[MEGAPOST] Overcoming Your Emotional Issues --

Attain Emotional Health, Self-Esteem, Inner Game &

Well-Being
by Macavity
Posted to the RSDNation main forum on February 22, 2016

Overcoming Your Emotional Issues -- Healing Childhood Trauma/Wounds, Developing

Integration, Empowering Yourself & Spiritual Work = Emotional Health, Well Being, Inner
Game, Deep Identity Level Change & Real Self-Esteem

(1) Opening
This is just a short explanation of mental and emotional health as I understand it, what it is, where it comes
from and how to get to a place of emotional health, well-being and self-esteem. The problem with most self-
development, psychotherapy and forms of healing I've seen are that they are not thorough enough -- they don’t
cover all area's of change or work on the whole being and so they often don’t bring about true deep identity
level change.

The lack of focus on mental and emotional health is a "missing-link" within the community despite RSD trying
to point people towards the end goal of that direction [from ego and social-conditioning --> to a place of -->
authenticity and self-esteem]. So many guys think that their game isn't good enough when in fact they just lack
emotional health/development and how focusing on that will fix most of your inner issues.

The idea is to take people from coping to thriving where their energy and time isn't wasted or taken up on trying
to manage the symptoms of underlying issues. So that they are able to move forward without stress and with
the appropriate skills and the abilities to deal with life and enjoy it properly.

In my experience about 40% of guys in the community could really benefit from this type of stuff. Its at the core
of inner-game.

(2) Therapy
The basic premise of therapy is to come out of rigid and chaotic mental + emotional patterns to a place of
emotional health, well-being and self-esteem.

This just depends on what issues you have whether that be anger, self-harm, lack of assertiveness, social
anxiety, lack of masculinity, violence, codependency, narcissism, addiction, ADHD, dissociation, bipolar,
anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, etc and where you're coming from.

Daniel Siegel puts mental and emotional health as being flexible, adaptable, coherent, energized and
stable which occurs when one's brain, mind and nervous system are well integrated.

Nathaniel Branden describes self-esteem in terms as being rooted in living the practices of self-
awareness, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, personal integrity and purpose.
(3) Where Emotional Issues Come From
We are by-products of our environment, our personalities and identities are almost completely arbitrary and the
biggest impact is shaped by our caretakers. Our peers we grow up with and the cultural + social influences we
are subject to are secondary.

Most mental and emotional issues tend to have their roots in childhood and teenage years but can occur
throughout life from unfortunate circumstances, traumatic situations or general life stressors.

Since most tend to have their roots in childhood this is what I'll go into...

For a child to develop into a healthy integrated adult, its required that its raised in an environment where its
nurtured properly and its needs are met -- those needs directly tie into the different developmental stages of
personal and emotional maturity.

Some basic needs babies and children have: unconditional love, attunement, healthy attachment, acceptance,
touch, mirroring, nurturing, mentoring, exploration, play, safe boundaries, empathy, discipline, a secure bond,
masculine influence, feminine influence, safety, a safe base to return to (physically and emotionally),
compassion etc.

There are two things can go wrong in childhood that constitute a traumatic experience for a child:

(1) when that which should happen does not

(2) when that which should not happen does

For example -- unmet needs, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect or
abandonment. Parents, just like all human beings, are not perfect, they have their own flaws and issues and
are sometimes just stressed from daily life such that they're not able to adequately give a child the proper
attuned nurturing that would bring about optimal development.

[These needs directly correlate with the type of attachment style a child develops. "Attachment" refers to the
particular way in which you relate to other people. Once established, it is a style that stays with you throughout
adulthood in how you relate in intimate relationships and in how you parent your children.]

Children especially find it difficult to deal with emotional pain -- they haven't yet fully developed the faculties to
do so and because up until a certain age their identity is directly intertwined with their caretakers (usually
mother and father) they require their parents to be in a state (compassionate, attuned, loving, accepting, non-
judgmental and non-threatening) in which the child is then able to process emotional pain and grow from the
experience.

When not in the presence of an attuned parent or caregiver, children will repress and become numb towards
their emotions and the emotional pain they experience and so automatic defense mechanisms activate.

Children unconsciously do this in order to protect themselves and survive since children rely on their parents
for their survival they'll idolize their parents as gods who can do no wrong and will personalize what is
happening. In most cases, when things go wrong a child will take it on as its own fault despite there being an
inner knowing that what is occurring is wrong (gauged by any child’s response to any form of
abuse). The feelings then become internalized as the child was not in a healthy enough environment to
properly integrate what occurred and overcome it. This is what an "emotional wound" is.

A wound = unprocessed emotion + belief. A wound just like all emotion is caused by ones perception. It usually
goes like this: perception --> threat --> emotion --> repression --> wound --> coping. [Different words used to
describe wounds are usually: pain-body, past emotion, past hurt, trapped emotion, underlying pain repressed
emotion, repressed energy, emotional baggage, unfinished business and "physical holding patterns"]

Since emotions are physical and the effects they have on us are physical, wounds such as -- shame,
abandonment, guilt, feeling unreceived, trauma, shock, rage, rejection etc -- wounds are usually described as a
"pain in the gut" "tightening in the spin" "heaviness " "sharp pain of threat" "a pool of anxiety in the legs"
"broken heart" "hole in the soul" or other times just sensations in the body that feel strong, intense or bruised.

[There are many great therapies out there that allow one to really get in touch with ones body to recognize and
feel where one has physical holding patterns, wounds, trauma and blockages are].

So the ego defense mechanism is the first thing that arises --> the coping style is the pattern used to deal with
the pain --> [The common coping mechanisms being: overcompensation, surrender and avoidance. Sometimes
referred to as "mood alterers" especially in cases of addiction, narcissism, codependency, maladaptive
tendencies] --> the type of protective self is the sub-self that gets developed --> that sub-self comes to the
forefront of ones being. More on coping mechanisms below.

The type of self that comes to the forefront is dependent on the environment, situation and circumstances as
well as the level of wounds/traumas one carries. Whether this happens during a one off highly intense
traumatic experience where a child is left in a state of shock or freeze or if smaller experiences continue to
occur over time --> which usually leave the child in a state in which their protective self will be at the forefront.
[The term protective self is more accurate than 'false self' in my opinion].

This is where you start to see a child’s light start to dim. From being light-hearted, happy, free and curious to
cautious, shy, avoidant, anxious, shameful and low self-esteem.

And so this is where psychological issues stem from -- as symptoms of trying to protect oneself in an unsafe,
unpredictable, uncertain or harsh environment --> which leads to impaired integration, repressed emotional
pain and ways of coping with that wound. When that occurs one is in a state impaired integration, stress and
dissociation.

In simple terms -- all mental and emotional issues are simply by products of coping with underlying pain/stress
and having impaired integration.

---------

Also ones attachment style is one of the greatest indicators of general well-being and the type of intimate
relationships one will experience later in life. The type of attachment one develops with (usually) the mother
also directly correlates to brain development. If due to suboptimal circumstances, the type of attachment style
one could end up developing could be: anxious, avoidant, ambivalent, disorganized. It also clarifies ways that
you are emotionally limited as an adult and what you need to change to improve your close relationships and
your relationship with your own children.

The good news is that through therapeutic practice, healthy relationships and meditation you can change your
attachment style from an insecure one to a secure one. This is one of the most important things one could do
for emotional health, self-esteem, happiness, intimate relationships and well-being.

http://www.psychalive.org/what-is-your-attachment-style/ + http://www.psychalive.org/identifying-your-childs-
attachment-style/ -- [Highly recommend reading those articles]

(3.1) Why This Occurs

This is based on how our brain, mind and nervous system function --> how the left hemisphere tends to have
control over the right hemisphere --> how this brings about our sense of self --> why we are meaning making
machines --> why we experience a natural state of disassociation (rather than integration) in the face of high
arousal and intense emotions --> this is due to our flight, fight, freeze mechanisms --> how this repression of
ones emotions leads to us finding ways to cope with the pain --> this relates to us wanting to move away from
pain, uncertainty, insecurity and towards pleasure, predictability, safety --> how our brains store these
memories in our nervous system and psyche to protect ourselves --> how experiences become unconscious
and remain unprocessed --> leading to carrying forms of underlying pain/stress --> effecting us on various
levels:

Mentally - our thoughts, perspectives, attitudes, cognitive biases, internal dialogue, world-view

Emotionally -- with our feelings, responses, reactions, state, well-being, happiness -- rigidity and chaos

Physically -- our nervous system, musculature, cells, organs, hormonal apparatus, stress-responses +
regulation, physical "holding-patterns", posture, voice, body language

Neurologically -- brain development, neurotransmitters, hormones, chemicals, impaired integration between

brain regions + hemispheres and nervous system

Socially -- false and protective self and defense mechanisms coming to the forefront, immaturity, acting-out
and drama -- most negativity and value taking behaviors stem from peoples emotional issues

Spiritually -- ego, lower vibration, lower level of consciousness

And so for example, if past events of abuse or trauma do not get/are not processed and completed, the
trauma will continue to influence the individual in his/her behavior in these myriad of ways. Meaning that
you're going through life weakened and at a lower level of the good stuff we all want -- health, solid energy,
strength, peace of mind, joy, self-esteem, emotional resilience to adversity, confidence, intelligence and so
forth.

