In The Hands of The Father

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In The Hands of
The Father
My Life With God
By Brian David Knapp

Copyright © 2010 by Brian David Knapp
In The Hands of The Father

My Life With God
by Brian David Knapp
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN 9781609577971
All rights reserved solely by the author. The author

guarantees all contents are original and do not infringe
upon the legal rights of any other person or work. No
part of this book may be reproduced in any form with-
out the permission of the author. The views expressed
in this book are not necessarily those of the publisher.
Unless otherwise indicated, Bible quotations are taken

from The New American Standard. Copyright © 1960,
1962, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973 by the Lockman Foundation;
The New International Version of the Bible. Copyright
© 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society; and
The NIV Study Bible (Fully Revised). Copyright © 1985,
1995, 2002 by Zondervan.
www.xulonpress.com
Dedicated to:
My Heavenly Father
My Savior and my best friend
Then to the three most amazing ladies

I have ever met.
They are an amazing gift from God.
Julie
Ashley
Jaime
v
Introduction
�
W e all have a story of our life, probably many

stories of things that affect us. These many
stories tend to confuse us and hurt us over and over.
My goal is to focus on one story, my story with God. All
the other stuff is just side plots that I have encountered
along the way. Some have given me pain and others
joy. Some build character others have humbled me,
while still others have lifted me up. From time to time
I have been led off track. But it is always the one story
of my relationship with God the Father that keeps me
on the road of my life.
It is always about the story of ones relationship
with God. It is a relationship leading to His love and
accepting His sacrifice or it is an adversarial relation-
vii
ship rejecting Him which leads ultimately to death and

destruction, an eternity separated from Him.
This is my story, a story of a very blessed life; bless-
ings beyond my wildest dreams; blessings I have
not earned. These blessings are available for all, just
receive. It is not a chronological recounting of my life;
I have chosen to write about certain points and situa-
tions in my life to depict my relationship with Him.
I have included some poems that depict my feel-
ings about my relationship with the Lord.
viii
My Story Begins
�
M y story begins not on November 12, 1953 when

I entered this world from my mother’s womb.
It began nine months before.
You see my parents had the two children they had
planned for, one son and one daughter. Five years in
my mother was suddenly pregnant again. This was
okay until along the way she developed kidney stones
and the doctors recommended an abortion to save her
life. My father and mother agreed and the abortion
was performed, end of story. Well not in this case, the
doctors found my mother was still pregnant. They said
we must do it again; this child will be severely handi-
capped. After sleeping on it my mother would not
accept their recommendation, she knew God wanted
her to have this child.
9
I know it was all God. He put His hands in my

mother’s womb and held me keeping the tools of abor-
tion away from me. The scriptures say He knitted us
together in our mother’s womb but, at least in my case,
He held me long after that for extra protection.
You may think I would have been traumatized
after such an experience. I wasn’t, you see I was in my
Father’s hands held safe and secure. That safety and
security has stayed with me my entire life. I can think
of many times in my life when I should have feared for
my safety, yet I have always felt safe. Fear is the tool of
the enemy, but when you have rested in the hands of
the Most High there is nothing to fear.
There have been times when I should have felt inse-
cure; insecure in a job situation or because of a relation-
ship gone wrong. You cannot feel insecure in the hands
of the Father. When a person is scared and feels inse-
cure there is nothing more comforting then to be held
by someone who loves you. It is when you are lost and
all alone you have the most fear. I have had moments
like that but they never last long because as soon as I
start to feel that way He makes His presence known.
10
Except for those brief moments I have always felt

His presence, guiding me ever so gently with His big,
strong hands. He will allow me to veer off track because
He has given free will. But as I do I feel His gentle touch
telling me Brian this is not the path to take, stay with
Me and I will always protect you, I love you more than
you can ever understand. When someone loves you
that much you want to please them, you want to be
with them always. That is what I want to do, please my
Father and be with Him always. My relationship with
God is my most treasured. Sometimes I am in awe over
the fact that the creator of the universe wants to spend
so much time with me. He has so much to do and so
many children to care for, yet He has the time to be by
my side. Don’t get me wrong this is not something He
does just for me, but for all His children. I am no more
special than anyone else. As a matter of fact I am not
at all deserving. God would be completely justified to
let me go when I stray, but His amazing love will not
let Him.
Not only is my relationship with God the Father
my most treasured, it is the only one that is from the
11
point of my first moments nine months before entering

this world. And it will last through all eternity.
As I go through life I can always see Him working
in all that I do. There are times I accomplish things
I cannot believe. When I look back I see He was
involved. He had to be. The answers are something I
would not have come up with. There are times, how-
ever, when I get arrogant and think it’s about me, that
I deserve more. I will criticize others and say I can do
better. When I get like this my kindly Father checks
me. Things go wrong, I get frustrated. That is until I
get back on track and acknowledge any skill I have,
any thing I accomplish is all because of my Father in
heaven. The scripture says “Everything is possible for
him who believes.” Mark 9:23. With God I can do any-
thing, on my own I will ultimately fail.
As I look back on my life I see many crossroads.
At times I wonder what if I had taken the other path.
It doesn’t seem to be a bad choice as the world sees
it. Maybe things would have been okay. That is just it,
they may have been okay. I see the hand of God pre-
venting me from going down that path, especially
12
when I would have missed the greater rewards He had

for me.
There are points in my life where I see a path I did
take. I sometimes wish I would have taken another or
wonder why God would have allowed me to take that
route. When I evaluate those times in my life through
man’s eyes I see failure. But when I evaluate through
God’s eyes I see not only lessons learned, but that it is
the only route to where I am today.
I would have not have met Julie, the love of my
life, if not for past failed relationships. I can see where
relationships had to happen to get me to the Crystal
Cathedral Singles. Out of great pain came great joy.
I hope I can be a better person because of it. If I had
not met Julie there never would have been Ashley and
Jaime. After the gift of salvation through my Lord Jesus
Christ, my family is my greatest reward.
My nephew Scott once said I was born again in the
womb. I cannot say, but I was surely given a second
chance at life when I was saved from the abortionist’s
knife. I cannot remember a time when I did not know
He was real and with me. Maybe I was born again
when He held me in His hands. “For you created my
13
innermost being, you knit me together in my mother’s

womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonder-
fully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full
well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was
made in the secret place. When I was woven together
in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed
body. All the days ordained for me were written in your
book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16
He not only formed me and you, but He pictured
us before He put us together. He had His plans; He saw
all the details of our life before we were even thought
of on this earth.
The Lord came to Jeremiah and said, “’Before I
formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were
born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to
the nations.’ ‘Ah, sovereign Lord’ Jeremiah said, ‘I do
not know how to speak, I am only a child.’ But the
Lord said to Him, ‘Do not say I am only a child. You
must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I
command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with
you and will rescue you’, declares the Lord.” Jeremiah
1:5-8
14
While I don’t consider myself a prophet, I know He

saved my life for a reason. He had something for me to
stand for, something to say. That is stand for Him, use
His words. It is not me, but Him. I am not special, only
privileged to be part of His plan. I am nothing without
Him. I am not even born without Him.
I often think, why me? I may never know com-
pletely. I do know one answer is that He can do what
ever He wants. The doctors wanted to take my life, but
He would not allow it. He has total control. I believe
if they would have attempted the abortion again He
would have stopped it again. Another thing I need to
say is that a child in the womb is a life, a human being,
a creation of God and no one has the right to take that
life, no one except the author of life Himself. We see it
written a person’s life can be taken for certain crimes,
but no where does it say we can end a life before it
even has a chance to start its journey. I often wonder
what cure has been missed because of the abortion
of that very one who was to find it. There are conse-
quences or rewards for all our actions. The reward for
choosing life could be a cure for a deadly disease or the
15
consequences, premature death of millions because of

the choice of death for one innocent child.
Throughout my life I see God putting me in the
presence of someone for a preordained reason. I may
end up next to someone on the train so God can use me
to touch or even change a life. I am only there to be His
conduit. One day He placed me next to a mother with
her small daughter, she spoke only Spanish. My friend
with me spoke Spanish and asked about the little girl.
Through this we found this girl and her sister both had
hemophilia, they could bleed to death with a bruise. My
heart ached for this mother and her girls. We encour-
aged her as we saw tears pour down her face. I added
these girls to my prayer list. I believe God wants to per-
form a miracle. It also reminds me of another mother
who watched her son bleeding on a cross. God knows
our pain as He watched His son die for us.
I see circumstances throughout my life where only
God could have caused things to happen as they did.
We all have opportunities to make a difference; I hope
and pray I won’t miss them when they happen. We
have to stay connected to God through His word and
16
through prayer. I see the difference when I am con-

nected and when I am not.
God has a plan for me and for you. Jeremiah 29:11-
14 says, “For I know the plans I have for you declares
the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans
to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon
me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will
seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you
declares the Lord and I will bring you back from cap-
tivity.” While this scripture was for Israel when captive
in Babylon, it relates to me because I sometimes see
myself captive in situations. There is no easy way out.
But He always rescues me. All I have to do is call on
Him.
He is there waiting to say child I am here to help you,
just reach out and take my hand. His hand is always
waiting to be grabbed. There are times I see Him grab-
bing me to keep me from danger, even when I do not
call on Him. But I am not really victorious unless I give
it all to Him. I can live a life just getting by or I can
live a victorious life. That doesn’t mean there are no
challenges along the way, I cannot grow without chal-
17
lenges. It does mean He is there working through the

challenges with me on to victory.
There are times I want more, more responsibility
and more authority, but when I look back I see I am
right where He wants me and it is always for the best.
God has future amazing plans that need me to be
right where I am today. What tomorrow will bring I
do not know, I just know it will be greater. Not neces-
sarily greater in the world’s view, but greater for me
and I will be able to do greater things for my Lord and
Savior. Praise God.
There are times I am in a lull, I don’t seem to be
serving in a ministry at church, and I don’t appear to
be serving at all. At those times He has a reason for
me being where I am. I need to serve in ways unseen
by men. Maybe I am supposed to be ministering to
someone on the train or at work. Sometimes when
I get involved it is for the wrong reasons and I need
to realize I am just His humble servant. If I am in the
mode that I have to do it, it becomes for me. When this
happens the Lord will take it away if I don’t get back
to Him. I have to stay with His vision and His dreams.
I can add the determination to be a part of the plan,
18
His plan. When I am in His will He will show me favor

with those around me, but I need to make sure I give
Him the glory and not let it go to my head. I need to
remain humble.
19
A Spirit Filled Life
�
R omans 15: 17-19 says “Therefore I glory in Christ

Jesus in service to God I will not venture to speak
of anything except what Christ has accomplished
through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by
what I have said and done – by the power of signs
and miracles, through the power of the Spirit. So from
Jerusalem all the way around to Illyricum, I have fully
proclaimed the gospel of Christ.”
The Lord is a God to be experienced. When I am
filled with His Spirit I experience His presence and I
want to speak of nothing but Him and all He has done.
To live a Spirit filled life always, what a joy that would
be. But there are times I allow the tank to run low and
sputter to a complete stop. Sometimes I am able to roll
into the filling station and fill up. Other times I have to
20
walk a distance to get a small amount to get me back

to the filling station. I may even have to call someone
to get me there. There are times I see the tank is almost
empty, but I try to push it a little further and live in
a stressed state rather than in a joyful state. As my
relationship grows He is constantly on my mind. I am
more and more aware of when I am slipping and need
a fresh filling. You cannot run a car without filling the
tank; I cannot run my life without the fresh filling of
the Holy Spirit daily. The best plan is to fill up long
before that needle gets to the E. With God it is okay to
top off the tank rather than to run dry.
All that I say must be guided by the Holy Spirit of
God within me. It is by His power lives can be changed.
It is by His power that miracles abound. I see miracles
every day. Life itself is a miracle. His Spirit is always
with me, even when I allow myself to run empty there
are always traces of His Spirit. You cannot be filled
with the Holy Spirit and not be forever changed. When
you are filled with the Spirit of God you cannot help
but see the world differently. It is not the way the lost
see it. The lost can make no sense of what you see. I
21
cannot see clearly without looking through the eyes of

