TheHabitsofGoodSociety 10024191

G UI D E TO TR UE P OL I TE N E S S
’
.
T HE
LA DIES A N D G E NTL EME N S

’ ’
E T I QU E T T E B O O K
OF THE B ES T S O CI E T Y .
IN F ORMAT ION A ND IN STRUCTION
FOR THO SE A B O UT E N T E RIN G , AN D T H O SE W HO D E SI RE To
B E CO M E E D UC A T E D AND P O L I S IIE T‘ IN G E N E R AL S O C I E T Y.
C ON T A I N I N G N IC E P O IN T S O F T A ST E , G O OD M A N N E RS
’
AN D T E E A RT O F M A KIN G O N E S S E L F A G RE E A B L E .
A M AN UA L OF
M A NN E RS A ND C US T O M S
AT
PA RTIES , B A L L S, D I NN ERS . A ND S O C IAB L ES,
W IT H F O RM S FO B
IN V ITATION S , B AL L S , RE G RE T S, MA RRIA G ES . F UN E RAL S, ET C .
m
y S EE THE TA B L E OF C ON TEN TS .
ED ITED BY
M RS . J ANE ASTER .
N E W YO R K
C o p y ri g h t, 187 8 , b y
W Ca y /a m 65 Ca , P zzél z s l z e m
'
G
“
. .
LO N D O N z S L O W , S O N 8: C O
'
. .
MD C C C L XXXI I .
TABLE OF C O NTENTS .
PAGI
THO UG H T S ON S OC IE TY AN D T HE S PI RIT OF SO
OIAL
HO W can they b e ac q uir ed

D ifferent means i nvestigate d .
N ecessity o f some G uide .
A n c ient and Modern Authorities on Manners .
The true prin c iple o f Manners .
Wh a t 733 S oc i ety ?
The necessity o f Social Intercourse .
THRE E CL A SSE S OF B AD S O C IE T Y
1 disting ui she d by F amiliari ty
L ow S oc i ety , .
Anecdotes o f E xtreme Familiari t y in the last

Th ree Centuri es .
Fa mili ari ty from w ant o f Respect ; from

Coarseness ; fro m Shyness ; from Curiosity .
10 CONTENTS .
2 . disting u ished by pre t ensi on ;

V ul g a r S oc i ety ,
G e n t il ity ; Ser v ili ty ; O vers c r u p u lo u sness ;
Ass u mp t ion o f Re fi neme n t in L ang u age
a ud it
.
D a n ger o us S o c i e ty
Ske t c h of Engl ish Socie t y from t he Six
Cent u ry
t e e nt h .
Rise and presen t position of t he Middl e

Classes .
‘
I HE RE QUIS IT E S OF G O OD S OC IE T Y
G ood B ree ding .
Ed u c a t ion .
C u l t ivat ion o f Taste .
Reason .
The Art o f Spee c h .
A Kno wledge o f E nglish L iterature .
Moral Chara c ter .
Temper .
Hospi t ali t y .
G ood manners .
B ir t h .
W ealth .
Rank .
D is t inc t io n .
C ONT ENT S . 11
TH E S P IRIT OF SO C IAL O B S E RV A N C E S
Th e Conne c tion bet w een the L a w s of Ch ris
t i a n i t y a n d those o f So c i ety .
D omesti c Position .
Paterf amilias .
The Matron . ,
The Yo u n g Married Man .
The B a c helor .
The Youn g L ady .
2 716 A r t f m a ki ng On c s A
’
r eea bl e
o se lf g .
CHAPT ER I .
D RE SSIN G R O OM -
Cleanlin ess .
The Bath : Hot Cold and Tepid , , .
The Teeth .
The N ails .
Razors and Shavi n g .
B ear d s Mu staches W hiskers

, , .
The Hair .
CHAPT E R II .
TH E LAD Y S T0 1 L E T
,
o o o o o 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 . 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .
E arlyRisin g .
Cleanlin e ss .
12 CONTENT S .
Ex e rc me o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o 0 0 0 0
'
0 0 .
Rouge and Cosmetics .
T h e H a ir .
Perf umes Toilet Appliances

, , &0 .
CHAP TER III .
0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Fashion ; Appropriateness t o Age ; t o Posi

tion ; t o Place ; To w n and Count ry ; on t h e
Con t inen t ; t o C li mate ; to Siz e ; to di ff ere n t
O c c asions .
E xtravagance .
Simpli c i t y .
J e w elry .
Ma x ims f o r Ornaments .
Orders 850 , .
Cl eanl i ness an d Freshnes s .
L i nen .
Seasonable Dress .
E s t ima t e o f a W ardr obe .
Morning D r ess at Home .
Dress fo r W alking .
D r ess fo r V isit s .
Dress fo r D i nner Parties .
Dress fo r Evenin g Pa rties and B alls

The Hat .
W e l l dr essed a nd Ill dressed

- -
.
C ONTENTS. 13
Fast
D ifferent S t yles o f Dress .
Sporting Costumes .
Hunting 850, .
CHAPT ER IV .
LA DY S
,
The L ove o f Dress .
Extravagance Pecuniary an d i n Fashio n

, , .
Modern Dress Stays Tightness &c

, , , .
Dress and Feeling .
The Ordinary In door Dress -

.
The Ordinary O ut door Dres s -

.
Co u ntry Dress .
Carriag e and V isiting Dres s .
E venin g Costume at Home .
Dinner Dress .
E vening Party Dre s s .
B all Dress .
Ridin g Dres s .
Court Dress .
CHAPT ER V .
The ir V alue .
Se l f de f enc e —B o x i n g
-
.
14 CONTENTS.
The S w ord and the

D u elling .
F ield Sp e rt s .
Riding .
Mo u n t ing .
A ssisting a L ady to Mount .
D ri v ing .
Dan c i n g .
Quadril les .
Ro u nd Dances .
Hints on Dan c ing .
The V a l tz .
Polka .
O t her Dances .
The Piano .
Music i n G eneral .
Sin g ing .
Ca r ds .
Roun d G ames .
L a n guages .
Kno w ledge o f Current

C a r vi ng : Hints on Carving a n d Helpin g .
So u p .
Fish .
J oints ( B ee f Mutton L amb V eal P ork, , , , ,
Ham V eniso n ) , .
A n i m a ls serv ed w hole .
Fo wl s G ame G oose Turkey &0

, , , , .
CONTENTS. 15
CHAPT E R VL
FE MI N IN E
Their N e c essity .
Social and Domesti c V alue .
Music .
Ch oi c e o f Instruments .
Singing .
A g e a Restri c tion .
Choi c e o f Songs .
E ti q uett e o f Singin g and Playin g .
A pp r Op ri a t e n e s s .
G erman and Italian Singing .
W orkin g .
W orking Parties Abroad «

.
Appropriateness o f W ork .
CHA PT ER V II .
MA NNE RS C A RRIA G E
, ,
A ND H A B IT S
.
The N ecessity fo r L aw s o f Eti q uette .
Manner : value o f a g o od o ne .
Rules f or preserving it .
Sel f respect
-
.
A fie c t a t i o n .
D iff erent k i nds of Ma nner t o be a vo i de d

.
16 CO NTENTS .
A c h ange o f Manner demanded by circu m

stan c es
Carriage .
Dignity .
Physical Carriage and h o w a man shoul d

,
w al k.
The Smile .
V ehement a c tion t o b e a voide d .
Certain B a d Habits .
Smoking discusse d .
Et i q u ette thereo f .
A L e c t u re o n E ating and Dri nki n g at Dinne r ,
and Habits at Meals .
C HAP T ER V III .
THE CA RRIA G E OF A
Its Importance to the Se x .
Youn g L adi es .
Modesty .
Agreeableness .
Politeness .
Di gnity .
Deli c a c y o f L anguage .
Temper .
F astness Fl irtin g & c

, , .
The Pru de and the B l u e Stockin g -
Be a rin g o f Marri ed W o men .

CONTENT S . 17
French
The Physical Carriage of L a d ies .
CHAPT E R IX .
IN
The Promenade .
”
The Cut“
.
It s F olly and ob j ectionable ch aracte r .
Sometimes necessary .
Sh o u ld b e made In o fie n sive l y .
Eti q uett e o f the

”
Cut .
The Salute .
Its History .
D iff erent Modes o f Salutat i o n .
Kissing .
Shaking Hands .
Various W ays o f d oin g so .
W alking and Dri v i ng w ith L adie s .
Eti q uette o f Rail way Travell in g .
C HAPTE R X .
IN
The V isit .
Proper Time and Occasions fo r V i sitin g .
Introd u ction by L ett ers .
V i si t s o f Condolence and Co ngratulat i on .

18 C ONT ENT S .
Ho u rs fo r V is i t s
The Cards .
E t i q u e t t e in Call ing .
N o t at Home .
V isi t s in G ood Society .
V is i t s in Coun t ry Houses .
CHAPT ER XI .
DI NE RS ,
N D IN E RS ,
AND D IN N E R P A RT IE S -
D INN E R P AR TIE S .
B y w hom and t o w h om given .
Sele c tion o f G uest s .
The ir Number .
The Dining Room -
It s Fu rnit u re and Temperature .
The Shape o f the Table .
L igh t in g .
The Servan t s .
The Russian Mode o f L ay ing the T able .
W hat to put on the Table .
Soup .
W ine and its E ti q uette s .
Fish .
The J oint .
V ege t ables .
The O rd e r o f S erv in g .
C ONTEN T S . 19
G ra c e .
Dinn er Eti quette .
Punct u ality &c , .
CHAPT ER XII .
LA D IE S AT
Invitations .
W hom t o Invite and w h om not .
Th e Re c eption o f G uests by the L ady .
Order o f Precedence ;
O f Proceedi ng t o th e D i ni ng Room -
.
The L adies Retire .
The L adi es in the D ra w ingRoom -

.
CHAPT E R X III .
Their Place i n Society .
The Inv itations .
W h om t o Invite .
The Prop er Number .
The Re q uisites fo r a G ood B all .
Arrangement o f th e Rooms .
L ig h tin g .
The Floor .
The Mus i c .
20 CONT EN TS.
Re freshments . .
The S u pper .
B al l Room Eti q u ette

-
.
Recei v ing t he G uests .
In t rod u c t ions .
The Invi t a t ion to Dance .
B a l l Room A c q uaintance
-
.
G oing t o Re f reshments an d Suppe r .
Manners at S u pper .
Fl irt a t i o n .
P u b l ic B a l ls .
CHA PT ER X IV
MO RNI N G AN D E VE NIN G PA RTIE S

”
Mak in g a Party .
To w n Parties ( Re c eptions Private Concert s , ,
Amateur Theat ri c als Tea Party Mat i nées ) ,

-
, .
G eneral R u les .
Country P a rtie s ( Even ing Part ies Out door ,
Parties and Picni cs )

, .
G eneral Rule s .
CHAPT ER XV .
MA RRIA G E
O fie rs .
En g agements .
C ONTENTS . 21
Marriage Contrac t s and Se t t lements .
Th e L icense .
The Trousseau .
Th e B ridesmai ds .
Invita t io n s
.
The L ady s Dress

’
.
Th e G en t leman s Dres s’
.
G o ing to t h e Ch u rc h .
Th e Ceremon y .
The Break fast .
Travell i ng Dress .
F ees t o Servants .
&c .
24 THE SPI RIT OF SOCI AL OB SERV A N CES .
whi c h the minutest laws Of courtly behavior are codi fied

wi t h maj estic solemn ty .
1
Yet wi th all this and much more de ference which we

sh ow n e w to manners in general now to the arbitr a ry l a ws ,
i f etiquette which s eem to have no Object but e xclusiv e
nc ss we are always ready to raise a titter at the attemp i
t o reduce the former to a system or codi fy the latter fo r

the sa k e o f convenience The polished affect to despise
.
the bo ok of etiquette as unnecessary forgetting that in , ,
the present day the circles of good s ociety are growing

,
rider and wider admitting repeatedly and more t h a n ever

, ,
me n who have risen from the co t tage or the workshop and ,
nave had nei t h e r their training nor their experience .
What if railway kings and mushroom millionaires had

st udied their grammars and manner books in the r e spit e n -
from business would the noble lords wh o with their wi ves

, , ,
nd daughters condescended nay were proud to dine

, , , ,
«w it h the quondam shop boy and mecha n ic have thus bee n

-
s neered at by the middle classes for a worship Of gold ,
which could induce them to put up with gross vulgarity ,
a nd for a respect for success which could allow the great
est sticklers for e tiquette to e ndure its repeated neglect ?

Surely it is in the interest of future premiers and nobl e
members Of council that John Smith should know how to
,
behave before they visit him and how can he possibly ,
l earn it without either a tutor a book or experience in , ,
oc i c ty ?
Th e
first is undoubtedly the best medi u m ; and we con
stant l y fi nd the sons of mannerless millionaires t u tcred
unto the habits of good society but at the sa me time i t is ,
a course wh i ch demands youth time and the absence of .

,
bus ines s occupations ; but eve rybody at first sight agr ee s ,

THE C H APL AI N A ND TH E NUN CI O . 25
that ex perience in society i s the only good way to acquire

the po l ish it dem a nds True maybe ; but if it demand s
.
,
th at polish i n you how will it take you without i t ? HOW

,
c an you ob t ain the e n t r ee into good society whe n or t he , ,

.
very threshold you are found deficient in it s first ru les ?

,
Haw i f you succeed i n pushing your way into sets which

,
c u believe to constitute good society can you be s u r e

y ,
that they will tolerate you there till you have learned
you r lesson which is not one to be known in a day ?
,
Your fai lure i ndeed may be pai n ful and end in your
, ,
ej ectment fo r ever fro m the circles you have taken so
much trouble to press i nto .
I r e member an instance of such a failure which occur

red many ye ars ago in a distant European capital The
,
.
English residents had long been without a chaplain and ,
the arrival Of an English clergyman w a s hailed with such
enthusias m that a deputation at once attended on him and

,
o ffered hi m the post which he accepted We soon found

, .
that ou r course was a mistaken one Slovenly in his .
dress d i rty in his habits and quite ignor a nt of the com

, ,
monest rule s of politeness our new chaplain would hav e ,
brought little credit to the English hierarchy even had his

manners been retiring and unobtrusive They were pre .
Cis sl y the reverse By dint Of cringing flattery and a

.
, ,
readiness to serve in no matter what undertaking he push ,
ed h imsel f by virtue Of his new position into some of t he

, ,
highest circles One evening it h appened that the ne w

.
ch a plain and the Pope s nunci o were both at t he same

’
eve n ing party The pont i fic al legate went out but li ttl e
.
,
and the lady o f the house had used great exertions to
procure his prese n ce The contrast b e tween the re pre

.
se nt at i ve s of the two Churches was trying for u s .
2
96 I KE S PI RIT OF S OCI AL OB SERV A NCES .
c ardi nal grave dignified and courtl y r e c e i ve d the ad

, , , ,
v a nc c s o f t hose w ho were introduced t o l ar a s his d ue i .
The ch aplain in a frayed and dirty sh in: wi t h h ol e s in

,
.
his b oo ts and ill combed hair was S n eaking u p to tl

-
.
f
and ees and doing his best to gai n their at t en t ion by

miles and flattery He had heard somewhere that no in
.
trod uc t ions were needed in Continental s a l o n s a nd you ,
can i magine our surprise when we sa w him slide si deways
up t o the red —stockinged nuncio t ap him famili arly on the ,
S houlder and wi t h a full grin excl a im

. Well m y L or d , , ,
how did you leave the Pope 9 The cardinal bowed and
smil e bu t could not conceal h is astonishment The fa
"
.
mi l i ari ty was not indeed a crime but it proved that the .
of f n der was not fit for the society int o which he had

e
pushe d himsel f a nd the legate glad t o have a story ,
agai ns t t he Protestants made t he most of t an d repeat

i
, ,
ed it until the new chaplain found his e n tr e e to t he

drawing rooms o f the great was generally cancelled
-
.
Use ful or not use ful it would seem that codes Of man
,
ners are thought ridiculous If the farce writer wants to .

-
i n t roduce a thoroughly credulous country gi r l h e makes ,
her carry a li ttle book of e t iquette under her fan into the
ball room ; and if the heavy headed essayists Of a Quar
- -
terl y want a light subj ect to relieve the t e di u rn of their

tr imes t rial lucubrations it is almost sure to be the r o de
,
mec u m s of etiquette wh ich come in for thei r sat ire P oo r .
indeed a nd reduced in honor as well as capital mu st b

, , e
the man of letters they t ell you who will condescend to

, ,
Wri te On the a ngle Of a bow or the punctilio o f an insult ; ,
forg i tt ing that t hese are but some Of t he details which go

to make an important whole and that we might as hon
es tl
y snee r at the antiquarian who revels in a dir ty c oir .
m s H I G H EST A UT H ORITIES ON THE SUB J ECT . 27
of the si ze of a farthing or the geologist who fil ls hi ! ,
po ckets with chips of ugly stone However the sneer is .

,
raised and i t is our duty to speak of it

,
.
There remain then three reasons for holding wo rks

, ,
if this sort in disrepute : either manners themselve s a r e
ont e mpt ibl e or they are not a subj ect w or t hy of thi

,
eons ide rat i on o f the wise and great ; or the books of e ti

qu atte themselves are ridiculous in their treatment of t he
s ubject .
T he value of manners is to be the main theme of thi s

introduction ; as regards their value as a subj ect I can ,
only point to those who have discoursed or written upon
t hem and I thin k it may be a ffirmed that fe w mor al

,
teachers have not touched on the kindred subj ect Indeed .
the true S pirit of good manners is so nearly allied to that;

of good morals that it is scarcely possible to avoid doin g
,
so . Our Saviour himsel f has taught us that modesty is

the true Spirit of decent behavior and was not ashame d ,
to notice and rebuke the forward manners of his fellow

guests in taking the upper sea ts at banquets while he has
chosen the eti q uettes of marriage as illustrations in seve
ral of his parables Even in Speaking of the scrupulou s
.
habits of the Pharisees he did not condemn their c l e a nli

,
ness itsel f but the folly which attached so much va lue to

,
mere form He con formed himsel f to those habits and in

.
,
th e washing of feet at m eals drew a practical l e sson at ,
beauti ful humility His greatest follower has le ft 11

.
ma ny injunctions to gentleness and cou r teousness of mar ia
nor and fine passages on women s dress wh ich s hould be

’
, ,
a inted over every lady s toile t? table in the k ingdom

’
p .
As to the philosophers who are anything but men of ,
mod m anners the mselves there are fe w who have not ,

28 T HE SPI RIT OF SOC I AL OB SERV A NCES .
taugh t b e h avior more or less To say no t hing of the .
ugl y bu t a greeable old gentleman Socra t es who wen t , ,
ab out the ci ty asking as many ques t ions a s a c ounsel for
the d e fenda nt i n a case of circumstantial evidenc e we ,
in ve his pupil s pupil Aristo t le whose ethics the O x ford

’
,
boys are taught to look upon as next in wisdom to the

Bible a nd truer than any simil a r work
,
We are con .
vi nc e d t b at the greater part of the ethics might be turne d

”
into a Guide to the Complete Gentleman In fact .
the Stag yrite s morals are social ones ; the morals that
’
fit a man to shine in the ag or a and the academy He .
has rai f c d the peculiar behavior o f the w e ; d j/ 06;

— a 0:
d ag
r — alias gentleman —to his equals betters and
“
, ,
in ferior3 into one of the cardin al virtues and has give n

, ,
us be sides several chapters on wit and conve rsation i n

, , ,
ti ma c ie s and the pr e per carriage o f a good citizen in

,
society .
B ut to look nearer home Lord Bacon himsel f has de ,
voted an essay to manners and reminds u S that as a pre ,
c iou s stone must be of very high value to do without 3
S e tting a man must be a very great one to dispense with

,
social Observances ; and probably Johnson thought him .
sel f one of thes e unse t gems when he made such speech ,
es as Sir you re a fool

, ,
or at Aberdeen
’
Ye s sir , , ,
Scotland is what I expected I expected a savage coun

”
try and sav a ge people and I have found them
, ,
.
Bu t why multiply instances ? If we look to the satiri st

of al a ges we find that manners as well as morals came
.
,
under their lash and many taught by ridicule what WC

,
i s by precept Horace the Sp ec ta t or and Thackeray

.
, ,
e xpos e the vulgarities and a fie c t a t ions of society

; and t he
'
finest wit of his day Chesterfield is the patron s a i nt of

, ,
t he writers on Behavior .
FA LS E MOI I V ES FOR POLITEN ESS . 29
Vi e have there fore no lack o f preced e nt ; but it is ce r

,
ta i nly true that too o ften the o fii ce of a teacher of manners

ha s been as sumed by retired Tu r ve ydrc ps and ge nt ee , .
na s te r s o f ceremonies and the laugh that is raised at th e ir

,
'
hi nts on proprie ty is not a l ways wi t hou t e x cu s e It woul d .
be ve ry bad manners in me to criticise the works of forme

wri ters on this subj ect and thus pu t forward my own as
,
the n e p l u s u l tr a o f per fection

. I con fess indeed that I
.
, ,
ca n never aspire to the delicacy and apparently universa l
ac qu irements of some o f these genteel persons If I c an .
tel l you how to entertain your gue sts I cannot furnish a ,
li st of c a r i es for dinners like the author of the Ar t of

,
D i ni ng . If I can tell you how to dance wi t h propriety ,
I must despair of describing the Terpsichorean inventions

of a D Egvi ll e or a D e l pl anqu e or o f giving directions for
’
, .
the intricate evolutions of one hundred and one dances of ,
v hich in the present day not a dozen are ever per formed .
I may however be permitted to point out that too many

, ,
of my predecessors have acted on a wrong principle I .
have be fore me at least a dozen books t reati ng of etiquette

of d i fferent dates and I find th a t one and all including
, ,
Chesterfield state the motive for politeness to be either

,
he des ire to Shine or the wish to raise one s sel f into

,
’
society supposed to be better than one s own One of the ’

.
“
be st begins by defining Etiquette as a S hield agai nst the
intrusion of the impertine nt the improper and the vul
-
, ,
g ar another tells us that the circles which protect the m

elves wi t h this s h ield must be the obj e ct o f our attac k
and tha t a knowledge of etiqu e tte will secure us the vic e
te ry others o f higher character con found good with high

so ciety and as a matter of course declare birth rank or
, , ,
di s tinc t ion as its first requisite s All of them make i t

30 TH E S PI RIT OF SOC I AL J fi SERV A NCES.
‘
a pp e ar t hat the cultivation of manners is not a socia l duty

bu t merely a means t o the gra t i fic a t o n o f personal vanity,
’
and on this account t hey must all appear ridiculous to thc

ma n of sense .
Good society is undoubtedly a most desirable acc ompa

ni me n t o f the business of li fe and with som e people it e ven
‘
ta kes the place of that business itsel f ; but if the reade r

i magines that he is to put his book of etiquette into his
pock et and quitting his old friends and acquaintance wi t h
, ,
di sgust to push himsel f i nto sets for which perhaps his

,
position itsel f does not quali fy him he is much mistaken ,
as to the object of cultivating the habits o f good society .
His proper objects are these : to make himsel f be t ter in

every respect than he is ; to render h imsel f agreeable to
e very o ne with w hom he has to do ; and to improve if ,
necessary the society i n which he is placed If he can do

,
.
t his he will not want goo d socie t y long

,
It is i n the power .
of every man to create it for himsel f An agreeab l e and .
polished person a t tracts like light and every kind of S )CICty

,
‘
which is worth entering will soon and easily Open it s doors

to him and be glad to have him in i ts circ l e Excl i si ve
, .
ness is Oft en a proof of innate vulgari ty and t he tes ts ,
applied by t he exclusive are general l y posi tion bi rth name , .

,
or peculiarity r are l v i ndeed individual merit Wh re ve r

,
. =
these limitations are drawn you may be confide nt of a

,
deficiency in the drawers My Lady A . who wil l have

no one under the rank of barone t at her house can s c arcely
appreciate t he wide di ffusion of wit and intelligence a mon

g
the un t itled Mr B . who invites none but l it e ral 7 me n
.
to his mus t be incapable o f enjoying t he a cc ompl isl me n ts

.
and general kno wledge of men o f t he world And then .

,
too it is so e as y to be e xclusive if you are conten t to be

,
32 ms s mni r or S OCI AL onss nva ne s s .
char i ty and train us at the whist table to lose our gume as

,
-
a nd not our temper !
Exclusive society whether the passport for admittance

,
be o f r a nk birth weal t h fashion or even more me ri to r io m

, ,
.
,
dis t inc t ions is not o ft en agreeable socie ty and not nec os

, ,
sa ri l y good The question at once arises : What is go o d

.
socie ty ? and we proceed t o answer it beginning wi t h an ,
attempt t o define society itsel f .
When the e X King Ludwig of Ba varia st e ps as we have

-
se en him do t o exchange a hearty word wi t h a crossing

,
sweeper one o f a class which t he misnamed

,
First G e r
”
tl e ma n o f Europe while returning punctiliously the
,
marks of respect shown hi m by every man that he passed ,
thought it beneath the dignity o f a monarch to notice no ,
one would think of impeaching the sovereign of a love of

low society If again a country gentleman cha ts with his
.
, ,
gamekeeper a s they come from the fields toge t her he will ,

.
perhaps tell you that he has enj oyed the honest fell ow s ’
”
society but it will be in th e tone of a j oke Not so
,
.
no we ve r the candidate for the borough who begs the i n

, ,
fl ue nt ial harbe rda she r he is canvassing to introduce him ,
to his wi fe and daughters whose society he is mos t anxious

“
,
”
to cultivate He is quite aware that equali t y is the fir st
.
essen t i al of society and that where it does not e x i s t in

,
reality it mus t do so in appearance

,
.
N or is mere equality o f position su fficient It seems to .
be a rule in the intercourse of men that the e mploy er ,
should rank above the employed and the transaction 0 ,
busine ss suspends equali ty for a time There is no society .
be t ween a gentleman and his so l ici t or or physician in an ,
official visit and though both hold the same rank the ro
, p ,
fessi onal man would never unless further advances we re ,

WH AT IS soc rnrr ? 38
mad e presume on the o fficial acquaint a nce to c onsider him

,
»
sel f a memb er of his pa t ient s or client s circle

’ ’
.
S ociety is there fore the intercourse of persons on a

.
,
foo ting of equality real or ap p arent

,
But it is more that) .
thi s The two thoroughly English gentlemen who trav

.
,
c l l in
g fo r two hundred miles in the same rai l way carriag
e,
e nsconce t hemselves behind t heir newspapers or shi llin g
novels exchanging no more than a sentence when the e m

,
treads upon the o t her s favorite bunion cannot in the

’
, ,
Wi dest sense of the phrase be said to enjoy each other s

’
,
society The intercourse must be both active and friendly

. .
Man is a gregarious animal ; but while other animals her d

together , for the purpose of mutual protection or common ,
u ndertakings men appear to form the only k ind who as

,
semble for th at o f mutual en t ertainment and improvement .
But in society properly so called this entertainment mus t ,
address the higher part of man N ever was philosophe r .
more j ustly put do wn for narro wness of mind than Plato

was by D iogenes The polished Athenian had the rash
ness to define man as a bi ped wi t hout feathers The ill .
mannered but sensible philosopher of the tub plucked a

coc k and labelled it Plato s Man ”
Man is not wholly ’
.
man without his mind and a game of cricket in which me n

,
assemble for mutual entertainment or improveme n t is not
society since it is the body not the mind which is brough t

,
nto action .
Indeed we hear people talk of round games being se

eia bl e and it is certain that in most of those which a rt
,
l ayed in a drawing room the mind i s made to wor k as

p
-
We l l as the fingers but while such games undoubt e dly

ex cite sociab i lity with people too sh or too stupid to tal k
y ,
and be at ease without their assistance we must beware of ,
2 ll
= <
54 THE S PI RIT or SOCIA L o ns nnva nc ns .
co n fo u n di ng them with sociability itsel f The mutual e n .

'
te r tai nme nt o f t he mind must be i mm e di a t e in society
In chess and even in whist the mental working is kee n

, ,
an d the action is decidedly mutual i f we may not rath e ,
sa ant a gonis t i c but no one would think of s a ying that h

y
had enjoye d Mr Morphy s society because he was one of
’
.
,
hi s eight opponents i n a chess tournament and no ne bu ,
”
doting dowagers would presume to talk of the society
of the whist — table The intercourse must be direct fr o m
.
mind to mind .
Social intercourse is in fact the consequence o f a nece s

,
c i ty felt by men and women for new channels of thought .
a nd new impulses of feeling We read books and we go

.
,
to the play for the very same purpose ; but that which
c onstitutes the superior charm of society over these relax
e tions is its variety and uncertainty The guest could neve r

.
have sat through the Barmecide s feast i f he had not e x

’
ec t e d that each succeeding cover would reveal a dain t y

p
e n l r e m c t s to make up for the shadowy character o f t he
j oints and h e r s d ce u vr e s and not even an old maid o f

’
,
fi fty could continue to attend t he se dreary evening parties

at the vicar s or those solemn dinners at the hall i f she
’
, ,
did not look fo rward to meeting some new guest or at leas t ,
having some new idea struck into her .
I have always doubted whether Boswell had not as gr e a t

mental capacities of their kind as Johnson It requires .
ei zhe r a pro found mind or a cold heart to feel no necessit

y
for soc ial intercourse B oz z y had not the latter
. Had he .
the for mer ? As the great mind can content i tsel f wit h
its o wn reflections stimulated at most by the prin t ed
,
tho ugh t s of others so it carries in itsel f its power of var

, y
ing wh a t it takes in and se e m s to look for v ar i e ty from
,
MEN TAL I NTERCOURSE N ECESSAR Y . 35
without . Most deep thinkers h ave had one pet book which ,
they have read one bosom friend whom t hey have studied
,
-
in a thou sand di fferent lights according to the variety which

their own ner vous mind would suggest Had Boswell b e e n .
an ordinary man would he not have wearied of the B oo

,
to r s perpetual sameness of his set ans we rs and anticipa te d

'
re bu ffs ? Lovers weary of one another s minds and the

’
,
cleverest people are incapable of enduring a t é e d t éta f - -
fo r three weeks at a time and was Bosw e ll more th an a

,
love r
Lea n no t on on e m in d c onsta ntl y ,
Le st whe re on e st ood be for e , t wo fall .
Some t hin g God h at h to sa y t o the e

Worth h ea r i ng from th e l i ps of
A nd it is this feeling which impels men of good sense and

ordina ry minds to seek acquaintan ce as well as friend s ,
which makes me happy to talk sometimes to the plough ‘
man coming from the field to the policeman hanging abo ut,
his beat even to the thie f whose hand I have caught in

,
my pocket Could I have a pro fessional pickpocket in my

.
gra sp and not sei z e the rare Opportunity of discoverin g

wh a t view a thie f takes o f li fe o f r ight and wrong hono r
, ,
e ve n manners and the habits o f good society ? You may

be s ure he has something to tell me on all these poin t s a nd ,
fo a while I might pro fit from even hi s society ; though

r
,
as equality is necessary I should for the time have to l e t

,
mysel f down to his level which is scarcely desirable

,
.
I have said that there are some minds universal en ou g h ,
themselves to feel no need of society To such solitude .

,
ll soc iety — o f thought To such the prison cell is but

.
-
Owen Meredi th .
86 THE sr m rr OF SOCI AL onsna v m es s .
li ttle trial Raleigh was as great in the To wer as out of

.
i t and Michael Angelo desired only to sit for days ga z i n

.
g
u pon ay and communing wi t h t he grand men and won
, , ,
l l l GHS scenes which he found in his o wn brain .
Other minds again are content with a little soci ety bu ,
is the weakest class that can never do without it I .
will not be di fficult to show that the wi ts and beau x wh

have lived for society only were me n who m no one need ,
aspire to rival .
I draw this distinc t ion in order that herea fter I may

speak more freely o f conversation in general society ; but
it must not be t hought by a converse conclusion that eve ry

, ,
c ommon fre q uent e r Of society is but a poor minded being -
Socrates and Shakspere who li ved con t inually with their,
fellow creatures would not thank you fo r such an in ference

-
, ,
and the cleverest men are often the most sociable ; though ,
as La Roc he fou c au l t says In conversation confidence has

a greater share than wit
’
.
“
Chesterfield says there are two sorts of good company ;
,
one which is called the bea u m on de and consists of those -
people who have the lead in courts and in the gay part of ,
i fe ; the o t her cons ists Of those who are distinguished by

ome peculiar merit or who excel in some particular and
,
”
valuable art or science If this were not the Opinio n
.
of my patron saint I should maintain that the writer kne w

,
not what good company was But in truth in the days Of .
Philip D ormer St anh i pe there was little Option but be

t ween wealth rank and fashion on t he one ha nd and wi
, , , ,
and learning on the other

; and h is Lordship cannot b
blamed for wri t ing t hus in t he beginning Of the e i ghte e nfl
century when the middle classes had not learnt manners
,
if a century later Mr H a yward who undertake r "3 wri te

.
,
B AD mo n a ns AND can S O C IE T Y. 31
d o wn b ooks o f e t i q ue t te t ells us t hat ran k we a lth a no

, , ,
”
d ist inc t ion o f some sor t are the ele m en t s o f su c ce s s in
,
s o cie t y .
If the opini on O f a m a n wh o fo r t welve years lab o r e i

to make a grace ful gen t le man o f his son an d th oug h ht , ,
a iled t o d o so cer t ainly t h ough t and w ro te m ore on t h e

,
n an ne rs o f goo d socie t y t han any man b e fore and since is ,
no t t o be t aken as a maxim I must b e allo w ed some h esi ,
t at i o n in pu t t ing for ward a de fi ni t ion As Chester fi el d .
hi msel f says bad company is much more ea sily d e fi ne d

,
th a n good L e t us begin wi t h the bad then an d see to

.
, ,
What it b ings us r .
Beau Bru m mel broke O ff an engagement w ith a young

lady because h e once s aw her eat cabbage O ver nice .
-
”
people says D ean S wi ft
,
have so m et imes very nast y
,
B ut G eorge t h e L ess eviden tly thought t h e

”
ideas .
y oung lady i n q ues t ion w a s very b ad compan y T o d e .
fin e exactly w here bad manners b egin is n ot easy b u t

’
there is no d oubt t hat no socie t y is good in which they

are found and t his b o ok will h ave b een w ri t t en in v ain ,
if t h e reader aft er s t u dying i t is u nab le t o dis t inguish b e

t w een bad and goo d b ehavior In the present day nei t her .
B rummel nor hi s fat friend ” the greatest gentleman ,

”
in E urope w ould b e t olera t e d in goo d so ci ety T h e
, .
c o de o f morals is clearly w ri tt en what ever m ay b e t h e ,

l
t radi t ionary co de o f manners and w e m a y a t once l ay ,
do wn as a rule that whe re m orals are O penly bad socie t y

, ,
h a st be b ad The b adness O f morals is soon de t ecte d

. .
We may indee d meet i n a L ond o n ball roo m a score of

'
oun g m en whose manners are a s sp o t less as their shi rt
,
re nt s and fail t o discover fro m t heir ca rriage an d c on

,
versati on that o ne re q uires assis t ance t o undress e ver

]
38 THE S PI RIT OF S OCIA L OB SERV A N CE S .
th ir d night another is supported by Hebre ws i n gambli ng

,
away his reversionary proper t y a nd a third without , ,
Shelley s genius shares his Opinions as to the uselessness

’
,
of matrimonial vo ws But let us pursue their acquaint .
m c e and we shall soon learn from the tone Of their con

,
ve rsation what is the tenor Of their lives .
Bad society then may be divided into three classes

, ,
1 That in which both morals and manners are bad ; 2

. .
That in which the manners are bad be the morals what ,
they will ; 3 That i n which the manners a ppear to be

.
g ood but
,
the morals are detestable The first is low ,
.
the seco nd vulgar the third dangerous society ,

.
Few people but undergraduates young ensigns and , ,
aspiring clerks and shop boys will need to be warned -
again st low society Where vice wears no veil and d e

.
,
ce nc y forever blushe s the man Of any S el f respect to say ,

-
nothing of ta ste and education will speedily be disgusted ,

.
The first proo f Of lowness is seen at once i n undue fa

mi l iar ity If there ar w omen in company you will at
. :
,
once discover their character from the manner in which

they allow themselves to be addressed ; but if not you ,
will doubtless ere long be yours e l f subj ected to a freedom

of treatment which you will readily distinguish from
ea se Of manner and kn ow to be beyond the proper limi t s
, .
Familiarity on fir st introduction is al ways Of bad style ,

, ,
oft en even vulgar and when used by the Openly immor, ,
al 1 8 l ow and revolting
,
A man of sel f respect will not .
be pleased with it even when it comes from the most re

spec t a bl e or his superiors ; he will despise it in his
,
eq uals and will t a ke it almost as an insult from those

,
who do not respect themselves If Brummel really .
had t he impudence t o say to his patron prince Wales ,

40 T HE S PI RI T OF SO C IAL O B SERV A NC ES
Tut , madame replied the Welshman i t is my su it

, ,
“
”
no t my boots which stink In Ben Jonson s day i t was ’
.
the height of gallantry to chuck a lady under the chin,

and make a not very refined c ompliment t o her rosy li ps ,
Ev en the cavaliers of Charles court had a freedom of

’
speech and manner which disgusted the puritans ; and i ,
Milton S repor t be t rue the sovereign that never laughe d ,
sa w no harm in making indelicate remarks be fore i f no t .
to the Queen s ladies But the most curious instance s

’
.
,
of familiarity mistaken for wi t are to be found in t he

, ,
reigns o f William I I I and Anne When Ba t h was t he

. .
most fashionable Spot in the kingdom and Beau Nash the ,
most fashionable man in Bath the follo wi ng speeches in , ,
te r l arde d with oa ths were his most fas hionable m o t s

,
.
A lady afflicted wi t h a curvature of the spine once tol d ,
hi m that she had that day come s t r a ig h t from London

Straight madame ,
replied the magni fi cent master of
“
the ceremonies then you ve been horribly warped by ’
,
the way
”
When on an another occasion a gen t le ma n
.
, ,
a ppeared at an assembly in boots which N ash had inter ,
dicted he called out to him He l lo Hogs Norton , ,
haven t yo u forgot to bring your horse He was well

put down however by a young lady whom he once me t
, , ,
”
walking wi t h a spaniel behind her Please madame .
, ,
“
asked the Beau can you tell me the name of Tobit ’
s
,
”
dog ?
Yes sir ans wered the damsel
, ,
his name is
Nas h and a very impudent dog he is too
, ,
.
Familiarity arises either from an excess of friendlin ess

or a deficiency o f respect The lat ter is never pardonable . .
We cannot consider that man well b red who Shows nc

respect for the position feelings or even prej udices of , ,
oth e rs The y outh who addresses his father as govern

.
a s sr s er To r u n snx 4]
or,
’
or come now paymaster is alm ost a s bl an a bl c as
, ,
the man who stares at my club foot or because I have a -
, ,
very dark complexion asks me at first sight when I le ft ,
India .Still more reprehensib le should I be if I e xcl aim

ul to a stout lady How warm you look ! as k ed Mr
,
”
.
S purgeon i f he had been to many balls lately ; inquir ed

aft er the wi fe and family o f a Re mi sh priest or begged ,
the D ean of Carlisle to tell me the Odds on the D erby .
Worse again is the familiarity which arises from n t

, ,
tu ra l coarseness and which becomes most promi ne n t in

,
.
the society of elderly men or where ladies are pres e nt ,

.
The demeanor of youth to age should always be respect

fu l ; that of man to woman should approach even reverenc e .
To th ee be al l me n h er o es ; eve ry r ac e
Nobl e a ll women vi rgi ns an d e ac h

pl a ce
A t empl e .
And certainly i t is better and more com fortable to beli e v e

in the worth of all t han by contempt and boldness to leave
,
the i mpression Of impudence and impropriety It shoul d .
be the be a st of every man that he had never put modesty

,
to the blush nor encouraged i mmodesty to remove her

,
mask But we fear there is far too li ttle chivalry in the

.
present day If young men do not chuck their partners

.
under the chin they are ofte n guil t y of p ressing thei r

,
'
h ands when the dance afiords an opportunity There is a .
calm dignity with which to show that the o ffence has bee n
noticed but i f a lady condescends to r prove it in word s

,
e
,
she fo rces the culprit to de fend h imsel f and often end s by ,
maki ng the breach worse On the other hand let a woman .

,
onc e overloo k the slightest familiarity and fail to S how her ,
su rprise in her manner and she can ne v er be certa in th at .

42 THE s p i a rr o r SOCIA L ons nnva nc ns
it will not be repeated There are fe w actions so at rne i

.
e a sly familiar as a wink I would ra ther k iss a lady

.
outright than wink or leer at her fo r that silent movement ,
seems to imply a secre t unders t anding wh ich ma y be i a ~
te r pre t ed in any way you like Even betwee n me n a win ! .
shc u ld be avoided ho wever intimate the terms between you

,
s ince it seems to keep the rest o f the company in the dar k
an l is perhaps worse than whispering .
W e o ft en hear people complain of the necessity o f

”
company manners As a genera l rule such people must
.
be by nature coarse A well bred man has always the

.
-
same manners at home and in society and w h at is bad in ,
the form e r is only worse i n t he latter

,
It can never be .
pardonable to s wagger and lounge nor to carry into even ,
the family circle the actions proper t o t he dressing room -

.
Even where familiarity has nothing sh ocking in itsel f it ,
attacks t he respect due to the socie t y o f others whoever ,
they may be and presents t he danger o f a further breach

,
of it
. From familiari ty to indecency is but one step .
Thus no part of the dress not a shoe string even should ,

-
be arrange d in the presence of ladies The Hindus re .

,
markable for the delicacy of their manners would not allow ,
kissing scratching pinching or lying down to be re pre

, , ,
,
sented on the stage and a t least the last three should neve r
,
be permitte d in a mixed society o f men and women There .
a re attitudes too which are a transition from ease to famil

,
iar ity and should never be indulged

, A man may cross nil .
l egs in the present day but should never stre t ch them apar t
, .
To wipe the forehead gape yawn and so forth a re only

, , , ,
a shade less obnoxious than the Americ a n habit of e x pe c

to ra t ion I shall have more to say on this subj e ct and
.
,
must now p ass to ano t her .

S HY NESS .
r
4a
Familiarity must be condemned or pardoned cording ac
to the motive that suggests it Not un frequently i t arise s

.
from over friendliness or even shyness and must then be

-
g e ntly and kindly repressed As for shyness which is p a r

.
,
e z c e ll en c e the great obstacle to ease in English socie t y 1

'
for my part think it in fi nitely pre ferable to forwardnes s

,
It calls forth our kindest and best feelings utterly disarms ,
the least considerate of us and somewhat endears us tr ,
the su fferer Yet so completely is it at variance with the

.
Spirit of society that in France it is looked on as a sin ;

,
and children are brought for ward as much as possible that
they may earl y get rid of it the consequence of which is

_
“
, ,
that a French boy from his c olleg e is one of the most oh

no x ious of his race while you cannot help feeling that the
,
ex tre me difiide nce of the d é bu t a n t e is merely assumed i n
) be di e nc e to c l z ?r e m a m a n Give me a boy that blushe s

.
when you speak to him and a girl under seventeen who

, ,
looks down be cause she dares not look up On the other .
hand shyness is trying and troublesome in young people

,
of full age though a little of it is always becoming on

,
first acquaintance ; while in middle aged people it is scarce -
ly pardonable .
To the young there fore who are enter i ng i nto society

, ,
I would say Never be as hamed of your shyness since

, , ,
however pain ful it may be to you it is far less disagreeabl e ,
to others than the attempt to conceal it by familiarity .
The only way to treat familiarity arising from shyness

s not to notice it but encourage the o ffender till
, you
ha ve gi ven him or her confidence It is a ki ndness as .
much to yoursel f as to the su fferer from shyness to intro ,
duce merry subj ects to let fly a little friendly badi nage

,
at hi m until he thinks that o u are deceived by his assum ed

, y
44 r u n sp rnrr or SOCIAL OB S ERV A N C ES .
manner and no longer a fraid of being thought nervou s

, ,
really gets rid o f t he ch ie f cause o f t hat feeling .
When Brummell was asked by a lady whom he scarc e ly

k new to come and t ake tea wi th her the Beau replied
,
”
.
,
‘
Madame you t ake a walk and you take a liberty , but
, ,
”
you dr i nk tea It was only one of those many speech es
.
of the B ea u s which prove that a man may devote his

’
,
whole li fe to the study of manner and appearance and ,
without good feeling to back them up not be a gentleman ,
The lady undoubtedly did take a liber ty but the would be ,

-
gentleman took a greater in correcting her idiom The .
lady erred from a silly admirati on of the e x model o f -
fashion ; the broken beau erred fr o m excessive conceit and ,
an utter want of heart Le t the read r j udge between the

.
e
t wo . If the obj ect of politeness is to insure harmony to

society an d set every one at his ease it is as necessary to
, ,
oo d manners to receive a w e ll m e a n t familiarity in a lik e

g
-
Spirit as it is to check one which arises from coarseness

,
.
On the Continent where di ffi dence is unknown and to

, ,
be friendly is the first obj ect we find a freedo m of manners ,
which in England we should call familiarity Le t a man .
be o f no matter what station he has there a right to speak ,
t o his fellow man i f good him seems a nd certainly t he

-
, ,
barrier which we English raise u p between cla sses sa ve rs

very lit t le of Christianity W h at harm can it do me who
.
,
call mysel f g entleman i f a horny handed workman waiting

,
-
,
“
for the same train as mysel f comes up and says ,
It is a ,
”
fine day sir evincing a desire for a further interchange
, ,
of ideas ; am I the more a gentleman because I cut him
short with a
“
Ye s and turn away ; or because as many
”
,
.
p eople do I stare him rudely in the face and vouchsa fe na ,
ms we r ? “
Something God bat h to say to th ee worth
TA KI NG A L I B ERT Y . 45
”
hearing from the lips of a ll and I may be sure th at I ,
shall learn something from him i f I tal k to hi m i n a ,
friendl y manner which i f I am really a gentleman his

, ,
. .
Bett ie y can do me no harm :
B ut of course there is a limit to be fixed Engli shm en .
respect nothing so much as their pur ses and their pri vate
affairs and in England you might as well ask a st r ang e!

,
for five pounds as inquire what he was travelling for wh a t ,
his income was or what were the names of his si x chi ldren
,
.
Bu t England i s an exception in this case and a foreigner ,
believes that he does himsel f no harm by telling you his

family history at first sight While there fore it is a gross
.
, ,
impertinence in t his country to put curious questions to a

person of whom you know little while it is reserved for ,
the closest intimacy to inqui re as to private means and per

s onal motives it is equally ridiculous in an Englishman
,
abroad to take o ffence at such questions and consider a s ,
an impertinence what is only meant as a friendly advance

to nearer acquaintance I certainly cannot understand why
.
an honest man should determine to make a secret of his
position , pro fession and resources unless it be from a false

, ,
pride and a desire to be thought richer and better than he

,
is ; but as these subjects are respected in this country I ,
should be guilty of great ill —

‘
breeding i f I sought to re ~
m ove his sec recy .
I sh all never forget the look of horror and astonishme nt

I once saw on the face of an English lady talking to a
foreign ambassadress T he latter thoroughly well bred ,
.
,
-
ac ordi ng to native ideas had admired the former s dre ss

c
’
,
and touching one of the silk fl ou nc e s delicately eno ugh ,
she inquired ,
How much did it cost a yard ? ”
Such
q ues t i on s are common e nough on the Continent and o ur ,
46 THE SPI RIT or SOCI A L onse n m nc ns .
r e ighbo rs see no harm in th e m And why should we do

.
80 ? Is it any way detrimental to us t o tell how m uch we

p aid fo r our clo t hes ? Yet such is
, the false pride of
English people on matters connected ho wever slightly .
wi t h money that even t o mention that most necessary a rti c l

,
is cons i dered as bad breeding in this country We must .
respect the prej udice though in fac t it is a vulgar one

, ,
.
The next kind of bad society is the vulgar in which the ,
morals may be good but the manners are undoubtedly bad

,
.
What bad manners are in de t ail will be shown in the course

,
of this work ; but I shall now take as the distinguishin g
test of this kind of society— a general vulgari ty of conduct .
Until the end of the last century the word vulgarity was ,
confined to the l ow mean and essentially plebeian It

, ,
.
would be well i f we could so limit i t in the present day ,
but the great mixture of classes and the ele vation of

wealth have thrust vulgarity even into the circles of good
,
society where like a black sheep in a white flock you may

, , ,
so metimes find a thoroughly vulgar man or woman r e c om u
mended by little but their weal t h or a position gained by

,
certain popular q ualifications Where the majority of the

.
company are decidedly vulgar the society may be se t down

,
Apart from coarseness and familiarity vulgarity may ,
be de fi ned as pretension of some kind This is sho wn promi .
uently in a display o f weal t h I remember being taken

.
to dine at the house of a French corn merchant whohad -
re al i zed an eno rmous for t une It was almost a family

.
pa r t y fo r there were only three strangers including mysel f

, .
Th e manners o f every one present were irreproachable and ,
the dinner excellent but it was s er v e d o n kl l a te

, g o
p .
Su ch a di splay was unnecessary inconsis tent and there fore

, ,
48 THE SPI RIT or s oc i a n OB S En V A N C ES .
did at the Egremont tournament though not asked to take .
p ar t in t he lis t s who goes to a par ty with all the medal s

,
and clasps he has perhaps most honorabl y earned or who , ,
bei ng a great man in any line pu t s himsel f prominently ,
b r wa rd condescends talks loud or asserts his pri vilege s

, , ,
18 a vulgar man be he king kaiser or cobbler .

, , ,
B ut there is a form o f vulgarity found as much in t hose

of sm a ll as those o f large means and known by the nam e ,
”
of gentility I know a man who keeps a poor little
.
worn out pony ph aeton and always speaks of it as

- -
my ,
carriage taking care to bring it i n whenever possible

, .
My friend Mrs Jones dines at one o clo ck but invariably

.
’
“
calls it her lunch ”
The Rev Mr Smi t h cannot a fford
. . .
the fir st class on a railway but is too genteel to go in t he

-
second Excellent man he tells me — and I am bound to

.
believe it — that he positively pre fers the third class to the

”
first . Those first class carriages are so stu ffy he s ay s
-
,
.
and in the second one mee t s s u c h people i t i s really u n ,

”
bearable but he does no t let me know that in the third
,
he will have to sit nex t to an odori ferous ploughboy ge t ,
his knees crushed by a good woman s huge market basket

‘
’
-
an d c a t c h cold from a draught passing thro ugh the ill
dj us te d windo ws There is no earthly reason why he

.
should not travel in what carriage he likes but the vulgar ,
ity consists in being ashamed of his poverty and tacitly ,
pretending to be better off than he is Brown aga in call .

,
“ ”
hi s fa t her s nu t shell of a co t tage our country seat an
’
,
Mrs Brown speaks of the diminutive buttons as the n a n

. i
servant My tailor has his crest embossed on his n ote

"
.
p aper ; B ob i ns on the success ful stock broker cove s t ne

,
-
,
.
a nne l s of his carriage with armorial bearings a s l a rge as

p
dis hes ; Tomki ns ashamed of his fath e r s name , si gns him
’
,
r s s rs nsron . 49
self To mk ns ; and Mrs Williams when I call a lways

i .
,
dis co urses H] English history that she may bring i n J 01111

“
o f Gaunt an ances t or of ours you know ,
.
Nor is gentility confined to a pretension to more we al t h

“ t r bi r th or greater state than we possess
o
,
The com .
mones t form o f it found un fortunately in all classes is t he

, ,
re te rm ) D to a higher posi t ion than we occupy The J o hn

p
! .
so ns re tired haberdashers cannot visit the Jacksons rc

, , ,
t ired l i nen drapers but have moved heaven and ear t h fo r

-
an in troduction to t he J ame so ns who are not retired from ,
a nyth i ng . The J a me sons receive the J o h nsons but sti ffly ,
annihila t e them at once by talking of our friends t he

Williamso ns who have a cousin in Parliament and the
”
, ,
Wil l iamsons again are for ever dragging the said cousin
into their conversation that the J amesons may be st u pe fie d
,
.
We go higher ; the M B though perhaps a Radical will

.
, ,
for ever be dogging the steps of the noble Viscount opposi t e ,
a nd call the leader of his own party that fellow se and -
so . The Viscount is condesce ndingly gracious to the

commoner but de fere ntial to the duke and the duk e him
.
,
”
se l f will be as merry as old King Cole i f
“
the bl e e d ,
sho uld happen to notice him more than usual Alas ? .
poo r worms in what paltry shado ws we can glory and

, ,
forget the end that lays us all in the common com for tle ss
l ap of mother earth
Nothing there fore will more irretrievably stamp you as
Vulgar in e ally good society than the repeated introduc
r
,
~
i on of the names of the nobility or even of distinguishe d ,
Rrso nage s in re ference to yoursel f It is absurd to su p .
p ose that y ou can reflec t the light of these greater orb s

; o n
the contrary your mention of them na turally sugg e s ts a

,
l omparison such as one m a ke

. between the unpretending s
3
60 THE SPI RIT or SOCI A L os ss nvs nc ns .
g lorious sun and the,

pale pitiable moon when she qui ts ,
her pr e per S ph ere and forces hersel f in t o broad dayligh t

hen Scribbles of t he Se al and Tape O moe tells us he
was fli rti ng last nigh t wi t h Lady Adelaide when the Du ke ,
of came up and shook hands with me pon honor

“
, ,
’
”
he did I am t emp t ed to think Scribbles either a gr oss
,
ex aggerator or a grosser snob When worthy Mrs

,
. .
Midge relates for the thir teen t h time how she travelle d
“ ”
down with Her Grace and I see how her eyes glo w
, ,
a nd how v a inly she a t temp t s to appear indi fferent to the
honor ( which it is to her ) she only proves to me how

,
small she must feel hersel f to be to hope to gain bril ,
l ia nc e by such a slight con t act I feel fain to remind her

.
of t he Indian fable o f a lump o f crystal which thought ,
it would be mistaken for gold because i t reflected the glit

te r of the neighboring metal It was never take n for
.
gold but it was supposed to cover it and got shivered to

, ,
atoms by the hammer of the miner .
But when this vulgari t y is reduced to practice it be

c omes actual meanness The race o f panders parasite s
.
, ,
”
t r flunkies as they are now called is one which has
, ,
fl ourished through all time and the satire of all ages has
,
been freely levelled at their servile truculency But in .

,
gene ral they have had a substantial obj ect in view and
, ,
mean as he may be a courtier who flattered for place or

,
for money i s somehow less contemptible than the modern

,
gro veller who panders to the great from pure respect of

their grea tness from pure want of sel f respect
,
I am -
not on e of those who deny position its rights ; and as lo ng

as cas te is recognised in this country I would have r e ,
sp ct shown from one o f a lower to one o f a higher cl ass

e
But this respe ct for the p osition must not be bli nd : it

H ONI sorr QUI MA L Y PENSE . 5]
shoul d not ex tend to worship o f the man No rank no .

,
wea lth no dis t inction even i f gained by merit shoul d

,
.
,
c l ose our eyes to actual un worthiness in its holder We .
may bow to the nobility of my lord but we are trucule nt ,
sla ves i f we call it n obleness We may respect with dig .
rity the accident of birth and wealth but if the duke be ,
an acknowledged reprobate or the millionaire a selfis h

'
rasper we a re inexcusable i f we allow their accidenta l

g ,
di stinctions to blot out their glaring faul t s What we .
should hate in our friend and punish in our servant we , ,
must never overlook as a “

weakness in the D uke or
”
Dives It is not mere vulgari t y it is positive u nc hrist i

.
,
s u ity hopeless inj ustice

,
.
A less o ffensive but more ridiculou s form of vulgar

g entility is that which
,
d isplays itsel f in a pretension to
s uperior refinement and sensibility We have all had ou r .
“ ”
l augh at the American ladies who talk of the limbs of
“ ”
t heir chairs and tables ask for a slice from the
,
bosom
of a fowl and speak of a rump steak as a
,
se a t fixing - -
bu t in reality we are not fa r short of them when we in ,
vent the most fa r fetched terms for trousers and on

- "
young ladies faint —o r try to — a t the mention o f a petti

c oat — H o n i s o i l g
,
ut m a l
y p e ns e and shame indeed t(
the man still more to the woman whose mind is so im
, ,
pure th at the mere name o f one common object i mme di

,
ately suggests another which decency excludes from con

versation It is indeed difli c u l t to define in what indelicacy
.
vons ists and where it begins but i t is clear that nature has
,
nt e nde d some things to be hidden ; and civilization re ,
mo ving farther and farther from nat ure yet nc t goin g ,
against it has added many more

,
In this respect civili .
,
sa tion has be c ome a second nature and what it ha s o n c e ,

62 THE S PI RIT or SOCI AL ons s nva x es s .
concealed c annot be exposed without i nd e li c acy For in .
st a nce no thing is more beau t i ful than t he bosom of a

,
woman and to a pure mind there is nothing shocking but

, ,
so me t hing touching indeed in seeing a poor woman wh ,
ha s no bread to give it suckling her child in public S t il

,
.
ci viliza t io n ha s covered t he bosom and the ladies wbc ,
we ar their dresses o ff their shoulders are i n t h e p r es e n ,

.
da y guilty of an immodesty which was none in the days

,
when Lely painted — on canvas I mean — the beautie s ,
of Charles court
’
.
But to go beyond the received Opinion of the majority

s super r e fine me nt and vu lgarity and too o ften tempts
-
us to fancy that an impure association has suggested the
idea of impropriety I cannot imagine what indeli cate

.
fancy those people must have who will not allow us to say
” ”
go to bed but substi t ute retire to rest
,
Surely the .
co uch w here dewy sleep drowns our cares and refreshes

Ou r wearied forms ; where we dream those dreams which
to some are the only bright spots of their lives ; where we

escape for a time from the grinding of t he worldly mill ,
from hu nger calumny p e rsecution and dream maybe of

, , ,
he a ve n itsel f and future relie f — surely our pure simple

beds are too sacred to be polluted wi t h the impure con
st r u c t io ns of these vulgar prudes Or again what more .
, ,
be auti ful word than woman ? woman man s ruin first and ,
’
,
since then alternately his destroyer and savior ; woman ,
who consoles raises cherishes refines us ; and yet I must

, , ,
forge t that you are a woman and only call you a lady ,
.
Lady is a beauti ful name a high noble name but it is , ,

”
a n dear and near t o m e like “
woman Yet i f I speak .
of ou a a woman you leap up and tel l me you will not

y
s
,
stay to be insulted Poor silly little thing I ga ve you ,

G ENTILIT Y I N LA NG UAG E . 53
the na me I loved best and you not I connected som e

, , ,
horrid idea with it ; is your mind or mi ne at fault ? Pe r

h a ps th e most delight ful instance of th is indelicate d e li ca
i
c y of terms wa s in the case o f the elderly Spi nst e r o w -
w h om I was told the other day — who kept poul try bu ,

”
al ways spoke o f the 0001: as the hen s compani o n ’
.
In short it amounts to this If it be indelicate to

,
.
mention a thing let it never be mentioned by any nam e

,
whate ver ; i f it be not indelicate to mention it it cannot ,
be so to use its ordinary pr e per name If legs are .
naughty l e t us never speak of them ; if not naughty

, ,
why blush to call them legs ? The change of name can

not change the idea suggested by it If legs be a naughty .
idea t ne n no recourse to limbs will save you You

“ ”
.
have spoken of legs t hough under another name ; you

, ,
thought of legs you meant legs ; you suggested legs to

,
me under th a t o t her name ; you are clearly an egregiou s

sinner ; you are like the French soldier you will swear ,
”
by the sap r e me nt saving his wretched little conscienc e
,
by the change o f a single letter That reminds me of a .
“ ”
nautical friend who cured hims el f he said of the bad , ,
habit of swearing by using instead of oaths the words

, , ,
Rotter Amster Pot z and Schie mentally re

serving the final syllable of these names of towns &c , ,
.
and fully convinced that he did well .
That same habit of demi — swearing is another hit of

r e t ension which i f it cannot be called vulgarity is cer
p , , ,
tainl y Pharisaical The you ng lady wou l d cut you

.
roperly enough — for using an oath will neve rt hel es

p ,
cry
“
bother when her boot lace brea k s or what no t
” -
, .
”
But “
bother is only the feminine form of yo u r Sa xon
expl e ti ve and means i n r e a li ty j ust as muc h
, So km .
54 THE S PI RIT or SOCIA L O B S ERVA N CES .
you r man who would cut his throat sooner than use a ba d
”
word will never t heless write it
,
d n as i f e ve rb dy -
did not know what two letters were le ft out There in .
g r e a t hypocrisy about these things .
But the wors t vulgarity is an assumption of re fine me n

tn t he choice of language This is common among se r .
a
Ve nts in England and in the lower orders in France and

,
Germany where it is sometimes very amusing to hea r

, .
fine words murdered and used in any but the right sense .
Mrs Mal a prop saves me any trouble of going into details

.
on this point bu t I may observe that the best speakers

,
will never use a Latin word where an Anglo Saxon one -
“ ” “ ”
wi ll do as well ; buy is better than purchase ,
” ”
Wish than desire and so on T he small gen teel
,
.
,
ou will observe never speak of rich and poor bu t o f

y , ,
“ ”
those of large and those of small means Ano ther sim .
i l ar piece of fiu mme r
“
y is the expression If anything ,
”
s hould happen to me which everybody knows you mean
,
“ ”
for,
i f I should die As you do not conceal your
.
meaning why not speak out bravely ?

,
Besides in words there is an over r e fine me nt in habit s

,
-
Even cleanliness can be exaggerated as in the case of the ,
Pharisees and the late D uke of Queensbury who would

, ,
was h in nothing but milk Our own Queen uses distilled

.
water only for her toilet ; but this is not a case in point ,
since it is for the sake of health I believe with her A , ,

.
sad case however was that of the lovely Princess A le x

,
andr ina of Bavaria who died mad from over cleanli ne ss

,
-
It began by ex t reme scrupulousness At dinner s he .
would minutely examine her plate and if she saw the ,
s lightest speck on it would send for anoth e r She w oul d

, .
then turn the napkin round and round to examine eve r

]
no THE S PI R I T or SOC IA L o nss a v w e ns .
I think i t mus t be a cknowledged that t his class of b ad

soc iety is found mostly among the upper circles o f soci
ety a n l for the simple reason that except among the m

, ,
vice is gener a lly accompanied with ba d manners We

'
hav e his t orical proo fs in any quanti t y o f this class being

ar istocratic The vice of courts is proverbial bu t cour t ly
.
,
manners are reckoned as the best All the beaux and ’
hal f t he wits on record have led bad lives Chesterfield .
himse l f was a dissolute gambler and repented bitterly in ,
his old age of his past li fe and it is he who says t hat

, ,
the best company is not necessarily the most mora l which ,
determines t he value of l z i s work on Etiquette Ther e .
is ho wever some t hing in the vice of this kind of society

, ,
wh i ch at once makes it t he most and least dangerous .
All vice is here gilded ; i t is made elegant and covere d

with a gloss o f good breeding Men of family have to
-
.
mix with ladies and ladies o f family have almost public

,
re putations to keep u p All t hat is done is s u b r os a

. .
There are none of t he grosser vices admi tted in the pres

ent day There is no drunkenness lit t le or no swearing
.
,
no coarseness But there is enough o f gambling still t o

.
“ ”
ruin a young man and the social evil here takes its
,
most elegant and most seductive form While there fore .

, ,
on the one hand you may mix in this kind o f society

, ,
and s e e and there fore know very little o f its immorality ,
it s vices when known to you assume a fashionable p r e s

, ,
.
ry e and a certain delicacy wh ich seem to depri ve the n .
of t heir grossness and make them the more tempti ng
Le t us there fore call no soc ie t v good till we have sound ,
ed i ts morals as well as i t s manners ; and this brings u s
to speak of what good society really is .
We cannot do this better than by l o oking first into

soo mrv UN D ER G OOD Q UEEN B ESS . 57
wh a t is generally taken as good society I shall t here .

,
fore glance over the state o f society in di fferent ages in

,
this country and in the present day on the Contine nt

. .
The real civilization o f England can scarcely be dated

earlier than at the R e formation and even th e n the tur ,
bulent state of the country setting one man s kni fe

’
,
against another and leaving when bloodshed was sham ed

,
ba ck the same deadly hatred showing itsel f in open re

,
p r e aches and secre t attacks made social gatherings a di f,
fic u l ty i f not an impossibility
,
Henry V II I indeed had . .
, ,
a somewhat jovial court but the country itsel f was fa r t oo

,
unsettled to j oin much in the merriment In fact up to .

