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Cognitive Behavioral
Therapy
How to Stealthily Use CBT Methods to Influence and Manipulate
Anyone’s Mind
By Michael Pace
Table of Contents
Introduction
Conclusion
Introduction
methods. It is not some illegal method that will land you in jail. It is a
can bend to your own uses to manipulate, persuade, control, and heal
change their own thinking and heal their mental ailments without even
going to a therapist.
Dark CBT takes popular CBT methods and takes them to the next
level. Built upon the foundation of well-known CBT methods, Dark CBT
allows you to change yourself and others as you see fit. It enables you to
influence peoples’ thinking to your own purposes. You can use the
concepts of cognitive distortions, questioning, framing, and leading to
Now the term “dark” may deter some people. But don’t let the name
scare you. “Dark” in this case does not mean evil. “Dark CBT” simply
knowledge or consent of others. You can use Dark CBT to manipulate and
lead others in mental directions that suit your personal needs. You don't
have to use Dark CBT for evil. In fact, my sincere hope is that you use it
for good. However, understand that Dark CBT is very powerful and that
influence and persuade those around you. You can use it for
brainwashing and personality alteration. You can even use it on yourself
to make yourself into the person that you want to be. Dark CBT is great
for healing, self-improvement, and improving the lives of your loved
ones. It can make business, family, friendship, and romance much easier
for you because it enables you to get people to do what you want. Once
you learn how to use Dark CBT, you will be limitless!
not. CBT (and Dark CBT) operate on the premise that changing
someone’s thinking changes the person. In the following pages, you will
learn how to change someone’s thinking and thus influence his moods,
actions, and feelings toward you. You will learn the secrets to getting
inside of peoples’ minds and changing them as you see fit. Don’t abuse
this incredible power. Use it for good and use it to create the results that
There is absolutely no reason why you cannot get what you want
from others. This is your life. You should make it what you want without
guilt or shame. Often, though, other people are the only obstacles in your
way to getting what you want. This book shows you how to peacefully,
legally, and effectively deal with these people, removing them as obstacles
from your life. You don’t have to stoop to ugly manipulation, violence, or
other harmful methods that will destroy your relationships and possibly
even land you in jail to get your way. You just need to use Dark CBT.
Sometimes, the only one standing in the way of your success is you.
You should not be your own worst enemy. You can use Dark CBT to gain
address your deep-seated thinking habits. Dark CBT, on the other hand,
does. Using Dark CBT will truly enable you to change yourself and
become the person whom you want to be. You will love yourself more and
enjoy more success in life if you start to apply Dark CBT to yourself for
self-improvement.
Stop waiting for success to come to you. Stop dealing with difficult
your life and your relationships. By the end of this book, you will know
how to completely revolutionize your life, yourself, and those around you.
So let’s begin by learning about the basic premises of CBT and how
Chapter 1: What is Dark CBT?
behavioral therapy and its approach to mental health and healing. Dark
CBT is founded on the tried and true CBT principles employed by
about CBT and then applying them as you see fit to unknowing subjects
CBT and maybe even use it upon yourself for practice. From there, you
patients’ thinking. The name itself suggests the way CBT works: it
changes behavior by addressing the subject’s cognition, or thinking. It
believes that changing someone’s thinking will directly affect his behavior
History of CBT
CBT was first developed by a psychologist named Aaron Beck in the
1960s. Beck noticed that his patients had internal monologues, where
that this monologue really influenced how they processed events, made
decisions, and developed emotions regarding situations. Beck also
thoughts that made his patients feel bad and make poor decisions.
thoughts, they began to realize how these thoughts could make or break
their success. Some thoughts made them make poor decisions, or drew
them to untrue assumptions that made them feel bad for no reason.
Other thoughts helped them overcome problems and feel better about
but they all have the same premise and the same goal, putting them
Now we have developed Dark CBT. Dark CBT operates on the same
successful and achieving what you want in life. Dark CBT goes beyond
simple healing and instead gives you the power to shape your life and
for growth and experimentation in Dark CBT. As you use the methods in
this book, you may find new applications or new ways of performing Dark
CBT that are previously unheard of. This is a new field that you can
certainly expand and make your own. Supplement your Dark CBT with
real CBT methods and experiment with trial and error. You may just find
your own type of therapy that works really well for you, based off of the
Thoughts drive emotions and emotions drive actions. Even people who
claim that they have control over their minds or feel no emotion actually
situation and decide to act. Since thoughts are so important and play such
a huge role in someone’s life, it is essential to make sure that thoughts are
healthy and helpful. Bad thoughts can be incredibly detrimental to
someone’s success.
Aaron Beck found that his patients would think fleeting thoughts
such as, “Beck is very quiet. He must be mad at me.” This single thought
would cause them to get nervous and to even refuse to disclose everything
with him, making therapy difficult and less helpful. Most often, he wasn’t
even angry with the patients who thought this. Their automatic thoughts
since they made the patients act in certain ways that influenced how
successful therapy sessions were.
automatic thoughts flying through your brain throughout the day, you
naturally will act out in unhelpful ways. You can create a lot of lasting
that are healthier so that you create fewer problems for yourself and solve
the problems that you already have in life.
a situation, person, or thing. When the subject begins to see that his
thinking is not helpful, he will then be taught new thinking styles that are
more conducive to his goals. He learns to apply these new thinking styles
until he breaks old thinking habits and develops a new way of looking at
the world. This new style of thinking will help him feel better and tackle
problems in a more efficient manner.
We will go over what these cognitive distortions are and how they are
Usually, CBT is short-term. This means that the CBT therapist likes
to focus on a single goal at a time. One goal at a time makes it easier for
while working on one goal, other issues will appear that need to be
addressed, creating more goals for the therapist and the subject to set and
throughout the subject’s being and life. He will find that once he
completes one goal, other goals are easier to achieve. He may also
so that he believes the best about himself and feels content with who he is
as a person. With time, CBT thinking can replace more unhealthy styles
of thinking and negative self-beliefs completely. When the subject
successfully adjusts his thinking and his self-beliefs, he is able to solve his
his goals. Naturally his confidence will grow from the small wins he
achieves in life and he will feel better about himself. This can cause his
changes.
It is also possible to achieve the opposite effect with Dark CBT. You
can cripple someone’s personality and make him create problems for
is the evil, malignant side of Dark CBT. While this side of Dark CBT is
certainly useful, it should not be abused. You don’t want to actively ruin
to relationship problems. It can help people quit bad habits and feel
better about themselves. It can also help people learn how to cope with
the symptoms of their mental ailments in order to feel better. Even
people who are not mentally ill can benefit from using CBT thought
With the help of a CBT journal, you can document your thoughts and
are trying to overcome or bad habits that you are trying to break free of.
Then, you ask yourself questions that lead you to changing how you look
at the situation, wound, or habit. You write down your new mental
approach and new emotions now that you are using different thinking,
and you will notice a drastic improvement in your emotions and outlook
on life. Suddenly, you won’t have so many difficulties in life and your
problems will become so easy to solve that they will practically disappear
Dark CBT is incredibly useful for two reasons. The first is that Dark
CBT is focused on personal gains and success. Rather than just healing
interested in changing his thinking, you can still use Dark CBT on him to
achieve the results that you desire. You will enjoy success and he won’t
even know what has happened to him. You can fix people who refuse to
get help or change people who stand in your way. No one will guess what
you are really doing. You simply seem to be an interested friend or loved
We already talked about this a little bit. But we want to stress that
Dark CBT is the same as regular CBT. Its uses and applications are a little
different, however. That is the only thing that separates the two types of
CBT.
find that you can use CBT on yourself to correct your problems, or you
can visit a therapist who will set goals for you and help you adjust your
thinking. The entire process is transparent and known to all parties.
there is something wrong with him so that he strives to change it. You
never reveal that you are the therapist here. You are also never asked to
perform Dark CBT on anyone. This can be unethical, but again, you are
Dark CBT is not evil in and of itself. It can be used for evil, but that
is your call. The altruistic and positive applications of Dark CBT can be
CBT. You can help people who can’t help themselves and who are
resistant to getting help. You also create your own success, furthering
your own goals and getting ahead in life. You don’t have to become a
monster and use Dark CBT to hurt people in order to gain from it. In fact,
using Dark CBT as a way to help others can really improve your own life
because it will heal your relationships and make people like you more.
People will associate you with feeling better and liking themselves more,
so they will want to spend more time around you. And everyone knows
that being liked by people gets you what you want.
Even if you do choose to use the darker applications for Dark CBT,
you won’t ever get caught. People will not be aware of what you are doing.
Therefore, you won’t hurt your subjects or destroy relationships. You also
won’t get into trouble because you are not doing anything illegal.
Chapter 2: Cognitive Distortions, Schemas,
and Self-Beliefs
The topics of this chapter are what make up the core of CBT.
Cognitive distortions and schemas are two things that you must know all
about in order to start effectively using Dark CBT. Once you understand
different cognitive distortions and schemas, you can start figuring out
others. You can also start using it to improve yourself and increasing your
Schemas
Schemas are underlying beliefs about one’s self that affect how
someone views the world and reacts to situations. These beliefs often
someone’s psyche. They are stubborn and not easy to remove. They can
also create a lot of issues if they are not healthy. Unfortunately, most
people have at least one unhealthy schema that causes them endless life
problems. The problems caused by schemas cannot be solved until the
schema itself is addressed.
his brain is aware of them. His brain will do anything to prevent these
schemas from being challenged. Since the brain relies on these schemas
for its operation and identity, it likes having them around. Without them,
the brain does not have a guide for how it should act. So even if a schema
is unhealthy and contributes to life problems, the brain still holds into it
Let’s say that someone believes a schema that he does not deserve
that may lead to the subject’s happiness, the brain makes a decision to
keep the subject unhappy. This is because the brain is used to being
miserable. Every time something bad happens in his life, his brain uses
that as a confirmation that the schema is protecting the subject and it
feeds the schema.
Here’s another example. A woman thinks that no one will love her
because she is gross and fat. That belief is caused by a schema created by
rejection by her parents and perhaps a bad experience when she first
started dating. Now she is secretly afraid of being hurt by love, so she
weight has nothing to do with it. When she walks by a group of people
and they start laughing at a private joke, she assumes they are laughing at
how fat she is. She teaches herself to believe that she is undesirable and
un-datable because of her weight. She may also cling to her weight and
overeat in order to continue to be able to make this excuse and protect
They use drugs to numb the pain caused by these schemas, but their drug
use also deepens their self-hatred as they alienate themselves, push away
their loved ones by stealing money from them, make bad friends who
don’t love them, and fail at life in every aspect. They look to drugs to help
them when really drugs are only deepening the problem. Most likely,
drug addicts believe that they are unlovable because of abuse, rejection,
and exploitation or molestation that they experienced as children and so
they are eternally lonely. They think that drugs help them connect with
others, since it is easy to make fake friends in the drug lifestyle. They also
believe that they can protect their hearts from rejection if they rip people
off for money to get their fixes, and so they drive away their loved ones
For this reason, schemas become stronger and stronger over the
years. People work so hard to keep their schemas alive and reject all
evidence that their schemas are false. Yet their schemas cause them more
and more problems. Once people start to address their schemas and let
them go, they will feel scared, but they will also make huge advancements
in their well-being and happiness.
Mistrust/Abuse
In this schema, the subject was probably abused as a child and may
still be abused as an adult. He refuses to see how others can help him. He
assumes that everyone is unstable and out to hurt him. He can’t form
clingy and insecure and even jealous. When others hurt him, he believes
that it was intentional, even if it was accidental. He may also believe that
he is destined to always get the bad things in life or to always attract bad
Defectiveness/Shame
Emotional Deprivation
This schema makes the subject feel as if no one can ever meet his
emotional needs, so he is quick to give up on others. He thinks that
isolates himself because he thinks others can’t handle him and he may
think of himself as a needy mess or a complicated person.
