10 Conversion-Killing

Copywriting Mistakes
(And how to fix ‘em!)

@JoelKlettke
TL;DR

I help companies
get more leads to
do what they want.
HAVE YOU EVER ASKED…
 You “We‘d”
all over your copy.
Your leads don’t care about you.
EXAMPLE: WE, WE, WE!
EXAMPLE: YOU, YOU, YOU!
 Talk pains, gains, and
verbs over nouns.
Instead of… Write…
“We strive to…” “Get more leads with…”
 Talk pains, gains, and
verbs over nouns.
Instead of… Write…
“We strive to…” “Get more leads with…”
“Our services include…” “Grow your business with a team
who can…”
 Talk pains, gains, and
verbs over nouns.
Instead of… Write…
“We strive to…” “Get more leads with…”
“Our services include…” “Grow your business with a team
who can…”

“We deliver more traffic…” “Get (outcome) without (pain)”

80/20
You wrote in a vacuum
(and that sucks.)
You can’t sell to a customer
you don’t understand.
Pain Points Anxieties Outcomes Priorities
Have structured conversations
with customers and leads.
 B D A
Before During After
BEFORE: PAINS

“What was going on in your

business that sent you
looking for a solution?”
BEFORE: PRIORITIES

“What else did you try,

and what didn’t you
love about it?”
BEFORE: ANXIETIES

“What almost kept you from

choosing to work with us?”
BEFORE: DESIRED OUTCOMES

“What does success look

like for you?”
DURING: ANXIETIES

“What was your 1 st

impression of ____ after…”

DURING: PRIORITIES + OUTCOMES

“What part of ___ do you

find most valuable, and
why?”
AFTER: POSITIONING

“If a peer asked why they

should choose ____, what
would you tell them?”
AFTER: OUTCOMES

“What can you do now,

or do better…?”
Take that language.
Mirror it.
You assumed your leads
knew things they didn’t.
Awareness changes
the conversation.
DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS…
Most Aware
“If you have something in
your teeth, you need floss.
I have floss right here.
It’s just $0.50 a pack, so
you’ll save $1.00!”
Solution Aware
“If you have something in your teeth, then you need
something to get it out.
If you need to get it out, you might consider a
toothpick. But if you’re considering a toothpick, you
should also consider floss.
Floss works like a toothpick, but it cleans more
thoroughly since it can reach even the tightest
crevasses. You can get that truly clean feeling
around your entire mouth without going soggy,
breaking, or jabbing you in the gums. Plus, it’s
peppermint flavored!
I have floss right here. It’s just $0.50 a pack, so
you’ll save $1.00!”
MOST AWARE

I know your product

solves my problem.
What’s the deal?
MOST AWARE

Tell ‘em the deal.

PRODUCT AWARE

I know about your

product, but is it
right for me?
PRODUCT AWARE

Reinforce desire, differentiate,

and prove your solution.
SOLUTION AWARE

I know the results I

want, but not how
your product will
deliver them.
SOLUTION AWARE

Show them the “how,” prove it,

and give desire a goal.
PROBLEM AWARE

I know I’ve got a

problem, but I’m not
sure how to solve it.
PROBLEM AWARE

Agitate pain, build empathy,

and lay out the “what.”
COMPLETELY UNAWARE

I have opinions,
beliefs, and ideas,
but no problem I’m
aware of.
COMPLETELY UNAWARE

Speak to their current

state of mind.
Finding awareness
1. Poll: “Had you heard of us before today?”

2. Chat: What questions are they asking?

3. Keywords: Pain, solution, or comparative?

4. Interviews: “What was going on in your business…”

5. Situational: Remarketing? Email list?

You let design lead copy
right off of a cliff.
Ideal: Write, wire, design.
Realistic: Iterate together.
EXAMPLE: THE NEW CASE STUDY BUDDY.COM

Define a baseline.

“These types of
sections, in this
order, because…”
EXAMPLE: THE NEW CASE STUDY BUDDY.COM

Write.
Wire.
Evolve.
EXAMPLE: HUBSPOT.COM

2x
Conversion
Rate 2x
Inbound Call
Volume

+35%
Demo
Requests +27%
Product
Signups
https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/customer-driven-copy-conversions
You forgot (or buried)
the “So what?”
 Your leads need to see an
immediate, obvious benefit.
SAD EXAMPLE: TOO CLEVER, NOT CLEAR
SAD EXAMPLE: WHAT, BUT NOT WHY
SAD EXAMPLE: WARM-UP COPY KILLS KITTENS

Warm-up copy

The good stuff!