,
the time of Charles I there were but three k inds of se

.
,
c ie t in E ngland the court around which all the nobili

y ,
ty gathered making London a Helicon of manners ; t he

,
s mall country gentry who could not come up to London
and the country people among whom manners were as yet .
as rude as among the ser fs of Russia i n the present day .
In the court there had succeeded to real chivalry a kind

o f false principle o f honor A man who wore a swor d .
was bound to use it Quarrels were made rapidly and

.
,
rapidly patched up by re ference to the code of ho nor

With the country gentry the main feature was a rough ,
hospitality People Spoke their minds in those days with

.
out reserve and a courtie r was looked on as a cra fty man

, ,
whose words served to conceal rather than express his

thoughts A mong the people wa s a yet ruder revelry ,
.
and the morality was not o f a high kind .
The position of woman is that which has always given

the k ey to civili zation The higher that position has
.
been raised the more influence has the gentle ness whic h
,
aris e s from her weakn es s been felt b the other I

y s e x n .
58 rm: SPI RIT or SO CI AL O B S ERV A N C ES .
fac t . term gentleman only c a me in whe n wom en

th e
were admitted into society on a pa r with men A gon .
”
tl e man wa s a man who could associat e wi th ladies A nd .
what was the respect exac ted by and paid to woman be

fo re the time of Ch a rles I the dramatists o f the Eli za
.
,
bothan age tell us in every page What mus t have b e e r.
the education o f t he V irgin Queen hersel f who was not ,
thought very ill of for allo wing Leicester to be her lady s

’
maid and kiss her wi t hout asking leave and w ho would

, ,
have been thought a prude had she obj ected to the gross
s cenes in the masks and plays ac t ed be fore her and found ,
o ft e n enough even in Shakspere No t only were things

.
”
c alled by t heir right names but an insidious innu e ndo
took the place very o ften of bet t er wit and was probably ,
e nj oyed fa r more .
The country gentry lived i n their moated houses at

g reat distances from one ano t her and the country lady ,
was rarely more than a good house wi fe serving a rough ,
hospitality to he r guests while t he gentlemen drank

deep swore prett y oaths talked fa r fro m reservedly in
, ,
her presence and pleased her most wi t h the broadest com

,
p l i me nt to her fair form .
The dignity of Charles introduced a rather more nobl e

bearing among t he men and the Puritans did much to
,
cl e anse society of its gross familiarities ; but the position

of women was still a very in ferior one and it was not till ,
the beginning of t he l a st century that they took a promi

ne nt place in society There ha d gradually sprun g up
.
an o ther class which gave the tone to manners

,
Hith e rto .
there had been in L ondon only t he Court — circles and the

bou rg eo i s i e But as the lesser nobility grew richer and
.
flocke d to the large towns they began t o form a l arge ,

so c rnr r IN THE LAST C ENT UR Y . 59
c lass apar t from the Court which gradually narrowe d its .
circle more and more But good society still meant l i tg li

.
see i e ty and Chesterfield was right in recommending his

,
Son to seek out rank and weal t h for those who had i t no ,
we r e generally badly educated and worse mannered The : .
was ho wever one class now rising i nto a separate exist

, ,
~
enc o which the pa t ron o f manners has not overl o oked
It is to tho se men of education and mind who lacking , ,
rank and wealth were still remarkable for the vivacity of

,
th eir conversation in short to the wits— that we owe the

-
“ ”
origin of our modern middle classes .
The Sp e c ta t o r however proves what women were at

, ,
this period L ittle educat ed and with no accomplishments

.
save that o f flirting a fa n the more fashionab l e gave them

,
~
selves up to extravagances of dress and were distinguished ,
for the smartness not the sense of their conversation

, .
They were s t ill unsuited perhaps more so than ever for , ,
the companionship of intellectual men and it was the ,
elegant t rifl e rs like l Val pol e rather than men of sound

, ,
serious minds who made correspondents of them

, The .
c onsequence was that the men gathered together in clubs ,
8 species o f evening society which wh ile it fostered wit

.
, ,
destroyed the stage and made a system of gambling a nd

,
drinking The high society was still the best and it was
.
,
among the nobility chie fly that women began to mm : m
the amusements o f the other s e x Balls too were no .

, ,
e nger an en t ertainment reserved for Court and the

v a nde e s ; and in the balls at Bath under Beau Na sh we , ,
find the first att e mpt to mingle the gentry and bo u rg eo i s ie ,
e nd thu s form the nucleus of a middle class It was now .
too that mere wealth which could never have brought its
,
ow ne r into the Court circles or been a su fficient rec om

-
,
~
THE S PI RIT OF S OC I AL OB S ERV A NC ES.
me ndat io n t o the nobility o f the seventeenth century he ,

.
came an authoritative introduction among t he gentry .
If England is the only European country which has a

re a l middle class where birth is o f no acc oun t i t is o wi ng
, ,
to that law of primogeniture which fr om very remot e

”
ti mes caused the formation of a clas s kn ow n as gentry
which has no equivalent in any Continental country It .
was this class which belong ing by connexion to the ari s

,
»
toc rac y belonged by necessity to the bo urg eo is i e from

, ,
whom t he v were not distinguished by actual rank From .
the bou rg e o i s i e indeed t hey kept aloo f as lo ng as possi

, ,
~
ble ; but weal th which could give the gentry a footin g

,
among the aristocracy could only come from the mercan

,
t ile clas ses and the rich merchant s daughter who was
’
married to a country gentleman soon succeeded in bring

ing her relations into his set To wards the end there fore
.
, ,
of the last century we find three classes between the

,
“
Court and the people namely the noble the gentle
, , , ,
and the rich ; in o t her words rank birth and we al t l , , ,

.
were the requisites of society The higher cl as ses were.
still the best educated but the wealthy looked to educa

,
tion to fit them for the circles of t he g entry and wome n ,
b eing better educated took a more important place in so
c ial arrangements .
In this century th e s e classes began to draw together

The noble sought wives among the rich ; the rich becam e
gentle in a cou p le of generations ; and th e gentry became
ri ch by marriage .
But i f a merchant or successful spe c ulator were a d

witted in higher circles the pro fessional man who coul d
, ,
o to Court and had alw ays taken precede n ce of trade

g ,
could not be excl uded Hitherto the liber al professiom

.
,
rii s MI D D LE CLA SS ES . 61
and had occupied a kind of dependent p ositio n

l iterature
The clergym an was almost a retainer of the squire s th e ’
,
lawyer was the landowner s agent the doct or had h is ’

,
g reat patron and the writer

,
o ft en lived on the mon ey gi v
on for fulsome dedications to those noblemen and othe r
who wished to appear in the light of a M ae cenas T he se .
dis tinctions however were lost in great cities and the

, , ,
growth of the population gave to at least thre e of these

pro fessions a publ ic which paid as well as and exacted less ,
adulation than the oligarchy ; not indeed giving les s
t rouble for we have now a thousand tastes to study in

,
s tead o f one a thousand prej udices to respect

,
and if we
do not write fulsome dedications to the public we are no ,
less compelled to insert every here and there that artful

fl attery which makes J ohn Bull appear in the light of
I do not say the best and most noble — but the richest ,
most power ful most thriving most honest most amiably

, , ,
faulty bu t magnanimously vi rtuou s of publics

,
.
But I am not flattering you Mr Bull when I tell you ,

.
,
that i n respect of your middle classes you h ave made a

vast step in advance of all other nations
,
For what doe s .
the middl e c l ass mean ? Not twenty years ago it was

u
,
t aken to represent only the better portion of the commer
c ial and lower hal f of pro fessional society I well re .
member with what a sneer so me people spoke of a mer

c hant ,
and the gul f that the barrister and physicia n
asserted to e x ist between them and the lawyer and ge ne m
c
a l practitioner And how is it now ? How many gen
.
l e men of old family would now decline an introduction t

l well educ ated merchant ?
.
-
How many rather would no
rec ommend t heir sons to be constant visitors on the me r
chant s wi fe and d a ught e rs ?

’
Is it not the barrister Wil l
62 THE S PI RIT or SOCI AL OB SERV A NC ES .
now Hatters the attorney , and where is the disti nct ic n be

tw e en physician and surgeon ? N o ; t h e middle class has -
an enormous extent n o w and eve n the landed gentry ,
when brought to town min gl e freely and gladly wi h,

t
c mmerc e and the pro fessions

o In fact we are more an ) . . .
more widening our range

. The nobleman takes a par t.
ne rship in a brewery on the one hand ; on the other t he

, ,
haberdasher sits in Parliament and sends his son to Ox ,

»
ford . The gentry throwing over bir t h as a useless com

,
modi ty rush into commerce and the pro fessions

,
D ukes .
and peers are delighted to make money by writing i f ,
th ey do not con fess t o wri t ing for money T he merchant .
is at last received a t Court ; t he banker is a peer ; the

s hop boy who has worked his wa
-
y to t he W oolsack bring s ,
wi t h him a sympathy for S h e p boys ( p c r f mp s ) which -
lessens the gul f between tr ade and aris t ocracy ; and be

holding these and many other wonders you exclaim with ,
g lee '
It is an age
‘
of unity cas t e is obliterated and , ,
in another fi fty years even the distinction of a title will

be gone and the mi ddle class will comprise all who are
,
-
e ducated .
Softly softly my friend ; no Utopias if you p l ease

, , ,
.
Caste may be abolished in name but it will exist in feel ,
ing for many an a ge though its limitations be not those

,
of rank birth and wealth,

l Ve used to say at t he uni
,
.
versity that the larger a college the smaller its sets and , ,
that you knew more men in a small college than you pos
ibl y could in a large one It is the same wi t h the middle
.
or as it is now called the educated class The larger it .
g ro w s the more
,
it will split up in t o classes which m a
y
ha ve no name and may be separated by very slight dis
,
i nc t ions but which will in reality if not in appearance

, , ,
64 THE SPI RIT or SOCIAL os ss nvm c s s .
arut ic
"
has come to mean good for society and there fore ,
while I premise that the best society is n ot ne w high society

ei ther by wealth birth or distinction I shall also premise
, , ,
that good society is essentially aristocratic in the sense in

v l i ch we S peak of aristocratic beauty aristocratic bearin g
. , ,
ar is t ocratic appearance and manners .
The first i ndispensable requisite for good society is et l u a
c a ti o n. By this I do not mean the se c a lled finish ed

“ -
”
e ducation of a university or a boarding school I think
-
.
it will be found that these establishments put their finish

'
somewhere i n t he middle o f the course ; they may pos
sibl y finish you as fa r as teachers can but the education ,
which is to fit you for good society must be pursued long

a ft er you leave them ,
as it ought t o have been begun long
be fore you went to them . This education should have
c ommenced wi th developing the mental po w ers and espe ,
c i al l y the omnp r e /t e n s i o n A man should be able in

.
,
order to ( nter into conversation to c atch rapidly t he

,
meaning o f anything that is advanced for instance though ,
ou know nothing o f science you should not be obliged to

y ,
st are and be silent when a man who does understand it is

,
x l a ini n
.
p g a new discovery or a new theory ; though you

nave not read a word o f Blackstone your comprehensive
,
po wers should be su fficiently acute to enable you to tak e

in the statement that may be made o f a recent caus e ;
though you may not have read some particular book , you
l houl d be capable of appreciating the criticism which you
he ar of it . Wi t hout such a power — simple enough a nd

eas ily attained by attention and practice yet too seldom,
me t with in general society— a conversa t ion which depar ts

fr om the most ordinary te pi c s cannot be maintained wi th
eut the ris k of l aps ing into a lecture with such a powe l
CULTI V ATI ON or TASTE . 65
soc i ety becomes instructive as well as amu si ng and you ,
have no remorse at an evening s end at having wasted thre e

’
or four hours in profitl e ss banter or simpering platitud es .
This facility of comprehension o ften startles us i n some

women whose education we know to have been poor a nd
, ,
whose r e ading is limited If they did not rapidly receiv e

.
y our ideas they,

could not there fore be fit companions for
intellectual men and it is perhap s their consciousness of

,
a defic i e nc y which lead s them to pay the more at t entio n
to what you say It is this which makes married women

.
at much more a greeable to me n o f though t than youn g
ladie s as a rule can be for they are accustomed to t he

, , ,
soc iety o f a husband and the e ffor t to be a companion to his

,
mind has e n grafted the habit of attention and ready reply .
No le ss important is the cultivation of taste If it is .
t i resome and deadening t o be with people who cannot u n
de rstand and will not even appear to be interested in your

,
better thoughts it is almost repulsive to find a man still

, ,
more a woman insensible to all beauty and immovable by

, ,
an
y horror I remember
. passing through the galleries of
Hampt on Court with a lady of this kind i n whom I had

“ ”
in vain looked for enthusiasm Ah 2 I exclaimed as .
,
We pas sed into a well k nown gallery we are come at

-
”
ast to Raphael s c artoons
’
. .
”
Are we ? she asked languidly as we sto od in the ,
of th ose gr a n D r me
“
p resenc e d conceptions ea h ow .
,
high the fountain s playing in the court

’
In t h e prese nt day an acquaintance with art ev e n i f ,
ou have no love for it is a s i n e gu t n o n of go od society

y , .
Music and painti ng are subjects which will be discuss ed

in every direction around you It is only in bad society .
tha t pe ople go to the Opera co nce rt s and art ex hibi tio ns , ,

-
66 THE SPI RIT OF SOCI A L OB SERV A N CES .
merely because i t is the f ashion or to say they have been ,
there ; a nd i f you con fessed to such a weakness in real ly

good society you would be j ustly voted a puppy For
,
.
this too some book kno wledge is indispensable You

,
-
.
should a t least know t he names o f the more celebrate d
artis ts ,
composers arch i tects scu l ptors and so forth and
, , , ,
s hould be abl e to approximate their several schools .
”
I have j ust bough t a Hobbema was said to Mrs B ,
. .
the other day What shall you put into it

. said she ,
he ping to conceal her ignorance .
So too you should kno w pretty accurately the pronu n

,
c i a t io n o f celebrated names or if not take care not to , , ,
use them An acquain t ance of mine is always talking

.
about pi c tures and asks me how I like H annibal Ca r ra x i

, ,
and Glz u rl a ndag o It was the same person who seeing at

.
,
“ ”
the bot t om of a rare engraving the name Raphael Mengs ,
s aid in a kind Of musing rapture Beauti ful thing in

“
, ,
deed quite in Raphael s earlier style you can trace the

,
’
”
influence of Perugino in that figure S O too it will .
, ,
never do to be ignorant Of the names and approxi mate

a ges of great composers especially in L ondon where music
, ,
is so highly appreciated and so common a theme It will .
be decidedly condemnatory if you talk of the n e w Opera ,

“
D on Giovanni or Ros s in i s Trovatore or are igno
”
,
’
”
rant who composed Fidelio and in what op e ra occu r ,
”
such common pieces as Ciascun lo dice or Il segreto .
’
,
I do not say that these tr ifie s are indispensable and whe t ,
a man has better knowledge to Ofie r especially with genius

'
, ,
“ ”
or cleverness to back it he will not only be pa rdon e d,
for an ignorance o f them but can even take a high ton e .
and pro fess indi ff rence or contempt o f them

e
But at t he .
som e t ime such ignorance stamps an ordinary man and

,
CON V ERSA I I ON . 61
hinders conv e rs ati on On the other hand the best society

.
will not endure diletta ntism and whatever th e kno wl edge ,
a man may possess of any art he must not display it so ,
as to make the ignorance o f others pain ful to them We .
are gentlemen not picture —dealers But thi s applies t

,
. :
every te pic To have only one or t wo subjects to c onve r se

.
on and to discours e rather than t alk on them is a l wa s

, y ,
ill bred whether the theme be literature or horse fl e sh

-
,
-
T he Newmarket lounger would probably denounce the

“ ”
fe rmer as a bore and call us pedan ts for dwelling on
,
it ; but if as is too Often the case he can give us nothing

, ,
”
more general than a discussion Of the “
points Of a
mare that perhaps we have never seen , he is as great a
pedant in his way .
Re a s o n plays a less conspicuous part i n good society ,
because its frequenters are too reasonable to be mere

reasoners A disputation is al ways dangero us to temper
.
,
an d tedious to those who cannot feel as eager as the dis
p u t a nts
; a discussion on the other hand in which every ,
body has a chance of stating amicably and unobtrusively

his or her Opinion must be of frequent occurrence But
,
.
to cultivate the reason besides its high moral value has

,
,
the advantage of enabling one to reply as well as attend

to the O pinions of others Nothing is more tedious or dis .
”
hearte ning than a perpetual Yes j ust so and nothing , ,
more Conversation must nev e r be one sided

. Th e n -
.
,
ag a in the reason enables us to support a fan c v or Opini on

, ,
wh e n we are a sked why we think so and s o To re ply .

,
“
I don t know but till I think so is silly in a man
‘
,
s
,
’
and tedious i n a woman But there is a part Of o ur edu

.
~
ca tion so important a n d so neglected i n our schools a nd
colleges th at i t cannot be too highly impressed on p aren t!

,
68 r u n SP IRIT OF SOCI AL OB SE RV A NCES .
on the one hand and young people on t he other I mea n

,
.
that which we learn first o f all things yet Often have not ,
learned fully when D eath eases us of the neces sity the -
art o f speaking our o wn language What can Greek a nd

.
La tin French and German be for us in our every day

, ,
li fe if we have not acquired this ? We are Often e nc ou r

,
aged to raise a laugh at D octor Syntax and the tyranny
o f Grammar but we may be certain that more mis u nde r

,
standin gs and there fore more di fficulties arise betwee n

, ,
me n i n the commonest intercourse from a want of gram

m e tical precision than from any other cause It was onc e
,
.
the fashion to neglect grammar as i t now is with certain

,
e ople to write illegibly and i n the days Of Goethe a

p ,
man thought himsel f a genius if he could spell badly .
Ho w much this simple knowledge is neglected in England ,
even among the upper classes is shown by the results Of

,
the examinations for the army and the civil servi ces ; how
valuable it is i s now generally acknowledged by men Of
,
sound sense Precision and accuracy must begin in t he

.
very outset ; and i f we neglect them in grammar we shall ,
scarcely acquire them i n expressing out thoughts But .
since there is no society wi thout interchange Of thought ,
and since the best society is that in which the bes t thoughts
are interchanged in the best and most comprehensible man
ne r it follows that a proper mode o f e x pressing ourselves
,
is indispensable to good society .
There is one poor neglected letter the subj ect of e ,
poe t ical C harade by Byron which people in the pr ese nt

,
day have made the test of fitness for good society For .
my part I would sooner associate with a man who dropped

,
th a t eighth l ett er of our alphabet than with one who spok e

bad gra mmar and expressed himsel f ill But if he has .
LA N G UA G E , 69
no t learned t o pronounce a letter prop erly it is sc ar c ely ,
r o bable that he will have studied the art o f spe e ch at all

p .
It is amusing to hear the inge n ious excuses made by

“
eo ple for th i s neglect Mrs A one person tell s
p . .
y ( u ,
is a woman o f excellent ed ucation You must not .
he su r prised at her dr o pping he r l t s it i s a Sta ffordsh i re

’
,
”
habi t and she has l i ved all her li fe i n that county
,
I .
fa ncy that it is not S t a ffordshire or any other shire that

c a n be s addled with the fault It is simply a habit of ill
.
bred people every where throughout the three king dom s .
« l m is the plea Of dialect any real excuse

fi It is a pee n .
ti a rit y Of Middlesex d ialec t to put a v for a w and a w ,
[or a v Would any one on that account present Mr

. .
S ami ve l V eller as a gentle man of good education with a ,
s light peculiarity Of dialect in his speech ? Good society

u ses the same language everywhere and dialec t s ought t o
-
be got rid of in those who would frequent it The langua ge .
of Burns may be very beauti ful in poetry and the bal ,
l ads Of Moore may gain much from a strong Irish brogue ,
but if we Obj ect t o L ondon slang in conversation we have ,
as much right to Object to local peculiarities which mak e

your spe e ch either incomprehensible or ridiculous ; and
c ertain it is that the persons whose strong n ationality i n
duces them to retain their Scotch or Irish idiom and

a ccent are always ready to protes t against Americanisms
, ,
a nd would be very m u ch bothered i f a Yorkshi re landowner

we re to introduce his local drawl into the dra wing room -
.
Loca l ism is not patriotism and there fore until the Union
is di s solved we must request people to talk English in
,
Engli sh society .
The art Of expressing one s thoughts neatly and su i ts

’
bly is one which in the negl ec t of rhetoric as a s t udy we

,
70 T HE s ma rt OF SOCIA L OB S ERV A NC ES .
must pra ctice for ourselve s The commonest t l ou gh t .
well pu t is more use ful in a social poi nt o f view than t he

mos t bri lliant idea j umbled out What is well e xpresse d .
is easily seized and there fore readily responded to ; t h

mos t p oetic fancy may be lost to the hearer i f the lan
u a ge which c onveys it is obscure Speech is the gi ft
g .
which distinguishes man from animals and makes society

possible He has but a poor appreciation of his high pri
.
vil e ge as a human being who neglects to cultivate God s ’

,
”
great gi ft Of speech .
As I am not Writing fo r men of genius but for ordina ,

p
ry beings I am righ t to state th at an indispensabl e part

,
of education is a knowledge of English literature But .
ho w to read is for society more important than wh a t we

, ,
read The man who ta kes up nothing but a newspaper

.
but reads it t o th in k to deduct conclusions from its pre

mises and form a j udgment on its Opinions is more fi t ted
, ,
for society than he who havi ng a large box regul arly

, ,
fro m Mu die s and devoting his whole day to its con t e nts
’
, ,
s wallows it all without digestion In fact t he min d must .

,
be treated like the body and however great i t s a ppetite , ,
it will soon fall into bad health i f it gorges but does not ,
ruminate At t he same time an acquaintance wi t h the

.
best current literature is necessary to modern society and ,
it is not su fficient t o have read a book without being abl e

to pass a j udgment on it Conversation on literature i .
impossible when your respondent can only sa

,
“
Yes I ,
like t he book but I really don t know why

,
”
Or what c an ’
.
we do wi t h the young lady whose literary stock is as lim

ite d as that Of the daughter o f a late eminent member of
P arliament whom a friend Of mine had once to ta k e down
,
to dinner ?
72 T HE S P I Rl T o r s e e m . o c s s RV A NoEs .
h ome and foreign politics,

with current history an d ev e r
y ,
s ubject of passing interest is

,
absolutely necessary ; and a
pe rson of su fficien t intelligence to j oin in good society c an

not dispense wi t h his daily newspaper his literary j our ,
ml a n d the principal quarterly revie ws and magazin es
The cheapness of every kind o f l iterature the fac il it iet ,
of our well st o red circulating libraries our public reading

‘
,
-
r ooms and numerous excell e nt lectures on every possibl e
s ubj ect
,
leave no excuse to poor or rich fo r an ignoranc e
o f any of t he topics discussed in intellectual society You .
may forget your L atin G reek French Germ a n and

, , ,
Mathematics but i f you frequent good company you wil l

.
a e ve r be allowed to forget that you are a citi zen of t h(
world
The respect fo r m or a l c h a r a c t er is a distinguis h i ng .
mark o f good society in this country as compared with that

o f the Con t inent No rank no wealth no celebr ty will
.
, ,
i
i nduce a well bred English lady to admit to her drawing

-
r oom a man or wo man whose character is k nown to be
ba d. Society is a severe censor pitiless and remorseless

,
.
The woman who has once fallen the man who has onc e ,
lost his honor may repent for years ; good society shuts
,
it s doors on them once and for ever Perhaps t his is the

.
enl y case in whi ch the best society is antagonistic to Chris
t ia n i t y but in e xtenuation it must be remembered tha

, ,
‘
there is no court in which to try thos e who sin against it

Society itsel f is the court i n which are j udged those man y
offences which the law cannot reach and this inclemency ,

.
) f the world this exile fo r li fe which it pronounc e s must

, ,
b e regarded as the only deterrent against certain sin s .
There is little or no means o f punishing the seducer the ,
che a t , the habitual drunkard and gambler and me n a nd ,

MORAL C H ARA CTER . 73
wome n who
°
ndu l illi cit pleasures e xcept thi s one

ei n
g
verdict o f perpetual expulsion pronounced g ood soci e t y
O ft en is i t given without a fair tri a l on the re ; ort of a ,
slanderer ; o ften it falls upon the wrong head ; o ft e n i t
m o ves its inj ustice in ignoring the vic e s of one and fu l
minat ing against those o f another ; o ften by its i mplac i ,

'
bil ity dr i ves the o ffender to despai r and makes the one
, ,
f lse step lead to the ruin of a li fe : but i t m u st be r e

a
‘
mem be red what interests society has to protect —the puri

t of daughters wives and sis t ers the honor of sons ; it
y , ,
m ust be allowed that i ts means o f obtaining evidence is

very sligh t and that on the other hand it cannot insti
, ,
tute an inquisition into the conduct o f all its members ,
s i nce the mere suspicion which such an inquiry would e x
c ite is s udi c i e nt to ruin a character that might prove t o
be innoc e nt . Society then 18 forced to j udge by common

,
r epo r t and though it may o ften j u

,
dge wrongly it gene ,
r ally errs on the sa fe side What it still wan t s and must

.
,
p erhaps always want is some check on ,

the slander and
c alumny which misleads its j udgment We want so me .
tribunal which wi t hout blasting a reputation can call to

, ,
ac count the low sneak who lounges into a club —room and
“
actuated by pique whispers into a frind s c ar in strict
,
’
,
est confidence some silly slur on a lady s character

,
’
,
knowing that it will pass from mouth to mouth growin g ,
bigger a nd bigger and that it can never be traced back ta

,
the original utterer We want to put down thos e o ld

.
na ids and dowagers who shake their cork — screw ringl e ts

'
. t the mention of a name and look as if they knew a ,
g r eat deal which they would not tell W e want gossip .
and scandal to be held a sin as it is already held bad

_ ,
tas te and a higher tone which shal l reject as inventions

.
4
74 THE s p rmr o r so c i A L o ns nnv a n os s .
the pot house stories of grooms and lacqueys and r e ce ive

-
wi t h greater caution t he gossip of the club room How -

.
ma ny a fai r fame of a vir t uous girl is ruined by the mar .
l IC has rej e ct ed , how many an Iago lives and thrives in

'
OCl C t t o the present day ; how many a young man i s

«
y
blackened by a rival ; ho w many a man we meet in t he
best circles whose chambers are the scene of debauchery ,
or who carries on an illicit connexion in secret une x posed , .
These things make us bitter t o the world but i f we can , ,
not see the remedy we must endure them silently Oh

, .
if the calumniator male or female could be hanged as

, ,
high as Haman if the ninth commandment like the

, ,
eighth could be puni shed wi t h death many a hope ful os

, ,
reer were not blighted at its outset many an innoce nt ,
woman were not driven from her home and thrust int o
the very j a ws o f sin and the world would be happier and
,
far more Chris t ian .
In the meantime good society discountenances gossip ,
and t hat is all it can do for the present Fathers and .
husbands must be care ful whom they introduce to thei r

fam ilies and every one should beware how the y r ep e a t
,
what has been told them of their neighbors There is in .
the church of VVal t on ou —Thames a kind of iron gag

-
made to fit upon the face and bearing this inscription

,
Th ys is a brydel
For th e women of Wal ton wh o sp ea ke so ydel .
’
I k n ow not what poor creature blasted by a venomous ,
tongu e invented and gave to the church this quai nt

,
reli c 1 only wish that every parish church had one and ,
that every slanderer might be forced to wear i t One ! .
di d I say ? we should want a hundred in so me pa rish es,

all in use a t the sam time e
TEMPER . 75
A discou rteous but well —merited reply which I heard

the other day reminds me that good t e mper is an essen
,
tial o f good society A young lady irritated because a .

,
gentleman would not agree with her on some matter l e t .

s
i c r balance and irritably exclaimed

,
Oh Mr A— yo u , ,
.
m
,
’
h a ve only two ideas in your head You are right .
,
replied the gentleman I have only two ideas and en , ,

"
of them is that you do not know how to behave yoursel f .
Temper has a great deal to answer for and it would ,
tak e a volume to discuss i ts e ffect on the affairs of t he

world It is a vice of old and young of both sexes of
.
,
high and low even I may say of good and bad though a
, ,
person who has not conquered it scarcely merits the name

of good though he should regenerate mankind Mon
,
.
a rchs have lost kingdoms maidens lovers and everybody , ,
friends by the irritation of a moment and in society a

, ,
display of ill temper is fatal to harmony and thus de

-
stroys the fir st princ i ple o f social meetings We pardon .
it we overlook it and sometimes it even amuses us but ,

, ,
sooner or later it must chill back love and freeze friend

,
s hip .In short it makes society unbearable and is j ustly

, ,
pronounced to be disgustingly vulgar I used once to .
frequent the house of a man who had every requisite fo r

being charming but that of a command of temper He .
gave dinner parties which ought to have been most plea s

-
an t . He was well educated well in formed well manner ed

-
,
-
,
-
in every other respect The first time I dined with hi m .
be fore I had seen anything o f this failing I was h orror ,
struck by hearing him say to a serv ant Con found you , ,
will you take that dish to the other end Of cour se 1

mid n o attention but h e ping to cover him talked lou dly
, ,
and e agerly It was useless The servant blundere d

. .
76 THE SPI RIT or SOCIA L OB SERV ANC ES .
and the master thundered till at last there was a dea d ,
silence round the table and we all looked down into ou r ,
p l a te s
. The mistress o f the house made the matter wo rs c
“
by putting in at last My dear Charles do be mod e
, ,
”
ra te. and the irritable man only increased the awkward
ness by an irri t able reply I overlooked this and dine » .
,
th e re again but only once This time it was his daugh

,
.
ter who o ffended by some innocent remark Really you r e .

’
”
quite a fool J ane he said turning savagely upon her
, , , ,
and the poor gi rl burst into tears Our appetites were .
Spoiled our indignation rose and though we sat through

, ,
the dinner we all of us probably repeated Solomon s

,
’
proverb about a dry morsel where love is and a stalled ,
ox wi th contention thereby which I for one interpreted , , ,
to mean that my c hOp and pint of ale at home would for ,
the future be far more app et i t l i ch than my friend s tur

,
’
tle and turbot .
As there is nothing to which an Englishman clings so

ten aciously as his Opinions there are fe w things which ,
re use the temper so rapidly as an argument In good .
soc i ety all disputation is eschewed and particularly that ,
which involves party politics and sectarian religion It is . .
at leas t wise to discover what are the vie ws of your com

pany be fore you venture on these subj ects Z eal ho w .
,
e ver well me a nt
-
must as St P aul warns us o ften be
, ,
.
sacrificed to peace
; and where you cannot ag ree a n i ,
fe e l that to reply would lead you into an argument it is

be st to be silent At the same time there are some c c
.
ca s i ons where silence is s e r vi l No man should sit stil f
i n be ar sacred things blasphemed or his friend abused , .
The gentleman must yield to the Man where an ath eis t

reviles Christianity a Chartist abuses the Queen or a n
, y ,
TEM PER 77
body speak s ill of t he listener s friend or re l a tic n Even

’
.
then he best marks his indignation by rising and leavin g

the room Nor need any man fear the i mputatio n of
.
cowardice if he curbs his anger a t direct abuse of him

,
.
”
S lf
e .
“
A so ft answer turneth away wrath ; and if he
c annot check his own feelings su fficiently to reply i n
c mc i l ia tor tone no one can blam e him i f cooly and p o

y
~
l i l c ly he e x presse s to his antagonist his Opinion o f his

bad manners The feeling o f the company will alway s
.
go wi th the ma n who keeps his temper for not only do e s ,
socie t y feel that to vent wrath is a breach of its laws but ,
it knows that to conquer one s —sel f is a fa r more di fficul t

,
’
task than to overcome an enemy ; and that there fore t he , ,
man who keeps h is temper is really strong and truly

courageous In fact the Christian rule is here ( as it
.
should al ways be that o f society a nd the man who of

) ;
fers his le ft ch e ek to the blow displays not only t he ,
rarest Christian virtue but the very finest politeness

, .
which while it teems wi t h delicate irony at once disarm s

, ,
t he at t acker and enlists the pity and sympathy i f not

, ,
the applause of the bystanders Of course I speak of

,
.
b lows metaphorically A blow with the hand is rarely if

.
ver given in good society .
Another case in which the Christian and the social

rule coincide if not in reality at least in appearance i s
“
, ,
”
tha s f pri vate animosi ties
“
t
Of the cut as a nec e s
.
,
c
sary social weapon I shall speak elsewhere

,
but t s ow .
Bu ffive s to say that when given for the first time with a
,
V i e w to breaking off an acquaintance it should not be ,
done conspicuously nor be fore a number of people Its

,
.
object is not to wound and cause c on fus re n but to mak e ,

”
known to the person ou t that your feelings toward s
“
78 THE SPI RI T or SC J I AL OB s r RV A NOEs .
him are changed In good society no one ever cuts ano

.
the r i n such a manner as to be generally remarked and ,
t he reason is obvious : It causes a wk wardness a n l co n fa

s i on i n the rest o f the company It is worse. B e twee n .
a guest and host t h e relation is supposed to be frie ndly
if not so it can al ways be immediately discontinued ; s )

,
.
t
hat generally the ill wi ll must be bet ween one guest and .
a no t her unde r t he same roo f But what does it t hen

.
amount to ? Is it not a slur upon your host s j udgment ? ’
“
Is it not as much as to say This man is unfit for me
,
to know ; and since you are his friend you m u st be un

.
,
”
worthy of me too 7 At any rat e it is morti fying to a
,
host to find that he has brought two enemies together ,
and with the respect due from a guest to a host you must
,
.
abstain from making his ho u se a field of battle There .
is no occasion for hypocrisy Politeness cold and distant

.
,
;f you like it can cost you no t hing and is never taken to

, ,
mean friendship In short harmony and peace are t he

.
rules o f good soci ety as of Chris tianity and its denizen s

, ,
can and do throw aside t he most bi t ter enmities whe n

meeting on the neutral ground o f a friend s house N0 ’
. 1
is t he armis t ice wi t hout its value L ike that betwee n

.
Aus t ria and France i t is not un fre q uently follo wed by

,
overtures o f peace ; and I have known two people who

had not interchanged t wo words fo r a score o f years
s hake hands be fore they le ft a house where the y had bee n
a ccidentally brought together Had they not been w e ll

.
bred this reconciliation could never have taken place .
The relations of guest to guest are not so well under

s tood in t his country as on the Continent There you r .
host s friends are for the time yo u r friends When you

’
.
e nte r a room y ou have a right to speak to and be ad

80 THE S PI RIT or S OCIAL o ns nnva nc ns .
when I heard the tale repeated How little you thi nl ,

“
ou a r e telling a story a gainst yoursel f So too whe n

y , ,
Arabella speaking o f Charles with whom she has qua :

, ,
ro ll e d tells me so proudly I cut him last night de a d ,

”
and be fore the whole party to his utter con fusion l , ,
“
whi sper to mysel f He may richly have deserved the
,
”
p unishmen t bu t I would not have been the executioner
,
.
In fact whether as host or guest we must remember t he

, ,
fe e lings o f the rest o f the company and that a show of ,
animosity bet ween any o f them al ways mars t he sense of
p eace ful enj oyment for which all have met,

To pick 3 .
u a rre l to turn your back on a person to c u t him openly

l , ,
or to make audible rem a rks on him are displays of tem ,
e r only found in vulgar society

p .
The other requisi t es ind i spensable for good society wil

be found in var ious chapters of this work Confidence .
calm and good habits are t rea t ed in the chapter on car

, ,
ri age .Good manners is more or less the subj ect of t he

, ,
whole book and appropria t e dress another indispensable

, , ,
is discussed under t hat head Accomplishments on which .

,
I have given a chap t er are not generally considered in ,
dispensable and cer t ainly a ma n or woman of good educ a

,
t ion and good bree ding could pass muster without them
But they lend a great charm to society and in some cases ,
a re a very great a ssistance to it

. Indeed there are some .
,
a ccomplishments an ignorance of which may prove e x
tre me l y a wkward Perhaps ho wever the most valu able

.
, ,
a complish ment or ra t her art especially in persons of

c
full a ge is that of making society easy and of e nt er tai n

, ,
r
ing .
M i c e and hints for this will be given in various
se c tions bu t I may here say that it is an a rt whi c h de
,
mands no li t tle l a bor and i ngenui ty and if anybo dy ,

TO D INNER G 1 va ns -
. 81
truagine s th at t he o fi ce s o f
host a nd hostess are sinecures ,
he is greatly mis taken The great principle is that o f

.
mo vement Accor ding t ) the atomic theory warmth and

.
,
brilliance a r e gained by the rapidity of the at ms abo u o
one ano ther We are only atoms in society a ft er a l l an

.
,
we cer t ai nly get bo t h warmth and brilliance when we re

s ol ve round each oth e r in the ball room But it is rather -
mental movement t hat I re fer to j ust now although t he ,
other is by no means unimportant and the host and hostes s ,
should when possible be continually shi fting their p laces

, , ,
e asily and grac e fully talking to everybody more or less

, ,
and inducing others to move But there must be some .
thing for the minds of those assembled to d well upon

something to suggest thought and thus generate convers a ,
tion If the host or hostess ha ve t he mse l ves the talent

.
_ ,
they should do t his by con t inually leading the conversation ,
not a ft er the manner of Sydney Smith who while dinne r , ,
wa s going on allowed Mackintosh Je ffrey and Stewart to

, , , ,
fall into vehement discussion while he himsel f quietly ,
made an excellent meal and prepared for bet ter things

, .
The moment the cloth was removed which wa s done in ,
those days the j ovial wit happier than his companion s

, ,
“
who had had more o f the feast of reason and the flow
of soul
”
than of bee f and mutton would look up and
mak e some totally irrelevant and irresistible rem a rk and ,
havi ng once raised t he laugh would keep an easy lead of ,
the c onversation to the end But if they have not th i s .
a rt i t is highly desirable t hat dinner givers should in vi t e

, ,
-
th ei r regular talker who like the Roman parasite m con

, , ,
sideration o f a good dinner will al ways be re a dy with a ,
fresh te pic in case o f a lull ia the conversation and a l ways ,
be able to nt rodu c c it wi t h something smart and li ve ly

.
4 s
82 THE S PI RIT or so c u n c s s nn va n c s s .
There is a hotel in the city where a certai n num be r i f

“ ”
b roken down ecclesiastics a r e al ways
-
on hand with a
couple of sermons in pocket If a clergyman is c a ll ed .
suddenly out of town or t aken ill on t he Saturday nigh t

,
or hindered from preaching by any accident he has onl y u .
send do wn a messenger and a reverend gentleman flies t i
him : the sermon is at his service for the sum o f one

guinea or less Would it not answer t o insti tut e a si mi la r
,
.
establishment for the benefit o f dinner —givers ? The o nly

”
question the cleric asks is High or low ? He has a
,
“
” “ ”
se rmon in each pocket high in the right low in the
, ,
l oft and produces the pr Oper article if he does not by

, ,
mistake forget which is i n which and as t ound an evangel ,

”
i cal congregation with the symbols of the Church or ,
“ ”
a Tractarian one with the doctrine o f elec t ion In .
the same way the c o n vi va would be al ways ready in full

, ,
dress at sixin the evening and having put t he question

, , ,
Serious or gay Whig or Tory ? bring out his witticisms

,
”
a ccordingly We do everything now a days with money

.
- -
Mr Harker gives out our toasts our servants carve a nd

.
,
give out t he wine for us The host sits at the head or side
.
of his t able and only smiles and talks

,
The n e xt gene
ration will make a further improvemen t and the host will ,
hi re a gen t leman to do even the smiling and talking or , ,
like the Emperor Augustus he will j ust look in on his ,
guests at the middle of dinner ask i f the e ntr e mote:

-
are g ood and go to his easy —

, chair again in the library
Of t he art of entertaining on various occasions I shal
treat und e r the prOpe r heads and we come now t o the dis ,
pensables of good society whic h I take to be weal t h rank

, ,
bir t h and talent .
Of birth there is little to say because if a man is fit , ,

.
M ERE WEALT H . 88
fo r good s ocie ty it can make very little di ffe rence whethe r

,
his f ather were a chimney sweep or a ch ancellor at least to

-
se nsible people Indeed to insis t on good birth in Eng

.
,
l and would not only shut vou out from enj oying t he socie ty
i f people of no ordinary stamp but is now generally c o n ,
sid ere d as a cowardly way o f asserting yo u r superiority
A you ng lady said to me the other day I wonder you ,
ca n visit the O s ; their mother was a cook

.
’ ”
Well ”
.
,
said I ,
“
it is evident she did not bring them up in t he
ki t chen ”
. My interlocutrix wore the name of a celebrated
poet and was of one of the oldes t families in England
, ,
bu t I con fess that I t hou ght her r emark that o f a snob

‘
the more so as t he O s happened to be the most agreeable

’
.
people I k new .
f
The advantages o wealth are considerable in the or
f
mation of soci ety In this country where hospitality
m
.
,
eans eating and drinking it demands money to receive ,
your friends ; and in London where a lady can with dif ,
fic u l ty walk in the streets unaccompanied a carriage of ,
some sort in which to visit them becomes almost a n e c e s

, ,
si t
y if you are to m i x much in the world But goo d .
society would be very limited i f every man required hi
l rou gha m or cabriolet In the metropolis again a man

‘
.
, ,
e r va nt is almost ind i s pensable t hough not quite and if ,
you have the moral courage to do without one you will

fi nd that your small dinners — always better than large
be more quietly served by women than by me n .
“
Gondone rs h ave still to learn that large pompous feel
”
age are neither agreeable nor in good taste and t ha t ,
eve n i ng mee t ings for the purpose o f conversation with as

, ,
ii tt l c ceremony as possible are far l e ss tediou s l es s bili ous.

,
and less expe ns ive .

THE S PI rt I T OF S OC IAL JB S ERV A N C ES .
They do these things better in Paris where the l inner .
a rty is a n in t roduction o f the n o n ve a u r T i c /Les The re

p .
the £ 300 A year does not exclude i t s o wners from the e n
j yo me n t o f he bes t even t he highest socie t y

t . They m a
y .
he asked to every ball and dinner o f t he season and a re ,
not expected to return them A e o it u r e d e r e m i s s is

.
g ood enough to take t h e m even to the Tuileries Th e .
s i ze o f t heir apartment is no obstacle to their assembling
their friends simp l y fo r tea and conversation If the roo ms .
are elegan tly furnished and a 1 1 a nge d a nd the lady of the ,
house understands the art o f receiving and selects her ,
guests rather f01 their manners and c onve 1 sat i ona l po wers
than for position or weal t h t heir re ce p tion may become
,
fashionable at no further expense than t hat o f a fe w imple s
re freshments which are handed about Even d a nces are .
given without suppers and no one cares whet her you r

,
household consists of a dozen lacqueys or a couple of maid

servan t s .
”
Mere wealth says Mr Hay ward truly enough can
,
.
, ,
do little unless it be of magni t ude su fficient to co nst itute

”
celebrity .He might have added that wealth withou t , ,
breeding ge ne 1 a l l y dr a ws t he attention o f others to t he

a ,
want o f tast e of it s possessor and gives envy an obj ect to ,
sneer at I remember an instance of this in a woman who

.
had recently with her husband returned from Aus t ralia

, , ,
with a large fortune I met her at a ball in Paris : she was

.
mag nificently almost regally dressed and as she swept

, ,
“
through the rooms people whispered That is t he r i c h ,
Mrs . I had not b e en introduced to her and had no ,
desire to be so but I could not esc a pe her vu l gari ty

, On .
going to fetch a cup o f chocolate from the bu ffet for my part

ner I had to pass within a yard o f Mrs
, who was .
RA N K 85
orging ices amid a crowd of rathe r in ferior F1 e nc hmc n

g ,
there was not the slightest fear of my Spilling the chocola te,
and I was too far from her to S poil her dress had I b ee n ,
awkward enough to do so ; but as I passed back She sud »
l e nl y screamed out in very bad French Monsi e ur Mon

.
, ,
sieur q uoi faites vous vous g t e ry mon robe

,
-
Of course
,
i
everybody looked round I bowed low and begged he r .

,
a rdon assuring her that there wa s not the sligh test cause
p ,
for alarm ; but She was not sa t isfied and while I beat a ,
retre at I heard her loud voice denouncing me as a stupid

fellow ,
and so forth and I soon found that Mrs ,
.
”
was pronounced to be atrociously vulgar as well as
immensely rich .
I cannot think that ra nk is a recommendation to a man

with any but vulgar people Not every nobleman is a .
gentleman and fewer still perhaps bear that charac ter that
,
would entitle them to a free e n tr ee among the well bred -
On the o t her hand rank is a costly robe which must be , ,
worn as modestly as possible not to spoil that feeling of ,
equality which is necessary to the ease of society Som e .
de ference must be paid to it and the man of rank who ,
cannot forget it will find himsel f as much in the way in

,
a party of untitled people as an elephant among a troop ,
of j ackals If titles were as common in England as on

.
the Continent there would be less fear of a host devotin g

,
himsel f to My Lord to the neglect of his other guests or ,
of those guests centering the i r attention on the one sta r
In Paris it is only in the vulgar circles of the Cha u ss ze

’
r
,
”
d Au ti n that Monsieur l s Comte or Monsieur le
’ ‘
“
, ,
Marquis is S hown o ff as a l i on ; and in the we l l bre d

”
,
o
cir cles in this country the nobleman must be c ontent wit h ,
r ec ede nce and the plac e of honor and for t he rest be as

p .
,
86 THE S PI RIT or SOC IA L OB SE RV ANCES .
one of the company In Sou t hern Germany the di st i no

.
,
tion is the other way ; t he S imple H e r r is almost as re

markable as the man of title i n England In fact c very .
,
body admitted to what is there called good society has ,
so me title whether by birth or o ffice ; and a man mus t be

,
hi ghly distinguished by talents or a chievements to have

the e n tr ee o f t he Court I found that the Esqui re afte r
.
my name was generally translated by Baron the tra de s ~
men raised it to Gra f or Count ; and the people who

,
knew all about it called me Herr Esquire von

,
Something in the same way are military titles allotted to

civilians in some parts of America A store keeper be .
-
”
comes Major ; a merchant Colonel and a man of ,
”
Whom you are to ask a favor is al ways a General ,
.
Nothing can be more ill j udged than lion hunt i ng

-
If -
.
the premise with which I set out that society re q uires ,
Teal or apparent equality be true a nything which raises

, ,
a person on a pedestal u n fit s him fo r society The men .
of genius are rarely gi fted with social qualities and the ,
only society suited to them is that o f others of the same

calibre If Shakspere were alive and I acquainted with
.
,
h1m I would not ask him to an evening party ; or if I

, ,
did so it should be with huge Ben and hal f a dozen more

, ,
- -
“ ”
from the Mermaid and they should have strict inj une
,
tions not to e ngross the conversation If you must have .
a literary lion at your receptions you should manage to ,
have two or three for you may be sure that they will be
,
ha ve less arrogantly in one another s presence ; or per ’
haps a better plan still is to invite a score o f critics to

,
me et him ; you will th e n find your show beas t as tracta

bl e and as quiet as his name sake in the caresses of V an
-
Amburg or Wombwell The man of science agai n has

.
,
88 THE SPI RIT OF SC GI AL OBSERV A N C ES .
mee t ings there are mental quali ties nearly allied to it

,
.
which are the bes t we can bring t o them I mean a thi l k

ing mind and a ready wit The most agreeable men a nd .
a e n are t hose wh o t hink out o f socie t y as well as in it
h ose who have mind without a ffectation and talen t s wi th

on ; conceit , t hose who have formed and can form fresh ,
Opinions on every subject and t o whom a mere word se rv e s ,
as the springing board from w hich to rise to ne w trains of

-
thought Where people of this kind meet together t he

.
,
commonest subj ects become mat t ers of interes t and t he ,
c onversa t ion grows rapidly to brilliance even without pos ,
i t i ve wit The man to whose mind everything is a sug

.
gestion and whose words suggest something t o everybody ,
is the best ma n for a social mee t i n g .
We have now seen what are and what are not the re “
u is it e s fo r good society High moral character a polished

q .
,
education a per fect command of temper good breeding

, , ,
delicate feeling good manners good habits and a good

, , ,
bearing are indispens able

, Wit accomplishments and .
, ,
social talents are great advantages t hough not absolutely

necessary On the o ther hand birth is l ost sight of whil e
.
, ,
wealth rank and distinction so fa r from being desirable ,

, , ,
must be care fully handled not to be positi vely objection ,
able We are now there fore enabled to o ffer a definition

.
of good society It is the meeting on a footing of equal

.
,
ity and for the p urpose of mutual entertainment o f me n

, , ,
of women or men and women together of go o d c haracte r

, , ,
g o od educatio n and good breeding

,
.
But what is the real spirit of the Obser vanc e s whic h

this society requires of i ts frequenters for the preserva
tion of harmony and t he easy in t ercourse of all of th e m ?
Certainl y one may have a spotless reputation a good ed
, ,
,
D EFI N I TION OF G OOD S OCI ET Y . 89
ne a t i c n and good breeding w thou t bein g ei the r go o d IL

. ,
reality or a Chris t ian

,
But i f we examine t he la ws Wh CIl
. I
good society lays down for our guidance and governa nc e ,
we shall find without a doubt that they are those which a ,
si mple Chris t ian desiring to regulate the meetings of a

,
number of people who lacked the Christian feeling wc u ld ,
dictate I am of course quite aware that good society

.
, ,
will never make you a Christian You may be charmin g .
in a party and every one may pronounce you a per fec t and
,
agreeable gen t leman but vou may go home and get pri
va t e l
y intoxicated or beat your wi,fe or be cruel to you r ,
children If society fi nds you o u t be sure it will punish

.
,
y o u ; but society has no right to search your house and ,
intrude upon your hearth and as you say it may be lon g , , ,
be fore it fin ds you out But a s f a r a s i ts j u r i s di c t io n

.
,
ex t e n ds good society can compel you if not to be a

, ,
Christian at le a st to act like one The di fference bet wee n

,
.
the laws of God and the la ws of men is that the forme r , ,
a dress the heart from which the ac t s proceed the latter

d
, ,
which can only j udge from what they see determine the ,
acts without reg a rd to the heart The one waters the .
root t he other the branches

,
.
The laws of socie ty are framed by the unanimou s con

sent of men and in al l essential points they di ffer very
, , ,
li ttle all over the world The Turk may show his p0 .
l ite ness by feeding you with his fingers the Englishma n ,
by carving your portion for you ; but the same S piri t dic
ta tes bc th— the S pirit of friendliness of goodwill Thus ,
.
though the laws of society are necess a rily imper fect a re ,
moulded by traditional an d local custom and are addres s ,
ed t o the outer rather than the inner man their sp ir i t ,
invariabl y the same The considerations which di c tat e

.
90 r nr s r rnrr oF SOC I AL onss nv m c ns .
them a re reducible to t he s ame law a nd t his law [ ro ve s ,
to be the fund a men tal one o f Chris t ian doc t rin e Th us .

,
what the hea t hen arri ves at only by l a ws fram ed for t he

c om fo rt o f socie t y we possess a t once in virt u e of ou r re
,
ligio n .And i t is a grea t glory fo r a Chris t i a n to be abl .
t say tha t all refinemen t and all ci viliza t ion le a d me n

o
,
a s fa r as t heir conver sation is co n cerned — to t ht prac t ice

of Christianity It is a great sa t is fac t ion t o fe e l that
.
Christianity 1 8 eminently the religion of civil ? a t io and r n
Socie t y .
The great l a w which dis t ing uishes Christ anity from

'
every o t her creed t ha t o f bro t herly love and sel f denial

,
-
is essen tially the l a w which we find at the basis of all so

c ia l Observances The fi rst m axim of poli t eness is t o be
.
agreeable t o everybody even a t t he ex p ense o f one s o wn

’
com fort Meekness is the most beau t i ful vir t ue of the

.
Chris t ian ; modesty the most commendable in a well bre d -
man Peace is the obj ect of Chris t ian la ws ; harmony

.
that o f social Observances Se l f denial is the exercise of .

-
the Chris t ian ; forge tfulness of sel f t ha t of t he well —bred .
Trust in one another unites Christ ian communities ; con ~
fi l e nc e in the good in t en t ions o f our neighbors is tha t

t
which makes society possib le To be kind to o ne another .
is the obj ect o f Christian converse ; to entertain one

another that of social in t ercourse Pride selfishness
,
.
,
.
ill temper are alike Opposed to Christianity and good

-
breeding T he one demands an upri g ht li fe ; the oth e r

.
require s the appearance of it The one bids us make the .
most of God s gi ft s and impro ve our talents ; the other

’
will not admit us till we ha ve done so by education And .
to go a step farther ; as a Christian communi t y e xc ude e

’
si nner s and unbelievers from i t s gatherin s so a socia l

g ,
C H RISTIA NITY AND SOCIET Y . 91
mmunity e xcludes from its meetings those Of bad c nar

'
co a
ac tor and those who do not subscribe to its law s

,
.
But society goes farther and appears tO impose on its

,
me mbers a number of arbitrary rules whic h con t inuall y ,
res trict them in their actions It tells them ho w t ht y .
must e a t and drink and dress and walk and talk and St ,
on . We ought to be v e ry thank ful to society for takin g

_
so much trouble and saving us so much doub t and con

,
fusion But i f the ordinances of society are examined it

.
,
wi l l be found that while many Of them are merely derive d

from custom and tradition and some have no positive va l
,
ue they all tend to one end the preservation of harmony

, ,
and t he prevention Of one person fro m usurping the rights

or i ntruding on the province Of another If it regul ate s .
your dress it is that there

,
may be an app e a rance Of equal
ity in all and that the rich may not be able to flaunt
,
-
their wealth in the eyes Of their poorer associates If .

,
for instance it says that you are no t to wear diamonds in

,
the morni ng it puts a check upon your vanity If it

,
.
says you may wear the m on certain occasions it does not
co m
,
pel those who have none to purchase them If societ y .
says y ou shall eat with a kni fe and fork it is not becau s e ,
fingers were not made be fore forks but because it is we l l ,
known that i f you were to use the natural fork Of five

rongs instead of the plated one Of four you would want
p ,
to wash your hands a fter every dish If she goes fa rther .
and says you shall not p ut your kni fe into your mon th it ,
is because sh e supposes t hat you like ninety nine out of ,

-
eve ry hundred o f civilized beings can taste the ste e l wh en ,
ou do so and i s surprised at your bad taste and sinc e

y , ,
she demands good tas t e sh e cannot think you fit for he r
court Of co urs e she cannot ste p to hear Y ou e xplai n

,
92 r u n SPI RIT OF SOCI AL Os s s nm x c s s .
that you find a particular enj oymen t in the taste o stee l f

,
and that ther e fore on your part it is good not bad tas t e
She is by necessity forced to j udge from ap pearance I] .
ag ain she forbids you t O swing vour arms in walking lik e ,
the sails o f a windmill it is not because S he finds a ny

,
pleasure in pinioning you but because beauty is a resul t

,
Of harmony which is her first law and she s t udies beau ty

, , ,
adopts the beau t i ful and rej e cts the inelegant That mo
,
.
tion Of t he arms is not lovely con fess it Society is q uite

, .
right to Obj ect to it Once more i f she dubs you vulgar

.
,
for speaking in a loud harsh voice it is because whatever ,
be your case other people have nerves which may be

,
to uched and heads which can ache and your sten t orian .
tones se t t he one vibrating and the other throbbing In .
short while she may have many a n Ol d law t ha t need s

,
repealing you will find that the greater number o f her

,
enac tments are founded on very good and very Christian

considerations You will find that the more religious a
.
man is the more polite he will spontaneously become and

, ,
that too in every rank o f li fe for true religion teaches

,
him to forget himsel f to love his neighbor and to be

, ,
k indly even t o his enemy and t he a pp ea r a n c e Of SO being

,
and doing is what society demands as good manners

,
.
How can it ask more ? How can it rip Open your heart
and see if with your bland smile and oily voice you are a
l iar and a hypocrite ? There is One who has this pow
er —u
forget it not —but society must be content with the
semblance By your works men do and must j udge you
. .
Be fore I quit the demands Of society I must say a fe w ,
words on the distinction she mak e s between people of dif

fer ont ges and di fferent domestic positions ; to wi t how
a
t he has one la w for the bachelor ano t her for the ben e ,
PA TERBAMI L IA S
‘
. 93
dict ; one for the maid another for the matron ; one law ,
I mean to regulate their privileges and to res t rict their

,
vagaries .
Le t u s begin with that aw fu l stately and m aj esti c , ,
be ing Pater familias Angl ic anu s ; the same who having

, ,
re ach e d the age of perpetual snow exacts our reverenc e ,
and receives our awe ; the same who finding his maj esty ,
l ost on the vagabond Italian with the monke y and organ ,

resolves to crush him in a column Of T h e T im e s ; t he
s ame be fore whom not Mamma hersel f dares Open tha t
same newspaper ; the same who warns her against e u

c ou r aging the French count for whom Mary Anne has ,
taken such a liking — who pooh poohs the idea o f a -
watering place in summer who frowns over the weekly

-
bill s and talks of bankruptcy and ruin over the milli

,
ner s little account who is Mamma s excuse with the

’
,
’
son s the daughters and the servants

,
your papa wishe s
,
it she says and there is not a word more — who with a

,
”
, ,
mistaken dignity raises up an impassable barrier between

hims el f and his children chilling back their tenderest ad ,
vances receiving their evening kiss as a cold formality

, ,
and who ah human heart when one Of them is laid low

, ,
stea ls to the chamber of death privily and ashamed of his

grie f turns down the ghastly sheet and burying his head
, ,
there pours out the only tears he has Shed f r so many a o
y e ar .Poor father ! bitter bitter is the sel f reproach ,

-
ove r that cold form no w What avails now the stern .
ve t o that bade her rej ect the handsome l ove r who had so
oor a for t une and broke — ay broke her heart that beats
p , ,
no more ? Of what use was that cold severity whic h

drov e him to sea who lies there ne w past all rec al l
,
Ah ! stern hard cold father ; so they thought you so

, ,
94 THE S PI RIT OF SOCIAL OB SERV A N CES .
seemed a nd yet you meant i t fo r t h e best a nd ou

you , y
say you loved yo ur Children t OO well Well well it is .
, ,
not all fathers who are like this Th e re is another spe .

~
fi l e s o f the genus Pa t er familias A ngl ic an u s who is a j O ,
vial and merry and bli t he by his fi reside whos e child

, , ,
pe n nestle round his knees and who has a kiss and ,
Word and a kind so ft smile fo r each

, ,
.
But what is the position o f Pat er familias in society ?

Where is his place ? Certainly no t in the ball room II -
.
he comes there he must throw aside his digni t y and de

, ,
li ght i n the pleasure o f the young He must be young .
himsel f In his o wn house he must recei ve all co mers

.
merrily —the 6 a ! f o lat r e is to be a scene of mir t h ; he

must not damp your gaie t y wi t h his solemn gravity He .
is as lit tle missed from his wi fe s b a ll room a s a mut e ’

-
from a wedding procession and ye t he must be t here t o

talk to chaperons to amuse the elderly beaux and if , , ,
necessary to spread t h e card t able and form the rubber

,
-
.
At all events he never dances unle s s t o make up a set in

,
a quadrille He is s t ill less a t home in the pic —nic the

.
,
m a ti n ee and t he fi l e b ut he is grea t at th e evening

, ,
par ty and all —important at the dinner But even here

,
.
there is a dignity pr e per to Pater familias which while it , ,
should avoid sta t eliness should scarcely descend to hil a ri ,
ty . He must not be a loud laugher or an inve t erate

tal k er He is seen in his most trying light in his con
.
duct to the young While we excuse his an t iq u e fashion.

,
which rather becomes him and would laugh to see him in ,
the latest mode of the day while we are pleased with his ,
ol d fa shioned courtesy and would not have him talk S lan g

-
or lounge on the so fa we expect from hi m some c ons id ,
era t ion for the changes that have taken pl ace since he
96 me SPI RIT or SOC I AL o nsanva naas .
party and the dinner party she takes a higher pl ace and -
in fact the highest and whe ther as guest or host it is to

, ,
her that the most respect i s sho wn ; she has a right to i t .
and it is her duty to keep i t up Still the matron app e ars .
mor e in her relation to her children than a ny other p c si

tion and i n th i he r place in socie ty is one that demand
,
s
care . Great as her pride may be in her family she has ,
no rig ht to be continually a sser t ing t heir superiority to al l

other young p e ople This is particularly remarkable in
.
he r treatmen t o f her gro wn u p sons and a mother should -
remember that when fully fl e dged the young bi rds can ,
t ake care o f themselves She has no right to t i e them to

.
her apron string and her fondness becomes foolish when

-
she fears that poor Charles will catch cold at eight and -
twenty or shrieks a fter J ames because he will stroll

, ,
away to his club But when she assumes the dress and
.
airs of youth she becomes ridiculous When once she

,
.
has daughters presen t able she mus t forget to shine her ,
sel f ; she should never even i f a widow risk being he r , ,
daughter s rival and her conduct to young men must be

’
,
that of a mother rather than of a friend ,

.
It is very di fferent in France where t he married woman ,
s p a r ex c e l l e n c e the woman f society no matter what o

,
her age But in England the bearing of the married

.
,
woman with grown u p children must be t he calm dignity

-
and a fl abil it
y o f the matron The French have a p ro
'
.
~
F a ir e l a c o u r a l a m er e p ou r a vo ir l a fill e
‘
ve rb and
I should strongly recommend the young man who wishe s
t o succeed with a damsel to show particular a ttent one to ,
he r mamma A mother indeed does not expect you to

.
l eave her daughter s side in order to talk to he r ; but be

’
su re that such an act gains you much more good wi ll than

TH E YO UN G MARRI E D MAN . 97
al l t he pretty speeches you could have made in that tim e

to the daughter And i t is only kind too As I have
. .
Said the mother s and chaperon s position is second a ry

’
,
wh e n the daughter or p ro t eg e e is present at least in Eng

’
land ; but a good nat ured man will take care that she doe s
-
not fee l it to be so A good girl is always pleased to s ee

.
p r o per respect and a t tention shown to her mother ; and
when at break fast the next morning mamma says My , ,
dear I like Mr Jones very much he is a well —bred a nd

,
.
agre ea ble young man I recommend you to cul t ivate

”
hi m . And when Arabella exclaims Oh mamma t he , , ,
”
ide a Mr Jones indeed ! you may be sure the ma t erna l
.
praise is not lost upon her and the idea is precisely one ,
that she will allow to return to her mind One o f the .
most fattening dishes on vvhic h Master Cupid feeds is that

" ’
same praise bes t owed by others But whe t her you have .
an eye to Arabella or not the chaperon ought not to be ,
neglected .
Now what part young Benedict shall take in society

,
depends on his young wi fe If she be wise she will not .

,
fret when he d a nces with pretty girls and i f he be kind ,
he will not let the dance lead him into a flirtation But .
Benedict may go every where a nd need not sigh over the ,
days of his celibacy Only he must remember that while

.
,
he has gained some privileges he has los t others In the ,

.
meetings o f the young for instance he is less wanted than

, ,
C oe lebs while since he cannot be invited without his wi fe

, ,
he can no longer expect to fill the odd seat at dinner On .
the ot her hand he takes precedence of the bachelor and

'
, ,
is naturally a man of more weight so that when he has

.
,
assed hi s head under t he yoke he must be calmer more

p ,
sobe r , less frivolous though not less lively than he was in

,
6
98 THE S PIRIT or S OCIA L oe s nnva nc ns .
“ ”
the old ch ambers days A great deal is forgi t e n t o .
C oelebs on accoun t of his posi t ion If he talks nonsens e .
occasionally i t is his high spiri t s ; if he dances incessant

,
~
ly t he whole evening it is that he may please ,

“
th e se
l c ar girls i f he dresses a n p o in t d e v i c e now and then ,
he is Claudio in love lying sleepless for the night

,
ca r s ,
“
”
ing out a new double t ; i f he h urries to the dra win g
t ee rt a fter dinner or is marked in his attention to ladies
.
, ,
he is only on his promo t ion ; and i f he has a fe w fast

”
lounging habits i t is all very well for t he boys say s
, ,
”
Pater familias and in short .
“
a young fellow like that ,
may do a thousand t hings that Benedict t he married man

must abstain from G rea t er than any change however
.
, ,
is th at of his rela t ions to his own sex Some married .
men throw all thei r bachelor friends overboard when t hey ,
t a ke that fa ir cargo for which t hey have been sighing so

long ; but I would not be one of such a man s friend s ’
At the same time I must expect to see less of Benedic t

,
“ ”
than be fore Adieu t he p e t it s o up er h e murmurs
.
,
t he flying corks the chorused s e ng the trips to Rich

, ,
mond and Green wich t he high dog cart and the seat or,
-
t he box of my friend s drag ! Adi e u the fragrant wee d

’
th e cracking hunting whip , the merry bachelo r d inne r -
an d the late hours Shall I sigh over th em ? No in ,
deed Mrs Jones is not only an ampl e compensation for

,
.
such gaieties but I am thank ful to her for keeping me

,
fro m them Why that li tt le baby face o f hers that pouts

.
,
-
so pretti ly for a kiss when I come home is worth a hu n ,
dred dozen s of ch ampagnes a thousand boxes o f Hudson s

’
.
best and a score of the longest runs a fter reynard we

,
ever had ”
. Ye s Benedict I envy thee and if B e atrice
, ,
be Wise she will m t draw the reins too tight all at oh m

,
'
TH E B A C HEL OR 99
and what e ver

she may say to hunting she will see no ,
harm in a mild h a vana and a couple of bachelor fri e nd s

to dinner now and then But Benedi ct has not only .
c hanged his manner and his habi t s he has got new d utie s , ,
nd where his wi fe goes he may go and ought to go ,
Ie can no longer claim exemption from solemn dinner s

fr om we a y mu ffin worries and wi t less tea parties
r -
On ,
-
the other hand he will ne ver be made use of and his

, ,
wi fe will furnish a r eady excuse for re fu sing invitati ons

which he had better not accept Lastly the young mar .
,
~
ried man should never assume the gravity of Pater familia s
a nd though he is promoted above Coelebs he wi ll t ake ,
c are not to snub him .
What a happy man is Coelebs ! The more I sit in my

club windo w the more I feel convinced of this It is tru e
-
.
that I have never been married and th ere fore know nothin g ,
of the alternative but will make you a li t t le con fession

, ,
priestly reader — I have been once or t wice v e r y n ea r i t .
Free from incumbrance Coelebs is as i rresponsible as a ,
butterfly ; he can choose his own S cie t y go an y where o

, ,
do anything be early or late gay or retired mingle with

, ,
men or with ladies smoke or no t wear a beard or cut it , .

