To get some feedback from my Grade 10 students during my first year of teaching, I asked them to answer a

short teacher-evaluation questionnaire I had prepared. One question was "What do you like best about this
teacher?" An answer of note was "Her red shoes."

--Ellen West, Truro, N.S. (from Tales Out of School, 2000)

During one of my Grade 11 Canadian-law classes, our teacher told us we'd be visiting a correctional centre
to view our penal system firsthand. We thought this was an exceptional idea. One student, though, who had
been involved in some minor crime in the past, raised his hand. "We're just staying the afternoon, right?"

--Ryan England, Summerside, P.E.I. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

The Grade 8 girls at our school were experimenting with makeup by leaving imprints of their lips on the
bathroom mirrors. When the janitor objected to the extra cleaning, the principal took the girls to the
bathroom and had the janitor show them how he cleaned the mirrors. Raising his mop in the air, he thrust it
into a toilet, slapped the strands against the rim, then scrubbed the mirror. The lip-prints-on-the-mirror
problem was solved.

--Tara Olchowy,Port Coquitlam, B.C. (from Tales Out of School, 2000)

On the last day of our Grade 10 year, a few friends and I were standing together, proudly admiring our
certificates, which read "Grade X Honours with Distinction." One girl looked puzzled though. "Wait a
minute," she said. "Years from now when we look at these, how are we supposed to know what grade we got
them in if it says X?"

--D. Damaraju, Edmonton (from Tales Out of School, 2000)

One of my 16-year-old son's classmates had just received a new textbook. She sniffed it and said, "This
smells good."

My son took the book and exclaimed, "This smells just like my dad!"

I operate a printing press.

--Reg Giesbrecht, Rosenort, Man. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

Our daughter homeschools her six boys. During a two-day break the public schoolchildren were enjoying
because of a teachers conference, my grandson Caleb's friend called to ask if he'd join them in a game of
hockey.

Caleb told him he had to do schoolwork. "Don't you have a teachers conference?" his friend asked.

"The only teachers conference we get," Caleb replied, "is when our mom is on the telephone."

1
 --Ruth Hildebrandt, Saskatoon (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

The door of the science office at my high school opens outward, and a number of students have been
whacked by it. To prevent any more mishaps, one of the teachers stuck a warning on the door advising
people not to stand too close. There was also a comic strip attached showing a student being hit by a door
being opened.

One day I was pushing a cart into the hall and opened the door extra wide. To my horror the door struck a
student standing outside. After determining that she was all right, I asked why she was behind the door even
though the warning was there. "I was reading it," she replied.

--Shumila Kahn, Mississauga (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

The question on a test I had given to my Grade VIII students read: "Find x: x+17=32." On a technicality,
however, I had to mark one confused student's answer correct: He had found and carefully drawn a circle
around x.

--Donna Bell, Quesnel, B.C. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

For a French assignment, we had to read a French novel, write a report about the book and present it orally.
In class, our teacher chose one of my classmates, notorious for not doing assignments, to answer questions
about characters, places and descriptions. He had her convinced he had read all 400 pages of the novel until
he blew it -- by summing up his presentation with "...and that's how the movie ended."

--T. Webster, Niagara Falls, Ont. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

Our senior-high world-history class was separated from the adjoining classroom by just a folding partition.
One day our class was writing a gruelling exam while the neighbouring teacher was showing a documentary
video on World War I to his students. At its conclusion, he led a lively discussion on the topic.

As time wore on, the strain of the exam coupled with the next-door distraction began to wear on us. Finally,
one of my classmates muttered, "That man is going to be the last casualty of World War I."

--Fonda Lee, Calgary (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

After hearing the principal's announcement concerning the cost of the graduating-class fall dance, my
daughter's boyfriend asked if she'd like to go.
"Yes," she replied, "but it'll be expensive. It's $10 each." Her boyfriend looked puzzled, so she added, "Well,
the principal did say it cost $4 in advance and $6 at the door."

--Bill Wister, Woodstock, N.B. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

2
As a computer-science teacher, I am constantly lobbying for funding to buy hardware and software for my
school. At one meeting with the technology-purchases committee, I requested money for a virus-protection
program. "If you're so worried about viruses," one committee member replied, "why don't you just spray the
computers with disinfectant?"

--Stephen Fairbairn, Elkford, B.C. (from Tales Out of School, 1998)

I explained to my social-studies class the meaning of the Cabinet in a political sense, emphasizing that it
was not like the wooden structure at the back of the classroom. Later, reviewing the lesson, I asked what the
name of the group of advisers selected by the prime minister to help him govern was called.

"Shelves!" one student immediately replied.

--Wallace Rowsell, Stephenville, Nfld. (from Tales Out of School, 1998)

My friend Reg handed one student chef at the senior secondary-school cafeteria her assignment, a cake
recipe, to prepare for the noon meal and told her to double everything. Some time later he saw her standing
by the oven looking rather puzzled. He asked if he could help. "I doubled everything," she replied, "but I
can't figure out how to get the oven to 700°."

--Donna Kuehn, Surrey, B.C. (from Tales Out of School, 1998)

My younger sister rushed into my room one morning and asked if I had seen her deodorant. "I need it before
math class," she announced.

"Since when do you need deodorant before math?" I asked.

"Since we started geometry," she replied.

--Patricia Videla, North York, Ont. (from Tales Out of School, 1998)

The high-school student I was tutoring left a message on my answering machine, but I was puzzled when he
signed off with "Amen."

I forgot about it until he brought it up when we met. "I'm not used to having a conversation with someone
who doesn't answer back, except in prayer," he explained.

--Dianne Dachyshyn, Caronport, Sask. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

Our new English teacher asked me if I'd be kind enough to finish typing her Grade XI English exam. On
completion, I ran it through the computer's spellchecker. I was pleased I hadn't made any errors, but was
shocked to see how many she had made. I immediately corrected them. Only after I took the copy out of the
printer did I read one of the first questions: Find and correct the 12 spelling errors in the following
paragraph.
3
 --Betty Peter, Outlook, Sask. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

I stressed to my Grade XII class the need to present themselves positively in their letters of application for
employment. One of my students took my words to heart. Instead of the customary "Yours Truly" or
"Sincerely," he wrote "Eventually Yours."

--Leslie M. Walker, Stratford, Ont. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

At an out-of-town high school basketball tournament, one of our players handed his mom a running shoe
with the laces in a knotted mess. She worked on them for about 20 minutes, but couldn't straighten them out.
The coach came out of the locker room, took the shoe and in seconds had the laces untangled. "How did you
do that?" she asked him in disbelief. He laughed. "I taught kindergarten for five years."

--Sandi Toth, Didsbury, Alta. (from Tales Out of School, 1999)

Our school librarian, frustrated by students not returning books on time, placed a large grey pouch beside
the library door. A note in the school's daily announcements read: "All late books must be returned to the old
gray bag in the library." It was signed, Mrs. Gray.

--W. Carston, Calgary, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

I was puzzled by the fact that on our Grade IX math assignment, two questions, No. 5 and No. 3, seemed
identical. "What's the difference between five and three?" I asked one of my classmates.

He looked at me strangely. "Two," he answered.

--Nancy Chan, Winnipeg, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

My nephew, Tony, is a ship's captain in the British merchant navy. He discovered one day that his wife had
volunteered him to speak to a class of eight-year-olds who had just completed a two-month project on ships.

With some trepidation Tony faced the class and asked, "What does a ship's captain do?" Before he could
answer, a girl put up her hand and volunteered, "He goes down with his ship when it sinks."

--Pauline Martin, White Rock, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

On my birthday my class prepared a surprise for me. When I entered the darkened room, they all shouted
"Happy Birthday!" I sat on a specially decorated chair and watched as four students struggled in carrying a
large and apparently heavy box. Muscles straining, they heaved it onto my lap, proclaiming excitedly that it
was exactly what I wanted. The students gathered around me, and I opened my present.

"It's empty!" I exclaimed.

"No, it's not!" they objected. "It's filled with peace and quiet." And with that, they fell silent.
4
 --Joann Limoges, Edmonton, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

To ensure that information reached all students, the administration in our high school announced over the
public-address system: "Would any teacher in a room where the PA does not work, please contact the
office."

--Gordon Wetmore, Deux Montagnes, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

When the kindergarten student playing Joseph in the Christmas school concert forgot his lines, I prompted
him. "You've travelled a very long way, Joseph, and you're hot and tired. What do you think you'd say to the
inn-keeper?"

Joseph brightened up, wiped his brow and said, "Boy, do I need a drink!"

--Mary Roe, Carp, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

"Is there a ruler in the house?" my nine-year-old son asked while he was doing his math homework. I had an
old one I had used for my studies, and when I gave it to him, he examined it intently. "What do you find so
fascinating?" I asked.

"So this is what an inch looks like!" he exclaimed.

--Laura Hensen, London, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

While teaching a health lesson to my Grade VI class on the dangers of smoking, I was reminded of an old
riddle. "What do people love to give, but hate to receive?" I asked the class. I was surrounded by a sea of
puzzled faces, before Kim suggested, "Fruitcake."

--Craig MacDougall, Tillsonburg, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

My Grade IV class was discussing the three ways to use remainders when dividing. "If you have 33 eggs
and put six in a carton," I asked, "how many cartons would you need?" "Thirty-three divided by six equals
five, remainder three," replied a student. "You need five cartons."

"What would you do with the three left over?"I asked.

"Cook 'em," he answered.

--Jackie Ebbett-Boyd, Bath, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

In order to evaluate my own performance as the teacher of a high-school class, I asked my students to
complete a form I handed out.
5
In response to the question "Is the teacher fair in his evaluation of your efforts through the semester?" one
student's reply was: "No. Gives smarter students better marks."

--Marcus R. Burrowes, Sarnia, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

Taking great pains to be specific, the new auto-shop teacher on our staff explained to three of his students
that he wanted them to clean a car that was parked outside. He gave them two extension cords, the vacuum
cleaner, a bucket, rags and the car keys.

Later he went out and discovered them sitting in the car, feet up on the dashboard, listening to the stereo.
"Why aren't you vacuuming the car?" he asked.

"Because the extension cord wouldn't reach," was the reply.

Exasperated, the teacher stated, "That's why I gave you two."

"We tried the other one," a student said, "but it wouldn't reach either."

--Phyllis Dalgleish , Thunder Bay, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

The Grade VII class had been asked to give a two-minute speech on any subject they chose. When it was my
son's turn, he said his subject was Remembrance Day and proudly announced, "We will now have two
minutes of silence." He then took his seat.

--Bob Barnard, Cambridge, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

At my granddaughter's school, the lunch-hour rule is that the children must eat their main course first, before
dessert. One morning my daughter had to make Jade's lunch in a hurry: granola bar, cheese, raisins,
cantaloupe, orange, snack cake and a juice. Jade looked distressed, so her mother explained that her lunch
was nutritious, and she just didn't have time to make a sandwich. "But Mom," Jade cried, "what do I eat
first?"

--Susan Edwardson, St. Catharines, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

One Grade X student, after he had missed school, handed in a note from his mother. It read: "Please excuse
Martin for being absent for the past three days. He had the 24-hour flu."

--Gordon Wetmore, Deux Montagnes, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

My husband was waiting to meet our daughter, Erin, and her best friend, Jerilyn, when they returned from a
field trip to the woods. As the girls approached, he commented on all the sap and needles stuck in Erin's
long hair. "Yes," Jerilyn quipped, "Erin's been sprucing up her hair."

--B. L. Olmstead, Rocky Mountain House, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)
6
The Grade II daughter of a co-worker of mine often reads books that are meant for older children. Her
mother wondered if she actually understood these books, so she read half of one herself and then asked her
daughter what it was about. Pleased by the well-informed response, she handed the book back

. The next day after school, the child returned home and proudly presented the book to her mother. "It was
due today," she said, "but I told the librarian you hadn't finished reading it and asked if I could keep it for
another week."

--W. Pacan, Kitchener, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

The door of the high-school administration office where I worked had a small, round hole in it large enough
for late-departing staff to deposit keys.

For Easter, the student council decided it would be a good spot for one of the chocolate eggs they were
hiding. At recess, an observant junior student saw the egg and tried to reach it with her finger. A sharp-witted
freshman on the office side of the door offered her a helping hand. "Push it through," he suggested. She did,
and he caught it. "Thank you," he smiled, as he popped the egg into his mouth.

--Elizabeth Kremmel , Montreal, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

Frequently I'm told how much I resemble Abraham Lincoln. Once, I was downtown waiting for the "walk"
signal on the traffic light. A couple of teenage girls standing beside me suddenly greeted me by name.
Surprised, I said: "I don't know you. How is it that you know my name?"

"Your son, Aaron, is at Queen Elizabeth High School?" one asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Well, Aaron says his father looks more like Abraham Lincoln than Lincoln does. So you must be Aaron's
dad."

--Bruce R. Roper, Calgary, Canada (from Tales Out of School, 1997)

My son Bruce became very attached to one of the other youngsters in his class, but when the two of them
worked together on a project, they usually created havoc. One day after school, Bruce happily told me his
teacher said he and his classmate were "peachy." I was sceptical, but hopeful.

When I saw Bruce's teacher the next day, I asked her about her comment. She looked at me quizzically for a
second and then with a little sigh replied, "I probably said they were quite a pair!"

--Rose Balitski (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

7
During the last day of school, I explained to my Grade III class that I would be teaching Grade IV the next
year. One of the boys, in an attempt to understand if I would still be the assistant principal, asked, "Will you
still be the persistent principal?"

--Dan Hoch (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

While introducing the concept of feudalism to my Grade VI class, I asked if anyone knew what the word
peon meant. After a lengthy pause, a student suggested, "A fire hydrant?"

--Drinda Wilson (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

For homework my son was to write a story about Jesus. As he leafed through the Bible for inspiration, he
asked me if I could recite the Ten Commandments. Before I had a chance to answer, my nine-year-old
daughter replied: "I know. They are: go-bye; away to me; walk up; there; get out; lie down; that will do; and
load up,"--the commands my husband uses while working our Border collies with the sheep.

--Brenda Thiller (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

My Grade VI class was assigned a list of spelling words to be used in sentences. Paul, known for his precise
and unadorned writing style, submitted this sentence for the word considerate: "Considerate done."

-- Terry Gullage (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Early in my Grade I class, the children are introduced to the idea of currency. As an aid, I had set up a
"store" with a price tag on each item. One child examined everything very closely before he looked at me
and asked, "do your prices include G.S.T.?"

--Susan Wilmot (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

Despite his mother's urgings to hurry, my grandnephew Danny informed her that he was 14 years old and
perfectly capable of being on time for his first day of high school. Just as he went out the door, however, his
bus sailed by. He sheepishly returned to ask his mom for a ride. She paraphrased the words he had spoken
minutes before: At 14 he shouldn't have any problems getting to school on his own.

Danny got the next bus, but just missed the connecting one. As he stood watching its taillights disappear, he
groaned aloud, "Oh, God, please don't let me be late for my first day of high school." At that moment a car
pulled up to the curb and Danny's minister offered him a lift.

That afternoon, when he told his mom what had happened, Danny concluded, "There really is a God, and
boy, does He ever work fast!"

--Muriel Battaglia (from Tales Out of School, 1993)

8
On our first day of school, I told my combined class of Grade I and II students to answer either "here" or
"present" when I called their names. The first boy on my list answered, "I'm here, but I didn't bring a
present."

--Lorrene Kopetsky (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

At a parent-information night held at our high school, one parent in the audience raised his hand. "I haven't
heard one word about history tonight," he lamented. "Has history become a thing of the past?"

--Jody Madden (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

When my daughter Carla began Grade I, her homeroom teacher, on an exchange program from England, had
a thick accent. At the end of the day, the teacher stood by the door and said, "Cheerio, class!"

Carla wondered why she was using that word. The next day after school, she excitedly told me, "Today
when the teacher said, 'Cheerio, Carla,' I said, 'And Fruit Loops to you.'"

--Hilda Urbanowich (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Looking rather forlorn, my eight-year-old son arrived home from his first day of the new school year. After
assuring me that he liked his teacher and that his best friends were still in his class, he came to the reason for
his dejection. "It's just that the other Grade III class has the cute chicks."

My older son looked up from his magazine and, seeing the startled expression on my face, said, "Think
feathers, Mom."

--Grayce Rogers (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

My daughter's teacher was explaining the freezing process to his Grade IX class and mentioned that his
grandmother, a few days before, had told him she beat frost by watering her vegetables just before nightfall.
One of his students looked at him. "I don't believe it!" she exclaimed.

Ready to defend the technique, he asked her what she didn't believe.

"That your grandmother's still alive," the astonished girl replied.

--Eunice Kondro (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

I tore a muscle in my leg while teaching a Grade I gym class. The pain was intense. Standing on my other
leg, holding on to the wall for support, I asked one of the children to go to the office and get the principal or
the secretary.

9
Within minutes the secretary came running into the gym asking if one of the children was hurt. Through
gritted teeth, I explained the problem and asked her to find someone to supervise the class. She started to
leave, paused, then turned around. "Do you want me to call your mother so she can pick you up?"

--Claude Labelle (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

Wolf, my exchange teaching assistant from Germany, was helping fit costumes on our fourth graders to get
them ready for a theatrical presentation on extinct animals. One pupil, unhappy with our attempts to present
him as a great auk, complained that we'd never be able to make him look like that "big bird." Wolf, without
hesitation, replied in his most sinister accent, "Ve haff vays uf making you auk."

--Barbara Levy (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

The students in my Grade V-VI class were preparing for an upcoming test on the provinces and their capital
cities. At the same time, they were working on individual research projects tracing their ancestors and
heritage. One student must have let both topics collide while describing how he came into the world. He
wrote: "A long time ago when my mom lived in Calgary she had to go into hospital. Then she went into
Labrador, and the next thing she knew, I, David, was born."

-- Ric Vernon (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Our 14-year-old daughter, Meredith, was enjoying a week at a girls' camp. There was considerable
excitement when some older boys arrived to assist with rope climbing. One especially good- looking boy
was assigned to catch the girls as they swung down from a perch. When it was Meredith's turn, the boy
recognized her surname and asked, "Does your father teach Grade XII math?" When she said yes, the boy
told her he had failed the course.

Meredith gazed down at the ground below, looked at the boy and asked hesitantly, "Are you still going to
catch me?"

--F. Wayne Harrigan (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

As part of our All Saints' Day celebration in the Catholic school where I teach Grade V, I take my class to
the local cemetery in our small community in British Columbia. The children are encouraged to bring
flowers to put on a loved one's grave.

One year a student brought flowers to remember his uncle, but we couldn't find his uncle's grave.

The next day the boy arrived at school and told me he had found out where his uncle was buried: Saskatoon.

