CINDERSTEIN

Cinderstein
by Kamron Klitgaard
A Full Length Comedy
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CINDERSTEIN
By Kamron Klitgaard
Copyright © 2007 by Kamron Klitgaard, All rights reserved.
ISBN: 1-60003-282-6
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CINDERSTEIN
CHARACTERS
CINDERELLA/CINDY-(F) She is the classic sweet, lovable, caring

Cinderella when she is acting the Cinderella part, but when she breaks
out of her Cinderella character and into Cindy the actress character, she
becomes a dark gothic with a rough gravelly voice.
STEPMOTHER-(F) Loves to be wicked.
STEPSISTER 1-(F) Slightly smarter than the others but has a mean
streak. She is always fighting with Stepsister 2 when they are not acting.
STEPSISTER 2-(F) Has a temper and can’t control herself from

attacking Stepsister 1 when she’s not acting.
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STEPSISTER 3-(F) Wants to be Cinderella. Snotty.
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STEPSISTER 4-(F) Calls director coach and uses crutches.
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STEPSISTER 5-(F) Just happy to be in the play.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER-(F) Very happy but clumsy and slow witted.

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Even seems cross-eyed some of the time.
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DIRECTOR-(M/F) Also the writer of the play. He gets frustrated at

different levels because he’s seen his brain-child slowly being
destroyed.
HEAD EXTRA-(M/F) Take charge union leader type.
EXTRA 1-(M/F) Member of the union.
TECH GUY-(M/F) Shows no emotions.

DANCER 1-(M) Ball room dancer.
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BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
DANCER 2-(F) Ball room dancer.
DANCER 4-(F) Ball room dancer.
DANCER 6-(M) Ball room dancer. Plays a girl at one point.
PAGE-(M/F) Good announcing voice but pronounces things wrong.
KING-(M) Is a very nice and gentle King but the actor gets violently
frustrated with the actress playing the Queen.
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QUEEN-(F) Speaks slow and elegant. Incapable of improvising. She
sticks exactly to the script, no matter what.
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PRINCE-(M) Superficial male.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN-(M) Mad yet level headed scientist.

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INGRID-(F) Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant. Very ugly but flirtatious.
IGOR-(M) Dr. Frankenstein’s hunchback assistant.
GUARD 1-(M/F) His Cockney accent sounds American Southern.
GUARD 2-(M/F) Cockney accent.
PRODUCTION NOTES
Cinderstein was first produced at Roy High School in May 2006. It was
then performed by Fremont High School in April 2007. The competition
version was performed first by Roy High at the 4A High School Region
V Competition in March 2007 and then again at the Utah State Drama
Festival in April 2007.
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CINDERSTEIN
CINDERSTEIN
by
Kamron Klitgaard
SCENE 1 – CINDERELLA’S HOME
SETTING: The stage is almost bare. There is only a fireplace made

from cardboard boxes, which doesn’t look quite finished, that stands
Stage Right and a table Center Left.
AT RISE: STEPMOTHER enters from Left wearing a period dress and

tennis shoes followed by CINDERELLA who wears all black and a
white apron. Her face is paled with white make up and her eyes are
darkened heavily.)
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STEPMOTHER: I can’t believe that you were even thinking about going to
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the ball. You know that you have chores to do.
CINDERELLA: Yes, mother.
STEPMOTHER: I am not your mother, child. Call me what I told you to call
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me.
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CINDERELLA: Yes, evil stepmother.

STEPMOTHER: That’s better.
CINDERELLA: I finished all my regular chores.
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STEPMOTHER: Your regular chores? Child, your “regular” chores are
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anything I feel needs doing. And I feel that there are several other
things which need doing. First, my own daughters need help dressing.
They should be down in a moment. Next, I noticed some mouse poo
poos in the kitchen. I want the critters caught before we return. Then I
want you to sweep out. . .
(STEPSISTERS 1 & 2 enter from Left in their ball gowns but not quiet
ready. They approach CINDERELLA.)
STEPSISTER 1: Cinderella, help me with my zipper!

STEPSISTER 2: Cinderella, I’m having trouble with my necklace, help me!
CINDERELLA: Yes, wicked stepsisters.
(CINDERELLA moves between the two of them trying to follow their

commands.)
STEPSISTER 1: Mother, Cinderella’s not helping me fast enough.

STEPSISTER 2: Me, either. It’s like she’s moving in slow motion.
STEPMOTHER: Girls, let’s not argue over how Cinderella is a slow, dumb-
witted servant or we will be here all night.
STEPSISTER 1: Hurry up, Cinderella. I’ve got to go to the Prince’s Ball.
STEPSISTER 2: Me too!
CINDERELLA: I wish I could go to the Prince’s Ball.
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BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
(The STEPSISTERS look at each other and then burst out laughing.)
STEPSISTER 1: Are you insane? Looking like that?

STEPSISTER 2: Yeah, look at your clothes. It’s a ball, not a soup kitchen.
STEPSISTER 1: Not to mention how ugly you are. Do you think the prince
wants to look at that mug?
STEPSISTER 2: (standing at attention as the court page) Your royal
highness, presenting Cinderella.
STEPSISTER 1: (contorts her face to look ugly and walks like a freak
to STEPSISTER 2 and speaks in a goofy voice) Pleased to meet
you, your majesty. I’m Dorkarella. (STEPSISTERS laugh)
STEPMOTHER: Very good, girls. But we need to be leaving. We don’t
want to be late for the ball, and Cinderella has a lot of work to do.
(turning to CINDERELLA) Before we return I want all of the cinders
swept out of the fireplace.
STEPSISTER 2: Wait a second. Cinders? Oh, I get it. That’s how she got
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her name, Cinderella, from sweeping the cinders, right?
STEPSISTER 1: Yeah, we made it up.
STEPSISTER 2: Who did?
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STEPSISTER 1: We did. Me and you, you idiot.
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STEPSISTER 2: When?
STEPSISTER 1: I don’t know. Before. (snottily) Duh.
STEPSISTER 2: You don’t have to be so rude.
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STEPSISTER 1: You don’t have to be so dumb.
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(STEPSISTER 2 steps toward STEPSISTER 1 like SHE’s going to deck

her but STEPMOTHER steps between them.)
STEPMOTHER: That’s enough, girls. Let’s go on, shall we?

(STEPSISTERS back off) Yes, well, just make sure that before we
return, I want all of the cinders swept out of the fireplace.
STEPMOTHER: Let’s go girls.
STEPSISTER 1: Goodbye Cinderella, we’re off to dance with the prince.
STEPSISTER 2: Have fun with the cinders.
(STEPMOTHER and the STEPSISTERS exit Right. CINDERELLA
watches them leave. Her head falls and SHE stands looking dejected.
SHE is almost in tears. Then SHE lifts her head and imagines that SHE
is at the ball. SHE pantomimes. SHE is introduced to the prince. SHE
flirts with him. SHE laughs. HE asks her to dance. SHE dances. As
SHE dances SHE bumps into the table. Reality sets in. SHE sits and
cries.)
VOICE OF FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Cinderella!

CINDERELLA: What? Who was that?
(A ruckus comes from the fireplace. The FAIRY GOSHMOTHER is

backing through it on her knees. SHE’s having problems and keeps
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CINDERSTEIN
getting caught. SHE struggles with the fireplace and gets all turned
around. CINDERELLA just watches.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Cinderella! Ouch! Cinderella! (finally gets out

from the fireplace and turns around to see CINDERELLA) Cinder. . .
Oh, there you are.
CINDERELLA: Who are you?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Why don’t you know?
(Suddenly the DIRECTOR stands up from the audience.)
DIRECTOR: No, no. Your emphasis is wrong. It’s not “why don’t you
know,” It’s why, comma, don’t you know? The question is “don’t you
know” not “why don’t you know.”
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Okay, I think I can make it work. (to
CINDERELLA) Why the heck don’t you know? (to DIRECTOR) Is that
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better?
DIRECTOR: No. But go on.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: I am your Fairy Goshmother.
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DIRECTOR: Stop, stop. That’s not right.
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: What?

DIRECTOR: You called yourself her Fairy Goshmother.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Right, I’m the Fairy Goshmother.
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DIRECTOR: It’s Fairy Godmother. Not Goshmother, Godmother.
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: I know, but I was thinking, what about all the non-
religious people in the audience? What if we offend them?
DIRECTOR: (walking up on stage frustrated) It won’t offend them. Just
say Godmother.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: I think Goshmother sounds better.
CINDERELLA: (now switching to CINDY the actress character) Me too.
DIRECTOR: Well, that’s not how I wrote it.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Please can’t we change it?
DIRECTOR: Calling the Fairy Godmother the Fairy Goshmother is lame.
CINDERELLA: You’re the writer and the director so you can make it as
lame as you want.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Please?
DIRECTOR: No.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Please?
DIRECTOR: No.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Please? Please, please, please, please, please,
please, please, pleeeaasssseee? (SHE doesn’t stop until the
DIRECTOR gives in)
DIRECTOR: (frustrated) Okay!!! Whatever! Now, let’s just take it back
from your entrance. No wait, let’s go back to where the Stepfamily exits.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Stepfamily?
DIRECTOR: Yeah. . . the stepsisters? The stepmother? The step family.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Their last name is Step?
DIRECTOR: Stepmother! Stepsisters! Come back on!
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BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
(STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS come back on.)
STEPMOTHER: What?
DIRECTOR: Take it again.
STEPSISTER 1: Again?
STEPSISTER 2: Before the Fairy Godmother comes in?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Goshmother.
STEPSISTER 2: What?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: I’m your Fairy Goshmother.
STEPSISTER 2: You’re my Fairy Goshmother?
STEPSISTER 1: No, you idiot. She’s Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother.
STEPSISTER 1: But she wants to be called a Goshmother instead of
Godmother.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: For the non-religious types.
STEPSISTER 2: What’s a Goshmother?
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STEPSISTER 1: You are so stupid.
STEPSISTER 2: I am just about fed with your lip.
STEPSISTER 1: And I’m about fed up with your brain.
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(STEPSISTER 2 lunges at STEPSISTER 1. They grab each other’s hair
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and start grappling. It goes to the ground .They roll around on the
ground on top of each other screaming and flailing. The DIRECTOR
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jumps in and pulls them apart.)
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DIRECTOR: Knock it off! Would you two just stop it?! It’s like I’m directing a
play in prison.
STEPSISTER 2: She started it!
STEPSISTER 1: She lunged at me!
DIRECTOR: Enough! Just start from your entrance.
(Before they can get into position STEPSISTER 3 enters.)
STEPSISTER 3: Hey, you guys, hi! Guess what ? I can be in the play!
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Really?
STEPSISTER 3: Yeah, the administration took me off the probation list
cause I brought that “F” up to a “D.”
STEPSISTER 1: “D-?” I always knew you were a genius.
STEPSISTER 2. Don’t listen to her. She’s just cranky cause someone took
her ruby slippers.
CINDERELLA: Well, what part is she gonna be?
STEPSISTER 3: How about Cinderella?
CINDERELLA: That’s my part.
DIRECTOR: Look, Lisa, we are already half way through rehearsals. The
whole play has already been cast. I can’t just put you back in right in
the middle of production. All the parts are taken.
STEPSISTER 3: (SHE starts to cry, small at first but by the end of her
line SHE has really let loose the water works.) Okay. I understand.
It’s just that Cinderella was always my favorite. I always had my father
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CINDERSTEIN
read it to me at bed time. . . until he abandoned us and ran a way with

his troglodytic 2nd cousin which caused my mother to have complete
break down. But she was still good to us, until the day she freaked out
and smashed my Cinderella lunch box with a tire iron and then ran over
it with the car as she drove out of our life forever. I even cancelled this
month’s therapy for this. But that’s okay, I need to go take my meds,
anyway.
DIRECTOR: All right, you can be in the show.
STEPSISTER 3: (suddenly very happy and perky) Great. What part am
I? Cinderella?
CINDERELLA: That’s my part.
DIRECTOR: Well, you’re just gonna have to be an extra.
(HEAD EXTRA comes storming out onstage from Right.)
HEAD EXTRA: No way! There’s already like ten of us. You just keep
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throwing people in with us like we are not important. Well, forget it.
We’re putting our foot down. No more extras. It’s bad enough to be
called an extra, like, “oh, you’re extra, we don’t really need you,” and
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then you wanna just give anyone and everyone our part? Well you can
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forget it!
DIRECTOR: Do you speak for all the extras?
HEAD EXTRA: That’s right. Come on out guys!
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(All the EXTRAS come out on stage and stand behind HEAD EXTRA in
a tough guy pose. Some of them carry weapons like bats and
crowbars.)
DIRECTOR: Great, they’ve formed an Extras’ Union. (EXTRA 2 nudges

HEAD EXTRA.)
HEAD EXTRA: Oh yeah, and we want donuts next rehearsal.
STEPMOTHER: I know. Why doesn’t she be a Stepsister?
DIRECTOR: We already have the two stepsisters.
STEPMOTHER: Why can’t there be three? Just give her a couple of the
lines.
STEPSISTER 2: Yeah, I can’t memorialize all my lines anyway.
STEPSISTER 1: It would make Cinderella have another obstacle to over
come. There would be four of us against her, instead of three. It makes
more conflict. You always say the more conflict there is the more
interesting it is.
STEPSISTER 3: Please.
DIRECTOR: All right, you’re stepsister three. You guys just work it out and
decide which lines you’re gonna give her.
STEPSISTER 3: Yes! Oh, thank you. You won’t regret this! You guys this is
gonna be so fun. I can’t believe I’m in the play! Oh, my gosh!
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Yes?
STEPSISTER 3: Huh?
STEPSISTER 2: Don’t worry she’s your Fairy Gooshmother.
STEPSISTER 1: Goshmother, you idiot.
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BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
STEPSISTER 2: That’s it!
(Again SHE lunges at STEPSISTER 1 and they both go to the ground

in a savage cat fight.)
DIRECTOR: Knock it off!!! (STEPSISTER 3 and STEPMOTHER pull

THEM apart and help them up.) I feel like I’m going insane! (pause)
Now, everyone off the stage and let’s take it back from Cinderella and
Stepmother’s entrance. (they all just stand and look at the
DIRECTOR) Now! (Everyone runs off Left. The DIRECTOR goes
back to his seat in the audience. The stage is empty.) Okay, your
entrance Cinderella, Action!
(Before CINDERELLA can make her entrance, from Right STEPSISTER
4 enters in a sweat suit and on crutches. Her foot is wrapped up in an
ace bandage but is abnormally swollen.)
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STEPSISTER 4: (putting her hand over her eyes to shield the lights)
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Coach? Hey coach?
DIRECTOR: What are you doing?
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STEPSISTER 4: Oh, there you are, coach. Hey, good news. I broke my
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ankle so I can’t be on the soccer team anymore.

