A TOXIC PILIPINO CULTURE: RESPONSIBILTY OR GRATITUDE?

Family is family. People who connects to you biologically, they have the same blood running in
your veins as they are part of your existence. Parents play a big part of the family structure, they are the
foundation that keeps and holds the family together. May it be a small or a big family; parents are the
ones that give love, support and comfort to their children financially or emotionally, that is part of their
job as parents. As we all know we live in a country where any topic can be reversed and can be
maneuver by anyone. There are many sides and point of view to consider that sometimes we get to the
point of not knowing what to consider. There are these “Toxic Filipino Culture” that was recently
roaming around the internet. People are trying to point out cultures of us that we cannot understand
and cannot find the relevance of it but still choose to obey it anyways. But there are some point of view
that are so accurate that it crabs the attention of everyone and makes them think rationally, it is so
accurate that people starts to realize something. One of those is this. We are not responsible of paying
our parents back after we graduate.

Based on research conducted by a licensed psychologist and counselor Dr. Traci Lowenthal, one
of the main reasons why college students fail and feel depressed is because of what she called as
“Anticipatory Stress”. According to her, college students felt in conjunction with concerns about the
future, anticipatory stress appears in both specific and vague manifestations. For some students,
anticipatory stress is brought about an overall feeling of trepidation about what is coming next. This
form of stress is often triggered by a lack of confidence or an overall sense of fear about failing in some
way. Many students may experience this kind of stress during their final year of college as they begin to
look for jobs or plan their next move after graduation.

While we are still studying, we often hear our parents or relative say things such as “you must study well
so you can get a good job someday”, “don’t pick a profession that does not give you that much money”
or “you must graduate so you can help us raise your siblings”. Which for me isn’t a bad thing, it can be a
motivation for some but most often than not most of us feel pressured when people say those things to
us most specially when coming from our parents or the ones who provided us our needs. This kind of
culture is so toxic. Society will pressure you to have everything figured out after graduation and get a
good job, barely having time for yourself. You can’t even mess things up because you’ll have people
depending on you. Some parents think that it is the responsibility of their children to pay them back
after their studies for all the things they have done for them. If you decline and go to the other way
you’ll be the black sheep of the family and worst, the whole family tree.

Students are sacrificing their health and happiness just to ensure that their family will be at a most
comfortable situation they can ever be. But just to point this out, it is not the responsibility of children
to pay their parents back after graduation because if we are going to talk about the resources and
money that they spend for their children? It is not a favor, it is their job to take care of their children in
the first place, and it is not something that their children owe to their parents but rather it is the
gratitude and the sense of thankfulness that will arise. Our parents does not need our money, they need
our comfort and support before they leave. It is not the sense of responsibility but a sign, a figure of
gratitude and above all, love.