,
off and if he lik es part his hair down i n the middle

, , ,
.
What a happy man is Coelebs free and independent as he

is he is as much courted as a voter at an election he i s
,
for ever being bribed by mammas and feasted by p a pas

nothing i s complete wi t hout him he is the wit at the din
“ ”
ne r the , li fe of the tea fight an absolu t e necessity in -
the ball room a s i n e qu d n o n at f te and pi e nic and we l

-
, ,
c ome everywhere Indeed I don t know what soci e t y c an ’

.
,
do without him The men want him for thei r parties t he

.
,
ladie s I suppose I must not sa y

,
s t ill more f r thei r s ,
“
o
1 00 ms SPI RIT or SOCIAL c s s s nva nc s s .
T he old like him because he is young the young li k e him ,
beca ase he is not old and in shor t he is as much a ne c e s

s i t y as the re freshments and must be procured somehow
or oth e r Then too i f he does not care for these thing

.
, , s
he c an come and sit here in the club window : or he c an -
tr avel which Benedict seldom can

,
or he can take an oc
c u pa t ion or an art while the marri e d man has no choice
, ,
and mus t work if he work a t a l l to keep quiet t he

, ,
mou ths of those blessed cherubim in t he perambulator .
But tha t which makes Coelebs a happy man is th at he ,
t an enj oy socie t y so much If it be the bachelor —

. par t y ,
he is not there agains t his conscience wi t h fear o f a Cau

tl l e lecture t o spoil his diges t ion If it is among ladies .
,
he has the Spice o f g a l a n t er z e to curry his conversati on

'
with and as for dancing he at least enj oys it as an intr o

, ,
duction to flirta t ion But perhaps his great est privilege

.
is the power of falling in love for as long as that power .
lasts— which heigh ho is not for ever — there is no inno

,
-
cent pleasure which is grea t er But Coelebs has not .
al ways the privilege of falling out of love again and if ,
the married ma n has a wi fe t o look a ft er his doings the .
bachelor is watched by ch a perons and suspected by papas ,
Poor Coeleb s do not leave the matter too late do not say
, ,
”
Hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me i f eve r , ,
l l os e my heart Believe me boy the passion must be

.
, ,
enj oyed when young When you come to my age Cupid

.
,
Won t waste an arrow on you and i f he did so it would

’
, ,
enl y make you ridiculous Yes the young bachelor is a

.
,
happy man but the o l d bachelor —let me st e p if I onc e

, ,
be gin on that theme I shall waste three quires o f pa p er

, ,
and tire ou out But i f much is allowed to C E IEbG

y . L
THE Y OUNG LA D Y .
much is expected of him He has not t ne su bstanc e of

.
Benedict to back hi m up not t he respect ability of wed ded -
li fe not the charms o f his young wi fe to make amend s

,
for his deficiencies The young bachel or is more than a m

.
man a subject for the laws o f etiquette Less than an .
will he be pardoned for neglec t ing them He has no e x .
c a se to o ff er fo r their non —
observance He must mak e .
himsel f use ful and agreeable must have accomplishments ,
for the former and talents for the latter and is expected
, ,
to show attention and respect to both se x es and all age s .
Happier still is the young lady for whom so many al ,
l owanc e s are made and who in society is supposed to do

, , ,
nothing wrong To her the ball is a real delight and the

.
,
evening party much more amusing than to any one else .
On the other hand she must not frequent dinner par t ies -
too much particularly if she is very young and in all

, ,
c ases she must consider modesty the prettiest ornament s he
can wear She has many privileges but must beware how
.
,
she takes advantage of them To the old her manner must

.
a lways be respect ful and even a fl e c t i onat e If she lacks .
beauty she will not succeed without conversational pow

,
~
ars
; and i f she h as beauty she will soon find that wit i s
,
a power ful rival With the two she may do what she
.
will ; all men are he ; slaves She must however have .

, ,
a smile as well for every person and every occ asion

,
.
D igni t y she se l d om needs e xcept to repel familiarity

, .
Without a good heart her mind and her face will onl y
draw envy and even dislike upon her In England the .
,
y o ung lady is queen ; in France the young married woma n,
ta k es her place ; and though society can do without he r ,
the re i n i n my Opin i on no more charmi ng compani o n than

. ,
1 02 THE SPI RIT or SOCIA L o ns s n m nc s s .
a young married woman She has le ft off nonsense an d

.
,
forgot t en flirtation and she has gained from the c oml a n

,
‘
ionship o f her husband a certain streng t h of mind wh ich ,
tempered by her modes t dignity enables her t o br e a ch ,
almost any subj ect with a man She is at home ev e ry

.
where may dance in the ball room and tal k at the dinnel
,
-
ta ble and t he respect due to her position enables her t o

,
be more free in ner intercourse without fear o f remar k .
In short if a m an wishes for sensible conversation wi th

, ,
gentl e ness and beauty to lend it a charm he must look ,
for it in young married women .
Of the elderly unmarried lady— for of course there is

”—
no such thing as an old maid I decline from a feeling ,
of delicacy to say a nything

,
.
I shall conclude this p i ec e de r és i s t a n c e with a fe w part

ing remarks on the art of making one s sel f agreeable I ’
.
ta k e it that the first thing necessary is to be in goo d spirits ,
or at least in the humor for society If you have any .
grie f or care to Oppress you and have not the strength of

,
will to throw it off you do yoursel f an inj ustice by enter

,
ing the society of those who meet for mutual entertain

ment Nay you do them too a wrong for you ris k be
.
, ,
“ ”
coming what is commonly known as a damper The .
next point is to remember that the mutual entertainment

in society is obtained by conversation F or this you re .
q uire temper of which I have already spoken ; confidenc e

, ,
sf which I shall Spea k elsewhere and rO r i a t e n e ss

; a
pp p ,
”
which has been treated under the h ead of Conve rsa ti m“
.
I have already said that that man is the most agreeabl e

,
to tal k to who thin k s out of society as well as in it

,
It .
wi ll be n e ces sary to throw off all the marks and feelings

104 THE SPI RIT or SOCI A L OB S E R A N CES V .
re sp ect and delic a cy no t rushing at once in t o a famil ia l

,
j oke or roaring like a clo wn Your manner will be c a l m .
bec a use i f you have no nerves o t her people have t h e m ,
and your voice gen t le a nd low Oh commend me to a t .
ag r eeable voice especi a lly i n a woman

,
It is worth an 5 .
amc u nt o f be a u t v The t one too o f your conversa t io n

.
,
and s t yle o f your manner will vary wi t h the occasion
While i t will be sensible and almost grave at t able it wi ll ,
be merry and light at a pic nic -

.
Your at t ention again mus t not be exclusive Ho weve r

, ,
.
li ttle you may enjoy their society you will be as attentive ,
to the old as t o t he young to the humble as to t he grand

to the poor curate for inst ance as to t he M P ; to t he . . .
elderly ch a peron as to her fair young charge In t his .
manner you no t only evince yo u r ood breeding bu t Oft e n G -
do a real kin dness in amusing those who migh t o t her wis e

be very dull On some occasions par t icularly when a
.
,
par ty is heavy and wan t s li fe you will generalize the con ,
versat ion in t roducing a subjec t i n which all can take an

,
in t erest and t urning t o t hem all in general On the other

,
.
hand when as i n a small par t y the conversat ion is by

, , ,
necessity general you will par t icularly avoid talking t o

,
one person exclusi vely or men t ioning people places or ,

, ,
things with which only one or two Of them can be ac

,
u a int e d For ins t ance i f at a morning call there happe n

q .
,
to be t wo or three strangers at t he same time it is bad .
ta ste to talk about Mr t his or Mr that It i s fa r bette r

. . .
to have recourse to t he ne wspapers which every body i ,
supposed to have read or to public a ffairs in which eve r

, y ,
body can take more or less interest .
But it is not in your words only that you may o ffend

MA NN ERS . 1 05
a gains t goo d taste Your manners your perso na l habi t s

.
your ve r y look e en may gi ve o ffence These there fore

v .
, ,
mus t not only be studied but if you have t he mis fortun e

,
t o be wi t h people who are not accustomed to re fi n e d ma n
ne t s and t o find t hat insisting on a particular re fine me nf

,
W uld give o ffence or cast an imputation on t he rest i t is

o , ,
always bette r to waive a refinement than to hurt fee lings

and it sometimes becomes more ill bred to insist on o ne -
than t o do wi thou t it For ins t ance i f your hos t and his

.
,
guest dine wi t hout dinner napkins i t would be very ba d ,
tas t e to call for one or if as in G ermany there be no

, , ,
spoons for the salt you must be content to use your kni fe
,
or fork as the rest do To do in Rome as the Rom a i 8

.
”
do ,
applies to every kind of society At the same t ime .
,
you can never be expec t ed to commit a serious breach of

manners because your neighbors do so You can neve r .
be called on in America to spit about the room simpl y ,
because it is a national habit .
B ut what you should do and what not in p articula r ,
c ases you will learn in the follo wing chapters I have

,
.
only no w to say that if you wish to be agre e able whic h

, ,
is certainly a good and religious desire you must both ,
st udy how to be so and take the trouble to put your studie s

,
mto cons t ant practice The fruit you will soon reap You
. .
will be generally liked and loved The gra t i t ude of thos e.
0 whom you have devoted yoursel f will be shown in

sp e a k i ng well o f you ; you w i ll become a desirable addi
ion to eve ry party and whatever your bir t h fort u ne 0 , .
p osition people,
wi l l say of you He is a most a re e a bl
g
and well bred man -
and be glad to i ntroduce you to good
society But you will reap a yet better reward Ye r w il l
. .
5*
106 ms SPI RIT or SOC IAL OBSERV ANC ES .
ha ve in yoursel f the satis fact i on of having taken troubl e

and made sacrifices in order to gi ve pleasure and ha ppines s
fo r t he time to o t hers
. How do you kno w what grie f or
care you may not obliterate what humiliation you may
,
no t al t er to confidence what an xiety you may not so ft e n

,
what— last but really not least— what intense dul l nes
, .
you may not enliven If this wor k assist you in b s c o m

ing a n agreeable member of good society I shall r ej oi ce
,
at t he l abor it has given me .

1 08 I N SIDE THE D RESSI NG ROOM -
.
si n, towhich to o liveliest woman of her day had such a

s t ran ge aversion It was She who when some one said it ,
her at the opera How dirty your hands are my lady !

, ,
"
she replied wi t h n a i ve indi fference

“
What would you ,
”
a
y if you saw my feet ?
G enius love and f anaticism seem partial to dirt

, , ,
Every one knows what a German philosopher looks like ,
and Wer ther S howed his misery by wearing the same coat
an d appendices fo r a whole year As to the saints they .
,
were proud of their unchanged flannel and the monk was ,
never made late for matins by the intricacy of his toilet .
St Simeon o f the Pillar is an ins tance of the common

.
opinion of his day that fa r from cleanliness being next

,
to godliness the nearest road to heaven is a remarkabl y

,
dirty one Perhaps however he t rusted to the rain t o

.
, ,
cleanse him and he was certainly a user of the shower

,
ba t h which cannot be Said of many a fine gentleman

,
Religion however is not always accompanied with neglect

, ,
A the person The Brahman bathes twice a day and

.
,
mu ses his mouth seven times the first thing in the morn
ing . It is strange that Manu while enumerating the ,
pollutions of this world should have made the exception ,
of a woman s mouth which he tells us is always c l e an

’
.
,
P robably the worthy old Hindu was par t ial to oscu l ation ,
bu t i t is certain that there can be no Billingsgate in India .
In the beginning of the present century it was though t ,
ro per for a gentleman to change his under garment thre e

p
times a day and the washing bill o f a beau compris ed
,
se venty Shirts thirty cravats and pocket handkerchie fs

, ,
-
J i s c r él i o n What w ould Brummell say to a college chu m

.
fl mine who made a tour through Wales with but one
fl annel shirt in his knapsac k ? The former s ma x im was ’

CLEANLINESS . 1 09
of
“
l inen the finest quality plenty of it and country , ,
”
Washing Fi ne linen has always been held in es te em
.
.
but it did not save Dives .
Cl eanliness is a duty to one s sel f for the sake of health ’
and to one s neighbor for the sake of agreeableness Dl r u .

‘
"
nose is decidedly unpleasant to mor e than one of the
senses and a man who thus o ffends his neighbor is not

,
free from guilt though he may go unpunished

,
But if .
these reasons were not su ffi cient there is another for ,
stronger than bo th St Simeon Stylites may have pre

. .
served a pure mind in spite of an absence of abl utions ,
but we must not lose S ight of the influence which the

bo dy has over the soul an influence alas for man so me
, , ,
times far too great We are convinced that ha d per sonal

.
habits have their e ffect on the character and that a ma n ,
Who neglects his body which he loves by instinct will , ,
neglect far more his soul which he loves only by com ,

.
mand .
There is no e xcuse for B ru mme ll s taking more tha n ’
two hou rs to dre ss It was in his case mere vani ty and

.
,
he was— and was content to be— one of the veriest show

things in the world as useless as the table ornaments on
,
which be wasted the money he wa s not ashamed to take

from his friend On the other hand when a young lady
s .
,
assures me that she can d ress in ten minutes I feel con e
fide nt that the most important part o f the toilet m ust be

neglected The morning toilet means more than a m e re
. .
putting on of clothes wh atever policemen and F renc h

,
w n c ie rg es may think .
The first thing to be attended to after ri sing is the B ATH .
The vessel which is dignified like a certain part of lady s ’

,
dress with a royal Order is one on which folios mi ght

, ,
[ 10 I NSI D E THE D RESSING ROOM -
.
be written It has given a name to two towns— Bath and

.
Baden — reno wned fo r their toilets and it is all that is l e ft ,
In thre e continents o f Roman glory It is a club room in .

-
G ermany and the Eas t and was an arena in Gr ee ce and ,
Rome It was in a bath that the greatest des t royer 2!

. «
l i fe had his own destroyed when he had bathed all Franc e ,
in blood But Clarence I am convinced has been much

.
, ,
maligned He has been called a drunkard and peopl e

.
,
shudder at his choosing that death in which he could n ot
but die in sin but for my part so far as the Malmsey is ,
concerned I am inclined to think that he only showed

,
himsel f a gentleman to the last He was d etermined to .
die clean and he knew like the Parisian ladies — which

, ,
We should perhaps spell [a i d es — who sacrifice a dozen of

c hampagne to their morning ablutions that wine h as a ,
peculiarly so ft ening e ffect upon the Skin Besides Cham .
pagne the exquisites of Paris use milk * which is sup

, ,
posed to lend whiteness to the Skin The expense of thi s .
luxury is considerably diminished by an arrangme nt with

the mil k man who repurchases the liquid a fter use I
, .
need scarcely add that in Paris I learned to abj ure c a é

, f
d a l a i t and to drink my tea S imple
,
.
The bath deserves an Order and its celebrity It is of ,

.
al l institutions the mos t une x ceptionable Man is an am .
h ib i ou s animal and ought to pass some small portion of

p ,
e ach day in the water In fact a large if not the large r

.
, ,
r e portion of diseases arises from leavi ng the por e s o f

p
the skin closed whether with natural e x udation or mat
,
te r fr om without a l i a s dirt It is quite a mista k e to

,
.
1"
Th e l a te D uk e of Q u ee nsbur y h ad hi s milk bath -
e ve r y da y [t n
‘
mpposo i to nour i sh as wel l as whi te n and so fte n th e skin .

[12 INSI D E THE D RESSI NG—ROOM .
and incre ases the circula t ion for t he time bei ng B ut .
since it is an unnatural agent it exhausts the physical ,
po wers and leaves us prostrate For health there fore

,
.
it should be sparingly indulged in except i n pers ons of ,
rapid and heated circulation Even with such it Should .

,
be used w i th discretion and the time of remaining in the

,
bat h S hould never e xceed a fe w minutes .
The cold bath of from 6 0 to on the other hand °

,
c leanses less but in vigorates more

,
It Should there fore .
be avoided by perso ns of full temperament and become s ,
really dangerous a ft er eating or even a ft er a long rest ,
following a heavy meal If you have supped largely

.
over night or been foolish perhaps I may say wrong

, ,
enough to drink more than your usual quanti ty o f stim

,
ul a t i n
g liquids you S hould content yoursel f wi t h passing
,
a wet sponge over the body .
A tepid bath v arying from 85 to 9 5 is perhaps the

,
0 0
,
sa fest of all but we must not lose Sight of health in the

,
desire for c om fort The most healthy and one of the

.
,
handsomest men I ever saw and one who at six t y had not ,
a single grey hair was a German whose diet being mod

, ,
e ra t e used to bathe in running water at all seasons

, ,
breaki ng the ice in winter for his plunge Of the Shower .
bath I will say nothing because I feel that to r oc e m

, , ,
mend i t for general use is dangerous while for such a , ,
work as this which does not take health as its main sub
,
j ec t it would be out of place to go into the special cases

,
.
Th e best bath for general purposes and one which c an ,
do little harm and al most always some good is a sponge

, ,
ba th . It should consist of a large flat metal basin som e ,
four fee t in di ameter filled with cold water ,

S uch a ve s .
so] may be bought for about fi fte en shillings A large .

THE B Al H . 113
coarse S ponge —the coarser the better will cost ano ther -
five or seven shillings and a fe w Turkish towels com , ,

“ ”
l e t e the properties The water should be p l e nti ful
p .
and fresh that is brought up a little while be fore t h e

, ,
ba t h is to be used ; not placed over night in the bed room -

.
Le t us was h and be merry for we know not how soon t he ,
supply of that precious article which here costs nothing

may be cut off In many continental towns they buy
.
their water and on a protracted sea voyage the ration is

,
o ften reduced to hal f a pint a day f or a ll p urp os es so ,
that a pint per diem is considered luxurious Sea water .

-
we may here observe does not cleanse and a sensible man

,
who bathes in the sea will take a bath of pure water i m

me diately a fter it This practice is shame fully neglected
.
,
and I am inclined to think that in many cases a sea bath ,

-
will do more harm than good without it but i f followed ,
by a fresh bath cannot but be advantageous

,
.
Taking the sponge bath as the best for ordinary pur

poses we must point out some rules in its use The
,
.
sponge being nearly a foot in length and six inches broad , ,
mu st be allowed to fill comple t ely with water and t he ,
p art o f the body which should be first attacked is t he
stomach . It is there that the most heat has collecte d

during the night and the application of cold water quick
,
'
ens the circulation at once and sends the blood which has .
been employed in di gestion round the whole bo dy Th e .
head should next be soused unless the person be of full ,
habit when the head should be attacked be fore the fe e t

touch the cold wate r at all Some persons u se a small .
ha nd shower bath which is less power ful than the com

,
mon shower bath and does almost as much good

,
The .
use of s oap in the morning bath is an Ope n ques tion 1 .

[ 14 I NSI D E THE D RESSIN G RC on — .
c on fess a pre ference for a rough towel or a hair gl o ve

Brummell patronized the latter and applied it for nearly ,
a quarter o f an hour every morning .
The ancients followed up the bat h by a nointin g t he

body and athletic exercises
,
The former 1 s a mis take ; .
the latter an excellent practice shame fully neglec t ed i n

the present day It would conduce much to health and
.
strength if every morning toilet comprised the vigorou s

us e o f the dumb bells or still better the exercise of t he
-
, , ,
a rms Without them The best plan of all is to choose

.
,
s ome obj ect in your bedroom on which to vent your hatred ,
and bo x at it violently for some ten minutes till t he ,
perspiration covers you The sponge must then be again .
applied to the whole body It is very desirable to remain

.
Without clo t hing as long as possible and I shou ld there fore ,
recommend that every part of the toilet which c a n con -r
ve n i e nt l
y be per formed withou t dressing should be so ,
.
The next duty then must be to clean the T EETH

, ,
.
D entists are modern inquisitors but their torture room s ,

-
a r e meant only for the foolish Everybody i s born with .
good teeth and everybody might kee p them good by a

,
proper diet and the avoidance of s weets and smoking

,
.
Of the two the former are perhaps the more dangerous .
Nothing ruins the teeth so soon as sugar in one s tea and ’

,
highly sweetened tarts and puddings and as it is [8 p r e ,
mi er p a s qu i c o in e these should be particularly avoided in

’
,
c hildhood When the teeth attain their full growth and

.
stren gth it takes much more to des t roy either heir en .
amel or their substance .
It is upon the teeth th at the e ffects of e xcess a re firs t

s ee n and it is upon the teeth that the odor of the breath
,
de pe nds .
What Is more repulsive t han a woman a smile ’
11 6 IN SID E THE D RESSIN G ROOM -
.
ot he r se x and who can detect at your first approac h

,
whe t her you have been drinking or smoking B ut i f only .
for your o wn com fort you should brush your t eeth bot ],
morning and evening which is quite requisite for the pre

,
se rvat i on of their soundness and color ; while i f you a re
t mingle with others they should be brushed or at leas t

r , ,
the mouth well rinsed after every meal still more a ft e r ,
s moking or drinking wi ne beer or Spirits

,
No amoun t ,
.
of general attractiveness can compensate fo r a n o ffensiv e
odor in the breath ; and none of the senses is so fine a

gentleman none so unforgiving if o ffended as that of
, ,
smell .The following reproo f was well merited if not -
”
polite I have had the wind in my teeth all t he way
.
,
said an Irishman a ft er a brisk walk on a breezy morn

,
ing be fore which he had been indulging his propensity

,
to onions “
Well sir replied his friend who at once
.
”
, , ,
perceived how he had break fasted I must say that t he ,

”
Wind had the worst of it .
The custom of allowing the nails to grow as a proo f

of freedom from the necessity o f w orking which is most ,
absurdly identified with gentility is not peculiar to China ,

.
In some parts of Italy t he nails of the le ft hand are never

ou t t ill they begin to break and a Lombard of my ao ,
quaintance once presented me a huge nail which he had

j ust c ut and which I must do him the j ustice to say was
,
p er fectly white I admired .i t and threw i t a way , .
What cried he indignantly “

is that the way you re ,
ce i ve the greatest proo f o f friendship which a ma n c an
give you and he then explained to me that in his nati ve

province the nail held the same place as a lock of hai r
with us I really doubt which has the preference a nd
.
,
whe ther a Lothario s des k fille d wi t h little oily pac k ets of

’
THE NA I LS . 11 7
di fferent colored hair is at all more romant i c than a box

of beloved fin ger nails Certainly there is be a uty in a
.
l ong silken tress the golden tinge reminding us o f the

,
fair head of some lost child so like its mother s or in t he

’
,
rich dark curl that in the boldest hour o f love we rape d

.
,
from he r head who was then so confidently ours and

,
no w What is she now ?

-
But even t his fancy can take a
very disagreeable form and what can we say o f an ardent
,
hopeless lover Whom I once knew and who I was assured ,
gave a guinea to a lady s maid for the stray hairs le ft in ’
her mistress comb ’
But though we may not be cultivating our nails eith e r

t o tear a rival s face with or to con fer with a majestic con
’
,
descension on some importunate admirer we are not ab ,
solved from paying strict attention to the i r condition and ,
that bot h as regards cleaning and cutting The former is .
be st done with a liberal supply o f soap on a small nail ~
brush which should be used be fore every meal i f you

,
would not inj ure your neighbor s appetite While t he ’

.
l a nd is still moist the point of a small pen —

,
kni fe or pai r
of stumpy nail scissors shou l d be passed under the nail s
-
so as to remove every vestige of dirt ; the skin should be

pushed down with a towel that the white hal f moon may ,
-
be seen and the finer skin removed with the kni fe or

,
scissors Occasionally the e dges of the nails should be

.
fi l e d a nd the hard Skin w hich forms round the corners of

,
t he m c u t away The important point in cutting the nail s

is to preserve the beauty of thei r shape That beauty .
e ven in details is worth preserving I have already remar k
e d and we may study it as much in p aring our nails as

, ,
in the grace of our attitudes or any other point The ,
sha l e then of the nail should approach as n ear l y as pos

, ,
11 8 INSI D E THE D RESSI N G ROOM -
.
s ible t o t he oblong The oriental ladies know this and

.
,
a llow the nail to grow to a n enormous length and bend ,
down to wards the finger But t hen they cul t ivate b eau ty
.
in e very detail for poor things t hey have none but per
, , ,
fi na l attractions to depend on ; and they give to the pi n
s a il a peculiar lustre by the l ittle speck o f purple henna
j ust as Parisian beauties pass a line of blue paint unde r

t he lower eyelash ; perhaps too they keep their fingers , ,
thus well armed to protect themselves from angry pashas ,
or even — but let us hope not — to spoil the beauty of some

more favored houri However this may be the length 01
.
,
the nail is an open question Le t it be o ften cut but al

.
,
w ays long in my Opinion Above all let it be well cut

,
.
, ,
a nd n e v e r bitten Had Brummell broken off his engage

.
ment because the y o u ng lady bit her nails I thin k I coul d ,
not have blamed him .
Perhaps you tell me these are chil d i sh details D etails .
yes but not childish The attention to details is the true

,
.
s ign o f a great mind and he who can i n necessity consider

,
the smallest is the same man who can compass the largest
,
subjects Is not li fe made up of details ? Must not the

.
a rtist who has conceived a picture descend from the dream ,
o f his mind to mix colors on a palette ? Must not the

great commander who is bowling down nations and setting
up monarchies care for the health and c omfo rt the bread ,
and bee f o f each individual soldier ? I have o ften seen a

g re a t poe t ,whom I knew personally counting on his ,
fing e rs the feet o f his verses and fretting with anything ,
bu t poetic language because he could not ge t his sense

,
into as many syllables What if his nails were dirt y ?

.
Le t g enius talk of abstract beauty and philosophers dog ,
ma ti z e on order If they do not k eep their nails clean I

.
,
12 0 I NSID E r nE D RESS I N G —ROOM .
you insinua t e that Na t ure had done better to make y( u a

”
woman than a man ? As for barbers they have always ,
been gossips and misc li ie fq na ke rs and Arkwrigh t who

, ,
i nv e nted Spinning by rollers scarcely redeemed his t r a d e

,
fro m universal dishonor . T hey have been the evil spiri t s

o f great men too whom t hey shaved and bearded i n t hei r
,
p ri va t e closets . It was a barber w ho helped the l a te
King of Oude to ruin the coun t ry he governed ; and it

was a barber who at the beginning o f t he present cen t u
,
r
y
,
was the bot t le imp-
o f a Bishop o f Here ford W ho in
.
f ac t can respect a ma n whose sole o ffice is to deprive his

se x o f their distinc t ive feature 7
‘
It is said t hat Alexander t he Great introduced shavi ng ,
to prevent his soldiers being caught by the beard by their

e nemies but the conqueror o f Asia must be absolved o f
,
priority in this ini quitous custom which he probably

found prevalent in the countries he invaded At any .
rate it would appear that the B udhist priests of India

were ashamed of their locks at least a century be fore and ,
this reminds me that Shaving and fanaticism have a l ways

gone together . The custom of the clergy wearing a
womanish face is purely Romanist and I rej oice to see
,
that many a good preacher in the present day is not

afraid t o follow Cranmer and other fa t hers of our Church
in wearing a goodly beard The Romish priests were
.
first ordered to S have when tra nsubstantiation was estab

fis h e d from a fear that the b oard might fall into the cu p
, .
It is clear that a Protestant chin ou g ht to be well covere d

Whatever be said o f the clergy the custom of sha vin g
,
c ame to t his country like many other ugly persona l habits

,
with the foreign monarc h s . As long as we had Plant a

ene ts Tudors and Stuarts on the throne we were me n
g , ,
THE B EA RD . 1 21
as to the out war d form William of Orange wa s asha m .

’
e d o f that very appendage which it is a disgrace to a
Mussulman to be without Peter the Great had already .
proved that barber and barbarian are derived fro m the

sa me root by laying a t ax on all capillary ornamen t s
,
.
In England there has always been a great dis t inctio n

be tw e en civil and military men and this is the only coun ,
«
try in the world where the latter have been held in such
dislike, as to compel them to abandon their uni form in
everyday li fe Perhaps it was on this acco unt that ci
.
vili ans in general a cl Opt ed the c o ut u m es o f the learned
pro fessions lest they should be thought to belong to that

,
of the sword The beard and the rapier went ou t to

.
gether at the beginning of the last century In the pres .
ent day many a young shopf boy joins the moustac he

”
movement solely with a h e pe of being mistaken for a
“
captain .
Whatever Pu n c h may say the moustac he and beard ,
movement is one in the right direction proving that men ,
ar e beginning to appreciate beauty and to acknowledge
that Nature is the best valet But it is very amusing to .
h ear men excusing their vanity on the plea of health and ,

”
fi nd them indulging in the hideous Ne wga t e frill as a
ki nd of compromise between the beard and the razor .
There was a time when it was thought a presumption and

vanity to wear one s own hair instead o f the fright fu l
’
e laborations of the wig makers and the false curls wh i c h

-
l ir Godfrey Kneller did his bes t to make grace fu l on

zan vas Who knows that at some future age some P u n c h
.
of th e twen t y first century may not ridicule the wearing

-
of one s own teeth instead of t he dentist s ? At any ra te

’ ’
Na t ur e knows best and no man need be ashamed of sho w

,
, 6
1 22 I N SI D E THE D RESSI N G ROOM -
.
ing his manh ood in the hair of his fac e Of r a z ors i nd .
shaving t here fore I S hall only speak from necessity be ,

a
ca use until everybody is sensible on this point they will

, ,
s till be used .
Na po leon S haved himsel f “

A born king said he .
, ,
has another to shave him A made king can use his .
”
t wIl razor But the war he made on his chin was very
.
di fferent to that he made on foreign pote ntates He took .
a very long time to e ffect it talking between whiles to his ,
hangers on The great man however was right and

-
.
, , ,
every sensible man will shave himsel f if only as an oxer ,
cise of character for a man should learn to live in every

,
detail without assistance Moreover in most cases we .

,
shave ourselves better than barbers can do If we shave .
a t all we should do it thoroughly and every morning

, ,
.
no t hing e x cept a frown and a hay fever makes the fac e

,
-
look so unlovely as a ch in covered with short stubble ,
The chie f requirements are hot water a large so ft brush ,
of badger hair a good razor so ft soap that will not dry

, ,
rapidly and a steady hand

, Cheap razors are a fallacy . .
They soon lose the ir edge and no amount of stropping ,
wi ll restore it A good razor needs no st re p If you

. .
c a n a fford it you should have a case of seven razors one

, ,
for each day o f the week so that no one shall be too much ,
u sed . There are now much used packets of papers of a

ce rtain kind on whi c h to wipe the razor and which k eep ,
its edge keen and are a substit u te for the st re p

, .
I may here remark that the use of violet powder afte r

,
-
sha ving now very common among well dressed men is

,
-
one t hat should be avoided In the first place it is al .

,
most a lways vi sible and gives an unnatural loo k to the

,
M e I know a young lady who being afflicted with a

.
,
124 I N SI D E THE D RESS ING —ROOM .
proo f of vanity If a man wear the hair or his fac e

. .
which na t ure has given him i n the manner that nat ure ,
dis tribu t es i t keeps it clean and prevent s i ts overgrowth

, , ,
he cannot do wrong If on the o t her hand he applies to

.
, ,
Mar ie Coupellé and other advertisers because he b el ieves

, ,
”
tha t
“
thos e dear silky whiskers will find favor in t h
eyes o f the fair he will if unsuccess ful waste much
, , ,
money— i f success ful incur the risk of appearing ridi c u,
l ous .All extravagancies are vulgar because they a re ,
e videnc e of a pre t ence t o being better than you are ; but
a single extravagance unsupported is per h aps worse tha n
a numbe r together which have at least the merit of con

,
sistency If you copy puppies in the hal f yard of Whis

.
-
ker you should have their dress and their manner too
,
if you would not appear doubly absurd .
The same remarks apply to the arrangme nt of the hai r

in men which should be as simple and as natural as pos
s ible but at the same time a little may be granted to beauty
,
a nd the re q uirements o f the face For my part I can see .
nothing unmanly in wearing long hair though undoubted ,
ly it is inconvenient and a temptation to vanity wh l e its

'
arrangement would demand an amount of time and atten

tion which is unworthy of a man B ut every nation and .
every age has had a di fferent custom in this respect a nd ,
to this day even in Europe the hair is sometimes worn

long The German student is particularly partial to hya
.
cint hlne locks curling over a black velvet coat ; and t he

asant of Brittany looks very handsome if not alwa s
p e y ,
cl e a n with his love locks hanging straight down under a

,
-
broad cavalier hat Religion has generally taken up the

.
mat ter severely The old fathers preached and raile d

.
a ai nst wigs the Calvinists raised an insurrect ion in Bor

g ,
~
THE H AIR . 1 25
Je ans on the same account and English Ra u n l he ads e on,

‘
signed to an unmentionable place every man who a l low e d
his hair to grow according to nature The Romans con .
de mn e d tresses as unmanly and in Fran ce in the middl e ,
ages the privilege to wear them was confined to royalty
Our modern cus t om was a revival of the French re vol u ‘
tion so that in this respect we are now republican as well

,
a puritanical
s .
If we con form to fashion we should at least make the

be st o f it and since the mai n advan tage of short hair is
,
its neatness we should take care to keep ours neat

,
This .
should be done first by frequent visits t o the barb e r for ,
i f the hair is to be short a t all it should be very short ,
and nothing looks more unt i dy than long sti ff uncurled , ,
m asses sticking out over the ears If it curls naturally .
so much t he better but i f not it will be easier to k eep in

,
order The n e x t point is to wash the head every morning

.
,
which when once habi tual i s a great preservative against

, ,
cold I never have more than one cold per annum and I
.
,
attribute this to my use of the morning bath and regular ,
Washing of my head A pair of large brushes hard or

.
,
so ft as your case requires should be used not to hammer

, , ,
he head with but to pass up un der the hair so as to reach

,
the roots As to pomatum Macassar and other i nve n

.
, ,
a
tions of the hairdresser I have only to say that i f used

, ,
at all it should be in moderation and never su fficiently to

,
!
,
make their scent perceptible in company Of course t he .
rra n me nt will be a matter o f individual taste but as

g ,
the middle of the hair is the natural place fo r a parting ,
it is rather a silly prej udice to think a man vain who par ts

his h a r i n t he centre
i
He is less blamable than one who
.
is too la z y to part it at all and has alwa ys the appearance

,
o having i u st g ot no
f
.
126 INSI D E THE D RESSI N G ROOM -
.
Of wigs and false hair the subject o f satires and sor

,
e
mons since the days o f the Roman emperors I shall say

nothing here excep t t hat they are a p rac t ical f alsehood
which may sometimes be necessary bu t is rarely succes s ,
fu l Fo r my part I pre fer t he sno w s of li fe s winter to t he

’
best m a de peruke and even a bald head to an in ferior wig

,
.
When gentlemen wore armor and disdained the use o f ,
their legs an esquire was a ne cessi ty ; and we can under

,
s tand that i n the days o f t he Beaux the word

,
gentle ,
man meant a man and his valet I am glad to say that .
i n the present day it only takes one man to make a gentl e

man or at most a ma n and a nin t h — that i s including
, , , ,
the tailor It is an excellent thing for the character to

.
be neat and orderly and i f a man neglects to be so i n his

, ,
room he is open to the same temp t at ion sooner or later i n

,
his person A dressing case is there fore a desideratum

.
-
, , .
A closet to hang up cloth clothes which should never be ,
folded and a small dressing room next t o the be d room

,
- -
are not so easily attainable But the man who throws his.
clo t hes about t he room a boot in one corner a cravat in .
another and his brushes any where is not a man of g ood

, ,
habits The spirit of order should e xtend to everythi ng

.
t han t him .
12 8 THE LA D YS ’
TOI LET .
p roach to the ablution we now diurnal ]y practis e was the
ba thing their lovely countenances in May dew esteemed -
the fin e st thing in the morni ng for the skin by our belle s

of the las t cen t ury : so t hey turned out betime s n higl : .
heeled shoes and n ég l ig e s tro t ted down the o l d av e nues

’
-
of many a patriarch a l home to the meado w and sa t ura t ,
ing t heir kerchie fs in May — dew re freshed wi t h it the chee ks ,
flushed over night at quadrille or great cassino and went

-
home conte nted that a conscientious duty had been per

formed
Nor were they wrong Some wise fairy of old must
.
hav e inspired the nymph whom she loved with the belie f
in May dew tradi t ion handed do wn the counsel fro m one
genera t ion to ano t her the fairy or gnome smiling all the
, , ,
while as she saw the lovely procession o f the squires young

’
da ughters steal out and bend down amid the butter cup s -
and ladies smock in the meadow : she smiled and as she

’
-
, ,
smiled wa ft ed to t hem good heal t h good spir its and their

.
, ,
type— bloom She had induced them by a stratagem

.
Heaven pity her pious fraud — to take a preliminary step

to beauty and its preservation ; she had beguiled them into
e arly rising .
For gentle ladies you may wash may bathe your forms
, ,
and faces curl your locks and shake out your crinoline ; ,
use every essence Atkinson has wher e with to arrest t he ,
at te ntion of wist ful passers by you may walk by t he -
hour eat by rule take beauty sleep be fore midni ght ye t,

, ,
-
if you are very long a fter the

Sangu in e su nr i se with hi s me te or eye s ”
’
( 1 com ing out and abroad from your chambers youth , wil l
Sh ell e y .
E AR L Y RI SI N G . 1 29
not s tay wi th you out his time but l ke an ill behave d , ,

.
-
apprentice will break his inde ntures and vow t ha t he can

, ,
not abide with you It is true that rules for habitual early
.
rising cannot be laid down for every one without especi al ,
re ference to other habits ; very early rising a ft er l a tt ,
p arties or
,
great fatigue on the previous day or e xt reme ,
delic a cy of the lungs or throat might even be p e rnicio us , ,
and its use or abuse must be regulated by the physician .
In those cases the advice that is now given is for person s

in an ordinary condi t ion of health For them and eve n .
,
with some e xceptions for invalids there can be no habit of

the day or li fe so important as far as good looks are con
,
cerned as early rising All other animals whose health

, .
is of importance to man are forced to rise early The .
horse on whose good condition his beauty and therefore

,
'
,
his value depends is exercised a s e arl y as possible Our

,
.
cattle on the uplands scent the morning breeze as it brings

the odors of the woodbine ; the little house dog pants till -
he can rush forth from the pent up heated chamber to the -
fresh lawn ; and why is this obvious law o f nature of so

great importance to these objects of pre fer e nce or o f value z ‘
The morning air is more strengthe n ing has a great pr o ,
port ion of oxygen be it replied than any other breez e

, ,
”
that re freshes us by day or when the pale purple even
,
warns us that our enjoyment of its delicious sensations are

not devoid o f danger N0 one catches cold in the morn
.
-a
ing air at leas t with the ordinary prudence o f su fii c ie nt

,
clo t hing Forti fied bv sleep the ch a nge o f atmosphere is

. .
most salubrious To the careless and happy what c an be

.
,
more delight ful than to feel all the freshness of nature

se e thing e very sense whilst the great world and its in ter
,
es ts a nd troubles is silent and slumbers ? And i t is this

9K
6
13 0 INSI D E TH E D RESS IN fP ROOM .
fresh breeze this emancipation f rom t h e pent u } ch a mbe r -
this reviving influence t h a t ce mbine to form a restorati ve

, .
such as neither medici ne nor regimen can o ffer ; tha t pre
s erves looks ap pe t ite fo r food a n d bloom and delicacy of

, ,
comple x ion .
A n aged clergyman who had k nown not one day s il l

ness was asked his secret
“
D ry fee t and early rising ,
”
wa s his reply ; the se are my only two precautions .
Wi t h regard then to what a French author call s a “
”
whole Cyc l onze dia of narcotics , young women forget that
there is no roy a l oad to heal t h and beauty
r
They must .
take the r ight path i f they wish to reap the reward No .
p e rson in go od hea l t h should remain in bed a ft er seven

o cl o ck or hal f pas t seven in the spring and summer
’
-
, , ,
tha t may in the present century when the daughters of

, ,
England are reproached with sel f— indulgence be termed ,
early risin g She may then be down stairs at eight and

.
,
without taking a long and fatiguing walk saunter in the ,
garden a li t tle ; or i f in a large to wn have time to pr a c

, ,
tise supposing that the Opportuni t y of going out into t he

,
air is denied By this means t hat vigor which is the very

.
,
soul of comeliness the absence o f hurry and the sense of

,
sel f reproach incurred by late rising and the hunger fel t

-
fo r break fast will all conduce to arrest Time as she hovers

, ,
over his wholesale subj ects and to beguile him into Sparin g
,
that process with his scythe by which he furrows the bro w

of the indolent wi t h wrinkles whilst he colors the oo r
p ,
vic t im at the same time with his own pet preparatio n

, ,
of sa ffron
Suppose then that this first and vital standing order for
the to ilet be stringent and that re freshed and there for e
, ,
energetic b u o ant and conscious of one duty being at leas t

y, ,
13 2 THE LA D YS ’
TOIL ET .
bestowed on china and even on gold and sil ver toile t

,
s ervices ; then came t he war and t he na t ion a l poverty , ,
and those luxurious appliances were let do wn i f not ab an ,

‘
doued We have no w resumed them wi t h a degree of ex

.
pense that is hardly wise or consisten t The secre t s of .
the t oilet were indeed no fancied mysteries in for mer

, ,
days Un t il t he first twen ty years Of t his cen t ury ha d

.
passed away many ladies o f ba n to n though t it necessary

, ,
in order to comple t e t heir dress to put a touch of rouge ,
on ei t her cheek The celebrated Mrs Fi t zherbert wa s

. .
rouged to the very eyes ; t hose beau t i ful deep blue eyes
o f hers The ol d Duchess of R enamelled and usually

.
,
fled from a room when the windo ws were opened as t he ,
compound whatever formed Of was apt t o dissolve and

, ,
run down the face Queen Caroline ( of Bruns wick ) was

.
rouged fear fu lly ; her daughter noble in form fa ir but , ,
pale in complexion disdained t he art Whilst the rouge d

,
.
la die s might have sung or said ,
We ar e bl u sh in g r oses ,
Be ndi ng wi th ou r ful ness ,
that gi fted and lamented princess might hav e answered,

We ar e l ili es fa ir ,
Th e fl owe r of v i r gin l ight ,
Na t ur e h e ld us for th . a n d s a id ,
Lo 1 my t h ou ghts of wh i te
And it was cer t ainly remarkable that a fter the Princ ess
’
Charlo tte s int roduction at Cour t rouge which had bee n , ,
the rule became the exception and that young people en

,
g ,
eral ly never used it .
Hunt .
RO UG E A ND C O SMETI CS . 1 33
Still there were other means resorted to for atta i ni ng

the whiteness o f skin which m e dical men dread but which ,
is certainly a very striking and beauti ful characteristi c

of an English woman I once knew a lady who was ble d
.
fru m time to time to keep the marble like whiteness of -
he r complexion others to my knowledge rub their face s

, ,
wi t h bread —crumbs as one shoul d a drawing But w or st .

,
of all the use of pearl powder or o f violet powder has

, , ,
been for the last hal f cen t ury prevalent .
Independent of all sorts of a r t being unpleasant nc ,
mistake of the fair one is greater than this She may .
powder she may go forth with a no t ion that the pearly

,
whiteness of her brow her neck will be deemed all her

, ,
own but there are lights in which the small deception will
be visible and the charm of all coloring is gone when it
,
proves to be artificial We tremble to think what i s u n

.
de rne at h .
There is another inconvenience attached to the use of

pearl powder its great unwholesomenes s It checks t h e
,
.
natural relie f of the skin perspiration ; and though it ,
may not always inj ure the health it dries up the cuticle , ,
and invites as it were age to settle Where pearl powde r .
a a s been made an article of habitual use wrinkles soon ,
require additional layers to fill it up j ust as worn out ,
roads have ruts and must be repair e d ; but the macada

,
mising process cannot be applied to wr inkles .
Still more fatal is the use of cosmetics ; its e xtrava

a nce in the first place is an evil ; but I treat not of the
g , ,
moral question but of its physical e ffects

,
Some wome n .
Sp nd as much on essences and s weet wa ters as would

e
e n a ble them to take a journey and thus do more for thei r ,
looks than all that a bureau full of cosmetic s c ould insur e

1 34 THE LAD YS
’
TOI LEI
'
.
Many an eruptive disease has arisen from the desire « i

make t he skin clear ; above all avoid specifics Yo ur ,
.
friends ar e in t he habi t of saying such a thing is good ,
for t he complexion but remember that comple xion is

the di a l o f cons t i t ution and that no two constitutions a re
a like W hat is salutary in one case may produce seriou s
.
,
mischie f in anot her .
For instance when abroad a lady who had been very

, ,
much sunburn t was t old that cucumbers cut into slices and
put into cream produce a decoction that would take off
,
the burning e ffects o f the sun It is in fact a remedy .

, ,
used by German ladies who must however have skins ,
di fferently consti t uted t han ours to bear it The lady .
used this very po wer ful specific and her face was blister ,
cd. Nothing indeed but time and cold weather will take
, ,
a way t he e ffects of the sun but t er milk from its gentle -
acid has some e fli c ac y on certain skins but it i s a disa

, ,
re e abl e remedy
g .
The softest possible water ought however to be resor t , ,
ed to in w ashing the face ; and rain wa t er filtered is in -
, ,
comparably t he best Great care should be taken not to.
check perspiration by washing when heated ; t hese are

precau tions consistent with nature and there fore valuable ,
The water should be dashed freely over the fa ce several

times and t he process be pursued in the middle of the
,
day as well as in the morning and at dinner time ; it is

,
-
true the face may wi t hout that be c l e a n all day but it

, , , ,
will not be f re s h The Turkish to wels now used so much

.
are excellent for wiping as they do that important oper a ,
tion not only t horoughly but without irri ta t ing the skin ,
the body on the other hand should be dried with a coars e

,
hu c lmbac k an article u nkno wn in France but e x cellent

, ,
1 36 THE LA D Y ’
S TOI L ET .
among the best is a solution Of sulphur ; bu t even thi s

should ne ver be resor ted to wi t hout advice and in the ,
pr e per proportions In ma ny cases however i t almos t , ,
immediately removes an eruption by cooling the skin ; ,
he nc e it will be seen how very inj urious are all essence s

with Spirit i n them which have a tendency to heat and
,
inflammation .
”
DO you want luxuriant hair ? is a question we see
daily in the papers ans wered of course by a Specific If
, , ,
.
possible the skin of the head requires even more tender

,
.
ness and cleanliness than any o t her portion o f the body ,
and is very soon capable of being irritated into disease .
In respect of this as of the complexion people err gene

, ,
rally fro m doing too much In t he first place the m os t

,
.
,
per fect cleanliness must be enj oined formerly t he u s e Of

a fine tooth comb was considered essential and abroad it
-
is still resorted to and is in some cases salutary But in

,
.
,
general to the c a r ef u l brusher the comb i s not essential

,
.
I say the care ful brusher for great harm is oft en done t o
,
the hairs by rude sharp irregular brus ing The hai rt

, ,
h
.
should be separated wi t h a comb so that t he head and not ,
the hairs be br ushed The brush sho ul d not be too hard ;

.
it may slightly redden the skin but n more the use o f ,
p omatum should be sparing and c on fl l e d to that Of which

,
the ingredients are known — marrow a nd bear s grease a re

’
the best and the former is most eas ly Obtained gen u ine
, .
All sce ts are more or less inj urious to the air and they
n
h
,
should be used in the slightest pos sible propor t ion To .
Wa sh the roots o f the hair from t ime to time with wea k

vinegar and water or with a solution of ammonia cl e anse s
, ,
it e ffectually whilst a yolk Of an egg beaten up and mix

,
ed wi t h war m water is excellent for the skin and ha ir

THE H AIR . 1 31
but It is troublesome to wash out and must be done by a ,
ca reful maid There is no risk but gr e at ben e fit in was h

.
, ,
~
”
ing even the “
luxuriant hair of a person in heal th if ,
done in warm weather and well dried or by a fil e a nd

, ,
small quan t i ty of ammonia insures from cat ching cold .
It is quite a mistake to suppose that washing the hair

makes it coarse ; i t renders i t glossy and flexible ; the
washing cools the head the heat Of which is the gr e a t
,
source o f baldness and grey hairs ; i t preve nts all that
smell from very thick hair which is detected in person s
who trust to the brush only lastly it is one Of the most ,
re freshing personal Operations next to the bath th a t c an

, ,
be devised .
A lady s hair should in O

’
rdinary li fe be dressed twice
, ,
a day even i f she does not vary the mode

,
To keep it .
3001 and glossy it requires being Completely taken down

,
m the middle Of the day or in t he evening according to

, ,
the dinner hours The t aste in dressing it in the morn i ng

-
should be simple without pins bows or any foreign a u x

, , ,
il iary to the best ornament of nature I do not mean to .
deprecate the use Of the pads as they are called or sup

, ,
o
ports under the hair used at this time because they super ,
sede the necessity Of frizzing which is al ways a proces s

,
most inj urious to the hair ; but I own I obj ect much to
the e nds o f blac k lace bows of ribbon &C used by many
, ,
.
,
oung women i n their morning c oi fl u re : of course for

y ,
thos e past girlhoo d and not old enough to wear caps the
.
,
case is diffe re nt .
C HAPT ER III .
D RESS .
A STOR Y
says an emin e nt writer is ne ve r too ol d
, ,
”
to te ll i f it be made to sou nd ne w
,
If this be true I .
,
may be excused for narrating the follo wing veritable his

tory z— In an Indian j ungle t here once resided a ta wny
ackal a member as all t hose animals are Of a jacka
j , , ,
.
club which met at night in t he said j ungle It wa s the .
cus tom for the di fferen t subscribers to separa t e early in

the evening on preda tory excursions and on one occasion ,
the individual in ques tion having dined very sparingly that

day on a leg o f horse ven t ured in hopes of a supper
, , ,
wi th in the precincts Of a neighboring to wn It happened .
that while employed in t he pro wling dis t inctive Of his

kind he fell into a sunken va t fi lled w ith indigo and
, ,
when he had contrived t o struggle out again discovered , ,
by the light Of the moon that his coat ha d assum ed a

,
brilliant blue tinge In vai n he rolled himsel f on t he

.
grass in vain rubbed his sides against the bushes of the

.
j ungle to w hich he speedily returned The blue stuck to .
him and so wi t h the a c u te ne s for which jackals are re

, ,
”
uo wnod he de t erm i ned to stick to it Shame i ndeed
,
“
.
would have overcome him ridicule have driven him to

despair when he rejoined his cl u b bu t for this resol u
, .
ti on Th a t very morning he appeared among his kind

.
.
whisking his t ail with glee , and holding his head s t e er .
A t i t te r of cou rse welcomed him and be fore lon , 00 f

, .
5 ,
( 1 38 )
14 0 D RESS .
D ress and sin came in together and have k e pt good ,
fello wship ever since If we could doubt as som e have

.
,
done t he au thentici ty of the Pentateuch we shou l d have

, ,
t o admit that i t s au t hor was a t leas t t he shrewdest oh
server Of mankind inasmuch as he makes a love of dre ss

,
th e fi rst consequence of t he Fall That it really was so

.
,
we can be cer t ain from the fact that it has al ways a e com
a n ie d an absence o f goodne ss The best dressers Of every
p .
age have always been t he worst men and women We do .
not pretend that the converse is true and tha t the best ,
people have al ways dressed the worst Plato wa s at once .
3 be e n and a philosopher and D escartes was the forme r

.
,
be fore he aspired to be the latter But the love of dress

.
,
take it as you will can only arise from one of two closely
,
al lied sins vanity and pride ; and when in excess as in

,
.
the miserable beaux Of di fferent ages it becomes as ridio ,
u l o u s in a man as the glee Of a Sou t h Sea i slander over a
hand ful of worthless glass beads NO li fe can be mor e .
contempt ible than one of which the Helicon is a tailor s ’
shop and i ts paradise the Park ; no man more truly

,
wre t ched than he whose mind is only a mirror o f his body ,
an d whose soul c a n fly no higher t han a hat or a neck tie -
who s t rangles ambi t ion with a yard measure and su ffoca t es -
glory in a boot But this puny peacockism al ways brings

.
i ts o wn punishment The fop ru i ns himsel f by his vani ty

.
,
a nd ends a sloven like Goodman firs t a well dressed stu

, .
-
dent of Cambridge then an actor then a highwayman

, ,
-
wt o was at last reduced to share a S hirt with a fe llo w

fool a nd had to keep his room on the days when the othe r
,
wore it .
But we must not suppose that this vanity lies in the

fonowing more than in the o utraging of fas hio n and if
NEW A ND OLD FA SHIONS . 141
th ere wer e no s uch thing as a universal r ule ( f dress we ,
may be con fi dent that there would be j ust as much if not ,
more foppery where each could dress as he liked Whe n

, .
i t could not glory in t he roll Of a coat collar or the tur n -
of a hat bxi m it would S how i t sel f in ri chness of stu ffs

-
and splen dors Of ornaments ; and while fashion ha s to be
blamed for many extravagances the gold chains Of one age ,
the huge wigs of another and the cri noline of a third , ,
we m u st rej oice that it holds so severe a sway over men s ’
minds when we find that at another period i t decrees Si m

,
l i c i ty and legisl a tes to put down superfluous ornament

p , .
The wise man therefore who fr ets a t its follies will at

, , ,
tempt not to subver t but rather to re form it ; not to tea r

,
from his throne a monarch elected by universal su ffrage ,
who will instantly be reinsta t ed but to lead him by h i s ,
own example and if possible by hi s voice to make Simpl e

, , , ,
and sensible enactments Better a wise despot than a S illy

.
republic .
When kings were the ministers of fashion dress was ,
generally cos t ly and showy ; when philosophers were its

counsellors it became S lovenly and untidy ; and when as
, ,
in t he present day it is l e t by private gentlemen and pri

,
vate ladies it is o ften absurd a

,
i n bad t aste but gener I
,
a lly tends towards simpl i city It is certainly amusing .

,
when l ooki ng b ac k at the history Of dress to see how Ofte n ,
the story of the blue j ackal may be cited Wigs were i n .
fl ict e d on our fore fa t h ers by a bald monarch and we wer e ,
textured by sti ff cravats and high shirt collars becaus e -
anat he r had t he king s evil in his n e c k

’
L ong skirts pro .
bably c ame in to hide a pair of ungainly feet and h oops ,
we r i ntroduced to mak e a queenl y waist l ook sma l le r t han

e
it was .
14 2 D RESS .
The re is howev e r a di fference between t he prerogati ve

, ,
of f ashion and tha t o f o th e r despo t s While we are bound .
to yield a gen e ral o bedience to his laws we h ave t he right , ,
wi t hout a loss of c as te t o disregard any which are m a n i

,
fe s t ]y absurd and nconvenient

I
If fo r example a fashion
.
, ,
~
a ble Of the presen t day t o whom nature had given an u gly

,
foot were to fOl l J W the example Of Fulk D uke Of Anj ou

, ,
and introduce such long peaks to our boo t s that we coul d

not walk in them We may be certain that their use would
.
not survive a season and would be con fi ned to a class who
have li tt le to do but look ornamental It is cer tainly a .

‘
consola t ion to find t hat in t he presen t day t he fashions o f

male a t tire are restric ted not as they once were by royal
, ,
edicts but by the common sense of men who know that

,
dress ought to be convenient as well as elegant With .
ladies it is o t her wise Wom a n is s til l too generally be

.
l i e ve d to have no higher mission t han t hat Of pleasing the

senses rather t han t he j udgmen t o f men and so m any ,
women Of all classes are idle t hat a fashion ho wever pre

, ,
~
pos te ro u s is more readily accep t ed and more univers a lly

,
adop t ed by them than by the s t ronger sex And t his is .
the case even when the re form proposed is Obviously most

a dv a n t ageous Ho w di fficul t fo r inst a nce has it been to
.
, ,
abolish t he s ti ff black hat and t he t hroat cu t t ing collar -
though the wide a wake and t he t urned down collar were a t

- -
once more grace ful and more com for t able How complete .
ly has the attempt to establish t he — ”

peg top been a fail
ure though every man o f sense who values his heal t h mus t
,
F eel that a loose covering is bo t h more o m for t able and c
more healthy than a t i r ht sheat hing o f clo t h

.
The fact is .
,
tha t t here is a conservatism in fashion which has the a

p
pe a ra nc e of be ing respectable but is really slavish a nd ,
144 D RESS .
the course o f d i nner heard the follo wing remar k p3 8! s
between the host and a guest

Pray G asked a lisping bewhiskered exquisite
,
of the former who is your fine old English ge n tl eman ?

,
What style do you call i t ? Rather George the Fourt h

“ ”
Yes rather replied the host
,
but he added in a
, ,
whisp e r he has j ust come in to

,
a year and
B Hall .
Oh aw indeed ! Then of course he can a fford to

,
”
be eccentric .
This brings me to speak of cert a in necessities of dress

the first of which I shall take is appropriateness The .
age of the individual is an impor tan t considera t ion in this

respect ; and a man of sixty is as absurd in t he style of
nineteen as my young friend in the high cravat of Brum
mell s day
’
I know a gallant colonel who is mas t er of
.
the ceremonies in a gay watering place and who a fraid of -
, ,
the prim old —fashioned t ou r m zr e of his c o n fr er es in simi

‘
lar locali t ies is to be seen though his hai r i s grey and

, ,
his age not under five and sixty in a light cut away the - -
,
-
,
”
peg te p continuations and a turned do wn col lar It
-
,
-
.
may be what younger blades will wear when they reach

hi s age but in the present day the e ffect is ridi c ulous
, .
We may there fore give as a general rule that after t t e

, , ,
turning point of li fe a man should esche w the changes of

-
fas hion in his own attire while he avoids complaining o f ,
it in the young In the latter on the o t her hand the oh

.
,
~
servance o f these changes must depend part l y on his ta s t e
and partly on his posi t ion If wise he will ade pt W i t h .

,
alac rity any new fashions which improve the grace t he ,
eas e the health fulness and the convenience of his

, , gar
A PPROPRIATENESS . 1 45
me ri ts He will be glad of greater freedom in t he cut or

.
his c l oth clothes of boots with elastic sides inst e ad 01

,
troublesome buttons or laces of the privilege t c turn down

‘
,
his collar a nd so for t h while he will avoid as e xt ra va

, ,
g a nt elaborate shirt fronts gold bindings on the waist

,
-
,
;
coat and expensive bu t tons

,
On the other hand what .
,
e ver his age he will have some respect to his pro fe ssio n
,
and position in society He will remember how much .
t he appearance o f the man aids a j udgment o f his char

acter and this test which has o ften been cried down i s
, , ,
in reality no bad one ; fo r a man who does not dress ap

ro r ia t e l
p p y evinces a want of what is most necessary to
pro fessional men — tact and discretion I could not for .

,
in stance feel confidence in a young physician dressed as

,
I am accus t omed to see a guardsman ; while if my law ,
yer were a dandy in his o ffice I should be inclined to ,
think he knew more of gay society than of Coke upon

Lyttleton The dress of the clergy is not an arbi t rary
.
m atte r yet I have seen ecclesiastics who abandoning the

, , ,
white choker lounge in an easy costume little di fferent

, ,
from that of their undergraduate days and though i t is ,
certa inly hard to condemn a man for li fe to the miseries

of black c l ot h we have a right to expect that he should
,
be proud rather than ashamed of the badge of his high

c al ling .
P osition in society demands a like apprOpria tene ss .
Well k nowing the worldly value of a good coat I would ,
y e t never recommend a man o f limited means to a spire to
a fas hionable appearance

. In the first place he become s .
,
t hereby a walking falsehood ; in the second he can not , ,
wi t hout running into debt which is ano t her term for dis ,
honesty maintain the styl e he has adopted

,
As he cam .
£4 6 ns nss .
no t affo rd to change h is suits a s rapidly as fashi on a lters

he must avoid follo wing i t in varying details He wih .
rush into wide sleeves one month in the hope of bei ng ,
F ashionable a nd be fore his coat is worn o ut t he n e xt

, ,
mon t h will bring in a narrow sleeve We cannot u nfe r .

,
tuna t e l y like Samuel Pepys take a long cloak now a da ys

, ,
- -
to t he tailor s t o be cut i nto a short one long clo a k s

’
, ,
”
be ing now qui t e ou t as he tells us Even when there
,
.
is no poverty in the case our position must not be for ,
gott en The tradesman will win n either customers nor

.
friends by adorning himsel f in the mode o f t he club

lounger and t he clerk or commercial traveller who dresses
, , ,
fashionably lays himsel f ope n to in q uiries as to his ante

,
ceden t s which he may not care to have investigated In

,
.
general it may be said tha t t here is vulgarity in dressing

,
like those of a class above us since it must be taken as a ,
proo f of pretension .
I remember going to church i n a remote little villagt

on the borders of Wales and being surprised to see enter
, ,
among the clodhoppers and simple folk of the place a ,
couple o f young men dressed in the heigh t of fashion and ,
wearing yellow kid gloves and pa t ent lea t her boots On .
inquiry I found them to be the sons of a rich manu fa c tur

er who had himsel f been once a working man and was .
re siding in the neighborhood I was not surprised for .
vulgar prete nsion was here carried out t o the worst ex ‘
treme . Better bred men would have known that what

-
,
~
e v e r their L ondon costume a di fference must be made i n
t he country The rule may be laid do wn that where ve r

.
we are we shou ld assimilate as fa r as convenient to the ,
customs and costumes of the place While I had no wish .
t o se e the sons of the a r v e nu appear in sm o c k fro ks

p
-
c
[4 8 D RESS .
invi ta tio n and p artly by the extent of you r intimacy w ite

,
the family I have actually known gentlemen arrive at

.
a l a rge pic nic at mid day in complete evening dress and

- -
pi t ied t hem with all my heart compelled as they were to ,
su ffer in tight black clothes

,
under a hot sun for eigh t ,
hours , and d ance a ft er al l in the same dress On the othe r .
hand i f you are asked to c ome an hour or two be fore sun

,
o
set a fter six in summer in the autumn a ft er five you

, , ,
c ann ot err by appearing in evening dress It is always .
taken as a compliment t o do so and if your acquaintance ,
with your hos t ess is slight it would be almost a familiari ,
ty to do o t herwise In any case you desire t o avoid sin

.
g u l a r it
y so that,
i f you can discover what others wh o a re
invi ted intend to wear you can always decide on your ,
own attire On the Con t inent there is a convenient I ll l (

.
'
for these matters ; never appear a fter four in the after

noon in morning dress but then grey trousers are there
al lo wed instead o f black a nd whi t e waistcoats are still ,
worn in t he evening At any rate it is possible to e ffect

.
,
a compromise between the two styles o f costume and if ,
you are likely to be called u pon to dance in the evening ,
it will be well to wear t hin boots a black frock coat and ,

-
a small black neck tie and t o put a pair of clean white

-
gloves into your pocke t You will thus be at least less .
c onspicuous in the dancing roo m than in a light tweed suit -
Englishmen are unde niably the most conservative me n

it the world and in nothing do they sho w it more uni ver
,
sal ly than in maintaining their usual habits in any country
cli mate r s eason L A ng l a i s e n s e ga a has been a

’
,
o .
/ y
fru i t ful subject of ridicule both t o our o wn and foreign
wri ters and I shall there fore content mysel f with sayin g
,
that while I would not have an Englishman ade pt ev e r y

,
T RA V ELLI N G . 149
local habit or eve ry fantastic costume of those among whom

he finds hi msel f I would fain see him avoid that dist i nc
,
ti veness in bo t h which is set down by our neighb o rs tr
p ride and obs t inacy E xcellent

. for instance is the c u e, ,
t om o f shaking h ands but it has on the Continent ge ne

,
rally a much more friendly and particular signi fi cation an ,
is permitted between the sexes only a fter a l ong intimacy .
In fact a French j e u n e fill e never takes a gentlema n s

,
’
hand unless he is quite an e mi d e l a m a is on so that for ,
an Englishman at a first visit to shake hands all round

amounts to a familiarity I shall never forget the dee p
.
crimson on the cheeks o f a charming girl to whom I onc e
introduced an English friend and who was t oo well —bred not

,
to t ou ch his proffered hand but did so with an air of nu

,
mistakable surprise —
Qu est c c que c est que votre ami
.
’ ” ’
,
s he asked me a ft erwards est cc qu il veut donc m em ’ ’

-
brasser To impose the manners of one s country on ’
the people of another is as bad as t o revive those of a

,
past century .
In t he middle of the last century it was the custom for a

gentle m a n on entering a room to kiss the ladies all round
,
on the cheek .Had not my French friend as much rig h t

0 blush as any English young lady would if I were to
,
s ubj ect her to the practice of the charming but obsolet e
cu s t om
Can anything be more pain fully ridiculous than an Eng

l ishman wearing a black silk hat and frock coat of c l e th -
under t he sun o f the equator ? Yet such is our want of

se nse or our l o ve of national costumes however hideo us
, ,
that it is the etiquette in ou r colon ies whether in t he t re ,

e
p ic s or the arctic region s t o wear precisely the same s t ifl

,
'
’
he r co u rt dre ss as at St James . However this might be .
15 0 D RESS .
excused on the plea of uni formity in o ffi cial dress it is no ,
e
xcuse f r t he fa shion which imposes the coat &c of P al l
o ,
.
Ma ll on the gen tleman of Calcut t a or Colombo ; and the

me may be said o f our own fashion o f wearing clot h
r
l nt hc s t hroughout the year There is many a summ e r .
"
l ay i n England as hot as any in Italy and in general t he ,
di fference bet ween o u r summer and that o f France and

America is that t here t he heat is glaring and clear wit h
, ,
us ,
i f less po we r ful close and o ppressive ,
Why then
should my I c rd Fashion permit the Frenchman and Yan
r
~
kee to wear whole suits of white linen and condemn us to ,
black cloth ? Ne thing can be neater or prettier as mod ,
ern dress gees than the white coat waistcoat e d c e t er a

, , ,
with a straw hat and a brigh t blu e tie ; but i t is som e

thing to say against it that London smoke would ne c e ssi
,
tate a cle a n suit per diem which would materially aug ,
ment the washing expenditure of our me t ropolitan Beau x

Tibbse s The nearest approach we are allo wed to mak e
.
to a sensible costume on days when we should like to fol

low Sidney Smith s advice by t he removal of ou r flesh
’
.
and sitting in our skeletons is that o f light thin tweeds , ,
bu t even these a r e not c ou nt e na ne e d in St J ames and t he .

’
Park and we must be content t o take re fuge in a whi te

,
waistcoat and the thinnest possible material for our frock

c oat . On the other hand as ou r winters are never very,
severe we have only to choose thicker tweeds o f a darke r

,
c ol or fo r th at season and the wrapper or great coat t hen

,
be comes not nearly so important an article as the i ndie

pensable umbrel la In this country there fore as pre sen
.
, , .
fashions require appropriateness to the season will be

,
easily acquired by a change of material and colo rather r

“
th a n of form in our apparel , .