God, through Christ Jesus and His Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit is my counselor, my guide through
life. I have the choice to follow or to go astray. I can
live a joyful life filled with the Spirit or I can sputter
through life on an empty tank. How can I choose the
empty life when I have been held in the hands of God?
I can feel the pain of separation when I stray and it is a
pain I do not want to endure. Why do I stray? It is the
natural man that also resides within me, it is the false
picture of pleasure the world presents. These pleasures
are short lived and always leave you unfulfilled, so you
must have more and more to get that high. While I do
want more and more when I connect with God, want
more and more of His Spirit within me, I am fulfilled.
I am at peace rather than stressed that I need more as
with the worldly pleasures.
My words are so inadequate in explaining this. I can
never tell what it is like to make you understand. That
is why I say God is to be experienced, not just talked
about. You must have that personal relationship with
God, the creator of the universe to fully understand.
With God in your corner not even the gates of hell can
22
prevail against you. There is nothing the world can

throw at you. My Lord, my God, and Jesus my Savior
fill me with Your Spirit. Your Spirit of love, your Spirit
of life. I cannot go on without You. I need You, I love
You, You are my closest friend, and I want to be with
you forever.
That is my prayer; I want Him always by my side.
He is always there just watching and waiting to be
called upon. All we have to do is ask and it is His plea-
sure to help us in all things, not just the big things, all
things. When I include Him in the small things He is
already involved when the big issues arise.
I am in control of only my relationship with God.
As much as I want those I love to experience His love
at the same level, it is up to them. I can only be an
example, but you can never know unless you experi-
ence the One and Only Living God.
23
Conversing With God
�
E ver wish you could find a good listener, someone

you could poor out your most intimate thoughts
and feelings to. Someone you can trust to keep it
between you and them. Someone to hear you out when
need be and give you honest advice when needed.
Someone who will instantly forgive you when you
wrong them, actually before you wrong them.
That someone is God and it is that relationship that
was restored through the blood of Christ. Yes there
were those who had relationships prior to Christ’s
death and resurrection, it was because of the promise
of His coming sacrifice. But since the first Good Friday
and glorious Easter that relationship is so much more
open anyone can come to that personal relationship
with the One and Only True God.
24
I will at times have a question I am struggling with

or I will do or say something I should not have. I will
at times, way too many times, dwell on thoughts that
would lead me down a dangerous or destructive path.
God always brings me back. It may be through a devo-
tional I was reading. A devotional He knew I would
be reading that very day, He set it up. The word could
come from a friend or maybe someone I do not even
know. It could be a pastor at church or on the radio.
Wherever it comes from, the Lord will always send me
an encouraging word, a firm word, a stern warning or
an instructive word to help me know Him better. It is
always what I need at that moment to get me on track
or to encourage me along the way.
Whenever I need to talk to God, I can poor it all out.
I can say what I feel. I can share my pain and it is always
soothed. I can share my joys and they are always mul-
tiplied. I can share the good times and the bad. I never
have to explain, He understands before I speak it. No
problem is too large or too small. He wants hear it all.
Not that He has to hear it from you, He knows. He just
wants to be there for you and share with you.
25
Yes the Lord our God, our Savior, our King is a

great listener. Oh but take the time to listen to Him and
you will be amazed. Listen through the beauty of His
creation. Listen through His Holy Word, read the scrip-
tures. Listen by being still and feeling His presence. If
we keep Him in our heart and continually be filled by
His Spirit we can hear Him through our thoughts. His
Sprit will search our hearts and make all our needs
known to Him.
Communicate with the Lord daily. Keep it on
going all day long. Include Him in all that you do.
Communication is not one way. Do your share of
listening along with your talking. Doing this won’t
completely keep things running smoothly, it will just
seem that way because He will be there battling with
you. Invite Him along. In this world evil exists and
it is always battling against good. It is all in how we
respond to the challenges in life that dictates who we
are. The Lord teaches us how to respond, the world
teaches us how to react.
We can respond in the Lord’s way and have joy and
comfort in our life. Or we can react in the world’s way
and be stressed worrying about justice being served. If
26
we demand justice for others we must demand justice for

ourselves. I am not sure I want face the justice I deserve.
I want to face the justice Christ bought for me. I realize
there are laws created by our government and people
are subject to them and must pay the consequences in
this world for breaking those laws. God, though, is the
final judge who will judge our life as a whole. He will
offer us a choice. We can choose His judgment and let
the chips fall where they may. I myself make the other
choice. I choose His grace through the blood of Jesus. It
is only through repenting and accepting Jesus’ sacrifice
can we choose grace. Through His grace we can con-
verse with Him. For without the blood covering our
inequity He cannot even look at us, for all have sinned
and fall short of the Glory of God.
The old hymn says take it to the Lord in prayer. Be
in constant contact with Him bring every thing good
and bad to Him. Lay it at the alter. Listen for His voice
of encouragement. Keep the lines of communication
open so He can speak with you at any moment and
you can hear His voice. Stop listening to yourself go
on and on and keep your ears and your heart ready to
hear the Lord’s word and heed what He has to say.
27
What Are My Motives in
My Life Story
�
I often wonder what my motives are. There is that

constant desire from my natural side that wants to
be accepted, wants to avoid conflict, and wants to be
the good guy. This causes a struggle with God’s Spirit
within me that demands I do what is right no matter
the consequences. I am to speak the truth and not to
placate. The struggle is also why I am doing the things
I do. Is it to get something in return? Is it to feel loved?
Is it to be liked? Do I give in or avoid acting to prevent
conflict? (Which by the way often fails, conflict hap-
pens anyway.) Is it to protect what I want or think God
wants? Or do I do what I do out of appreciation of the
love God has shown me? Is it an unconditional love
expecting nothing in return? Do I speak what is God’s
28
desire in situations or do I speak to protect what I am

trying to accomplish aside from God? Do I speak His
truth and trust that He will take care of the rest?
Is it the love of God I am striving for or the love of
the world? Understanding this requires two principles:
First the love of God cannot be earned it is a free gift.
Second love from the world will never be achieved
because those of the world do not know true love. The
world’s love is selfish love given only when there is
something in it for the one dispensing the love. It is
an unfulfilling love because there are strings attached.
Only the love of God is fulfilling. Only love given
unselfishly is fulfilling.
There are times you are going to follow God and
people are going to get hurt because you are not doing
what they desire. It is difficult when you see this. You
feel the guilt because they are hurt. You feel anger and
hurt because they put a guilt trip on you, especially
when you have done much for them in the past.
So what is my answer to these questions? Is my
motive to serve God and love others as He has loved
me? Or is my motive selfish?
29
Unfortunately, although I believe my answer is typ-

ically yes to the first question, it is too many times yes
to the second question. My hope is that I can get to the
point that my answer is always yes to the first.
My prayer, Lord, is that you search my heart and
purge it of the selfish love. Fill me with your Spirit
that I may know your will and do your will. I under-
stand people will not always understand my motives
and think I am only out to get something in return. My
desire is to do good in return for the love you have
shown me Father, not to get anything in return. Help
me Lord to do what I do with more understanding and
more compassion. Help others to see it is your love in
me that drives me. I want my story to be about you
Lord and about your amazing love, because I know it is
true. Replace that desire to be part of the in crowd with
the desire to be in with You. I want Your motives to be
my motives. Give me Your words to speak not mine.
Help me to speak of Your loving kindness and show
others Your way is the only way. I want Your ways to
be my ways. My love, Lord, is for you above all.
30
Moments of Uneasiness
in My Life
�
T here are times I have moments of uneasiness. As I

write I am in one of those. There are times where
I am confused about what God wants from me. What
are His plans? Some of these times I feel I am strug-
gling with God like Jacob did. Am I struggling because
I don’t want to let Him have His way or is this a time
to make me stronger or is it a time I need to touch
someone’s life and the struggle is actually their’s? Life
can be a real battle. In life there are the things that are
right in the eyes of man and there are the things that
are right in the eyes of God. As I go through life I have
two struggles with this. One is a struggle with myself
and one with others.
31
With myself the struggle comes from two places.

One comes from my desires from the natural man in
me. The second struggle comes from fear. Fear to let
God control, fear of what I might lose. In reality my
fear should be if I don’t follow God. Following God
is always gain; there are always blessings in following
Him. I know this yet I find myself time and time again
struggling.
Often I am in struggles with others over what is
truly right. They will present all the arguments that
from the world’s point of view make sense. We can
often take a narrow view of circumstances, rather than
looking through God’s wide angle lens. We can make
decisions that appear to be good for us without con-
cern for how it may affect others. Unfortunately it is
not always clear, especially when we mix in too much
of the world’s view with God’s. We end up limiting
what He wants us to do. He allows us to limit our
blessings.
There are times when I am doing the right thing but
others feel I am wronging them. I can get hung up and
feel guilty because of how others react to my choices.
Nothing we do affects us alone. If I am acting on the
32
will of God I am not responsible for choices others

make based on my choices. It does grieve me even so.
I always hope people will choose God’s way and it is
painful to me when they do not.
When I am pained or concerned people do not
understand. From the world’s perspective it is their
problem and I should not be concerned. Fortunately
God does not have that view. When we choose sin
He could have let us go and said to bad, you made
your choice. But He did not. Instead He set His plan to
restore us to a right relationship with Him through the
blood of His Son.
I thank God He does not let me go. I thank God He
allows the struggles in my life that make me stronger.
I thank God that I can come back when I stray. I thank
God He has great plans for my life. I pray I see His plan
clearly and I pray for the strength that comes only from
Him to see it through.
I feel the uneasiness lift as I write these words about
my life with Him. My story is His story because He
created me; He set my story in action. My life belongs
to Him. I exist for His purpose, not mine.
33
All in all I would rather struggle with mankind than

with God. If I am against God I cannot win. Through
His Son I have already won. Victory is mine through
the blood of Christ and the grace of God our Father. All
glory and honor and praise to Him. Amen.
34
Center Stage in my Life Story
�
“O clap your hands, all peoples; shout to God

with the voice of joy.” Psalm 47:1
Who is it in a play that gets the most applause?
The star of the show receives the final ovation, often a
standing ovation. The star will take center stage. The
leading character is usually the focus of the story per-
formed on the stage.
Who is it at center stage in my life story? God is
at the center, although I often try to make the focus
on me, I try to take center stage and receive the great
applause. I push Him into a supporting role.
When I allow God center stage, to take the leading
role my story plays out just as He has scripted it. All the
parts fall into place. There is a part of me who wants
35
first place in the opening credits. But it is not about me

it is about God.
I have at times tried to protect the status quo, saying
I am doing this to protect the programs God wants in
place. I think that I have to make it happen or I have to
make sure nothing infringes on what God wants to do. I
am so wrong when I think this way. God does not need
my protection of programs He wants to keep going.
I remember a time when I was trying to make sure a
singles bible study was not affected by changes others
wanted to make in the singles program. Rather than
stand against the changes as I knew God wanted me
to, I set up a plan I felt would keep the bible study safe.
I did this in fear that the others would not listen and
take away from my bible study time.
There were several problems in this situation.
1. I let down a friend who expected me to support

him.
2. I thought of it as my bible study.
3. I did not trust God to take care of His bible
study.
4. Most of all I was not obedient to God.
36
I convinced myself I was doing what was right. I

felt this even after my plan failed. It was several years
later that I finally realized how wrong I was.
We can blind ourselves when we take center stage.
The lights shine in our eyes and we cannot see all that
is going on.
God often will put us in a position of responsibility.
When He does we need to act responsibly and obey
Him. We must stay the course no matter what the con-
sequences are or appear to be. If not, the consequences
of disobedience are far worse.
I can have situations where I will panic and feel
something is not going to get done. That is when I can
mess it up. When I wait on God it always works out.
I don’t mean to say just sit around and let God do it.
I mean wait on His prompting, then act. I need to bath
myself in God’s word and be in communication with
Him always to be in touch with His will. There are
times God may want us to step up and take a leading
role in His story. It is vital that we remember we must
be ever vigilant and follow His story line. It is too easy
to get hung up on our self importance that is when we
fail. God put us there and God can remove us.
37
I have found when I stick with it against insur-

mountable odds and keep in God’s will there is nothing
that cannot be accomplished. To succeed I need to do
my part and allow God to do His. He must be in con-
trol, I must follow my assignment.
Some of the most satisfying accomplishments have
been when I have flown under the radar and things hap-
pened so smoothly no one noticed; no one that is except
God. I get in trouble when I desire too much credit. On the
other hand I seem to get more credit when I give it away.
It works so well, the more you give away the more you
get. It is not always like kind, but it is always blessings.
To God be the glory, great things He has done. All
that I have accomplished for good is of Him.
When He is at center stage life is good. When I am
at center stage I am blinded by the light and stumble
around.
The credits in the story of my life as follows:
Cast
God as Himself
Everyone else as friends and family
Me as a servant of the Everlasting Father
38
How I Get Through
�
I have written some of these chapters as I go through