Its not metaphorical when people describing the mind-body connection say that trauma and emotional wounds
are physical -- the body bears the burden and that the body also knows the answer. This is where emotional
issues impact our physical health -- and it impacts us more than one would think. This is where you see people
experiencing muscular relief for example and overcoming health issues when having healed their emotional
problems.

Note: Just as there is a spectrum of addiction -- from mild addiction such as shopping and internet to more
hardcore addictions such as drug use wounds and trauma also occur on a spectrum from simply having bad
feelings surface when triggered to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder where an individual is effected in a more
consistent, overt and obvious manner.

(3.2) 3 Main Coping Styles --> Common Mental/Emotional Issues

The main three forms of coping as taught by Schema Therapy are Overcompensation, Avoidance
and Surrender.

- Overcompensation: Fight mechanism, doing the opposite of how our wounds make us feel, narcissism,
approval seeking, rage, aggression, hostility, over-assertive, pseudo self-esteem, grandiosity, manipulation,
obsession, OCD, wanting status and power over others, compulsive lying etc.

- Avoidance: Flight mechanism, finding ways to escape or block out our wounds and pain, social anxiety,
excessive autonomy, addictions (drugs, internet, gambling, sex, porn, validation, shopping), maladaptive
daydreaming, fantasy, denial of our reality (thoughts, emotions, experiences), dissociation, split-self,
schizophrenia, excessive autonomy, mood altering activities, social isolation, ADHD (the real one not the fake
one), self-harm etc.

- Surrender: Freeze mechanism, giving in to our wounds and pain and repeating them over and over,
codependency, neediness, lack of assertiveness, compliance, people pleasing, lack of expression, self-
sabotage, inner-critic, self-hate, self-loathing, lack of awareness, acceptance, responsibility, victimhood,
excessive guilt or shame, avoidance of conflict, excessive reliance on others

This is where coping mechanisms become patterns and become the dominant selves or parts at the forefront
of an individual. Those listed above are the usual psychological, mental and emotional issues people tend to
experience. [As you'll see below, just working on the symptoms usually isn't enough.] Entire books have been
written alone on each psychological issue listed above, going very in-depth into the ins and outs of it -- but at its
core, the mechanism for all psychological problems is the same: stress, pain, protection, repression, coping
and integration. They just manifests themselves in different forms given the many possible environmental
factors that could come into play and sometimes certain genetic predispositions.

For example, two people could receive the same abuse or be subject to similar stresses but one may
overcompensate and respond with rage whilst the other goes into avoidance. Some of the factors being: other
caretakers in the environment, your relationship with them, other abusers in the environment, current level of
self-esteem, previous wounds/trauma, how safe one feels in the environment, the many forms of social
conditioning, pre-existing beliefs, genetic predispositions etc.

Unfortunately, we tend to keep repeating our copying styles throughout life even when no longer needing them
to survive either because we haven't healed the wounds or trauma from which they stem from, integrated well
enough, removed the current stressors causing them or broken out of the habit.

Since we're always looking for completion and to get our needs met our unconscious mind drives for resolution
-- what tends to happen is that we will either be compelled to repeat or re-enact the exact same situations we
are trying to overcome since the dynamics and situations we grew up in (whether functional or dysfunctional)
are what are most comfortable to us.

"What you don't complete, you will repeat"

Its interesting to see it in real life, how a lot of the hurt and abuse people pass on to others is solely a symptom
of their own underlying pain often passed on in the exact same manner. The most common examples of this
I've seen are anger, codependency and physical abuse.

(3.2) The 9 Forms of Integration + 9 The Nine Middle Pre-frontal Functions

Here's a brief description of the nine forms of Integration and middle prefrontal functions of the brain
described by Daniel Siegel in Mindsight. This is another way of describing and assessing the expressions of
mental and emotional health since advancements have occurred in neuroscience. Emotional health and well
being are experienced when ones brain, mind and nervous system are well integrated. Also when a secure
attachment occurs, the different forms of integration are a result. The nine prefrontal functions also overlap
with healthy attachment and good therapy is what nurtures and develops both of them.

Developing all nine forms of integration is what truly brings about real emotional health and well-being.
Different emotional issues and traumas lead to different forms of integration becoming impaired and so
depending on the individual and their issues, some will need to focus on developing certain forms of
integration more than others. Mindsight describes this really well.

*Will describe this in better detail later*

1. Integration of consciousness: "It is the heart of wellbeing. It involves linking things together in time and
space. The state of consciousness allows sensation, observation, conceptualization, and knowing. It leads to
an enhancement of emotional self regulation"
2. Horizontal integration: Left and right hemispheres working in synchrony. "Our brains are highly specialized,
especially the frontal lobes. Our hemispheres generally speaking have different functions. Left hemisphere is
logical and linear, very literal. Right side is more creative, metaphoric, and symbolic. Its not as right/left as you
would think though, sometimes both do similar things. The point is that integrating them brings many benefits."
3. Vertical integration: Integrating the vertical components of the brain and nervous system starting at the
cortex, to the limbic system, brainstem and nervous system, "The way in which circuits are brought together
from head to toe. This is the mind/body connection. Bodily states directly shape our feelings which then
influence our reasoning and decision making." Emotional pain in some brings about a natural disassociation --
disconnecting us from the messages of our gut/intuition/bodily wisdom.
4. Memory integration: Implicit and explicit memory integration. "This type of integration allows for the
reflection on feelings and impressions. The perceptions, feelings, bodily sensations and behavioral impulses
are woven together with our verbal and analytical processes to produce new understanding of what happened
to us and how it affected us. This type of integration may be of greatest importance in the resolution of
trauma." When traumas become implicit memory, a schema, we are stuck in the past. To integrate memory,
implicit memories are made explicit.
5. Narrative integration: "The creation of a life narrative involves having a sense of self that is able to observe
and comment on past events. Narrative integration allows us to weave together the story of our lives into a
coherent whole. A coherent narrative is a story that makes sense of our lives in a deep and emotionally
connected way. Research has shown that people who are able to develop a coherent narrative have more
secure and emotionally healthy children. They have a greater capacity for empathy possibly because they
understand how childhood experiences affected them and recognize what they want to do or don’t want to do
when raising their children." A by-product of healing and integration.
6. State integration: Integrating our the many aspects of the self. We are multiple selves. Three
parts: Intrastate, interstate and interpersonal states -- We need to learn to honor our states, honor that we
have different needs at the same time and we need to pay attention to that and maintaining my own states
while in relation with others -- This related to our sub-selves, personality-matrix, authentic self. "Being aware of
our states of mind allows us to understand our intentions. It is intention which integrates emotions and
thought. Stable systemic coherence across self states is one of the central goals of emotional development
and self regulation."
7. Interpersonal integration: Developing Integration within relationships. Honoring and supporting the
differences in each other promotes neural integration in the brain. Mind is energy and information flow. Talking
about thoughts and feelings gets you nowhere if not done properly. The most important part of good therapy
is nurturing energy. Communication of feelings, not about feelings, is integrative for the brain - promotes
integrative fibers in the brain. Parent-child interactions that create healthy attachment work in this way. "An
attuned state is an alignment with another human being on an emotional level. Attunement is a necessary
aspect of the therapeutic alliance. It involves a right brain to right brain connection. Without it, there usually is
little progress that can be made because lack of attunement would interfere with most aspects of neural
integration."
8. Temporal integration: "Learning to live with the awareness of our own mortality and the transience of time is
an important aspect of emotional wellbeing. There are three major aspects of time that are significant:
uncertainty about the future, the impermanence of our lives and the reality of death."
9. Transpirational integration: "This is the outcome of all the other types of integration. It involves the feeling
that the person is a part of a much larger whole. People feel a sense of connection not only to other people but
to a greater good. This is often spoken of when individuals reach deeper levels of meditation and as an aspect
of enlightenment. But it can probably also be achieved when therapy is successful in helping people with
neural integration which results in compassion for themselves and others." -- We Space / Unity consciousness.
Spirituality.

So for example those who have difficulty with self-acceptance and disassociate, will benefit from developing
“Consciousness Integration” , “Vertical Integration”, “Horizontal Integration” , “State integration” and “Memory
Integration”.

- Consciousness Integration brings about integration of ones awareness, presence and focus.
- Vertical integration brings about connection to ones own body, a sense of ones emotions , intuition, empathy
and ability to feel/process them.
- Horizontal integration allows one to be able to label ones emotions, experiences, to understand, know them
and be able to connect with others and relate on a more emotional level.
- Memory Integration occurs as one process the trauma’s that lead to dissociation – whether that be from ones
thoughts, feelings, sense of self, reality, emotions, power or masculinity. One overcomes those traumas, heals
them and the memories associated with them.
- State Integration allows one to become more whole, integrated and connected within the different parts of
oneself in a more healthy way that isn’t rigid or chaotic thus becoming more flexible, coherent, stable and
adaptable both personally and socially.

That’s just one example, and for each individual emotional issue there will usually be different aspects of
integration to work on that could benefit and in doing so one to overcomes their issues and comes to a place of
health and well-being. Working at integration in a direct manner can sometimes be more beneficial and
stronger (develop it more) than other forms of self-development and therapy that do it more indirectly.

From: http://www.therapyinla.com/articles/article0208.html -- Recommend reading

The Nine Middle Prefrontal Functions

1. Body Regulation 2. Attuned Communication 3. Emotional Balance 4. Response Flexibility 5. Empathy

(Mindsight) 6. Insight, or self-knowing awareness 7. Fear modulation 8. Intuition 9. Morality

Again, though good therapeutic practice, healing of ones wounds/traumas, healthy relationships where we feel
valued, loved and appreciated and mindfulness meditation you can change your attachment style from an
insecure one to a secure one and bring about integration and healthy brain development.