--Wendy L. De Groot (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

Students who arrive late for school must sign in at the office and pick up a late slip. The excuses can be
rather creative, but this one should win an award: "Policeman in front of us."
10
 --Wayne Sawatzky (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

While my Grade VII class was answering questions from our text, I noticed a boy half asleep in the back. I
asked him to answer the next question. Not knowing which one we were on, 2-a or 2- b, he asked: "2-b or
not 2-b? Which is the question?"

--Susan Cooley (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

My son, who was in Grade X, reminded me one day that he had only one more year to go before he'd
graduate from high school. We were living in Quebec then, and the high-school program ended at Grade XI.
A couple of days later, my husband informed us he was being transferred to British Columbia.

David completed Grade X and XI in Vancouver, but high school there went to Grade XII, so he still had
another year to go. That summer my husband was given a promotion, and we moved to Toronto.

In Ontario at that time, school completion was Grade XIII. Needless to say, David was not too thrilled about
one more year. I went into the kitchen one day just as he, rather sheepishly, hung up the phone. He had just
called the board of education to ask if there were any provinces in Canada that had a Grade XIV.

--Shirley Robbie (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

As a homeroom teacher, I record the lock combinations for the students' lockers. I needed one last
combination to complete the list for my class, but that student couldn't remember the last digit in his
number. He said the information was on the back of his lock, which was on his locker. I told him that wasn't
a good place for it; anyone could access the combination and get into his locker.

There was nothing to steal, he blithely informed me before he went to check the combination. He returned
looking sheepish. His lock had been stolen.

--Sharon McRae (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

As part of a social-studies project, I had the municipal engineer come to my class to talk about our town's
water system. He gave a brief outline of what's involved in supplying us with clean, pure water. Then, to see
if the children understood the process, he asked them to write a sentence about the town's water supply. One
student asked him, "Do you spell waterworks as one word or with a hydrant?"

--Robert C. Parsons (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Another teacher and I had the same surname--Smith. To differentiate between us, we were addressed as Ms.
S. Smith and Ms. P. Smith. I needed to talk with the other Ms. Smith one day, and I saw her heading out the
far door of the office. I followed, but when I got to the hall, she was nowhere to be seen. I asked a student if
he had seen Ms. Smith. "Which one?" he asked.

--Paula Smith (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

11
At a school district workshop on discipline, the keynote speaker was trying to drive home a point about rule
breaking. "Let's face it," he challenged, "who in here can honestly say he's never broken a speed limit?"

A hand shot up, and the audience broke out in laughter. So did the speaker when he noticed the teacher's
seeing-eye dog resting on the floor beside him.

--Michelle Miller (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Just after he started teaching, my husband had a particularly difficult group of Grade VII students who loved
to make his life miserable. We never realized how much attention our four-year-old son paid to his father's
complaints about the class until one day, in a temper, he called his dad the worst name he could think of:
"You Grade VII!"

--Maureen Richardson (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

When my eight-year-old daughter learned she would be leaving her Catholic school to go to a public school,
she was sad about losing her friends and concerned about embarking on a new path. As I answered her
questions about some of the changes she could expect, I told her she wouldn't have religion classes or prayer
time in the new school.

Thinking about this for a minute, she asked, "Dad, if they don't talk about God and Jesus at my new school,
do I still have to be good?"

--L. A. Davis (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

As we drove to the store, I quizzed my seven-year-old son, Chris, on plural and singular forms of nouns. He
correctly answered "children" for "child," "men" for "man," and "mice" for "mouse." When we were delayed
by construction on the road, I asked Chris how he'd describe more than one car, just like the ones in front of
us. "Cars," he said.

"Very good," I replied.

"It's not cars," corrected his five-year-old cousin, Jaimi, from the backseat. "It's traffic."

--Elvie Ramos (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Karen, my daughter, and her friend Sheila learned sign language while attending high school. During a band
class, while the leader was busy, several students were chatting noisily. On opposite sides of the room,
Karen and Sheila were signing to each other. Suddenly the band leader looked up. "Karen and Sheila, be
quiet!"

--Lorrie Murray (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

12
Often my Uncle Erwin's students finish their assignments at the last minute. On one occasion when a
research paper was due, a student came to him at the beginning of class. "I just wanted to let you know that
you'll be getting my research paper later today," he explained. "My mom is faxing it from her office."

--Lisa Woelk (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

Some years ago a Regina school was named after Ruth Pawson, a popular educator. She took a very
personal interest in the school and was a frequent and welcome visitor, and the students looked forward to
her visits with great anticipation.

One day a group of Grade II children were playing on their street and were enthusiastically discussing Miss
Pawson's upcoming visit. One of their playmates, who did not attend Ruth Pawson School, got fed up with
all the ballyhoo and stomped off home. Her mother asked her what was wrong. "I'd just like to know," she
demanded, "when Saint Greg is coming to our school."

--Linda Ford (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

One of our teaching staff, upon her return to school after her marriage to Mr. Fink, was asked what name
she'd like on her door. "Fink'll do," she replied.

The next day her nameplate was installed: Mrs. Finkledoo.

--Linda Ford (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

My husband was presenting to teachers on his staff an after-school workshop on "Hazardous Materials in the
Workplace" and asked me if I'd drop off some baked goods to be served with coffee. As I arranged the plates
on the table, I was dismayed to see the sign he had placed beside them, until I noticed the spelling. It read
"Hazardous Waist Material. Please help yourself."

--Judy Schultz (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

My colleague's kindergarten class was going for a walk, and each child was asked to pair with a buddy. One
young girl quickly grabbed the hand of a bashful young fellow. He looked at her in dismay and immediately
withdrew from her grasp. The son of a Ford dealer in our small Manitoba community, he exclaimed: "Oh,
Shelly, I can't marry you. Your dad's a Chev man!"

--Irene Kehler (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

The principal of our local three-room school had been ill for several weeks, and the school board had hired a
substitute teacher in the interim. When exam time approached, the principal returned to school part time just
to set the exam papers.

That week our local newspaper printed this notice: "Mr. Martin is back at school, but we are sorry to say that
he still can't teach."
13
 --Elva Madison (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Each morning my class started with an enthusiastic rendition of "O Canada!" One day the singing sounded
awful. I stopped the class and told them I knew they could do better. We started again. It still sounded
terrible, and I stopped them a second time. "What is the matter?" I asked.

"We're singing 'O Canada!'" a quiet voice from the front of the room explained. "You're singing 'God save
the Queen.'"

--Derrel E. Hudson (from Tales Out of School, 1994)

A teaching job that sounded interesting came up in northern Ontario, and my husband called about it from
our home in Toronto. After arranging to meet the principal at the school, Richard was given the most basic
of directions. "Just drive 350 miles up Yonge Street."

--Cristi Reilly (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest of whom, Brian, had just started school. A teacher commented
to Brian that she couldn't believe he was already in Grade I and asked what his mother did all day now that
the three boys were in school. "Cartwheels," Brian answered.

--Cindy Benedictson (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

I teach dependants of military personnel at an international school in the Netherlands, and my Grade III
class comprised Canadian, American, British and Danish students. Because of our school's location near the
Dutch-German border, pupils travelled from both countries.

I had assigned my students a project on the Vikings, which I told them I'd mark out of 100--their first graded
project. I explained that their title page would be worth 25 marks, information, 25 marks, and so on.

Attached to one of the completed assignments from a student who lived in Germany was a letter from his
mother: "When Andrew was finished, he asked me if Mrs. Dew was going to give him his money now. I was
perplexed until he said, 'You know, Mom, the 25, 15 stuff?' Then it dawned on me. He thought you meant
deutsche marks."

--Cheryl Dew (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

My Grade XII physics teacher was asked to explain velocity again and again. One girl was having a terrible
time and asked him to clarify a certain part of the problem. He did. Still confused, she asked him to go
through the formulas and calculations again.

After the chalkboard was covered, the teacher pointed to the final line of the massive equation and asked the
student, "So, if you work out this line, what do you get?"

14
The girl thought for a moment and then replied triumphantly, "A nice happy feeling inside!"

--Brenda Fine (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Having collected the completed registration papers from my Grade IX class in Milford, N.S., I was surprised
to note that one fellow hadn't written the day on his day-month-year birth-date line, and even more so when
he said he didn't know what it was. I asked him to find out. Two days later he had an answer for me. "Mom
isn't sure, but she thinks it was a Tuesday."

--Bob Purcell (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

I teach in an Inuit community on Baffin Island and work with eight- and nine-year-olds who speak Inuktitut.
It was their first year of English, and during a class on Canada, I introduced the word Canadian. At the end
of the lesson, I asked, "Who here is a Canadian?" Everyone raised his hand except for three boys who
looked very unsure. "Are you Canadians?" I asked.

"No," one of them replied. "I'm a Toronto Maple Leaf."

--Barbara Young (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

As the secretary at our elementary school in Jasper, Alta., I handled most telephone calls. One day I advised
the parent on the line that the teacher she wanted to speak to was busy but I'd take a message and have her
call back. "Is she really busy," the caller asked, "or just teaching?"

--Audrey I. MacDowell (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Younger students are often bewildered and sometimes angry when they find a stranger in place of their
favourite teacher. So I was surprised when one day, working as a substitute teacher, I was greeted during
activity time by a youngster "floating" past me in his "space suit." "Gee, you're pretty," he stated boldly.

I replied with an enthusiastic, "Thank you!"

"I want to hug you," he said, very naturally. All the no-touch rules flashed before me as I bent down for a
hug. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "You smell good too!" With that he floated back to his space
station and fellow astronauts, oblivious to how he had sent my spirit soaring into orbit too.

--Audrey Armitage (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

After many years of staying home to raise a family, my mother was nervous about her job interview for the
position of librarian at our high school. During the interview the principal asked her if she read. Since six
children didn't leave her much spare time, she reluctantly admitted, "No." However, thinking this might
hinder her chances, she quickly added, "but I can!" She got the job.

--Annette Gallant (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

15
My daughter, Kelly, was in Grade X and trying to balance her schoolwork, her active sports life and her
commitment to the school band. She had an important basketball game at 6:00 p.m. one night, and when I
came home at 4:00, she was just taking her sax out of the case to practise. I told her she couldn't practise
now. She looked confused and asked why.

"No sax before a big game," I explained.

-- Richard Mowrey (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

A woman in the store seemed to be watching and following my friend Diane. Finally the woman approached
Diane and asked: "Would you mind telling me where you got your sweatshirt? I'm a Grade II teacher and
would love to have one like it." The front of Diane's sweatshirt proclaimed SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED.

--Theda L. Olson (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

After a long winter fraught with colds and other viruses, we teachers approached March break with
trepidation, praying that we'd remain healthy enough to enjoy it. One colleague was seen sitting on an
uncomfortably high stool with her students seated on the floor at her feet. Asked why she was seated in that
manner, she replied in a weary voice, "I'm sitting above the cough line."

--Ruth Thomas (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When my eldest daughter went on a trip to Quebec with other students from her school on Prince Edward
Island ten years ago, she brought back an enormous bottle of holy water from the shrine at Ste. Anne de
Beaupré. "Mom will love it," she had told Sister Perry, their chaperone.

This year when my youngest daughter returned from her school trip to Quebec, she brought me back a large
bottle of wine. And I wondered what their chaperone thought may have happened to me in the intervening
years. "Mom is just going to love this," she had told Sister Perry.

--Pauline Cusack (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

One boy in my Grade III-IV class said something inappropriate, and I glanced at him. Seeing my look he
muttered, "Oh, sorry," and went back to his task. A moment later I felt a tug on my sleeve. A girl who had
noticed the interaction looked puzzled and asked, "How do moms and teachers do that look?"

--M. Conaty (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

At my son's graduation ceremony, the award for perfect attendance through five years of high school was
announced. Three names were called as recipients of the award. After a few moments, the titters from the
audience developed into a crescendo of laughter. Not one of the three winners was present!

--Maureen Campbell (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

16
A fussy eater, my ten-year-old asked me to buy multigrain bread. Pleased that he wanted such a healthy
food, I bought a loaf while shopping one day. The next morning as I made his sandwich for school, I told
him I was happy he liked multigrain bread. "I don't," he said. "But the kid I give my sandwiches to does."

--Marny J. Morin (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Parent-teacher interviews had begun, and as it was my first year as a teacher, I was under a lot of stress. By
4:15 that afternoon, exhausted, I glanced at the door to see if there were many people yet to be seen and
realized that my mother was standing next in line. I hurriedly finished the interview, then ushered her in.
When she sat down, I asked: "Mom, why are you here? Is everything all right?"

"I came to see you," she replied.

"But you're not supposed to be here," I said.

"Why not?" she asked with a smile. "I'm a parent. You're a teacher. Do you need a coffee?"

--Kelly Darrer (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

I had a hard Grade VIII class to teach, and often I'd share the trials and tribulations of the day with my
husband and three-year-old son, Stephen. One morning as I left the house in full cowboy dress, carrying toy
guns and bow and arrows for the upcoming Western Day, Stephen leaned over to his dad and remarked,
"She sure means business today!"

--Joyce Uhrbach (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Graduation Day for my son, Mark, was approaching, and I was worried about where the money would come
from to cover the expenses. I breathed a sigh of relief once his tuxedo, limo, cruise, dinner and dance were
covered, and secretly felt relieved that he was going unaccompanied. But then he announced he had a date.

Concerned that I wouldn't be able to afford the extra expense, I said: "Oh, Mark. How much more is that
going to cost?"

"Hardly anything, Mom," he happily announced. "You just have to buy a croissant."

--Janine A. Green (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

In my daughter's Grade XI chemistry class, the teacher asked a student to answer a difficult problem. He
thought for a moment and then said: "I don't know, sir. What do you think?"

"I don't think," the teacher replied. "I know."

"Well, sir, I don't think I know either," said the student.

17
 --Gayl Sarbit (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

On a succession of afternoons in the beautiful Rocky Mountain Foothills in Alberta, I drove my school bus
from the west and watched another school bus approach from the east. But just before we met, the other
driver would always pull into a farmyard. One day I thought of an old refrain, and using the two-way radios
we had, I quoted, "'East is east, and west is west, and never the twain shall meet.'"

Immediately the other driver shot back: "Dis is a bus! Dis is not a twain!"

--E. M. Madsen (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

While I was attending university, I spent three summers as an air-force flight cadet. In my final year, I taught
a class in supply procurement, and a student would always clean off the blackboard after it was covered with
notes.

When I started teaching at a Manitoba high school, I eventually gave up trying to get one of my students to
help in the same way.

One day I stayed after class and filled the entire blackboard with complicated chemical equations and notes,
ready for the next day's lesson. I arrived in the morning to a beaming Grade IX class and spotlessly clean
blackboards.

--Dianne McFadzean (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Kerry, my eight-year-old stepson, was struggling with his arithmetic homework when his older brother
Kevin strolled by. Looking over Kerry's shoulder, Kevin said, "Oh, I see you're doing problems."

A look of disgust passed across Kerry's face. "No, I'm not doing problems," he replied. "I'm having
problems."

--Diane Hartley (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

My friend's daughter asked if she could interview me for a school project. She had to prepare a paper on
someone whose career she might be considering for the future, and as a minister, I was pleased that I had
influenced her in such a positive fashion. "Are you considering entering the ministry someday?" I asked.

"Actually, no," she replied. "It's just that I don't know any marine biologists."

--Brian Jasper (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

Since my 12-year-old daughter, Kate, and 13-year-old son seldom showed interest in things from the '70s, I
was curious as to why they were watching something from that era on TV. "We're starting to study Greece at
school," Kate told me, "and my girlfriend just called and said this show was about it." I was pleased, but

18
puzzled by what I was actually seeing. It was about ten minutes before I realised they were watching the
movie Grease.

--Bob Redmore (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

My Grade XII class was reviewing Macbeth, and part of the lesson had been devoted to understanding what
a soliloquy was and why it was used. One student volunteered: "It's a speech directed to the audience as if
the other characters on stage weren't there. It's often delivered in a quiet but intense voice."

When I asked why speeches were delivered that way, another student offered, "So they won't wake up
anyone in the audience who's fallen asleep."

-- Neil Macknish (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

"There are two types of cells," explained our Grade XIII biology teacher. "If the body cells are called
somatic cells, what do you suppose the cells are called that are involved in reproduction?"

A voice called out, "Romantic cells?"

-- Meera Srinivasan (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Home from her first day of school, my five-year-old daughter announced excitedly that she had made a new
friend. "And guess what? Her mom is a French teacher just like you." Before I could comment, she paid my
profession a great compliment when she continued, "But her dad is just a doctor."

-- Joanne Duguay (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When I transferred to a new school as principal, I continued a program I had often conducted: Chicken eggs
were placed in an incubator, and the children, with the aid of lights, viewed the embryos, watched them
hatch and then cared for the chicks. On the last day the chicks were to be at the school, I carried a fluffy
little bird to the Grade I classroom and let each child touch it. One boy, caressing the chick, whispered to
me, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a principal."

Surprised, I asked, "Why would you want to be a principal?"

"I want to hatch chickens," he answered.

-- G. A. Leveque (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

On a Friday my husband, Hugh, spotted a mouse in the office of the two-room Hutterite colony school
where he teaches. On the Monday some of his students brought a cat to school and asked for permission to
set it on the mouse's trail. Suddenly a boy called out, "Mr. Smith, there's the mouse!" All eyes followed his
extended finger to a cabinet shelf, where the mouse sat looking out from the confines of a glass carafe.

When Hugh related the story to me, I asked if the students had been excited. "Certainly," he responded. "We
had a penned pest in a teapot."
19
 -- Elizabeth Polushin (from Tales Out of School, 1995)

After returning from a business trip to Russia, I showed my 15-year-old daughter my photos, including those
of Lenin's Tomb. A few days later, she asked if she could take the pictures to school. I was so pleased she
was showing an interest in history that I offered to accompany her with my other mementos and pictures.
"Oh, no,"she replied. "I just have to prove that you really saw John Lennon's tomb."

-- Dawn Walker (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When I was in Grade XI, my family moved to the country from Toronto. Although my new school's ethnic
makeup was very different from the multicultural atmosphere I was used to, I thought I fit in quite well. One
day, however, I was surprised when a student remarked that I had an accent and asked, "Are you an
exchange student?"

"Yes," I replied, "I'm from the city."

--Stephen Jehlicka (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

A policeman had just finished his presentation to my young students on "safe strangers." To test the children
on what they had absorbed, he showed them photographs of adults in different situations and asked, "Is this
a safe stranger?"

