Department of Languages, Literature and Communication Studies

Course : History of Trinidad and Tobago

Course Code : HIST 210

Instructor : Dr Sean Ng Wai

Assignment : INDIVIDUAL RESEARCH PROJECT

Due Date : 16 April, 2019

Student : Desiree Felix - 00062230

Journal Guidelines:

 Your research paper must be written in the form of a Journal.

 Your Journal must be recorded over a 3-5 days period. That is, you have to give details of
incidents, etc., for more than one day. It does not have to be written over consecutive days or
months.
 Your Journal must be written in the 1st person – that is, YOU are the person writing the
account.
 Your account must be based on facts, but you can imagine.

Journal Question:

You are an indentured labourer from either India or China, who has worked on the island of Trinidad
for the past two years. Reflect on how you and other members of your indentured community sought
to preserve aspects of your cultural identity during the 1880’s.

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
1886, October

They gave me the name Meena. The whiteman named this place Waterloo and it has been my home
for little more than two years. It is a different life than what my mother imagined for me at my birth:
she could not know my husband would die, that I would leave India and go far away from her… how
could she know? My mother had died long ago, a fever had taken her just after my wedding. I remember
her face, her softly singing voice in the evenings, her gentle guiding hands – and it is because of her
that I now write. I write these memories – mine and of my sisters – so that after we are gone our children
will know our people, not just what the whiteman will have them know. We will keep our ways alive
in their hearts so they will never forget they are Indian, even in this new land.

We are all sisters, bound by the journey here and the labour we do. I learned letters from the few
children who went to the mission school, so I am the one to write. There is no father or brother to
prevent me from learning, and I hide my efforts from the whiteman. So my sisters speak to me and I
make the words in this new speech. My one regret is that I cannot write all these in our own beautiful
language, for our children to learn it and make it grow like the sugar cane in the fields.

1886, December

When I left Patna, my husband was dead for eight months. There was famine and death everywhere,
but I could not bear to live with his mother anymore. I went to the recruitment office with three other
women from my village to apply for indentureship. I am still young, I told the arkati, and I am strong
like a man, strong enough to work. I remember his laughter at my words, but I was more afraid of
failure than success. If I failed, I would die from poverty – I would not go back to where I was little
more than an untouchable to my mother-in-law. I would not trade myself for food; I would not become
an immoral woman and betray my beliefs. I prayed to Devi Shakti for success, for a new life away from
here. It was a long time before my papers came to his hands – I would be registered! I was afraid my
brother-in-law would not respond because his mother did not like me, but I was now free to make a
new life in a far away place.

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
I choose to forget some of the past, but sometimes, in my dreams, I live it all again… the kali pani, the
boat, the harsh hands of the doctor man on my body, the unwashed smell of the others, the deaths of
my sisters from disease or worse, suicide… I live it all again in my sleep and I wake, shivering and
afraid. My sisters do not like to speak of it, but we can see the bad dreams in our eyes in the mornings.
We suffered to get here, each of us. We took courage in both hands and sailed away from the past –
and into an uncertain future. I pray Devi Shakti guides us and grants us good fortune in our new life
here in the place the whiteman calls Trinidad.

1887, April

Sometimes my sisters and I talk of what was before the sugar cane, but more now of how much life has
changed. Here women are few; now to be a woman is no shame, no burden on our families. Here we
help the family just as men do. Here we are paid to work like men, we can receive the money in our
own hands! In truth, we earn less than the men, but the wages were more than we could have expected
in India. Those 18 cents the whiteman counts out for each task would not have been mine, as my
husband would never have allowed me to work… the shame would have killed him faster than the
sickness.

Today, while we all sat in the sun eating our midday meal near the drain next to the portion of cane the
driver said the workers were to cut, my sister told us that three men wanted to marry her daughter,
Shubbha. I saw the pride in her eyes, and we all rejoiced with her, for the memory of what we were
worth back home was still strong in our minds. Here, men would pay much to have a bride; a dulahin
means more money for a family unit – she and her children would add to a man’s wealth in a different
manner than by tilak. My sister did not speak of the extent of the dahej offered, but we remembered
the gold bracelets and nakphul given as bride-price for another of our daughters last year.

One of the men, she told us, was from a neighbouring plantation who saw her some months ago when
he came with his whiteman. We grew silent, because we knew if this man offered the highest price,
little Shubbha would likely be lost to us. No worker could leave their plantation without written

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
permission from the whiteman, and that was not likely to be granted just so a mother could see her
daughter.

