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Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not physical violence alone. Domestic violence is any behavior the
purpose of which is to gain power and control over a spouse, partner, girl/boyfriend or
intimate family member. Abuse is a learned behavior; it is not caused by anger, mental
problems, drugs or alcohol, or other common excuses.

Types of Domestic Violence

When the general public thinks about domestic violence, they usually think in terms of physical
assault that results in visible injuries to the victim. This is only one type of abuse. There are
several categories of abusive behavior, each of which has its own devastating consequences.
Lethality involved with physical abuse may place the victim at higher risk, but the long term
destruction of personhood that accompanies the other forms of abuse is significant and cannot
be minimized.

Types of Abuse:

 Control
 Physical Abuse
 Sexual Abuse
 Emotional Abuse & Intimidation
 Isolation
 Verbal Abuse: Coercion, Threats, & Blame
 Using Male Privilege
 Economic Abuse
 Control Controlling behavior is a way for the batterer to maintain dominance over the
victim. Controlling behavior, the belief that they are justified in the controlling
behavior, and the resultant abuse is the core issue in abuse of people. It is often subtle,
almost always insidious, and pervasive. This may include but is not limited to:

Checking the mileage on the odometer following their use of the car.

Monitoring phone calls, using caller ID or other number monitoring devises, not allowing them
to make or receive phone calls.

Not allowing their freedom of choice in terms of clothing styles or hairstyle. This may include
forcing the victim to dress a specific way such as more seductively or more conservatively than
they are comfortable.
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Calling or coming home unexpectedly to check up on the victim. This may initially start as what
appears to be a loving gesture, but becomes a sign of jealousy or possessiveness.

Invading the victim’s privacy by not allowing time and space of their own.

Forcing or encouraging their dependency by making the victim believe that they’re incapable
of surviving or performing simple tasks without the batterer or on their own.

Using the children to control the victim parent by using the children as spies, threatening to
kill, hurt or kidnap the children, physical and/or sexual abuse of the children, and threats to
call Department of Child Safety (DCS, formerly CPS) if the victim parent leaves the relationship.

 Physical Abuse: According to the AMEND Workbook for Ending Violent Behavior,
physical abuse is any physically aggressive behavior, withholding of physical needs,
indirect physically harmful behavior, or threat of physical abuse. This may include but is
not limited to:

Hitting, kicking, biting, slapping, shaking, pushing, pulling, punching, choking, beating,
scratching, pinching, pulling hair, stabbing, shooting, drowning, burning, hitting with an object,
threatening with a weapon, or threatening to physically assault.

Withholding of physical needs including interruption of sleep or meals, denying money, food,
transportation, or help if sick or injured, locking victim into or out of the house, refusing to give
or rationing necessities.

Abusing, injuring, or threatening to injure others like children, pets, or special property.

Forcible physical restraint against the victim’s will, being trapped in a room or having the exit
blocked, being held down.

The batterer hitting or kicking walls, doors, or other inanimate objects during an argument,
throwing things in anger,destruction of property.

Holding the victim hostage.

 Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse is using sex in an exploitative fashion or forcing sex on
another person. Having consented to sexual activity in the past does not indicate
current consent. Sexual abuse may involve both verbal and physical behavior. This may
include, but is not limited to:
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Using force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation or not considering the victim’s desire to have sex.
This may include making the victim have sex with others, have unwanted sexual experiences,
or be involuntarily involved in prostitution.

Exploiting a victim who is unable to make an informed decision about involvement in sexual
activity because of being asleep, intoxicated, drugged, disabled, too young, too old, or
dependent upon or afraid of the perpetrator.

Laughing or making fun of another’s sexuality or body, making offensive statements, insulting,
or name-calling in relation to the victim’s sexual preferences/behavior.

Making contact with the victim in any nonconsensual way, including unwanted penetration
(oral, anal or vaginal) or touching (stroking, kissing, licking, sucking or using objects) on any
part of the victim’s body.

Exhibiting excessive jealousy resulting in false accusations of infidelity and controlling

behaviors to limit the victim’s contact with the outside world.

Having affairs with other people and using that information to taunt the victim.

Withholding sex from the victim as a control mechanism.

 Emotional Abuse & Intimidation: According to the AMEND Workbook for Ending Violent
Behavior, emotional abuse is any behavior that exploits anther’s vulnerability,
insecurity, or character. Such behaviors include continuous degradation, intimidation,
manipulation, brainwashing, or control of another to the detriment of the
individual(AMEND 3). This may include but is not limited to:

Insulting or criticizing to undermine the victim’s self-confidence. This includes public

humiliation, as well as actual or threatened rejection.

