GAY FRIENDS: A CURSE OR A BLESSING?

A Qualitative Research

Presented to the Faculty of the College of Teacher Education

St. John Paul II College of Davao

Davao City

In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of

Bachelor of Secondary Education Major in English

DAVIN, SHEENA GRACE

NUNEZ, KRISTINA JANE A.

MARCH 2020
 Validation Sheet for Interview Guide

Name of Researchers: Kristina Jane Nunez/Sheena Grace Davin Enrolled: BSED-ENG

Title of Research: Gay Friends: A Curse or A Blessing?
Name of Evaluator: Ms. Amie P. Matalam Date Evaluated: _________________
Degree of Evaluator: Faculty/Panel Member Signature of Evaluator: _______

RATING: Number of YES marks

( ) 10 Very Good ( ) 6 – 7 Maybe Upgraded if Revised

( ) 8 – 9 Good ( ) 0 – 5 For Evaluation

To the Evaluator: Kindly check the column which fits your evaluation for the item.
Items Yes No

Ethics
1. Introduction (purpose, confidentiality, duration, and way of
conduct and closing components (for additional comments) are
provided.
2. Informed consent is included.

Artistry
3. Script is included/built in, so interview can introduce, guide and
conclude the interview in a consistent manner.
4. Questions are appropriate to the study enhancing the possibility
of storytelling and narratives.
Rigor
5. Questions are open-ended to encourage in depth responses;
avoiding close-ended questions which are answered by “Yes” or
“No”.
6. Questions are stated in the affirmative.

7. Probe questions are provided.

8. Questions are logically ordered asking the highest priority first.

Opinion questions follow information questions.
9. Questions are stated in clear and simple terms.

10. Number of questions can be covered within 60-90 minutes, not

exceeding 15 open-ended items (probes excluded) for every
research question, except special cases.
REMARKS:
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
 Validation Sheet for Interview Guide

Name of Researchers: Kristina Jane Nunez/Sheena Grace Davin Enrolled: BSED-ENG

Title of Research: Gay Friends: A Curse or A Blessing?
Name of Evaluator: Mrs. Roxan Rubic-Remorosa, PhD. Date Evaluated: ___________
Degree of Evaluator: Faculty/Panel Member Signature of Evaluator: _______

RATING: Number of YES marks

( ) 10 Very Good ( ) 6 – 7 Maybe Upgraded if Revised

( ) 8 – 9 Good ( ) 0 – 5 For Evaluation

To the Evaluator: Kindly check the column which fits your evaluation for the item.
Items Yes No

Ethics
1. Introduction (purpose, confidentiality, duration, and way of
conduct and closing components (for additional comments) are
provided.
2. Informed consent is included.

Artistry
3. Script is included/built in, so interview can introduce, guide and
conclude the interview in a consistent manner.
4. Questions are appropriate to the study enhancing the possibility
of storytelling and narratives.
Rigor
5. Questions are open-ended to encourage in depth responses;
avoiding close-ended questions which are answered by “Yes” or
“No”.
6. Questions are stated in the affirmative.

7. Probe questions are provided.

8. Questions are logically ordered asking the highest priority first.

Opinion questions follow information questions.
9. Questions are stated in clear and simple terms.

10. Number of questions can be covered within 60-90 minutes, not

exceeding 15 open-ended items (probes excluded) for every
research question, except special cases.
REMARKS:
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
April 03, 2019

ROXAN RUBIC-REMOROSA, PhD

English Instructor, College of Teacher Education
St. John Paul II College of Davao
Ecoland Drive, Matina, Davao City

Dear Ma’am,

Greetings of peace!

You are one of the chosen expert validators of the interview guide in the study entitled
“GAY FRIENDS: A CURSE OR A BLESSING?”. In view of this, it would be appreciated
very much if you can share expertise by rating the contents of the said guide. It would be
of great help also for the undersigned if you can write your comments, suggestions and
recommendation that will improve the interview guide question.

Thank you very much for your cooperation and valuable contribution to this request.

God bless and more power!

Respectfully yours,

SHEENA GRACE DAVIN

KRISTINA JANE A. NUÑEZ

Researchers

Noted by:

MANUEL B. BASABE JR., LPT

March 21, 2019
April 03, 2019

Ms. AMIE P. MATALAM, MM.

DEAN of College of Teacher Education
St. John Paul II College of Davao
Ecoland Drive, Matina, Davao City

Dear Ma’am,

Greetings of peace!

You are one of the chosen expert validators of the interview guide in the study entitled
“GAY FRIENDS: A CURSE OR A BLESSING?”. In view of this, it would be appreciated
very much if you can share expertise by rating the contents of the said guide. It would be
of great help also for the undersigned if you can write your comments, suggestions and
recommendation that will improve the interview guide question.

Thank you very much for your cooperation and valuable contribution to this request.

God bless and more power!

Respectfully yours,

SHEENA GRACE DAVIN

KRISTINA JANE A. NUÑEZ

Researchers

Noted by:

MANUEL B. BASABE JR., LPT

March 21, 2019
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

TITLE PAGE

APPROVAL SHEET

ABSTRACT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter Page

1. INTRODUCTION

Rationale 1

Purpose of the Study

Research Questions

Theoretical Lens

Significance of the Study

Definition of Terms

Organization of the Study

2. RELATED LITERATURE

Defining Gay Culture

Acceptance of Homosexuality Through Psychology

Depression and Suicidality of Gay Men

Individual Differences in the Coming Out Process for Gay Men

Identity Based Bullying: Homophobic

Coming out and Being Out at School

 Friendships Between Women and Gay Men

Acceptance of Gay People Lags in 3 Regions

Theorizing Language, Homophobia and Masculinity

Hearing and Interpreting “That’s So Gay”

Friendship Between Gay Men and Heterosexual Women

Discovering Gay Culture

3. METHODOLOGY

Research Design

Role of the Researcher

Research Participants

Data Collection

Data Analysis

Trustworthiness

Ethical Considerations

4. RESULTS

5. DISCUSSION
 Chapter 1

Introduction

What is the good of friendship if one cannot say exactly what one means (Oscar

Wilde)

Friendship is typically seen as a voluntary, egalitarian relationship, involving

personal choice and providing individuals with a variety of psychological, social, and

material support. Yet, patterned variations in low friendship are formed and maintained

point to important social structural components. The opportunities to meet others and

initiate friendships, the content of the relationships, and the frequency of interactions are

all a function of the limitations and freedom imposed by the nature and number of social

roles people must enact (Hess,1972).

Friendship is considered as one of the pillars to have a good and effective

relationship with the people around us. The bond and memories that is shared with them,

strengthens our relationship that lasts until all of us grew old. Moreover, someone can

make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in

two years by trying to get other people interested in you (Dale Crnegie, 1936, p. 58).

The bond between gay men and straight women have been written about and

featured in popular media (i.e. Will and Grace, Sex in the City), though a lot less has been

said about how gay and straight men recognized and negotiate the distinct challenges,

complications, and rewards of their friendships.

 Thus, while performing further study about friendship specially about being friends

with gays, new things were discovered and few questions that were long unsettled were

finally answered. Also, further understanding the differences between sexual identity and

gender roles is enhanced when focusing on the issues of friendship and sex among gay

men.

Growing numbers of gays have come out to the closet and into the typical

American life. Thus, a survey was conducted by Pew Research Center for the People &

the Press wherein they found out that half of all women, young people, college graduates,

political liberals and mainline Protestants say that someone close to them is gay.

However, few men, conservative Republicans and older Americans report that a good

friend or family member is homosexual (Shawn Neidorf, Research Associate Pew

Research Center for the People & the Press).

Many people also question the differences between having a straight and gay

friend.

People usually describe themselves as ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual’ when they find

themselves emotionally and sexually attracted exclusively to people of their own sex.

Some women who are gay call themselves ‘lesbians.’ People who are sexually attracted

to both sexes often describe themselves as ‘bi’ or ‘bisexual’.

For gay people, friends often provide the role of maintaining physical and

emotional well-being, especially when difficulties arise when soliciting social support from

their families and other kin (Kiecolt-Glaser and Glaser 1988; Warren 1980).
 One of the major human rights stories of the past decade in the United States has

been the astonishing progress toward equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender

(LGBT) people. The advance of marriage equality across the states before the Supreme

Court made it the law of the land; the narratives of bullying and suicide that aroused public

sympathy; and the swift rise in the visibility of the transgender people have been

tremendously gratifying and exciting to witness. (Rosenberg, 2016)

Sexual minorities in Uganda have been attacked with greater frequency since the

country passed a law creating a new range of offenses related to sexual orientation,

pairing then with correspondingly harsh penalties.

Sexual orientation is a private matter that individuals can decide to disclose or

conceal. Nevertheless, when interacting with others, people look for cues of sexual

orientation. Hence, the person’s face, voice, or non-verbal behavior is taken as a cue

revealing sexual orientation. Sometimes gay, lesbian and bisexual people themselves

intentionally communicate their sexual identity explicitly or through more subtle cues.

The word gay is the most used term of abuse in schools says a report from BBC

(2008). The development of a gay, lesbian or bisexual (GLB) sexual identity is a complex

and often difficult.

In that manner, do not claim to be a friend without taking the responsibility of

friendship (Shakira Sison, Rappler, 2015).

A Filipino poet and critic, Lilia Quidoza Santiago, has speculated that the Filipino

society has a more flexible concept of gender because kasarian is less definitive because

it literally means “kind, species or genius”.

 Being gay is generally accepted in the Philippines. On Jun 26 June 1994, ProGay

Philippines, then headed by Oscar Atadero and backed by the Metropolitan Community

Church (MCC) under the leadership of Pastor Richard Mickley, led a march at the Quezon

City Memorial Circle. While the Pride March in 1994 was held in remembering of the

Stonewall Riots, also coincided with a bigger march against the imposition of the Value

Added tax (VAT) in the Philippines. As such, it symbolized not only the solidarity of the

LGBT community but also LGBT participation in mainstream social and economic issues.

With this march, the Philippines gained the distinction of being the first country in Asia

and the Pacific to host a Pride-related parade.

Prior to the march in 1994, various LGBT organization were formed in the country,

so the 100s are the probable marker of the emergence of the LGBT movement in the

Philippines. ProGay Philippines was founded in 1993, while MCC was established in

1992.

Islam is the second largest religion in the Philippines, and 94% of the country’s

Muslim Population is in Mindanao. Considering the conservative nature of the religion,

pared with the lack of gender-responsive government systems, the LGBT community in

Mindanao faces unique struggles in grappling with their identities, sexualities, and

reputations.Though Muslims claim they accept gay people, his often comes with a certain

condition. Morados discusses how Muslim society tends to be more open with this idea

of homosexuality when this doesn’t involve in the family.

There is currently no existing study about friendship with gays in the local setting.

Hence, there is research gap that will be addressed by the researchers.

Purpose of the Study

The purpose of this qualitative research is to discover the experiences or inspiring

stories about friendship between women, men and gays. The goal of this research is to

open people minds, widen their knowledge and their understanding about friendship with

gays. Thus, our study contextualized its findings to contribute new knowledge that

emerged from the feelings and emotions of the gays, studying at St. John Paul II College

of Davao.

I ensured that the participation of the gay students in the involvement of this study

is voluntary. For voluntary participation, there had great deal of willingness and interest

to share meaningful experiences which were necessary to reach the saturation point and

relevant in providing solutions and answers to the specified research questions of the

study.

With this special issue, we have attempted a contextual focus on the lives of LGBT

specifically gay youth and their friends, while exploring differences within population.

