final draft.

pdf
by Joanna Armenta

Submission date: 17-Sep-2019 09:57AM (UTC-0700)

Submission ID: 1174531316
File name: final_draft.pdf (36.05K)
Word count: 953
Character count: 4295
 capitalize first letter of each word here

no caps comma

wc wording

comma
C/S

I was

syntax
comma

1
unclear

hyphen
no syntax

comma Punctuation
 3

what high
school?

name?

Nice
discussion
here. Continue
to add specific
details
5

6
final draft.pdf
ORIGINALITY REPORT

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SIMILARITY INDEX
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final draft.pdf
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

83
Joanna--At the heart of this discussion is a genuine
idea. Try to make it come into more focus from the
beginning. Is the primary issue getting feedback to
improve writing or is it developing critical thinking skills
about what you read. Overall the letter is aimed at its

/100
intended audience and shows reflection on your
experience. Further development of a story and more
work on editing can make it stronger.

PAGE 1

Text Comment. capitalize first letter of each word here

Text Comment. comma

Text Comment. no caps

QM wc
word choice

QM wording | SLO #3:

wording
Additional Comment

smooth out phrasing

Text Comment. comma

QM C/S | SLO #3:

Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot have
more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that occurs
when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly by a
comma. There are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the comma with a
stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a coordinating conjunction
("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one of the two sentences a
 dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating conjunction ("if," "when," "so
that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which," "who," "whom," "whose").

Text Comment. I was

QM syntax | SLO #3:

Consider the phrasing or order of words in the sentence

Text Comment. comma

Comment 1 | SLO #2:

understand or make meaning of what?

QM unclear | SLO #2:

unclear
Additional Comment

Why is proficient a problem? That means you met goals.

Comment 2 | SLO #4

Paragraph starts out strong, but the end gets more vague. Continue to specify the problem you faced
and why they need to think about this for college success.

Text Comment. hyphen

QM syntax | SLO #3:

Consider the phrasing or order of words in the sentence
Additional Comment

What added to what weakness? More specific subject for sentence

Text Comment. no comma

QM Punctuation
reflect on punctuation

PAGE 2

Comment 3
Develop more of a story. Discuss a specific struggle with a particular book.

Comment 4 | SLO #2:

 Well, is this the only measure of a successful life? Perhaps rephrase.

Text Comment. what high school?

Text Comment. name?

Text Comment. Nice discussion here. Continue to add specific details

PAGE 3

Comment 5 | SLO #4

What was the measurement of that? What happened to make you believe that? What did you do
continue to get better?

Comment 6
continue to clarify your exact message. Seems there are a number of points here. Is it feedback?
RUBRIC: NARRATIVE WRITINGACOPY

SLO #1 Proficient
Understand and apply key rhetorical concepts to written assignments. These concepts include assessment of
the writer's role, purpose for writing, consideration of audience and the influence of context and culture in
rhetorical situations.

ABSENT OR BELOW Lacks awareness of audience and purpose. Narrative is missing a central plot and fails to
BASIC connect story to advice on literacy.

DEVELOPING Shows some awareness of audience and purpose by telling a story and offering advice.
However, issue and main idea are unfocussed and narrative is not cohesive. Story fails to
make its point through the use of descriptive language and sensory details that connect
with reader.

PROFICIENT Demonstrates sufficient awareness of audience and purpose by telling a clear story to
support central idea. Story is told with specific descriptions and suitable language choices,
but sensory details are minimal, and the story lacks tension to draw the reader in.

ADVANCED Shows sophisticated awareness of audience and purpose. Uses personal narrative to
support purpose. Uses the elements of narrative to hold reader’s attention and persuade.

SLO #2: Proficient

Use critical thinking skills to analyze, synthesize, and evaluate.

ABSENT OR BELOW Narrative fails to reflect deeply upon problems in literacy or how to correct those
BASIC problems. No reflection is shown on personal experience.

DEVELOPING Narrative begins to reflect personal experience but backs away from deep consideration
of literacy issues.

PROFICIENT Narrative includes reflection upon experience and connection to advice offered reader but
lacks originality.

ADVANCED Narrative includes deep critical thinking about writer’s past experience. These
observations present original insight and stimulates reader’s interest.

SLO #3: Developing

Take part in all aspects of the writing process. Final paper shows evidence of revision, editing, and proofreading.

ABSENT OR BELOW Paper has missed repeated workshops, demonstrates limited revision and editing.
BASIC Spelling, syntax, word choice, or punctuation errors impede readability.

DEVELOPING Paper has participated in workshops, but revision and editing are limited. Spelling, syntax,
diction, or punctuation errors often impede readability or otherwise distract from meaning.

PROFICIENT Paper demonstrates full awareness of the writing process, although revision remains
superficial. Editing and proofreading are thorough so that spelling, syntax, word choice,
and punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
ADVANCED Paper demonstrates full awareness of the writing process, including deep holistic revision.
Editing and proofreading skills are strong as evident in writing is clear, engaging, and free
of errors.

SLO #4 Developing
Conform to the genre conventions of different writing modes while also applying a personal approach/voice to
create original writing.

ABSENT OR BELOW Elements of narrative of missing. Story lacks plot. Organization is unclear, and no
BASIC controlling statement is present. No concern for style is evident.

DEVELOPING Story includes some elements of narrative, but some need further development. Plot lacks
tension or conflict and organization is scattered. A weak controlling statement appears.
Little concern for style is evident.

PROFICIENT Narrative includes clear description of setting, detailed characterizations, and a well
organized plot. Plot may lack tension and controlling statement may need further
reflection. Style is consistent with audience and purpose, and voice demonstrates some
originality.

ADVANCED Narrative presents a clear engaging story, with vividly detailed descriptions, setting, and
characters. Plot is engaging and developed fully. Writing demonstrates original style and
outstanding control of language.