Social Isolation
different from others to ever fit in. He is often isolated and alone and
doesn’t belong to any groups. He doesn’t have many friends. He avoids
that they are incompetent. They may have had helicopter parents who
never gave them space to do things on their own, so now they are scared
and needy.
fears death and treats the slightest injury like a severe incident. He is
afraid of getting sick or hurt so he avoids a lot of great opportunities in
life. He may also be paralyzed by fear that a catastrophe or disaster will
strike at any time and he obsesses over and over-prepares for terrible
events that will probably never happen.
Failure to Achieve
This person think that he cannot get anything right and that he is
prone to failure. He won’t take chances. The slightest failure upsets him
was little, making him feel that he is not good at anything. Now he
zone.
Entitlement/Grandiosity
When he doesn’t get it, he throws a fit. He doesn’t go after what he wants
and he doesn’t work hard; instead, he expects the universe and other
Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self
A person with this schema has never been able to be on his own to
make his own decisions and find his own source of emotional fulfillment.
He is overly attached to someone, such as his parents or significant other,
and relies on them for all emotional support, decision making, and
Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline
impulsive and prone to addictions. He doesn’t think that he can ever get
well because he can’t control his impulses and he doesn’t even try. He will
a child.
Subjugation
will let others take advantage of him. However, in his heart, he feels that
this is wrong and he will let his anger build up until he snaps. Then,
watch out. He might get violent because of the sheer volume of
Self-Sacrifice
child and was never taught to set limits or protect his assets. Now he
gives himself up to others at his own expense and allows himself to take
the short end of the stick in life. He thinks that others will only like him if
he goes out of his way to help them or give things to them. He lets himself
be used for the “greater good,” even if he is doing nothing but hurting
he tries his hardest to help everyone and takes on the world’s problems
without tending to his own. He may be viewed as needy because he has to
Emotional Inhibition
it will not go well. He bites his tongue a lot and doesn’t communicate
well. Often people can’t get close to him because he is so inhibited and
uptight.
Pessimism
gloomy and depressed. He dwells on his problems and feels that there is
no hope, so he never tries to further himself or fix the things that are
wrong in his life. He believes that if he treats others harshly, they will do
what he wants and never fail. Instead, he tends to drive people away or
make people scared of him and he earns a lot of enemies in his life.
Approval-Seeking
bend over backward for validation and praise. He bases his life on what
others think and won’t take risks that may earn him disapproval. He is
Perfectionism/ Hyper-criticalness
This person is perfect to a fault. He believes that if he isn’t perfect,
the world will come crashing down. He criticizes himself harshly, often in
the same voice that his parents or other adult role models used on him as
a child. He is never happy with himself or what he does and he won’t give
up. He is often seen fixing things that aren’t broken because they do not
Punitiveness
punitive person believes that harsh punishment is deserved for any and
all failings and flaws. He is unforgiving and harsh and totally lacks
Underlying Assumptions
situation. Assumptions may or may not be true; usually they are not. Yet
people treat their underlying assumptions as if they are holy testaments
that they must never break. They make a lot of mistakes when they base
situation.
you don’t like him because you didn’t say hi to him at an event where you
saw each other. Now he acts very stiff around you, giving you the
impression that he doesn’t like you. He avoids you and fails to make a
valuable connection with you. He may even act out at you or yell at you
Irrational Beliefs
life, other people, or one’s self that a person clings to for dear life. He
bases his actions and decisions on this irrational belief.
A woman might have the irrational belief that rain is bad for her
that she misses many important events and appointments just because of
rain. She may refuse to be there for her daughter’s labor or graduation
just because it is raining, so she hurts and drives away her family.
A man might have the irrational belief that anything good that
happens to him will quickly turn bad. As a result, he turns down great job
opportunities, won’t buy a nice house, and refuses to acknowledge the
any real evidence. There is no reason that their beliefs are true. Yet
people will cling to these beliefs and work their lives around them.
Cognitive Distortions
buy into. These thinking habits are called distortions because they are
examples of distorted, incorrect thinking. Thinking along these lines can
create all sorts of problems for people. CBT works to teach people not to
ways.
see the good side of things, or they set themselves for disappointment by
assuming that nothing bad will happen. They fail to take a balanced view
acknowledge that there is both good and bad to every situation, person,
and thing. Seeing both the pros and cons can help someone feel better.
Pessimism
Dwelling
Someone who discounts the positive refuses to admit that there are
good things in life. When you present him with something positive, he
finds a way to make it negative. He is probably afraid of being happy
The present may be great, but someone is focused on how bad the
past was. Or he focuses too much on the future. He fails to see that what
helpful.
Assuming
Overgeneralizing
alienates a lot of people and makes mistakes by refusing to let life guide
“always,” and “never” are unhealthy and that life can vary.
Catastrophizing
molehill. He will freak out over a small thing and act like it is the end of
the world. Catastrophizing often leads to stress and mental disorders like
Personalization
A person who does this thinks that everything is about him. When
someone says something, he assumes that it is a personal attack on him.
He reads too much into others’ body language and eye contact or lack
thereof. He also compares himself to others constantly and is never
Fallacy of Fairness
when it doesn’t work out, he gets extremely touchy and upset. Everything
will seem “unfair” to him and he might pout like a little child when things
Control Fallacies
There are two control fallacy: the fallacy of external control and the
fallacy of internal control. A person who feels externally controlled
he has more power and can solve problems on his own. A person who
feels internally controlled believes that everything is at his control and
that he is responsible for everything that goes wrong. He puts undue
Blaming
A person who blames others for his problems and pain never takes
responsibility for them. He is irate at the world for treating him unfairly
and he plays the victim all of the time. He never realizes that he is the key
to his own happiness. On the flip side, he may blame himself for all of his
misery and think that he is defective and unable to ever succeed. He may
own goodness and abilities more and turn to others for help more. When
someone hurts him, he shouldn’t blame himself for being stupid enough
to let that person into his life, but instead he should get mad at the person
Should Thinking
Everyone has an idea about how life should be and how things
should go. Many people fall into the habit of getting upset because things
are not as they should be. Others may disagree with them on their ideas
of how things should go, which angers them and creates conflict and
move on.
Global Labeling
label himself “a giant failure” and he will think that everyone thinks about
him. He will hate himself and bring himself down. He also won’t take
risks because of the label that he operates under. For instance, if someone
school, he will believe that and he will refuse to approach that pretty
woman who might become his wife. He needs to learn that the world
probably doesn’t judge him as harshly as he judges himself and that a few
experiences does not indicate what the world thinks of him.
Fallacy of Change
change people as he sees fit if he simply works them the right way. His
happiness is dependent on how others act, so he seeks to change people.
He must learn that people have free will and he must work with them
rather than against them.
Emotional Reasoning
can be false and fleeting and that logic is a far more accurate thing to base
his every altruistic act to pay off with great rewards. When he doesn’t get
a reward for what he does, he feels cheated and bitter. He has a sense of
distortion. This is where one always thinks that he is in the right. His
every word is true, his every action is justified, and he is never to blame
for anything. He fails to see where he messes up, so he can’t improve
himself. He also acts hyper sensitively to criticism and hates being told
that he is wrong. He would rather lose his significant other than admit to
Chapter 3: Setting Goals and Solving
So now that you know all about schemas and cognitive distortions,
beliefs and thought processes. You can change your own thinking or the
thinking of others. You can do it honestly and in the open, or you can do
People often are not capable of doing this consciously. They need some
sort of help. The most common way people get this help is by going to
therapy. Some people choose to skip the therapist and help themselves by
In Dark CBT, you are that tool. You are a hidden, unknown
therapist, having secret sessions with your patient. You are using talk
therapy but he does not know that he is in for a session. Using
that teaches him to think differently and believe different things about
himself.
Set a Goal
Goals are the key to CBT. CBT therapists use goals to encourage
their patients to make changes in small steps. Each goal that a client
achieves boosts his confidence and snowballs into more change. Letting
people fix their own problems and reap their own rewards is a great way
In Dark CBT, you should set a clear goal for your subject. Your
subject should not know about this goal. This goal should be something
important that you want. But it should also be realistic and achievable. It
can be useful to break big goals down into smaller parts to increase your
Then you want to work on achieving the goal each day. Never give
up or slack off on it. In Dark CBT, it is crucial to keep progress moving
forward. Failing to do so can make you lose a lot, if not all, of your
progress. People tend to build upon their previous successes, so you want
to create a lot of momentum for your subject and keep pushing him
toward the goal that you have set for him.
Questioning
the best way to do this is to ask him questions that in turn make him start
questioning what he believes or says. Usually, just by asking “Really?” in
a doubtful way, you make him start to doubt himself. He may get
defensive, but you have just planted the seed of doubt in his mind. You
have started to get the ball rolling just by making him wonder if the way
he is thinking is appropriate.
From there, you want to lead him on a line of questions that really
different types of thinking. Usually, if you are healing someone, you want
by simply saying, “Is everything really horrible?” When he says yes, you
Your subject tends to catastrophize. So you ask him, “Do you really
think that this will matter in a few days, a few months, or even a year?”
He will start to calm down as you force him to realize that an issue is
Studying how therapists talk is a great way to learn how to use Dark
CBT. You want to be like a therapist. Don’t give someone explicit advice
or tell them what you think of their lives and problems. Don’t offer any
Remember that CBT takes time. So you might make progress on one
small thing, only to notice your subject slipping back into the same
thinking next time. It takes a while for CBT to stick and actually change a
person’s personality. But we cover making changes that stick more in the
chapter on brainwashing.
Journal
distortions or schemas, and then work them out and replace them with
more positive thinking. You can use a journal to create a thought review
and keep track of every step of the process or review it later to cement the
lesson. CBT therapists often have their clients use these journals or
workbooks to achieve their CBT goals. You can find thousands templates
and worksheets available online for free that you can use as a basis for
how you organize a CBT journal. Then you can use these templates to
thinking with your guidance, then that is great. You two can collaborate
together to improve his thinking and get better. That is basic CBT, not
Dark CBT. It is very effective and can really help you bond with someone
as you effect change in his thinking style. You can also use these
But Dark CBT involves operating behind closed doors. Your subject
is not supposed to be aware of what you are trying to do. Therefore, you
can download a template and memorize it for ideas on how to talk to your
subject. He won’t know what you are doing, but you know the effective
lists of questions and exercises that will help you help him. You can also
What happened?
problem?
bad habit.
What small step can you take today toward your goal?
step?
How can you think about the goal so that you can take this
step?
See how you can apply these same questions to your subject. You
can ask him these questions, or you can attempt to ask him through email
or some other form of written communication. Often, writing has an even
more profound effect on the brain and leads to greater memory retention
you can get your subject to somehow write down the answers to these
questions that are designed to lead him to changing his thinking and
Behavioral Modification
reconstruction take hold in his mind and make permanent changes to his
client find a few healthy or fun activities to engage in during the week.
Then he will ask his client, “How did these activities make you feel?” at
the next session. The activities are usually aimed to reduce a client’s
stress and improve his joy in life. Some examples of such activities
include going for a walk instead of sitting on the couch watching TV, or
that life is worth living and stress can be relieved in a healthy and fun
way.
resist any sort of activity because he is depressed or set in his ways. But
you can manipulate him to get him to do things that will get him out into
the world.
You can use guilt as one form of manipulation. Make him feel bad
for not helping the neighbor. Or tell him that he owes you for a favor, so
he needs to do something.
You can make something sound too good to turn down. Really sell it
Telling him that people will lose respect for him if he doesn’t do
something can also be very effective. You can use his reputation to get
him to do things.
Finally, you can find out what he really wants. Maybe he wants to
lose weight to impress a girl, for example. Tell him that he can get the girl
if he goes to this exercise event. This will goad him to get out of the house
and do something with himself. His depression will lift if he gets
physically active.
There are endless ways to get someone to get active. But activity is
try something different will help him start to transform who he is and
how he handles life. It will help him really learn to change himself.
