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Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with
their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives.
Wives notice and are upset by the difference.
Pornography use is a pathway to infidelity and divorce, and is frequently
a major factor in these family disasters.
Among couples affected by one spouse's addiction, two-thirds
experience a loss of interest in sexual intercourse.
Both spouses perceive pornography viewing as tantamount to infidelity.
Pornography viewing leads to a loss of interest in good family relations.
None of these arguments can detract from the serious harm a porn
addiction can do, both to yourself and those around you. Some of
the warning signs a porn addiction include:
Being consumed with thoughts of porn even when you are not
actively viewing it
Viewing porn on your cell phone during work or in social
situations where you might be seen
Feeling ashamed, guilty, or depressed about your porn viewing
Continuing to watch porn despite any harm it has had, is
having, or may have on your relationship, work, or home life
Experiencing reduced sexual satisfaction with a partner when
pornography is not involved
Keeping your porn secret from your spouse or domestic partner
Getting upset when asked to cut back or stop using porn
Losing track of time when viewing porn
Trying and failing to quit
According to a study from the Kinsey Institute, a research center
dedicated to the study of human sexuality, approximately 9 percent
of habitual porn viewers reported unsuccessful attempts to stop. The
researchers also found that habitual viewers had a greater incidence
of erectile dysfunction and low libido, further differentiating
"healthy" porn viewing from potentially harmful compulsive
behaviors.
Treatment
Source: Shutterstock
Why is there pornography?
Long ago, when there weren’t any bedroom doors, sex must
have been a somewhat public event. If you saw and heard a
couple having sex, that must have acted as an incentive to
come join them.
More people today seem to accept the fact that their partners
regularly go online to watch other people having sex. The
degree to which this is a problem or not may well depend on
the frequency with which a couple has sex together. As I write
in my book, Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously
Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship (4), sex is a lot like
Pavlov’s dog: If you end up having more sex with your
computer than with your partner, then over time you’ll end up
with more pleasurable associations to your computer. Often
the best solution is to make sure you have more orgasms in
bed with your partner than in front of a screen.
The fact that most of us like to watch other people having sex
is clearly part of our evolutionary heritage. With a little wisdom,
most can manage this so it doesn’t overwhelm their erotic
bond to their partners. For many others, though, the natural
urge to watch others have sex can create a whole host of
problems. And in such cases, it can be quite valuable to
understand how deeply this urge is rooted in the early history
of our species.
How it began
The beginning of society’s most recent view of sexuality and porn
can be partially attributed to Dr. Alfred Kinsey, the founder of the
Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction.
A zoologist, Kinsey published his book, Sexual Behavior in the
Human Female in 1953. At the time, some considered this to be part
of the most triumphant and significant scientific publications of the
20th century, stating that they proved that most people engaged in
the sexual practices that society labeled as “taboo” and “deviant.”
However, we now know the truth behind how his book was
produced.
How these experiments were conducted were questionable, to say
the least. Along with interviewing pedophiles, Dr. Kinsey’s research
was overpopulated with prostituted people and prisoners as well. Dr.
Kinsey’s controversial investigation on sex went beyond
interviewing, too—he observed, encouraged, and even filmed
coworkers participating in sexual activity in the attic of his house.
And what’s more, Kinsey’s documents have reports with over 300
children between the ages of five months and 14 years old.
How it spread
Kinsey’s research helped to normalize some of our society’s
misinformed attitudes about sexuality and paved the way for the
booming business of pornography. In December of 1953, the same
year that Dr. Alfred Kinsey published Sexual Behavior in the
Human Female, Hollywood starlet Marilyn Monroe was featured in
the first issue of what became the world’s most recognized porn
brand: Playboy. This porn magazine founded by Hugh Hefner had
the stage set for his booming business by Dr. Kinsey’s warped
research.
Related: 4 People Who Made Porn What It Is Today
Hefner capitalized on the trend with his magazine. However, to
maximize sales, he had to change porn’s image; instead of being
thought of as something your friend’s creepy uncle might have, porn
needed to look like a gentleman’s pursuit. To do that, Hefner put
pornographic photos next to essays and articles written by respected
authors. In Playboy, porn looked like legit, classy even.
The next big shift happened in the 1980s, when VCRs made it
possible for people to watch movies at home. For porn viewers, that
meant that instead of having to go to sketchy adult theaters on the
wrong side of town, all they had to do was go to the back room at
their local movie rental place. Sure, they still had to go out to find it,
but porn was suddenly a lot more accessible.
And then the internet changed everything. [1]
Suddenly there was nothing but a few keystrokes between anyone
with an internet connection and the most graphic sexual material
imaginable and unimaginable. The online porn industry boomed.
Between 1998 and 2007, the number of pornographic websites grew
by 1,800%. [2] According to a 2004 study of Internet traffic in May
of that year, porn sites were visited three times more often than
Google, Yahoo!, and MSN Search combined. [3]
Related: 11 Mind-Blowing Porn Stats That You Won’t Believe
And porn hasn’t stayed behind the computer screen. Now that porn
is more available, affordable, and anonymous than ever before,
more people are becoming addicted [4] and its influence has soaked
into every aspect of our lives. [5] Popular video games feature full
nudity. [6] Snowboards marketed to teens are plastered with images
of porn stars. [7] Even little girls’ dolls have become more
sexualized. [8]
How it’s getting worse
The more our society becomes sexually saturated, the more porn
producers pump out harder and harder material to make sure they
stay on the cutting edge. [9] It’s all about shock and novelty, which
means that each new production is increasingly hardcore.
“Thirty years ago ‘hardcore’ pornography usually meant the explicit
depiction of sexual intercourse,” wrote Dr. Norman Doidge, in his
book on neuroscience, The Brain That Changes Itself. “Now
hardcore has evolved and is increasingly dominated by the
sadomasochistic themes … all involving scripts fusing sex with
hatred and humiliation. Hardcore pornography now explores the
world of perversion, while softcore is now what hardcore was a few
decades ago …. The comparatively tame softcore pictures of
yesteryear … now show up on mainstream media all day long, in the
pornification of everything, including television, rock videos, soap
operas, advertisements, and so on.” [10]
And not only is there more porn to watch, but also there are more
ways than ever to watch it. [11] Today, not only do we have high-
speed internet and HD videos, we’ve got it on devices that fit into
our pockets. Families have gone from having one shared computer
to often having multiple personal laptops, smartphones, and tablets.
As porn’s availability has risen, so have its devastating effects on its
viewers, their relationships, and society at large. [12] As therapist
John Woods recently wrote, pornography addiction “is no longer
just a private problem. It is a public health problem.” [13]
Where we are today
Society’s opinion on pornography didn’t happen all at once. It was
supported by the faulty scientific research of Dr. Alfred Kinsey,
which attempted to normalize all forms of sexual activity, including
pornography. It was brought into the mainstream by the marketing
techniques of Hugh Hefner, who created the facade that porn is a
refined, macho product. Then, technology made pornography
affordable, accessible, and anonymous. All of these factors have led
to the formation of a public opinion that states that pornography is a
normal and healthy pursuit. This couldn’t be farther from the truth,
and the world needs to know it.
Related: 40 Reasons You Should Quit Watching Porn Today