as his fingers continued on. He pushed two fingers inside me
while his thumb still rubbed my clit. He fingerfucked me until my whole body
convulsed, my hips thrusted up in a fit of orgasm.

�Take the lead, love.� He gently said, shifting our position. �Do what feels right
for you. I want you to learn.�

I was now on top of him, staring up at me with anticipation. I gupled, still

clueless of what I should do. He took my hand and rested it on top of his chest as
if guiding me to what I should do. I began to massage his chest and when I slowly
grew comfortable. I lowered my head and left small kisses over his chest. He sucked
in a breath when I took a nipple in my mouth. He raked his fingers through my hair
and gently tightened on it. I gave the same attention to his other nipple, twirling
and sucking on it.

�I can�t take it anymore, love. Fuck me.� He said.

I lifted my head up and scooted to his groin. I pulled my silk dress over to my
head and threw it to the floor and then I took off my underwear. I held his hard
manhood in my hands and lifted my body up. I positioned his penis against my
opening and lowered myself on him. I felt wanton and wild. He made me feel so
sensual and in control. In that instant, I finally knew I had nothing to fear
because this body was made for him. It was all his. Sa kanya lang ako at ang
katawan ko.

His hand went down my clit and he rubbed it as I moved up and down him.

�Love, I�m going to come�� He groaned after just a few thrust.

�Rub me harder. I want to come with you.� I told him.

He did as he was told. He pressed his finger harder, twisting and pulling at my
clit with his two fingers and then I exploded into a blinding orgasm on top of him.
He soon followed after and I felt his hot liquid gushing with so much intensity
inside me.

I rested my body on top of his and we took out time to recovery from the frenzy. He
played with my hair and traced his fingertips on my naked back.

�I love you, Audrey. God, how I love you.� He whispered. �You are the best thing
that ever happened to me and I don�t want to lose you.�

�I love you too, Cal.� I lifted my head up to gaze at him.

�Audrey�� He gently lifted me up from his body and got up from the bed. I watched
as he headed to our closet. He had his pants hanged on the door of the closet and
he took something out from it. A small box?

�Sit up, love.� He commanded and so I did.

He grinned standing next to the bed. �I know this isn�t the most romantic setting,
we just made love and we�re both naked but I don�t give a damn anymore. I can�t
wait another minute to ask this question to you again.�

He got on one knee beside the bed and held the small box in front of him.

�Audrey Francois, will you marry me again? Will you be my Mrs. Francois forever? I
want to marry you over and over. In a thousand lifetimes and in a thousand
universe, love, I will find you and I will marry you again and again.�

�Yes, Cal, a thousand yes.� Mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ko. I jumped on him and we both
laid on the floor laughing as happy tears ran down my cheeks.

Chapter Thirty Four

�It�s good that you decided to have a proper wedding.� Dad nodded his head as he
looked at Callum and I. We decided to break the news to them over dinner where
everyone in the family were present.

�We�re so happy for the two of you.� Mama affectionately put her hand over mine.

�Another wedding in the family?! I am so excited! Oh I get to wear a gown again.�

Ronnie clapped with glee. �Isn�t it kind of funny? Si Kuya Miggy ang unang na-
engage at mas nauna pa kayo ni Kuya Coco na makasal. Wala pa rin bang date ang
kasal niyo ni Ate Hazel, Kuya?�

Kuya Miggy suddenly coughed as if the food he was chewing was dislodged in his
throat. He cleared his throat. �As of now, wala pa.�

�Ronnie, ang kasal hindi paunahan yan. It is a very serious matter and it is not a
race.� Seryosong sabi ni Dad.

�At alam mo naman yang Kuya Miggy mo, masyadong metikuloso. But that�s not the
topic right now. Ang kasal ng Ate Drey mo at ng Kuya Callum mo ang pinag-uusapan
natin.� Mama calmly said.

�That�s great! Are we finally going to get invited to your wedding?� Coco arched a
brow with a sly smile playing on his lips.

�We wouldn�t announce it kung hindi kayo invited.� I rolled my eyes at him,
smiling.
�A wedding like when Ate Anais was riding a horse and then Kuya Coco waited for her
and they stood in front of a lot of people?� Arthur cluelessly asked.

�Yes, that�s a wedding. And then after the wedding they�ll have a honeymoon like
Mymy and Dada. A honeymoon is when they go to a far away place to kiss a lot and
make a baby.� Sagot naman ni Cookie.

�Cookie.� Pinandilatan ni Anais ang anak niya, looking embarrassed. �Kumain ka na

lang.�

�Dr. Daddy and Mommy doesn�t need to go to a far away place to make a baby. Last
night, sabi ni Dr. Daddy they�ll start making one.� My son said. They were indeed
cousins. No doubt about that.

I wanted to sink into my seat in embarrassment as the whole table laughed. I turned
to see Cal with a smug smile on his face as he squeezed my hand. I rolled my eyes
at him and shook my head.

�When are you planning to wed?� Asked Dad after the laughters had died down.

�As soon as possible.� Cal answered. �We just want it to be a simple wedding. Iyon
ang gusto ni Audrey.�

�How soon is soon?� Dad arched a brow.

�Next week.� I answered.

�Next week? That IS soon.� Kuya Miggy commented.

�As Callum said, it�ll just be a small wedding. Nothing fancy. Kahit sa backyard
lang gawin. We already got married once. Gusto lang namin ikasal ulit kasi you guys
never got to be on our first wedding.� He said.

�Am I going to walk again and hold a thing like in Kuya Coco�s wedding?� Arthur
asked.

�You�ll be my best man.� Callum affectionately kissed the side of his head.

�What does a best man do?� He asked.

�You get to stand next to me and wait for Mommy as she walks down the aisle.� He
answered.

�Wala ka sa bachelorette party ko. We need to throw you one!� Anais excitedly said.

�Ate, kasali na ako d�yan ah. I�m of legal age na.� Sabi naman ni Ronnie.

�No, you will always be my baby girl.� Dad shook his head.

�Mama oh, si Dad!� Ronnie whined like the little girl she still was.

The help started putting a plate full of crispy bacon on the table. Suddenly we
heard a gagging sound and everyone�s eyes were on Anais. She covered her mouth with
her hand and stood hurriedly stood from her seat and ran.

�Anais, babe?� Coco ran after her.

�Is Mymy sick?� Cookie worriedly asked.

�Your Mymy might already have a baby in her tummy.� Ronnie explained.

�Our family is getting bigger.� Dad said with a wide smile on his face.

Dad offered financial help for our wedding but Callum strongly refused. He did not
want Dad to pay a single penny for our wedding. Callum may not be as wealthy as Dad
but he was fairly well off in his own right. We weren�t aiming to have a fancy
wedding. We just wanted to make it official in front of people we love and care
about. Iyon din ang naisip namin na magandang pagkakataon para ipakilala si Arthur
bilang anak ko. Everyone outside our family knew him as our brother but I wanted
them to know that he was my son.

We�d already contacted the church we planned to wed. The flower arrangements would
be handled by our lovely Tita Marian. We�d invited a designer to make my wedding
dress and suits for him and Arthur. Gusto ni Callum na pareho sila ng suit ni
Arthur. It didn�t feel like we were in a hurry even though we only had a week of
preparation before the wedding. Everyone was just enjoying everything. It was so
smooth and simple.

I looked at my boys as they both fitted into their suits. They even got the same
haircut yesterday. Callum was fixing Arthur�s coat as they stood in front of the
three-way mirror. They looked so cute together as they looked at themselves in the
mirror.

�Magkamukha na talaga sila. Arthur�s like a mini version of Kuya Callum. They could
really pass for a father and son, Ate.� Sabi ni Ronnie habang nakatitig sa dalawa.
�No one can ever tell na hindi sila��

�Ronnie.� Saway ni Mama. I knew Ronnie didn�t mean any harm at what she said,
sometimes things just slip out of her mouth. Ibinaon na ng pamilya namin ang
pinagmulan ni Arthur. Kinalimutan na namin ang pinagmulan ng kalahati ng pagkatao
niya. We never talk about it and I didn�t think they even wanted to think about it.
For us, he was just ours. Our little Arthur. He was a Cordova and soon he�d be a
Francois.

�I�m sorry�� Ronnie bit her bottom lip.

�Callum is Arthur�s father and no one else�s.� I said loud and clear.

�We know that, honey. And he�s a good father to our Arthur. Nakikita ko kung gaano
niya kamahal si Arthur at kung gaano siya kamahal ng bata.� Mama said.

Callum carried Arthur in his arms and walked towards us in their cute bow tuxedo.
Callum was devoted to my son, to our son, and it showed how much he cared and loved
him. Looking at them, I knew things couldn�t get any better than this. This was the
life I craved with every fiber of my being.

�Look at this handsome little fellow. We all know who�ll be stealing the limelight
on our wedding day.� Callum proudly showed him off to us.

�My baby looks like a young man.� I cupped his little face and rubbed my nose
against his.

�A handsome young man.� Sabi ni Mama.

�I look like Dr. Daddy.� Sabi niya. �We have the same clothes and the same hair.�

�Yes, you do�� I nuzzled my face into his soft cheek.

�But you look more like Mommy. You had her eyes and her good looks.� Callum smiled,
his eyes looking at me like I was the most beautiful woman on earth.

I bit my inner cheek to keep myself from smiling. We were going to get married for
the second time pero kinikilig pa rin ako sa kanya.

�And I look like Daddy and Mama too. But they say I look like Mama more because we
both have black hair and Mommy, Kuya Coco, and Kuya Miggy has Daddy�s hair, di ba,
Mama?� He turned his head to Mama.

�Of course. Kayong dalawa lang ni Ronnie ang nakamana ng hair color ko.� Mama
tucked a few strands of our little one�s hair behind his ear and kissed him.

�Pag nagkalittle brother or sister ako, will it have black hair like mine or like
Mommy?� He curiously asked.

�What do you think?� Callum asked.

�I want it to have the same hair like mine para may pareho akong hair. Because even
Cookie has blonde hair like Kuya Coco.� He pouted.

Isa-isang nagdatingan ang mga kapatid ko para sukatan na din sila ng susuotin sa
wedding ko. We picked our son, of course, as our best man and Ronnie as the maid of
honor. I also chose Therese and our old friends as the bridesmaid.

�Sorry, are we late?� Coco came in carrying Cookie in his arms and his other
wrapped around the small of his wife�s waist. �Our apologies, Anais was being an
extra brat these past few days.�

Anais snapped her head at Coco and gave him a death glare. �Ha-ha!�

�Which I perfectly understood.� He kissed her and she answered back with a scowl.
�We dropped by her OB before we got here.�

�And?� Therese raised her brows, grinning from ear to ear.

�And it looks like ako na naman ang pinaglilihian ng asawa ko.� Coco proudly
announced. �I don�t want to steal this moment but I�ll explode from so much
happiness if I keep this in. Baby Cordova #2 is on the way, everyone!�

�Wow! That was quick. Congrats, Kuya Coco and Ate Anais.� Sabi ni Ronnie and then
she turned to us. �Kaya after the wedding, Ate, you and Kuya Callum need to go to a
far away place too. Para makahabol kayo.�

�Loka ka talaga.� I laughed and looked at my twin brother and his wife. �I�m so
happy for you two.�

�I�ll be happy with whatever given to us pero sana naman magkaron na ako ng apo na
babae.� Mama said, excitement in her voice.

�I have a feeling we�re going to have a baby girl, Ma.� Anais smiled, her eyes
lowering to her still flat stomach.

�Talagang lumalaki na ang pamilya natin.� Dad said and looked at Mama with such
tenderness that I swore made her heart melt. �This is what we�ve always dreamt of.
To grow old together. To watch our children grow and our children�s children. We�ve
truly made it, Cassie.�

�Oh, Nick�� Mama sighed nostalgically. Dad bent down to give Mama a kiss on the
lips.

�Ew!� Ronnie made a face and faked choking her neck with her hands.

I just shook my head and laughed at her reaction.

Callum hooked his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him while carrying Arthur
in his other arm. �Someday, we�ll be like your parents� too.�

I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. My parents�
relationship had always been my ideal. Since I was a child, I�d always just dreamt
of being like my Mom and taking care of my family. I knew with Arthur and Callum,
I�d have my own family I�d always dreamt of.

�Callum, wala ka yatang inimbitahan na kamag-anak o kaibigan man lang.� Dad asked
the others were busy with their measurements being taken.

Cal sat right up, his spine stiffened. �They�re all in the States.�

�Wala ka bang kahit isang kamag-anak man lang dito?� Mama asked before he could
answer Dad�s question.

�I don�t have any relatives here in the Philippines anymore. They all migrated to
the States. Yung iba naman na nandito sa Pilipinas mga hindi ko masyadong
kakilala.� He answered.

�What about your sister�s son? Hindi ba sabi mo nandito siya sa Pilipinas? Why
don�t you try to invite him? What�s his name again? Raven?� I asked.

His jaw suddenly clenched. �We�re not in good terms. We don�t have a family like
yours. I didn�t grow up in the best environment. I�ve been estranged with them for
a very long time.�

�I see.� Dad nodded his head, understanding him. It was not a secret to us that our
father was my grandfather�s son with his mistress. His half-siblings doesn�t
recognize him as their brother. When our grandfather died, he�d completely cut ties
with them. They became a complete stranger. The only relative he knew from the
Cordovas was Aunt Andi, his cousin. She�d been more of an Aunt to us than his half-
sister who we had never communicated with.

�Do they at least know that you�re going to get married?� Mama asked.

He shrugged. �Honestly, I don�t think they care about what I do with my life.
Audrey and Arthur are the only family I have now.�

�You�re a family to us too, Callum. We�re now a family.� Mama said.

�Thank you.� His eyes were warm with gratitude as he looked at Mama. �I�ve never
had a family in a real sense. I wish I met you sooner.�

I smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on his jaw. I promised to myself that I�d give
him the family he never had. We�re going to have a big one. We�d both fill each
other�s empty space with love, happiness, and warmth.

�Ma�am Audrey, may package po kayo.� Agad na bungad sa akin ng kasambahay namin
pagbaba ko kinaumagahan. My brows furrowed as I was handed a small box. I checked
the box and there was nothing written on it but my name and address. The name of
the sender and the returning address was left blank.
Was this a surprise gift for my wedding? But from who?

I decided to just open the box. Maybe then I�d have a clue on who it was from. The
box was filled with shredded paper so I had to dig through it and then in the
middle of it, I felt something hard. I took it in my hand and lifted it up.

I felt the water closing in on my mouth as I held the metal piece. My stomach
dropped and my heart was beating so violently I thought for sure it would damage my
ribs. It was all a shocking blur. My mind spun like an out of control carousel. My
eyes twitched with unshed tears, my knees wobbled, and I broke into cold sweats. I
wanted to pass out.

It took me more than a minute for my mind to process what I was holding in my hand.
The metal had the same shape as the burn on my breast. It was from the branding
iron that was used to me. I let out a scream of terror, with hot tears sliding down
my face. My mind just went blank and I just kept screaming and crying, dropping the
metal piece on the ground. My knees finally gave in and I sat there on the
flooring. I screamed and cried with terror and anger as flashbacks of what they did
to me came flooding back. It drowned me. I tried to keep afloat but the memories
drowned me.

