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BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 1
MR.BURN”S DILEMMA
By Louis Johnson
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 2
MR. BURN’S DILEMMA
CAST
TJ: A teenage school boy
MIKEY: TJ’s best friend
MR. Burns: An R.E teacher
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 3
MR.BURN’S DILEMMA
MUSIC:
THEME MUSIC. FADE.
SCENE ONE
INT: R.E CLASSROOM DAY AFTERNOON
(TJ and Mikey)
SOUND: CLASSROOM CHATTER AND AMBIENT NOISE
TJ: Don’t you think R.E is just one of the
most boring lessons ever?
MIKEY: Ahh literally babes, I totally agree.
TJ: At least we will have that new teacher
today? I bet you he is fit.
MIKEY: Yeh that’s true, or it could be some
weirdo like the last one.
TJ: Urggh do you remember him what a
freak, and the smell that came from
him. GRIM!
MIKEY: So true babes, so true.
SOUND:
FOOTSTEPS AND DOOR OPENING
TJ: OMG
SOUND:
WHOLE CLASS HUSH AND SETTLE DOWN
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 4
SCENE TWO
INT: R.E CLASSROOM – DAY AFTERNOON
(TJ, Mikey and Mr. Burns)
MR. BURNS: Right class my name is Mr. Burns and I
will be your new R.E teacher.
TJ: He is a bit of me? Do you not think?!
MR. BURNS: Right class settle down!
MIKEY: Babes you think he is fit!?
TJ: What do you mean he is 100% my type
MIKEY: Ew sorry but he is not!
TJ: He so is!
MIKEY: Babes what are you on about?!
MR. BURNS Excuse me? I said settle down
TJ: Sir I think you’re well fit but Mikey
doesn’t, can you tell him you are?
MR. BURNS: Excuse me?
TJ: Well I think you’re a right fitty can
you prove to Mikey that you are?
MR. BURNS You must be TJ, yes well I have heard
all about you.
TJ: Ahh thanks babes!
SOUND LIVE AUDIENCE LAUGHING
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 5
Yes, well someone told me you hated
MR: BURNS
Mikey? So why are you sitting next to
him?
LIVE AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND THE CLASS
SOUND: REACTING TO MR. BURNS
Ummm no what the hell you told you
TJ: that?! Babes I would never say that
about you?
I’m not too sure I think her name was…
MR. BURNS: Mandy?
Huh what a bi—
TJ: Babes just chill they always make
stuff up.
MIKEY:
Righhhttt well maybe we should just
MR BURNS: get back to today’s topic. The story
of Siddhartha Gautama. Turn to page 34
in your textbooks.
PAGE TURNING IN BOOKS AND WHISPERS
SOUND: FROM TJ AND ANOTHER CLASSMATE
No but sirrr
TJ: sir
sirrr
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 6
no but sir can I just say one thing,
Not now TJ!
MR. BURNS sir can I just say one thing
TJ: sirrr siiirrrrr
sir
What TJ!?!
MR. BURNS: Right so apparently… Mandy told Mel
TJ: who told Connor who told Parker and he
told Pete that me and Mikey had fallen
out. But why would Pete tell me that
if he knows that Mandy, Mel, Connor
and Parker are liars, like eewww you
even are theyyy?
Do you know what I am saying?
LIVE AUDIENCE LAUGHING
SOUND:
Sorry what?!
MR. BURNS: No but like do know what I am
TJ: Saying sir?
Umm well I can understand what you’re
MR. BURNS: saying because I can speak English but
I’m not quite sure what you’re saying?
So you’re mad at Pete?
Um no, sir were you not listening?
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 7
No I was but – look can you not just
TJ:
sort this later I am meant to be
MR. BURNS:
teaching you about a really
influential lesson on Siddhartha’s
life.
But does it look like I am care about
that sir?
TJ: TJ stop it?
But do I care?
MR. BURNS:
TJ!?
TJ:
But does it look like I care sir?
MR. BURNS:
But does it sir?!
TJ:
Does it?
Right that’s it if you’re not silent
from now on I will put you in
MR. BURNS: detention for the rest of the month!!
TJ KISSES HIS TEETH AND SIGHS
So Siddhartha Gautama was one of the
SOUND
most famous Buddhists as he is the
MR. BURNS:
first person to reach nirvana.
Ahaha sir why you talking about Karma
Sutra that’s a bit naughty I thought
TJ:
this was R.E sir
No not karma sutra! Siddhartha Gautama
he reached nirvana.
MR. BURNS:
Oh right yeh I have been there loads
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 8
TJ: TJ you definitely have not been to the
MR. BURNS: place of perfect peace and happiness.
Sir I have its that spa in Wokingham
TJ: Right TJ it’s not a spa! You have just
MR. BURNS: disrespected one of the most
influential men in religion. You don’t
even deserve to say his name!
KISSES TEETH
SOUND Sorry
TJ: TJ WHISPERING
SOUND Enough!! TJ if you know so much about
Siddhartha Gautama why don’t you tell
MR. BURNS:
the class?
Sir that soo embarrassing?
TJ: No I’m sorry but you deserve it!
MR. BURNS: Fine Siddhartha Gautama was a teacher,
TJ: philosopher and spiritual leader who
is considered the founder of Buddhism.
During his meditation, all of the
answers he had been seeking became
clear, and he achieved full awareness,
thereby becoming Buddha.
What? How do you know that ?
Well sir you never know who your
MR. BURNS:
MR. BURNS’S DILEMMA Page 9
talking to?
TJ:
What?! What do you mean?
GODLY NOISES
MR. BURNS:
Oh my god it can’t be
SOUND
There’s no way
MR. BURNS:
Siddhartha? Is that you?
TJ’S VOICE BECOMES ECHOY DEEPER AND
MORE GOD LIKE
SOUND
Sometimes the teacher need to learn
the lesson
TJ:
MUSIC:
THEME MUSIC – FADES.
THE END.