[Mindfulness meditation does develop a secure attachment but I cannot over-emphasize how much more
effective and quicker it is developing it with another individual or therapist who is attuned, loving, accepting,
resonant, empathetic and non-judgmental. Since secure attachment is developed in relationships,
relationships are the best way to get there]

http://www.therapyinla.com/articles/article0208.html -- More in-depth

(4) Practical & Effective Means To Overcome Psychological Issues

Okay so! Onto the good part.

A lot of people find out why they have the issues they do and where they come from but do not know how to
overcome them effectively and often get stuck in loops for years. Reading the theory can be helpful in making
sense of ones life and to understand where ones issues come from however doing practical work will teach you
more about yourself than any reading can.

The key here is that good practical therapy is raw experience -- unbiased, accesses one's subconscious in a
direct manner, bypasses the problems that arise from introspection and is not reliant outside interpretation.

This is how you can find out exactly where your issues come from, where they stem from and if they really stem
from childhood, teenage years or not. There are easy ways to do this.

Effective therapy also focuses on and works on all the different aspects of the human being -- like stated
above, we're whole beings, when coping with stress and pain over long periods of time it effects us in many
different ways -- mentally, emotionally, physically, neurologically, socially and spiritually. Its why its often not
enough to just work on ones thoughts alone. [In reality there are probably more ways in which they influence us
that we're not aware of yet or that I haven't listed. The more areas you focus on though the better.]

Effective therapy and healing is also based on empathy, attunement, compassion, connection and developing
healthy attachment. Compared to forms of psychotherapy where the therapist is judgmental, aloof, cold,
distant and not attuned to ones feelings and needs.

Good therapy also goes at the root causes rather than trying to manage symptoms. Again this is what makes
this stuff FAR MORE effective than the usual psychoanalysis, talk therapy, CBT and common self-development
practices.

[Sometimes for certain individuals even pickup, green smoothies, nootropics, gym, meditation (when done
incorrectly), building good habits, positive thinking and getting a rotation can be forms of symptom
management for underlying issues.]

The issue is of course is that people are not going deep enough, they're stuck in the management of symptoms
and not going at underlying causes or working on all different levels of change.
From the perspective of Interpersonal Neurobiology: "Psychotherapy can be understood to enhance the growth
of neurons and the integration of neural networks in several ways. The primary focus of psychotherapy is
between networks of affect and cognitions. Individuals gain new information and experiences across domains
of cognition, emotion, sensation and behavior. Psychotherapy establishes a safe and trusting relationship. It
attempts to create an empathic relationship in which the therapist is deeply attuned to the feelings and
emotional needs of the patient. It allows for moderate levels of stress or emotional arousal alternating with
periods of calm and safety. This avoids retraumatization and the lack of integration that is an outcome of
trauma. It promotes the integration of conceptual knowledge with emotional and bodily experience through
narratives that are con-constructed with the therapist. It helps individuals develop a method of processing and
organizing new experiences so as to continue ongoing growth and integration outside of therapy."

The good news is, is that this is much easier than you think. If done properly, it should only really take a couple
of months to a year. That’s no exaggeration either. And once you're done, your done. There truly is no need to
look back again.

(4.1) 4 Levels of Change

We are whole beings, all parts of us are interconnected -- Deep Identity Level Change requires that we work on
all levels of growth.

The four levels of change are:

Remove the bad: Healing past wounds/traumas/beliefs/mindsets/"physical holding patterns" within the body

Add in the good: Self-love/acceptance/compassion/respect/developing secure-attachment/9 forms of

integration/developing masculinity & femininity

Empower yourself: New mindsets/thoughts/behaviours/beliefs/actions/philosophies/postivity

Spiritual Work: Various forms of spiritual work that you're open to -- from simple meditation, to other great
spiritual practices sometimes described as "woo-woo", to your relationship with Life, The Universe, a Higher
Power, God

They all intertwine with each other and so its sometimes hard to draw a line between them. Sometimes healing
ones wounds leads to adding in the good and empowering oneself. Empowering oneself also adds in the
good. Spiritual work sometimes does all three.

Sometimes trying to empower oneself without healing ones wounds can take one from one coping style to
another, such as avoidance to overcompensation -- like you see a lot of the times in the community -- guys who
are codependent and low self-esteem suddenly turning into narcissists with pseudo self-esteem i.e.
intermediate purgatory.

When the underlying pain is released, there is no need to repress or cope and since were whole beings and all
of our systems are connected to each other -- our thoughts, behaviors, emotions, perspectives, views and body
language follow -- we stop coping, emotional issues go. Integration occurs -- we become naturally more
adaptable, flexible, energized, coherent and stable.

This is what brings about real Deep Identity Level Change.

(4.2) The 6 Focuses

When it comes to actual healing/overcoming/processing past issues and Developing Integration its usually
split into 6 general categories although they all overlap:

1) Acceptance/Feeling/Letting Go
2) Expression/Assertiveness
3) Body Work
4) Energy Work
5) Perspective Shifting
6) Interpersonal Relationship

The best forms of therapy, healing, books, classes and teachings I've come across are:

- Focusing by Eugene Gendlin (Acceptance/Feeling/Body Work/Perspective Shifting)

- Power of Focusing by Ann Wiesser Cornell (Acceptance/Feeling/Body Work/Perspective Shifting)
- Your Body Knows The Answer by David Rome (Acceptance/Feeling/Body Work/Perspective Shifting)
[They're all based on the therapy known as "Focusing" and they all kind of explain it in a different manner. Has
nothing to do with gaining great focus but rather focusing on your body and its wisdom to uncover meaning and
heal in a way that bypasses introspection. Pretty profound. Just buy one of them first and if wanting to take it
further buy the other as a follow up. They also all technically do very much shift ones perspective in the same
manner as an epiphany would. Is better done with a partner. Read the note about Focusing below. I think its a
must read for all those in the community.]

- Self-Therapy (Internal Family Systems) by Jay Early (Acceptance/Feeling/Interpersonal Relationship)

[Plus the follow up Self-Therapy Workbook makes things sooooo much easier to understand and practice. I
highly recommend this book to anyone going through any mental and emotional issues. People either tend to
prefer IFS or Focusing, its really good. Again, is much better with a practitioner/therapist]

- Brainspotting by David Grand (Feeling/Body Work/Interpersonal Relationship)

[Requires a therapist. Is basically EDMR but on steroids -- its that good]

- Mindsight by Daniel Siegel (Interpersonal Relationship)

[Requires a therapist based in "Interpersonal Neurobiology" for maximum benefit. Best out of the lot for
Integration and developing a Secure Attachment. Google one near you. Definitely recommend one if you're able
to go to one -- Read the note on Integration below]

- Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden (Acceptance/Expression/Perspective Shifting)

- How To Raise Your Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden (Acceptance/Expression/Perspective Shifting)

- Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton (Expression)

- The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process by David Berceli (Body Work)

[The DVD is better than the book. Its the same as Bioenergetics but has a few more exercises.]
- Bioenergetics by Alexander Lowen (Expression/Body Work) -- There are some good Bioenergetic Exercises
here too: www.vimeo.com/bioenergetics/videos
- Redirecting Self-Therapy (Expression/Body Work)
[Read it online. Its a bit all over the place in its explanation but in short form -- whenever you get angry go and
let out the anger by beating up and punching something safe like a punching bag, bed, sofa away from others.
Same principles as Bioenergetics and the Vimeo video link above shows some exercises that relate to this]

- Awareness Through Movement by Moshe Feldenkrais (Body Work)

- Awareness Heals by Shafarman (Body Work)
[This actually goes pretty deep because you're essentially rewiring the brain and nervous system through re-
learning better more effective, energy preserving, healthier ways of movement whilst healing the entire body.
The method reawakens the natural process by which we as babies learned to crawl, walk, and talk. But it leads
to permanent rewiring / change. Two different books and ways of explaining the therapy. Just get one of them
and if you really like it explore more but going to a class would be much better if there is one near you since
they always include more in the classes]

- Somatic Experiencing (Acceptance/Body Work)

Find the audio MP3 "Healing Trauma by Peter Levine" since it comes with 12 different exercises.
Recommended for those who've experienced trauma and are under a lot more stress.
- Whole Body Focusing (Acceptance/Feeling/Expression/Body Work) -- www.wholebodyfocusing.org
[Its at a good price too imo. Combines Alexander Technique + Focusing. A lot more effective than just normal
Focusing as well as bringing about more Integration. Very grounding too. Recommend]

- Cuddle Therapy (Interpersonal Relationship)

For some this will be extremely valuable (those who have an insecure attachment, codependent, extreme
neediness, abandonment issues) especially if you do Inner Child Exercises during it. No homo, just healing.

- The Healing Code by Alex Loyd (Energy Work)

- The Emotion Code by Bradley Nelson (Energy/Spiritual Work)

A bit "woo-woo" but out of everything I've tried its honestly one of the best. If you're open to it I recommend
finding a Body Code Practitioner online since the Body Code includes far more. Google it. Its at a cheap price
for what it is.

- Quantum Healing Hypnosis Therapy (Energy/Spiritual Work)

[Requires a practitioner. Google one near you. The name sounds funny but is a form of one-off regression
therapy which is beyond amazing.]