15 2 DRESS .
pher but he is too good mannered for tha t ; o thers poor

,
-
man pronounce him a c v n ic and all are agreed t ha t ,
whate ver he may be he looks out o f place and spoil s the

,
r ne ra l e ffect I believe in my heart that he is the mild

g .
e s t of men bu t will not take the trouble to dress mor r

i
,
th a n once a day At any rate he has a character for c c

.
,
cen t ricity which I am s ure is precisely what he would

. , ,
wish to avoid That character is a most deligh t ful one for

.
a bachelor and it is generally Coelebs who holds it for it ,
has been proved by statis tics that there are four single to
one married man among t he inhabitants of our mad houses -
bu t eccentricity yields a reputation which requires some

thing to uphold it and even in D iogenes o f the Tub it was
,
extremely bad t aste to force himsel f into Plato s evening ’
p arty wi t hout sandals and nothing but a dirty tunic

,
on
him .
Another requisi t e in dress is its simplicity with which ,
I may couple harmony of color This Simplici ty is t he .
only distinction which a man of taste should aspire to in

the matter of dress but a simplicity in appearance must
.
proceed from a nicety in reality One Should not be .
simply ill dressed but si mply well dressed Lerd Castle

-
,
-
.
reagh would never have been pronounced the most distin

gu is he d man in the gay court of V ienna because he we re ,
no orders or ribbons among hundreds decorated wi th a pro

fusion o f those vanities but because besides this he was ,
dressed with t aste The ch arm of B ru mme l l s dress was ’

.
Its S i mplicity ; yet it cost him a s much thought time and , ,
care as t he port f l i o o f a minister

,
The rules of sim
o .
pli ai ty there fore are the rules of taste

, ,
All extravagance ,
all splendor a nd all pro fusion must be avoided

, The colors .
, ,
in the firs t plac e must harmoni z e both with our c om l e x mn

, p
J EWELR Y . 1 53
and with one anoth er ; perhaps most of al l with the c olor

of o u r hair All bright colors should be avoided such a s
.
,
re d yellow sky blue and bright green

, ,
-
Perhaps or ly a
,
.
succ e ss ful Australian gold digger would think of choosi ng

s uch colors for his co at waistcoat or trousers but there ,
,
ar e hundreds o f young men who might select them for
their gloves and neck ties The deeper colors are some
-
.
,
.
how or other more manly and are certainly less strikin g

, ,
.
The same simplicity Should be studied in the avoidance of

ornamentation A fe w years ago it was the fashion to
.
trim the evening waistcoat with a border of gold lace

This is an example of fashions always to be rebelled against .
Then t oo extravagance in the form of our dress is a sin

, ,
against taste I remember that long ribbons took t he

.
place of neck ties some years ago . At an Ox ford com

-
memoration two friends of mine determined to cut a figur e

,
in this matter having little else to distinguish them The

,
.
one we re two yards of br ight pink ; the other the sam e

quantity of bright blue ribbo n round their necks I have .
reason to believe they think now that they both looked su

p e rbl
y ridiculous In the same way
. if the trouser s are ,
worn wide we should not wear them as loose as a Turk s ;

’
,
or i f the S leeve s are to be e pen we should not riv a l t he ,
ladies in this matter And so on through a hundr e d de

.
tails generally remembering t hat to ex aggerate a fa shion

,
is to assume a character and there fore vulgar The wear .

,
ing of j ewelry comes under this head Jewels are an or .
name nt to women but a blemish to men ,

They bespea k .
either e fie mir a c y or a love of display The hand o f a man

'
. .
is honored in working fo r labor i s his mission ; and the

,
hand that wears its riches on its fingers has rarely wo rke d ,
honestly to win them The best jewel a man Can we ar is

.
73?
154 D RE SS .
his honor . bright and shining w ell set in pm

L e t t hat b e ,
;
d e u c e an d all o t h ers m u s t d arken b e fore it

,
B ut as we .
are sav a ges a n d m us t h ave some silly t r i c k e r v to h ang

,
abou t us a li t t le b u t very li tt le co n cession m ay b e mad e

, ,
t o o u r t as t e i n t h is respect I am q uite serious w hen I .
disadvise you from t h e u se o f nose rin g s gold ankle t s and -
, ,
hat bands stud ded w i t h j e w els ; fo r when I see an i n c re d

-
ul o u s young man o f t h e n ineteen t h cen t ury dangling fl o m ,
his w at c h chain a d ozen silly c h ar ms ( o ft en th e only

-
“ ”
o nes he p ossesses ) w h i ch h ave n o ot h er use t han t o giv e

,
a fai r co q ue t t e a legi t ima t e subj ec t on wh i ch to a pproach

t o closer in timacy an d whi c h are revived from th e lo w est
,
s upers t itions o f dark ages and some t imes darker r a c e s I , ,
a m q ui t e j usti fi ed in b elievi ng tha t some South African
c hie ft ain su ffi c iently ri c h to c ut a d ash in L on don might

, ,
i n t ro duce w ith succe s s t h e most pecu l iar fashi ons o f his
o w n coun t ry Ho wever this may be there are already

.
,
s ufii c ie nt extravagances pre v alent among our young men
t o a t t ack .
The man o f goo d taste w ill w e a r as little j e w elry as

p ossible One han dsome Signe t ring on t h e little finger
.
-
o f t h e le ft h an d a scar f pi n which is n ei t her large nor

,
-
sh o wy n or t o o intricat e in its design an d a ligh t ra t her , ,
thin wa t ch guard w i t h a cross b ar are all t ha t he ough t t o

- -
W ear B u t if he aspires t o more t han this he should o h

.
,
s erve t h e follo w ing r ules
1 L e t every t hing be real and go od

. False j e welry i s .
no t only a prac t ical lie b u t an absolute v ulgari t y sin c e , ,
it s use arises fro m an a tt emp t to appear r i cher or g rand e r

t han its w earer is .
2 L e t i t b e S imple
. Elab orate studs w ais t coa t button s
.
,
-
an d wris t links are all ab om i nable The las t par t ic ularly

, .
1 56 D RESS .
The dress t hat is both appropriate and S imple can ne ve r

o ffe nd nor render i ts wearer conspicuous though it may
, ,
dis ting u ish him fo r his good taste But it will no t be .
pleasing unless clean and fresh We cannot quarrel with .
a poor gentleman S t hread bare coat i f his linen be pur e

’
-
, ,
and we see t hat he has never at t empted to dress be y on d
his means or unsuitably to his sta t ion But the sight or .
decayed gentility and dilapida t ed fashion may call fort h

our pity and at the same time prompt a moral : You
,
”
have eviden tly sunken we say to ourselves
,
but whose
fault was i t ? Am I not led to suppose that the e x trava
gance which you evidently once revelled in has brought
you to what I now see you While freshness is essen
tial to being well — dressed it will be a consolation to those
,
who cannot a fford a heavy tailor s bill to reflect that a ’

,
visible newness in one s clothes is as bad as pa t ches and

’
dam s and to remember that there have been ce l ebrated

,
dressers who would never put on a ne w coat till it had

been worn two or t hree times by their valets On the .
other hand there is no excuse — except at Donnybrook

,
for untidiness holes in the boo t s a broken hat torn

, , ,
gloves and so on
, Indeed i t is be tt er to wear no gloves
.
,
at all than a pair full of holes There is nothing to be .
ashamed o f in bare hands if they are clean and the poor

,
can still a fford to have their shirts and Shoes mended .
and their hats ironed It is certainly better to show S ign s

.
of neatn e ss than the rever se and vou need sooner be ,
as hamed of a hole than a darn .
Of personal cleanliness I have spok e n at such lengt h

that little need be said on that of the clothes If you ar e .
e conomical with your tailor you can be ex travag a nt with

,
y ur laundress
o The beau x of forty years ba c k put on
.
LI NEN . 1 57
t hre e shirts a day but except in hot weather one is su fi

,
cient . Of course if you change y our dress in the even

,
.
ing you must change your Shir t too There has been a .
gr e at outcry agai nst colored flannel shirts in t he pl ac e of

lin en and the man who can wear one for three days is
,
lea ked on as little better than St Simeon Stylites I . .
should like to know how o ften t he advocates of li ne n
change their own under fl anne l and whether the sam e -
rule does not a pply to what is seen as to what is con

c e al ed But while the flannel is perhaps healthier as ah
.
sorbing the moisture more rapidly the linen has the ad ,
vantage of l ook i ng cleaner and may there fore be pre fe r ,
red As to economy if the flannel costs less to wash i t

.
, ,
also wears out sooner ; but be this as it may a man s , ,

’
Wardrobe is not complete wi t hout h al f a dozen or so o f

these shirts which he will find most use ful and ten time s
, ,
more com fortable than linen i n long excursions or when ,
ex ertion will be required Flannel too has the advan .

, ,
tage of being warm in winter and cool in summer for , ,
being a non conductor but a retainer o f heat it protects

-
, ,
the body from the sun and on the other hand Shields , , ,
it from the cold But the best sh irt of all part i cularly
. .
in winter is that which wily monks and hermits pre

,
tended to wear for a penance well knowing that th ey ,
could have no garment cooler more comfortable or mor e , ,
healthy I mean of course the rough hair —Shir t Lik e

.
, ,
.
fla nnel it is a non conductor of heat ; but then too it

,
-
, ,
acts t he part of a Sham pooer and with its perpetual fric

-
tion s oothes the sur face of the skin and preven t s t he ci r ,

a
c ulati on from being arrested at any one poi nt o f the b ody .
Though I doubt i f any of my readers will take a hin t

from the wi sdo m of the merry anchorites t he y will p6 1 ,
"
[ 58 D RESS .
haps all o w me to suggest that the next best thin gto wea l
nex t the s kin is flam e and tha t too of the coarses t de
,
scri pt ion .
Q uan t i ty is better than quality in linen Ne ve rth e l e ts .
it should be fi ne and well S pun The loose cu ff which we

.
,
”
borro wed from the French some four years ago is a g l ee ,
irri pro ve me nt on the old tigh t wrist band and indeed it -
, , ,
must be borne in mind t hat anything which binds any par t

of t he body tig ht ly impedes the circula t ion and is t here ,
fore unheal thy as well as u ngrace ful Who more hideous .
a nd unnatural than an o fficer o f t he Russian or Austrian
army— compelled to reduce hi s waist to a certain si ze
unless it be a dancing mas t er in stays ?

-
At Munich I re ,
member there was a some what corpulent m ajor of the

Guards who it was said took t wo men t o buckle his belt
, ,
in the morning and was unable to Speak for about an

,
hour aft er the operation His face of course was of a

.
, ,
most unsightl y crimson .
The necessity for a large stock of linen depends on a

r ule fa r better than B ru mme l l s of three shirts a day
’
, ,
vi z
Chan ge your linen whenever it is at all dirty .
This is the best guide with regard to collars socks , ,
po eke t handkerchie fs a nd our under garments

-
,
N 0 rule .
can be laid down fo r the number we should wear per week
for everything depends on circumstances Thus in t h e .
oo u nt ry all our linen remains longer clea n than in London
n dir ty we t or dusty weather our socks get Soon dir t

, , , y
nd must be cha n ged ; or i f we have a cold to say nothin
.
g
of t h e possible but not probable case o f tear shedding on -
the departure of friends or of sensitive you ng ladi e s ove r

,
a Cri me a n engagement , we shall want more than one

16 0 D RESS .
for e very seasor and every occasion but if what he sel ec ts

is simple r ather than striking he may appear in the sa me ,
clothes as o ft en as he likes as long as they a r e fresh a nd ,
a ppropriate to the season and the obj ect There are fou x .
k inds of coa t s which he must have : a morning coat a -
frock coat a dress coat and an over coat : An economic al

-
,
-
,
-
man may do well with four of the first and one of each ,
of the others per annum George the Fou r th s wardrobe ’

.
sold for and a Singl e cloak brought no less than

£800 But George was a king and a beau and i n de bt
.
,
40 his tailor The dress of an English gen tleman in the

.
present day Should not cost him more than the ten t h part
of his income on an average But as fortunes vary more .
than position i f his income is large it will take a much

,
s maller proportion if small a larger one But generally

,
.
s peaking a man with £ 3 00 a year should not devote mor e

,
t han £ 80 to his out ward man The seven coats in ques .
tion will cost about £ 1 8 S ix pairs of morning and one .

,
o f eveni ng trousers will cost £ 9 Four morning waist

,
.
~
coats and one for evening make another £ 4 G loves

, ,
.
,
linen hats scarves and neck ties about £ 1 0 and the i m

, ,
-
, ,
~
portant item of boots a t least £ 5 more This 1 take it ,

.
, ,
is a su fficient wardrobe for a well dressed man who employs -
a moderate tailor and the whole is under £ 5 0 It is quit e

,
.
possible to dress decently for hal f that sum and men of ,
small means should be content to do so If a man ho w .

,
e ver mixes i n society and I write for those who do so

, , ,
there are some things which are indispensable to eve n
p r e per dressing and every occasion will have i t s pr e pe r

,
attire .
In his own house then and in the mor ning there 13 , , ,
no reason why he should not wear out his old clothe s

sr vLE IN MORN N G D RESS 1 6]
’
. .
So me men take to the delight ful ease of a tl re sssing gow n -
and slippers ; and if bachelors they do well If fam i ly men

,
. .
it will probably depend on whether the lady or the gentle

man wears the pantaloons The best walking dress for a
.
-
non pro fessional men is a suit o f tweed o f the same color ,

-
ordinary boots gloves not too dark for the coat a scar f
, ,
wi th a pin in winter or a small tie of one color in sum

.
,
a
mer a respectable black hat and a cane

,
The l ast ,
.
item is perhaps the most important and though its u se ,
va ries wi th fashion I confess I am sorry when I see it go

,
out The Englishman does not gesticulate when talking

.
,
and in consequence has nothing to do with his hands To .
put them in his pockets is the natural action but this give s ,
an appearance o f lounging i n s o u c i a n c e or impudent de .
te rmination which becomes very few me n if any

, The ,
.
be st substitute for a walking stick is an umbrella no t a -
parasol unless it be given you by a lady to carry The

‘
main point of the walking dress is the harmony o f colors

-
bu t this should not be carried to the extent of M de Malt .
z an , who some years ago made a bet to wear no t hing but

pink at Baden —Baden for a whole year and had boots a nd ,
gloves of the same lively hue He won his wager bu t .

,
also the soubriquet of L e D i able e nfl ammé The walk

ing dress should vary according to the place and hour In .
th e country or at the sea side a straw hat or w ide awak e

- -
may take the place of the beaver and t he nuisance of ,
g loves b e ven dispensed with i n the former

e
But in Lon .
don where a man is supposed to make visits as wel l as

,
sc unge in the P ark the fro ck coat of very dark blue or

,
b lack or a black cloth cut away the white waistcoat and

,
-
, ,
la vender gl oves are almost indispensable

, V ery thi n .
boots should be avoid ed at all ti mes and whatever clo th es

16 2 D RESS .
one wears they should be well brushed The shi rt .

,
whether seen or not should be quite plain . The shir t col .
lar should never have a color on it but i t may be sti ff 01 ,
turned down according as t he wearer is Byronically or

B r u mme ll ic a l l y disposed The scar f i f simple and o f mod .
,
e
e s t colors is perhaps the best t hing we can wear round the

,
neck ; but i f a neck tie is pr e ferred it should not be too

-
long nor tied in too sti ff and studied a manner Brum

,
.
mell made his reputat ion by the knot of his cravat and ,
e ven in so tiny a trifle a man may show his taste or his
want of it The ca n e should be extremely simple a mere

.
,
stick in fact with no gold head and yet fo r the town not
, ,
rough t hick or clumsy ; nor o f the style beloved o f Cor

, ,
p oral Shanks o f the Fusileers The frock coat should be .

-
ample and loose and a tall well built man may throw it
,
-
”
back . At any rate it should never be bu tt oned up ,

.
G reat coats are so little worn in this country that I need

-
say lit t le about them If worn at all they should be bu t

.
toned up of a dark color not quite black longer than t he

, , ,
frock coa t but never long enough to reach the ankles

,
.
If you have visits to make you should do away with the

great coat if the weather allo ws you t o do so O n t he
-
,
.
Continent it is always removed be fore entering a drawing

room but not so in England The frock coat or blac k
,
.
-
c u t away with a white waistcoat in s ummer is the best

-
, ,
dre ss for making calls in .
It is c ertainly very hard that a man may not wear wh at

he l ikes and that i f I have a fancy to gr a ndeur and a
,
fine pai r of shou l d ers I may not be allo wed to strut alo ng
.
P all Mall in a Roman toga or havi ng lost a seventeenth

aou s in removed am forbidden by the laws— a t least tho se
,
of Policeman Z 5 00 who most certainly would in s ist on

,
16 4 D RESS.
g rounds de fen d the fact that you are s e en in the mo rnin g

‘
in a swa llow tail bl a ck cloth coat and a black sati n tie
-
, .
Nay i f like Mr Foun t ayn Wilson you have been s pec u

,
.
,
o
lating in cloth black instead o f grey and had twenty

, ,
thousand yards on your hands you must on no consid e r a .

-n
t ion put any of them on your legs be fore a certain hour

of the evening Of course you may i f you please we ar
.
, ,
j ockey trousers broad patterns bird s e ye handkerchie fs

, ,
’
-
tail coats and black cloth at any hour of the day and in
-
, , ,
an
y portion o f the civilized world but it will be under ,
p ain and penalty o f being dubbed by that terrible mon o «
syllable which nothing could induce me to repeat

,
No .
,
it m u s t be a shooting coat of any cut or color or a froc k ,
c oat that is dark or in winter an over — coat but i t may ,
ne ver be a tail — coat and so on with the rest You may ,

.
dress like a bargee i n shorts and grey stockings like a, ,
chimney sweep in the deepest mourning like a coster

-
,
'
monger a coal he ave r a shoeblack or as M de Mal tz an

, , ,
.
”
did like Sa Majest é d en has and you will either be
,
’
,
taken for a bargee chimney sweep costermonger coal ,

-
, ,
heaver shoeblack or demon or you will be set do wn as

, , ,
eccentric ; but i f while not discarding your ordinary a t

,
tire you ade pt some por tion peculiar to a class belo w you
, ,
you will I regret to say be certainly most uncharitably

, , ,
e nti t led only a snob .
So much for morning dress .
It is simple nonsense to talk of modern civili z ation a nd ,
rejoice that the cruelties of t he dark ages can never be
perpetrated in these days and this country I main t ai n .
that they are perpetrated freely generally daily with , , ,
the consent of the wretched victim himsel f in the com ,
puls io n to wear evening cloth e s Is there anythi ng at .

LI MB C OV ERS
-
.
a n c e more com fortless or more hideous Le t us beg i n

with wh a t the delicate Americans call li mb cov e rs whic h -
we are told were the invention of the Gauls but I am in ,
cl i ne d to t hink of a much worse race fo r it is clearly a n

, ,
anachronism to as cribe the discovery to a V ene t ian c alle d
Pi ant a l e one and it can only have been Inquisitors or do

,
c
mons who inflicted this scourge on the race o f man , and

hi s ninth parts the tailors for I t a ke i t that both are
-
, ,
equally bothered by the tight pantaloon Le t us pau se .
a while over t his unsightly garment a nd console ourselves ,
wi t h the reflection that as every country and almos t every ,
ye ar has a di fferent fashion in its make o f it we may at

, ,
las t he emancip a ted from it altoge t her or at least be able ,

‘
to wear it a l a T a r gu e .
Whenever I call at a great house which as I am a ,
writer on etiquette must— of course — be v e ry o ften I

, ,
c on fess to feeling a most trying i ns i ni fic a nc e in the pre

g
s ence of the splendid Mercury who ushers me in Why .
is this ? Neither physically mentally by posi t ion educa

, , ,
t ion nor genius am I his in ferior and yet I shrink be fore

, , ,
h im . On the other hand if it is a butler in plai n c l ome s

,
who admits me like Bob Acres I feel all my courage

, ,
ooze back again I gave my nights long and sleepless to

.
, ,
the consideration of this problem and ha v now arrived ,

e
at a satis factory explanation It is not the tall figure and

.
magnificent whiskers it is not the gold lace and rich re d

p lus h ; i t is not the maj estically indi f
f erent air o f J oh n
Thomas that appals me ; it i s the consciousness that my

le gs my as a man most import a n t and distincti ve limbs
-
, ,
are in an in ferior position to his As an ar t i st I can

-
.
,
not bnt recogni z e the superior beauty of his figure And .
for this disgrace this ignominy I su ffer I have to thank ,

l 66 D RESS .
the Celts with their br a c cae and t re bad t aste of so m e ,

i
c a lfl e ss m o narch or leader o f f ashion — probably a German ,
for all G erm a ns have bad tas te and bad le g s — who revived
th i s d i ous long obs i l e te instrument o f pers onal tor tur e
o
,
It i s n othing less believe me,

Independent of a loss of .
personal beauty t here is the unheal t hiness of a tight gar

,
ment clinging to the very por t ion which we exercise most ,
and which most demands a free circulation It is true .

,
that the old —fashioned breeches if too tightly fastened ,
round the knee produc e d the same e ffect and Mari a

, ,
Macklin a celebrated actress of male characters almost

, ,
lost her leg by vanity in the matter of Honi soit qui

mal y pense but after all what is not a cool stocking
, ,
to a hot bag of thick stu ff round the leg ; how far pre fe
rable the freedom of trunk —hose to the har dly fough t ,
”
l iberty of the peg t e p trousers But it is not all
-
.
trousers that I rebel against If I might wear linen ap .
e ndic es i n summer and fu r con t inuat i ons in winter I

p , ,
would not groan but it is the evening dress that inflicts

,
on the man who likes socie t y the necessity of wearing the

same trying cloth all the year round so that under Bore as ,
he catches colds and under the dog star he m e lts They

,
-
.
manage these things better abroad In America a man .
may go to a ball in white ducks In France he has the .
Option of light grey But in England we are doomed for

.
eve r to buckskin This unmen t ionable but most ne c e ssa

.
“ ”
ry disguise o f the human form divine i s one that ,
ne v e r vari e s in this country and there fore I mus t lay d own

,
t he rule
For all evening wear — black cloth trousers .
But the to rtures of evening dress do not end with our

lower li mbs . Of all the iniqui ties perpetrated under the
16 8 D RES S .
These three items never vary for dinne r par ty muffin -
worry or ball ,
The only distinction allo wed is in t he
.
neck t ie For dinner the Opera and balls t his must be

-
.
, , ,
whi t e and the smaller t he be t t er It should be t o o of

,
.
, ,
was h able t exture n t silk nor netted nor hanging down

,
.
\
,
.
no r o f any foppis h produc t ion but a s i mpl e whi t e t ie ,
without embroidery The black tie is only admi tted for

.
e vening par t ies and sho uld be equally simple

,
The shirt .
front which figures und e r t he tie should be pl a in wi t h ,
unpretending s mall plai t s All t he elaborations which .
the French have introduced amo ng us in this particu l r a

,
and the custom o f wearing pink under the shirt are an ,
abomination to art oers The glove must be wh te

g
p y
-
.
g ,
not yello w Recen t ly i ndeed a fashion has sprung up

.
, ,
of wearing lavender gloves in t h e evening They a re .
e conomical and as all economy is an abomination must

, ,
be avoided Gloves should always be worn at a ball At

. .
a dinner party in t own they should be worn on entering

-
the room and dra wn off for dinner While on the one
,
.
,
hand we must avoid the a wkwardness of a gallant s e a

,
captain who wearing no gloves at a dance excused him

, ,
sel f to his par tne r by saying Never mind Miss I c an

“
,
.
”
Wash my hands when I ve done dancing we have no ’
,
need in the present day to copy the Roman gentlema n

mentioned by At hen aeus who wore gloves at dinner that ,
he might pick his meat from the hot dishes more rapidl y
tha n the bare handed a u c s ts -
As to gloves at tea par ti es -
and so forth we are generally sa fer with than wit hou t
them . If it is quite a small party we may leave t h e m ,
in our pocket a nd in the country they are scarcely e x

,
p e c t e d to be worn ; but
“
touch nor a eat but wit h a .
g ve ; you are always sa fer with them

l o .
nnnsr , UND REST, AND MUC H D REST . 1 69
No t in the matter of the hat In France and Ge r

so .
,
n nn y the ha t is brought into a ball room and dr awmg

a
-
roo m und e r all circumstances and great is the con fusion ,
arising there from a man having every chance of finding

,
his new hat exchanged for an old one under a seat .
e n ce w a lked home from a German ball as bare headed as -
a friar some well dressed robber having not only e x

,
-
e ha nge d his hat wi th mi ne but to prevent detection c ar ,
ried off his own to o I shall not easily forget the con
.
ste r nat io n in an English party to which I went soon a fter
my return from the Continent unconsciously c a rrying i n ,
my hat and the host could not restrain some small face
,
t ious allusion to i t when I looked for it under the table

,
”
be fore going away A Gibus prevent s all such diffi
.
c ul t i es yet as a general rule in England the hat shoul d

be le ft outside .
I must not quit this subject without assuring mysel f

that my reader knows more about it now than he did be
fore . In fact I have taken one thing for granted viz ,
.
,
that he knows what it is to be dressed and what undress ,
ed Of course I do not suppose hi m to be in the bliss ful

.
state of ignorance on the subject once enjoyed by our first

“ ” ”
parents I use the words dressed and u ndressed
.
“
ra t her in the sense meant by a military tailor or a cook ,
with re ference to a salad You need not be sh ocked I . .
a m one of those people who wear spectacles fo fear o f r
t
se e ing anyth ing with the naked eye I am t he soul ( .
sc r upulosity But I am wondering whether everybody

.
arr anges his wardrobe as our ungrammatical nurses used

“
to do ours under the heads of best second b e st third “
, , ,
”
best and so on and knows what things ou ght to be
, ,
l ac e d under each To be undressed is to b dr esse d

"
p . e
8
170 D RESS .
fo r work and ordinary occupa t ions to wear a coat Wh i c h ,
o u do n ot fear to s poil and a neck — tie which your i nk

y ,
s t and will not obj ec t to but your acquaintance migh t

,
“ ”
To be dressed on the other han d since by dress we
, ,
she w our respect fo r society at large or the persons wi t h ,
a ha m we are to mingle is to be clothed in the garment s

,
which the said society pronounces as suitable t o partien

la r occasions ; so that evening dress in the morning ,
morning dress in the evening and top boots and a red ,
”
coat for walking may all be called undress i f not
,
“
,
“ ”
posi t ively bad dress But there are shades of being
.
”
dre ssed and a man is called litt le dress e d well ,
” ”
dressed and much dressed not according t o the quan
, ,
ti ty but the quality of his coverings The diminutive .
j ockey w,
hom I meet in my walks a month be fore t he
D erby looking like a ball of clothes and undergoing a

, ,
most uncom fortable process of lique faction which he do

“ ” “
nominates training is by no means much dressed
,
’
because he wears two great coats three thick waistcoats -
” “
and t he same number of com forters
“
To be l ittl .
:
”
dressed is to wear old things of a make that is no lon ,
ger the fashion having no pretension to elegance a rt ist it

, ,
beauty or ornament It is also to wear lou nging clothes

,
.
on occ a sions which demand some amount of precision .
“ ”
To be much dressed is to be in the extreme of the
fashion with bran new clothes j e welry and ornaments
, , , ,
wi th a touch of extravagance and gaiety in your co l or s .
Thus to wear patent lea ther boots a nd yellow gloves in a

. aiet morning stroll is to be much dressed and certainly ,
doe s not di ffer immensely from being badly dressed To .
be well dressed is the happy medium between these

“ "
two which is not given to every o ne to hold inasm uc h as

, .
1 72 D RESS .
Li g ht gl oves are more esteemed than dark o nes, and the

pri nce of glove colors is undeniably lavender
-
.
”
Ishould say J ones wa s a fast man said a friend to ,
”
me one day for he wears a white hat
,
If this idea of .
my c ompanion s be right fastness may be said to con s i st

’
,
t a i nl y in peculiari t y There is certainly only one ste p

.
fr om the sublimi ty of fastness to the ridiculousness of snob

bc rry and i t is not always easy to say where the one end s
,
and t he o t her begins A dandy on the other hand is the

.
, ,
clothes on a man not a man i n clothes a living lay figure

, ,
who displays much dress and is quite satis fi ed i f you praise

it wi t hout taking heed o f hi m A bear is in the opposite .
extreme never dressed enough and al ways very roughly ; .
but he is almost as bad as t he other for he sacrifices ,
e verything to his ease and com fort The off hand style of .
-
dre ss only sui ts an off hand character It was at one time-

.
the fashion to a ffect a certain negligence which was called ,
poetic and supp i sed to be the result of genius An ill

,
.
tied if not positively untied cravat was a sure sign of an

,
unbridled imagination ; and a waistcoat was held together

by one button only as i f the swelling soul in the wearer s
,
’
bosom had burst all the rest If in addition to this the .
hair was unbrushed and curly you were certain of passing ,

”
for a man of soul I should not recommend any young
.
gentleman to adopt this style unless indeed he can mouth ,
a great deal and has a good stock of quotations from the

,
oets It i f no use to show me the clouds unless I

p . s o c an ,
p o siti ve ly see you in them and no amount of negligenc e ,
in your dress and person will convince me you are a ge

ui us unless you produce an o c t ave volume o f poems pub
,
l ishe d by yoursel f I con fess I am glad t h l t the n eg l ig i

.
style so common in novels of ten years bac k has bee n

, ,
Y
ST LES or D RESS . 1 73
su cceeded by neatnes s What we want is real eas e it the

.
c lothes and for my part I S hould rej oice t o see the Knick
,
'
e rboc ke r style generally adop t ed .
Besides the ordinary occasions treated of be fore the re ,
re several special occasions requiring a change of dre ss
Most of our sports together with marriage ( which som e

,
p eople include in the S ports ) and going to court com

,
e ,
under t his head Now with the exception of the last t he

.
,
l ess change we make the better in the present day par ,

h
ti c u l arl y in sports where if we are dressed with s e r a p o

, ,
lous accuracy we are liable to be subjected to a compari

,
son between our clothes and our skill A man who we ars .
a red coat to hunt in should be able to hunt and not

, ,
sneak through gates or dodge over gaps Of wedding .
dress and court—dress we Shall S peak in separate chapters

“ ” ”
under the heads o f Marriage and The Court B ut .
a fe w remarks on dresses worn in di fferent sports may be
use ful Having laid down the rule that a strict accuracy
.
of s p orting costume is no longer in good taste we can die ,
miss shooting an d fishing at once with the warning tha t ,
We must not dress well for either An old coat wi th large .
p ockets gaiters
,
in one case and i f necessary ,
large booti, ,
n th e other thic k shoes at a ny rate a wide awake and

, ,
-
a well fil l e d bag or basket at the end o f the day make u

p
-
a most respectable Sportsman of the lesser kind Then .
for cricket you want nothing more unusual than flannel

trousers which should be quite plain unless your club
, ,
has adopted some colored stripe thereon a colored flann el ,
shir t of no very violent hue the same colored c ap s h oes , ,
wit} spikes in them and a great coat ,

.
For hunting lastly you have to ma k e more change i f

, , ,
onl y to insur e your own c om fort and sa fet y Thus cord

1 74 D RESS .
breeche s and
some kind of boots are indispensable S o .
are spurs so a hunting whip or c re p ; so too if y ou do

,
-
not wear a hat is the strong round cap that is t o save

,
your val u able Skull from cracking i f you are thrown on

your head Again I should pity the man who would a t
.
,
te mpt to hunt in a frock coat or a dress coat ; and a scarf - -
with a pin in it is much more convenient than a tie B ut .
beyond these you need no t hing out o f the common way ,
but a pocketful of money The red coat for instance is .

, ,
only worn by regular members o f a hunt and boys from .
Ox ford who ride over the bou nds and like to display their
”
pinks In any case you are better with an ordinary
.
riding coat of dark color though undoubtedly the red is

-
p rettier in t h e field If you w i ll wear t he latter see that

. .
it is cut square for the swallow tail is obsolete and worn

,
-
,
“
o nly by the fi ne old boys who hunted sir fi fty years , ,
ago Sir when I was a boy of fi fteen sir Those we r e

, , , .
”
hunting days sir ; such runs and such leaps
,
Again .
,
“ ”
your cords should be light in color and fine in quality
your waistcoat i f with a red coat quite light too ; your
, ,
scar f of cashmere of a bu ll color and fastened wi t h a , ,
small simple gold pin ; your hat S hould be old and your ,
cap of dark green or black velvet plated inside and with , ,

”
a small s tifi peak Should be made to look old Las tly,,

.
fo r a choice of boots The Hessians are more easi l y clea n .
”
e d and there fore less e x pensive to keep ; the tops are
“
,
more natty Brummell who cared more for the hunting

.
,
dress than the hunting itsel f i ntroduced the fashion of ,
p ipe c l~
aying the tops of the latter but the old ori ins
g , .
”
mahoganies of which the upper leathers are simply
,
o lished seem to be coming into fashion again

p , .
We shall now pass to a subject which in e very respec t ,

C H A P T E R IV .
LA D YS ’
D RESS .
FA B from being of the Opinion e xpressed by Ca tharine

”
of Arr agon , that
“
dressing t i me is murder e d time , the
woman we are apt to think , who has not s ome natural
.
tas tein dress some love of novelty some delight in the

, ,
combination of colors is deficient in a sense o f the beaut i

,
ful. As a work of art a well dressed woman is a study

,
.
That a love of dress is natural in woman and that it ,
has some great a i vant age s is so plain as to be scarcely ,
worth recording It does not follow that it should engross

.
e very other t aste ; it is only the coquette s heart wh ich

’
, ,
as Addison describes it is stu ffed with

“
a fl ame colored
,
-
ho od . From the days of Anne Boleyn who varied her

’
,
dress ev ery day and who wore a small kerchie f over her
,
round neck t o conceal a mark thereon and a falling sleeve ,
to hide her doubly tipped little finger dress has had its
-
place in t he heart of Englishwomen And i t is as well .
that it Should do so ; for the dowdy be she young or be ,
she old is sure to hear o f her deficiencies from her hus

,
band i f she has not already done so from brothers and

,
fa ncy cousins Indi fference and consequent inattention to

.
dress o ften Show pedantry sel f righteousness or indolence ;

,
-
,
”
and whilst extolled by the unco gude as a virtue may ,
be noted as a de fec t Every woman Should habitually

.
, ,
mak e the best of hersel f We dress out our receivin g

.
rooms with natural flowers ; are their inmates to look in
( 1 76 )
THE LOV E OE D RESS . 1 77
co nsi sten t with the dr awing room over which th ey preside !

We make our tables gorgeous or at all events s e e mly , ,
wi t h sil e r glass and china ; where fore s hould our wive s

v
,
be l e ss at tracti ve than all around them ? Amongst the

rich and great the love o f dress promotes some degree of
,
exe rtion and display of taste in themselves and fosters i a ,
g e nu i t
y and indus t ry in in feriors ; in the middle c l a ssel
it engenders contrivance diligence neatness of h and ;

, ,
among the humbler it has its good e ffects But in t hus .
giving a l ove of dress its due the taste the consistency,

, ,
and the pract i cabili ty of dress are kept in view ; the de ~
”
vot io n to dress which forms in France a ,
Science apart , ,
and which occupies it must be allowed many too many

, , ,
an English woman s head is not only selfish but c onte mp

’
, ,
m
tible So long as dress merely int erests amuses occupie s

.
, ,
only suc h time as we can reasonably allot to it it is salu ,
ta ry It prevents women from indulging in sentiment ; it

.
is a remedy for m a la d i es i m ag i n a i r es it somewhat re

fines the tastes and the habits and gives satisfaction and ,
pleasure to others .
Besides an attention to dress is almost requisite in the

,
present state of society ; a due influence in which cannot

be attained without it It is use ful too as retaini ng
.
, , ,
e ven in the minds of sensible men that pri de in a wi fe s

’
,
a ppearance which is so agreeable to her and which mate ,
ri ally fades during the gradual decay of personal a ttrac
ti on s
. N0 one looked better than my wi fe did to night -
is a sentence which one o ften rejoices to hear from th

lips of an honest hearted English husband after a party ,
or a ball how much soever we may doubt t he soundn ess

,
of hi s decision .
B ut whils t t he a l vantage s of a l ov e of dre ss are ad

’
8
1 78 LAD YS ’
DREss .
mittc d, how mou rn fully we approach a c on side ra tic n 01

its perils A love of dress uncontrolled stimulated by
.
, ,
c oque t ry and personal vani t y un t il it cancels every righ t
p rinciple becomes a temp t ation first and then a c urs e

,
No t to e x pa t iate upon the evils it produces in the way of

e xample the envy an undue passion for and e x cess in d i es
,
ex ci t es the extortionate class o f persons in the shape of

,
mi ll e ne rs and dressmakers it unduly enriches and t he ,
e normous expenses it is know n to lead to when indulged
criminally that is to the detriment o f better employments

, , ,
d beyond the compass of means let us remember how ,
it implies sel fi shness and vani t y and causes remons t rances ,
and o ft en reproaches from the person most likely to su ffe r

from his wi fe s indulgenci e s— her husband
’
.
Analyze the bill of a fashionable milliner when the

dresses of which it comprises a fabulous reckoning are
, ,
even only hal f Worn out What gauzes and odds and .
,
ends of lace and trimmi ngs useless a ft er a night or two s

, ,
’
wear and fl ou nc i ngs and furbelo ws and yards of t u l l e i l

,
~
l u s i o n it enumerates T u ll e i l l u s i o n indeed all is il ,
l u s ion ! and yet for this a husband s income is charged

’
oft en at an inconvenience or a wi fe s allowance e nc u m ,

’
bered or angry words engendered or the family credit

, ,
impeached ; and worse than all charity and even j ustic e

, ,
must be suppressed on account of this claim from a mi ]

,
liner as remorseless as she is fashionable for these t wo ,
points are generally in the same ratio Then there is .
another evil
; it has been found that the indu l gence in
pe rs mal luxury in women has an inj urious e ffect on the me r
l l tone It is in some na t ures the first symptom i f not
.
,
the cause of a relaxation in vir t ue ; at all events i t is

,
o fte n mis taken for such A woman of simpl e habits ac.

,
1 80 L AD YS
’
D RESS .
work . The cost of pocket handkerch i e fs is som stl ing -
marvellous ; the plain fine cambric than which noth i n g ,
is more appropriate or more agreeable is only fit for o u r ,
in feriors Cu ffs collars j a bots c h e m is e t t e s are a ge n us

.
, , , ,
that h a l f ruin a lady of moderate means Until lately .
fiou nc e s went into such extremes that it required twenty

or t wo and twenty yards to make a dress for the wi fe of a
- -
hard working physician or la wyer ; bu t happily the e x , ,
cess has cured itsel f France in returning good sense

.
, ,
now decrees that every thing shall be plain Trimmings .

,
that snare to the un wary out of which dressmakers made,
fortunes and husbands los t them are put down

,
How ,
.
long this salutary change may continue no one can tell

but a woman o f sense should be superior to all these va
r i a t io n s . She should keep within the bounds of the
fashion .She should not dress out that perishable piec e
of clay with money wrung from the hands o f an anxious ,
laborious husband or taken i f her husband be a man of ,
fortune from his means of charity

,
.
The proportion of what amongst the great we call pin

money and amongst their in feriors an allowance for dress
, ,
is a very di fficult matter to decide Consistency in regard .

,
to station and fortune is the first matter to be considered

,
.
A lady of rank the mother of three beauti ful ill fated

, ,
-
“ ”
daughters is reported to be able t o do with two thou
,
sa nd a year for dress A monstrous sum a monstrous

sin s ) to spend it ! When we look into the details of a
recent bankruptcy case in which the items o f the famous
,
Miss J ane Clark s bills for the dresses of t wo fashionable

’
,
and we must add most blamable women were exposed t he , ,
secret of these enormous sums for dress is rev e aled It .
cons is t s in reckless orde r and their results fabul ous s .

,
A LL O WA N C E FOR D RESS . 18}
price s . lady once followed the late excellent Pr i nce ss

A
Augusta into the rooms of a Court milliner Havi ng .
wa ited until that illustrious l ady had retired it was t i m ,

'
for the humbler customer to make her selection She as k ed .
the price of a dress apologizing there for for She was muc h
, ,
immosse d by t he r oyal and dignified aspect which had pre

c eded her
“
D on t make any apology ma am was the
.
’
,
’
,
C o urt milliner s exclamation ; her Royal Highness neve r

’
orders an article without asking the price ; and I alway s
like to receive ladies who ask prices ; it shows that they

”
int end to pay .
The cost there fore of dress depends so much on the pru

dence as well as on the discrimination of a lady for she ,
s hould know how to c h oos e her dress that it is di fficult te ,
lay down any rule of expenditure For married women .
of rank five hundred a year ought to be t h e maximum ; a

,
hundred a year the minimum ( and there are many peers

who cannot easily afford to give their wives even so much ) .
The wives of ministers and more especially of diplomatist s

, ,
who require to appear frequently ei t her in foreign courts ,
or i n our own may require five hundred or even more

, , ,
though I am persuaded very fe w of our ambassadorial ladies

have so much to Spend .
With regard to unmarried women what a revolt amongst ,
them there would be i f old Lord Eldon were now alive to

lay do wn as he did as a max i m th a t forty pounds a year
, , ,
was enough for any girl not of age even i f she had large ,
ex pectations ; and that was all he allotted to a ward of
Chan c ery who was heiress to five thousand a year

,
It .
was perhaps too l it tle

, ,
In a trial in which a celebrated .
,
ba rris t er who had an extravagant wi fe was sued for dres s

, ,
make rs bill s for his reckless spause the judge stated that
’
,
1 82 LAD Y ’
S D RESS .
s ixty pounds a year was an ample allowance for the wi fe

o f a pro fessional man and beyond t h a t bills could not be ,
recovered Th a t was essen t ial

. more was extravagance
Certainly these legal authorities were moderate in the ir
v iews especially as no women are so ex t ravagant — none so
;
l u xurious generally as the wi ve s of successful barristers
, ,
.
The Ti m es whose range and power seem to resemble

,
t he elephant s trunk that can pick up a pin or crush a man

’
,
in a la t e sensible and amusing leader made a remark

” “
,
which will com fort struggling pro fessional men and gen , ,
e ra l ly ,
be thank fu lly received by all who need some e u
tho r i ty to aid in keeping the milliner s bill within lue
’
bounds It was simply to the e ffect that a taste ful care

.
,
fu l lady with the start o f a moderately good tr o us s e a u

, ,
ought ( and many do ) to make t wenty pounds a year s uffice

for th e dress o f hersel f and children during t he first fe w
y ea rs o f m a rried li fe and this without any compromise of,
respectability .
Much however depends on management much on the

, , ,
care taken of dress In these respects the French are in.
finitely our superiors Even t he g r a n d ee da m es of Paris

.
are not in t imidated by their maids into throwing a way a

hal f worn dress on the con t rary everything is turned to
-
account On ent ering the apartment of a c o u tu riére one

.
day a lady was struck by the elegance of ribbon trimming

,
on a court train The c o u tu r i er e smiled and poin t ed to

-
.
,
a n old dress from W l l l Ch the still unsoiled ribbon had been

‘
t aken This was to be the dress and the lady saw i t the
.
,
ne x night at the Tuileries and knew it at once ; in thi s

t ,
the sister o f a Duc and Maré chal o f France hersel f a ,
Countess a ppeared We should fi nd it imposs ible to ge t

,
.
any mantua maker to per form such an act of vi rtuous econ

1 84 LA D YS
'
D RESS .
and fresh dresses or has an ill arranged b e nnet or be ach

,
dress esteem even a ffection will not resis t a smil or a

, , ,
e
s igh ; and the mere acquaintance will have every ri ght a
j eer at what seems to imply an ignorance o f the habits of

ood society
g .
Next in i nj ury to he r who practises extravagance of

dress is ext ravagance i n fashion From t he middle ages
,
.
the English ladies have been bad dressers Witness Queen .
Mary when married to Philip I I of Spain s p oiling the .

,
e ffect of a superb wedding dress in the French style by -
, ,
wearing a black scar f and scarlet shoes which it has bee n , ,
sarcastically observed was worse t han burning Protestants

,
.
D uring the last century head dres ses rose to a stupendous -
height each lady carrying on her head a tower composed of

,
a cushion on which t he hair was drawn back and clubbed

, ,
or rolled on the top of the neck On this fabric were .
arranged feathers flowers pearls dangling in loops rib

, , ,
bons and old point lace Sometimes a tiny mob cap was
,
.
-
stuck on one side the whole was so immense that even the
huge family coaches were too small and the ladies usually ,
sat with their heads hanging out o f the window o f the car
ri a ge Powder was a main ingredient and hair—dressing
.
,
w s in deed a science
a On great occasions the hair dresser
.
-
waited on our fair an ce stresses betimes ; belabored thei r

tresses with the powder pu ff and with what looked li k e
-
, ,
the end of a candle a pomatum stick until no trace of

,
-
natur e could peep out to mar the belle Then he placed .
t he cushion sticking it on wi t h long pins of wire ; ne xt

,
be struck here and there the bows or feathers or flowers , ,

.
Aft er an hour s torture in which nei t her back must be

’
,
bent nor head moved he le ft her not t o repose but to sit

, , , ,
as i f in a vice until the patches or m o m /l ee were s t uc k on

EX TRA V A G AN CE I N FAS H ION . 1 85
sk i lfu lly ; the tight corsets drawn to an agony point ; the
p ointed and heeled S hoes put on over the well pr i cked si l k -
stocking ; and the dress that could have stood alone com ,
p ose d over a fortification of strong whale bone that sprun

g
-
out a great circum ference b e ing a series of bands r o u

g
es
, ,
lated by a Spring and constituting that great feat ure of

,
full dress — the h00p .
In Paris there W a s a champion of low heads in the

,
p erson of a Swiss who not being able to see over thes e

, ,
t urrets of heads at the g ra n de Opera used to cut away , ,
as one does at evergreens right and le ft in order to clea r , ,
away the View At last the ladies i n dismay and alarm

.
, , ,
ed a t his scissors gave him up a front place ; but even

, ,
tu al l y the ridicule thus cast on the mode banished it or

, ,
helped to do so and a less absurd c o ifiur e came into vogue

,
The art of placing patches on the face and neck wa s of

earlier origin and came in during the reign of Charles II
, .
It was of French origin ; and Henriet t a of Or l eans the ,
s ister of the King was amongst the first to display mouche s

,
or patches at court This time even Mrs Pepys was pe r

. .
witted by her husband to wear them ; and t he vani ty o f

the c i deva n t tailor Spoke forcibly in these words
-
The
Princess Henrietta is very pretty but my wi fe standing ,
near her with two or three black patches on and well

, ,
dressed still seems to me much handsomer than she

,
.
Patc hes long held their reign ; and went out only with
rouge having even survi ve d the reign of powder
,
.
A t length a more n atural taste dawned in England ; be

i t was reserved for Mrs Siddons first to appear on th e .
st age without powder and her o wn rich dark hair a rrang e d

,
in massive tresses on her fine head .
To w ards the beginning of the prese nt century ca me in

I86 w e re D RESS .
he e xtremes of tight dresses and sho r waists The s k irts . .
of dresses were made as scanty as possible and gored th at , ,
is made much wider at t he base than at the top

,
There .
wa s an inch o f sleeve and two inches o f boddi c e It was,

.
i mp ossible no t to be indelicate unless you put on what was ,

”
c alled a modesty piec e or tucker formed of lace or
“ -
, ,
worked muslin even then t he requisite propriety was al

most unattainable As to the hair that was drawn up to .
,
the top of the head and two or three curls worn in front ,,
j us t above the eyebrows Since h 00ps had been outra .
geons and head dresses had obstructed the view of He r

,
-
Maj esty s liege subj ec t s society thus revenged hersel f

’
,
.
Poli t ics too at that time influenced fashion

, ,
T hen came .
the Brutus crop in which style many of our fair a nc es

,
tresses are depic t ed ; this was in compli ment to the Roman
heroism o f t he First Consul Bonaparte and was caught , ,
u in Eng l and S mall Leghorn h ats like men s hats were ’
p .
, ,
al l the vogue and were in t hei r turn displaced fo r high

,
c rowned bonnets with an inch or two of poke which yie l d ,
ed in due course to the cottage bonnet or c ap i te

, ,
-
,
.
The hair at this time was ge t ting higher and h igher ,
until about twenty years ago it reached the g ir afie— a

, ,
’
be w o f hair or two or even three bows raised on trian

,
.
gular p i ns made on purpose and fastened skill fully into ,
the hair ; over this rose the bow called — in comp l iment to
the first appearance of two gira ffes in this country— t he
gira ffe bows Their reign was short an d the hair san k
.
down to the very extreme and ri nglets which reached the , ,
very waist and plaits low do wn in t h e neck behind s uc

, ,
c e e de d There wa s a transient reign o f the Oldenburg

.
bonnet in t roduced by t he beau t i ful D uchess of Oldenburg

,
when she visi ted this country in 1 81 8 This bonnet was .

1 88 LAD YS
’
D RESS .
de Mont ij o Empress of F rance by placing on her h ead a ,
whi t e flower ; she was radian t with excitement .
Hor figure however was the subj ect of all pra i se

, ,
It
was slight and per fec t ly well dressed
,
The dress was .
tight in the corsage and full moderately full in the Skir t

, , ,
.
Since then what a change ! That small but matchle ss

, ,
form far more remarkable fo r grace than for d i gnity co me s

,
forth encumbered unnaturally enlarged and indeed de

, ,
formed with an excess of fulness which can only be sup

po rted by a device which i n principle is the grandchild of
the h00p A s she walks the pe tt icoats shake about and
.
, ,
the artifice underneath is revealed The Empress is there .

,
but the beauti ful t o u r n u r e o f Eugenie de Montij o is lost

in the mass of bou fl ons and fl ounc es over the i nvisible
'
though protruding crinoline The in fatuation has spread .
from the palace to the private house ; thence even to the

cottage Your lady s maid must now needs have her crin
.
’
oline and it has e ven become an essential to factory girls

,
.
The smart young needlewoman has long thought that

neither She nor any one else could appear wi thout it
, ,
.
That there are some advantages i n this modern fashion .
cannot be denied On State occasions it gives importance

.
,
shows off a dress and preserves it from trailing on the

,
floor . For walking it has the recommendation of keeping

,
the dresses out of the dirt ; which may to some exten t

c ompensate for the very un p leasant and visible e ffect of
“ ”
c arrying one s tails behind one since the skirt o ften
shakes about as if there was a balloon around t he pe rs o n
Otherwise the crinoline is unnatural — as some wear it in

, ,
delicate— and cumbersome and gives an appearance of ,
wid t h below that is pe fec t ly fright fu l Now however t he .

, ,
ex ce ss seems aba ting

, As i f to make the contrast greate r
.
,
CRIN OLINE . 1 89
those who pand below do not hesita te in many in

so e x , ,
stances to c ontrac t above by tight lacing ; but this a ls o

, ,
is a custom that has very much decreased of late year s .
Formerly instances were frequently known of young ladie s

,
nearly perishing under t he sel f imposed torture of wha t -
nay not be inaptly called the waist screw A physician -
at dinner one day with his family was summoned by ,
knocks and rings to a house in the same street where ther e ,
had been a dinner party The ladies had j ust retired to .
the drawing room when suddenly the youngest and fai r

-
, , ,
es t of them fell fainting back into her ch a ir Restorative s .
were applied but consciousness did not return

,
The phy .
sic ian came ; he was an aged and practical man wel l ,
versed in every variety of female folly He too k ou t his .
penkni fe ; the company around thought he was going to

bleed the still unconscious patient Ha this is tigh t .
,
” “
lacing ! he suddenly said ; and adding no time to be ,
”
lost he cut Open the boddic e of the dress ; it Opened and
, , ,
wit h a gush gave the poor young lady breath ; the heart
,
had be en compressed by tight lacing and ha d nearly ceas ,
ed to act In another moment it would have been too late ;

.
t he action of the heart would have ceas ed al t ogether .
It has been found also that the liver the lungs the
, , , ,
p owers of the stomach have been brought into a diseas ed

,
state by this most pernicious habit L oss of bloom fixed .

,
redness in the nose eruptions on the S kin are among i t s

, ,
sa d e ffects If prolonged there is no knowing to wha t

.
,
malady tight lacing may not t e d its most apparen t n
effect is an inj ured digestion and con s equent loss of a p ,
e tite O f this however it is o ften di fli c u l t to convi nce

p .
, ,
the practised tight lacer for vanity is gene rally obs t ina te
-
NC girl should wear bones or ste e ls until she has dom

1 90
’
La nr s D RESS .
growing . Until then a boddice close fitt ing but not ,

-
tight or even a mere flannel waistcoat is all that sh t u l d

, ,
be allowed i f a mother wishes to avoid seeing her child

,
with a curved Spine D uring the reign o f tight lacing

.
,
and of stays so sti ff that when spread out they resembl e

,
a board in te x ture seven women in ten were crooked

,
“
t ole families leaned on one side or the other You .
”
ar e no worse than your neighbors was the common e x
,
pression of any surgeon called in to attend in a case of

curvature of the Spine That is not the case now to
.
,
n ea rly such an extent .
But looking at t ight lacing without consideration of its

e ffect on heal t h and merely as its tendency to improve or
,
t o inj ure the appearance nothing can be more absurd t han

,
to believ e that it is advantageous to the figure A very .
small waist is rather a de formity than a beauty To see .
the shoulders cramped and squeezed together is anythin g ,
but agreeable ; the figure should be easy well develope d ,
supple : i f Nature has not made the waist small compres ,
sion c an n ot m en d h e r work Dress may do much to les

.
-
o
se n t he a w k w ard appearance of a thick waist by clever
adapta ti ons ; by th e use of stays bot h easy and well fit

ting by a li ttl e e x t ra t rimming on the shoulders wh i ch ,
na t urally makes the wais t appe ar smaller All this may .
be done without inj ury ; no stays can ans wer the purpose
so well as those made by a good French stay maker who -
has the art of t a king a sort of model of the figure by t he

e xtreme exactness of her measurements The stays a re .
made singl e and there fore fit better than double ones ;

,
they give wi t h every movement Those la t ely in t roduce d

.
,
whic h fas t en at once are not so advantageous to t he fig

,
ure as t he old fashioned plan of lacing behind but are ,

19 2 LADY s D RESS .
well dr essed I am sure she was well dressed he re ,

’
iterated ,
“
for I cannot remember what she had on .
No w had not the lady s dress been modern in the fashio n

’
he would have been s truck with some anomaly some pe ,

»
c u l ia r ity in form or colors

,
The general e ffect was ad o
mirable ; what more could he wished ? de t ails are impor

tant to the dress maker and to the tailor : it is e ffect tha t
-
t ells on society Too much importance cannot be assigned

.
to the harmony of colors No na t ion in this respect o ffends

.
so greatly as the English t hey mistake gaudiness for e ffect ,
or do wdin e ss for elegance When full colors are in fash

.
1 011 a lady however well dressed will look ill i f she a d

, , ,
heres t o the delicate pinks and almost invisible blues which

prevailed some years since lovely as those pure and so ft ,
hades are She will however require an ar t ist s eye to

.
, ,
’
combine the more glowi ng shades skil fully in order to e s ,
cape being the parroquet of the company A certain .
duchess no t ed for t he magnificence in which her stately

perso n is arrayed — so stately is it as to bear down even ,
royalty itsel f in queenly dignity—is so aware of the i m

portance of combin ing colors well that one of her f e m ,
m es d e c /t a m br e is a combinati on maid selected on a c ,

’
count of her j udgment in colors ; thus every to il e tt e for ,
the day or night is submitted by her ; the shawl is a ffront

c d with the go wn ; the bonnet is made to suit wi t h bo t h
The wreath of flowers is to be in keeping with the rich

bo ddic e the boddic e with the sweeping trai n ; the rich
,
j e welry ta ken from a casket almost unparalleled a mong

,
the subjects of any country must not eclipse but h e ighte n

, ,
the tin ts of the dress : the whole is placed for inspe cti o n ,
as an artist dresses up a lay figure and the repute o f t he

;
combinati on m aid is staked on th e result
-
Whit e was that .

Mfl RNING D RESS
gorgeous s favorite att ire ; white scarc e purer

l ady
’
the fa ce , 0 call it pale not fair white which tom , .
”
hines with every hue ornament or flowers bu t t he , ,
lo veliness may now have fled be fore the approach of time ,
and rich colors have been selected as the appropriate
for th a t middle age which is so beau ti ful in English wc me n ,
and in English women alone .
A fter these general remarks let us come to part i culars , ,
nd consider what in modern days are t he di fferent dresse s

.
,
.
appropriate to ev e ry di fferent occasion in t he higher a nd
middle classes of li fe It is t rue t hat t he distinc t ion be

.
tween these is in many respects nullified ; that the wi f e

, ,
of the merchant dresses much in t he same way on ordinary
oc c asions as the peeress : s t ill t here are nevertheless dis
tinc t ions .
The peeress or the baronet s lady or the wi fe of a

,
’
,
mi nister or of an opulent M P of a very wealthy com

,
. .
,
moner should when she appears dressed for the morning

, , ,
he richly dressed Silk or if in winter some mat erial

.
, , ,
trimmed with silk or velvet should compose her dress ,

.
All that family of hal f worsted and hal f silk dresses c on

- -
ve ni e nt for ladies who walk much are unsuitable t o mat ,
ron s of ran k and fortune Le t them leave them to thei r .
hous ekeepers ( if their housekeepers will wear them ) .
Rich dark silks per fectly well fitting ample in skirt and
, ,
l en gth with a moderate ba s t i o n of crinoline underneath

,
.
Sui t the woman of rank The basque introduced by t he

.
,
Empress Eugenie and now gone out of fashion was pe ou

, ,
liarly elegant in morning dress : is marked so complet e l y

the di fference between the morning and evening costume
it i s bec oming to most figures ; i t is convenient for th ose
who l ike to fasten their own dresses It is however dis .
, ,
9
194 LAD Y S nnnss
’
.
con t inued and a far less elegant form Of dress adopte d

The m orning dress o f the present day i s worn close u p
to the throat a n d t he sleeves are loose and large : so tha t
undernea t h t hem sleeves richly worked or trimmed wi t h
, , ,
cc may be seen hanging down or fastened rou nd t he

, ,
wr i s t wi t h a bracelet The fashion Of these mornin g

.
dresses varies con t inually ; but as a general principle , ,
they should be for a person moderately em bo np mn t made

’
, ,
to fit and show Off the fi gure per fec t ly The ac c ompa ni .
ments Of sleeves collars should be Of the mos t delicat e

, ,
and richest work ; t he lace choice ; the lady Of rank must

remember that imi t ations o f lace are n ot suitable to those
who can encourage art and indust ry ; a lady must also be

bi e n c /t a u s s ée If stockings are vi ible they should be
. s
,
of the finest silk or thread ; the shoe well made slight ,

, .
and somewhat trimmed ; the fashion Of wear i ng gloves i n
doors or even mittens has much died away lately The

, , .
hand i f exposed should be habitually well taken care of

, ,
.
Nothing is so u nl a dy like as a hand that is either rough

-
or has become sun burn t in which case gloves should be

-
used TOO many rings are vulgar Those worn in t he

. .
morning should be Of a solid kind not pearls or diamonds ,
which appertain t o full dress ; but enamel plain gold Opal , , ,
perhaps sapphire carbuncle may

,
not be inconsistent with
,
morning dress and the same Observation may be applied

,
to the bre e c h .
There is another style Of morning dress which is e l e

e n t that Of the p e ig n o i r a loose robe which admits of
g , , ,
gr eat richness Of texture ; it may be Of Cashmere or o f
fine Merino it may be made out Of a sha wl ; Of anything

bu t silk which is more appropriate to gow ns ; but thi s
,
dress is sca rcely suitable to any but t he early m orning

’
15 6 LA DY s D RESS .
dre ss h uld be simple there should still be so me degree

s o ,
of ri c h n e ss in the dress .
The w ry do wdy and common looking style Of dress -
sh ould be a voided there should al ways be visible through ,
st ory cha nge t he lady ,

Some of our ladies Of rank it
.
,
must be all owed though maintaining well the c ha ra c t e ris

,
~
tics Of g r a nd “ da m e s in society are negligent in t he ir ,
walking dress a nd seem to consider that it is only ne ce s

.
sary to put on th e ir dignity when they dress for dinner .
For the countr y the attire should be taste ful and solid
,
and strong The h u net may still though plain and per
.
, ,
haps Of straw or w‘nal e bone be becoming The hat now ,

.
,
so prevalently used admits Of some decoration that give s

,
.
both character and e legance Worn almost universally on .
the Continent in summer and now in England it is the , ,
most sensible as we l l as the most picturesque covering for

the head ; long feathers even in the most tranquil scene s
, ,
are not inappropriate Cloaks Of a light material for sum

.
,
me r and stout in the winter are more elegant and suita

, ,
bl e than s hawls which belong rather to the carriage or

,
visiting dress One point Of dress has been much amend

.
ed la t ely owing to the good sense Of our Queen

,
It was .
formerly thought ungenteel to wear anything but t hin

Morocco shoes or very slight boots in walking Clogs
,
.
and goloshes were necessarily resorted to The genteel . .
”
di se ase ,
as Mackenzie calls it has h owever yielded to , ,
the remedies of example V ictoria has assumed the Bal

.
mo ra l pe t ticoat than which for heal t h com for t warm th

, , , ,
and e ffect no invention was ever better

,
She has cour a .
u sl
g co
y accompanied it wi t h the Balmoral boot and eve n ,
wi th the mohair and colored stocking With these and .

,
the warm cloak the looped dresses the shady hat an d to

, , ,
FULL D I NN ER D RESS . 1 97
c o mplete a co untry walking dress soft gloves Of t he k ind ,
te rmed g a n t s d e S t ee l e the high born l ady may ( njoy t he

,
e
privileges which her inferiors possess— she may take a

go od walk wi t h pleasure and sa fety and not shiver at t he ,
a pect o f a muddy lane

s .
N ext in t he description Of a lady s dress come s th

,
’
,
c arriage or visiting d re ss
,
This should be e xceedingly
.
handsome gayer in color richer in texture than t he ,
morning dress at home The bonnet may either be as .
s imple as possible or as rich ; but it must not encroach

,
upon that to be worn at a fete a fl ower — show or a morn , ,
ing concert It must still be what the French call u n

.
”
ch ap e a u d e f a tig u e A really good shawl or a mantle
.
,
trimmed with lace are the concomitants Of the carriage or

, ,
a visiting dress in winter In summer all should be light

.
,
3001 agreeable to think O f pleasant to loo k at

,
Nothing
,
.
can be in worse taste t han to keep on till it makes one ,
feverish to look at it the warm clothing Of winter after

,
winter and even Spring have passed away Then l ight .
scar fs Of which those worn in muslin are very elegant

, ,
delicate muslins slight silks and grenadines are infinite

, , ,
ly more suitable al though they are less expensive to sum

, ,
me r and its bright hours than the heavy artillery of

cashmeres and velvets be they ever so handsome ,
.
The ordinary eve nin g costume at home admits Of grea t

t aste and becomingness In so me great houses it di ffer s
.
li ttle from that assu med at large dinner parties e xcept -
tha t Ornaments are less worn In France the high dress .

,
is still worn at dinners ev en those Of full dress ,

In Eng .
land that custom Often introduced never becomes gene

, , ,
ra l ; there is no doubt but that a low dress is by far the
most becom ing according to age c omple xi on and the s tyle

, , ,
1 98 LA D YS ’
D RESS .
o
f t h e ho u s e— point always
a to be taken into c onside ra
tion . Ye t I should restrict this to dinners by candl e ligh t -
In summer a thin high dress at any rate is more con , ,

a
veulent and mo re modes t Since t here is something in .
e xposing the bare shoulders and arms to t he glare Of day ,
that startles an Observer the d e mi e t o i l e t t e Of the French

,
may here be well a pplied The hair should now be fully .
dressed and with care

,
flowers may be worn by the
young ; caps with flowers by the elder ; ornaments espe ,
.
c i all
y bracelets are not inconsistent
, ; the dress should b e
Of a texture that can bea r inspection not flimsy and in ox ,
pensive but good though not heavy The same rules

, ,
.
may be applied to the ordinary costume in an ev e ning at

home except that the texture may be lighter For all
,
.
these occasions a lady Of rank and fortune shou l d have

her separate dresses She should not wear Ou t her Ol d
.
ball or dinner dresses by her fireside and in intimate cir

cles They al ways have a tawdry miserable look She
.
,
.
should furnish hersel f with a good provision for the dem i c

t oi l e t t e .Nothing is so vulgar as finery out Of place .
The full dinner dress in England admits and indeed

-
, , , ,
in the present days Of luxury demands great S plendor ,

.
The dress may be blue silver grey crimson maize lav ,

-
, , ,
e nder or ( but rare ) very pale green pink is suitable

, ;
alone to balls ; it may be Of any thick texture of silk in
vogue but in the fashion it must be The dinner dres se s .
that last for ever are detestable Trimmings of Br ussel s .
la ce or Of Mechlin or Of Maltese are pre ferable to blond s

, , ,
or tulle which are for balls and soirees

, The dress should .
be made in the newest fashion there fore no rule can be

set down e xcept that for sta e dinners it should be long
, .
,
md fres h and sweeping At large dinners diamonds

, .
,
2 00 L A DY s D RESS .
and yet there was a f ashion several ye a rs since of ap

,
our ing e ven a t the I t alian opera in the simple toi l ette of
p
a sm ll di nner party The s or t i e d u ba t or short e ve
a .
,
.
ning cloak is one o f the best modern suggestions for t he

,
heal t h and even appearance of those who attend publ ic

,
.
places or enter into gay society It should be of white .
merino not o f scarlet which spoils the e ffect of the wrea t h

,
.
of flowers All complicated tr i mmings are inconsistent ;

.
bu t the same rule of per fect freshness and cleanliness in

respec t to gloves is applicable to the s or t ie da ba t I am .
sorry to say it is violated every night ro ws o f ladies are

to be seen with resplendent gems in their hair waiting for ,
their carriages in s o r t ies dn ba t that are almost gray from

,
the e ffec t s o f London smoke The striking relie f and the

.
contras t produced by one or t wo clean and fresh cloaks o f
this description is quite singular and proves the truth of ,
th e a bove recommendation And here let us marvel

.
against the wonder ful misplaced economy that will not
p ermit an E nglish lady to indulge in a new s o r t ie o u ba l

’
”
this season whils t she is at the same t ime lavishi ng
.
, ,
Bums o pe n all t he endless e t c e t or a s which Englishwome n
of the nineteenth century cannot do without .
At one of the most brilliant balls at the Hotel de V ille

in Paris an order was given for the company who were
, ,
to be numbered on that occasion by thousands to wait in ,
relays on the grand staircase leading to the recepti on

ooms until a certain hour o f the night or rather morn
,
mg . This order was to prevent a rush to t he carri age s

and the danger incident to such a concours e wis hing to
l eave at the same time The ladies sat for an hour 01

.
more on that ample and matchless staircase to the righ t ,
of which was the arti ficial pool of water surroun ded b

y ,
BA LL DRESSING 20
l a nts , an d ligh ted by lamps , amid which t he Spr a y of a

p
fou n tai n cast up crystal drOps , which fell dimpling in to
the wate r again The light played upon the white c up
.
of a l a rge water lily in the miniature pool and the s c en e

-
was at once remarkable and brilliant As I loo k ed around .
from the bottom of t he stairs and about I could see m any , ,
p ale and weary faces but not one dirty s or t i e d o ba t ,

.
al l here as fresh as clear as snowy white as i f new onl y

, ,
that day ; some lined with cherry color ; others with blue ;
a fe w w i t h amber ; most with white Even a fter all the .
festivities we re over a French wo man i f She could not , ,
look well was resolved to look clean

,
.
Ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations

-
of costume in the dinner costume and small evening party ,
dress For a ball everything even i n married women

.
,
may be light somewhat fanci ful and airy

, What ar e .
cal led g ood dresses seldom look well The heavy richly .
,
trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not dance

,
even fo r such as much e ffect should be given to those

,
dre sses as can be devised Taste ingenuity s tyl e are .