In response to the photo of the policeman beside his squad car, they chorused, "Yes!" To the elderly lady,
they shouted, "No!" To the man beside a white truck, they yelled, "No!"--except for one youngster. He
insisted, "Yes!" The policeman repeated his instructions and asked the child again if he'd go with the man
beside the truck. "Yes!" he insisted.

"But why would you go with him when you wouldn't go with the others?" the policeman asked.

"Because he's my dad," the boy replied.

--Shelley Goodman (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

The day the students in the school I attended were given time off because of parent-teacher interviews, I
decided to visit my girlfriend. Friends of her family arrived while I was there and asked why we weren't in
school. Before I could explain, my girlfriend's eight-year-old sister said, "The teachers had to work."

--Scott MacDonald (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

The children I teach have to have a change of clothes for gym class. But one day during gym, I noticed an
eight-year-old girl wearing a T-shirt I thought I had seen her wearing in an earlier class. I asked her why she
hadn't changed.

20
Before she could answer, her best friend chimed in indignantly: "Yes, Suzy has changed! That's my T-shirt,
and I'm wearing hers!"

--Rachel Murray (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

During an adult writing class, one of the students asked what the word oxymoron meant. The teacher put the
question to the class, and a classmate offered, "It means a contradiction in terms, like 'postal service.'"

--Neil Campbell (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When I asked my Grade V music class to name the groups of instruments of the orchestra, one pupil listed
strings, woodwinds, brass and persecution instruments.

--Monique Chiasson (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

At the elementary school where I am the principal, Grade VI students help out in the office during lunch
hour. Since I was going to accompany a class walking over to the local swimming pool, I told the helpers
that "if the superintendent phones, tell her I'll be at the pool all afternoon."

When I returned to my office, I found the note the students had written and which they had repeated to the
superintendent: "The principal will be at the Pool Hall all afternoon."

--Michael Belecky (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When some pupils began leaving their garbage in the school yard, the principal decided it was time to have a
little talk. In one classroom the students rose in their seats to gaze out the window in the direction he
pointed. Flapping against the fence were discarded juice boxes, an old scribbler, plastic grocery bags, a
mitten. "Who do you think," the principal asked, "is responsible for all this?"

One lad promptly waved his hand. "Well, you see, it's the prevailing winds."

--Marjorie Robertson (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

After teaching for many years in Northern Alberta, my sister, who was well known and had received an
award as one of the top teachers in the province, decided to retire. The local newspaper sent a reporter to
interview and photograph her.

She was shopping a few days after the story appeared when a young boy ran up to her. "I know you! You're
the teacher who just gave up!"

--Leona Gronemeyer (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

21
One of my duties as a special-education teacher is teaching students study and test-taking skills. On one
occasion I had helped a boy prepare for his final exam in health. When I saw him in the hall after the exam
was over, I asked how it had gone. "I knew all the answers, Miss," he replied. "I just didn't know which
questions they went with."

--Laurie Laing (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

For weeks my class had been getting ready for the annual social-studies fair. I had taught them how to set up
their projects and how to make bread-dough figurines for their displays. When the big day arrived, all but
one student, Bradley, set up their projects. Before I had a chance to question him, I was called away to the
phone.

"I'm Bradley's father," the caller said. "I'm calling to say that his social-studies project will be a day late." He
hoped Bradley wouldn't lose marks because of the delay.

The night before, the father explained, he arrived home late and spotted the bread-dough figures in the
kitchen. Mistaking them for miniature gingerbread men, he had eaten them.

--Kevin C. Shilling (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

My Grade VII teacher told the class that we'd be taking government tests this year. The fellow beside me
groaned. "Oh, no. Those are probably going to be impossible."

"No, they aren't," I told him.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," I continued. "The answer to every question is just 'No comment.'"

--Kenneth L. McRae (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Occasionally I'm a substitute teacher for a senior-high-school class in a subject about which I know nothing.
One day I listened to a long, detailed physics question. After a heartfelt sigh, the student concluded by
saying, "And I don't know what to do." She looked directly at me, paused and then, obviously reading my
expression, added, "And apparently you don't either."

--Kathleen Askevold (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

My daughter was excited that it was my birthday, and she wanted to share it with her class for show-and-tell.
She asked how old I was. I told her I was 33 but that she didn't have to tell her class my age.

That evening I asked her how her day went. She assured me that she hadn't told her class that I was 33. She
told them I was 35.

--Joyce Biccum (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

22
My wife, Kerri, a Grade VI teacher, had been keeping a few students after school for math tutoring. But on
the Friday before a long weekend, she let them leave with the other students. One boy, however, was still
sitting at his desk after the others had gone, and Kerri asked him why he was still there. "I'm waiting for
math torturing," he replied.

--Jerry Nutbrown (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

On the first day of school, the teacher exclaimed to my twin six-year-old granddaughters, "Goodness, Jenna
and Joy, how am I going to know you one from the other?"

"That won't be hard," Joy said. "Mom says my hair is more manageable than Jenna's."

--Jaye Highet (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Our high school was having a problem with unauthorised visitors roaming the halls. To remedy the situation,
the principal issued a message to all students: "Any student wishing to have a visitor in the school must first
obtain a visitor's pass from the office. No visitor's passes will be issued."

--Gordon Wetmore (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Our first child, a daughter, was born during a week when I was busy preparing report cards. I attended her
birth and went back later to visit. As I looked through the nursery glass, I was proud to find an A+ beside her
name on the bassinet. I told my wife she must have done very well to get an A+. After being momentarily
puzzled, she smiled and explained: "That's my blood type, dear. 'A positive'!"

--Gerard Jong (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

Bruce, my nephew, was excited about beginning Grade VII, starting phys-ed classes and having his own
locker. Deodorant was one of the requirements listed by the phys-ed teacher, and Bruce's mother, knowing
he had never used it before, asked, "Now you know where it goes, don't you?"

"Of course," Bruce replied, "on my locker shelf."

--Eunice Barthel (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

As a teacher of French as a second language, I am constantly reading stories, singing, reciting poems and
giving instructions to expose my students to its rhythm and flow. Consequently my voice often becomes
hoarse. When a training session was offered to teachers to help strengthen and tone our vocal chords, I
enrolled. I went for the training on the appointed day and learned that it was cancelled. The instructor had
laryngitis.

--Donna Bertrand (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

23
At the home-and-school meeting, the principal expressed concern that some of the notes to parents from the
office were not making it from school to home. To illustrate his point, he related an incident that had
happened a few days earlier. He'd been in the hall, giving a note to a young student. The boy's older brother
happened by and cried out: "Don't give that to him! He gives everything to Mom."

--Dennis Nickel (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When my son, Luke, arrived home, I noticed his school bag was covered with ground-in mud. "What did
you do? Throw it into a mud puddle?" I asked.

"No, Mom," he protested. "Steve used it for third base."

--Debbie Pell (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

My Grade X science teacher was getting ready to conduct an experiment showing chlorophyll in plants, and
it required the use of a watch to time it. The teacher asked for a volunteer for this task, and a hand quickly
shot up. As my classmate got up, the teacher asked if her watch had a second hand. "Yes," she replied. "And
it even has a third hand."

--Cameron Dowling (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

In preparation for the First of July celebrations, my daughter was teaching her Grade III class some
important facts about our country. She played a few bars of the National Anthem and asked who could name
the song. One boy's hand shot up, and he shouted: "I know, teacher. That's the hockey song."

--A. Fleming (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

One question on the health test instructed, "Describe the spinal column."

A keen student of mine answered: "The spinal column is a long string of bones. The head sits on the top, and
you sit on the bottom."

--Arden Reimer (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

My Grade X literature class was discussing the implications of a scientist's statement that a free fish can
only see the struggles of a hooked fish but cannot know why it contorts and twists.

When I noticed the class outdoorsman wasn't paying attention, I asked him what he thought about that
statement. Without hesitation, he replied: "Who cares what the free fish thinks. I want to know what kind of
lure was used to catch the hooked one."

--Anthony Oucharek (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

24
Glengarry County in eastern Ontario is renowned for its Scottish heritage. At the school where I teach, I
have colleagues named MacDonald, MacKinnon, MacKenzie, MacDonell, MacDougall, McAllister. It was
inevitable, then, that as I walked down the hall to class one day, a youngster cheerily greeted me with,
"Good morning, Mrs. MacTuppert."

--Anne Tuppert (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

I was helping out with registration at the high school for adults where I teach. A man came in to register for
courses that semester. "Are you a new student to this school or have you been here before?" I asked.

"I'm a returning student," he answered.

"So you were here last semester?" I asked.

"Oh, no," he said, confused. "I was here this morning."

--Annabel Buckley (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

One little girl in my wife's Grade I class appeared to be on the verge of tears. Sherren took her aside and
asked what was wrong. "My mommy is allergic to my new kitten," the girl said.

"Oh, that's too bad," sympathized Sherren. "Will you have to give her away?"

"No," the child sobbed. "Daddy says the kitty has to go."

--Alfred Morrison (from Tales Out of School, 1996)

When my six-year-old son returned from school where he had had country dance lessons that day, he told
his grandmother about it. He concluded, "The boys turned to their partner and bowed, and the girls turned to
the boys and cursed."

--P. Shaun Brownell, Dartmouth, N.S. (from Reader Contributions, 1999)

I took Spanish lessons every day while my husband and I lived in Argentina. After a month, my tutor
encouraged me to "speak to the shop clerks, the maid. Speak to everyone and practise, practise."

A few days later my husband and I went out for dinner. I studied the menu carefully, and in a confident
manner gave the waiter my order in Spanish. His eyes widened ever so slightly. "Señora, I believe you want
onions in your salad, not horses."

--Hazel Boone, Kelowna, B.C. (from Reader Contributions, 1999)

I asked my uncle, who plays the piano well, if he'd assess the tone of a second-hand piano I was hoping to
buy. We arrived at the house and Uncle Frank looked the piano over, then sat down and played a mixture of
25
honky-tonk numbers and classical pieces. When he finished, we told the family we'd call them in 15
minutes.

Outside, Uncle Frank said that although the wood was battered, the sound was good and we should buy it.
When I phoned the lady back, she sounded as though she was crying. Concerned, I asked, "What's the
matter?"

"We didn't know the piano could play like that," she replied. The piano wasn't for sale, and her daughter had
to resume taking piano lessons.

--Terry Smith (Kirkland, Que.) (from Reader Contributions, 1998)

When I first started taking flying lessons, my instructor told me that for an emergency landing at night I
should turn on the landing lights and search for a suitable flat area. I asked what I should do if I couldn't find
such an area. "Turn your lights off," he said.

--T. S. Inglis (from Reader Contributions, 1994)

A live commercial on our local radio station advertised flying lessons at an aviation school. The announcer
urged would-be pilots to "Treat yourself to an introductory fright for only $25."

--Lee Riley Fitzgerald (from Reader Contributions, 1992)

My husband, Frank, and a friend of his were taking scuba-diving lessons at a local swimming pool. While
underwater they were required to perform "buddy breathing" by passing the mouthpiece of the regulator
back and forth. At one point while Frank was breathing through it, his friend was anxiously holding his
breath and waiting his turn. When he could hold on no longer, he suddenly yanked it out of Frank's mouth.
But it did him no good, and he hit the surface in a fit of bubbles and laughter. Attached to the end of the
regulator were Frank's false teeth.

--Anne M. Crane (from Reader Contributions, 1994)

There had been several false fire alarms in my apartment building. Each time, tenants had to rush outside
and wait for the firemen to go through the building. It was rumoured that most of these incidents were
caused by burned food on the upper floors. A few days after yet another false alarm, I was returning from
grocery shopping when I met a young lady in the elevator. She asked which floor I wanted. "Fifth, please," I
answered. filler"Ah, yes, the fifth floor," she replied, eyeing my grocery bags suspiciously, "where cooking
lessons should be mandatory."

--Cyrille Godin (from Reader Contributions, 1995)

My 12-year-old nephew, Andrew, was taking bagpipe lessons. Although he had been enthusiastic at first, my
sister, Kathy, was soon reminding him to practise. But then, much to her delight, she noticed that he began
spending several hours a week practising diligently in his room in the basement with the door closed. As
26
Kathy was going upstairs one evening, she was pleased to hear the familiar screeching and wailing sounds
coming from Andrew's room. Until, that is, she met him on the stairs. He had forgotten to turn his tape
recorder off.

--Chris Charman (from Reader Contributions, 1995)

My mother loves to play her small electric organ even though she's taken no formal lessons. One evening
while practising, Mom, who lives in Nova Scotia, decided to call her sister, an accomplished pianist, in
Toronto to tell her how good she felt about the progress she was making. Mom dialed, and when a man
answered the phone, she said, "Hi, Don, just listen a moment."

Sitting back down at the organ, Mom played a short piece and then went back to the phone. "So, do you
think your sister-in-law's playing has improved?"

"My name's not Don," the man said, "and I have no sister-in-law, but your playing seems fine to me."

--Annette Melling (from Reader Contributions, 1995)

Although we had played golf for a number of years, my husband and I decided to take some lessons to fine-
tune our game. Some time later I was golfing with my sister and I complained that the lessons didn’t seem to
have improved our scores.

"Well," she replied, "you both look better!"

--Maxine Brooks, Canmore, Alta. (from Life's Like That, 2001)

An avid tennis player, my father was pleased when my sister enrolled her ten-year-old son in tennis lessons.
His hopes faded, however, when he asked Alex how the lessons were going. "Great!" Alex replied
enthusiastically. "I can hit the ball out of the court farther than anyone else in the class."

--Lynene Leighton, Victoria (from As Kids See It, 2001)

I was dismayed to hear my eight-year-old student, who travelled in for his piano lessons from his parents'
farm outside Calgary, give a listless performance of one of his pieces. "Now, Gordon,"I stated firmly, "you'll
have to play this selection with some animation."

He looked puzzled and asked, "What's animation?"

"Peppy. Lively," I explained. "Now do you think you know what this piece needs?"

"Yep," he answered. "More fertilizer."

--Joan Croskery, Lethbridge, Alta. (from All in a Day's Work, 1998)

When I went to Japan to teach English I spoke no Japanese. The easiest words to understand were those
borrowed from the English language.
27
One of my lessons was on clothing, and we were discussing such things as colours, textures, and patterns.
Turning to the only male in my adult class, I asked him how many pairs of pants he owned. There were a
few titters around the room, but Keiya answered, "About 12."

My next question was, "What colours are they?" This resulted in more laughter, but Keiya bravely replied,
"White, beige, light blue, brown, red-and-white stripes...."

"Really, Keiya!" I said in surprise. "Red-and-white stripes? I'd sure like to see those!"

The class erupted in laughter. That's when one student explained that the word "pants" in Japanese refers
exclusively to underwear.

--Patricia MacLennan (from All in a Day's Work, 1992)

After spending several weeks concentrating on vowels, I reviewed the lessons with my students to determine
how much they had learned. "Why are vowels so important?" I asked.

After a pause one boy answered, "So we can play 'Wheel of Fortune'."

--Giselle Elliott (from All in a Day's Work, 1993)

Piano lessons were beginning again after the holidays. The youngest of my students, about six years old,
came into the music room. "I didn't practise that much," she announced matter-of-factly. "My mom forgot all
about it."

--Evangeline Thiessen (from All in a Day's Work, 1995)

Last year, my nine-year-old daughter flew first class to Los Angeles, won second prize in a national dance
competition, spent the Fourth of July on the Queen Mary, swam in the Pacific Ocean, toured Hollywood and
enjoyed all the rides at Universal Studios.

Then, at the beginning of the school year, when her teacher asked her to draw her favourite summer
memory, Robin drew a picture of herself on our backyard swing, eating a chocolate bar.

--Sandra Blake, Hampton, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My 15-year-old daughter, Courtney, had become ill, and thinking it might be appendicitis, we went to the
emergency room at our local hospital. Courtney was feeling too sick even to answer questions, so the nurse
asked me to describe her symptoms. I explained that she was complaining of acute pain in her side.

But in a small voice, Courtney corrected me. "It’s not a cute pain! It really hurts!"

--Jayne Glenn, Fredericton (from As Kids See It, 2001)

28
Tara, my 13-year-old daughter, was filling out a form at the doctor’s office and turned to me to ask about
one of the questions. "I know that M is for married, S is for single and D is for divorced," Tara said. "But
what’s W for? Waiting?"

--Barb Northwood, Victoria (from As Kids See It, 2001)

When my grandson was four years old, his mother decided to rearrange his bedroom. He wanted to help, so
she asked him where he’d like to put the bed. He thought for a moment, then replied, "In your room."

--Frances Morrison, Huntsville, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

In our church, children are permitted both the bread and the wine at communion. After one service, the
priest took me aside to speak to me about my seven-year-old. "Please tell Connor," he gently said, "the
appropriate response to the wine is ‘Amen’ not ‘Mmm, yummy!’"

--Linda Walker, Wingham, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Returning from a shopping trip with a friend, my nine-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a jacket she
had seen. "Oh, Mom, it’s perfect! It’s just what I want! It’s brown and has a tie belt. It’s not leather, it’s…
it’s…"

Karen struggled to find the right word to convey that the coat was a fine imitation. "It’s not leather," she
continued, "but…but it thinks it’s leather!"

--Ruth Caines, Bareneed, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Setting the table for Thanksgiving dinner, our kids weren’t sure where to place some of the special dishes.
After moving one dish, they noticed that juice from the cranberry sauce had spilled, leaving a large red stain
on the tablecloth. "Well," quipped ten-year-old Emily, "at least now we’ll know where to put the cranberry
sauce next year."

--Julie Emond, Grande Prairie, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

At the beginning of the school year, I mentioned to a Grade 1 student that he’d grown a lot since I’d seen
him the year before.

"I’ve been doing a lot of that, growing and shrinking." Puzzled, I asked what he meant.

"Well, I used to be up to my big brother’s nose," he replied, "but now I’m only up to his chin."

--Barb Soderquist, Whitecourt, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

29
"Let’s just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than wait for the bus," I suggested to my two young sons.
Much to their displeasure, we began our walk. After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: "Mom, why do
you always make the decisions?"

"Because I’m an adult," I said. "When you become an adult, you’ll make the decisions."

He thought for a few seconds, then said: "No, I won’t. Then I’ll have a wife."

--Judy Nicklom, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2001)

We were having trouble with a mouse raiding the cupboards at our cottage, so my wife decided to set a trap.
Our nine-year-old granddaughter watched as she baited it with peanut butter. "Gran, shouldn’t you use
cheese?" Kathleen asked. Then, after a moment’s reflection, she added, "But I suppose that would be too
obvious, eh?"

--James Oswald, Vankleek Hill, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

As part of the Sunday-school lesson my husband and I were teaching, we asked the children to make up a
skit about a genie and a greedy man who asked for wishes. The boy playing the selfish man proclaimed, "I
wish for lots of food!"