Although we acknowledge the methodological challenges inherent in examining hard-to-

find or “hidden” populations, we believe it is important to avoid reifying the belief that this

group is impossible to study or is a monolith. As scholars studying the lives of LGBT

youth, we must acknowledge the differences as well as shared experiences among them.

We must strive to be intentional in our research rigor; in doing so, we will allow for richer

understandings of the experiences of LGBT youth.

Research Questions

The research questions of the study were presented hereunder to serve as guide

in the formulation of the interview questionnaire:

INTERVIEW GUIDE

1. What are the experiences of the participants having gay friends?

2. What are the opinions of the participants about the existence of the gays?

3. How do participants treat in their circle of friends?

Theoretical Lens

Ulrich and Hirschfield developed the theory of a third, intermediate, sex between

women and men (which included people who would now be called trans, intersex, lesbian,

gay and bisexual). Ulrichs introduced terminology in 1864 and 1865 to describe a natural

‘migration of soul’, a woman’s soul in a man’s body and vice versa (Oosterhuis 2000).

An Urning was a male-bodied person with a female psyche who desired women.

Urichs also introduced terms for ‘normal’ (heterosexual and feminine) women (Dioningin),

and ‘normal’ (heterosexual and masculine) men (Dioning), female and male bisexuals

(Uranodioningin and Uranodioning respectively) and intersexuals (Zwitter).

This terminology reflects a theory popular among early sexologists, that of

universal human bisexuality, which held that everyone contained elements of both sexes.

Masculine men and feminine women were thought to be ideal types, the opposing poles

of a continuum of human sexual and gender expression.

 Although Ulrich’s refined his typology to acknowledge that not all male-bodied

people who desired men were feminine and that people varied in relation to who they

desired, they preferred sexual behavior (passive, active, or no preference) and their

gender (feminine, masculine or in between), the gender invasion theory of

homosexuality was to be his lasting contribution to sexology.

Ulrichs, who felt that he had discovered a basic truth about human beings, had

thought at first, like many a reformer, that people needed only to have the truth revealed

to them to accept it.

That this did not happen was due, perhaps, not to a rejection of the explanatory

aspect of his theory, but a prejudice against the logical conclusions that Ulrichs drew from

it. Ulrichs was a lawyer and was quick to point out the implications of his theory, that

homosexual activity—under certain restricted conditions, to be sure—was entirely natural

and legal. Thus, since homosexual persons were by nature sexually attracted to members

of the same sex, laws that proscribed “unnatural acts” did not apply to them, so long, of

course, as the recipient of homosexual attentions freely accepted the advance. This last

was a difficult point for Ulrichs, since he believed that homosexual individuals were

seldom attracted to one another.

Significance of the Study

This research will broaden the society’s knowledge and help them accept the facts

about being friends with gays. This will be beneficial to school administrator, faculty

teachers, students, members of LGBT and future researchers.

 This study will explain and show us the value of friendship despite the differences

when it comes to sexual identity, race, skin color, gender preference, beliefs and religion.

Furthermore, this study will help individuals understand and appreciate the relationship

they have to every individual specially those by homosexuals because people cannot

accept them for what they are, their difficulties in understanding themselves and the

emotional pains because of rejection by families and relatives. This research is mainly

conducted to clarify the misconceptions and controversies surrounding homosexuality.

This approach provides a general structure for discussion regarding sexual

orientation identity but requires participants to provide their own terminology and

definitions based on their life experiences and perceptions, thus avoiding the limitations

of researcher-imposed terminology and concepts.

Definition of Terms

There were two terms defined in our study: Friendship with gays – refers to the

relationship with different people, whether it’s a man, woman, lesbians and gays. Our

friends are considered as our extended family. On the other hand, gay friends as being

Curse or a Blessing – refers to the positive and negative sides of having bonds with gay

friends and how others see them as curse or as a blessing on being part of the circle.

Organization of the Study

This qualitative research using phenomenological approach is classified into three

chapters. Presented in Chapter 1 were the rationale of the study and purpose of the study;

research questions, theoretical lens, significance of the study, definition of terms, and

organization of the study.

 Chapter 2

RELATED LITERATURE

This chapter provides an overview of our previous research as we dig deeper on

our topic. We have discovered the importance of friendship among diverse sexes and

how they should be treated apart from the differences. Furthermore, we need to consider

the pros and cons of being friends with gay and be very careful to every word we say

towards them as it will somehow affect them emotionally and mentally. Our analysis leads

us to discover more information about them apart from friendship and such.

Gay people are engaged in an ongoing struggle to have their rights recognized

and respected. As a straight person talking primarily to other straights. We hope to

support all who are oppressed because of their sexual orientation. Presented hereunder,

previous scholars that will help us understand and support our study.

Defining Gay Culture

During the last half of the 20th century, the opportunity for the gay community to

define itself as a unique cultural group came during and after the Stonewall Riots of 1969.

The riots, prompted by a police raid of a gay bar in New York City called the Stonewall

Inn, provided the impetus for those of the homosexual community to declare their

existence and demand equal treatment in society. Since the Stonewall Riots, the

homosexual community has held annual pride celebrations that promote a “…gay and

lesbian visibility, unity, and progress toward equal rights”. (Hogan et al, 1999)
 Conservative political activists, such as Anita Bryant reacted to these celebrations

with distinct backlash rhetoric.

For the first time, organized opposition to the gay rights appeared on the political

landscape. As the confrontational rhetoric continued during the 1970’s and 1980’s, artists

such as Robert Mapplethorpe created works that emphasized the irreconcilable

difference between homosexual and heterosexual culture. One work that aggressively

expressed his sexual orientation to mainstrea0m society is the photographic work Brian

Ridley and Lyle Heeter. (Plate 3) Initially on the surface the image of the two men, one

seated and one standing, is reminiscent of those snapshots made during life that reveal

a moment in time, such anniversary or first date, in a relationship. The “…combination of

the extravagantly alien, the full leather drag and the utterly domestic…” is what makes

this image so disturbing and aggressive. (Morrison, 2001).

Acceptance of homosexuality through psychology

In 1977, 41 percent of Americans thought that gay or lesbian relations should be

legal. By 2015, 68 percent thought so. In 1996, just 27 percent favored same-sex

marriage. By 2016, 61 percent did (Gallup, 2016). Why have these attitudes changed?

For many reasons, but psychological science has contributed in three important ways.

First, psychological studies disproved the belief that homosexuality is related to

mental illness and criminality. Until the 1950's, most homosexual persons studied by

psychologists and others were prisoners or mental patients, so it was easy to conclude

that these were linked.

 Evelyn Hooker, a brave psychologist at University of California, Los Angeles

(UCLA), began undoing this belief in the early 1950s. A gay former student told her,

"Evelyn, it is your scientific duty to study men like me."

Hooker agreed, "He's right — we know nothing about them." (cited in Burr, 1993).

When she told the psychiatry, department chair she wanted to study normal

homosexuals, he replied, "There is no such person!" (Hooker, 1993, p. 450)

Her work was difficult. Gay males she wanted to test feared she would betray their

confidentiality. If she did, their “occupations and very lives were at risk” (Hooker, 1993, p.

451). Neither government nor businesses would hire homosexual persons.

Hooker gave the Rorschach test to thirty homosexual and thirty heterosexual

males. Three Rorschach experts tried to distinguish the responses of the two groups but

could not (Hooker, 1957). Many later studies with other measures led to the conclusion

that homosexuality had no related pathology, and that gays and lesbians’ function equally

well in work and in loving relationships. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association

removed homosexuality from its list of mental diseases. This recognition that

homosexuality is not associated with any pathology has helped foster its acceptance.

Depression and Suicidality in Gay Men

Depression is prevalent among gay men, wherein gay men are three times more

likely to experience depression compared with the general adult population (Cox, 2006;

King et al., 2008). Depression is a risk factor for suicide (Oliffe & Phillips, 2008), and

suicide is a leading cause of male death (Statistics Canada, 2014). Within this context,

there is strong evidence that gay men are more likely than heterosexual men to
experience suicidality (Brennan, Ross, Dobinson, Veldhuizen, & Steele, 2010; Hottes,

Bogaert, Rhodes, Brennan, & Gesink, 2016; King et al., 2008).

Depression and suicidality may also increase gay men’s risk of alcohol and drug

overuse, unprotected anal intercourse, and human immunodeficiency virus (HIV; Cox,

2006; Ferlatte, Dulai, Hottes, Trussler & Marchand, 2015). In terms of potential causes of

depression and suicidality in gay men, relationship problems, accepting one’s

homosexuality, experiencing homophobia, institutional discrimination, and alienation from

gay communities have been reported as underpinning issues (Cox, 2006; Haas et al.,

2011; Wang, Plöderl, Hӓusermann, & Weiss, 2015).

Individual Differences in the Coming Out Process for Gay Men

One hundred ninety-nine self-defined homosexual males were asked about the

ages, at which milestone events occurred in the coming out process (i.e., initial

awareness of same-sex attractions, same-sex acts, self-designation as homosexual,

initial involvement in a long-tern relationship, self-disclosures to significant others, and

acquiring a positive gay identity). Overall findings indicated that an orderly developmental

sequence underlies the coming out process; however, not all subjects progressed in a

predictable fashion from and awareness of same-sex feelings thought behavior to

eventual self-labeling, self-disclosure, and final stabilization of a positive gay identity.

Several individual differences emerged: 18% of the sample labeled themselves

homosexual in the absence of any overt same-sex sexual experience, 22% arrived at

homosexual self-definitions while participating in a long-term relationship with another

man; 23% adopted homosexual self-definitions only after involvement in such a

relationship. Fifteen percent of the respondents indicated that they had not acquired a

positive gay identity (i.e., were not glad to be gay).

These individuals differed from the remainder of the sample on several significant

measures reflective of psychological health. Significant difference was also found among

three cohort groups with respect to age at occurrence of milestone events. Findings form

the present investigation was explored in relation to both the theoretical conceptions and

available empirical data concerned with homosexual identity formation.

Identity Based Bullying: Homophobic

A significant proportion of bullying is rooted in a lack of respect for difference and

in social inequality, both of which have their foundation in wider society. This

understanding has led to a large body of international work on ‘prejudice-based bullying’

or ‘identity-based bullying’.

The term ‘identity-based bullying’ considers the significant extent to which students

may be more vulnerable to bullying because of prejudice, stereotyping and stigmatizing

people with identities. The Department of Education and Skills’ Anti-Bullying Procedures

require that prevention must be an integral part of a school’s anti-bullying policy.

The education and prevention strategies that the school implements must be

documented in the anti-bullying policy and must explicitly deal with the issue of cyber-

bullying and identity-based bullying, including homophobic bullying.

Irish research consistently reveals that many young people who identify as LGBT have

negative experiences of school, and the stress this causes puts them at greater risk that
includes not achieving their full potential, poor self-esteem, experiencing mental health

problems and becoming involved in self-harming behavior (Higgins et al, 2016; Mayock

etal, 2009; Minton et al, 2008 and Norman & Galvin, 2006).

Coming Out and Being Out at School

‘Coming out’ is the term used to describe the process through which a person

realizes that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and begins to disclose their

sexual orientation or gender identity to others. The process also involves developing a

positive identity as an LGBT person.

The level of support available to young people from family, friends and school is a

major determinant of how easy or difficult it is for them to navigate this process (Higgins

et al, 2016; Mayock, et al, 2009). Mayock et al (2009) also found that the period between

initial awareness of one’s sexual orientation or gender identity and coming out was

generally experienced as difficult, daunting and traumatic; many people attributed this to

fear of rejection, isolation and/or harassment in school. Consequently, if a young person

comes out whilst still at school it is important that they receive support, understanding

and respect.