DIRECTOR: Yeah, that is wonderful news. Why are you telling me?
STEPSISTER 4: Well, now I can be in the play cause I won’t be playing
soccer.
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DIRECTOR: We are already mostly through the rehearsal process.

STEPSISTER 4: Well, I went mostly through soccer practice, so now I can
go the rest of the way through play practice.
DIRECTOR: That doesn’t make any sense.
STEPSISTER 4: Come on, coach. Give me a chance.
DIRECTOR: You’re on crutches.
STEPSISTER 4: They won’t get in the way! Come on! Please?
(All the EXTRAS come out onto stage again in their same stance. They
all look at DIRECTOR shake their heads threateningly.)
DIRECTOR: Stepsisters! (all the STEPSISTERS come on stage) Here’s

some more conflict for Cinderella.
STEPSISTER 1: Welcome to the family.
(All the EXTRAS leave again. STEPSISTERS 1, 2 & 3 take STEPSISTER

4 offstage Left and the stage is again empty.)
DIRECTOR: All right, ready. . .
(STEPSISTER 5 comes running on from Right.)
STEPSISTER 5: Hey, guess what, my mom ungrounded me so I can be in

the play! What do I do? Where do I go?
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CINDERSTEIN
(The DIRECTOR, too tired to fight it, just points Off Left. STEPSISTER
3 steps out and meets her.)
STEPSISTER 3: We’ll take care of you honey.
(They both exit Left and again the stage is empty.)
DIRECTOR: All right, go ahead.
(STEPMOTHER enters from Left followed by CINDERELLA.)
me.
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STEPMOTHER: Your regular chores?
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(STEPSISTER 2 sticks her head out from the curtains.)

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STEPSISTER 2: Wait, wait, wait. We’ve almost figured out all the lines. We
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should be ready in just a second. In fact, we should be ready as soon

as you finish your line.
STEPMOTHER: Then why did you interrupt me?
STEPSISTER 2: (looking back behind the curtain then to
STEPMOTHER) Okay, we’re ready. (SHE disappears behind the
curtain)
STEPMOTHER: Let’s see. . . Oh, yeahh. Next, I noticed some moose poo
poos in the kitchen. (SHE starts laughing) Did you hear that? I said
“moose poo poos.” Oh, man can you imagine that? You have to clean
up moose poop?
CINDERELLA: (as CINDY) Maybe we have a moose running around the
house.
DIRECTOR: (impatient) Just go on and say it right.
STEPMOTHER: Okay, sorry. Next, I noticed some mouse poo poos in the
kitchen. I want the critters caught before we return. Then I want you to
sweep out. . .
(STEPSISTERS 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5 enter from Left in their ball gowns but not
quiet ready. They approach CINDERELLA.)

CINDERELLA: Yes, wicked stepsisters. (SHE goes to help them)
STEPSISTER 4: Me either, it’s like she’s moving in. . .
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BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
STEPSISTER 5: . . . slow motion.

STEPMOTHER: Girls, let’s not argue over how Cinderella is a slow, dumb-
witted servant or we will be here all night.
STEPSISTERS 2, 3, 4 & 5: Me too!

STEPSISTER 2: Yeah, look at your clothes.
STEPSISTER 3: It’s a ball, not a soup kitchen.
STEPSISTER 4: Not to mention how ugly you are.
STEPSISTER 5: You think the prince wants to look at that mug?
ALL STEPSISTERS: (standing at attention as the court Page and in
unison) Your royal highness, presenting Cinderella. (All the
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STEPSISTERS contort their faces to look ugly and walk like freaks
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to STEPMOTHER and speak in a goofy voices.) Pleased to meet
you, your majesty. I’m Dorkarella. (the STEPSISTERS laugh)
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STEPMOTHER: Very good, girls. But we need to be leaving. We don’t want
to be late for the ball, and Cinderella has a lot of work to do. (turning to
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CINDERELLA) Before we return I want all of the cinders swept out of

the fireplace.
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ALL STEPSISTERS: Goodbye Cinderella, we’re off to dance with the
prince.
STEPSISTER 2: Have fun with the cinders.
(STEPMOTHER and the STEPSISTERS exit Right. CINDERELLA

watches them leave. SHE starts her pantomime.)
DIRECTOR: We’ve wasted a lot of time. Speed up this part.
(CINDERELLA repeats her pantomime as before but in fast motion. As

SHE finishes SHE goes back to normal speed and starts to cry. No
voice of the FAIRY GOSHMOTHER. SHE cries louder. Still no voice.
SHE screams her cry as loud as SHE can.)
DIRECTOR: Fairy Godmother!

VOICE OF FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Goshmother!
DIRECTOR: You’re on!
VOICE OF FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Are the Stepsisters gone?
CINDERELLLA: Yes.
VOICE OF FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Okay, here I go! Cinderella!
CINDERELLA: What? Who was that?
(A ruckus comes from the fireplace. The FAIRY GOSHMOTHER is

backing through it on her knees. SHE’S having the same problems as
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CINDERSTEIN
before but worse. This time, when SHE stands up, the fireplace comes
with her. SHE approaches CINDERELLA with the fireplace wrapped
around her.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Cinderella!

FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Don’t you know why? I am your Fairy
Goshmother.
CINDERELLA: Oh, wow! My Fairy Godmother!
CINDERELLA: Sorry. Goshmother.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: I am here to help you go to the Prince’s Ball. (to
DIRECTOR) Isn’t it the Prince that’s throwing the ball?
DIRECTOR: Yes.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Are there going to be Princesses there?
DIRECTOR: (a bit impatient) No. That’s why he’s throwing the ball to find
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a wife who will become his princess.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Then why is it a Princess Ball and not a Prince
Ball?
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DIRECTOR: It isn’t a Princess Ball.
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: But that’s my line. “I am here to help you go to the

Prince’s Ball.”
DIRECTOR: (pulling out his hair) It’s the Prince apostrophe essss’s ball.
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Prince (pause) ‘s Ball.
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Oh.

DIRECTOR: Now stop stopping the show. Just keep going. And put the
fireplace back.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: (putting the fireplace back). I am here to help
you go to the Prince (pause.) ‘s ball.
CINDERELLA: It’s like a dream come true.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Yes. Now, the first thing we must do is get you
some transportation. You’ll need a carriage and horses.
CINDERELLA: But how will you do that?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Let me see. What do you have around here that
we can make use of?
(Crawling on from Left are EXTRAS 1, 2, 3 & 4. They all wear black
or gray with makeshift mouse costumes just ears and whiskers.
They crawl Down stage in a line.)
Oh, look, mice. You mice shall make a great team of horses!
(SHE waves her wand.) Bop, bop, bibbitty, bibbitty, bop!
(The EXTRAS stand up and get into horse positions. The four of
them make two horses. EXTRAS 1 & 3 stand normal and then
EXTRAS 2 & 4 stand behind 1 & 3, bend over and wrap their arms
around 1 & 3’s waists. 1 & 3, who are now the “head”, make
HORSE NOISES. Extra 1 makes more of a donkey noise Hee haw.)
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BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
Oops! I made donkey’s instead.

DIRECTOR: No, no. Look, you guys have to morph. Don’t just stand up
into the horse position, you’ve got to do some magical change, move
your arms mystically or something. And Jack, that was not a very good
horse noise.
EXTRA 1: I don’t want to be the head, I can’t make the horse noise very
well. I sound like a donkey. Will you switch with me?
EXTRA 2: You want me to be the head? No way, Jack.
EXTRA 1: Come on, just switch with me. You be the front and I’ll be the
back.
EXTRA 2: Forget it, Jack.
EXTRA 1: If you don’t switch with me I’m gonna tell everyone who you like.
EXTRA 2: (pause) Fine, be a jackass. (EXTRA 1 & 2 switch places.)
DIRECTOR: Have we got that settled now? Just remember that you have
to morph.
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EXTRA 3: Hey, when do we get to sing that song?
EXTRA 4: What song?
EXTRA 3: You know, (singing) “Some day my prince will. . .
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EXTRA 4: That’s Snow White.
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EXTRA 3: It is?
EXTRA 1: Yeah, you mean, (singing) “I know you, you’ve walked with me
once upon a dream. . .
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EXTRA 2: No, that’s Sleeping Beauty.
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EXTRA 3: Oh, yeah. No, no, I mean the song where the mice and birds all
help her make her dress.
DIRECTOR: Stop it! Look, there is no song. There are no birds and the
dress is made by the Fairy Godmother.
EXTRA 3: I know there’s a song, I’ve seen the movie. It’s like, (singing)
“Cinderelli, Cinderelli, (EXTRAS 1, 2 & 4 sing with her) night and day
it’s Cinderelli.”
DIRECTOR: Shut up! Will you all just shut up?! You’re talking about the
cartoon. We are not doing the cartoon; we are doing the play. This play.
The play that I wrote. And in my play, there is no song!
EXTRA 4: Isn’t that against copyright or something?
DIRECTOR: The story of Cinderella has been around for a long, long time,
way before the cartoon! If we did the song, that would be breaking the
copyright law. Okay, take it from your morphing and I really want to see
a magical Fairy Godmother - your line.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Gosh! Oh, look, mice. (the EXTRAS drop back
down into their mouse positions) You mice shall make a great team
of horses! (SHE waves her wand)Bop, bop, bibbitty, bibbitty, bop!
(The EXTRAS overdue their magical transformation by flailing their

arms sounds until they are in their horse positions.)
DIRECTOR: A little much, but keep going.
13
CINDERSTEIN
CINDERELLA: This is perfect. My evil stepmother commanded me to get

rid of the mice before they returned from the ball. So it’s like you killed
two birds with one stone.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Yes, isn’t it? Now that we have the horses, we
need a carriage. Perhaps you have something around here that I can
change into a carriage, a pumpkin or other round vegetable perhaps?
CINDEDRELLA: Well, there is something. My evil stepmother said that
before they return from the ball, I had to clean up all the mouse poo
poos.
(EXTRAS 5, 6 & 7 run out from Right, stop Down Center, lie down and
curl up into little balls.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Those must’ve been some big, hairy mice.

DIRECTOR: That’s not the line.
CINDERELLA: Maybe we did have a moose running around the house.
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Sorry. . . Perfect. These mouse droppings will do
nicely.
EXTRA 5: (breaking out of his position slightly) Is it gonna say in the
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program that I play a mouse dropping?
EXTRA 6: Yeah, they’re gonna announce it, too. (using an announcers
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voice) Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight the part of ‘Piece of crap’ will be
played by. . .
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DIRECTOR: Knock it off! Look, I know it seems weird to play a mouse
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dropping but you see, it symbolizes the tragic depths from which
Cinderella comes. A pumpkin just isn’t “poor” enough. She goes from
rags to riches. And I want those riches to be enormous and those rags
to be the lowest depths of human existence. You guys understand what
a rags to riches story is?
EXTRA 7: I think so.
DIRECTOR: It’s where someone makes a complete change in their life,
going from one bad extreme to a good one.
EXTRA 7: Kind’a like a Cinderella Story!
DIRECTOR: Yes, yes. Just like a Cinderella Story. Please, go on.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: These mouse droppings will do nicely. Bop, bop,
bibbity bobbity poop!
(EXTRAS 5, 6 & 7 morph mystically out of their droppings positions

