Jaylinn Solis

30 September 2019

Narrative Essay

Dr. Tarnoff

A sense of thrill and fear flushed over everyone, but I mean it was bound to happen, it

was a soccer tournament in ​Guadalajara, Mexico.​ Not a lot of teams from the US get to compete

in international tournaments. We arrived a few days prior to get some practice in before the

actual games. The routine for those days only consisted of us going to the practice field and back

to the hotel so not much communication was needed. As many people know, Mexico is a country

where the official language is Spanish. The whole team spoke spanish, we made jokes back at

home in spanish, everything was going great until the tournament began. Warmups were running

smoothly, we blasted our speaker, we laughed, we talked as we usually would during the

pre-game routine. That was until the other team arrived. ​Las gringas escuchan La Chona?! Oye

mira las gringas saben hablar español​. ​Gringas?​ I never thought of myself as that. I identify as

Hispanic, Mexican-American, I love my origin and I love the country. That fear and thrill for the

tournament quickly changed to sadness and confusion. That feeling of being unwelcome in a

country that is my own.

How is it possible to feel unwelcome in your own culture? How is it okay to bring others,

who are not very different, down, only because they don’t speak the language of the culture? It

shouldn’t be acceptable but the truth is it happens all over. This theme is presented by Gloria

Anzaldua, in an excerpt called “How to Tame a Wild Tongue”. This short essay by Anzaldua is
about the struggle with language ChicanXs face, how some of them don’t speak fluent or perfect

spanish, so they are judged by their own kind. As Anzaldua explains, “Ethnic identity is twin

skin to linguistic identity - I am my language. Until I can take pride in my language, I cannot

take pride in myself” (30). In other words, ​language is a crucial part of identity, without language

a part of identity is lost. Language is something to be proud of, like a country flag, ancestry, or

culture and like Anzaldua stated, herself. The language you use to communicate your culture is

just as important as the culture itself.​ The writing focuses on how ChicanXs struggle because of

their way of pronunciation. Their version of Spanish is choppy, full of slang, and grammatically

incorrect, so it isn’t seen as Spanish. Anzaldua really elaborated on that concept of language

being a reason of discrimination, usually discrimination and oppression occur based on a

component of a person’s identity, this discrimination is also based on language, a part of

someone’s identity. This discrimination happened not only between different cultures but also

within one’s own culture. Throughout the text she describes language as a part of her, a part of

how she has grown up, almost like a traditional plate, or a traditional holiday. Anzaldua makes a

very powerful remark about identity and language being intertwined.

In my story that is the case, my own people became so caught up in the fact that I came

from the United States that they didn’t even care to acknowledge my language or how I identify

as Hispanic. They called us ​Gringas t​ o make us feel unwelcome. ​Gringas​ is a derogatory term

within spanish speakers. Its a term that hispanics use to identify someone as white, someone with

a very heavy white culture. Those words ruined warmups for me so i decided to head to the

bathroom. I was washing my face, when two of the opponents came in. As soon as they say me

in their they stopped laughing and started speaking amongst themselves. ​Mira es una de las
gringas, callate alomejor entiende y habla español, hay si tu crees que hable espanol se ve mas

gringa que nada.​ They went back and forth as if i wasn't in there. The hurt I felt inside of me was

intense. ​Si hablo espanol, no deberían de usar esa palabra, los Americanos entienden que es.

They just stared at me as if I was some sort of foreign creature, so I just walked out not wanting

anything more to do with them.

That image has been vivid in my head, I use it to remind myself of the pain, not because

I want to feel it but because I would hate for other people to go through that. It’s horrible to feel

as if you’re not even welcome inside your own culture. I try to not assume based on stereotypes.

Just because someone speaks spanish, it doesn’t mean they’re mexican. Just because someone

looks comes from another country, it doesn’t mean they don’t speak the same language. Just

because someone doesn’t speak a certain language, it doesn’t mean they can’t associate with a

certain culture. Not every person in a culture is the same. I keep that in my mind everyday

because I know what it feels like to be made less in your own culture. I try to not make

assumptions about others, and sometimes it doesn’t always work out but I’m capable of

recognizing the mistake I made and I apologize. Throughout my experience the girls hurt us with

derogatory language, it was just one word, but one word is enough to make someone change for

life. Derogatory language is something that may seem so subtle but can hurt people beyond

imaginable. Although at first it wasn't much, the word ​Gringa​ became engraved in my memory.

Was that the reflection I gave off? Or was it just because I spoke English? All they said was that

I looked ​Gringa, ​but how can someone look ​Gringa. I​ t’s like saying someone looks a certain

ethnicity based on the way they speak. Just like those girls in the bathroom I used to speak before

I actually thought of how hurtful my words were. Now I think more before I speak, and try to
formulate my sentences in a way that I know won’t hurt others. It’s hard, but it has made me

more conscious about other peoples’ situations. For example when talking with someone of a

different identity, I try to have a mindset that isn’t based on stereotypes that are common in this

world. I never know what someone's background could be so I find it better to ask rather than

just assume because of how someone looks. The situation not only helped me be more cautious

about others, it made become more aware about how others view me. Although Anzaldua’s

writing focuses more on the deeper meaning of language and how different dialects or accents

make different people. It made me want to embrace my culture more, and to take into account

that for my entire life I have seen myself as Hispanic.

Anzaldua dug into the deeper meaning of language and how language is a core part of

identity. For many, language conflicts with their search for identity. Rather than being a way of

communication, it becomes a critical factor in helping define someone's identity. Anzaldua states

in her essay, “Yet the struggle of identities continues, the struggle of borders is our reality still.”

(34) The words of Anzaldua suggests that language is a “struggle of borders”. When I think of

struggle of borders, I imagine war on the border, that’s what goes through someone’s mind when

trying to identify with a certain culture. The problem is that it isn’t always possible to settle for

one side of the “border” when you have grown up with both sides. I know for me, language is

something that I use to communicate with my family. Language is part of my identity because

my first language is Spanish, I grew up speaking a language that I love and is so beautiful, I

would never want to forget my language. The home I grew up in taught me to love my culture.

So when someone thinks that I’m not the culture that I identify with the most, it hurts me

because that is a part of me that I thought people couldn’t take away. Who would’ve thought
that with only one word, ​Gringa ,​ you begin to question even that most central and true part of

yourself. From that point on I began to embrace my culture to accept that even though others

may not see me as Mexican-American, I know for a fact that the Mexican part of that is there for

a reason. The Mexican part of that phrase comes first because it is what came in my life first and

just like Anzaldua stated before, if I am not proud of my language, I can not be proud of myself .

Therefore no matter what others believe and say to me, I won’t identify as something I am not

just because some people think I’m a different culture based on my language.
Works Cited :

Anzaldua, Gloria. “How To Tame a Wild Tongue.” Ways of Reading An Anthology for Writers,

edited by David Bartholomae, Anthony Petrosky, Stacey Waite, Bedford/ Martin’s,

2014, 26-35.