Friendships between Women and Gay Men

Women who form close friendships with gay men and participate in gay cultural

activities — sometimes referred to in Western gay culture as “fag hags,” and in the

Philippines as “babaeng bakla” — are often depicted in popular representations as having

characteristics, or traits, that set them apart from other women.

 These range from stereotypes of “fag hag” women as being overly emotional,

unstable, and having low self-esteem (Bartlett et al., 2009), to perceptions of Filipino

celebrities who are identified as “babaeng bakla” as having the capacity for campy humor

as well as katarayan or “haughtiness” (Casocot, 2010).

The research discussed in this paper addresses questions about the accuracy of

popular stereotypes and representations of women who have close friendships with gay

men. In addition, these studies seek to contribute to our understanding of close

relationships between LGBT and non-LGBT individuals, an area which has received

somewhat less attention in LGBT psychology research.

In recent years, the significance of friendships between straight women and gay

men has been increasingly recognized in popular culture and in empirical research

(Bartlett et al., 2009; Grigoriou, 2004; Russell et al., 2013; Shepperd, Coyle, & Hegarty,

2010).

Close friendships between straight women and gay men have been represented

in several Western television shows and Hollywood films such as The Next Best Thing

and Will & Grace (Quimby, 2005), as well as in Filipino films like Ellen Ongkeko Marfil’s

(2005) Mga Pusang Gala and Joel Lamangan’s (2004) So Happy Together.

These representations of straight woman-gay man friendships often depict the

women involved as a social category, the aforementioned “fag hag”. Using discursive

analysis of interviews with gay and bisexual North American men, Moon (1995)

developed a definition of the term “fag hag” as “a woman who associates with gay men

and participates in gay cultural activities”.

 Bartlett and colleagues (2009) point out that this social categorization appears to

be cross culturally robust, translating to various terms such as the French “soeurettes”

(little sisters) and the German “Schwulen-Muttis” (gay moms).

Acceptance of gay People Lags in 3 Regions

The acceptance of gay rights has undergone an unprecedented worldwide surge

in recent years, with governments granting gay people the right to marry and protections

from discrimination. But that's not the case everywhere, largely because of unyielding

local cultures that thwart pro-gay global views, new research finds.

People living in different regions of the world changed their perceptions on

homosexuality in various ways, Roberts found. For instance, countries that were more

accepting of gay people in 1981 showed the largest positive changes in acceptance over

time, Roberts said.

Those nations who were less accepting changed their perceptions more slowly,

which widened the gap between those areas and the more accepting countries, the

research showed.

This general increase in acceptance in much of the world occurred for several

reasons, but several large ones stand out, Roberts said.

 In Europe, countries began to decriminalize homosexuality in the 1960s and

1970s, and a "veritable gush" of these laws passed in the 1990s. In 1994, the United

Nations Human Rights Committee ruled that criminalizing homosexuality violated the U.N.

International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights. By 2012, employment discrimination

was prohibited in 59 countries and same-sex civil unions or marriages were made legal

in 24 countries.

On the medical front, the American Psychiatric Association said in 1973 that it no

longer classified homosexuality as a mental disorder, and the World Health Organization

followed suit in 1990.

The globalized media also played a role, by promoting "both the acceptance of

homosexuality and the conceptualization of homosexuality as an identity, not just a

behavior," Roberts said. [10 Milestones in Gay Rights History]

Countries in which people were more exposed to global ideas, telecommunication

and travel, in general, as well as countries whose citizens received more education, on

average, tended to become more accepting of gay people over time, the research

showed.

Exposure to global ideas and education levels were low in the three regions that

did not grow in their acceptance of homosexuality, the researchers found. What's more,

these regions' cultures resisted gay acceptance. For instance, in 2013, Russia passed a

law against so-called "homosexual propaganda."

Muslim governments have rejected homosexuality "as a decadent Western

import," and many African leaders have decried homosexuality as contrary to "African
values" and traditions, Roberts said.About two-thirds of the 76 countries that still

criminalized homosexuality in 2012 were in sub-Saharan Africa or Muslim-majority

nations, the research showed.

The study was presented on Saturday (Aug. 20) at the American Sociological

Association's annual meeting in Seattle. The research has not been published in peer-

reviewed journal.

Theorizing language, homophobia and masculinity

The meanings and uses of language are vital to any understanding of sexuality

because language is the currency through which social norms are reproduced (Kiesling

2007). Post structural approaches have been prominent in understanding the effect of

language on sexualities (e.g. Butler 1990).

Here, language is conceptualized as part of broader discourses that serve to

‘constitute what people take to be the reality of that particular phenomenon’ (Cameron

and Kulick 2003: 16). Butler (1990), for example, discusses a ‘constitutive outside’ in

which all stigmatized gendered behaviors deemed socially unacceptable are located. For

Butler, this necessarily includes same-sex desire and she contends that it is by violently

and repeatedly repudiating same-sex desires that ‘acceptable’ gender and sexual

identities are maintained.

Post structural theorizing has been utilized to interrogate simplistic associations

between speech, acts and the reproduction of homophobic norms (Harvey 2012; Mason

2002; Rasmussen 2004). Rather than seeking recourse through changes in law, for

example, Butler (1997) calls for a transgressive politics centered on the use of language
to resist homophobic behaviors. Through her concept of performativity, Butler contends

that language can be reconstituted because words can ‘become disjoined from their

power to injure and recontextualized in more affirmative modes’ (p. 15). In this way, Butler

calls for the subversive re-interpretation of anti-gay language as an active form of

resistance to pervasive societal homophobia (see Brontsema 2004).

Central to such theorizing is the recognition that while the meaning of words can

change, prior understandings will continue to inflect contemporary interpretations. This

theorizing exists alongside social constructionist research regarding the power of

homophobic language in society (Plummer 1999). Highlighting the overarching

similarities in approaches, work that draws on Butlerian theory (e.g. Pascoe 2007) adopts

an ‘interactionist approach to gender’ (p. 14).

While recognizing the value of post structural scholarship in contesting clear

linguistic distinctions about multiple meanings of words (Rasmussen 2004), we employ a

social constructionist framework in this article because it aligns with our political aims of

accessible and public sociology, and because research on the intersection of homophobic

language with the construction of masculinities has tended to adopt this approach (e.g.

Epstein 1997).

Research has demonstrated that homophobic language is central to the

construction of heterosexual masculinities (Adams, Anderson and McCormack 2010);

particularly in policing heterosexual men’s gendered behaviors (Nayak and Kehily 1996;

Plummer 1999). This is because the stigmatization of male homosexuality is not solely a
result of heterosexual dominance in society (Rubin 1984), but also because it is conflated

with femininity—which is seen as oppositional to masculinity (Lorber 1994).

Any association with femininity or homosexuality has thus resulted in men being

socially marginalized or having to defend their own gendered identities (Richardson

2010).

Hearing and interpreting ‘that’s so gay’

Contrary to the dominant cultural narrative that the phrase ‘that’s so gay’ is a

central feature of young gay people’s lives (e.g. Guasp 2012), 16 of the 35 participants

reported that they had never heard the phrase regularly in their lives. While the remaining

19 participants reported hearing it relatively frequently at some point, 14 of them said that

they heard it more at school than at university. For example, Charlie said, ‘I do not hear

that stuff as much now, because I’m not in the playground anymore’. Finn’s comment

mirrored several of the participants’ views when he said, ‘I heard it more at school

because people were trying to fit in there.

At university, you don’t have to do that’. None of the participants considered the

phrase to be evidence of homophobic bullying (c.f. Woodford et al 2012). In addition to

rejecting a bullying framework, the notion that the phrase was homophobic was also

rejected by most participants (Warwick and Aggleton 2014). 28 of the participants did not

consider it, or other similar uses of the word gay, to be inherently homophobic. Tyler said,

‘I don’t find it derogatory in any way. It’s just one of those words, isn’t it?’ Similarly,

Zachary said, ‘No, I don’t think it’s homophobic …If a kid says, “that’s so gay”, they don’t
mean it in an offensive way’. This was found across class backgrounds and was

independent of the university participants attended.

Five of the participants rejected the notion that the phrase was homophobic

because they used it themselves. Rory said: I use it all the time. In fact, it was probably

one of my favorite things to say as a kid… I’ve grown out of it a bit now, but I think 99%

of people who use it are not saying ‘that’s so gay’ because they think, ‘that’s what gay

people do, and I don’t like 16 gay people and that’s a gay thing’. They’re saying, ‘oh I’m

pissed off that my laptop is broken’. Similarly, Harvey said, ‘I think it’s just a light-hearted

comment or a joke…I say it a lot… I think everyone I know uses the word as an adjective.

Like, “that’s so gay” or “this program is so gay” or whatever’. These participants were

happy to use the phrase because for them, the use of the word gay in this context had

become dissociated from homosexuality (Lalor and Rendle-Short 2007).

Friendship Between Gay Men and Heterosexual Women

Despite the importance of friendship for gay men, little past research examines

friendship in their lives. This comes as no surprise if we consider the fact that research

follows a heterosexual context, mistakenly if findings of studies on heterosexual

relationships could also apply to lesbian and gay relationships (Kitzinger & Coyle, 1995).

Such an assumption has no theoretical support generally or specifically in research

regarding friendship, as we cannot predict gay men’s cross-sex friendship patterns simply

by extrapolating from existing literature on heterosexual people (Nardi & Sherrod, 1994).

This point is supported by Nardi and Sherrod’s (1994) study on same-sex lesbian

and gay men’s friendships. Their findings do not support the traditional dichotomy of
female expressiveness and male instrumentality that shape and characterize the

friendships of heterosexual men and women. Their evidence suggest that lesbians and

gay men tend to define and enact friendship similarly, as they are equally disclosing,

equally seeking social support and equally engaging in activities with their same-sex

friends. It could therefore be assumed that sexual orientation influences friendship

practices.

Past research and relevant literature on gay men’s friendships has revealed that

friendship is salient for gay men, as it can be a central organizing element for their identity

and their emotional well-being (Nardi, 1992a, 1992b,1999; Nardi & Sherrod, 1994; Weeks

et al., 2001; Weinstock, 1998; Weston, 1991). As Nardi has suggests, non-heterosexual

friendships are “the avenues through which gay social worlds are constructed, the sites

upon which gay men’s identities and communities are formed and where the quotidian

dimensions of our (their) lives are carried out.” (1999, p.13). Such friendships are powerful

as they sustain the non-heterosexual world and challenge the traditional societal norms

associated with conventional family life (Weeks et al., 2001).

Resiliencies and Coping Strategies among Gay/Bisexual Youth

Few studies have specifically focused on strengths and resiliencies among LGB

youth. One study that addressed this topic presented resiliency strategies among lesbian,

gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) young people in North West England and South

Wales within the context of hetero-normative environments (Scourfield, Roen &

McDermott, 2008). Resiliency strategies reported by LGBT youth included a belief in

“natural sexual diversity,” the gained strength to resist discrimination and the ability to find

safe and supportive LGBT spaces and people (Scourfield, Roen & McDermott, 2008).

Interestingly, the study also highlighted that some of the participants who were open and

proud of their sexual orientation simultaneously experienced feelings of ambivalence

regarding their identity. These youth expressed the difficulty in constructing a positive

sexual orientation identity in the context of highly structured cultural and societal forces

that give privilege to heterosexuality. The authors assert that this ambivalence and

inconsistency in comfort with one’s identity serves as yet another source of distress

among LGBT adolescents (Scourfield, Roen & McDermott, 2008). These findings

highlight the challenges LGB youth face in maintaining resiliency while having to actively

counter hetero-normative pressures and oppression.