and create the carriage. EXTRA 5 turns into the seat on his hands and
knees with his head facing the audience, EXTRA 6 into the door, and
the EXTRA 7 into the back of the carriage with his arms held up as the
roof.)
CINDERELLA: Wow, my very own carriage! And you killed three birds with
one stone!
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Now, what about the coachman? You must have
a coachman. (HEAD EXTRA comes out from Left crawling and
meowing) There we go, here kitty, kitty. (HEAD EXTRA crawls over to
the FAIRY GOSHMOTHER and then stretches like a cat)
14
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Bop, bop, bibbity, bibbity, kibbity!
(HEAD EXTRA transforms himself into coachman.)
HEAD EXTRA. Very good, Madame. Are you ready to get underway?
CINDERELLA: Well, I would be, if it wasn’t for this raggedy, old dress.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Oh yes, the dress. This is a good trick, watch.
(SHE goes back to the fireplace. SHE shows her hand opened.)
Nothing in my hand. And on the other hand you will notice five fingers.
(SHE starts laughing) I wrote that part! That’s a good one, huh? Can I
keep that line?
DIRECTOR: No! Just say what you’re supposed ta.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Sounds like, to me, that someone’s got a nasty
case of the sposdas.
DIRECTOR: Go!
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Oh yes, the dress. (SHE reaches into the
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fireplace and pulls out a gown and glass slippers) Ding! Here it is!
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CINDERELLA: Oh, Fairy Goshmother, it’s beautiful. How can I ever repay
you?
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Well, how about $75 down and then $10 a month
payments at 6.7% interest? (SHE looks out at the DIRECTOR to see
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if HE liked that line. HE shakes his head no.) Or how about you just
go to the ball and have the time of your life.
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CINDERELLA: Oh thank you, Fairy Goshmother.
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: It’s getting late, so you’d better change in the

carriage.
HEAD EXTRA. (opens EXTRA 6 who’s playing the door) Right this way,
Madame. (HE helps HER in)
CINDERELLA: Why, thank you, kind sir. (SHE sits on EXTRA 5’s back
and then looks up to see EXTRA 7 staring down at her.)
EXTRA 7: (HE nods) How’s it going?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: (pushing EXTRA 6 down into a squatting
position so that SHE can see and talk to Cinderella.) One last thing
before you leave. You must leave the ball before midnight. For on the
twelfth stroke of the clock everything will transform back into its original
state. So be careful, because when that happens you don’t want to step
in your carriage if you know what I mean.
HEAD EXTRA. (stands and closes EXTRA 6 as the door) Keep your
arms and legs inside the ride at all times. Hold on tight and have fun.
(positions himself in between the horses and EXTRA 7 and grabs
some imaginary reigns)
FAIRYGOSHMOTHER: Goodbye, Cinderella.
CINDERELLA: Goodbye, Fairy Goshmother, and thank you.
HEAD EXTRA: Hiyaaa! (HE whips the horses with an imaginary whip
and EXTRAS 1, 2, 3, 4 make horse noises.)
EXTRA 5: Wait, wait! (to DIRECTOR) We’re exiting Right, right?
DIRECTOR: Right.
15
CINDERSTEIN
EXTRA 5: Well, everyone is in a position to be able to move that way, but if

I’m facing the audience and with her on my back, I’ll never be able to
keep up, crawling sideways.
DIRECTOR: Well, turn so you’re facing Stage Right then.
(EXTRA 5 turns to face Stage Right which turns CINDERELLA facing

the rear of the stage.)
CINDERELLA: Now I’m facing backwards.

DIRECTOR: Turn so you’re facing Right.
(CINDERELLA turns to face Stage Right but in order to do it SHE has

to straddle EXTRA 5 like SHE’s riding a horse.)
CINDERELLA: Like this?

DIRECTOR: Whatever, just go on, make your exit.
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HEAD EXTRA. Hiyaaa!
(HE whips the horses with an imaginary whip and EXTRAS 1, 2, 3 & 4
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make horse noises and rear up. They all move off Right trying to keep
their formation. FAIRY GOSHMOTHER is left alone on the stage. SHE
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waves after them.)

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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Goodbye, Cinderella. Don’t forget your curfew!
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(SHE looks out at the DIRECTOR who jumps up on stage.) How

was that? I got some funny lines we could add.
DIRECTOR: No. Look, you have got to get through that fireplace faster!
That’s just taking way too long. Okay, everyone let’s go on to the
ballroom scene!
SCENE 2 – THE BALLROOM
(EVERYONE comes out from both sides to listen. DIRECTOR stands

Center and speaks to them all.)
DIRECTOR: I know most of you don’t have costumes yet, but if you do,
wear it or wear what you have. Now remember, this is supposed to be
an elegant ball. We want the feeling that every one here is elite and
proper. So don’t go too fast. Keep the scene moving but at a nice slow,
steady pace. Elegance! Be elegant. All right, take it from the beginning
of the scene. (HE goes back to his seat in the audience. TECH, THE
PRINCE and KING take the table off while the FAIRY
GOSHMOTHER takes off the fireplace. EVERYONE else exits off
which ever side they enter from.) Music! (Some kind of heavy acid
rock tune is played.) No! No! No! (HE looks up to the sound booth.
The music stops.) That’s not the song! (TECH GUY enters from
stage Left and walks up to the side of the DIRECTOR who is still
16
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
looking up at the sound booth and hasn’t seen the TECH GUY.)
Play that classical piece I gave you.
TECH GUY: I can’t find it.
DIRECTOR: (jumping, startled) Oh! What the. . . weren’t you just playing
that music?
TECH GUY: Yeah.
DIRECTOR: Don’t you have to play it from up there?
TECH GUY: Yeah.
DIRECTOR: Then how did you. . . ? Never mind. It’s that classical piece.
It’s slow and elegant and soothing. The exact opposite of the music you
just played. I gave you the CD.
TECH GUY: I know. I can’t find it. I know it’s up in the sound booth but it’s
kinda messy up there.
DIRECTOR: If you’d clean up your mess, maybe you could find stuff. Just
go look for it and play it as soon as you find it.
TECH GUY: Aye, aye Captain. (TECH GUY starts to exit Left.)
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DIRECTOR: Where are you going? Get up to the booth and find that
music.
TECH GUY: I will. I’m just going around this way so I can stop at the
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drinking fountain.
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DIRECTOR: Well, hurry up. I want that music playing ASAP.

TECH GUY: Okay, don’t have a cow.
an
(HE exits Left. The second HE disappears behind the curtain the
Pe
CLASSICAL MUSIC piece starts to play. The DIRECTOR turns around

slowly to look at the sound booth. Then HE tries to see if the TECH
GUY is still backstage. HE’s puzzled.)
DIRECTOR: (looking back up at the sound booth) You found it?!
(The music stops.)
TECHGUY: (stepping out from stage Left) Yeah, I found it.

DIRECTOR: (spinning around) But you were. . . down here. . . and then. .
. How did you play it? (TECH GUY mimes pushing the play button.
DIRECTOR is still confused.) Okay, great. Thank you, let’s go on. Will
you start it again and dancers when you hear the music, start the
scene!
(The TECH GUY goes off Left and immediately the music starts. The
two GUARDS enter first and take their positions guarding the center
entrance. The DANCERS enter next. Four males from the Right and
two females from the left and entering just behind them from both
sides are all the EXTAS now playing guests at the party. They stand
back and watch the dance. The DANCERS start a choreographed
dance but it doesn’t get far at all because there are two missing
females. DANCER 5 & 6 are dancing without partners.)
17
CINDERSTEIN
DIRECTOR: Cut! Stop the music. (the music stops and the DIRECTOR
goes up on stage) Where are your partners?
DANCER 5: She said that she can’t be in the play.
DIRECTOR: Why?
DANCER 5: Something about a spot opened up on the soccer team so she
gets to play.
DIRECTOR: (shaking his head with frustration) And yours?
DANCER 6: I think she’s grounded cause of bad grades. Hey, why don’t
we get those new stepsisters to be our partners?
DIRECTOR: This dance is complicated! We don’t have time to re-teach it!
Besides, one of them is in a cast.
DANCER 1: Well, we can’t just have two couples!
DANCER 2: Yeah, that would look dumb.
DANCER 3: You know what though, four was too many.
DANCER 4: Yeah, Shaneequa kept bumping into me on that one turn
anyway. I’m glad she’s gone.
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DANCER 1: Now we have just enough couples, this will be better anyway.
DANCER 2: Yeah, three couples are better than four.
DANCER 5 & 6: We’re not a couple!
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DANCER 3: They both know the dance real well.
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DANCER 4: Yeah, make them a couple.

DANCER 5: I am a boy and. . .
DANCER 6: . . . I am a boy!
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DIRECTOR: One of you is gonna have to play a girl.
Pe
DANCER 5: Not it!

DIRECTOR: Don’t worry, it will just be for this scene.
DANCER 6: Oh, come on!
DANCER 1: You’ll get to wear a dress.
DANCER 2: And a wig. It’ll be fun.
DANCER 3: Robin Williams did it.
DANCER 4: Yeah, you can put a little padding here and there and presto,
you’re a girl.
DIRECTOR: It’s just for this one scene. Then you can switch back to a man
for the big chase scene.
DANCER 1: Think of the play.
DANCER 2: The show must go on.
DANCER 3: Think of the children.
DANCER 4: Please?
DANCER 5: I got the worse part. I have to dance with you.
DANCER 6: (reluctant) All right.
ALL DANCERS: Hurray!
DIRECTOR: All right, from your starting positions. (DANCERS 1, 2, 3 & 4
immediately jump into their starting positions with the guys arm
around the girls waist in a typical ballroom dance position. But
DANCERS 5 & 6 are a little slow getting into position. They finally
take their place but with grimaces on their faces.) You’re at a ball,
try to look happy. (DANCERS 5 & 6 put huge fake smiles on their
faces.) That’s better. Music!
18
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
(The music starts and they begin the dance. The dance has several
silly looking moves in it but is quite elegant. DANCERS 5 & 6 are still
getting used to being partners but they are able to pull it off with
elegance. The dance ends and everyone claps. The Royal PAGE
enters from Up Center. As the PAGE speaks, everyone parts to make
room for people to enter through the Center.)
PAGE: (the PAGE always stomps his foot twice before introducing
someone) Ladies and Gentleman, presenting his majesty, the royal
highness, King Uther Pendragon. . . (the KING enters and stands
Center). . . And her majesty, the royal highness, Queen Cynthia
Pendragon. (the QUEEN enters and takes the KING’s hand) Also
joining us tonight is his highness, the prince!
(The PRINCE enters and stands by the QUEEN. All three acknowledge
one another. Then they move to the Right.)
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KING: Aren’t I supposed to sit on my throne?
ce
(TECH GUY comes running on with three chairs from Stage Left.)
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TECH GUY: We haven’t finished building it yet. (HE sets the chairs in a
row Stage Right)
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KING: Thank you.
Pe
(HE sits in the middle chair. Then the QUEEN sits in Left chair and the
PRINCE in the Right chair. The TECH GUY stays on and joins the
crowd.)
PRINCE: Smashing ball, father.

KING: Yes, quite so. Now remember son, this is your ball. We have invited
all the eligible young ladies in the entire kingdom. So, tonight you must
choose your bride.
PRINCE: As long as she’s not ugly. I’m not marrying a dog.
KING: There are plenty of beautiful young ladies here. (to QUEEN) Don’t
you think so? (SHE does not answer) Don’t you think so? (still no
answer) Don’t you think so?! (the QUEEN does not move. The KING
gets violent) Hello! I said don’t you think so?!! (the QUEEN still does
not move) It’s your line, you idiot!
QUEEN: No it’s not.
DIRECTOR: I’m afraid it is, Queeny. Your line is “Yes there are and. . .”
QUEEN: I know what my line is. I’m just waiting for him to finish his.
KING: I did! Don’t you think so?!
QUEEN: No, I do not. (SHE pulls out a script and turns to the right
page and reads) “As long as she’s not ugly. I’m not marrying a dog.
There are plenty of beautiful young ladies here, Don’t you think so,
dear?”
KING: Oh, my heck. What are you gonna do if I forget to say “dear” during
the performance?
19
CINDERSTEIN
QUEEN: (to the DIRECTOR) What should I do?

KING: How about say your freakin’ line!
QUEEN: How do I know when to say it? My cue word is “dear.”
PRINCE: Holy Jumpin’ Mexican Beans!
DIRECTOR: Just don’t forget to say “dear.”
KING: (irritated) Don’t you think so, DEAR!?
QUEEN: Yes there are, and I’m sure one of these ladies is right for our
son.
PRINCE: As long as she’s pretty. She’s gotta be pretty.
PAGE: (stomps foot twice for each person) Introducing, the Baroness
Rodmilla De Step. (STEPMOTHER enters from Up Center and walks
Down Stage, curtsies then steps to the left to make room for the
STEPSISTERS) And her daughters, Lady Abigail Step. . .
(STEPSISTER 1 enters, curtsies and stands next to
STEPMOTHER.) And Lady Gristle Step. (STEPSISTER 2 enters,
curtsies and stands in line next to STEPSISTER1.) And Stepsister 3.
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(STEPSISTER 3 enters, curtsies and stands in line.) And Stepsister
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4. (STEPSISTER 4 enters, curtsies and stands in line.) And
Stepsister 5 (STEPSISTER 5 enters, curtsies and stands in line.
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STEPMOTHER glides over to the KING, QUEEN and PRINCE and
the STEPSISTERS follow in a line.)
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DIRECTOR: Make up names for them!