the tough chapters in my life. This writing has always
gotten m through. I have been able to get my thoughts
down in front of me and have been able to confront. But
there are other times I have re-read what I had written
before and it was exactly what I needed right at that
moment in my life. How does that happen?
As I write today I have been going through a tough
time. It has been a struggle every day. I have gotten
through only because I have been discussing my strug-
gles and challenges with God, constantly asking for His
direction. And no, He does not get tired of us going to
Him for help.
It just so happens that the last three chapters had
been hand written but not yet typed out. As a matter
39
of fact I had not written for several months. I was sud-

denly moved to add these previous three writings into
my story. They were exactly what I needed.
First were my motives pure? Was I right to be both-
ered about my current circumstances. After evaluation
I felt my motives were not out of line. Second I felt
some uneasiness, I began to wonder if I was not doing
my part as was inferred. I evaluated and found I was
doing my job and this one person did not understand
my methods correctly. Third was I looking for center
stage or was I just trying to make the production suc-
cessful in my supporting role. I found once again my
motives were right. You see I had made a commitment
to stand by my prayer partner, who is now head of the
department and do all I could do to help make him
successful.
This writing made me see I was on track with God.
I asked a number of men to pray that I would choose
my words wisely when I speak. After all this, a situa-
tion that could have turned into an ugly confrontation
melted away. God gave me words that were clear and
to the point all day. We had a very successful meeting.
40
It all happened because I was in constant prayer

seeking God’s will and His strength. I prayed for
wisdom not my rights. King Solomon asked God for
the gift of wisdom and God gave him that plus riches
beyond compare. God has given me riches beyond
compare, not as the world sees riches but as He does. I
often think it was not Lou Gehrig that was the luckiest
man on the face of the earth, it is me. Actually it is not
really luck but blessings. It has been a blessed life and
I see blessings beyond compare
Now that is not the end of this chapter. The enemy
does not always give up, he looks for any weakness. A
few weeks later I felt I needed to speak up and went to
the head of the department, my prayer partner. God
led him to tell me I was in a spiritual battle and I was
losing. While I agree I was in a spiritual battle and was
struggling, I was not losing. God was and is with me
every day and the battle is His, He will not lose. That
discussion followed by prayer and some interactions
with others the following days finally gave me com-
plete peace in this situation. While my direct boss,
who is not a believer, and I still do not see issues in the
same light I am able to not take his criticism to heart
41
and stress about it. I will continue to do what I believe

needs to happen, as guided by God and address my
bosses concerns as well. So while the issues are real
and there will still be frustrations, I need not let myself
get out of control.
My prayer is to say thank you Lord for hearing me
out. You let me pour it all out and then you act. You
took center stage.
42
Just What Is It I Want To Do
�
P aul says in Romans 7:15-20 “I do not understand

what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but
what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do,
I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I
myself who does it, but it is sin living in me. I know that
nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature.
For I have desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry
it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no,
the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”
In Romans 7:24-25 he goes on to say, “What a
wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body
of death? Thanks be to God – through Jesus Christ our
Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s
law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”
43
The whole question of what I want to do in my

life, day to day for that matter, can be very confusing.
There are two opposing natures pulling at me. That is
why this writing by Paul to the Romans takes careful
reading, but it says what I feel. It can be a daily struggle
at times to see clearly.
Things run around in my mind intermixing with
what I know is right and what my natural man wants
to do. The battle can be very intense and many times I
give in and do what I don’t want to do from my spiri-
tual nature’s point of view.
The mind is an amazing thing; it can convince you
that anything is okay. I can look at a sinful desire from
so many different angles I can completely justify it
in my mind. I am not saying that the initial desire is
sinful, but the dwelling on it, and if I go that far, acting
on it is. These are what make it sinful. We can train our
mind to focus on listening to our Counselor, the Holy
Sprit of God.
It is so easy to fall into the trap. It starts out with
something popping into your mind or something you
see. That is why it is so important we are careful of
what we expose ourselves to. I know some of it is just
44
out there where we cannot avoid it, but we need to look

away and not burn in the image. I speak from experi-
ence, the images come back.
When something pops in my mind my natural side
says that looks fun or that would feel good. Then the
imprint of God’s Spirit tells me hold on. Then the battle
begins. I end up with a choice. Sometimes the natural
desire and my mind put up a great argument. How do
I overcome?
Well I don’t always overcome, but I clearly know
how. I need to go to God, call on His Holy Spirit to take
control and give me strength. It is only then I am set
free.
We have been given that choice of which path to
follow. We can take the wrong path of constantly giving
in to our natural desires or the path of righteousness
which can only be followed by following Christ. Sadly
there are detours and I have taken some. But the good
news is that if you don’t go too far you can get back on
track. God has blessed me with the vision to get back
on track.
This does not mean it is okay to take those occa-
sional detours on purpose. You never know when you
45
have gone too far. That detour may lead to eternal

destruction. It is clear there is only one way to stay
on the right path and that is through the perfect love
of God through His Son and our Savior Jesus Christ.
Their only two paths: the one to perfect love and the
other to perfect judgment. I for one know I could not
withstand the perfect judgment, so I have chosen the
path to perfect love and eternity with God.
46
The In Crowd
�
T here is a song from back in the 1950’s or 60’s

about being in with the in crowd. People, myself
included, want to be in with the in crowd. We want to
be considered cool. It hurts when we are excluded.
For me there are times I am in and times I am out.
The important thing is how I act when I am in. Do I
remember what it was like to be out? Do I remember
the hurt and pain? Sadly to say this is not always.
I remember a time when I was in the seventh or
eighth grade. I had a paper route and one of the rewards
for getting new subscriptions to the newspaper was
a weekend trip to the mountains. I experienced both
being out than in on that same weekend. I was there
with two others guys from my garage. The term garage
47
comes from a group of paper boys meeting at some-

one’s garage to pick up their papers for delivery.
Well when we arrived and were choosing cabins to
stay in one of the guys I was there with decided I was
too un-cool to stay with them and wouldn’t let me in
the cabin. I was now an outcast and had to find another
cabin with some guys I didn’t know.
In this other cabin for some reason the in crowd
of self proclaimed cool guys thought I was alright
and included me in their group. Sad to say I did not
remember my previous experience that same weekend.
I got a little arrogant and was not nice to some of the
outsiders, they just weren’t that cool.
Over time I have learned that it is much better to
befriend the underdog, the one people look down on.
Jesus did this. He could have come and hung with the
pious religious leaders. He could have been in with the
in crowd and done what the in crowd did. The self pro-
claimed in crowd that is.
Jesus came to be with the outcast, the ones searching
for a savior. Because of this Jesus was treated as an out-
cast. Here He was the creator of the universe, “Through
Him all tings were made”, John 1:3, being treated as an
48
outcast. The tables will turn. Those who thought they

were so great will be cast out. Those who were thought
to be low life will become part of the in crowd if they
repent and believe in Christ Jesus as their personal
Savior and friend.
I have been in and out of the so called in crowd in
this world. But I have always been part of God’s crowd.
No matter what others may think of me I know God
believes in me because I believe in Him. He is always
by my side and there is no one better to have there.
No matter the mistakes we have made in the past
we need always to search for the better way, the only
way. That way is Christ. We need to love as He loved.
No where does He tell us to judge as He will for He is
the only one worthy to be that final judge.
49
On Track
�
A s I am writing this I am sitting on the train on

the way to work. The train needs to stay on the
track to get the passengers where they are going. As a
matter of fact it could be a disaster if the train derailed.
There have been disastrous accidents when trains have
derailed.
I try so hard to stay on track, but there are times I
slip off the track of life. Once again it is about not doing
what I want to do. Sometimes it is saying to others we
need to do this or that and not doing it myself.
My biggest fear is causing my family to get off track.
They have the choice to decide the track they will take,
but I do not want to be the one that causes them to miss
the right course to take in life. I just talked to Ashley
and Jaime about making excuse like well other people
50
do it or even you do it so it’s not so bad or even okay. I

don’t want to be the one who is used as an excuse.
One of the ways for a train to derail is if something
gets in its path and a collision happens. In my life
something often gets in the way. Something always has
to be taken care of. We can get in a rut just dealing with
problems. It can be overwhelming. We can get focused
on the problems and miss the blessings.
God has never brought me problems only bless-
ings. Sometimes those blessings are a solution to prob-
lems life brings. God has always pulled me through; I
have no need to worry. That is not to say, as I have said
before, just sit and wait. To find solutions you do have
to look for them, but look for them with God. Lewis
did not go off into the wilderness without Clarke. We
should not go it alone. What better partner to travel
through life with than God. He knows the layout of the
track; with Him we can stay on that track and reach our
final destination. He will help us through the obstacles
that arise as we take the train through life. Remember
that ultimate destination at the end of the line is eter-
nity with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who is the
Son of God, who is God. Now I can in no way keep
51
anyone else on track, but if I stay there myself, they

may see the way to Christ Jesus our Savior.
My Mom’s favorite scripture was Psalm 23. Some
of those verses as follows: “The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green
pastures, he leads me beside quite waters, he restores
my soul.” “Even though I walk through the valley of
the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for your rod
and your staff they comfort me.” “Surely goodness
and love will follow me all the days of my life and I
will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
This Psalm brings life into perspective and helps me
to see I can stay on track if I stay with the good shep-
herd. No matter what I come up against He is always
there. He restores my soul. He quiets the storm just
as He did when the disciples feared the storm tossing
their boat around. The entire world and all of nature is
subject to Christ, with Him I can get through anything
that comes up against me. That confidence is available
for everyone.
As I travel on this train I depend on the conductor
and engineer for a safe trip, to keep the train on track
and they usually do it. In life I depend on the conductor
52
of life, the engineer who engineered all that there is. In

this case it is Christ and He will not fail. Christ’s train
is on course to that final destination, get on board and
you will not derail not matter how bumpy the ride gets.
Not even when we are traveling through the valley of
the shadow of death. His train is heading to the moun-
tain of life. Don’t miss that train; get on board before it
leaves the station. The time is set, but not published.
Don’t be late because the train that follows leads to an
eternity of pain. Don’t wait until you here the conductor
say “Stand clear the doors are closing.” Once they close
the train moves on and you will be left behind. Get on
board the Life Train it is God’s Love Train.
53
Poured Out
�
“F or I am already being poured out like a drink

offering, and the time has come for my depar-
ture. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the
race, I have kept the faith.” 2 Timothy 4:6-7
Paul is facing the end of his life here. He will be put
to death for the cause of Christ. Oh that I will be able to
say at the end of my life I have fought the good fight,
have finished the race and kept the faith. Paul sacri-
ficed his life for the gospel. Have I?
There are many times in our lives were we are
poured out, we may even feel empty, completely
drained. Sometimes I have felt I was sacrificed unjustly.
That may be true, but I still need to run a good race and
finish. Christ did just that as He said from the cross “It
is finished.”
54
Who am I to have it any different? I may at times

be falsely accused, so was Christ. The difference is His
whole life is blameless. I have been misjudged in my
life, but I have also gone unpunished when I should
have been. Ultimately I am free from eternal judgment
because Christ poured out His life. “In the same way,
after the supper He took the cup, saying ‘This cup is
the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for
you.’” Luke 22:20
His blood was poured out for anyone who would
believe and accept His gift.
Right now, as I write, I have been poured out, falsely
accused and the truth I have spoken has been ignored.
This is not the end of my life, but it is the end of my
tenure in a position at work. As long as I am there I
must continue to run the good race and fight the good
fight. I must accept this as Christ accepted the cross.
“But the hand of him who is going to betray me is
with mine on this table.” Luke 22:21 I feel I have been
betrayed by someone I trusted. It is not my place to
judge him as Christ will judge Judas, but it hurts more
none the less. As a matter of fact the one I feel betrayed
by feels he is right and has given me spiritual advice
55
as a friend. His advice has not been confirmed to me

by God, as He always does. I must and have forgiven
him.
God has allowed this in my life and I do not yet fully
understand why, but I do know He has great things
in store. While I can ask for insight, it is not my place
to question God. Job was poured out by Satan. God
allowed it. When Job questioned God, God replied:
“Who is this that darkens my counsel with words
without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man and
you shall answer Me. Where were you when I laid the
earth’s foundation?” Job 38:2-4
Who am I to question God? He can pour me out
whenever He chooses, for what ever purpose. As Job
replied: “I know You can do all things, no plan of
Yours can be thwarted. You asked who is this who
that obscures my counsel without knowledge? Surely I
spoke of things I did not understand, things too won-
derful for me to know. You said; ‘Listen now and I will
speak: I will question you and you shall answer Me.’
my ears had heard You but now my eyes have seen
You. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and
ashes.” Job 42:2-6
56
While I felt led to speak the truth and answer the