Discovering Gay Culture

On a clinical level, a homosexual is in individual male or female, who is attracted

to someone of the same sex. (Hogan and Hudson, 1999) They come in all shapes and

sizes, races and creeds. They are single, in long-term relationships, mothers, fathers,

brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles, even one’s best friend. They are like everyone else

in society. The only difference is that physically, emotionally and spiritually they are

attracted to members of their own sex. Yet, throughout most of modern history the

homosexual individual has been vilified as different, aberrant and a sexual deviant.

American sodomy laws established in the early 19th century kept the homosexual

rights movement underground until the late 1960’s. During the early years of American
history, many gay individuals kept their alternative lifestyle in the “closet”. The term

"Closet" is defined here as “…a state of concealment in which one immured one’s

homosexuality”.

(Dynes, Johansson and Percy, 1990) This was perhaps due in part to the

perceptions on the part of mainstream society that homosexuality did not exist or, at the

very least was not talked about.

This 3 even extended to homosexual individuals themselves, for many were

unaware that other like-minded individuals existed outside their local social grouping. This

concealment of sexual orientation led many artists to create works that did not function to

exclusively define the existence of a unique culture of homosexuality. Brassï’s A Couple

Dancing at the Bal de la Montagne Saint Geneviève is an example of this type of artwork.

(Plate 1) This photograph, taken at a Parisian nightclub in 1931 during a society gala

depicts a woman dancing with her man. Dressed to the nines in formal gloves and pearls,

she addresses the audience with a smile that is slightly mocking and yet genuine at the

same time. However, “she” is no woman but, rather, a young man dressed up and

disguised as a woman with the use of makeup and feminine attire. The two are out for an

evening of dance and public intimacy normally not afforded to them had the “woman” not

put up her façade. They look like everyone else in the photograph and yet they are

different. The image is “so initially successful in the disguise…that the disturbing element

is its faithful reproduction of the normal world”. (Ellenzweig, 1992)

 Chapter 3

METHODOLOGY

This chapter covered the overview of methodology used in the study. It is

composed of the research design, role of the researcher, research participants, data

collection, data analysis, trustworthiness and ethical considerations.

Kothari (1990) defined research methodology as the systematic, theoretical

analysis of the procedures applied to a field of study. Methodology involves procedures

of describing, explaining and predicting phenomena to solve a problem; it is the ‘how’; the

process, or technique of conducting research. A methodology does not set out to provide

solutions but offers the theoretical underpinning for understanding which procedure, set

of problems, can be applied to a specific case.

In the second revised edition of the work of Kothari (2004) entitled Research

Methodology: Methods and Techniques, he further defined research methodology to

systematically solve the research and it may be understood as a science of studying how

research is done scientifically. Presented in that research methodology are generally

adopted by a researcher in studying his research problem along with the logic behind

them, and the reported that the scope of research methodology is wider than that research

methods. Thus, when we talk of research methodology we do not only talk of the research

methods but also consider the logic behind the methods we use in the context of our

research study and explain why we are using a particular method or technique and why

we are not using others so that research results are capable of being evaluated either by

the researcher himself or by others. Why a research study has been undertaken, how the
research problem has been defined, in what way and why the hypothesis has been

formulated, what data have been collected and what particular method has been adopted,

why particular technique of analyzing data has been used and a host of similar other

questions are usually answered when we talk of research methodology concerning a

research problem or study (Kothari, 1990).

Bryman (2008) explained that methodology refers to a discussion of the underlying

reasoning why particular methods were used. The discussion includes describing the

theoretical concepts that inform the choice of methods to be applied, placing the choice

of methods within the more general nature of academic work, and reviewing its relevance

to examining the research problem. He also added that the discussion also includes a

thorough review of the literature about methods other scholars have used to study the

topic.

In this study, methodology refers to how the research is done according to its

logical sequence. The focus of this study was to examine and discover lived experiences

of students who has Gay Friends: A Curse or A Blessing? Therefore, the research

approach is qualitative.

Research Design

As defined on the work of Kathori (2004), a research design was the arrangement

of conditions for collection and analysis of data in a manner that aims to combine

relevance to the research purpose with economy on the procedure. In fact, the research

design is the conceptual structure within which research is conducted and it constitute the

blueprint for the collection, measurement, and analysis of data.

The study uses descriptive qualitative research design employing phenomenological

approach to obtain the main purpose of the study. Qualitative research design refers to

inductive, holistic, emic, subjective, and process-oriented methods used to understand,

interpret, describe, and develop a theory on phenomenon or setting. It is also a

systematic, subjective approach used to describe life experiences and give them meaning

(Burns & Grove, 2003; Field & Morse, 1996).

Descriptive research includes surveys and fact-finding enquiries of different kinds.

The major purpose of descriptive research is description of the as it exists at present.

Kothari (2004) defined qualitative approach to research is concerned with subjective

assessment of attitudes, opinions and behavior. Research in such a situation is a function

of researcher’s insights and impressions. Such an approach to research generates results

either in non-quantitative form or in the form which are not subjected to rigorous

quantitative analysis. Generally, the techniques of focus group interviews, projective

techniques and depth interviews are used.

Williams (2007) stated on his work: Research Methods that qualitative research is

a holistic approach that involves discovery. Qualitative research is also described as an

unfolding model that occurs in a natural setting that enables the researcher to develop a

level of detail from high involvement in the actual experiences (Creswell, 1994). One

identifier of a qualitative research is the social phenomenon being investigated from the

participant’s viewpoint. What constitutes qualitative research involves purposeful use for

describing, explaining, and interpreting collected data. Leedy & Ormrod (2001) alleged

that qualitative research is less structured in description because it formulates and builds

new theories. Qualitative research can also be described as an effective model that
occurs in a natural setting that enables the researcher to develop a level of detail from

being highly involved in the actual experiences (Creswell, 2003).

Phenomenology as defined by Creswell (2009) was a considered process as well

as a method, and the procedure involved in a small number of subjects through extensive

and prolonged engagement to develop patterns and relationships of meaning. In this

process, we set aside our own experiences in order to understand those participants in

this study and explore the live experiences of the participants through questionnaire and

unstructured interviews. It was defined by Jasper (1994) that phenomenology considers

the true meaning of phenomena be explored through the experiences of them as

described by the individual.

The general purpose of phenomenological study was to understand and describe

a specific phenomenon in-depth and reach at the essence of participants’ lived

experience of the phenomenon, it also aimed to reach the essence of the individuals lived

experience of the phenomenon while ascertaining and defining the phenomenon (Cilesiz,

2010).

Role of the Researcher

Considering ourselves as a human instrument of this study, we are the one who

mediates the data gathered on this research. Our main role as researcher on this study

was to serve as investigator ensuring the compliance of the purpose of conducting this

study, especially to gain insights, discover new ideas, and increase our knowledge and

understanding of the experience of the students in the school to obtain substantial data

from the participants of this study, we formulated approved research guide questions
provided with follow up questions in order for me to attain detailed and deeper responses

that corresponds to our target or main questions.

As researcher, we had to define our research in terms of achievable aims as we

conducted our study. Likewise, it was our responsibility to ensure that the data gathered

from the participants were right and trusted, and their participation in this study was made

from informed way or voluntary. Moreover, we would ensure that the data gathered from

the participants were treated appropriately and especially with confidentiality. Most

importantly, it was our professional accountability to our participants to keep them away

and safe from possible causes that may harm them in the process of conducting in the

study.

Research Participants

The participants of this qualitative research employing phenomenological inquiry

were ten college students who were currently enrolled in the first semester of Academic

Year 2019-2020. These ten participants underwent one-on-one in depth interview. The

participants were purposely selected because of their unique expertise in their respective

fields. Each of these participants were contacted, and a convenient location and time

were allocated for the interview. Through this, might be able to gather insights and

information about their view and perspective in this world. Sargeant (2012) proposed that

quantitative research requires standardization of procedures and random selection of

participants to remove the potential influence external variables and ensure

generalizability of the results.

In contrast, subject selection in qualitative research was purposeful; participants were

selected who can best inform the research questions and enhance understanding of the

phenomenon study. Hence, one of the most important tasks in the study design was to

identify appropriate participants. Decisions regarding selection were based on the

research questions, theoretical perspectives, and evidence informing the study.

Data Collection

Interview was the main method that we used for gathering data in this study. We

have formulated research questions in order to extract the ideas, insights, and lived

experiences of the participants in the study regarding on their perception towards

academic. One-on-one interviews with the participants were structured according to an

interview guide we made which helped discover the themes as the interview progressed.

Kvale (1996) entailed that interview guide was typically without specification of how to

formulate exact questions, and questions were open-ended to encourage the

respondents to give elaborated responses. He further added that interviews were usually

recorded on tape or video. The importance of these notes as data material would vary

among researchers because they would often write these notes by hand and some will

later type and store them as text files, while others used them in the handwritten forms.

In addition to this, Austin & Sutton (2015) presented different ways of making a

record of what is said and done during an interview or focus group, such as taking

handwritten notes or video-recording. He suggested that if the researches used

audio/video-recording data collection, then the recordings must be transcribed verbatim

before data analysis can begin.

Many researchers would also maintain a folder of field notes to complement audio-taped

interviews. Field notes allowed the researcher to maintain and comment upon

impressions, environmental contexts, behaviors, and nonverbal cues that may not be

adequately captured through the audio-recording; they were typically handwritten in a

small notebook at the same time the interview takes place. Field notes could provide

important context to the interpretation of audio-taped data and could help remind the

researcher of situational factors that may be important during data analysis. Such notes

need not be formal, but they should be maintained and secured in a similar manner to

audio tapes and transcripts, as they contain sensitive information and are relevant to the

research.

Data Analysis

The most crucial part of conducting research was on how the researcher of the

study is going to interpret or analyzed the gathered data. In this part, as researcher, we

need to be true to the participants. It was their voice that we’re trying to hear. In analyzing

the data, we will pursue the procedures on reducing or organizing the data that we have

gathered for us to provide research findings that have to be interpreted out of the

participants of the research.

This was the procedure conducted with one-on-one interview, first, we will

transcribe the data through coding every detail of the participants’ responses obtained

from audio-recording into a text format. Next, we will read all the participants’ responses

to get a general sense of whole idea presented.

 After getting the important statements and phrases pertaining to the phenomenon

being studied, meaning we will formulate from the significant statements. We considered

validation from the participants after the formulation of the data to compare the

researchers’ descriptive results with their lived experiences. Sergeant (2012) mentioned

that the purpose of qualitative analysis was to interpret the data and the resulting themes,

to facilitate understanding of the phenomenon being studied. It was our duty to translate

and transcribe the audio-recorded interviews then re-read the entire process carefully and

kept in our mind that in a set of interviews, there were more than on theme that might

exist as wat being stated by Field& Morse (1996).

Trustworthiness

As researcher, it was our sole responsibility to show trustworthiness in our study

to establish the validity and reliability of our study. With strategies to check the accuracy

of the findings, to determine the validity, and to build justification of the themes,

triangulation from different data sources was used. As posted in IHTRCS Conference

(2016), Henderson (2006) as cited by Veal (2011), the key to justifying and assuring that

trustworthiness exists in the study is through a thorough reporting of the process and

results of qualitative data collection and analysis. Guba & Lincoln (1985) trustworthiness

consisted of four different components and those were credibility, confirmability,

transferability, and dependability.

Credibility pointed to the validity of the findings. In addressing credibility,

investigators attempted to demonstrate that a true picture of the phenomenon under

scrutiny was being presented.