PAGE: Me?
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DIRECTOR: Yeah, you can do it. Go on.
Pe
STEPMOTHER: Your Majesties, may I present my daughters. (SHE glides

Stage Left behind her daughters)
STEPESISTER 1: (steps forward and curtsies) Good evening, your
majesties.
KING: You look radiant, my dear.
QUEEN: Yes, how adorable.
PRINCE: You’re hot!
STEPSISTER 1: Thank you, your highnesses. (SHE circles behind the
Throne Chairs and glides Stage Left and behind STEPMOTHER.)
STEPSISTER 2: (steps forward and curtsies) Good evening, your
majesties.
KING: Ah, how lovely you are, my dear.
QUEEN: Yes, how enchanting.
PRINCE: You’re hot!
majesties.
KING: You look beautiful, my dear. (Pause. Nothing from the QUEEN.
The KING looks at her.) You look beautiful, my dear. (Still nothing.)
My dear! I think we’ve established a pattern here! (HE turns to the
PRINCE.)
PRINCE: You’re hot too!
20
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD

majesties.
KING: (now getting tired of this) You look great, my dear. (turning to the
PRINCE) She ain’t gonna say anything.
PRINCE: (also bored of this) You’re also hot.
STEPSISTER 4: Thank you, your highnesseseses. (SHE circles behind
the Throne Chairs and glides Stage Left and behind
STEPMOTHER.)
majesties.
KING: You look good, my dear.
PRINCE: You’re hot as well.
STEPSISTER 5: Thank you, my Lords. (SHE circles behind the Throne
Chairs and glides Stage Left and behind STEPMOTHER.)
PAGE: (stomps twice) Presenting the Fairy Goshmother.
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(FAIRY GOSHMOTHER enters.)
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FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Hello, everyone!
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DIRECTOR: No! Stop! What are you doing?
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PAGE: She told me to say it.

FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Well, I don’t wanna be the only one who’s not on
in this scene. It’s boring back there.
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DIRECTOR: But the Fairy Godmother. . .
Pe

DIRECTOR: . . . does not go to the ball. Come on, that’s ridiculous.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: But I don’t even come on the rest of the play!
Please? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,
please, etc.? (SHE actually says “etc.”.)
DIRECTOR: All right! You can be in this scene but not as the Fairy
Godmother. You can be another guest at the ball. Just come in with
everyone else.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: And can I be a mob member at the end, too?
DIRECTOR: Whatever.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Excellent. (SHE does a little victory dance and
chants) I’m gonna be a mob member! I’m gonna be a mob member!
(singing her own melody) And I’m a guest at the party!
DIRECTOR: All right, can we go on?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Sure. And it’s Goshmother. (SHE fades into the
crowd)
DIRECTOR: Okay, Page, go on with the right line.
PAGE: (PAGE stomps twice. STEPSISTER 5 mouths the PAGE’s Line)
Presenting the Baron Beaufort Von Frankenstein.
DIRECTOR: Stop! (looking at STEPSISTER 5) What are you doing?
STEPSISTER 5: Who, me?
DIRECTOR: Yes, you. You were mouthing the Page’s line.
STEPSISTER 5: I was?
21
CINDERSTEIN
DIRECTOR: Yes. Look, this goes for everyone, sometimes when we know
what line is coming up, we have the urge to mouth it, like singing along
with the radio. You must resist that urge. Okay?
STEPSISTER 5: Okay.
DIRECTOR: Take it from your line again, Page.
PAGE: (Stomps twice. This time all STEPSISTERS and STEPMOTHER
mouth his line.) Presenting the Baron Beaufort Von Frankenstein.
DIRECTOR: Whoa! Stop! Now all the Step Family did it!
ALL STEPSISTERS: Me?
DIRECTOR: Yes! You all mouthed his line!
ALL STEPSISTERS: We did?
DIRECTOR: Yes, now stop it! Again Page!
PAGE: (Stomps twice. This time the entire cast mouths his line.)
Presenting the Baron Beaufort Von Frankenstein.
DIRECTOR: What are you all doing?
EVERYONE: Me?
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DIRECTOR: Now you’re all mouthing his line.
EVERYONE: We are?
DIRECTOR: Yes! DO NOT MOUTH HIS LINE! Last time and then go on
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with the play.
PAGE: (This time EVERYONE stomps with him and mouths his line.)
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Presenting the Baron Beaufort Von Frankenstein. (The DIRECTOR

stands up and puts his hands on his head in disbelief. Then sits
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down defeated. DR. FRANKENSTEIN enters and moves down
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Center and then moves Left to make room for his ASSISTANTS.)
And his assistants, Ingrid. . . (INGRID enters. SHE’s hideous. SHE
curtsies and stands next to DR. FRANKENSTEIN.) And Igor. (IGOR
enters, curtsies and stands next to DR. FRANKENSTEIN.)
KING: Good evening Baron.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (approaching the KING, followed by INGRID and
IGOR) Good evening good king. Quite a party you throw.
KING: Yes, we’re trying to find a bride for my son, the prince.
PRINCE: As long as she’s hot.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: In that case, may I present my assistant, Ingrid.
INGRID: (approaches the KING and curtsies. SHE smiles a huge ugly
smile) Good evening your majesties.
KING: Good heavens! Why, don’t you look. . . lovely, my dear.
QUEEN: Yes, how radiant.
INGRID: (putting the moves on the PRINCE) And how are you tonight, sir
Prince?
PRINCE: Holy crap! Get away from me!
INGRID: Would you like to dance with me, your Highness?
PRINCE: Guards! Help! I’m being assaulted! (GUARD 1 & 2 rush to the
PRINCE)
GUARD 2: (strong Cockney accent) Yes, your Excellency?
GUARD 1: (strong Southern accent) What can we do for you?
PRINCE: Get this hideous creature out of my sight.
GUARD 1: (seizing GUARD 2) Right away, your supreme highness.
22
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
PRINCE: Not him, you idiot. That! (Points at INGRID. The GUARDS look
past INGRID to IGOR who’s standing behind her. They seize
IGOR.)
GUARD 2: Come on, you.
IGOR: Hideous, me? You must be joking.
PRINCE: Not him! This one! (Points again at INGRID. The GUARDS
seize her.)
GUARD 1: Got her!
GUARD 2: What should we do with her?
PRINCE: Off with her head!
IGOR: Yes, do us all a favor.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Your Highness, I really must protest.
KING: Yes, yes. Now son, don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?
PRINCE: Yeah, okay. Just put her on the other side of the room.
GUARD 1: (super strong Southern) This side of the room is too good for
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the likes of you.
(The GUARDS start to drag her stage Left.)
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DIRECTOR: Hold it. You’re supposed to be Cockney. You’re from London,
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not Louisiana.
GUARD 1: (without any accent) I thought I was doing a Cockney accent.
DIRECTOR: Not even close. Do it like this. (thick Cockney) This side of
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the room is too good for the likes of you.
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GUARD 1: (strong Southern accent) This side of the room is too good for
the likes of you.
GUARD 2: No. Like this, (strong Cockney) This side of the room is too
good for the likes of you.
GUARD 1: (strong Southern accent) This side of the room is too good for
the likes of you. (everyone tries to do it)
DIRECTOR: All right, all right. We’ll have to work on it. Go on.
INGRID: (calling back to the PRINCE) You owe me a dance.
KING: Now, good doctor, how goes the experiments these days? You’re
not working on another monster are you?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: No, no. That’s all behind us. I believe I will leave the
creation of life to God, from now on.
KING: Very good, wouldn’t you say so, dear?
QUEEN: (slow and Elegant) Yes, quite. We’ve had enough monster
business around here, for a lifetime.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Quite agreed, your highness.
KING: Well, please enjoy the ball and the wonderful refreshments.
PRINCE: Yeah, what’s for dinner anyway?
KING: Well, I’ll give you a hint. My archers shot it in the forest and it’s also
something I always call your mother.
PRINCE: (gets a panicked look and stands up) No one eat! They’re
serving frigid heartless witch! (The QUEEN gives the KING a dirty
look. The King puts his head in his hands.)
PAGE: Presenting, Lady does not wish to be revealed at this time!
23
CINDERSTEIN
(Everyone turns to look. CINDERELLA enters. SHE walks gracefully to

center. The PRINCE is stunned. Everyone marvels at her beauty. The
PRINCE is drawn to her. HE puts his arms out to her to dance. SHE
responds. NO MUSIC. They dance anyway.)
STEPMOTHER: Who is that?

STEPSISTER 1: I don’t know, but she’s hogging the prince.
STEPSISTER 2: She looks familiar.
STEPMOTHER: Yes, she does. I know I’ve seen her somewhere before.
STEPSISTER 1: She’s so beautiful.
STEPSISTER 2: She’s so elegant.
STEPSISTER 3: She’s not a very good dancer.
(STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS 1 & 2 give her a look like SHE

wasn’t supposed to say that.)
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STEPMOTHER: Look at the way she dances, she’s so graceful.
STEPSISTER 1: Now we’ll never have a shot at the Prince.
STEPSISTER 2: Yeah, she’s got all his attention.
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STEPMOTHER: He does seem quite taken with her.
DIRECTOR: Stop! (everyone freezes and looks out at the DIRECTOR)
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What are you doing? (No one moves. No one knows who HE’s
taking to. Pause.) There’s supposed to be music playing for them to
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dance to.
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TECH GUY: (the TECH GUY unfreezes) I just thought I could be in the
play in this scene.
DIRECTOR: If you are in the play then who’s gonna run the music? Get up
there and play the music! (TECH GUY scurries off Left. The music
starts at a low volume.) Okay, now everyone in the crowd has got to
be stunned by looking at Cinderella.
CINDERELLA: Ouch!
DIRECTOR: What’s wrong?
CINDERELLA: I gotta hang nail that’s killing me.
STEPSISTER 3: (quickly) I can be Cinderella.
DIRECTOR: It’s just a hang nail, she’ll be fine.
STEPSISTER 3: What about her feet? Look at the size of those things.
They’re huge. Isn’t Cinderella supposed ta have small feet?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Now she’s got the sposdas.
CINDERELLA: I’m only a size seven.
STEPSISTER 3: Seventeen is more like it. Why don’t you just have the
Page introduce her as Sasquatch?
DIRECTOR: That’s enough.
STEPSISTER 3: It looks like she’s getting ready to go scuba diving.
CINDERELLA: You’re going down!
(CINDERELLA attacks STEPSISTER 3. They bump into STEPSISTER 1

and push her into STEPSISTER 2. This causes STEPSISTER 2 to lunge
at STEPSISTER 1 and again they take their fight to the floor. This
24
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
causes everyone to break into a brawl. They find the closest person
next to them and start fighting.
(The music stops. TECH GUY comes back on and joins the fight. This
goes on for a few seconds until the director stops it.)
DIRECTOR: Knock it off!!! (everyone freezes in their fighting position)

All right, take it from “He does seem quite taken with her.”
(Everyone quickly jumps back into their positions for the scene.)
STEPMOTHER: He does seem quite taken with her.

STEPSISTER 4: Now what are we gonna do?
STEPSISTER 5: We’re ruined.
(All the STEPSISTERS start crying. CINDERELLA and the PRINCE end
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their dance. Everyone claps and they go back to party mingling.
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CINDERELLA and the PRINCE walk Down stage to talk.)
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PRINCE: You sure are hot.
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CINDERELLA: Thank you. You’re not bad yourself.

PRINCE: I’ve never seen someone as hot as you.
CINDERELLA: Yes, well, I also have a personality.
an
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(INGRID steps up behind the PRINCE.)
PRINCE: I’ve never danced with someone as hot as you.

CINDERELLA: I can also think.
PRINCE: Wow, a personality, brains, and you’re hot.
CINDERELLA: Well, tell me about yourself, your highness.
PRINCE: Well, I like hot chicks. And you certainly are hot.
CINDERELLA: You’ve said that.
PRINCE: Well, you are.
INGRID: Can I have that dance now, Princypoo? (PRINCE turns around)
PRINCE: Ah! Guards! (The GUARDS come running over. The PRINCE
hides behind CINDERELLA.)
GUARD 1: Yes?
GUARD 2: How may we serve thee, my Liege?
PRINCE: Kill that hideous creature! (HE points past CINDERELLA to
INGRID. The GUARDS look at each other, shrug and then raise
their spears to stab CINDERELLA.) Not her! She’s hot! Her! (HE runs
right up to INGRID’S face and points at it. IGOR steps in between
INGRID and the GUARDS.)
IGOR: Come along, Ingrid. We must be going. Sorry, Prince. We have to
shove off.
(HE takes INGRID by the arm and meets DR. FRANKENSTEIN at the
center and they all exit. The GUARDS return to their post.)
25
CINDERSTEIN
PRINCE: Well, that was unpleasant. Now where were we?

CINDERELLA: Well, you we’re going to find out about some of my other
qualities.
PRINCE: Oh yes, like you have really hot eyes.
(Suddenly the clock strikes the first BONG of twelve! It sounds like a
GONG.)
CINDERELLA: Oh, no! Is it that late already? I must go! (SHE tries to
leave but the PRINCE grabs her hand)
PRINCE: But you just got here. (2nd BONG)
CINDERELLA: Sorry, gotta go.
PRINCE: But you’re so hot. (3rd BONG)
CINDERELLA: Sorry about this. (SHE kicks him in the groin. And her
glass slipper comes off. The PRINCE doubles over in pain. HE
grabs the slipper. CINDERELLA runs out the Center.)
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PRINCE: Party’s over. (4th BONG)
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GUARD 1: (strong Southern) You heard the Prince. Ya’ll come back now,
ya hear?
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GUARD 2: Get a move on you putrid scabs. (The GUARDS use their
spears to force the guests out the exit. 5th BONG.)
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KING: It was a wonderful ball, eh dear?

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(“Eh dear” is the QUEEN’s cue to stand up and approach the PRINCE.
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TECH GUY takes the three chairs off Right. The QUEEN helps the
PRINCE up. 6th BONG.)
QUEEN: Don’t worry son, there’s more fish in the sea. (SHE exits)
KING: (approaches the PRINCE) Well son, did you find your bride?
(7th BONG.)
PRINCE: Yes. Yes I did father.

