Fear: The Movie 2

HOST
MITCH
ANNOUNCER
SARA
JOHN
Reince
POTUS
Mysterious Man

HOST and MITCH are seated to one side of the stage, talk show
style.

HOST
Welcome to Hollywood Beat, the TV show
about movies. We’ve seen movies “torn
from the headlines” all the time but in
what has to be one of the quickest turn
arounds ever, producer Mitch Masters
has optioned Bob Woodward’s book “Fear”
and has a movie coming out this year.

MITCH
That’s right. This October.

HOST
How is that possible?

MITCH
We had a dedicated cast and crew. And
we knew we had to get it out by this
Halloween, or it would be pointless.

HOST
Halloween? You mean Election Day, no?

MITCH
No, Halloween. I mean, the title is
perfect: “FEAR”! That’s about as
Halloween-y as you can get, right?
Since Hollywood loves pre-sold
intellectual property, a Halloween
movie based on a book is a slam dunk.
In Hollywood.

1
 HOST
I’m not sure I understand, the book
isn’t about Halloween. It’s about the
Trump administration.

MITCH
Yeah, that did come up. I admit, I
should have read the rest of the title.
I just kind of skimmed it. But once
the deed was done, and the option was
signed, we were committed. They had
the release date locked down and the
posters were already made. But
frankly, the script practically wrote
itself.

HOST
How? I’m not getting this at all.

MITCH
Not, to worry. We brought a trailer
clip, it really lays it all out.

Lights up on other side of stage.

ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Just when you thought it was safe to
enter the political waters…

SARA and JOHN enter. There’s a “desk” with a phone.

JOHN
We’re never going to get to it in time,
Sara!

SARA
Shut up, John! We have to get those
papers before he signs them!

Meow HEARD. They jump.

JOHN
When the hell did we get a cat???

Phone RINGS. Sara goes to get it. John stops her.

2
 JOHN
What are you doing? You can’t answer
that!

SARA
I can’t let it ring! It’s 3am! It
could be important!

Sara picks up phone.

POTUS (O.S.)
It’s me, the Donald. What are you
wearing?

She hangs up.

JOHN
It was the imbecile, wasn’t it? He
knows we’re alone! Oh, by the way,
that imbecile remark is just between
us.

SARA
I’ve heard worse. I’ve said worse.
But you didn’t hear it from me.

Just then, a MYSTERIOUS FIGURE in black tip toes across the

stage and exits.

JOHN
What was that?

SARA
What was what?

JOHN
You didn’t see someone just pass by?

SARA
Get a grip, John. Focus! Were here to
service our country by making sure the
elected president of the United States
can’t do his job. It’s what any true
patriot would do, instead of something.

JOHN
Well, when you put it like that…

3
Phone Rings. Sara answers it.

POTUS (O.S.)
Do you want to play a game?

JOHN
Don’t say yes! He’ll want to play Tic-
Tac-Toe and then he’ll get super angry
when you keep beating him! That’s what
happened to Anthony Scaramucci!

Sara hangs up.

Mysterious Figure crosses back.

JOHN
What the--?

SARA
Will you be quiet!

JOHN
Tell me you didn’t see that!

SARA
Just find the papers, will you?

She picks up a book from the desk.

JOHN
What is that? His appointment book?
The nuclear codes?

SARA
It’s a coloring book. He colored
outside the lines again.

JOHN
Is that what he thinks the American
flag looks like? Is he color-blind as
well?

SARA
No, no, he sees color. Everywhere.

Phone rings. Sara gets it.

4
 POTUS (O.S.)
Hi, Colonel. I’d like to order seven
buckets. Extra crispy.

She hangs up.

Mysterious Figure crosses again.

JOHN
That’s it! I’m done!

SARA
Grow a spine, man! This has to be
done. It’s ridiculous that we’re
reduced to this--secretly obstructing
the president’s mandate--but this is
just between us, in the background.
It’s not like we’re writing anonymous
editorials to the New York Times, I
mean, the failing New York Times, for
everyone to see!

JOHN
(shifty)
No, we would never do that.

SARA
Just find those tariff papers and let’s
get out of here!

John picks up some papers.

SARA
What’s that? Is that them?

JOHN
No, receipts. Stormy Daniels; hush
money, Karen McDougal; hush money,
Justice Anthony Kennedy; retirement
bonus, Brett Kavanaugh; credit card
debt relief, Penthouse, subscription
renewal.

5
 SARA
Are the papers to start a tariff war
there or not? Check under his Diet
Coke, sometimes he uses things as a
coaster. That’s where we found Sheriff
Joe Arpaio’s pardon.

Phone rings. Sara answers.

POTUS (O.S.)
Hello? Twitter support? Why can’t
anyone read my tweets without making
nasty comments? You need to fix that!

She hangs up.

JOHN
Here! I got them. Giving him these
papers was bad enough, but did you know
I had to explain to him for 20 minutes
that there was no button to launch a
trade war.

SARA
Know it? I had to lie about it for
like twenty minutes during the press
conference.

Phone rings. Sara answers.

PRIEBUS (O.S.)
Sara, it’s Reince Priebus. We’ve
traced those calls. They’re coming
from inside the White House. Get out
of there!

SARA
I thought he was at Mar-a-lago!

PRIEBUS (O.S.)
He found out Melania was there! He
came back! You have to get out!

Mysterious Figure walks out.

JOHN
It’s him! I told you I saw someone!

6
 SARA
Holy Press Release! Who are you?

Mysterious Figure removes mask.

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
I’m Bob Woodward. Can I quote you?

SARA & JOHN

Sure.

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
Great.

JOHN
But I’ll totally deny it in public.

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE
Understood.

Black out!

ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
“Fear; Trump in the White House,”
coming this Halloween to a political
theater near you.

POTUS (O.S.)
It’s a bad book! A sham!

Lights on talk show.

HOST
Huh.

MITCH
So, what do you think?

HOST
That was really scary. Do you think
they’ll be a sequel?

MITCH
That depends on how it goes in 2020.

Black out. Scream. Horror sting.

7
The end