It was when the researcher analyzed the data through a process of reflecting, sifting,

exploring, judging its relevance and meaning, and ultimately developing themes and

essences that accurately depict the experience. Credibility was also established through

by member checking, sending participants their transcript for review and verification. As

researcher, to establish credibility on our study, we made sure to represent correct

interpretations of the participants’ original views. Credibility was defined as the confidence

that can be placed in the truth of the research findings (Holloway & Wheeler, 2002;

Macnee & McCabe, 2008).

Confirmability corresponds to the objectivity of the researcher while carrying out

the research. Tobin & Begley (2004) defined confirmability as data and interpretations

and the findings that are not figments of the inquirer’s imagination but were clearly derived

from the data. Confirmability was the degree of neutrality in the research study’s findings.

In other words, this means that the findings were based on participants’ response and not

any potential bias or personal motivations of the researcher.

Transferability is the applicability of the findings in other contexts. Transferability is

how the qualitative researcher demonstrates that the research study’s findings are

applicable to similar situations, similar populations, and similar phenomena. To obtain

transferability, I used thick description to show that the research study’s findings could be

applicable to other context of the study to production of the final report. Bitsch (2005)

stated that the researcher facilitates the transferability judgment by a potential user

through ‘thick description’ and purposeful sampling.

 Dependability was the reliability of the findings at another time. Dependability

involved participants evaluating the findings and the interpretation and recommendations

of the study to make sure that they were all supported by the data received from the

informants of the study (Cohen et al., 2011; Begley & Tobin, 2004). Finally, dependability

was the extent that the study could be repeated by other researchers and that the findings

would be consistent. We made sure that the findings of this research showed stability, in

other words, if a person wanted to replicate my study, they should have enough

information from our research report to do so and obtain similar findings as what we

obtained.

The combination of these four terms constituted towards the trustworthiness

criteria, thus forming conventional pillars for qualitative methodology (Goodson &

Phillimore, 2004). As a researcher of this study, we seek to satisfy their four criteria to

obtain trustworthiness in our study.

Ethical Considerations

Creswell (2009) emphasized that the researcher must anticipate any ethical issues

that may arise during the qualitative process. As researcher, it was our moral obligation

to strictly considered the rights of the research participants and protect their personal

information by providing pseudonyms for their identities to be anonymous. We also

considered confidentiality of their responses by developing trust with them, promoting

integrity of the research, and guarding against misconduct and impropriety that might

reflect on their organizations or institutions. As the Ohio State University stated, research
involving human subjects must include adequate provisions to maintain the confidentiality

of research data.

We also ensured that the involvement of the research participants was purely

voluntary and fully informing them regarding on the procedures of the research study and

their role as participants of the research. Informed consent was very important tool to

comply before the researchers conduct an interview with the participants who involved in

the process of this qualitative study. Voluntary participation referred to a human research

subject’s exercise of free will in deciding whether to participate in a research activity

(Lavrakas, 2008). Moreover, asking permission and an informed consent from the school

administration were factors that we’ve also considered before conducting this research

interview. This permission was in written form and was approved before we conducted

our interview with fourteen participants.

 Chapter 4

RESULTS

We commenced the presentation of this chapter by communicating the findings

and results obtained from the participants of our qualitative research utilizing

phenomenological method. The data were collected and then processed in response to

the problems posed earlier. There were three goals drove the collection of the data and

the subsequent data analysis. Those goals portray the friendship of gays between

straight men and women; We accomplished these objectives, and findings were

demonstrated, and they were used as baseline data in the formulation of the implications

for practice and for future researches.

Shown in Table 1 is the information of the participants. There were 10 participants

of our study who are college students’ friends with gays enrolled in Regular and Weekend

Program of this educational institution for Academic Year 2019-2020. The total number

of the informants are a total of 10 for in-depth interview. Details in gender emphasized

that there are five females and five males. All of them are students of St. John Paul II

College of Davao, both senior and college. In data handling ethical consideration must be

observed with extra care to avoid confidentiality dilemmas that might otherwise lead me

to report rich data from the participants with exaggeration.

 Table 1

Participants’ Information

Category Assumed Name Gender Location Level Study Group

IDI_1 Miss Sabi Female Davao City College Interview

IDI_2 Baby Girl Female Davao City College Interview
IDI_3 Mary Joy Female Davao City College Interview
IDI_4 Bangus Male Davao City Sr. High Interview
IDI_5 PetPet Male Davao City College Interview
IDI_6 Pidoy_27 Male Davao City College Interview
IDI_7 Cors_7 Male Davao City College Interview
IDI_8 Cassie-MD Female Davao City College Interview
IDI_9 TimTim Male Davao City College Interview
IDI_10 Eonnie Female Davao City College Interview

In this way, meticulous data cleaning was done by removing personal identifiers

such as names, but the contextual identifiers of our informants’ life stories were remained

intact. This is particularly true for the participants that we encountered who have faced

unusual life events or who are unique in some way compared to the rest who participated

in this research study. In this case, we informed our participants before the conduct of the

in-depth interview for us to determine in advance whether they wish to remain anonymous

or receive recognition and make every effort to comply with those wishes of the

information that they shared to us. However, all decided to keep their identity hidden. In

a closer look, we presented to them the possible impacts of their choices, and make clear

that despite of their best efforts, anonymity may be compromised, or recognition fails to

materialize in qualitative ethical issues.

Majority of our participants requested with shyness of utterance that their real

names must not be imprinted of whatever information that they provided in our study to
avoid gossips and criticisms to the readers of this manuscript. Hence, it is our prime

concern as researcher to protect the image of our participants. Without second thought,

confidentiality and anonymity is raised with gladness in this study. Thus, the real names

of our participants were renaming, and they were names after the name of individuals

who unceasingly keep on believing us as a person with the capacity to sow a very tiny

seed that can move mountains. The in-depth interview participants were name after Ms.

Sabi, Baby Girl, Mary Joy, Bangus, Petpet, Jeff, Cors, Cassie_MD, Timtim and Eonnie.

Before all else, as we browsed the friendship of students with gays, we found out

that gays are colorful in a way that few of us knows. There are things that we don’t know

about them and we are yet to discover. They might appear strong and that they show

everyone that they have a colorful and happy life but what we didn’t know is that they’re

hiding the things that makes them sad. Gays are unique and we would only understand

that if we will open our minds to them.

Root Codes and Branch Codes about Gay Friends: A Blessing or A Curse?

We understand that to concede with kindness delivers open-mindedness attitude.

Nobody's individual experience can ever be regarded as complete. We must inevitably

draw on the experience of other failures and success in any worthwhile journey. No

people can live happily and successfully before they have learned by experience how to

achieve their dreams and break down their barriers. After all, theoretical knowledge is no

more than the accumulated experience of other people. In the context of my participants’

friendship with gays, they highlighted how they value the friendship, open-mindedness,

happy person,
Figure 1: Root Codes and Branch Codes on the Experiences of the Participants
having Gay Friends

Branch Codes Root Codes

It’s fun and not boring every minute

Excited whenever they’re together

Happy and excited because every time they meet,

there’s a new learning
Nestled with
Joking without hurting other people Happiness
Happy and comfortable to be with them

They’re funny specially within their circle of friends

Fun and comfortable to be with where sharing of

problems is welcome

Studying and going out for few drinks making everyone

happy

Talks about other people

Sharing the same interest

Hang out and have few drinks

Cracking jokes

Chit-chats about some guys and comparing them Joyful Bonding

Instances
Focuses on the lesson by sharing ideas

Birthday Surprises

Being remembered through a big bag that’s brought

wherever they go

They love to sing and remember each other through

karaoke machine and a camera

The day when they first met and shared the same
interest
Figure 1 continued …

Branch Codes Root Codes

Working hard to finish their studies

Keep on laughing while studying lessons and

accomplishing requirements

Attaining dreams to come true with positive vibes Happy

Dreamers
Achieving their goals as friends

Taking their studies seriously

Positive fighter

Figure 1 shows the root codes together with its branch codes on the experiences of the

participants having gay friends.

The friendship that was built between the participants and gays were extra ordinary

as gays brings happiness to their circle of friends. As a woman, we are happy to know

that they have this unique ability which is to make people laugh and make them feel that

even though they are gays, they can be trusted and comfortable to be with. They are

special in a way none of us would know if we won’t give them the chance.

The theme Nestled with Happiness was defined by the participants in different

ways while thinking about their experiences with their friends. Others defines them as fun

and comfortable to be with and some would say that they’re always excited to meet them.

During our in-depth-interview, two of our participants under the pseudonym of Ms. Sabi

and TimTim stated that they’re fun to be with and they’re not boring. Also, they feel

comfortable sharing problems with their friend. Other participants during our in-depth-
interview with the pseudonym of Mary Joy, shared her experience with her gay friend and

what she really feels when they’re together.

Excited ko ug happy at the same time kay naa koy matun-an saiyaha
kay hawd man gud sya ug gina tudluan gyud ko nya. Creative sya ug hawod
mag drawing. Ganahan ko pag magkuyog mi kay malingaw ko ug
makalimot ko sa akoang mga problema. Ingon ana mi sauna tung high
school mi pero sukad atung ni graduae nami, gina bisita ko nya ug gina
dalaan ug pagkaon nga gina pagsaluhan namo. Usahay sad kay bisitahon
namo ang balay sa isa namo ka close friend kay kasagaran sa amoa naa
naman gud anak.

I’m excited and happy because at the same time, I learn something
from him because he is good, and he teaches me. He’s very creative and
good in drawing. I really like it whenever we’re together. I have fun and I
forgot all my problems. That’s what we do when we were in high school but
after we graduated, he sometimes visits me and brings food that we can
share or we sometimes, visit the house of our close friend since most of
have kids already except him. (GFACORAB_IDI3)

We can picture out already how close Mary Joy is to her gay friend especially that

it all started since high school. Their friendship was a wonderful journey that brings

happiness to each other. A friendship that is rare to find and even though they don’t see

each other often after they graduated in high school, they still find time to see each other

even just for a while. A true friend never forgets apart from their busy schedule.

The happiness that they bring to people is priceless. The fact that they make

people laugh and happy by making sure they don’t hurt anyone only shows that they do

care what other people might feel. There are things other people don’t understand about

them but for some, especially to those who are close to their hearts feels comfortable with

them.
 Others stated how comfortable and fun it is to be with their gay friends. Indeed,

laughter is the best medicine as most of them confirmed that it is fun to be with gays and

that they are special in a way other won’t understand. They have the power to make

people forget about their problems even just for a while and make them feel that they are

in a different world.

We have discovered a lot of things about how it is like to be friends with gays and

I realized how lucky are those people who have gay friends. They are the sunshine who

brings light during dark days. Their love for their family friends is special more than we

what we think it is.

Furthermore, happiness is evident on the participants while we are talking about

their friendship and when they shared to us how does it feel to be with them. Friendship

is not about how long have you known each other. Friendship shouldn’t have any

requirements that people need to meet before we can consider them as our friends. As

time goes by, we wouldn’t know that we have spent so much time with them and slowly

then we realized that as time goes by, they became special to us.

Every moment shared with them is worth to be kept and treasured and thus, it

became one of the Joyful Bonding Instances that we shared with them. Every second

counts and sometimes taking pictures won’t matter anymore as every stories or little

chitchat is worth everything than a click of the camera.