The genie snapped his fingers. "I hope you like vegetables," he smiled

--Lindsay Inkster, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2001)

At preschool one day, I asked my daughter where she would be going the next day. "Gymnastics," she
replied. Her teacher overheard us and was impressed that Madison knew the word. Then I recalled what
Madison had learned the night before when her dad was trying to get her ready for bed but she wanted to
read a book -- I had explained to her what the word compromise meant. Now, thinking her teacher would
really be impressed, I asked Madison if she remembered what it meant. "It means," she said, "Daddy wants
something."

--Sandra Hartwig, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My five-year-old son was curious about the way he talked when he was a baby, and I was regaling him with
tales of how he used to pronounce certain words. "How can you remember all that stuff from so long ago,
Mom?" he asked.

"Because those things are important to me," I replied.

Looking thoughtful, he complained, "But you can’t even remember to get me new batteries when I need
them."

--C. Robillard, Winnipeg (from As Kids See It, 2001)

30
On his way to visit us, a friend stood on a sidewalk and waited respectfully as a funeral procession passed
by. He asked a boy who was also waiting to cross the road if he knew who was dead. The boy gave him a
puzzled look and replied, "The one in the first car."

--Norine Burgess, Oshawa (from As Kids See It, 2001)

As we walked around the Prehistoric Park in Calgary, I had my six-year-old son, Jordie, pose for a picture
with a brontosaurus in the background. After I took the photo, Jordie noticed I was crying.

"What’s wrong, Mom?" he asked. I explained that when I was his age, my parents had taken a picture of me
standing in exactly the same spot, and I was feeling rather nostalgic.

Puzzled, he looked several times from the brontosaurus to me. "But…it was alive then, right?"

--Rita Timushka, Penticton, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

I had thought my children were all out front playing with their friends because the house had been quiet for
some time. But suddenly my six-year-old, Chris, came up from the basement playroom. "Oh," I said, "I
thought you were outside. What have you been doing down there?"

"Playing checkers," he said.

"By yourself?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied.

Curious, I asked, "Did you win?"

"Well," he said, "yes and no."

--Geri Duguid, Kitchener (from As Kids See It, 2001)

At my nephew’s First Communion, our parish priest gave each of the children a medal to commemorate the
special event. Afterwards, my brother asked Michael if he had thanked Father for the gift. "No," he replied.
Then, turning to the priest, Michael explained: "Father, when Kendra said thank you for her medal, you said,
‘Don’t mention it.’ So I didn’t."

--Tony Correia, Saint John, N.B. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Knee-deep in a work project, my husband wasn’t sure he’d be able to accompany me and our two children
on a weekend vacation. When I told the children, I could see the obvious dismay on their faces and soon
discovered its true cause.

"But, Mom!" my ten-year-old daughter cried, "who’ll spoil us?"

--Joy Dobson, Emerald Park, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2001)
31
One summer weekend our Toronto church group went camping. Late on the first night, one mother in our
group was walking back to her campsite with her young daughter. "Look, Mom," the girl cried as she looked
up at the sky in amazement, "it’s just like the planetarium!"

--Susan Damon, Moorefield, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

When my son was learning to read, he read everything he could: books, newspapers, signs, billboards --
anything. One day at the beach, he asked me why anyone would want to put him in a garbage can.
Surprised, I asked why he thought someone might. "There’s a sign by the lifeguard that says I shouldn’t let
anyone put me in the garbage."

Sure enough, listed there in the beach rules was one stipulating, "Refuse to be put in garbage can."

--Barb Shannon, Langley, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

The morning of my daughter’s fifth birthday, I told her that if somebody asked her how old she was, she
could simply spread out her hand and say "five."

"Oh," she replied, "so now I’m a handful."

--Walter J. Hofman, Woodbridge, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

One extremely hot day, our fire station responded to a school fire. The temperature inside the burning
building was 950°C, and by the time I finished my second tank of oxygen, I was feeling woozy and in need
of fresh air. Once outside, I slumped down and was unable to get to my feet again.

The next day a picture of me being tended to by comrades as I lay on the ground was featured on the front
page of the newspaper. I tossed the paper on the table, where my four-year-old son was eating. "Do you
recognize that guy?" I asked, pointing to my picture.

"That’s you, Dad," he said. "Did you die at that fire?"

--Brent Wanvig, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My sister Alice works as a delivery-room nurse at our local hospital. Occasionally a mother arrives and
there’s no time to get a doctor.

Alice told her six-year-old son about one such incident, saying that she had delivered a baby all by herself
the previous night while he was at home sleeping.

His eyes grew big. "Where to, Mom?"

--Linda E. Wilson, Winnipeg (from As Kids See It, 2001)

32
My eight- and ten-year-old daughters were discussing the possibility of selling frozen treats from a sidewalk
stand instead of the lemonade they had sold in a previous summer venture. "Maybe we can get the bus to
stop again!" Christine said hopefully. "Maybe we can even get the policemen to stop."

Cathy shook her head and solemnly said: "No. You’d have to sell doughnuts if you want the policemen to
stop."

--Judi McLeod, Oakville, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My six-year-old niece, Kaleigh, was invited to the home of a girl in her class. The friend’s home is
luxurious, with an indoor swimming pool and even a bowling alley.

Later, when Kaleigh got into her mom’s car to go home, she sighed. "Mommy, I feel sorry for that girl."

Surprised, her mom asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Because," she replied, "when she wants to go bowling, she has to stay home."

--Laurine Schmelzle, North York, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

I was explaining to our eight-year-old son some of the things he could do to help so he wouldn’t feel left out
of the activities involving our newly arrived baby daughter. I finished by telling him that when his sister was
older, he could even feed her. "Oh, Mom," he replied in a plaintive voice, "I can’t even remember to feed the
dog!"

--Marlene Russell, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2001)

On her third birthday, my daughter, Emma, received a doctor’s kit and her aunt Kelly was pretending to be a
patient. Emma examined her carefully, checking her reflexes, giving her a shot and taking her blood
pressure. But as Emma took the thermometer out of her patient’s mouth, she sighed.

"What’s wrong with me, Doctor?" Kelly asked.

"You’re old," Emma replied.

--Cathy Allison, Vancouver (from As Kids See It, 2001)

When my father took me and my seven-year-old daughter, Taylor, to the zoo, he assured her it would take
about an hour to get there. Unfortunately, Dad took a wrong turn and the trip stretched to two hours. Later
that evening, having returned safely from the zoo, Taylor and I were talking and the subject of God came up.
She asked me if He tells us what to do, and I replied that I believe God gives us directions. Taylor thought
about this for a moment and said, "Well, He certainly didn’t give Grandpa any this morning."

--Marion E. Lucas, Lower Sackville, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

33
At one of my four-year-old daughter’s first T-ball practices, one young batter hit the ball far into the outfield.
There were two players on base, and the coach shouted, "Run!" Both teams responded -- and took off into
the outfield after the ball.

--Cindy Knapp, Barrhead, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My two sons and I were on our first white-water rafting trip. Just before a particularly nasty-looking stretch,
the guide asked if anyone would like to swim the rapids. I was relieved when my seven-year-old passed, but
dismayed to see my nine-year-old raise his hand. I opted, naturally, to go with him, and, safely outfitted in
life jackets and helmets, we overcame our fears and swam that stretch of the river.

Later, as we changed into dry clothes back at camp, I felt such pride at what my son had accomplished that I
put my arm around him and said, "You know, son, if you can swim the rapids, you can do anything in life."

"Cool!" he exclaimed. "Can I drive home?"

--Tom Gillespie, Taber, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

While I was visiting a friend one afternoon, her eight-year-old son arrived home after a week at summer
camp, dragging two huge laundry bags. "Michael," his mother exclaimed, "it will take me a whole day to
wash all this!"

"Well," he said reasonably, "it took me a whole week to get it dirty.

--Yvette Joyce, Timmins, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My husband and I concluded that his several years at home with the children had been a great success. Then
a friend asked our four-year-old son what he wanted to be when he grew up. André replied, "I want to be a
mom -- just like my dad."

--Susan Rioux, Richmond, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

At my grandfather’s 72nd birthday party, his sister proposed a toast. "May you be just like our Grandpa
Johnson," she said, referring to my great-great-grandfather who had lived to the age of 96.

My little brother looked up from his dinner in horror and spluttered, "But he’s dead!"

--Alysa Fairchild, North Vancouver (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter
belt. "What’s this?" she asked.

"It’s a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It’s for holding up stockings."

34
"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we’ll use it Christmas Eve."

--Nancy Hall, Sandy Hook, Man. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Highland dancing kept my six-year-old daughter, Dianne, occupied one long winter. She and the other girls
practised all season with a record for accompaniment. At their recital, however, a piper would play for them.

After the first rehearsal for it, Dianne came bounding out. "Oh, Mommy," she beamed, "we did so well
today! We finished way before the piper did."

--B. Brulé, Cold Lake, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My three-year-old son, Nathan, was the ringbearer at a relative’s wedding. Commenting on how adorable he
was in his tuxedo, people were constantly taking his picture. During the reception, a lady at our table tried
unsuccessfully to make friends with the now unresponsive Nathan. Finally she asked, "Nathan, won’t you
smile for me?"

"No," he replied firmly.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because," he explained, "you don’t have a camera."

--Toni Shewchuk, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 2001)

The kids I was baby-sitting agreed they’d like soup for lunch. As I searched the drawer for a can opener,
four-year-old John suggested I use the electric can opener on the counter. I stuck the can in and pressed
down. Nothing happened.

I tried again. Nothing. After my third unsuccessful attempt, I told the children they’d have to have
something else because the can opener wouldn’t work.

"It always works for Mom," John said thoughtfully, "but she plugs it in first."

--Lisa Richard, Saint Norbert, N.B. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

After nine-year-old Trevor finished reading a book about kings and queens that his grandparents had sent
him, I asked what the most popular kings’ names were. "Edward and Henry," he replied.

"What was the main cause of death back then?"

"Battle," he answered.

"And can you tell me the name of the very first king?" I continued. Trevor shrugged, then smiled. "Prince
Charming?"

35
 --Rowena Dixon, Salt Spring Island, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

While playing with her two young nieces in the backyard, my friend Jill came across an empty wasps’ nest.
Five-year-old Bethan was cautious about approaching it because she had been stung the previous month, but
Jill explained that the nest had been empty for some time. "Why?" Bethan asked. "The queen wasp probably
decided she wanted to build a bigger nest somewhere else," Jill explained.

Examining the intricate structure of the nest, Bethan asked, "Why don’t they just paint?"

--Michel Dunne, Nanaimo, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Our family loves baseball. Our children play on the local community teams, we attend many Winnipeg
Goldeyes games and watch as many professional games on TV as we can. I realized just how big a part of
our lives baseball is when, having breakfast on the deck one morning, my nine-year-old daughter, Joëlle,
suddenly exclaimed as a flash of blue flew by: "Look, Mommy, Daddy! A Toronto Blue Jay!"

--Lorraine Guénette, Winnipeg (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Occasionally at the restaurant where I work there are extra desserts, and the staff are given some to take
home. Once I brought home two pieces of cheesecake for my son and daughter. Katie had a piece that
evening.

The next day her older brother found her watching TV and eating more cheesecake. "Are you eating my
cheesecake?" he demanded.

"Oh, no," she replied sweetly, "I ate yours yesterday."

--Brenda Gingrich, Kensington, P.E.I. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Just before he left for school one morning, my nine-year-old son, Robbie, asked if he could bring home a
new friend he wanted me to meet. "Sure," I replied. "Do you know how to properly introduce him to me?" I
then told him he should tell me his friend’s name and something about him, and do the same with me.

That afternoon, Robbie arrived home. "Mom, this is my friend Freedom," he started. "He has a black belt in
karate. And this is my mom," he continued, "she’s particular about her carpets."

--Irma Morrison, New Westminster, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

When our Alberta town was building a 16-kilometre Millennium trail, my wife and I helped raise funds by
purchasing a metre of the trail in our eight-year-old granddaughter’s name. She seemed happy when we told
her about it.

When Chelsey came to Cold Lake for her annual visit a few months later, my wife asked her what she’d like
to do. "Gee, Grandma," she replied, "can we go see the street that’s named after me?"

--Robert H. Miller, Cold Lake, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)
36
An avid tennis player, my father was pleased when my sister enrolled her ten-year-old son in tennis lessons.
His hopes faded, however, when he asked Alex how the lessons were going. "Great!" Alex replied
enthusiastically. "I can hit the ball out of the court farther than anyone else in the class."

--Lynene Leighton, Victoria (from As Kids See It, 2001)

In my late 20s, I finally realized my lifelong dream when I bought a horse. One day as I rode my mare down
a rural road, I saw a five- or six-year-old boy watching my approach intently. He must share my passion for
horses, I thought. As I got abreast of him, I reined in my horse. Instead of the look of admiration I had
anticipated, he looked up at me with pity and asked, "Don’t you have a car?"

--Barbara Lynn Barker, North Vancouver (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Friends of ours were just finishing their dinner one late-spring evening when suddenly they heard the chimes
of the first ice-cream truck of the season. Their nine-year-old son jumped up from the table and raced to the
front door, hollering to his sister: "I’ll go stop the truck. You stay here and beg."

--Irene Swanton, Surrey, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

As I watched my seven-year-old second cousin and her friend ride their bikes up and down the street, I
noticed they switched to the other side of the road whenever they passed a particular house. After watching
them do this a number of times, I was curious. So when they reached me I asked why they did it.

"Because," my cousin replied, "there’s a sign in the window saying they don’t want cyclists to ride past the
house." Sure enough, the sign read no peddlers.

--Monica Arndt, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2001)

I was showing my granddaughter an old comb-and-brush set that had belonged to my mother. It also
included a hand mirror and shoehorn. My grandson, who was nearby, asked what the shoehorn was for. I
demonstrated how it was put in the back of the shoe so the foot could slide in without crushing the heel.
"Boy, I could sure use one of those," Devan said. "Then I’d never have to untie my laces."

--Eleanor Wiens, Langley, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

Our minister gathered the children at the front of the church one Sunday and instructed them on the
significance of the "breaking of the bread." She gave each child a morsel and said, "Eat it and think about
how you feel." After they had finished she asked, "Now, do you feel closer to God?"

"No," piped one young boy, "but maybe with a little peanut butter I would."

--Carol Murray, Regina, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

37
At his seventh birthday party, my son, Devon, was enthusiastically opening the gifts he had received. One
contained several items of clothing, which he gathered up and dropped in my lap. "Here, Mom," he said.
"Laundry."

--Monica Carlton, Keswick, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My nephews Ryan, five, and Kurtis, three, were arguing over who would get the first of the pancakes their
mom was making. Seeing a "teachable moment," my sister said, "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake; I can wait.’"

Ryan turned to his brother and said, "Kurtis, you be Jesus."

--Jean Sulzer, Fernie, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My six-year-old nephew counted out the pennies from his piggy bank before going to the school book fair.
He was going to buy a book from his favourite series, Arthur. He returned home despondent, however. So
my sister followed him to his room and asked, "Didn’t they have any Arthur books?"

"Yes," he cried.

"Well, why didn’t you buy one?"

"Because," he said, "before we went to the fair, our teacher told us not to buy the first thing we saw. And
Arthur was the first thing I saw."

--Vera McDonald, Harrowsmith, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

I was 16 and just learning to drive. One day my mom suggested that Dad and my six-year-old brother, John,
come with us while she gave me a lesson.

We all got in the car and I drove off. I thought I had managed rather well on the trip until I pulled back into
our driveway. In keeping with our family’s tradition, Mom turned to me -- the driver -- and said, "Thank
you, Ruth."

Dad echoed, "Thank you, Ruth."

John looked up. "Thank you, God."

--Ruth Yu, Lethbridge, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

While I was chatting on the phone with a friend, my four-year-old son, Graeme, was lying on the floor,
whining and carrying on. I motioned for him to be patient.

When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, I concluded my call and answered the door.
38
"Hi!" Graeme said. "Will you get me some juice now?"

--Jacqui Martell, Kamloops, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

During a family reunion at our farm, a group of three- and four-year-old nieces were admiring our pet
rabbits, especially the babies. When someone wondered which of the larger rabbits was the mommy, one
four-year-old was quick to reply.

Pointing to a floppy-eared rabbit, she said, "That’s the mom -- she’s too tired to keep her wings up."

--Betty Groenenboom, Coalhurst, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

While at the playground with our children and their cousins one fresh spring day, my wife, Susan, was
unexpectedly invited by our two-year-old daughter, Katie, to join in the play. How sweet, she thought.

They all went to the slide and Susan was told to go first. As she was sliding down, she felt a strange
sensation. When she reached the bottom, Katie called to her cousin, "Okay, Matthew, the slide’s dry now."

--Geoff Bowering, North Vancouver (from As Kids See It, 2001)

"I want to go to Sunday school," my seven-year-old son announced one day when he returned from school.
Pleased, I told him I’d find one for him.

Later he said: "Oh, boy, I can’t wait to go to Sunday school. One day sounds so much better than five."

--Christina Bourget, Grande Ile, Que. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My husband, Wayne, was toiling over his income-tax return when our six-year-old daughter, Cathy, asked
him what he was doing.

"We all pay part of what we earn to the government," he explained.

A look of understanding crossed Cathy’s face. "Oh," she said. "When I grow up I want to be a government."

--Marylyn Kipp, Meaford, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

The spring after Dad died, Mom was discussing plans with me to plant some flowers on his grave. Shortly
afterwards, my younger brother came in. Without explaining, Mom said to my astonished sibling: "Get the
shovel. We’re going to see your dad."

--Bernice Meade, Canso, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

39
As a working mother, I often wonder if my children are missing out by not having me at home. I got my
answer one day when my five-year-old son, Devon, burst through the back door after spending the afternoon
at a neighbour’s house. "Mom, Mom!" he shouted. "Did you know you can make cookies at home?"

--Joanne Harnett, Saskatoon (from As Kids See It, 2001)

"Mom, if you had to give up one of your senses," my four-year-old daughter asked, "which one would it
be?" I thought for a moment then told her I honestly couldn’t pick one. "I’d give up my sense of taste," she
told me.

"Why that one?" I asked.

"Well, then I could eat your stew," she replied.

--Debbie Armstrong, Greenwood, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My teenage son, Arnout, had played the role of the Prince in a local drama performance of "Sleeping
Beauty," and my neighbour had taken her grandchildren to see the play. A few days later Arnout was at my
neighbour’s, playing a video game in their living room, when her grandchildren arrived. Four-year-old
Elrick stood in the room wide-eyed and exclaimed breathlessly: "Grandma! The Prince is in our living
room!"