There are little subliminal ways that you can change someone’s
mood. His mood will influence his thinking. Mood influence may not
create lasting changes, but it can be helpful in therapy. It can also create
You probably know your subject well. Knowing him well can really
help you achieve your goals with Dark CBT because you are able to
understand what his triggers are. You know what makes him mad, sad,
and glad. Use this knowledge to your advantage to influence his thinking
and behavior.
Play a song that makes him feel upbeat when you need him in a
happy mood. He will be more likely to do things that you want and say
yes if he is in a genial mood.
If you want him to confront a person, you might first expose him to
a news story that will shock and anger him. Or expose him to the color
red a lot. Red tends to trigger anger in people. Yellow also has that effect
on some people, and yellow works well for triggering anxiety as well.
mind think about opening up. This can be conducive to a good talk
Chapter 4: Using Cognitive Distortions and
Now we’re getting into the really good stuff. We are about to teach
you how to manipulate people using what you have just learned about
schemas and cognitive distortions. This chapter holds the key to the
Usually, CBT is used for healing. But Dark CBT can be used for
whatever you want. You can use it to your advantage however you see fit.
It may behoove you to heal someone’s bad thinking, at least about you or
a situation. Or it may behoove you more to hurt someone and make him
think in unhealthy ways. You need to figure out what will benefit you the
most and base your Dark CBT goal on that. Then you can start
influencing someone toward your goal until you reach success. You may
need to be patient, but Dark CBT is incredibly effective. Your efforts will
pay off and you will get what you want.
You can use the knowledge you now possess about schemas,
irrational beliefs, and cognitive distortions to your advantage. Find ways
Gain Control
Just the very act of using Dark CBT on someone gives you
significant control over him. You have control over his thinking because
you know how to change it to your liking. You hold more control than
most people with the knowledge contained in this book, and you can use
But sometimes you may desire true control. You want to bend
someone to your will so that he does whatever you want. Basically, you
want to make him unable to resist your commands. You can do this by
breeding certain schemas in your subject.
may not believe it at first. But then you keep showing him evidence that
supports the schema. For instance, if you want to make him a more
dependent person, you can easily make him feel that he is helpless. Then,
whenever he fails, point that out. Bring up times in the past when he
failed and how you could have helped him succeed instead. He will
quickly come to believe that he is incapable of succeeding without your
help and guidance. He will become dependent upon you and will do what
someone. You will be able to change his personality and make him do
whatever you want if you make him believe a schema that is helpful to
your goal.
benefits you or the one that you want him to stop engaging in. Then use
questioning to challenge his thinking and drive him to adopt the thinking
pointing out ways that he is not a loser. Teach him that he is not a loser
will catch on to your enthusiasm and he will be more willing to take a risk
on your business.
you are a horrible person and a manipulative cheater because you are a
female. He bases this belief on a few bad experiences he had in the past
and his ugly relationship with his stepmother. You want him to date you.
You can challenge his overgeneralization and ask him what makes him
think that you are terrible when you have never done anything bad to
him. Try to heal his hurt from past female relationships by talking
through things with him and showing him that you are better than the
females he knows.
Your subject may have an obnoxious habit that you want to change.
For instance, you may be dating him and you love him to death but you
can’t stand the way he smells because he smokes. Even kissing him is
unbearable. So you start to use Dark CBT to get him to quit smoking. On
the other hand, perhaps you want him and he is dating someone else who
can’t stand smoking, so you expose him to cigarettes and make him feel
stressed so that he smokes and drives that partner away. You can use
Dark CBT to break habits or make them. Just go through the process of
exposing someone to a goal every day until he achieves it.
You can muddle someone’s progress on his own goal and sabotage
what he has worked for. Or you can push his success and make him
achieve what he wants more easily. Do whatever it takes to make you
relies on you for instructions on what to do. When a person relies on you
completely, you have the ultimate control. But how can you make
someone depend on you?
tracks. He will feel better and he will attribute that to you. All he knows is
that for some reason, you seem to make him feel good and you always
have a fresh perspective on life for him. So he comes to rely on you to feel
But from there, the true manipulation sets in. You can’t just make
someone feel good all of the time or he will get bored. His confidence will
soar and he will go after someone else. Instead, you need to throw in an
emotional roller coaster to confuse and unsettle him. Shake up his sense
succeed at that? I like to encourage you, but I don’t want to see you fail.”
Make him doubt himself and question his abilities.
dubious expression. He won’t know what to expect since you are always
one way or the other, so he will wonder why he can’t please you all of the
time. Keep him guessing. He will strive more and more to get your
gratification every time he asks. This makes him strive to please you. But
it also makes him lose part of his identity as he is not sure which way is
up.
while tearing away other ones. Make him feel better about himself and his
chances of being successful in life, for instance, but also plant the need to
gain approval in him. Let him know that there are severe consequences
for instance, ask him why when there are better dishes. When he asks if
he looks good, tell him he looks better than usual to both flatter him and
make him wonder why he doesn’t look good most of the time. Try to
challenge each of his cognitive distortions or encourage him to adopt
you, as well. This is where you get someone to think that no one else likes
him. You use various cognitive distortions to make him think that the
world is against him or that people know about bad things that he has
done. Then he will feel that you are his only friend in the world and he
will rely on you more. This technique is technically emotional abuse and
should only be used when absolutely necessary. You might try using it in
First, be his friend. Be loyal and faithful. Always be there for him.
Second, point out how other people don’t seem to like him or repeat
nasty rumors that people spread about him. Tell him, “You see how she
looks at you? She must not like you.” This will inject paranoia into his
brain and he will start trying to read others’ minds, globally label himself,
and even grovel for the approval of others. He will become uncomfortable
around the people who don’t seem to like him, and so he will put them off
insecurities. He will become certain that people do not like him because
of something that he doesn’t like about himself. He will reach his own
conclusion on this matter. You don’t need to say anything negative to him
Be sure to reassure him that you like him no matter what. Tell him
that his insecurities don’t bother you like they bother other people. Make
it seem like you are a special person and he would be a fool to give you
up. Also show him that you two are a team and it’s the two of you against
the world. This final stroke will make him totally dependent on you as he
becomes alienated from everyone else and develops a very negative
Guilt is one of the number one tools that manipulators use to gain
control over others. It also makes you look innocent and makes your
treatment and never questions what you do to him. Even when he gets
mad at you, you can tell him that he deserved what you did so that he
that he once did and asking him how he feels about himself. He will start
to feel guilty on his own, and you don’t have to do anything else to inspire
his feelings of guilt. In the future, all you have to do is bring this event
Once he feels guilty, you can do something to him and he may not
say anything about it. He will naturally feel that he deserves it. But let’s
say he does get mad. All you have to do is ask him, “Why do you feel
way that you hurt me/someone else. I won’t do it again.” You make him
feel guilty while apologizing. In this way, he feels that he deserves what
he gets and he can’t harbor any resentment against you because you
apologized.
You can switch this up and encourage him to use mind reading.
“You did that to so-and-so? I bet he really hates you.” He may argue that
this person has forgiven him, so ask him, “Do you really believe he could
have forgiven you for what you did? If it were me, I never would have
forgiven you. I bet he’s just pretending.” Make him second guess his
assumption that he has been forgiven so that he begins to doubt his
relationship with the person he once wronged and so that he begins to act
differently around that person. You can use this guilt as a tool to further
your own aims by bringing it up now and then to justify what that person
does to him. He will start to take things that this person does personally
You can even use Dark CBT for persuasion! Making someone feel
proactive and getting him to say yes to you is a goal you can set with Dark
CBT. Then work toward a yes answer by leading him in that direction.
First, you want to question his reasoning for saying no and suggest that
better results in life if he actively tries to change his thinking and maybe
say yes for once.
that he will see how he may benefit from saying yes. For instance, point
out that he is saying no because he may feel afraid of what others will say.
This is because he has an approval-seeking schema. Suggest that he tries
impressing people by saying yes. Or ask him, “Do you really think that
and assume that things will not go well based on bad experiences from
the past. They’re operating on the cognitive distortion that “nothing will
work out” or “everything is always the same.” You can play therapist and
ask him what happened in the past to sour him toward similar
this will go the same way as it did in the past?” Or ask him, “Do you
remember when you took a risk before and it turned out differently?
“Always?” “Never?” Just this simple one-word question will help him
realize how silly his overgeneralization sounds and how he is wrong.
Another reason people say no is because they have a global label
that reflects an internal belief that they will fail, no matter what they do.
You can challenge this schema by uplifting someone and providing him
yourself. You don’t always have to harm people to manipulate them into
A common schema that makes people afraid to say yes and venture
out into risky territory is undeveloped self. A person who has never
learned to be out on his own and to make his own choices will naturally
replace his mother or other authority figure by acting the same way so
that he becomes dependent upon you and will jump when you say jump.
and approval and needs you 24/7. Alternatively, you can persuade his
mother or authority figure to tell him to do it, and he will do it for you.
Make Someone Say No
him to say no? The best way is to convince him to adopt cognitive
distortions that cause him to feel negatively about the opportunity that he
There are a number of cognitive distortions that can really help you
get someone to say no. Really, any cognitive distortion listed previously
negative decision.
You might try suggesting mind reading. When a person offers your
subject an opportunity for something that he wants, you should suggest
that that person’s intentions are nefarious or that he thinks badly about
your subject. “I bet he thinks [insert bad thing] about you.” “I bet he has
something up his sleeve.” “He can’t possibly mean well for you. What is
his secret motive?”
women are the same? I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
You can reinforce a global label that he already possesses. “She
actually wants to date you? That’s surprising, since everyone else in class
thinks that you are a loser. Are you sure she doesn’t think that too?”
Blaming is a great way to make someone feel like a victim. “It’s his
fault that you ended up in this position in the first place, isn’t it? Why is
Suggest how life should be. “Things shouldn’t be this hard.” “Things
should come to you if she really likes you. You shouldn’t have to go to
her.” “You should get more out of this.” Should thinking sets people up
for disappointment, so if you encourage it, you can make him grow
pointing out only the cons. Make it seem that this offer is far from ideal
and that he would benefit by turning it down. Don’t let him see the
positive, and when he mentions something positive about the offer, tell
him a negative thing that discounts that positive.
Black and white thinking is a good way to make someone see only
the negative, too. People who use black and white thinking tend to think
that everything will be peachy if they make a change. Or they assume that
everything will be terrible and they fill themselves with dread. Use this
prospect. If he is already feeling negative about it, ask him why he wants
to do it. Suggest that he would be happier and suffer less stress if he just
says no.
These biased forms of thinking can really limit someone’s lucidity and
clarity when making decisions. Sometimes this is a bad thing, but in some
cases, it can actually serve you. If someone has an underlying assumption
or irrational belief about the world, it would behoove you to find that out.
Keep that knowledge in your back pocket for when you could really use it.
irrational beliefs keep him from doing what benefits you. In that case, you
want to encourage him to adopt a more open and positive belief. Try to
prove to him that his belief is not true with all sorts of evidence. Don’t
ever actively argue with him or tell him that he is wrong, as this will put
him on the defensive and make him cling to his belief all the more
fiercely. Instead, just casually show him proof that his beliefs are
erroneous. You might be able to influence a racist to change his beliefs by
However, in some cases, his beliefs might benefit you. They might
that supports it. Leave this evidence around in plain view. Let’s say
someone you know has an irrational belief of going outside. You may
disturbing story about how someone was murdered right outside of her
front door. She will get scared and refuse to go outside.
Chapter 5: Change People with Dark CBT
certainly use Dark CBT to change someone. But it takes time. The
methods that we have covered to get people to do what you want are
behavior regarding one specific situation. They are quick methods that
don’t usually stick. To affect permanent change, you have to use Dark
CBT over a period of time and apply it to a variety of situations. It can
so you must be patient and you must persevere at your goal. However, it
When you want to change someone’s personality, you must first ask
yourself why. Is this person really worth all of the time and effort that it
takes to restructure his thinking and behavior totally? If you are using
Dark CBT to change a lover into your ideal partner, you might want to
consider leaving the person and finding someone else who is closer to
what you are looking for. If you are trying to change a loved one so that
you have a better relationship, you might simply want to skip to Chapter
7 and find out how to positively change your relationship dynamics
instead of actually changing the person himself. You should not try to
change people that you love or you essentially lose your loved one.