My sister’s eyes became bright with tears, but we consoled her with the thought that Shubbha was
raised to be a good wife and mother; that she could work alongside her new husband, but also take care
of his home and family as any good Indian wife would. The driver came upon us at that time and was
angry that we were not finished eating and ordered us back to cutting the cane.

1886, May

The sun was hotter today than I can remember it being since I came here, and my sari stuck to my legs,
wet with sweat. I saw the eyes of the driver on me as he weighed the cut cane and I grew afraid – I am
a widow, alone and without protection. The barrack rooms were not secure, and I only had two of my
widowed sisters with me at night time. Perhaps I should think of finding a man to marry, if only to
throw some small obstacle in the driver’s mind.

When the sun went down and I prepared the evening meal with my sisters over the small cook-fires, I
remembered the good news about Shubba. It is good that she will marry and raise children that we will
teach our beliefs and culture – we cannot forget we are still Indian, even as the whiteman tries to make
us turn away from Brahma. He does not know how we hide in secret to continue our rites to our Gods.
We hear stories of other whitemen allowing workers to worship openly, so long as they make no
nuisance of themselves – but we have no way to know if the stories are true. I prayed that evening to
goddesses Lakṣmī and Parvati that Shubbha’s new husband would be kind and faithful to her, and not
at all fond of rum.

1887, October

My sister was killed last daylight; her husband was full of rum and anger. We cried for her loss. She is
not the first sister to die like this. Devika was the first; her husband accused her of unfaithfulness with
the sirdar and would not listen to her cries. He had been ill, and could not stay at the barracks with her.
It is not safe for women in those barracks, as they are little more than long buildings, open inside with

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
partitions for room separation. He did not want to go, but the whiteman forced him to get treatment at
the hospital some distance away. When he returned, someone told him that while he was at hospital,
the sirdar helped himself to Devika on more than one night, which enraged him beyond belief. We
found her lying in bed the next day, after her husband had gone to work in the fields. She was just as
beautiful in death as she had been in life. He was found dead the next morning, after slitting his own
throat.
After that, many of our sisters showed the marks of a husband’s anger the morning after a quarrel. With
the latest death, my sisters and I are afraid, more so than yesterday. We wonder which of us will be
next to feel the sting of a husband’s slap, or the pain of hands around our necks. We wonder who would
be next to depart to the afterlife, leaving family and friends behind.

I am most terrified of the hole in the ground where they will put us, because the whiteman will not
allow our burial rites in this new land. He calls us ‘heathen coolies’ and punishes us for holding to our
forefathers’ beliefs and customs. I am almost overcome with horror at the thought of no antyeshti at
my death, only my body covered with dirt in the small patch of land the whiteman insists we use at the
rear of the plantation. We still continue to practice our beliefs hidden from the whiteman, but cremation
is not something we can do, even in secret. The pyre must be lit at the waterside, and will be seen from
far away. If we defy the rules, we will be beaten or even put in prison.

I cannot understand why the whiteman will accept that we eat different foods than him, but will not
accept our different Gods from his. When I first came to Trinidad, I was pleased to see many of the
foods prepared by my sisters as I did in India: dhal, curry, chapatti, rice, aloo… I was sure that I would
have to eat strange meals made with nothing familiar! It was good to know that we do not have to give
up our native foods and lose more of what we hold as part of our identity as Indians in this new land.
We have so little of our culture that remains strong in the face of all the strangeness – we have had to
change, adapt, forget…

Sometimes I think of returning to India, but another seven years must pass before I would be allowed
passage on a boat; another seven years of sugar cane, barrack quarters and secret rites to my Gods. I
sometimes think of going back, but I have changed too much to find a place there again. I see my
mother-in-law’s face in my memory, displeased and demanding. I see poverty and hunger, and no way

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
to save myself from it. I cannot go back. Here in this land I am worthy to be a wife again, to have a
family, to work and earn money. Perhaps I would accept Mungal as my husband, as he has asked me
again and again to be his wife. Perhaps we could save wages to buy our own land after our term of
indentureship is over, like one of my sisters did last year. Perhaps we could build a small tapia home,
with real walls that were strong and secure. Perhaps I would finally have children of my own, and we
can teach them our ways, the beliefs of our forefathers in India. So I will stay in Trinidad, and may the
divine mother goddess continue to protect me and my sisters as we continue our lives here, and grant
us prosperity and peace.