Threatening or accusing, either directly or indirectly, with intention to cause emotional or

physical harm or loss. For instance, threatening to kill the victim or themselves, or both.

Using reality distorting statements or behaviors that create confusion and insecurity in the
victim like saying one thing and doing another, stating untrue facts as truth, and neglecting to
follow through on stated intentions. This can include denying the abuse occurred and/or telling
the victim they are making up the abuse. It might also include crazy making behaviors like
hiding the victim’s keys and berating them for losing them.

Consistently disregarding, ignoring, or neglecting the victim’s requests and needs.

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Using actions, statements or gestures that attack the victim’s self-esteem and self-worth with
the intention to humiliate.

Telling the victim that she is mentally unstable or incompetent.

Forcing the victim to take drugs or alcohol.

Not allowing the victim to practice their religious beliefs, isolating the victim from the religious
community, or using religion as an excuse for abuse.

Using any form of coercion or manipulation which is disempowering to the victim.

 Isolation: Isolation is a form of abuse often closely connected to controlling behaviors.

It is not an isolated behavior, but the outcome of many kinds of abusive behaviors. By
keeping the victim from seeing who they wants to see, doing what they want to do,
setting and meeting goals, and controlling how the victim thinks and feels, the abuser is
isolating the victim from the resources (personal and public) which may help the victim
leave the relationship. By keeping the victim socially isolated, the batterer is keeping
the victim from contact with the world which might not reinforce the abuser’s
perceptions and beliefs. Isolation often begins as an expression of his love for the victim
with statements like “if you really loved me, you would want to spend time with me,
not your family”. As it progresses, the isolation expands, limiting or excluding the
victim’s contact with anyone but the batterer. Eventually, the victim is left totally alone
and without the internal and external resources to change their life.

Some victims isolate themselves from existing resources and support systems because of the
shame of bruises or other injuries, the abuser’s behavior in public, or the abuser’s treatment of
friends or family. Self-isolation may also develop from fear of public humiliation or from fear of
harm to herself or others. The victim may also feel guilty for the abuser’s behavior, the
condition of the relationship, or a myriad of other reasons, depending on the messages
received from the abuser.

 Verbal Abuse: Coercion, Threats, & Blame: Verbal abuse is any abusive language used to
denigrate, embarrass or threaten the victim. This may include but is not limited to:

Threatening to hurt or kill the victim or their children, family, pets, property or reputation.

Name calling (‘ugly’, ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, or ‘stupid’)

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Telling victim they are unattractive or undesirable.

Yelling, screaming, rampaging, terrorizing or refusing to talk

Using Male Privilege: As long as we as a culture accept the principle and privilege of male
dominance, men will continue to be abusive. As long as we as a culture accept and tolerate
violence against women, men will continue to be abusive.

 According to Barbara Hart in Safety for Women: Monitoring Batterers’ Programs:

All men benefit from the violence of batterers. There is no man who has not enjoyed the male
privilege resulting from male domination reinforced by the use of physical violence . . . All
women suffer as a consequence of men’s violence. Battering by individual men keeps all
women in line. While not every woman has experienced violence, there is no woman in this
society who has not feared it, restricting her activities and her freedom to avoid it. Women are
always watchful knowing that they may be the arbitrary victims of male violence. Only the
elimination of sexism, the end of cultural supports for violence, and the adoption of a system
of beliefs and values embracing equality and mutuality in intimate relationships will end men’s
violence against women.

Domestic violence is about power and control. A feminist analysis of woman battering rejects
theories that attribute the causes of violence to family dysfunction, inadequate
communications skills, women’s provocation, stress, chemical dependency, lack of spiritual
relationship to a deity, economic hardship, class practices, racial/ethnic tolerance, or other
factors. These issues may be associated with battering of women, but they do not cause it.
Removing these factors will not end men’s violence against women.

Batterers behave abusively to control their partner’s behavior, thereby achieving and
maintaining power over their partners and getting their own needs and desires met quickly
and completely. There are also many secondary benefits of violence to the batterer. A batterer
may choose to be violent because he finds it fun to terrorize his partner, because there is a
release of tension in the act of assault, because it demonstrates manhood, or because violence
is erotic for him. Violence is a learned behavior and batterers choose to use violence. The
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victim is not part of the problem. The victim may accept responsibility for causing the batterer
to lose their temper,î but the truth is, the abuser must be held accountable for his behavior.

