Tommy Nguyen

Writing 2

December 4, 2019

Writing Portfolio

Revision Matrix:

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP submission: question I received made to what I impacts my paper:
(Note which WP) (from initially wrote:
whom/where?)

WP3: Boyd, Janet. Bocchino: The Janet Boyd, “Murder! This allows my paper
“Murder! citation should start (Rhetorically to correctly provide
(Rhetorically with First, Last. Also, Speaking),” Writing footnotes, which adds
Speaking).” Writing include a comma 2: Academic Writing more credibility to
2: Academic Writing instead of periods. (2019): 79 - 86. my paper.
(2019): 79 - 86.

WP3: Didn’t include Natalie: Talk about Furthermore, the use of This adds my
any information about your reasoning for the picture was to give reasoning behind
the reasoning behind adding the picture and the reader an idea about choosing such genre
choosing that photo. what effect this has what the poem would conventions and
on the audience be about. The poem allows me to properly
included a picture that
answer the prompt.
required little
knowledge of the
academic discipline of
Computer Science.
Since the picture was
easy to understand, it
allowed the reader to
have some context
when reading the poem.
The academic article
included many
diagrams and complex
models, which would
be unfit for a poem
since it appeals to a
broader audience. Once
 the reader skims
through the poem, the
readers would have
used the picture as a
visual to further
understand the method
of Human-Intelligence
Workflow Management
Therefore and why it
was used. Therefore, I
was able to transform
the complex diagrams
into a picture that can
be simple to
understand.

WP3: Didn’t include Ryan: Talk about the Also, the use of a Providing what
any information about use of your font different font allows different conventions
the reasoning of within your for the reader to be are used when
choosing the specific translation interested in a translating the
font type different font type, academic article into
unlike conventional a poem answers the
academic articles, prompt and,
where the font is the consequently,
same Times New strengthens my essay.
Roman. This new
font type is used to
present something
that is new to the
reader and keeps
them engaged.

WP3:Therefore, the Bocchino: Define Therefore, the By clarifying what

audience of these what the academic audience of these the academic
academic articles disciplines of the academic articles discipline is with
involves those who article is involves those who regards to the article,
are involved in the are involved in the it makes the essay
academic disciplines article’s academic more clear to
of the article ... disciplines, Computer understand for the
Science and reader.
Engineering

WP3: Didn’t include Ryan: Consider the Another concern to Adding this into the
any concerns author and how the keep in mind is the essay allows the
regarding the author author changes the different authors that reader to see the
and how this changes different writing write these two perspective of the
the writing styles. styles of the different pieces. The author and how
 translation. author of an academic different authors have
article would include different writing
many complex terms styles and thus results
and jargon that meant in different genre
to display information conventions.
directly to the
readers. On the
contrary, the author
of a poem would
want to express
themselves and their
topics in a creative
and artistic style.

WP3: Didn’t add an Bocchino and Ruby: By using a poem This allows my paper
example of a poem Which poems did you called “Scientific to be more credible
where I could analyze use to extrapolate the Inquiry”, we can and shows how the
and find out the genre genre conventions of determine the genre conventions of
conventions poetry? //Get one different genre poetry is applied
example of poetry conventions that within the poem and
with a picture. make up the genre of how I can use these
poetry. genre conventions to
transform the
academic article.

WP3: I didn’t include Bocchino: Can you Also, the use of This strengthens the
reasoning on why I expand on your rhythm, which essay as it further
used rhyme and why I specific translation incorporates various answers the prompt
used the specific choices? For combinations of and adds reasoning to
rhyme scheme of example, what syllables within the why the rhyme
ABAB specific rhyme lines of a poem. scheme was used in
scheme did you use? Within the poem, the translation.
“Scientific Inquiry”,
uses a rhyme scheme
of ABAB, which is
very common within
poems. Words such
as “gist” and
“hypothesis” is an
example of using
rhymes within the
poem in order to add
musicality.

WP3: I didn’t include Ryan: What is the use To add more diverse This allows my paper
the reasoning behind of sentence structure? and unique sentence to be more supported
using different What did you terms structures, the poem by reasoning which
sentence structure. did you change in includes many then answers the
order to fit the genre dependent clauses essay prompt
conventions of that allow the poem correctly. Adding this
poems? to flow and transition allows the reader to
into further lines. see more into why
Many of the lines this was added into
contain different the poem.
structures in terms of
“verb then noun”.
Usually, sentences are
formed in the “subject
then verb”, so
including the “verb
then noun” formation
adds something new
for the reader. Also,
the use of questions
as lines allows the
reader to stay
engaged as they try to
answer the questions
throughout the poem.