For some, it is hard to spend quality time with their friends but for our participants,

they prove that apart from their busy schedule, they always find time for their friends. In

fact, one of them said that they still study together and have little drinks to release some
stress. Spending time with friends, no matter who they are and what they are doesn’t

necessarily mean that you spend it over expensive food and drinks or anything that is

expensive. Others remember those people close to them by everything that would remind

them of their friend. Just like what one of our participants mentioned during the in-depth

interview, under the pseudonym of Baby Girl, she stated:

“O! Nakahinumdum ko tung nag adto mi ug mall then naa syay dako
na bag nga ginadala niya always bisan asa mi mag adto bisan dili ting klase.
Mao to, gigamit nya tung dako nga bag nga mura syag maligo ug dagat.
Mahinumduman nako sya pag kanang ako lang isa ug ang iyahang dako
na bag nga murag maligo ug dagat.”

: Oh! I remember when we went to the mall and then the he has this bag
that he always uses wherever we go even if it’s not school days. So, he
used that big bag and he looks like he’s going to the beach. (laughter). I
always remember him with his big bag where he looks like he’s going to
the beach whenever I go out alone. (GFAC

It’s funny when we remember people for the simplest reason that they do to make

us smile and for some, they appreciate it more when their friends remember them for who

they are and what they are. It is rare to find people who would appreciate your little effort

and you’re lucky if you found one. Moreover, one of our participants have shared that

whenever they feel sad or alone, their gay friends are always there for them.

True friends are those who always have your back through ups and downs, no

matter what they will always be there for you to cheer you up. It saddens me but there

are only few people who would do that. Only few would love your flaws and understand

your endless dramas about life. Only few people would help you to reach your dream and

those few people were some of our participants. They just don’t spend time laughing

together with their gay friends but as well, but they spend time with them dreaming for

their future. Thus, they are called Happy Dreamers.

 Some people thought that gays are happy go lucky people. What we didn’t know

is that they have big dreams as well and they’re working hard to reach those dreams. One

of our attendants during the in-depth interview shared how it was to dream with gays. It

shows that we might see them as happy go lucky people but what we didn’t know is that

they are working on their dreams as well whether it may take some time or not. The

pseudonym Cassie-MD shared:

“Uhm … Naay isa ka event, kadtung English Speech Fest tapos

pareho mi nag apil pero sa lahi lahi nga title. So, kay friends man mi, support
mi sa isa’t-isa tapos pareho mi nadaog. Di namo sya makalimtan kay feeling
namo naa mi na achieved. Syempre, sa college, lisod gyud mag apil ka
tapos madaog ka, so, mao tu amoang achievement.”

Uhm…There’s one event, it was English Speech Fest and we were

participants for different title. Since we’re friends, we support each other
and then we both win. It’s something we will never forget because it feels
like we’ve achieved something. Of course, in college, it’s hard to join into
something and win and that’s our achievement. (GFACORAB_IDI8.)

Sometimes we just need to look behind the simple things people do for us and let

us be thankful for the gift of friendship and the people that we met who is always there

to support us. Nowadays, it is rare to find true friends specially with the new technology

and social media, people would rather spend time scrolling up and down on their phone

screens rather than spending time with real people who will always be there for them.

We realized how lucky a person is when they have gay friends. They color every

corner of someone’s life that has darkness and make people smile without asking

anything in return. They bring laughter every sad faces of their friends. Gays are unique

in a way that only few of us would understand.

Figure 2: Root Codes and Branch Codes on the Opinions of the Participants about
the Existence of Gays

Branch Codes Root Codes

Know how to make someone happy through jokes

Unexpectedly came into our lives

Being generous and have much time together for us

Helpful as friends

Give positive vibes

Positive thinker

Happy go lucky
Generator of
Not choosy Positive
Environment
Brighten up someone’s life

Copied their language or so-called gay lingo like “besh”

“momsh” “charot” “shudi bayot” and “kemang”

Adopted the hand gestures that only them knew

How they make people happy through their jokes

They’re funny and joker

Figure 2 continued …
 Understood them even more as to why they act or
behave in ways people don’t sometimes understand

Become more conscious with their actions since not

everyone will be pleased or would understand

Changed in their emotional state like not being sensitive

Didn’t help a lot because they’re more on joke than

serious matters

They’re one call away when your family is not around Social and
Emotional
Positive thinker when sad or tired
Awareness of Gays
Enhanced socialization with others

Communicates well with other people specially with

gays

Someone who knows how to deal with life and

problems

Learns to cares for others

Share their words of wisdom to sad friends

Cheering up others

Becomes a happy person and learns to open up with

Cooperative and
other people
Interdependent
Being cheerful and generous Relationships with
Others
Being friendly to others without getting shy

Become more understanding and inspiration to others

Figure 2 continued ...

 High interaction skills

Knows how to show genuine love to others

Gets along with other people

Capacity to
Able to balance time, friendship and family
Influence Others
Give good advises

Decent and knows how to handle themselves

Learns how to deal with different people with open mind

Figure 2 shows the branch codes and root codes on the opinions of the participants about

the existence of gays.

The theme “Generator of Positive Environment” as one of the majority of

responses among the participants who are friends with gays, for them gays are not just a

type of friend who would not make you laugh alone but also they can be that friend who

could help you in times of need. We all need a friend who might not be physically present

but whenever we need their guidance and advice, they are the run into persons and as

its branch code says they are “helpful as friends”.

As I was interviewing one of the participants, I can really see how cheerful they

are sharing their experiences confidently and comfortably. Gays not just outspread

positivity’s but also, they influence others with their characteristic specifically the way they

talk and their gestures. One of the informant CASSIE_MD shared some of the things she

has adopted from her gay friends;

 “Mu..ang pinaka kuan jud kay kanang gay linggo. Mao jud na. Kanang mga
“shudi bayut!” Mga ingana ingana gud na mga linggo nila kanang mga..mga
“kemang” *chuckles* inana iilaha jung mga inistoryahan. Kanang wala
nama’y lain pero mostly ang..ang batasan jud diba murag ang mga bayot
kay naa jud na silay kanang murag green minded jud na naapil pud na sa
akoa.”

Mostly…is their gay lingo. That really is. Like “shudi bayut” like that kind of
their linggo li..like “kemang” *chuckles* that’s the way they talk. There’s
nothing more but mostly th..their character, you know gays they are really
green minded I also adopted that. (GFACORAB_IDI8)

Being gay and incredibly happy is what makes them shine through the eyes

of the people around them and spreading their happiness and positivity is how they

create friendship with their sense of humor. That is one reason why most of gay’s

friend’s perception for them are a positive thinker, Cassie-MD shares about her

perception about his gay friends knowing them as just how she feels with them

physically. There is no denying the fact that having friends makes life more fun and

enjoyable. Being around friends is extremely fun and exciting. We love going out on

trips with friends. Partying with friends, gossiping with them for hours, going for

shopping and movies with them and indulging in crazy activities that only your group

can understand is all extremely fun.

“Uhhmm..lingaw kay syempre kung makakauban mn jud kag gay diba

kay daghan jud baya nag mga chika daghag mga libak kanang mas
malingaw jud ka saiyaha makigstorya kay labaw na way issues diretso
lang lib...libak libak lang tayo. *Chuckles*. Storya, chicka , mag chika
chika mi kanang sa life mga syempre basta gay boys jud nang istoryahan
kinsay hamis, kinsay mga cute diri sa school mao jud nang chikahan, kay
kung wala aw wala jud.

Uhhm... it was fun of course if you’re with gay friends there a lot of thing to
discuss, lots of gossips and it’s really fun especially having no issues
that’s it just gossiping *Chuckles*. Talking, chit-chats, just talking about life
of course gays would always talk about boys who’s fair skinned, who’s
cute here at school that’s what they always talk about, if there’s none then
there’s nothing.
 I myself can relate to their responses, It reminds me of some of the gays I

encountered though I don’t know them personally but when you get to converse to them

its seems like you’ve already known each other for a long time because of the non-

hesitant to open to anyone. Some of their characteristics isn’t just about jokes, they

also have time with their friends when it comes to problem sharing and empathizing with

their friends through advices. The Social and Emotional Awareness of Gays helps

them as they infer the feelings and emotions in their environment. In life we always

encounter problems that we need someone’s comfort to ease the pain that we are

feeling and it’s good to have someone who wo doesn’t just listen but also understands.

Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone. Being socially aware is being

sensitive with your environment. One of the participants shares about his being an

introvert person and how his gay friends helped him to be outgoing and to be open with

his friends when it comes to his experiences. He emphasizes saying:

“Ahh siguro kanang pagiging kuan..shareful. Sauna man gud kanang

introvert, ambot matawag ba nako akong self na introvert dili man ko gud
tabian kaayo pero atung mga naa na koy nameet na friends na mga gay
kay murag dili nako..dili nako maawkward na mag share ug mga ideas
ingon ana, mga life happenings, mga happy moments sa akoang kinabuhi
ma..makashare nako.”

Ahh maybe being... shareful. Before I was really an introvert, I don’t know
if I was considered an introvert person, but I really don’t like sharing
thoughts. But when I met my gay friends, I was no longer shy in sharing
ideas, life happenings, happy moments in my life I was able to share it to
others now. (GFACORAB_IDI7)

Life doesn’t make any sense without interdependence; we need someone to

make things better. People combine their efforts with the efforts of others to be

exponentially better, as the famous line says, “No Man is an Island.”

 That’s why Interdependence and Cooperative Relationship with Others is

important even just someone who you could. share who you can lean onto when you’re

feeling tired and lonely. Most of us are secretive with our family, besides, there are

always numerous things that one cannot share with our family member but can easily

share with friends. Understanding builds a good friendship relationship also involve

being there for each other in times of need. An indication of the importance of

interdependence is the endurance for 24 centuries of the quotation, “A friend in need is

a friend indeed,”. Friends give us emotional support; they help us during difficult times

and make us feel special. Blessed are those who have true friends in life . We have all

heard about mid-life crisis. More and more people these days are suffering from this

problem. Their family, school, love life and almost everyone and everything around

begins to appear as a burden to them at this age. Having gay friends around at this time

can help in bringing about positivity amid this emotional upheaval. Friends are equally

important during old age. They also help in looking at the positives in life and shun the

negativity.

Mary Joy says that his gay friends become her run to person even not physically

present but through chats, still she was able to share to discuss issues, vent out their

feelings, seek advice and go out. She continued saying,

“Basta kay ano...words of wisdom niya, kanang murag sa karon man gud
usahay rami gakita pero chat chat kana nuon murag mag open ko sa iya
na kapoy na jud kanang ana ana. Hawd pud kaayo na sya manambag pud
murag maigo ka ba makahilak ka makatouch ah bitaw no. Ma determined
nbitaw ka na..na ano ah sige di nako mag kapoy kapoy oy tama pud
bitaw iyang giingon ingana. Makarealize.”
 His words of wisdom bring out the best in me. As of now, we seldom see
each other but we communicate through social media. Whenever I talk to
him through chat and tell him that I’m tired and such, he really knows what
to say to me to cheer me up and realize things. Then, I’ll think about what
he said and realized he’s right. (GFACORAB_IDI3)
Friends have a big influence over how you feel, think, and behave. Wisdom is

contagious and if you surround yourself with these kinds of persons you can easily

adopt their characteristics. The participants considered them as influential not only

thorough gestures but also their wisdoms and inner mind.

