ASSESSMENT SHEET AFTER COMPLETION OF FIRST TA ADVANCE COURSE in NIBBANA

All answers should be minimum 100 words and not exceed 250 words .

There are four questions with 25 marks each

List 3 stressors, which could be an event/situation/people that stress you out?

List 3 stressors observed by others. Ask people whom you know, what do you get stressed about?

Stressors

Observed by self Observed by others

My dad and husband having a conversation No one should say anything bad about your dad

Not doing enough for my parents and sisters Last minute planning, not liking change

Being late for something Comparing me with others

Question 1

Write your answer based on the following questions:

F Choose one of the stressor mentioned above which you want to respond to differently from
now and why?
The stressor that I want to respond differently is my husband and dad having a conversation.
I want to do that so than I make things simple and easy for myself.

F When you encounter the chosen stress event, “what are your thoughts, behavior and
emotions”?
Anxiety, fear, submissive, inadequate are some of the emotions. Fear of the relationship
going from bad to worst. Uncomfortable feeling in the chest and stomach. Feeling is I am not
responsible. This is the script which has developed from the childhood; it replays childhood
strategy in me as a grown-up. The results that are produced are self-defeating and painful.

F Do you respond in similar fashion in some other occasion?

No. I don’t think I respond in this fashion in any other situation.

F Which ego state are you in predominantly when you are stressed?
During my childhood I saw this being done by my parents, uncles and aunties where there
are examples of how should a father-in-law and son-in-law relationship need to be. So I think
this is from my Parent ego state

F How do you know you are in the self-assessed ego state?

I am replaying the way my aunty used to react and pretend, when my uncle visited my
grandparents. I start replaying Parental judgments in my head about whether I replaying it in
a perfect way. It is possible that my aunt also saw her aunt behave the same way and so she
used to create that hype when my uncle came home. So, I am accessing part of my own
Parent ego-state, the Child in my aunts Parent (C3 of Aunt).
 F How do other people react to your expression?
Both dad and Husband want me to support them, husband and I have had arguments post
some interactions. Dad understands, husband feels left out and not being supported by his
wife. He feels let down by me.

F Have you seen any other person (parental figures) react in similar way?
Yes when I was a kid and my father used to go to maternal grandparent’s home all the uncles
and aunts used to tell son-in-law is coming so things need to be special. Need to take care of
him. Also when my uncle (paternal aunt’s husband) used to come to our house to see my
paternal grandparents my aunt used to create a feeling don’t talk unwanted things and
create a special person feeling for him. So things need to be perfect for him.

F Any past\earliest memory you remember responding to in the similar fashion?

None like this.

F What is one change which you make will help you to handle the stress situation in a better
way?
The wall that has been created by me and I am going to leave it as it is for now. My
expectation from my husband is to understand my parents as I understand his parents. But
now I am not expecting anything from him as they are adults they can handle their
conversations.

List 3 things which make you feel glad

Ask others about 3 things that they see you feeing glad

Gladness

Observed by self Observed by Others

My husband praising me thanking me for something, Dressing up for others

loving me

Dancing Going to mothers place

Spending time with my daughter Money, Rasgullas

Question 2
Choose one from the gladness list and describe this experience, with respect to thoughts, feelings,
perception about yourself and your response to others\events when you feel glad.

Explain the same in TA language and how you can extend this other areas, roles and situation in your
life.

The gladness that I choose is “My husband praising me, thanking me for something, and loving me” I
feel accepted, respected, confident, amazed by the words he uses. I become very emotional and
have tears of joy not able to acknowledge back in words. Praising me is out of my script. Also if I
express what I feel and if it’s not valued then there will be a pay-off.

In TA language – This is related to my script. When I was a child no one praised me directly. Yes praise
was done sometimes in an indirect way by telling good things about me to others. I feel glad when I
am praised; however as it was never direct I dint have to acknowledge the same. So now when my
husband praises me directly I don’t understand how to acknowledge him. Also when others praise
me I just don’t take it as a complement and don’t accept the positive strokes. I am not able to accept
praises and my script decisions are made not to accept praises.

Also if I express what I feel and if it’s not valued then there will be a pay-off. The change I need to
bring to retain the gladness is to express what I want to not expecting any outcome. No strings
attached. I am constantly managing the other person in my mind.