Each one of these therapies are really effective and all overlap and alone have brought about so called
"miraculous" healing and changes in individuals. Combining them is even better. Read the reviews for them on
Amazon, online and even here on RSD.

You can really learn and uncover a lot about yourself through each of these methods. Even after years into self-
development I'm sometimes astounded by what I learn about myself, life, others, society and the world.

(4.3) Choosing A Therapist

If you're willing to see a therapist I recommend looking into the below due to all being really effective and
developing Integration well:

- Mindsight Based Therapy / Interpersonal Neurobiology [Read note below on Integration]

- Brainspotting -- Can be done on Skype too but in person is ideal
- Wholebody Focusing -- Find a practitioner near you or online
- Internal Family Systems Therapy
- Client Centered Psychotherapy (Based on Carl Rogers work)
- Focusing Oriented Psychotherapy
- Somatic Experiencing Therapist
- Hakomi -- Similar to Somatic Experiencing
- Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement Classes
- Bioenergetic Analysis Therapy
- Trauma Release Exercise Provider/Classes

(4.4) Example of Daily/Weekly Practice -- How one can go about this

They can be split up as a daily and weekly practice for example:

- 20 minutes of meditation a day (as Daniel Siegel teaches it -- read the note below about meditation)
- 20/30 minutes of Trauma Release Exercises + Bioenergetics everyday (They're the same thing) for three
months
- Internal Family Systems once a week with a therapist / alone / partner
- Brainspotting once a week with a therapist
- Six Pillars of Self-Esteem sentence stem's daily spoken into a voice recorder or mobile phone
- Focusing whenever issues arise in real time throughout the day / or doing it for 10-15 minutes in the evening
/ or once a week with a partner
- Once a week Body Code or Emotion Code session
- Healing Code once every three days or whenever issues arise.
- Cuddle Therapy once a week + Inner Child Exercises
- Awareness Through Movement Classes Once A Week
- Somatic Experiencing Audio's once a week or whenever appropriate

You'll start to get a feel for what suits you, what works for you and how that changes over time. Just like
everything take your time becoming accustom to it making steady progress -- it sometimes takes a few tries to
get the hang of Focusing and Internal Family Systems which is why there are different explanations for it and a
few sessions to start getting fully body shaking when doing Trauma Release Exercises.

(4.5) Spirals and The Compound Effect

Its interesting too with Six Pillars of Self-Esteem you can see so clearly how all these issues lead to each other,
compound and spiral. For example:

Emotion repression --> Lack of assertiveness --> Lack of personal boundaries --> Come into acceptance of bad
behavior --> Build up repressed anger, hidden resentment and unforgiveness --> Become passive aggressive --
> Act in ways you don't value --> Integrity diminishes --> Responsibility diminishes --> Blame others --> Lower
self-esteem --> Lower state of consciousness --> Built up unprocessed emotions keep you stuck in those
patterns --> Downward Spiral --> Chode

And how the opposite leads to an upward spiral.

Release stress --> More relaxed --> Healthier functioning --> Better state (mentally and physiologically) --> More
expressive --> More unshackled and unstifled --> Greater freedom --> Aligned intent --> Act with integrity -->
Develop esteem --> Develop more responsibility, assertiveness, acceptance --> Become at the cause not the
effect --> Upward Spiral --> Better results --> Champ

I mean you could give tons of these examples.

An interesting way to view ones overall vibe and how healing past issues brings you up:
A healthy humans natural state is one of love.

You'll notice as you heal the pain and integrate the issue you have vanishes and as you integrate more you'll
become healthier, more stable, more resilient, your thoughts will change, your emotions and feelings will
change as will your body language and demeanor. You'll be more open, happier, masculine, non-needy and
stable. Blame, ego, negativity, stress, lower consciousness dissipates and a sense of compassion, forgiveness
and esteem emerges for yourself and others.

At its core -- this all just comes down to love. Love in all its forms -- compassion, acceptance, love, care,
empathy, patience, respect, attunement, boundaries, the love of life.

(5) Influences and Effects on Game

In all honestly I think this is one of the most important things you could ever do for your game
and intimate relationships, let alone happiness, health, stress reduction and everything else it effects.
Especially of course if you are one of those who could benefit from this type of stuff.

Due to some of my own biases, cultural beliefs about psychotherapy, the culture of RSD and the self-
development community, when I first heard about this whole upbringing/childhood stuff I was like "Fuck no
bitch! I don’t need any of that. Lone wolf. Independence. Ice gangster. Cold approach. Beast mode. Alpha male.
Like a boss!" But no amount of cold approaching, watching The Blueprint or micromanaging my thought
patterns was enough to change the fact that I was still at many fucked up childhood issues effecting who I was
and how I would interact with others -- Regardless of if I could push my comfort zone better than my
wings, approach 10 sets, steal girls of guys, have more friends than anyone in my university, makeout with 15
girls in one night, be a hardcore approach machine and so on.

I couldn't actually tell I was a hardcase at first because I thought the way I was normal. It was only after gaining
more experience and meeting vast number of people that I started to realize something wasn’t quite right with
me. I intuitively understood it all these years but couldn't quite put my finger on it. I walked around in a
CONSTANT state of underlying shame, disassociation and a pool of anxiety swirling around in my legs. I had
never felt what it was like not to be shame-based or have a low-level but distinct 24/7 background fear. I just
assumed all chodes were like this. I had terrible social anxiety but didn't really label it that. It was only after
getting into game that a lot of my underlying issues started to pop up.

I started to wonder why it is that I got oneitis more consistently and a lot worse than my friends. I didn't
understand how these guys would get with some of the same girls as me or ones that are hotter and not get
extreme crushes and become really needy. Then I started to wonder why I have such an addictive personality.
Why I had trouble with addiction and others don't. Why my natural friends could be congruent and believed
they were enough whilst I always walked around with a front on, a shtick, why I found it so hard to be
vulnerable and always felt the need to overcompensate. Always wondered why I had such a high level of
repressed emotions and tears and why I always disassociated from my self.

Anyway then I finally came across the work of Gabor Mate and John Bradshaw since they were talked about by
a few guys on the forum around three years ago. The stuff they were saying made a lot of sense and I really
connected with it but didn't quite fully understand it. Every problem that kept coming up throughout the years
kept pointing to this stuff.

When I finally delved into this stuff my mind was COMPLETELY BLOWN. It opened up a whole new world off
understanding that I never knew existed and found out that there's so much I didn't know about even after four
years of hardcore self-development. It finally made sense why some guys who got into the community and
made deep changes two years, whilst in some areas I remained stuck in some of the same places. It really
connected all the dots as to why I was having the issues I was experiencing.

Honestly, things like Tony Robbins, Eckhart Tolle and RSD (Tyler's teachings + Blueprint + Hotseat) only
caused surface level and mid-level changes within me over the years. And I took a fuck ton of action too. That
didn’t lead to the 'deep identity level' change that’s talked about. Maybe cus I had it more fucked up growing
up than the average person (i.e. suffered physical, emotional and sexual abuse, abandonment, lack of
masculine figure etc.)

All the things RSD teaches on how to deal with neediness, oneitis, outcome dependency, generating you're own
happiness didn't really help much. It was just symptom management and not cutting at the root cause. I really
wish I knew about this stuff back when I first got into the community, it would have saved me overcoming 4
year long sticking points with little to no improvement.

Most people (in self-development and RSD) only ever focus on 'empowering yourself' when the first one
'removing the bad' is the most important and will lead to the most changes if you are someone with a fucked
up past. It's not talked about very often here and is what usually gets in the way of guys trying to empower
themselves or stops people from even 'adding in the good'. I can't tell you how many times I tried to use
reframes and crutches to mindfuck myself out of oneitis when all I really had to do was go at the core of where
my extreme neediness came from -- abandonment issues, unmet childhood needs, insecure attachment.
"You're only as needy as your level of unmet needs" as the say.

How can someone be their true self, act on their instincts and have their own reality when they were for most
of their life continually cut off from them? It wasn't as easy as just saying

"Oh well just do it!"

"Don't do that"
"Be like this"
"Shift your focus"
"Move more towards this way of being"
"Think like this"
"Let go of that"
"I should be/I shouldn't be"
"This is what authenticity looks like, move here"
"This is what confidence/non-neediness/masculinity looks like so act like this"

....which are common things we read or tell ourselves. You see this a lot when it comes to guys trying to get
over extreme neediness or approval seeing for example. Which can help but its more important and effective
that you go back to the cause. And for most, the cause started in childhood. Wounds on one level
unconsciously hold you back in the past.

And healing this stuff leads to:

(1) You'll stop having these constant self-esteem fluctuations that most guys have (2) It'll be a lot easier to
internalize mindsets, beliefs, embody good traits and move forward at a quicker pace (3) Relationships will
grow deeper and be richer. You wont be as codependent or needy and wont need to rely so much on having a
rotation or a positive life just to maintain your state (4) Your general baseline of well-being/happiness will be
much higher since the main cause of what made them be so low in the beginning is gone (5) You'll naturally
come more into your masculinity since you're no longer at the developmental stage you got stuck at as a child /
adolescent (6) You wont have to fight and struggle so hard to micromanage 'symptoms' of neediness, outcome
dependency, congruence, aligning your intent, indifference, confidence, body language and everything else
RSD talks about. (7) You'll be a lot more stress free and resilient (8) You'll naturally move away from unhealthy
forms of pickup/patterns/traits --> to healthy ones

That shit pretty much explained to me the core of all my problems. And why no matter how much experience I
got in game I was always held back and stuck in certain areas. I had tried pretty much everything else at this
point but it never lead to progress in overcoming the areas of approval seeking, social anxiety caring what
other people thought of me, incongruence, not believing I was enough, lack of masculinity, outcome
dependency, neediness, codependency, overcompensation, disassociation, narcissism, self-esteem
fluctuations, shame or fear.
Alex's Natural Instincts Method was the only thing that was close to actually bringing about real inner change
because in some ways it is like a form of therapy that starts at the core i.e. "You are enough" and works
both internally and externally like a cycle to generate that belief and way of being.