--Margriet Ruurs, Armstrong, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

I had sent my five-year-old daughter to the store with money and a list of three items to buy. When she
returned, she had a fourth item: a jar of honey. Since I had just bought a large quantity from a farmer, I said:
"I don’t understand. Why did you buy this?"

She gave me a strange look and said, "You and Dad told me to."

As she had left the house, she said, we had both yelled to her, "Bye, Honey."

--Verlene Carter, Myrnam, Alta (from As Kids See It, 2001)

While I was puttering in my basement workroom, my four-year-old daughter, Amber, was dividing her time
between her bedroom on the second floor and the playroom in the basement. When I finally went upstairs, I
saw that every item of clothing from her bureau had been dumped on her bedroom floor. "Amber!" I
hollered. "What’s going on here?"

"Well, Dad," she replied innocently, "now it looks just like Melissa’s room."

Melissa is our teenage baby-sitter who lives across the street.

--Pat Vescio, Thorold, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2001)

40
My seven-year-old son’s tape recorder was broken. I explained that if he saved his allowance for a month
and added it to his savings, he’d have three quarters of the amount needed for a new one. I added that we’d
pay the balance, plus taxes, but his chores must be done, his room must be kept tidy, and he must be polite.
He thought about the conditions for a few moments then said, "Wouldn’t it just be easier to save the rest
myself?"

--Donna Pike, Winnipeg (from As Kids See It, 2001)

My children had just spent a special day with their grandparents at a wildlife park, feeding the animals,
having a picnic lunch and getting extra treats. On their way home, my dad decided to go through the car
wash.

After they were back on the highway, my four-year-old daughter exclaimed, "That was a lot of fun!"

"We're happy you enjoyed it, Katelyn," my mom replied. "We should do it again next year."

After a moment of silence, Katelyn said, "You mean you only wash your car once a year?"

--Diane MacConnell Cameron, New Glasgow, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

"Mom, does the world have an end?" my sister's four-year-old asked her one day. Peggy thought carefully
about how to answer, then gave a simple reply, concluding with: "But if the world does end, it won't be for a
long, long time. We won't be alive when it happens."

Adam looked thoughtful, then asked, "Well, does it have sides?"

--Shelagh Laidlaw, Cochrane, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

As a volunteer in my daughter's Grade 2 class, I was listening to one young fellow read. The book he had
chosen had several sentences with colons, and he read those lines twice.

Finally I explained that he only had to read them once. "You see those dots there?" he said. "They're repeat
dots, and my music teacher says you have to do the line twice."

--Patti Strachan, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2000)

When I took my nephews to the hospital to visit their mother, who was recuperating from surgery, seven-
year-old Richie noticed the plastic bracelet on his mom's arm and asked her what it was for. "It contains
information about me, including my name, the hospital room number, my doctor's name and things they
mustn't give me while I'm here."

As an example, she pointed out the word aspirin on the bracelet and explained, "That's so they won't give
me any."

"Good," Richie responded. "If I have to come to the hospital, I'll have them put 'broccoli' on mine."

41
 --Marilyn Driscoll, Burton, N.B. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Although my five-year-old twins were inseparable, Ryan and Jessica both had invisible friends, named Toby
and Suzy. Often the "four" of them would play together.

One day Ryan had to go to a doctor's appointment with his dad, and before he left Jessica said, "What am I
going to do while you're gone?"

"Why don't you play hide and seek with Suzy?" Ryan offered.

"Nah," Jessica said, "she's too hard to find."

--Janet Leduc, Spruce Grove, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

After my nephew and his kindergarten class had excitedly investigated the wonders and strange equipment
inside an ambulance, they got to chat with a paramedic. When they were seated in a circle, their teacher
asked, "Well, what questions do you have for the ambulance attendant?" There was a moment of silence
before one little girl spoke up. "How come my mom doesn't make muffins anymore?"

--Lee Smith, Keene, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

"Can people predict the future?" my seven-year-old granddaughter, Cassandra, asked her older, wiser sisters.

"Yes," Rebecca replied, "Mom can."

"Really?" Samantha exclaimed.

"Yep," Rebecca continued. "She can take one look at your report card and tell you what will happen when
Dad gets home."

--Louise Kerr, Carievale, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

On a crowded city bus one day, I was charmed by a little red-haired girl who leaned on my shoulder as she
exclaimed to her mother, who was standing in the aisle, at the wonders outside the window.

Obviously embarrassed by her child's presumption, the woman told her daughter to "please stop leaning on
the nice lady." I had a new appreciation for my full figure when the girl brightly chirped, "That's okay,
Mommy, she's comfy-cozy."

--Mary MacVoy, Toronto (from As Kids See It, 2000)

The phone rang while my wife was painting, so my six-year-old son answered. The caller asked if she could
speak to his mom. When Jason said she was busy, the woman asked if she could leave a message. "No,"
Jason replied, "we don't have an answering machine."
42
 --Neil MacDougall, Sarnia, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I didn't have much experience driving in downtown Toronto, and I was having trouble finding my way out
of the city. My five-year-old daughter sensed my predicament and asked, "Are we lost?" I denied it, but after
several more wrong turns and no end in sight of tall buildings, Chelsea looked out the window and muttered,
"I knew I should have brought my globe."

--Holly Bartell, Sudbury, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My ten-year-old daughter asked for help wrapping a birthday present for her friend. She had used a green
floral paper and handed me the blue ribbon. I gently commented that I wasn't sure the blue matched. "Get
real, Mom," she replied. "It's for a boy. He won't even notice!"

--Joy Dobson, Emerald Park, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

While my grandson and his friend were playing computer games, I put a sheet of carbon paper between two
sheets of paper and asked them to write their names. They gazed in wonder when I lifted the top sheet,
revealing their signatures on the second one. "Look at that!" exclaimed my grandson.

"Cool!" his friend agreed. "What will they think of next?"

--Marion W. Hyde, Pender Island, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

At three years old, my granddaughter, who lives in a remote part of British Columbia, correctly identified a
series of animal pictures I was showing her: elk, moose, deer, wolf and bear. The last one, however, stumped
her-a horse.

--Darlene Roney, Fort Nelson, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I decided to put together one of my five-year-old son's model kits one wet afternoon. I found one of a
dinosaur and was looking over the pieces when he passed by.

"What'cha doing, Dad?" he asked.

I told him I was going to put the dinosaur together, but the instructions were missing. "Well, Dad," he
grinned, "I guess you'll just have to do it from memory."

--David Collie, Burlington (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Having caught every virus going around, our family had had a very difficult month. One day, just as we
were all on the mend, I moved a plant from the top of a buffet to the coffee table. Unfortunately, the old

43
water sitting in the bottom of the pot spilled out onto the hardwood floor. Noah, my four-year-old son, who
was watching, shouted in alarm: "Oh, no, Mom! Now the plant is throwing up!"

--Wendy Dixon, Lake Fletcher, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Whenever my two-year-old grandson, Adrian, visited me, I'd move the floral arrangement from the coffee
table to the TV-out of harm's way-and close the bathroom door. One day, however, I forgot the ritual, and as
I chatted with my son and daughter-in-law, I caught sight of Adrian: He had already closed the bathroom
door and was now walking over to the TV set with the flowers in his hands.

--Patricia M. Johnson, Athabasca, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Joëlle, my daughter, and her sixth-grade classmate made two hand puppets out of old socks and wrote a
puppet play for school. They were asked to go from class to class and perform it for the younger students.

When Joëlle reached her brother Shaun's Grade 3 class, the performance went off without a hitch.
Afterwards, she asked the class if there were any questions. Shaun raised his hand.

"Are those my socks?" he asked.

--Karen Torgerson, Rosemere, Que. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

On halloween night, my five-year-old daughter hesitated on the front walk of one home-a man was sitting
on the porch dressed up like an ogre. Just then a woman came outside with a cup of coffee. Laura happily
ran up their walk, calling back to me, "It's okay, Mom, he has a mother."

--Janine Maxwell, Oakville, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My dad and I were helping my sister move into her new house and her six-year-old daughter was to guide us
there. We loaded up the car and then followed Nikki's instructions. As Dad turned onto the right street, Nikki
pointed saying, "See that blue house?"

"Yes," said Dad as he turned into the driveway.

"We don't live there," Nikki said.

--G. R. Jones, Whitehorse, Y.T. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

On election day my five-year-old son, Michael, accompanied me to the voting station. To explain what I was
doing, I said, "Voting is choosing the person people think will do the best job of running things in our part of
the country."

Michael thought for a moment, then he took my hand. "Oh, Mommy," he said earnestly, "I hope you win!"

--Cheryl Sanderson, Osoyoos, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

44
Since my five-year-old sister, Angela, is unbearable during long car trips, my parents decided we'd fly to see
our relatives in Ontario. Halfway through the flight, Angela asked me what the button on the armrest was
for. I told her it was to call the flight attendant over. She asked me to press it. "I want to ask the stewardess
something."

I pressed it and the flight attendant hurried over. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yes," said Angela. "Are we there yet?"

--Ashley Rutherford, Sherwood Park, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

"How long is 15 minutes?" my seven-year-old grandson asked his mother.

His mom thought a moment, then replied, "About as long as it takes to drive from home to your school."

He looked at his mom, who's known for her fast driving, then at his dad, who obeys the speed limit, and
asked, "But who's driving?"

--Louise Forbes, Cambridge Narrows, N.B. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Mikey, my nine-year-old son's best friend, was seriously hurt in an accident in the middle of December. To
the amazement of his doctors, he survived and was able to return home for Christmas. But when Kyle and I
went over to visit, I realized Mikey's recovery was going to take some time. "You know, Kyle," I explained
after we left, "Mikey was very badly hurt, and he's not out of the woods yet."

"But, Mom," Kyle replied confidently, "he's found a path."

--Pamela Weber, Orillia, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My son Paul thought the time had come for him to discuss the facts of life with his eight-year-old son. One
evening at bedtime, Paul explained everything he thought Kyle needed to know. At the end of his talk, he
asked Kyle if he had any questions. "Yes," Kyle said. "Is Mom going to wash my track pants tonight?"

--Ann W. Mons, Sooke, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

From the baby's first disgruntled cry in the morning, to the taillights of the uninvited guests and the
wreckage in their wake, it had been a day more chaotic than usual. For the first time in ten years of
marriage, I dumped a can of beans into a pot and plunked a loaf of bread on the table.

My husband arrived home from work, came into the kitchen, and I watched his expression change from
exhausted to hopeful to crestfallen. Gleefully our four-year-old daughter ran to him and cried: "Daddy,
Daddy! Guess what's for supper? Lunch!"

--Lois Catlin, Vernon, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

45
When bedtime arrived for Emilie, my 21é2-year-old granddaughter, she was given a choice of Mom, Dad or
Grandma to tuck her in. She chose me, her grandpa. As she started off, her mother, aware that I had never
performed this delicate operation before, said to Emilie: "Just a minute. You'll have to tell Grandpa what to
do."

Without breaking stride, Emilie pointed to a pile of discarded puzzle pieces and snapped, "Pick up this
mess."

--Brian Hobbs, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I baby-sit my grandchildren when my daughter is called to work, and I usually start supper for her before I
leave. Just as I was doing so one evening, my five-year-old grandson came into the kitchen, sniffed the air
and said, "Smells like Mommy's almost home."

--MargaretKellogg, Kelowna, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

As the seventh of eight children, my son Isaac is used to hand-me-downs. He was very excited on his eighth
birthday, therefore, to be told he could go to a store and choose a watch. Later, when Isaac was making his
choice, a clerk demonstrated to him some of the watch's features. "This is the hour hand, this is the minute
hand and this is the second hand."

Isaac's face fell. "It's second-hand?"

--Beryl Riven, Montreal (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I answered my door one morning to find my neighbour's child standing there. Through tears, she explained
that her new pussycat was missing. I told her I was sure it would turn up and promised we'd look for it. I
asked her to describe it. "Well," she said, "she's got a white head, a white tail, four white legs and a white
body."

--Anne Gosse, Harbour Grace, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

When my mother retired, she came to live with my daughter and me. Always energetic, she threw her energy
into cleaning and cooking. I really appreciated arriving home to wonderful meals and a clean house. I
realized how often I must have commented on this when I was driving my six-year-old niece home and she
said how much Grandma's life had progressed. "First she was a mommy, then she was a manager, and now
she's your housekeeper."

--Bernadette Jean, Barrie, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My eight-year-old son had recently begun attending church, and one night as he brushed his teeth, he mused,
"Do you know what I like about God?"
46
"No," I answered.

"When He made us, He didn't use nails."

--Merrilea Young, Chase, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

One day our grandson, Adam, and his big black retriever, Rudy, were over visiting our house. After dinner,
watching Rudy lick the dishes in the dishwasher as I loaded it, Adam's granddad asked, "Does Rudy lick the
plates at your house?"

"No," Adam replied, "at home we wash them."

--Irene Flemming, Shanty Bay, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

When she was a teenager, my sister-in-law, Nuala, was crowned Miss Mayfair in Kanata, Ont. Her only
memento of that day is a photo of herself in a long gown adorned with the winner's sash and crown. One day
when I was visiting, Nuala's six-year-old daughter was looking through the photograph albums when she
came across the Miss Mayfair photo. Sarah ran into the living room, clutching it to her chest. Showing us
the photo, she breathed, "Oh, Mom, I just knew we were royalty."

--Sophie McGarry, North Vancouver (from As Kids See It, 2000)

The morning after my six-year-old son had lost a tooth, he told me, loonie in hand, of the conversation he'd
had the night before with his nine-year-old sister. She'd told him she suspected that I was the Tooth Fairy
who left the money for the teeth. I asked what he thought about that. "You couldn't be the Tooth Fairy," he
replied, "'cause how could you get into all those other kids' houses?"

--Colette Hauser, Pilger, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Kyle, our five-year-old grandson had memorized the towns between his city and ours. When he was visiting
us once, the young father who lived next door to us asked Kyle where he lived. Without hesitation, Kyle
said, "First you go to Burlington, then Oakville, then Mississauga, and then to Etobicoke, and that's where I
live."

Our neighbour looked down at his own young son and asked him where he lived. His boy thought for a
moment, then, pointing to their house, said, "There."

--Penny Johnson, Hamilton (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I was making Play-Doh animals with my four-year-old niece, Chris, and her younger brother, Neil, three.
While Chris was clearly molding a crude but recognizable dog, figuring out what Neil's was was a bit more
challenging. "It's a cat," he told me, "but a truck ran over it."

Some time later, Chris had made another simple animal shape but Neil had a rather flat slab of dough on the
table in front of him. I asked what happened to his animal, and he said simply, "Same truck."

47
 --Chris Eddy, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2000)

One of my kindergarten students informed me his mom was in university. Curious, I asked, "What does she
take?"

"Her lunch, her backpack..."

Rephrasing the question, I tried again. "What is she learning?"

"Lots of stuff," he replied.

Okay, one more time, I thought. "What will she be when she graduates?"

After a pause, he replied, "Really smart!"

--Gerarda Paton, Saskatoon (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My sister, who usually wore little or no makeup, agreed to having a makeover done in her own home. When
the makeover was completed, her four-year-old son came in from playing in the backyard. He gazed at his
mother for a moment before exclaiming, "Mom, you look like a sunset!"

--Lorna Plett, Riverton, Man. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My two children were arguing as we drove home. Tired, I turned to them and said, "I hope when you grow
up you have children just like you!"

"It won't matter to me," my seven-year-old son said. "I'll be at work all day."

--Alida Noort, New Westminster, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Because of his long bus ride to school, and because a provincial election campaign was under way, I
suggested to my ten-year-old son that he count the number of signs on the lawns along his route to pass the
time. From those numbers, I said, he might be able to guess the outcome of the election.

The next day after school, I asked if he'd done his survey and whether he had an opinion as to which party
would be the winner.

"Yep," he replied. "Atlas Roofing."

--Anne Crawford, Toronto (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Our four-year-old nephew, Mackenzie, arrived at a family wedding resplendent in his Scottish tunic and kilt.
For several minutes he endured the gushing admiration of his aunts and female cousins, then finally an uncle

48
asked the inevitable: "Tell me, Mackenzie, what are you wearing under your kilt?" Mackenzie looked down.
"Shoes," he replied.

--M. Bolander, Wahnapitae, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

At 3-½, my daughter was still clinging to her "blanket," and my wife and I were trying to find a way to get
her to give it up. When she came into the room and asked if I knew where it was, I said, "What do you need
that blanket for?"

She replied simply, "Because it makes me smile."

We haven't bothered her since.

--Taras Stokalko, Saskatoon (from As Kids See It, 2000)

"Do you know any words in English?" I asked my two-year-old French-speaking niece. She said that she
didn't. "Think hard," I prompted. She pondered a moment, then confidently announced, "Shania Twain."

--Monique Liukko, Sudbury, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My nine-year-old son tended to do everything in a rush so he'd have more time to spend on fun and friends.
When I picked him up after a week of camp, I noticed he had quite a tan, almost a burn. "Honey," I said,
"didn't you use your sunscreen every day?"

"Sure, Mom," he replied. "I put it on every night before I went to bed."

--Lois MacDonald, Charlottetown (from As Kids See It, 2000)

One of my ten-year-old son's school assignments was to write an autobiography. I suggested he might cover
such things as where he was born and what he liked. Some time later he brought his composition home. It
read: "Once upon a time Mom didn't have a headache. Nine months later I was born."

--Shirley Serdar, Cameron, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I was working beside the new backyard fence that my husband and I had put up to contain our two
adventurous children. I didn't realize how the children perceived the fence until my three-year-old came up
to me and asked, "Mommy, are you vacuuming out our cage?"

--Phyllis Kiriaka, Pambrun, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

49
My children had just spent a special day with their grandparents at a wildlife park, feeding the animals,
having a picnic lunch and getting extra treats. On their way home, my dad decided to go through the car
wash.

After they were back on the highway, my four-year-old daughter exclaimed, "That was a lot of fun!"

"We're happy you enjoyed it, Katelyn," my mom replied. "We should do it again next year."

After a moment of silence, Katelyn said, "You mean you only wash your car once a year?"

--Diane MacConnell Cameron, New Glasgow, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I knew my shopping habits had rubbed off on my 11-year-old son when I read his answer to the question
"List three rights guaranteed to Canadian citizens" on an exam: "The right to freedom, the right to an
education and the right to refunds."

--Cheryl Watt, Victoria (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Ours is a large family -- three boys followed by five girls. Shortly after our oldest brother was married, a
visitor asked my five-year-old sister how many children there were in the family. "Eight," she replied.
"Seven living and one married."

