Although it is believed by some that tertiary education students ought to choose any

major they are interested in, others think that students should specialize in scientific
majors only since such majors will be extremely significant in the future. In my opinion, I
believe that students should have the freedom to study any field which they desire, as
this will help them excel in their studies and have successful careers in the long run.

Excellent introduction. You have paraphrased the question well, outlined your main
ideas, and given a clear opinion. Well done.

On the one hand, some people believe that students ought to specialize in any field that
matches their areas of interest such as music or art, and I agree. This is because when
students like what they are studying, they are more likely to apply themselves and excel
in their studies, and therefore, they will become professionals in their fields. To illustrate
this, the famous singer Taylor Swift became a successful musician, song-writer lecturer
and a famous singer after studying music at university. I think if she had studied a
science-related field, which is would have been against her will, she would not have
become a successful individual.

The first sentence of your main body paragraph, the topic sentence, should restate the
idea you outlined in the introduction. You do not need to start by repeating parts of the
question, as you have done.

You seem to have discussed both of your main ideas in this paragraph.

You should discuss one main idea per paragraph.

On the other hand, it is often argued that university students ought to major in scientific
subjects only due to the reason that scientific fields are beneficial for the future of our
world. In other words, people tend to think that the world is in need for of scientists more
than artists or musicians, and consequently, a number of people force their children to
study something which is totally against their desire. For instance, 80% of Syrian
doctors force their children to study medicine as they believe that this is the best for
their children’s career prospects. I believe that students who are pressured to study
something against their desire they are not interested in, will not have a successful
career.

Again, the first sentence of your main body paragraph, the topic sentence, should
restate the idea you outlined in the introduction. You do not need to start by repeating
parts of the question, as you have done.

The idea you discuss in this paragraph (forcing children to study subjects that they have
not chosen) is not the idea that you outlined in the introduction. You must discuss that
idea, otherwise it is confusing for the reader.

In conclusion, although people may vary in their opinions, I believe that students ought
to study any major that matches their interests as this will positively impact their
academic performance as well as their future careers.

You have summarised your main ideas well and your opinion is very clear.

Task Response - Band 6

You have answered the question and there is some good development in your
response.
The points you’ve chosen for your essay are relevant but to get a band 7, you need to
develop these points clearly in both paragraphs.
In your supporting paragraphs, the explanations and examples need to be relevant to
the point you’re making. None of them can be vague or irrelevant if you are to score a
band 7.
Suggestions- this should all be taken care of when you’re making the plan because
you will need to focus on everything else when you’re writing the essay.
I would advise you to be stricter with yourself when you are choosing how to explain
and exemplify your points. Ask yourself if the explanations and examples are related to
your specific point or just the topic in general, ask yourself how they will help the reader
to understand your point more clearly and ask yourself if it is necessary to include them.
Your opinion should be clear in every paragraph of the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion- Band 6

You arrange information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression,
however, there is no central topic to the supporting paragraphs and this makes it difficult
to follow your argument.

Your use of cohesive devices is generally effective.

You use paragraphing logically.

Suggestion- Your main problem is coherence, which means how easy the essay is to
understand. You can improve this in several ways. You have a clear thesis in the
introduction because that helps the reader understand your point of view, but the rest of
the essay must also clearly support this thesis.

Your supporting paragraphs should have one main central topic, which is best
supported by just one idea. Although you can support this topic with two ideas, this is
not recommended because of the time it will take you to properly develop two ideas.
This will also make it easier for people to understand your essay.

Vocabulary- Band 8

You use a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to convey precise meanings.

You skillfully use uncommon lexical items but there are occasional inaccuracies in word
choice and collocation.

You only produce rare errors in word formation.

Suggestions- Well done. This was one of the strongest parts of your essay. If you keep
doing this in the exam you will do really well. Remember that it is about using
vocabulary naturally so only try to use a word when it is natural to do so, in other words,
don’t try to force big words into your writing.

You did a very good job of using synonyms to vary your language and you should
continue to do this.

Grammar- Band 7

Around 50% of your sentences are completely error free. Well done. The errors that you
do make are only small, so they do not impede communication. You use a variety of
complex sentences and a variety of complex structures.
Suggestions- Look at the common errors you have made in all of the essays I have
marked for you and identify common problems. You can revise the grammar for these
common problems and fix them. You should also give yourself at least 3 minutes at the
end to make sure you have not made any grammar mistakes.

In order to get above a 7 for grammar, more than 50% of your sentences have to be
completely error-free, so focus on eliminating the small errors and don’t take any risk

Overall- Band 7

You could improve your essay in the following ways:

•Reduce the number of main ideas in your main body paragraphs.

•Learn how to write an effective topic sentence.

•Reduce the number of grammar mistakes you are making by reading each sentence
immediately after you write it to check that it makes sense.

•Proofread your whole essay at the end.

•Plan your answers for 5-10 minutes before writing.

Suggested Resources

Planning- <http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/07/02/how-to-plan-an-ielts-essay/>

Main body paragraphs- <http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/05/21/write-supporting-

paragraph-ielts/>

Agree or disagree- <http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/02/ielts-writing-task-2-

agree-disagree-lesson/>

Grammar- <http://ieltsadvantage.com/2015/04/20/ielts-grammar-mistakes/>

Sample Answer

It is often argued that undergraduates should be forced to take only courses that will be
of use in the future, such as science-related subjects, while others think that they should
be free to choose whatever they are most interested in. Although science degrees offer
more opportunities to procure a good job, this essay will show that forcing someone to
do what they are not interested in will often result in failure.
On the one hand, students who finish university having studied an area of science are
far more likely to find employment. The simple reason for this is that industries related to
technology are always growing and there is an ever-increasing demand for
professionals in this field. For example, Indonesia attracts a lot of foreign companies
because of the competence of their science graduates. Yet this essay argues that a
person who has found employment easily isn’t guaranteed success in their careers.

On the other hand, when students are forced to study certain subjects, a large number
of them will fail their exams. This is because it is very difficult for a person to dedicate
themselves to learning a topic they dislike because they will have no motivation and find
it more difficult to grasp the concepts. For example, most parents in Vietnam force their
children to study business-related subjects at university, but it has resulted in a failure
rate of nearly one third. Therefore this essay believes that people will be more likely to
succeed if they follow their interests.

In conclusion, science-based subjects should not be made compulsory at third-level

education because a guarantee of work doesn’t help people to succeed and students
will find them too difficult and fail their exams.