Grief, Mourning and Bereavement

ABSTRACT

Death is a drastic event in one’s life. Through grief, mourning and bereavement,
people heal the hurt of their loss of a loved one. The burden of the loss can be carried
over a life time or laid down. Grief is a profound and complex response for those who
have been left behind. There found different gender reactions in grief and traumatic
event. The bereaved family tend to experience more intense emotional reactions such as
shock, denial, anger, depression that may linger on for quite some time, especially when
they were widow or a mother. Individuals grieve differently, yet coping with bereavement
depends upon the personal characteristics, available support, coping mechanism, faith
and self-concept of sufferers. Using the case study approach, this article explores the
grief, trauma (psychological response) and coping pattern of bereaved family while
struggling with the loss. The cases of three persons who lost their loved one few years
ago were analyzed. Findings highlight the importance of social support, religious or
spiritual beliefs, traumatic growth in bereavement and coping with the loss of a family
member.

OBJECTIVE:

The objective of this study is to determine how the Bereave Family experience
bereavement, and how they cognitively process and cope with the loss.
 PURPOSE OF THE STUDY

The purpose of this study to know what are the different ways of grieving and if
how they cope up after the death of their loved ones’.

SIGNIFICANT OF THE STUDY

The findings of this study will redound to the benefit of all the Bereaved Family.
This study will help them to how to deal with the death of their loved one

METHODOLOGY

In the present study, the case study method was adopted for data collection. The
participants were three few years bereaved. A wife who loss her husband at the age of
50, A mother who loss his only son thru vehicular accident and a son who loss his mother.
The instruments for data collection were the observation and semi-structured interview
schedule. The schedule contained items pertaining to the initial reactions to death, view
about death and dying, psychological responses, available support, coping resources and
positive or negative part of their experience. Being a sensitive subject, the participants
already acquainted with the researcher, were made agreed to share their experiences as
part of the research to investigate into peoples’ attitude to death and bereavement.

Case 1
A 40 years old widow with four children lost her husband aged 41 due to colon
cancer within three months of diagnosis. Having a nuclear family and dependent status,
it was a shock for her. Since the deceased was under regular doctor’s advice, the family
did not expect the loss so early. She said, “We were hoping that he would soon be alright
but he left us. She could not foresee how to take care of her family and manage all things.
She said, “I was so hopeless I did not know what to do I felt so pity to my children how
can I raise them without my husband.” I was so black.” She added. Symptoms of sadness,
difficulty in falling asleep, helplessness and disbelief were the initial responses to death.
She told that relatives and friends took every responsibility of the last journey of the
deceased. She was thankful to her relatives and neighbors who counseled her to play dual
role for the sake of her children. Faith in God and asking His help to resolve the crisis was
her submission. Until now it’s still hard for her but she needs to be strong and works hard
and continue to ask God’s help for the good of her children.

She revealed, “It is very difficult ….. but we are alive to keep his (deceased)
memory in our heart forever.” Fulfilling husband’s dream seemed the only reason to stay
back into life

Case -2:

A 51 year old mother loss his only son due to vehicular accident. Death of her only
son resulted in sadness, depression, uncertainty, helplessness, anxiety followed by
financial woes . It seemed that it was the end of the world. She really wanted to go with
her son by killing herself because she felt that she was already alone and nobody will take
care of her so it’s better for her to follow her son. It took her a years to grieve but through
her strong spiritual and religious belief and through the helped of her relatives, gradually
she was able to accept the reality but sometimes if she was alone she could not stop
herself to cry even many years had passed. She said “ it is very hard to accept because
you know he is the only thing I have ….but life must go on and I know that someday we
will be together again and I want to prepare myself well for that and if that could happen
may be I am the happiest mother of this world”

Case 3:
 A 37 year old son loss his mother who’s helping him in raising his five kids due to
cardiac arrest. He could not expect the sudden death of his mother. He could not foresee
how to raise his family and manage all things because he was so dependent with his
mother. His mother was working abroad, so she took the responsibility in paying the
tuition fee of his children ( 3 were studying at private school) and the Amortization of
their house. He said, “I was so hopeless and distressed that I could not comprehend what
to do?” It took longer time to recover. May be it was God’s plan so that I will be responsible
in raising my kids.” He said. “Through the help of our Almighty Father because I always
ask his guidance, and of course through the help of my wife and some of my relatives we
are gradually recovering.” He said that he learned a lot for what happened to his mother
. It’s really hard because he used to call her mother abroad every time he needed money
for his kids but now he needs to work harder in order to give his children’s needs. “
“Nakakaya naman kahit papano, natuto na kaming mag asawang tumayo sa sarili
naming mga paa.” He said.