You should only try to change someone if it really benefits you. For
instance, you might try to change a bully that you are forced to work with
better parent. You might try to change a drug addict you know so that he
gives up drugs and becomes a healthier person who doesn’t try to hurt
himself or his loved ones with his recklessness. Your reasons for changing
someone need to be good because it takes a lot of time and effort to
to motivate you and justify the amount of work that you must do.
and out. You will be able to drastically change his personality and his
outlook on life and how he treats you, yes. But there will still be some
core things that make up his identity that you cannot get rid of. Unless
you imprison someone and spend all day every day manipulating his
mind and teaching him new behavior CIA-style, which is not ethical or
legal or even feasible, you cannot change everything about him and
shatter his core identity. He will still have other influences from the
outside world acting on his behavior and thinking, and he will still cling
to parts of himself that are in his DNA or embedded in his psyche from
early childhood. All you can really do is bring about changes in how he
thinks and acts. That is still very significant and can be worthwhile if it
matches your goal. Over a long enough time period, you can teach him a
whole new way of thinking, which will cause him to very much change as
a person.
You can’t expect to change someone if you don’t know exactly how
you wish to change him. It takes a definite goal to make him become what
you want. Observe him over time and learn what makes him act in the
way that you find undesirable. Identify his cognitive distortions based on
how he talks and identify his schemas based on the patterns that his life
follows, the decisions he repeatedly makes, and the stories he shares from
his childhood. Get a good read on him. From there, form a goal about
what you want to tackle to bring about change in his personality.
Once you set your goal, your every interaction with this person
should be set up to serve that goal. You want to work on it every chance
that you get. Your conversations must be centered around redirecting his
thinking. When you do things together, you want to have him engage in
behaviors that are more desirable to you and you want to reward those
behaviors. Try to have deep conversations about what he believes about
himself and teach him better. Constantly set a model for how he should
start thinking and acting by thinking and acting that way yourself or
exposing him to role models that you want him to follow.
accomplish with your subject. It can also help you spot areas where you
You can analyze his behavior and determine schemas that you may not
have noticed before. You may also be able to find out where you are not
succeeding so that you can come up with a different approach.
The underlying biases and schemas that make up his identity drive
his behavior and thinking. Even if he is not aware of what these biases
and schemas are, they have a shockingly huge influence on who he is. You
want to make working on his schemas a priority at all times if you want to
change him as a person.
Look for clues about his schemas in his life. If he repeatedly breaks
up with great girlfriends, hides from good opportunities, and doesn’t have
for others and letting people treat him like crap suggests that he has a
subjugation or self-sacrifice schema. The mistakes that he repeats often
offer very clear clues about the deep-rooted beliefs that shape who he is.
schema? It is a big job, but it is very possible. Most people like to protect
insecure person who uses a large ego as a form of compensation for his
person who has a deep mistrust of others will use every bad relationship,
conflict, and slight rejection as an excuse to continue avoiding getting
protected.
You basically want to spot his schema. Then, when you notice that
he is using avoidance, maintenance, or compensation, use the opposite
tactic to get inside his mind and shatter his schema. Let’s go back to our
previous examples. When a narcissist erects his façade of a large ego and
grandiosity, you can confront that with evidence that he is not all that and
a bag of potato chips. He will hate you for it, but you will be able to break
down his compensation strategy and force him to feel his insecurities, at
least for a minute. Show him that his façade does not fool you. Now let’s
tries to avoid seeing evidence, force him to face it and continually tell him
how great he is. The person who maintains her fears of relationships can
be goaded into accepting that some people are pretty nice and she can
trust some people by being there for her when she is trying to avoid you.
Don’t let her get away from you but instead keep coming after her and
never letting her down. Challenge her when she finds evidence not to
trust you and ask her if she really can’t trust you.
different mental path than the one he originally chose to take. You need
course changing his thinking will accomplish this in part. But getting him
to do new things and take different steps toward his goals will further
You want to get him to do things that are unusual for him to bring
to strangers without fear. Someone who thinks in black and white will
have to try writing down both the pros and cons to every situation in
the last chapter. You can make things seem dire or fun to increase his
chances of doing them. If you want to get him to confront someone and
develop a backbone instead of suppressing his feelings, for example, you
won’t kill him and that he will feel better when he overcomes his fear of
When your subject tries a new behavior, you must offer him an
an ice cream parlor trip as ways to reward him. Most people operate on
go a long way. Find what he really wants and offer it to him when he takes
on new behaviors that you want to encourage.
Be
You can use a model to set an example for your subject. He will start to
adopt the model’s behavior over time if he is repeatedly exposed to it. It
will make him start to think of this behavior as normal and he will desire
You can be this model if you want. You can influence someone to
start acting like you if you spend a lot of time around each other. The
opposite will also happen, however, and you will take on some of his
behavior. You have to guard yourself against this if you don’t want to end
loves you, he will get a bit jealous. He will feel inadequate compared to
your role model and will try to emulate your role model’s behavior to
capture your admiration for himself.
You can also just repeatedly expose him to the behavior through
media such as TV and the Internet. Show him the behavior that you want
him to take on all of the time. Talk about how much you admire it. Don’t
tell him, “I wish you were more this way” or you will end up alienating
him and losing his cooperation.
undesirable behavior patterns that you want to get rid of. He may have
bad habits like shirking commitments, lying, smoking, using drugs,
be pessimistic, or vice versa. There are many things that you may spot in
When he engages in one of these behaviors, it’s your job to point out
what he is doing. You don’t want to come off as overly critical. If you
continue doing it. He will get defensive and cling to this habit to preserve
his sense of self and freedom. Instead, you want to causally mention
You also want to show him how his bad behavior is not helpful to
the goal that you are trying to reach with him. Show him the negative
behaviors, you can withhold affection. If he asks why you’re mad at him,
ask him, “What did you do today that you know I don’t like?” Quickly he
will come to associate his bad behavior with an ugly consequence and he
Set a behavioral goal for him each day. Then walk him through the
steps, as if you were doing a CBT worksheet with him. Ask him, “Did you
do this today? Why or why not? How do you feel since you didn’t do it?”
Use these questions to get him to see how he benefits by doing what you
want and how he suffers when he engages in the undesired behavior.
when he does what you want than to come down on him with anger when
he does what you don’t want. Offer him praise and other rewards to keep
him interested in pleasing you. When asking him to change a behavior,
avoid telling him stuff like, “Don’t do this anymore!” Instead, suggest
something that he could do in place of his bad behavior and say, “I would
It can also be helpful if you thank him for doing what you want
before he even does it. This makes him feel that he needs to please you
because you expect it of him. He also feels that you believe in him, which
causes him to want to earn your further approval and not let you down.
So let’s say you want to make sure that your partner never cheats. Tell
him or her, “Thank you for being loyal and faithful” instead of saying
“Don’t ever cheat on me.”
Keep it a Secret
change, you want to make sure that you keep it top secret. Never give
away what you are doing. If you do, your subject will get upset and
probably resist changing for you. He may even stop talking to you. Your
overplaying your hand. Don’t ever tell your subject what you really want.
Don’t ever tell him that you are trying to change him or even that you
want him to change. Just keep challenging his thinking and making him
Should your subject ever suspect what you are trying to do, you
should play the innocent card. Vehemently deny trying to change him.
Make him feel bad by accusing him of trying to change you and find false
evidence that proves your point. Or simply lie and tell him that he is
imagining things. Then you may want to scale back on your efforts and
If you are ever caught doing Dark CBT on someone, you can bounce
back. Simply claim that you were trying to help him feel better and that
you picked up some ideas from CBT guides and pop psych books or
articles on the Internet. Never mention “Dark CBT” to him. Should he
find this book and ask you if you are using these methods on him, laugh
and tell him that this book is nothing serious to worry about. You don’t
want him to ever have a confession or other hard evidence to prove what
you are trying to do.
Chapter 6: Using Dark CBT to Get People to
Like You
will carry you to success if you take advantage of the opportunities they
provide and the work that they have already done. They can lay the
groundwork and you can climb up to the top. But you can’t do this if you
don’t have a large network of people who like you. You need lots of
friends to be successful. You also will feel better about yourself and have a
When people like you, they take care of you. They don’t work
against you. They share opportunities with you and talk about things that
might open doors for you in life. They defend you from others. They
support your ventures. And finally, they make things easier for you just to
ensure that they can receive favors in the future. It’s a balance of
reciprocity. The affection of friendships is also gratifying in itself.
Therefore, having friends is important.
Some people are born just brimming with charisma. They make
friends left and right easily. Other people are not so lucky. But if you are
one of those people who are not so lucky, that is OK. Dark CBT is a great
We cover this in more depth in Chapter 10. But basically, you want
to use Dark CBT on yourself to improve yourself and heal yourself. The
more secure and confident you are, the more people will feel drawn to
you. The more positive you are, the more people will want to spend time
around you and have you in their lives. Using CBT helps you become
more likable.
them away. You want to get rid of schemas such as social alienation and
mistrust by reminding yourself that you need people in your life and that
there are good people out there. Work through the experiences that made
you start to push people away and find ways to open yourself up to others
more. If you have a schema that makes you think that you are somehow
inadequate or that you will be abandoned, remind yourself that someone
special is out there and you need to give people chances to find that
special friend or lover who never abandons you. Think of the people who
have remained by your side over the years. If you are an entitled person,
understand that your grandiosity can repel a lot of friends and that no
one owes you anything. This will make you a more pleasant person to be
With cognitive distortions, you might have a few that make you
face. You may repel people if you are imbalanced and dramatic, such as a
person who engages in black and white thinking. Try to become more
You also want to set a few goals and achieve them. Start small. The
most victories you experience, the more your confidence will soar. You
can start to believe in yourself. The more confident and successful you
are, the more attractive you are to others. So push yourself and let your
newfound confidence shine through. This does not mean that you need to
really content, then work on making changes that will make you content.
Abandon the belief that you must be perfect for others to like you.
No one is perfect. You don’t have to achieve every goal you set and banish
every bad habit you possess to make friends. The more comfortable and
accepting you are with yourself, the more attractive you are to other
people. So you might still have some imperfections and bad habits, but
you will still be attractive to others if you appear to like yourself. Being
imperfect actually makes you relatable. Stop being your own worst critic
and start to love yourself. Others will love you for that.
Keeping up the illusion that you have lots of friends, even if you
don’t, is a good way to make other people want to like you. If you appear
liking you.
When you talk about your friends, you might only have one friend.
But if you are vague and just say “my friend did this,” whenever you tell a
story, it sounds like you are talking about different friends. This makes
you sound more popular. People will want to talk to you since you seem
alone. You will also put yourself in a position to meet people who share
similar interests with you. When you share things in common with
others, you create a bond that can easily lead to friendship. Also,
appearing to be active will give people the impression that you are a
positive person who likes to have fun and do things, which will make you
more inviting socially.
Always seem to be busy. Even if you are not really busy, make it
sound like you are working on some project or going to some party. A
busy social calendar makes you seem more popular. Then others will
want to join in and become part of your whirlwind social life. They will
feel valued when you are able to clear some time for them. Better than
out and meet people. Leave plenty of time on your schedule for social
engagements and work hard to fill those time slots with parties, mixers,
hobbies, family events, group classes, and other such social events that
allow you to meet people and appear like you have tons of friends.
Become a beacon for self-esteem and boost the egos of those around
you. People will like you if you are able to make them feel good. Use Dark
CBT tips to challenge people when they think badly about themselves in
order to get them to think more positively. Show people that you think
highly of them and that you believe in them. Listen to them as well as a
therapist would and help them solve their problems. They will become
addicted to how good you make them feel. Then they will turn to you
asking lots of questions about them and listening well, you find things
that you share. Share a little bit about yourself and show how you two are
Your flaws can actually be grounds upon which you attract friends.
