In Memoriam

By: Jesse Callaway

Everybody always apologizes for death. “I’m sorry,” they say, “sorry for your loss.” This is the
perpetual refrain of sympathizers everywhere despite the fact that this statement makes little (if any)
semantical sense.

But for what are they apologizing? I hardly think that there is a single person who would
assume they are apologizing for themselves; or for that matter, expect them to. Perhaps they are
apologizing on behalf of another; or more likely still, have abstracted the sense of loss and are
apologizing on its behalf. Perhaps there is even another, more appropriate, explanation. In any case,
this is obviously a strange way for a person to comport themselves towards someone who is grieving
and in the throes of traumatic loss. I bring this up, not to actually argue the semantics of their approach,
but rather as a preface for myself to say to you all today that, “If anything; I am certainly not sorry.”

Instead, what I am is disgusted. I’m nauseated. I’m confused; and furthermore, I’m so god
damn angry about something which none of us could possibly have prepared for. I’m angry because
Tyler’s passing makes me realize that I hate death despite the fact that I still don’t know how to love life.
Moreover, I’m angry because I am reminded of the grim reality, which is that all beings are transient. As
such, we are also faced with the paradox which is that for us to have the possibility of loving anything or
anyone at all; it is necessary for everything we love to die.

Despite its appearance this idea is not, however, paradoxical at all. Rather, it hints at what is
called, dialectic. That is to say; this apparent contradiction between life and death has a resolution, and
that is as I mentioned earlier—the possibility for love. So then, I would like to encourage each of us here
today—all still very much alive—to think of today, not as a day of mourning; but, as a day of
celebration—a celebration of the possibility for love.

Tyler’s passing is without a doubt tragic, and it will take a lifetime to mend that wound, but I
despite that I like to think of this even as being not only a tragedy. I like to think of it as a gift as well.
That is, a gift bestowed upon all of life. Let us accept that gift and allow our memories of Tyler (good or
bad) to serve as reminders to love each other and to love life as much as we love Tyler and he loved us.
Thank you. That is all.