During other situations when I am glad I feel it within me. It will reflect in my body language. I will
smile and be bubble and spread the happiness. Feel calm within.

Question 3

A) What is the one change you want to make but are unable to sustain? Write it in common
language and describe the same using a any TA concept
Old – The one change that I want to make and not able to sustain, is getting upset when I am
compared to others. I feel very bad when I am compared. This may be I am collecting stamps
with in and when someone else who is close to me says that I feel very bad. I start working to
get exhausted. This also happens when my husband tell me something and compares me to
others. So I need to clarify what does he want and not assume the same. Also what does he
want to own. Wife as a role does not stand alone, it’s a shared role.

The one change that I want to make is getting upset when I am compared to others. I feel
rejected, inadequate and inferior when I am compared. This is may be as I do not take
positive strokes and when I feel it is a negative stroke I feel bad. When someone else who is
close to me says that someone is better than me I get angry, mad, frustrated, and furious. I
start working to get exhausted. This happens when my husband tell me something and
compares me to others.

From TA concept – I get into the life position of I am not ok – you are ok.
When I take up the position 'I'm not-OK, you're OK', I am more likely to write a losing life-
story. To fit with my position I construct script round themes of being victimized and losing
out to others.

What I need to do - So I need to clarify what does he want and not assume the same. Also
what does he want to own. Wife as a role does not stand alone, it’s a shared role.
 B) What is one change you were able to make and are able to sustain? Write in common
language describe the same using any TA concept
One change that I was able to make is to speak for self and set expectation with boss. When I
joined corporate world used to think just work and rest will be taken care. During the first
appraisal it was bad and got to understand that if I need to get what I want I need to tell that
to the boss and also keep speaking about the work I do. It is important not to be in bad
books of boss. From then onwards highlight what I am doing in office and also keep my boss
posted on my expectations.

Analyzing the two answers above. What is your understanding about yourself with regards to
initiating new changes?

What I understand about myself with regard to initiate change is I need time to accept the
changes that occur to me personally. Broader level changes do not affect me and I am very
receptive to them. Let me know about the change in advance as this is my challenge. Change
does not come easy to me. It takes time for me to change. Lot of preparation is required or there
has to be an life changing event.

Question 4

Which TA model is your favorite and how do you apply this in your day to day life?

Stroke economy is my favorite TA model. Yet to apply. The thought is to have a bowl and drop the
good stamps in it. Also to change the script and to be able to accept strokes and give myself strokes.

Group Presentation:
TA topics for Oral presentation

1. Ego states

2. Differentiating functional and structural ego states

3. Transactions

4. Games

5. Rackets

6. Drivers

7. Inunctions

8. Contamination
 9. Stroke economy

10. Life position

11. Script analysis

Take one concept from the above oral presentation list. View this concept from 3 different TA authors
and also state your understanding of this concept.

One concept – Stroke Economy

Claude Steiner suggests that as children, we are all indoctrinated by our parents with five restrictive
rules about stroking.

Don't give strokes when you have them to give.

Don't ask for strokes when you need them.
Don't accept strokes if you want them.
Don't reject strokes when you don't want them.
Don't give yourself strokes.

Assessment will be made on

 Self awareness; ability to share experience and self reflection.

 Ability to use variety of TA models and ability to quote minimum of 2 to three authors and
books.
 Ability to maintain OKness while demonstrating competence.

Evaluation will be made on ability to articulate experience using common language and TA terms.

1-3 3-6 6-10

Ability quote life events and
self reflection towards those
events
Ability to show range of
consciousness towards
Body reaction, thoughts,
feeling, relationship with others
and use of TA concepts to
explain the same
Ability to compare between TA
models. Quoting authors and
books. Flexibility to explain an
event using variety of TA
models. Spontaneity in
answering questions using TA
diagrams and explaining the
same.

Question 4 ( This will be an impromptu test).

There will 10 TA topics will be in a basket. The participant will pick up one topic and share the
understanding of this topic for 10 minutes. There will be a 5 min question and answer session after
the sharing.

Self awareness Ability to use TA Demonstration of

models OKness when
answering questions
Self evaluation
Peer evaluation
External evaluation

Discussion with the Trainer on a dialogical assessment will be the last step in assessment.

The written answers answer should be submitted during the July 2015 class, so that evaluation of
written material can be done prior to the impromptu session in August 2015.