, , ,
here most requisite Since the fashions continually al .
ter there is no possibility of laying do wn Specific rules ;

,
the dress however for the married and fo r the u nmar

, , ,
o
-
ried lady of ran k or of fortune shou l d be distinctly mark ,
ed. For the married l ady m o i r é dresses either trimmed ,
w i th lace or tulle and fl o vers or white silk — no othe r

, ,
co lor in plain S ilk looks well — or thin dresses over wh itf
satin a n article w hich is

,
happily comi ng into fa shie r
a a i n are most su i table
g ,
D iamonds on the head ne ck, .
arms she may wear

,
but the decoration of the dress with
them shou l d be reserved for court balls and for cou rt -
,
.
Formerl y when diamonds were worn fl owers we re eith er .

202 LAD YS
’
D RESS .
considered unnecessary or even inconsis tent ; now t h ey ,
a re frequently in t ermingled Small feat hers ar e eve n .
worn a t ba l l s and for t he married prod u c e pe rha ps

, ,
”
more e ffe c t t han any o t her c o il/ t i r e but t hey are whe l i c
ou t o f fashion on a young lad y s he a d The unmarri e d ’
,
.
ind e ed so long as they con t inue young will bes t c c nsu l

,
t heir o wn good looks by as much simplicity as is consist

e nt with fashion In Paris no ornaments wi t h t he e x
.
,
c e pt i on perhaps of a S ingle br a cele t are allowed to the

, , ,
i e w i e fill e her dress must be whi t e the flo wers in her

h a ir whi t e also To t hese general rules t here are e x c e p
.
t ions bu t t he appearance o f a French ball is that o f S p t

,
o
l ess white ; fa r di fferent t o t he full colors o ft en worn i n

England .
Whi t e tulle over whi t e S ilk ( or white lace ) and bou -
ue t s o f flowers corresponding to t he g u i r l a n d e or c a
q
~
che pen i e on the head are the favorite dress of the young ,
l ady . A p a r zi r e of flowers consisting o f two flower s ,
mingled is elegant ; for instance the rose and heliotrope

, , ,
the p a r u r e forming the wreath which extends down t he
S kir t or o f w hite flowers t h e acacia — o f blue the m

; , y , ,
o sot i s — o f green the maidenhair fern ; t hese are a l l e x

, ,
u is it e ornaments E ven t h e large whi t e lily forms a

q .
beauti ful p a r u r e The French al ways make use of the

.
flowers in se ason but w e English are less scrupulous A

, .
young lady will wear a wreath of lilies of the val l ey mix ed

wi t h roses in the depth of the winter ; holly and berr i es
,
in Ju ne ; sc a rlet geraniums in spring L arge daisies a r e

also li able to suggest ludicrous ideas That lady s dr e ss ’
.
”
w an ts mowing said a wag looking at a be auti ful ta ll e
, ,
dress cover e d with white daisies with flari ng yel lo w cen

,
tree .
204 LA D YS
’
D RESS .
the p e ta l s ; in the centre was the diamond de w drop Thi s -

.
beloved and beauti ful princess now by marri age t he firs t , , ,
c ousin o f t he Princess Royal o f England al ways su per ,
in tends the a rrangements o f her own ball dresses he r ,
tas te is exquisite and the ingenuity with which she varie s

,
he r costumes is remarkable .
AS ladies advance in li fe the ball room seems scarcely

“
-
to be their province ; but since many of t hem are oblige d

to be chaperons the style of dress most becoming person
,
a lly and also most consistent with that character should ,
be considered Many persons think that it li ttle matters

.
what a middle aged lady wears so long as She looks ne at

-
and respectable and displays a su fficient amount o f e x pen

,
s ive lace diamonds and so many ells o f unexceptionable

, ,
silk or satin I am not of that Opinion ; as long as a face

.
is a face fit to present itsel f to society so long Should ,
good taste care fully preserve the fast fading attrac t ions -
not by art and cosmetics or false curls or roses round a , ,
sallow brow or the lilies of the field which are appropri

, ,
ate to youth alone but by an arrangement of cap or h e ad

,
dress that is becoming to the poor old ruins ; j ust as we

l ike to see the mantling ivy clustering and say how greatly ,
rt adds to the beauty of the old devastated fort or chapel .
Under the head of festive occasions the court dre ss ,
must not be admitted .
This costume consists first of an entire dress ge ner , , ,

~
ally made of some plain but costly silk .
The dress there fore forms one component part ; ne x t

, ,
c omes the petticoat u sually of some lighter material an d

, ;
las tly the train
, .
The d ress is made even for elderly ladies low ; and the
, ,
boddic e is trimmed in accordance with the petti coat and

the train .
COURT D RESS -
. 2 05
The petticoat is now usually formed of rich Brussels

lace or of Honiton lac e or tulle ; and often loo ped u]:
, ,
with flowers .
The train is of t he richest material of the whol e dress

Forme rl y it was o ften of satin ; now it is o f moiré or gl a ct
ilk though satin is again beginning to be worn
,
.
It fastens hal f round the waist and is about seven yards ,
in length and wide i n pr e portion

,
It is trimmed all .
round with lace in festoons or on the edge with bunche s

, , ,
of flowers at intervals and is lined usually with white

,
Silk.
The petticoat is ornamented with the same lace as t he

train sometimes in fl oune e s sometimes in pufli ngs or
, ,
boufio n s of tulle sometimes on ta bl i er that is down eithe r

, , ,
s ide
.
The boddic e and sleeves are all made in strict u ni for

mity with the train and petticoat .
The head dress consists of feathers and comprises a

-
la ppet of lace hanging from either Side of the head down

,
nea r ly to the tip of the boddic e D iamonds or pearls or

. .
an
y other jewelry su fli c i e nt l
y handsome may be worn in ,
the hair but the two former are most frequently adopted .
The same ornaments Should be worn on the boddic e around

the neck and arms .
The shoes should be of white satin and trimmed ac ,
cording to fashion The fa n should be strictly a dres s

.
fa n ; those Spangled are t he most suitable for a costum e

which r e quires everything to be as consistent as possibl e
with the occasion .
l l a v mg thus treated of the d re sses suited to the hou se

and to all festiv e o c cas ions th e e r ema i ns anl th e
r riding
, y
206 LA D Y S D RESS
‘
In this particular several changes have been made durin g

he last two or three years The round hat of masculine .
,
a ppear a nce is almost al wa ys exch a nged for a slouch e d hat

, ,
some t imes o f a round form and tu rned up round the br i rr ,
—Sometimes turned up on either side and coming wi t h a ,
o int low do wn upon t he forehead — and sometimes t hi e c

p
v
cornered : all these di fferent forms have their votaries ;

but it must be ackno wledged that the more simple and
modest the shape the more becoming ,
.
Formerly the neat round hat masculine in its form

, , ,
wa s unembellished by even a bo w but now a long sweep , ,
ing feather on one and sometimes on both sides sets o ff

, ,
the riding hat The color of t he feat her is varied but is

-
.
,
usually black or brown like the hat The fea t her it may ,
.
,
here be remarked should be full well curled long and

, ,
-
firm not thin and weak as i f taken from an ostrich in a

, ,
moulting condition In winter the hat Should be of felt

.
,
of a so ft kind pliable and durable ,

in summer of a fi ne ,
straw It is not wise to get a hat made by an in fe rior

.
hand The style constitu tes the grace and renders it

.
,
ei t her a most becoming or a most tawdry feature in the

riding dress And here let us remark on t he great benefit
-
of these Slouching hats to the complexions which have so
materially suffered of late years from small bonne t s and

round hats Health with delicacy is the true charm of
.
, ,
feminine p hys iqu e and as fa r as a ri ding costume is c on

, ,
c erned no t hing secures the freshness of the face bet t e

,
b an t he slouched hat It is cool and permits he fr e e

.
,
t
.
circulation of air around the face while it protects t he ,
eyes the forehead and almost the chin fr c m scorchin

, , g ,
heat or withering blasts .
F
inally as far as regards hats let a hint be th r own out
,
,
’
208 LADY S D RESS .
l ea ther , no ornaments save perhap s a delic ately mined

and ,
-
whip need be displayed

,
. Compactness and utility are the
re qu i sites for the riding dress and whils t touching on
-
this point let us impress strongly the danger a risi ng fro m

,
00 long a skirt in the riding habit : i t is apt not : u l t o

y
-
alarm horses but to entangle in case of accidents their

, , ,
fair riders .
There as in othe r cases the pri nciple of all that relates

, ,
to dr ess should be consistency and suitableness If thes e .
are once lost sight of— if fi fty a pes fift e e n— if the countess
dresses worse than her own housekeeper or the maid vie s ,
with her mistress— if modest middle ran k puts on the

of fashion — i f good tas t e and
g arb go d se nse cease to be
o
the foundation of the impor tant whole , t en al l spec ia l di

h
recti ons wil l be una v a ili ng .

CHA PTER V
A CCOMPLI S H MENTS
LORD B YRON in one of his letters tells u s tha t he might
have be e n a be an i f he had chosen to drink dee p and
,
g a mble fast enough In Ben Johnson s time the main point s

.
’
”
of a compleat gentleman were to swear a ne w oath in
” “
e very sentence By the foot of Pharaoh
,
As I am a ,
g entleman and a soldier and so forth ; to

,
take tobacco ,
and swear over its virtues to be able to run friend or foe

through the heart with a bodki n ; and to write a Copy of
Bil ly verses to a by no means inaccessible mistress Bea u .
Br u mmell had only three pet points the way he too k .
'
snufl Opening the box with one hand the ease with whic h
, ,
he cut an old acquaintance and the grace with which he ,
bowed to a new one Lord Chesterfield seems to thin k

.
that i f a man can ride fence and dance well he is skilled

, , ,
e nough for good society The three requirements are

.
worth noticing The first was es ential if you would hav e

.
s
,
male friends in d ays when k nighthood was not qui te a

,
shadow ; the second allowed you to make good enemies ,
and kill or k eep them ; the third fitted you for the society
of women .
The accomplishments of to day though they di ffer in -
many respects have the same gen e ral bearing In a max

,
.
t hey are the arts required to keep a friend to mak e an ,
e nemy and to charm a woman ; in a woman to surpass a

, ,
ri va l and to captivate a man of mor e taste than heart
For both howeve r they have a far highe r object that

, , ,
( 2 09 )
210 A C C OMPLIS H MENTS .
namely of giving pleasure to our llow c reatures in som e

,
-
f e
form or other and o f increasing the general harmony of

,
society They are in f act t he s e corolla ri es to the proble m

.
of ed u cation by which a person is fi t ted not o nl y to

”
,
pass ,
ou t t o take honors in the social examina t ion Wh ile

”
.
it is i mpossible to deny that a man may be a per fect ge n ~
tl e ma n a woman a w ell —bred lady and bo t h o f the m

, ,
a greeable in society without a single accomplishment we , ,
a l l o f us feel that such a person must ei th e r possess no

usual wi t like D r J ohnson who had not one accomplish
,
.
,
ment to add to his sound sense and le a rni ng or be one ,
who content to fill a q uiet corner in li fe does not care to

, ,
emerge from it even fo r the bene fi t o f others .
Accomplishments have a heavy run against them in the

”
p resent d a
y and are decidedly
,
at a discount Give me ,
c ries Pater famili a s bringing his fist wi th a heavy thump

,
lo wn on t he table give me good sterling practical know

,
ledge and none o f your pisli ty wis hty humbugging a e com

,
- ~
”
l s h me nt s I a te r l n n i l ia s you err like many a British
’
p i . i
, ,
father and in your love o f t he prac tical you are blind t o

, .
the immense advantage o f c u l t iva ting the beau ti ful in

every young soul Pa ter familias to t ake the most serious
.
,
ground wi t h you it is t he practical which shall lead you

,
to money bags and account books but t he beauti ful which ,
shall guide you to war ds heaven These s a me accomplish .
ments at which you sneer have a much deeper meaning and

value fo r your children than merely to shine in society
They constitute the whole amat e urship o f art and in t he ,
p resent d a v to be thoroughly accomplished is to be hal f
an artist ; yet the better hal f Yo u may not be able t o .
give a co ncert in Hanover Square Rooms but you hav e ,
c ultivate d the music that lies within your soul And ti e re .

21 2 a c c on r msnn nnrs .
Foremost of these is the art of self d e fence which is ,
one which society constantly calls i n to r e qu i s nion For .
tu na t e l y the duel is gone ou t of fashion and a man nee d ,
not now as in the days o f good Queen Bess come to t own

, ,
to learn ho w to pick and take a quarrel and how to ge t ,
well out o f it when made Fencing in England is m w

.
nothing more than an exercise no longer quali fying a ma n

,
to take his place as a gentleman among his betters ; but

that which has succeeded to it is not wi t hout its importance
”
and the compleat gen t leman should be able to use his
fists . Low as t his art is and contemptible as are those
,
who make a pro fession of it it is nevertheless of impor

,
tance to a man of every class for a good blow o ft en solves

,
a di fficulty as readily as Alexander s sword cut the Gor

’
dian knot There are men whom nothing but a physical

.
punishment will bring to reason and with these we shall ,
have to deal at some time o f our lives A lady is insulted .
or annoyed by an unwieldly bargee or an importunate and ,
dishonest cabman One well deal t blow settles the whole

.
-
matter It is true that it is brutal and certainly shoul d

.
,
be a last resource ; but to last resources we are o ften driven ,
and a show of determination brings impudence to an ar

misti c e . I would say then know how to use your fists
, , ,
bu t never use them as long as any other argument will

prevail but when all others fail have recourse to that
, , ,
natural and certainly most convincing l ogic A man, .
there fore whether he aspires to be a gen t leman or not ,

,
should learn to box It is a knowledge easily gained

. .
Th e r e are but fe w rules for it and those are suggested by

,
commo n sense Strike out strike straight strike sud

.
, ,
de nly keep one arm to guard and punish with t he othe r ,

B ox I NG . 213 .
Two gentlemen n e ve r fight ; the art of boxing i s only

brought into use in punishing a stronger and more imp a
dent man of a class bene a th your own .
There is good i n everything and there is a View to ,
ta ke of the pugilistic art which compensates i n some me a

sur e for its brut a l character in this country The fist h a s .
ex pelled the sword and pistol T he former indeed went

.
ou t about the beginning of last cen t ury and Beau Nash , ,
though by no means a coward did his best to put down ,
the wear i ng of a we apon which was a perpetual temptation

to commit polite murder and disturb the harmony essen
tial to good society There could be no com fort a nd no

.
freedom in conversation when instead of politely di ffering

,
with you a man s hand moved to his sword hil t It is no

’ -
a rgument against me that the rapier is still worn at court ,
for I feel convinced that nine tenths of those ornamental

-
but utterly useless appendages woul d never be induced to
q uit their scabbards and even

,
if drawn
,
would be o f us ,
more value than a stick in the hands o f at least nine tenth s -
of their courtly owners .
But it was another kind of biped who put down duelling ,
and a cock pheas ant of Wimbledon Common

-
jealous no-
, ,
doubt at seeing the powder which ought to have been

,
used for him thrown away upon a human being or per

, ,
haps an xious to try whether a bullet tasted better than

shot who had the honor of making these encounters so
s uperbly ridiculous that to call a man out in the prese nt

,
day is equivalent to calling him a fool and con fessing your

se l f idiotic. There are those however who regret t he
, ,
p a l my days of twelve paces and co ffee for four and t e ll

,
us that the fear of a hole in the waistcoat kept many a n
impudent man i n hi s place and restrained unwarrantab l e

21 4 A C CO MPLI S H MENTS .
familiarity Wi t h all submission I would suggest tha t the

.
fear o f being knocked down on the S pot and having his ,
beau t y spoiled is likely to be much more p e rsuasi ve to a

,
ma n who can o ffend in t his manner But will you kind y . l
l ook across t he wa t er either way and tell me if the silly ,
c ustom kept up both in Europe and America has ther e

, ,
the e ffect o f awing men into even decent politeness ? In

”
the latter country especially where a ,
di di c u l ty almost,
a lways ends fatally it is by no means uncommon for a

,
complete stranger t o put his hands into his pockets cock ,
his eye at you and in form you by way of introduction

, ,
Wall I guess you re a tarnation loggerhead ye e ou

.
,
”
aire ,
proceeding t o pass comments on your na t ionali ty ,
your personal appearance and your general mental c a ,

“ ” “ ”
a c it i e s according to the guess reckoning or c al
p , , ,
”
e y e e lation
-
o f the speaker If you were to meet these .
with astonishment indignation anger or in short i n any

, , , , ,
way bu t by the retort personal and direct o f the {u qu o qu e

description you would be looked on as a disagreeable
, ,
testy and pugnacious Britisher and the rest of the com

, ,
”
pany would probably request you to shut up In fact .
so universal is insolence in America that even in what is ,
there called good society — the up town sets — you are

” “
«
liable to be assailed wi t h the grossest epi thets and it is ,
only a ft e r being bespattered wi t h essence o f Billin gsgate
t hat you would be allowed to remark Wa ll that s s ome , ,

’
”
th at is I reckon my dander s ris a bit a fter that Of
’
.
c u rse these remarks do not apply to N e w York which

o
, ,
n civilisation is as fa r in advance o f the States generally

‘
i
,
as L ondo n is of the Hebrides .
It is no longer necessary there fore to give the et inue m, ,
of d uelling which may be gathered as a curiosity from

, ,
.
,
216 A CCOMPL IS H MENTS .
knight , or a hanger about ca fé s The li fe of cities te n ds .
to demorali ze and anything which takes a man

,
from a town for a time has its value Thus hunting .
sh oo ti ng riding driving cricke t and so for th are as im

, , , , ,
w r tan t elemen t s o f social li fe as dancing and music and ,
to be ignoran t of their art will not o nly exclude one fro m

much charming society we migh t some t imes enj oy bu t ,
will Oft en cause us t o put O t hers to grea t inconvenience ,

if it does not equally annoy ourselves O ft en in t he .
coun t ry t here is no o t her c onveyance bu t a horse and sad

dle t o be had What are we to do if we canno t ride ?
.
Still o ft ener the whole arrangement of some party o f

pleasure depends on our bei ng able t o leave t he coachman
behind and it is to us t he only gen t leman perhaps that t he
, , ,
ladies apply to take his place How t hen i f we cannot .

, ,
handle a whip ? Then t oo in the country riding and , , ,
driving are such common accomplishments that besides ,
the inconvenience our ignorance o f t hem subj ec t s us even

,
to ridicule What more laughable than a man j olted up

.
a nd down on his horse till his hat slips to the back of his
,
head his hair flies about his trousers creep up to his

, ,
kn ees and his face expresses ei t her pitiable misery or l u

, ,
dic rou s discom fort ? On t he o t her hand to hunt shoot , , ,
handl e a bat or a billiard —cue though by no me ans e x

,
.
e c te d of every man are Oft en the only a mu se me r t s in

p ,
th e country and we may i f ignorant of them not only

, , ,
be shut out from them ourselves bu t even oblige our nos ,
to give them up on our account In fact the more of .
su c h accomplishments you know t he less tedious will y our ,
li fe be to yo u sel f a nd y o ur company to others a nd th o ugh

r
,
wit a nd c o nversat ion are worth all t he amusements wnic h

a toy maker could dream of o u must not for et tha t the
y g
-
,
RI D IN G . 21 ?
world is ma i nly p eo pled with fools and that to apprecia te ,
o ur sallies and join in your mirth requires an a moun t

y , ,
o f s e nse which is not to be found in every country bum p
k in Sh ould the weird sisters in a fit of bad te mpe r

.
, ,
se nd you by express to soj ourn for a month with a ge n
tl e man fa rmer or small hunting squire what can you ( i ,

t
but shoot ride or drive with him ? Will your heavy

, ,
~
headed host who dreams o f pa tridge s and vacillates be

, ,
tween long horns and turnips in his waking thoughts car e

-
fo r your choice club gossip understand your fine — edged

-
Wit or thank you for your political news and Pa r l iame n

,
tary prospects ? No no ; you must relate slowly and , ,

”
surely how on such a day in such a year you
,
met at
”
s uch a village dr e w s u c h a cover threw o ff in such
, ,
a direction cast at such a spot ran for so many min

"
, ,
utes and made so many wonderful probably also apoc ry

, ,
phal leaps during that period Relate how many birds

,
.
you bagged what score you made at any insignificant

'
c ricket match and how you swam from Barnes to Brent

-
ford against tide and stream Then indeed is your man .

, ,
your friend and he will privately impart to his wi fe that

,
“ ”
evening that he thinks you an amazingly fine fello w ,
”
which would have sounded very like horrid bore if ,
you had not been able to come out on these subj ects .
I have no intention to trespass on Mr Rar ey s prov

’
'
.
i nce and I am further of opinion that equitation cannot

,
.
li ke grammar be learned from a book but there are a

, ,
fe w use ful hints about the etiquette of riding which may ,
well be introduced here The first thing then is to .

, ,
dress sui t ably Boots and cords were on c e t he s i n e qu a

.
non o f a horseman but t nou gh they are very com forts ,
bl e and may still be worn in the country when you are

, ,
10
21 8 A C COM PL I S HM ENTS .
not going to ride wi t h ladies they nave bee n i ntondic te d ,
in to wn and would mark you out as a riding mas t er On

,
-
the o t her hand you mus t avoid too fine a dr ss s u c h as

,
e
,
p atent leather boots and should wear a cut a way in pre ,

-
i c h e e to a frock —coat Above all let the stick or whi p .

,
be si mpl e with no gold head no fiu mme ry about i t For

, ,
.
the country you may have what is commonly called a

,
“ ”
crop wi t h a bone handle at t h e end ; for town you
, ,
may take either an ordinary walking stick or a g e ntl e -
,
»
man s riding whip moun t ed simply with silver In all

’
-
,
.
other respects your dress should be that in which you

,
walk The lady s dress has been described i n the last

.
’
chapter .
A man who rides without ladies requires no groom to

follow him and a young man particularly should never
,
take one even though he intends to make calls

,
A lady .
,
on the other hand should never ride alone except in

, ,
q uiet part s o f the country In London sh e would be .
taken for a ( l em o i s e l le du ci r qu e and in the country she ,
would be liable to accidents with no one to assist her A ,

.
young lady should not ride out without a gentleman as .
well as a groom and under most circumstances mamm a

, , ,
would decidedly objec t to that gentleman being young

and single unless he were a very in t imate friend
,
.
Having thus arranged your dress and your party you ,
go down and mount — no you do not mount yoursel f but , ,
assi st the ladies There never was so l a me a l e gend a s

.
that of a certain lady of Coventry whom Tennyson and ,
Th om as the Inquisitive have rendered celebrated Oi .
course it is very pr e tty and we who honor women as we ,
s hould ( though we b urnt l a P u c e ll e d Or l éa ns )

’
and ,
have had a range of noble ones from Boadicea to Floren ce

220 ACC OMPLIS H MENTS .
the lady is in the saddle you should o ffer t o put her foot
in the stirrup and to pull down the skirt and you th an ,
gi ve her the reins and proceed to mount yoursel f Mr

,
. .
Ra rey t eaches us to do so without stirrups and a man ,
who would be grace ful should practise this on either s ide .
A horse like most other animals has two sides

,
The one ,
.
which is to our le ft when we are in the saddle is called

the ne a r t he othe r the of side and it is on t he forme r
, ,
that we generally mount We place our le ft foot in the .
stirrup our le ft hand on the saddle and swing ourselves

, ,
up throwing the right leg over the creature s back Noth

,
’
.
ing is more graceless than to see a man climb with both

hands into his seat .
The seat itsel f is one of those things which mus t be

learned by practice The chie f rules are : sit upright.
,
but not sti ffl y and well back in the saddle ; stick the
,
k nees into the sides thereo f and keep the feet parallel to ,
the horse s body the toes turned in rather than out The
’
,
.
foot S hould be about hal f way in the stirrup which in -
rough riding may be allowed to Slip down to the hollow

-
o f the foot The greatest obstacle to good riding is want

.
of confidence and this can scarcely be ac q uired excep t

, ,
by beginning at an early age If you cannot ride de .
c e nt l you had better not attempt it in company i f ou

y, y ,
would not risk the fate of Geordie Campbell ,
Sa ddl e d a nd br idl e d , and b oote d r o de he ,

H a me cam h is gu de stee d , bu t ne v e r c a m he
The rule ofthe road need not be observed in riding as in

dri ving , but
you should always ride to the right of the
lady who is with you lest you risk crushing her feet ,
.
Your own o f course you must not care about Whe n

, ,
.
you meet people whom you know on horseback you h a ve .

H UNTING . 2 2]
no righ t to t urn and j oin them un le ss i nvited to do so ,

.
If you overtake them on the other hand yo u have a

, ,
right to ride with them ; bu t if you are not wanted ye n ,
will be care ful about exercising the privilege .
About hunting I Shall say li t t le because I know littl e ,
which is a con fession you will find it the wisest plan t

make in the country I S hall only advise you not to
.
hunt unless you have a good seat and a good horse and ,
never accept the loan of a friend s horse and still less

’
,
an enemy s unless you can ride very well A man may

’
.
,
forgive you for breaking his daughter s heart but n ever

’
,
for breaking his hunter s neck Another point is always

’
.
to be quiet at a meet and never j oin a small meet unless

,
you know some one in the field The first essential for .
hu nting is pluck ; the second skill ; the third a good , ,
horse Avoid talking of your achievements enthusiasti c

.
,
shouting when you break cover and riding over t he ,
hounds Whatever you do do not inj ure one of these

.
,
precious animals .
There is a grace in riding which no jockey no profes ,

~
siona l h u nt s ma n ev e r acquires
'
When once you have .
confidence ease may soon follow ; but without much prae

,
~
tice you will always be more or less sti ff in your seat

, .
A lady should be c are ful to sit straight in the middle of

t he saddle with her face fu ll towards the horse s head
’
, .
Whatever the motion of the animal you should att e mpt ,
cli ng as closely as possible to the saddle The Au s .
tr ia n o ffi cers pride themsel ves on being able to trot for a

mile wi t h a glass of wine in one hand and not spill a ,
drop of it In England we rise in trotting as a relie f to

.
,
ou r selve s and the horse but this is never done in an , y

0the 1 c oun try The first rule is to rise not fr om thc
.
.
22 2 ACCOMPLIS H MENTS .
s tirr u p but from the k nees ; the se co nd to ri se as littl e

, ,
“ ”
as possible The man who shows daylig h t bet ween
himsel f a n d his saddle is a bad rider A lady sho uld .
rise e ven less t han a man and neither o f them S hould lean
,
over the horse s neck nor hold the reins in both ha nd s

’
,
Bu t I am not a riding master and I am trespassing on -
his ground .
D riving a gain is an accomplishment of butcher s boys

, ,
’
”
a nd hansom cabmen as much as o f gentlemen but there ,
is a vast di fference in the style One rule may be given .
a t once and we may unhesita t ingly a ffirm that J ehu the

,
”
s on o f Nimshi was
“
no gentleman when we remind ,
you that to drive furiously as well as to ride furiously is , ,
no t only forbidden by law but a l o w cruel ungentleman , , ,
l ike habit .
Th e begga r mou nte d r ides hi s h orse to dea th .
If you drive too fast I am tempted to ask whether the an

,
i mal is your own and whether you know its value

,
I may .
a dd that i f wise you will never drive other people s h orse s

’
,
unless asked to do so The rule of the road in Engl an d

.
is a curious instance of our national distinctiveness In .
every other country that I know the law is simple enoug h ,
a lways keep to the right S ide o f the road In this land .

,
on the contrary you must take the le ft when you meet

, ,
a nd the right when you pass The custom I believe orig .

,
ina te d in that o f shaking hands with every one you met,

which reminds me of a pretty one they once had and ove r ,
now retain i n some parts o f F rance that of a man a nd .
l ady riding hand in hand toge ther I have even ridde n .
arm in arm with a fair haired blue eyed Norman g i rl and

- -
if I did not snatcl: a kiss there and then it was not for .
2 24 A CCOMPLI S H MENTS .
c on fess hi msel f wrong a nd not clamorously de fend him ,

‘
sel f ; a nd if he has to ask ano t her player for an ything

,
he will call to hi m in an a ffable not an impa t ie nt com a
manding tone and use some such phrase as ma y I tr oubl e ,
”
you fo r t hat ball sir ? not Ball you there as om
“
, , ,
’ ‘
sometimes hears it In short, he will retain under t he

.
,
e xcit e ment of the game the same good bearing which he ,
di s plays in society
Simil a r observations apply to all kinds of out ( loc i -
amusements su c h as shoo t ing boating and so for t h A

.
, ,
.
gen tleman will never a tt empt to monopolize t he sport and ,
however superior in skill t o his companions will not p a rade ,
his superiori t y s t ill less boast o f it but rather that t he

.
, ,
ot hers may n o t feel t heir in feriori ty he will keep consider a ,
bl y wi t hin his po wers If a guest or a stranger be o f the

.
par ty t he best place and the best Sport must be o ffered t o

,
him even though he may be a poor shot a bad e a r and so

, , ,
on ; but at the same time if a guest kno ws his in feriority

, ,
in this respect he will for more reasons than one pre fer
, , ,
an in ferior position So too when a cer t ain amount of

.
, ,
exertion is required as in boating a well bred man will

, ,
-
o ffer to take the greater share and will never S hirk his ,
work In short t he whole rule of good manners on such

.
,
occasions is not to be sel fi sh and the most amiable man ,
will there fore be the best bred .
Talking of boating reminds one of old college days and ,
the h e al t hy h a ppiness that exercise used to bring one It .
”
is certainly desirable that a compleat gen t leman should
be able to handle an oar as well as a gun bo t h tha t whe n ,
he has the opportunity he may get heal t h and that he may ,
be able to t ake part in the charming excursions which are

made by water In fact a man ought to be able to turn
.
SPORTS . 22 5
his ha nd to almost e verything and what i s m re should , ,

i
,
do himsel f whatever he can It is a false and vulgar prid e .
which prevents a man from stooping to cord his o wn bo x,

carrying his own bag weeding his own g arden cutti ng his , ,
own hedges ( for he must take care not to cut an ybod y

e lse s ) shut t ing his own shutters putting coal on his own
’
, ,
fire or what not To ring up a servant for these things

,
.
,
shows e i t her laziness or a vulgar attempt at grandeur .
Indeed for my part nothing seems to me so com fortless

, ,
as the constant entrance o f servants it interrupts conver

sation and destroys the feeling of e a se and privacy I
,
.
once met at the house of a lady friend the son of a man

, ,
who had begun li fe as a grocer made his fortune by a suc ,
c e ss fu l speculation and settled do wn in the full convic t io n

,
“
that he was there fore a gentleman My friend had
requested the young man to put some coal On the fire and ,
as he was rather clumsy about it he excused himsel f in ,
the following speech : You see a w— Mrs B

“
that I ,
.
e m— a w— really not accustomed to do this kind of thing ,
do n t you see ? Ne w at home you see the governor

’
, , ,
'
whe n he wants coals rings the bell and the but l e r comes
, ,
in ; Coal says the old gentleman and the butler dis

‘
,
’
,
«
appears to tell — aw— the upper —footman who thinks i t be ,
neath his digni ty and there fore tells — a w t he under

,
-
”
footman who comes up and puts it on
,
I t hought of the .
Anglo Indian s who in this country have o ften ha d no

-
, , ,
“
more servants than a cook a maid and a buttons and , , ,
"
had to do everything for themselves but who once in ,
India find it impossible to tie their own shoe strings a nd

,
-
ar e obliged to keep a twenty one t h or even one th - -
servant for equally tri vial o fii c e s .
But if a certain amount Of s k ill in ou t door amuse ments -
1 0*
22 6 A CCOMPL IS H MENTS .
is ess e ntial to a man who wishes to be agreeable how muc h ,
more so in t hose i n door amusements which are the very

-
objec t s fo r which people commonly assemble and a re there
fore t he co n t inual accompaniments o f socie ty ? The art

of ta lking is of course t he first o f S l C ll accomplish ments
‘
, ,
and as it is a subj e c t o f t he highest impor t ance and v e ry
l a rge r a nge it has been t aken up i n the preliminary cha p

,
~
ter B u t besides conversation and some t imes as an aid to ,
it par ties and balls are given for the purposes of da nc ing
, ,
music games ( especially cards ) and ea t ing and drinking

, ,
.
O f the e t i q ue tte o f these parties I Shall speak else where

I ne w con tent mysel f wi th a fe w hin t s on t he accompl i sh .
ment s themselves which are displayed i n t hem .
“ — — ”
Thank yo u a w I do no t dance is now a very ,
common reply from a well —dressed handsome man who is ,
leaning against the S ide o f the door to the anxious heated , ,
hostess who feels it incu mbent on her to find a par tner

,
for poor Miss Wallflower I say t he reply is not onl y

.
common but e ven regarded as rather a fi ne one to make

,
.
In Short men o f t he present day don t won t or can t

,
’
,
’
,
’
dance ; and you can t make them do i t excep t by threat

’
,
e n ing to give them no su p per I really cannot discover

.
the reason for this aversion to an innocent amusement for

the apparent purpose of enjoying which they have spen t
an hour and a hal f on their toilet and hal f a crown on a ,
- -
h ansom cabman There is something indeed in the h e a t

.
, ,
of a London ball room in t he middle o f July there is a

-
ra d: deal i n the ridiculous smallness o f the closets i n tc

g
which the bal l giver crowds t wo hundred peopl e wi t h a
-
cruel indi fference only equalled by that o f the black hol e -
of Calcutta expec t ing them to enjoy themselves wh en

, ,
the l adies dresses are crushed and torn and the gentl e
’
.
228 A C CO MPLI S H MENTS .
dc n t
’
take re freshments Thank you I can t eat sup ,
’
“
per Thank you I don t talk Thank you I don t
,
’
,
’
”—
drink champagne for if a London ball room be pu rga
.
-
o
tnry what a demoniacal conflict does a Lond o n supp e r

,
»
r oom p resent ; i f young ladies be bad for the heart cham ,
ag n is w orse fo r the head

g
e .
No it is the will not the po wer to dance which is want

, ,
r
ing a nd to re fuse t o do so unless for a really good reason ,

.
is not the part o f a well bred man To mar the pleasure -
of others is obviously ha d manners and though at t he ,
door post you may not be in the way you may be certain
-
that there are some young ladies longing to dance and ,
expecting to be asked and t hat t he hos tess i s vexed and ,
annoyed by seeing them fixed like pictures to the wall , ,

.
It is there fore the duty of every man who has no scruple s

about dancing and purpo ses to appear at balls to lear n
, ,
how to dance .
In the present day the art is much simplified and i f ,
you can walk through a quadrille and per for m a polka , .
waltz or galop you may o ft en dance a whole evening

, ,
through Of course i f you can add to t hese the L ancers

.
, ,
Schottische and Polka Mazurka you will have more va

,
-
ri e ty and can be more generally agreeable

,
But i f your .
master or mistress ( a man learns better from the former )

has stu ffed into your head some of the three hundred
dances which he tells you exist the best thing you can ,
do is to forget t hem again Whe ther right or wrong the

nu mber o f usual dances is limited and u nusual on es .
should be very sparingly introduced in t o a ball for as fe w
people know t hem their dancing on the one hand become s

, , ,
a me r e display and on the other

.
,
interrupts the enjoy
,
.
me nt of the maj ority .

THE Q UA D RILLE . 2 29
The q uadrille is pronounced to be essentially er a con v r
Ba tional dance but inasmuch as the figures are perpetuall y

,
c alling you away from your partner the firs t necessi ty ,
for d a ncing a quadrille is to be supplied with a fund of

small talk in which you can go from subj ect to subj e ct
,
l ike a bee from flow er to flower The next point is to

.
carry y au rse l f uprightly Tim e was when — as in t he

.
day s of the m om / e r! de l a Cou r — the carriage constitute d

the dance This is still the case with the qu adrille in
.
,
which even i f ignorant of the figures you may acquit ,
yoursel f well by a cal m grace ful carriage A ft er all t he .

,
most important figure is the s m il e and the feet may be ,
le ft to their fate i f we know what to do with our hands

,
'
of which I may observe that they should never be pocketed
The smile is essential A dan ce is suppo sed to amuse

.
,
and nothing is more out o f place i n it than a gloom y
s cowl unless it be an ill tempered frown

,
-
The gaiety of .
a dance is more essential than t he accuracy of its figures

.
,
and if you feel none yoursel f you may at least look ,
pleased by that of those around you A defiant m a nner .
i s equally obnoxious An acquaintance of mine al ways

.
gives me the impress i on when he advances in t e té t ha t

’
’
, ,
he is about to box the lady who comes to mee t him B ut .
the most objectionable of all is the supercilious m a nner .
Dear me i f you really think you do your partne r an hon

,
or in dancing with her you should at least remember tha t

,
y our condescension is annulled by the manner in w hicl .
ou treat her
y .
A l ady— beauti ful word ! —is a delicate creatur e o ne ,
who should be reverenced and delicately t reated It i s .
there fore u npardonable to rush about in a q u adrille to ,
catch h old of the la dy s h and as if it w e re a door h andle ,

’
-
2 30 A C COM PLI S H MENTS .
or to dr ag her furiousl y across the room as if you w or t ,
Bluebeard and she Fatima wi t h t he myste rious clos e t op ,

4
os i t e t o you This br u s u e violent style o f da nc m i s

p q
.
g
un for t unately common but immedia t ely stamps a ma n ,
T h ough I would not have you wear a perpetual simpe r

ou should certainly smile when you take a lady s hand
'
y ,
a nd the old custom o f bo wing in doing so is one that we ,
may regret ; for does she not con fer an honor on us by

t he action ? To squeeze it on the other hand is a gross , ,
familiarity for which you would deserve to be kicked ou t

,
of the room .
"
Steps as the c /za s s er of the quadrille is called be
, ,
l ong t o a past age and even ladies are ne w content to walk

,
through a quadrille To be grace ful however a lady

.
, ,
should hold her skirt out a lit t le In France this is done .
with one hand which I am inclined to t hink is more

,
g race ful than holding it with both It is however ne c e s .

, ,
sary to keep time with the music the great obj ect being ,
the general harmony To preserve this it is also advise

.
,
~
ble where the quadrille as is now ge nerally the case is

, , ,
danced by two long lines of couples down t he room that

in l é l é and other figures in which a gentleman and lady
’
, ,
ad vance a lone to meet one another none but gentlemen ,
should a l vanc e from the one side and there fore none but ,
l adies fro m the other .
D ancing masters fin d it convenient to introduce ne w

figures and the fashion of L a Tr én i s e and the G r a m b
,
Ho wi e is repeatedly changing It is wise to know the .
l ast mode but not to insist on dancing it A quadrille

,
.
ca nnot go on evenly if any con fusion arises from the ign o
rance obstinacy or inattention o f any one o f the dancers

, ,
[ t is the re fore useful to know e ve ry way in which a figure

2 32 AC COMPL ISHMEN r:
young stou t and thin good dancers and bad la zy a no

, , ,
ac ti ve stupid and clever married and single can all j oi n

, , ,
in it a nd have not only an excuse and Opportuni ty for

,
{ t e ( i zé l e conversation which is decidedly the e a si e st

c
i - -
, ,
but find encouragement in the music and in some case s ,
e nv en i e nt breaks in the necessity Of dancing A per .
s on o f fe w ideas has time to collect them while the part
ne r is per forming and one Of many can bring them ou t

,
with doubl e e ffect Lastly i f you wish to be poli t e or

.
,
fri e ndly to an acquaintance who dances a t rociously you ,
can select a quadrille for him or her as the case may be ,
Intense patriotism still induces some people to affi rm t hat

the English country dance is far pre ferable to this impor
-
t at ion from France These good creatures should inquire

.
a little further I think they would find that the coun t ry

.
dance ( c e ntr e da m e) came from the same source a t a

-
somewha t earlier date But however this may be a

.
, ,
danc e which tears me so completely away from t he part

ner I have selected ought in nine cases out o f ten to be
,
hate ful to me .
V ery di fferent in Object and principle are the so calle d -
round dances and there are great limitations as to thos e

,
who should join in them Here the intention is to enjoy

.
a pec u l ia r physical movement under peculiar conditions ,
and the conversation during the intervals of rest is only
a s econdary Obj ect These dances demand activity and

.
l igh tness and should there fore be as a rule confined to , ,
the yo ung An Ol d man sacrifices all his dign ity in a

.
p ol k a and ,
an old woman i s ridiculous in a waltz C or .
ul e nc too is generally a great impediment though

p y , , ,
some stout people prove to be the lightest dancers .
The mo rality of round dan ce s sc a rce ly c ome s within my

THE WALTZ . 233
pro vi nce They

. certainly can be ma d e ver y i ndc li c a t e
so can any dance and the French c a n c a n pro ves that the
,
quadrille is no sa fer in this respect than the waltz B u t .
it is a gross insult to our daughters and sisters to suppose

th em capabl e Of any but the most innocent and purest e n a
o me nt in the dance while Of our young men I will say

J y
that to the pure all things are pure Those who see har m.
i n it are those in whose mind evil thoughts must have

a risen H o n i s o i t qu i m a l y p e n s e
. Those who rail .
against dancing are perhaps not aware that they do bu t
follow in the steps of the Romish Church In many parts .
of the Continent bishops who have never danced i n t heir

,
li ves and perhaps never even seen a dance have laid a

, ,
ban Of excommunication on waltzing A story was me .
tol d in Normandy Of the worthy Bishop Of Bayeu x one ,
o f this number A priest o f his diocese petitioned him

.
to put down round dances I kno w nothing about

.
” “
them replied the prelate
,
I have never even seen a
,
walt z ”
. Upon this the younger ecclesiastic a ttempted to
ex plain what i t was and wherein the danger lay but the ,
Bishop could not see it “

Will Monseigneur permit me
.
to show him asked the priest Certainly My chap

. .
~
l ain here appears t o understand t he subject ; let me s e e

”
you two waltz How the reverend gentleman came to
.
k now so much about it does not appear but they cert ainly ,
danc e d a polka a gallop and a tr o is te mp s walt z

, ,
“
All .
” “
th ese seem harmless enough Oh ! but Monseigneur
.
has not seen t he worst and thereupon the two gentle

men proceeded to flounder through a va l s e a d e uce t emp s
‘
-
.
They must have murdered it terribly for they w e r e ,
not hal f round t he room when his Lordship cried ou t .
Enough nough that is atroc i ous and dese rves e xee m

, e , ,
2 34 A CCOMPLIS H MENTS .
munic at ion Accordingly this walt z was forbi l de n wh i le

.
”
t he other dances were allowed I was at a public ball at

.
Caen soon a ft er this occurrence and wa s amused to find ,
the l ) a te —te mp s danced wi t h a peculiar Shu fii e by we y of ,
c gmpro mise between conscience and pleasure .
There are people in this country whose logic is as gooO

as tha t of the Bishop Of Bayeux but I con fess my ina ,
bi l i ty to understand it If there is impropriety in round

.
dances there is the same in all But to the waltz which

,
.
,
o ets have praised and preachers denounced The French

p .
,
wi t h all their love Of dancing waltz a trociously the Eng , ,
lish but little better ; the Germans and Russians alo ne

understand it I could rave through three pages abou t
.
the innocent enjoyment Of a good wal t z its gra c e and ,
beauty but I will be practical instead and give you a

, ,
fe w hints on the subj ect .
The position is the most important point The lady .
and gentleman be fore starting S hould stand exactly opp o
site to one ano t her quite upright and not as is so com

, , ,
mon in England pain fully close to one another If the

, .
man s hand he placed where it should be at the centre of

’
the lady s waist and not all round it he will have as fir m

’
, ,
a hold and not be obliged to stoop or bend to his right , .
The lady s head Should then be turne d a l it t le towards

’
her le ft Shoulder and her part ner s somewha t le ss t owards

,
’
his righ t in order to preserve the proper balance

, Noth .
ing can be more atrocious than to see a lady lay her head
’
on her par tner s S houlder ; but on the o t her ha nd sh e , ,
wil l no t da nce well i f she turns it in the Opposite di rco

,
tion . The lady again Should t hro w her head and sh oul .
l e rs a l i ttle back and the man lean a very little for wa rd

, .
The posi ti on having been gained the s tep is the next ,

2 36 A C COMPLI S H MENTS .
The consequences of violent dancing may be really so .
ri ou s No t only do delica t e girls bring on thereby a vio

.
lent pa pit a t ion Of t he heart and their partners appear in

. .
a most disagreeable condi t ion Of solution but danger ous ,
a l ls ensue fro m it
'
I have known instances of a lady s

.
’
head being laid Open and a gentleman s foot being brok e n ,

’
in su ch a fall resul t ing poor fellow in lameness for li fe

, , ,
.
Na y even deat h hovers among the giddy waltzers and

, ,
V ictor H u go has written a beauti ful l ittle poem on girl s

who have died o f dancing of which one verse as a moral ,
'
Q ue l s t r i st e s l e nde mai ns l a iss e l e bal fol a tr e

Adie u , pa ru r e , da nse e t r i re s e n fa n t ins
Au x c h a n son s s uc ce da it l e t ou x Op in ia tre ,
Au pl a is ir r ose e t fra is l a fie v r e a u t e m t bl e u atre ,
'
”
Au x ye ux b r ill an ts l es y e ux e te in ts .
Be care ful of the waltz he Sparing lest it prove i n thi s , ,
l and Of consumption to too many the t rue dance of death ,

.
Le t us not mingle cypress wi t h our roses .
It i s perhaps useless to recommend fl at foot waltzing in -
this country where ladies allow themsel e s to be almost

,
v
hugged by their partners and where men think it ne c e s ,
sary to li ft a lady almost Off the ground but I am per ,
su a de d that i f it were introduced the outcry against the ,
impropriety Of wal t zing wsu ld soon cease Nothing can .
be more delicate than the way in which a Ge rman hold s

his partner It is impossible to dance ( a the flat foot
.
unless the lady and gentleman are quit fr ee of one an t .
other His hand there fore goes no further rou nd her waist
.
t h an to the hooks and eyes of her dress he re no h igh e r , ,
t han to his elbo w Thus danced the waltz is smooth .

,
grace ful and delicate and we could n e ve r in Ge rman y

, ,
comp l ai n of our daughte r s l a nguishing o n a

y ou “, m no
’ ’
FLAT FOOT-
WALTZ ING . 2 37
s houlder On the other hand nothing is more graceles s

.
,
and absu rd than to see a man waltzing on the tips o f his
toes li ft ing his partner Off t he ground or twirling round

, ,
and round with her like the fi gures on a S t reet organ

The test o f wal t zi ng in time is to be able to s t a mp the
ti m e with the le ft foot A good flat foot w a ltz e r c an
.
-
dance O n one foc t as well as on t wo but I would not ,
ad vise hi m to try it in public lest like Mr Rar e s hors e

’
y ,
.
On three legs he should come to the ground in a luckles s

,
moment The legs Should be very li tt le bent in dancing ,
the body s ti ll less so I do not know whether it be worse t o

.
se e a m a n s i t do wn in a wal t z or to find him wi t h his head ,
poked forward over your young wi fe s shoulder hot red ’

, , ,
wild and in far too close proximity to the partner Of your

,
bosom whom he makes literally the partner of his own

,
.
King Polka has been deposed a fter a reign Of nearly

twenty years I cannot refrain from throwing up my cap
. .
True his rule was easy and he was popular on that ac

, ,
count indeed he has still his partisans in cer t ain classe s

, , ,
but not in the best For what a graceless jogging hug

.
, ,
~
ging sleepy Ol d creature he was ! Then too he was not

, , ,
even a legitimate sovereign The good family Of t he .
Pol kaS in Hungary Poland th e would not recognize this

, , ,
pretender of England and France who is no more lik e ,
them than that other pretender Mazurka is like the orig ,
i na l Spiri ted national fling of the same name It is cu

,
.
ri ou s to see how our D Egvi l l e s have ransacked Europ e

’
for n ational dances to be adapted to t he drawing ro om -
and indeed there spoiled

, ,
The wa l tz is o f German origin
. .
bu t where it is still danced in Germany in t he origina :

manner ( as for instance among the peasan t s Of the Ty rol )
, ,
it is a very di fferent dance It is there very sl aw and.

238 AC C OMPL IS H MENTS .
grace ful ; the feet are thrown out in a single l ong step,
which Turvey drop I presume would call a j e té
, ,
Afte r .
a fe w turns t he partners wa ltz alone in the same st e p

, ,
the man keeping the time by striking together his iro n

she d heels un t il wi t h a shout and clapp i ng o f hands h e
,
again Clasps his partner and continues in the same slo w
measure with her The very names of the dances bespea k

.
their origin I he Sc l a vonic nations must have given us

.
‘
the Po l ka Mazurka Redo wa Gorl i tz a and El e te z ka

, , , .
,
whatever that may be The V arsovienne and Cracovie nne

.
are all that remain o f Polish nationality .
Ye h ave th e Pyrr hic da nc e a s ye t ,
Wh e re is t h e Pyrrh ic ph a l a nx gone ?
says Byron bitterly to the Greeks and some future Rus ,
sian agent may perhaps sing to the wearers of the kilt in
the same strain
Ye h ave th e H ighl and r eel as ye t ,

Wh ere a r e your H ighl and C h ie fta ins gone ?
Then the Ma dril a ine has been imported from Spai n ,
Which retains the oriental Bolero Fandango and Cachu , ,
cha The last is of purely Eastern character and migh t

.
,
be danced by a Nach girl be fore a L uckno w Prince The .
Americans with more patriotism than ourselves have pre

served the only na t ional and English dances the hornpipe ,
a nd j ig and have about twenty varieties of the former i n

,
e l u ding a sailor s college gipsy s and even bricklayer s

’ ’ ’
, , ,
and l a mplighter s h ornpipe These American dances have

’
.
nam e s no less eccentric than t heir drinks We sho uld .
sc a rcely c are to join in the D evil s D ream for inst ance ’

,
”
,
and the dance called J ordan is a ha rd roa d can hardly

be a favorite out of Hebrew circl e s Money Musk was
”
l
24 0 A C COM PL IS HM E NTS .
invented o ften on the spot came to an end and carriages , ,
were called for .
The c al m c as e which marks t h e man of go od t ast e ,

make s even t he s wi ftest dances gra ce ful and agre e abl e .
V e hemence may be excused at an elec t ion but not in a ,
h i ll room
-
I once asked a bea u ti ful and very clever young

.
la sly how she who seemed to pass her li fe wi th books

, ,
managed to dance so well I enj oy i t she replied ;

”
.
,
”
and when I dance I give my w h o l e m i n d to it And .
she was quite right Wha t ever is worth doing at all is

.
,
worth doing well ; and i f it is no t benea th your digni ty to

dance i t is not un wor thy o f your mind t o gi ve i tsel f for
,
the time wholly up to i t Yo u will never e nj oy dancing

,
.
till yo u do it well ; and if you do not enjoy it i t is folly ,
to dance But in reality danci ng i f i t be a mere t rifle

.
, ,
is one to which great minds have not been ash a med to

s te e p. Locke fo r instance has wri t ten on its utili ty a nd
, , ,
Speaks of i t as manly which was certainly not Michal s

’
,
Opinion when she looked ou t o f the window and s a w her

,
lord and master dancing and playing Plato re c om .
mended it and Socrates learned the Athenian polka of

,
the day when quite an old gentleman and liked i t very

, ,
much Some one has even gone the length o f ca l li ng it

.
”
“
the logic of the body ; and Addison de fends himsel f
‘
for making it the subj ect o f a disquisi t ion If I say much .
more I shall have to do t he same as Addi son and will ,
t here fore pass to some other accomplishments us e ful i f not ,
nec e ssary i n society ,

.
On the Continent al most every boy is taugh t to pla y

the { inn } A very false princip l e h a s till lately kept
.
,
ou r me n from all the so fter portion o f li fe manliness was

identified with roughness and every accomplishment w hi c h ,
MUSI C . 24]
was s uit able to a woman was considered beneath the dig,
ni ty of a man In short it is not fi ft y years a go sinc e

.
,
t o h unt shoot an d drink your bottle of port formed the

.
, ,
onl y accomplishments necessary for male society and re ,

c
fine ment did not extend beyond an elegance in bowing i n ,
ta ki n g m u d and in gallan t ry to the ladies

,
Le ft to .
t hemselves men were as hamed to be anything better than

,
bears . Fortunately it is now agreed that manlines s a nd

refinement are not opposed to one another .
I believe that there is a taste for music in every c hil d

bo rn and that if it disappears in a fter li fe it is for want
, ,
of cultivation Was there ever yet a baby which could

not be sung to sleep ? However this may be to play ,
so me one instrument is of more value to a man than at
first sight appears To the character it is a refiner

. .
Music is t he medicine of the soul it soothes the wrinkles

of a hard li fe of business and li fts us from tho ughts o f ,
money intrigue enterprises anxieties hatred and what

, , , , ,
not to a calmer
,
more heavenly frame of mind To a
,
.
man himsel f there fore the power to pl ay is o f use He

, ,
.
may not always have a sister wi fe or daughter to sing , , ,
and play to him he may not always be within reach of

the Opera and concert rooms and then t oo hal f the e u , , ,
o me nt o f music is gone when you cannot enj oy i t as

j y ,
-
you list and of what kind you need gay or grave as

,
-
, ,
your fancy lies It is an indulgence t o a pure mind and

.
,
it is one of those fe w indulgences which are free from

harm .
But besi des this a knowledge of music i s valuable to a

,
man in the society both of his own and the other sex It .
is a great recommendation among women and vibrates on ,
c h ord o f sympathy b e tween the se x es when po si

n ,
s
11
24 2 A CC OMPLIS H MENTS .
there is no other Still more so where wom ba are not,

.
a nd their wan t is felt The man who can play an air is

.
a boon t o t he camp the college or the Inn o f Cou rt , , .
Wel l do I remember how popular Jones was for his p l a ne ,
m l Smi t h for his cornet at St Boni face s Yet J on es

,
.
’
.
s u d Smi t h were very dull men i n t hemselves and ke t

p ,
ver y bad wine What did we care ? We did not want

.
to drink wi t h our mouths when we could do so with ou r
ears But if instrumental music recommend a man still ,
more the cultivation o f the natural musical instrument .
”
He can tell a good s t ory and sing a good song is al ,
most the best recommendation one bachelor can give of

another in a social point of view and if you can sing a ,
good ballad or take part in a duet quartet t chorus or

, , , ,
wha t not you are invaluable in an eveni ng party

,
.
There are however a fe w points to be attended to in

, ,
connexion with playing or singing in public In the first .
place as to a choice of instrument The pi ano is always

,
.
accep t able but however good a man s touch it must be

,
’
,
remembered it i s not so agreeable in a room as a lady s

,
’
.
Every other instrument should be accompanied by t he

piano so that unless you have some fair friend ready to
,
play for you it will be useless to take your instrumen t

,
.
But under the most fortunate circumstances your choice ,
is limited The instrument must not be too loud or too

.
harsh for the sensitive tympanum of your fair audience .
No me would volunteer a sol o t n the drum perhaps bu t ,
men who play but little will sometimes inflict the [mu t ,
bo i s or c or n e t d p z s t on s on t h air unhappy l isteners ; these

’
- -
two instruments and in deed every species o f hor n c an

, ,
only be to lerated in a drawing — room if extremely well

l
p y a ed and there fore modu l ated
. On the other hand if . .
24 4 ACCOM PL I SHM EN TS
mind ,
o ftc n st age or public entertain men ts and
for the ,
are purpo e ly broad in order t o be underst ood by a m xod

s . .
audien c e On the other hand i f you have e ssen ti ally a

.
,
comic fa ce and manner a nd can sing a parody or a more , ,
re fin ed comic song wi th character you may attempt it i n ,
parties In men s society of course the comi c ’

'
811 t l
1 . .
, ,
to ng is the most popular .
A man singing be fore ladies must remember their

nerves and modulate his voice He must also bear in
,
.
mind that ho wever well he sings a lady s voice is more

, ,
’
suited to a d rawing room and unless pressed to do so will

-
, ,
content hi ms e l f with one or at most two songs But a .
man should not allow himsel f to be pressed too much nor ,
affect diflidc nc e like a young miss of seventeen If he .
has not su n ; or played be fore he should do so ( i f he can ) ,
without he ri ta t ion and with an amiable willingness being

, ,
confident t hat the lady of the house desires to amuse her

gu ests ra t her than to flatter him .
In ge neral society the card table in the present day is

,
-
h appily reserved for elderly people but a young man may ,
he som e times called upon to make up a rubber and if so ,
he would mar the pleasure of others if he were not able

to t ake a hand At the same time it is generally unde r
.
s tood that ladies and you n g men should not be asked to
do so unless absolutely necessary and i f a hostess Opens

, ,
a card table she should be able be forehand to select a

-
su fficient and suitable number of players It is always .
trying to s e e ladies play It has been observed th at .
wome n have only two passions love and avarice The ,

.
la tter ill becomes them and yet so strong is it that they ,
c an r a re ly conceal it at the card table -
Wh ere a number of guests are willing to play t he se ,

=
MOD ERN L AN G UA G ES 24 5
lec t i on is made by dra wing cards and the highest drawers .
are excluded from the g a me A t whis t t he t wo l o we r .
and t wo higher dra we rs become par tners respe c ti vely

t he lo west has t he firs t deal The tri a l of temper th e n
.
e ns u es and i f card pl aying has no other virtue it may

, ,
be commended as a test of temper and good breeding .

-
Lo se wi t hou t a mur mur win wi t hout triumph ,

Neve i .
-
i1 s ist o sharply on fines and be rea dy to pay on t he spot

_
t
o . .
[ f unable to do this you should pay t he next morning a t

,
the l a test It is al ways a llo wable t o ma n or lady to say ,
”
“
I do not play and t he words are u nde rstood to mean
,
that though able you pre fer not to do so If a bad play

,
.
er you will do well to keep a way from the table ; you

’
h ave a partner s inte re st to c o u s u l t as well as your own

’
.
As a general rule in good society it should be understood ,
that one does not play f o r money bu t w ith money The ,

.
skill ra t her than the result of the game must be the point
of interest .
In round games which are patronized by people who

,
have not t he accomplishmen t s to supply their place or the

wit to do wi t hout them t he main fault to be avoided is
,
,
eagerness Of single games you should kno w as many

.
,
a s possible The finest of them is chess which is wor t h y

.
,
of any man and a splen did men t al e xercise

,
Wi t hout .
a piring t o be a Morphy or a Staunton you may by

s
rra e ,
h ue and thought become a n e xcell e n t chess pl ayer ; bu t
the gam e is not a social one and re quir e s too much air ,
t r a c tion to be introduced in social ga t herings .
P erh aps the most use ful a complishment to on e s s el f c

’
is a kno wledge of languag e s Indep e nd e nt of t he great

.
superiority it gives you in travel a nd the wide field o f ,
l i te rature to which it introduces you you a re liable i n ,

246 AC C OMPL IS H M ENTS .
really go od society especially in high Lo nd o n circles to

,
.
meet wi th foreigners havi ng a very sligh t ac q u a i n tan ce

wi th English From t hen: you may deri ve a v a s t a mo u nt
.
of i n forma t ion t urn t he slo w current o f your associa tions
a nd even be amused more t han by any conversa t io n wi th
y our o wn country men The most.pa t riotic John But
now admi ts that foreigners understand bet t er t han our

s elves t he art o f conversa t ion and t hough we may accu s e
,
them o f frivolity among t hemsel ves we must remembe r ,
that in English society t heir firs t desire is t o make t h e m

selves really appreciated As a rule t o o they are more
.
, ,
in t eres t ed than we are in curren t his t ory and whatever ,
their prej udices or their ignorance you will rarely mee t ,
with a Frenchman Italian or German from who m you

, , ,
may no t gather much curious in forma t ion which will serve

you elsewhere An un t ravelled man is always at som e
.
disadvan t age in g oo d English society where almos t every ,
one but himsel f will have crossed the channel but if he ,
has a good kno wledge of con t inen t al language and li tera

t ure t his disadvan t age is ma t erially diminished
,
.
AD accomplishmen t much overlooked as an accomplish

men t bu t one indispensable t o good socie ty is t o be abl e
, ,
to t alk on current li t erature and passing a ffairs Every .
gen t lem a n in the present day should subscribe to a c i rc u

lating library and take in a Londo n newspaper Be sides
,
.
t aking in the latter he should read i t wi t h j u dgment

, He .
sh o uld be able to form and give an opin ion independent of
p arty prejudice on any ques t ion o f common i nter e s t
Whatever his vie ws he should be able as a man of sense

,
and in order to be agreeable to look on them in depend e nt

.
ly t o support t hem reasonably or a ban i o n them gr ac e

, ,
fully . Poli t ics and even religion ca n i r ej o i c e to s ay

, , , ,
24 8 a c c' m rmsnrmnr s .
sa t at the head o f t he table ; bu t what is the v lue of an

old cus t om universally disreg a r de d since no l o ng e r the
h ost ess bu t the g u e s t who ha s t he mis fortun e t o t a ke he r
,
in t o dinner is ca l led upon t o p l a y t he part o f bu tcher ?

.
Ca n it be any more satis fac t ory to me t o have my mutt o n

sli ce d by a guest t han by the bu tler i n my host s service
’
Anothe r argument maliciously advanced is con taine d ,
in the sne e r : No no t h ank you I like to see my din

, , ,
”
ner and know wha t I am ea t ing
,
But wh a t a slur upo n .
the hospi t ality o f your hos t to suppose he would give you ,
1 cat for a hare or a puppy for a rabbi t ! We migh t as

,
well insist t ha t he should sup our port be fore we drink it

test there should be poison in t he cup a cus t om by t he - ~
wa y s t ill retained in Bavaria where the k e ll n er i m z o r

, ,
waitress who brings you your quart of be er invariably

, ,
p uts it to her mou t h be fore she hands i t t o you But t here .
i s a reason for t hat since many a soldier in the Thirty ,
Years Wa r was poisoned at a beer garden

’
-
Carving is ho wever s t ill common at small parties and

, ,
family dinners and it will be a happy t ime when it is

,
a bandoned even there I have seen ma ny a n un for tunate

.
young man pu t to con fusion when d e put e d to carve by the .
anxious looks of t he host or ho s tess and have even hear d

such atrociously rude remarks as “
Tho mas bring th at .
,
fowl to me ; Mr J ones seems not to underst and it . na

y ,
I have seen people lose their temp e r so comple tely a t

h avi ng th e ir pet dishes hacked bv the unskil ful a s to pro ,
flu ce an a wk ward silence t hrough the whole company

Then too in fa mi l y circles more quarrels are t o be tr a c e d
‘
, ,
to a blun t kni fe or a di ffi cult dish than even to millin e rs

’
,
bills and I stayed for a shor t t ime in one house whos e

, ,
mas ter at last got in t o a habit of losing his temper o ver

H INTS ON CA R V ING .
the joint which he carved very ill at all times and where
, ,
,
in consequence dinner was more dre a ded t h a n th e pil l ory

,
.
Ind e ed as gre a t resul ts ma v o ft en be traced to the mo st

,
tri fling causes I a m c onv mc e d that hal f the domes t i c

,
t y ranny of the B ri t ish pa t er familias and muc h of the ,
bi ck e ring a nd irrita t ion which deprive hom e of its ch ar ms ,
may be traced to no greater cause than the cu t ting up of

a j oint The l a rg e r the family the grea t er t he mi se ry of
.
the carver who ha s scarcely helped them all round be for e

, ,
the firs t receiver has done and is ready for a second help
tn
g . W hen at l a st t he hungry fa t her or elder bro t her c an
secure a mou t h ful he must hurry over it at th e risk o f

. .
l ys pe ps ia in order not to keep t he o t hers wai t ing

,
.
B u t we are a na t ion of conservatives and a cus t om which ,
ie sc e nde d from the d ays when a knight would stick his

l agger into a leg o f mut t on which he held by the knuckl e ,
bone ( he nce t he frill o f white paper s t ill stuck rou nd it .
to slop in the gravy and look disgus t ing be fore t he join t in

removed ) and carve hi m a good t hick slice wi t hou t mor e
,
e re mony w ill not soon be got rid of however great a

, ,
nuisance It is t here fore necessary if you would avo rd

.
,
irritation black looks and even rude speeches to know

, , ,
h uv to car v e at a friend s table whatever you may do at ’

,
y u r o wn
. When thus situated the following hi nts will
.
,
be found u se fu l .
H INTS ON C A RV I N G A ND H ELPIN G .
1 . is helped wi t h a l adle Take care th at the

S o up .
se rvant holds t he plate clo s e to the tureen and dis tr ibu te ,
one ladl e ful to each person .
2 F is h is cut wi t h a large fia t sil ver kni e or fish

.
f
! li ce ne ver wi t h a commo n o ne Of small fish you sand .