The next think I knew, I was in Callum�s arms and my family were standing around me
as he tried to calm me down.

�Mga hayop sila! Mga hayop silaaaa!� I fisted my hands against Callum�s chest.

Callum picked up the metal piece in his hand and his hand tightened around it as he
thought it would turn into powder if he squeezed hard enough. His face turned hard
and his dark eyes bore fierceness and danger that would make anyone he looks at
shiver.

�Dressed in the skin, the wolf strolled into the pasture with the sheep. Soon a
little lamb was following him about and was quickly led to the slaughter.� Ronnie
read as she held the card she took from the box.

�No one is going to hurt you again. I won�t let them�� He hushed me soothingly.

Dad�s eyes were red with tears at the effort not to cry as he stared down at me. He
tried hard to keep a straight face.

�Magbabayad ang gumawa sa�yo nito,
did to you. I want to kill. I will
give them slow, painful, agonizing
even get to hell.� Tagis bagang na
way he said those words.
Drey. I won�t let them get away with what they
do to them worse that they did to you. I will
death. I will burn them to the soul before they
sabi ni Dad. There was a certain promise in the

Chapter Thirty Five

�Mommy�� Arthur left a sweet kiss on my cheek as I laid on the bed. �Are you okay
now? Sabi ni Daddy and Mama you�re not feeling good.�

I turned my head to see my son, leaning over to my shoulder. I passed out from the
emotional exhaustion and woke up with him the first thing in sight. I turned to my
back and embraced him. Somehow, just the mere presence of Arthur soothed me. He was
the beauty that came out of all the pain I�d been through. He was my strength
personified and my resilience embodied.

�I�m okay now. Kiniss mo na ako eh.� I smiled.

Callum sat on the edge of the bed and handed me a cup of tea. I sat up and took it
from him. �I already asked Manang Gloria to bring you your breakfast.�

�Thank you.� I said, taking a small sip.

�Dr. Daddy, di ba doctor ka? Can you make Mommy feel better. I don�t like it when
she�s not feeling good. You made me feel better when my heart hurted.� He
innocently said.

�I will do everything to make Mommy feel better.� He cupped my chin and left a
gentle kiss on my lips.

A soft smile broke across my lips. �Just being with you two makes me feel so much
better.�

�Maybe we can tell Mommy funny jokes to make her feel laugh so she�ll feel even
more better.� Callum suggested. �Do you know any funny jokes?�

�Um�� Arthur thought for a second. �Okay! This is a joke from my classmate but I
guess I can borrow it. Why did the chicken cross the road?�

�Why?� I asked.

�Because the chicken wants to get to the other side of the road.� Arthur laughed.
We both laughed not because of the joke but because of his laughter. It was so
contagious.

�I have one!� Sabi ni Callum. �What time did the man go to the dentist?�

�What time?� Arthur eagerly asked.

�Tooth hurt-y.� Callum answered.

It was so bad I just had to laugh but Arthur�s laughter topped the joke off. He was
literally rolling on the bed, laughing. We just couldn�t help laughing along with
him. Callum jumped in the bed with us and wrapped his arms around the two of us.

�Our son�s a very simple young guy. Dr. Daddy makes a joke. He laughs at it.�
Callum grinned and nuzzled against Arthur. �I have another one.�

�Okay.� Arthur was already giggling.

�Do you know you can�t play cards in the jungle?�

�Why?� Arthur asked.

�Because there are so many cheetahs.� Sabi ni Callum.

�I don�t get it.� Arthur wrinkled his nose in confusion.

�Cheetahs are animals and it sounds like cheaters.� Callum explained.

�Oh�� Arthur nodded his head but it was obvious that he hadn�t fully understood the
joke yet.

�Corny na si Dr. Daddy.� I teased.

�You two just can�t appreciate a good humor.� Cal chuckled and then his expression
turned serious. He nipped my chin between his two fingers and made me look directly
in those dark eyes. �Love, I swear, for as long as I�m breathing I won�t let anyone
harm you or Arthur. Not even myself.�

I bent my head down to kiss him on the lips.

�Ooohh� you kissed!� Arthur�s eyes widened as he looked up at us.

Callum covered Arthur�s eyes with his hands and proceeded on giving me a kiss. I
laughed against his lips.

�I can feel it. We�re so close to catching them.� Mahina pero mariin na sabi ni
Dad. Dad�s men were able to track down where the package was dropped off. They
looked through the CCTV footage of the branch and a camera caught the man who sent
the package. The problem was the man had a face mask, glasses, and a cap on. He was
wearing an all black clothing and he was lean and muscular. Bukod doon, wala na
silang nakuhang impormasyon ng lalaki.

The door to Dad�s study was slightly opened and I could see them through the small
crack. Dad was sitting on his conference table with his friends and their men. Dad
had been working non-stop on finding the men who�d abducted and abused me.

�These guys know the game they are playing. I�ve sent my best men to do the work
but still nothing!� I overheard Tito Axel say.

�We always think we�re close to catching them and then we hit a dead end.� Tito
Wayne shook his head, disappointment and frustration evident in his voice.

�I think that�s exactly what they want us to think, that we�re one step away from
catching them. Kasi nga pinaglalaruan nila tayo.� Tito Seth tapped his fingers on
the table.

�Soon their sick little game will be over. We will put an end to it.� Sabi ni Uncle
Tristan.

�Lahat gagawin ko maibigay ko lang sa anak ko ang hustisya at maibalik ko lang ang
katahimikan sa buhay niya. Kayang-kaya kong gawin kahit ano para sa mga anak ko. I
will kill and die for them.� Dad said through gritted teeth.

In that instance, I felt secured. I had a Dad who would protect me with his life, I
had my family, and my Dad�s friends who treated me nothing less of a daughter.

The wedding still pushed through despite what happened. Everything was done as
planned. I wore a simple white wedding dress. It was clean and classic just exactly
how I wanted it to be. I looked out the window from my room and saw the people
standing outside the church. There was not a single unfamiliar face as we only
invited the people close to me.

I let out a deep inhale. I couldn�t believe how nervous I still felt even though
this was my second wedding. Kinasal naman na kami ni Callum. I�d be Mrs. Callum
Francois again for the second time. Ngayon nga lang we were going to make it
official in front of my family and everyone I love.

�Ms. Audrey, ready na po kayo?� Asked the organizer, popping her head through the
door of the car.

�Yes.� I sat right up.

�Okay, we�ll get everything ready and I�ll tell when you�re allowed to get out of
the car.� She instructed.
I nodded my head and tried to calm my racing heart. After a few minutes, I was
given a signal to come out of the car and then the church door opened. All heads
turned to me and at that moment, I felt like the center of the universe. At the end
of the aisle stood the two guys I love. I took a deep breath, a final sigh of
relief. Dad and Mama walked up to me and gave me a hug.

�Another one of our baby�s going to get married.� Mama said as she cupped my face.

�Ma, I�m already married.� I said, through my tears.

�And you�re going to get married again.� Sabi niya.

�You�ll always be Daddy�s girl, won�t you?� Dad asked with voice constrained with
tears.

�Always.� I nodded and tears gushed out again.

Mama and Dad walked me down the aisle as the song started. I could already imagine
the life we�d have together as a family. I was just a couple of steps away from the
life I�d always dreamt of. Just a few more steps. One� two� three� I lost count of
the steps and just focused on them. I knew that as soon as I got to the end of the
aisle, I wouldn�t have to walk through life alone anymore. I�d have them beside me
forever. My very own family.
We reached the end of the aisle and Cal�s eyes were red with unshed tears while he
looked at me.

�Take care of Arthur and Audrey. They�re yours now.� Dad said as he handed me to
Cal.

�I will.�

�Daddy, Ma!� I gave both of them a hug.

�Your Dad and I will be here for you. We�ll always be. Remember that, okay?� Mama
said, wiping my tears with her thumbs.

I nodded my head. I turned to Cal and hooked my arms around one of his while his
other hand held Arthur�s. The three of us walked to the altar together. The
ceremony began and after the sermon the priest made us say our vows.

�Mrs. Francois, this is our second wedding but it still feels like thr first with
you. I will never get tired of marrying you. I will marry you in every church in
this world if I have to. I will marry you in the next life we have. I will find you
and I will marry you over and over again. Nothing in this world could be more
beautiful than you and the love and trust you�ve given to me. I want to fill the
empty space in your heart with love and nothing else. Thank you for showing me real
love. With you and Arthur, I feel like God has forgiven me for all the things I did
wrong in my life. I love you, Audrey. No matter what happen, always remember that.
Everything I have and everything I am now is yours forever. Take this ring as a
sign of my undying love and as a symbol of all that we share.� He slid the ring on
my finger. I fanned my eyes with my hand as I felt tears sting my eyes.

He then turned to Arthur and got down on one knee to level with him. Cal gave him a
kiss on the nose. �And you, our little musician, I want nothing but the best for
you. You are our precious little boy. I promise to always love you as much as I
love Mommy. I know you�re a good boy and you will grow up to be a fine young man. I
know you will be one of the greateast musicians someday. I want you to promise me
you�ll make our dreams come true. I want you to promise me you�ll love and respect
Mommy. Hindi mo siya bibigyan ng kahit anong sama ng loob. You�ll give her lots of
kisses and hugs every morning and before you go to sleep at night.�

�I promise.� Arthur said. Although he was too young to understand what was going on
and why Callum was saying these things in front of many people. I knew he could
feel the rawness of our emotions. Our son was getting teary-eyed too.

�That�s my boy.� He offered his fist to our son and Arthur fist bumped him. He then
took out a necklace with a guitar shaped pendant from his coat pocket and put it
around Arthur�s neck. �I want you to have this as a promise that I will be the best
stage Dad that I can be and I will always be here to love you and support you. I�ll
always be your biggest fan.�

It generated an �aww� from the people when Arthur threw his arms around Callum and
buried his face into his neck as he cried.

�Callum, our love wasn�t the conventional one but it was wonderful. You came into
my life when darkness was all I ever knew. When my world was cold and when it was
hard to remember the sun was still there. You gave me warmth when everthing felt
cold and in time of darkness, you comfort me. You took me in and never gave up on
me when I had already given up on myself. You chased the darkness away and washed
it with joy. I love you.� I tried hard to keep my voice steady but it was all in
vain. I slipped a ring on his finger and after that he didn�t even need the priest
to tell him to kiss me, he cupped my face and kissed me. I kissed him back with
every bit of love in my body.

We were in our garden, where the wedding venue was held. All of the guests were in
long dresses and tuxedos. Everyone were mingling and talking with each other while
waiters walked around with platters of glasses of wine and champagnes and finger
foods.

My two boys were nowhere in sight. I just left to change into a simpler dress and
when I came back they were no longer where I left them. They were probably up to
something again. Alam ko na ang tinginan ng mag-ama kanina.

Suddenly the spotlight was pointed at the platform that was set up in the middle of
the garden. There they were my two boys. Callum had the guitar strapped around him.
Callum sat on the armchair on the platform while Arthur sat on one of the arm of it
with a mic in front of them.

�Can the beautiful bride come up here?� Callum said through the mic.

I folded my arms over to my chest, smiling as I shook my head. Anais and Therese
pushed me to the stage.

�We�ll sing a song for Mommy. Dr. Daddy and I practiced this for one week because
we want to surprise her.� Arthur said.

Callum started playing his guitar and the two sang together. Callum�s eyes were on
me the whole time.

�Wouldn�t it be nice if we were older then wouldn�t have to wait so long? And
wouldn�t it be nice to live together in a kind of world where we belong?� They
sang.

�You know it�s gonna make it that much better.� Now it was just Callum singing and
he turned his head to Arthur and raised his brows, giving him the cue.

�If we could say good night and stay together.� Kanta naman ni Arthur.
�Wouldn�t it be nice if we could wake up in the morning when the day is new? And
after having spent the night together, hold each other close the hold night
through.� They both sang in chorus.

�Happy times together we�ve been spending.� It was Arthur�s turn to sing solo.

�I wish that every kiss was neverending. Wouldn�t it be nice?� It was quickly
followed by Callum.

�Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true. Baby then there
wouldn�t be a single thing we couldn�t do.� They sang together again.

�We could married.� Sang Arthur.

�We could be married.� Callum backed up in the song.

�And then we�d be happy.� It was Arthur�s turn again.

�And then we�d be happy.� Callum sang the phrase again.

�Wrouldn�t it be nice?� And then they both sang together.

The audience clapped and they even got a standing ovation. I was sure my two boys
felt like rockstars as they got up from their seat and bowed. I laughed and clapped
along. Callum hooked his arm around my waist while carrying Arthur in his other
hand.

�Did Mommy like it?� Callum asked.

�I love it. Thank you. You two were wonderful.� I gave them both a kiss.

Arthur was the apple of everyone�s eyes that night. He was congratulated more for
his performance than we were for our wedding. Everybody thought their song number
was adorable. I felt so proud of my little musician.

While I was going around and talking to our guests, Callum suddenly disappeared. I
tried to find him and saw him in the corner by himself, talking to someone on the
phone. He sounded angry at whoever it was he was talking with. Gusto ko siyang
lapitan pero parang may kung anong pumigil sa akin. I stayed at a distant where he
couldn�t see me but near enough so I could hear.

�Get away from my family. Leave my son and my wife alone. Ano bang gusto mo?
Magkano ba ang kailangan mo? I will send you the money first thing tomorrow.� There
was urgency in Callum�s voice. �If you don�t want the money then what do you
fucking want? Raven, I�m sick of playing your game. I don�t know what you fucking
want anymore. I am sick of playing your games. Huwag na huwag ka na ulit makalapit
kay Arthur. You have no idea how much I want to get my hands on you and kill you
right now. Pasalamat ka at hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan ka, hindi ang mga
Cordova ang papatay sa�yo. Ako na mismo. You kidnapped my son, you fucker!�

I covered my mouth with my hand as I felt a gasp rose from my throat. My knees
suddenly turned to jelly. I had to lean against the wall next to me to keep myself
from falling to the ground.

�What do you mean you�re here?� Callum looked around. �Do not fucking make a scene
here, Raven! Stay where the fuck you are and don�t let anyone see you. Lalabas
ako.�
I gathered all the strength I had in my body and followed Callum. Lumabas siya sa
gate ng bahay. I followed him as he walked out of the gate and to the corner of our
house�s tall wall, away from the guards� sight. A man was waiting for him there. He
was leaning against the wall with one foot pressed on it as he drew the cigarette
to his mouth.

Bumilis ang paglakad ni Callum ng matanaw ang lalaki. He greeted him by punching
him square on the jaw, causing him to topple down the ground. Naaninag ko ang mukha
ng lalaki. It was the same man I saw walked out of Callum�s house in California.
His sister�s son.

�Fuck you!� Callum�s chest heaved up and down as he grabbed him by the collar. �How
dare you kidnap my son? Paano mo nakuha ang DNA result at bakit mo pinadala sa mga
Cordova iyon? Why did you send my wife the iron? What the fuck are you trying to
do? Are you trying to get us both killed?�

�I got a strand of your hair the morning you met up with me. You�re not the only
one who knows how to play sick games.� He smirked.