Figure 3: Root Codes and Branch Codes on the Treatment of Participants to their
Gay Friends

Branch Codes Root Codes

Same taste with boys and disagrees with spicy food

Talking about someone

Doesn’t argue at all

Get along when sharing the same interests

Talking about naughty topics

Equal Discourse
Work to come up with the same decision making of Life

Happy to see good looking guys

Laughing together while sharing funny jokes

Same taste with food

Comfortable sharing problems with them since they’ve

been friends for a long time

Like brothers and sisters

Comfortable sharing secrets to each other

Gatekeepers of
Share secrets and problems because they’re Secrets
trustworthy

Comfortable in sharing based on the topic

Comfortable sharing with secrets

Figure 3 continued …

Stay away from conflicts

Resolve problems in a nice way

Not remembered fighting them

When conflict arise, directly talk to them through jokes

With High
Talks to them directly and frank Regard

Ask apology when got mistakes to them

Listen to them carefully

Connects on them by sending a message

Root Codes and Branch Codes on the Treatment of the

Participants to their Gay Friends

We are surrounded by different people with unique characteristics that we may

hate or love. Also, whether the person do good or bad, people will always have something

to say. We cannot please everybody to like us or to be friends with us thus, some would

like to know how an individual treat their friends especially their gay friends.

Some of our participants have shared their thoughts about their friendship and how

they treat their each other. The in-depth interview has opened our eyes to what being

friends with gays really means and how gays brings happiness to their lives.

The theme Equal Discourse of Life talks about their similarities, how they get

along and have fun together. It also tells how they treat each other as friends and how

equal they are in terms of decision making. Their friendship is special in a way that most

of us won’t understand. Sometimes, we think of ourselves highly that we mistreat others

and doesn’t care about what they would feel.

 During the in-depth interview, I found out how does the participants treat their gay

friends and vice versa. According to one of our participants under the pseudonym of Miss

Sabi, she stated how she sometimes hates his gay friend for some reason:

“Magkasinabot mi anang … parehas mi ug ganahan sa lalaki. Tapos

maglalis mi sa mga halang na pagkaon. Dili man gud ko ganahan ug haling
na pagkaon pero gibutang gyud nya ug murag haling ang among pagkaon
unya di jud ko ganahan.”

Things we agree is…we have the same taste in boys. Then we always
argue about spicy food. I don’t like spicy food, but he really put something
spicy on our food which I really don’t like. (GFACORAB_IDI1)

It is nice to have people who share the same interest with you and listens to your

endless drama and can keep your deepest darkest secrets. It’s rare, so when you found

one, make sure to keep them. It’s hard to find people whom we can call as

Gatekeepers of Secrets. Only few would understand your dilemmas, overrated

speeches and happenings in your life that you consider as extraordinary and few of

them are your gay friends. Some prefers to keep their secrets on their own instead of

sharing it to their friends. It could be they’re not sure how to say it, they are afraid that

they might be judged, or others just don’t feel comfortable sharing secrets with their gay

friends.

One of our participants under the pseudonym Eonnie told us that;

“Dili kaayo ko ganahan or comfortable mag share ug sekreto saila ug

kabalo ko na ingon ana sad ilahang feeling. Ambot ngano pero dili lang
gyud kaayo ko naga share saila.”

I’m not comfortable sharing secrets with them and I know they feel the
same way. I’m not sure why, it’s just that I don’t share much with them.
(GFACORAB_IDI10)
 On the odd occasion, we feel like keeping things to ourselves rather than telling

or sharing it to others. We are afraid of their comments and judgements. It could

because for some, it is something they can resolve on their own or it could because it

might not be something interesting to share to others. Just like one of the interviewees

who shared to us that sharing secrets with gay friends depends on the topic and we

found out that it is not only towards his gay friends but also to others. He said that;

“Tackless oo, ano lang pud ako dili man pud ko pala share pud na tao so
comfortable ko magshare ug thoughts base lang sa topic or sa
ginastiryahan pero pag personal na kaayo kay murag ginakeep lang man
gud nako na sya sa akoang sarili so dili nako ma rate kung unsa sya ka
kung unsa ko ka comfortable mag share ug secrets sakong mga ano bale
dili lang sya sa bayot sa tanan jud ko ingani dili ko pala share.

Tactless yes, it’s just that I am not the kind of person who shares so much,
so, I’m comfortable in sharing thoughts base on the topic or whatever
we’re talking about but if it’s something personal, I keep it to myself. So, I
cannot really rate how comfortable are we sharing secrets with each other
but it’s not only with gays but to everyone. I don’t share so much.
(GFACORAB_IDI6)

If people choose to keep things as a secret, then we must respect it. We should

not force someone to tell us something when they are not comfortable to do so.

However, the statement of Bangus contradicts the first two statement of our

participants. He stated during the interview that;

“Komportable ko mag sulti ug sekreto ug problema saila kay tungod

masaligan nako sila.”

I’m comfortable sharing secrets and problems with them because

they’re trustworthy. (GFACORAB_IDI4).

The word “trustworthy” is not something that can be easily used when someone

asks you to define them. Trust is something that we should earn from our friends

and we want them to trust us, we should stay truthful to our words. Another
participant opened my eyes that gays are trustworthy and can be considered as

gatekeepers of secrets. He mentioned during the interview that:

“Ahh … Komportale kaayo ko. Maayo sila nga tao nga pwede masultan ug
problema or sekreto.”

Ahh…Very comfortable. It seems that they’re good people to share

something with like problems or secrets. (GFACORAB_IDI7)

It tells us that gays are the type of people you can be comfortable with when it

comes to sharing secrets or problems and rest assured that they do what they say. Just

like most of us, when someone tells us a secret, we do our best to hide it because we

don’t want any conflicts with our friends. And if by any chance we do have some

arguments with them, for some they tend to solve it as soon as possible by confronting

them and asking them what went wrong. Therefore, the theme With High Regards was

created for us to have an idea how do they resolved their conflicts without offending

each other and giving comfort to their friend.

Some individuals would rather end their friendship instead of fixing what went

wrong and some would turn their backs on them when they needed them the most but

for most of our participants, they try to save what’s worth saving. Others might find it

offensive especially if you’re not used to it but for them, it is how they make sure they

would save their friendship. The participant with the pseudonym Mary Joy stated that:

“Storyahon nako sya kanang kami lang duha kesa sa daghan tao
nako sy koreksyunan basin malain sya. Pag sobra na kaau sya, muingong
gyud ko saiya kanang kalma ug pamaagi sa yaga-yaga.”

I talk to him in private rather than correcting him in public because

he might get hurt. When he’s teasing is too much, I talk to him and warn
him in a calm way and through joke. (GFACORAB_IDI3)
 If it’s the only for them to keep and continue the relationship they have, one must

know how give way, understand and listen. Friendship is not just about happiness and

laughter, but it is also about being there for each other through ups and down. Our

friends appreciate when we listen to them and make them feel that we are just one call

away when they need us.

Another participant under the pseudonym Petpet added that:

Ah…Akong ginabuhat kay storyahon nako sila diritso kay kabalo

man ko dili sila malain kung unsa man akong iingon kay kabalo naman
sila unsa mi mag storya. Kabalo naman sya daan unsa mi mag badlong
saiya.

Ah…What I do is I talk directly because I know they won’t be offended

whatever we say because they knew already how we talk to him about his
actions. He knows how we correct him and how he corrects us.
(GFACORAB_IDI5)

Mary Joy and Petpet’s statements tells us that when someone is doing

something wrong, there are ways to correct them without being offensive. They’re still

humans who can feel pain and embarrassment. Thus, we need to think before we talk

and somehow consider the words we’re going to use when talking to them. Let us not

think of ourselves highly and degrade other people.

Some of our friends might not tell us directly that they’re hurt, or they are in pain.

It’s either they’re shy or afraid to be judged. Thus, when they have the courage to tell us

what’s on their mind, let’s lend them our ears and time. They may not hear from us the

words they wanted to hear but having someone to talk to and listens to everything you

say is something not everyone can do.

 We have different ways of comforting people and when someone is not good in

words, they observe their friend’s actions and would ask them our for some drinks or

food trip. As it is one of the best ways to loosen up some stress and then they can start

sharing what they really feel. Thus, the participant with the pseudonym Bangus said,

that:

“Magdala ko chocobum para maka sulti sya saiya kasakit.”

I’ll bring a drink, chocobum to express the pain. (GFACORAB_IDI4)

Indeed, alcohol is the fastest way for someone to start talking about their pain

and when we asked TimTim about his opinion for this matter. He stated that:

“Kung ma feel nako nga naa silay gibati, obserbahan sa nako na

ilahang mga actions tapos pag weird na gane, storyahon nako na sila ug
agdahon ug inom. Kalimtan sa nila kung unsa man tung gina huna huna
nila.”

If I feel like they have a problem, I observe them through their actions and
if ever I feel like they’re acting weird, I’ll talk to them directly and ask them
for a drink so that they can set aside whatever it is that’s bothering them.
(GFACORAB_IDI9)

TimTim and Bangus shared the same ideas about comforting their friends

through a bottle of beer or some drinks. It could be that they’re not good in words thus

they will do it in a way where it comfortable not only for them but as well as for their

friends.

Comforting someone is not easy as other thinks it is but what others do is that

they put themselves on other people shoe and think before they talk, making sure they

won’t hurt someone.

 It depends on the person but for someone like Cassie-MD who knows what to

say to her friends, she mentioned that:

“Pag naa kay friend na bayot, dili gyud dayun nimo mahibaluan kung
feeling down sila. Kabalo naka sa mga bayot sobra ka positive so usahay
ginatago lang na nila pero kung sa akoa na mahitabo, paminawon gyud
nako sila kung unsa ilahang problema. Maminaw ko tapos iingon nako saila
nga okay rana ug kaya na nimo. Mao na akoang buhaton.”

When… if you really have a gay friend you would really...for me you will
never really know if they’re feeling down, you know gays, are very positive
so they just hide it but if ever that would happen, for me I would just listen
what’s the problem. I would listen and I would tell them “it’s okay, you can
do it” that’s what I’ll do. (GFACORAB_IDI8)

Gays wears a mask for a reason and when you wear a mask it means you’re

hiding. Either they’re hiding what they really feel, their emotions like pain and such or it

could be they’re hiding they’re true story and who they are. Being friends with them is not

just all about rainbows and sunshine but it’s more than that.

We all can relate to what Cassie-MD said and it does not apply to gay friends only

but as well as everyone around us. We might see people laughing out loud, but it might

be they’re dying inside. Point is, we must keep our minds open and be more

understanding to other people as we don’t know that they might be going through

something we can’t imagine especially our gay friends.

 Chapter 5

DISCUSSION

In this chapter, the findings of the study are discussed based on the research

questions presented in chapter one. After a brief review of the questions and the

generated emerging themes were discussed, including interpretations that attempted to

provide logical explanations. The findings are also related to the trends and developments

outlined in the literature review.

Experiences of the Participants Having

Gay Friends
Nestled with Happiness

The theme nestled with happiness tells us how happy and comfortable they are

with their gay friends and their statements during the in-depth interview is based from

their experience.

Happiness is a long-tested subjective assessment of general well-being that

conveys people’s self-evaluation of their current life condition above and beyond

information gained from negative constructs (Diener, Suh, Lucas, & Smith, 1999).

Articulating the distribution of happiness is an important research goal

(Blanchflower & Oswald, 2004; Yang, 2008). One of the first experimental studies to

demonstrate that happiness increases charitable behavior was conducted by Isen and

Levin (1972), who showed that after experiencing positive events (such as receiving

cookies, or finding a dime left in a payphone), participants were more likely to help others:

Thus, people who felt good were more likely to provide help and more productive.
 Happy people have highly satisfying relationships with friends, romantic partners

and family members, and that compared to their less happy peers, they report more

positive events and emotions in their daily lives relative to negative ones (Diener and

Seligman 2002).

Also, a research conducted by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky (2007) shows that happier

people tend to have larger circle of friends, experience strong social support, and more

likely to be a support for others.