,
25 0 A C COM PLI S H MENTS .
one to each person All t he larger flat fish such a s tu r

.
,
bo t J ohn Dorey brills &c mus t be first c u t from hea d

, , ,
.
,
to tail do wn t he middle and th en in por t ions from t h i s c u t

,
to t he fin which being considered t he best part is h e l ped

, ,
wi t h the rest Fried soles on the other hand are im 1 i

.
, ,
s ,
ou t across dividing the bone ,

The shoulder is the bee .
par and should be fi rst helped Salmon being laid on

t
,
. .
the side is c ut do wn the mi ddle of t he upper side and then

, ,
across from the back t o the belly A boi led mackerel .
s erves for four people The fis h kni fe is passed from tail

.
-
to head under the upper side which is t hen divided into two ,
.
Cod is al ways cross ways and a small piece of the sound ,
sent wi t h each he l ping .
3 J o i n t s are helped wi t h a steel fork of which if

.
, ,
you value your fi ngers you will take care tha t the guar d ,
is raised and a carving kni fe which for the sake of your

, ,
neighbor s teeth if you do not care for your o wn you

’
, ,
will never yo ursel f sharpen Le t us premise that t he .
butcher and cook must assist t he carver and t h at an ill ,
cut or ill j oin t ed join t a ugments terribly the torture of

-
the dispenser It must also be premised that there a re

.
more ways t han one o f cut t ing the same joint that some ,
times one sometimes ano ther is preferred and that one

, ,
way will o ft en be t he more economical another the mor e ,
e legant Happy age when the butler shall have the r e

.
sponsibility of pleasing both t he master and mistress of
the house who invariably di ffer when there is an alte r

,
nati ve
The r oa s t beef o f Old England on whi c h our glory is ,
sa id to fa t ten and our pluck to t hrive appears on well ,
kept tables in two forms only The sirloin has an uppe r .
and under out about which tastes d iffer , It is th e re fore .

2 52 A C C OMP LI SIIM EN rs .
City than at company dinners at t he West En l The .
side is cut i n very t hin slices which should be as bro a d ,
a nd as long as the j oint i t sel f i f you c a n c u t t hem so ,

.
M u tt o n a ppears generally in t hree f orms The sad dle .
is the best j oint and is bes t cut i n very t hin slices clo se
.
16 t he back —bone ; or you may slice it horizonta l ly fro m

t h e tail to t he other end or again slan ting from the back
bo ne t owar ds t he fat so t ha t each slice sh a ll car ry i ts
,
own end of f at A shoulder of mu t ton must lie wi t h t he

.
knuckle t o wa rds your right and t he blade bone to ward s -
your le ft In t he middle o f t he e dge o f t he par t f ar t hes t

.
from you place t he fork a nd there give one sharp de x te .
rous cut from the edge to t he bone The meat then flies .
open and you proceed to ou t ra ther t hick slices on each

,
side of the opening t ill you can out no more You may .
then cut three or four slices from the cen t re bo ne to the -
end and i f there are more mouths to be filled of which

, ,
your own of course will be one you mus t t urn t he j oint

, , ,
over and slice the under side The same shoulder of .
mutton is a d sgrace to a sheep for do wha t you will you

i
, ,
can never get enough o ff it Much more satis factory is .
t he animal s leg In the bosom of your o wn family w h e n

’
.
,
funds are l o w and butcher s bills high t he best plan is to ,
begin at the knuckle cutting a cross in t h i ck slices a nd

, ,
so on to the top But if your wi fe pu t s up with a knuckle

.
slice ,
your guests will not and in company you mu st
t
h ere fore begin in t he middle The kn uckle shoul d poin t
to w a rds your le ft You then cut from the side farth e r
.
from you to wards yoursel f thus Opening t he j oint in the ,
middle and proceed to t ake t hin slices on t he right which

, ,
s o me people pre fer and thick slices to wards the knuckle

,
.
The little tu ft o f f at near t he t hick end is a del icacy a o l ,

-
must be distributed as such .

H INTS ON CA R V I N G 253
The l a mb dist u rbed in i ts g a mbols fur ni she s our ruth

, ,
l e ss appetites wi t h t wo quarters ( a fore and a bind ) a ,
sa ddle which is carved like a saddle of its elder re l a t ive ,
mu t ton and a loin which must be divided into chop s

,
The fore quarter consis ts o f a shou l der a breast and t l e ,

,
ribs which are served without sep a ration and t he carve r ,
ha s there fore the pleasure of t urning butcher for the time .
This he does by placing t he kni fe under the shoulder ,
dra wi ng it horizontally and so removing the shoulder a l

,
toge ther This limb is generally placed on a separat e

.
dish and carved like a shoulder of mutton

,
You hav e .
then to cut off the breast and fi nally separate the ribs
,
.
The hind quarter consists of a leg and a loin the forme r ,
being cut across t he lat t er length ways

,
.
Ve a l gi ves us a head breast and fillet, If the first of

,
.
these a ppears in its normal form not having been boned ,
and rolled you must cut it do wn the cen t re in rather

,
thin slices on each side The meat round the eye a deli
.
,
~
cacy may be s 000ped out A small piece of the palate

,
.
and the accompanying sweetbread must be sent on each

pl ate A fillet of veal i s simply c u t i n slic es which must
.
,
not be too thin ; and the stu ffing in the centre should be
helped wi t h a spoon In a breas t of veal the ribs shoul d
.
be first separated from the brisket a fter which ei t her or ,
bo th may be sent round .
Roa s t p or k is not o ft en seen on goo d tables When it

app e ars it is as easy to carve as a leg o f mutton bu t the ,
slices sh ould be t hick er and not so large Two very small .
slices a r e enough for an epicure l e t t hose who lik e it e at

more The best part of roast pork is the crackli ng i f i t
.
,
ha s been ro a sted wi t h buttered paper over it Boiled .
ark li ke boiled mutton is only to be tolerate d for t hc

p ,
2 54 A CCOMPLIS H MENTS .
sa ke o f its proper accompanime nts but t he taste for pe asa ,
pudding unlike th a t for c a per sauce can o nly be acquired

, ,
by a long residence i n t his country Both these j oints .
are carved l i ke a roaste d leg o f mut t on The wai ter a t .
a h otel who when a Hebre w gen t leman ordered

, p er k
ch aps ,
consider ately and delica t ely returned with poach
e d eggs was a man o f taste as well as of breeding a nd
, ,
k new that i t takes much t o make pork palatable No t so .

,
ho wever with h a m and ba c o n which are meats to wa rm

, ,
the cockles of the heart even o f a Pharisee of the Phari ,
sees and while to e njoy the former one would al ways be

,
rich one could be content to be poor fo r th e sake of t he

,
latter Alas l because bacon is a poor man s luxury t he

.
’
,
rich or t heir vulgar cooks will never a dmit it or ver y

, , ,
rarely It must be cut as thin as a lady s vail a nd in

.
’
,
delicate long strips rather than slices A lz a m may be .
cut in thred w ays by beginning ei ther at t he knuckle

, ,
which must be turned tow a rds your le ft and slicing in a ,
slanting direction ; or at the thi ck end which is then ,
turned to your left or in the commonest manner like a , ,
leg of mutton across the centre In any case it must be

,
.
cut i n very th in delicate slices such as the waiters of

, ,
no w de funct V auxhall won their fame fo r and s u c h as to , ,
this day fe w people but the owner o f a London cook

,
shop c an achieve One small slice is enough as an ao

.
compan ime nt to a helping of fo wl or veal .
Last of the joints comes their best the haunch of Ven i ,
so n . To carve this the knuckle should be turned to wards

y our right hand and above it a rapid
,
cross cut made A .
c ut le ng t h ways from the other end to the cross cut should ,
divide the meat about t he middle and slices of moderate ,
th ickne s s ar e t hen to be taken or each side of the lon g .

25 6 A C C OMPLI S HME NTS .
you to u nl e ss the cook has been s ki l rul enough ts

do ,
bone i t for vou ? Yo u m us t fi rs t t ake care t ha t yo u]
kni fe has a sharp s t rong poin t to i t and ther e wi t h ha v .
,
ing the head o f t he hare t o wards your le ft you will c ut

f
f
o t h e l egs — t o wi t t he hind legs fo r carving a nd nat o
, ,
ur a l history di ffer in this mat t er t he la t ter asserting t he ,
the har e is a quadruped t he former t hat it has only t wo

,
le gs and two wings

,
”
You will then cut t wo long
“
.
thin slices Off each side of t he back ; t hen t ake off t he

”
“
wings or shoulde rs ; t hen br e a k t he ba c k in to fou r
pieces wi t h the aid Of the fork ; t hen c u t off the ears and ,
lastly turning t he head t o wa rds you wi t h t he under side

,
uppermost i nsert the poin t Of the kni fe exac t ly in t he

,
centre of th e palate and dra wing it t o t he nose thus di

, ,
vide it into t wo parts If you do all this wi t hou t Splash

.
ing the gravy you may t ake yo u r degree in carving B ut

,
.
to h elp a ba re is more diplomatic s till t han t o carve it .
The di fficulty is to find enough for everybody who wa nts

it The best parts are the slices from t he back the h e ad
.
,
and ears Never ho wever send head or ears to a lady

.
, ,
.
There is a good reason fo r this which I won t t ell yo u ,

’
Bu t i f there is a minister in Office at table and you ,
want to ask him for a place or t here is a fa t her w hose ,
da ughter s hand you aspire t o or an uncle who may pos

’
si bl y le a ve you a legacy i t is fo r him that you reserve

,
hal f the face and one if ne t bo t h ears If he be at all a

,
.
c urm e t you will get his ear by sending him pus s s and
/
’
, ,
the delic a te brain Of the animal will fully co mpensate for

a w ant Of it in your own head
A fo wl if not in its p r e m i r e j e u n e s s e is mo re irr 1

, ,
tating still than a har e because you feel that wh e n you

,
have done your Best the flesh is not worth eating e xcept ,
HI NTS ON C A RV IN T
} . 25 7
at su pper T here are two ways o f begin ning Ei ther

take the leg wing and part o f breast o ff wi t h one cut
, ,
a fte r hm i ng laid the bird on its side : or a llo wing i t t o ,
re main on its b a ck with the bre a st and wings to war l d

,
ou a nd th e legs a way from you insert the kni fe in the

y , ,
si le of the brea st above the leg and bring i t d o wn to the

“
.
,
o m t o f the wing which is thus removed with a slic of

J
e
,
the br e ast The liver wing which lies to your right is

.
, .
the best and sh o uld be taken o ff first

,
This done insert .
,
the kni fe j ust at the turn of t he breast bring it do wn , ,
and you have t he merry thought The meat of the breast -

.
is then easily sliced off the legs having been turned ,
back with the fork The side bones come off next in a
.
-
moment if you insert t he kni fe or fork in the right place

, ,
vi z . under the angular j oint and turn the m out The

, ,
.
back is then broken by li fting it with the fork against t he

pressure of the kni fe and las tly t he sides are r e moved
, ,
.
The wing breast and merry t hought are t he best pieces

, ,
-
the legs and sides are insul t in g The great poin t in .
carving a fowl is to do it quickly and wi t h the f or /c as ,
much if not more than the kni fe

, ,
.
A p a r tr i dg e is carved like a fo wl but the legs being ,
joined are ,
simply turned back wi t h the kni fe be fore the
operation commences A p he a s a n t is carved like a fo wl
. .
P ig eo n s are not car v ed at all but ou t in t wo do wn t he ,
middle ; the eater kindly saving the carver any furth er

trouble S n ip e is treated in t he same way and smalle r
.
bi rds are al ways sent round one to each person .
” “
Of a g oo s e or a t u r k ey we are told it is vulgar to
cu t more than the breast but there can be no vu l gar i ty ,
in making a good dinner and in the f amily circle you ,
will be oblig e d t o apply to the wings and legs However .

25 8 AC C OMPLIS H MENTS .
fo r company sl i ces o f the breas t s u fli c e

, The s a m e .
thi ng is said o f t he wild duck t ha t bes t o f birds ; bu t we

-
di d no t thi nk so at Ox ford where we ne ver le ft any t hing

,
more than t h e ir carcasses The most prod uc t ive bi rd is

.
the Sco tch a nd S wedish caperc a ilzie I have kno wn one

.
sa t is fy four t een large a ppe t i t e s one day three he t vy

,
e aters the second a nd wha t wi t h ha s hing grilling devil

, , ,
'
.ing and picking last t he origi nal purchaser a whol e
, ,
week for break fast a ft er war ds .It might perhaps be

“
vulgar to carve such a bi rd as that? lit t le le ss 80
”
than ofie r ing a lady a l e g o f os t ric h

'
.
26 0 FEMI NI NE ACCOMPL IS H MENTS .
wor ds , and richness o f anecdo t e and repartee i s gone ,
an d l eer thro ne is vacant .
The s a lo n which she collected around her was n its

, , ,
c a pacity o f passing hours in talki ng more Fr e nch tha n ,
l hi glis h ; she i t s centre

'
We shall never see the li ke
.
again ; the world is too large and we are too rich Elo
,
.
q u e nc e even ,
wen t out ,
w i t h metal bu t t ons and w h i t e
wais t coats : the House of Commons is only bore d by it

now the Lords are proud and t hank ful to say they neve r
encour aged i t Elo q uence which is t o conversation what
.
,
the garden flower is to t he wild flo wer the hot hous e ,

-
grape to t he poor sour thing tha t grows on the co t tage

walls— eloquence which is but condensed conversation
, ,
wi t h al l the e s s e n ce o f many minds in one is regarded ,
in these practical days only as an in terruption .
I t t h e re fore becomes more and more essential that there

should be so me talent to supply the want o f good conver
sa t ion And for t ha t end t here is no thing like music
.
, ,
.
Music is I repea t t he subs t i t ute and t he only one for

, , ,
conversa t ional po we rs It has its meri t s in that light

. .
Conversa t ion some t i mes aggrava t es t e mper : music soot he s I
it Conversation challenges reply : music gives no e u

.
s wer Conversation is t he rock of peril t o the impudent

.
they can scarcely in playing or singing commi t a n indie

, ,
cre tio n In talking ag a in one may l os e a frien d or even

.
, , ,
m ake an enemy Music is t here fore an excellen t so u rce

.
, ,
at amusemen t for many occ a sio ns a nd is become a lm ost i h .

~
dispensable to t hose who have fre q ue n tly par t ies to re

ce i ve . A li vely waltz or a so ft mov e ment care fully
.
p lay e d even w
,
i t hou t t ha t gre a t execution which c omp e ls
listening are o ft en ai ds to conversa t ion : it flo ws the mor e
,
ea sily from t h a t s li h t a nd a i e e a bl e i nterru p t ion i t has

g g .
M USI C . 2 6]
in l ee d, still gr e a ter advantages : this world of our s has i ts

work and its troubles ; a par e nt or husband may lea ve
home from ei ther or from bo th to find a s ol a ce i n mu s ic , ,
whi c h ch anges the current of his ideas A broth e r may .
he a l mos t made domes t ic by t he che e r fu l notes which he ,
find s p a ss t h e evening almo s t as rapidly as the cl ub or ,
J ul l ie n s or the t hea t re Fe w persons are wholly devoid

’
.
,
o f a capaci ty for enj oying music and even i f not gi ft e d

.
, ,
Wi th any great natural tas t e a love o f the art may almost,
be engr a ft ed on the nature by early associ a tions A nd .
those associa t ions too have their value The air that
, , .
brings back home —born thoughts brings back in some de ,
gree the absen t the kind the forbearing the loving t he

, , , ,
honored .
The piano still keeps its pre eminence as the instrumen t -
best fi t ted for society The harp it is to be regret te d

.
, ,
has for some years eas e d to be fa shionable ; Je rha ps t h e

greater attention in modern times to p hys i cal education
, ,
has banished the harp from the school room There is -

.
ev ery risk of t he practising o 1 this ins t rument producing ‘
curv ature o f the spine ; whe n as t he piano from e x e rc is ,

~
ing bo th hands at a time and from the strai g ,

ht posture i t
requires is use ful to t hose disposed to such curvatures
,
.
Duets on the harp and piano are never t heless very d , ,
li ght fu l ; and they used t o produce a good e ffect in a large

ro om ,
when t wo sisters or a pro fessional lady a n d he r
,
oung pupil a daughter o f t he house opened the evening s

’
y , ,
amusement with one o f t hose exquisite Italian airs set by ,
B oc hsa or Chatter t on Simple melodies sung to the harp

.
, ,
are still v e ry e ffec t ive in socie t y from thei r variety A .
harp requires a large room it should be play ed with fe e l

26 2 F E MA LE AC C O M PLIS H MENTS .
mg and grace or i t becomes very unple asant li k e the

,
.
j ingli ng o f a hi red band It requires s t out ner ves cer .

,
ta inly for the display necessary to execu t e a n air on th

harp p e rched on a high stool and forming a ple as in g ,
hj e C t as well as being the vehicle o f swee t sounds to the

.
whole co mp a ny .
The guitar makes a grace ful variety ; but is more ap

r o r ia t e to a man s than to a woman s playing I is
’
p p t .
monotonous and soon fatigues the at ten tion ; but bein g

, ,
e asily portable i s o ft en a re s ource in places and on occa

,
s ions where a piano canno t be had .
The same may be s a id o f the zitter one of the s weetest ,
and most t ouching o f s t ring instruments ; but s t ill excep t ,
for the occasional playing o f Tyrolean minstrels unkno wn .
in this coun t ry It is o f Bavari an origin and is t he oldest

.
,
instrumen t known It s plain t i ve and appeali ng sounds are

.
heard in Alpine ch alets or by t he fores t er s fireside as well

,
’
,
as in the country revels of t he inh a bi tants of V ienna Inn ,

”
spruc h and Munich It is exq u isi t e as an accompaniment

,
.
o f t he voice it is cheap and por tab l e A good zi tt er may .
be ob t ained for t hir ty shillings or t wo pounds It is flat .

,
and t akes up li tt le room and should be placed horizon ,
tally on a table wi thout a cover It requires howev e r

,
.
, ,
time and much practice t o bring out those thrilling tones ,
a t once so touching and so peculiar The most eminent .
profe ssors in Germany speak highly of the po wers of thi s

small instrument and sav that i t produces notes neare r to
,
th ose o f the h uman vo rce than any other Ye t it is not .
ca l c ul a t ed fo r large concerts : we English must have noi se
and show The zi t t er is an instrument for the bo udo i r

.
,
for lovers in a bower for the poet in his turret for .

,
26 4 FEMI NI N E A C C OMPL I S HM ENTS .
out of tune or t ha t s he wishes to im press on you the fl u

.
e r io i it o f her c a r which de t ec t s t he de fec t t o yours

p y ,
which has s t upidly overlook e d i t All se lf asser t ion be i t

.
-
abou t t us ic or sin ging or dancing or anything is u n

r , , ,
pl e asant and al ways seen t hrough

,
T here is a c e 1 t ain .
a r t t oo in si t t ing a t the piano : all movements o f the b d y

. o
s hould be avoided : well b red people play without them

-
and t h ey are unpleasan t t o t hose si tt ing behind B e ready .
also to quit the ins t rument a ft er finishing in some cases ,
when once seated l a dies seem t o be glued to the piano

, ,
and ho wever f ascina t ing may be t heir e ffor t s i t is bad ,
policy to wear your audience o u t Then ano t her hint to .
the a ma t eur musician be lenient at all even t s a nd en .

,
co u ra gi ng i f you can to others There is no need t o ’
.
,
flat t er but great reason especially to those who play well

, ,
to be amiable on t his as on o t her poin t s A li t tle kindli

,
.
ness a poli te a t t en tion t o t he feel ings of o the rs wins many

,
t ,
a friend ; for we are governed by t he t rifl e s o f li fe .
Almost every well educ a t ed lady c a n play a li t t le ; but

-
that is not t he case in respect t o voc a l music Whethe r: .
it be owing to English clima t e or English cons ti t ution .
the 1 e 1s no saying ; bu t t he 1 e 1s no t hing m 01 e ra 1 e than a

good voice It may ho wever provided t he ear be good
.
, , ,
he almost acquired ; bu t t hen t he bes t ins t ruc t ion must be

ob t ained ; a dozen good lessons taken not too soon bu t , ,
whenever the voice is formed and the young lady plays .
we l l are far more bene fi cial t han a long cou r se o f i n fe ris r

t eaching It is impor t a n t t ha t a young lady should not
.
b gin to sing in society too soon : it is obj ec t ionabl e te

e
hear a learner whose per formance speaks of the school

,
~
roo m it is far wor se ho we ver to be condemned t o liste n

'
to a voice that is p a s s e d o f which the best notes are

,
S I NG I N G .
rac k e d or feeble here s ome t ni n in he an ng

c ,
and t is g absurd
l sto u t matron
A moth e r wi t h h er da ngli te r s or he r n ie c e s ,
Lo oki ng l ike a g u i ne a , wit h h e r se ve n s h il li n g p ieces .
as B ron imperti nen t ly has i t — singing with bygone e m

y
bas is abou t love ; or a t hin spins ter o f forty or mor e
( ,
”
h olding for t h in such songs as I ll w a t ch for thee 0 ’
*
“
D on t forget me
’ ”
Ins t rumen t al music is a pnrOpriata
.
to any age but a ft er for ty t he voice lo s es t he delicio us

,
freshness of youth t he s tyle is no longer t ha t of the day

, ,
and even the finest ama t eur vocal per formers have l os t
s omethin g we scarcely know what bu t some t hing we m i ss

, ,
pain fully .
When asked to sing if you do n ot in t end to do so r e , ,
fu se s o decidedly tha t you canno t be compelled but t he

more decided the re fusal t he g e n t ler should t he manner ,
”
be There is a style o f saying No t ha t never o ffends
.
,
.
You are asked as a compliment ; a s a compliment receive

the en t reaty If you in t end to sing accept at once ; do
.
,
not hurry up to the piano as i f glad of an O pportuni ty ,
of showing o ff but go gen t ly ; i f by reques t o u ha w

, y
brought your music and i t sho u ld ne ver be brough t to ,
those who know t hat you sing w i t hou t re q uest leave i t ,
do wn stairs ; it can be sent for ; bu t since all p a uses in ,
society are to be avoided i f you can sing wi t hout no t es it ,
is a s well at the s ame t ime never at t empt to do so unless ,
su re o f yoursel f A h a l f forgo t t en or imper fect song is

.
-
irr itating Something light and brillia nt is be s t for a

.
c o mmencement or a li t t le air n o t too w ell known — Ge r

,
man perhaps For the sake o f all the Muses do not

,
. .
attempt a long Italian bravura of V erdi or D oniz e tti tha t ,
12
26 6 FEMI N I NE A CCOMPLI b fl MENTs .
per haps a l f di e company have heard Garcia o r Piccol o

,
-
min t sing t he week b e fore y o u m u s t murder i t t o c a rs so

,
ar t istic a s t heirs Or i f you a r e singing to a homely e u

.
dic a ce the simplest song will please t hem bet t er

, The .
l i fie i c n c e be t we e n a pro fe s sional and an amateur si ng e r

‘
sho u ld al ways be k e p t in vie w The one is constrained .
by m t e re s t t o as t onish t he o t her has no o t her inducemen t
than to charm The one is purchased the o t her is a vol

.
,
un t a ry e ffort t o pass a way t i me and to do jus t ice to t he ,
comp osition of some of t he popular masters of t he day .
The form and movemen t s o f t he body mus t be habi t ually

controlled in singing In nine cases out o f te n they spoil
.
the e ffect o f t he voice Some ladies bend from side to .
side cas t up their eyes or fix t hem wi t h a rapt expression

, ,
.
,
on the wax ligh t s above t hem O t hers make alarming .
Faces prot rude t he under j a w or wha t is worse a ssume an

, ,
affected smile A good mas ter su ffers none o f t hese de

.
fe e ts to creep in He regulates t he mou t h which s ho u 11

.
,
be as litt le dra wn as possible ; open it must be but shoul d ,
a ppear to have n inclin a t ion t o smile W i t hou t t he abs o

a
,
lute smile A great deal depends on t he righ t mode of

.
bringing out the voice I con fess i t is a great sacrifice to

.
se e one s fr i ends look frigh t ful even when giving out t he

’
,
1 ( s t delicious sounds ; nor is it essen t ial In t he choice .
of s ongs varie t y is to be a dop t ed

,
German music pl eases .
,
ge nerally ; bu t l e t no one not conversant w i th t he right

,
ronunciation of any foreign language sm in it t her

p g ; ,
is nothi ng so unpleas ant as to hear broad Frenc h mi nci ng .
G e rman or lisping It a l ian

,
Even in Engli s h a goo d a c
.
,
ce n t is the most essen t ial thing possible a nd also a , ,
good art ic u la t ion A simple song sung wit hout gree

.
,
o wers o f voic but well articulated

e deligh t s be c ause i t
p , ,
26 8 FEMI NIN E AC COM PLI SHMEN] s .
tha t sacred songs should be avoided in partie s I do abt .
wh e t her any o f t he de e per feelings should be p a raded or »
light occasions and if songs truly mourn ful a re no t be t

,
te r re served fo r small reunions of the real l o vers of d e e p

a thos in music
p .
All accomplishmen ts have t he one great merit of giv

in
g a l a dv something to do ; some t hing to preserv e her
from 07m m t o console her in seclusion ; to a rouse her
in grie f ; to compose her to occupation in j oy And non e .
a nswers t his purpose much be t t er t han f ancy work or ,
even plain work The former can o ften be brough t ad

.
va nt a e o u sl in t o t he rear o f o t her pursui ts — a s a reser ve

g y .
The la tter c annOt well be car ried in t o socie y e xcept as t

,
a chari t y The Germ a ns do this grace fully At s ome o f

. .
t heir courts the great se t the e xample D uring Lent at

.
Munich they have working par t ies The queen made a

,
.
baby s shirt one e vening when one o f t hese r eu nions was

’
held in t he apartments of her g r a n de m a t r es s e The .
k ing meantime was pulling lint fo r the hospitals Every

, ,
.
lady o f t he court had some use ful ar t icle be fore her ,
warm sha wls made wi t h t he cro t chet ne dle ; stockings -

e
kni t t ed ; dresses ch ie fl y fo r children from t heir being

, ,
small Such are t he labors t h a t employ 011 cer t ain eve

.
h ings the court and nobili t y o f a na t ion whose aristocr a cy
is among t he most ancient and s t ill t he r ichest in Eur o p e

And c anve rsat ion went round ch e er fully Li t tle tabl es .
wer e set about and the assemblage was broken u p in to

,
a rties each table holding a lady or t wo wi t h a gen t le ma n

p .
,
ne ar her A terrible was t e of t ime in small par t ies wo u ld

.
in de e d be a voided i f some sort o f work co uld be in tro

, ,
duc e d ; and if young ladies were not condemned to be

,
idle for sev e r l hours they would look better and be

a . ,
W ORKI N G . 26 9
happi e r more amiable and less fatigued than they o fte n

,
“ ”
are at what is facetiously termed a friendly p arty .
No t that it is recommended to take into a party you r

husband s stockings to mend or dear Charles s shirts ove r
’ ’
, ,
which he was naturally so irritable at the absence o f bu t

te ns or Louisa s pina fores to run strings into ; let t he
’
,
work have the characteristics of recreation combined wit h

uti lity and the most scrupulous cannot be orfe nde d
,
Such
.
is indeed the S pirit of the day ; for we are a more sens i

bl e people than our grandsires were .
Sketching and archery stand first among out door -
m u se me nt s They are healthy elegant and apprOpri

.
, ,
~
a te to the feminine character ; while — first thought of

m mmas — they assemble rather than e xcl ud e the young
cx me mbers of the o the r se x .
C HAPTER V II
MA NNER . C ARRIA G E, A ND H A BITS .
TRUE pol iteness comes from the heart and t his be i ng ,
good the rest wi ll soon fe llo w But as Chest e r fi eld says

,
.
, ,
‘
good sense and good n a t ure suggest civili ty in general ;
bu t in good breeding t here are a t housand li t t le delica
‘
cies which are es ta blished only by cu stom

,
Th a t which .
mili t ates most agai nst good breeding is an indi ffe rence to
or want o f considera t ion for t he fe e lings o f o t hers ; and
what does this amount t o but a bad heart ? A courtier

may hate me wi t h civili ty a nd a brigand rob me poli tely
,
.
Is there not some goo d in t he hear t o f bo t h these me n ?

Have t hey not a great consider a t ion fo r my feelings ?
ff hey c a nnot t he y would te l l nun he ha i vha t they do ; I
'
stand in t his one s way and he mu s t a nd do e s hate

’
,
'
me ; I h ave a purse a nd the o ther i s a robber he ,
must and will t a ke i t ; but both o f t hem compelled to ,
t reat me so ill do it wi t h a grace t h a t removes hal f the

,
annoyance o f it The cour t ier conce a ls his hatred and

.
,
wh a t th e re fore do I care for it ? I do not even Kno w of

its exis t ence and a p a s sion which we never discover c an
,
no t a ffe ct us . Then t oo i f t he high wa yman pol i tely a nd

, ,
”
de lica t ely “
invites me to gi ve up t hos e fe w p a l t ry
”
bank not e s assuring me i t is hi s
a
,
pro fes s ion tha t he“
,
la ments the necessi ty and that if I sho w no fight, no vie

( 2 70)
2 MA N N ER, C A RRI A G E, t ND H A B ITS .
k ind . Hones ty is not honesty for instance if it come , ,
no t from wi t hin The most respectable man m ig ht be

.
dishones t i f he had t he ch a nce and no fear o f t he law , .
Never t heless the law under t akes to make men app e a r

honest because it kno ws that it is in vain to wai t fO
,
.
honesty in heart The law tells the you ng thie f he must

.
rob no more and it may cure him of thieving and make

,
h i m turn out a respectable man— i n appearance ; but it

cannot be sure because he does not thieve that he has no
, ,
i nternal desire to do so and would not do so i f the fear ,
Of the law were gone So too in j ust the same way t he

.
, ,
fla ws of society give rules by which a man may be amia

bl e and well bred — to all appearance ; but it cannot a
-
whit the more insure the good feeling which ought to sug
gest the good acts .
I say then that because Etiquette lays down rules by

, ,
which you are to ap p ea r to have a heart she does noth ,
ing worse than the laws of the realm which show how ,
you may a pp e a r honest and leave your heart alone ,

.
This pre face is necessary because when I say a man is to ,
s mile at such a time and show dignity a t such another , ,
t
he world might te ll me I was teaching hypocris y I am .
doing no t hing Of the kind I am merely providing for .
s e t s which are necessary to the wellbeing of socie ty be ,
cause I know that i f every one acted according to his

heart the world would soon be turned upside do wn
,
-
.
So then I c a n man fully say that a good manner is a

good gi ft We kno w all about oh s e rpents we have
.
,
re ad e nough o f them in roman t ic novels but I am bound ,
to say I pre fer an Oily serpent by way Of society to a n , ,
unlicked bear The serpen t may not choose me to bi te

.
,
I may enj oy his society I may never d iscover th at he in ,

MANNER A ND THE H EA RT . a7s
a nyt hing worse than a harmless blind worm with no stin g -
in him ; but I ca nnot have been a minute wi th the bear

be fore I am torn to pieces When I hear o f t he serp e n t s .
bi t ing anybody I can avoid him for the fu t ure but i n

, ,
the mean t ime he is an agreeable comp anion and I h a ve no ,
right to j udge my neighbor I say then that a ma n .

.
“
s hould curb his heart fi rst but i f he cannot do o r has not ,
d one this he has no right to come bellowing with irrita

,
tion into the society of q uiet people merely because he ,
Will not take the trouble to be mannerly .
Mann er then I am bound to con fess is the cloak of

, , ,
character but it to bare the character he indecent it is

, ,
better it should wear a cloak than go about naked Uh .
til we are all per fect until there is a millennium on

,
ea rth it will always be indecent to wear our feelings in

,
Adamite costume and so long will a garment like that

, ,
of Manner be necessary
,
.
A good carriage involves two things a respect for one s ,

’
sel f and a respect for others It is very di fficul t to draw .
th e line bet ween the two and to show where the one ,
s hould yield to the other ; but as t h e world goes the man ,
who respects himsel f is generally respected and for a ,
very good reason since wi t hout a due recognition o f the

,
D ivine spark within him a recogni t ion o wed to his Maker , ,
no man can be really good On the other side comes .
t he Christian precept which bids us love o u r neighbor as
oursel f and at once defines where sel f respect must end

,
-
Wherever our dignity our prej udices our Opinions begi n

,
.
to annoy our neighbors to cause them pain embarras s .

,
ment or con fusion they must gi ve way

, ,
How o ft e n do .
“
we hear ,I think Mr is a very excellent man bu t
.
,
he has a most di sagreeable manner ; the fac t bei ng t hat "
1 2*
274 MANNER C ARRI AG E, A ND H AB ITS .
Mr meaning very well has not su fficient e i ns i lor,
a t ion for O th e rs fe e li ngs t o temp e r his e nt husi a s m A nd .
the n s u ch a man wins his re w r d l Ii s z l de vo u rs a . ea
hi m a nd he a nnihil a t es by w n t o f c on s i de ra t i o n a l l the
,
a .
g ood he might h a ve done l l e see this ver y o ft en in ex

.
ce l l e n t we ll m e ani ng maiden l a die s

-
who under ta ke the .
supervision Of t heir poorer neighbors Wh e r e v e r t hey .
see a f aul t they a t t a ck i t harshly un fli nchingly u npi ty

, , ,
ingl y . The resul t i s th a t t he poor t hey vi s i t begin tr

loa t he them and thei r visi ts and ins tead of improving , ,
despise the improv e r Then send to them some mild u n

.
ta ught girl all love a l l hear t a l l warm t h and bid he r

, , , ,
win th e m back She begi ns ins t inc t ively by a ttaching

.
them to hersel f s he is all in t eres t all kindness to t hem

, , ,
and when she has made t hei r hear t s her o wn the least ,
expression o f a wish will make them gi ve up t heir dearest

vices How we ll has i t been put
. Smoo t he t he way to ,
”
the head through t he heart and we may be sure that ,
wha t is good here in m or a ls is good i n manners Rude .
ness will never win t he day ; an am i able kind manner ,
ri des over the course .
The firs t rule then for Manner is sel f—respect

.
,
Wi t h ,
.
~
out this a man is n ot only we ak and ba d but u nfi t for

, ,
society The wa nt o f it sho ws i tsel f in t wo most d isagr e e

.
able forms adulation and a wk ward ness I believe bo t h to

,
.
have no evil intent in t h e mselves Hundreds and t hou .
sand s Of fia t t e re r s a nd ha ngers on have never ho ped to -
a in a single bene fi t from t heir ad u l a t ion I t is s impl e

g .
we a kness simple absence o f sel f respec t But the wo rld -

.
wil l not a lways see i t in so chari table a poin t of vie w an d .

,
the fia tt e re r is denounced ais interes t ed In any case ad ,
ul a t io n is bad fo r it is dangerous not only to the ser vil e

, ,
276 MANN ER, CA RRI A G E, A ND HAB ITS .
Maria asserts most thrilling whis pe r ; or the dil e tt a nte in

, ,
music whose hair hangs in pro fuse curls and who as he

, ,
.
runs fa t white beringed fingers over t he notes s ways hit

, ,
body to and fro and casts his glances to either side in a

,
kind o f rapture ; nay even the unnaturally solemn man , ,
who looks you through as i f he were casting up your

l ittl e account of sin fo r you together with a thousand ,
other kinds of men are all too obviously a ffected to re t a in

,
long the respect o f sensible people We know that natur e .
has its many faults to be curbed but we know t hat where ,
nature is not at fault it is most truth ful to let her have

,
her run By the side o f the a ffected man even t he

.
,
bluntest looks noble and for the v e ry reason t hat a ffe c t a

,
f
tion arises from a want of sel f respect or excess o f sel f -
c st e e m e x tremes which resemble one another

,
.
But I would almost dare to say that there never was a

woman who h ad not more or less afl e c ta t ion in speaking to
'
men I am not a St Anthony but I believe it to be

. .
,
natural to woman to alter their manner towards the other

se x ; so that I involve mysel f in a paradox ; i t is natura l
Ior them to be unnatural under these circums t ances I .
am not going into the logic of it but really t his is only ,
a n apparent paradox and I may say with per fect truth,
that it is natural for women to he sometimes unnatural .
If you doubt me watch how Clara the simplest sweetest

, , ,
l e ast sophisticated of her sex talks to you a man The n , ,

.
ru t on the invisible cap and follo w her to the dra wing

r oo m where she and her sisters wil l sit alone and ta lk
, .
If you see no marked change of man ner in Clara I will ,
a dmit tha t I am wrong .
But then there are grades in woman s afl e c t ation and

'
’
,
”
while Clara seems to be al l nature , as they say i n
“
EX AMPL E or B AD M t NNEB . 2 77
mode rn novels , we can exclaim at first sight that B lind a e
”
“
isa mass of tarlat ane and a fl e c tat ion My dear Be
'
a
.
linda ta ke in good part t he warning of an old bachelor

,
.
Believe me that men who are worth your arrows will not
be smitten wi th tinsel sha f s ; believe me t h a t the bette r t
they are the more they love nature in women artlessness

, , .
frankness modesty But then there is even an a ffectati on

,
.
of naturalness and you Clarissa who are p a st five a nd

, , ,
-
twenty— O yes I know i t for your lit tle bro t her l e t it

, ,
out l— feel that you never can be really na t ural again in

society and so you a ffe ct to be so by becoming brusque
, ,
and somewhat pert Men Clari s sa are not such fools as .

, ,
ou imagine ; they will see t hrough t his even more easily

y ,
and t here is no hope for you but t o be w i t h them what ,
you are be fore your o wn looking gl as s But I am tres -

.
passing on the province o f my c o l fe agu e and I must re ,
turn very loath to the men

, ,
.
Le t me give a fe w samples of m anner to be avoided .
First there is Tibbs s hort enough and c l e ve r enough to ,
be a great man and such I dare say he will be one of

, , ,
these days But Tibbs feels wi thin him the Sp i rit of gov
.
e rna nc e and has reverence fo r neither old nor young He

,
.
walks with a short sharp s t ep his li tt le nose rather e l e va t

, ,
ed , his eyes glaring to detect some weakness on which to

pou n ce You put forward an opinion the meekest you
.
,
can give : It will turn out fi ne Beg your pardon ”

.
,
a nswered Tibbs wi t h that sharp snap which makes t he

, ,
wor ds sound like D on t be a fool !

“ “
it will n o t be a ’ "
fine day 1 have good r eason to know it there

.
”
Wha t ,
.
ca n you do with Tibbs bu t coll apse ? He treats his fa t he r ,
and grand fa t her a nd mother and sister a l l in the sam e

, ,
way and they are c owed b e fore him

, Tibbs is ne ver .
2 78 MA N N ER . C A RRIA G E A ND H A B ITS .
do wnrigli tl y rude Yo u canno t c at ch him up a nd c a ll

.
hi m a be a r ; bu t his mann e r o f sp e ki ng c o n t inu l l y e n a a o
ve ys t he impression t h at Tibbs b e lieves i n his o w n i i t e ae
n s on ly and in nobody else s He is t he kind o f ma n

e s
,
’
.
who can open Sh a kspere re a d a pass a ge a nd exc la i m , ,

.
”
Did you ever he a r su c h nonsense ? giving you goo d
re asons forsoo t h i f poe t s a nd philosoph e rs co u ld be me a
su red by t he lo wes t s t and a rd o f t he dryes t common s e nse .
Tibbs is al l common sense bu t by no means a pl easan t ,
companion .
V ery di ff rent is old Mr Da wdles He seems to be in

. .
a sta t e o f chronic plethora Say what you will on his .
dearest t h e mes he has no reply f or you bu t a yes or no

,
snivelled ou t When he speaks himsel f he a ppears t o be

.
,
g umbl i ng a t you ho wever kind his words You kne w he

r
,
.
is good a nd me a n s very well and he wo u ld give you h a l f ,
his for tun e ou t o f she e r kind ness but wi t h a g e s ture and ,
tone of voice which would seem to say There t ake it , , ,

”
a nd don t make a fu ss He do e s ha t e a fuss more th an
’
.
,
a l l Ot her abo mina t ions .
Ther e is Slouch again whom I believe to be an inc ar

, ,
na t ion o f honor and uprigh t ne s s bu t who gives you t he ,
idea o f a s nea k a nd a villa i n He never looks you ful l in .
the f ace . His sh aggy bi o ws hang over his lurking eyes ,
and h is words come c a u t i ously a nd susp i ciou s ly wriggli n

g
up to you .
But Pompous has the best of hearts He has be e n .
kno wn to go ou t o f his way fo r miles to le a v e a li t tle some ~
thing wi t h a poor wido w A nd ho w t he man wrongs him

.
.
l f ! He is very tall a nd has a fine fi gure He draws

'
. .
hims e l f up to t he grea t est he ight and looks do wn on you

as if you wer e a Lilliput and all the while he loves ou
, y
2 80 MA NN ER, C A RRI A G E, A ND i n s i rs .
j erk e d out his o wn thought he clinches it wi t h a ha ha ,
or a he he and never w a i t s fo r your a ns wer

,
.
G lu mme is jus t the reverse Yo u mus t do all the t al k .

'
”
ing for him ; he will only dra wl out a No o o or a - -
Ye e e s and we a rs a perpetual scowl

”- -
,
.
Then there is Trippe t who seizes you by the b u tton ,

‘
.ole a ni gro ws hot over the merest trifle ; Courte who
,
replies with a sharp sneer ; S t erne who has fo r ever a ,
look of reproo f t hough he does not mean it ; Fidge tte

, ,
who can never be prevailed upon to be com fortable ; Bl ufi ,
who t errifie s you with his curt blunt manner ; and Lack
adaye who is so languid that he cannot t ake the troubl e
,
even to look at you One genius whom I kne w neve r .

,
remo ve d his eyes from the lamp on the table ; anothe r

rushed up to you sei zed both your hands and gazed wi t h
, ,
apparent affection into your eyes ; a third spoke deep

truths i n a low solemn tone a s he gazed at a Spot on the ,
carpet ; a fourth moved his head to and fro as i f to avoid ,
your gaze : and a fi ft h t he greatest of all never spoke ,
a t all .
The manner in short which a man must aspire to is

, , ,
one which will give ease and not embarrassment to oth , ,
e rs . He must preserve a certain dignity but yet be ,
pliant ; he must be open fra nk ; look you hone s tly in the ,
face speak out confidently yet calmly ; modes t ly ye t

, , ,
firmly ; not be bl u fi or blunt bu t yet be free and simple

'
.
,
In fact let a man be natural let him be in society wha t

, ,
he is any where ; but i f he find his n a tural manner too

rough t ao loud too cur t or too brutal let him le a rn to
, , ,
.
tame it and calm it do wn .
But m anner has various functions for various circum

stanc es Towards our elders and superiors we must sh ow
.
,
THE P HY SI C A L CA RRI A GE .
28]
an hon est not servile de fe rence ; to wards w men gen tle

,
'
.
ness ; towards j uniors tenderness ; t o wards in feriors a ,
simple dignity without condescension Aristo t le who was . .

,
pe rhaps a better philosopher than gentleman recomm e nd s ,
a haughtiness to superiors and grace ful freedom to in

,
feriors The world is old enough to judge for itsel f B u t

. .
when a man finds that his lively badinage suits a band of

merry lissome girls he must not be so wild as to rush a t
,
Papa with the same kind of banter Pat e rfam may give . .
a smile to real wit and laugh at a good story but the ,
same tri fling which makes his daughters laugh so ring

i ngl y will only appear to him a familiarity when ad
,
dressed to himsel f Then again the gravity into which

.
, ,
o u have fallen when discussing great measures with a

y
philanthropist will a fford no satis faction to the airy mass
,
of tarla t ane with whom you dance soon a fter Solomon .
has said it there is a time to weep and a time to laugh .
In other words be you as merry a jester as ever sat at a

,
k ing s table you mus t not ob t rude your unweary mirth

’
,
”
at a visit o f condolence or be you the most bereave d
of widowers you will not bring your tears and sighs to
,
damp the merriment o f social gatherings .
What applies to manner may be trans ferred in most

respects to that bearing which distinguishes a man in se
c i e ty
. But the times Change much in this respect and ,
the old courteous dignity with which the beau x of my

younger days behaved has given wa y to a greater e ase
, ,
and sometimes I fear to t oo grea t freedom

, , I do no t .
k now whe t her to regret or not the s t rict c c u r teousness ,
of those times It o ft en amoun ted to a fl e c ta t ion ; it was

'
not natural to be ever bo wing 1OW making set speeche s , ,
rai sing a lady s hands to o ne s lips or pre ssmg one s own

’ ’ ’
,
M AN N ER . C ARRI A G E, AN D HAB ITS .
upon the region o f t he heart but a t the same t ime I re ,

,
gre t t he l o u nging f ami l i a ri t y whi c h we see to o pi e va lt i '

.
a mong yo u ng men o f the pres e n t d y Th e re is no n a .

1
f ac t su ffi cient reverence fo r t he f air and t he old Su t .

i
i .
t imes t his I regre t to s y m u st be ch a rged t o t he fa u l

,
a ,
o f t he former ; and a y o u ng lady who t alks sl a ng 01 i .
”
a l ways with t he men mus t exp e c t to find t h e m some
,
times abuse h ar good —nat ure But abstrac t s are i ne ffe c .
ti ve l e t me come t o some details as to t he ph ysical car

r i a o o f a man
g .
A cer t ain dignity is t he first re q uisi te but we mus t not ,
expec t too much o f it i n the young and we should not
emula t e t h e so l emni t y o f Charles t he Firs t who never ,
la u ghed . It is a mis ta ke too t o suppose that height is

, ,
nece ss a ry for dign i ty Ches t er fi el d t he most polished

.
,
gen t leman of his day was on l y five fe et seven in height

, ,
and Welli ng t on a nd Bon a par t e bo t h short men ha ve ,
neve r been ac c u sed of w a nt o f digni t y B ut a t the same .
time t he assumpt ion o f it is mo re liable to become r idic u

lo u s in a shor t th a n in a t a ll man Digni ty can never go .
along wi t h a Sl o uching g ai t and uprigh t ne ss sho uld be ,
a cq uir e d in childhood by g mnas t ics a n d a mple exercise

y .
This uprigh t ness ho wev e r should no t go to t he ex ten t of

,
u r vi n
g t he back in wa rds The ches t sho u ld be expand e d
.
,
bu t no t s o much as to make “
a presence The head ’
.
should be set well b a ck on the sh oulders but not t ossc l ,
up nor j erked on one side wi t h t hat a i r of pertness ou

y
se e in som e me n People o f h e i ght are o ft en fooli sh
.
e nou g h to ma r it by be ndi ng the he a d for ward wher e a s ,
if c a rri e d w ell a t a ll fi gure is n ver a wk wa rd even a mt ng

,
e
Lilliputs . Ir s t andi ng t he l e gs o u gh t to be straight or

.
, ,
one o f t hem bou t a li ttle bu t not set wide apart ,

In
284 M ANN ER, C A RRI AG E , A ND i i A B t rs .
n ess of your manner To a lady it should be more ma rLe d

.
than to a man .
In lis t ening again you should mani fest a cer t ain inte
, .
rest in what a person is saying and ho wev e r li tt le w rthy o
of your attention you should not show that you think it

,
so by the toss of your head or the wanderin g of you r
eyes . In speaking to any one you should look them i n

the face for the eyes al ways aid t he tongue but you
, ,
should not carry this to the ex t ent o f wriggling yoursel f
forward in order t o ca t ch t heir eyes i f there happen to ,
be another person bet ween you .
It is pain ful to see the want of ease with which som e

men sit on the edge of a chair but at the same time the
m anner in which others throw themselves back and stretch
forward their legs s a ve r s too much o f familiarity You .
may cross your legs i f you like but not hug your knees ,
nor your toes Straddling a chair and til t ing it up may

.
,
be pardonable in a bachelor s rooms but not n a lady s ’

,
i
’
drawing room Then i f you carry a walking stick or

-
.
,
-
umbrella i n t he street you should avoid s winging them ,
violently about or tucking them under the arm Bo th

,
.
are dangerous to your neighbors for i n the one case you ,
may inadvertently strike a person and get into as gre at

trouble as the individual who was brought up the oth e r
day for assaulting a woman with a cricket bat which he -
affirmed he was merely swinging about careles s ly ; in the
other t he point of your stick may run into some u nfo rt u

.
na t e creature s eye
’
.
Foreigners talk with their arms and hands as au x ili a

ri es to th e voice The custom is considered vulgar by us
.
calm Englishmen and a P arisian , who laughs at o ur

,
H ABITS .
D
ad e
r i s d ressing will
’
ill admit that our men are dis
,
st
”
! i ng n es m en s t r e s di s t i ng u é s If the face fol l ow s the
' ‘
.
,
words and you allow wi t hout grimacing your eyes a nd

, , ,
smile to express what you are saying you have no need ,
to act it wi t h the han ds but i f you use them at all it

, , ,
sli o u l l be very sligh t ly and grace fully never bringing ,
down a fist upon the table nor slapping one hand u pur ,
another nor poki l g your fingers at your interlocutor

,
.
Pointing too is a habit to be avoided especially pointin g

, , ,
with the thumb over the shoulder which is an inelegan t ,
action In short while there is no occasion to be stolid

.
,
or constrained you should not be too lively in your a o

,
tions and even i f led away by the enthusiasm of an argu

,
ment should never grow loud rant or declaim No

, , ,
.
manner is more disagreeable than that of vehement afii r

mation or laying down the law .
With these remarks I may pass to consider certai n

habits which are more or less annoying to your neighbors .
F irst there is that odious habit of touching the nose and

,
ears with the fingers for which there is n o excuse Every

,
.
part of the person should be properly tended in the dress

ing room never in t he drawing room and for this reason
-
,
-
p icking the teeth however fashionable

,
it may once hav e
been scratching the head the hands or any part of t he

, , ,
body are t o be avoided

,
Mr Curzon tells us that at
. .
Erzeroum it is quite t he fashion to s cratch the bi t es of a

li ttle insect as common there as in certain London hote ls ,
and it is even considered a delicate atten t ion to catch the
li vely creatures as t hey perch on the dres s or shoulders

of your partner For t unately we are not tempted to pe r
. ~
fo rm such attenti ons in this country ; but i f you have the

mis fort une to be bitten or s tung by any insect you must ,
286 MA NNER, CA RRIA G E, A ND H A BITS .
e ndure the pa i n wi thout scr a tching t he bi t e in co mp a a

These same l i t tle insec ts b e ing of very disagreeable origin
1
are no t even spok e n o i h us Bi ing n ls g n i
f w t t t he a i a
. a . ,
as n o t only a dir ty h a b i t bu t o ne wh i ch soo n d is lig n i ea
t h e fingers
" So t oo in blo wing your nose you mu st net
.
,
make the noise of a t rumpe t bu t do it ge nt ly a nd qu ie t ,

:
ly ; and when
,
you sn e e z e use your handk e
,
rc h i ef I do
not go the leng t h o f sayi ng t hat you must repres s a
sneez e entirely Th e re is a pl easant custom still uni ver
.
,
sal in Germany and I taly and re t a in e d among t he peas

,
a n tr
y in some par t s o f England o f blessing a
p e rso n wht
has sneezed be n e d ic i te G al l s eg u e 8 26 and bless you

, ,
“
,
’
being t he t erms used probably in t he h e pe t ha t the pr aye r

,
may keep you from cold .
Sneezi ng brings me to s nu ffing which is an obs o lete ,
custom r e t ained only by a fe w old gen t le men and as it

, ,
is a ba d one no young man should t hink o f reviving it

,
.
B u t wha t shal l I s ay o f t he fr ag ran t weed which R a leigh

taugh t our gallan t s to pu ff in c a pacious bo wls which a ~
roya l ped a n t denounced i n a famou s Coun t erblas t

which his fla ttering laurea t e Ben J onson ridiculed to , ,
p l e a se his master : which our wi ves and sisters pro t est
gi ves rise to t he dir t ies t a nd mos t unsociable habi t a man

can indulge in ; o f which some fair favorers declare t hat
t hey love t he smell and o t hers t hat they will n e ver marry
,
an indulger ( which by t he way they generally end in

, ,
do ing); which has wo n a fame over more space and amo ng

be t e r m e n th a n Noah s grape has ever done ; which dec
t ’
tc rs still dispute a bout a nd boys s t ill ge t si ck e ver ; bu

'
.
wh ich is t he solace of t he we a ry laborer ; the suppo rt of

th e ill fix] ; t he re fresher of e ver wro u gh t br a i ns ; t he -
soo t her of a ng ry fancies ; the be as t of the exquisite the

2 88 MANNER, C A RRIA G E, A N D nA B Irs .
weed res our irritability it kills our wit I b e lieve th at

cu ,
.
it is a fallacy to suppose that i t encourages drin king .
Th e re is more drinking and le ss smoking in this th a n in

any other country of the civili zed world Tl e re was .
m ore drinking among the gentry of last cent u ry who ,
ne ver smoked at all Smoke and wine do not go well

.
to gether Co ffee or beer are its best accompaniments and

.
,
the one c annot intoxicate the o t her must be largely im ,
bibe d to do so I have observed among young bachelors

.
that very little wine is drunk in t heir chambers and that ,
be er is gradually taking its place The cigar too is an .

, ,
excuse for rising from the dinner table where there are no -
ladies to go to .
In another point of view I am inclined to think that ,
smoki ng has conduced to make t he society o f men when
a lone less riotous less quarrelsome and even less vicious

, ,
than it was Where young men ne w blow a common

.
cloud they were formerly driven to a fear ful consumption

,
of wine and this in their he ads the y were ready and

, ,
re u se d to any iniquity But the p i pe 1 3 the bachelor s ’

.
wi fe With it he can endure solitude longer and is no t

.
,
forced into l o w society i n order to shun i t With it t oo .
the idle can pass many an hour which otherwise he w o uld ,
have given not to work but to extravag ant devilries

, ,
With it he is no longer restless and imp a tient for e x eite ~
ment o f any kind We never hear ne w of young blade s

.
issuing in bands from their wine to beat the watch or

die tu rb the slumbering citizens as we did thirty or f t ty ,
e
y e a rs a o when smoking was still a r a rity : they a re a l l

g ,
pulling harmlessly in their chambers now B u t on the .

,
ot her hand I foresee wi t h dread a too tender allegiance to

,
the pipe to the destruction of good soc iety and t he s ham

, ,
Q
THE ETI UETTE on THE WEED . 2 89
donment of the ladies No wonder they hate i t de ar

.
, ,
cr eatures ; the pipe is the worst rival a woma n can h a ve t
and it is one whose eyes she cannot scratch out ; who i m .
pro ve s with age while she hers e l f declines ; who has an

,
art which no woman possesses that of never wearying her ,
de votee ; who is S ilent yet a companion ; costs little yet

, ,
i ves much pleasure wh o lastly never upbraids a nd

g , , ,
a lways yields the same joy Ah this is a powerful rival

.
to wi fe or maid and no wonder that at last the woman suc

,
c a mbs consents a
,
nd rather than lose her lord or master
.
,
even supplies the hate d herb with her own fair hands .
And this is what women have come to do on the Conti

nent ; but in America they have gone further and ad ,
witted the rival to their very drawing rooms where t he -
unmanly husband stretches his legs on the so fa smokes , ,
and S pits on the carpet Far be it from our English

.
women to permit such habits ; and yet as things are a , ,
l itt l e concession is prudent There was not so much

.
drinki ng when withdrawing rooms were the privilege of

-
palaces and matrons sat over the cups of their lords and
, ,
the re will not be ne ar so much smoking where ladies are

present I have no wish to see English girls light their
.
own cigarettes or pu fi their own chibouks like the hour is

'
of Seville and Bagdad ; but I do think that as smoking ,
is ne w so much a habit of Englishmen i t would be wis e ,
if it were m ad e possible within certain well gua rd e d lim

,
- ~ »
itat ions in the society of ladies

,
.
AS it is there are rules enough to limi t this indulgenc e

,
One must never smoke nor even ask to smoke in t he com

, ,
p a ny of the fair . If they know that in a fe w minutes you

wi l l be running off to your Ci gar the fair w ill do well say ,
-
it is i n a garden or se —te allow you to bring it ou t and

,
13
2 90 MA NNER, CA RRI A G E, A ND H AB ITS .
smoke it there One must never smoke again i n tb.

, ,
stree t s ; t hat is i n daylight The deadly crime may

, .
be commi tted like burg l ary a ft er dark but not be for e

, , ,
O ne must never smoke in a room inhabited at times by

the ladies ; t hus a well bred man who has a wi fe or sisters
,
-
will no t o ffer to smo ke in the dining — room a fter dinn er .
One must never smoke in a public pl a ce where l a dies are ,
01 might be for instance a fl o we r sho w or promenade

, ,
-
One may smoke in a r a il wa y carri a ge i n spite of by laws - -
if one has fi rst ob t ained t he consent o f every one present ;

bu t if there be a lady there t hough she give her consent ,
smoke not In nine cases o u t o f ten she will give it from

.
good nature One must never smoke in a close carriage

-
.
one may ask and ob t ain leave t o smoke when returning

from a pic — nic or expedi t ion in an e pen carriage One .
must neve r smoke in a thea tre on a race —course nor in , ,
c h urch This last is not perhaps a needless caution In

.
,
the Belgian churches you see a placard announcing Ici ,

”
on ne m fic he pas du tabac One must never smoke when .
anybody sho ws an obj ection to i t One must never smokt .
a pipe in the streets ; one mus t never smoke at all in the

co ffee room of a ho t el One must never smoke wi thout
-
.
,
consent in the presence of a clergyman a nd one mus t

, ,
ne ver o ffe r a cigar to any ecclesiastic over the rank of
cu t ate .
B u t if you smok e or i f you are in the company of .
sm kers and a re to wear vour clothes in the presence of

o
,
lad le s a ft er wa rds you must change t hem to s moke in

,
A .
he at who asks you to s moke will generally o ffe r you a n

o l d co a t for t h e purpose Yo u must also a ft er smoki ng .
, ,
rinse t he mouth well out and if possible brush the te e th , , ,

.
You should never smoke in another person s house w i tho ut ’

29 2 MANNER, CARRIA G E, AND E AB rrs .
bu t as we are not cannib als I am inclined to think th ey.
were a good one There are some fe w things which vou

. .
ma y tak e up wi t h your fi ngers T hus an epicure will eat .
e ven macaroni wi t h his fi ngers ; and as sucking asparagu s
is m ore pleasant t han chewing i t you may as an epicure , .
ta ke it up a u n a tu r l But both these things are gener

a
.
all y eaten with a for k Bread is o f course eaten with t he

.
fingers and it would be absurd to carve it with yo ur

,
k ni fe and fork It must on the contrary always be

.
, ,
broken when not buttered and you should never put a ,
slice of dry bread to your mouth to bite a piece ofl Most "

.
fresh fruit too is eaten with the natural prongs but when ,
you have peeled an orange or apple you should cut it ,
with the aid of the fork unless you can succeed in brea k
,
in
g it Apropos
. o f which I may hint that no epicur e
e ver yet put kni fe to apple and that an orange should be

,
peeled with a spoon But the art of peeling an orange

.
so as to hold its own j uice and its own s ugar too is one
, ,
that can scarcely be taught i n a book .
However let us go to dinner and I will soon tell you

, ,
whether you are a well —bred man or not ; and here let me
premise that what is good manners for a small dinner is
good manners for a large one and vi c e ver s é Now the ,
.
,
firs t thing you do is to sit down Stop sir pray do not .

,
c ra m yoursel f into the table in that way ; no nor sit a ,
y ard from it like tha t,

How graceless inconvenient
. an d , ,
in the way of easy conversa t ion Why dear me you , ,
are po s itively putting your elbows on the table and no w ,
ou have got our hands fumbling about wi t h the spoon s

y y
and forks and now you are nearly knocking my new book
,
’
glasses over Can t you take your hands down sir ?
.
,
D id n t you l earn that in the nur sery ? D idn t you!

’ ’
H ABITS Ar TA BLE
'
. 29 3
mamm a y to you N eversaput your han d

,
“
s abt ve t he
”
table except to carve or e at ! Oh but come no non .
,
sense sit up i f you please I can t have your fine head

’
.
,
of hair formi ng a side dish on my table ; you must not
ury your face in the plate you came to sho w it and it , ,
ought to be alive Well but there is no occasion t

.
,
throw your head back like that you look like an ald e r ,
man sir of fer dinner

,
Pray don t lou nge in that sleepy
,
.
,
’
Way . You are here to eat drink and be merry You , ,

.
c a n sleep when you get home .
Well then I suppos e you can see your napk in Got

, ,
.
none indeed ! ,
V ery likely in m y house You may be ,
.
s ure that I never sit down to a meal without napkins I .
don t want to make my tablecloths unfit for use and I

’
,
don t want to make my trousers unwearable Well now

’
.
,
we are all seated you can un fold it on your knees : no no ;

.
, ,
don t tuck it into your waistcoat like an alderman ; and

’
what what on earth do you mean by wiping your forehead

with it ? D o you take it for a towel ? Well never mind , ,
I am consoled that you did not go farther and use it as a ,
oc k et —
handkerchie f So talk away to the lady on you r
p .
right and wait till soup is handed to you

,
By the way .
,
that waiting is a most important part of t able manner s ,
and a much as possible you should avoid asking for an

y
s
thing or helping yoursel f from the table Your soup you .
e at with a spoon — I don t know what else you c o u l d eat

’
it with — but then it must be one of good size Yes tha t .

,
will do but I beg you will not make that odious noise in
,
drinking your soup It is louder than a dog lapping

.
water an d a cat would be quite genteel to it

,
Then you .
need not sc rape up the plate in that way nor even tilt it ,
to ge t t he l a st drop I shall be happy to s end you so me

.
29 4 MANNER, C A Rm A GE AND H A BITS .
more ; but I must j ust remark , that it the cus tom i s not
to take two helpings o f soup and it is liable to keep othe r ,
people waiting which once for all is a selfish and into l e r

, , ,
able habit But don t you hear the servant o ffering you ’
.
s he rry ? I wish you would attend for my servant s ha v ,
q uite enough to do and can t wait all the evening ,

whil e
’
o u finish that very mild story to Miss Goggles Come

y .
,
l eave that decanter alone I had the wine put on the .
t able to fil l u p ; the servant will hand it direc t ly or as , ,
We are a small party I will tell you to help yoursel f but , , ,
pray do not be so ofli c iou s ( There I have sent him some

,
.
,
turbot to keep him quiet I declare he cannot make up .
his mind ) You are keeping my servant again sir Will

.
,
.
you or will you not do turbot ? D on t examine it in that

, ,
’
way ; it is quite fresh I assure you take or decline i t , ,
Ah you take it but that is no reason why you should

, ,
take up a kni fe too Fish I repeat must never be touched

.
, ,
with a kni fe Take a for k in the right and a small piece

.
,
of bread in the le ft hand Good but Oh ! that is .

,
atrocious ; of course you must not swallow the bones but ,
you should rather do so than spit them out in that way .
P ut up your napkin like th is and land the said bone on ,
your plate D on t rub your bread in the sauce my good

.
’
,
man n e r go progging about a fter the shrimps or oysters

,
therein Oh ! how horrid ; I declare your mouth was

.
wi de e pen and full of fish Small pieces I beseech you .

,
and onc e for all whatever you eat keep your mouth s hu t
, ,
md never attempt to talk with it full .
S o now you have got a p at e Surely you are not t aki ng .
two on your plate There is plenty of dinner to com e

.
,
and one is quite enough Oh ! dear me y ou are i ncor .

,
rigibl e What a k ni fe to cut that light brittle pas try ?

.
,
3 96 MANNER, CA R RIA G E A ND HA B ITS .
much as you would h is master Ten to one he is as good .
a man and because he is your in ferior in position is t he ,
v ery reason you should trea t him cour teously O h it is .
of no use t o ask me to take wine fa r from paci fying me ,

it will o nly make me more angry for I tell you the cus to m ,
is quite gone out except in a fe w country villages and at

, ,
a mess table No r need you ask the lady to do so

. Ho w .
‘
e ver there is this consolation i f you should ask any one

, ,
to take wine with you he or she c a nn o t re fuse so you , ,
have your own way Perhaps next you will be asking me.
to hob and nob or tr i nqu er in the French fashion wi th

,
arms encircled Ah you don t kno w perhaps that when ’

.
, ,
a lady l r i n qu es in that way with you you have a right t o ,
finish off with a kiss V ery likely indeed in England :

.
,
But i t i s the custom in familiar circles in France but the n ,
we are not Frenchmen W i ll you attend to your lady .

,
sir ? You did not come merely to eat but to make you r ,
sel f agreeable D on t sit as glum as the Memnon at

.
’
Thebes ; talk and be pleasant No w you have som e .

,
pudding No kni fe — no n o A spoon if you like but

.
,
.
,
better s t ill a fork

,
Yes ice requires a spoon ; there is a
.
,
small one handed you take that ,

.
”
Say no That is t he fourth time Wi ne has bee n
.
ha nde d to you and I am sure you have had enough

,
.
D ecline this time if you please D ecline that dish too .
Are you going to eat of everything that i s handed ?

p i ty you i f you do N o you must not ask fo r more cheese
.
, ,
and you must eat it wi t h your fork Break the rusk with .
yo u r fingers Go od You are drinki ng a glass of old

. .
port D o not quaff i t down at a gulp in that way Never

. .
dr ink a whol e glass ful o f anything at once .
Well here is the wine and dessert Tak e whi chever

,
.
H ABITS A T TA B LE . 2 97
Wi ne you lik e but remember you must keep to that and

, ,
not change about Be fore you go up stairs I will allow

.
ou a glas s of sherry a fter your claret but otherw ise drin k

y .
of one wine only You don t mean to say you are hel p ’
.
ing yoursel f to wine be fore the ladies At least o ffer it .
to the one next to you and then pass it on gently not

, , ,
with a push like that D o not drink so fast ; you will

.
hurry me in passing the decanters if I see that your glas s ,
is empty You need not eat dessert till the ladies are
.
g one but
,
o f
f er them whatever is nearest to you And .
now they are gone draw your chair near mine and I will
, ,
try and talk more pleasantly to you You will come ou t .
admirably at your ne x t dinner with a l l my teaching .
What ! you are e x cited you are talking loud to the col
,
one l. N onsense Come and talk easily to me or to you r

.
nearest neighbor There don t drink any more wine for

.
,
’
,
I see you are getting romantic You oblige me to mak e .
a move You have ha d enough of those walnuts ; you

.
are keeping me my dear sir ,

So now to coffee ( one cup )
.
and tea which I beg you will not pour into your saucer
,
to 0001 Well the dinner has done you g ood and me too
.
, ,
.
Let us be ami able to the ladies but not too muc h so ,

.
CHA P T ER V III .
THE C RRI A A GE OF LAD I ES .
To be civi l with ease it has been well remar k ed co m

,
”
,
s t tc ge s good breeding The English it is added ha ve

i ‘
,
.
,
not l e s m a n i er e s p r e v e n a n t es
‘
when they want to be

’
”
. i vi l they are ashamed to get i t out
,
Since the man .
a ers are g e nerally formed fo r good or for bad be fore

ihi r t — al t hough they m a improve or deteriorate a ft er
y y
t hat age — i t is to the young that a fe w ad monitions should
be o ffered .
Do the young ? ”
The young are per fect now—a days ! -
O ur s is the age o f sel f assertion I shall be surpri s ed

-
.
a t any one who can point out a single de fect in my da u h

g
”
t ers says a well sa t isfie d mamma Teach u s I r e
‘
-
.
,
e p ond the you ng ladies i n a chorus what does the cre a ,

” ”
ture me a n ? My dears murmurs a tremulous voice ,
from the other end o f the room grandmamma s corner

’
, ,
“
don t say t h a t i n my younger days it was the fashion
’
for young ladies i f they were not really humble and

,
timid to appear so I never came into a room as you

,
.
,
Arabella do as i f I could walk over every one and didn t

’
, , ,
m nd ; nor crept in Helen like you as i f you had bee n

i
, , ,
lo ing some thing i n the passage you were asha med o f :

no r pl umped do wn into a chair like you Sophia nor , ,
[l ore they all interrup t poor gran dmamm a with a lou d

t imu l tane ou s laugh for she is certainly quite out of da te
,
and kn ows noth ing of the matt e r .
( 2 98) w
3 00 THE CA RRI AG E or L A D IES .
catches up a fe w words of slang from the county mem

be : S daughter at the last races and t h inks it pret ty to ,
us e those phrases vigorously Philippa the good old rec .

