Parents’ stories

Single- Maisie with son Charlie: he hasn’t

handed
spoken since Maisie’s fiancé left,
but loves his new special school

“Remember that your lose interest in things he once

survival
child needs you more loved and became withdrawn and
than anyone in the occasionally aggressive.
entire world. Your love The penny finally dropped when
is their life” one day I asked him to count to
ten, and he just couldn’t remember.
Maisie Clater, 35, lives in That night I googled: ‘forgetting

Tackling the complex needs

Bromley, South London with her things I once knew’, and the
six-year-old son Charlie. She search came up as ‘autism’.

of children on the spectrum works in TV production and is

the creator and presenter of the
We already had Charlie’s place
at mainstream school, and he
can be hugely challenging podcast Autism and Us.
It was a little over a year
started in reception in September
2017, but the year was a disaster.
even if you have a partner to ago, August 24, 2018 to
be precise, when I
He totally regressed, made no
friends and the school simply
lean on, never mind trying to unexpectedly became a single
parent. When my fiancé and I split
couldn’t cope. The only bright spot
was the senco, who was great and
cope as a single mum or dad. I was shattered, it completely helped me apply for Charlie’s EHCP.
broke my heart, but I was Since my fiancé left, Charlie
Sarah Welsh speaks to determined to do the very best I hasn’t spoken one word. He needs
could for our little boy. constant care and attention and
parents carving their own Looking back to Charlie’s has recently also been diagnosed
earliest years, there were signs that with ADHD.
autism parenting path something was wrong, but I put his Looking back, after Charlie’s
quirks down to him being unique. He diagnosis I changed from a really
was late with a lot of his milestones, bubbly person into someone
not babbling or pointing, and had grieving for my child. I was
Hand in Coping with the news that your diet, emotional wellbeing, self- remain high compared with terrible trouble sleeping, but I wasn’t suffering with anxiety, having panic
hand: our child has autism is a hugely care and schooling, with knock- others, especially as children This is a journey able to – or perhaps didn’t want to attacks and also lost a huge
interviewees emotional and often traumatic on effects for a parent’s career, get older. – put the whole picture together. amount of weight. I’d given up
reveal how event for parents, and it can take mental health and the ever- Autism Eye spoke to two you and your His speech was slightly delayed, work to care for our son, so when
they’ve coped years to accept. But the harsh present demand to fight for the single parents about the child will take but he was speaking, learning we split I had no idea how I’d even
– and even truth is that it’s just the start of the help and support they, and you, extraordinary path they are numbers, counting colours, was pay the rent. Somehow I went into
helped their journey for families. need. So it’s little wonder that taking with their children and together, but try to fully toilet trained and exhibited no survival mode, started freelancing,
children to A diagnosis of ASD can affect research reveals divorce rates the practical realities of day-to- be kind to yourself” stimming behaviours. But then, as then got a job at my old company,
progress your child’s sleep patterns, their for parents with autistic children day survival. months went by, Charlie started to found a new place for Charlie and I

20 Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 5 2 0 1 9 www.autismeye.com www.autismeye.com Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 5 2 0 1 9 21
 Parents’ stories
Here at Witherslack Group we’re
committed to sharing expert advice
and support. We want to do as much to live and moved. I also launched dating again. I also have a few former wife and I had parted ways

as we can to help you along the way.

the podcast Autism and Us and
that helped save my sanity. I now
get the most moving messages
from around the world saying how
As well as the support section of our website, it’s helped families in dark times,
which includes podcasts, videos and a whole which fills my heart with joy.
I think after diagnosis many
host of useful information surrounding a parents are given a mass of
range of SEN, we also offer a variety of paperwork, and that’s it. If my
fiancé and I had had more support
expert led advice and support events. it may have made a difference.
I’ve since been on various
These include the following: parenting courses and made some
great friends, and in August 2018
Charlie started at his specialist
school and is loving it.
I now work four days a week
with understanding employers who
Education, Health and Care Plan Workshop: let me work flexibly. It’s invaluable
Getting the Right Plan for Your Child when you consider I’m often
surviving on little sleep and have to
do all the chores myself. My parents
are wonderful and take Charlie
Learning More About ADHD: every second Friday night and on a
Wednesday to allow me some
Practical Support much-needed time with friends, but
as things stand I can’t imagine
hours of respite care on a Sunday.
To another single parent in this
situation I’d say, you’re not alone.
This is a journey you and your child
will take together, but try to be kind
to yourself. Do what you can and
remember that your child needs
you more than anyone in the entire
world. Your love is their life.”
“The lack of support
services left me so
angry. It was a
catalogue of failure,
with no one trying to
understand”
Dr Simon Bays, 46, lives in
Buckinghamshire with his
18-year-old son, Ollie, while his
other son Harry, 17, lives in
Gloucestershire. He is a
consultant radiologist for Bucks
Hospitals NHS Trust.
My eldest son Ollie was
11 when he first came to
live with me full time. My
when our eldest son Ollie was
seven and Harry six. He’d been in
trouble at school a few times prior
to this with ‘anger issues’, but
although he was seen by CAMHS
he was never given a diagnosis.
Looking back, Ollie sometimes
struggled with being told what to
do, especially if we did things ‘off
the cuff’, but we knew nothing about
autism and just thought he was
being difficult. CAMHS told us to
change the way we parented him.
Before coming to live with me
permanently Ollie had stayed for
regular weekends and during the
holidays. He seemed okay with the
change, but it wasn’t a very
organised transition. Harry lives
with his mum and when the boys
were younger they didn’t get on
well. It’s better now that Harry
understands Ollie and his needs.
Things really went wrong for
Ollie when he started grammar
school. He managed about half a
term before leaving and since then