�What do you want from me? Why are you doing this to me? If something bad had
happened to my child, mas mauuna akong patayin ka kaysa kay Cordova.�

�Did you get scared when they saw the DNA result? I wish I was there to see your
reaction.� He said in a taunting tone.

�You�re fucking crazy!� He said in a growl as he shook his nephew.

�What do you call yourself then? You are as sick as my mother, Callum! You�re worse
than her. After everything you did to Cordova�s daughter�� Raven shoved him.

�I wish I could take it all back but I can�t! I just want to build a new life with
her and our son.� Callum�s voice shook as he spoke.

�And does that help you sleep at night, Callum? Do you think marrying her would
actually magically make everything right.� Raven chuckled. �You fucking raped her!�

It was as if a bomb had exploded inside my ears. Parang nagunaw ang buong mundo ko
sa narinig ko.

�Hayop ka!� I couldn�t stop myself from charging at him and hitting him. �Ikaw ang
bumaboy sa akin! Mga hayop kayo!�

�Audrey�� He looked like a deer in the headlight.

I punched him in the face, on the chest, everywhere. I didn�t care where my fists
landed. I wanted to kill him. All along, he was one of the men who�d violated me. I
slept with him and married him not knowing that he was one of my abusers. I felt
disgusted. If I could, I would scrape off every kiss and touch he left on my body.

He held my wrists and I spat on his face. �You disgust! Huwag mo akong hawakan.�

�I�m sorry, Audrey.� Tears began to spill from his eyes. He hugged me but I pushed
him away from me. I didn�t even want to be anywhere near him. He dropped to his
knees and wrapped his arms around. �Patawarin mo ako. Audrey, please��

Hatred and disgust burned inside me, spreading althroughout my body. The man I
married was the same man who�d abused me. Hindi pa siya nakuntento sa kahayupang
ginawa niya sa akin noon. Pinaikot niya ako sa mga palad niya at pinaniwala ako sa
mga kasinungalingan niya. He deserves to die and I wanted to kill him myself. White
hot fury fill my heart and I felt like it would explode anytime soon. I cried out
as I continued punching him, my whole body trembling with rage.

�Hayop ka! Mga hayop kayo! Binaboy niyo ko!� Umiiyak na siigaw ko.

�Mr. Spiderman!� Arthur was suddenly hopping towards us.

I quickly caught my son in my arms before he could even go to Callum and his
nephew.

�Mommy, siya si Mr. Spiderman.� He said, pointing at Raven.

Suddenly men in full black clothing came out from everywhere like sentinels. There
was not an inch out from the men that surrounded us. I hugged Arthur even tighter,
fearing for him more than I was for myself. I forced his face down my shoulders so
he wouldn�t see anything he wasn�t supposed to see.

�Itaas niyo ang kamay niyo!� Utos ng isa sa mga lalaki habang nakatutok ang baril
kay Callum at Raven.

They both slowly held their hands up.

�It�s over�� Dad suddenly walked through the ocean of men that surrounded us and
stepped in in front of us, facing the two. �You will pay for everything you did to
my daughter.�

Chapter Thirty Six

I saw how his eyes flared with pure, hot fury as he looked at Raven. I shook like a
leaf while hugging Arthur in my arms.

�Mommy, what�s happening?� Arthur innocently asked, oblivious of what was happening
around him. �Why are there a lot of people?�

�Audrey�� I flinched when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned and saw Mama,
she pulled me to her.

�Audrey, Arthur�� Callum�s voice croaked with tears. He took a step towards me and
the men aimed their guns closer to him. He paused.

�Audrey, let�s go�� Nanginginig ang boses na sabi ni Mama. �Your Dad will take care
of everything.�

�Ipasok niyo si Arthur, Drey. Sumama kayo sa Mama mo.� Dad protectively stood in
front of us. Hindi agad ako nakagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko.

�Drey, didn�t you hear what I just said? Pumasok kayo ni Arthur sa loob!� Dad
growled.

I took in a deep breath and handed my son to Mama. �Ma, take Arthur inside.�

�Audrey�� She worriedly said.

�I want to watch.� I firmly said as I looked at Callum straight in the eyes.

Dad turned his head to look at me and I looked at him. He knew. He knew I wanted to
see them be taken away. Gusto kong makita sila na magbayad sa kahayupang ginawa
nila sa akin. I was treated worse than an animal. Hindi ko alam na ang lalaking
nakakasama ko araw-araw, ang lalaking pinakasalan ko, ang lalaking minahal ko ang
gumawa sa akin ng kawalanghiyaang iyon. I wanted to see him pay. Wala akong
maramdaman na kahit katiting na pagmamahal para kay Callum. I just wanted him to
pay for everything that he did to me.

�Cass, ipasok mo na si Arthur. Ako na ang bahala dito.� He told Mama.

Mama quickly took Arthur from me and they were assisted in by some of Dad�s men.

�Did you fucking think I was that stupid to fully trust you with my daughter and
Arthur. Nagsimula na akong maghinala simula ng tumawag sa�yo ang kidnapper. I had
your calls monitored and recorded. Lahat ng galaw mo pinabantayan ko. I had you
investigated and found out that you didn�t mention to us about your family. You
share a mother with one of the people I regret ever meeting in my life. I needed
evidence, I can�t just point fingers at people, but you were very careful these
past few days. Hindi mo alam kung anong pagpipigil ang ginawa ko para hindi ka
mapatay sa tuwing nakikita kita. Nakaramdam ka na ba na naghihinala na ako sa�yo?
Thank your friend here for selling you out.� Sabi ni Dad.

�Fuck you, Cordova!� Raven shouted. �You did this! Ikaw ang may kasalanan kung
bakit nangyari yun sa anak mo! Si Audrey ang kabayaran sa lahat ng kahayupan mo!�

�You son of a bitch!� Dad charged at him, wrapping his fingers around his neck. He
raised his fist and punched him square on the jaw. �Ano bang kasalanan ko sa inyo
at pati ang anak ko dinamay niyo? Sana ako na lang!�

Raven just let out a laugh as blood oozed out from the corner of his mouth. �AKO!
Ako ang kasalanan mo sa kanila! I�m your son! Ako ang anak na hindi mo pinanagutan
kay Tiffany Garcia! You made my mother a mistress and when you were done with her,
tinapon mo siya na parang basura. Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit nabaliw siya!�

I took in a sharp breath. Dad just stood there, motionless, for a few seconds.

�I guess we can call it quits now, Cordova. You have a son in our family and I have
a son in yours.� Callum�s voice was cold and without emotion.

I wept even harder at what he said. It felt even worse hearing it from him. Hearing
those words from the man I gave my full trust to and loved. He was the one who
ruined me and then he walked into my life acting like my knight in shining armor. I
let him into my life and my family�s.

�Hayop ako! Napaka-demonyo mo! Binaboy mo ako! I trusted you! Pinaglaruan niyo ko!
Mga hayop kayo!� I broke down. Gigil sa galit na pinagsasampal ko siya. He just
stayed still with head hung low.

Dad caught me in his arms and held me in a tight embrace. He kissed my hair softly
and hushed me. After a few minutes, I finally calmed down and came back to my
senses. Unti-unti akong binitawan ni Dad ng maramdaman niya iyon at muling hinarap
ang demonyong iyon.

�I�ll call it quits when I kill you!� Dad snarled at Callum. He punched Callum in
the face as the securities held him down. He shot his head up, looking straight
into Dad�s eyes without a single hint or remorse on his face. The darkness of them
only intensified even more.

�Go ahead. Just fucking kill me. End it now.� Naghahamon na sabi ni Callum.

Dad cupped his jaw and held it firmly in his hand. �I�m not stupid. Death is too
easy for you. Pahihirapan muna kita. I will make you taste hell, Callum. I will
make you beg for your own death.�
And I wanted to be there to witness it all. All the love I felt for him disappeared
in a snap. Walang natira sa dibdib ko kung hindi poot para sa kanya. I hated him. I
hated him with every ounce of my soul.

Callum groaned and sagged when Dad�s fist landed a brutal punch to his gut. Then he
turned his head to Callum�s nephew. �Hindi kita anak. Wala akong anak kay Tiffany.
Wala akong anak sa kahit sinong babae bukod sa asawa ko.�

�How fucking dare you deny him? Hanggang ngayon ba itatanggi mo pa rin na ikaw ang
ama niya. You ruined our lives! You had my sister locked up in jail after you were
through with her! She tried countless of times to kill herself! Hindi niya
nakayanan ang ginawa mo at nawala siya sa pag-iisip niya! Aren�t you going to ask
how my sister is now? She�s at a hospine in a permanent vegetative state with no
chance of recovery. She tried to kill herself by jumping through the window of the
mental hospital she was put in and she survived. She can�t walk, she can�t, she
can�t even eat! You gave her worse than death, Cordova!�

�Hindi ko kasalanan ang mga nangyari sa kapatid mo. Your sister tried to kill my
son and my wife! She killed his father!� He looked at Raven. �Hindi ako ang ama mo.
Si Stephan ang ama mo! I will prove it through a DNA test! Kapag napatunayan ko
sa�yo na hindi kita anak, isasama kita sa hayop na demonyong ito! You�ll regret the
day you were ever born.�

�Walang kinalaman si Raven dito! This idiot tried to save your daughter from me!�
Asik ni Callum. �Sa akin ka magalit! Ako ang pahirapan mo pero huwag mong idamay si
Raven!�

The police soon arrived and everyone was asked to leave. Callum and Raven were
taken away and Dad and his friends went with them. Dad told me to stay in and had
his men surround and guard our house. What was supposed to be one of the happiest
day of my life quickly turned sour. Sinalubong ako ng yakap ni Mama pagpasok ko sa
bahay. I collapsed and cried in her arms. My siblings just sat around us in
silence, no one dared to ask anything except Arthur.

He walked into the living room and saw me crying. He squeezed between Mama and I
and hugged me. �Mommy, why are you crying?�

I shook my head as sobs rose from my throat. �Bakit hindi ka pa natutulog?�

�Because I want to sleep with you and Dr. Daddy.� He muttered in a tired tone.
Mama and I looked at each other, our eyes spoke to one another. I took in a deep
breath, knowing I had to do this. I cupped my son�s face and kissed him on the
lips.

�Arthur baby, si Dr. Daddy hindi na babalik.� My voice trembled in tears. �Okay
lang naman na tayo na lang, hindi ba? Tayo nila Mama at Daddy at nila Ate Ronnie? I
know I hadn�t been a perfect mother to you but I promise I will love you until my
time comes to an end. You will be the most important person in my life. Ikaw lang.
My one and only sunshine that brought light into my world.�

�Bakit hindi na babalik si Dr. Daddy?� The corners of his lips tugged downwards.

�It�s hard to explain but you need to understand that this is for your own good.
Wala akong gusto kung hindi ang magkaron ka ng masayang pamilya. Gusto kong
makabawi sa mga pagkukulang ko sa�yo. I want to give you a complete family but I�m
afraid it won�t happen anymore.�

�Don�t say that. Nandito kami ng Daddy at mga kapatid mo.� Sabi ni Mama. She took
us in her arms and embraced us.
My siblings all stood around. Kuya Miggy buried his face into his palms, hiding his
tears. Coco was crying his eyes out and didn�t make an effort to hide it.

�Ate�� Ronnie hugged us, sobbing.

Hindi na din nakapagpigil si Coco. He sobbed like a little boy as he wrapped his
arms around us and then Kuya Miggy soon followed after. I felt love surrounding me.
But the warmest of them all was from the little man I had in my arms. Kay Arthur. I
knew I wouldn�t need anything else with them by my side. My family were all I ever
needed. There were a lot of tears poured that night but a lot of love too

Dad only came home the next day. I waited for him all night and called on him
repeatedly. He kept telling me that he was fine and everything was going alright.
He promised justice for me and I knew he�d keep his promise.

Sinalubong niya ako ng halik sa ulo. He looked really tired, like he�d carried the
whole world on his shoulders.

�Nakakulong na ba siya?� I asked without flinching. It was funny that just

yesterday I was so in love with him but now I felt nothing for him. The love for
him that once occupied my heart just felt empty, hollow. Wala akong maramdaman kung
hindi galit. I wanted to rage. I wanted to see him suffer like how I did.

�Sweety, he�s paying for what he did to you. Daddy�s doing everything I could.� Dad
said, talking to me like I was a little girl again. A little girl who�d scraped her
knees and was crying for him.

�Gusto ko siyang makita, Dad.� I buried my face
fingers closed in on his shirt. Nanggigigil ako
ko ang lahat. My flesh shook with so much anger
sila. Binaboy nila ako! Pinaglaruan nila ako! I
them pay!�
into his chest and cried. My
sa galit sa tuwing babalik sa isip
boiling inside me. �Daddy, hayop
want them to pay! I want to see

�They can�t hurt you now, I promise. Daddy�s here.� Marahang sabi ni Dad. I could
hear how much he was trying not to cry. �Drey they are not in prison. I didn�t put
them in prison.�

Bigla akong natigil sa pag-iyak at nag-angat ang tingin ko sa kanya. �Dad? Why?
Where are they now?�

Dad swallowed, his adam�s appled bobbed up and down. �They�re at Wayne�s warehouse.
Prison would be to easy for them. It would not end that way for them. Hindi ko
hahayaan na ganon na lang ang mangyari sa mga lumapastangan sa�yo. I want to take
justice in my own hand.�

�Dad�� I breathed out.

�I won�t let them get away with hurting you.� Dad�s eyes were red with tears as
they looked into mine. He cupped my face and tears started to pour from his eyes.
�I won�t make things easy for them. They will pay hell for what they did to you, do
you understand?�

There was livid promise in his eyes and voice as he said those words. His eyes were
burning, anger seeping from them. I knew he meant every letter in it. I knew he�d
be ready to kill for me.

�I- I want to see him� them��

�Are you sure?�

�Yes��

Dad�s car stopped in front of the huge secluded warehouse where Tito Wayne. There
were guards guarding the outside of it, holding huge guns in their hands. I turned
my head to Dad, not sure what to expect.

�I don�t want you to see this but you asked for it�� His voice croacked.

�Dad, gusto kong makita ang taong gumawa sa akin ng kahayupan. Gusto kong makita
siyang naghihirap.� My jaw clenched. I didn�t think of him as Callum anymore. As
the Callum I married, the man I made love with you every night and the man I
planned my future with. It was as if memories of him were erase from my mind. He
was nothing more than a rapist and he would never mean anything to me more than
that.

He kissed my forehead before pushing the car door open. I willed myself to open
mine and stepped out of the car. Dad and I walked to the warehouse�s gate and we
were quickly let in.

We were guarded by Dad�s men as they took us to where Callum was. And I saw him. He
was black and blue, blood dripping from his body. His body pulled was slumped with
only two chains that tied around both his wrists holding him up. Nakayuko ang ulo
niya, he was unconscious.

I did not feel anything as I watched him. The inhumane things they did to him was
written all over his body but I couldn�t find it in my heart to feel anything right
now. I just went numb.

�Bakit pinagpahinga niyo ang hayop na yan?� Dad angrily asked.