If you own up to your flaws, others will find you more relatable. If you are
overweight, for instance, you might still act confident about your
appearance and make jokes about how you love to eat. Others with weight
problems will admire your confidence and find your acceptance of your
If someone does not like you, you can challenge them through CBT
questioning as to why. Get them to drop whatever thinking or schema
they use to filter information about you and decide that they don’t like
you. Usually, if a person has a problem with you, that problem is actually
an issue he has with himself. By challenging that issue and making him
think about it in a different light, you can get him to change his mind
about you.
You want to challenge his assumptions and beliefs about you and
prove him wrong. This will make him decide to like you. Find out what
problem he has with you and then encourage him to ask himself why he
has this problem. Point out that he does not know you but he should give
you a chance. He will start to doubt his decision to dislike you and he will
ask himself why he doesn’t like you if you ask him why. Then he will peel
back layers on his assumptions and biases and possibly choose to drop
them because they are clearly false.
Also, show people who don’t like you what they are missing by
affection, or you’ll seem desperate and annoying. Instead, act like their
dislike of you does not bother you. Ignore them when they are mean and
smile at them all of the time. Show them what a great person you are as
you do nice things for others and smile and laugh with your friends. Go
out to social events with your friends and invite them along even though
they are never nice to you. Eventually, they may decide that they are
missing out too much and they will want to hop on the bandwagon and
become another fan of you.
being your friend, then they will want to hang out with you. You don’t
want to do nice things for people all of the time or they will start to take
advantage of you. But you do want to have something that they want. By
being around you, they hope that they will vicariously get what you have.
This is why rich people and famous celebrities tend to attract friends out
them. They will admire you and put you on a pedestal. Become a role
Another thing you can do is achieve what they want. Perhaps you
lose weight so others will admire you for that and want to spend time
around you. Perhaps you were able to kick a lengthy drug habit so you
will want to know you to know why you are so successful in love and they
will want to be near the harmony and peace of your relationship.
wonder at how you are such a nice person. Keep up the mirage that you
are just a great person and others may find that attractive. While being
Chapter 7: Dark CBT for Relationships
Your relationships and your thoughts and feelings about them make
up a huge percentage of your life. Your relationships form who you are
and influence how you feel about yourself. You can use Dark CBT to
with you. Once you achieve a better mental state, the rest should fall into
place and you will influence your partner to become better as well. You
can also use some Dark CBT to start influencing your loved ones and co-
workers to drop cognitive distortions and treat you better.
effort to change for the better, your entire relationship will change. Your
actions will influence the other person to treat you better and you will be
thinking that it is the other person who has to change. But really, change
starts with you.
Dark CBT, when used on yourself, emphasizes breaking down
limiting self-beliefs and really striving to become your best. This applies
to improving yourself in your own life and your own self-image, but it
that in the second half of this chapter which talks about making others
change in your relationships. But first start working on yourself.
Greater Presence
How distant are you? You may think that you are very present in
your relationship. But you most likely spend a lot of your time with the
present, you make your partner feel validated and valued, which can
greatly improve how he responds to you and treats you. It also enables
you to see exactly what you are saying and how you are acting so that you
can prevent misunderstandings and watch how you treat your partner.
fully aware of your mood, thoughts, actions, and words. Notice everything
that you do and everything your partner does. When automatic thoughts
pop into your head that lead you to react to your partner, think about
them first and ask if they have any truth to them.
Improved Mood
Cognitive distortions can cause you to feel awful. But no one wants
course your partner will assume that you have a problem with him. He
will get irritated or depressed right back at you. Then you both are
unhappy and you may start fighting. You may also start making
that makes you smile more. Without a doubt, we all have our bad days
and a good partner will stick with you through the turbulent times and
cheer you up when you are down. But you can’t expect your partner to
love being around you if you are always in a foul mood. The happier you
are, the more pleasant you are to be around. Your partner will enjoy
spending time with you more if you are in a good mood.
down. Don’t look at things in black and white and assume that everything
is awful or get upset when things are not as perfect as you thought that
they would be. Don’t bring yourself down by thinking about how things
should be versus how they really are. Instead, practice acceptance and
peace will come to you. Question yourself when you try to read someone’s
mind or look something through a purely negative filter.
hold the answers to why you think the way that you do. When you heal
yourself from the inside out, you will become a happier person.
The more successful you are, the better you will feel about yourself.
This pours over into your relationship. So read the chapter on being
successful with Dark CBT and start creating small wins for yourself to
boost your confidence. Don’t rely on your partner to do this for you. Only
you can bring your success and make positive changes in your life. You
are responsible for your own happiness. Your partner is simply there to
support you and lend you a hand when you need it.
You probably know your partner well. That does not mean that you
can read his mind. When you try to read his mind or assume something
about him, you take a huge gamble and you will probably lose. You
should get confirmation from him before you act out at him or operate on
Notice your automatic thoughts when you are with your partner.
Then ask if they are true or if you need more evidence. Try not to act on
unhelpful thoughts, such as “He must be angry with me because he’s not
laughing at my joke” or “He must want something else because he is
dragging his feet on closing this business deal with me.” Hurtful thoughts
that make you feel badly about yourself and your partner are usually false
but when you act upon them, you create conflict. You also fail to give your
partner a chance to work things out with you to reach a satisfactory
resolution.
Decide how your partner is acting and feeling based on what he tells
you, not on what you gather from his body language or assume by his
unsure about a big decision that you are making together, but it may not
may label someone. Labeling is the brain’s way of trying to make sense of
the world by ordering it neatly into categories. Unfortunately, the brain
can be mistaken and an incorrect label can make you start to treat
someone in a way that is unfair. You can become biased and thus create
Stop labeling people. Instead, watch their actions and really listen to
what they say. From there, you can make more evidence-based labels. Be
prepared to adjust your labels as necessary. Being flexible enables you to
give your partner a chance to prove himself to you again and to make
used to thinking about someone in a certain way and you never consider
others mean when they say or do things. You tend to put negative filters
on people and assume the worst. Or you may put a positive filter on
someone and fail to notice when he is not being very nice to you. You may
When you take something someone says and decide to get insulted,
stop and ask yourself if he was really insulting you. Do you think he may
have had a different intention? You can also ask him. Directness is often
very helpful when communicating with your partner in a relationship.
you view the world through. Take things at face value instead. And ask
often are not accurate and instead make you skew the information that
you gather from the world around you.
act and what decisions to make without too much effort. But assumptions
are usually wrong. Stop relying on your underlying assumptions and give
each person a fair chance.
A good example of this is the assumption that all men cheat. You
drive him away and ruin your love life. Make sure to consider that each
new romantic partner you date is a different person from the last one you
dated. This one may be faithful if you just give him a chance.
good people chances because you think you know them. You might think
something like, “All white people are racist” or “All black people are lazy.”
But these assumptions just aren’t true and you will meet plenty of people
of different races who do not fit into your neat categorization at all. So
drop the underlying assumption you have about someone based on his
race and let him show you who he really is at heart.
me.” “He doesn’t make me happy.” “He is always lying.” When you blame
your partner for everything, you fail to see the things that you can do to
improve the relationship. You miss out on your chance to affect positive
change yourself. You also encourage him to get defensive and play the
you played in the current conflict or issue. You probably did something
your own actions and do what you can to solve your own problems. This
will set a good model for your partner to follow.
him that he is in the wrong. Try not to belittle him or criticize him. Tell
him how he made you feel and how you would like him to address the
issue. Ask him to please not do something instead. Suggest behaviors or
words that would be better in the future. Teach your partner how to treat
you right because he may not know how. He is not a mind reader, after
all.
Also consider asking your partner what he would like from you.
Whether this is a romantic, friendly, or business relationship, your
partner surely has expectations of you. You are not a mind reader so don’t
assume that you know what his expectations are. Instead, ask him so that
you know for sure and so that you can make him valued as you strive to
After you addressed your own role in a relationship, you can expect
a lot of positive change to occur. But your partner may still do things that
are detrimental to the relationship and it is clearly not your fault. Now
that you have done your part in fixing the relationship, it is time for him
You already have the tools from the previous chapters in this book.
You just need to find when and where to apply them in your relationship.
You can start working on his schemas and cognitive distortions through
asking him questions. Try to get him to change to your advantage. Get
hurting the relationship as a result. Guide him toward the thinking that
both of you.
Be Open
You can do this in secret. Or you can just be open about it.
ways can damage the trust that should be the foundation of this
relationship.
attempts to fix the relationship’s issues, then you may consider being
more stealthy and using the clandestine Dark CBT methods covered in
this book. Hide your intentions and make it seem like you are not really
working toward a goal. Lead him through questions in a nonchalant
manner so that he does not realize what you are really doing. And by all
means, hide this book from him!
Be There as a Friend
Also, be there for your partner as a friend. No matter what the
nature of your relationship with this person is, being like a friend can
make him trust you and want to work with you. It can make him open up
to you so that you can learn his schemas and assumptions and find out
what you need to change to improve the relationship. Friendship should
ultimately be the basis of every partnership. You won’t care about each
other enough to work together and take care of each other if you are not
You can invoke friendly emotions to remind your partner that you
care and to influence him to be more caring. Remind him of good times
some way that is appropriate for your relationship, from touching him to
offering him a sensual massage to giving him a polite gift to treating him
to his favorite dinner. Show that you are thinking of him to inspire his
gratitude and affection for you to come up. Then, he will treat you more
advantage. You can either use it against him later in a fight if you want to
be manipulative, or you can use it to find out what way he thinks and how
you should change it.
you. But be sure to keep his confidence so that he continues to trust you.
If you betray him, you can shoot down your entire chance of getting
people who are close to him, such as his parents, siblings, exes, or friends.
Also review the patterns of his life. You will learn a lot about his thinking
style based on what he has done in the past and what others have to say
badly warrants a negative consequence. In this way, you can train him to
monitor his actions. He will quickly learn not to anger you and that
pleasing you is better. Reward him with his favorite things and punish
you. Teach him to focus on the present and to let go of the past and
future. Also, ask him to put away his phone when he speaks to you and to
limit other distractions. Switch the TV off, turn off the stereo, and make
him pay attention to you and only you. That way, he will be more mindful
of how he speaks to you and he will absorb what you say more deeply and
Chapter 8: Brainwashing with Dark CBT
something that you can achieve yourself and Dark CBT is your secret
ninja weapon. Brainwashing is the act of getting someone to accept a
certain idea as truth, particularly when the person initially rejects the
idea. You want to change someone’s thinking and make them see what
thinking to accept whatever idea you want to introduce to his mind. You
might use brainwashing to get him to do what you want. You might use it
to get him to adopt your philosophy so that he supports your cause, joins
your cult, or buys into your brand. You might even use it to get him to
inject an idea into his brain. You can scramble his thinking by using the
emotional roller coaster we talked about before. You can also make him
isolate himself by causing him to believe that everyone hates him and he
is alone in the world. Make him dependent on you and also make him
doubt himself constantly.
that he doubts his own perception and sanity. When he says something,
start asking him why he thinks that is true, even though it is true. For
instance, when he says that the sky is a lovely shade of blue, look at him
like he is crazy and ask him why he sees blue. Cause him to doubt himself
dependent on you to tell him what is real, since he begins to doubt his
own ability to see reality correctly and accurately. The more isolated he is
can use that to help you achieve brainwashing. It is a lot easier to work
with what you already have than to change someone, so use what he
already suffers from as a way to get ideas into his head. Find out the bad
ways he thinks and then encourage him to act on those beliefs or bad
thought habits.
Charles Manson was great at this. He took people who felt that they
Repeated exposure to the new idea will change his mind quite
effectively. As he sees the new idea more and more, he will begin to think
repeatedly. Then he will be exposed to the new idea, over and over.
Eventually he will accept it. The more you can surround him the idea, the
his awareness. His subconscious mind will register the image but his
conscious mind will not even notice it. He will start to become exposed
techniques.
