Documenti di Didattica
Documenti di Professioni
Documenti di Cultura
ON CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
1
St. Photius the Great's Homily on the Nativity of the Virgin.
2
Bl. Augustine, On Marriage as a Good, 6.
3
Sermons and Addresses of the Metropolitan Philaret, Moscow, 1844, part II, p. 87; quoted in
Vladimir Lossky, The Mystical Theology of the Eastern Church, London: James Clarke, 1957, p. 8.
2
Two answers are suggested in Genesis: (a) the procreation of children, and
(b) the inability of man alone, without woman, to fulfil the task appointed to
him by God.
(a) "And God blessed them, saying, Increase and multiply, and fill the
earth and subdue it..." (1.28). Coming immediately after the first mention of
the differentiation of the sexes (1.27), this clearly implies that the purpose of
this differentiation is the procreation of children. But the question then arises:
why, then, is there no mention of children or procreation in Paradise, the first
reported birth, that of Cain, taking place only after the expulsion from Eden
(4.1)?
Some of the Holy Fathers suggest that the reason is that God's command
to increase and multiply was given in prevision of the Fall, and that if there
had been no Fall there would have been no sexual relations, and the
multiplication of the species would have taken place in a different way. Thus
St. John of the Ladder writes that if Adam had not been overcome by
gluttony, he would not have known what a wife was - that is, he would have
lived with her as with a sister.4 And certainly, since all that we know of
sexuality and procreation comes from life after the Fall, and has been
corrupted by the Fall, there can be no doubt that marriage as we know it was
not part of the life of the first couple in Paradise.
4
St. John, The Ladder of Divine Ascent, Step 15, Foreword.
5
Thus Dr. J.E. Shelley writes: "The account in Genesis 2.18-25 is as factual as words can make
it. It reads like the account which a surgeon writes for the records of the operating theatre!
God performs a surgical operation under general anaesthesia, a rib re-section in this case.
Note the detail: 'He closed up the flesh instead thereof'. In just such a manner would a
surgeon describe his closing up of an incision. Remarkably enough, provided that the
surgeon is careful to leave the periosteum (the membrance which envelops the bones) of the
removed rib, the ribe will reform in a non-septic case, and the operation performed upon
Adam was truly aseptic. So far as I remember, the rib is the only bone in the body of man
which will do this. God gave it this property, which is why He chose it. With the vast
reservoir of living cells contained in the rib, 'He built up Eve'." (How God Created Man, a Bible
Christian Unity Fellowship Study, p. 6).
3
taken out of her man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother
and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be one flesh" (2.23).
The Lord Himself quoted these words in the context of His discussion of
divorce (Matthew 19.4-5), so their authority is great. Divorce is wrong,
because marriage was constituted from the beginning, in Paradise, as an
unbreakable bond creating a single new unit. A unit, moreover, not only of
spirit, but also of flesh.
(b) "It is not good for man to be alone, let Us make for him a help suitable
to him" (2.18 - the Septuagint text literally translated is: "according to him",
just as man was made "according to the image of God"). In Tobit this passage
is paraphrased as: "Thou madest Adam, and gavest him Eve his wife for an
helper and support" (8.6). What kind of support is meant here?
6
New Hieroconfessor Gregory, Interpretation of the Gospel of Mark, Moscow, 1991, p. 106.
4
St. Augustine, followed by most of the Western Fathers, replies: "for the
sake of the procreation of sons, just as a support to the seed in the earth is that
a thicket should grow on either side".7
However, St. Basil the Great takes a more spiritual view in his treatise, On
Virginity; the support which is meant here, he says, is the general support that
a woman gives to her husband in passing through life.
And Blessed Theodoret of Cyrus writes: "He bade her satisfy the man's
desire, not a passion for pleasure, but by showing him the rational need of her
society".8
Marriage in the Fall. Like everything else that was created good by God in
the beginning, marriage has been corrupted by the Fall. Unbelief ("ye shall not
surely die" (3.15)), pride ("ye shall be as gods" (3.6)) and sensuality ("the tree
was good for food, and pleasant to the eyes to look upon, and beautiful to
contemplate" (3.7)) invaded the nature, first of the woman, and then of the
man. The Fall did not completely destroy the joyful, paradisiac image of
marriage; but, as Vladimir Lossky points out, "this paradisiac 'eros' would
have been as different from our fallen and devouring sexuality as the
sacerdotal royalty of man over created being is from their actual devouring of
each other. For.. the Fall has changed the very meaning of the words.