One of the guards tazed him and he let out a scream, bringing him back to
consciousness.

�Is this what you want to see, Audrey?� Dad�s face hardened, his eyes on Callum.
�He�s not human. Do not look at him as a human being. This is the man that abducted
you. He was the one who repeatedly raped and tortured you.�

Callum lifted his head up and looked at me. �Audrey��

I swallowed, feeling my throat clench.

�I- I�m sorry�� He struggled to say.

�Walanghiya kayo!� I charged at him and started slapping him. �Walang kapatawaran
ang ginawa niyo sa akin! Not even death is enough! Bakit ginawa mo sa akin yun?
Bakit ako? Ano bang naging kasalanan ko sa inyo?�

His eyes lowered to the ground and tears started dripping from his eyes. His tears
made him more human and I hated it. I hated feeling pity for him. Hindi siya naawa
noong ginahasa at sinaktan nila ako. Why should I feel pity for this monster in
front of me?

Napuno ng galit ang puso ko ng muling bumalik sa isip ko ang ginawa nila sa akin.
They burned me. They put piercing on my genitals. They put things inside me.

�Walanghiya kayooo!� I screamed in front of him. I screamed so hard it scratched my

throat and made it raw. I screamed until my body dropped to the ground and Dad
quickly caught me. �Demonyo ka! Hayop ka! Nirape niyo ko!�

�Shhh�� Dad tried to soothe me by rubbing my arms and kissing me on the hair. Tears
fell from his eyes as he tried to calm me. �I will make him pay. You�ll see.
Kayang-kaya kong gawin ang kahit ano para sa�yo. Kaya kong pumatay para sa�yo.�

Protected: Chapter Thirty Seven

(Warning: Violent content)

I watched without flinching as they unchained him and dragged his limp body. He was
brought to this metal bed and his wrists and ankles were securely strabbed, holding
him immobile. Metal clamps were attached to his male part. Tinakpan ang mga mata
niya ng tela, binuhusan ang katawan niya ng tubig, at nilagyan ng basang tuwalya sa
ibabaw.

The wire from the metal clamps were connected to a small box that was placed beside
the bed. There was a red rotary switch on the box and the man standing next to it
rotated it. Callum let out an agonizing scream as his whole body convulsed.

I felt queasy in the inside as I watched but I didn�t dare look away. I felt pity,
yes. Pero nawawala iyon sa tuwing bumabalik sa isip ko ang pinagagawa nilang
kababuyan sa akin. Gustong makita siyang nahihirapan katulad ng pagpapahirap nila
sa akin. No matter how hard it was to watch, I didn�t want to miss a single blink
of any of it. The fears that once occupied my heart was replaced with hatred. It
grew inside me like the flames from an erupting volcano. I wanted him to feel the
pain he inflicted on me.

�Patikim pa lang yan, hayop ka!� Dad shouted at him in fury as he stood right next
to the bed. �It hurts, doesn�t it? That�s the lowest voltage. Gusto mo bang malaman
ang susunod ng mangyayari sa�yo? You�ll feel indescribable pain, you will have your
bones broken from muscle contractions.�

Callum�s chest heaved heavily and rapidly up and down. He gasped in pain, his whole
body spasming and shuddering.

�Sinu-sino ang mga kasama mo? Was Raven a part of it too?� Dad asked.

Callum shook his head. �H�he wasn�t a part of any of these.�

Dad looked at the uniformed man who controlled the electric shock and then he
nodded at him, giving him a cue. The man turned it up and Callum�s whole body
stiffened and shudder as the current travelled through his body.

�Sino sila? Sino ang mga kasama mo? I want you to tell me who they all are! Sinu-
sino kayong mga bumaboy sa anak ko?� Dad demanded, his voice shook as tears started
trickling down his eyes.

Callum�s body continued to spasm and convulse. They kept the machine on. �I� I was
the only one who touched her��

My fingers clenched into tight fists on my lap at his confession. Kahit na alam ko
na siya ang bumaboy sa akin, I wanted to claw him everytime I hear it from him. My
heart felt like it wanted to erupt. Gusto kong magwala. Gusto ko siyang sugurin at
ilabas ang lahat ng galit ko.

Dad gave the man a cue to turn up the electricity.

Dad asked with jaw clenched. �Are you telling me that my daughter is lying? Marami
kayo. Tell me now or this can go on for hours. Hindi kita titigilan! Mamamatay ka
dito. You will die a slow, agonizing death. I bet that doesn�t feel good, does it?�

His spasmed even harder when the machine was turned up. There were foams coming out
of his mouth and I could even see small smoke coming from him. They were burning
him from the inside.

�Kaya kong magkapademonyo para sa anak ko. Kaya kong pumatay. Huwag mong subukan
ang pasensya ko. I will stop at nothing to give my daughter the justice she
deserves.� Sabi ni Dad.

His body slumped against the metal frame when they turned off the machine.

�Now answer me, you fucker. Sinu-sino sila?�

�Ako lang! Ako lang ang gumalawa sa kanya! Maraming tauhan si Dad but I didn�t let
them touch her. It was just me. Parte ng plano namin ang mabuntis siya. I wanted to
do to you what you did to my sister through your daughter!� Naghahabol-hiningang
sabi niya.

�Hayop ka.� I breathed heavily, the anger inside me bubbling up. I hated my own son
because of him. I almost had Arthur aborted. Dahil sa galit ko sa nangyari sa akin,
naibuntong ko lahat iyon sa sarili kong anak. Tatlong taon ang nasayang ko. It
wasn�t just my life he ruined but my son�s. �Walanghiya ka!�

The rage swelled in my head. I could hear it screaming, clawing its way out of my
body. The heat from the anger I felt was too much and I wanted to rip myself open
and yell my lungs out.

Napatayo ako mula sa kinauupuan ko para sugurin siya. Dad hugged me before I even
got to him. I tried to push him away but Dad wouldn�t budge. Gusto ko siyang
saktan.

�Pati ang anak ko dinamay mo sa kawalanghiyaan mo! Pati si Arthur! Ni hindi ko

nagawang tignan ang anak ko sa loob ng tatlong taon! Napakademonyo mo!� I tried to
reach for him. I wanted to claw him apart. I wanted to hurt him.

Dad pulled me to him and stroked my hair, trying to calm me down. �It�s okay. I�ll
take care of him��

�Dad, si Arthur� Bakit pati si Arthur? Gusto ko siyang patayin�� Nanghihinang

napasubsob ako sa dibdib niya.

�I promise, I will make him pay. Pagbabayaran niya lahat ng ginawa niya sa�yo at
kay Arthur�� Dad�s voice shook with contained anger. �Ipatitikim ko lahat ng sakit
na ginawa niya sa�yo.�

We I had finally calm down, Dad sat me down. A pale of water was poured over his
head until he was gasping for air. He coughed and breathed heavily when the pale
emptied, he hadn�t recovered yet when Dad ordered for the electric machine to be
turned on.

Muling nanigas at nanginig ang buong katawan ni Callum. They kept it on for a good
three minutes before they turned it off. Callum slumped body collapsed tiredly
against the metal board he was on.

�Kung sa tingin mo may kasalanan ako sa pamilya niyo, sana pinatay mo na lang ako
kaysa ginahasa mo ang anak ko. You wouldn�t be in this position if you had me
killed. Unti-unti kitang papatayin. Wala akong ititira sa�yo.� There was dark
promise in his voice and Dad never broke a promise. �And when the DNA result comes
out, magsasama kayo sa impyerno ng gago mong pamangkin. Hindi ko siya anak. Wala
akong kasalanan sa inyo. Kayo ang may malaking kasalanan sa akin. Your sister
killed my unborn child. He almost killed my son and wife.�

�No. Please spare Raven. I�m begging you. He has nothing to do with this. Hindi
niya ito ginusto. He only wanted to be a part of your family! Wala siyang ginusto
kung hindi makilala kayo. When he found out about us keeping Audrey, he convinced
me to let her go.�

�Hindi ko alam na marunong din palang magmakaawa ang demonyong katulad mo. I will
break you just like how you broke my daughter.� Dad snided before turning to his
men. �Kalagan niyo na yan. Turn him over.�

His men followed his instructions. They unstrapped Callum and turned him over to
his stomach, strapping him down the metal bed again. They connected a cylinder
metal rode into the electric machine and what they did next with it made me look
away. All I heard was his spine chilling scream when Dad ordered for the machine to
be turned on. The same scream I emitted when he assaulted me.

I couldn�t take it any longer. Kahit alam kong hayop siya hindi ko kayang manood sa
ginagawa nila sa kanya. My stomach felt like it was turned upside down. I ran out
of the room and when I couldn�t hold myself any longer, I threw up.

Uncontrollable tears flooded my eyes as I wiped my mouth off with my arm. It was
hard seeing the man I once loved like this. But it was even harder to imagine that
I had loved the man who abducted and assaulted me. It was harder to imagine that I
married him. Hinayaan ko siyang mapalapit sa pamilya at sa anak ko.

�Dad�� I quietly said as he walked out of the door after a couple of minutes. His
face fell and he�d looked like he had aged a couple of years. I ran up to him and
hugged him. Just hugged him tight.

He walked up to me and kissed me on the forehead. �Sabi naman sa�yo. I don�t want
you to see this. Are you okay?�

�Dad, don�t you think what you�re doing to him is a little bit too much?� I quietly
asked.

�Too much? You thought that was too much? That was nothing compared to what he did
to you.�

�Bakit hindi na lang natin siya ibigay sa mga pulis? Let them take care of him.�

�Hindi pa sapat ang ginawa kong iyon para sa kasalanan niya sa�yo at kay Arthur. I
will make him taste hell. He stripped you off your dignity and I will do the same
to him. Kung demonyo siya, kaya ko rin magpaka-demonyo. Wala akong hindi kayang
gawin para sa inyong magkakapatid at sa Mama niyo.�

�Dad, you might end up killing him. Ayaw kong makapatay ka.� I shook my head
vigorously. I didn�t care what happened to him anymore but I cared about my father.
Ayaw kong madungisan ang kamay niya dahil sa akin. �Dad, let�s just turn him over
to the police. Tama na yun. I don�t want you to be a murderer.�

�Trust me on this, okay? Ako na ang bahala dito. You�re not even supposed to see
this�� His eyes were gentle and sadness as he looked into my eyes. �Pero hindi ba
ito ang hiniling mo? You have to keep in mind that that was the man who raped and
hurt you. Hindi lang ikaw ang sinira niya kung hindi ang relasyon mo sa anak mo.
Hindi lang ikaw ang sinaktan niya kundi ako. I watched you suffer, Drey. I know
what you�ve been through.�
�Pero paano kung totoo ang mga sinasabi niya? Paano kung anak mo talaga si Raven?�
I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat.

�Nasa akin na ang resulta ng DNA pero gusto kong sa harap ni Raven ko buksan ito
para mapatunayan ko sa kanya ang totoo. Napag-usapan na namin ito ng Mama mo. She
said if Raven�s really mine, I need to take responsibility. But I will stand by my
word. Sigurado akong hindi ko anak si Raven at nakakasiguro akong wala akong naging
anak sa kahit sinong babae maliban sa Mama niyo.� He confidently said.

�Where is he now?�

�I kept him locked.� He said.

Sumunod ako kay Dad papunta sa isang banda ng warehouse kung saan niya ikinulong si
Raven. We went upstairs in a tiny room where he�d kept him. He was surrounded by
many guards as he sat on the edge of his single bed.

He lifted his eyes up to us and we were met with a vulnerable pair of dark eyes
that had always been there, hidden deep within. It was the kind of eyes you�d see
in a little boy trying to fight his tears.

�Raven.� Dad called out to him in a formal tone. �Nasa akin na ang resulta sa DNA
test.�

He sat up right as Dad handed him the envelope. �Gusto kong ikaw ang magbukas nito.
Gusto kong ikaw ang unang makaalam ng totoo.�

Raven quietly took it from Dad�s hand and ripped the envelope open. He broke down
into tears after reading the paper. Hinayaan niyang mahulog ang papel sa sahig at
isinubsob ang mukha sa mga palad niya.

Dad picked up the paper and I took a peek. It was a non-match result. The
probability of patternity was 0%.

�Phoenix please�� He dropped to his knees and cried. �Please, just turn us in.
Huwag mo nang pahirapan si Callum. This was all my mother and my grandfather�s
fault. They made us believe their lies. It was Vov� who planned all those out. It
was my grandfather�s idea to abduct her. He said you ruined our lives. You sent my
mother to prison when you were through with her. He said you did that so your wife
wouldn�t leave you. He blamed you for losing his business because he said after the
news broke about my mother being sent to prison, investors pulled out their
investments from their company. We were left penniless. He obsessively loathed you
and he took it all out to me and Callum.�

�You will rot here along with your uncle�� Dad spitefully said. �Hangga�t hindi pa
ako tapos sa inyo. Hindi kayo makakaalis dito. But I might take pity if you work
with me��

Raven was interviewed by my Dad�s investigators. They wanted to know where I was
taken and what he exactly knew about the whole abduction. I believed what he and
Callum said that he had nothing to do with it. Kung iisipin, he was still a
teenager at that time. Sinabi niya na sa basement ng bahay nila ako dinala at
paulit-ulit pinagsamantalahan. Dad ordered his men to go to that house and launch
an investigation.

�George was glad to see the zookeeper looking happy again-�

�Mommy�� Arthur looked up at me with sad, tired eyes. �Where did Dr. Daddy go?
Bakit hindi na siya babalik?�

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took in a deep breath, trying to keep the
tears at bay. When I got home, I tried to act like everything was okay. Lalo na sa
harap ni Arthur. It would break his innocent little heart if he found out what was
going on. Siya ang pinaka-malapit kay Callum. I would never want him to find out.

Isinara ko ang librong binabasa ko sa kanya at hinalikan siya.

�Arthur, baby, si Dr. Daddy he�s not going to be a part of our lives anymore. He�s
not going to come back.� I struggled to say with each words.

�Why?� He curiously asked. �I miss when he plays guitar and we�d sing together.�

�Mahirap ipaliwanag. Just know that we all love you. Hindi na ako mawawala sa tabi
mo kahit kailan.� I raked my fingers through his dark hair.

�Hindi ba niya ako namimiss? Because I miss him so much. Can I talk to him on
Mama�s iPad? Sabi niya kapag pumunta na kayo sa far away place, he�ll still talk to
me.� Arthur pouted.

I didn�t know what to say to him or how to explain his absence.

�Of course, he misses you�� My voice cracked at the end of the sentence. �I�m sure
he does. It�s just� really hard right now. Masaya naman tayo, di ba? Kahit ikaw
lang at ako. We need to do a lot of catching up. There�s still a lot of things I
need know about you. There are still games we haven�t played and stories I haven�t
read to you. And we will play it all and I will read to you every story you want me
to. You are all I ever need. You are the reason for my existence and you�re the
light in the darkest parts of me. �

�Mommy, why are you crying?� He asked as he looked at me. His tiny hands wiped my
tears away. �Don�t cry. I love you.�

�I love you too.� I rubbed my nose against his. �Mommy�s just having a hard time
right now.�

�Is it your heart? Is it hurting?� He pressed his ear against my chest. �Hey,
Mommy�s heart, stop hurting, okay? I�m going to give you lots of hugs and kisses.�

And he did as he said he would. He clung to me and showered my face with kisses. I
couldn�t help but laugh and hugged him tighter. I was so glad I have him. Despite
everything I�d been through, I was given a beautiful gift. It took me awhile to
realize it but I was grateful I finally did. Soon enough, the little one fell
asleep.

