11/24/2019 4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work | Inc.

com

GROW

4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult

People at Work
Now you can handle that one person in your office that everyone likes to avoid.
Get
Today's
By Marcel Schwantes Founder and Chief Human Officer, Leadership From the Core @MarcelSchwantes

Must Reads
The 5 Inc. stories you can't
miss before the day is done

ENTER YOUR EMAIL

SIGN UP

No, thanks

GETTY IMAGES

Lets get right down to it. You want to handle those di cult personalities like a boss? Well,
as you read further, you'll notice a theme. It's more about you than that di cult person
driving you nuts.

I say this because when we're dealing with a di cult person, the only thing we have control
over is our own reactions and ourselves. We can't change Joe in Sales when he ies off the
handle. We can, however, change how we respond to Joe.

Here are the best strategies for handling the most di cult person.

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-to-masterfully-handle-difficult-people-that-work-with-you.html 1/5
11/24/2019 4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work | Inc.com

Develop Your Self-awareness

You can learn all the strategies in the world to manage a di cult person, but the smartest
thing you'll ever do is to manage your own emotions. This is where self-awareness comes
in, and it'll be a game changer once you master it.

To become self-aware, you need to practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--
your triggers, and yes, the very things that di cult people do to get under your skin. Some
people nd it helpful to start keeping a little notepad or journal with them and documenting
things as they come up.

When you get good at it, you'll start looking at the whole picture, and both sides of the
issue. You begin to tap into your emotions to choose a different outcome, like an assertive
response to a di cult person overstepping your boundaries.

Speaking of assertive response, that's the second strategy.

Be Assertive and Set Boundaries

An assertive person takes full responsibility for herself and her actions. When a di cult
person violates her boundaries, she does not seek to be responsible for that person's
actions.

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-to-masterfully-handle-difficult-people-that-work-with-you.html 2/5
11/24/2019 4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work | Inc.com

She seeks self-control, is fair and reasonable, takes on the part of the problem that belongs
to her, and keeps the rest of the problem where it belongs--with the di cult person.

An assertive person sets limits and stands up for herself so others wont take advantage.
But she takes the higher road and does it with class. She uses "I" statements, not "you"
statements, which tends to lead to attack and blame. That's the last thing a di cult person
in the heat-of-the-moment needs in an emotionally-charged situation.

What di cult co-workers learn quickly is that they can't easily get an assertive person to do
or go along with whatever they wish. Put it to practice, and watch the potential for con ict
disappear.

Listen. Then Listen Some More.

Give the di cult person a chance to nish without interrupting. Ask clarifying questions if
confused, and use paraphrasing and mirroring to check accuracy of hearing.

Now this is going to be hard to do, but you must at least try it because the outcome may
surprise you: Acknowledge the other person's feelings. You heard me right. So, if the other
person is angry, say, "You must be feeling very frustrated..."

We don't do this often enough because we erroneously believe that if we notice someone's
feelings, those feelings will intensify. Actually, the opposite is true. When we address a
need, or acknowledge an emotion, the need or feeling tends to go away.

Give Feedback
There's a time when a di cult person has to be told his behavior is affecting you and is no
longer appropriate. Here's how to pull it off:

Maintain comfortable eye contact. In other words, don't "give him the eye."
https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-to-masterfully-handle-difficult-people-that-work-with-you.html 3/5
11/24/2019 4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work | Inc.com

Remain open-minded.
Pay attention to non-verbal signals as a way of reading the person's feeling state.
Use an "I" statement of feeling. Ex: "I feel this like decision violates our trust."
Request what you'd like to have happen now, more, or different next time. Without a
request, you're merely describing your feelings--and that's a good start, but if you want
things to change, you'll probably need to provide a little guidance. Ex: "I'm requesting
that from now on you hold your comments until the end of the meeting.
Focus on di cult person's behavior and never make it about the person. Give speci c
examples that you can back up.
Feedback should always be focused on win-win.
Get agreement about a plan of action, and commitment on both your parts to follow
through.

I'd be curious to learn about how my readers have responded to a di cult person. Leave a
comment, or hit me up on Twitter to continue the discussion.
PUBLISHED ON: FEB 16, 2017
Like this column? Sign up to subscribe to email alerts and you'll never miss a post.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

More from Inc.

Sponsored Business Content

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-to-masterfully-handle-difficult-people-that-work-with-you.html 4/5
11/24/2019 4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work | Inc.com

CHANNELS MORE INC.

STARTUP EVENTS

GROW NEWSLETTERS

LEAD MAGAZINE
INNOVATE BRANDVIEW

TECHNOLOGY PODCASTS
MONEY SUBSCRIBE

INC. 5000
VIDEO

SUBSCRIBE FOLLOW INC.

MAGAZINE

DIGITAL EDITION

© 2018 Manuseto Ventures

Help Center Advertise Privacy Sitemap

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-to-masterfully-handle-difficult-people-that-work-with-you.html 5/5