KING: What was her name?
PRINCE: I don’t know.
(8th BONG.)
KING: What do you know?

PRINCE: She was hot. And this is her slipper. I swear by my crown that I
will marry the girl whose foot fits this slipper!
(9th BONG.)
KING: So be it! I will put forth a Royal decree throughout all the land that
every eligible young maiden must try on this slipper. And the one who it
fits shall become your bride and princess over all the land. (takes the
slipper and examines it) You don’t suppose there could be more than
one girl out there with a size 7 foot, do you?
26
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
(They exit, the PRINCE still hurting. The stage is empty. 10th BONG.)
SCENE 3 – THE ACCIDENT
DIRECTOR: Come on, where’s the carriage? (11t BONG. The carriage
comes out from the Right and makes it to center stage. 12th
BONG.) That was the 12th stroke of midnight, transform and crash!
HEAD EXTRA: We’ve never practiced this transformation.
EXTRA 1: Or crash.
EXTRA 2: How do we transform and crash at the same time.
EXTRA 3: Why do we crash?
DIRECTOR: Because the coach is moving so fast that when everyone
transforms back to their original state you fly out of control and wipe
out.
EXTRA 4: Cool. And we all die?
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EXTRA 5: Not us. We just turn back into mouse poop again.
EXTRA 6: We have to be poop again?
EXTRA 7: I hate being poop.
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DIRECTOR: All right, we’ll figure the crash out later. For now just morph
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back into your original states and lay on the ground where you are.
Cinderella, just fall right there. Go.
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(The EXTRAS really take their time morphing back into their original
Pe
states, making it an extravagant performance. CINDERELLA just lies

on the ground. Everyone is silent and still for a moment. Then from
the Left enter DR. FRANKENSTEIN, IGOR, and INGRID.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: What is this? (they carefully walk through the

EXTRAS) Dead mice?
IGOR: There’s a cat over here.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Careful, Ingrid. Don’t step in that.
INGRID: Dr. Frankenstein, look, it’s a girl.
(DR. FRANKENSTEIN bends to check CINDERELLA.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: So it is. It looks as though she’s been in some sort

of accident.
INGRID: Is she. . . ?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes. I’m afraid she’s dead. Quick, let’s get her back
to my laboratory. Maybe it’s not too late.
(INGRID helps DR. FRANKENSTEIN lift CINDERELLA up onto his

shoulder so HE can carry her off.)
IGOR: The cat is still alive.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Bring it along.
(INGRID goes to help IGOR. They both grab an arm.)
27
CINDERSTEIN
IGOR: And the mice, master?

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: They’re beyond our help now. Come, to the castle!
IGOR: Yes, master.
(DR. FRANKENSTEIN carries CINDERELLA off Left and IGOR and

INGRID follow him dragging HEAD EXTRA.)
DIRECTOR: Good!
(The other EXTRAS move a bit like they’re going to get up and exit but
DR. FRANKENSTEIN comes back on. IGOR, INGRID, and HEAD EXTRA
follow him back on. HE puts CINDERELLA down and SHE stands next
to him.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Wait a second. I have a question.
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DIRECTOR: What?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: In the next scene, we’re gonna bring her back to life
right?
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DIRECTOR: Yeah.
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DR. FRANKENSTEIN: And we’re gonna switch her brain with another one
right?
DIRECTOR: Yes.
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DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Well, why do we switch her brain? Why don’t we
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just bring her back to life using her own brain?

CINDERELLA: Because with a new brain my personality changes for the
ending.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: I know that, but it has to make logical sense that we
would switch brains.
DIRECTOR: Yeah, you’re right. I didn’t think about that. (they all pause to
think) Okay, how about this? Her brain was damaged during the
accident, so you can’t use it.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: But how would we know that?
EXTRA 7: When you switch brains you’ll see it’s damaged.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: But we have to know that it’s damaged before we
switch brains. Otherwise we wouldn’t switch ‘em. (they all pause to
think)
EXTRA 6: How about her skull gets bashed open in the accident and you
can see inside?
EXTRA 5: That works. It’s logical
EXTRA 4: It’s kind of violent.
EXTRA 3: They’re gonna switch brains anyway. That’s not violent?
EXTRA 2: It’s not like the audience is gonna see the brains gushing out all
over the floor.
EXTRA 1: I’m hungry. I feel like spaghetti-Os.
DIRECTOR: All right then, just add in a line about how you can see her
brains and they’re damaged.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Okay. Now what if we switched Cinderella’s brains
with Ingrid’s brains?
28
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
INGRID: What? My brains? No way, then I would have to be dead and I

wouldn’t be in the play anymore.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: But then Cinderella’s personality would be inside
Ingrid’s body. And then in the end the Prince would marry Cinderella for
her mind even though she was inside an ugly body. That would be a
great theme for the play.
INGRID: No way, I don’t wanna die and be out of the play.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Don’t you see? You wouldn’t be out of the play
because Cinderella’s brain would be in your body. So you’d be
Cinderella.
CINDERELLA: What happens to me?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: You’d be dead and out of the play.
INGRID: I’m good with that.
CINDERELLA: I’m not.
DIRECTOR: Forget it. Just keep the play as written.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (a little disappointed) All right. Hey, I have another
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idea. Why don’t we change the name of the play from Cinderstein to
Frankenrella?
HEAD EXTRA: Hey, I like that. Frankenrella.
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CINDERELLA: I like Cinderstein.
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INGRID: How about Ingridrella?

IGOR: Or Frankengor?
EXTRA 1: Horsenmouserella?
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EXTRA 5: Frankenpoop?
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EXTRA 6: Cindercrap?
DIRECTOR: (jumping up on stage) Thank you for the suggestions but the
name is Cinderstein. Okay, let’s call it for tonight. (everyone enters
from both sides to listen to the DIRECTOR) Everyone listen! We only
have one week before opening night. Everyone needs to get their
costumes and props. Also, I want that ballroom scene slow and
elegant. Slow and elegant. Everyone say it with me. How do we do the
ballroom scene?
EVERYONE: Slow and elegant.
DIRECTOR: Very Good. All right everyone, have a good night.
(Everyone starts to exit. Grand Curtain Closes. Black out.).
SCENE 4 – OPENING DAY
(STEPMOTHER, FAIRY GOSHMOTHER, STEPSISTERS 1 & 2, KING,

PRINCE, HEAD EXTRA & DANCER 6 are having lunch in front of the
curtain.)
STEPSISTER 1: I love having lunch on the stage. Especially on opening

day.
STEPMOTHER: Yeah, it gets you hyped up for the show.
29
CINDERSTEIN
(In walks CINDERELLA carrying a lunch tray and wearing all black. Her
shirt reads, “I ♥ Demons” in masking tape.)
HEAD EXTRA: Hey Cindy, how’s that hang nail?

CINDERELLA: It’s been a whole week, it’s all healed up.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: That’s good. I wish I had real Fairy Goshmother
powers.
HEAD EXTRA: Me too. Then you could make that carriage crash look
good.
CINDERELLA: I know, we never fixed it.
KING: They haven’t finished the throne either.
STEPMOTHER: Hey Cindy, have you even been told what kind of make up
you’re supposed to wear?
CINDERELLA: No. I guess I’ll just do some rosy cheeks.
KING: Don’t forget to take off all that white make up.
CINDERELLA: What white make up? (they all just look at her)
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STEPSISTER 1: I’m not sure we’re totally ready for this play.
STEPSISTER 2: I know, the announcer guy hasn’t even made up names
for the other Stepsisters yet.
ce
(TECH GUY enters.)
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TECH GUY: Hey you guys, I can’t find the gong.

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KING: What gong?
Pe
TECH GUY: The one I use to make the “bong” noises for the clock to strike
midnight. Have you guys seen it? (They all answer negatively. TECH
GUY exits.)
DANCER 6: You guys, I have a huge problem.
KING: What’s up?
DANCER 6: Well, you know how I have to play a girl for the dance?
STEPSISTER 2: I think that’s hilarious.
PRINCE: Yeah, it’s pretty funny.
DANCER 6: That it may be. But I got serious problems. If my dad knew I
was playing a girl he would freak out?
STEPMOTHER: What do you mean freak out?
DANCER 6: Pull me out of the play.
STEPSISTER 1: You’re kidding.
DANCER 6: No. He thinks plays are for sissies. I had to tell him the play
was Frankenstein or he wouldn’t have let me be in it. I didn’t even dare
mention the Cinderella part.
KING: Let me guess. He really likes sports.
DANCER 6: Yeah, he’s a sports fanatic.
PRINCE: Well you like sports too.
DANCER 6: Sports are the only thing that’s important to him. He thinks that
if you’re an actor you must be some kind of weirdo, girly-man.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Does he like movies?
DANCER 6: He loves movies.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Does he know there’re actors in them?
30
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
DANCER 6: I dunno. Anyway, when he sees me up here dancing, as a girl,

that’ll be the end of my acting carrier.
KING: Maybe he won’t recognize you?
DANCER 6: He’ll be watching for me.
PRINCE: Then why did you take that part in the first place?
DANCER 6: Well, my dad is very precise. He doesn’t get off work until
Seven O’clock. Every night he pulls into the driveway at exactly 7:35.
Now, the play starts at seven but he won’t take off work for the play but
he’ll come straight here from work. And I timed the drive over here. He’ll
be walking through that door at exactly 7:25. I thought we’d make it. I
thought we’d be done with the dance scene before he got here. But I’ve
been timing it in practice. We finish the ballroom scene at exactly 7:30.
KING: Five minutes.
DANCER 6: All I need is five minutes.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: What if we started the play five minutes early?
PRINCE: We can’t do that. You know, how people are still in line, they’d
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miss the first part of the show.
STEPMOTHER: I’ll bet we can cut five minutes off that ballroom scene if
we just speed it up.
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STEPSISTER 1: Speed it up?
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STEPSISTER 2: What about slow and elegant?

CINDERELLA: You mean slow and boring.
KING: Yeah, it drags. We need to pick up the pace anyway.
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DANCER 6: You guys would do that for me?
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STEPSISTER 1: Sure.
STEPSISTER 2: Why not?
PRINCE: We better tell everyone.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: But not Mr. Director, he’d freak.
KING: Yes, we’ve got to keep this a secret. Let’s find everyone we can and
tell them the plan. And remember, mums the word.
STEPSISTER 2: Bums the word?
STEPSISTER 1: Not bums you idiot, mums.
STEPSISTER 2: That does it!
(SHE lunges at STEPSISTER 1 and they are locked in another catfight.

They roll around on the ground until they disappear under the curtain
and are gone.)
KING: Let’s get moving.

DANCER 6: Thanks, you guys. (They all exit off both directions.)
(BLACK OUT.)
SCENE 5 – THE PERFORMANCE BEGINS
(Lights up. Curtains are still closed. The curtains move as some one is
trying to find the middle opening. DIRECTOR steps out down center.)
31
CINDERSTEIN
DIRECTOR: Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to welcome you to our

production of Cinderstein. We’ve spent a long 8 weeks in rehearsals to
make this the best performance we possibly could. The play was
written by myself as my first attempt at actually writing a play. I would
like to remind everyone of some basic theatre educate. Please turn off
all cell phones or pagers at this time. Please do not yell out the names
of the actors, you know like, “go Lisa!” That’s not appropriate. And we
welcome the little ones to our theatre but if they start to cry please take
them out, don’t just stand back there by the door with them because the
acoustics in this place just amplify the sound causing the crying baby to
echo throughout the audience driving everyone crazy. Also, if you need
to exit for any reason please do so in a quiet manner as not to disturb
those around you and then next time remember to go potty before the
show starts. And finally, please refrain from putting your gum in the hair
of the person in front of you. (TECH GUY steps out and whispers
something in DIRECTORS ear. The DIRECTOR whispers loudly
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back to him.) Well, find it! (TECH GUY whispers in his ear again.)
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Then use something else! (Turns back to audience.) Thank you, and
enjoy the show. (HE exits between the curtains. The lights Black
ce
Out.)
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(The curtain opens and then the lights come up on the room with the
fireplace and table. STEPMOTHER enters from Left wearing a period
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dress and period shoes followed by CINDERELLA who wears a ragged
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old dress with black patches on it and the white apron. Her face has
smudge marks on it.)
me.
STEPMOTHER: Your regular chores? Child, your “regular” chores are
anything I feel needs doing. And I feel that there are several other
things which need doing. First, my own daughters need help dressing -
they should be down in a moment. Next, I noticed some mouse poo
poos in kitchen. I want the critters caught before we return. Then I want
you to sweep out. . .
(STEPSISTERS 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5 enter from Left in their ball gowns but not
quiet ready. They approach CINDERELLA.)

CINDERELLA: Yes, wicked stepsisters. (SHE goes to help them)
32
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
STEPSISTER 4: Me either, it’s like she’s moving in. . .

STEPSISTER 5: . . .slow motion.
STEPMOTHER: Girls, let’s not argue over how Cinderella is a slow slothful
servant or we will be here all night.
STEPSISTERS 2, 3, 4 & 5: Me too!