I just stared at the ceiling as I absently brushed my fingers through his soft
hair. I couldn�t sleep that night. Everytime I close my eyes all I see was Callum
being tortured. Naririnig ko pa rin ang mga sigaw niya. To me, he was no longer the
Callum I used to love. That person was dead to me now. Wala na akong maramdaman na
kahit ano para sa kanya bukod sa galit. But still, the memories of what I had
witnessed haunted me and kept me up at night. I tried to push it out of my mind and
tell him that he deserved everything he was getting but the thoughts of him won�t
leave me alone.

My conscience poked at me. It won�t let me sleep. Gusto kong makamit ang hustisya
pero ayaw kong makapatay si Dad para sa akin. I was worried he might end up killing
him. Ilang araw na nilang hawak si Callum. Alam kong hindi iyon ang intensyon ni
Dad pero hindi malabong mangyari iyon. There was not a single part of him left
unbruised.

Naisip ko kung ano ang pwedeng mangyari kapag namatay siya sa kamay ni Dad. What if
Arthur finds out one day? He would hate Dad. Paano kung makulong si Dad? There were
a lot of ugly scenarios running through my mind.

Chapter Thirty Eight

Raven mentioned about a CCTV in their old resthouse�s basement. He said he found
out that I was being kept in the basement when he walked into Callum�s room. He saw
me through the monitors as I was kept in the basement. The investigators confronted
Callum about the CCTV footages and he said that it might have still be in their old
house.

Hindi ko na magawang tignan ang kalagayan niya mula ng makita ko kung paano siya
tinorture. I couldn�t even get my mind off of it. They continued keeping him and
torturing him but I didn�t want to know what they were doing to him anymore. Ni
halos hindi na nga ako makatulog ngayon sa nasaksihan ko. I could still not fully
grasp that that man was the same man I�d fallen in love with. Hindi pa rin
matanggap ng buo ng isip at puso ko ang mga nangyayari.

His grandfather who he said was the mastermind of it all had already passed away.
Raven said he was a very manipulative and abusive man and his grandmother tolerated
it. He didn�t even let Callum use his surname and had to use his grandmother�s
surname instead. Hindi siya kinikilala nitong anak dahil ang akala niya ay anak ito
sa ibang lalaki ng ina nila. His grandfather was abusive to every one of them but
it was Callum who got the hard beatings. Sa kanya ibinubunton ng ama niya ang galit
nito sa mundo.

Dad sent his men to their old resthouse and they�d successfully retrieved the
recordings of the CCTV footages. They were brought back to us. Gusto kong makita
ang kahayupan na ginawa nila sa akin.

�Sweety, you don�t have to do this�� Dad gently said when I told him that I wanted
to see the videos.

�Dad, I need to. Gusto ko ng makalaya sa mga nangyari sa akin. I want to set my
fears free.� I said.

He exhaled, his face growing weary for me.

�I can handle this.� I assured him.

We walked into the room where Dad�s investigators were studying the footages. They
played the footage where I was first carried to the basement. There were a bunch of
men around me in the video and one of them threw water at me. Doon ako nagising.
Callum suddenly came into the room and swiped up and put me on top of a table. He
ripped my panties off from inside my skirt and positioned himself between my legs.
Dad stood up from his seat and hurriedly walked out of the room with red tear-
filled eyes.

I stayed and watched my own sexual assault. Namuo ang mga luha ko at lalong nabuhay
ang galit sa puso ko. I watched myself be a victim. I watched myself as I was raped
by the man I thought was my knight in shining armor. I felt sick watching the
footages. I was helplessly assaulted by him over and over. But he wasn�t the one
who put the mark on my chest. He wasn�t there in the footage when that happened. An
old man, Callum�s father, stood there and watched as I was held down by two men and
branded on the chest by another. I could still remember the pain I felt at that
time and the smell of my own burning flesh. Callum after an hour came in and he was
the one who healed my burn and made me take a pill for the pain. Tinabihan niya ako
hanggang sa makatulog ako.

But that wasn�t enough to erase the anger and pain I felt for him while I watched
myself be raped by him over and over. Galit na galit ako sa kanya habang nakikita
ko ang sarili ko sa video habang paulit-ulit niya akong ginagamit. I was used like
a sex object. Kung anu-anong kababuyan ang ginawa niya sa akin.

I looked for Dad after I watched the footages and his men told me that he went to
Callum. Kahit ayaw kong makita siya ay napilitan akong puntahan siya. Callum had
his arms tied up behind his back. He was in a much worse state than the last time I
saw him. I could barely even recognize his face and his body was black and purple.
I swallowed, feeling my throat close as I looked at him. Dad stood in front of him
with a barrell baseball bat in his hands. Dad screamed angrily with tears flowing
down his eyes as he bashed him into his side with the bat.

Callum didn�t even make a noise anymore. He didn�t flinch a bit, he just accepted
every hit that was thrown to him. He looked like he�d given up already. Parang
gusto kong maiyak ng makita ang sitwasyon niya. I felt pity for him. He�d already
had enough. He�d been tortured and beaten over and over for days. Even though I
wasn�t around to witness all those torture, I saw the brutality of it through his
body.

Callum started coughing out blood. Dad swung the bat in his hand and before it
could even land on Callum�s body, I got in between.

�Dad, please tama na.� I hugged him. �Tama na��

�He raped you!� I could feel the trembling anger in his voice. �He raped and hurt
you! Bakit ikaw pa? Bakit hindi na lang ako? Pinatay na lang sana nila ako! Sana
ako na lang!�

�Pabayaan mo na siya�� I hugged him tighter, trying to calm his nerves down.

He was shaking with so much hatred and then he buried his face into my hair and
started crying. It was hard seeing the strongest man I knew, my Superman, crying.
It was heartbreaking.

�It�s my fault, Drey. This is all my fault�� Humagulgol siya.

�No, Dad, don�t say that. We didn�t want this to happen. Don�t blame yourself�� My
voice started shaking as tears filled my eyes.

I took the bat from him and pulled him away from the room where Callum was.
Pinakalma ko siya. Stress wouldn�t do him good but as long as we kept Callum here I
knew it wouldn�t stop. Natatakot akong mapatay niya si Callum.

�This feels wrong, Dad. Tama na�� Pakiusap ko sa kanya. �Let�s just turn him over.�

Dad shook his head. �I�m not done with him yet. Hindi pa sapat iyon sa lahat ng
ginawa niya sa�yo. Binaboy ka niya. He treated you worse than an animal. I will
make him suffer until he begs for his own death.�

�Ayaw kong makapatay ka.�

�Drey, wala na akong pakialam kung mapatay ko siya. I will make him pay hell for
what he did to you and Arthur, do you understand?�

�Dad�� I shook my head. �You�re not a murderer.�

�I will be for you.� He said, his eyes glazed with dim fury. I knew nothing I could
say would ever convince Dad to let him go. Ramdam ko ang galit na nanunuot hanggang
sa buto niya. He was hell bent in making Callum suffer even if ends up killing him.

Bumalik ako kay Callum. Pity pushed me to go back to him after Dad had finally
calmed down. I asked for the guards to untie him and his body just slumped
lifelessly on the cold, hard ground.

�Cal�� I touched his arm but he remained motionless. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng
takot. What if he was already dead? �Callum?�

He finally let out a groan. His body looked like it was ready to give in anytime
now. I was afraid he won�t survive another blow. Baka bumigay na ang katawan niya.
I couldn�t believe this was the man I married and loved. It was hard to imagine him
as the same man in this state.

�Au�� He uttered, breathlessly. �Au, I- I�m sorry�.�

I blinked away the tears that started burning my eyes. �Do you need water?�

I slightly nodded his head. Itinaas ko ang ulo niya at pinainom ng tubig. He only
drank a bit.

�A-arthur� How� is he?� He asked.

�Okay siya. Palagi ka niyang hinahanap�� My voice came out in a squeak.

�T-tell him I love him.� He said.

I nodded. I wiped away my tears before it could even fall from my eyes.

�I- I�m sorry, Audrey. I�m so sorry. I love you�� He broke out, tears began flowing
down the corners of his eyes. �I know what I did to you was unforgivable but I� I
wish you�d still find it in your heart to forgive me. I don�t care anymore if I die
in here, I just want you to forgive me��

�Shh� huwag ka ng magsalita. Just rest�� I turned away as tears uncontrollably

gushed out.

�AUDREY!� Dad suddenly came in and grabbed me by my hand. �What are you doing?�

�Dad, maawa ka sa kanya. Look at him! I don�t want him to die in your hands!�
Umiiyak na sabi ko.

�Naawa ba siya noong paulit-ulit ka niyang ginahasa?� Asik ni Dad.

�Dad, please��

�He will stay here for as long as I want!� Dad firmly said.

�Mommy, look at my drawing!� Arthur showed me a paper with three stick figures. The
one in the middle was shorter than the two on the left and the right. �That�s you
and me and Dr. Daddy.�

I touched his cheek and forced a smile. I couldn�t look him in the eye everytime he
talks about his Dr. Daddy. Madalas hawak niya ang gitara ni Callum at sinusubukan
niyang gayahin ang ginagawa ng Dr. Daddy niya. He talks about him all the time. I
knew how much he misses him.
�Do you know where Dr. Daddy is?� He asked.

I felt a pinch inside my heart. I knew where he was and what they were doing to him
but I couldn�t tell my son that. So I shook my head.

�I think maybe he went to see Paul McCartney.� He innocently said. �Sabi ni Dr.
Daddy nakatira daw si Paul McCartney sa malayong-malayo. He said you need to ride
an airplane to see him.�

I chuckled as tears filled my eyes. �Dr. Daddy said he misses you.�

�Did you talk with him?� He looked at me excitedly.

I nodded my head. �We talked for a bit. Sabi niya sabihin ko daw sa�yo na love ka
niya.�

�Bakit ba hindi na siya babalik?� His lips suddenly tugged downwards. �Why does he
have to go to a far away place?�

�There�s a lot of things you still don�t understand.� I brushed my fingers through
his hair. �Maraming bagay na kahit ipaliwanag ko, hindi mo maiintindihan. Just
always remember that he loves and misses you so much.�

�What about Arthur�s band? The Beatles has four people in it and now I�m the only
one in Arthur�s band.� He looked like he was about to cry.

�Someday when you�re big enough and you know how to play guitar well, pwede mo na
buuin ang Arthur�s band. For now, kailangan mo muna matuto kasi magiging magaling
na mushishan ka, di ba? Because that�s what you and Dr. Daddy wants.� I playfully
bopped his nose to lighten up the mood.

He finally smiled despite the tears and nodded his head.

�We�re going to sign you up for a guitar lesson, how does that sound?� I asked.

�Okay!� His smile grew bigger and then he handed me the paper with his drawings on
it. �Mommy, can you give this to Dr. Daddy when you talk to him again? Para hindi
niya ako masyadong mamiss. I don�t want him to be sad��

I took the paper from him and more tears filled my eyes. I felt the burning
sensation in my throat as I tried to hold it in. He really loved Callum and it
would break his heart if he finds out the truth. Ayaw kong kahit kailan malaman
niya ang totoo. What his father did to me. I only wanted to him to remember Callum
in a good way.

�Cassie, I only want the best for our Audrey�� I stopped in front of the door to
Dad�s study. �Bakit siya pa? They could�ve just killed me. Bakit ang anak ko pa?�

�Everything will be okay. Magiging okay din si Audrey. She�s a strong woman. I know
because I raised her.� Mama comforted him.

�This is my karma for everything I did to you. For every wrong thing I did in my
life. Everytime I look at our daughter and Arthur, I feel guilty. I brought this
upon her. Ako nagdala kay Tiffany sa buhay niya. Ako ang may kasalanan ng lahat ng
ito. Pero sana ako na lang ang pinagbayad, hindi ang anak natin.� I could hear the
tears in Dad�s voice, the frustration and the pain.

�Babe, don�t say that. It is never your fault. Walang may gustong sa mga nangyari.
I don�t, you don�t, nobody does.� Mama said.
�Pero bakit lahat ng ginawa ko noon bumabalik sa anak ko. Yung ginawa ko sa�yo, si
Drey ang nakaranas nun. I feel like she�s paying for my sin.�

�You�ve already paid your sin, Nick. Napatawad na kita. Please, I don�t want you to
say that. Alam kong may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari sa atin ito. And maybe Arthur
is one of the many reasons.� Said Mama in her gentlest voice. �Pinagbabayaran na
din ni Callum sa kulungan ang ginawa niya sa anak natin.�

�Cass, Callum is not in prison. I kept him��

�What?� She asked, surprised.

�Gusto kong pagbayarin niya ang lahat ng ginawa niya sa anak natin. Prison is not
enough for him. It�s not going to be enough for all the pain he brought to my
daughter and our Arthur. Wala akong kasalanan sa kanila. All he did to our daughter
was for nothing. Hindi ako papayag na hindi niya mapagbayaran ang kahayupan niya��
I�d seen my Dad cry but I�d never heard him this broken.

�Nick, no.� I heard Mama say.

Hindi masamang tao ang Daddy ko. I knew he only wanted what he thought was the best
for me. I knew how much he loved me. Alam kong kaya niyang gawin ang lahat para sa
akin pero hindi ito ang gusto kong mangyari. I didn�t want him to kill for me. Ayaw
kong dalhin niya iyon sa kunsensya niya habang buhay kung sakali ngang mapatay niya
si Callum. I just wanted peace of mind for all of us and I knew we wouldn�t be able
to have it when that happens. Pagod na ako. Pagod na akong matakot. Pagod na akong
makulong sa nakaraan ko. I needed to end all these.

It was dark out here, the grasses were overgrown and there were lots of trees.
Callum�s arm was around my neck as I dragged almost all his body weight. His body
was limp and he could barely use his limbs. I knew he was trying but he was just
weak. I knew every movement was painful to him but we had to hurry. Dad�s men would
be looking for them and I needed to get him out of here before they catch us.

I managed to sneak into the warehouse in the middle of the night. Dumaan ako sa
backdoor ng warehouse dahil alam kong walang nagbabantay doon at nasa akin ang susi
nun. I went to Raven and uncuffed him from his bed and gave him the keys to my car.
My car was park on the back of the warehouse right beside the woods so no one would
see it. I told him where we�d meet. Sinabi ko sa kanya na puntahin kami doon. I
trust that he wouldn�t break his promise. Hindi niya maiiwan si Callum dito. Callum
needed medical attention. Pag magaling na siya, pwede ko na siyang ipakulong. Right
now, he just needed to go to the hospital.

He was in a very bad state. They broke his bones and every movement he made was
painful to him. I knew by the grunts and groans and moans he made every step I
took.