Sexuality, this 'multiplication' which God ordains and blesses, appears in our
universe as irremediably bound to separation and death. The human
7
Bl. Augustine, op. cit.
8
Bl. Theodoret, Commentary on Deuteronomy, 21.13.
9
New Hieroconfessor Tikhon, "An Address of the Right Reverend Tikhon", Orthodox Life, vol.
37, no. 4, July-August, 1987, pp. 3-4.
5
Both Adam and Eve failed to fulfil the law of marriage as God had
ordained it. Thus Eve failed in her task of spiritually supporting Adam by
offering him the forbidden fruit. But Adam, too, failed in his responsibility
towards her. Instead of enlightening her about the devil's deception, and
leading her back to obedience to God, he weakly followed her example. And
instead of taking the blame for the whole affair upon himself, as befitted the
head of the family, he bitterly put the blame on his wife - and indirectly on
God Who had created her for him (3.13).
Thus they both felt guilty, and their shame took on a specifically physical
form: "And the eyes of both were opened, and they perceived that they were
naked" (3.8).
"As for the procreation of children, marriage does not absolutely enjoin it.
That responds rather to this word of God in Genesis: 'Increase and multiply
10
Lossky, "Theologie Dogmatique (1)", Messager de l'Exarchat du Patriarchat Russe en Europe
Occidentale, No. 48, October-December, 1964, pp. 224-225..
11
Bl. Augustine, On Genesis according to the Letter, XI, xxxxii.
6
and fill the earth' (1.28). The proof of this is the large number of marriages
which cannot have children.
"That is why the first reason for marriage is to regulate lust, and especially
now that the human race has filled the whole earth".12
The doctrine of the majority of the Eastern Fathers on this point may be
summed up in words from a poem by St. Gregory the Theologian:
For man and wife the union of wedlock is a bolted door securing chastity and
restraining desire,
And it is a seal of natural affection,
They possess the loving colt which cheers the heart by gamboling,
And a single drink from their private fountain untasted by strangers,
Which neither flows outwards, nor gathers its waters from without.
Wholly united in the flesh, concordant in spirit, by love
They sharpen in one another a like spur to piety.14
But marriage in the Fall restrains more than lust alone. The pride and
pleasure-seeking that led to the Fall are also corrected, and God achieves this
through their opposites - pain and humiliation. Thus "to the woman He said, I
will greatly multiply thy pains and thy groanings; in pain thou shalt bring
forth children, and thy turning shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over
thee" (Genesis 3.17). Having turned to the devil in disobedience to God, the
woman must learn obedience to God in turning to her husband. And having
spoken to him to his ruin, she must now listen to him to her gain.
St. Paul develops the theme: "Let the woman learn in silence with all
subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the
man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam
was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
Notwithstanding, she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith
and charity and holiness with sobriety" (I Timothy 2.11-15). Wives are to be
"discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that
the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2.5). Nor is this obedience only for
12
St. John Chrysostom, First Discourse on Marriage.
13
St. Ignatius, To Polycarp, 5.
14
St. Gregory, In Praise of Virginity, 11.263-75, translated in Orthodox Life, November-
December, 1981.
7
"And to Adam He said, Because thou hast hearkened to the voice of thy
wife, and eaten of the tree concerning which I charged thee of it only not to
eat - of that thou hast eaten, cursed is the ground in thy labours, in pain thou
shalt eat of it all the days of thy life. Thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to
thee, and thou shalt eat the herb of the field. In the sweat of thy face shalt
thou eat thy bread until thou shalt return" (Genesis 3.18-20). Thus for his
weakness of will and lack of true love for his wife, the man is condemned to
work to support her and his family for the rest of his life, groaning not only
under the physical burden but also in anxiety of spirit. For "if any provide not
for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the
Faith, and is worse than an infidel" (I Timothy 5.8). But in thus having to care
for her, he will learn more truly to love her, subduing his anger and
bitterness: "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them"
(Colossians 3.19). "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to
knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as
being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered" (I
Peter 3.7).
Marriage in Christ. Marriage in the Fall restrains sin and lust, but it cannot
extirpate them entirely. But Christ, writes Clement of Alexandria, "condemns
more than just imagining having sex with a woman. For to fantasize is
already to commit an act of lust. Rather, Jesus goes further. He condemns any
man who looks on the beauty of a woman with carnal and sinful admiration.