Some of the most common patterns built up in childhood that directly relate to game, that are easily overcome
are:

- Clearing Patterns of domination and control --> lack of masculinity, overcompensation, surrender, avoidance
- Clearing Patterns of coercion against one’s will --> not having ones own reality, inauthenticity, denial, passive
- Clearing patterns of victimization and oppression --> weak, lack of expression/assertiveness, hatred, self-
pity, emasculated
- Clearing being singled out and isolated from others --> feeling as though one is missing out, negative
beliefs, separate, victimized
- Clearing guilt and shame projected by others --> feeling as though one is flawed, not enough
- Clearing not being able to speak out --> assertiveness, expression, authenticity
- Clearing patterns of not being heard of validated by others --> approval seeking, outcome dependency
- Clearing patterns of having to live a lie --> clear in your intent, inauthentic
- Clearing patterns of fear --> obvious
- Clearing physical holding patterns --> Bad posture, body language

Imagine how you would be if you didn’t have any of those? Is that not just pure solid game? Its like you see and
experience this and then go back and read what Tyler and Alex use to write on what it meant to be a natural
and it makes SOOOOO much more sense.

I'm sure Tyler's Hotseat does this too just more in a way of "adding in the good + empowering yourself" rather
than a direct "removing the bad" which naturally leads to overcoming the issues. [For example compare the
unstifling exercises in Blueprint to Bioenergetics -- one is trying to let you know that its okay to be that way but
doesn't remove the issues that caused it in the first place vs healing the issues that are getting in the way of
you naturally being that way ....since of course it is natural and healthy to be relatively unstifled].

The good thing about doing pickup is that you're able to pickup on the nuances in your behavior and see how it
directly relates to getting results. Especially in your capacity to be authentic, really enjoy yourself, women more,
build better relationships, be present, being grounded, non-needy, free and having clearer intent -- since you're
not being tugged from any other direction.

Sometimes guys only do certain types of game (only being chilled, not chasing, hardcore direct) because of
their emotional issues, it takes away versatility, adaptability and authenticity.

Again some of the main reasons to heal your wounds are:

1) They give energy and lead to all the varying forms of protective and coping styles: low self-esteem,
codependency, addiction, narcissism, disassociation, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety etc.
2) They keep you locked in the past - past patterns, past relationships, "rigidity or chaos" -- harder to be present
to life + harder to grow and move forward
3) They're a constant subtle underlying stress -- which is where the health issues come into play
4) Healing them really increases your day to day level of well-being/happiness/state/vibe
5) Makes you more resilient
6) Will make you a better parent
7) Overcome cognitive biases
8) Takes you from the unhealthy styles of game to a healthy one.
9) Develop a healthy relationship with yourself
10) No longer a chode

There’s a term in psychology called a "final fictional goal" that refers to the ideals and goals people strive
toward because they unconsciously deep down believe that it will relieve them of all their problems. For me
pickup was in part a final fictional goal despite all the other reasoning I had for it -- the goal of wanting to bang
200 girls, wanting to be popular, getting into dance, going to university are just some examples. [For some guys
its getting big in the gym, having a nice car, showing off their girlfriend etc].

Now I don’t really care about that. Its more now a focus healthy motivations and experiences.

No longer constantly wanting a makeout just so that I can gain her approval to feel good about myself.
No longer needing to know everyone and have so many friends just so that I can appear popular and have
power over others
No longer being needy in close interactions by unconsciously expecting her to 'mother me' so that I can sooth
the pain of abandonment
No longer suppressing feelings when upset or angry or caring about being reactive
No longer so focused on ensuring the girl is attracted to me
No longer caring about being hyper masculine and just rather being myself
No need to prove to other guys that girls are into me or showing off about my lays
No longer caring what other people think about me
No longer feeling overly feminine at times
No constant social anxiety or fear
No constant approval seeking
No pseudo-self esteem
No subtle overcompensating in my game
Uncovering healthier parts of myself
Healthier expression
More empathy and connection
Natural attraction
More grounded
Coming from a place of 'I am enough'
A sense of ease
Girls being more attracted
Healthier relationship with myself
More mature and naturally masculine
More congruent

Etc.

But its coming naturally and organically rather than being forced or fake.

Most RSD guys will understand this well but experiencing the differences and nuances is profound since its so
far reaching and isn't isolated into just one area of life but rather effects them all. Nathaniel Branden / Ayn
Rand go well into describing this in their books.

Now its like I almost 'uncovered' a part of me that I wasn't even aware that I had and realized how much easier
it was to naturally connect and relate to others. When it hit me I was like "damn man....so this is what they were
really talking about all this time". What it is to be a naturally attractive man.

Without doing this work, I never would have really gotten to that place.

[This also relates to common traits between really cool guys -- See Additional Notes]

(6) Other influences -- Health, Masculinity, Spirituality

This stuff for a lot of us goes much deeper than just women. Its also about life, happiness, growth, well-being,
health, self-development, masculinity, purpose, giving to others, improving society and spirituality.

(6.1) Physical Health

ACE Study -- One of the biggest (if not the biggest) public health study ever conducted. It demonstrates
conclusively the link between acute stresses in childhood and later health problems.

Pretty straight forward, very true and easy to connect the dots the more you understand things.

In short: Mental & Emotional issues / Repression --> Stress --> Hormonal and Nervous System --
> Muscles/Cells/Organs

Certain physical health issues nearly always have common emotions and psychological issues associated with
them.

Read the recommended book list below to learn more about this. One of the best books I've read on this is
"When The Body Says No: Exploring The Stress Disease Connection", I think however that its still only touching
the surface.

TED Talk on
this: http://www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetim
e

(6.2) Masculinity
Masculinity is a step forward. It requires development and a father figure in ones life. For some the importance
of male therapist for growth into healthy masculinity almost a necessity. It was for me.

There’s a big difference between the immature masculine and the mature masculine.

Those who lacked a father figure or have the 'father wound' are literally walking in a subtle state of shame, a
constant underlying state of "I am not enough".

A large part of it is this -- looking for getting childhood needs met and its implications -- violence, acting out,
addiction, wounded inner child, pseudo self-esteem, overly try-hard macho, lack of vulnerability or openness,

"Will update this section in more detail later too*

(6.3) Spirituality
Ego has a direct correlation with emotional wounds.

For one to evolve to higher dimensions of consciousness its necessary that enough "density" (lower vibrational
emotions) has been healed in ones being so that higher light can come in an occupy the body in a manner that
can be integrated. Its harder to embody ones Higher Self and "5th Dimensional Consciousness" when still
stuck in lower 3D mental/emotional egoic patterns.

It'll be harder to move forward without doing it, to the extent at which most spiritual schools have this be a step
that is a 100% necessity.

Funny note to about the chakra system that’s described in spirituality -- whenever people describe their
emotional issues and wounds, where they feel them and how they feel its always extremely similar regardless
of whether the person is male/female, young/old, different parts of the world, are into spirituality vs are not.

As one does heal these issues a natural sense of love and compassion emerges.

Its always interesting to note the sense of spirituality that emerges from the healing of trauma victims. Peter
Levine, Gabor Mate, Focusing, TRE and IFS all talk a lot about this.

In all honesty I couldn't have gotten better to the highest degree without spiritual work like The Body Code -- it
literally took off months of time in the process of getting better.

(7) Additional Notes

(7.1) How to know if this is for you
Of course this isn't for everyone, some who try this out will gain minimal benefit whilst for others it will be life
changing.

Well without getting too into it, a simple checklist:

- Did you have an abusive childhood or traumatic experiences?

- Do you come from a dysfunctional family?
- Did you go through abusive experiences as a teenager or were bullied?
- Do you have any mental/emotional issues?
- Do you have low self-esteem / inner game issues?
- How are you in intimate relationships? -- Big indicator. The one situation where you issues come to the
forefront the most
- How are you around children you have to care for? -- Healthy? Rigid? Abusive? Triggered a lot?
- Not sure why you're stressed out?

You can still get to that place of high self-esteem but for some without this work it wont be as deep or thorough
as it could be -- think about it in terms of integration, flexibility, adaptability, energy, coherence, harmony,
resilience and stability.

(7.2) Common Objections

(1) "Therapy takes 5 - 10 years" -- No it doesn't. Not anymore anyway. Be glad that there are so many great
forms of therapy out there right now and that just one of them has produced almost "miracle" like results from
all across the world. Combining them brings about even better results even faster. Read the reviews for each
one of them.

(2) "I don’t believe the whole wounds/baggage/pain body thing" -- Decades of science has been done on the
mind-body connection that wasn't mainstream until that past 10-15 years. Check out the book
recommendations below. Its really interesting stuff. More importantly try it out!