 Four widespread cultural conditions allow and encourage men to abuse women. These
are:

Objectification of women and the belief that women exist for the ‘satisfaction of men’s
personal, sexual, emotional and physical needs’.

An entitlement to male authority with a right and obligation to control, coerce, and/or punish
her independence.

That the use of physical force is acceptable, appropriate, and effective.

Societal support for his dominance, controlling and assaultive behavior. By failing to intervene
aggressively against the abuse, the culture condones the violence.

 Economic Abuse: Financial abuse is a way to control the victim through manipulation of
economic resources.

This may include, but is not limited to:

Controlling the family income and either not allowing the victim access to money or rigidly
limiting their access to family funds. This may also include keeping financial secrets or hidden
accounts, putting the victim on an allowance or allowing the victim no say in how money is
spent, or making the victim turn their paycheck over to the abuser. Causing the victim to lose a
job or preventing them from taking a job. The abuser can make the victim lose their job by
making them late for work, refusing to provide transportation to work, or by
calling/harassing/calling the victim at work.

Spending money for necessities (food, rent, utilities) on nonessential items (drugs, alcohol,
hobbies.)

Material from Women’s Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh Volunteer Training Manual,
AMEND, and the ACESDV safety plan manual were used to develop this section.
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Domestic Violence In Pakistan: Is Legislation Available?

One out of every five women, experiences some sort of domestic violence in her life time
around the globe. Domestic violence can be described as any incident of threatening behavior,
violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults aged
between 18 – 40. The majority of women suffering from domestic abuse mostly comprises of
those who are impoverished.

Since time immemorial, a woman has been considered the property of a man with barely any
rights on children, inheritance and wages etc. The authority of a man over women allowed him
to use violence that was deemed socially acceptable. It is commonly observed that such
customs are still prevalent and are given preference over religious laws that actually have a
negative impact on the Pakistani society. The patriarchal gender system is the root of
inequalities and injustices.

Domestic violence against women is a complicated issue having different rationalizations.

Research all over the globe has shown that violence against women is a fundamental social
issue that requires special attention due to the severe nature of its physical, psychological,
social and emotional consequences.

The elemental ideals and values of a country are manifested in its legal system that is
surrounding the social structure. The legal makeup in Pakistan deals with domestic violence by
taking into account two significant elements: constitutional law and the legal frame work
construed in light of Shariah principles.

According to a survey by the Human Rights Watch, 70 to 90 percent of women in Pakistan have
suffered some form of abuse in their lifetime. At a probable figure of 5000 per year, women
are said to be killed from domestic violence, with thousands being permanently disabled. Most
of the victims of domestic violence have no access to legal remedies and aid.

Recent research and media reports have made it very clear that violence against women is
considered to be a serious cause of concern in Pakistan. The trend of domestic violence against
women has been on the rise in recent years. According to Thomson Reuters Foundation,
around ninety percent of the women of Pakistan face domestic abuse.

Various strategies have been adopted in order to tackle domestic violence against women,
though none have proved to be adequate to eradicate the issue due to the involvement of
complex factors.
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There are clear provisions in the Constitution of Pakistan regarding equal rights and equal
opportunities to all citizens before the law. But these principles are yet to be achieved owing
to numerous deterring grounds.

Many states have ratified the Convention on Elimination of All forms of Discrimination Against
Women (CEDAW) that require them to treat domestic violence against women as a violation of
fundamental human rights and to encompass these international standards into domestic
legislation as well. Pakistan ratified CEDAW in 1996. Issues of domestic violence are not
distinctively covered in the Pakistan Penal Code, however there are several sections covering
issues regarding miscarriage, causing hurt, restraint etc.

In spite of these laws, women have been persecuted more instead of being endowed with aid
and assistance. The Protection of Women (Criminal Laws Amendment) Act was passed in
December 2006, incorporating and modifying several clauses in the Pakistan Penal Code (PPC)
and Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC) in relation with sexual assaults on women. The Domestic
Violence Bill 2009 set down requirements for the safeguard and monetary aid for victims as
well as penalty in the shape of fines or imprisonment for those who infringed the protection
orders. Numerous laws have been articulated to protect women from abuse, yet grave
breaches continue in Pakistan. In addition to this, the deficiency in the execution of present
laws further aggravates their predicament.