Joyful Bonding Instances

The bond between friends is special and that we make it to the point to remember

everything even the smallest details about our friends. It is rare to find people who shares

the same interest with you and would never get tired talking or listening to their friends.

Thus, the theme Joyful Bonding Instances was created as it supports each friendship who

spend quality time together for more memories and to share happiness.

And for you to share such wonderful moments, we need to know what friendship

means. Friendship requires mutual liking, where liking involves being attracted to,

preferring, being please by, or enjoying the other person (Annis, 1987).

Gratitude is an important human strengths that contributes to subjective happiness

(Emmons and Crumpler, 2000; McCullough et al., 2002; Peterson and Seligman, 2004).

Grateful individuals were especially appreciative of the contribution of others to their

happiness (McCullough et al, 2001).

Happy Dreamers

The theme Happy Dreamer was created as it tells us that they’re working on their

dreams with their friends. They are Happy Dreamers because of their positive outlook in

life and their capacity to outspread joy and to inspire everyone. Though everyone sees

them as happy go lucky people but what we didn’t know is that they’re working on their

dreams to make them come true.

Personality was found to be equally predictive of life satisfaction, happiness, and

positive affect, but significantly less predictive of negative affect. (DeNeve, K. M., &

Cooper, H. (1998).

Opinions of the Participants about the

Existence of Gays
The opinions of the participants about the existence of gays provided with the

following emerging themes: generator of positive environment, social and emotional

awareness of gays, cooperative and interdependent relationship with others, and capacity

to influence others. These themes were conferred with supporting principles and ideas

from various scholars.

Generator of Positive Environment

Peers were encouraged to share their own experiences of friendships (Whitaker

et al., 1998). ‘Circle of friends’ is an approach that focuses on helping people who are

finding it difficult to participate in mainstream situations. Friendship is about choice and

chemistry and cannot even be readily defined, much less forced. This is precisely its

magic. Realizing this, we can acknowledge without any sense of inadequacy that we are
not, nor do we need to be, friendship sorcerers (Van der Klift & Kunc, 2002). This

consisted of defining the term friend and a class discussion of what friends do and what

makes a good friend.

“The approach promotes the inclusion of individuals who face the greatest risk of

rejection or isolation from the community in which they live because of their disability,

behaviour or difference” (Newton & Wilson, 2003: 12).

Social and Emotional Awareness of Gays

The participants interviewed reported having both fun and supportive friendships.

From going for drinks at the pub to facing death, relationship break up and other serious

problems, participants in this study showed that they were highly supportive of each other.

Cheering their friend up, giving a piece of advice or offering emotional support; both

heterosexual and non-heterosexual participants seemed to be supportive of their friends

during difficult phases and critical moments in their lives.

Cooperative and Interdependent Relationships with Others

One explanation proposed in the literature and rooted in the self-determination

theory (Deci, 1975) is that helping others is intrinsically rewarding. Operating primarily at

the individual level, this mechanism posits that individuals enjoy helping per se and

therefore do not need any external rewards, such as material compensation or

reciprocation, to benefit from the action emotionally (Meier & Stutzer, 2004). Spending

money on others often allows one spending time with them and thus strengthens one's

social connections -factors shown to be among most important predictors of happiness

(Lucas & Dyrenforth, 2006). Besides, prosocial behavior has been shown to be positively
related to happiness on its own, due to a social approval associated with it (Oarga,

Stavrova, & Fetchenhauer, 2015; Stavrova, Schlösser, & Fetchenhauer, 2013).

Friendships form most easily when effort is reciprocated (Brueckner, 2006).

Capacity to Influence Others

A gay slang has been used by the LGBT in speaking, it is their different style of

speaking a language that only gays or friends of gays can understand and relate to. These

has been the number one thing that participants adopted from them. A sophisticated

understanding of the social dynamics and uses of homophobic language has developed

in the sociological literature (e.g. Burn 2000; Nayak and Kehily 1996). This has focused

on the gendered nature of homophobic language and argued that homophobic language

primarily regulates gendered behaviours rather than sexual identities (Kiesling 2007).

Given the centrality of homophobia to constructions of masculinity, the regulatory use of

such language has been particularly prevalent among adolescent males (Mac an Ghaill

1994). Indeed, friendship was highlighted as important in how ‘gay lingo’ was interpreted

by many participants, several of whom enjoyed using it with their straight friends.

Treatment of the Participants to

Their Gay Friends

The experiences shared by the participants showed luminous colors on the

following attributes: equal discourse of life, gatekeepers of secrets and with high regard.

These revealing themes were analyzed critically and substantiated with supporting

scholars’ principles and propositions.

Equal Discourse of Life

Every individual is free and equal, and it says that each reasonable member of the

public must have good reasons to endorse laws (or, for Rawls, constitutional essentials)

of their society if they are to be treated as free and equal (Vallier, 2011).

Also, it was added that we correctly think of ourselves as free and equal from the

moral point of view. We all have the same moral status as free persons as people who

are not naturally under the authority of someone else. If person A claimed the moral right

to control the life of person B without offering a suitable justification for this claim, A would

be claiming a higher moral status to B. The liberal view of people as free and equal is

incompatible with this claimed inequality of moral status (Quong, 2010).

Thus, the participants and their gay friends have equal rights when it comes to

decision making, sharing interest and such.

Gatekeepers of Secrets

As we observed with our participants, women are closer with their gay friends

and more likely to bond with. According to some research, straight women and gay men

share a notable degree of closeness and rapport—characteristics that are conspicuously

absent from their relationships with straight men. Empirical research also provides

evidentiary support for the phenomenon of women enjoying forming close friendships with

gay men; Grigoriou (2004), for example, documented that women experience an

increased level of trust and comfort when they are around gay men.
 Secret, however, is not merely the opposite of self-disclosure (i.e., the act of

revealing personal information to others) (Collins and Miller 1994) because the secret

keeping process feels burdensome and stressful (Pennebaker 1989;1990). It is an

effortful process that requires cognitive and emotional resources (Frijns 2005; Lane and

Wegner 1995; Wegner 1989;1992;1994; Wegner, Lane, and Dimitri 1994), while not

disclosing personal information does not require such efforts. In other words, different

from " self-disclosure inhibition, " the secret keeping process requires individuals to exert

energy and resources to ensure that the secret can be kept hidden from others.

Implications for Practice

Gay friends are know to be happy person and a generator of positive

environment because of their nature of being outgoing. In this way they influence their

friends with their attitude from the way they talk and the way they speak. This study

addresses the effect of narratives offering a positive depiction of gay men on the

audience’s change in attitude towards homosexuality. The experiences of participants

having gay friends draw nestled with happiness, joyful bonding instances and happy

dreamers. Detailed below are issues and concerns arose which were the basis in

formulating the implications for practice to the concerned individuals.

As the data shows, when issues concerning their intimate life were considered,

gay men would rather have a family that is like their friends than friends who are like their

families of origin. Other issues discussed in this study were outsiders’ perception of such

friendship and the homophobic reactions of their social networks. Overall, our findings

suggest that sexual orientation differences in number of same-gender and cross-gender

friends are generally small or non-existent, and satisfaction with friends was equally

important to overall life satisfaction for all groups.

Implications for Future Research

In the future, it would be interesting to explore a separate study of having

gay friends of men and having gay friends of heterosexual female as well as the age on

this form of friendship. Most of the participants in this study were single (not married) in

their twenties and still a studying. Life course transitions (career, marriage, parenthood

etc.) may affect these friendships, as the participants may no longer be so available to

their friends.

The findings of this research could be compared and contrasted with those

of the present study. According to some research, straight women and gay men share a

notable degree of closeness and rapport—characteristics that are conspicuously absent

from their relationships with straight men. Empirical research also provides evidentiary

support for the phenomenon of women enjoying forming close friendships with gay men;

Grigoriou (2004), for example, documented that women experience an increased level of

trust and comfort when they are around gay men. Keller and Wood (1989) examined how

children and adolescents interpret friendship and how this interpretation changes

developmentally. Keller and Wood (1989) also looked at friendships among adolescents.

They found that as the participants matured into adolescence, so did their cognitive

abilities. . Finally, possible future studies investigated by other researchers using a

different sample, may offer new understandings and further enhance the picture of gay
men’s friendships with their heterosexual female friends. The concept of intersectionality

(Cole, 2009) is used to characterize the variable, differential, and unique effects of

constructs such as race, ethnicity, culture, gender, age, sexual orientation, class, and

disability on the individual’s life. Intersectionality is defined by multiple categories of

identity, difference, and disadvantage. The understanding of how these categories

depend upon one another for meaning is based on questions of inclusion (i.e., diversity

within categories), inequality (i.e., relative placement in hierarchies of power and

privilege), and similarities (i.e., commonalities across categories typically viewed as

deeply different) (Cole, 2009). The following guidelines on diversity each reflect a

substantive construct; however, the reader is encouraged to consider them through the

lens of intersectionality.

The social stigma associated with lesbian, gay, and bisexual identities may

create pressure on youth to conform to heterosexual dating behaviors, to hide their sexual

orientation, or to avoid social interactions (Safren & Pantalone, 2006). Attempts to mask

or deny their sexual identity may put lesbian, gay, and bisexual teens at higher risk for

unwanted pregnancy (Saewyc, 2006), engaging in unsafe sex (Rosario, Schrimshaw, &

Hunter 2006), interpersonal violence (Russell, Franz & Driscoll, 2001), and suicide

attempts (Savin-Williams, 2001). Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youths often experience

negative parental reactions about their sexual orientation (Heatherington & Lavner,

2008). Supportive families may be a protective factor against the negative effects of

minority stress for lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth (Meyer, 2003; Ryan, 2009). However,

well-intentioned heterosexual parents may not offer the degree of insight and socialization

needed by lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth to protect them from both the experience of
heterosexism and the internalizationof heterosexist beliefs (Green, 2004). Close

relationships with a network of supportive friends therefore are extremely important and

can serve as a buffer against the pain of familial rejection and/or societal heterosexism. A

strong friendship network has been viewed as pivotal in sexual identity exploration and

development (D’Augelli, 1991).

Concluding Remarks

These findings contribute important information regarding factors that impact

self-perceptions of sexual orientation identity among gay/bisexual male youth. Despite

social and cultural messages regarding a gay/bisexual sexual orientation, this study

demonstrates that these young participants were able to embrace positive aspects o

having gay friends. Their gay friends and peers helped them achieved a positive sense

of their identity. It is also focused on how this friendship is perceived and evaluated by

the people involved in it.

This result goes in line with other previous studies suggesting that association with only

one member of a group results in more positive attitudes than in case of not having any

associations (Herek 2007; Herekand Capitanio 1995; Pettigrew and Tropp 2006,2011).

On the other hand, participants who knew at least two gay people had significantly more

positive attitudes from those who did not know any gay person. As a possible explanation
for this finding, we believe that having an acquaintance with more than one member of

another group enables comprehension of variability within the group, reducing in such a

way the probability of perceiving their behavior as a typical.

Allies are individuals who are members of a privileged social group who support

and advocate for members of an oppressed group (Washington & Evans, 1991). In

addition, two more popular books addressing friendships between gay men and

heterosexual women have been published recently (Hopcke & Rafaty, 1999; Tillmann-

Healy, 2001). In Hopcke and Rafaty’s (1999) book1 based on interviews with a US

sample, friendships between gay men and heterosexual women were very compatible in

terms of equality, intimacy, acceptance and shared activities. The interviewees reported

discussing everything with their friends, apart from their sexual life. They also presented

their friendships as platonic without excluding the possibility of attraction and flirtation

between them. Other issues discussed in this book were outsiders’ perception of such

friendship and the homophobic reactions of their social networks.

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