(3) "Focusing on past just causes more issues" -- Not when done properly, which unfortunately some forms of
psychotherapy don’t do so well -- CBT, psychoanalysis, Gestalt, Freud etc. Its not about blame, whining or
victimization. Its just about simply recognizing where problems come from, dealing with them effectively and
moving on. Again, once you're done you're done. Its quick -- only a few months to a year. And you'll never have
to look back. Again the point is to fully overcome the past so that you're better able to move forward, without
stress, without being held back and without wasting time and energy trying to manage symptoms.

(4) "You cant change your past, your brain is set after the age of 3" -- Not true at all, been proven wrong and
overcome consistently many times. Daniel Siegel goes into this pretty well as do many other neuroscientists.

(5) "Time heals all wounds" -- Time doesn't fully heal things, not wounds and trauma anyway. Just allows you to
move on whilst the wound stays beneath the surface of your consciousness and the emotional pain from it only
surfacing when certain events trigger it and bring it to the surface. It does however allow you to mentally move
on from events that are not so intense, traumatic or built up.

(6) "Focusing on this stuff just makes you negative and re-wounds you" -- If you get triggered now, that’s your
issue, your fault, your responsibility to take care off. You're a grown adult. If you're triggered emotionally by your
parents for not being caring enough and past emotion arises rather than saying "its her fault for not being
caring enough" do IFS or Focusing and you'll get through it pretty quickly. You'll come to realize it was all
internal.

Re-wounding or things getting worse through understanding this isn't something that should occur when doing
therapy properly. You shouldn't get worse either rather you should get better every week.

The understanding of childhood issues is just there to give you a better idea of why you have the issues you're
experiencing but even if you didn't read on psychology or childhood upbringing, a proper form of therapy would
allow you to understand where your problems actually stem from in an unbiased manner that’s not prone to
outside interpretation -- of course this is for you to find out. No coincidence though, most cases seem to match
up nearly exactly with the theory presented by Bradshaw, Siegel, Branden etc.

In my experience only a few of the issues I faced that I thought were from childhood were actually not but
sometimes came from beliefs and ideas I picked up from RSD, from bullying, from school. Other times the
issue came from an idea I picked up from RSD but really it was my predisposition and current level
of psychological health at the time that made me susceptible to taking on that idea in an unhealthy manner.
For example two guys hear about escalation, one becomes needy when doing it the other doesn't and just
gains better results.

(7) "Its just your perspective that lead to this, you just need to change it" -- That’s partly true. Yes it was your
perception that lead to your emotions, feelings and thoughts. We are meaning making machines and so
children tend to personalize everything even if its not their fault.

Of course the difference is that every child’s perception tends to be the same since they have needs to be met
and they're dependent on their parents for survival and a child’s identity is technically "one" his/her parents
so children will tend to have the exact same perceptions and responses to abuse (since they have needs) and
their responses are unconscious, its just how the brain/mind/human works, everyone is the same and how
ones copes with that emotional pain (by avoiding, surrendering or overcompensating) will depend on ones
environment and predisposition (how stressed the mother was during pregnancy, the attachment style a child
had, other care-takers influence the environment, whether its needs were/are met, if it already has trauma,
genetic predisposition).

You can't really force a baby or a child to have a different perception, ones needs make it innate and so even
trying to force a child to change their perception doesn't often work i.e. abusing someone and then saying
you're doing it because you love them just doesn’t work. The wound is still there.

Changing your perception now can definitely help. But if a problem came from your perspective back then and
lead to trauma then overcoming the trauma is the best way for full resolution and growth, not just reframing it
or trying to change the perception of it -- I've seen this in certain forms of NLP and CBT, which sometimes only
lead to people only overcoming things mentally rather than fully overcoming them emotionally and physically. It
does allow them to move forward but not to the degree that they could be -- on some level its still effecting
their being and behavior. Gotta heal on all levels for maximum benefit.

[Some people don’t like hearing that but there are ways of testing if you've truly overcome your issues or not
through certain equipment --some chiropractors use these to see where emotions are still effecting your
physical body or though some of the therapies listed above. The other thing though is that if you're okay with
your past and how you feel then its up to you if you want to focus on your past or not. You can always try out
other methods to assist that don’t require delving back into the past or any memories (Trauma Release
Exercises, Bioenergetics, Wholebody Focusing, Awareness Through Movement, The Emotion Code).]

(8) "The past doesn't control the present so no need to focus on it" -- Almost. The past influences how you act in
the present -- but doesn't fully control it. There are however unconscious behaviors that are so ingrained that
you wont even be aware of them until you remove the underlying issues from the past that you then realize
instead how much your behavior was influenced by it.

So yes you can change any behavior, some are harder than others, others you try to change but you just go
back to how you were before, others you change and others you're not even aware of and others you only
become aware off after you heal such as a postural issue or a positive change in vocal tonality or your voice
that you didn’t even know was possible.

(9) "Not all need to do this" -- it is true that you can still enjoy a good level of self-esteem, happiness, well-being,
health and an awesome life without it. Its not necessary for some. For some the real issues didn't lie in
childhood but in later years, were influenced by so much around us that things can sometimes compound,
leading to stress, skewed beliefs, mindsets, philosophies, worldviews, actions, thoughts and behaviors. But for
some it is almost a necessity and will be one of the most important things one can do.

(7.3) How to know when you're done

You'll know.

- Healthy self-esteem
- No more emotional issues
- Rarely needing to Focus or IFS or TRE to feel normal
- Still feel relatively normal and good when not hitting the gym, meditating, eating healthy etc.
- Past emotion not arising and you're living more in the present
- Very different, more clear and empowered experience of life

The good thing is, once you're done you're done. There’s no need to look back.

(7.4) Blame
A note on blaming parents -- its useless. Not technically true. They try their best. Its not their fault.

The issues may have stemmed from them but its not their fault. They were treated the same from their parents
/ siblings / other caretakers (and all the other many influences in their lives) or were under some form of
stress.

It genuinely isn't their fault. Like for real. They cant help it. Blaming your parents is like expecting someone who
was raised to be 60% of their optimal psychological health to act as if they are at 100% ....whilst dealing with
the numerous life stresses at the same time. Its hard even for healthy parents. No one had it perfect.

If I'm stressed out by friends, family, health or work its quite hard even for me to be well attuned and
compassionate towards children. Now imagine someone who isn't healthy doing that -- even harder. You would
be the same. So no worries.

Yes, the repressed anger is real as is the pain, rather than denying it or repressing it let it out in therapy or
through other means rather than blaming and victimizing. That way rather than reinforcing your problems
they're overcome as a natural part of the healing process.

There is a period when healing which requires you to be direct, open and honest and that involves letting anger
and repressed tears out, you cant really lie about that if you want to heal but if you feel anger there’s no need
to let it out to tell your parents how they ruined you. If they continue to act in similar ways just learn to be
assertive and draw boundaries. Anytime you heal an issue you realize how insignificant the blame was and a
deep sense of compassion and forgiveness emerges for ones parents or abusers. This even for people who
have abused me badly.

No need to hate yourself either, you just did the best possible thing you could to survive and keep yourself
safe.

The good thing is that you can get through these issues with ease.

With proper forms of therapy, the whole victim mindset and anger one has when they find out/learn about this
stuff goes pretty quickly rather than staying stuck in that state.

Just be glad this doesn't take long to heal at all. And that you'll learn a fuck ton about life through this and grow
even further than those who had a "perfect" upbringing, which of course comes with some of its own issues
which most guys don’t want.

(7.5) Integration And The Benefits of Combining Methods

People start to realize that as soon as they start to "remove the bad" (heal their past wounds and trauma's)
that their mental and emotional issues just start to naturally dissipate. Most people get really happy when this
happens and sometimes just tend to stick with just one or two methods of doing it -- sometimes The Healing
Code, other times Wholebody Focusing.

But the important thing is that maximum benefit is gained from both "removing the bad" AND "adding in the
good" -- this is where working on Integration and comes in and why its better to combine many different
methods since each method listed above brings about its own kind of positive change and form of Integration:

- Internal Family Systems Therapy adds in the good in a different way to how Wholebody Focusing does
- The Healing Code brings about its own positive changes in a manner that’s different to doing Sentence Stems
from The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
- Brainspotting develops Integration different to doing Meditation.

For the maximum benefit -- combine as many different methods as you comfortably can without rushing it.
Don’t rush. Take your time. You can always develop integration more as time goes on so there’s no need to
worry. Some therapies are more focused on directly "removing the bad" such as Trauma Release Exercises,
The Emotion Code, Bioenergetics, The Healing Code, Focusing and Somatic Experiencing however each of
them is also done in a way in which it develops Integration.

Others methods also have a more direct approach to "adding in the good" such as Internal Family Systems
Therapy, Inner Child-Exercises, Mindsight, Awareness Through Movement, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.

Mindsight Based Therapy i.e. Interpersonal Neurobiology however is the only one out of the lot that focuses on
developing all 9 forms of integration in a direct manner. The therapeutic relationship between the client and
the therapist/friend is really beneficial not only in allowing one to remove the bad more effectively but to also
add in the good and empower oneself in ways that are so much more effective and sometimes a necessity to
do so.
Its why if you have the chance to see a Mindsight/Interpersonal Neurobiology Based Therapist its highly
recommended to do so. Some people gain more benefit from working on certain areas of Integration more than
others -- for example those who disassociate, have addictions and have difficulty with self-acceptance usually
have to work more on vertical-integration than someone who doesn’t.