Interpretative analysis of the above cases brings into focus the

following three main themes;
(a) Grief :
Death of a loved one always poses problems in recovering from the loss. There
found different reactions by the bereaved depending upon the nature and circumstances
of death, relationship with the deceased and personal characteristics. The sudden death
with little or no preparation results in more abrupt and difficult grieving process. Besides
the normal grief in loss, the suddenness and untimely (unexpected) death carry extra
burden of shock and the sense of being broken and overwhelmed. There is no opportunity
to anticipate and for getting through the loss and resultant grief. For example in Case-2,
the respondent lost her only son due to vehicular accident. It was a traumatic event for
her and the entire family over gripped by severe emotional conditions such as shock,
denial, numbness, yearning persisted for quite some time. Initially, it was hard to believe
dying and death but gradually they learned to live without the deceased.
 (b) Bereavement and Social Support:

The most important factor in healing from loss is enlisting the support of the
people. While dealing with death, the support of the bereaved receives is crucial because
it affects their ability to cope and recover from the personal trauma. It is natural to vent
the feelings while grieving, as sharing the loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry.
The involvement of religious community is beneficial while negotiating with the loss. The
bereavement is not limited to the immediate family, rather it impacts the whole social
framework. In all our cases, the bereaved individuals got and utilized available support as
the coping resource to tackle pain and suffering in loss. Researchers suggest that family/
social support is instrumental in understanding and handling bereavement and associated
grief as an inseparable part of human experience. Respondents viewed that social visits
by the family people and friends brought a sense of relief and togetherness. Therefore,
sharing time and talking with bereaved sympathetically were significant elements for
social environment congenial in grieving and healing process.

(c) Religion/ Spirituality and Bereavement:

The beliefs and practices that stems from cultural–religious worldview reflects
how people respond to bereavement. Religion and spirituality are significant constructs
associated with bereavement that may act as buffers to declining physical and mental
health status (Richardson, 2007). Spiritual and religious perspectives provide many
resources for understanding and coping with loss. The religious faith provides guidance
to people about coping with loss, teaching spiritual beliefs and perception that treat
death as another life transition within the life cycle of an individual. All participants in our
study have faith in their religion and asked God’s help to deal with the crisis, as evident
from their statements. The first respondent expressed thus, “It is very difficult to live with
the loss, but God helps me and gave me courage and strength to face the reality. ” In Case-
2, the mother described her state in similar words, “I pray God to shower mercy on me.”
Life and death are pre-determined by Him. “We have only to follow and I believe that it
was all God’s Plan may be he had a better purpose ”. Respondent-3 told, “Now we have
learned to live without her. Perhaps it was God’s will. And When I felt depressed and
helpless, I asked Him to help me. It is none but God who will give us strength to carry on
the task .” The subjective responses of the participants revealed that the religious beliefs
influence the process of coping with bereavement.

CONCLUSION

Generally, bereavement is the most traumatic life cycle event to those who are
left behind, often resulting in major social, psychological and spiritual transitions.
Acceptance of a loss of loved one will take longer. Social support is essential to successful
grief reconciliation. Among the coping strategies utilized by the bereaved, religious coping
is recognized as the most valuable resource. Religious coping enhances a person’s
psychological resource, e.g., sense of mastery and self-esteem and help the individual to
build an interpretative frame work (Siegel, et al, 2001) or cognitive schema (e.g., search
for and finding meaning). The relationship with God helps to provide support and
strength, reduces loss of control and helplessness.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is challenging in different ways for different
people. There is no right way to mourn, grieve, or "deal with" death, and it is likely that
there will be many factors mixed in with your sense of loss. No two reactions will be alike;
what is important is to realize that you are not alone. You should reach out when you're
ready for the support of others, though it is equally fine to keep to yourself until you feel
stronger again. The Researchers suggest some way how to cope up after Death;(1 ) Know
that your feelings of grief are normal and expected. After the death of a loved one it is
normal to feel sad, upset, or lost. Don't be angry at yourself for feeling sad, or tell yourself
that you should "man up" or get over the loss. Grief is a normal, natural human emotion
that helps you cope with death, not something to hide or feel ashamed of (2) Make time
in your life to process grief. It is only natural to push your sadness to the side, distracting
yourself with other things and ignoring your emotions. But sadness and anger will steal
into your life whether you want it to or not, and the longer you ignore it the longer it will
take to fade away. Immediately after a loss, take some time off to process your feelings
and deal with the may stresses that come with the death of a loved one.(3) Think of
positive ways to remember your loved one. You may not believe someone when they
say, "your sadness will pass with time," but always remember that they are just trying to
help. Listen to their sentiments, but don't feel anger or despair if you disagree. People
find it hard to deal with death and even harder to deal with the person who is left behind.
Everyone is wondering what the “right thing to do” is. (4) Spend time with friends and
family. Grieving is often a group process, where fellow loved ones’ band together to help
get over the pain of a lost loved one. Turning to these relationships reminds you that you
are not alone in your pain and can help you express your feelings to people who
understand and feel them too. (5) Gradually move on with life, on your own timeline.
When you're ready, you'll need to accept that your loved one will only live on in your
heart and memories (6) Get back to your daily routine at your own pace. Everyone moves
at different paces, but everyone needs to get back into the swing of normal life.

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