Tales of people like Mafia Bibi, a 17 year old teenage from Sahiwal, force us to look into the
gloomy realities of where Pakistan still stands today. Countless cases of such disposition
remain unaccounted for. Women are restrained to their home, which is deemed to be the
securest place for them. This place has the likelihood of becoming the deadliest place if she
fails to fulfill the so called established customary and cultural norms.

A significant and strategic attempt was made in 2009 to preclude this exploitation by means of
speedy criminal trials. The Domestic Violence Bill tackles domestic violence, which is not
limited to “all intentional acts of gender based or other physical or psychological abuse
committed by an accused against women, children or other vulnerable persons, with whom
the accused is or has been in a domestic relationship.” This Bill has been extensively
condemned and termed to amount to “unending family feuds and high divorce rates”. This Bill
eventually lapsed due to massive opposition from stakeholders.

The most prominent and distinguished part of the Bill was, Section 9, which offered
compensatory provisions for the victims of domestic violence. The first breach of a protection
order would be punishable with imprisonment of up to one year not less than six months and
minimum fine of Rupees 100,000 that would be paid to the aggrieved person. This was entirely
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unheard of in the Pakistani culture, where the female family member might have received
monetary relief for what she had been through if she had survived.

Concerns have also been expressed by the civil society about the lack of cooperation from the
local police authorities. According to a state report of the US Department, women who strived
to even report an abuse were confronted with grave challenges. The police and judiciary have
also been quite reluctant in taking action in domestic violence cases, regarding them as private
family matters.

For Pakistani women, living an independent life is beyond belief. It is said that without their
family, they do not have much to look forward to in everyday life. This is the main logic, as to
why prominent reforms akin to the Domestic Violence Bill have not been welcomed by women
themselves in oppressive societies like Pakistan.

It has also been observed that the judiciary, especially in lower courts, has been known to
demonstrate prejudice towards the women who approach the legal system for help. A report
of the Asian Human Rights Commission revealed that violence against women is seen to be of
no importance to the judiciary of Pakistan, predominantly the lower judiciary. The Domestic
Violence Bill 2009, tried to tackle this concern and directed the courts to provide relief directly
to the applicant in their jurisdiction in the following words:

“An aggrieved person or any other person authorized by the aggrieved person in writing in this
behalf, may present an application to the Court within whose jurisdiction offence was
committed for seeking any relief under this act.”

This also affirmed that the court shall fix the hearing within three days of the receipt of the
application, which shall be disposed of within a period of thirty days. However the judicial or
court system in Pakistan is well known to be lengthy and troublesome where one has to wait
for months until they get a date scheduled for hearing. It could take years for the court to
reach a decision.

However, the biggest challenge for these reforms is the general mindset of women who feel
that these reforms will not have an impact on their lives any time soon, unless the behaviour
of the Pakistani society becomes more gender-sensitive. A typical Pakistani woman believes in
the fact that it is her fate to bear the consequences of being born into a patriarchal society and
a Bill containing such provisions would have negligible impact, if any, on the lives of women, as
it is not part of their culture to report their own fathers, brothers or husbands for abuse.
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Many married women consider ill-treatment a daily practice, the same as daily household
chores. The entire Pakistani culture and society appears to revolve around preserving family
honour. Observance of such established customary and cultural norms has become part of a
woman’s upbringing.

We as women in Pakistan are taught to compromise and to adjust according to the demands of
our in-laws, but a line needs to be drawn as to how much one should abide by and tolerate.

The electronic media in Pakistan has proved to be quite instrumental in bringing stories from
the most distant remote places about domestic violence to the public and the establishment.

Even though women in Pakistan may often be considered docile, some women do take action
to battle such injustices. Examples of modernization of Pakistani laws like Domestic Violence
Act 2012 are encouraging. If our current legal system is devoid of such improvements and
modernization, the protection and security of women like Mafia Bibi may be an exhausted
cause and these women will continue to be the sufferers of fury at the hands of men in their
own families.

On every occasion, a novel legislation is instituted to empower women, especially in cultures

that are suppressive towards them. It takes time to get adapted to and familiarized with such
laws. Legislation and reforms of such nature denote that a woman in Pakistan can exclusively
take off her cloaks of fear and face her oppressor with her ‘nose held high.’

Pakistan requires a sound, effective, synchronized and continual struggle in order to eradicate
domestic violence from the society. The Constitution of Pakistan clearly envisages that every
person has the right to liberty and safety in accordance with the law, and taking legal aid is a
fundamental right for the protection of life. This clause must be accurately executed and put
into practice in the outlook of women who are victims of domestic violence. Free and easily
accessible legal aid should be provided at all levels especially at the district level.