STEPSISTER 2: Yeah, look at your clothes.
STEPSISTER 3: It’s a ball, not a soup kitchen.
STEPSISTER 4: Not to mention how ugly you are.
STEPSISTER 5: You think the prince wants to look at that mug?
ALL STEPSISTER: (standing at attention as the court presenter and in
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unison) Your royal highness, presenting Cinderella. (all the
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STEPSISTERS contort their faces to look ugly and walk like freaks
to STEPMOTHER and speak in a goofy voices) Pleased to meet you,
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your majesty. I’m Dorkarella. (STEPSISTERS laugh.)
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STEPMOTHER: Very good, girls. But we need to be leaving. We don’t

want to be late for the ball, and Cinderella has a lot of work to do.
(turning to CINDERELLA) Before we return I want all of the cinders
an
swept out of the fireplace.
Pe

ALL STEPSISTERS: Good by Cinderella, we’re off to dance with the
prince.
STEPSISTER 2: Have fun with the cinders. (STEPMOTHER and the
STEPSISTERS exit Right. CINDERELLA watches them leave. SHE
repeats her pantomime as before but now way over dramatic. As
SHE finishes SHE starts to cry.)
VOICE OF FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: (screaming to curl one’s blood)
Cinderella!
CINDERELLA: What? What was that?
(The FAIRY GOSHMOTHER lets out a war cry as SHE charges through
the fireplace as fast as SHE can, destroying most of it.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: (quickly) Cinderella!

FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Wow, I’m totally blown away that you don’t know?
I am your Fairy Goshmother.
CINDERELLA: Oh wow! My Fairy Goshmother
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: I am here to help you go to the Princess Ball.
CINDERELLA: It’s like a dream come true.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Yes. Now, the first thing we must do is get you
some transportation. You’ll need a carriage and horses.
CINDERELLA: But how will you do that?
33
CINDERSTEIN
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Let me see. What do you have around here that
we can make use of?
(Crawling on from Left are EXTRAS 1, 2, 3 & 4. They all wear black
or gray with makeshift mouse costumes just ears and whiskers.
They crawl Down stage in a line.)
Oh, look, mice. You mice shall make a great team of horses!
(SHE waves her wand) Bop, bop, bibbitty, bibbitty, bop!
(The EXTRAS magically morph into their horse positions

overdoing it so much it looks like they are having seizures and
making MYSTICAL Sounds. They rear up and make horse noises.)
CINDERELLA: This is perfect. My evil stepmother commanded me to get
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rid of the mice before they returned from the ball. So it’s like you killed
two birds with one stone.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Yes, isn’t it? Now that we have the horses, we
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need a carriage. Perhaps you have something around here that I can
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change into a carriage, a pumpkin or other round vegetable perhaps?

CINDEDRELLA: Well, there is something. My evil stepmother said that
before they return from the ball I had to clean up all the mouse poo
poos.
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(EXTRAS 5, 6 & 7 run out from Right, stop Down Center, lie down and
curl up into little balls. EXTRA 5 makes a breaking wind sound with his
mouth.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: These mouse droppings will due nicely. Bop, bop,
bibbity bobbity poop!
(EXTRAS 5, 6 & 7 morph mystically out of their droppings positions

and create the carriage. EXTRA 5 turns into the seat on his hands and
knees this time facing Right, EXTRA 6 into the door, and the EXTRA 7
into the front of the carriage with his back to the horses.)
CINDERELLA: Wow, my very own carriage! And you killed three birds with
one stone!
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Now what about the coachman? You must have a
coachman. (HEAD EXTRA comes out from Left crawling and
Meowing) There we go, here kitty, kitty. (HEAD EXTRA crawls over
to the FAIRY GOSHMOTHER and then stretches like a cat.) Bop,
bop, bibbity, bibbity kibbity! (HEAD EXTRA transforms himself into
coachman.)
HEAD EXTRA. Very good, Madame. Are you ready to get underway?
CINDERELLA: Well, I would be, if it wasn’t for this raggedy old dress.
34
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Oh yes, the dress. (SHE goes back to the

fireplace and rummages through it and finds the dress.) Ding! Here
it is!
CINDERELLA: Oh, Fairy Goshmother it’s beautiful. How can I ever repay
you?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: How about you just go to the ball and have the
time of your life.
CINDERELLA: Oh Thank you, Fairy Goshmother.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: It’s getting late so you’d better change in the car.
Good luck doing your hair in there.
HEAD EXTRA: (opens EXTRA 6 playing the door) Right this way,
Madame. (HE helps her in)
CINDERELLA: Why thank you kind sir. (SHE sits on EXTRA 5’s back like
a horse.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: One last thing before you leave. You must leave
the ball before midnight. For on the twelfth stroke of the clock
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everything will transform back into its original state. So be careful,
because when that happens you don’t want to step in your carriage if
you know what I mean.
ce
HEAD EXTRA. (closes EXTRA 6 as the door) Keep your arms and legs
inside the ride at all times. Hold on tight and have fun. (HE positions
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himself in between the horses and EXTRA 7 and grabs some

imaginary reigns.)
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FAIRYGOSHMOTHER: Goodbye Cinderella.
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CINDERELLA: Goodbye Fairy Goshmother, and thank you.

HEAD EXTRA. Permanense sentados, por favor. Hiyaaa! (HE whips the
horses with an imaginary whip and EXTRAS 1, 2, 3 & 4 make horse
noises and rear up. They move off Right trying to keep their
formation. CINDERELLA rides like SHE’s riding a horse.)
CINDERELLA: Yeehaw! (FAIRY GOSHMOTHER is left alone on the
stage. SHE waves after them.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Goodbye Cinderella. Don’t forget your curfew!
(The lights fade to a grey out.)
SCENE 6 – SLOW AND ELEGANT
(The DIRECTOR enters from Left and hurries to Center. The DANCERS
and the EXTRAS dash across the stage from both sides getting into
place for the ballroom scene. TECH GUY places the three chairs for
the throne and then stays on stage as a guest.)
DIRECTOR: (in whispered urgency) Good job. All right, hurry up for the
ballroom scene. Places! Good, now everyone remember, slow and
elegant. Slow and elegant! (HE rushes offstage. Everyone is frozen
in their places.)
35
CINDERSTEIN
(The lights come back on full. Everyone is still frozen. Pause.

Suddenly the music starts but it is speed up to super speed but slow
enough so they can still dance to it. The dance starts. They have
trouble going so fast but they make it through. The dance ends and
everyone claps fast and only for a second. The Royal PAGE runs in
from Up Center. As the PAGE speaks everyone parts to make room for
people to enter through the Center.)
(The entire scene, the lines and blocking is done in SUPER FAST
MOTION except for the QUEEN. SHE is unable to do the scene
differently. SHE is slow and elegant so the others run over her lines.)
PAGE: Ladies and Gentleman, presenting his majesty, the royal highness,
King Uther Pendragon. . . (KING enters and runs Center) . . . And her
majesty, the royal highness, Queen Cynthia Pendragon. (QUEEN
moves to slow so the KING goes to her and grabs her hand a pulls
rm for l
her down stage.) Also joining us tonight, is his highness, the prince!
rfo ot sa
(PRINCE enters and runs straight to the throne chairs and sits.
The KING follows him and sits also. The QUEEN walks slow and
ce
elegant.)
pe N ru
PRINCE: Smashing ball, father.

KING: Yes, quite so. Now remember son, this is your ball. We have invited
all the eligible young ladies in the entire kingdom. So, tonight you must
an
choose your bride.
Pe
PRINCE: As long as she’s not ugly. I’m not marrying a dog.

KING: There are plenty of beautiful young ladies here. . . (To QUEEN, and
so fast SHE doesn’t quite catch the “dear.”) . . .don’t you think so,
dear? (QUEEN looks at him but does not answer) Yeah, she thinks
so.
PRINCE: As long as she’s pretty. She’s gotta be pretty.
QUEEN: (slow and Elegant) Yes there are, and I’m sure one of these
ladies is right for our son.
PAGE: (says this over half of the QUEEN’S last line) Introducing, the
Baroness Rodmilla De Step. (STEPMOTHER enters from Up Center
and runs Down stage, curtsies then steps to the Left to make room
for the STEPSISTERS) And her daughters, Lady Abigail Step. . .
(STEPSISTER 1 enters, curtsies and runs next to STEPMOTHER)
And Lady Gristle Step. (STEPSISTER 2 enters, curtsies and runs in
line next to STEPSISTER1) And Stepsister uh. . . Godzilla.
(STEPSISTER 3 enters, curtsies and runs in line) And Stepsister Ab.
. . li. . . gatory. (STEPSISTER 4 enters, curtsies and runs in line) And
Stepsister Chicken McGristle. (STEPSISTER 5 enters, curtsies and
runs in line. STEPMOTHER bolts over to the KING, QUEEN and
PRINCE and the STEPSISTERS follow in a line)
STEPMOTHER: Your Majesties, may I present my daughters.
majesties.
KING: You look radiant, my dear.
QUEEN: (slow and elegant) Yes, how adorable.
36
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
PRINCE: (over the Queen’s line) You’re hot!

STEPSISTER 1: Thank you, your highnesses. (SHE rushes to the back
of the line)
majesties.
KING: Ah, how lovely you are, my dear.
QUEEN: Yes, how enchanting.
PRINCE: (again over the QUEEN’S line) You’re hot!
STEPSISTER 2: Thank you, your highnesses. (SHE bolts to the back of
the line)
majesties.
KING: You look beautiful, my dear.
PRINCE: You’re hot too!
STEPSISTER 3: Thank you, your highnesses. (SHE bolts to the back of
the line)
rm for l
rfo ot sa
majesties.
KING: You look great, my dear.
ce
PRINCE: You’re also hot.
STEPSISTER 4: Thank you, your highnesseseses. (SHE bolts to the
pe N ru
back of the line)

an
majesties.
Pe
KING: You look good, my dear.

PRINCE: You’re hot as well.
STEPSISTER 5: Thank you, my Lords. (SHE bolts to the back of the
line)
PAGE: Presenting the Baron Beaufort Von Frankenstein. (Everyone turns
to see. DR. FRANKENSTEIN enters and runs down Center and
then moves Right to make room for his ASSISTANTS.) And his
assistants, Ingrid. . . (INGRID enters, curtsies and runs to stand next
to DR. FRANKENSTEIN.) And Igor. (IGOR enters, curtsies and runs,
but trips, gets up and stands next to DR. FRANKENSTEIN.)
KING: Good evening Baron.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (sprinting to the KING, followed by INGRID and
IGOR) Good evening good king. Quite a party you throw.
KING: Yes, we’re trying to find a bride for my son, the prince.
PRINCE: As long as she’s pretty.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: In that case, may I present my assistant, Ingrid.
INGRID: (Lunges at the KING and while curtsying trips into him and
knocks all the ROYALTY off their chairs and falls on top of them.
SHE smiles a huge ugly smile.) Good evening your majesties.
KING: Good heavens! Don’t you look lovely, my dear.
QUEEN: Yes, how radiant.
INGRID: (climbing onto the PRINCE) And how are you tonight, sir
Prince?
PRINCE: Holy crap! Get away from me!
INGRID: Would you like to dance with me, your Highness?
37
CINDERSTEIN
PRINCE: Guards! Help! I’m being assaulted! (GUARDS 1 & 2 rush to the
PRINCE.)
GUARD 1: Yes, your Excellency?
GUARD 2: What can we do for you?
PRINCE: Get this hideous creature out of my sight.
GUARD 1: Right away, your supreme Highness. (seizing GUARD 2. Then
IGOR, then INGRID) Got her!
PRINCE: Not him, you. . . Oh you got her. Good.
PRINCE: Off with her head!
IGOR: (out of order) Me hideous? You must be joking.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Your Highness, I really must protest.
KING: Yes, yes. Now son, don’t you think you’re over reacting a bit?
PRINCE: Yeah, okay. Just put her on the other side of the room.
IGOR: (catching up) Yes, do us all a favor
rm for l
GUARD 1: (Transylvanian accent) This side of the room is too good for
rfo ot sa
the likes of you. (GUARDS drag HER speedily stage Left)
INGRID: (calling back to the PRINCE) You owe me a dance.
ce
KING: Now, good doctor, how goes the experiments these days? You’re
pe N ru
not working on another monster are you?

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: No, no. That’s all behind us. I believe I will leave the
creation of life to God, from now on.
an
KING: Very good, wouldn’t you say so, dear?
Pe
QUEEN: (still slow and elegant) Yes, quite. We’ve had enough monster
business around her for a lifetime.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (breaking in half way through the QUEEN’s line)
Quite agreed, your Highness.
KING: Well, please enjoy the ball and the wonderful refreshments.
PAGE: Presenting, Lady does not wish to be revealed at this time!
(EVERYONE turns to look. CINDERELLA enters. SHE runs and slides

to stop center. The PRINCE is quickly stunned. Everyone marvels at
her beauty. The PRINCE is drawn to her so fast that HE bumps her
back a few paces. HE puts his arms out to her to dance. SHE
responds. No music. They dance anyway in fast motion.)
STEPMOTHER: Who is that?

STEPSISTER 1: I don’t know, but she’s hogging the prince.
STEPSISTER 2: She looks familiar.
STEPMOTHER: Yes, she does. I know I’ve seen her somewhere before.
STEPSISTER 1: She’s so beautiful.
STEPSISTER 2: She’s so elegant.
STEPSISTER 3: She’s getting better at dancing.
STEPMOTHER: Look at the way she dances, she’s so. . . graceful.
(CINDERELLA and the PRINCE end their dance but because of the
velocity CINDERELLA falls down. EVERYONE claps and they go back
38
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
to party mingling but STEPSISTER 3 jumps into CINDERELLA’s place

with the PRINCE.)
STEPSISTER 3: (to the PRINCE) I can be Cinderella.
(The PRINCE pushes her back into the crowd and then helps
CINDERELLA up and rushes Down stage to talk.)
PRINCE: You sure are hot.