Show Him how this Idea will Change His Life
You want to make someone embrace a concept so you can show him
how it will benefit him and better his life. Really sell this idea so that he
starts to think of it as the best thing ever. Show him how other people
who buy into your political agenda, religion, or whatever are happier than
most and more prepared for the future. Have other people join you in
your sales pitch if you can enlist helpers.
Start to make him question his own life’s sanctity by asking him,
“How do you feel about your life right now? Do you really think you’re
going in the right direction?” Just asking this question suggests to him
that you think he is not going in the right direction. It will poison him
with doubt and start making him notice the little things that are wrong
with his life. He will come to the realization that he needs a change. This
may just open him up to whatever idea you are pitching to him.
more content and how he can fix his life by joining you.
Chapter 9: Healing People with Dark CBT
called dark because it is evil. It certainly is not always used for evil
purposes. You can use dark CBT to heal people and repair their thinking.
The only reason this type of CBT is dark is because you are using without
someone’s prior knowledge and consent. You can apply Dark CBT as a
powerful healing method for people around you who refuse to get help or
help themselves. Without their knowledge, you can help them heal
themselves. This enables you to help those around you who feel helpless.
It can also greatly benefit you.
to change how they approach problems and feel about life. As a result of
this change, you can heal yourself or someone else. When you decide to
heal someone, that person becomes your subject. You have tremendous
power over him, so you want to be careful with it. Veer too far in one
direction and you cross the line from healing to manipulation. While we
certainly have covered how to manipulate others with Dark CBT, if you
are trying to heal, you do not want to engage in manipulation. Your goal
themselves back and hurt others. They don’t see the good in life and come
off as ungrateful. They can create problems with their own brain
“should” thinking, black and white thinking, blaming others, and blaming
hold schemas, such as believing that they don’t deserve happiness or that
when they are happy bad things happen. Their minds are conditioned to
But unfortunately, most negative people do not believe that there is any
hope. They don’t want to help themselves. This is where you might want
to consider using Dark CBT to inflict positive changes. You can make your
relationship better with someone if you help that person become more
positive and pleasant to be around.
continue challenging him. Ask him things like, “Do you really believe this
to be true?” Use the questions we covered above to lead him into a new
line of thinking.
You should also encourage your subject to notice the positive. Let’s
say he likes to discount the positive. When a good thing happens, he rolls
his eyes or finds something negative to say about it. So you should point
out how it is a good thing. Ask him to review his life and tell him all of the
good things that you see. When he comes back with arguments about why
the good things in his life are not so good, you should challenge him.
“Why do you think that?”
When he gets gloomy and predicts that things won’t work out well
or that things won’t go well in his life, challenge that. “How do you know
that it may go badly?” He will probably say something like, “Things
always go badly for me.” You can challenge that by pointing out times
when life has gone well for him. Make him count the positive in life. Then
tell him, “There is a chance that this might go well. Think about that. How
does that make you feel? Does it feel better to have hope and to think that
why he is complaining and how it makes him feel. Then ask him how it
feels when he notices the positive in a situation and talks about the good
things instead of the bad.
The worst thing about negative people is that they often try to
darken the mood for others. They will try to pull you down to their own
level. They can’t stand seeing other people be happy when they are so
down by being a beacon of positivity and cheer when your subject does
this to you. If he tries to put you down or darken something that you are
excited about, you can simply smile and say, “I’m happy about this and I
would appreciate it if you didn’t try to change that fact.” He will argue
that he is looking out for you or that he isn’t doing anything to lower your
mood and you are just being oversensitive. Just accept that with a smile
still on your face and inform him that he does make you feel worse when
he is negative about things that you are doing. Then ask him if he really
wants to bring you down, if that is his true goal. He will likely say no, so
then you can tell him to start being happy for you then.
Mind Readers
other people, too. So you want to change his habit of mind reading.
to others. Say, “How do you know that she thinks that? Did she say
times in the past when he tried reading minds and was dead wrong.
Suggest that he is doing that again and you don’t want to see him get hurt
again. Encourage him to get more evidence or to ask the other person
When you have done this a few times, you can start to work on his
habit of reading your own mind. Every time that he tries to guess what
you are thinking, tell him, “How do you know that is what I am thinking?”
When he tells you why, offer suggestions for other things that you may be
thinking. This makes him doubt his logic in reading your mind. Then tell
him what you are really thinking and make sure that it is way different
than what he guessed. Prove him wrong so that he learns that mind
reading is not an accurate way to read someone or a good thing to base
decisions on.
Uninspired People
Uninspired people don’t want to do anything. They can provide a
huge detriment to productivity and can bring those around them to a
great way to get him to adopt new habits that motivate him and shed old
ones that cause him to slack off.
You might have a friend or loved one who refuses to quit smoking,
and you don’t want to see him die from lung cancer and other health
issues that smoking can cause. So you should encourage him to quit. You
do more work in the team and to raise office morale. Sometimes, all
someone needs is a little shove in the right direction so that he takes off
be few and small, which will further de-motivate him. Some of the things
that contribute to inspiration include passion, confidence, love for what
Using Dark CBT, ask him a line of questions that make him realize
that he is not being very productive. Then ask him questions that make
him realize how being productive will aid him in getting what he wants.
Make sure that he remembers what is at stake and what he stands to gain.
Put the focus on gain rather than loss for more positive results.
You can also ask him why he is feeling unmotivated. You never want
to ask him directly, because he will say that he does not know the answer
or that he is motivated and you are just pushing him too hard. Instead,
you want to ask something more covert, like, “What do you feel that you
are getting from this project? What do you think that you are putting into
it? If you could do more, what do you think you could do?” These
questions make him start thinking to himself how he is not being very
Furthermore, you can drop the occasional reminder to keep his goal
fresh in his mind. Dark CBT is all about making goals and following
through on them. Tell people, “Don’t forget the big reward that we will
get when we finish this project!” Tell a smoker who is trying to quit, “I bet
you can’t wait to feel better and drop your risk of cancer and heart disease
by half!” Remind the uninspired person how well he is doing and how
much progress he has made.
members write down how they were doing a year ago. Then write down
how they are doing today. This shows them that they have made progress
in life, even if they don’t realize it. This further encourages people to keep
doing what they’re doing.
surrounds it. Most people suffer from mental illness, and it’s likely that
you know someone who does. But most people also refuse to admit that
they are ill or that they need help. They don’t want to be called “crazy” so
they refuse to seek treatment. As a result, their symptoms only get worse
CBT has shown tremendous benefits for people with mental health
much strong evidence lending credence to the fact that just targeting
thinking alone can help or even heal mental illness. So if you know
someone who is mentally ill but refuses to get help, you can offer help in a
silent way that he is unable to refuse. You can make a positive difference
in his life and help him get better rapidly if you just put forth a little effort
at correcting his self-beliefs and cognitive distortions. This is the healing
start ruminating about his problems, so ask him, “Is dwelling on your
problems really helpful, or would you benefit more if you try to find
solutions? Let’s brain storm some possible solutions.” He may start being
pessimistic, so ask him, “What if there is a positive to this? Can you think
You may also want to have a long conversation with him. Don’t give
away that you are trying to help him. Simply be a friend, willing to listen.
Ask him why he feels the way that he does. He may say I don’t know, so
lead him down a line of questions to help him unearth the experiences
that have led to his internal conflict and sadness. Then, help him realize
the different beliefs that he has developed about himself because of these
bad experiences. Question if these beliefs are really true and if he can find
can challenge that. “Don’t you do lots of things for your church? That
makes you a good person, right?” Try to bolster his self-esteem and teach
him to erase his ugly self-beliefs.
You are essentially playing therapist here. But you always want to
pose as a friend. You never want to give it away that you are using a
person new thinking, new attitudes, and new beliefs. You can only
important. You can’t expect to heal someone if you are a mess yourself.
This is why most therapists attend therapy themselves and many engage
in a self-journey of healing and deep mental exploration while in school.
Abusive People
It is best to always avoid toxic, abusive people. They only mean you
harm. They are not good to have in your life because they will do their
best to destroy you. But sadly, life is not always so simple. Sometimes you
however. There is no need spending time trying to fix people like this who
When an abuser tries to play mind games on you, your best defense
is to deflect those mind games. You don’t need to play games back. You
just need to smile and act like his hurtful words don’t have any bearing on
your identity. Challenge each thing he says. “You really think that that is
true?” “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I think you’ll find that what you
are saying is very one-sided.” “That may be true, but here’s another
perspective.” Deflect his words and make him think about them.
You should also ask him, “What makes you feel so bad that you
must attack other people?” He will hate this because you are removing his
power and not letting him intimidate you. You are also forcing him to
with a question that makes them doubt the veracity of what they’re saying
and the strength or power that they hold over you. This also will drive an
Chapter 10: Use Dark CBT to Improve
Yourself
wonders on yourself and become the person whom you want to be if you
use Dark CBT on yourself. If something, such as a bad habit or negative
thinking pattern, is holding you back, then use Dark CBT to change it.
Achieve all that you desire with Dark CBT. It really is possible! CBT has
It even has positive implications for helping people get over physical
It is best to set a firm goal. This is the goal that you focus on and
stick to. Only when you achieve this goal should you take on another one.
Taking on too many self-improvement projects at once will simply
overwhelm you and cause you to fail. You can really do a number on
yourself if you stress yourself out with too much lifestyle change or
personal work. Instead, dedicate yourself to one major goal. You can take
self-improvement a step at a time. You will also notice that improving
yourself creates a Domino effect: When you create a win by completing
one goal, you will be more able to complete the next goal with less effort.
this and that you deserve it. Stop doubting yourself or thinking that you
can’t do what you want. You have probably failed in the past, so now you
have a lingering self-belief that you can’t be successful at your goal. You
your life, such as your parents, took a discouraging approach in how they
treated you. You may feel that you don’t deserve what you want, since you
Well, those beliefs need to go. They don’t serve you at all. Just let
them go and understand that you deserve whatever you want, no matter
what you secretly believe, and that you can achieve anything regardless of
what you have failed to achieve in the past. This is the present and it’s a
new start.
Now, visualize who you want to be. When you visualize something,
you make it seem more real to yourself. Your mind will believe that your
visualization can be reality if it sees it. So create a very strong and real-
seeming visualization. You can visualize it in your mind vividly, or you
can create a vision board with pictures. Seeing pictures can make a
So let’s say you want to quit smoking. You can visualize a world
where you don’t smoke. Imagine how clear your voice will sound, and
how great you will smell. Picture your wallet or bank account full of the
cash that you save on cigarettes. Even visualize X-Rays of your lungs that
show how clear and clean they are, and how healthy you are. Maybe put
anti-smoking pictures on your vision board. When you want a cigarette,
just revisit this nice world in your mind, and know that that world can be
yours if you stick to your goal. Picking up a cigarette will simply cloud
that world with smelly smoke and your lungs will fill with gunky tobacco
tar again.
What thought makes you want to do the habit that you are trying to
quit or the traits in yourself that you are working to improve? Most likely,
you do bad things or engage in bad habits because you are trying to
assuage an emotional wound. That emotional wound is most likely being
inflicted or kept open by a self-belief or cognitive distortion that you hold.
changes in your emotional state. You can heal yourself and end bad
habits when you address underlying sources of your emotional problems.
So consider what causes the flaw within yourself that you want to
change. Maybe you have a problem with procrastination. Most likely, you
put things off because you believe that you have to be perfect and that
takes a lot of effort. The sheer effort of being perfect all of the time and
the fear of not being perfect can be exhausting, so you put things off and
problems because your supposed bad temper. Probably you were not
caring so much about what others think and not fearing your own
emotions. Learn how to express yourself without fear.
