THE PLAGUE March 1980

Serving N Y U Vol.3,#3
"America's funniest humor m a g a z i n e !"

A M E RICA'S FINEST STAFF We would like to thank all the thousands of

EDITOR A N D S W E L L EGG: Howard Ostrowsky ,Founder
VICE-PRESIDENT A N D PEACHY DRESSER:Joe Pinto
TREASURED T R E A S U R E R :John Rawlins
W O NDERFUL B U S INESS MANAGER:John Gernand
SECRETARY WITH N E A T L*EGGS:Joe DePillis
C O O R D I NA T E D EDI T O R IA L COORDINATOR:Steve Korn
FASTIDIOUS O F F I C E MANAGER,: Bob Young
LOVELY PEOPLE TOO N UM EROUS TO MENT I O N BUT
G REAT C O N T I B U T O R S N O N E - T H E - L E S S : Pamela
Ehrenkranz,Dan Fiorella,Brodie M a c k ,Ray
Morton,Lori Vogel and Andy Yiannakos
(Not to mention Amy Burns, so we won't)
After the 2-issue disaster of Super Rat (where I offended the
cartoonist by "fixing it") Amy Burns returned to an issue!
people who turned out at our first stage
show "You Had To Be There!" held March 3
at Eisner-Lubin.The show was such a success
that we plan on thinking about it again in
the near future.And they said it couldn't be
done!
it*****ie********
As you may notice, this month we have for
your dancing pleasure the world famous
National Enquirer p a r o d y . The Enquirer holds
a special place in our hearts here at The
Plague because many of us will probably end
up working for them. We can only h ope that
our tribute will be as funny as the real thing.

{tort a (Hunter OLD MAN SAWMILL’S SCHOOL

by John Raw!i ns
Old man Sawhi11 had a school
THE CABBIE'S EXULTED KNOWLEDGE N-Y, N-Y-U
And from this school he made biq bucks
Ambling around / all over town N-Y, N-Y-U
I see a taxi / and flag him down From a student here and a student there
I hand him a five / he begins to drive Here a buck, there a buck, everywhere a buck buck
He oozes greenfoam / I leave it alone. Old man Sawhill had a school
Until I blow blue glass / when he becomes real crass N-Y, N-Y-U.
"I have all the answers," he says, "It's
The questions that give me problems." Old man Sawhill left his school
N-Y, N-Y-U
** John R. Gernand
To make more bucks down in Washington
N-Y, N-Y-U
From a taxpayer here and a taxpayer there
LUCY ON THE TUBE And a puppet president filling in up here
Rich man Sawhill had two jobs
by John Rawlins
D-C, N-Y-U
Picture yourself on a fifties TV show
With real-life laughtracks from people long dead Old man Ivan was a stiff
Ricky Ricardo swears loudly in Cuban N-Y, N-Y-U
His wife has a vase on her head. But no one cared, they're too busv to
N-Y, N-Y-U
Lucy on the tube with Ricky, They're a-studying psych, they're a-studying math,
Lucy on the tube with Ethel, ere a chem, there an art, everywhere a sparrow-fart
Lucy on the tube with Mooney, Aaaa . . , ula man Ivan was a stiff
N-Y, N-Y-U
Whether she's riding down the Colorado
Or putting whipped cream on sundaes, Each year students graduate
It doesn't matter, you saw this one last week Goodbye, N-Y-U
But the news is so boring these days. And can't find any emplovment
Hello, T-C-l
Lucy on the tube beats Archie With a waitress here and a postman there
Lucy on the tube beats Lobo And a really lucky guy in TV repair
Lucy on the tube beats Vegas, Aaaa . . . But old man Sawhill makes biq bucks
F-U, N-Y-U.
T57
INS A N D OUTS OF T H E 8 0 ’S :,T}iE TRENDS THAT — MAGAZINE forgot (o r were

TOO FRIGHTENED BY) TO TELL YOU ABOUT IN JANUARY.

OUT IN 0<J T IN
Beaut ifu1
Activities: Rol1erd isco Setting one's self people: Male Models Hebephren ics
on fire Cold weather
M ind-a1ter ing wear: Goose-down vests Tweed 1inger ie
substances: Coca ine Plutonium Locat ions: Greenwich V i1lage Boise, Idaho
Beverages: Perrier Urine Celebri ties: Bruce Springsteen Oog ie
Clothing: Baggy jeans Paper bags Lifestyles: Life in the Death in the Gutter.
Fast Lane
 THEY’ RE STILL AT IT f
\V ,
w e re Iranian students.

DF
We c a n do a n y t h i n g we want \/f

AMIMAL

by
EMBASSY

ALWAYS LAU GH S
NEVER FROWNS

playing around
at a theatre
near you
T i t l e s o n g "When I'm C a l l i n g Me" J a c k b a l a n c e a s F i l t h y A m erica n Spy
John B e l u s h i a s A y a t o l l a h Soh G u e s t s t a r s : S ha-K a-Na a s
s u n g bv B l o n d i e and Dagvood
J a n e Fonda a s "Mary" t h e c r a z y C anadians
f o r l e t * o f monev and p u t l i c i t -
now
UA's TEHERAN I RKO HOSTAGE
CINEMA VILLAGE IDIOT LOEW's SlEZED I I SHAH's HIDEAWAY TWIN

AL P A C I N O
I f you
made a
movie l i k e
th is,
you’d h i t
the b o ttle
too.

Now Playing at Select Area Theatres

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