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Christine Deodanes

Professor Ditch

English 115

December 3, 2019

Reflection: Personal Growth

English 115 teaches students how to effectively develop writing and organizational

strategies throughout the semester. My instructor is Professor Corri Ditch, and the class theme is

defining and constructing happiness. We focused on readings such as Pursuing Happiness by

Matthew Parfitt and Dawn Skorczewski that had many articles within the book that focused on

the external and internal factors that define happiness. The prompt for the first essay, Project

Space, is about answering what each author focuses on, whether that’s internal or external space

when defining happiness. The second reading was a graphic memoir, They Called Us Enemy by

George Takei. It follows his experience both during and after Executive Order 9066 was issued.

The prompt for the second essay, Project Text, asks in what ways is George Takei formed

through his suffering and to use two outside sources and two articles from Pursuing Happiness.

When writing both papers, I keept in mind that there is always room for improvement. I got both

essays back and received a ‘C’ on both papers. I was considering the feedback that Professor

Ditch wrote down when I was revising my essays. Both essays were different when considering

the improvements I had to make for each paper. The revisions consisted of rewriting sentences,

writing in present tense, adding transition sentences, deleting summarization, and adding more

analyzation. I took the suggestions and wrote a much better essay by the end of the revision
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process. There are a lot of tools that I’ve gained from this class and I’m better writer because of

it.

While revising the Project Space essay, I took out unnecessary punctuations that only

made my sentences look weird. I left most of the introduction alone since there was not much

feedback in the first half. For this essay in particular, I was having issues setting up a transition

that wasn’t so forced. Before my revisions, my set up for each paragraph began with: “In the first

article…” and “In the second article…” (1). I left the sentences as is, but I added a new sentence

before to introduce the paragraph. I did this step for each of my body paragraphs. My biggest

issue with this essay was my over whelming summarization. I found it difficult to delete any

sentences, so I ended up rewriting them shorter. It turned out to be a huge improvement because

there doesn’t have to be so much details into the explanation. I’m still learning to put only the

most important points down but rewriting the sentences in a more coherent structure was a step I

took in improving my essay. A major revision I had to input was writing a sentence that

reminded the readers of my argument. I would end my paragraphs with analysis and not refer

back to my thesis. I did this step multiple times throughout my essay. Later in my essay, I was

paraphrasing but I wouldn’t specify who said what. For example, “Internally, some had

mentioned…” (5). I rewrote, “Internally, Lyubomirsky mentions that…” to include the direct

source within the sentence (5). I understand the importance of sentence structure because the

whole purpose is to communicate a clear argument to your reader.

The revision process for my Project Text essay was very different. The very first thing I

did was switch my paragraphs around because I had organizational issues. One paragraph that I

had in the middle was moved right after the introduction. I placed them in different sections so

that they would be in chronological order. At the time, I didn’t realize that I was writing my
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essay in a non-coherent structure. After moving the paragraphs, I fixed my verb tenses. My entire

paper was written in past tense, so I revised it all to be communicated in present tense which was

very out of my comfort zone. I don’t normally write in present tense, so it was a challenge going

through each sentence and revising it. I also rewrote some sentences that were phrased

awkwardly. For example, “The trauma of the injustice treatment would continue to haunt Takei

but prompt him to act upon it” (1). I rewrote, “The trauma of the unjust treatment would continue

to haunt Takei but later, prompt him to act upon the suffering he went through” to have the

sentence be clearer (1). I had also used in-text quotations in one of my paragraphs, but I didn’t

cite my source, so I included the source in my revision. The one thing I had missing from my

final paper was a counterargument and rebuttal. I wrote that paragraph right before my

conclusion to complete my revised paper. I felt that this essay required more revisions, but it was

interesting for me to see where I improved.

When I compare my both essays to each other, I could see that there was a steady

improvement from one paper to the next. Although, there is always room for improvement. I

know how to write a clear introduction that sets up the essay for the reader. I know how to write

a strong thesis that is later backed by evidence throughout the body paragraphs. Next time I write

an essay, I will remember to remind the reader of my argument by referring back to my thesis. I

have a better understanding on how to write a coherent body paragraph and how to have just the

right amount of summarization and analysis. English 115 has taught me how to be a stronger and

more aware writer.

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Works Cited

Deodanes, Christine. “Defining Happiness: External and Internal Space.” 28 Sept. 2019, pp.

1&5.

Deodanes, Christine. “George Takei: Formed through Suffering.” 31 Oct. 2019, pp. 1.