Integration is that extra "oomph" in ones personality, identity and way of being. A healthy relationship with
oneself. A sense of ease within oneself and how one interacts with the world. A strong and clear experience.

One naturally becomes flexible, adaptable, coherent, harmonious, stable, resilient, energized and naturally
develops a lot of the qualities one looks for through self-development and RSD in a healthy and organic
manner.

(7.6) Focusing on the Small Stuff

A lot of this stuff really allows one to get passed the need to focus on the small stuff -- things you see common
self-development channels and teachers focusing on really just automatically fixes up and falls way side:

- Procrastination
- Bad habits
- Motivation
- Body Language
- Vocal Tonality
- Positive Thinking
- Handling one’s emotions
- Having good relationships
- Good focus
- Staying on purpose
- Being responsible
- Living with integrity
- Overcoming insecurities
- Effective communication
- Having good boundaries
- Giving up alcohol and drugs

Etc.

Most of those issues stem from underlying problems that whenever they would come up it was just a simple
matter of doing a Focusing or Internal Family Systems session and because they go beneath the layers and
deeper into the core of why an issue first emerged and came about or things like Wholebody Focusing and
Bioenergetics automatically help someone to naturally come into that place so its normal for them to act and
feel empower and in ways in which all the small stuff falls wayside.

And that is because at its natural state a human being is one of self-esteem, emotional health, expression,
happiness, acceptance, love and joy.

Like when you feel really good its not hard to be motivated, or express yourself or be assertive, or to
communicate well and not be sidetracked by nonsense -- like when you're in state and have been getting laid a
lot and are on a run socially speaking. That of course is an emotional high but you can bring your day to day
level of well-being up from a 4 to a 9. Rather than relying on temporary emotional highs to bring you to that 9.

Tyler makes good points about this -- sustainable natural high's vs unsustainable short term and eventually
draining highs.

Don’t get me wrong though, there are many great books out there specifically focused on procrastination,
public speaking, motivation, charisma, body language, responsibility etc that really do teach you a lot more
tricks and tips but in general if you get the core of the problem out the way the symptoms of it also dissipate.
Its why sometimes when you heal one emotional issue others also tend to follow and heal without trying. For
example, if someone has social anxiety and panic attacks as well as low self-esteem and a lot of built up
shame, sometimes just overcoming the shame fixes up their self-esteem issues which in turn helps them to
overcome their social anxiety and then their panic attacks go down.

(7.7) 5 Characteristics of Cool Guys

1) They're pretty relaxed and chill as a baseline. Don’t care if they're the highest status person in the
environment. Are easy going and generally have an 'Its all good' vibe.

2) They're emotionally healthy. Leading to healthy self esteem. Majority of the time this stemming from a good
upbringing. They're not usually stuck in dysfunctional patterns of emotional "chaos or rigidity". Some have
worked on themselves to come to this place. Its at the core of inner game.

3) They're socially well adjusted. They've had experiences with women, been with different girls. Know how to
have fun and party. You can go with them to parties, events, festivals, social circles and they can have good
conversation, fun to be around, won't weird everyone out. They know how to relate well with other men too.

4) They have other shit going on as the main focus in their lives. Hobbies, purpose, interests, passions and
goals. Even if they're just common things most people enjoy such as sport, music, games etc. Bigger things
being life purpose/goals such as their job, business, making money, travel, community work etc.

5) They know who they are. Which comes through life experience. Some very rooted in their masculinity. Live
with integrity. "Petrified wood". Guys like this happen to have been through a lot of shit in life.

I understand that cool is subjective, its not so black and white, that an individual doesn’t have to have a 10/10
on each trait to be a cool and that there’s different types of cool but its interesting to see common themes.

(7.8) BioLateral Sounds

Listen to this: www.biolateral.com/catalog/downloadable-biolateral-mp3s

BioLateral Sounds came from EMDR, its just music that you can listen to when working or studying, but is very
helpful when doing therapy work as it balances brain hemispheres, helps release trauma, accelerates the
process, calms amygdala, activates vagus nerve, reduces anxiety and calms nervous system.

"Bilateral stimulation activates an accelerated processing effect that encourages an extraordinary free-
associative process between the mind and the body that causes thoughts, emotions, images, memories, body
sensations, dreamlike fantasies, and other aspects of perception to break out their old patterns and move
rapidly to new levels of self-awareness." - Tapping In: A step-by-Step Guide to Activating Your Healing Resources
Through Bilateral Stimulation

The one called 'By Intuition' is the longest (17min).

Read this short powerpoint: http://www.slideshare.net/GeorgeHerring/auditory-bilateral-stimulation

(7.9) A note about doing meditation properly

Sometimes meditation can be done wrong in a way in which it is being used as a form of symptom
management where people feel good on it and when they stop their old thought patterns just come back.
Common complain mentioned here over the years. Again is a sign of underlying issues that need to be worked
on.

Read this: http://mindfulconstruct.com/2011/02/04/17-ways-mindfulness-meditation-can-cause-you-

emotional-harm/
What she's describing is the WRONG way people go about mindfulness meditation as opposed to the RIGHT
way.

Some of the points made are:

- Belittling ones story

- Forcing yourself to be present to what’s going on outside but not inside
- Dissociation by separating different parts of oneself "oh that’s just my ego" "I'm not my mind" -- doesn't fix the
issue or where the problem came from in the first place
- Telling yourself that emotions aren’t real
- Telling yourself that emotions aren’t necessarily accurate
- Telling yourself that emotions aren’t you
- Detaching from emotions as a result of telling yourself that they aren’t to be experienced

As someone comments there, "this should be taught along with the basics of mindfulness instead of being a
caveat against it".

If what she say didn't apply to you that’s good. You're fine.

The point is to feel and accept your emotions first. Be integrated not differentiated.

Dan Siegel describes how to do it well as do others.

Presence is a natural state of being. You just have to get out of the way what was causing you to not be present
in the first place.

(7.10) A Note On Focusing

I believe Focusing should be a staple within the community. It’s a really effective for emotional issues,
ambiguities, sticking points, insecurities, creative blocks, decision making in a way that not only allows you to
gain direct access into your subconscious to truly understand your issues and where they come from (thus
bypassing the problems with introspection) but also to actually heal them whilst going deeper and deeper into
the layers of your issue right to its core. It brings about 5 types of integration spoken about in Mindsight and
can be done anywhere at anytime – when alone, when in set, at the club or when in bed with a girl. Real simple
process.

I think its one of the best life skills one could have.

(7.11) Terminology
The word healing in its origins means "to make whole", other words often used are: cure, process, overcome,
change or fix.

Wounds, pain-body, past emotion, past hurt, trapped emotion, underlying pain repressed emotion, repressed
energy, emotional baggage, unfinished business and "physical holding patterns" -- same thing

False Self/Protective Self/Coping Styles/Schemas/Sub-selves -- sometimes refer to the same thing

"Removing the bad" and "Adding in the good" are just ways I describe it, sometimes people prefer not to call
things bad, that’s okay. Label it however you want.

Some people also dislike calling their mental and emotional issues - problems, diseases, neurosis and just
prefer to label it forms of coping/protective mechanisms and just having not integrated experiences from the
past. Whichever you find best is fine.
(7.12) Other Forms of Stress Relief
Sometimes how we feel and our level of emotional health is determined by certain environmental stressors --
bad diet, pollution, toxicity, drugs. The Ultramind Solution goes well into this.

Simple things you could do by the way to reduce stress in life and make things easier since our environment
also effects us if you had some spare cash on you is to maybe check out some of these, that I know a lot of
people have found helpful and have had positive reviews towards:

- Salt Lamps -- For your bedroom

- 10,000 Lux Light when indoors + Getting enough sunlight outdoors
- Water and Shower Filter (This stuff makes a big difference especially as our water isn't super great in the
West. I highly recommend filtering ones water supply of heavy metals, chloride, fluoride)
- Nikken Magnet mStrides - Magnetic Insoles to wear under the feet are really powerful and so damn amazing,
highly recommend them [The Nikken website is a bit weird at first to navigate, you have to find a consultants
page first, then the prices come up for the items]
- Plants for your bedroom [Google which ones are good]
- Air Purifier for room [HEPA]
- Turn Wifi off at night time before sleep (Google it. Wifi stuff can be quite stressful. If you can switch back to
wired internet, its recommended. I usually just put my phone on airplane mode at night and turn off the wifi).
- Spending time in Nature

If you have the money (will cost around £190 all together) and are willing to try them out, I'd give it around
three months to see how you feel. I wish I knew about them a few years back. A lot of how we feel is due to
some of the stressful/pollutants were exposed to on a daily basis. That stuff really helps as well as just making
sure to get in some of the more decent herbs in ones diet:

Ginger, garlic, turmeric, black pepper, oregano, basil, lemon, honey, spirulina, seaweed, different berries,
chlorella etc.

That stuff overall is real good if life is stressful and allows you to be in a better situation to heal without
'symptom management' in my experience.

(7.13) Be Glad You're Into RSD

Be glad though that you’re into RSD and surrounded by a culture which promotes taking massive action. You're
more likely to overcome this due to already being accustom to buying and reading new books, taking on new
knowledge and experimenting, applying different learnings together and especially understanding the nuances
between psychology, your behavior, how it relates to results and other areas of your life especially since
RSD/Self-development dudes are often actively working on many.