accusations against me I am now to let go and wait
for God to do His will in my life. God allowed me to
speak my piece and get my frustrations out. Now it is
His turn to guide my actions. He will restore me to a
greater place, as He did Job.
Pour me out oh Lord that I may see the great things
you have planned. I will fight the good fight and it is
Your will that will prevail in the end.
57
He Will Make Me
Victorious In My Life
�
E vil comes against us in full force. There are times

when someone for some reason I cannot figure
comes after me with a vengeance, trying to destroy me.
Right now, as I have been writing, is one of those times.
It has been going on for a year and just when I think I
see relief coming it intensifies. I report to this person at
work and no matter what I do he is never satisfied. It
seems he never understands what needs to be accom-
plished and goes against me no matter what direction
I choose. I support him in meetings only to have him
put me down. It seems he is trying to get me fired.
These times can really tear at you, especially since I
am 53 and fear finding another job. It also can make me
question am I wrong in how I do my job and I can begin
58
to question my competence, even though I have be suc-

cessful in the past. When people constantly pound on
me I can question myself. Thank God He has given me
a couple of co-workers who support and encourage. I
see opportunities but God keeps saying not now.
I don’t know what He has planned, but I know He
will protect me. This is my prayer, as it was David’s:
“Rescue me, O Lord, from evil men; protect me from
men of violence, who devise evil plans in their hearts
and stir up war everyday. They make their tongues
as sharp as a serpents; the poison of vipers is on their
lips. Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked,
protect me from men of violence, who plan to trip my
feet. Proud men have hidden a snare for me; they have
spread out the cords of their net, and have set traps for
me along my path.
O’ Sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, who shields
my head in the day of the battle – do not grant the
wicked their desires, O Lord; O Lord, do not let their
plans succeed or they will become proud. Let the heads
of those who surround me be covered with the trouble
their lips have caused.” Psalm 140 selected verses.
59
Through these troubling times I also pray: “Set a

guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the
door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is
evil, to take part in wicked deeds with men who are
evildoers.” Psalm 141:3-4
“Yet my prayer is ever against the deeds of evil-
doers; their rulers will be thrown down from the cliffs,
and the wicked will learn that my words were well
spoken.” Psalm 141:6
Even though others may attack me I must not fall
into their trap and return evil to them. I must pray that
I speak well, speak how God would have me speak. I
must give it to Him to fight the battle and He will be
victorious. He will vindicate me. “Save me, O God, by
Your name, vindicate me by Your might.” “For He has
delivered me from all my troubles” Psalm 54: 1,7
Through attacks He delivers me; He vindicates
me and He will again. There are times I need to avoid
defending myself. In some cases it His desire to pull
me out of the mess so He will be glorified, so I will
depend on Him. In times like these He is my only
hope, nothing I do can save me; no one else is going to
save me. It is God alone who is my hope; God alone is
60
my salvation. I must trust in Him and He will see me

through. Only He fully understands my ways and He
will justify them, if I am in His will. Not even I fully
understand what I do. I just know that if I am in con-
trol things don’t go as well, if He is, things are much
better. With Him I can endure much more than I can
alone.
61
After This
�
“A fter this, the Word of the Lord came to Abram

in a vision ‘”Do not be afraid, Abram, I am
your shield, your very good reward.” Genesis 15:1
After this, that is a phrase that can fit into many
circumstances in my life. At times of disobedience, at
times of trial and at times of pure joy. Whatever this is,
God is with me. He is shielding me with His protec-
tion. He is constantly rewarding me, as He has prom-
ised through Jesus Christ my savior, my shield, my
great reward.
God sent His Word to Abram and He sent His word
to me and to everyone. His Word is Christ, “In the begin-
ning was the Word and The Word was with God, and
the Word was God.” John 1:1 Christ, the Word, came
to make a covenant with us, as He did with Abram
62
in Genesis 15. If you read all of chapter 15 in Genesis

you see the covenant was sealed with the shedding of
blood. In the gospel we see our covenant with Christ is
sealed with the shedding of blood, the blood of Christ,
just as He promised.
Through that covenant He has promised to be
with us always. Christ tells us not to be afraid. “Jesus
immediately said to them ‘take courage, it is I. Don’t be
afraid.’” Matthew 14:27 The after this in this case is the
disciples were off on a boat without Jesus. It was stormy
and they saw Jesus walking on the water toward them,
they were scared. In my life I know it is the Lord who is
with me and I am able to take courage because of that.
There is a song I learned at camp when I was in high
school. It goes like this “Here comes Jesus, see Him
walking on the water. He’ll lift you up and help you to
stand.” He will lift you in all situations and help you to
stand. He has always done it for me. Because of Christ
I can get up whenever I am knocked down.
God is always with me and always will be. “And
surely I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:20b. This part of the gospel of Matthew is
about the great commission. We are to go out and teach
63
God’s truth to others knowing He is with us always

and in all things.
As a life long believer I have confidence in Him
always being there with me. I choose to stay with Him
and accept His great reward. “’My son’, the father
said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have
is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because
this brother of yours was dead and is alive again, he
was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:31-32
As I stay in Him the reward is great, but I also cel-
ebrate when one dead in sin, as I would be without the
savior, returns and is born again. After this, after God’s
great reward, I need to share this promise with others.
Then as God draws them to Himself they can also say
after this I can take courage and not be afraid.
I am not afraid because the one I see walking on the
water to save me is Christ the Lord. The Word of God
who came in flesh to take away the sins of the world.
He saves us in all situations. As I have been writing in
pervious pages, these have been very trying times for
me, but now I see the reward on the horizon. I see my
vindication because of my faithfulness to staying the
course and doing what is right no matter what I come
64
up against. I also see it is God and God alone who has

brought me through after this all I can do is praise God
for His faithfulness.
65
Now What
�
I need to see and be obedient to God’s new plan

for this phase of my life. There is someone at my
current job assignment or other contacts through this
consulting He wants to touch through me. I also see
this new position is to free me up to invest more in my
number one priority, continuing to give my children
every opportunity to see God. While they have to make
the choice, they need to see Him in me. I know my job
can be consuming so my prayer is that the Lord shows
me how to manage my time and still garner honor with
any client I am working with. We have so few years left
with them at home. Julie and I need to do whatever it
takes to teach them truth; for God is Truth; teach them
love; for God is Love; teach them life; for God is Life;
teach them the way; for Jesus is the Way to God. “I am
66
the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the
Father except through me.” John 14:6
We need them to walk in the light, for God is Light.
“This is the message we have heard from Him and
declare to you. God is light; in Him there is no dark-
ness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet
walk in darkness we lie and do not live by truth. But if
we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fel-
lowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His
Son, purifies us from all sin.” I John 1:5-7
It is tough as I don’t really have more time. Also
now that I have to drive everyday, rather than take the
train, I have been less diligent in my study of God’s
word and my journaling. The plus is that my job is not
consuming my mind with negative situations. I am
able to think more clearly. I also am getting more sleep
because I don’t have to get up as early. This all allows
me to focus on what is important when I am away from
work.
A lesson I am learning currently is how important it
is to insure my kids feel loved. We all took a test (Julie
the girls and I) and found that way we feel loved is
through affirmation. It is important to create that envi-
67
ronment in our home. I see it very clearly by the affir-

mation I receive in my new work environment makes
my mind clearer to focus on the important issues in my
family.
I also see how presenting issues and concerns to my
kids from a position of love works better. It reminds me
that I am so thankful to our Lord that He comes from
a position of love first. It is only if we fail to respond to
His love that we face His judgment. But it is good He
is so patient. How better to honor Him than to treat my
kids, everyone for that matter, with the same love and
compassion He has shown me for my entire life.
So now I am reminded again that no matter what I
go through He will be there and I can stay strong and
persevere knowing there are greater rewards ahead. I
don’t know if it can get any better, but it will. Ultimately
I will be with Jesus in glory, not for anything I have
done but for what He has done for me.
So now what? Continue to praise His name for all
He has done and for who He is.
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Upside Down Sheep
�
E ver had your live turned upside down with no

clue what to do? It seems everything is going
wrong no matter what you do. For me when that hap-
pens it seems I can’t even breathe, panic can set in and
nothing helps to turn it around.
It is like an upside down sheep. When a sheep falls
over they cannot get up, they end up on their back
struggling. Their stomach fills up with gases, then
they become bloated and would die. That is unless the
shepherd turns them over and gets them on their feet.
The shepherd must be ever vigilant to see the troubled
sheep turned upside down.
The Good Shepherd is ever vigilant. The Good
Shepherd is Jesus Christ. He is always there for us to
69
turn to. “The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I

need. Psalm 23:1
Jesus said, “I am the good shepherd….my sheep
know me … they listen to my voice, and they follow
me.” John 10:14, 27
As the sheep knows the shepherds and allow him
to assist and guide, we can be at peace by listening for
the Good Shepherd’s voice, He will guide us through
and get us upright again.
In my life I have always been able to depend on
that peace He gives me “Even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for
Thou are with me.” Psalm 23:4
When those struggles come I can get in a state of
panic, but then I stop, go to my Lord and hear His
voice and the panic subsides. He hears my prayer
and answers. Sometimes He answers before I pray
or even before I know its panic time. He circumvents
what could have been a very difficult situation. There
are times where I am going through a very frustrating
period and can’t get where I want to be, then I find if
I had not been there some other situation would not
have worked it self out.
70
My Good Shepherd is always vigilant. Is He your

Good Shepherd, heed His call and you will have peace
in all things. Worship and Him and you will have joy.
71
Through My Father’s Eyes
�
S ee it through their eyes or walk a mile in their shoes.

You’ve probably heard these saying related to
looking at things from looking at things from someone
else’s perspective. You can also look at people from
two perspectives: one as the world sees them and two
as our Holy Father sees them.
In my life I can clearly see a huge difference in how
I see people at a given moment. When I am looking
through the world’s eyes or even my own I see weak-
ness when they don’t measure up to what the world or
I expect. I might be envious of their success from this
perspective.
When I look at them through the Father’s eyes I
have a more tender vision of them. I may see their inse-
72
curities or I may see a great strength in them, that the

world sees as weakness.
You see the Father’s eyes look past outward appear-
ances and actions. I have noticed people are even
better looking when I view them as the Father does.
Our Holy Father looks right into the heart and sees all
the joys and all the pains. He knows why they act the
way they do. We have this understanding of others if
we listen to their stories and observe how they react or
respond in various settings. Get to know them as the
Father does. While our vision will not ever be as clear
as the Father’s, we can see more clearly those of the
world. We need to ask for His wisdom, discernment
and vision and we will see.
Sometimes my heart aches when I watch from
the Father’s perspective. I see such pain in so many.
I wish I could take that pain away, but only our heav-
enly Father can. We all search for approval, when I find
my self searching and am full of dismay I can always
find all I need through the blood of Christ my Savior.
Through His sacrifice I have been approved. We need
to offer that approval to others, show them the same
73
approval the Father has. How can I disapprove when

the Father has approved me in all my shortcomings.
While we won’t approve of all the things someone
does, we still can approve them. We can do this when
we see them through the Father’s eyes.
74
Mercy on Me
�
S ometimes life can be overwhelming, not so much

with big stuff, but with a multitude of little stuff.
It seems like there is one struggle after another, or a
thousand small tasks to accomplish and all need to be
done right now. I don’t seem to be able to get my head
above water.
Sometimes it is other people acting crazy and you
can’t get them to communicate, to work through the
problem. Everything around you is out of control and
you cannot get a handle on it.
I’m there right now. It seems either I’m crazy or
everyone else is. Of course that is an exaggeration, but
it seems that way none the less, with a few moments of
sanity thrown in.
75
We are living in a world gone crazy. People take no

personal responsibility, they want it all given to them
on a silver platter. We are living beyond our means in
the United States. Things start going down and there is
that knee jerk reaction. This over reaction makes things
worse.
I can only say Lord have mercy on me, help me
through these struggles. It is only in the Lord I have
hope, only He will show me mercy. Even when it seems
there is no hope and no relief in sight, I know there is
hope, it always comes.
If it does not come in this life time it will come
through His promise of salvation. Christ promised
tough times for His followers. But only for His fol-
lowers there is peace, a peace He gives us that sur-
passes all understanding.
In the end it will all work out and it may be in the
end, not sooner. Never the less I will cling to the hope
I have in Christ Jesus. All I want is to give that hope to
those I care for. Sometimes I don’t want to show the
mercy I desire to others. At times it is a struggle. But
how can I have mercy if I don’t show it.
76
How do I overcome this? I don’t alone, the Lord

helps me. In the midst of my frustrations He will give
me insight into another’s pain, they may not even show
it to me, but the Lord opens my eyes. When I am then
able to show mercy I will receive it.
When I say Lord have mercy on me, He says “show
mercy to others and I will.
77
Expanding The Horizon
in My Life
�
“B lessed be the God and Father of our Lord

Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every
spiritual blessing in the heavenly place in Christ.”
Ephesians 1:3
Oswald Chambers writes on scriptures in his works
The Message of Invincible Consolation (MIC) and The
Moral Foundation of Life (MFL).
Oswald says “The sanctified saint has to alter the
horizon of other people’s lives, and does it my showing
that they can be lifted into a higher place by the grace
of God, that is, into heavenly places in Christ Jesus.”
(MIC) He further says “The Spirit of God is always the
spirit of liberty; the spirit that is not of God is the spirit
of bondage, the spirit of oppression and depression.
78
The Spirit of God convicts vividly and tensely, but He

is always the spirit of liberty.” (MIL)
This hit me hard this morning because there are
people in my life that need their horizon altered. I see
so many in bondage, whose views are so limited to the
right here and the right now. They cannot see past he
challenges in their life and therefore cannot see solu-
tions that will set them free.
When the spirit of this world invades your life you
cannot see clearly; it is like you are in a fog, trapped
with no way out. Believe me I have been there. Even
though I have lived in the freedom of the Spirit of God
and seen over the horizon and have clear visions of the
heart of God, I have been there.
The other morning I woke up very overwhelmed
with all that is going on in my life, the right here and
the right now syndrome. The feeling was I wanted out
of my body, I felt trapped. Fortunately for me these
moments are brief, because I know the Spirit of God; I
now He will give me the answer or at least tell me He
is in control and I can resolve it.
The older I get and the closer to God I get, all the
more I want to see liberty the Spirit of God gives me in
79
others. Unfortunately it is not a gift I can give, it is from

God alone and everyone must accept and experience it
themselves.
What I can do is rise above the chaos that surrounds
me and hope others see a glimpse of what lies over the
horizon and will desire a longer look.
Oswald Chambers also said, “God who made the
birds never made bird cages; it was human beings who
made bird cages.”
When you try to escape and you hit your head on
the top or run into the side enough, you stop trying
for freedom. So many I see cannot get out of their self
made cage. Maybe they built the cage to protect them-
selves from the world, but they have actually allowed
the world to imprison them.
What caused them to walk right in? Sometimes
God reveals this to me, which allows me to have
understanding and empathy. It breaks my heart and
many times I cannot even tell them because they are
not willing to hear it, or at least not from me. But
understanding helps me be more patient and not be
angry when they lash out in pain. It helps me listen
and maybe help them have a moment of peace. It helps
80
me love them and it is love, God’s love in me, which

can ultimately set them free.
The fact that God has allowed me the vision to see
this in some people is a wonderful, but painful gift.
My heart can be so heavy sometimes because of the
pain and sorrow I see that they cannot see because
it is so buried. I have seen it come to the surface in
cases and that can wreck havoc in lives and destroy
relationships.
Sometimes I don’t want that heavy heart this gift
can bring, especially when I cannot ease the person’s
pain. But Christ had that heavy, broken heart for me so
I must endure, even when all I can do is be there and
hopefully speak an occasional word of wisdom from
God.
I look forward to the day I am with my Father in
heaven, but until then I must bear the burden He has
given me and bear it with joy and have peace that He
is in control. I am here to do His will; it is His task to
bring the lost to salvation and freedom; it is their task
to accept and escape the bird cage and fly away like a
dove. As for me I have left that cage behind and will
81
continue to expand my horizon and pray to God that

those I love will come along on a glorious journey.
82
But As For Me
�
M any may attack you, maybe even those who

are close to you. That is the worst when the
attack comes from close by.
‘Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain
you; He will never let the righteous fall. But You O God
will bring down the wicked into the pit of corruption;
blood thirsty and deceitful men will not live out half
their days. But as for me, I will trust in You.” Psalm
55:22-23
When the attack comes I cast my cares on Him. No
not all who attack me are those wicked who will be
cast into the pit of corruption and lose half their days.
It could be attacks on them they are trying to deal with,
maybe without the Lord. They need to cast their cares
as well.
83
I can tend to give advice and even quote scripture.

I can talk and talk to no avail. When I do that I am not
casting my cares on Him. What works best is to go to
prayer, constant prayer. Maybe the Lord will give me
some words of wisdom form my troubled loved one. I
need to give it, then go back to prayer. They may not
heed what I pass on from the Lord right then, but I
have often seen it show up in their life later on, it may
be years. If my words of wisdom are form the God and
my prayer is consistent it will take hold. I have had
people repeat advice I have given back to me years
later. Sometimes it is advice I need and other times it
is confirmation from the Lord He is working on my
prayer requests for my loved one. It always gives me
joy.
So I will continue to trust in Him, I will wait for His
call to action, okay I will try to wait. I can be impatient,
but when I am patient I see the fruit. Some times it is
small steps, but progress just the same. Sometimes we
need to move ahead slowly because there is so much
pain associated with the past. So trust in the Lord and
take it at His pace, that always works best.
84
I forget sometimes not everyone is where I am spir-

itually; some are just babes and learning. I must not
frustrate them along the path lest they stray. Others are
light years ahead of me in their walk and I must look
to them for guidance along my path.
We are all on our path some on the right path and I
need to encourage them, not overwhelm them. Others
are on the wrong path and I need to show them the
right way as the Lord leads me. Some will straighten
their path others will not, it is up to the Lord.
But as for me, I will trust in You my Lord and
Savior.
85
The Value Of A Child
�
W hat is the value you put on a child. Do we as

a society put value in the life of a child or are
they insignificant. Some see no value in life and will
take it for no reason. We recently saw a tragic situation
that really shook me as a Pro Life advocate. I see value
in all life and I was very disturbed by this situation.
A person who proclaimed to be Pro Life tragically
took the life of another human being. The man who lost
his life was a doctor, someone who should be a saver of
lives. This doctor, however, was not. He was one of the
few providers of late term abortions. Some would say
stage of the pregnancy for any reason. I do not know
all the facts, but he did provide late term abortions.
In the mind of his killer the murder was justified.
As for me I see no justification being Pro Life means
86
all life. While the state has the right to take a life for
certain crimes, it is not our individual right to be judge
and executioner.
This doctor was tried and found not guilty of
breaking laws related to abortion. Agree with the ver-
dict or not, he had his day in court.
We have the tragedy of all the innocent lives this
doctor was allowed to take followed by his own tragic
death. This does nothing for the Pro Life cause.
How did we get here, why are we so divided? Lets
take a look at two leaders speaking on the topic of
children.
One said “Let the children alone and do not hinder
them coming to Me.” The other said “If one of my
daughters makes a mistake I don’t want her punished
with a baby.”
The first leader was Jesus Christ. He loved the chil-
dren and they were drawn to Him. The second leader
is, as I write, the current President of the United States,
Barrack Obama. The leader of the nation that founded
on the following statement “We hold these truths to be
self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they
are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
87
Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pur-
suit of Happiness.” Note that it says all mankind has
the unalienable right to life. I don’t believe that babies
are excluded from that statement.
Christ goes on to say “for the kingdom of heaven
belongs to such as these” Matthew 19:14
He went on to lay hands on them. They were in the
hands of the Savior. Blessed by the one who created it
all, the author of life.
Think about what the second leader is saying. A
baby is a punishment. Dare I say he proclaimed his
future grandchild could be a punishment? How might
his daughters feel if they heard this? Might they feel
they could have been considered a punishment? How
is that showing love to a child, how is that teaching
them to value and care for others? I was devastated
when I heard those words spoken. I have no under-
standing of how someone could think that way.
This is less an indictment of one man than it is an
indictment of where we have come as a society. To pin
this on him alone is not my point. Many I have spoken
to about this statement are not even bothered, that dev-
astates me even more.
88
Roe v Wade was one ruling by the Supreme Court

that has caused the taking of more lives than all the
wars our country has been in combined. I believe the
numbers are over 49 million children and five doctors.
These are lives that did not need to be taken.
The only knowledge that gives my any peace is
that the victims of abortion, while their life on earth
is ended all too soon, like me and other abortion sur-
vivors they were in their Father’s hands. I know this
because I know the touch, I have felt it on other occa-
sions and it is unmistakably Him. An overwhelming
sense of peace comes over you and you know you can
get through anything in the hands of the Father, your
Father, your Savior. He values each and every life and
grieves each loss.
When the battle is on there is no place I would
rather be than in my Father’s hands. The “battle after
all, is the Lord’s.” 1 Samuel 17:47
The Lord has told me that every one of those 49
million plus children are with Him comforted in His
hands. He has also made it clear we will suffer from
the loss of their presence in the world because of the
plans He had for them.
89
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe

in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy mill-
stone be hung around his neck and that he be drowned
in the depth of the sea.” Matthew 18:6
It is clear here Christ takes the life of children very
seriously. When we devalue life we cause children to
stumble. After all if there is no value to my life, what
does it matter what I do. Gang members are children
looking for value, often because their fathers have
deserted them. We need to get the word out that the
Father, the Lord has not deserted them. He values their
life, they too can rest in the Father’s hands.
We are a throw away culture, TVs, VCRs computers,
babies. O my Lord what have we become? Forgive us,
show us Your mercy, bring us to repentance. Change
hearts O Lord. Help us to see there is value in life, all
life. Change this nation before the millstone is attached
and we are thrown into the sea.
90
What About Bob?
�
Y ou probably didn’t know Bob. You probably

saw him often though if you lived in his neigh-
borhood or frequented the local market or the local
Chevron gas station. You probably saw him walking
along the highway in town.
I found out about Bob from my kids one weekend, it
was Halloween and Bob was out in his yearly costume,
dressed as a woman. They knew who Bob was, but did
not know him. My daughter’s boyfriend thought Bob
has a house, but didn’t know where.
Bob talked to the lady at the market and one of the
ladies at the movie theater, but was otherwise pretty
quiet from what my kids could tell.
I didn’t know Bob and didn’t, as far as I know, ever
even see him up close. Yet Bob had a significant impact
91
on me that weekend I first heard about him. You see