�A�audrey, love�� He whispered. �L�Listen, I just feel exhausted right now��

�We have to keep going. Alam ko masakit ang katawan mo but it�ll be okay once I get
you out of here. Pupunta tayo sa ospital.�

�I want to lie down. Please�� He begged.

I looked around. Madilim sa parteng ito at maraming pagtataguan. I put him down the
grass and placed his back against a tree.

�Cal, Raven�s going to be here any minute now.� I said.

�I�m tired, Audrey. I can�t keep going. Maybe I�m just being overdramatic. Maybe
I�ll be fine after this. But incase, um, everything doesn�t turn out okay�� He gave
me a faint smile and tried his hardest to reach for my hand. His hand softly
touched mine and he rested for a bit before he spoke again. �Gusto kong humingi ng
tawad sa�yo at sa anak natin. Please, take care of our son. I know your a great
Mom. Always remind him that I love him and that he�s the best musician for me. I
love you, Audrey. I love you and our son. Remind her that everyday. Kiss him
goodnight for me every night. Lahat ng sinabi at pinakita ko sa�yo, totoo yun. I
wish I could undo all the things I did but I can�t anymore. I didn�t want to ruin
your life but I never had a happy day after that. I couldn�t. I can�t forget it. I
wanted to make it right with you. Hinanap kita. Alam kong hindi magiging tama ang
ginawa ko but at least want to take away as much pain as I could possibly can. I
didn�t plan on falling in love with you, it just happened. Akala ko pwede kong
burahin na lang ang nakaraan at magsimula ulit. I want so bad to start over again
with you. It was selfish but it was the only chance I had with you and our son. I�m
sorry, Audrey. I�m so sorry. What I did to you was unforgivable but I still hope
you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I will die a happy man��

�Stop it! You�re not going to die! You cannot die in my father�s hands!� Mariin na
sabi ko habang tumutulo ang mga luha sa mata ko. �You�ve caused me and my family so
much pain! Huwag mo nang dagdagan ang pagpapahirap sa pamilya ko! You will not make
a murderer out of my father! Hindi ka mamatay, naiintindihan mo? You will not die
on me!�

Callum nodded his head and he squeezed my hand. �If I die, I�ll die in my own
terms. Love, please tell me you forgive me. I�m not going to ask for anything more.
I just want to hear you say it.�

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. �I forgive you.�

�Thank you, Audrey. Thank you for giving me Arthur. I know I�ve told you this a
hundred of times before but you and him are the best thing that ever happened to
me. I�m glad I got the chance to be a husband to you and a Dad to Arthur. Thank you
for being mine, even if it�s just a short span of time. Thank you for making me see
the beauty of life. Before you, I only knew darkness� It really is beautiful, isn�t
it? Out here with you, under all these stars, thousands� hundreds and thousands of
them.� Callum looked up at the sky, his dark eyes shone as unshed tears shone in
the light of the moon.

�There�s so many things I still want to do with you and Arthur. So many more
sunsets I would love to see and sunrise to sleep through. But I fucked up in this
life. I fucked up so bad. If I had to live my life again and know that I�d meet
you, I�d do everything differently. Next time I�d find you sooner so that I could
love you longer. Do you think maybe we�d make it right the next time around?� Hope
lingered in his eyes.

�Maybe�� Salty tears started mixing in with my sweat. How I wish everything could
be different. But this was what we�d been dealt with. The wounds he inflicted on me
had already become a part of me, a wound that would never heal. Only if we�d met in
another another time and in a different situation.

�Cal, may pinabibigay sa�yo si Arthur.� I wiped away my tears with my arm and took
out a paper from my pocket. It was his drawing of Callum, him, and I.

Cal reached for it and smiled when he saw the drawing. Pagkatapos ay ipinatong niya
iyon sa dibdib niya. He closed his eyes and tears slid on the side of them. �This
is the life I wasted. The life I can�t have with you and our son anymore��
My heart clenched as I looked at him. He was in a poor state. Bakit ba kasi ang
tagal ni Raven? What was taking him too long? We needed to take him to the hospital
and then I�d turn Callum to the police once his better.

Relief washed over me when I saw the headlights coming towards us. I got up and
waved at Raven, trying to get his attention. Buti na lang at nakita niya ako at
hininto ang kotse siya harap namin.

�We have to hurry. I think they�re coming for us. Nagkakagulo na sila. The alarms
are going off in the warehouse.� Raven urgently said when he got out of the car.
Then he turned his head to Callum. �How is he?�

�We need to get him to the hospital.� Sabi ko.

�I think they�ve already block the exit.� Sabi ni Raven.

�We�ll just find another way. Tulungan mo muna akong isakay si Callum sa kotse.� I
said.
Callum let out a groan when we lifted him up. Raven had his arms under Callum�s and
I held him by his feet. Isinakay namin siya sa backseat ng kotse at hiniga doon.

�How are we going to get out of here?� Tanong ni Raven matapos namin mapasok si
Callum sa kotse. �Sigurado akong pinaaabangan na tayo sa mga exit point.�

�We could run the car through the woods. Baka may daan sa kabailang dulo.� I
suggested.

�Can your car fit through it?� There was hesitation in his voice.

�We can try. This is the best option we have right now.� Sabi ko.

Suddenly we heard the car engine running. Pareho kaming nagkatinginan ni Raven bago
lumingon sa kotse.

�Motherfucker!� Raven cussed as we both watched the car move. Raven tried to chase
the car but it quickly accelerated. �Callum! Calluuuummm!�

My mind still hadn�t processed what just happened when the car took a sharp turn on
the left where there was a deep cliff. Napasigaw ako habang pinanonood ang kotse na
mahulog sa bangin. Raven and I ran to the edge of the cliff and we watched the car
tumbling down and bouncing a couple times on some rocks on the side of the cliff
before finally landing to the bottom. I just stood there, motionless and still in
shock. Parang sandaling tumigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo.

Raven cried out in anguish, dropping to his knees. �Why, Callum? Why? You�re all I
have. You�re all I fucking have!�

I grabbed my chest when I felt it tightening. I was suddenly enveloped in deep

gloom and darkness. It wasn�t an accident. He drove the car over the cliff. He
ended his own life. I could feel the weight in my chest pulling my heart down.
Gusto kong umiyak pero hindi ko magawa.

Biglang narinig ko ang paparating na kotse. There were suddenly lights from every
direction.

�Run.� I told Raven. �They�re here. You need to run.�

He tried to recover from what we both just witnessed. He stood up and run to
through the woods. I just stayed there, looking down at the edge of the cliff. I
watched as the car slowly caught on fire. It lit up the darkness that surround me
like torch light. Tears started rolling down my eyes.

Maybe in this lifetime, he wasn�t meant to be in my life. Maybe we couldn�t have

forever together, but I would still keep in my heart the beautiful things we did
have with me for the rest of my life.

Chapter Thirty Nine

Tatlong araw akong nagluksa at umiyak. But when they retrieved his body, I knew I�d
finally found closure in what had happened to me four years ago. His body was found
burnt beyond recognition and I didn�t want to see it. I wanted to always think of
him like the first time I saw him. I could still remember when he walked up to me
in a grey button down shirt. I wanted to remember him and his beautifully dark eyes
that changes with his mood. It was over now. He was gone. The demon that haunted
for the past four years was now gone.

I felt a sense of calmness in my life that I hadn�t felt in a long time. A sense of
peace. I loved Callum and a small part of me would always do. But he had hurt not
only me but my family. He had caused so much pain that couldn�t be undone and no
love could cover. But hate was just as useless. Hate would not bring back
everything that I had lost in the past four years. Hate would only make me a bitter
person.

I had forgiven him and I had forgiven myself for not knowing. I had forgiven myself
for abandoning my own child and for blocking off the love I felt for him for years.
I didn�t want to go back to the person I were before. And so I set myself free. I
took the chains off from my hands and feet.

I wasn�t meant to live a life of hatred, regret, and grief. It wouldn�t be the
mother I would want to give to my son. I was meant for a life of happiness. I was
meant for better days. I was meant for a life filled with smiles, laughters, and
wonderful memories with my son. I was meant for a life filled with love even
without him in my life.

The world is indeed a beautiful place. But sometimes it�s harder to see the beauty
of it when you�re alone with nothing but your pain, when you put up a wall around
you in fear of being hurt again, when you get stuck in just a part of it. You
should walk and roam until you see the beauty of it again, walk until you find
where you belong, roam until you find something that would make you believe again
and something that would give you dreams.

�Mommy�� Arthur took my hand and pulled me the backyard. Nandoon si Mama at si Dad,
pati na ang mga kapatid at mga kaibigan ko. It looked like they were having a
barbecue party and I wasn�t informed.

�Surprise!� They all stopped and shouted when they see me.

�Oh you!� Bumaba ang tingin ko kay Arthur. I picked him up and showered him with
kisses. �What is this for?�

�Daddy said we should throw you a party so you don�t feel sad.� He answered.

�I�m not sad�� I pressed a kiss on his forehead. �You want to know why?�

�Why?� He asked.

�Because I have you.� I hugged him tighter.

�I�m not sad too because I have you and even if I don�t see Dr. Daddy for a long
time, I know he�s happy playing with John Lemon.� He smiled.

Hindi ko tinago sa kanya na wala na ang Dr. Daddy niya. We had to explain to him
that his Dr. Daddy got into a car accident and that he wasn�t going to be around
anymore. I told him he was probably playing with his favorite musicians somewhere.
�We decided to have a little get together. Ayaw kong nakikita kang malungkot.� Dad
said as he walked towards me. He stopped and wrapped one arm around me and kissed
me on the forehead. �Gusto kong makita mo kung gaano kadaming tao ang nagmamahal
sa�yo at kung gaano ka namin mahal. We�re here for you.�

�Thank you, Dad. You�re the best.� Mahinang sabi ko bago ako tumingala sa kanya. He
looked down at me with so much tenderness in his eyes. Like I hadn�t grown up and I
was still his little princess.

�Of course, I�m your Superman.� He laughed.

He did feel guilt when he found out about Callum but I told him that he shouldn�t
because this was how he chose to go. Siya ang nagdesisyon sa ginawa niya. He was
not a bad person and he didn�t deserve to carry any guilt in his heart.

�Group hug!� Ronnie shouted and started attacking us with hug. Coco and Cookie soon
followed after and then Mama and Kuya Miggy. All I felt right now was warmth and
love. They surrounded me with so much love there was no space for grief.

�We love you.� Mama whispered and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

�I love you too.� Sagot ko.

�Halika na, kanina pa ako nagugutom. Gusto ko ng kumain.� Coco complained rubbing
his tummy.

�Akala ko ba si Ate Anais ang buntis, bakit parang ikaw ang naglilihi, Kuya?�
Ronnie chuckled.

�Sinabi mo pa.� Anais rolled her eyes. �Mas feel niya ang pagbubuntis ko. Hindi nga
ganon ka worse yung symptoms ko compared when I was pregnant with Cookie.�

�Baka naman hinakbangan mo noong natutulog. Di ba may old wives tale na kapag
hinakbangan mo daw ang husband mo while you�re pregnant he�s going to get all the
symptoms.� Sabi ni Therese.

�It�s actually called Couvade Syndrome. It�s a condition in which a partner

experiences the same symptoms and behavior as an expectant mother would.� Yvo said.

�And there you go. He always has an explanation for everything.� Tate said, patting
Yvo�s shoulder while holding a can of beer in the other.

�Kaya walang gustong makipag-usap sa�yo. Ang sakit mo sa ulo.� My twin brother
grimaced. He just never outgrew making fun of our cousin.

�Ikaw talaga.� Mama softly slapped Coco�s arm. �Ang laki-laki mo na palagi mo pa
rin niloloko si Yvo.�

�Aunt Cassie, I�m used to it. Don�t worry.� Yvo shrugged.

�Mommy, marunong na akong magplay ng Twinkle, Twinkle. Do you want to hear me play?
� Tanong ni Arthur.

�I would love to.� I buried my face into his cheek and inhaled. �I would love to
hear you play and I know it�s going to be good.�

�Okay! Wait, I�ll go get it!� Bumaba siya mula sa pagkakarga ko sa kanya at
nagpasama kay Ronnie na kuhanin ang gitara niya.

�He really does love music. He�s going to be the first Cordova musician.� Kuya
Miggy proudly smiled.

�Oh he�s going to be the next Paul McCartney.� Sabi ko naman.

�Hell yeah!� Coco exclaimed. �And Cookie here is going to be the next top model!�

�Dada, no!� Cookie frowned. �I don�t want to be the next top model. I�m going to be
a Paw Patrol.�

�Ah akala ko gusto mong maging next top model kasi nakita ko kayo ni Mymy na
nanonood nun.� Coco teased.

�I was waiting for Mymy to finish watching so that I could watch Paw Patrol.� He
explained.

Arthur came running out from inside the house, holding the guitar Callum gave to
him. It was his now. It still had the stick figure drawing of him and Callum
engraved on it. Ang gitarang iyon ang alaala niya sa Dr. Daddy niya at sa mga
pangarap nilang dalawa.

�Ladies and gentlemen, let�s give it up for our incredible mushishan� the one and
only� Arthur Cordova Francois!� Ronnie said.

Everyone clapped and cheered for Arthur and he laughed. Dad grabbed a chair for him
and he began strumming his strings. Still out of tune but still, it was the most
beautiful thing I�d ever heard.

�Twinkle, twinkle, little star�� He began to sing.

Nang matapos siya ay muling nagpalakpakan ang mga tao. I ran up to him and like a
proud mother would do, I gave him a hug and kisses.

�You were so good!� Sabi ko sa kanya.

�That�s for you, Mommy.� He let out a wide smile. �I don�t ever want you to feel
sad so when you feel sad I�ll sing you a song.�

�Thank you, baby.� I hugged him. �Mommy is so proud of you.�

I hadn�t been feeling good for the past few days. Madalas akong nahihilo at
naduduwal. I was familiar with the symptoms because it was the same when I was
carrying Arthur. And Callum and I did plan to have a baby before any of those
happened. Pinlano namin na gumawa ng sarili namin The Beatles.

Nagpasama ako kay Ronnie at sinama din namin si Arthur na magpa-check up sa OB. I
hadn�t been on the pill since going back here in the Philippines. Hindi malabo ang
iniisip kong dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.

�Congratulations, Mrs. Francois. You are six weeks pregnant.� The doctor happily
announced.

�OMG, Ate!� Ronnie squealed.

�What is it?� Arthur furrowed his brows. �What is pregnant?�

I turned my head to him, teary eyed and with a huge smile on my face. �You�re going
to be a Kuya. Hindi ba yun yung gusto mo? You�re going to have a baby sibling.�

�Really?� His eyes widened with amusement. �Where�s the baby?�

�It�s still in my tummy.� I answered.

�Madadagdagan na ang memeber ng Arthur�s band, baby.� Ronnie kissed him.

�Yeheeeey!� Arthur jumped up and down.

Masaya ako. Masayang-masaya ako. This baby was made out of love. Kahit hindi
maganda ang nangyari sa amin ni Callum, may maganda itong nabuo. May magandang
alaala siyang iniwan sa maikling panahon na naging mag-asawa kami.