It is a different matter, however, to look on beauty with chaste love. Chaste
love does not admire the beauty of the flesh. It admires the beauty of the
spirit. With such love, a person sees the body only as an image. His
admiration carries him through to the Artist himself - to true beauty." 16
15
St. Tikhon, Journey to Heaven, Holy Trinity Monastery, Jordanville, 1991. p. 117
16
Clement, The One Who Knows God, Tyler, Texas: Scroll Publishing, 1990, pp. 90-91.
8
muses upon many things" (Wisdom 9.15). That is why God became man and
united His Spirit to our flesh, so as to purify our flesh and make it in all things
conformed to His Spirit. "For what the law could not do, in that it was weak
through the flesh, God sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh,
and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: that the righteousness of the law
might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit"
(Romans 8.3-4).
Through the grace communicated to our flesh in the mystery of the Body
and Blood of Christ, the disordered passions of our fallen nature are first
crucified and then resurrected to new life. Sexuality is not destroyed
completely; for it was there, as we have seen, in the beginning, before the Fall.
Rather, it is resurrected in a new form.
For fallen man, marriage is a virtual necessity; and even in Christ it is the
best path to chastity for most. However, Christ by His Coming and Example
has opened up another path to the same end - that of virginity or
monasticism. For He is the New Adam, just as His Mother is the New Eve -
and both, of course, are Virgins.
Monasticism is the more direct, more arduous way to the summit; and to
reach it by this path brings a special reward. True monastics attain in this life
to the condition of the life to come, in which "they neither marry nor are given
in marriage... for they are equal to the angels" (Luke 20.35, 36). Marriage is the
less direct route, with many stops on the way and with the consequent danger
of becoming distracted by the scenery along the way (I Corinthians 7.31-33).
That is why St. Paul says: "I would that all men were even as myself [i.e.
virgins]... But every man hath his proper charisma, one after this manner, and
another after that" (I Corinthians 7.7).
Marriage in Christ recreates the image of Adam and Eve in Paradise, when
there was no pride or lust or jealousy. Thus, as Alexis Khomyakov says, "for
the husband, his companion is not just one of many women, but the woman;
and her mate is not one of many men, but the man. For both of them the rest of
the race has no sex."18 Monasticism, on the other hand, recreates the image of
Adam not only before the Fall, but also before the creation of Eve, when he
17
St. John, The Ladder of Divine Ascent, Step 15:60.
18
Khomyakov, Orthodox Life, November-December, 1983, p. 22.
9
had eyes for God alone. In this sense, as St. Ambrose of Milan points out,
monasticism, the state of being a "monad", alone with God, is even more
primally natural than marriage.19
19
St. Ambrose, On Paradise 4.25. St. Ephraim the Syrian expresses the tradition that Adam
was androgynous before the creation of Eve when he writes: "Adam was both one and two;
one in that he was man [adam], two in that he was created male and female" (Commentary on
Genesis 2.12; quoted in Robert Murray, Symbols of Church and Kingdom, Cambridge University
Press, 1975, p. 302).
10
for his brothers?' That which has been said about love generally applies also
to married love. Of all the kinds of earthly love it is the strongest and for that
reason it is represented in Holy Scripture as an image of the ideal love of the
human soul for God: 'The Song of Songs,' says Blessed Jerome, 'is a nuptial
song of spiritual wedlock,' that is, of the union of the human soul with God.
However, with the blessedness of the virgins nothing can be compared,
neither in heaven nor on earth..."20
Virginity is not only higher than marriage, but the only viewpoint from
which marriage can be correctly evaluated, and the apparently contradictory
scriptural texts on marriage understood. For whereas a perfect marriage is the
end of most men's dreams, "paradise on earth", the ideal of virginity points to
a still higher end - not paradise on earth, but the Kingdom of heaven, an end
which can be attained only by rejecting all thought of earthly delights,
however lawful, an end in which marriage will exist neither as an arena in
which to struggle with the fallen passions, nor as a passionless contemplation
of each other's beauty, like Adam and Eve in Paradise. Rather, both the
virgins and those who have been married will be "like the angels, who always
behold the face of the Father in heaven" (Matthew 18.11). For when the
Supreme Object of desire is present, lesser objects are necessarily eclipsed, not
because they are lacking in true beauty, but simply because they are lesser.
Which is why the holy Apostle Simon the Zealot, the bridegroom at the
marriage in Cana of Galilee, abandoned not only the water of a fallen
marriage, but even the wine of a marriage transformed and sanctified by
Christ, for love of the Divine Bridegroom Himself...
20
Archbishop Theophan, The Letters of Archbishop Theophan of Poltava and Pereyaslavl, Holy
Trinity Monastery, Jordanville, 1976, pp. 35-37.