Bob was hit and killed by a car. I was saddened more
than I would have expected. It really hit me hard.
It started me thinking how many Bob’s are there
in our lives, that we pass by daily or weekly. Someone
who is always around, yet we know nothing about
them and simply pay no interest in them, one of God’s
children. Have there been times when a kind word
would have lifted their spirit. Might we have gained
some insight to life through theirs?
Something inside me wants to know more about
Bob. I think it is a desire to touch people’s lives the
way the Lord has touched mine. Bless others as He has
blessed me. One of the best ways is to get to know them
by listening to their story. There are so many fascinating
stories out there we don’t take the time to hear.
As I was thinking about Bob I thought of two other
men who have impacted my life. One I met the same
day Bob was killed and the other you have not likely
met.
The one I met that fateful Sunday, All Saints day
by the way was Ben. I ran into Ben in the hardware
store. We see many people when we are shopping and
92
may even have a short casual conversation, but usually

nothing significant and with no impact on our lives.
Ben was different. I was looking at some sheet metal
I needed to work on an idea I had for an invention. Ben
happened to be on the same isle looking for another
item. He saw me looking through the sheet metal and
asked what the price it goes for is. I told him $6.99. Ben
told me he had a shop where he built model tanks and
threw away pieces like that. He had to haul it off and
got nothing for recycling it.
After talking for a few minutes, I was telling him
what I was trying to build; Ben said if I wanted to
stop by his shop I could get some from him. I said
sure thinking I could get a better price from him. As
it turned out I got a really good deal, he gave me the
pieces I needed for free. Retail value $42. Not only that
he cut the pieces for me, did some welding and made
a couple of bends in the metal and gave me some ideas
about my project.
On top of all that we had some great conversation, I
learned a little about his life. The kindness of this man
had a great impact on me. Even though I may never
see him again I will never forget him.
93
This clearly was an act of God. The timing was

perfect. How often does that happen and we miss it.
God loves to act in our lives and give us those special
moments when we least expect it. I’m inspired to keep
my eyes open so I can see more of them and use them
to touch lives myself.
The second man brought to mind that weekend
was Jake. I’m sure you don’t know Jake. You may have
seen him if you work near where I work right now.
You may have even had contact if you gave him some
money. You see Jake is a homeless man.
One day I stopped to give Jake some cash. It was not
much money to me, but to him it was like I have him a
million dollars. After that we would talk for a few min-
utes when ever I would see him, I didn’t always give
him money but he was always uplifting. To him life
was great. I haven’t seen Jake for several months, but I
will never forget him. People may say that was nice of
me to give him money and visit with him. But Jake did
much more for me than I ever did for him.
Three men in my life; one never knew me, one a
chance meeting in a hardware store who may forget
me and a third whose state of mind may not remember.
94
Yet these tree men impacted my life significantly and I

will never forget them.
Who are the Bobs and the Bens and the Jakes in
your life? An even bigger question, to whom have you
been a Bob or a Ben or a Jake to. You may never know,
but God does. My goal is to endeavor to show tender
hearted kindness to everyone I come across and hope I
can be a Bob or a Ben or a Jake in their life. And I hope
they see that it is an act of God. I also hope more than
anything, they see God loves them and are drawn to
His Son, who is the salvation of the world.
What about Bob? Find out.
95
What’s Going On?
�
T hings are out of sync. I’m missing things I

shouldn’t. I’m allowing things I shouldn’t. I say
Lord what’s going on, why can’t I get things right.
Than I realize I have not been digging into His
word. I have my on the eleven prayers, that is I pray
when ever I see an eleven, and I am talking to Him sev-
eral times a day. I am reading my daily devotional, but
it has become routine. Noting is sinking in, I often am
reading the words and my mind is elsewhere; I can’t
focus; my mind is all over the place. I sit by the TV and
let something be on that should not.
All along I still see the Lord’s protection waiting for
me to come back to a real connection, not surface going
through the motions. But life is becoming chaotic.
96
I get into a funk and it is an effort to do anything.

I’m okay at work because there was a lull and I was
able to get to some good validation done and correct
some issues before they became a problem. Once again
the Lord protects me in my lull.
When it gets like this I need to get going, but starting
is hard. To me the biggest battle is starting. But once I
start it begins to flow.
That’s how it is with the Lord, get started; get con-
nected and His Spirit will flow through you. When He
flows through me I can deal with all there is going on;
I can make good decisions; I can withstand the battle
surrounding me because “Do not fear or be dismayed
because of the great multitude, for the battle is not your’s
but God’s.” 2 Chronicles 20:15. When I remember this I
am comforted, but that does not mean I can just go sit
down and rest and let God take care of it. I need to stay
connected with Him, abide in Him. This passage goes
on to say “tomorrow go down against them. Behold,
Thy will come up by ascent of Ziz; and you will find
them at them at the end of the valley in front of the wil-
derness of Jeruel. You need not fight this battle, station
97
yourselves, stand and see the salvation of the Lord on

your behalf.” 2 Chronicles 20:16-17a
We need to be ready for battle and He will provide.
Stand up to face the enemy and He will be by our side.
“Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out to face
them, for the Lord is with you. 2 Chronicles 20:17b
I’m ready and He is with me. Now that is what’s
going on.
98
Who Will Heal My Pain
�
“W hen a man lays hold of his brother in his

father’s house saying, ‘You have a cloak,
you shall be our ruler, and these ruins will be under
your charge.’ On that day will he protest saying ‘I will
not be your healer, for in my house there is neither
bread nor cloak; you should not appoint me ruler of
the people.’” Isaiah 3:6-7
Sometimes we are desperate, hurting so much and
looking for someone to lead us out of our misery. We
look to mankind to lead us through the healing process.
Best case no person can heal our pain, our wounds from
past hurts. No one can fill in for those who betrayed us.
Yes that is the best case.
What is the worst case? Someone like Adolph Hitler
comes along and pretends to be a people’s savior.
99
Ultimately he led Germany to destruction, a humbling

defeat.
So best case when we turn to those with no power
to heal, they don’t make it worse.
I just read a book called ‘Wild at Heart’ by John
Eldridge. In the book John talked a lot about past
wounds and how they affect our relationships. After
reading the book I was inspired to go to the Lord and
pray for healing. Healing of wounds no doctor or med-
ication can heal. Wounds only our Holy Father can
heal. “He heals the broken hearted and binds up their
wounds. Great is our Lord and abundant in strength;
His understanding is infinite. The Lord supports the
afflicted.” Psalm 147: 3,5-6a
The wounds I am talking about are wounds that
break your heart. They are usually inflected by those
who should care about us the most, often our parents.
So as I was praying to be filled by the Holy Spirit;
to have my heart, mind and spirit purified and healed I
felt the presence of God. Suddenly I am speaking a lan-
guage I do not understand, this has happened before
when I have been truly connected with the Lord. As
the Spirit was speaking I suddenly started gagging
100
and coughing. A roar came out of me. I wasn’t sure

what was happening. Some may have thought it was
an evil spirit residing within me, but how could that
be as I have accepted the Lord and been filled with His
Spirit. This insight was given to me by my brother Eric
a few days latter when I was led by God to call him and
talk about my experience.
So what was it? It was the Holy Spirit healing my
wounds. Just like if you pour salt on a wound there is
a reaction, often very painful, but it heals. That is why
God tells us to be salt, so He can heal others through
us. Rest assured it is Him, we are only His vehicle.
Another thing that reinforced my understanding
that this was healing going on was two days after this
happened, on Friday night, I was in church and God
brought to mind the night my mother died. That night
I was with her and it was clear she was fading away. I
did not know what to do so I called her hospice nurse,
no answer. I called her doctor, no answer. I did not,
however, call on God. Instead I called 911, I knew she
did not want to be resuscitated, but once I made the call
it was out of my control. When I got to the hospital I
told them to check her chart, because I knew she made
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her wishes clear. As I was with her and she was slip-
ping away, she had what appeared, to me, to be a look
of disgust on her face. Here in her last moments I felt
like she was saying I let her down. For nearly 13 years
I could not think about this moment without being
angry, it hurt. I was not able to grieve her passing com-
pletely. I never cried, as I did with my father’s passing
many years before.
So as I was saying that Sunday after my experience
was the first time I was able to think about the night of
my mother’s death with out anger or hurt. As Psalm
147 says God can heal our wounds. All we need to do
is allow Him to apply the Spirit, His Spirit.
As I write this I still have pain because I see others
who are in pain with their wounds and are not getting
the healing power of God applied. Sometimes they will
lash out at me. A new wound, but I know the healing
power of God and I can have the soothing salve called
the Holy Spirit applied. But it cannot take away the
sorrow that others are not healed.
As I talked with my brother we decided we had to
be praying for our healing and that of our loved ones.
Unless we get God involved complete healing can
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never happen. I see so many partially healed people

and that can be worse than no healing at all because
they think they are done.
As for me I am going to continue to have God search
me for healing and purification, because as long as we
live in this world we will be wounded and we will be
polluted. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit
we can be cleansed and healed.
“Create in me a clean heart O’ God and renew a
steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
“Pray for one another, so that you may be healed.”
James 5:16
Cry out for a clean heart and pray for healing for
yourself and your loved ones and you will be healed.
Praise God.
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Oh My Soul
�
“C ome and hear, all who fear God, and I will

tell of what He has done for my soul. I cried
to Him with my mouth, and He was extolled with my
tongue. If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord
will not hear; But certainly God has heard; He has
given heed to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God,
who has not turned away my prayer, nor His loving
kindness from me.” Psalm 66:16-20
What has He done for my soul?
He has given my peace, while I still can be troubled
by things and care that others are hurting and be dis-
tressed by what is going on in the world, I still am at
peace in my soul. I can grieve, be hurt and be down;
but I know He will heal and lift me up. I have peace in
the fact that through Him I can deal with any attack.
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Because He has healed my soul, I can see the pain

in others. I now grieve more for others than I do for
myself. I grieve because I want to see them have the
peace I have. I want them to be healed down deep in
their soul.
As I see more and more what He does for my soul,
I see He is not ignoring my prayer, He is acting. The
closer I am to Him the more I see how He is working.
When my soul is cluttered with the pains inflicted
by the world, the pain inflicted on me by those I am
closest to; I may not see clearly the peace He offers. I
can have trouble getting to the point where I can say, in
the words of the old hymn, “All is well with my soul.”
I love that old hymn because it is true, all is well with
my soul and it can be with yours.
The soul is the emotional part of us, where we feel.
Feel His peace deep down in your soul. Let the pain be
swept away.
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Face To Face
�
“T hen Jacob asked him and said ‘Please tell

me your name.’ But he said ‘Why is it that
you ask my name?’ and he blessed him there. So Jacob
named the place Peniel, for he said, ‘I have seen God
face to face, yet my life has been preserved.’” Genesis
32:29-30
Jacob had just struggled with God and survived.
He wrestled all night with the Angel of God, Christ.
I have been wrestling with God, not understanding
what I was going through, suffering when I am trying
to do the right thing. Questioning God, I am seeing
dimly in a mirror like in I Corinthians 13:12. Not all
my questions are answered, but I survive the struggle
through God’s power.
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“When Gideon saw that he was the angel of the

Lord, he said ‘Alas, O Lord God! For now I have seen
the angel of the Lord face to face.’ And the Lord said to
him, ‘Peace to you, do not fear, you shall not die.’ Then
Gideon built an alter there to the Lord and named it
the Lord is Peace.” Judges 6:22-24
Whenever I come face to face with the Lord He
always gives me peace because He is Peace. The face to
face is not actually seeing Him physically for me. Yet I
feel His presence. He is by my side. We talk just as if we
are face to face. I have no question He is there listening
and sharing with me.
He always clears my dim view of things. I see clarity
as to my purpose. Yes sometimes it is a struggle like
Jacob had; but always peace and clarity in the end.
It can be sad as I watch others look elsewhere rather
than look to be face to face with God. It can be difficult
to say the least, as God’s face shines on the parts of
our lives we want to hide. It can be painful as His face
shines on our deep down pains of the past. But when
we focus and allow His face to shine on us we will be
healed; we will be enlightened; we will see clearly.
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I have been in situations where I have seen clearly

and been rebuked by others who cannot or refuse to
see the truth. I am struggling with that as I write, but I
have seen the light from the Lord’s face. I must remove
myself from the situation because my efforts are futile
to those who refuse to see God face to face. It is very
sad for me. My focus, however, needs to be different.
These battles are now beginning to distract me from
God’s plan. There are other people to touch in my life
and my focus is to be on them.
The only way to stay on track is to seek face time
with the Lord and see His will. I do often do that
through my writing. Sometimes we need to stay in the
struggle for a time to gain wisdom and insight, but
now for me it is time to move on, sadly I move on, but
with full peace.
You may be saddened, as I am right now, but you
will have peace. Release those you are leaving behind
to Him. Their future is not and should not be in my
hands. Their future is between them and the Lord.
I leave this time and move on, trusting in the Lord
all the way. Face to face He will tell me where to go and
I will follow.
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Seek His face and follow, you will not be sorry, I

never have.
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Return Your Heart to Him
�
“‘Y et even now, declares the Lord, return to

me with all your heart, and with fasting,
weeping, and mourning; and rend your heart and not
your garments.’ Now return to the Lord your God
for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger,
abounding in lovingkindness, and relenting evil.” Joel
2:12-13
When I have strayed, acted selfishly; when I have
done or thought things that are unsightly in the eyes
of the Lord. When I have done these things He still
remained waiting for my return. I know clearly when
I am out of line. I can feel His absence, not because He
left, but because I did. I left through my actions or I
was ignoring Him, my Father; my best friend.
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All the while He waits and all He requires is a repen-

tant heart. Yes it is a heart condition. The tradition was
for one to rend, or tear, ones garments in grief. This
action is symbolic. It is meaningless if it is not done
from the heart. The Lord wants the rending to be heart
felt.
He wants us to weep and mourn for our indiscre-
tions. When I am repentant and return with my whole
heart I feel His love and compassion. If feel His grace. I
am always welcomed back with open arms. My peace
returns; my joy returns. He does this over and over, no
matter how far or how often I go.
Return to Him, He wants you no matter how you
have strayed. He wants you eternally.
When I am with my Lord my joy spills out, I feel a
smile in my heart. I want to hug people I see, people I
don’t even know. I want to share my joy.
Return to Him so we can share His joy. Even though
we may never see each other on this earth, I look for-
ward to seeing you in eternity. Return your heart to
Him.
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Slow Down and Get Your
Priorities Right
�
S ometimes I can get caught up in all that needs to

be done and get in a hurry to go everywhere and
get everything done. Anything that gets in the way is
very frustrating. As a matter of fact the sheer volume
of what needs to get done is overwhelming. I start
thinking of priorities and, at times get them messed
up. Here is what happened one weekend.
My brother was doing some work for me on a rental
property. He was going over on Sunday to get an early
start. I was thinking I should get over there early also,
so I decided I would skip church. I kept mulling it over
in my head trying to justify it.
On top of that I had been up late talking with my
oldest daughter and thought I surely needed to get
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some sleep, so I wouldn’t get up in time to go, but I’d

still get to the rental house early enough.
The bottom line is I really didn’t need to get there
all that early. I guess I felt some duty for some reason,
I don’t know. I don’t like to miss church but for some
reason I was fighting it this particular morning. It has
become too easy to not go lately. The battle continued
and I ended up waking up in time. I could have gone
but I was still struggling. I decided I would, instead,
spend some time studying the bible on my own for a
short time then get going.
I opened the word and went dry. I read but nothing
registered. My eyes saw the words, but my brain did
not. Well I finally got going to check out how my
brother was doing. I stopped by the hardware store to
get something. Upon reaching the check out I waited
and waited. The checker was having problems with bar
codes and was taking forever. Bottom line I got where
I was going about the same time I would have if I had
gone to church. And by the way I didn’t really need the
item I bought, I had one already.
All through this struggle I knew the right thing to
do, but didn’t. I failed to be the right example for my
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daughter, who went to church on her own by the way.