Arthur was one of the many reasons why I was excited for my future. I wanted to
watch him grow into a wonderful young man. Ngayon madadagdagan ang rason kong iyon.
Callum would no longer be a part of my life but his memories would always stay with
me. His memories will leave on through our children.

Pagkagaling namin sa doktor ay binisita namin si Callum sa puntod niya. It was the
first time I�d ever visited it. The first time I had the strength to really do so.
We gave him a proper burial. There it was, his name, etched on the black marble
stone. I bought him flowers and lit a candle for him. I offered a silent prayer to
him.

�Lumaya ka na dahil nakalaya na din ako sa mga bangungot ko. I�m setting you free.
I forgive you. I forgive you not only for me but for our children. Cal, I�m six
weeks pregnant. We�re going to have our second baby. I try to set you apart from my
husband and the person who you were before. Gusto kong sa isip at puso ko maalala
kita bilang ama ng mga anak ko at asawa ko. That�s all I ever want to remember you
by. Maybe in some other life and in a different world we will meet again. I know we
will. Maybe then we can start anew. We can build the life we�ve dreamt of having. I
wish things could�ve been different but this is what we had. I love you, Callum.
Yung Callum na nakilala at pinakasalan ko, at ang tatay ng mga anak ko. I will
always keep you in my heart.� Tears spilled from my eyes.

Arthur was running around the field with Ronnie when he came up to me and sat on my
lap as I sat on a picnic cloth over the grass.

�Mommy, are you crying?� He asked.

�I just got something in my eyes.� I turned my head away.

�Sabi mo nandyan si Dr. Daddy, di ba?� He asked as he looked at Callum�s headstone.

�He�s body is in there, sleeping but his soul is playing music with John Lennon.� I
explained.

�Will he ever come back?� He asked like he did a thousand of times before.

�No, he won�t. Not in this life. Wala na si Dr. Daddy pero nandito naman ang Mommy,
di ba? Magkakaron ka pa ng baby brother or baby sister. May gift pang iniwan si Dr.
Daddy sa atin so we wouldn�t miss him so much.� I said and took his little hands.
Ipinatong ko iyon sa tiyan ko. �It�s in here. It will grow and grow until the baby
in there is big enough. Kapag malaki na siya, lalabas siya at magkakaron ka na ulit
ng kalaro.�
�And the baby will be a part of Arthur�s band.� Masayang sabi ni Arthur.

�Yeah�� I stroked his hair.

�We need to go now. Say bye bye to Dr. Daddy.� Sabi ko.

�Bye bye, Dr. Daddy. I love you and I miss you.� He said.

We both stood up and walked back to the car with Ronnie.

The world could sometimes look ugly but it�s a beautiful place. Sometimes it could
feel like you against the whole world but in the end, it�s just you against
yourself. Life doesn�t really change, it�s always been beautiful and will always
stay beautiful, and it�s only a matter of loving it, accepting it the way it is,
and knowing that you are not alone in everything you�re going through.

Maybe it believes in inner beauty and wants you to dig deeper and find meaning in
it, find purpose behind everything, find your strength from all the things you
lost, and find beauty underneath the dust.

I looked down at Arthur while he swung our hands together and I couldn�t help but
smile. I had found mine. I had found the beauty from my pain and it�s in my hand.
And I would never let go of this.

Chapter Forty
Love is not your savior. Love is the luxury after you save yourself. I couldn�t
remember where I read that quote but I couldn�t agree more. Love had always been
treated like a fairy dust that would magically make everything okay but it�s
usually not like that. You have to save yourself to be able to love fully. You have
to be your knight in shining armor because there�s not a person in this world who
could have control over your life other than yourself. Gold needs to be refined in
the fire in order to purify it. I think love�s like that. It needed to be purified
by fire in order to give pure love.

I had found and given the purest form of love through my children. Callum left
behind four beautiful sons with me. It was a surprise when I found out I was
pregnant with not only one or two boys but three. It may have been Callum�s way of
keeping his promise to Arthur that they would someday make a band like The Beatles.

Montgomery Francois, Bradley Francois, and Sidney Francois just turned four today.
Each of them had different personalities.

Si Monty, the first one who came out of the three, was a bit bossy because he knew
siya ang panganay sa kanilang tatlo. He was the one who looked the most like Callum
than any of his siblings. From his dark hair, his beautifully dark eyes, to his
nose and lips. Monty was the mini version of Callum.

Brad followed after Monty. Siya ang pinaka magaling mang-asar sa tatlo. He had
Callum�s playful side. He loved making fun of his siblings and pulling off pranks
kaya madalas mag-away ang tatlo. Oh well, boys will always be boys.

Si Sid naman ang bunso sa kanilang tatlo. He was the only one who had my blonde
hair and he was the smallest of the three. He kind of comes off as the underdog.
He�s a fragile little one and the one who cries the most when Monty and Brad gangs
up on him.

Arthur had been nothing short of a great Kuya to them. He was always there to help
me throughout my whole pregnancy. My pregnancy was not a walk in the park. I had a
lot of complications because it was a multiple pregnancy. Hindi lang dalawa ang
nasa tiyan ko kung hindi tatlo. And Arthur would always be there to comfort me and
sing me songs. Sabi ng doktor sa akin pagkatapos ko manganak, hindi na ako pwedeng
magbuntis ulit. The doctor said if I get pregnant again, I could die from it.

�Daddy!� The triplets eagerly stood up from their seats when they heard the front
door open.

I just chuckled quietly and shook my head as I watched the three boys. Arthur sat
next to me, eating his dinner while writing his next song.

�Art, mamaya na yan. Kumain ka muna.� I told him.

He took a bite of his hotdog and chewed it. He�d grown into a wonderful young man.
At eight years old, he was already making his own songs. He still kept the guitar
his Dr. Daddy gave to him. Hindi pa rin natatanggal ang inukit nilang stick figure
doon. He had a handful of guitars given to him but his Dr. Daddy�s guitar would
always remain his favorite.

�But I need to get it done because we�re going to sing it at the party later.�
Sagot niya.

�Do it after your finish with your breakfast.� Sabi ko sa kanya.

�Okay�� He said and lifted his spoon and fork up.

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong panggigilan siya. I pulled him to me and inhaled
in his hair. He still smelled like a baby.

�Mom�� He laughed a playfully laughed.

�You�ll always be my first baby! Huwag ka munang lalaki, please!� Sabi ko sa kanya
habang pinauulanan ko siya ng halik.

�I�m not a baby anymore.� He chuckled.

�Yes, you still are! You are my first baby! Kahit gaano ka katanda, baby ka pa rin
ni Mommy.� I told him.

�I remember being like that with Miggy.� Mama sighed and let out a nostalgic smile.
�Kids grow up so fast. Akalain mo, dati baby pa ang triplets, ngayon ang lalaki at
ang kukulit na nila.�

�I know, Ma. I wish they could stay a baby forever.� I whined.

�Nako, edi natulad yan kay Ronnie. Ang laki-laki na baby pa rin mag-isip.� Dad
suddenly walked into the dining room. Nakasampa na naman ang tatlo sa kanya.
Nakalambitin si Monty at Brad sa mga bisig niya habang si Sid ay nakasakay sa
balikat niya.

�Daaad.� Ronnie frowned.

�You boys, get down from Dad. Dad�s not getting any younger. Mamaya mabali pa ang
buto ni Dad sa likod dahil sa inyo.� I told my kids.

�Are you kidding me, Drey?� Dad turned his head to me, furrowing his brows deeply.
�I still go to the gym and I still lift. Hindi pa ako matanda.�

�Right. And pigs can fly.� Ronnie snorted.

�Kayo talaga, pinagtutulungan niyo na naman ang asawa ko.� Mama got up from her
seat and walked up to Dad. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

�Ewww!� The triplets giggled.

Ronnie and I both laughed at their reaction.

�Kayong tatlo, bumaba na kayo sa Daddy niyo. Tapusin niyo na itong breakfast niyo.�
I told them.

Dad put the kids down and they went back to their seats. We didn�t move out from
Mama and Dad�s house. Pakiramdam ko mahihirapan ako kapag lumipat ako. I was a
single mom and had four boys with me. Apat na makukulit na lalaki. It was always
chaotic. Mama and Dad doesn�t want me to move out anyway. The four boys brings life
in this house. Nabuhay ulit at nagkasigla ang bahay noong dumating sila. It was
like when we were kids. But ten times more messy and noisy. We only had two boys
before, Kuya Miggy and Coco. Now there were four. Madalas magulo ang bahay pero
masaya.

�Guess what Daddy bought for you three for your birthday!� Dad said to the
triplets.

�What?� Halos magkakasabay na tanong ng tatlo.

�Let�s just say it has wheels.� Dad rubbed his chin.

�A car?� Tanong ni Monty.

�A bike?� Si Sid.

�A ferry�s wheel?� Brad asked with a sly smile.

�A ferry�s wheel?� Kumunot ang noo ni Dad. �You think Daddy could take home a
ferry�s wheel?�

�Maybe�� Brad grinned cheekily.

�Well, that�s not impossible. Malaki naman ang backyard, pwede tayong magpa-� He
was seriously considering it.

�Dad, no. Huwag mo naman gawin amusement park ang bahay natin.� I disagreed.

�Oh, Nick�� Mama shook her head, laughing. �Kahit sa mga apo mo, hindi ka pa rin
nagbabago. Ganyan ang Daddy niyo sa inyo noong bata kayo. Lahat ng hilingin niyo,
hindi niya kayang hindi-an.�

�I want a ferry�s wheel in the backyard.� Monty said.

�Me too and a rollercoaster.� Sabi naman ni Brad.

�I want a merry go round.� Sabi naman ni Sid.

�Maybe for your Kuya Arthur�s birthday party, magdidisneyland tayo.� Sabi na lang
ni Dad. �But we can�t fit all those in the backyard.�

�Kumain na kayo, okay? The party�s going to start later. We have to get ready pa.�
I told my boys.
They did as they were told. Hindi pa rin maiiwasan na magkagulo ang tatlo habang
kumakain. They fight a lot. Pag nagkapikunan, nagkakasakitan. But in the end, they
always make up. They were boys and boys were usually tough to handle.

�Mommy, si Brad kinuha yung bacon ko!� Sumbong ni Sid sa akin.

�Brad, bakit kinuha mo ang bacon ng brother mo?� My eyes narrowed at him and was
met with a pair of playful dark eyes.

He smiled, chewing happily at the bacon he got from Sid�s plate. He gulped it down
with a glass of orange juice. �Because I want more.�

�That�s not nice. Give it back to him!� Monty demanded.

�He�d have to get it from my tummy.� Brad patted his tummy.

�Mommy, wala na akong bacon!� Lumabi si Sid.

�You�re being mean!� Monty slapped his spoon on Brad�s head.

�Monty, don�t hurt your brother!� I frowned at him before turning my head to Sid.
�Here you can have mine.�

�Stop it, you two!� Saway ni Ronnie kay Monty at Brad. The two were already kicking
and slapping each other. The smallest thing could easily set off these boys.

�Hey Brad, Monty! Be nice to each other!� Dad got up from his seat and picked up
Brad in his arms. Nilipat niya ito sa kabilang upuan, malayo kay Monty. �What did I
say about fighting?�

�Tinuktok niya sa head ko yung spoon!� Sumbong ni Brad kay Dad.

�Because you stole Sid�s bacon!� Sabi naman ni Monty.

�You two, gusto niyo bang mag-face the wall?� Galit na sabi ko sa kanila.

The two shook their heads.

�Then say sorry to each other.� I demanded.

The two turned their heads to each other with a pout on their lips that they got
from their Dad.

�Sorry.� Mahinang sabi ni Monty.

�I�m sorry, too. And sorry for taking your bacon, Sid.� Sabi naman ni Brad.

�Oh, boys�� Mama shook her head. She understood. It was hard handling boys.
Napagdaanan niya na din ito kay Kuya Miggy at Coco.

The party had soon started with balloons and The Little Prince themed decorations.
The boys were dressed in their Little Prince costume and they looked handsome as
ever. Syempre gwapo din ang Arthur ko. He was really morphing into a younger
version of Callum. I think of Callum from time to time but I don�t miss him as much
anymore because whenever I do, I just look at my kids.

Arthur was playing with Cookie. The three boys were already munching their
cupcakes. I exhaled a satisfied breath as I sipped my orange juice and watched my
kids. I could never find a love greater than this.
�Friend, ang laki na nila.� Therese nudged my side.

�I know. Parang kahapon lang nasa ospital pa sila. They were so tiny in their
incubators.� I said, reminiscing the time when I gave birth to them. As I already
told, my pregnancy was really tough. Akala ko nga mawawala ang isa sa kanila dahil
sabi ng doctor, if push comes to shove, we�d have to let go of one of them. But I
decided to push through. I decided to keep them all. They were really tiny when I
gave birth to them and they had to be incubated but they did turn out okay.

�Wala ka pa din bang love life.� Anais asked as she stood on my other side.

I chuckled. �I have four young men. They are my love life.�

�It�s been years since your husband�s death. Wala ka talagang balak magboyfriend?�
Tanong ni Therese.

�I just want to focus on my kids. Ang bilis nilang lumaki. I just want to enjoy
them.� Sagot ko.

�Sabagay, kung si Coco din, wag naman sana, mawala. Hindi na ako mag-aasawa. I
would just focus on our kids. He�s the greatest love of my life and I can�t imagine
a life with another man.� Anais smiled.

�And she loves Dr. Daddy so, so much. Di ba, Mommy?� Suddenly Arthur popped from
behind us.

�Of course.� I kissed the top of his head. �Pawis ka na naman. Magpapalit ka na
naman ng shirt.�

�Pag nag boyfriend ang Mommy mo, okay lang sa�yo, baby?� Therese asked.

�T!� I turned my head to her, my eyes widening.

�At least, kung sakali, alam mo ang iniisip ng anak mo. Okay lang ba, Art?� She
said, being her usual tsimosa journalist self.

�If she wants. Basta di niya kukunin ang Mommy ko.� Arthur wrapped his arms around
my waist.

�Hindi naman ako magpapakuha. Kung nasaan ako, nandoon din kayo. We will never be
apart. Never. Walang lalaki ang sisira sa atin.� I assured him.

�And you will always love my Dr. Daddy even if you get a new boyfriend?� He asked.

�Always. He�s my husband. I love him so much and I would always love your Dr. Daddy
because he gave you and your brothers to me.� Sabi ko sa kanya.

�Can we go to Dr. Daddy after the party?� Asked Sid. Biglang sumulpot sa harap
namin ang tatlong kapatid niya.

�Of course. Mamaya pupunta tayo doon.� I told them.

�Yehey! I�m going to bring my water gun. Can we play water gun there?� Brad asked.

�Okay but it�s only because it�s your birthday.� I rolled my eyes.

Hindi ko pinagkait sa kanila ang malaman ang tungkol sa Dr. Daddy nila. Arthur
talks about him a lot anyway. My four kids were different and special in their own
ways. Pero kung may isang bagay silang napagkakasundan iyon ay ang music. The four
loved music so much. They could all play different kinds of instrument but they had
their favorites. Arthur still loved playing his guitar. Monty plays the piano. Brad
loved playing drums. Sid was more into violin. Arthur�s Band is still called
Arthur�s Band and it would never be disbanded. No matter what happens.