Learning More About Autism:

Ideas and Strategies that can Enrich Lives
Connecting Through Play cic and Denise Wilson Training present Manchester, 24th+25th October 2019

DIRFloortime 2 Day Introduction Courses dirfloortimemanchester2019.eventbrite.co.uk

Reading, Berks
SEN Workshop: 28th+29th November 2019
Child and Adolescent Mental Health dirfloortimereading19.eventbrite.co.uk
London, Saturdays 25th January+1st
February 2020
All the above events are FREE to attend and led by an expert practitioner in their field. dirfloortimelondonsaturdays2020.eventbrite.co.uk
Oxford, 26th+27th March 2020
dirfloortimeoxford2020.eventbrite.co.uk

Regional Special Educational Needs Conferences: Supporting you and your Child To register or find out about more courses go to
Covering a broad range of SEN specific practical advice and support. connectingthroughplay.org/dir-floortime-training/

Subsidised tickets for parents and carers range from (£10 - £15). Limited availability.

To book your place or to find out more information about our

“There is no greater feeling than being understood”
events visit www.witherslackgroup.co.uk/events-support Stanley Greenspan MD, Founder of the Interdisciplinary Council on Development and Learning (ICDL)

The Developmental, Individual-Differences, Relationship-Based Model for This training is open to parents and professionals. It is the first step
Proud to support enabling children to reach their social-emotional and functional potential. towards qualifying as a DIRFloortime Practitioner.
If you wish to speak with someone
DIRFloortime has a research evidence-base for autism and can be used
directly you can also contact Clare for any child. “Thank you for a brain-aching brilliant two days!”
or Rukiya on 0844 880 6520 or Course is led by Denise Wilson MSc. MRCOT, ICDL Training Leader JD, parent

events@witherslackgroup.co.uk
www.autismeye.com Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 5 2 0 1 9 23
 Parents’ stories
has had between 20 and 30
days of mainstream education
in seven years. It’s been a
nightmare and made doing my
job extremely challenging.
First there were calls to say
Ollie had run away from school.
Then social workers would turn
up at my house accusing me of
child abuse.
The lack of support services
left me so angry. It was a
catalogue of failure, with no
one trying to understand what
makes my son tick. At one
point I was even told he
needed to be sectioned.
Things have only really got
better on the education side
since Ollie started working with
a brilliant organisation called
the Autism Teaching Company.
Ollie struggles with simply
leaving our house. It takes me
a week to get him to do
something small like wash his
hair, and he exists mainly in an
online environment.
He has major sensory
issues with heat and cold, and
has only recently started eating
hot food. His diagnosis is one
of high-functioning autism, and
everyone knows he has PDA
[pathological demand
avoidance] also, although he’s
never been formally diagnosed
with it.
Newlife the Charity for Disabled Children - Registered Charity Number: 1170125 in England & Wales. www.autismeye.com
Autism
T.E.A.C.C.H.
Treatment and Education
of Autistic and related
Communication
handicapped CHildren
Beside the seaside: Simon
with Ollie and Harry, who now
get on better with each other 3 DAY TRAINING
At times Ollie has been
COURSE
violent. He’s thrown things at
me, I’ve had to physically
January 3 DAY 20-22. 2020 £407.00
restrain him and call the police.
At one point I’d say I lived in a June 3 DAY 22-24. 2020 £407.00
state of almost constant fear,
which is hugely stressful, but
as he’s got older Ollie has
been able to do more. He used Course Led by
to be in a foul mood every day,
now he’s pleasant.
Prof. Gary Mesibov Div. TEACCH
Coping with Ollie’s autism
as a single parent has been
These trainings are most
immensely difficult. Work aside, appropriate for:
it has massively affected my educators, therapists,
social life and a couple of my
relationships have broken administrators,
down as a result. My partner paraprofessionals, & families
now is a former social worker
and very understanding.
Safe and happier AM/PM refreshments & light lunch
Without a doubt the hardest
thing has been the complete
failure of the authorities, who
ultimately failed us both.
The thing I’m most proud of
is that Ollie is safe and
becoming happier in his own
skin. All I want is for him to be
happy and fulfilled in life. Office: 199-203 Blandford Ave. Kettering,
My advice to another single
parent in this situation would
Northants. NN16 9AT.
be to speak to as many people Tel./Fax: 01536 523274
as you can about how to autism@autismuk.com
manage autism – but believe in
what you think is the best way
Book on-line:
to help your children.” www.autismuk.com
Au t i s m | e y e I s s u e 3 5 2 0 1 9 25