,
t or s favori te child hears L ady Elizabeth contradict he r

'
t ra u ma and takes the same cue hersel f as the certainty

, ,
Bf doing the right thing Modesty and simplici ty t he .

,
u li pri ng of reverence dare not show t heir faces and are

h
, ,
”
! otc d slo w .
Since language is the exponent o f chara cter it is no ,
ce ssary to re fer to its abuse a s i f it does not in all case s ,
actually show a vulgar and pretentious mind it is apt to ,
render it so .
An agreeab l e modest and dignified bearing is in t he

, , ,
younger period of a woman s existence almost like a por ’

,
tion to her Whatever may be the transient tone and

.
fashion of the day that which is amiable grace ful and

, , ,
true in taste will always please the majority of the world

,
.
A voung lady properly so called should not require to

, ,
have allowance s made for her Well brought up her a d .

,
dress should be polite and gentle and it will soon a fter , ,
her introduction to society become easy to be civil wit h ,

”
ease Le t us repeat t he golden rule it should be t he
.
,
u idance to the minor s morals o f socie ty On first bein

’
g g .
introduced to any stranger there is no insincerity in t he ,
display of a certain pleasure We are advised by Wilber .
forc e to give our good will at first on leasehold To the

-
, ,
.
elder a de ferential bend or curtsey

,
though curtsies a re ,
no w un fas hionable marks the well brought up girl

, She .
must not receive her new acquaintance with a hysteri a

laugh su ch as I have seen whole families prone to ; nei
,
ther must she l ook heavy draw down he r mouth and ap , ,
ear as i f she did not care for her new acquaintan c e

p ; nor
ON FIRST I NTROD UCTI ON. 30]
must look at once over the dress of her victim ( in

she
that case ) as if taking an inventory Of it ; nor appear hur ~
ri ed as if glad to get away on the first break in the con

,
ver sa tion She must give a due attention or reasonable

.
,
time to per fect the introduction to a certain e x tent V e l ,

.
a
ab ili ty is to be avoided ; to overpower with a volley of
words is more cruel than kind t he words should be gen t

ly Spoken not drawled and the voice loud enough to be
, ,
ca ught easily but always in an undertone to the power Of

,
voice alloted by nature Some persons appear to go to

.
the very extent and deafen you for all other sounds ;
,
they may speak the words Of wisdom but you wish the m ,
dumb . Others mumble so that you are forced continually

to express your total inability to follow the dri ft of their
remarks ; others drawl so that you feel that li fe is not
long enough for such acquaintance All these are habit ! .
to be con q uered in youth .
Avoid especially affectation It was once in fashion

, ,
.
Some ladies put it on with their dresses ; others by a ,
long practice were success ful i n making it habitual It

,
.
became what was called their manner Sophia has a .
“
manner ; it is not ati e c t ation it is her manner only
'
, ,
”
manne r Afl e c t ati on has long ceased to be the fashion
'
.
,
and like many other bygone peculiarities one sees i t onl

y .
in shops .
There is a way also of looking that must be regulat ed

in the young The audacious stare is odious ; the sl y
.
,
oblique impenetrable look is unsatis factory

,
So ftly and .
kindly should the eyes be raised to those o f the sp e a ker

and only withdrawn when the S peech whatever it may be , ,
is concluded Immediate intimacy and a familiar man

.
ner are worse tha n the gl um look wi th which some young

3 02 THE CA RRI A G E ( r LAD I ES .
l adi es have a habit of regarding their fe ll t w t mrtals -
There is also a cer t ain digni ty o f manners necessary to

make e ven the mom: super i or persons respected T his .
dign i t y can h ardly be a ssumed ; it cannot be taught ; it

mu st be t he result o f intri nsic qualities aided by a kno u l ,
edge very much overlooked in modern educatio n the

k n owle dge how to behave ”
It is distinct from pr e te u
.
o
sion which is about t h e worst feature o f bad manners and

, ,
c rea tes noth ing but disgust A lady should be equal to .
e very occ a sion Her politeness her equanimity he r pre

.
, ,
s ence o f mind should attend her to the court and to t he

,
cottage .
Nei t her should private vexations be allowed to act

Upon her manners either i n her own house or in those Of
,
ot hers If unfit for society let her re frain from entering

.
,
it If She enters it l e t her remember that every one

.
,
is expected to add something to the general stock o f ple a »
sure or improvement The slight sel f command required

.
-
by goo d society is o ften beneficial both to the temper and

S pirits .
“
One great discredit to the present day is the fas t
”
young lady She i s the hoyden of t he Ol d comedies
,
,
without the indelicacy Of that character An avo wed .
flirt she does not scruple to talk of her conquests real or

, ,
imaginary You may k now her by her phrases She

. .
”
t al ks o f
“
the men of such and such a charmer
,
“
.
"
She does not mind but rather pre fers sitting with
,
t he
me n when they are smoking ; she rides furiously and

"
,
p yl a s bi lliards But i t
. is in her marked antagonism to h e r
own se x that the fast y ung lady is perceptible She f

.
shut s up her moral perceptions and sees neither beauty

-
nor t a le nt in her own se x With all th is She is ofte n .

304 TE E CARRIAG E or LA DI Es
long pr actised fl irtat ions are without their evil e ffects on

the chara cter and manners They excite and amuse but .
,
they also exha ust the spirit They expose women to c on .
m re and to misconstruction that is their least e vi l ; th ey

! lt s tr i y the charm of her manners and the simplici ty of
oer heart Yet the fast young lady clings to fl irtat i m as
.
the type o f her class ; the privilege of that social fre e

masonry whi ch enables one flirt to discover and unkennel
a no t her . She glories in number Where a rival has .
slain her thousands she has overthrown her tens o f thou

,
s ands . She forgets that with every successive flirtation , ,
one charm a fter another dis a ppears like the petals from a ,
fading rose until a l l the deliciousness o f a fresh and pure

,
C haracter is lost in the destructive sport On all these .
p oints a woman should take a high tone in the beginning

Of her li fe It is sure to be suflic ie nt ly lowered as tim e
.
g oes on . She loses too that sort of ,

tact which prevents
,
her from discerning when she has gone too far and the ,
”
fast young lady becomes the hardened and practised
flirt against whom all men are on their guard
,
.
It is true that in comparing the prese nt day with for

,
.
me r times we must take i nto account when we praise the

, ,
models Of more chivalric days that we know on ly the ,
best Specimens ; the interior li fe of the middle classes i s

veiled from us by the mist of ages Yet it is to be de .
duce d from biography as well as from the testimony of ,
oe ts and dramatists that there was be fore the Rest e r a

p , ,
ti on a sort of halo around young women of delicacy a nd

,
g o o d breeding owing perhaps

,
in part to the
. more r e tir , ,
ed lives that they led but more to the remnants o f tha t ,
fast departing sentiment of chivalrous respect wh ich yout h

-
and be au ty in s pir ed Then came the ups etting de moral i

THE PRUD E AND THE B L UE—STO C KING . 3 05
la tion of the Restoration when all prudent fathers kept ,

”
their daughters from court a n d only t he bold and fast ,
remained to furnish chronicles for D e Grammont we are

no t th e re fore to judge of the young women of Engla nd
, ,
5y his pictures The charac t er of English ladies rose

.
ag a in to a height Of moral elevation during the placid and
well conducted rule Of Anne and continued as far as re

-
, ,
l ated to single women to be the prid e and boast o f t he ,
country Even now when the reckl e ss flirtation loud

.
, ,
voices unamusing j okes which are comprised under the

, ,
”
odious term C ha d and the masculine tastes of the pre
,
s ent day are deprecated eve n ts bring forth from time to ,
time such instances of devotion and virtue as must con

vince one that there is no degeneracy in our own country
women on solid points Few indeed are these instances
.
, , ,
among the class we have described We must not look .
fo r Flore n ce Nightingales and Miss Marshes among that

c ompany o f the fast .
Contrasted with the fast you ng lady comes forth the ,
prude who sees h a rm in every t hing and her friend t he

, ,
blue stocking
-
You may know the prude by her stoli d
.
ai r Of resistance to mankind In g e neral and by her pat ,
roni z i ng manner to her own s ex Her style of manner is .
like the Austrian policy repressive her style of conver ,
satic n reprehensive
,
She has started in li fe with an im
.
~
mense conceit Of her own mental powers and moral a t t ri

butes Of which the world in general is scarcely worthy
,
He r man ner is indicative of this conviction and becom es

ac cordingly without her intending it o ffensive whe n she
, , ,
be lie ves hersel f t o be polite .
The prude and the pedant are Often firm friends eac h .
adori ng the oth er The fast young l ady deal s largely in

“
806 THE CARRI AG E or LA D IES .
“ ”
epith e ts : Idiot dolt wretch humbug dI Op from he r
, , , ,
’
lips ; but t he prude and her friend the blue —stocking pe r

[ hi t th e mselves to use conven t ional phrases only ; th e i r
notion o f co n versation is that it be instructive a n d a t ,
the same time mys t ifving The young blue stoc king has
,
.
ne re r t he l e ss large views of the regeneration of society

, ,
an d emancipation of woman from her degrading in feriority
of social position She Speaks in measured phrase ; it is

.
l i ke listening to a book to hear her She is wrapt up in .
Tennyson and Browning There is in all this a great . .

,
a im at d isplay with a sel f righteousness that i s very un

,
-
pleasing Avoid there fore ei t her extreme and be c on

.
, , ,
vi nc e d that an artless gaiety tempered by refinement , ,
always pleases Every a t tempt to obtrude on a company

.
s ubj ects either to which they a re indi fferent or of which ,
t hey are ignorant is in bad taste ,

.
Man sh ou l d b e t au gh t as t h ou gh you t au gh t h im not ,

”
And t hi ngs u nk nown pr opose d as t hi ngs forgot .
It was well said by a late eminent barrister that litera ,
ture in ladies should be what onions ought to be in coo k

e ry ; you should perceive the flavor but not detect t he .
thing itsel f .
The bearing of married women should so far di ffer fro m

that of the un married that there should be greater qui e t ,
ness and dignity a more close adherence to forms ; and

an obvious as well as a real abandonment of the admi ra
,
c
t ion which has been received be fore marriage All fl irta .

c
ti on ho wever it may be countenanced by the pres e n t

,
c ustom o f society should be s t ernly and f01 ever put

,
as ide .There is no reason for conversation to be less

li ve ly or soc i e ty l e ss agreeable ; it is i nde e d li k ely to he
, , ,
808 THE C A R RI A G E or LA DIES .
We ca ll l oudly on those in the higher walks of li fe to dd

50 and to wipe a way the reproach on Israel
,
.
In being introduced to a new acquaintance there sho ul d ,
be more dignity and a little more distance in the mam a)

?f the married woman than that o f the si ngle lady
When she visits in a morning call let her neither h u rry ,
off a fter a fe w moments o f empty talk

,
nor stay too lo ng ,
never considering the convenience of her who receives her .
She should walk gently down stairs not talking loud to ,
any one as she goes Ne ver let her apologize for not
.
h aving called sooner unless positively n ecessary ; such

,
a pologies are vastly like a ffronts .
In receiving guests the English lady has much to lear n

from the French hostess Many a time has the visitor in
.
England been met with symptoms of hurry and preoc c u

a t ion remarkably embarrassing to those who call or t h
p , ; e
carriage is announced directly a fter he r arrival and t he ,
lady of the house looks as if she thought her friend ought

to go Some under bred ladies in country towns look out
.
-
, ,
of the window hal f of the time or put tidy their work ,
hoxes making you feel that you are secondary As an

,
.
immutable law of hospitality and good breeding a gues t -
should always be the first and sole object when alone with
you .
It is one advantage of the F rench system of having a

day on which to receive morning callers that the lady of ,
the house is ready and willing to let so man y idle rs into

,
her drawing room -

In no respect does the French lady
.
Bhine so much as in her reception o f those who as she ,
”
appears to think do her t he honor to enter her house
,
.
It is this that makes the di fference In England we see m .
to t hin k we do pe ople an honor i n letting the m cr oss om

PHY SICA L CA R R I A G E . 3 09
t hresholds and come up our stairs T he French la i y ad .
vances to meet the ladies but waits to recei ve t he gentle ,
me n.
She has a chair ready for every one and the room s ,
of the fashiona ble are o ft en full to cro wding yet no on ,
“ “
is n eglected Something civil ( and civil with eas e ’
appr opriate well — turned and o ft en grace fully kind is sa l e

, , ,
to e very one The stranger or foreigner is not le ft out of

.
the conversation previously going on ; he or she is not

made to feel you are not one o f us ; the sooner you go
“
”
th e better .The conversation is soon general though ,
without introductions Havi ng said all you wish and

.
,
At a e d the usual time you rise and the lady follo ws you
y , ,
to the door where a servant is wai t ing to conduct you

,
down stairs and call your carriage into the c o u r Thi s .
agreeable a c c u e i l forms a s t rong co ntr a st to the e n nu i
hich a m d—
w a l p rop os visit o ften seems to produce in a
-
London drawing room and the evident despatch wi t h which

-
a lady o ft en rings the bell to let you out o ften sitting down ,
and resuming a conversation be fore you are hal f across the
ol d and S pacious apartment .
In regard to the physical carriage of women the graces ,
of an upr i ght form o f elegant and gentle movemen t s and

, ,
of the desirable medium between st iffness and lounging ,
ar e desirable both for married and single The same rule s .
and recommendations are applicable to both Contr ol ove r .
the countenance is a part of manners As a lady enters .
a drawi ng room she should look for t he m i s t ress o f the

-
house speaking fi rst to her

,
Her face should wear a .
ami l e ; she should not rush in head foremost ; a grace fu l -
bearing a ligh t step an elegant bend to common acquain t

, ,
ance ,
a cordial pressure n ot s h a k i ng of the hand ex , ,
te nded to her are all requisit e to a lady

, Le t her sin}: .
31 0 THE CA R RIA G E or LA DI E S .
gently into a chair and on formal occasions ret ai n he :

, , ,
u p righ t pos i tion ; neither lounge nor sit timorously on the
edge o f her seat Her feet should scarcely be shown and

.
,
not crossed . Sh e must avoid si tting s t iflly as if a r a mro ! ,
fi c r e introduced within the dress behind or s t oopi ng ,
Excepting a very small and costly parasol it is not no “ ,
usual to bring those articles into a room An e l e ga ntl v .
worked handkerchie f is carrie d in the han d but not dis ,
p layed so much as at dinner parties A lady should con .

.
quer a habit o f breathing hard or coming in v ery hot or , ,
e ven looking very blue and shivery Anything that de .
tracts from the pleasure of society is in bad taste .
In walking the feet should be moderately turned out ,
the steps should be equal firm and light A lady may

, ,
.
be kno wn by her wal k The short rapid steps the sha k

.
, ,
ing the body from side to side or the ver y slow gait which
,
many ladies consider genteel are equally to be deprecated

, .
Some persons are endowed with a natural grace that wants

no teaching where it is not the case the greatest care ,
should be taken to engra ft it in childhood to have a master , ,
not for dancing alone but for the even more important at
,
tributes of the lady s carriage To bow wi th grace or

’
.
,
to curtesy when required to move a c ross a room we l are

'
, ,
p oints which strike the attention almost u nc onsc ious r t o

y
ourselves and the neglect of which o ft en provokes c om
,
ment e ven on thos e in other respects wel l quali fied to adorn

soc i e ty
.
312 I N PUB L IC . THE PROM E N A D E, ETC .
if you live in London you make for Rotten Row ; if in ,
a wa t ering place for the Promenade or the Parade o r

-
, ,
br ef wha t ever may be the spot chosen for the gay peacoc ks
,
to s t ru t in .
Yo u have not been there two minutes be fore you me et

someb ody you know B ut that is a very vague ter m ;
.
for you may know people in almost a do z en di fferent

ways First t hen you i{ l 0 W them sligh tly and wish to
.
, ,
.
recognize t hem sligh t ly Your course is simple enough . .
If you are a l ady you have t he privilege of recognizing a

,
gen tleman You wish to do so because there is no re a

.
,
p
son that you should not be poli te to him So when you .
come q uite near to him and see that he is looking at you ,
you bow sligh tly and pass on T h ere are one or two
,
.
things to be avoided even in this You must not how .

,
ever short sigh t ed raise your glasses and stare at him

-
, .
through them be fore you bow ; but as it is very awk ward

for a lady t o bow by mistake to a gentleman she does not
k now you should look at him well be fore you come up to
,
him If you are a man on t he o t her hand and you meet

.
, ,
a lady whom you kno w sligh t ly you must wait till she ,
bows to you You t hen li ft your hat quite off your head
.
with the hand whichever it may be which is far t her fro m

, ,
the person you meet You li ft it off your head but that
.
,
is all ; you have no need as they do in France to sho w , ,
th e world the inside thereo f ; so you immedi a tely repl ace

it . In making t his salute you bend your body slightly ,
.
If which shoul d rarely occur you happen to be sm oking

, , ,
you take your cigar from your mou t h with t he othe r

hand ; so too if you have your hands i n your pockets
, .
whi ch I hope you will not , you take them out be for e how
THE SA L UTE . 31 8
ing. To neglect thes e little Observances would sho w a

want o f respect .
B ut suppose it is a person whom you know rather mor e

than slightly and to whom you may speak Well then
,
.
,
no man may Stop to Speak to a lady until she s te ps to

spe ak to hi m The lady in short has the right in all cases
.
, ,
to be friendly or distant Women have not many rights ;

.
l e t us grace fully concede the fe w t hat they possess You .
raise your hat all the same but you do not shake hands ,
u nless the lady puts out hers which you may take as a ,
s ign of particular good will

— In this case you must not .
ste p long but the lady again has the right to prolong t he
,
in tervie w at pleasure It is she not you who must mak e

.
, ,
the mo ve onwards If she does this in the middle of a

.
c onversation it is a proo f that she is willing that you

,
s hould j oin her and i f you have no absolute call to go

,
your way you ought to do so But i f she does so wi th a

,
.
s light i ncli nation it is to dismiss you and yo u mus t then

, ,
again bow and again raise your hat .
If however you are old acquaintance without any qu a r

, ,
rel be tween yo u should whether gentlem an or lady at

, , ,
once stop and give the hand and enter into conversation .
The length of this conversation must depend on the place

where you meet If in t he streets it should be very
.
,
shor t ; i f in a regular p romen ade it may be longer ; but ,
as a r ule old frie nds do better to turn round and j oi n

,
for c es . On the other hand i f you are walking with a ,
ra n who m your lady friend does not know you must ne

‘
stop ,
still less so i f she is walking with a lady or gen
,
'
tl e man whom you do not know If however a decided .

, ,
mc lina ti on is evi nc ed by either to Speak to the other and

on so s t op the s tranger ought not to wal k on but to
, ,
14
51 4 THE PROMEN A D E, ETC .
i ntroduce m
e m also and it then
,
behooves you to m 01
her Such an introd uction is merely formal and goes no

.
,
fu r t her .
Lastly let us suppose that you want to

,
cut you}
ac uaintance O fi e W ho inven t ed the ou t ? What de
q .
mon put it into the head of man or woma n to give thi s

mute token o f contempt or ha t red ? I do not know but 1
do kno w that in modern civilized li fe as it goes t he c ut , ,
is a great institution The finest specimen of it which

. .
we have on record is that of Beau Brummell and George I V .
These two devoted friends had quarrelled as devot ,
ed friends are wont to do and when they met again , ,
George then Prince was walking up St James Stre s s

, ,
.
’
on the arm of some companion and Brummel } dressed to , ,
perfection was coming down it on that of another The

,
.
two companions happened to know one ano th e r and al l ,
four st e ppe d George the Prince was determined to ia

.
nore George the B e an s e xistence and talked to his com ’

.
panion without appearing to see him George the Be an .
expected this but was still mortified They all bowed ,

.
and moved away ; but be fore the P rince was out of hear
ing B rummell said to his companion in a loud voice

, ,
Wh o s your fat friend ? It is well known t hat the

’ ”
Reg en t grieved at that time most bitterly over his gro w

mg corpulency and the Beau was avenged ,
.
But my advice to an y body who wishes to cut an ac ”
ua i n tanc e is mo s t emphatically D on t In the first place ’

.
, , ,
it is vulgar and a custom which the vulgar a ffec t

,
It is .
pretentious and see ms to say ,

You are not goo d enough ,
”
for me to know All pretension is vulgar In the ne xt
. .
pl ace it does the cutter as much inj ury as the c u ttee The
, .
la tter if worthless revenges himsel f by deno uncing t he

, ,
816 THE PRC MENADE , ar e .
You go out happen to meet and cut him dead The next
, ,
.
day the tru t h c omes out It is another Mactavish who was .
c a sh iered and your friend is a model of honor Wh at

,
.
c a n you do ? You cannot tell him you made a mistake

i t wo uld then be his turn to take a high hand No .
no says he when you o ffer to renew the friendship if

, ,
o u could so soon believe evil of me you are not the ma n

y ,
for Mactavish Besides you cut me yesterday and I c an

.
, ,
”
forgive everything but a cut Or again papa is alarmed .
,
“
at the atten t ions o f young Montmorency A pennile ss .
”
boy making love to Matilda ! he cries indignan t ly and ,
orders the said Matilda and her mamma to cut him Mont .
morency in pique runs o ff to Miss Smith o ffers and

, , , ,
marries her It is then discovered that Mont morency has

.
a bachelor uncle whose whole fortune will come to him ,

and Matilda is miserable .
But there are some cases in which a cut becomes the

sole means o f ridding one s sel f o f annoyance and with
’
-
young ladies especially so A girl has no other means of .
escaping from t he familiarity of a pushing and thic k

Bkinned man She canno t al ways be certain that the
.
people introduced to her a re gentlemen ; pleased with the m

at first she gives them so me encouragement till some oc
, ,
casion or other lays bare the true character of her ne w

acquaintance What is she to do ? He requir es so little t o
.
e ncour age him that even a recognition would be su fficien t

,
to bring him on She has nothing le ft but to cut him

.
de ad. The cut however should be posi t ively the last re

, ,
source . There are many ways less o ffensive a nd more ,
dignified of sho wing that you do not wish for intimacy

, ,
the sti ff bow wi t hout a smile is enough to show a man of

an
y preception that he need not ma k e farther advanc es
THE OUT .
and as for tting people of real or imaginary in feriority

cu
it is the worst of vulgarity We laugh at the silly pride

.
of the small dressmaker who declines to go through the
k itchen .
“
Not acc u stomed to associate wit h menials ”
,
he tells you and knocks at the front door ; we smile a t

,
the costermonger who cannot lower himsel f to recogni se

the crossing sweeper and how absurd to those of a highe r
-
clas s than our own must the Smiths whose father was a ,
physician appear when they cut the S impkinse s whos e

, , ,
progenitor is only a surgeon and so on But if you have ,

.
once known people you should always know them if they ,
have not done anything to merit indignation If you .
have once been familiar with the Simpkinses you are not ,
only inconsistent and vulgar but you accuse yoursel f of ,
former wan t of perception i f now you discover that they

,
a re too low for you to know .
But if a cut must be made let it be done with as littl e

, ,
ofie ns i ve ne ss as possible Le t the miserable culprit not

'
be tortured to death or broken in the social wheel like a

, ,
Damiens however treasonable his o ffence

,
Never on any .
,
acc ount allow him to speak to you and t he n s tar ing him
, ,
”
in the face e xclaim ,
Sir I do not kno w you ! or as
, , ,
ome people trying to make r udeness elegant would say

, , ,
“
Sir I have not the honor of your acquaintance ; nor
,
behead him with the fixed stare ; but rather let him see
th a t you have noticed his approach and then turn yc a! ,
head away If he is thick skinned or daring enough to

.
-
come up to you a fter that bow to him sti ffly and pass on
, .
In this way you avoid insolence and cause less of tha ,
destroyer of good manners — con fusion .
The re are some definite rules for cutting A gentl e .
man must never out a lady under any circumstances An .

81 8 ms PROMENA DE, ar e .
u n married lady should never ou t a married on e A ser .
v ant of whatever class— for t here are servants up to

royalty itsel f — should never cut his master ; near relatio ns
should never cut one ano t her at all and a clergym an

should never ou t anybody because it is at best an u nc hris
,
t ian acti on Perhaps it may be added that a superior

.
should never ou t his in ferior in rank ; he has many other

w ays of annihilating him Certainly it may be laid do wn
.
that people holding temporary oflic i al relations must waive

th e ir private animosities and that two doctors for instance
. , ,
ho wever much opposed to one ano t her should never i ntro ,
duce the cut over the bed o f a patient .
I pass now to a much pleasanter theme that of saluta ,
t ion . I kno w not when men first discovered that som e

s ign was necessary t o show t heir good will to one another -
Hatred t he ugliest of all the demons ( and they are not

, ,
renowned for beauty ) took a reserved seat early in the

,
history of the world and the children o f Cain and Seth

, ,
i f they ever met must have found it necessary to hold out

,
s ome human flag o f truce What t his may have been we

.
have no records to prove but it i s certain that prostra

,
tion which made a man helpless for the moment was a

, ,
very early form of salutation and one that has not yet .
gone out for kneeling which is only a simpler form of it

, ,
it still preserved in our courts But this was too awk ward
.
a practice for everyday li fe especially when men gathered

,
i nto cities and met their fellow creatures daily in lar e

g -
numbers Fancy a member of Parliament bobbing down on

.
— ”
his marrow bones whenever he met a constituent or a ,
”
clergyman wearing the knees of his black limb covers
i nto shining patches as he walke d the p a rish and met Ti n .
Mi les and George Gil e s at every corner The question the n .

820 THE PROMENA D E , a re
tween the amount of respect due to position ( for ch aracter

soon lost i ts due r e ogni t ion ) and t he amou n t o f cordial
c
,
i ty due to frie n h ip dThus some form of inclination re

s .
mained in use for the salu t e o f respect and thus the e ye ,
Was the sense there employed The pr i nciple of respe ct

.
was brought variously into practice but i n no way so ,
prominen t ly as that o f baring some part of the body ,

thereby pu t ting the saluter to a temporary inconvenience ,
and l aying him e pen to the attack of the saluted In o ne .
country the shoes were taken off in another the head ,
gear though St Paul s ph il OSOphic if not very gallant

,
.
’
, ,
distinctio n relative to the honor o f a man laying in his

head and that of a woman else where would seem to
, ,
make the Orientals more consistent i n keeping their tur

bans on and taking off thei r slippers In no country .
,
however do we hear of women taking thei r bonnets o ff

, ,
as a salute though in some to unvei l the face wa s a mark

,
of great reverence That of course would depend on

.
,
whether it was a pret ty face or not ; but however this may

be the forms of salutation which have been retained
,
among European na t ions are much the same ; the bow ,
namely as a relic of prostration and baring t he head

, , ,
among men ; while among women the prostration was

k ep t up to a much later date and the curtsey in w ich , ,
h
the knees were bowed is not yet quite vanished from the
modesty of our land Maid servants and country w1ves
.
-
re t ain it still .
But when we come to cordiality we find another sense

brought i nto action Words were known to be concealers
.
of thought so t hat the sense o f hear ing was out of the

,
question while smelling and tasting were unanimously

,
v te d brutish ; and th ose poets who talk about

o “
tasting
‘
THE KIss. 32 1
the honey her lips are fitted to be laureates in the

of ,
ca nnibal islands rather than in the British kingdom s .
There remained then the sense of touch which if not , ,
the most delicate is one which the human race parti en

,
‘
l arl y depend on as our blind children learn to know e ve r

,
c olors thereby Besides o wing to the absence of fu r in “
,
.
ou r r ace the sense of touch is more acute in us th an

,
in a ny other animals .
Well on the touch and know principle some races im

,
- -
mediately undertook to conduce to each other s com fort as

’
a to ken o f cordiali t y In the frost bitten regions of Lap

.
-
land for instance it is the fashion to run up to you r

, ,
friend and rub his nose with yours It is a mute ex .
pression of the wish that his proboscis may not drop off
so me cold morning ; an d indeed thi s custom must assist i n
preserving that gra ce ful feature from the e ffects o f frost ,
so that the man with the largest acquaintance is also like
ly to have the largest nose In Southern Africa again .

,
where the feet get terribly dry from the heat of the soil ,
it is the cus t om to rub toes ; and in some country or other

.
the height of elegance is to moiste n the hand in the most

natural manner and smear your friend s face with it
,
’
.
These customs however mus t have had a somewhat

, ,
local appreciation and have not received general approba

,
tion There are now t w

. o recognised modes of cordia l
s alutation — the kiss and the shake of the hand Whethe r .
k issing was known in Paradise as Byron wbc had some , ,
e xperience of it ( kiss ing I mean not P aradis e ) as sures

, , ,
us 3
On e re mna nt of Par adise s t ill i s on e a rth ,
An d Ede n re vi v es in t h e firs t ki s s of l ove
we c an not st0p to i n vestigate but that it was

.
, a ve ry early
14*
822 THE PROMEN AD E, arc .
di scovery , those who read their Bibles may find ou t It .
is a beauti ful custom an angelic custom ; I say it withou t

,
bl ushing because i t was originally and i n many countries

, ,
— —
is let us hope even in ngland the most innocent thing
E
in the worl d Certainly about the period o f our own
.
,
”
e ra,
the kiss o f peace was a mark o f love betwee n
“
men though in some cases it was made to serve the dead

liest ends It is still in use between men in France and
.
G ermany The parent kisses his gro wn u p son on the

.
-
forehead ; friends press their lips t o others cheeks ; bro

’
the rs thr ow their arms round one another s necks and

’
embrace like lovers Alack and alas ! for our st ifl hu

'
mani ty Here in England it is reserved for children and

.
girls and for Minnie to stop my lips with when I am

,
.
going to scold her Well it is a beauti ful old custom all

.
, ,
the same and if we were not so wicked in this nine

,
te e nt h cen tury we should have more of it

, In the days .
of good Queen Bess it was the height o f politeness to
k iss your neighbor s wi fe and our grand fathers tell us

’
,
that on entering a room they kissed all the women present

a s a matter of course This privilege is reserved now for
.
Scotch cousins who make a very free use of it But

,
.
,
alas ! this beauti ful symbol of pure afl e c t ion which sent

'
a thrill from warm lips through all the frame is now be ,
come a matter of almost shame to us It is a deed to be .
don e beh i 1 d the d oo r as H orace Smith hints , .
Sydne y Mor gan was pl ayi ng th e organ,
Wh il e b ehi n d th e v e st ry door
H or ac e Twi ss wa s s n a t c hi n g a ki ss
From t he l ip s o f H anna h Moor e .
Poor Hannah Moore how the very thou ght tr us t ha w

uhri vel l ed her up .
824 THE PROMENA D E, ar c .
while he hates you The hand is a fter all the m ost nat u
.
'
ra l limb to salute with Next to t hose of t he lips t he

.
,
nerves of touch are most highly developed in t he fingers ,
wh ich may be accounte d for by t he perpetual fric tion and

ir ritation t o which they are subjected for we know that ,
th ose portions of the skin are the most ticklish w hich n u

dergo the most fric t ion However this may be the han d
.
,
is the most convenient member to salute wi t h The toe .
rubbing process fo r instance must subject one to the ris k

, ,
of toppling over in any but a digni fi ed manner ; mak

”
ing a knee was liable to be follo wed by breaking a nose ,
if the balance were not care fully preserved and as fo r the

to tal prostration system I feel convinced that it must
,
have been given up by common consent a ft er dinner and ,
by corpulent personages But the charm of the hand as

. .
a saluting member lie s in the fact of its grasping power

,
which enables the shaker to vary the salute at pleasure .
The freemasons well know this and t hough they begin ,
the mysterious salu t e with signs for the eye they are ra re ,
l y satisfied t i ll they have followed th e m up by the g rasp ,
which varies for almost every grade for apprentice mas , ,
ter royal arch knight templar and all their other absu r
, , ,
l itic a .My worthy masons do not suppose that you ,
p ossess a monopoly o f this art There is as cunning a .
free masonry in all society and the mode of taking grasp

, ,
ing and shak ing the hand varies as much according to

, ,
c ircumstances and even more than your knuckling s s

, y ,
First there is the case where two hands simply t ake

,
hold o f one another This is the mode of very shy peo

.
pl e a nd of two lovers parting in tears : bu t then in t he

,
me ease the hold is brie f in the other continued Ne xt , .

H AND—SH ARING 825
ther e is the case where one hand is laid clammily in the

oth e r which slightly presses the fingers not going down
, ,
to the palm This is a favorite mode with ladies esp e

.
,
cial l y young ladies towards slight acquaintance ; but

,
when my heart flutters a little for Mariana s smi l e I

’
,
s hould be piqued indeed nay shocked if there we re

, , ,
nothing more than fingers laid in my hand no responsive ,
thumb to complete the manoeuvre and when Sybilla told ,
me she could not love me and when she would not l isten
, ,
but hurried away up the terrace steps and turned to give ,
me the last— last shake of a hand I have never touched ,
again I cannot tell you what o f despair she saved me in

,
the f riendly warmth — I do not say a f

f ection — with which
she wrung my hand that passionately clung round hers .
Ah ! Sybilla better have le ft that hand with me hav e

, ,
given it me for ever than to t he wealthy wig wearing,

,
-
rouged and powdered bear to whom they sold you after ,
Wards .
Ne xt there is the terribly genteel salute of the under

,
bred man who with a smirk on his face j ust touches the
.
, ,
tips of your fingers as i f t hey were made of glass ; ther e

,
is the blunt honest shake of the rough who lays out his ,
hand with the palm e pen and the heart in the hollo w of
it stretches it well out and shake s and rattles the one
, ,
you put into it ; there is the pouncing style of him who

e ffec t s but does not feel cordiality who brings the angl e ,
be tween thumb and finger down upon you like g apin g

shears there is the hailing style of the indi fferent man
who seems to say to your hand Come and b s haken
, e
there is the style of the man who gives your hand one
tos s as i f he were ringing t he dinner bell ; and anothe r
,
-
be ll ringin g styl e is that of milady , who sha k es he r OW!

-
5 26 THE PROMENA D E, a re .
hand from the wrist with a neat fine little movement a nd ,
does not care whe t her yours shakes in it or not ; there is

genius who clasps your hands in bo t h of his and beams
in to your face ; and there is love who seizes it to pre ss i t
t ighter and more tigh t ly and sends his whole soul through
,
t he fingers .
But the styles are infinite there is the mesmeric styl e

where the shaker seems to make a pass down you be fore
getting at your hand ; there is papa s style coming down ’
,
with an Open handed smack that you may hear hal f t he

-
length of Parliament Street ; there is the solemn style ,

where the el bow is tucked into the side like the wing of ,
a trussed fowl and the long fingers are extended with the
,
thumb i n close attendance ; there is the hearty double ,
knock style of three rapid shakes ; there is the melan

cho ly style where the hand is heaved up once or twic e
,
slowly a nd lo wered despairingly ; there is the adulatory

style where it is raised towards the bent head as if to be
,
i
nspected ; there is the hail fellow style where the arm is
-
stretched out sideways and the eyes say ,

“
There s my ,
’
”
hand old boy !
, Then of s t vl es to be always avoided ,
there is the swinging style where your arm is tossed from

,
s ide to side there is the wrenching style by which your ,
k nuck les are made to ache for five minu tes a ft er ; a nd

there is the condescending style where two fingers a re ,
held out to you as a great honor But the best style of .

,
al l m e j u di ce
, is the hearty single clasp full hand ed
,
-
, ,
Warm momentary j ust shaken enough to make the gentl e

, ,
gras p well felt but not pain ful .
The etiquette o f hand shaking is simple A man has

-
.
no ri ght to ta ke a lady s hand till it i s o ffered It were I

’
.
82 8 r u n PROMEN AD E, ETC .
n ever walk with a young l ady i n publi c place s a nl e st ,
e specially asked to do so How Sybilla s words t rilled

.
h ’
t hr ough me when she said

,
Mamma I am gou g to
, ,
”
wal k home wi t h Mr i f you have no obj ec t ion
. I .
h ad not pr e posed it i t was her own doing

,
No wonde r .
I am a bachelor still and she the Amy in Locksley Hall !

,
If you walk with a lady alone in a large to wn pa rti en ,
l arl y in London you must o ffer her your arm ; elsewhere

,
it is unnecessary and even marked

,
.
In driving with ladies a man must take the bac k seat

,
of the carriage and when it s t e ps j ump out first and 03 m ,
his hand to let them out In your own carriage you a l

.
ways give the front seat to a visitor if you are a man , ,
but a lady leaves the back seat for a gen t leman .
In railway travelling you should not open a convers a

t io n with a lady unknown to you until she makes som e ,
advance towards it On the other hand it is polite to

.
,
speak to a gentleman If however his answers be curt

.
, ,
and he evinces a desire to be quiet do not pursue t he ,
conversation On your part if addressed i n a railway

.
,
c rriage you should always reply polite ly If you ha vc

a
,
.
a newspaper and others have not you should offer it t o

, ,
the person nearest to you An acquaintance begun on a

.
railway may sometimes go farther but as a ge neral rule , , ,
it terminates when one of the parties leaves the carriage .
A Frenchman always takes off his hat in a carriage where

there are ladies , whether a private or public one T his .
i s a politeness which really well bred Englishmen i mitat e

-
If you go in an omnibus ( and there is no reason why a

ge n zl e ma n should not do so ) it is well to avoid conve r
,
sation but if you e nter into it beware of i n fla mmator

, , y
Y
I N PUB LI C CONV E A N CES 829
subj ect s An acquaintance of mine once talk e d politics

.
to a radical in an omn ibus . The two got heated and

,
more h eated , and my ac qu aintanc c —for he was no fr iend

h
,
I assure you — ended by driving his opponent s hea d

’
throu gh the window of the vehicl e . It was agr eeabl e

r aw —to se e his na me ne x t day in the ol i c e re orts
p
p .
CHA P T ER X .
[ R PRIV ATE V ISI TS , I N TROD UCTI ONS, Erc

'
. .
fa r ms are many great men who go unrewarded for the

se rvices they render t o humani t y Nay even their nam es .
,
ar e lost while we daily bless their inven t ions

,
One of .
these is he if i t was not a lady who introduced the u se

, ,
of visiting cards In days of yore a slate or a book was

.
kept and you wrote your name on it But then that

,
.
could only be done when your acquaintance was not at

home .To the French is du e the practice of making the
’
delivery of a card serve t he purpose o f the appearance of

the individual and wi t h t ho se who have a large acquaint
,
ance this custom is becoming very common in large towns .
The visit or call is however a much be t ter insti t u t ion

, ,
than is generally supposed It has its drawbacks It . .
wastes much time ; it necessita t es much small t alk It .
obliges one to dress on t he chance o f finding a friend at
home ; bu t for all this it is almost the only means of

making an acquaintance r ipen into a friendship In the .
visi t all the strain which general society somehow ne c e s

,
~
sit at e s is thrown off

, A man receiv e s you in his room :
.
cordially and makes you welcome not to a sti ff dinner

, , ,
but an easy chair and conversa t ion

-
A lady who in the .

,
ball room or par ty has been compelled to limit her conver

-
:
sa t ion can here spea k more freely The talk can descend
, .
fiom generaliti es to personal inquiries and nee d I say tha t ix ,
( 880)
882 V ISITS, I NTROD UCTI ONS , ETC .
s ociety Of the pl a ce In this last c a se the inhabita nt s ai

.
.
ways call first on the new comer unless he brings a lette r

-
of introduction when he i s the first to call but instea d

, ,
of going in leaves it wi t h a card or cards and waits till

, ,
this formal visit is returned In returning a visit mad e .
with a letter it is necessary to go in if the family i s at

home A letter o f introduction says La Fontaine is
”
, ,
”
a dra ft at sight and you must cash it
,
In large town s .
t here is no such cus to m It would be impossible for the

.
residents to call on every new comer and hal f Of the new ,
arrivals might be people whose acquaintance they would

not wish to improve If however you take a letter of
.
,
introduction with any special Obj ect whether Of business ,
or of a private or particular character you are right to ,
send in the letter with your card and ask for admission ,
.
Such letters should only be given by actual friends Of the

persons addressed and to actual friends Of thei r own
,
.
Never if you are wise give a letter to a person whom

, ,
you do not know nor address one to one whom you know
,
slightly The letter Of i ntroduction i f actually given to

.
,
( ts bearer should be le ft Open that he may not incur the fate

, ,
Of the Persian messenger who brought tablets Of i ntro ,
duction recommending the new acquaintance to c u t his

'
head Ofi A letter Of this kind must there fore be care fully

.
worded stating in full the name of the person introduced ,
but with as fe w remarks about him as possible It is ge n .
orally su fficient to say that he is a friend Of yours who m ,
ou trust your other friend will receive with attention &c

y ,
.
In travelling i t is well to have as many letters as possibl e

but not to pin your fai t h on them In foreign towns it is .
the custom for the new comer to call on the residents firs t
j ust the reverse of ours .
vISITs or CEREMON Y . 83 8
Ceremonial visits must be made the day aft er a ball

whe n it will su ffice to leave a card ; within a day or t wo
after a dinner party when you ought to make the visi t
,
rs onall y unless the dinne r was a semi Offic i a l one such

p e -
, ,
as t he L ord Mayor s ; and within a week Of a small party,

’
when t he call should certainly be made in person Al l .
these visits S hould be short lasting from twenty minute s

,
“ ”
to hal f a n hour at the most
- -
There is one species of bore
.
more detestable than any other— the man namely who , ,
c omes and sits in your drawing room for an hour or two -
preventing you from going Out to make your own calls or ,
i nterrupting the calls of others It is proper when you .
have b e en some time at a visit and another caller is an ,
nou nc e d to rise and leave not indeed immedia tely as i f

, , ,
you shunned the new ar ri val but after a moment or two , .
In other cases when you doubt when to take your leave

, ,
you must not l OOk at your watch but wait till there is a ,
lul l in the conversation .
V isits Of condolence and congratulation must be m ad e

about a week a fter the event If you are intimate with .
the person on whom you call you may ask in the firs t ,
case for admiss ion i f not it is better only to leave a card

, ,
“ ”
and make your kind inq uiries Of the servant who is ,
generally primed in what manner to answer them In .
visits o f congratulation you S hould always go in and be ,
hearty in your congratulations V isits Of condolence are .
te rrible i nfiic t ions to both receiver and giver but they ,
may be made less so by avoiding as much as consistent ,
with sympathy any allusion to the past

,
The receive r .
does well to abstain from tears A lady Of my acquaint .
ance who had lost her husband was r e e e i vl ng such a vi si t ,
in he r be st crape She wept profusely for some time upon

.
33 4 V ISITS . INTROD UCTI ON , ETC .
the best Of broad —hemmed cambric handkerchie fs a nd t h e n ,
turning to her visitor said I am sure you will be gl ad

to hear that Mr B . has le ft me mos t com fortably pro
vi de d for .
”
H im i ll cc Za c r ymce Perhaps they would .
h a ve been more sincere i f he had le ft her without a penny .
At t he same time i f you have not sympathy and hear t

,
e nough to pump up a little condolence you will do better ,
to avoid i t but take care that your conversation is not t oo

,
gay Whatever you may feel you must respect the sor
.
,
rows Of others .
On marriage cards are sent round to such people as

,
o u wish to keep among your acquaintance and it is then

y ,
their part to call first on t he young couple when within ,
distance .
I now come to a fe w hints about calling in general and

first as to the time thereo f In London t he limits Of call .
,
ing hours are fixed namely from three to six but in t he

, , ,
country people are sometimes odious enough to call in the

morning be fore lunch This should not be done even by .
intimate friends Everybody has or ought to have his

.
, ,
or her proper occupation In the morning and a caller will ,
then sometimes fi nd the lady Of the house unprepared It .
is necessary be fore calling to ascertain the hours at which

your friends lunch and dine and not to call at these A ,
.
ceremonial call from a slight acquaintance Ought to be re

t urned the next day or at longest within three days unless
, ,
t he distance be great In the same way if a stranger

.
,
co mes to stay at the house Of a friend in the country or , ,
in small country to wns every reside nt ought to call on ,
bin: or her even if she be a young lady as soon as pos

, ,
s ibl e a ft er the arrival These calls should be made in pe r

.
son an d returned the ne x t da

,
y .
886 V ISITS . I NTROD UCTIONS, ETC .
ie nt t han a pocket b ook ; and in leaving Cards y ou must

thus distribute them : one for the lady Of the house and
he r daughters — the latter are sometimes represented by
turning up the edge Of t he card — one for the master o f
the b i use and i f there be a grown up son or near male ro
l ati on staying in the house one for him But though ,
.
cards are cheap you must never leave more than three at
,
a tim e at t he same house As married men have or a re .

,
supposed to have too much to do to make ceremonial calls

, ,
it i s the custom for a wi fe to take her husband s c ards with

’
her and to leave one or two Of them with her own If

,
.
,
on your inquiring for the lady Of t he house the servant ,
replies Mrs SO and so is not at home but Miss SO and

,
.
- -
,
-
”
so is you should leave a card because young l adies do
, ,
not receive calls fro m gentlemen unless they are v e ry in ,
timate with them or have passed t he rubicon o f thirty ,
summers It must be remembered too that where there

.
, ,
is a lady Of the house your call is t o her not to her hu s , ,
band except Ou business

,
.
The Roman Assembly used to break up if thunder was

heard and in days Of yore a family assembly was Ofte n
,
broken up very hurriedly at the thunder of the knocker ,
one or o t her Of t he daughters exclaimi ng “

I am not ,
dressed mamma and dar t ing from the ro om ; but ladi es

,
ought to be dressed su fficiently to receive visi t ors in the

a fternoon As nerves have grown more delicate of la te
.
years it is perhaps a blessing that k noc k ers have be e n

,
supe rseded by bells Where they remain ho wever yo u .

, ,
should not rat t le them fiercely as a powdered Mercu r

y ,
does nor should you pu l l a bell fero iously

,
c
.
Havi ng entered the house you take up with vou to the ,
drawing room both hat and cane , but lea ve an umbrella in

-
C OUNTR Y -
V I SI TI N G . 3 37
the hal l In France it is usual to leave a great co at down

.
stairs also but as calls are made in thi s coun t ry in mor n

.
ing dress i t is not necessary to do SO

,
.
It is not usual to introduce people at morning calls in

la rg e towns ; in the country it is sometimes done not al ,
ways The law Of introductions is in fact to forc e no , ,
one i nto an acquaintance You should there fore a scert a in .
be forehand whether it is agreeable to both to be introduced

but i f a lady or a superior expresses a wish to know a gen
tl e man or an in ferior the latter two have no righ t to de ,
cline the honor The introduction is Of an in ferior ( which

.
o sition a gentleman al ways holds to a lady ) to the sup e

p
rior . You introduce Mr Smi t h to Mrs Jones or Mr A . .
,
. .
to Lord B not vi c e o er s a In introducing two persons

.
,
.
,
it is not necessary to lead one Of them up by the hand bu ,

‘
it is suffici ent simply to precede them Having thu s .
brought the person to be introduced up to the one to whom

he is t o be presented it is the custom even when the con , ,
sent has been previously Obtained to say with a slight bow , ,
to the superior personage : Will you allow me to intro

duce Mr The person ad dressed replies by bowing
.
to the one introdirc e d who also bo ws at the same time , ,
while the introducer repeats t heir names and then retires , ,
c aving them to converse Thus for instance i n present .

, ,
ing Mr Jones to Mrs Smith you will Say

. Mrs Smith .
, ,
.
,
”
a ll ow me to introduce Mr J ones and while they are e n . .
g a ged in bowing you will murmur “

Mrs,
Smith M r ,
.
-
.
”
J ones ,
and escape If you have to present three or fou r
.
e opl e to said Mrs Smith it will su ffice to utter their re

p .
,
l pe c ti ve names without repeating that of the lady .
A well bred person always receives visitors at whateve r

-
ti me the y may call Or wh oever they may be ; but if y ou

, _
15
3 38 V ISITS, INTRODUCTI ONS. ETC .
are occupied and cannot a fford to be interrupted by a In e rt

ceremony you Should ins t ruct t he servant bef m e /mn d to
,
“ ”
say that you are not at home This form has Often .
be e n denounced as a falsehood but a lie is no lie unl e ss ,
i nte nded to dec e ive and since the words are universa lly
understoo d to mean t hat you are eng a ged it can be no ,
har m to give such an order to a servant But on t he .

,
other hand if the servant once admits a visi t or within t h e

,
hall you Should receive him at any inconvenience to your

,
sel f A lady Should never keep a Visi t or waiting more

.
than a minute or t wo at the most and if she cannot avoid ,
doing so must apologize on entering the drawing room

,
-
.
In good society a visitor unless he is a complete stran

, ,
ger does not wait to be invited to sit do wn but takes a

, ,
seat at once easily A gen t leman should never take the.
principal place in the room nor on the other han d Sit a t , , ,
an inconvenient distance from the lady Of the house He .
must hold his hat grace fully not put it on a chair or table , ,
or i f he wants to use bo t h hands must place it on t he

, ,
floor close to his chair A well bred lady who is re c e iv .

-
ing two or three Visitors at a time pays equal attention to ,
all and attempts as much as possible to generalize the

, , ,
c onversation turning to all in succession The last arrival .
ho wiéve r receives a lit t le more attention at first than t he

'
,
others and the latter to spare her embarrassment should

, , ,
leave as soon as convenient People who out Si t two or thre e .

-
a rties of vi sitors unless they have some particular moti ve

p ,
for doing so c ome under the denomination Of bores

,
”
A .
“ ”
bore is a person who does not know when you have had
e n ough Of hi s or her company Las tly a lady never call s .
,
on a gentleman unless pro fessionally or OffiCi a l l y It is no t

, .
on]y ill bred but posi tively improper to dC so

-
At the same
,
340 V ISITS I NTROD UCTIONS, ETC .
deal trouble and doubt But a custom not SO commen

Of .
dabl e has la t ely come in o f limi t ing the Visits o f ac q uaint

ance to two or three days This may be pardonable where .
the guest li ves at no great distance but it is pre pos t e rou ,
to C x pect a person to travel from London to Aberdeen for

I s tay o f three nights If however the length be no
.
, ,
Specified and cannot easily be discovered a we e k is t he

, ,
limit for a coun t ry visi t except at the house Of a near re ,
l ation or very Ol d friend It will however save troubl e .

, ,
to yoursel f i f soon a ft er your arrival you state that yoL

, , ,
”
ar e come for a fe w days and if your host wishes you , ,
to make a longer Visit he will at once press you to do so

,
.
The main point in a coun t ry visit i s to give as li ttl e

t rouble as possible to con form t O the habi t s Of your e n
,
s
te rt a ine rs and never to be in the way

,
On this principl e .
you will retire to your own occupa t ions soon a fter break
fast unless some arrangement has been made fo r passing
,
the morning o t herwise If you have nothing to do you .

,
may be sure that your host has some thiug to attend to in

t he morning Another poin t Of good breeding is to be
.
-
punctual at meals for a host and hostess never sit down

,
without their guest and dinner may be getting cold If

,
.
,
however a guest should fail in this particular a well bred

, ,
-
entertainer will not only take no notice Of it but attempt ,
to set the late comer as much at his ease as possible A .
hos t should provide amusement for his guests and give up ,
his time as much as possible to them but if he should b

a prc fes sional man or student — a n author for instanc e ,
the guest should at the commencement Of the Visit insis t

, ,
tha t he will no t allow him t o interrupt his occupations and ,
the la t t er will set his Visitor more at his ease by acceptin g

this arrangement I n fact he rule on which a host
.
,
t
G RA T UI TIES TO SERV A NTs . 34 1
Jhoul d act is to make his visitors as much at home as pos

sible that on which a visi tor should act is to i ntc r fe r e as
,
lit tle as possible with t he domestic routine Of t he hou se .
The worst part Of a coun t ry visit is the necessity of

gi ving gratuities to the servants fo r a poor man may o fte n
,
find his Visit cost h im far more than if he had stayed a

home It i s a custom which ought to be put down be
.
cause a host who receives much should pay his own ser
vants for the extra trouble given Some people have mad e
.
by laws against it in their houses but li ke those abou t

-
, ,
gratuities to railway porters t hey are seldom regarded

-
,
.
In a great house a man servant expects gold but a poor

-
man should not be ashamed Of Offering him silver It .
must depend on the le ngth of the Visi t The ladies giv e

.
to the fem ale the gentlemen to the male servants

,
Woul d.
th a t I might see my friends wi t hout payin g them for their

hoeoital ity in thi s ind ir ec t m ann e r
.
P A RT I I I .
Hi ll ( NDIV ID UAL IN C CMPANI
CHA P T ER XI .
D INNERS, D I N ERS, A ND D I NN ER PA RTIE i

-
.
”
“
B OA RD ! cr ied a friend Of mine one morning aft er a
heavy dinner party ; It ought to be spelt bored Neve r
-
.
’
was a more solemn tor t ure created for mankind th a n thes e

odious dinner p arti e s Call it society ! so you might call
-
.
t he Inquisi t ion ; and I really hav e my doub t s whether I

should not be as happy be t ween a couple Of jailers i nsert ,
ing another and ano ther wedge in t o t he terrible boo t as ,
be t we en that garrulous Ol d woman who never wai ted for

,
an ans wer a nd tha t nervous you ng l a dy who never gave

,
one wi t h a huge ép emn e bet ween me and t he rest o f my

,
'
fello w crea t ures an occasional glimpse of an irritable

-
, ,
solemn host at one end a nd a mos t anxious hostess at the

ot her . Upon my word t wo whole hours o f t his with the
, ,
most labored a t tempts at conve rsation all round in a dark ,
room wi th a s ervan t perpetually thrus ting s ome t hi ng acro s s
my shoulder exci t i ng each t ime a fr e sh al a rm o f a showe r

,
of sa uce or gravy ; s t upidi t

y worked up to silliness by had
( 3 12 )
84 4 nm ns a s, ma ma s AND D INNER PARTI ES. -
m arkable that the man who can with di fficulty be brought

to give a ten pound note to keep a hundred souls alive
-
should o f his own free will spend twice the sum o nce a
,
-
week in feas ting wi t h dainties some dozen of his fellow

si e a t u r e s who can scarcely get up the requisite amoun t
,
of appetite to enj oy them But aft er all it is not so

.
, ,
strange fo r men are selfish and the good will of a fe w

, ,
-
rich i s more highly prized than the gratitude of many

po or .
But let this pass and let us console ourselves by t he

,
reflecti on that common sense i f no higher feeling will in , ,
time simpli fy o ur social banquets and that charity som e ,
fi fty years hence will see no h a r m as it now would in

, , ,
calling in t he blind the halt and the needy to partak e

, , ,
of the dishes we now spread only for the rich the fash ,
ionabl e and the appe t it e l ess One rule however we may

,
.
, ,
gain at once from these considerations that only the ,
wealthy should be dinner gi vers and the man who canno t -
“ ”
affo rd £ 5 for the starving should on no account af ,
ford £ 2 0 for the well fe d .
A dinner like a pun should never be made public u n

, ,
less it be very good but at the same time modern i m

,
ro ve me nt s enable it to be that wi t hout being a so ver

p y .
ex pensi ve The goodness of a dinner does not consist in

.
the rarity and costliness of the viands but in the manne r ,
i n which they are cooked and served in the various con

,
co ra i t a n ts which contribute to give it brilliance and e l e
a nce and yet more in the guests who eat it

g , .
This last point i s in fac t t he m ost important so tha t

, , ,
the invitation is only a second consideration to the dinne r

i tsel f
.
The rules for invita t ions and some hints who m ,
to in vi te are given in the next cha ter by my c oll e a ue

p g
wnom TO I NV ITE . 34 5
3 nee d give bu t a fe w hints of my own Pc orl e who hav e .
a large acquaintance and give dinners should k e e p ,
bo ok in which to write the names o f those who c o mpo st

e ach party which prevents the mistake o f asking the sa m
,
e rson t wice and of brin g ing precisely t he same peo pl e

p ,
to gether agai n when their turn comes round There a re .
ind eed some privileged persons like mysel f agreeable old ,
bachelors who being free from encu mbrance and ful l of

, ,
tal k are always welcome and generally wanted

,
In fact .
,
s uch men run a risk of b e ing kno wn as pro fessional diners
ou t like the c o n v i vce o f Ro me

,
so tha t i t is a greate r ,
c harity not to invi t e them too o ft en And this re mind s .
me that yo u should not ask a man without his wi fe ,
though you may leave his sons and daughters out o f t he

c alculation Then again the very ancient had better be
.
, ,
le ft to dine at home unless like Lady Morgan they , ,
preserve their conversational po wers The invitation must .
be answered as soon as possible and the answer addresse d ,
to the lady of the house .
But the question whom to invite is one which cannot ,
be so easily ans wered First t here are some people

.
,
whom you m u s t invite sooner or later namely those at , ,
whose houses you have dined because you may neglect

e very Christian duty a n d be less blamed than i f you omi t
,
this social one This is certainly absurd and society be

.
,
‘
omes almost lo w when dinner parties take the semblanc e -
f a t acit contrac t in which the one party undertakes to

fe e d the other to day if t he other will feed him in re tur n
-
be fore the end of the season Ye t I ha ve known peopl e .
not at al l a shamed to complain that they h ave not bee n
aske d to t inner and not blush to say

“
,
They owe us a ,
”
di nner , you k now Somehow then you must man age
.
, ,
1 5*
34 6 D I NNERS, D I NE RS, A ND D I NNER PART ES -
I .
to acqui t yoursel f of these dinner debt s before the se as on -
is over Society condemns you severely if you do n ot

.
p ya your debts of hospitali ty O f course th is.appl i es
only to people who are known to be in the habi t o f gi ving
din ners Those who from one ca use or ano t her do nc t Ir

.
a) a e still invit e d though not so o ft en

r
.
,
But when you have done your duty religiously in hi s t
respect you have the world be fore you Where to

,
.
choose ? Now a fter t aking in t o due consi dera tion the

,
congruities and sympa t hies o f t hose you may select t he ,
a bi e f point is t o invi t e me n and women an equal number

af each o f course — who can Z a Z/c
. By this I do not m ea n .
y our rapid ut t erers o f small talk w ho can coin more

-
p re t t y nonsense in hal f an hour t han a modern novelist in

t hre e mon t hs but men who having gone through t he
, ,
world and tamed their Pegasus with t he curb o f e xpe ri

,
~
a nce , not being bound Mazeppa like on the b a ck of some

,
-
wretched hobby can gallop smoo t hly over the themes

,
t h at li fe and t he ne wsp apers supply to wi t ; men who
view li fe calmly from the heigh t to which they have

l i mbed wi thou t prej ud i ce a nd wi t hout a we ; and women
,
who are capable o f unde rs t anding and answering such me n

as t hese But yo u must care fully a void the e a t er by
.
,
which I mean both the g o ur ma n d and the g our m e t both

the a l de r ma: whose mo t t o is quanti ty and the epic ur e ,
who cries fo r quality O f what good is it to pand e r t o

.
the greediness o f a vile being whose soul l ies in th e ,
st om a ch as the Greeks a ffirmed that it al ways did and

, ,
whose mind and t hough t s are much in the s ame regio n .
If s u ch men can t alk at all i t is only o f e a ting and it

, ,
you do not feed them wi t h the es pecial dain t ies they l ook
for their gra titude shows itsel f i n sneers at your hos pi
,
~
8 18 D INNERS, D I NERS, AN D D I NNE R PA RTIES -
.
women you love ( two of each for no man can find m ore
-
t h a n t ha t number in t he w orld ) —dine wi t h you and you r
Wi fe ; t he second is your sociabl e dinner at which a l l t he ,
gu e sts are more or less kno wn to one ano ther ; and t he

thi rd is your company dinner If you exceed t hese num .
be rs you may do wh a t you will t o make your di nne r

,
per fect your guests will spoil it all by falling into coup
,
l e s and eating in quadrille .
But there is anot her re ason for limiting the number ,
n a mely t hat to give a good dinner your means your e s

, , ,
t abl i shme nt your dining —room the capaci t ies o f t he table

, , ,
and so forth must all be taken in t o considerat ion B ut

,
.
if the dinner is given to fourteen sixteen or even eigh .
teen as is now common i n large towns you m ust ei t her ,
i ncre a se your establishment and your expense not a li ttle ,
or be content as people are to give them the regular

, ,
”
feed in which everybody knows be forehand what they
,
will have One cook fo r instance cannot serve up p r o

.
, ,
p er l y for more than a dozen people ; t hree men cannot
wait properly on more than t e n ; and a table whi ch wi ll

hold more than that number will be so large as to se pa
'
rate the opposite guests too far for easy and general c on
versation Las tly i f your means enable you to dine a
.
,
hundred or a thous a nd every week you would be a mad ,
man to do so ; you might as well give your dinner to t wo .
only for what of tha t e ssen tial harmony t hat communion

, ,
of mind and spiri t the feast of reason and the fl ow of

“
.
”
soul c a n t here possibly be bet ween a hundred na
, y ev en , ,
seventy p e ople some o f t hem so f ar from o n e ano t her t h rt

,
they could scarcely be he a rd wi t hout a spe aking trump e t ? .