Epilogue
Motherhood is the most fulfilling experience of a woman�s life. I was blessed with
four wonderful sons and they were all I could ever ask for. With Arthur, Brad, Sid,
and Monty, I felt like my life had meaning now. It may be difficult sometimes, I
wasn�t going to lie, but it was definitely worth it.

Bukod sa pagiging Mommy ng apat kong anak, I was also busy with our family�s
company. Dad had already retired from his job and he was now letting us run the
company. Ginagabayan niya pa rin kami sa pagpapatakbo ng kumpanya but majority of
his time now was spent travelling with Mama. Minsan sumasama kami lalo na kapag
bakasyon ng mga bata pero madalas nagsosolo ang dalawa. Katulad ngayon. They went
to Switzerland for the weekend.

I was brushing my hair in front of the vanity mirror after blowdrying it while my
three boys were jumping up and down the bed. I had already bathed the triplets and
afterwards, asked Ronnie to look after the kids while I took a quick shower. The
bathroom was the only privacy I had from them and I couldn�t even enjoy my bath
because Ronnie was telling me to hurry as she had something she needed to finish.
Pagkalabas ko ng shower ay lumabas na din si Ronnie sa kwarto ko at bumalik sa
ginagawa niya. Tinuloy ko na lang ang pagboblowdry ng buhok ko habang binabantayan
ang tatlo. My four boys still sleeps next to me. They had their own rooms but they
prefer to sleep next to Mommy. Maingay at magulo dito sa kwarto ko. Palagi din nag-
aaway ang mga magkakapatid. You know, those petty sibling fights. Nagkalat ang mga
laruan at mga musical instruments ng mga bata at kahit anong linis ko, after just
thirty minutes, they could to turn my room upside down again. I get a daily dose of
headache but that was just a small sacrifice for the unmeasurable happiness they
bring to my life. I wanted to enjoy them while they were still babies. With them, I
never feel lonely or feel like there was something missing in my life. They made my
life complete.

�Mommy, Brad kicked me!� Sid whined.

�I did not! It was an accident! He was on the way!� Brad was quick to defend
himself.

�Sabi ni Mommy play nice! You don�t play nice!� Monty scolded Brad. �You�re kicking
and hitting me and Sid!�

�I told you to stop jumping on the bed, you three. You�re going to hurt each
other.� I carried them down the bed. �Halika na! Bumaba na tayo. Tapos na akong
mag-ayos.�

�Are we going to see a movie today, Mommy?� Sid asked.

�Yes, we will.� I answered and kissed the top of his head.

�What movie?� Asked Monty.

�Any movie you want to watch.� I answered.

�And then we�ll go to the toystore and you�d buy us toys?� Brad smiled widely.

�Toys na naman? Puno na yung toy box niyo tsaka di ba nagpromise si Dad na uuwian
niya kayo ng toys?� I brushed my fingers through his dark hair.

�If it doesn�t fit in the box anymore, we can donate the old ones to the
orphanage.� Sabi ni Sid. We usually donate their toys to Aunt Andi and Uncle
Tristan�s orphanage. Mahilig kasi talaga sa laruan ang mga bata. They go crazy
whenever we�re inside a toystore.

�After we watch a movie, instead of buying toys, I�m going to let you play in the
arcade.� I said, negotiating with the three.

�Okay!� Halos magkakasabay na sagot ng tatlo.

Lumabas na kami ng kwarto at kinatok ko si Ronnie sa kwarto niya. She promised to

accompany me today. Hindi ko kaya ang apat na lalaki na ako lang mag-isa kaya kapag
wala si Mama at Dad, si Ronnie ang palagi kong kasama.

�Hey boys, are you ready?� Ronnie cheerfully asked her nephews.

�Yeah! We�re going to play at the arcade!� Brad excitedly said.

�Nasaan si Arthur, Ate?� Ronnie asked when she didn�t see him.

�Sandali nga lang, I�m going to go check up on him. Ikaw muna bahala sa tatlo.� I
told her. At eight years old, Arthur had learned to be independent. He could take
care of himself just fine. He was really growing up and the thought made me kind of
sad. Dati ako ang nagpapaligo at nag-aayos sa kanya, ngayon siya na ang gumagawa
nun sa sarili niya.

I went to his room and before I even opened his door, he burst out it.

�Art baby, are you ready? Aalis na-� I stopped when I saw him. His eyes were red
and his tears soaked in tears. �Bakit umiiyak ka?�

�I can�t find Dr. Daddy�s guitar!� Humihikbings sabi niya. �I looked everywhere but
I can�t find it.�

�Oh.� I wiped his tears away and kissed him on the forehead. �Where did you last
see it?�

�I can�t remember.� He answered.

�Baka naman na misplace mo lang. Mommy�s going to look for it, okay? Tumahan ka
na.� I told him.

�Paano kung wala na talaga yun?� He sobbed.

�No� we�re going to find it.� I promised. His Dr. Daddy�s guitar was his most
precious possession. I knew how important that was for him.

While Ronnie kept the triplets busy, Arthur and I went downstairs to look for his
guitar. Palagi kasing hawak ni Arthur iyon kaya hindi niya na matandaan kung saan
niya nailalapag. He must�ve just misplaced it.

I asked our helpers if they saw Arthur�s guitar and no one did. When we couldn�t
find it inside the house, we went out to the garden. Naalala ko kasi nakita ko
siyang gamit iyon sa garden habang naglalaro sila ng mga kapatid niya.

We looked around and Arthur was beginning to grow more worried. Halos itaob niya na
ang lounging set na nasa garden. Arthur was frantically looking around when I heard
a faint strum of a guitar. I paused and followed its sound. It lead me to the
toolshed in the far hidden corner of the garden. I went behind it and saw an
unfamiliar figure of a man.

The man had tan skin and a well-built body, not heavy like a bodybuilder�s, muscled
and toned in a way that looked like he�d done labour work for years. He had an
untidy shoulder length hair that covered his face, his head tilted down and he
seemed so absorbed with the guitar he had in his hans. He was wearing a white tank
top with grey stains on them and a pair of worn out and tattered jeans.

�Who are you? What are you doing here?� I took a step back, ready to run if I
needed.

He lifted head up and our gaze met. He smiled at me. His sweet smile surprisingly
complimented his ragged features. It made him look harmless. �Ma�am!�

�Sino ka?� I repeated the question, this time my voice more firm.

�Ay pasensya na, Ma�am.� He stood up and he towered over me. He was holding my
son�s guitar, the one he�d been crying about. �Ako nga po pala si Soren. Driver,
mekaniko, pwede din akong all around boy.�

�Ano�ng ginagawa mo dito at bakit na sa�yo ang gitara ng anak ko?� My brows
furrowed.

�Ma�am, inutusan akong pumunta dito para kunin yung mga gamit inaayos namin kotse
sa garahe. Nadaanan ko itong gitara sa hardin, wala sa tono kaya ito inaayos ko.
Mahilig kasi akong tumugtog, Ma�am. Tumutugtog ako pagpiyesta sa probinsya namin
tsaka sa mga bar.� Bumaba ang tingin niya sa gitara.

�That�s mine!� Biglang sumulpot si Arthur mula sa likod ko at tumakbo papunta sa

lalaki. He grabbed his guitar from the man�s hand and possessively hugged it.
�Bakit na sa�yo ang guitar ng Dr. Daddy ko? Akin �to! Binigay niya sa akin �to!�

�Arthur�� I touched his shoulder. I understood that he was upset but it was not an
excuse to talk like that especially to adults.

�Inaayos ko lang, boy. Hindi ko naman inaangkin.� He chuckled playfully, massaging

his nape.

I cocked a brow. �Sa susunod huwag kang mangingialam ng mga gamit dito. Lalo na ang
gitara ni Arthur. My son�s name is Arthur, hindi boy. Arthur doesn�t like anyone
touching his guitar. Importante sa kanya ang gitarang ito. Regalo iyon ng late
husband ko sa kanya.�

�Sorry, ma�am. Hindi na mauulit. Sorry boy- sir Arthur.� Hingi niya ng paumanhin sa
akin at sa anak ko.

�This is mine and my Dr. Daddy�s guitar. See! It has our name on it!� He pointed
out the carving on the guitar.

�Sorry, sir Arthur. No read, no write ako.� Sabi niya. �Dr. ang Daddy niya, Ma�am?�

�He was a psychiatrist!� Arthur answered for me.

�Ah iyon ba yung doktor ng mga baliw?� He asked.

My eyes widened at what he said. Lalong lumalim ang kunot sa no ni Arthur. My son
turned his head ang looked up at me. �Mommy, did you hear what he said? Sabi niya
doktor ng mga baliw ang Dr. Daddy ko.�

My jaw clenched and annoyance surged over my whole system. How dare he say that in
front of my own son. I took in a deep breath, trying to compose myself.

�Bago ka lang ba dito? Ngayon lang kita nakita.� I said in a flat tone.

�First day ko po ngayon. Kagagaling ko lang sa probinsya kagabi.� Sagot niya.

�If you keep that up, this will be your first and last day working here. Sino ba
ang nagpasok sa�yo dito?� I folded my arms over to my chest.

�Si Tiya Melba, yung katulong niyo dito. Tiyahin ko po yun, ma�am.� Sagot niya.
�Ako yung papalit na kay Mang Erik. Uuwi na daw kasi siya sa probinsya sa susunod
na linggo dahil may sakit yung asawa niya kaya ito.�

�Hoy Soren!� Melba, one of our helps and his Aunt he said, came rushing towards us.
�Kanino ka pa hinihintay ni Mang Er-� She paused when she saw me. �Ma�am Drey.�

I gave her a half-hearted smile. This guy right here just ruined our day. �Kayo po
ba ang nagpasok sa kanya dito? Alam na po ba ni Dad ito?�

�Opo, ma�am. Alam na ni sir Phoenix na aalis na si Mang Erik kaya pinahap niya kami
ng driver na papalit sa kanya. Eh okay naman daw po sa kanya kung ito na lang
pamangkin ko. Nagdadrive kasi ito ng mga truck papunta at pabalik sa probinsya at
Maynila.�

�I don�t like him.� Arthur said. �Tinawag niyang Doctor ng mga baliw ang Dr. Daddy
ko.�

�Naku! Pasensya na, ma�am, Arthur�� Sabi ni Melba bago tumingin sa lalaki. She
threw him a sharp glare. �Soren, yang bunganga mo.�

�Pagsabihan mo yan, Melba.� I told her with a stoic face before turning my
attention back to my son. �Let�s go. Baka naiinip na ang mga kapatid mo at ang Tita
Ronnie mo.�

We went back inside with his guitar. I knew the boys were already driving their
Tita Ronnie crazy. They were running around and Ronnie was chasing after them,
trying to sit them all down. Arthur sat on the couch and started playing his guitar
as if he hadn�t seen it for years.

�Your sons are all pain in the ass!� She complained and then her brows furrowed
when she saw me. �O, bakit nakasimangot ka, Ate?�

�Yun kasing bagong driver, mekaniko, all around boy or whatever he is�� My frown
grew even deeper.

�Oh, si Tarzan. You�ve already met him na pala.� Ronnie grinned.

�Tarzan?�

�I forgot his name but he looks like Tarzan with his long hair.� Natatawangs abi ni
Ronnie.

�He called my sons� father doktor ng mga baliw� sa harap ni Arthur.� I shook my
head.

�He seemed like a nice guy when I interviewed him earlier.� Ronnie shrugged. �What
do you want to do? Fire him and look for another one?�

I shook my head. �No, it�s okay. I mean, what he said wasn�t okay. But I�m going to
give him another chance.�

�Aalis na ba tayo or what?� Ronnie asked.

I called the kids and they excitedly ran to me. Hinawakan ko si Monty at Brad
habang karga naman ni Ronnie Sid papunta sa front door. Sid had always been
Ronnie�s favorite because he was the sweetest amongst the triplets. We sat the
triplets on the very back and strapped them in their carseats. Arthur sat on the
second row with his guitar. He�d missed his guitar so much that he brought it with
him. I slipped inside the driver�s seat and Ronnie sat on the passenger�s side.

�Ate, paano if one day you decide to move out? Can you take care of them by
yourself? Hindi ka ba naloloka sa mga anak mo?� Ronnie asked, chuckling while I
drove.

�They drive me crazy all the time but they�re the ones holding me together. I�m not
going to lie and tell you that I can do it without you or Mama and Dad. It�s
difficult raising four sons alone but you made it bearable.� I smiled a smile of
gratitude.

�Naisip ko lang Ate, never kang nakipagdate kahit ang dami pa rin nanliligaw sa�yo?
Have you ever thought about getting yourself a partner? Yung mamahalin ka, yung
tutulong sa�yo sa pagpapalaki kina Arthur at yung makakasama mo sa pagtanda. Like
Mama and Dad.� She asked. �Hindi ba you�ve always dreamt of a big family just like
ours?�

I shrugged and a smile spread across my lips. �I still have a big family. I have my
children, I have Mama and Dad, and I have you and our siblings. Sa ngayon wala pa
talaga sa isip ko yan. Ang importante sa akin ay ang mga bata. I just don�t think
I�d ever love a man as much as I love my kids. I would always prioritize my
children more. I�m doing my best to be a great Mom to them. I�m giving my kids my
all and all I ever want is that everyday they know they are the greatest thing that
ever happened to me.�

�I admire you so much, Ate. You and Mama.� Hinilig niya ang ulo niya sa akin. �I
know how much you�ve been through and here you are, stronger than ever.�

�My love for my kids is what gives me strength. They�re worth everything I�ve been
through, Ronnie. Kung mababalik ang panahon at papipiliin ako, I would go through
the same pain I�ve been through just so I could have them again in my life. Wala
akong babaguhin o iibahin.�

�Mommy, we have a song for you.� Sabi ni Brad. �Di ba Kuya Arthur, you wrote a song
for Mommy?�

�It was supposed to be a secret!� I saw Arthur sharply turning his head to his
brother through the rearview mirror.

�Oop!� Brad giggled and covered his mouth.

�It was supposed to be for Mommy�s birthday!� Sid frowned at him.

�You and your big fat mouth ruined Mommy�s surprise!� Monty scolded his brother.

�I said sorry.� Brad frowned angrily at his brother.

�O, baka mag-away pa kayo niyan ah.� Ronnie said to the kids.

�Why don�t you just sing the song you made for me? I would love to hear it.� I
smiled.

�It�s not your birthday yet.� Sabi ni Monty.

�Come on. We want to hear it.� Pilit ni Ronnie.

�I want to hear it.� Sabi ko.

�Okay, but on your birthday just pretend it�s the first time you heard it.� Arthur
giggled.

Ronnie and I laughed along.

He began to strum his guitar and it played a wonderful tune. He was getting better
and better.

�We love you, Mommy. You�re the best Mom in the world. You�re always there to make
us food. You�re always there to make us feel good. Thank you for kissing our
booboos. In a world full of Mommies, you�re the only one we�ll choose�� My sons
sang together.

My children are my life. My world revolved around them. Without them, tomorrow
wouldn�t be worth the wait and yesterday wouldn�t be worth remembering.