CINDERELLA: Thank you. You’re not bad yourself.
PRINCE: I’ve never seen someone as hot as you.
CINDERELLA: Yes, well, I also have a personality.
(INGRID lunges up behind the PRINCE and bumps into him.)
INGRID: Can I have that dance now, Princypoo?
rm for l
rfo ot sa
(The PRINCE spins around.)
ce
PRINCE: Ah! Guards!
pe N ru
(The GUARDS come running over. The PRINCE hides behind

CINDERELLA. The GUARDS can’t stop and bump INGRID off the
stage.)
an
Pe
GUARD 1: Yes?
GUARD 2: How may we serve thee, my Liege?
PRINCE: Kill that hideous creature! (HE points past CINDERELLA to
INGRID. The GUARDS look at each other, shrug and then raise
their spears to stab CINDERELLA.) Not her! She’s hot! Her! (HE
jumps into the pit and right up to INGRID’S face and points at it.
IGOR jumps down into the pit.)
IGOR: Come along, Ingrid. We must be going. Sorry Prince. We have to
shove off. (HE takes INGRID by the arm and jumps up and meets
DR. FRANKENSTEIN at the Center and they all exit Up Center with
furious speed. The GUARDS quickly return to their post.)
PRINCE: (jumping back up onto the stage) Well, that was unpleasant.
Now where were we?
CINDERELLA: Well, you we’re going to find out about some of my other
qualities.
PRINCE: Oh yes, like you have really hot eyes.
(Suddenly the clock strikes the first BONG of twelve! Only it’s not a
Bong. It’s a honk from a child’s bicycle horn. The TECH GUY honks it
from on stage. Everyone turns and looks at him.)
TECH GUY: (normal speed) It’s all I could find.

CINDERELLA: (back to fast motion) Oh, no! Is it that late already? I must
go! (SHE tries to leave but the PRINCE grabs her hand.)
39
CINDERSTEIN
PRINCE: But you just got here. (2nd HONK.)

CINDERELLA: Sorry, gotta go.
PRINCE: But you’re so hot. (3rd HONK.)
CINDERELLA: Sorry about this. (SHE kicks HIM in the groin but her
glass slipper doesn’t come off. CINDERELLA runs out the
Center. The PRINCE doubles over in pain. SHE throws the slipper
back on stage and hits him. HE grabs the slipper.)
PRINCE: Party’s over. (4th HONK.)
GUARD 1: You heard the Prince. Party’s over.
GUARD 2: Get a move on you putrid scabs.
(The GUARDS use their spears to force the guests out the exit as fast
as they can.) Pause. 5th HONK.)
KING: It was a wonderful ball, eh dear?
rm for l
(“Eh dear” is the QUEEN’S cue to stand up and approach the PRINCE.
rfo ot sa
The QUEEN goes to help the PRINCE up but HE has already got up on
his own so SHE goes through the motion of helping him up as the
ce
PRINCE and KING go on with their conversation. 6th HONK.)
pe N ru
KING: (rushes the PRINCE) Well son, did you find your bride? (7th
HONK.)
an
PRINCE: Yes. Yes I did father.
Pe
KING: What was her name?

PRINCE: I don’t know. (8th HONK.)
KING: What do you know?
PRINCE: She was hot. And this is her slipper. I swear by my crown that I
will marry the girl who’s foot fits this slipper!
QUEEN: (slow and elegant) Don’t worry son. . . (9th HONK.)
KING: So be it! I will put forth a Royal decree throughout all the land that
every eligible young maiden must try on this slipper. . . etc., etc., etc.
(THE KING and PRINCE run Off Up Center. The QUEEN is still standing
there.)
QUEEN: (still slow and elegant) . . . there’s more fish in the sea.
(She throws her arm out dramatically. The KING runs back on, throws
her over his shoulder and runs back off with her. TECH RUNS on and
shoves the throne chairs off the edge of the apron as fast as he can
and exits. The stage is empty. The DIRECTOR starts on from Right,
pulling out his hair.)
DIRECTOR: That was slow and elegant? Have you all gone mad? (10th
HONK. HE realizes that the lights are still on so HE hurriedly exits
off Left.)
40
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
SCENE 7 – DAMAGED BRAINS
(11th HONK. The carriage comes out super fast from the Right and
makes it to center stage. 12th HONK. All the EXTRAS and CINDERELLA
fall straight to the ground quickly. DR. FRANKENSTEIN, IGOR, and
INGRID enter from Left. DR. FRANKENSTEIN walks normally but
INGRID and IGOR speed through the Extras.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: What is this? (sees the others speeding through)

Ingrid! Igor! (HE improvises this line) We don’t have to hurry
anymore. Uh, I decided not to put the turkey in the oven. The ball is
over now so we can mosey on home.
IGOR: Oh, right.
(IGOR and INGRID slow down to normal speed. Everyone will now
resort back to NORMAL SPEED.)
rm for l
rfo ot sa
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Dead mice?
IGOR: There’s a cat over here.
ce
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Careful, Ingrid. Don’t step in that.
pe N ru
INGRID: Dr. Frankenstein, look, it’s a girl.
(DR. FRANKENSTEIN bends down to check CINDERELLA.)

an
Pe
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: So it is. It looks as though she’s been in some sort

of accident.
INGRID: Is she. . . ?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes. I’m afraid she’s dead. Her brains are splattered
all over this rock.
IGOR: There’s no using those brains again. Once brains have been
damaged like that there’s no repairing them.
INGRID: Yes, brains are quite fragile. The slightest bit of damage to them
makes them useless.
IGOR: Quite true, I mean, if I were holding someone’s brains in my hand
and something happened to them, lets say I dropped them on the floor,
they’d be rendered useless. So I’d say those brains there, smeared all
over that rock like that, are useless. Not even Dr. Frankenstein could
repair them.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes, quite. Quick, let’s get her back to my
laboratory. Maybe it’s not too late.
(INGRID helps DR. FRANKENSTEIN lift CINDERELLA up onto his

shoulder so HE can carry her off.)
IGOR: The cat is still alive.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Bring it along.
(INGRID goes to help IGOR. They both grab an arm.)
IGOR: And the mice, master?
41
CINDERSTEIN
DR. FRANKENSTEIN. They’re beyond our help now. Come, to the castle!
IGOR. Yes, master.
(DR. FRANKENSTEIN carries CINDERELLA off Left and IGOR and

INGRID follow him dragging HEAD EXTRA.)
(Lights dim to a grey out.)
SCENE 8 – THE OPERATION
(Enter TECH GUY, DANCER 3, 5 & 6 with two tables and optional lab
equipment. They set them up side by side with about five feet between
them. The Right table is empty but the Left has operating equipment
and a container for the brain. Then they exit. Lights come up to full.
Enter DR. FRANKENTEIN, INGRID & IGOR from Left carrying
rm for l
CINDERELLA and HEAD EXTRA. CINDERELLA is now in her ragged
rfo ot sa
clothes and her other slipper is in her pocket. SHE is barefooted.)
ce
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Hurry up, help me with her.
pe N ru
IGOR: What about the cat?

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Put it on the floor.
an
(IGOR and INGRID drop the HEAD EXTRA and then help DR.
Pe
FRANKENSTEIN situate CINDERELLA on the Right table.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Let’s do this. Knife.

INGRID: Yes, doctor. (SHE hands HIM a knife)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (pretending to operate) Now, I must remove the
top part of her skull. There. Now to prepare the inside for the new brain.
Igor, do you have the brain ready?
IGOR: Yes, master. (IGOR pulls a brain out of the container. It’s made
from jello or play-doh or something squishy.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: All right, Igor, we’re ready. Bring the brain. And be
careful, that’s our last one.
IGOR: Yes, master.
(IGOR stumbles and drops the brain on the floor. This was not
supposed to happen.) Oops. (IGOR looks over at the others. INGRID
and DR. FRANKESTEIN turn to look. They see the brains on the floor.
They try to improvise.)
DR. FRANKESTEIN: Uh. . . That’s okay. It’s probably still good.

INGRID: Yeah, Dr. Frankenstein can easily fix that.
IGOR: Right. (HE turns back to pick up the brains but HE steps in them
squishing them all over.) Oops.
DR. FRANKESTEIN: What now?
IGOR: I stepped in them.
42
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
DR. FRANKESTEIN: (they all are improvising) Well. . . are they still
usable?
IGOR: I wouldn’t think so, not after what we said earlier.
INGRID: Well, you better think of something.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: We need a brain and fast.
HEAD EXTRA: (wakes up as the cat and crawls over to the smashed
brains.) Meow. (starts licking up the brains.)
IGOR: What about the cat?
INGRID: Can’t we worry about him later?
IGOR: No, I mean use the cat’s brains.
INGRID: Of course! The cat’s brains!
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes, the cat’s brains! Cat brains are perfectly
compatible with humans. And their roughly the same size. Quickly, get
him up on the table. (The THREE OF THEM grab the HEAD EXTRA
and lift him up onto the table. DR. FRANKESTEIN grabs his knife
and stands at the head while IGOR and INGRID hold the cat down.)
rm for l
rfo ot sa
Don’t worry my little feline friend, this won’t hurt a bit.
HEAD EXTRA: Meow! Meowowow! (HEAD EXTRA goes limp)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Okay, got it. Uh. . . help me over to the other table
ce
with it. (The THREE OF THEM clump together to hide the non-
existent brains they are carrying and take them to CINDERELLA.
pe N ru
DR. FRANKENSTEIN pretends to finish the operation.) There, that

ought to do it. Sew up her cranium would you my dear? (INGRID pulls
an
out an eye liner pencil and draws a line on the top of
Pe
CINDERELLA’S forehead with “x”s through it to look like the top

of her head has been sewn back on.) Now all we need is some
electricity to start the catalyst between the brain and the central
nervous system.
IGOR: (grabs the jumper cables from the other table) Here you are
doctor.
DR. FRANKESTEIN: Thank you, Igor. (places them to CINDERELLA’S
neck) Here we go. Clear! (IGOR and INGRID step back. The lights
flicker and there’s electricity Sound FX.) Again! Clear! (THEY repeat
what just happened. HE checks CINDERELLA’S pulse then listens
for a heart beat. As HE’s listening, IGOR bends over her to speak
to him.)
IGOR: Doctor, um, the brain that I smashed on the floor, that was a good
brain, yes?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes.
IGOR: But now we’ve put in a cat’s brain.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: That’s right.
IGOR: Well, if she has a cat brain inside her won’t that change the
play. . . I mean the plan?
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (looking at IGOR) I don’t know. (speaking to
CINDERELLA. I guess it depends on what she does when she wakes
up. Just remember that what ever she does must make sense. (to
IGOR.) I have a pulse! (Suddenly CINDERELLA sits up. They all
pause and look at her, waiting in anticipation for her to speak.)
CINDERELLA: Meow?
43
CINDERSTEIN
DR. FRANKESTEIN: Yes, I believe we’ve just changed the whole

play. . . I mean the plan. Alive! It’s Alive! Alive! (DOORBELL rings)
Who can that be at this time of night? Igor, whoever it is get rid of them.
IGOR: Yes, master.
(HE exits Left. CINDERELLA slowly gets up off the table and tries to
walk.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes! Walk my creation! Walk! (HE helps her)

INGRID: Oh Dr. Frankenstein, I’m scared!
DR. FRANKESTEIN: No need. She’s perfectly harmless.
CINDERELLA: Meow.
IGOR: (returning) I couldn’t get rid of them.
(Enter the PAGE, KING & QUEEN and GUARDS 1 & 2.)
rm for l
rfo ot sa
PAGE: By royal decree, every eligible maiden in the kingdom must try on
this glass slipper and who ever it fits will be the prince’s bride.
KING: Good evening, Doctor.
ce
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Good Morning, actually, your highness, it’s about
pe N ru
3:00 AM.
KING: Oh, yes, quite right. We’re on urgent business you know, couldn’t
wait ‘til sunrise, could we my dear?
an
QUEEN: (SHE looks at the KING and has finally caught on that they
Pe
were speeding through the Ballroom scene so now SHE speaks as

fast as SHE can.) No, we’re on an urgent quest to find the girl who our
son will marry.
KING: (shakes his head) Yes, that’s right. So, let’s get on with it. I see you
have two maidens present.
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Uh, yes. That’s right. Two perfectly normal maidens.
CINDERELLA: Meow.
KING: Page, try the first one.
(The PAGE approaches INGRID with the slipper and SHE sticks out
her foot. The PAGE tries to put the shoe on but it won’t fit.)
KING: Have we got a match?

PAGE: Yeah, I’ve got a match – a horse’s behind and her face.
INGRID. Oh, you. You’re such a tease. (SHE smiles big and ugly)
PAGE: It doesn’t fit your highness.
KING: Try the other one. (Suddenly STEPSISTER 1 & 2 come rolling on
from the Left. They are engaged in another catfight. They scream
and claw at each other. The others just watch them. They roll off
Left and the others go back to the scene.) Get on with it.
PAGE: Yes, your majesty. (HE approaches CINDERELLA. HE grabs her
foot. SHE hisses at him.)
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: (putting his arm around her) It’s okay,
Cinder. . . kitty.
PAGE: (puts the shoe on her) It’s a perfect fit!
44
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
KING: What’s that you say?