Or maybe you can’t stop smoking. You probably have some sort of
illusion that smoking helps you in any way, shape, or form. The same
Once you pinpoint the thoughts that drive your habits, you can work
to change those thoughts. You can improve your thinking first. Your
behavior will naturally follow. You will feel better and stop engaging in
unhealthy behavior.
way” or “My life should look like this.” They base their should thinking off
of what other people tell them or what other people have. They fail to
realize that they have it pretty good themselves and that their
circumstances make it impossible and unnecessary for them to be just
stress over, then you need to end that behavior or thinking. You need to
But you do not need to improve yourself if you simply want to look
like a famous model or have as much money as your friend who married a
rich spouse. Just accept yourself as you are. The only thing you need to
accept who you are and what you have. You will be much happier.
There is only so much that you can change about yourself. If you
change too much, you won’t be yourself anymore. Then you become lost
and confused and have no identity. The only things you should change
are thoughts and habits that hold you in a bad place in life.
There are probably people and situations in your life that cause you
undue stress, problems, and anxiety. These things are toxic. You don’t
need them. You will find that without these people or things in your life,
you will be much better off.
explanation for what you do. Just walk away from the bad things that
stand out to you. But sometimes your toxic relationships or situations are
not apparent. You have to ask yourself some questions to pinpoint what is
wrong in your life.
You need to consider what makes you feel awful. When you leave
someone’s house, do you feel ugly or bad? Do you feel nasty after a
day. Identify the things that hurt you and cause you to feel bad. You can
use a CBT journal to help you with this process. Ask yourself a series of
someone makes you feel bad, it doesn’t matter why. That person is bad
for you and you should avoid him or her. The same goes for situations,
tasks, and other things that bring you down. You don’t need to
understand it or analyze it to know that you need to get away. You can
only begin to improve your life if you take out the trash in it.
makes them give up because they aren’t seeing results quickly enough.
You can really improve your outlook and your chances of succeeding at
your self-improvement project if you don’t fixate on the future too much.
Instead, enjoy the journey and don’t look forward to the destination too
much. The present is the only place where you can do anything, so you
should dedicate your energy to it and stay aware of it. Otherwise, you
avoid doing it. Stay grounded in the present. Notice the present moment
and be grateful for what you have now. When your thoughts begin to
front of you, such as a spot on the wall or an object. Notice that object and
really observe how it looks, smells, sounds, feels, and even tastes if you
can taste it. This way, you bring yourself back to the present.
thinking forward too much. It can help you get over the past if you dwell
on past experiences or traumas too much, too. And it helps you stay
The past shapes who we are. Therefore, it can be very hard to let go
of the past. But Dark CBT maintains the CBT teaching that the present is
the only time that you should focus on. Basing your life on the past ends
up causing you to assume that things are the same as they were in the
past, so you make erroneous decisions. It also keeps you grounded in ugly
situations that are over, and holds open emotional wounds caused by
traumas and bad experiences that you really need to be working through.
You continue to hold onto beliefs that formed in the past rather than
learning that those beliefs are untrue, letting them go, moving forward,
and growing as a person. You refuse to let those around you grow, too,
which can frustrate and stifle the people that you love.
your CBT journal, document the memories that continually pop into your
mind. Investigate how they honestly make you feel. Your foul mood may
have stemmed from when you were thinking about a sour memory this
morning, for instance.
Then decide on the memories that you would prefer to let go of. Ask
yourself why this memory no longer serves you. Jot down reasons that
this memory does not define who you are and what beliefs it has caused
you to develop that you can safely let go of. Seeing why memories no
longer serve you shows your mind why these memories are not worth
holding onto and thinking about. Your mind only clings to these because
it thinks that these memories will help protect it from having similar
experiences in the future. You want to teach your mind that these are not
worthwhile memories to hold onto anymore.
Also accept that your bad experiences in the past taught you a lot
and molded you into who you are. Write down how they have helped you.
You have benefited from them, so now there is no more point holding
onto the pain. You can now move on. You can even thank these memories
that the memory is still there, then thank it and redirect your thinking to
something in the present.
When you encounter a new situation, try not to put the past onto it.
This experience may be completely unlike the past. Accept that things
may be different this time around. You can learn from the past and avoid
repeating the same mistakes, but do not make decisions just because of
what has happened before. Go ahead and take some risks sometimes.
Things may turn out better than they did in the past.
Chapter 11: Use Dark CBT to Become
Successful
other people also stand in your way. With Dark CBT, you can remove the
obstacles that stand in the way of your success. You can use Dark CBT to
relative thing that each person experiences differently. For some, success
might be having peace of mind and coping with mental illness properly to
And yet for others, success may be having lots of children and raising
them well. Whatever your definition of success is, you must believe that
you can attain it. Set your sights on the end goal and plan the steps that
you need to take to achieve it. In the meantime, pinpoint the thinking and
attitudes that hold you back from following through on each of those
steps.
Learn healthy and proactive thought habits that enable you to overcome
hurdles in your life and further yourself. You don’t need to cling to the
schemas and cognitive distortions that hold you back. Let them go and
you will be surprised at how far you can go in life.
You can also make the people around you become more
challenge their behavior and lead them into a different attitude. You can
make people basically make the way for you. The advice on how to get
people to like you using Dark CBT is also useful in this venture, as it
enables you to create a network of people willing to help you and open
Believe in Yourself
You can be your own worst enemy when it comes to your own
success. The most common reason that people hold themselves back is
because they are afraid that they do not deserve success because they will
only mess it up. The internal self-belief that you will mess everything up
and that you do not deserve good things in life is a very inhibiting,
limiting self-belief. It can strike fear in you so that you do not try your
hardest, do your best, and ultimately drive yourself to success. It keeps
you from taking advantage of great opportunities because you are too
scared of failure.
hopeful entrepreneur might not believe that he can earn enough money
to stay afloat, so he never bothers to even try opening his dream business.
These are just a few examples of the excuses that people make to avoid
taking risks. If there is a will, there is a way, so end this type of thinking
now.
successful. You cannot just become successful even if you work hard at it.
You have to become the kind of person who invites success into your life.
And one of the ways to invite success is to start believing that you can be
you believe in yourself, your mind will allow you to do what you need to
achieve your dreams. Hanging onto negative self-beliefs only teaches
your mind to limit you in order to protect you from what it assumes is
certain failure.
Every time you start to believe something ugly about yourself or
something that is detrimental to your success, you need to challenge that
belief. Ask yourself, “Do I have any evidence that this belief is true? Are
there times in my past when I was successful that prove this belief wrong?
Did someone tell me to believe this about myself? Is that person a
you can teach yourself to be more positive and to believe good things
about yourself.
then, you blow your chances of success. It simply means that you need to
strive to think in healthier ways.
need to contend with both. Focus on the present and the positive. Focus
on becoming the best version of yourself possible and don’t let your
mistakes from the past hinder you. Try to avoid making assumptions or
reading the minds of others, and instead work with concrete evidence
that you have. Don’t dwell on problems, but instead find out ways to
make your life better. If you do these things, you will be way more
successful.
Be Grateful
you are grateful for the things that you have in life and when you focus on
the positive in life, you open the doors to a better life. You see all that you
have and you know what you have to work with to be successful. You also
see that life is pretty good, so you have a more positive, enthusiastic
attitude about life and you are willing to work toward things that will
make life only better.
You should keep a gratitude journal. Write down three things that
you are grateful for each day. Also consider how you are doing better now
than you were in the past, and feel grateful to yourself for making it this
far. Keeping your mind on the positive will help you overcome a lot of
negativity that may be holding you back. It will open your eyes to what is
Life will never be without problems. You will always run into new
CBT encourages you to look at your problems and rate your feelings
about each problem. Then, go through the thinking that is limiting you
from solving this problem. Ask yourself, “How can I think about this that
encounter as something fun that you get to work through, sort of like a
puzzle. You need to figure out to solve the puzzle to move forward in life.
You can’t let negative emotions get in the way. You also can’t base your
decisions on the past. You need to work with the present and the tools
and skills at your disposal to overcome this hurdle. When you view
problems in this way, they will become less discouraging and you will
suffer less despair. You will also become more proactive about solving
problems and being successful. Your solution-oriented, energetic mindset
will become contagious to those around you, making them more positive
as well.
success in order to keep people on their level. When you become more
successful and positive about life, you will notice that people will try to
bring you down. They will discount the things that you accomplish, they
will tell you that you don’t deserve what you have earned, or they will tell
you that you have no chance of succeeding. You better not believe them.
“Do you think that you can’t achieve this? Why can’t you do what I’m
doing?” When you ask this, it automatically makes people wonder if they
can achieve what you achieved. It also makes it seem like being successful
is easy, so people will realize that they can follow your example.
Don’t let other people get to you. Just encourage them to follow
your lead. If they choose not to, that is their problem, not yours. But if
you set a good example and encourage people to be successful as well, you
make people feel special and show them that they can achieve what they
thought was impossible too. You can cut down on resentment and
persuade others to help you. Sometimes you need a leg up to get by in life.
Other people are important factors in your success. If you have people
supporting you and helping you, you are more likely to achieve your goal.
But how do you get people to help you when most people only want to
serve themselves?
to think the way that you want. The best part is that Dark CBT is stealthy,
so that other people won’t know that you are being persuasive.
You can persuade people best by showing them how they benefit
from helping you. This part is easy. If you can see a way to share your
success with someone, or to benefit him or her in exchange for him or her
benefiting you, then do so. But what if you can’t see a benefit that you can
offer someone? This is where some Dark CBT manipulation can come in.
someone’s thinking to match what you want. You can use the tactics we
already covered to make someone dependent upon you and eager to
please you at all times over a period of time. You essentially train
someone. But if you don’t have time for that, you can simply lead
One way to do this is to play on guilt. Ask someone, “Have you ever
done something that you regret?” Then ask him if he wants to atone for
that. Lead him to believe that by helping you, he pays for his mistakes
and incurs good karma. Or show him that as he does things for you, he
You can also ask him when was the last time that he did something
that he felt good about. That makes him start thinking about how he
wants to feel good. Ask him if he would find helping you rewarding and if
he would like to be known and remembered as a good person. Ask him if
he gets enough gratification in his life and if he would like more. This line
his life and that he can maybe get it from helping you out. He will know
that he can get gratification from you and feel good about himself since
you are the one asking him these questions. You don’t even have to
promise to give him gratification; you simply have to make him think that
Finally, you can remind him of a favor that you once did for him.
“Do you remember when I did this for you?” Then ask him if he would
like to pay you back for that favor. “You can knock off your debt and we’ll
You will enjoy far more success if people like you. When people like
you, they are eager to please you and more likely to do favors to you. They
will also share opportunities with you so that you can get what you want.
Taking advantage of opportunities that other people throw you will help
you advance yourself in life. Essentially, you want to meet the right
people so that you are in a position where you can further your life.
You can get people to like you by making them feel good. Dark CBT
enables you to do this by encouraging people to think in positive ways
you help people feel good, they associate that good feeling with you. Then
they want to spend more time around you. They may even feel that they
owe you because you make them feel so good.
way, ask him, “Do you really think that’s true?” When he says yes, ask
him what evidence he has to support such a belief. Encourage him to
think of ways that he has been a good person in his life to prove that his
belief is wrong. Eventually, he will come to see that his belief is wrong
and he will attribute this revelation to you. You will make him feel better
about himself, even if it’s just for a moment. Then you have made a
friend.
You can also do this when you see someone engaging in a cognitive
questioning the validity of his thinking. Ask him if there is a better way
for him to look at things. Offer a more positive perspective. Talk through
his problems and help him reach a solution. Do this in a way where you
only ask him questions that lead him to a conclusion on his own. Don’t
just throw advice at him, or he won’t take it. After speaking to you, he will
feel much better. He will want to keep speaking to you because of how
you help him look at life in more positive and helpful ways. You will be
like a therapist that he can turn to, and that will make him want to
befriend you.
Chapter 12: Dark CBT for Parenting
upfront with their kids and they want to avoid doing anything that may
make others raise their eyebrows. But any experienced parent knows that
parenting is not so simple. Parents are often forced to turn to using forms
Therefore, there is nothing wrong with using Dark CBT on your kids. You
don’t need to be a monster and use it to change your kids into different
people. You can simply use Dark CBT to get your children to think in
ways that are more helpful to everyone involved. Ultimately, you can use
Dark CBT to become a better parent as you teach your children how to
think in helpful and healthy ways that lead to their success in life. Dark
CBT can help you turn your children into great, responsible, and mentally
healthy adults. It can also make your job as a parent much easier and
simpler.