(7.14) A Solid Foundation For A Good Life

Having your inner shit handled will make everything a 10x easier -- Otherwise you get into symptom
management, chose goals for the wrong reasons (coming from underlying insecurities) and don’t know who
you really are/what you really want

In simple terms I think its just a mix between self-acceptance/inner-game, a solid work ethic and habits,
removing the negative influences-adding in positive influences and rest/relaxation/play.

- Once you've got your inner shit handled (therapy/healed wounds/developed self-esteem/come into a place of
self-acceptance and emotional health + pickup for a good social and dating life)
- Its just having solid habits and work ethic for the things you want to do and go after
- Removing as many toxic/negative/crap influences from your life
- Adding in positive influences
- Plus having recreation/fun/relaxation/stress reduction time
You come to a really good balance -- where you grow and contribute without feeling stressed and relax doing
the things you enjoy without laziness/complacency.

And hitting all different areas of ones life:

Health
Wealth
Relationships
Purpose
Personal Development
Spirituality
Hobbies
Leisure

The goal: a fulfilling awesome life where you experience growth, evolution and contribute in a slow and steady
manner without feeling overstressed and experience joy, chilling and happiness without laziness and
complacency/mediocrity. Hitting all major areas of life whist going after what you want.

One thing bleeds into another.

A lot of it is cutting out the bullshit (bad food/bad people/time wasting/internet/negative emotions/inability to
deal with situations properly/petty drama/emotional issues)

Gotta find out which type of guy you are too -- are you the self-development guy or the more chill guy? 80/20?
70/30? 50/50? Because that will determine where you get your happiness/fulfillment from and what goals
you have in life and where you keep your focus.

Life is to be lived.

(7.15) How To Feel Good

Once you've gotten the foundations handled, what before could have been symptom management will now just
bring you pure benefit. Things such as:

1. Cold showers
2. No fap
3. Meditation
4. Gym
5. Gratitude
6. Self-esteem sentence stems
7. Social momentum
8. Nootropics
9. Public Speaking/Toastmasters
10. Sex
11. Doing Focusing with a partner
12. Code of Natural exercises
13. Bioenergetics
14. Push comfort zone
15. BioLateral Sounds
16. Hobbies

Etc. Add your own that you like too.

(8) Books
Understanding Childhood/Development/Self-Esteem/Emotional Health/Psychology:

Homecoming, Healing The Shame That Binds You & The Family by John Bradshaw [Bradshaw’s Videos Below]
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem and How To Raise Your Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Mindsight by Daniel Siegel
Childhood Disrupted by Donna Nakazawa
Reinventing Your Life - Schema Therapy by Jeffry Young
Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Nuefiled
Identity is Dynamic -- www.identityisdynamic.com/identity-is-dynamic/ -- Online book series written by a
previous RSD member

Overcoming Psychological & Emotional Issues:

Mindsight by Daniel Siegel

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
How To Raise Your Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Focusing by Eugene Gendlin
Your Body Knows The Answer by David Rome
Power of Focusing by Ann Weiser Cornell
Revolutionary Trauma Release Process by David Berceli
Whole Body Focusing
Brainspotting by David Grand
Self-Therapy (Internal Family Systems) by Jay Early
The Healing Code by Alex Loyd
The Emotion Code by Bradley Nelson
Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton
Awareness Through Movement by Moshe Feldenkrais
Awareness Heals by Shafarman
Healing Trauma Audiobook by Peter Levine

Mind-Body Connection / Health:

When The Body Says No: Exploring The Stress Disease Connection by Gabor Mate
Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson
Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
Bioenergetics by Alexander Lowen
The Ultramind Solution by Mark Hyman
The Healing Code by Alex Loyd
In An Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine

Other good books:

In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate -- Great book on Addiction

In An Unspoken Voice by Peter Levine -- Great book on Trauma and the Body [end to the MP3 Healing Trauma
by Peter Levine if you want to try Somatic Experiencing]
Thawing Series by Don Carter - Similar to Bradshaw’s work. Good though especially the one on Toxic
Relationships
Radical Acceptance of Everything by Ann Weiser Cornell - Buy if Focusing is something you resonate with and
want to take further
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny
When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
Willpower is Not Enough: Understanding and Recovering From Addictions of Every Kind by Arnold Washton
Pulling Your Own Strings by Wayne Dyer
Song of Father Son by Peter Putnam -- For those with father/masculinity issues
Way of The Superior Man by David Deida
Voicing It by Nancy Daniels -- DVD on Vocal Tonality
Get Our of Your Mind And Into Your Life by Steven Hayes -- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Really good.
Also recommend.
Breaking The Shackles: Shame, Masculinity and Bringing Joy Into Our Lives
The Secret Laws of Attraction: The Effortless Way To Get The Relationships You Want by Talane Miedaner
The Presence Process by Michael Brown
Letting Go by David Hawkins
The Work by Bryon Katie

(8.1) Videos
Human Nature: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhdsHxX0_FY -- Must watch (Only 30 minutes)
Healing The Shame That Binds
You: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q2tZa1gp8Q&index=1&list=PL24D3A1D1F958D96A -- John
Bradshaw
Homecoming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmXGV65fRfs -- John Bradshaw (without having to read
Bradshaw’s books you can gain a good enough understanding from these videos)
The Family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PjAXINemG4 -- John Bradshaw
How Enlightened Families
Argue: https://www.facebook.com/KyleCeasePage/videos/10153182846153062/ -- Comedy Sketch, Pretty
funny
Gabor Mate -- Attachment, Disease, Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9cvEa5qFQc
Gabor Mate -- The Myth of "Normal": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_j5mmBa4mw
Elliot Hulse -- Bioenergetics for Social Confidence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pafdo1Pln5I
Brad Blanton -- Radical Honesty Workshop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lowfbt7LPGo [From 2:45 -
5:30] -- I think this is also a must watch. Can you imagine doing that?
Vimeo -- Bioenergetics Exercises: www.vimeo.com/bioenergetics/videos
Attachment, Neuroscience, Mindsight, Psychology -
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcMXijAGavM&list=PL4B5035ECF8A14AB3 -- Playlist of short videos
from Daniel Siegel
The Power of Vulnerability: www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o -- Brene Brown, Great TED talk

(8.2) Additional Links (Articles, Blogs, Posts)

Daniel Siegel's Wheel of Awareness Audio's: www.drdansiegel.com/resources/wheel_of_awareness/ -- Main
meditation technique taught in Mindsight
Fueling Your Energy And Good Emotions - Removing "Addiction" and "Crutches" - Adding that which "Supports"
You! -- www.rsdnation.com/node/520151 -- Tyler Post
Nathaniel Brandens's Website + Sentence Stems: www.nathanielbranden.com/sentence-completion-i -- Check
out the column on the left, a lot of good info
10 Steps of Processing An Emotion: http://pairadocks.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-
processing.html -- Helpful for those who have difficulty with self-acceptance and their emotions
Neuroscience Articles on Focusing, The Body and The Brain: www.focusing.co.uk/bodybrain.html -- Short
articles. Really interesting to read and give a good understanding
Focusing Website/Community: www.focusing.org/newcomers.htm -- Good info here on the basics, can find out
more about Focusing circles/communities to join
Short Wholebody Focusing Meditation: www.wholebodyfocusing.com/audio/short-taste-of-wholebody-
focusing.mp3 -- A short wholebody focusing grounding exercise, do when lying down
Good Four Series Articles: www.internet-of-the-mind.com/abandonment-issues.html -- On
Abandonment/Shame/Addiction/False Self/Development/True Self/Recovery by Don Carter
The Readers Letters: www.therawness.com/reader-letters-1-part-4/ -- Recommend reading as well, addresses
some of the issues that those with emotional problems fall into when getting into pickup, mainly geared
towards old school game (Mystery Method) but there is def a lot of good info there.
The Essence of Peopling: www.ribbonfarm.com/2015/04/08/the-essence-of-peopling/
Mindful Construct: http://mindfulconstruct.com/ -- Great blog of a girl talking about psychology, meditation
mindfulness
Progretarian's Blog: www.progretarian.wordpress.com/ -- Has a very nuanced understanding of the things
taught at RSD. Read everything. Favorite ones:
- https://progretarian.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/on-being-a-man-2015-edition/
- https://progretarian.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/you-be-queen-so-that-i-be-king/
- https://progretarian.wordpress.com/2014/11/17/vacation-from-nothingness/
- https://progretarian.wordpress.com/2014/01/16/common-themes/
- https://progretarian.wordpress.com/2014/02/08/the-killing-dynamic/

(9) Closing
There’s a societal importance for all of this. Both in passing this information on to others who may need it and
on to raising healthy children. Since many of us hadn't had the ideal upbringing, the best way to become a
good parent is to heal ones own wounds, develop healthy self-esteem and to learn healthy methods of
parenting.

When so many peoples happiness, relationships, life choices, goals, political views, identity, beliefs and health
issues are determined by their underlying issues -- Imagine a society with no mental and emotional issues -- no
violence, trauma, codependency, narcissism, low self-esteem or illness..... where people love and accept
themselves and others, are at a high level of consciousness and are thriving rather than coping..... How
awesome would that be?

Just look at the lives of those who have been through this, overcome their problems and come out of the other
end. Its honestly amazing.

If you've tried out any of this stuff too let me know about your experiences and if you have any questions write
them below!

Also shoutout to JFM, Holland, Rich~ and UtopiaFive on the forum, who first introduced me to this stuff. Much
love. [/]