Praise God. I may have missed a message God had for
me. I failed in making my priorities right.
The next morning God made it clear that I needed
to slow down and get priorities in order. On the way to
work I put in an Alan Jackson CD and it hit me when he
sang ‘In the Garden’. I had it reinforced that I needed
to make sure my time with the Lord is my number one
priority. I’m not saying it is never okay to miss church,
but we need to listen to the Father for our priorities.
On the way to work I had an errand to run. After
I completed it I checked my map application on my
phone because I wanted to make sure to get the cor-
rect route without backtracking. I quickly looked at the
route and took off. I took the wrong turn. I thought
I might have so I checked and found I had. I turned
around and was on my way.
Meantime I switched CDs to Elvis. Shortly I am
hearing his famous ‘Crying in the Chapel’. These are
the words that hit me: “Take your troubles to the chapel
and you will surely find the way.”
Take time out, slow down, take everything to Him
and He will show you the way. You see I had too
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quickly looked at the directions and didn’t get it right.

Sometimes we are too quick in our lives and don’t see
the way.
Take some time in the garden; take some time in the
chapel; take some time with the Lord and He will surly
show you the way. I know this, but sometimes I get on
a speed trip in my life and have to reset. We all need
that reset button pushed from time to time. “Cease
striving and know I am God.” Psalm 46:10. Some ver-
sions say “Be still and know I am God.” I like the cease
striving because that is what people always seem to be
doing. Striving to get this done or that done and never
stopping to reset and get priorities in order. We must
reset. Take time to listen for His clues as to when it is
time and you will surly find the way.
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Out of the Mouths of Babes
�
“A t that time the disciples came to Jesus saying,

‘Who then is the greatest in the kingdom of
heaven?’ And he called a child to Himself and stood
him in their midst, and said, ‘Truly I say to you, unless
you are converted and become like children, you shall
not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles
himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom
of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My
name receives Me.” Matthew 18:1-5
Jesus is very clear here that we must see as a child
sees to see heaven. I believe a child often sees God much
clearer than an adult. In the early years of life a child
has not been filled with all the garbage we are fed as
we grow. The world can be a garbage dump. Most chil-
dren are shielded from garbage when they are young.
116
That is why we have ratings on films and TV shows.

We try to have our children focus on the good things.
Why don’t we have the same focus?
I know when I am focusing on good things I am
like a kid having fun, enjoying life. I know there is evil
in the world and we cannot ignore it, but we should be
trying to make good out of the bad and clean up the
mess caused by bad people. We need to be rectifying
wrongs and standing up for what is right. We need to
model doing the right thing. We do not need to put the
garbage in our head though. Focus on what is good
and celebrate it. Do good things.
The closeness to God as a child became clear to me
by a couple of things my daughters said when they
were very young.
Ashley said when she was in the second grade, “It is
stupid they don’t talk about God in school.” She clearly
understood the importance of learning about God.
My wife Julie related an incident to me a time she
was driving with the girls in some heavy fog. Jaime,
about two or three at the time, said “Help us Jesus.”
She said this out of the blue. Suddenly the fog cleared.
Jesus loves children dearly and hears their prayers.
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I remember as a child many answered prayers,

nothing major, but constant answers. I felt I could talk
to Him anytime I wanted and He would hear.
As we start listening to the noise of the world we
hear Him less. We make our lives so complicated we
don’t have time to listen. O’ to go back to the simple
days of childhood.
I’m not saying forget the issues of the world and
give up all our responsibilities. I believe Jesus is talking
about attitude here; a pure attitude; an attitude that
looks for good.
Paul says in I Corinthians 13:11 “When I was a
child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a
child; now that I am become a man, I have put away
childish things.”
Yes put away childish things, we can’t just have fun
all day. But keep that childish attitude. That attitude is
in the words of verse 13 of I Corinthians 13. “But now
abide in faith, hope, love, these three.”
Have the faith a young child has in their parents.
Have the hope good things will come. Have love, every
child loves their parents. Not all parents deserve it but
the child still loves them.
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So show your children faith, have faith in them.

Give them hope, come through for them. Show them
love, the unconditional love of God. This is how he
treats us. Show these by listening to them, listen to
those that words that come out of the mouths of babes.
I have never believed that old saying “Children are to
be seen and not heard.” If they are made to be silent we
will miss so much. The world is so much more beau-
tiful when I see it through my children’s eyes. Just like
when I saw it through my own eyes as a child.
Look at the world through child like eyes and you
will see heaven.
119
When I Love
�
Y ou’ve heard the saying ‘to love others you must

love yourself first” or “take care of yourself first.
Self, self, self. Many Christians believe this. I see no
biblical evidence for these statements. It seems this is
very selfish love.
First I’ll show what I have found in scripture, then
how I see it in my life.
First the commandment:
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the
law? And He said to him ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE
LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND
ALL YOUR SOUL, AND ALL YOUR MIND. This is
the great and foremost commandment. And a second
is like it, YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS
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YOURSELF. On these two commandments depend the

whole Law and the Prophets.’” Matthew 22:36-40
It is pretty clear what Jesus is saying here. Not one
word about loving yourself first. As a matter of fact it
infers we already love ourselves. I don’t think Jesus
would say its okay to hate others if we hate ourselves.
All that self stuff is of the world. It is psychological stuff
trying to make us feel good about ourselves. It simply
does not work. I think the one who created us; the one
who spoke the world into existence would know what
makes us tick. I will depend on Him before some man
who thought up all these complicated ways of working
on our self esteem.
Paul writes about this in Ephesians. “So husbands
ought also to love their own wife as their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one
ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes
it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are
members of His body.” Ephesians 5:28-30
So Dr. Paul makes it even clearer “NO ONE EVER
HATED HIS OWN FLESH.” So we can forget that part
about loving ourselves first, we already do.
121
As for my life, I really see the statement Paul makes

about a man who loves his wife loves himself as rele-
vant in my life. Actually I see it more universal. I would
say someone who loves, loves himself. I have experi-
ence this through out my life.
When I am treating people good, loving them, I feel
better about myself. Will Rogers said “I never met a
man I didn’t like.” That is true for me as well. I may
not like something a person does, but I can’t say I’ve
ever hated anyone. I can hear it now, Brian you are in
denial. I’m not, when you feel that closeness to God it
is easier. I know there is some reason a person does evil
things and God does not hold my sins against through
the blood of Christ, how can I do any different with
others. Jesus says “If you love Me, you will keep my
commandments.” John 14:15. And I love Him.
That said, people many times frustrate me. Their
actions drive me crazy. Part of me would really rather
be elsewhere. Our actions often cause grief. At times
like this I can feel I don’t like them very much. I know
that contradicts what I said earlier, but typically the
dislike doesn’t last. You see my Father, the Lord, helps
me work it out. And in reality it is love I have for them,
122
which is deeper. So I will revise the Will Rogers quote

for myself. “I never met a person I didn’t love.
Bottom line people can be very frustrating, even
downright mean. But love changes everything. They
may act rudely at times, but they always notice when
you treat them with love. Am I always loving? No
but I always love. Okay most of the time I love, I’m
still working on it. When you do this it is an awesome
feeling.
123
What Hinders Me
�
“T herefore, since we have so great a cloud of

witness surrounding us, let us also lay aside
every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entan-
gles us, and let us run with endurance the race set
before us.” Hebrews 12:1
So many things get in the way of our goals. Things
prevent us from getting to the place were God desires
us to be. We get off track from the path to a true ful-
filling relationship with Him. It takes tremendous
endurance to get through all the obstacles.
What things hinder me in my relationship with
God? One is the way I allow life to become so compli-
ated. Life can get filled up with so many toys, activities
and work that I can lose my focus. Not to say these
things are bad, it is just that they can overtake my life.
124
A second thing is worldly sights. When I am driving

I see billboards with scantily clothed ladies. Or I drive
past a club that says girls, girls, girls. The world is
trying to attack us from our natural side, our natural
desire which tends towards excess if not controlled by
the Spirit of God. I can be severely tempted if not for
God, who helps me temper my feelings. Without Him
I would fail so much more.
A third distraction is other people. I can get side-
tracked by other people’s crisis. Those distractions can
be turned into opportunities, actually they should be.
Other people need to be guided through their distrac-
tions. So rather than get frustrated I need to see how
God wants me to minister to them. I have seen this
work wonders.
A fourth encumbrance is people distracting me and
taking me down the wrong path. Sometimes a person
may want to help them out of their destructive ways,
which is a worthy cause. The problem is if you are
not well grounded they may drag you down into the
pit with them. Other times they simply do not want
to change. In these cases we need to plant a seed of
125
wisdom and move on. Let God handle them from that
point on.
So we need to lay aside the distractions that entangle
us and continue the race. Easy, not really, it depends on
your focus. To run the race set before us we need to
continue with verse 2. “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the
author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before
Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has
set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For
consider Him who has endured such hostility by sin-
ners against Himself, so you may not grow weary and
lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3
When I get my focus on Him I can endure. I endure
on His strength, as He has already endured more than
can be imagined. Look to Him and you can endure.
Complications still enter my life, people can still dis-
tract me. The worldly pleasures still tempt me. The
enemy wants to suck me and you in. But I am able to
overcome relying on His endurance.
You say life is too hard, I just can’t overcome. I
understand and feel that sometimes as well. You say
I just don’t understand your problems. Maybe not,
but I do know through Christ I can overcome any-
126
thing because I have. You can deny it if you wish, but

it works. You can look elsewhere for answers, but you
won’t find them. Jesus is the only one who endured the
pain so we would not have to. Choose what you prefer,
a life of despair or a life of peace and joy.
Yes you can have joy in your struggles. I know this
because during some of the toughest times in my life
I have had peace and joy. I would rather understand
God than have those of the world understand me.
Lay aside the encumbrances that keep you from
God. Lay aside the encumbrances that drag you down
into the pit. Fix your eyes on the Lord and you will be
able to move through life unhindered.
127
What I Let In
�
“B ut do not let immorality or any impurity or

greed even be named among you, as is proper
among the saints; and there must be no filthiness and
silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but
rater giving thanks. For you know with certainty, that
no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is
an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ
and God. Let no one deceive you with empty worlds,
for because of these things the wrath of God comes
down on the sons of disobedience.” Ephesians 5:3-6
There are many things I have let in my mind over
my life time. Things I wish I had not. By letting these
thoughts and images and words in my head I have
invited them to stay. Whatever comes in stays. It is
128
only the grace of God that allows me to retain my