--John Dublin, Halifax (from As Kids See It, 1999)

After I tucked my six-year-old daughter into bed, she asked if she could sleep with Snuggles, my special
teddy bear, because she was just a little scared. I looked at her bed, filled with her own dolls and bears, and
said, "What about all of these?"

"They won't help," she replied. "They're already asleep."

--Elaine Friesen, Vita, Man. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My three-year-old daughter and I had the day to ourselves and spent it sleigh riding and playing in the snow.
Later, cuddled on the couch with hot chocolate and popcorn, watching The Lion King for the second time,
she looked up and said, "You know, you're such a great daddy I'm going to start calling you Mom."

--Brian C. Varty, Kimberley, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

It was December when we moved our family from Pond Inlet on the northern tip of Baffin Island to
southern British Columbia. In January when the temperature climbed to - 50C, our nine-year-old son, who
had never been south of the Arctic Circle before, exclaimed: "Wow! I love summer!"

--Gary Popoff, Grand Forks, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

50
After a lesson on horticulture, I asked my Grade V class if they remembered what I had called the plant that
came up year after year, that their parents didn't have to buy or plant seeds every year for it to grow.

"Weeds!" retorted a voice from the back.

--Susan Velkers, St. Catharines (from As Kids See It, 1999)

For the past several years I have been at home full time with my two children. One day I was looking in my
closet and remarked to my husband that my wardrobe was in need of some updating and that I hadn't had
anything new to wear in a long time.

Our 11-year-old son, who was passing our room and overheard me, said: "That's not true, Mom. You got
new oven mitts last week."

--Cathy Stanton, Surrey, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I listened to the bickering of my children in the backseat of the car. My five-year-old daughter was in a
particularly bossy mood, telling her seven-year-old brother where to sit, where to put his toys, how to buckle
his seat belt. After putting up with her orders for some time, he finally said: "Who do you think you are? My
wife?"

--Wendy Muise, Dartmouth, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I noticed a young boy staring at the pig we had put on the barbecue spit, complete with an apple in its
mouth. The boy's grandmother, obviously concerned about his reaction, knelt beside him and asked if he
was okay.

Finally he said: "That's a shame, Grandma. They should at least have waited till he stopped eating."

--M. Rita Gemmell, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Laboriously printing, five-year-old Jennifer was signing her Mother's Day card while her dad waited to
attach it to her mom's gift. When she began printing her last name, her dad said: "Your mom knows your last
name. There's no need to write that, too."
Jennifer thought about it for a minute, erased her last name, and then began erasing her first name as well.
"Mommy knows my name is Jennifer, too," she said reason- ably.

--Ambrose H. Peddle, St. John's, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Probably thinking of the future advantage of having a swing set right next door, five-year-old Christopher
volunteered to help my daughter put together her new purchase.
Jokingly she asked Christopher, "Do you know how to use a socket wrench?"
"Of course I do," he answered. "I watch Bob Vila, you know."

51
 --Bill Nicholson, Scarborough (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I grew up in the country. And I never realized how much my children had missed by being raised in the city
until one day when we were walking past a house whose yard had a small vegetable garden. Spotting it, my
son exclaimed: "Look, Mom. A farm!"

--Liz Douglas, Burnaby, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Used as Kids One afternoon my family and my six-year-old niece, Courtney, were out for a drive. We
spotted a badger in the ditch, and I said how unusual that was since badgers are nocturnal. Courtney wanted
to know what nocturnal meant and I explained.
Later Courtney was telling her mom about the unusual animal we had seen. "What kind of animal was it?"
her mom asked.
"It sleeps all day and stays out all night," Courtney explained. "I think it's called a bachelor."

--Diane Denham, Wetaskiwin, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Visiting from the Yukon, my two-year-old niece viewed her grandma and grandpa's farm near Beaverlodge,
Alta., as an exciting adventure. She went with her grandparents on their round of evening chores and stood
in wide-eyed wonder as her grandma took a stool, sat down beside a cow and began milking.
After silently watching for several moments, she suddenly pointed to the milk that was steadily rising in the
pail. "Oh, moose juice!" she exclaimed.

--Marion Sanderson, Hinton, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Vanessa, my seven-year-old daughter, was cleaning her room and I was helping. After we had worked for
about half an hour, I said that the room didn't look any cleaner than when we started. Looking at the mess
around us, Vanessa complained, "That's because you pulled all the stuff out from under the bed."

--Susan Reno, Nanaimo, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I was disappointed that my 31/2-year-old didn't like the clam chowder I had made for the first time. Hoping
to change his mind, I told him of the potatoes, bacon, cream and other yummy ingredients that had gone into
it. "What's not to like?" I asked.
"The taste," he replied.

--Susan Kelly, Etobicoke, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Grayson, my four-year-old nephew, was in the backseat of the car with his six-year-old friend Reba. Reba
asked if Grayson had seen the movie Flubber. He'd heard of it but hadn't seen it and asked what flubber
looked like. Reba explained that it was green and slimy.

52
Before she could say more, however, Grayson interrupted with, "Reba, that's not flubber, that's spinach!"

--Wendy Schachtel,Williams Lake, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I asked the three children I baby-sit what they had dressed up as for Halloween the rainy night before.
"Emily was a princess," four-year-old William said, "and I was a baseball player." I asked what two-year-old
Jacob's costume had been. "Jacob was a raincoat."

--Katrina Ratz, Kitchener (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Even though she could not tell time, my three-year-old granddaughter was wearing a watch when I visited.
Later, when I was putting on my coat to leave, I asked her what time it was. She looked at her watch blankly,
then brightened. "It's time for you to go," she answered triumphantly.

--Mabel Furlott, Toronto (from As Kids See It, 1999)

After 15 years at home with my children, I decided to go back to school for my master's degree. Though I
was anxious about it, my youngest child was starting kindergarten and I felt I'd now be able to devote time
to my studies.

As we both made final preparations at the end of August for our new lives as students, I explained to Laura
one day that I was going to school, too. After a few moments of thought, Laura asked, "Won't you be
embarrassed being the biggest one in the class?"

--C. Pryce, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 1999)

For a Thanksgiving assignment, my cousin's daughter, who is in Grade I, was to draw something she was
thankful for. When the teacher collected the drawings, she saw that Rachel's paper was blank. When asked
why, Rachel replied, "I wanted to draw a picture of God, but He was too big to fit on the page."

--Kathy Hamm, Three Hills, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My neighbour's three-year-old son ran in from the backyard. "Dad, I just saw a worm. I think it's getting
ready for winter."

"Why do you say that?" his father asked.

"Because he's wearing a sweater," the boy said, showing his dad the fuzzy caterpillar.

--Bill Willich, Powell River, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

53
As soon as our young son stepped on the ice for the first time, he fell flat on his back. For the next hour of
hockey practice, after every move he ended up in a crumpled heap. In the dressing room afterwards, we felt
sure he'd be disillusioned and this would be the end of his hockey career. "See?" he greeted us. "I told you I
could skate!"

--Robert McInnes, Langley, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

We had just finished saying grace when my sister and her husband stopped in for a visit. "Who's that lady,
Grandma?" asked our five-year-old granddaughter, Chandrella, who was visiting us.

"That's Grandpa's sister, Grace," replied my wife.

Chandrella's eyes lit up. "So that's who we talk to every night before we eat!"

--Gerry mcEvoy, Fruitvale, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Preparing for his first visit to a new doctor, my six-year-old son asked why we weren't going to see his
grandfather, who up until then had been his doctor. I told him Grandpa was retired. "What's retired?" he
asked.

"That's when Grandpa can do anything he wants."

"No, he can't," William claimed. "He has to do what Grandma tells him."

--Jennifer Scott, Mt. Albert, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

While munching on a snack, my four-year-old, Jair, dropped a piece. There was a scuffle between him and
the dog. Though Jair was victorious, he scowled at the morsel in disgust. "Yuchh! She licked it!"

Then he popped it in his mouth. I gasped. "Oh, it's okay, Mom," he said, "I wiped it on the rug."

--Diana-Marie Korbisser Stolz, Morinville, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Instead of the usual stork story, my mother created her own version of the "Where Did I Come From" tale
for my youngest brother. He loved to hear how he came down on a star and rang the doorbell. Then, when
my mother opened the door, he jumped into her arms and said, "I will be your baby."

However, as a fickle five-year-old who had just been told "No!"one day, he decided the ending should have
been different.

After firmly stamping his foot for emphasis, he cried: "I knew it! I knew I should have gone next door to
Mrs. Oberhoffer!"

--Janice Barrett, Hamilton (from As Kids See It, 1999)

54
The raccoons were not faring well against the cars on our back road. With each mishap, we would bury the
chubby, masked victim in the woods beside our home while saying a prayer to keep the deceased safe and
happy in heaven. When we buried No. 4, we followed the same routine. However, at the end of the
"service," my three-year-old daughter added a small prayer of her own: "And please, dear God, keep him
this time so we don't have to bury him again."

--Joanne MacNeil, Scotland, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Four months pregnant with my fifth child, I had just dug out my maternity clothes. I was cooking supper
when my eight-year-old son came into the kitchen. His face brightened at the sight of me, and he
conversationally remarked, "I see you have your eternity clothes on."

--Barb Cornthwaite, Matheson, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

We had been travelling by plane a lot, and as usual I had ordered children's meals ahead of time for my three
kids. When five-year-old Jordy received his, he opened the container, took one look at it and incredulously
said, "Mom, they call this a children's meal?"

I glanced at the standard fare of chicken and fries and asked, "What do you mean, Jordy?"

"Look!" he exclaimed. "Broccoli!"

--Diane Fleming, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 1999)

One of our family's superstitions is that if a fork is dropped, we'll have a lady visitor; if a knife, a man; if a
spoon, a child. One evening my six-year-old daughter was drying silverware and I had put the tray close to
her on the counter. Suddenly I heard the awful crash of all the silverware hitting the floor. "Mommy!" she
cried in excitement, "we're going to have a party!"

--Michèlle Laviolette, Zeballos, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

On mother's day I went to Sunday school with my grandchildren, Jill and Josh. Gifts were presented to the
oldest mother, to the mother with the most children, to the grandmother with the most grandchildren, and
then the great-grandmothers were asked to identify themselves. Six-year-old Jill whispered, "Grandma, raise
your hand."

I tried to explain to her that I wasn't yet a great-grandmother.

"But, Grandma, you are great!" she protested.

--Elizabeth Banfield, Grand Falls-Windsor, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My kindergarten class was discussing the upcoming school break and their impending plans. One of the
children had left the previous day with her grandparents to visit family in Calgary. One little boy was
especially delighted for her because she would be able to see the place where Jesus died on the cross -- just
outside the gates of Calgary.
55
 --Eleanor E. Davidson, Moose Jaw, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

After I left my job to become a stay-at-home mom, I was walking down the street one day with my five-
year-old daughter. "Mom," she said, "I want to be just like you when I grow up-nothing."

--Linda Seabrook, Woodstock, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

After a lady and her granddaughter had selected some toys, they brought them to the counter. I asked the
little girl if she'd like to carry them herself. She nodded happily.

When I started to put the teddy bear into a plastic bag, however, she exclaimed: "Don't do that! He won't be
able to breathe!"

--Sarah A. Randall, Victoria (from As Kids See It, 1999)

One really cold day in midwinter, my five-year-old daughter was in her room getting dressed. She came out
in a sleeveless sundress and asked me, "Is this dress okay, or am I too chilly?"

--Joan Christensen, Lethbridge, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I asked my seven-year-old niece when she visited our farm during the week with her dad why she wasn't in
school. "We have a holiday all week," she said, and then added, frowning, "I think they call it Teachers'
Invention."

--Garth Macfarlane, Carnduff, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

The grandmother of my four-year-old daughter Natalie's best friend had died quite suddenly. I decided to
send Natalie to her friend's house with a card and some baking. Worried that she'd say something
inappropriate, I asked her what she planned to say when she got there. "How about 'Did your grandma die?'"
Natalie said.

"Well," I suggested, "why don't you just say you're sorry."

"I can't say that!" she gasped. "They'll think I did it!"

--Cheryl Swanson Buettner, Moose Jaw, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Occasionally one of my five children accompanies me in my job as a truck driver. I had hoped the
experience would help them to appreciation my efforts to support the family.

However, I overheard my five-year-old daughter, Natalie, explain to her friend after a day with me: "Oh, my
dad doesn't work. He just drives around all day."
56
 --Tony Van Wyngaarden, Brantford, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Carissa, my four-year-old granddaughter, wears a MedicAlert bracelet. One day while visiting a friend of the
family, she was asked what the bracelet was for.

"I'm allergic to nuts and eggs," she replied.

"Are you allergic to cats?" the lady asked.

"I don't know," Carissa answered her. "I don't eat cats."

--Gladys Amirault, Lower East Pubnico, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I took my four-year-old daughter on a shopping trip to downtown Toronto. I was delighted when, after 20
minutes of circling, I found a place to park. As Ami and I were walking to the store, she suddenly exclaimed,
"Mommy, I know why people have to die."

Taken aback, I asked, "Why?"

"Well, if they didn't," she replied, "there'd be no place to park."

--Carmela Kvas-Harden, Toronto (from As Kids See It, 1999)

The ophthalmologist told my nine-year-old daughter she had a slight vision problem, but he didn't want to
prescribe glasses because "you'll wear them for a month, and then they'll sit on a shelf and collect dust."

That evening she told her dad the results of her eye exam. "If we buy the glasses," he said, "I expect you to
wear them. Otherwise they'll sit on your shelf and collect dust."

"Mom," she asked a little later, "why do glasses make the house so dirty?"

--Verlene Carter, Myrnam, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

To teach the children the meaning of kindness, every morning my son's Grade II teacher put the students'
names into a hat. The children each picked a name and had to perform an act of kindness for that person
during the day. Each day after school I asked Trevor whose name he had pulled and what kind thing he had
done. One day he told me he had drawn his teacher's name. "That's terrific," I replied. "What kind thing did
you do for her?"

Proudly he said, "I listened to her."

--Debbie Whitty, St. John's, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

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My three-month-old daughter was sleeping in her stroller while we visited the park. A little girl about three
years old came up and asked me, "Is that your baby?"
"Yes," I answered.
"What's her name?"
"Emily," I told her.
"Can she walk?"
"No, she's much too young."
"Can she crawl?"
"No, not yet."
The little girl looked confused. "Then what did you bring her here for?"

--Dawn L. McGinnis, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Andrew, my four-year-old son, and I were doing an experiment. We left pieces of apple on the counter for an
hour: some dipped in lemon juice, some left in water and a few left as they were. Except for those in the
lemon juice, the pieces had all browned. I asked Andrew, "If you were going to bake something with apples
and you didn't want them brown, what would you do?"

"I wouldn't wait an hour," he replied.

--K. N. Bullock, Guelph, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I was baby-sitting my friend's four-year-old son, Caleb, and had just served dinner. He finished all his
sausages, then just sat pushing the mashed potatoes around on the plate with a fork. When he asked for
dessert, I told him he had to finish his dinner first. He climbed down from his chair and went into the living
room, so I followed. "What's wrong with the potatoes?" I asked.

"I think there are too many ingredients," he said. "They're yuckie."

"Which ingredient do you think made them taste yuckiest?" I asked.

"Hmm," he pondered. "I think it was the cement."

--Judy Power, Mount Pearl, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

We were shopping for a carpet for my 21/2-year-old son's bedroom. To my dismay, he and my husband
loved a rug that I disliked -- it had a bold geometric pattern on it. We bought it.

"Mom, I know you don't like the rug," my son said to me that night. "But if you were my age, you'd like it.
Look at all the car tracks and parking lots it has."

--Carol Matalas, Toronto (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My son Isaac had had a number of operations by the time he was four years old and had become quite
matter-of-fact about them.

58
One day when we were at the veterinarian's office for our new kitten's checkup, Isaac suddenly looked up
from the toys he was playing with and seemed to notice his surroundings for the first time. "Mom," he asked
in a room full of people holding their pets, "am I here to be fixed?"

--Carole Nicholson, Pender Island, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

One Sunday while we were in church, my youngest son, five-year-old Clinton, asked what the three doors at
the back of the church were for. "They're confessionals," I said. In answer to his "What are confessionals?" I
explained that when people do something bad, they have to go in there and tell the priest what they did.

"Oh," Clinton said, "like a penalty box."

--Albert Michlik, Dysart, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

I try to be creative at disguising obvious gifts when wrapping Christmas presents. One year I bought a video
for my four-year-old son, and not wanting him to guess what it was, I put it in a cereal box, wrapped it and
put it under the tree. Christmas morning he tore off the paper, let out a whoop and exclaimed, "Look, Mom,
I got breakfast!"

--Bonnie Wilson, Nanaimo, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

When French was first introduced in his class, my son had great difficulty remembering his teacher's name,
Madame Winter.

One blustery day, however, he arrived home proclaiming triumphantly, "I finally remember my teacher's
name-Mrs. Dam Winter!"

--Linda Plunkett, Keswick, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

The night my aunt and her four-year-old grandson, Carson, were returning from Brooks, Alta., to spend
Christmas at her home in Calgary, the car hit a deer on the highway. When they finally arrived home and
explained what had happened, Carson's grandfather was very concerned about them and upset about the
damage to the car.Carson, in an effort to reassure him, said: "It's okay, Grandpa. It wasn't Rudolph. I
checked."

--Shelley Lynn Gregory, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Ashley, my six-year-old daughter, came home from skating at the rink sporting a huge bruise on her elbow.
She went into the bathroom and studied her bruise in the mirror. I suggested she put some ice on it. She
leaned out the door and said, "Mom, I think it's had enough ice on it today."

--Kathi Martin, Kamloops, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

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We had just moved to the country with our year-old daughter when we were greeted one morning with the
sight of two full-grown horses and a pony eating from the platform bird feeder on the lawn just steps away
from our front door. They had apparently escaped from our neighbour's field down the road.
My daughter turned to me and excitedly said her first full sentence: "Let 'em in, Mommy!"

--Linda Buck, Belleville, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My four-year-old granddaughter, Grace, asked her aunt Adele why she is her guardian. Adele explained
what guardian means and ended by saying that "if anything ever happened to your mom and dad, Uncle
Chris and I would take care of you and your brother."
"So, if Mom and Dad die, James and I will live with you and Uncle Chris?" Grace asked.
"That's right," Adele replied, concerned that Grace would be saddened by the discussion.
"Well," Grace said, "then I'd better get your phone number."

--Elaine Kowalyshyn, Melville, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

On my way to a store in another city with my three young children in the car, I got lost. The children were
becoming restless and finally I begged: "Kids, please behave. Isn't it bad enough that I'm lost?" Four-year-
old Peter then directed all his attention to helping me find my way. Suddenly his face lit up. "Mom, look,
we're not lost. There's a McDonald's!"