GOOD EXAMPLE: APRIO.NET

So you can…
GOOD EXAMPLE: IN AN EMAIL

“So what?”

And again!
1. Finish the sentence, “So you can…”

2. Start with the “why” + spoil the ending.

3. Delete your “warm up” copy.

You got things all mixed up
and the convo got weird.
 ...
!!!
...
!
!!
1. Start with awareness.

2. Define customer Q’s.

3. Answer them.

4. Prioritize.
 Why should I care?
Hero What is it?
Who is it for?

How will my life improve?

Body How does it work?
Why should I trust you?

CTA What happens next?

EXAMPLE: TRAFFIC THINK TANK

1. What is TTT?
2. How will life improve?
3. Why not read blogs (for free?)
4. What do I get?
5. Why is this credible?
6. What next?
EXAMPLE: TRAFFIC THINK TANK
EXAMPLE: TRAFFIC THINK TANK
EXAMPLE: TRAFFIC THINK TANK
EXAMPLE: TRAFFIC THINK TANK
You weren’t specific.
Nobody wants “high quality.”
They want what it MEANS.
WOULD YOU RATHER BUY…

A “high quality” pillow Plush comfort and ample

neck support to help you
sleep through the night.
WOULD YOU RATHER BUY…

A “high quality” pillow Plush comfort and ample

neck support to help you
sleep through the night.

“Powerful analytics” Go from wondering to

acting with sales answers
on demand.
WOULD YOU RATHER BUY…

A “high quality” pillow Plush comfort and ample

neck support to help you
sleep through the night.

“Powerful analytics” Go from wondering to

acting with sales answers
on demand.

“Best customer support” We’ll solve any issue

within 24 hours,
guaranteed.
EXAMPLE: INSPECIFICITY IS BORING.
EXAMPLE: “WELL… WHAT MATTERS?”
1. Conduct a specificity sweep:
+ “Is it specific?”
+ “Did I connect the dots?”
+ “Does it paint a picture?”
+ “Imagine…”

2. Ask “Why?” two to three times.

You call to action makes
people feel weird.
EXAMPLE: AMBIGUITY

What’s going to
happen next?
EXAMPLE: CLARITY
EXAMPLE: WHAT STANDS OUT?
EXAMPLE: OOPS.

2
 Finish the sentence
“I want to __________”
 Combine:
Outcome + Action
EXAMPLE: I WANT TO…

Desired
outcome

Required
action
EXAMPLE: I WANT TO…
1. Stick to one primary CTA in emails,
landing pages, and ads

2. Finish the sentence “I want to _____”

3. Be specific.

4. Combine desired outcome and required

action.
You made your great copy
totally unreadable.
EXAMPLE: FISHING WEBSITES
EXAMPLE: NO HIERARCHY
EXAMPLE: CLEAR HIERARCHY AND FOCAL POINT
EXAMPLE: LONG SENTENCES
EXAMPLE: SHORT SENTENCES AND LINE BREAKS
1. Use line breaks and don’t let widths get
crazy.

2. Lead with short sentences.

3. Avoid double-columns and competing

visuals

4. Think of the left-to-right reader

You made big, fat promises
without any proof.
EXAMPLE: UNSUPPORTED HYPERBOLE

Was there
a contest?

How do I
know?
EXAMPLE: UNSUPPORTED METRICS

Why should I
believe you?
EXAMPLE: UNSUPPORTED METRICS

Now that’s
more like it!
Use social proof…
1. Near areas of friction (like pricing)

2. To support big, bold claims

3. To counter (real) objections

EXAMPLE: AREAS OF FRICTION
EXAMPLE: BUILDING TRUST/REPLACING A CLAIM
EXAMPLE: COUNTERING OBJECTIONS
BUT!!!
1. B/D/A is best

2. Make sure they’re relatable

3. Test your formats

4. Use as a support, not a crutch

That’s enough out of me.
Questions?
Read my stuff/give me all your money:
• BusinessCasualCopywriting.com
• CaseStudyBuddy.com

Be my internet pal: @JoelKlettke