salvation.
By letting all these ungodly images to be implanted,
my spiritual journey has become all the more dif-
ficult. It is only by a concerted effort to connect with
my Father that I can stay in the right spiritual frame of
mind. Once again it is by His grace.
People say it doesn’t hurt, but that is the decep-
tion. If only I had totally focused on God at all times,
I could lead a much greater and rewarding spiritual
life. It is difficult to stay on that path for sure. Some
of the garbage comes our way unexpectedly and our
flesh is weak. So I know the evil will confront us. The
key for me is to stay as focused as I can, ever increasing
that focus as I grow. I’m not suggesting you become
a hermit, that’s not what we are here for. My job is to
refocus immediately when confronted. Pray for a dis-
infected mind and spirit to cleanse the infection that
has invaded.
Along with focus it is what I pour in that makes a
difference. Focus on good things, positive things. It is
a battle because my flesh is attracted to its past experi-
129
ences. But the more I connect with the Holy Spirit the
easier it becomes.
Now the enemy does not like this and will attack,
but I stand strong with every fresh filling of the Holy
Spirit. Guard your temple and God will honor that.
When I am struggling I love to read the 51st Psalm.
“Purify me with hyssop and I shall be clean; wash me,
and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy
and gladness, let the bones which Thou hast broken
rejoice. Hide Thy face from my sins, and blot out my
inequities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew
a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from
Thy presence, and do not take Thy Holy Spirit from
me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and sustain
me with a willing spirit.” Psalm 51:7-12
130
What Are My Roles
�
A s a husband, father or an employee just what

is my role? At times I have been in charge on a
job. As a husband and father I am to lead my family. So
what does that look like?
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served,
but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
Mark 10:45
Jesus, my God, came to serve. That is the model I
am to follow. I am to serve my family, my employer
and those who report to me. Just as Christ did what
He had to for me to achieve salvation, I am to do what
is needed to help those around me succeed. A servant
leader can be the most successful kind.
As a family man I need to remove the roadblocks
that prevent my wife and children from growing spiri-
131
tually. Spiritual growth is the most important aspect

of achieving success. A solid spiritual foundation gives
me the strength to accomplish anything. That is what I
have tried to pass on to my family.
When I discipline my children I would consider it
worthless if I do not put what they have done under a
spiritual light. If not they may cease the activity around
me out of fear, which accomplishes no growth and no
lifetime behavior change when they move on.
Sometimes this method seems fruitless, but as
my children grow I see things stick. As with me their
growth is a lifetime process, I just hope the tools I have
introduced to them will help.
One of the best tools is to bring our Counselor, the
Holy Spirit into all decisions, big or small. It is a life-
style that works.
A second tool is to teach them to be a servant just
like Jesus.
Lead in all aspects of your life in this manner and
you will be blessed.
You say I have no wife or children; I work in the
mailroom and report to everyone. Well many execu-
132
tives started in the mailroom; they advanced because

they showed their leadership potential.
As for children, maybe you have a nephew or niece;
help out at Sunday school; be a big brother or sister.
Take the time to build into someone’s life. My years as
a Sunday school teacher were much more rewarding
than any job I have ever had.
Have a heart for God, which is a servant’s heart.
Simply put my role is to serve my Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ.
133
In Progress
�
“F or I am confident of this very thing, that He

who began a good work in you will perfect it
until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
It is sometimes frustrating when I look at my life
and see times I have fallen short. I have kept silent
when I should have spoken up. I have failed to do the
right thing. I can get down on myself.
This scripture brings hope. My Father is still
working on me. He will perfect me for the day our
Lord returns. For Christ “shall also confirm you to the
end, blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” I
Corinthians 1:8
Because He has been working in my life, Christ will
present me to the Father as blameless. Once He begins
His work He will not fail.
134
So I am a work in progress. I don’t always get it

right, but I will one day. I will because He is molding
me daily. All I must do is learn my lessons and follow
through. If I fail at one point I must repent and get back
to work on what He is doing in me.
It does not matter where you are or how old you
are. He is willing to begin that work in you, He desires
to work on you and make a masterpiece. A great work
of art takes time and attention, but it is so beautiful
when it is completed. Allow the master artist to com-
plete you.
135
False Prophets
�
“T hen the Lord said to me ‘The prophets are

prophesying falsehood in My name. I have
neither sent them nor commanded them nor spoken to
them; they are prophesying to you a false vision, divi-
nation, futility and deception of their own minds.’”
Jeremiah 14:14
Many speak so confidently and call themselves
prophets; they even use scripture out of context. They
give a new meaning to scripture. The will talk of extra
biblical words of wisdom they have received from God,
yet it does not pass the scriptural test.
I have heard some that believe they have special
insight from God. A true discerning mind will see
through this, but many fall victims to their lies. They
fall victim to these lies because they are hurting and are
136
looking to man for answers instead of God. The Lord

wants to comfort them, but they turn to those charis-
matic false prophets because they sound so convincing
and seem to care.
The followers of these false prophets believe they
are worshipping God, but they are not and God will
destroy them as it says in Jeremiah 14:15. “Therefore
thus says the Lord concerning the prophets who are
prophesying in My name, although it was not I who
sent them__ yet they keep saying ‘There will be no
sword or famine in this land__ by sword and famine
those prophets meet their end.’ The people also to
whom they are prophesying will be thrown out into the
streets of Jerusalem because of famine and the sword;
and there will be no one to bury them – neither them,
nor their wives, nor their sons, nor their daughters, for
I will pour out their own wickedness on them.”
You see the Lord is serious about these false teachers
and those who fall into their trap. Jesus died so we
could have a one on one relationship with God. Go to
the Lord in His word and prayer and test everything
these false prophets speak. Be discerning in everything
137
you hear. Do not be led astray. The Lord will open your
eyes if you submit to Him.
Just as dangerous could be the false prophet within
ourselves. We can give in to our lusts, even if only in
our mind. But you see that is worshipping the God of
lust. Maybe it is money, or fame, or power. All these
are false gods. When I get thoughts in my mind that
can lead me away from God I must quickly repent and
receive His forgiveness. If I don’t practice self control
and stay connected it becomes easier to fall victim to
these thoughts. Always move foreword and if you falter
pick yourself up, repent and resubmit to the Lord. As
you do these set backs will become fewer and you will
be aware immediately when you encounter them. Stay
focused on the Savior and you will be saved from the
false prophets and the false prophet within.
138
Whose Interests Are Yours?
�
J esus was telling the disciples what was to happen

to Him, how He must suffer. Peter began to rebuke
Him saying “God forbid Lord! This shall never happen
to You. But He turned and said to Peter ‘Get behind
me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are
not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.’”
Matthew 16:22-23
We often get stuck on what we or other people think
is in our best interest. This can be dangerous because
we could go down a path of destruction. What if Jesus
listened to Peter and saved Himself? Salvation would
have been lost. All of us would have been destined
to eternal punishment. We could not have the joy of
seeing God face to face.
139
Often what makes sense to man does not to God.

And very often God’s plans go contrary to man’s. We
need to look at things from God’s perspective to see
clearly. One thing that can help to do this is to look
at others rather than ourselves. Christ was not looking
at Himself, but how we would be saved by His sac-
rifice. He was looking at doing the will of the Father.
Who would look forward to the suffering He had to
endure, only one who could see the reward for those
He loves could manage that. If we look to others, love
our neighbor as ourselves. Then we can begin to under-
stand God’s interests.
Sometimes there are things I endure because I
know God wants me to. There are things He says He
will take care of. Some don’t understand why I do it,
but it is easy when I think of what He endured for me.
What I suffer is nothing in comparison. As James says
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter
various trials, knowing the testing of your faith pro-
duces endurance.” James 1:2-3
Endurance builds strength. Endurance shows
others how to get through the tough times. If I endure
I can teach my children to endure. If I use Christ as my
140
example and show that example to others I am using

the best teaching tool ever. Teach or lead by example.
Our Children pick up our habits, both good and bad.
Let us try to make them all good. That is my goal, I’m
working on it. I want to make my interests the ones of
God.
141
You Called Me Friend
You came down from Heaven above

You came to teach and show your love
You came to share the truth of the Father
You spoke with authority like no other
You healed the sick and did nothing but good
You did things that no other could
You did all this and called me friend
You came to serve than to die
You died for me I don’t know why
You came to show your love and grace
You came so I one day could see your face
The pain and suffering You had to endure
You gave it all to make me pure
You did all this and called me friend
You poured Your life into those 12 chosen ones
One betrayed You the other 11 could only run
You could have stopped, but you knew what you
had to do
If I only could be more like You
I am weak and so frail
I try to do Your will, but often fail
142
The world was lost and dead in sin

You paid the price so I could be born again
You came to earth and called me friend
143
Start Spreading The News
Start spreading the news

Jesus is alive
And He wants to meet you in prayer
The day-to-day trials
Can pull you away
Get back to the heart of it, the heart of prayer
Throughout the day
Your mind wanders away
You need to fight back at it and go to prayer
Jesus wants you
So get on your knees
And be in prayer
He has so much to say
How He loves you today
Things you need to hear, hear it in prayer
Oh how He loves you
How He loves to hear your voice
Come to Him in prayer
Got a problem to solve
It just won’t go away
Cut to the heart of it by going to prayer
144
Feel like you’re at war

The enemy’s fight is strong
You can’t go wrong by being in prayer
You’re feeling so sad
Things are making you mad
Want to be lifted up, get it in prayer
Things keep going wrong
You just can’t win
Get things right by saying a prayer
The battle is long
Need someone strong standing by you
Find Him in prayer
The world is insane
The bad guy gets his way
Nothing you can do, cope with it in prayer
Our leaders are corrupt we need a change
Your heart is discouraged
Change things with prayer
Get down on your knees
And ask Jesus to please hear what you have to say
He will hear your prayer
Open your heart to hear what He has to say
145
It will change your life

Change it with prayer
146
Did You Love Someone Today
Did you love someone today

Even though you wanted to walk away
Or did you say I’ve lots to do
I can’t do it someone else will have to
Jesus heard the blind man on the road
The crowd tried to hush him but he would not fold
He cried out for mercy on his soul
Jesus reached out and made him whole
We see people everyday who only want
a loving touch
Can you do just that much
Only if someone took the time to care
Nothing else you do can do can compare
If I don’t do it
Then who
147

In The Hands of The Father

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IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ THIS PAGE:

By Brian David Knapp

In The Hands of The Father

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved solely by the author. The author

Unless otherwise indicated, Bible quotations are taken

Then to the three most amazing ladies

W e all have a story of our life, probably many

ship rejecting Him which leads ultimately to death and

M y story begins not on November 12, 1953 when

I know it was all God. He put His hands in my

Except for those brief moments I have always felt

point of my first moments nine months before entering

when I would have missed the greater rewards He had

innermost being, you knit me together in my mother’s

While I don’t consider myself a prophet, I know He

consequences, premature death of millions because of

through prayer. I see the difference when I am con-

lenges. It does mean He is there working through the

His plan. When I am in His will He will show me favor

R omans 15: 17-19 says “Therefore I glory in Christ

walk a distance to get a small amount to get me back

cannot see clearly without looking through the eyes of

prevail against you. There is nothing the world can

E ver wish you could find a good listener, someone

I will at times have a question I am struggling with

Yes the Lord our God, our Savior, our King is a

we demand justice for others we must demand justice for

I often wonder what my motives are. There is that

desire in situations or do I speak to protect what I am

Unfortunately, although I believe my answer is typ-

T here are times I have moments of uneasiness. As I

With myself the struggle comes from two places.

will of God I am not responsible for choices others

All in all I would rather struggle with mankind than

“O clap your hands, all peoples; shout to God

first place in the opening credits. But it is not about me

1. I let down a friend who expected me to support

I convinced myself I was doing what was right. I

I have found when I stick with it against insur-

I have written some of these chapters as I go through

of fact I had not written for several months. I was sud-

It all happened because I was in constant prayer

and stress about it. I will continue to do what I believe

P aul says in Romans 7:15-20 “I do not understand

The whole question of what I want to do in my

out there where we cannot avoid it, but we need to look

have gone too far. That detour may lead to eternal

T here is a song from back in the 1950’s or 60’s

comes from a group of paper boys meeting at some-

outcast. The tables will turn. Those who thought they

A s I am writing this I am sitting on the train on

do it or even you do it so it’s not so bad or even okay. I

anyone else on track, but if I stay there myself, they

of life, the engineer who engineered all that there is. In

“F or I am already being poured out like a drink

Who am I to have it any different? I may at times

as a friend. His advice has not been confirmed to me

While I felt led to speak the truth and answer the

E vil comes against us in full force. There are times

to question my competence, even though I have be suc-

Through these troubling times I also pray: “Set a

my salvation. I must trust in Him and He will see me

1. I let down a friend who expected me to support