--Carmela Kvas-Harden, Toronto (from As Kids See It, 1999)

At the day camp where I worked, my group of six- and seven-year-olds had built forts from a pile of folding
mats. One girl pieced together her "princess castle," stood back to admire it, then invited me in for a cup of
tea.
I entered carefully, as the walls were precariously balanced against one another. Just as the tea was be-ing
poured, the entire structure collapsed around us. The little girl looked up. "Pardon me," she said. "We're
renovating."

--C. Amos, Montreal (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My seven-year-old daughter, on our first-ever camping trip, watched as I lit a fire using a waterproof match.
As I tended the fire, Stacy picked up the box of matches and read the cover. "Daddy," she asked, "did you
start the fire with waterproof matches?" When I answered yes, Stacy looked very concerned. "Then how are
we going to put it out?"

--Guy Parkins, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Abubbly young staff member eager to take us on a tour of the store greeted my preschool class at the
supermarket door. "My name is Shannon," she announced. "It says so on my name tag here. See? It says
Shannon. S-H-A-N-N-O-N. That means I'm Shannon. Would any of you like to have a name tag like this?"
she asked expectantly.
"No, thank you," replied four-year-old Christopher politely. "I know my name."
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 --Renee Duke, Kelowna, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Despite the rain that seems to accompany us on every trip, my husband and I are avid campers, and so is our
daughter, Amanda.
The year Amanda was three years old, however, our two-week vacation began with pleasant sunny weather.
After we returned home, Amanda was telling her granny all about our trip. "We drove and drove and drove
till we found rain. Then we camped."

--Terri Notdorft, Beaumont, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

The hospital had called to inform me that my nine-year-old son, Trevor, had been hurt in a soccer match. I
hurried over and saw that although his head and face were badly cut, he'd be okay. The doctor said he'd have
to call in a plastic surgeon. On hearing this, Trev wailed: "I don't want a plastic surgeon! I want a real one!"

--Norma Guthrie, North York, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

While teaching a Sunday-school class in our farming community, I was explaining how God made
everything in the world on different days. One little boy raised his hand and asked, "What day were the
tractors made on?"

--Kelly Folkins, Apohaqui, N.B. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

One afternoon my seven-year-old son, Connor, rushed home with some exciting news: His best friend had
just got a dog. I asked Connor what kind. A poodle, he thought. "How big?" I asked.
"Not very," he replied.
"It must be a miniature or a toy," I suggested.
"It's a miniature," Connor said decisively. "It couldn't be a toy."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because," he said, "it barked."

--Heather Cressman, Waterloo, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

Some time ago the Canadian Forces used ropes to scale the outside of the 550-metre CN Tower in Toronto,
and it was widely shown on television. My sister's grandchildren were watching the program when their
mother said: "You see that bulge at the top? That's a revolving restaurant, and your grandmother ate there
when she visited Toronto."
The youngest grandchild looked thoughtful, then asked, "Is there another way up?"

--John Parsonage, Etobicoke, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I was sitting near the balcony door when I heard a thump outside. Looking out, I saw a child's rubber ball on
my balcony, so I went and picked it up. When I glanced over the railing, I noticed a boy about five years old
61
looking up at me. "Is this yours?" I asked.
"No," he replied hesitantly, then added, "but it will be if you throw it back."

--Judi Chapman, Edmonton (from As Kids See It, 2000)

As my five-year-old son presented me with a dandelion that had gone to seed, he said, "Mom, make a wish
and blow off all the fluff."
After I did, he asked what I wished for. "I wished that you will always be healthy."
"Whew," he sighed in relief. "I thought you might have wished that I'd always be good."

--Carole Rivest, Kirkland Lake, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

When I arrived at the sitter's to pick up my five- and eight-year-old sons, Jeremie and Mathew, Jeremie
greeted me with "I've been a good boy today."
"You can't get into much trouble lying on the couch all day," the sitter laughed.
"Dad does!" responded Mathew.

--Cheryl Lavoie, Paddockwood, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

We still can't figure out how every morning for a couple of weeks in late spring some June bugs manage to
get into our house. One morning I was awakened by my four-year-old son saying: "Mom! There are three
June bugs in the kitchen. Two of them are dead and the other one is having a nightmare!"

--Kim Marshall, Beaver Dam, N.B. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

I cautioned my eight- and ten-year-old children, Andrew and Sharon, that if they wanted to play outside,
they must stay off their bikes while I went to the airport, just two blocks away, to give a flying lesson. On
my way out I left the phone on the porch.
While my student and I were circling the airport, we flew over my house and I noticed Andrew cruising
around on his bike. I called the tower controller. "John," I said, "would you call my house, please, and tell
Andrew to get off his bike and go to his room."
When Andrew answered the phone, John repeated exactly what I had said.
Later, I arrived home to find Andrew sitting on his bed, a worried look on his face. "Mom, I'm sorry," he
said. "I was playing on my bike, but God saw me and made me to go my room."

--Heather Wagner, Portage la Prairie, Man. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

A burly man was standing next to my three-year-old niece at an outdoor market. She appeared intrigued by
his elaborate tattoos. Finally she asked him, "Does your mom get mad at you for drawing on your arms?"

--Katherine Cook, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2000)

The new shoes my son chose were much too expensive, but I decided to buy them anyway after he observed
wistfully, "These shoes are so comfy, my feet feel like they're in bed."
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 --Lynn Newman, Kelowna, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

While my daughter and I were chatting when I was visiting her one day, my five-year-old granddaughter,
Kelsey, entered the room. "Mom... Mom...Mom..." she kept repeating.
"Sweetheart, it's not polite to interrupt," Wendy said patiently. "I've explained before that you must wait for
a break in the conversation before speaking."
"Yes," Kelsey replied tearfully, "but when there's a break in the conversation, you keep talking."

--Elaine Wagner, Ottawa (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My friend asked her five-year-old son to go downstairs to the rec room to get something from the coffee
table. He returned empty-handed, telling his mom he couldn't find it. "It's right at the end of the table," she
said. Then he told her it was the coffee table he couldn't find. Exasperated, she replied, "It's right in front of
the couch."
His face lit up. "Oh, you mean the beer table."

--Carolyn Feenstra, Port Coquitlam, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 2000)

After being a widower for a few years, I was going to remarry. My daughter, with three young sons who had
fond memories of their grandmother, tried to explain to them why I was getting married again. "Grandpa's
lonely," she said. "He needs someone to talk to, go for walks with. He needs a companion at mealtime and
company at home."
Doug, the middle boy, said, "Why doesn't he get a dog?"

--H. B. Clarke, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 2000)

My 31Ž2-year-old daughter, Charlotte, was thirsty and asked her great-aunt, whom we were visiting in
California, if she could have a drink of water. They walked over to the fridge, which had an ice-and-water
dispenser on the door, and as she filled a glass, my aunt asked, "How do you like our fridge?"

Charlotte looked at it closely and then said, "We have one at home, too, but ours has food in it.

--Cornelia Howell, Lachine, Que. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

On his first day of kindergarten, my friend's son was asked by his teacher whether he'd prefer to be called
Alex or Alexander. "Well," he replied, "my mommy usually calls me Sweetheart."

--Elaine Munro, Haliburton, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My friend was about to be married when her future mother-in-law met my friend's seven-year-old niece for
the first time. She asked her how she was going to participate in the wedding.

63
"I'm going to be the flower girl," she said excitedly, "my brother's going to be the ring bearer, Dad's going to
be the emcee, and Mom said she's going to be broke."

--Paul Smith, Vancouver (from As Kids See It, 1998)

When he finally felt he was ready, my friend's little boy invited his mother to listen to him rehearse his first
confession. Solemnly bowing his head, he joined his hands and said: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
This is my first conviction."

--Rhonda Robbins, North Milton, P.E.I. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

After we moved to a new community, we decided to send our children to Sunday school for the first time.
Our eight-year-old daughter was ecstatic, but our ten-year-old son wasn't at all happy. After much coaxing,
he finally agreed to give it a try. "But," he informed us darkly, "if there's even one math question, I'll quit!"

--Terri Perrin (Calgary) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Four-year-old Bobby had been warned never to leave our street. One day, however, he went for a walk up by
the railway tracks. I was very upset when I found out and said he'd have to tell his dad. About an hour later
his dad arrived home and I said, "Now tell Dad where you were." He looked at me blankly, so I rephrased
my words. "Where did you come from," I asked sternly.

"I don't know," Bobby cried in a shaky voice. "Eaton's? The Bay?"

--Norma Roulston (Winnipeg) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

I realized just how environmentally conscious my seven-year-old daughter was when I tried to explain to her
what organ donation was. When I finished, she said: "Oh, I understand. It's like... recycling!"

--Glenna Cairnie (Grimsby, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

"I'm not going to wear this shirt to church!" declared my six-year-old son, Cameron. I insisted he wear it and
said he could change when we got home. Cameron then tried to enlist his father's support. When that failed,
Cameron informed me that after church he'd be running away. "Why wait?" I asked.

"I'm not going to run away in this shirt!" he exclaimed.

--Debbie Innis (Beaconsfield, Que.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

The city advised my daughter while I was visiting that the water would be shut off for a short time because
of a broken main. We decided to go for a walk with the dog. When we returned, her three boys, aged

64
between nine and 13, were eating macaroni and cheese. We asked them if the water was back on. "No," they
replied, "we used the water from the dog's dish."

--Gwen Loewen (Richmond, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

After stopping at the pet store to pick up supplies for Whiskey, their dog, my sister-in-law, Kay, and her
young daughter, Sheila, went to the supermarket. At the checkout, Kay couldn't figure out why she didn't
have enough money to pay for the groceries. "Don't you remember, Mom?" Sheila reminded her in a loud
voice. "You spent all your money on Whiskey."

--Gerry McCallum (High River, Alta.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Not long after I remarried after having been a widow, my seven-year-old granddaughter visited me. She was
admiring the two diamond rings I wore on my left hand and asked what they meant. I explained at length
how I had loved Gramps but now also loved Gordon, and that each had given me a diamond ring.

She shook her head. "I don't think so, Granny. I think you just love diamonds."

--Virginia Balloch (Moncton, N.B.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

The guests at a dinner party my husband and I attended were seated at three tables of varying shapes and
sizes, beautifully set with cut-glass water goblets and juice glasses, candles and decorations. Our host held
his four-year-old daughter in his lap while he said grace and then turned to take her up to bed. "Daddy," the
child asked, "which one was my changing table?"

--J. Margaret Mullin (Riverview, N.B.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

When a birthday card arrived from his grandmother, my six-year-old son held it unopened, staring at his
name. "Who's it from?" he wondered.

"Look up in the corner of the envelope," I suggested.

After a moment, he exclaimed, "It's from the Queen!"

--Lorraine Zettler (Prince George, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

My mother was baby-sitting my daughter and my nephew. For their good behaviour, the children were
rewarded with a looney each, and Mom cautioned my three-year-old not to put it in her mouth. My five-
year-old nephew, the son of a chartered accountant, added: "And don't bite it either. Only the government
can take a bite out of your looney."

--Rosemary Joa (Marathon, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

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Shortly after my father died, Mom came to visit. We were in the kitchen when my four-year-old son came in
with his friend, who, when she saw Shawn's grandma, asked where his grandpa was. "He's in my body,"
Shawn replied.

Startled, I asked, "What do you mean, Shawn?"

Patting his chest, he said, "He's right here, Mom, inside my heart."

--Dianne Bowman (Coquitlam, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

My wife was getting ready for her first major business trip. As the time for departure drew nearer, things got
quite emotional. Our family huddled together, and Holly told the children that she loved them very much
and that she was going to miss them. Then suddenly her eyes filled with tears. Our five-year-old son,
clutching his favourite blanket, grew concerned. He looked up at his mother and said, "Would you like to
take my blanket with you?"

--Marcel J. C. Ulliac (Fort McMurray, Alta.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

While I was putting my reluctant five-year-old to bed one evening, he looked up at me and said accusingly,
"I know what you and Dad do at night when I'm in bed." Rather taken aback by this statement, I asked what
he meant.

"You eat all the good stuff," he replied.

--Laura Best (Springfield, N.S.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

My ten-year-old daughter was reciting the Ten Commandments but became stuck after Thou shalt not kill,
Thou shalt not steal, and Honour thy father and thy mother. After a pause, however, she continued, "Thou
shalt not drink and drive."

--Patricia Hunt (Willowdale, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Our two children, aged nine and ten, excitedly asked if they could go and buy an anniversary present for us.
This would be the first gift they'd purchased on their own.

When they returned they looked downhearted. "We didn't have enough money for your present," our
daughter said, adding indignantly, "Do you know what they want for a $20 gift certificate?"

--Laurie Appel (Melville, Sask.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

I spend my evenings in my studio sculpting busts of kings and queens. I had just put the finishing touches on
Nefertiti when my eight-year-old daughter came in. She looked at the unusually large headdress, smiled in
recognition and said, "Oh, it's Marge Simpson!"

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 --Donna Diamond (Guelph, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

One youngster knew the answer when our minister asked the children what a miracle was. "When my mom
and dad let me have another cat," she replied.

--Joan Flaherty (Brantford, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

As the father of five young children, I commented at the dinner table one evening that they hadn't missed me
while I was away on a two-week business trip. But my six-year-old daughter explained, "That's because
Mommy never told us you were gone."

--James Ehman (Langley, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Teaching my six-year-old daughter the days of the week, I asked her if she had any questions. "Yes," she
replied. "Why is there more week than weekend?"

--Carrie Aiello (St. Ann's, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Every now and then my family shakes all the change from our piggy bank and rolls it up. The pig sits empty
until our pockets and purses overflow again

. Shortly after "rolling day," we had a contractor over to give us estimates on some renovations. As we began
to talk about money, our young son brought conversation to a halt. "Mom, does this guy know we don't have
a single penny in the bank?"

--Diane Ploner (Camrose, Alta.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

The rain was drumming down on the tin roof of our camper. After a while, my six-year-old son asked,
"Mommy, what's that noise?"

"Rain, dear," I answered, "on the roof."

"Santa?" he asked incredulously. "In the summer?"

--Nadyne Greschner (Goodsoil, Sask.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

We had a pesky problem with ants in the house, but I didn't realize how bad it was until one day when I was
in the backyard with my four-year-old son. "Look, Dad," he said, pointing, "an ant got out of the house!"

--Kirk Heisler (Halifax) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

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One evening, when I was eight months pregnant, I was sitting with my husband and three children at the
dinner table. Six-year-old Brendon said, "Mom, I don't think you should have any more children."

I was shocked and concerned, and finally managed to ask, "Why?"

"Well," he replied, "you don't remember our names now."

--Darlene Lamey (Westfield, N.B.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Every time I left to attend a parenting meeting, my six-year-old son, Travis, asked where I was going. I
explained I was going to learn how to be a better mom.

The evening the meeting was to be held in my home, Travis watched me prepare coffee for the guests. He
asked who'd be coming. After I told him the names of the ladies, he said, "Aren't there any moms who know
what they're doing?"

--Charlene Meyer (Thunder Bay) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

I was appreciating some abstract paintings in an art gallery when I overheard a little girl ask her mother,
"Why does this day care use such big paper, Mommy?"

--Karen Kerr (Cambridge Station, N.S.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

My husband and I often took turns at bedtime lying down with our toddler, Stephen, to help him go to sleep.
One evening after my husband had been in our son's room for about half an hour, I was surprised to see
Stephen come tiptoeing quietly into the living room. "It's okay, Mom," he informed me proudly, "Dad's
asleep now."

--Jennifer Trapnell (Whitehorse, Y.T.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Hoping to lose a few pounds, I had borrowed a treadmill and placed it in the rec room. My four-year-old son
was sitting close by, watching cartoons, as I began my maiden voyage. After a few minutes, I noticed he
threw an occasional glance my way. Apparently the noise from the treadmill was disturbing his viewing,
because he looked up at me and with a big sigh, said, "Are you there yet, Mom?"

--Annette Downer (Orillia, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

As an Ontario provincial policeman, I was extremely proud when my three-year-old son stated that he was
going to be a policeman when he grew up.

"If you're going to be a policeman," my wife replied, "you're going to be an educated policeman."

"No," he replied emphatically, "I'm going to be a provincial policeman!"

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 --Rainer I. Edward (Timmins, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

After finding numerous cougar footprints in our yard, my six-year-old asked, "Why is it coming to our
house, Mommy?"

I explained that wildcats are carnivores and that it was looking for meat to eat. Looking greatly relieved, he
exclaimed: "Whew! It's a good thing we're vegetarians!"

--Terri Tallman (Summerland, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Our three grandsons spent a few days with us in Winnipeg. Their grandfather decided it would be good
exposure for the boys to see parliament in action, and so we took them to observe a question period. The
boys seemed fascinated. After some time, our 11-year-old grandson nudged his grandfather. "Grandpa," he
asked, "how come everyone is talking and no one is listening?"

--Evelyn Dyck-Bueckert (Winnipeg) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Our three grandsons spent a few days with us in Winnipeg. Their grandfather decided it would be good
exposure for the boys to see parliament in action, and so we took them to observe a question period. The
boys seemed fascinated. After some time, our 11-year-old grandson nudged his grandfather. "Grandpa," he
asked, "how come everyone is talking and no one is listening?"

--Evelyn Dyck-Bueckert (Winnipeg) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

In the few years before her death at age 101, my aunt's dentures were causing her discomfort and the nurses
often removed them. Now, at her funeral, my seven-year-old nephew, Nicholas, who used to accompany his
mother when she visited our aunt, gazed down at his great-aunt. "Mom," he whispered, "she looks
different."

My sister said, "That's because she has her teeth in."

Nicholas threw his hands in the air. "Now they give them to her!"

--Shirley-Dale Easley (Durham Bridge, N.B.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

After having worked for the first five years of my daughter Jennifer's life, I was delighted when I could
finally quit working and be a stay-at-home mother. I was proud of my position and when asked what I did
for a living was quick to reply that I was a housewife. I realized I may be overdoing it, however, the day
Jennifer and I were shopping and the clerk asked her what we had planned for the day. We were on our way
to visit her former baby-sitter, Jennifer replied. When the clerk asked her who baby-sat her now, she jerked
her thumb in my direction and replied, "The housewife."

--Connie van Dixhoorn (Rivers, Man.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

69
My son fell through the ceiling while he was working in the attic, and my four-year-old grandson, Lee,
invited everyone who came to the door to see what his Dad had done. Finally my son said, "You can tell
Grandma and Grandpa and relatives, but you don't need to tell everyone about it!" When the repairman
arrived, Lee followed him and his dad to the hall. Lee looked up at the ceiling and said, "You know, that
hole is just about the size of my dad."