Again, I will stress that Dark CBT should not be used on your
children to change their personalities or control them. Using Dark CBT in
this way is a form of emotional abuse. To be a good parent, you should let
your children find their own personalities and be themselves. However,
you also need to offer guidance to help them grow into healthy and well-
Dark CBT to offer advice in a more stealthy way that your children will
respond to better. That is the proper application of Dark CBT for
parenting.
Start Young
cognitive distortions and poor thinking habits early in life. They often
learn these habits from their parents and other prominent role models.
think more helpfully and positively. You can teach them healthier
thinking at an early age. These healthy habits that you start teaching now
will last into your child’s adulthood and make him a healthier, happier
adult.
parent your children, however. Even if your child or children are in their
teens, you can help guide their thinking along healthy lines. Dark CBT
will still work on them, no matter how old they are. After all, thousands of
adults have used CBT to change their thinking long after their thinking
habits have been solidified. You should start using Dark CBT on your
children at any point in time.
Also keep in mind that Dark CBT isn’t just useful for parents. You
can use these same concepts on any family members who are not good at
thinking proactively and positively. You can apply these to your spouse,
siblings, in-laws, adult parents, and other people in your life whom you
pick your family, but with Dark CBT, you can make them better people
who are easier to get along with and relate to. Using Dark CBT on your
family is stealthy, but it works because your family will not know what
you are trying to do. Therefore, they cannot resist you when you try to
help them or improve the family dynamic. Difficult family members will
be much easier to contend with when you employ Dark CBT on them.
Set a Goal
Like with every application of Dark CBT, you need to set a firm goal
for your child. This means that you need to figure out how you want him
to think and what you want to teach him. Then you can focus on this goal
to address his poor thinking.
Basically, goal setting is very simple. You want to teach your child to
steer clear of every cognitive distortion. Therefore, set the goal of
starts to blame other people or things for things that he does, ask him a
line of questions that make him realize that he is at fault. Teach him to
own his mistakes and apologize for them. Also teach him that when he
screws up, it is not the end of the world and he can set things right. Make
go after what he wants because he does not believe in himself. He will not
choose friends or love partners who treat him right. Basically, his life will
shrink and he will not shine at his best if he has low self-esteem.
Therefore, you want to teach him not to blame himself for things that are
out of his control. When he blames himself for things, ask him, “Is this
really your fault?” Show him that sometimes life happens and some
circumstances are simply beyond his control. Add that even when life
throws curve balls, he has the power to do something about it. Blaming
curveballs.
You also want to teach your child to avoid the common fallacies of
assuming and mind reading. People tend to do this and make a lot of
mistakes in life because they do not bother to get all of the information
necessary to make a decision. You can teach him early on how to avoid a
or about a situation.
more pessimistic than others. Setting a good model for your child and
making him more positive in his thinking. Show him through your own
behavior, encourage him to always be grateful, and tell him to never
You can use this method also when your child begins to nag for a
new toy or something that you are not willing to give him for whatever
reason. Rather than arguing with him that he doesn’t need said toy, you
You can also teach your child not to dwell, ruminate, or discount the
present. When he starts to dwell or pout, tell him that the past is the past.
Ask him what he can do about his problem or tell him that he can’t do
do an activity to bring him to the present and take his mind off of his
problems. This will teach him to adopt this same attitude as he grows up.
You can tell your child what to do until you are blue in the face. But
as any parent knows, children are resistant to what their parents tell
them. Especially past a certain age, children want to explore the world
and find things out for themselves. They will not do exactly what you tell
them to do. The best way to get a child to do what you want is to set a
When you want to teach your child how to handle a problem, you
should model that behavior yourself. It may be difficult at times,
especially since no one is perfect. You will not permanently screw up your
child just because you slip up and use a cognitive distortion every now
and then. But remember that your behavior greatly influences his. When
you engage in the behavior that you want to see in him, he will likely
follow your lead. You are his number one role model, after all.
The main thing that you can do as a parent is encourage your child
and verbally illustrate your process to your child. This teaches him how to
something in his life, tell him, “Remember when I listed options and then
weighed pros and cons about which plumber to hire?” Don’t tell him to do
the same thing. Just remind him of what you did and he will likely adopt
your habit.
The other thing you can do is take responsibility for your mistakes
and problems. Own them like a proper adult. Apologize honorably when
you are in the wrong, even to your own child. This will not give your child
a sense of entitlement, despite what many people think. Rather, it will
engage in pessimism, remind yourself what you are teaching him. Help
yourself and him by using an optimistic attitude. Focus on the present
and the positive in every situation. Let the past go, at least outwardly.
Narrate your life to him in an optimistic way and always talk about what
You should also employ this same model when it comes to mind
reading. Instead of saying things like, “I just know what she’s thinking,”
you should say, “I don’t know what she’s thinking. I can’t read others’
minds.” He will subconsciously adopt this and remember it the next time
that he wants to read someone’s mind.
The flip side to modeling behavior for your child is teaching him
awesome ways to teach your child how to handle his own in the future.
When you engage in some cognitive dissonance and set a poor model, you
can tell him, “See what I did there? Now this has happened. But I’ll fix it
this way.” Show him how harmful certain thinking is by showing him how
your mistakes negatively impact your life. But also show him how it is
possible to clean up mistakes and fix problems, as well. You just killed
two birds with one stone.
Perhaps you have not been able to set the best model for your child
because of your own problems and mental limitations. Or perhaps in a
certain situation, you can’t set a model for your child. But you know that
you can’t tell him what to do, either. This is where the stealthy part of
Dark CBT comes in. You can influence his thinking through a line of
questioning. That way, you can make him come around to your way of
thinking without telling him what to do. He will think that he came to a
thinking that you do not approve of, you can start asking him questions to
make him come around to your way of thinking. Let’s look at an example
of how this can work:
The school calls and reports that your child shoved another kid in
the hallway. When you ask him why he did this, he exclaims that this kid
made him do it by being mean to him. First, ask him, “Did this kid really
make you do this, or did you have a choice in your actions?” This will put
doubt in his mind that the problem lies in the other child or in him and it
will make him wonder if he could have behaved differently. The ball is
already rolling in the direction that you want. You should then ask, “Do
you really believe that what you did was the right way to handle the
future?”
Let your child reach his own conclusion, but guide him with a line of
You are not your child’s only role model. He learns behavior from
other people, such as his teachers, siblings, and friends. He may pick up
cognitive distortions and self-beliefs from other people that are not
The first way is to challenge him when you hear him engaging in
You can also tell him to question what other people say to him. Let
him know that people can really influence his thinking but he has the
right to think on his own. Therefore, tell him to question what everyone
says. When someone tells him something about himself, encourage him
into mean beliefs that others try to plant into his head. He will become
Don’t just assure him that he is a great person or a golden boy when
someone tells him something mean. Instead, lead him along a line of
questions. “Are you mean to other kids?” “Do you lie and steal?” With
these questions, you help him realize that he is actually a good kid and a
great person on his own. It will mean more to him when he reaches this
conclusion on his own. It will also show him how to deflect and question
what others tell him about himself as he grows up, which is a very useful
Sometimes, kids need to grow and learn on their own. You cannot
hold your child’s hand every step of the way. But you can use his own
how a better thinking habit could benefit him in a similar situation in the
future.
Let’s say your child makes an assumption about what another girl
thinks of him. He doesn’t ask her to the dance because he assumes that
she does not like him. She ends up going with another kid. This is the
perfect time to tell him, “Next time, you know to go ahead and ask.
Otherwise, you will never know and someone else will come along and
Offer Rewards
Human beings love seeing rewards for what they do. Using rewards
is a surefire way to encourage someone to do something and to keep
doing it. You can use rewards to cement behavior that you teach your
life, mood health, and mental well-being. But children are not as sensitive
to these subtle improvements. They need more material rewards and
more instant gratification. Their attention spans are often not long
enough to appreciate more subtle or long-term rewards. Therefore, you
should plan little rewards for your child that he will appreciate. Good
rewards for children often include ice cream, candy, a fun trip to a place
like the zoo, or a new toy. Children love and understand these rewards, so
use them to help develop your children’s behavior.
You can offer your child a reward whenever you notice him using
the thinking that you have been teaching him. For instance, if he is
you can give him a toy. You don’t even need to tell him that he gets the
toy because of his change in thinking. You can be stealthier and let him
optimistically.
Conclusion
You have just completed the most powerful book that you will ever
read in your life. You now have power that you never possessed before.
Your ability to change the thinking within yourself and within others will
pave the way to whatever you want. Nothing can stop you now. Does this
newfound power feel good? It should, because now nothing can limit you
and you are on the road to the life that you want.
Dark CBT is the most powerful manipulation method that you will
ever learn. That does not mean that it is evil and that you can go around
hurting others. While Dark CBT can certainly be used for such nefarious
purposes, its positive applications are far more useful in the long run. You
will gain more if you help others and help yourself, rather than hurting
and controlling people wrongly. Hopefully, you will harness the power
want with other people. You know how to lead them into certain styles of
thinking that will change their feelings, actions, and even personalities.
That gives you tremendous power over others. Use this power as you see
fit. Just beware of abusing it. How you use Dark CBT rests upon your
conscience.
In this book, you have learned about the powerful and effective
psychological therapeutic method known as cognitive behavioral therapy.
Just knowing CBT itself is useful. You can use CBT on yourself or others
thinking habits that cause you problems in life. You can also make others
think in ways that are more conducive their own success and happiness.
Life will become much easier if you, and everyone around you, becomes
more positive and solution-oriented. Think of how this can help you in
and the same problems repeat themselves. It can also help you if you have
a team of unmotivated people at work who give up when the going gets
tough. As a parent, CBT can help you teach your children to become
better adults and to think along more solution-oriented lines when they
run into problems in life. There is no limit to the ways that you can apply
CBT to your life in a helpful way.
without his or her prior knowledge and consent. Dark CBT is ethically
questionable, but that does not mean that you have to use it for evil
purposes. You can get a lot done and cut down on problems in your life by
helping others to think in more helpful ways.
There are some rather nefarious ways that you can apply Dark CBT.
Use these methods at your own risk. You can manipulate people to do
what you want by changing how they think about things, either in a
positive way or a negative way. You can also bend people mentally and
change their personalities by coaching them to adopt cognitive
helpless and negative by doing this, so that he is dependent upon you and
they think. Over time, you can condition someone to adopt a completely
new personality by teaching him or her to think differently. You can make
don’t like someone, you can change him to fit the mold of what you do
like. He will become like your minion, willing to do whatever you want,
Finally, you can use Dark CBT to get people to like you. Being liked
is very important. In today’s society, it is not about what you know but
rather who you know. Having people like you opens a lot of opportunities
for you in life. You need to make people like you in order to get ahead. If
you are not naturally oozing charisma, that is OK, because now you know
how to apply Dark CBT to get people to like you. You will certainly gain a
change other people with Dark CBT, but you can also change yourself.
You can accomplish all of this now because you know how to run Dark
CBT on yourself and change your thinking habits to reflect your goals.
Sometimes cognitive distortions are your friend and you can use them to
make your mind more powerful. Other times, distortions hold you back
and you need to change them. You now know when and where to apply
you can change others’ personalities, then you can certainly change your
You are now one of the most powerful people in the world. You have
a special secret that you can use to gain control over others and yourself.
The best part? This method is stealthy, so no one will ever know what you
are really doing. Nothing can stop you now. People are no longer in your
way and you are no longer your own worst enemy. Life can become
exactly what you want it to become.
Thank you for reading!
Dark Seduction: The Dark Truth About Seduction And How To Use It To
Get What You Want From Love, Sex, Relationships And Romance