Word count: 1938, excluding glossary and references.

Glossary of Terms

Antyeshti: Hindu funeral rites involving cremation (The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2011)

Arkati: recruiter in India (Brereton, 2007)

Chapatti: unleavened bread (Dictionary of Food and Nutrition, 2005)

Dahej: bride-price (The National Council of Indian Culture of Trinidad and Tobago, n.a)

Devi Shakti: Hindu goddess, the divine mother (The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2015)

Dulahin: bride (The National Council of Indian Culture of Trinidad and Tobago, n.a)

Kali pani: dark water (Brereton, 2007)

Lakṣmī: Hindu goddess of wealth and good fortune (The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2017)

Nakphul: nose-ring (The National Council of Indian Culture of Trinidad and Tobago, n.a)

Parvati: benevolent goddess, wife of Hindu god Shiva (The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2015)

Sari: outer garment of Indian women (The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2017)

Sirdar: headman (Trinidad and Tobago Guardian Newspaper, 2014)

Tilak: dowry (The National Council of Indian Culture of Trinidad and Tobago, n.a)

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
References

Bissessarsingh, A. (2012, May 19). The infamous Indian barracks. Retrieved from Guardian.co.tt:

http://production2.guardian.co.tt/neo/NeoProxy.dll?app=NeoDirect&com=6/2/422698/fdc67b

d229

Brereton, B. (2007). Contesting the past: Narratives of Trinidad & Tobago history. NWIG: New

West Indian Guide / Nieuwe West-Indische Gids, 81(3/4), 169-196.

Chandra, Y. (2017). Women and Indenture in the Caribbean: A Study of Clem Maharaj’s The

Dispossessed. Retrieved from Academia.edu:

https://www.academia.edu/32452683/Women_and_Indenture_in_the_Caribbean_A_Study_of

_Clem_Maharajs_The_Dispossessed

Chatterjee, S. (1997). Indian women’s lives and labor: The indentureship experience in Trinidad and

Guyana: 1845–1917. Ph.D. dissertation, University Massachusetts at Amherst.

Dictionary of Food and Nutrition. (2005). Chapatti. Retrieved from Encyclopedia.com:

https://www.encyclopedia.com/sports-and-everyday-life/food-and-drink/food-and-

cooking/chapatti

Mahase, R. (2015, May 30). A brief history of Indian Indentureship in Trinidad. Retrieved from

Academia.edu:

https://www.academia.edu/13335404/A_Brief_History_of_Indian_Indentureship_in_Trinidad

Mahase, R. (2017, May 19). Towards the end of the Indian Indentureship system: Part II, The Indian

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
 women who came to Trinidad . Retrieved from Academia.edu:

https://www.academia.edu/31972418/TOWARDS_THE_END_OF_THE_INDIAN_INDENT

URESHIP_SYSTEM_PART_II_The_Indian_Women_who_came_to_Trinidad

Mahase, R. (2017, Mar 12). Towards the end of the Indian Indentureship system—Part 1. Retrieved

from The Trinidad Guardian Newspaper: http://www4.guardian.co.tt/news/2017-03-

12/towards-end-indian-indentureship-system%E2%80%94part-1

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. (2011, Sept 21). Antyeshti. Retrieved from Encyclopaedia

Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/antyeshti

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. (2015, Jan 19). Parvati. Retrieved from Encyclopaedia

Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Parvati

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. (2015, Jan 19). Shaktism. Retrieved from Encyclopaedia

Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Shaktism

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. (2017, Jul 21). Lakshmi. Retrieved from Encyclopaedia

Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Lakshmi

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. (2017, Jul 26). Sari. Retrieved from Encyclopaedia

Britannica: https://www.britannica.com/topic/sari

The National Council of Indian Culture of Trinidad and Tobago. (n.a). NCIC Trinidad & Tobago

Website - Indentureship. Retrieved from Ncictt.com:

http://www.ncictt.com/resources/indentureship

Trinidad and Tobago Guardian Newspaper. (2014, Jun 1). The hierarchy of the sugar cane estate.

Retrieved from Guardian.co.tt:

http://www.guardian.co.tt/neo/NeoProxy.dll?app=NeoDirect&com=6/2/383376/97e61fcffa

This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.
This paper is the research work of Desiree Felix, 2019. All Rights Reserved. No part shall be reprinted or used
without the author’s written permission, unless properly attributed to the author.