PAGE: We’ve found her. It’s a perfect fit.
KING: We’ve found her, my dear!
QUEEN: (with all speed) Oh that’s great now our son can get married.
(Suddenly there is a commotion off Left. The FIVE STEPSISTERS and

STEPMOTHER enter. The STEPSISTERS are all arguing over who gets
to try on the shoe first. They all wear only one high heeled shoe. They
all stop when they see the KING.)
STEPMOTHER: Oh, there you are, your highness. We heard that you were
looking for the maiden who lost her shoe at the ball and each of my
daughters consequently came home with only one shoe.
KING: That’s all right Madame, we’ve already found her.
STEPSISTER 3: That’s Cinderella! What’s she doing here?
STEPSISTER 4: She didn’t even go to the ball!
rm for l
rfo ot sa
KING: Her name is Cinderkitty.
STEPSISTER 5: I smell a rat!
HEAD EXTRA: (still motionless on the table) Or at least a mouse
ce
dropping.
STEPSISTER 1: (approaching CINDERELLA) What are those marks on
pe N ru
her forehead.
STEPSISTER 2: And what is this dead cat doing on the table?
an
STEPMOTHER: Playing God again, Dr. Frankenstein?
Pe
STEPSISTER 1: I think it’s pretty obvious what’s been going on!

STEPSISTER 2: You took that cat’s brain and put it inside Cinderella!
KING: You were playing God again!
DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Please, I prefer the term “Gosh.”
KING: Guards! Seize that creature at once!
(The GUARDS approach CINDERELLA but SHE hisses and swipes her
claws at them then turns with catlike agility and runs off Right still
wearing only one slipper.)
STEPMOTHER: It’s an abomination!

STEPSISTER 3: Kill the creature!
(The GUARDS, the STEP FAMILY, KING, QUEEN and PAGE all run
after CINDERELLA.)
IGOR: What do we do master?

DR. FRANKENSTEIN: I don’t know. We’ll figure it out on the way. Come
on!
(HE runs off after them followed by IGOR and INGRID leaving HEAD
EXTRA alone on the table. After a beat, FAIRY GOSHMOTHER enters
with her magic wand. SHE waves it over HEAD EXTRA.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Bibbity bibbity bibbity. Ding. And now you’re alive.
45
CINDERSTEIN
HEAD EXTRA: (sits up, not sure what to do) Uh. . . thank you.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: And now, if you’re feeling up to it, there’s only one
thing left to do.
HEAD EXTRA: What’s that?
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Kill the creature! Come on! Now I’m a mob
member! (They rush off Right. The stage is empty for a moment.
CINDERELLA rushes on from Right still very catlike and off Left.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER rushes on from Right leading a MOB of the
DANCERS, EXTRAS, and TECH GUY.) Kill the creature!
(THEY all shout curses on the creature and continue off Left.
CINDERELLA rushes back on from Left and then off Right. After a beat
SHE comes back on followed by the STEPMOTHER leading a MOB of
the STEPSISTERS, GUARDS, KING, QUEEN, PAGE, IGOR, INGRID, &
DR. FRANKESTEIN. They all shout curses at CINDERELLA and follow
her off Left. A beat. The DIRECTOR comes running on from Right,
rm for l
pulling his hair out, and then starts off Left but the MOB led by the
rfo ot sa
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER runs on and tramples him as they run off Right.
CINDERELLA rushes back on and passes the DIRECTOR and then off
ce
Right. The DIRECTOR gets up and heads off Left but the other MOB
led by the STEPMOTHER comes on and tramples him as they head of
pe N ru
Right. But before they can get off CINDERELLA comes on from Right.
The DIRECTOR stands up.)
an
Pe
CINDERELLA: Meow!
(The STEPMOTHER’s MOB turns to see CINDERELLA who runs back

off Left. The STEPMOTHER’S MOB charges off Left trampling the
DIRECTOR again. The DIRECTOR gets up and stumbles off Left.
CINDERELLA runs back on and heads Right but the FAIRY
GOSHMOTHER’S MOB comes back on stopping her. SHE turns back
to the Left but the STEPMOTHER’S MOB comes back on stopping her
– The DIRECTOR has now joined this mob. CINDERELLA is now
completely surrounded. SHE darts into the STEPSISTERS but they
throw her back and SHE falls on the ground.)
KING: Guards! Slay that abominable creature!
(The GUARDS approach CINDERELLA and raise their spears to strike.)
VOICE OF THE PRINCE: Delay that order!
(The MOB reacts to the command and part revealing the PRINCE Up
Center. HE walks down to CINDERELLA and looks down at her.)
KING: What is the meaning of this?!

PRINCE: Father, is this the maiden who’s foot fits the shoe?
KING: Yes, but she’s been transformed into a vile monstrosity.
46
BY KAMRON KLITGAARD
PRINCE: (Kneeling down to CINDERELLA. HE reaches his hand out

toward her and SHE flinches. HE pauses and then reaches into her
dress pocket and pulls out the other slipper. HE puts it on her bare
foot and then helps her up.) You all should be ashamed of
yourselves. You see only the superficial and what’s on the outside. But
I see much more. I see a woman who is caring and loving. One who
has been beaten down her whole life yet remained happy and joyful.
You see her as something to be feared but I see them as a sign of
enduring and endearment. Father, I have learned a great lesson this
night. Yes, Cinderella is now terribly grotesque. But I fell in love with
her. She is to be my bride. (The PRINCE and CINDERELLA cuddle.
The MOB softens and claps.) It’s true that I fell in love with
CINDERELLA because of her looks. But I’m marrying her for her mind.
CINDERELLA: Meow. (SHE baths herself like a cat.)
DANCER 2: Three cheers for Catrella! Pip, pip. . .
EVERYONE: Hurray!
rm for l
rfo ot sa
DANCER 2: Pip, pip. . .
EVERYONE: Hurray!
DANCER 2: (Pause. HE miscounted.) Oh! Pip, pip…
ce
EVERYONE. Hurray!
pe N ru
(Everyone starts to exit off both sides. The KING and QUEEN
approaches the PRINCE and CINDERELLA. The FAIRY GOSHMOTHER
an
lags behind.)
Pe
KING: Well, son, it looks like you’ve found your bride. . . (He slows this
way down.) . . . eh dear?
QUEEN: (Taking his cue SHE speaks slow and elegant.) It certainly
seems so. I’m very proud of you son, Kittyrella is the most charming
young lady.
(The KING and QUEEN exit. CINDERELLA gets down on all fours,
purrs and rubs up against the PRINCE’S leg. The FAIRY
GOSHMOTHER walks over to stand next to him. The PRINCE sneezes.)
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Gosh bless you.

PRINCE: Thanks, I’m allergic to cats.
FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Bummer. Look on the bright side I got you some
catnip for your honeymoon. (SHE holds up a bag of catnip. The
PRINCE’s eyes widen in fear. CINDERELLA makes a seductive cat
noise. The FAIRY GOSHMOTHER looks out at the audience.) I
wrote that part! (The PRINCE coughs to get her to say her last line.)
And they lived happily ever after.
(Curtain.)
END OF PLAY
47
CINDERSTEIN
DIRECTOR’S NOTES
PROP LIST
Crutches
Magic Wand
2 Spears or Swords
Script
Brain (Clay or Jell-o)
Jumper Cables
Plastic Bag with Cat Nip
Knife
Magic Marker
COSTUMES
rm for l
rfo ot sa
Street clothes
Ball gowns
ce
Mouse Ears
pe N ru
Cat Ears
Grey Clothes for Mouse Costumes
Brown clothes for Poop Costumes
an
Gothic clothes for Cinderella
Pe
Lab Coat for Dr. Frankenstein

Wig and Ball Gown for a boy
Wings and Dress for Fairy Goshmother
Black Clothes and Headset for Tech Guy
Crowns and Labeled Sashes for the King,
Queen, Prince and Page (no crown for Page)
Armor and Helmets for Guards
Ugly Lab Assistant costume
Humped Back costume
SET DESIGN
Minimal set. Fireplace made from cardboard, three chairs. If desired a

full castle background could be used but the play within the play is a low
budget production so it should look cartoon-ish or second rate.
48
KAMRON KLITGAARD
Kamron Klitgaard is a high school theatre teacher
in Utah. He believes that theatre can be exciting
to everyone. Therefore, he writes plays with a lot
of action and humor in them to appeal to those
who claim they do not like plays. Strangely,
when he was in high school in California, he
never took a drama class, but played in the pit
band for all the musicals. Except for being in
the school band, Kamron and school did not
get along. He believes that teachers should use
more theatrical elements in education. Kamron
lives with his beautiful wife, Kathy and his three
charming daughters, Kortney, Katelynn and
Karlee, and his new born son Keaton. He claims
that everyone’s name starting with a K is a
huge coincidence. He tries to sneak his young
daughters into all the high school plays. He also
enjoys, juggling, magic, swing dancing and
plays several instruments, and one day he hopes
to learn to ride the unicycle.
Cinderstein
by Kamron Klitgaard
Type: Full Length Play,
Genre: Comedy
Duration: 80 minutes
Cast: 12 females, 8 males, 13 either, 33 total cast, doubling possible, gender
flexible
Help! The local high school drama teacher wrote his own version of Cinderella by combin-
ing the Princess’s tale with the story of Frankenstein, but the production is bombing: The
Fairy Godmother wants to be called the Fairy Goshmother, three new stepsisters must be
added to the cast, several actors quit, and the extras are fed up with being extras. Then,
after being forced to play a girl, one of the boys worries that if his father, an avid sports
fanatic, sees him his acting career will be over. Despite the director’s explicit instructions
that the Prince’s Ball scene must be slow and elegant, the cast speeds it up to super-speed
so that the boy won’t be seen, but the actress playing the Queen is incapable of impro-
visation and can’t keep up. When Dr. Frankenstein drops Cinderella’s brain and replaces
it with a cat’s brain instead, this insane production changes beyond even the director’s
recognition.
ISBN: 978-1-60003-282-0

CINDERSTEIN

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PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock

PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements,

Produced by special arrangement with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC

CINDERELLA/CINDY-(F) She is the classic sweet, lovable, caring

STEPMOTHER-(F) Loves to be wicked.

STEPSISTER 2-(F) Has a temper and can’t control herself from

STEPSISTER 5-(F) Just happy to be in the play.

FAIRY GOSHMOTHER-(F) Very happy but clumsy and slow witted.

DIRECTOR-(M/F) Also the writer of the play. He gets frustrated at

HEAD EXTRA-(M/F) Take charge union leader type.

EXTRA 1-(M/F) Member of the union.

EXTRA 2-(M/F) Member of the union.

EXTRA 3-(M/F) Member of the union.

EXTRA 4-(M/F) Member of the union.

EXTRA 5-(M/F) Member of the union.

EXTRA 6-(M/F) Member of the union.

EXTRA 7-(M/F) Member of the union.

TECH GUY-(M/F) Shows no emotions.

DANCER 2-(F) Ball room dancer.

DANCER 3-(M) Ball room dancer.

DANCER 4-(F) Ball room dancer.

DANCER 5-(M) Ball room dancer.

DANCER 6-(M) Ball room dancer. Plays a girl at one point.

PAGE-(M/F) Good announcing voice but pronounces things wrong.

PRINCE-(M) Superficial male.

DR. FRANKENSTEIN-(M) Mad yet level headed scientist.

INGRID-(F) Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant. Very ugly but flirtatious.

IGOR-(M) Dr. Frankenstein’s hunchback assistant.

GUARD 1-(M/F) His Cockney accent sounds American Southern.

GUARD 2-(M/F) Cockney accent.

SCENE 1 – CINDERELLA’S HOME

SETTING: The stage is almost bare. There is only a fireplace made

AT RISE: STEPMOTHER enters from Left wearing a period dress and

CINDERELLA: Yes, evil stepmother.

STEPSISTER 1: Cinderella, help me with my zipper!

(CINDERELLA moves between the two of them trying to follow their

STEPSISTER 1: Mother, Cinderella’s not helping me fast enough.

STEPSISTER 1: Are you insane? Looking like that?

(STEPSISTER 2 steps toward STEPSISTER 1 like SHE’s going to deck

STEPMOTHER: That’s enough, girls. Let’s go on, shall we?

VOICE OF FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Cinderella!

(A ruckus comes from the fireplace. The FAIRY GOSHMOTHER is

FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: Cinderella! Ouch! Cinderella! (finally gets out

(Suddenly the DIRECTOR stands up from the audience.)

FAIRY GOSHMOTHER: What?

(STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS come back on.)

(Before they can get into position STEPSISTER 3 enters.)

read it to me at bed time. . . until he abandoned us and ran a way with

(HEAD EXTRA comes storming out onstage from Right.)

DIRECTOR: Great, they’ve formed an Extras’ Union. (EXTRA 2 nudges

STEPSISTER 2: That’s it!

(Again SHE lunges at STEPSISTER 1 and they both go to the ground

DIRECTOR: Knock it off!!! (STEPSISTER 3 and STEPMOTHER pull

ankle so I can’t be on the soccer team anymore.

DIRECTOR: We are already mostly through the rehearsal process.

DIRECTOR: Stepsisters! (all the STEPSISTERS come on stage) Here’s

(All the EXTRAS leave again. STEPSISTERS 1, 2 & 3 take STEPSISTER

DIRECTOR: All right, ready. . .

(STEPSISTER 5 comes running on from Right.)

STEPSISTER 5: Hey, guess what, my mom ungrounded me so I can be in

STEPSISTER 3: We’ll take care of you honey.

(They both exit Left and again the stage is empty.)