--Bertha Chamney (St. Albert, Alta.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My granddaughter, Tara, was shopping for a birthday gift for me. Trying to be helpful, the clerk asked:
"What do you think your grandma would like? A shawl? A flannel nightie? Slippers? A magnifying glass?"

"Now I remember what she'd like," replied Tara, "a martini glass."

--Kathleen A. McLaughlin (London, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Whether she is turning the pages for me as we read together, or turning the pages of a book herself, my two-
year-old daughter, Rachel, is blissfully content for hours. One day I decided to improvise a story rather than
read one. I began with "Once upon a time there was a little girl named Rachel." While I struggled with what
to say next, Rachel grew increasingly impatient. Suddenly she leaned over to me and urged, "Turn the
page!"

--Kim Anderson (Hampton, N.B.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

In anticipation of their dad returning home from a business trip, my four young daughters wanted to give
him a welcome-home party. I told them to make signs for him while I prepared a special dinner. When I
went back to check on them, my three oldest daughters showed me their wonderful welcome signs. Then
five-year-old Milo held hers up. It read wet paint.

--Pat Riley (Halifax) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

When men's sports teams were first being challenged to accept women players, my ten-year-old son Jeff was
in minor hockey. After one practice I was surprised to see that one of his teammates was a girl. Later, I asked
Jeff if the girl was having any problems. He wrinkled his brow and thought for a few moments. "Well," he
replied, "her passing needs work."

--Lee Riley Fitzgerald (Castlegar, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My husband, Ken, was playing Santa Claus at our local community centre and swimming pool, and a fellow
swimmer was teasing him about wearing a bathing suit under his outfit. A little girl about five years old had
attached herself to "Santa" and on hearing the comment, leaned over and pulled open the Velcro front of
Ken's jacket. Her eyes grew wide when she saw the Batman emblem on his T-shirt. Quickly she closed
Santa's jacket and whispered, "I won't tell anyone who you really are."

--Debi Johnson (Mission, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

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I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper. He looked puzzled, so I
explained, "You know, the place we put our dirty clothes before they're washed." He picked up his things,
trotted into my bedroom and dropped his clothes in a pile on his father's side of the bed.

--Heather Forbes, Tatamagouche, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Whenever the household budget got particularly tight, I'd remind my four children that we couldn't afford
this or that because we were saving our money to make our yearly visit to Grandma's. I hadn't realized how
often I must have said this until my five-year-old once turned to me and asked, "Just how much does
Grandma charge us to visit her, anyway?"

--Shelley Brown, Sherwood Park, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

After house hunting for many months, my husband and I finally found the home we wanted to buy. Our
young sons voiced their approval. When I asked what they liked best about it, my four-year-old answered,
"The goldfish and the cat."

--Judy Reyno, Lower Sackville, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

"Zachary," my 21Ž2-year-old grandson answered when asked his name. "Tell me your full name," his mom
continued.

"Zachary Douglas Come Here," he announced proudly.

--Linda Wells, Manuels, Nfld. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

In the middle of the night my four-year-old woke me up and whispered that he was sick. I picked him up,
got him back to bed, took his temperature, gave him some medicine, rubbed his back and tummy, all the
while asking him questions. I realized I might be overdoing it, though, when he said, "I think I just need
some peace and quiet."

--J. McCarvill, Kensington, P.E.I. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My husband spent most of his RCMP career working in drug enforcement in Ontario. He donned his red
serge only on special occasions. We discovered our children were not used to thinking of him as a typical
on-the-street policeman when our six-year-old son declared that when he grew up, he wanted to be a
policeman, not just a Mountie like his dad.

--Bev Campbell, Lower Newcastle, N.B (from As Kids See It, 1999)

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As the years passed, my young son's favourite blanket became ragged and threadbare. One day when he was
seven, he informed me he intended to pass the blanket down to his son. "But Tyler," I said, "by that time it
won't look very good."

"Don't worry, Mom," he said after some thought, "he'll understand the feel of it."

--Kari Wallace, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 1999)

As my sister was making dinner, her seven-year-old son asked if he could have a snack before supper. "As
long as it's nutritious," she replied. Later she found him eating chocolate. Annoyed, she repeated, "I said
something nutritious."

"Nutritious?" he repeated. "I thought you said delicious!"

--Shannon Simpson, Brooklin, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Having emigrated from England 13 years earlier, my husband and I felt it was high time we became
Canadian citizens, especially since our three children were born here. One morning at breakfast we
announced that we would be out all morning because we were going to become Canadians. That evening our
five-year-old daughter asked if we had done so, and we told her we had. "Well," she answered, puzzled,
"you don't sound any different."

--Sheila Smith, Etobicoke, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1999)

Tired of super-hectic Christmas mornings, I was pleased to find a recipe called "Christmas Morning
Wifesaver Breakfast." I prepared the breakfast the night before so that it could be put in the oven while we
opened our gifts with our five small children. It was delicious.

The next year I followed the "tradition" and prepared the same breakfast. After everyone was seated and I
put the casserole on the table, my six-year-old exclaimed disgustedly, "This again!"

--Dawna Kroeker, Winnipeg (from As Kids See It, 1999)

My father was a member of Parliament for more than 25 years, and as a result my family frequently visited
the Centre Block. On one occasion when I was driving across a bridge and Parliament Hill was clearly
visible, my two-year-old called out, "Look, Mom, Granddad's castle!"

--Ruth Kirkpatrick, Carp, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

A friend of mine mentioned that she had an appointment with her son's French-immersion kindergarten
teacher. I knew that regular parent-teacher meetings were not due for a while, and when I asked if there was
a problem, she related a conversation she had had with her son. "Mom, I can speak three languages now!" he
said excitedly.

"Three?" she questioned.

72
"Yes," he replied proudly. "English, French and Inappropriate."

--Laurie Lafortune, Saskatoon (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Our son was born on December 24. When we arrived home from the hospital with him, I realized how well
our four-year-old daughter had listened to the Christmas story when she enthusiastically greeted our first
visitors with: "Come on in! Come on in and see the newborn King!"

--Lori Karwandy, Medicine Hat, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

I had joined a weight-loss organization and had lost a total of 45 pounds in six months. I had my son and
nephew with me one day, and since children are not permitted to attend the meetings, I left them outside
while I went in, weighed myself and left immediately. When I came out, my nephew asked how much
weight I'd lost. "Forty-five pounds," I answered proudly.

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "In ten minutes!"

--Deb Geiger, Warburg, Alta. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

On Christmas Eve my son was reading 'Twas the Night BeforeChristmas to his three-year-old son. Tyler was
listening intently. When Joe reached "...the stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth/and the smoke, it
encircled his head like a wreath," Tyler asked, "Does his doctor know he smokes?"

--Shirley Sampson, Halifax (from As Kids See It, 1998)

"Mom, can I go downstairs and see if Santa came?" my very mischievous four-year-old son whispered in my
ear at an ungodly hour Christmas morning. I groaned my okay.

Seconds later he came bounding back upstairs. "Mommy, Santa came!" he exclaimed joyfully. "I told you he
wasn't watching me!"

--Denise Bigelow, Pitt Meadows, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Every time my young children went out to play, I repeated the safety rules. It had become a litany, and I
began to wonder if they were listening.

One day my four-year-old daughter was getting ready to go outside. As I helped her tie her shoes, once again
I told her the dangers that lurked everywhere. "Mommy," she said solemnly, "I've got it: God made me once
and He can't make me again."

--Jean Crittenden, Huntsville, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

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Our six-year-old brought her new friend home for cocoa. The girls sat at the table while our 14-month-old
son sat nearby in his high chair. Candace, who had just moved into the other side of our duplex, said, "You
have a nice kitchen."

"Thank you, Candace," my wife replied. "I imagine it's a lot like yours."

"No," she replied, "ours doesn't have a baby in it."

--Kerry D. Sim, Courtenay, B.C. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

With two older brothers, our four-year-old daughter, Jessica, longed for a little sister to play with. One day
she burst into my bedroom. "Mommy! Mommy!" she cried excitedly, "We can get a sister now! I was
pushing buttons on the phone, and the lady said, 'If you need a sister, please stay on the line and an operator
will help you.'"

--Sheila vanOuwerkerk, Summerside, P.E.I. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

One evening when my friends were at a neighbourhood party, they spotted their youngest boy, Sam, racing
through the living room waving a toy machine gun. They didn't allow their children to play with toy guns, a
rule they enforced at home but knew was difficult to enforce outside. As soon as Sam spotted the displeasure
in his father's eyes, he quickly said, "Don't worry, Dad. I'm pretending it's a stick."

--Roberta Walker, Chelsea, Que. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My sister's dog was ill and in need of a veterinarian when we arrived at her house for a visit. After being told
by her aunt that a vet was a dog doctor, my four-year-old daughter wanted to accompany them to his office.
When the doctor was introduced to her, she looked accusingly at her aunt and declared, "He's not a dog!"

--Margaret Root, London, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

When we get home," I lectured my three young daughters in the backseat of the car, "I want you all to clean
your rooms because Uncle Steve is coming over. He's never been to our house before, and I want it to look
tidy."

My eight-year-old finally broke a lengthy silence. "But isn't that kind of like lying?"

--Penny Powell, Victoria (from As Kids See It, 1998)

I took my three-year-old son, Adam, to the emergency room to have a garden pea extracted from each of his
nostrils. When the doctor finally succeeded in removing them, he asked Adam, "Why did you put the peas in
your nose?"

"Because," Adam replied tearfully, "they kept falling out of my ears."

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 --Shirley Dombowsky, Hudson Bay, Sask. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

With her neatly packed clothes in a small suitcase, my nine-year-old daughter went off to camp. Two weeks
later I picked her up. When I unpacked her things, I was impressed at how clean and well folded everything
was, considering she is normally rather untidy with her possessions. "Camp sure has changed you," I said.
"Look how well you packed."

"It was simple, Mom," she answered. "I didn't unpack."

--Coby van der Giessen, Baddeck, N.S. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My five children and I were visiting Jane and her husband, Terry. I had been Jane's baby-sitter years earlier.

From the moment we arrived, the day was packed with exciting attractions for the kids: a pond for
swimming and boating; a dock for diving; rides on a power mower; swings; a barn with bunnies; basketball;
a beach bicycle.

When we sat down at the end of a fun-filled afternoon for a tasty barbecue, my eight-year-old daughter
beamed at our gracious, entertaining and as-yet-childless hosts: "I bet your children can hardly wait to be
born!"

--Carol Schwartz, Kitchener (from As Kids See It, 1998)

We had spent the weekend at my parents' home and were driving away. My three-year-old son, whose
grandmother had just doted on his every wish and whim, waved good-bye until we rounded a corner and he
could no longer see his grandmother. He let out a soulful sigh. "Gee," he said, "I hate to see myself go."

--John Adamek, Calgary (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Years ago, Uncle Andy had planted an apple tree and fussed over it as though it was a family pet. Finally it
yielded its first solitary apple. My five-year-old brother, Greg, had been eyeing the unripened fruit all day.
Andy told him that under no circumstances was he to pick it. A short while later Andy went back to the
garden and found Greg sitting on top of the picnic table."Did you pick that apple?" Andy asked him.

"Nope," Greg replied. And he hadn't - he core was still attached to the tree.

--Peter Holmes, Halifax (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My friend's ten-year-old stepson's bicycle was stolen, and they didn't hold much hope for its recovery: They
had neglected to record the serial number. But they were surprised when the police asked O'Neil if he could
identify his bike in any way.

"Oh, sure," he replied confidently. "I put some snakes down the handlebars."

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 --Ada Edginton, Ridgeway, Ont. (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Nicole, my six-year-old niece, was cracking nuts while chatting with her grandmother about Sunday school
and church. Suddenly she interrupted to ask: "What kind of nut is this?"

"They're almonds," her nana answered,"and they were probably grown in the country where Jesus was
born."

"Then that's a good name for them," Nicole answered.

Puzzled, Nana asked, "Why's that?"

"You know," Nicole said, "Amens."

--Jennifer Robinson (Bracebridge, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

My brother Ken camped on his lot in an old tent trailer while he built his cottage. One summer he and our
dad were up for a few days and for supper that first evening decided to have hamburgers. While Dad was
slicing onions, tomatoes and lettuce, Ken was tending to the burgers, but was having difficulty flipping
them. "This new spatula you brought doesn't work very well," he said to Dad.

Dad walked over, took one look at what Ken was doing, and laughed. "That's not a spatula, it's a flyswatter."

--Jim Crozier (Hamilton) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

As a first-time mother-of-the-groom, I settled tremulously into my pew after lighting a candle at the altar. So
far everything was proceeding as planned. I was so proud of my three sons as they filed in to stand with the
minister. Then a young child's voice cut across the solemnity. "Does she get to choose?"

--Susan Peredery (Calgary) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

For months our family had been preoccupied with my search for a job. One day my husband told our three
boys that to make things easier for me, he was going to draw up a list of jobs for them. They were silent for
a moment before our six-year-old asked, "When are the interviews?"

--Brenda Cobb (Freetown, P.E.I.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

Our family of five was travelling by car from British Columbia to Ontario. On our third day, we stopped for
supper at a restaurant in Alberta. A man sitting at a neighbouring table asked my five-year-old son where we
lived. "We used to live in a house," he replied, "but now we live in the car."

--Betsy McClure (Collingwood, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

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It was a warm, sunny day and my three-year-old daughter stood looking out the window. Outside, our dog
was lying in the shadow of some brush looking at people passing by, breathing hard, his tongue lolling out
of his mouth." Daddy," Marianne asked, "why does Mopsy laugh at everybody all the time?"

--Rudi van der Hijde (Richmond, B.C.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

I looked out the window to check on my daughter, Jodie, and some neighbourhood kids who were playing in
the backyard. I noticed them running towards the house and could see Jodie holding one bloody hand with
the other. In a panic, I ran out of the house to meet her. Mistaking my look of concern, Jodie quickly assured
me: "Don't worry, Mom, it's not paint."

--Patsy Palmer (Sydney Mines, N.S.) (from As Kids See It, 1997)

My five- and six-year-old children were opening their first savings accounts at the bank. After the teller
filled out all the forms and the children printed their names at the bottom, he told them everything the
accounts would do for them. Then he asked them if they had any questions. "Yes," said my son. "When will
I receive my credit card?"

--Shelley Hunter (Grande Prairie, Alta.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

"Here, honey," the waitress said as she handed a menu to my four-year-old daughter, "you can share this
with your mommy."

In one fluid motion, Laurie took the menu, ripped it down the centre and obligingly handed me one half.

--Ellen Arsenault (Brantford, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

I asked my Sunday-school class of four- to six-year-olds if they believed miracles really did happen. "I
know they do," answered one girl confidently.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Because when I cleaned my room and my mom walked in, she said, 'It's a miracle!'"

--Pamela Weber (Orillia, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My daughter usually dresses one of her four-year-old identical twin boys in red, the other in blue, so that it's
less confusing for their teacher and classmates to tell them apart. One evening, though, Niall, who usually
wears red, asked his mom at bathtime, "Do you know who I am when I'm naked?"

--Ken Sprackett (Belleville, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

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My husband and I both come from large families, and I hadn't realized how many birthday parties we attend
until, on the Friday before the Victoria Day weekend, my five-year-old son arrived home from school. "I
don't have school on Monday," he announced. "It's the Queen's birthday." After a moment's pause, he
continued, "We don't have to go, do we?"

--Maureen Van Veld (Pictou, N.S.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My husband was describing our upcoming holiday at a resort to our four children, aged two to six. It was at
a place where the beds would be made, he told them, the meals would be cooked, and all the cleaning would
be done for us. Our oldest looked puzzled. "Then what's Mommy coming for?" he asked.

--Stephanie Magian (Winnipeg) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Three of my husband's female co-workers took a correspondence course with him, and they met weekly in
our home. I'd get our young son, Will, off to bed, greet the three as they arrived, then leave with my
daughter for a Brownie meeting.

After a couple of months I chanced to meet Will's kindergarten teacher. She repeated to me what Will had
announced in class: "Tonight's the night my mom and sister go to Brownies and Dad has his girlfriends
over."

--Patricia Dugay (Saint John, N.B.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Just as my daughter-in-law was serving the lasagna she had made for her guests, her six-year-old daughter
asked, "Mom, what was it you put in there by mistake?"

--Olive Stangeland (Birch Hills, Sask.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

My favourite sweatshirt promotes organ donation, stating: "Don't take your organs to Heaven... Heaven
knows we need them here." Eight-year-old Ian, whom I babysit, read the message, looked at me thoughtfully
and said: "Well, that makes sense. Everyone knows they play harps in Heaven."

--Susan M. Noble (Elmsdale, N.S.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

One gloomy spring day my wife, who seldom bakes, asked our three-year-old daughter if she'd like to help
her bake some cookies. Kaylah looked up at her mom in surprise and asked, "Is it Christmas again?"

--Jamey Gormley (Sherwood, P.E.I.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Some years ago we had a dog and the doghouse was at the side of the house. Four blond-haired kids lived
next door, and one day the little four-year-old, Peter, rang our doorbell. "Is my dad here?" he wanted to
know.
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"No, he isn't," I replied.

"Yes, he is," Peter insisted. "My mom said so!"

"She did?" I asked. "When did your mom say that?"

"Just a few minutes ago. She said my dad was in the doghouse."

--Sharon Duffy (Calgary) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Trying to impress upon my 11-year-old grandson how the speed and methods of travel have changed over
the years, I explained how, as an immigrant, I travelled from Britain to Canada. I recalled my trip by taxi,
bus, train, ferry and finally, seven days aboard an ocean liner.

I knew I had gone too far, however, when he asked, "Did they make you row, Grandma?"

--Elizabeth Janson (Unionville, Ont.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

One of the kindergarten teacher's Chinese-Canadian students was about to get a new little brother or sister.
The teacher asked every few days if the blessed event had happened yet. The little boy was getting more
excited as the days rolled by. Finally, one day the teacher asked her usual question, and the child broke into a
big smile and nodded. "Well, what was it?" the teacher asked.

The little boy, full of excitement and wonder, blurted, "Chinese!"

--Gail Mallory (Corner Brook, Nfld.) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

Since I'm health conscious, whole-wheat products play a large part in my menus and my stepson Greg had
trouble with the array of bread, muffins, spaghetti and crackers that I laid out. One morning I was making
his favourite breakfast, french toast. I was even using white bread as a special treat that day. All the
ingredients were assembled when Greg came in.

On spying the brown eggs, he exclaimed: "Oh, no! Not whole-wheat eggs, too!"

--Valerie Ruston (Saskatoon) (from As Kids See It, 1998)

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