WP3: Therefore, the Explain what are the Terms such as “pre- By explaining why I
translated poem restrictions and processing” and included some
includes some constraints to “Human-Intelligence academic terms in my
academic terms that consider. What Workflow translated piece, it
are further simplified conventions did you Management” are explains the process
to adhere to the leave alone? Meaning used because these of transforming the
targeted audience. why did you leave are important terms academic article and
some academic terms that are used in order thus strengthens my
into the translated to fully understand essay when
poem. the academic articles; explaining my
therefore, the decisions.
translated poem
includes these terms,
but makes sure to
explain such terms
that would be
essential to
explaining the main
ideas of the academic
article.
WP1:Didn’t include a Ruby: Maybe you can Breaking News is not By adding a title to
title for my essay include a title to your that breaking? my essay, it allows
essay the reader to get an
idea on what the topic
of the essay may
potentially talk about.
Furthermore, this is a
part of the structure
of an essay.

WP1: This recurring Bocchino: There are a This recurring pattern By fixing simple
pattern is found few grammar issues is found within many mistakes such as
within many other with the essay and the other newspapers grammar issues, this
newspapers such as use of commas with such as The Daily gives the essay more
The Daily Nexus, quotes are incorrect Nexus, where the credibility, ensuring
where the headline, headline, “Isla Vista that the author is
“Isla Vista CSd CSD Considers credible enough to
Considers Turning Turning Deltopia Into know proper writing
Deltopia Into a a Sanctioned etiquette.
Sanctioned Festival”, Festival,” is placed at
is placed at the top of the top of the page
the page (Rivera). (Rivera).

WP1: Due to its Bocchino: You bring Due to its purpose of Adding this clarifies
purpose of informing up audience within informing the reader my thesis and shows
the reader about new the body paragraph, about new and the relationship
and emerging news, why not include emerging news, between the genre’s
events, and stories, audience within your events, and stories, function, purpose and
the genre of thesis. the genre of intended audience.
newspapers has newspapers has
characteristics that characteristics that
allow it to be allow it to be
successful, such as its successful, such as its
structure, hyperboles, structure, hyperboles,
diction and tone. diction and tone in
order to target a
specific audience.

WP1: I didn’t include Consider how other Therefore, it is This addition of

any information on things like constraints important for a genre constraints and
how constraints and or setting influence to have some settings defines the
setting have on the the genre constraints and genre conventions
genre conventions. conventions. regulations that further and shows
classify the genre as it how genres need
is...Some of the some restrictions and
 constraints include rules in order to be its
articles having a genre.
limitation on how
long they can be.
Found in an
environment where
many people are
walking around to
their destination,
readers would lose
interest if they face a
very long article.
Furthermore, it is
important that the
newspapers are
printed out so that
people walking by
can pick up a copy
with ease. Most of the
newspapers were
located within public
spaces, so it would be
a hassle for readers to
have to read the
newspapers at one
location rather than
having a physical
copy they can take
with them. It is
important to take into
account how
constraints and the
setting, where the
genre is found, affect
the genre conventions
of newspapers.

WP1: The importance Ruby: Is there a better While headlines may By adding a transition
of diction in the role transition between often include false between the 3rd and
of enticing the reader paragraph 3 and 4? and sometimes 4th paragraph, it
is heavily highlighted misleading allows the reader to
in many newspapers, information, there are move smoothly
including the some headlines that between each
newspaper, The Daily achieve the paragraph and still
Nexus. Headline “ audiences’ attention retain knowledge
No. 18 UC Santa through the use of from the previous
Barbara Men’s diction, word choice. paragraph, while
Soccer Dominates The importance of learning new
Rival Cal Poly” diction in the role of information within
shows an example of enticing the reader is the next. The
the author's diction in heavily highlighted... transitions link each
order to incite a sense paragraph together
of competitiveness and shows that the
and rivalry within essay is well
readers at UCSB organized.
(Rivera).

WP1:Therefore, the Consider splitting the Of course, many By doing this, my

tone and diction of 4 paragraph into two headlines catches the essay becomes more
the article needs to be separate paragraphs, attention of the reader organized for the
considered when as the second half of and this leads to the reader, and thus
trying to convey the original paragraph reader to dive into the allows for my points
information to the introduces another article. However, if to be clear and easier
reader. characteristic such as the article doesn’t to read.
tone. interest the reader,
then the attention of
the reader is lost, thus
tarnishing the ability
of the newspaper to
inform its readers.
Therefore, the tone
and diction ….

WP1: Citations Correctly add The citations now are Having correct
weren’t correctly citations into text indented correctly citation use gives the
indented and weren’t using footnotes and with the correct title essay more credibility
cited with footnotes correctly indent of “Bibliography” and demonstrates my
footnotes within the and when referenced ability to use
works cited. within the essay, it is footnotes and to
cited with a footnote. create citations.