-
Having well selected your guests you consider in wha t ,
room to dine them for the re u l a r dining ro r m is not

g
-
,
THE D ININ G ROOM. -
al wa ys the m t
os com or
f t able If the party h e sm a.ll —a ir
o r eight — a large dining room will look ver y gh a s t ly a nd

-
it should be borne in mind t ha t dinner gi vers of go od -
taste st u dy com fort more t han grandeur which la tt e r i

simply v ulgar whether in the house o f a duke or a h ab e r
'
(l asher . The furniture o f our dining rooms is certainly

1a roving a li t tle Nothing could be more c hilling to
.
the mind and appetite alike tha n the s t one —

colored walls ,
displaying the usual magnifice nt oil painti ngs of an u n -
known school the bust of t he mas ter of t he feast at one

,
e nd looking almost less solemn than the original under it .
the huge table wit h its cumbrous silver adornments the ,
st i ff side board and the s t i ffe r chairs

-
Whe t her it was a .
P uritanical attempt at simplici ty which insisted t hat i f we

wo u d have a good dinner we shoul morti fy the fl e sh
’ d
c .
with bad concomi t ants or wheth e r it was a foolish fancy

,
that a dining room should be cold though the dinne r

-
were hot I cannot sa

,
but I feel that the man who
makes dining a study — and he who gives dinners should
in charity do se — must go far ther in the improvements of
the room than we yet have Light and an air of com for t .
are the main essentials The temperature must not even

.
,
in summer he too low for sitting at dinner produces a

, ,
c hill in itsel f Thirteen to sixteen degrees of R eaumu r

.
ar e fi xed for it by the author o f the P h y s i o l og i e d a g o fit
bu t whatever the exact temperature it must be obtaine d ,
be fore dinner by lighting the fire some hours previously ,
an d allowing i t to burn rather low until near the end o f
t he meal when it must be replenished

, There are ve ry .
fe w days in an English su mmer when :1 small fire af ter

di nner is not a c ae ptabl e In very c ol d wea t her when a
.
,
large one is necessary it is not easy to manage so that

,
85 0 D I N NE RS, o m e ns AN D L l NN ER FARI l nb -
‘
.
one hal f of the gues s shall no t have their backs ro as te d

-
t
and t he o t her not be froze n bu t t h e re ar e t wo way s o f ,
preven ting i t— t hc one by a l a rge glass s e e c n b e for e t he °
fi re t he other by a t able in the shape o f a ll O i S Q l f ‘

‘
u lu
- ‘
or o f a s e gment o f a ci rcle o f which t he chord W i l l be ,
ée wa i ds the fire A dinner gi v e r will then have his r ou nd

.
-
or oval t a ble so mad e as t o be divisible into two sep a r a te
o nes .
The shape o f the table i s i n f act a more ess e n t ial point ,
than some people t hi nk In order th a t a dinner may be a .
social mee ti ng not a mere coll e c t ion o f t t es t te a as

,
-
it used to be till recen t ly and still is some t imes the t able, ,
mus t be of a sha pe which will not make conversa t ion dif

fi c u l t betw e en a ny t wo or more of the guests The old .
parallelogram with the sta t ely host at t he end and the

,
r adiant but a nxiou s lady at t he other was fatal t o c on ,
versation It wa s too broad t oo long too s ti ff the cor

.
, ,
-
”
ners cut oil the lord a nd l ady o f t he fe ast from their hon
e red guests and n e c e ssi t a ted leani ng across ; while i f
.
Monsieur wish e d to make a re mark t o Madame he had ,

.
nde pe nde n t l o f t he j oin t s and candel a br a a ’
c r ne
y p g ,
f
, ,
len gth o f t able to impede h im which compel l e d him to

r a is e h is voice mos t unmusically It c a us e d a complete .
d i vorce in fact and Sir Cresswell Cress well could not

.
more e ff c t ually sever man and wi fe than th a t a ncien t

e
board — for suc h it literally wa s in shape — u sed to do

'
The mo de rn table is oval Some peopl e dine at rou n d

.
ta bl e s like Ar t hur and his knigh ts but these i f larg e

, ,
n ugh fo r a party will have a di ameter every wa

y too
e o
,
l n g t o allo w any t wo Opposi t e guests to converse

o The .
h orse sh oe table is sui t e d only fo r a small party and the

-
base should not be o cc upied As for the l ong planks ’

.
,
352 D INN ERS , D I N ERS , AN D D I NNER—
PARTIES .
the four corners o f the table would come i f it were a par

a ll e l o ra m ins te a d o f a n ov a l The res t o f t he room how
g .
,
e ve r ,
mus t no t be le ft in darkness and lamps may be ,
place d on t he side bo a rd and si de tabl e s The la t ter mus t

- -
.
be very neat and bo t h should be ornamented richly wi th

.
fl owe rs r a t her t han wi t h t hat pompous display of plate

which is too commonly seen .
A fe w words about servants be fore we come to the t abl e

itsel f Women wai t more q uie tly and q ui t e as ac t ively
.
as men bu t a bu t ler who can c a r ve well a nd rapidly is

, .
,
indispensable If however you have men serv ants t hey

.
,
.
-
Should not be t oo many A p a r ty o f t e n can be per fec t ly

.
well served by t wo men a nd a bu t ler and if there are ,

.
more than these t hey only ge t in t he way o f one another

.
,
or stand pompo u sl y by s taring while you eat Your ser .
vant s should be well tr a ined and ins truc t ed and should

-
obey every order iven by t he bu tler A mast e r or mis

r .
tress should neve r s peak t o t he m at dinner and t hey must ,
be themselves as silen t a s Sa ppis ts They should wear .
light shoes t hat canno t creak a nd i f t hey have a napkin

ins t e a d o f gloves you mus t s e e t h a t their hands a re per
,
~
”
fe c tl y clean They should have t h e ir be a t s like po
.
l i c e me n one beginning a t the gues t on his m ast e r s right

’
and ending wi t h t he l a dy o f t he house t he o ther wi t h the .
g uest on his mistress s right ending w i th the m as t er

’
The table on which a l l eyes are turned 13 h e ne xt

,
p oint . Great chang e s have t aken pl a ce in t h l as t ten or e .
fi ft een years in i ts arrangemen t s and a s t he Russian plan ,
is now adop ted in the bes t houses a nd is at t he s a me time , , ,
t he most elegant I shall no t s t e p t o sp e ak o f any other

, .
The main point is to secure beau ty wi thout inter fe ring

with conversation Given there fore a table cover and a
.
, ,
-
,
A RRA N G E M EN T or THE TA B L E .
3 53
White a ama sk
t able cloth over it what a re we to place ,
thereon ? First nothing high enough to c e me be t ween

the heads of any two of the party and there fo re must ,
epergnes lamps and so forth be eschewed a s nuisance s

, , , .
Ne xt that which is pleasant and agreeable to t he e ye and

, ,
something that i t can dwell upon with pleasure A co m .

e
mon object fo r the centre is desirable and this should be ,
some work o f art of Parian or ch ina not too high not

, ,
too large and on each side towards the t hin ends of the
,
oval should be bo wls o f biscuit ware or china filled with -
flowers ; or to be elegant you may have two li tt le table foun

, ,
-
tains provided their basins are low

,
The rest of t he t able .
must be covered with dessert By this a rrangement plate .
be comes a secondary mat ter and indeed a display o f mas ,
s ive silver is rather chilling and al ways looks os t entatious ,

.
In addition to t he flowers men t ioned the French o ft e n ,
place a bouquet on the napkin o f each lady a nd the a t ,
tention is certainly a pre t ty one The place for each guest .
should be roomy but not t oo far from his neighbors The

,
.
dinner service of the presen t day may be red uced to plates

-
alone since every t hing else is served at t he side table I

,
-
am inclined to t hink that pure whi te china with a gilt e dge ,
and the best of its kind is the fit test service to dine off, ,
bu t this is a mat t er o f t aste only At any rate the dessert .

,
service should be h a ndsome Bachelors at dinner have a .
great ad vantage in having t heir ligh t wine placed by t l n it

g la ses in bl a ck bo ttles but in other dinners the wi ne is
s
.
ha nd e d It will however be well on all occasions to h a ve

.
,
s u fficient glasses for all t he wines t o be dru nk pl a c e d an
t ht righ t hand o f each pl a t e a nd t he same may be sai d of ,
knives spoons and forks The napkins may be folded

, ,
.
according t o fancy Som times they are placed on the

.
e
8 54 D I NNERS, e i Ns ns , A ND D I N NER PA RH ES
-
.
p late w ith a roll o f bread inside and sometimes arran ed

g .
in a fan sh a pe in t he champ agne glasses Fo r my o wn

- -
.
p art ,
I pre fer t o think t hat no hands h a ve be e n soi l in g
mine be fore I use i t and perh a ps t he most el e gan t way is

,
to l ay t hem on the table or pl a t e j ust as t h e y come fre e}

the washer woman s
’
.
No dish bu t t hose o f d e ssert is placed on t he table I .
have spoken o f this i n the ch a p t er on accomplishme n t s

, ,
unde r the head o f c a r vm a n d shall n o t again discuss t he

fr
,
”
ques tion It su ffices to say t hat where l on sait d i ner
.
’
no dish is ei ther carved or helped at table B u t I am now .
go ing t o recommend the revival o f an ancient practice

which is now gone out It is that each plate should be
.
filled wi t h soup and put in its place a t table at the very ,
moment t ha t t he gues t s are coming into the room The .
obj e c t of t his is t o enable every one to begin dinner at the
sa me moment The hungry do not talk well and the

.
,
warm soup at onc e revives t he S pir i t s and slakes the ap

petite It is hard on a man t o expect him to begin con
.
versa t ion while t he ladies are s ipping t heir soup and he is

wai t ing for it Harmony and union are the essentials o f
.
dinner and where it c a n be so simply obta ined it is foolish

, ,
Ye t I have li tt le hope t hat t his pra c t iee

’
t negl e ct it
o .
will be adopted becaus e Engl ia h people se e m to t hink

,
more o f t he pompo si ty t han the co m fort o f their dinne r

and t he bu tler and me n are re q uired t o st a nd and lo ok
g
r
and as t he gues t s pass in I may here observe th
. a t t hi
“
o bj ec t o f soup being t o tak e the chill e ff the appe t i te “
an d prep a re t he inner man for the reception o f solids a

,
l igh t soup is be t ter t h an a t hick one which c l ogs the a p ,
peti t e ; t ur t le is o nly fi t for an alderman and your son;

ma y there fore be ine xpensive .
B56 D INN Ens ,
nt as, A ND D I N NER p a nt i e s
-
.
fa mou s fo r sobri e ty had been drinking on the sea shore

,
-
when a s t or m a rose and in r a pid has t e t hey re t rea ted to a

,
ca ve to t ake sh e l ter Probably t hey were no t in a fi t cond i

.
tion for carryi ng t heir goble t s wi t h them steadily At a ny .
ra t e they le ft t hem on the s ho r e a nd when the storm was .
e ver found their wine conver t ed by t he rain in t o wine a nd

,
Water .The allegation t hat the mixtu re Spoi ls two good

things as t wo good people are some t imes spoiled by marriage
, ,
is one which a tippler will suppor t more zealously t han an

e picure Mr Walker in t he
. .
”
Original recommend s
, ,
e ven por t and water ; but ho wever this may be some Be r ,
deaux wines ga in ra t her than lose by the mix t ure and you
, , ,
may thus have to accompany your eating a cooling drink

, ,
which will not destroy your tas te for the good wines t o
fo l l ow it A sensible man avoids varie ty in drinking
. .
One French wine during dinner and sherry a fter it or a , ,
German wine for the meal and cl aret for dessert will , ,
leave you much happier than mingling sherry champagne , ,
claret and port Great care should be used in decanting

,
.
wine so as not to shake or cork it Claret a ppears i n a

,
.
glass jug but rare French wines particularly B o u rg og ne

, ,
and the Vi ns da dl i di shou l d be brought up and placed ,

.
on the table in their baskets as decan ting spoils them , .
Al though the guest should avoid variety the host must ,
provide it in order to meet the tastes of all and his se r ,
va nts should be taught to pronounce properly the name s
f t he di fferent foreign wines which are o ft en so indistinc t ,
hat we are led in t o taking a white one when we wanted

e d e r a French one when we expected Rhenish
‘
, .
The bac h elor has the great pr i vilege of drinking b e er

a t dinner i f he likes it I c a nnot conceive how so good and
.
harmle ss an accompaniment of eating came to be excl ud ed

FIS H . 85 1
fr om the well — served table unless from a vulga r fa ncy th at

what is not expensive should not be set be fore a gu e st .
.
h o we ve r good it may be How happy people with thes e .
ne t ions would be in Ceylon where Bass costs nearl

y a shil
4
,
ling a gl as s This reminds me of a story of some vulgar

.
ma n whose name I have forgotten and do not care to re ,
me mbe r His hos t simply enough said to his guest Thi s

.
,
wine cost me s ix shillings a bottle ”

D id it ? cried t he
”
.
“
other th e n pas s it round and le t s have another six ’
,
”
penn orth’
The connoisseur o f beer righ t ly judges tha t
.
it is spoiled by bottling ; draught beer is also the more

wholesome A glass of old port is generally subs t ituted
.
for the beer with cheese but the drink with the German ,
s tudent an ardent lover o f it tells you was discovered by

-
, ,
Gabr a n t iu s Kon ig von B rab ant

”
Der z u er s t das B ie r e rfand .
is its more natural accompaniment .
If there were no o t her advan t age in the Russian sys

t e m as it is called it would be worth adopting only be
, , ,
cause it enables the dinner giver to offer more variety '

-
inste ad of forcing hi m t o sacrifice taste to the appear a nc e

of his dishes Thu s t he turbot and the cod were once
.
be com i ng standing dishes at all English dinners and ,
small fish were banished because they did not put in a
maj e stic appearance Yet there are many better fish

.
th a n cod and turbot and there are many ways of dressing

,
fis h which may not be so agreeable to t he eye as to the

a l ate Then a gai n how exquisi t e is the flavor o f s ome
g .
, ,
fr es h water fish and o f several kinds o f s hell fish whic h -
we so seldom see at great dinners How much better the

variety of tre a t pe rch in s ou c/z e t fried gud geons , even ,
85 8 D INNERS, D I NERS, AN D D I NN ER I A BTI ES
-
eels ,
and l ampreys ( both of which must be mad
mussels ,
e ra te ly ind ulged in t he one producing very o ft en a rush
,
—
on t he f ace which is cured by large quan t i t i e s o f fresh

,
tail s and t he o t h e r being notorious as a regicide which

, ,
hose who read t he commonest history of England will

e m f mbc r ) t han t hat perpetual turbot
,
In fact no kind .
,
of e a ting can be more varied than that o f fish ; yet by ,
sticking to anti q u e tradi t ions we deprive ourselves of t he ,
enj oyment of all t he weal t h of sea and s t ream There .
are scores o f ways of dressing them all too which you can ,
l e arn in any good cookery book and almost any fish can -
be made no t only eat a ble but delicious by clever cooki ng .
B u t vulg a ri ty has dri ven m an y a good but cheap e a t abl .
from t he table o f t he rich ; and t he Duke o f R u t land was

quite right to give Poodle Byng his c o ng é when o ne of ,
these despised delicacies a ppeared at t he D uke s t able ’
and Poodle exclaimed Ah ! my old friend h addock ! I

,
have not seen a haddock on a g en t leman s table si nce I ’
”
was a boy Oysters t hough e a ten a t dinn e r in France
.
,
.
are prop e rly excluded from table in Engla nd as being ,
much t oo hea t i ng and c ar p is very indiges t ible ; but

,
there are the Devonshire J ohn Dory a f ar bet ter fish ,
t han tu rb ot red mullets ,

salmon trou t whi tings smelt
,
-
.
, ,
m ackerel s t urg e on the favori t e o f t he Emperor o f China

.
, ,
and even S prats and herr i ngs to form a variety besid e s ,
th ose men t io ne d be fore .
But our chie f t hanks to the new system are du e fo r its

es tr a e iz i ng tha t un wieldy b a rb a rism — t he join t No t hin g .
nan make a join t look eleg a nt w hil e i t hid e s t he m a st e r of

.
,
the hous e and condemns him to t he mi sery o f carvin g I .
was much a ro us e d a t t he ob servations o f a wri t er on the

subject o f dinners who obj ected t o flo wers on the ta bl e
, ,
86 0 D INN ERS, D I N ERS AND D IN NER PARTI ES -
.
which we sat down consisted o f a dozen marro w li on s ,

- '
of which we e a ch dis c ussed s i x The y were a s hot as .
the v could be and e xcellent ,

A v a rie ty of v e ge t a b l e s .
eo rr pl e t e d t his li ght re past and though I could ha ve

d ined more largely I was bc u nd to con fe ss tha t my fr ie n
,
had given me a dinner which I should scarcely h a ve ge t

el sewhere Lest you should be tempted to o ffer a simila r
.
r e past to a l arge par t y I must warn you tha t t he marrow ,
bone is not considered a presentable dish and that the ,
marrow must be extracted by a S pecial kind of spoon of ,
which a clean one is re q uired for every bone .
B ril l a t Savarin says that the order o f the solids should ,
be from the heaviest to t he lightest Thi s is not s tric t ly .
observed ei t her in France or England and it may be u se ,
ful to know what is the order generally adopted in this

zou nt ry . It is as follows
1 Soup
. .
2 Fish
. .
3 P atties ( of oysters lobsters shrimps or minc ed

.
, , ,
vea l
4 Made dishes or e n tr é es which include poultry

.
, ,
.
5 The ro ast or p i ec e de r es is t a n c e
.
, .
6 V egetables
. .
7 The game
. .
8 Pastry puddings omelettes

.
, ,
.
9 The ice .
1 0 The dessert
.
The salad ought to have but seldom h as a place in thi s

l is t n a mely a ft er the ice and wi t h c heese
, ,
Wh e n 0 ads ,
.
as a m a o nn a i s e t ha t 1 8 with chicken c ol d fish or s hell

y , , ,
fish i t comes in as a made dish

, But a pure salad well -
.
,
dresse d is “
a di sh to set be fore a ki ng and that you .
,
SA LA D S 86 ]
may be able to dress it yoursel f, and

we may finish oul /
di nner with cheerfulness give you Sydney Smith s re ’
,
I
ceipt to learn by heart ,
Two l a rge pot a to e s , passe d thr ou gh ki t c h e n sie ve ,

Unwonte d soft n e ss t o t h e sal a d g i ve .
Of morde nt mu s ta rd , a dd a s i n gl e spoon
Dis trust t h e cond i me nt whi ch bi te s too soon
B u t dee m i t not , th ou ma n of h e rbs , a faul t

To add a dou bl e q u an t ity of sal t .
Th ree t i mes th e spoon wi th o il of Lu c ca c r own ,
An d on c e wi t h v in e ga r
p ro c ur e d fro m t own
Tru e fl a vor n e e ds i t , a n d y ou r poe t be gs
Th e pou nde d yell o w of t wo wel l boil d eggs

’
-
.
Le t onion a to ms l u rk wi t h in t h e bo wl ,
And , sc ar c e s u spe c te d , a ni ma t e t h e wh ol e
t h e fa vor d c ompou nd t oss
’
And l a stl y , on
A magic s poo n fu l o f a nc ho vy s a u c e .
Th e n , t ho u gh gre e n t u r tl e f ail , t h o u gh ve ni son to ugh ,

An d h a m a nd t u rke b oil d e nou gh ,
’
ar e n o t
y
S ren el y fu ll , t h e e pi c u r e may s ay
e
—
Fa te c ann ot h a rm me I h a ve d in e d to day -
Well dinner is done but not t he diners There rs

, ,
.
mains on the table what is a whole dinner in Italy and ,
W hat is dinner enough for a poet — fruit and wine ; Talk

ing o f poets thou gh reminds me that their chameleo n
, ,
e x siste nce is only a poetic license Byron who dined c d

'
.
,
potatoes and vinegar in public generally rewarded hi m ,
sel f in private w ith an unspiritual bee f—steak and c ut ,

”
fr om t he j oint and the poets o f olden time by whic h ,
I mean t h e days of ea t i ng in Athens and Rome wer e ,
al so the par aist e s of the feast and for a stave or t wo , ,
g ladly a ccepted a steak or t wo j ust as some later po e ts,
h ave dined wi t h my Lord to —

day on the tacit understand ,
ing that they should write him a dedic ation to morro w -
In fact G r u b street was no t inappropri a tely nam e d if

, ,
16
U I A N ERS, D I NERS, A ND D I NNE R PA RTIES
-
.
slang be English and most o f our own poet s — M o ors

,
and Rogers 6 g — have been care ful diners But then

,
. .
,
.
,
.
the legend wh ich made Minerva S prin g from the h e a d of .
l u pit e r has long been proved a good n a tured mistak e

.
-
”
l est med to encourage our minion lyricists and ther e ,
S n ew no d o ubt that the muse o f song and literature had
as l ar e a corpora t ion as a n
g y o t her o f the nine t .
9”
els e is t he meaning o f writing fo r bread
But stop I had n early forgo t t en G race Well that is
,
.
,
nothing very ex t raordinar y for the thanksgiving is posi

,
t i vely the last thing thought o f by the diner and when it ,
i s remembered it i s t oo o ft en reduced to a mere formality

,
.
What ridiculous mockeries are t he long Latin grace s

t hrough which we had to stand at college and the cha nted ,
graces at public dinners If a man be really thank ful to

God for what he gives him a fe w thoughts not word s , , ,
best express it ; but i f words be nece ssary l e t them be ,
shor t and solemn that each one s hear t may echo t h e m

,
’
Dr J ohnson was well reproved in his formal re l igion

.
,
when his wi fe told him it was of no use to a sk his Maker

to make him truly thank ful when the next moment he ,
would s it down and abuse every dish on the table ; a nd

what was said to J oh nson may be said to many a pamper
ed diner ou t and t o ma ny a grumbling father of a family
-
“
Better a dry morsel where love is t han a stalled 0x , ,
”
s nd l e t me adapt it t o the present day g r u mblw g
th erewi th Ho w o ften does a man say the words o f his
r a c e a nd soon a ft er find fault wi t h the dinner u n ra te
g , g ,
ful a l ik e to h is ho s t and his Maker But as far as .
eti q u e t t e goes t here is only t his t o be said

,
— tha t t he ,
audible grace is s poken by the mas t er o f t he fe ast o r i f
e cler yman be presen t by hi m So in Indi a , 3 Brah

g ,
: ,
.
864 D I NNERS, D INERS, AN D D I NN ER PARTIES. -
Next to host and hostess t he cook ought tt be

t he ,
p u nc t ual B u t t he gu e s t s arrival is more impor ta nt s t ill

.
’
~
a nd the gues t has no excuse bec a u se from the me re s t ,

L
"
s sl fis l i n e s s or wan t o f c onsi der a tion he m a y put a wh ol e

z
,
p arty t o i nconvenience The i nvi t ed having arri ved t h

.e ,
lad y receives them in the d ra wi ng room and t he conve r -
sa t i n s nece s sa rily more or less formal fo r everybody is

.
,
wa i ting for t h e event At last a servant announces t ha t .
d a r er i s ready It is then t he part o f the host to pair

. . .
off the guests He himsel f takes down the lady of the

.
highest rank or the greates t stranger D istinctions of

,
.
rank a re going out in g o od society a l though precedence ,
exists j ust as a herald s ofii ce does ; but it may generally be ’
said that age has the real precedence and a lady of ad ,
va nc e d years should not be put behind any one of rank
under royal blood The mos t intimate with t he family tak e

.
the lowest the least so the highest place At dinner

, ,
.
the gentleman sits to the right o f t he lady so that t he ,
arra n me nt is easily made In France there is no pro

g .
cession of this ki nd and the a wkwardness o f precedence is ,
thus avoided There all t he guests enter pell —

. mell and
, ,
find their names wri t ten on papers placed on their nap .
k ins Besides these papers a bill o f fare is placed on

.
each plate when the dinner is really good and the din
, ,
ne r giver a n epicure
-
It is the du ty o f the host to lead the conversation as

much as possible and it is s t ill more his duty to mak e i t
.
e nera l As however this art is little understood by

g .
, ,
Englis hmen a man will generally have to talk more or

.
le ss to t he l ady on his le ft He must take care not to .
ne lect her fo r the one on hi s right however charmin

g g th e ,
D INN ER ETI QUETTE . 36 5
latte r may be The dinner over and the servants dis

.
,
.
missed the ladies sit for a short time at dessert and then
,
retire ; the youngest man in the room rises to Op en t he
door for them and all the rest rise and stand by thei r
,
”
c hairs Then comes the drawing round and the c on e
-
.
,
versation grows lighter and easier But young men and .
9 1d should beware of making it t oo light or of running , ,
as our barristers o ften do into stories that are unfit for .
ladies ears
’
.
A true gentleman will be the same in ladies society as

’
he is out of it A young man should not linger over his

.
wine and he may rise and leave the dining room be fore
,
-
t he others go But it remains with the host to o ffer to

.
“
join the ladies which he should do whenever he sees
,
an
y one growing warm over his port and talking too free
ly. Coffee and tea are both served up stairs and both ,
should be hot Co ffee is drunk without milk and with

.
,
sugar ; t e a by those who know how to enj oy it without

, ,
ei t her ; but they are the r a r ce ew es of society men who ,

‘
know what is good and enj oy it quietly A little gree n .
tea is necessary a ft er wine for it awakens and excites ,

.
N0 man should dri nk enough wine t o make him feel tot

easy w i th the ladies If he has done so without feeling
.
its e ffec ts he had better go home be fore he goes up to the

,
drawing room In France the gentlemen come away with

-
.
the ladies and there is no wine drinking In Engl and

,
-
.
be custom is dwindling down to a mere form and t he ,
shorter you remain a fter the departure of the ladies t he
be tter . B u t remember that many meats require as muc h

,
as four hours to digest and that the best aid to digest ion
,
is live ly easy conversation

, A dinner party breaks up .
366 D I NNERS, mus e s , AND D I NN ER PA RTIES
-
.
at about eleven There should be a little music m the

.
e vening ; but it is a great mistake to h ave a regular even
ing party a fter a dinner At eleve n you go home and

.
,
ha ving h ad a walk put on your Wh te nec k tie for the

,
i -
ne xt event of the e ven i ng which is d tre sse d in the thi r

i s
,
56 8 L A DI E S AT A D I NN ER .
not assim i late no luxury of dinners no per fection of

, ,
mann ers on your part can avert a failure Yet so littl e

,
.
is this understood that there are persons who collect as

, ,
it would seem a party so discordant as to provoke a ques

,
»
ti on wh e ther they had not shaken them all in a bag t e n
gether a n d t urned them out loose upon each other the

,
man of easy principles with the serious doctor of divinity ;

the man of talent with a rich and mindless merchant t he
quiet country family with the tra s hy London dashers ,
and so on ; and these solecisms i n taste a n d discretion
occur frequen t ly . Nor ough t the worldly positions of

people to be the sole consideration Many a nobleman .
will assimilate far better with the poor author than with
the millionair e weal t h simply because it is wealth gains
, ,
li ttle prestige in good circles ; there is a prej udice against

the n ou ve a u r i c h es among the old families of England .
Neither is it desirable to club all your aristocratic or fash

i onabl e acquaintance together ; you o ffend by so doing ,
those who are left out ; and many lose valuable friends
who howe ver conscious they may be of an inferior posi
,
tion do not like to be reminded of it It is something

, .
,
too to avoid givi ng pain to the feelings of others

,
.
The general rule ho wever is to invi te persons of nearly

, .
the same standing in society to meet at dinner ; ta king

care that their general views and mode of li fe are not so
c ontras ted as to be likely to clash In the countr y dif
.
,
erence of politics used to form a barrier ; Whig and Tory ,
e ven i f they sat at table together would scarcely drin k

,
Wine with eac h other But all that inconvenience to host

.
and hostess has long since passed away and to the fac ili
,
ties of forming a party the custom o f no longer aski ng an

y
one to ta ke wine has contributed .
S ELE C TI O N 3 09
‘
D
or G UESTS .
Thos e who wish to form agreeab le dinner parties will -
avoid a class a dinner composed of o fficers only and thei r

“
Wives recalls too forcibly barrack li fe ; t alking pi pe
” “
cl ay as they term it is as fatiguing as t he ship
, , ,
’
though not so vulgar Wi ves of ofii c e rs in marching regi

.
men t s have g enerally travelled far and seen no t hi r g '
they can t ell you lit t le but how bad their quarters wer e ,
and how they were hurried away from such and such a
place The gentlemen o f the bar sprinkled about mak e

.
,
a charming spice to a dinner ; but like all spices one , ,
must not have too much of them : they want keepin g

down other wise you have your dining room turned into
,
-
Westmins ter Hall ; or you feel if you venture to tal k ,
y oursel f as
,
i f you were subjecting yoursel f to a cross
e xami nation . Yet the late Lord G renville remarked th at ,
he was always glad to meet a la wyer at a dinner party -
for he was then sure that some good topic would be started .
The title of doctor is against the fascination of a physi

c ia n s manners ; his very attentions may seem to have an
’
interested air since the doctor s clients are in society A

,
’
.
conclave of doctors is even more formidable than one of

l awyers for the former have only to deal with the consti
,
t u t ion of th e state and the latter are looking perhaps at

, , ,
your constitution and pr i vately condemning it A whole

, .
party composed of clergymen is perhaps worse ; delightful

as companions valuable as friends as many clergyme n
, ,
are when assembled they run naturally into topics we do
not wish to have familiari zed Secular interests peep ou t

.
from those we esteem sacred : the pleasures of gas trono ‘
my which are as fully appreciated by the clergy as by

,
an ot l er class seem so li ttle to accord with the spiri t

y ,
,
st irr i ng eloquence we heard last Sunday , that we re gr e t
16*
370 L A DLE S AI
'
A D I NNER .
having met our venerable rector under such circu m ~
s tances .
“
Perhaps says D r Johnson good breeding co nsi sts
,
.
,
-
in having no particular mark of any pro fession but a gen ,

”
e ral elegance of manners On this principle of gen e .
r e l i z i n should dinner —parties be formed

g .
In high Engli sh society to quote that a c c omplishet , .
member of society Mr Hayward in his Tr e a ti s e on

,
.
,
C odes of M a nn er s any calling was some fe w years sinc e

,
derogatory to the per fect c haracter of a gentleman ; it is

now otherwise Yet the distinction of the aristocratic
.
pro fessions as opposed to o t her callings is maintained

, , ,
and it will perhaps con t inue to be so The se are the .
church the bar the higher walks of medicine the army

, , ,
and navy The di fferent members of thes e pro fessions and

.
their wives and families are there fore fi t for any society ;
there is no possible obj ection to their mixing a t a dinner
table with nobility provided they be well bred and agree
,
-
able The literary man if a gentleman by education and

.
,
manners is always an agreeable addition ; and the highes t

, .
in rank have in this country set the example of invi t ing

artists a rchitects and sculptors but not always their fa m
, , ,
i lie s to their tables

,
.
Great eminence in talents sets aside distinctions ; and

”
the first class of millionaires Mr Hayward assures u s ,
.
,
”
‘
rise superior to rules But it is not in good taste to
.
follow out this last maxim unless high personal characte r , ,
the good employment of v a st wealth and a gentlemanly ,
bearing accompany riches

, The lady whose talk about .
,
“ ”
bigo t ry a nd vir tue wa s the amusement of the club s
so me year s sinc e h ad no right in regard to her husband s
’
,
osition a nd character to be associated as she was wi th

p , ,
3 72 D I NN E R
'
LAD I ES AI A .
wives clergymen and of barristers by right tak e pre

of , ,
c ede nc e o f the untitled wives of mili tary and naval men
There is no place specified for phys ic a ns who howeve r , , ,
are ranked in the households of the royal family next to

the knights and whose wives there fore go ou t a fter tho se
, , ,
of t he barristers .
These seem to be worldly and unimportant rules ; but

whatever prevents mis t akes ill will and the possibility of
,
-
doing a rude action wi t hout in t ention comes under the ,
comprehensive head Ho w to be civil with ease ”

Be .
s ides al though i n friendly society as it is called a breach

, , ,
of etiquette might not signi fy t here is so much th a t is

,
un friendly so much in whi ch criticism stalks among the

,
company seeking whose conduct he may challenge that a ,
hostess should be per fectly armed with every de fenc e

against comment .
As her guests enter she should advance hal f way to -
meet them This is a point o f politeness and a lady in

.
a county near London gave great o ffence once at her first

dinner by standing with one arm on her mantle piece
,
-
waiting till her company came up to h e r All the chairs .
should be ready so that there should be no placing o r

,
needless con fusion but should any change in the arrange

,
ments of the rooms be requisite it should be made by the ,
butler or by the gentleman of the house The lady of .
t he house should do nothing but receive converse and , ,
look as well as she can To this end her room and all
.
the minuti ae should be taste fully arranged A dist ribu .
t ion of natural flo wers adds greatly to the gaiety of a

drawing room how richly or poorly soever it may be fur
-
nished people are apt to forget in England what is never ,
forgotten in Fram e how great l y the st y le and arra nge

,
RECEPTI ON or G UESTS . a7s
ment of furniture contribute to make a party go oh well,

'
and those engaged in it look well of which pleasing fac t ,
p eo ple o ften have a sort o f intuitive conviction even wit h ,
out the ai d i f the looking glass -

.
And now the test of good breeding in a hostes s is to be

-
detec ted it is o ften a severe one Her guests may arri ve . .
all at once she must not be hurried yet each and all mu s t
, ,
feel th at they have her individual attention

. She mu s t .
have something pleasing and cheer ful to say to every one ,
bu t she must not say or do too much Perhaps her guests .
ar e late or perhaps worst martyrdom o f all her servant s

, , ,
ar e late in announcing dinner She chafes inwardly bu t

.
s till feeling as if on a stage with an a rmy of observation

, ,
a round her she bears up ; strikes out new subjects

, ; p
a
pears as if still expecting some one ; no nothing is to go ,
wrong with her ; be it ever really so wrong that day ,
she must not seem to notice it .
It may be argued that th is impli es a degree of sel f

restraint akin to dissimulation ; but that is an error sel f s
r est raint does not imply dissimulation At l e ngth dinne r .
i s announced perhaps a fe w minutes previously som e

reckless youth or sexagenarian but probably the former
, , ,
s ince t h e being too late for dinner i s not comm only t he
fault o f age comes breathlessly in

,
I am shocked to say .
I have seen married ladie s look very much out of tempe r

at the delin uent on such occasions especially if he hap
q ,
e n ed to be some one we must ask —a youth from c eL ’

p
l ege or a country cousin — and I have heard the g e ntlema n
,
“ ”
ca ll out dinner to the servant be fore the door was
closed The French host and hostes s would di e rather
.
I na well a rranged party the butler should hav e a list of

-
3 74 LA D IES AT A D I NNER .
the guests so that he may know as one aft e r ano t h er

,
c omes in t hat he may be placing the silver dishes with hot

,
water in them on the table arranging the lights and doing , ,
many little things t hat require time and i f omitted c a use , , ,
delay .
The party being assembled and dinner announced the , ,
g entleman o f the house o ffers the lady of the highest ran k
his arm and having previously arranged with the othe r

, ,
gentlemen which ladies they are to conduct moves off ,
with the one he has chosen to the dinner table and place s -
her on his right hand next to himsel f ,

.
The gentleman appointed to conduct the lady of the

house almost simultaneously o ffers her his arm ; they fol
low and are followed in their turn by the whole of t he
,
company linked by previous arrangement As these va

,
.
rions couples enter the master o f the house already in , ,
the dining room arranges where they are to sit Some

-
,
.
times however and i n certain houses this is not done

, , , ,
bu t more grace fully I think the party seat themselves as

, ,
they enter a due sacrifice to the rules o f etiquette having

been made by the master and mistress of the house in their
own persons .
It is still customary but not invariably so as formerly , ,
for a lady to sit at the head of her own table Le t u s .
however suppose her there as being the most frequent

, ,
arrangement .
Hence forth she has nothing to do with the dinner e xce pt ,
to partake of it In ol d times the lady presiding was

.
expect e i to carve every lish be fore her and to be per fect ,
in the art of carvi ng Lady Mary Montague presidin g .

,
I t he r father s table was condemned at fi fte en to e r fo rm

p , , ,
876 LAD I S A “
A D IN B ER
'
E .
It is now the custom for ladies to retir e a fter the i ce

an d dessert have gone rou nd They then retire almost
.
,
in the same order as they came to the drawing roo m ,

-
Here the province of the lady of the house is to maintai n

easy and cheer ful conversation and to make it i f possibl e ,
, ,
z on era l. Her labors are o ften not well repaid but in , ,
modern times are not of long duration

,
.
One is tempted however sometimes to envy the French

, ,
c ustoms . At a Parisian dinner party each gen tleman -
rises with his appointed lady neighbor gives her his arm , ,
a nd leads her into the drawing room where co ffee come s -
in directly Thus the evening begins In some instance s

. .
the gentlemen and ladies also soon take their leave

, , ,
in others remain till ten or eleven o clock But t he

,
’
.
dreary interregnum which still occurs in this country

whilst mine host is circulating the bottle below— and
ladies are discussing their servants the last t ooth their ,
baby cut or the raging epidemic i n the drawing room

, ,
-
above — is unknown in the salons of Paris .
It must not be forgotten that all the com fort and par t
of the success of a dinner party must depend on the pre
-
vi c us arrangements ; but the qualities which regulate a

house and the experience which is brought to bear upon
,
the important knowledge o f how to give a dinner — party ,
IS far as the m a t e r i a l part i s concerned is not in my ,
r ovmce
p .
Wh at Lord Chesterfield says is here to the pur pose

”
The nature of things he remarks ,
“
is al ways and ,
e ve rywhere the same but the modes of them vary more

,
or l ess in e very country but good breeding he adds c on - -A

, ,
l is ts in an easy and genteel con formity to t hem or ra ther

,
AFTER D INNER .
‘
the assuming of them at proper times and in prope l
”
pl aces .
In conclusion let us recal the advice of Napol eon the

,
First who duly respected the importance of dinner part ied

,
s
as a ins t itution
Th e: t on ne ta bl e . ct mi gue z m f m m
C HA P T ER XM L
B ALL S .
BALLs arethe par a dise of daugh t ers the pu r gatt ry of ,
c hap e rons and the Pandemonium of Pater familias

,
B ut .
when he has Arabella s ball dresses to pay for ; when

’
-
mamma tells him he canno t have t he brougham to nigh t -
be cause o f Lady Fant i l e s dance when he finds the hous e

’
suddenly filled w ith an army of upholsterer s men the ’

,
passage barricaded with cane bottomed benches the draw

-
in
g
-
room pillaged o f its carpet and furniture and in cours e ,
of time himsel f turned bodily out of his own library with
no more apology than ,

We wan t it for the tea to night -
when i f he goes to bed t here is t hat blessed — oh yes bless

, , ,
c d— horn going on one no t e all night long and i f he s tO s

p , ,
up has no room to take re fuge in and must by force o f cir ,
c u ms t a n ce s appear in the ball — room among people of whom

he does not k no w one quarter and who will perhaps kindly
,
put the fi nal stroke to his misery by mistaking him for his
own butler ; when Pa t e r fa m undergoes this and more he
.
,
has no right to co mplain and call it all waste of time and

p ure folly Will he call it so when Arabella announce s
.
t hat she is engaged to the young and weal thy Sir Thysse
T hatte Bar t and that it was at one ball he me t her a t
, , ,
anot her he flirted at a t hird he courted and at a fo u rth

, .
o ffered ? Will he call it so when he learns that it is the

be ll s a nd par t ie s —inn ocent amu se men t s—which h ave kep t
( 878)
880 B A LLS .
When you ha ve ma de up your mind to giv e a b all and ,
have succeeded in fix ing a day when there will be no very

grand a fl a ir such as a court ball to take your guesa
‘
-
, ,
way the first thing to do is to send the invitations

,
.
”
How many shall we ask Arabella ? ,
Oh ! at least t wo hundred mamma I do so li k e I ,
large ball .
’
Nonsense my dear our rooms won t hold eighty with

’
, ,
”
c om fort .
Then there is the staircase .
A pleasant prospect for late comers .
”
"
And the hall .
Where they will have the society of the footme n

very agreeable .
And the conservatory urges Arabella ,

.
No my child that is reserved for fl irta t ions

, ,
In .
short if we have more than a hundred it will be a terr i

, ,
”
bl e crush .
But mamma a crush is quite the fashion I m sure

, ,
.
’
people here in London don t go to balls to dance ’

.
What for then Miss Wisdom ? ”

,
To say they have been there to say it was a fright

fu l crush at the J one se s ; to see their neighbors to be ,
su re fi
’
And to be melted with the heat

Well we can ice t hem mamma
, ,
.
However Arabella is partly right In London and

,
.
,
during the season i f a ball is given as a formality and

, ,
the rooms are not large it is be t t er to give up t he h e pe

,
of com fortable dancing and have the r e nom me e of a ,

’
crush . All the gentlemen who failed to get int o the

drawing room and al l the young ladies whose dr esses
-
,
B ALLS . 381
we re hopelessly wrecked will e xecrate but sti ll remem , ,
be r you and it is something t o be remembered in London

, ,
Whether well or ill So that when you have called y ou r

.
u e sts together as close as S heep in a fold allowed the m

g ,
to take an hour to climb the stairs and hal f an hour to

’
e t do wn a gain given them a supper from Gunter s with
g , ,
c hampagne of the quality which induced impudent Brum
mell to ask for s ome more of that cider ; very good

“
”
cider that you have done the notorious if not the agree
,
able thing and Mrs Fi t z j one s ball will be talked of and

,
.
’
remembered But there are better ways of achieving thi s

.
highly desi rable notoriety of three days duration ’

.
“
Any number over one hundred constitutes a larg e
ball below that number it is simply a ball and u n
,
’
,
’
der fi fty a dance I have been at a ball of t e n t/z ou s

a nd,
as large as the garrison of Paris itsel f given by ,
Madame Hausmann at the Hotel de V ille in that city

“ ”
and yet though it was not the thing to dance there
, ,
the rooms looked almost empty so many and so large ,
were they On the other hand I have been at the Tuil

.
,
eries w hen there was not a tenth of that number a nd ,
found the dancing c onfine d to one little spot in the long

.
gallery about as large as an ordinary London drawing

,
room In short the nu mb er s must be pr e portioned t o

.
,
the S i z e of the rooms with this proviso that the more, ,
o u have the more brilliant the fewer you have t h

y ,
e ,
mo re e njoyable it will be .
In ma king your li st you must not take in a l l your ,
ac quaintance but only all those

,
who are moveable — t he
mari onettes in fact Middle age d p eo ple think i t a com l

,
.
- -
p l i m ent to be asked to a ball about as much as the boa
constric tor i n the Regent s P ar k would Both he and ’

.
3 82 B ALLS.
they like to be fe d and a fter five and thirty it is lab orious

,
- -
not only to dance but even to look at dancing

,
.
"
What s h a l l we do for gentleman mamma ? I have ,
counted up t hirty eight young ladies who dance and only

-
”
twen ty five partners fo r t hem
-
.
In some places this is a question to which there is no

answer but despair Young men are at a premiu m in the
.
ra nks o f Terpsichore as much as those o f death and they ,
must be bribed to j oi n by as large a boun t y in the shape ,

”
of a good supper I shan t go to the Fit z j onese s yawn s
.
’
,
D e Boo ts of the Scotch Mu fii ne e rs the champagne was ,
undrinkable last year and the 79 316 d e f o ie g r a s tasted

,
-
like kitten ”
How De Boo t s of the Mu fii ne e rs comes to
.
k now the taste of kitten does not transpire .
“
We ll my love says mamma
,
” “
,
we must get some ,
intimate friends t o bring a young man or t wo .
Thereupon there is a casting up o f who kno ws whom ,
and whom it would be best to commission as recruiting

sergeant But mamma Arabella and the intimate a m t
.
, ,
de l a m a i s o n may talk and w rite and labor t hey will ,
never make up the full war complement and wall —fl owe rs ,

“ ”
will flourish still This system of bringing a friend
.
is a very bad one and S hould be avoided It reminds me

,
.
of a story o f worthy Mrs P who had Juno t s house in ’

.
P aris and in its magni fi cent rooms gave some of the larg
,
“
e st and most brilliant balls but o wing to the friend
’
, ,
system very mixed

,
So much so that on one occ asion a
.
gentleman went up to her and told her that there was one
of the swell mob present Mrs P— was dea f and amia . .
bl e D e ar me She replied is there really ? I hope

”
,
“
,
”
he has had some supper But the disciple of Fagan had
.
taken ca re of hi msel f he had not only had supper but ,

B A LLS .
be woven with evergreens and all the fire places shoul d ,

-
be concealed by plenty of plants n flower In Par i s i .

,
a gain , t he musicians ar e unseen and the strains o f t he ,
piano horn fl age ol e t and violin proceed from behind

, , ,
fl owery bank artfully raised in one corner of the ball

,
ro om .
It is a rare thing in London to find more than four or

five roo ms e n m i l e and o ft e n the number does nor e xceed
.
”
two In the flats of the l a rge French houses you
.
“
,
have o ften as many as seven or eight rooms opening one

into another and so mu ch is the ad vantage of space re
,
cognized that a bed —room even is Opened at the end of

,
the sui t e i f necessary I have danced in a room where

,
.
the grand bed was standing in an alcove scarcely con ,
c e al e d by thin muslin curtains and disguised with a ,
coverlet of embroidered white satin But in England a n .
sacrifice should be made to secure a re freshmen t —room if ,
not a supper room on the same floor as the ball —room

-
,
,
nothing being more trying to ladies dresses than the ’
crush do wn and up the stairs A cloak —room down stairs .
for the ladies wi t h one or two maids to assist them ; a

,
tea and co ffee room with at least two servants ; and a ,
ha t room for gentlemen are indispensable

-
If the ball is ,
.
a large one numbered tickets should be given for the

,
cloaks and hats .
Up stairs the color and lighting of the rooms is e ss en

tial . The ball room especially Should be that which has
-
the lightest paper ; and if there be dark curtains par ,

~
tic ul a rl y red o nes they must be taken down and replace d

,
by light ones The best color for a ball room i s very

.
-
p ale yellow The light

. S hould come from the wall s ,
he ightene d by s trong reflectors Chandeliers are dan .

THE FLOOR . 3 86
ge o s an d throw a downward Shadow ; at any rat e wax

r n , ,
should always be replaced by globe lamps A fter the .
Tuileries balls we o ft en returned w ith complete epa u

’
,
l ettes of wa x spots on our shoulders if in moments of

-
, _
carel es sness we had stood under the chandeliers G as is .
he ati n g and thro ws rather a sickly glare

,
.
How can we dance well without a proper ground ? It

“
was all very well for nymphs and satyrs to trip it on
the light fantastic toe over greensward and pebbly paths
’
,
bu t then they did not waltz ( Z de u x te mp s A carpet .
”
dance is a bad dance and the cloth drawn over the Kid ,
de rmins te r is seldom tight enough and never so good as a ,
floo r English people have as great a horror o f taking up

.
thei r carpets as Frenchmen are supposed to have of wash

ing their necks Probably the amount of dust which
.
would meet their ga z e is too appalling to think of Then .

,
again English boards are of a wood which i t is not eas

, y
to poli sh Commend me to the old oak fl oors which
.
-
.
,
with a little be eS wax come out as dark as ebony a nd

’
-
, ,
help the unskilled foot to glide However a polished .

,
fl oor whatever the wood is always the best thing to dance

, ,
on and if you want to give a ball and not only a crush ,

, , ,
you should hire a man who with a brush under one foot , ,
a nd a Slipper on the other will dance over the floor for ,
four or five hours till you can almost see your face in it
,
.
Above all take care that there is not bees wax enough
,
’
-
t o blacken the ladies shoes It is the amount of rubbing

’
.
which must give it the polish .
Four musicians are enough for a private ball If the .
room is not large do away with the horn ; the fl age ol e t

,
is l ess noisy and marks the time quite as well

,
A piano .
and violi n form the mainstay of the band ; but if the room
17
3 86 B ALL S .
be large a larger hand may be introduced to gr eat advam

,
tage The danc e s S hould be arranged be forehand and

.
,
fo r large balls you should have printed a number of dou

bl e cards conta i ni ng on t he one side a list of the dances
,
on the 3 t her blank spaces to be filled up by the names 01

,
artner s A small pencil S hould be attached to each

p
ca rd which Should be given to each guest in the cloak
,
room Ev e ry ball ope ns with a quadrille followed by a

. .
walt z The number o f the dances varies generally from

.
eighteen to twenty four supper m aking a break a fter t he

-
fourteenth dance Le t us suppose you have twenty one

.
-
dances ; then seven of these should be quadrilles three ,
of which may be lancers There Should next be seven .
walt z es four galops a polka a polka mazurka and som e

, , ,
-
oth e r dance .
We come at last to what some people of bad taste

think the most important par t — the eating and drink ing ,
.
As a fir st rule it may be laid down that nothing should

,
be h a n de d in a ball A re freshment room is t here fore .

-
, ,
indispensable The ladies are to be first cons idered in

.
this matter The re freshments may be simple comprising

.
,
tea lemonade that detestable concoction called n eg u s

, , ,
i ced S herbet ices wa fers cakes and bonbons

, ,
In French , ,
.
parties they give you towards the end of the evening hot , ,
chocolate and this is coming into fashion in England and

, ,
i s certainly very re freshing In the south of Germany .
a lady asks you to fetch her a glass of beer

; i n Munic h ,
t his is customary even i n t he court circles There is a .
i
te rr ble prej udice against beer in England bu t it is pe r ,
haps the best thing to drink a ft er dancing Fa ncy our .
pretty Misses qu afli ng their pint o f Bass Yet why not ?

In Germany and France and now too in England the , , , ,
388 BAL LS .
than t wo There is a modern custom which s ame th e

.
pockets of bal l givers and is most grate ful to danc e rs

-
, ,
that of giving the men bottled beer No man of sen se .
will drink bad gooseberry when he can get good Bas s .
The latter re freshes m ore and intoxicates less ; but unti l

,
we become sensible on this point champagne will remain ,
ar
e i ndispensable an element o f the ball —
supper as trifle
tipsy cake and mayonnaise which last if made with
-
, ,
fish is the best dish you can eat at this meal

,
.
I now pass to the etiquettes o f the ball room -
.
4
In the days when bo ws were made down to an angle of

and it took two minutes to sink and two to rise in a
c urtsey the givers o f balls must have been punished for
,
their entertainment by a s t i ffness the nex t day quite as

trying as t hat of the young gen t leman who has followed
the hounds for the first time in his li fe As for the worthy .
Pr efect and Madame la Pre fec te de la Seine they would ,
have been carried away li feless with fatigue be fore the

hal f of the thousands had had their bow in the receiving
room of the Hotel de V ille at Paris In the present day .
the muscles of the month are brought more into requisi

tion and for the time being the worst of Xantippes must
,
turn into an angel of amiability i f she gives a ball The .
lady of the house must in short linger till supper time

, ,
-
.n the neighborhood of the door by which her guests ente r
the rooms ; she must have a pleasant smile for everybody ,
and i f possible she s hould know everybody s nam e and

’
, ,
how many they are in family To a large ball you as k a

.
g reat number of people with whom you have a S light ao
quain t ance and of course a number o f gentlemen arriv e

,
who may be your husband s or so n s friend s or recru i ts

’ ’ ’
levied by an a m i de l a m a i s o n To these a bow rath e r

.
RECEI V I NG THE G UESTS . 3 89
more inclined than to your own friends and a p ar ticularl y

amiable smile is necess a ry ; but i n order to put th e m
,
qui te a t the ir ea se you sho u ld be able to come forward and

,
“
sa
y some li t tle poli t e phr a se or oth e r Are we not t o .
h a ve the ple a sure o f Se e ing more of your party perhaps

you ask wh e n a m amm a and one daughter are announc ed
,
But i f there are no more o f t hem to come how a wkw ard ,
for you a nd t he m So too it is wise to avoid asking afte r -
relations unless you are quite sure about thei r ex i s t enc e

, .
Vt ha t can the bere a v e d wido wer say or look when in t he

’
,
excess o f your am iabili ty you inquire How is Mrs .
The master o f the hous too i f he is not gone out o f e

,
to wn on busi n for t hat night should be in t he

e ss
,
neighbor h ; his spouse

o o d e in order to introduce t o be ,
?
any of his o wn recruits The sons will hang about the .
same quarter fo r t he s a me purpos e but t he daughters will ,
be otherwise occupi e d It is their duty to see that the

.
dances are formed and a well bred young lady does not
,
-
dance till she ha s found partners for all the young ladies
or as many o f them as can be supplied from the ranks of
the r e crui t s present No w a nd then you will s ee her dart
.
anxiously out upon the la nding to pr e ss into the service ,
those languid loungers who are sure to be hang i ng about

the doors She ha s the right to ask a gentleman to d a nc e
.
Wi t hout having a previous acqu a intance but she must be ,
c a re ful how she uses it I have known a case where a .
di st i ngui shed young man having declined her invita t ion to

da nc e but be ing pressed by I can t make up the Lan c ers
.
’
”
wi thout you some what reluctantly accepted per form ed
, ,
h is part so w e ll that his par tner was quit e ép r ic c with

.
h i m and even ventured on a lit tle flirtation

,
You c an .
imagine her dismay when lat e r in t he evening she saw her

,
89 0 BALLS .
charmin g acquaintance carrying up a pile o f plates fro m

t he k itch e n t o t he supper room For t he first t ime in he r
-
.
li fe she had d anced wi th an occasi onal wa i t e r T he ge nus .
Wall fl o we r is one t hat gro ws well in every ball room bu t

- -
a you ng la dy however pl a in ho wever s t upid c a n if s h

, .
,
t
dances well a lways have some partn e rs The great thing .
is to secure the first who on re t ir i ng will say to som e o f

, , ,
his fri e nds I ll t ell you who dances well ; th a t girl in

,
’
”
pink Miss A
,
I advise you to get introduce d t o her .
The rig ht of in t roducing res t s mainly wi t h t he ladies and

gen t lemen o f the house but a chap e ron may pres e nt a
,
gentleman to h e r ch a rge ; or i f you being a man are i n , ,
timate with a you ng lady you may ask her permission to ,
i ntroduce some friend It is in very ba d taste to re fuse

.
this permission but i f a lady has an insuperable objec t ion

,
to the person in question she may decline to dance al t o ,
gether or re fer the applican t to her c ha peron In France

,
.
,
as I have said , no introduc tion is n e ed e d tho ugh English ,
you n g ladies generally expec t it even a t French p a rties .
At any rate i f a gentleman comes up to her and asks he r

,
to dance she must not reply as a celebrated English

. ,
beauty once did at the Tuiler ies I have not the pleasure ,
”
of your acquaintance by which she acqu ired the reputa
,
tion of very bad breeding .
A young lady must be very care ful how she re fus e s to

da nce with a gentleman Next to re fusing an o ff er of
.
marriage fe w things are so likely to dra w upon her the

,
iL dignat ion o f th e rej ected applicant for unless a good .
reas on is given he is a t to take it as evidence o f a pe r

p ,
so nal dislike There is a great deal o f polite ( ? l fal s e

.
hood used ou t hese occasions I a m sorry that I am .
”
engaged .
“
I have a slight headache and do not inte nd ,
3 92 B A L Ls
room a cquaintance rare l y goes any far mer unti l you ha ve ,
met at m o re b a lls th a n one In the same way a ma n c an .

.
not a ft e r bei ng i nt rod uc e d to a young l a dy to da nce with ,
a sk he r t o do s o more t han t wice i n the same ev e nin g
On the Continent ho wever intimate he must n e ver di n ee

,
-
t wi c e wi t h t he s am e lady t hat is i f she be unmarried , ,

.
Mam ma would inter fe re and ask his i ntentions if he did ,
so In Englan d a ma n o f s ense will sel e ct a t mo s t one

.
,
or t wo par t n e rs and da nce wi t h them al t ern ate ly t he

,
whole eveni ng But then he mu st e x pect comment there

.
upon and a you ng lady who does not wish to have her
,
name coupled wi t h his will not allow h i m to s ingle her ,
out in t his manner Howev e r a man may dance four or

.
,
e ven five times wi t h the same partn e r wi t hout this ris k .
On the other hand a rea l ly well br e d man will wish to be

,
-
use ful and t here are certain p e ople whom i t is imperative

,
on hi m t o ask to dance — the d a ught e rs of the house for ,
instance and a ny young ladies whom h e ma v kno w inti

,
m a t el y ; but most of all the well bred and a miable man -
will sacri fi ce him se l f to thos e pl ain ill —dressed d ul l l ooking , ,

-
be ings who cling to the wa ll unsough t and despairing ,

.
A ft er all he will not r e gr e t h is good n a t ure The spiri ts

,
-
.
revi ving a t t he unexp e c ted invita t i o n t he wall fl owe r will ,

-
pour o u t her best convers a tion will dance her best a nd ,

.
will sho w him her gra t itude in s om e way or o th er So .

,
t y ) a n a miable girl will do he r b e st t o find partners for

r .
her wal l tl owe r friends ev e n at t he ris k of si tting ou t

n
h r sel f
e
.
The f orm al bow a t the e nd o f a q uadrill e ha s gra l u i a
sll v d wi ndl ed a wa y A t t he end o f ever y dance yo u user

.
you right arm t o your p ar tner ( if by mistake you o ffer

the le ft you may turn the blunder into a pretty com l i
p
‘
,
B A LL ROOM-
MA NNERS . 3 93
me nt by rem i ndin g her that it i s he br a s cl u c aenr near

, ,
est the h e art which if not anatomical ly tru e is a t l e a s t

,
no worse th an t alki ng of a sunset and sunr i s e ) a nd ,
w alk hal f round t he room with her You t hen a sk he r .
i f she will take any re freshment and i f she a cc e pts you , ,
ec n vcy your precious allotment of tarlat a ne t o t he r e c
fre shme nt room to be invigorated by an ice or negus

-
or w hat you will It is j udicious not to li nger t oo

.
long in this room if you are engaged to some one els e

,
for the next dance You will have the pleasure of hea r
.
u
ing the music begin in the distant ball —room and of re ,
fl e c t ing that an e xpectan t fa ir i s sighing for you lik e

Mariana
He c ome th n o t,
”
sh e s a id .
Sh e sa i d , I a m a -
we a r y a -
w e a ry ,
I wo u l d I we r e i n be d f ’
which is not a n un fre q uent wish in some ball rooms A -

.
well br e d girl too will r e me mb e r this a nd a l ways c ifci

-
, , ,
to return t o the ball room ho wev e r i n t e res t ing he con

-
,
t
Versa tion .
If you are prud e nt you will not dan c e e very dan c e

nor in f act muc h more t han hal f the numb e r on the list
, , ,
you will t h e n e sc ape th a t h ate ful redness o f fa ce a t t he

time and t hat wearing f atigue the next day which a re
.
among the worst fe atures of a b a ll Again a gentl e ma n .

,
mu st remember t hat a ball is ess entially a lady s p a r ty ’

,
and in t heir pres e nce he should be gen tle a nd delic a t e a t »
mos t to a f ault never pushi ng h is way a p logizin g i f he

,
o
t r e a d on a dress s t ill more so i f h e ears i t b e g gin g pnr

,
t
,
'
don f or any accid e ntal an noy a nce he may occa sion a nd ,
addressi ng every Jody wi th a smile B a t qui te u npardon . a
able are those men wh o m one sometimes meets who, ,
1 74t
3 94 B ALLS .
st andi ng in a door way talk and laugh as they would in -
a barrack o r coll ege rooms al ways coarsely o ften ind oli -
ca tc l
y
. W hat must the sta t e o f t heir minds be if t he
eigh t o f beauty mode s t y a nd vir t ue does not a we t h e n:

, ,
into silence A man too who s t rolls do wn the ro om

.
, ,
with his head in the air looking as i f there were not a ,
c reature t her e wor t h dan c ing wi t h is an ill bred man so ,

-
i he who l e e ks bored and worse than all is he who take s

s
tc o much c hampagne .
If you i re dancing with a young lady when the sup

per roo m s opened you must ask her i f she would lik e
-
. .
”
to go to s upper and i f s he says yes which in 9 9 9
, , ,
cases ou t of 1 000 she certainly will do you must take , ,
her thi ther If you a re not dancing t he lady o f the hous e

.
will pr obably recruit you to t a he in some chaperon How .
eve r l i t tle you may relish this you must no t show your ,
d i sgust . In fact no man ough t to be disgus t ed at bein g

,
ab le to do a nything for a lady ; it should be his highest

privilege but it is not — in these modern unchivalrou s
,
d ays — perhaps never was so Having placed your part .
ne r then at t he supper table if t here is roo m there but -

.
,
"
f not a t a side t able or even at none you m ust be as ao
-
, ,
t i ve as Puck in atten ding t o her wan t s and as wome n
take as long to settle their fancies in edibles a s i n love ~
matters you had better at once get her some thing sub
,
eta nt ia l chicken p dt é d e f o i e g r a s m a yo n n a i s e or wha t

, , , ,
o u will A ft er wards come j elly and tri fle in due course

y . .
A you ng l ady o ft en goes do wn hal f a dozen tim e s 50 - -
the s upper r o om — i t is to be hoped not fo r t he purp os e

-
of eating — but she should not do so wi t h the same par t

ner more th an once Whi le t he l a dy is supping you .
must s tand by and t alk to her att ending to every wan t, ,

896 B ALLS .
nine tenths o f those who have done so have regr e ttcd l

-
at break fa s t t he next morning .
P ublic ba ll s a re not much fr e q u e n t e d by people of 2 00 } 4
so c iety exc e pt in wa t ering pl a c e s and coun try t w as

,
-
Even th e re a you ng l a dy sho u ld no t be se e n at mo re th an

t wo or three i n t he year Coun ty ball s race ball s a nd
.
-
,
-
hunt b lls are gen e rally bet ter t h a n common s u bsc rip
-
a
,
t i on balls
-
Charity b alls a r an abomin able a n o ma ly
.
-
.
At public balls there are gen e rally ei ther t hree or fou r

stewards on duty or a pro fession a l m as t er o f c e r e mo ni e s
,
.
These gentlemen havi ng made all t he a rr ange men ts order ,
the dances and have po wer t o ch a nge t hem if desirable

,
.
They also underta ke to prese nt young men to l a d ie s but ,
it must be und e rstood that such an in t roduction i s o nly

available for on e dance It is better t a ste to ask t he
.
steward to introduce yo u simp l y to a par tner than to

point out any lady in particular He will probably then .
ask you if you have a choice and if not yo u may be cer , ,
t ain he will t ake yo u to an established wall fl o we r Pub -

.
lic balls are scarcely e nj oyable unless you have your own
party .
As the gr eat charm o f a b a l l is i ts per fect accord a nd

harmony a ll alterc a t ions loud talking & c are doubl y
, ,
.
,
ill mannered in a ball room V e ry li ttle su ffic es to dis

- -
.
turb the peace of t he whole comp a ny .

C HA PT ER XIV
M OR N I N G A ND nvnzu x e m a mas .
WHEN all the flower of G eece turned out at th s or; r
of the Argive King manned t heir h e avy trir e me s and

sailed away t o Tenedos do you im agine t ha t one fifti e t h p a r t
,
-
of their number c ar e d as much as a shield s t rap fo r t hat -
lady o f th e white arms but bl a c k reput ation whom t he ,

.
handsomest man o f his day had persuaded to lly beyond

her fa t e s control
’
do you b e lieve it was for f ai r fa ls e
Helen that t hey resolved to sack T oy r ?
No t a bit of it ,
it wa s only a n excuse fo r mak i ng a party 8 0 too “

.
’7
,
it was only for t he par ty a nd the fu n tha t all those he l

meted scarved iron cas e d knights most
, ,
-
a nd
gal ,
lant quitted t he bo wers o f t heir lady loves ( which t o

,
-
say tr ut h must have b e en ra t her dull in d ays wh e n t here

,
.
were no che a p novels no pianos no crochet no chess no

, , , ,
backgammon and no ne wspapers to t a lk abou t ) a nd

,
tro t ted off to Pales tine de termined t o re turn wi t h t he

,
s calp o f a Saladin Why i f you were to examine t he con

.
,
sc i e nces o f nine ten t hs o f t hose same chivalrous gentlemen

-
you would find t he motive prob a bly ma de u p o f t he il l

lc wi ng ingredients in the follo wing pre porti ons
Re l igion ,
Ha t r e d o f Turks ,
Th e w ish of m y l a dy l o v e ,
-
B e cau s e it t h e f as h io n ,
’
s
Lo v e of b l oo ds h e d ,
For th e s a ke o f th e pa rty ,
898 MORN r N o A N D E V EN I N G PA RTIES .
In other words all the other m otives together W il “

,
a
not ou t balance that prime consid e r a t ion .
People will make a par t y fo r anyth ing Mak e a .
” “
a r ty to see the sun set , make a p a r ty to t a k e a
p
wa lk ; m ake a party to hear t he nigh tingal e ma he
3 party to go to church make a par ty to go no wher e
” “
ne a r church but to Hampstead Hea t h i nstead 5
,
mak e
a par ty to ride a donkey make a party to play at a
”
new g ame make a party to do nothing at all There .
are people — very good people they think t hemselves t oo

who cannot even read their bibles wi t hout a party and ,
the very people who rail at balls and parties and a muse ,
ment o f any kind will most u n o s ten t a t iously make a

,
a r ty to see them give a way a hundred cups o f tea or

p
fifty pina fores which a c t then goes i n t he world by the
,
“ ”
na me o f charity I don t t hink the Pharisees were
.
’
q ui t e so bad as this because i f t hey did do their good

,
de e d in public they did not make a party to come and

"
se e t hem unless ind e ed the sounding of a trumpet was

,
the Hebrew way of sending out invi t ations .
However this is not my presen t business The system

,
.
of ga t h e ring a li t t le ass e mbly t o j oin in every pleasure ,
as long as i t is free from os t enta t ion and cant only show s ,
wh a t sociable and sy m pa t hetic beings we are For t he .
re al objects o f these parties are not believe me the su n , ,
se t t he walk the nightingale s service the donkey t he

’
, , , ,
t e w g a me and the di spensing of pina fores l u t the en te z

,
c
{e m i nent of one an other s society so that all par ties h a vi n

’
, g
th e s a me ul timate aim may be gove rned by the same laws
l h a v e m a d e an except ion for dinn e r and dances b e caus e ,
wi th ma ny people t h e food and t he wal t z a r e the sol e o b
j e ct But in most other cases the excuse gi ven for the

.
1 00 MO R N I N G A ND E V EN I NG PA RTI ES .
be fo r ehand Tea must be served in a separat e room to

.
,
which the guest s are first conducted and ices handed ,
at sh ort in tervals throughout the e vening Sometim es .
in smaller receptions a supper is served but this is by ,
h e me a ns common as fro m these mee tings the ladi es

,
g e nerally repair to a ball The hour for meeting is be

.
t ween nine and ten and the party breaks up be for e one
,
i n the morning The lady and gen t leman of the house

.
both receive the guests some wh e re near the door of the

,
ur i nc ipal room ; or i f t he reception is a small one t he ,
i a d v j oins in the conversation a nd comes for wa rd wh e n a ,
g uest is announced T w o or t hree rooms mus t be t hro wn

.
open curiosi t ies good e ngravi ngs

.
,
h andsome boo ks rare , ,
minia t ures old china pho togr a phs stereoscopes and so

, , , ,
for t h laid out gr a ce fully on t he t ables and a liber a l sup ,
l o f o tt omans d o s ( i d o s and so f as pl a ced about in c o n

py , ,
renient posi t io n s not ho wever so as to im pede a gener a l

, , ,
mov e ment about the rooms In t he l a rger recep t ions

.
g entlemen should not s i t do wn and above a l l not ling e r , ,
c l o se t o the door bu t come for wa r d and tal k s e ns e

— mot
ball —roo m chi t ch at to such p e ople as t hey happ e n to

-
k no w In t roduc tions are not here t he ord e r o f t he day

.
,
as they must be in balls but t he l ady of the hous e will ,
take car e to in t roduc e gentlemen to such l a di e s as s e e .
t o have none to talk to On the o ther hand s tr ang e rs ‘

.
,
who enter your se t fo r t h e firs t tim e must rec e ive t he

r e at es t a t t e n t ion — t h e grea t e r t he stra nger t he g l o at e r
g -
t he gues t — a nd mus t be in t roduced to the prin c ipal pe o
p i .e The lady must take care t o c re a te circul a tion a nd ,
the guests th e msel es should not be pinion e d to one spo t

v
or one chair .
The plac e occupi ed bv music in thes e parti e s is a ver y

MUSI C . 4 0]
ridi culous one becaus e it is got up onl y to make a noise

,
and prevent peop l e being frigh t e ned like Robinson C rusoe , ,
a t the sound o f their o wn voices Som e times a profos .
si e n a l musician or t wo is introduced ; some t imes youn g
ladies are called upon to murder Itali a n or mouth ou t

G erman ; some t imes — not very o ft en— t here is som e
'
charming amateur si nging but unless the pro fe s sio nal s

,
are very great favor i t es or the you ng ladies have v e r

, y
fine voices or t h e guests r a rer s t ill can appreci a te
,
good melodious sp ea ki ng music t he t ouch of t he fi rs t ,
notes is the signal fo r every one to fi nd their ideas a nd

their t ongues So fa r i t must be con fe ssed that the ma
.
sic inspires t h e m a nd the p e ople who were stupides t be

,
fore su ddenly shine o u t q ui t e b ri llian t ly ; but i t is cu

,
rio us tha t while t he fi rs t t wo chords c a n e ffe ct t his the ,
remainder good or bad is drowned a nd talked do wn in

, ,
the mos t ungr a te ful ma n ner No t hing can be worse bred

.
th a n this ; and t here fore in really good society you will

, , ,
find t hat people kno w when to use t heir t ongu e s and whe n
their e a rs As to t he e t ique t te o f m u sic it is the sol e
-
.
,
privilege o f t he l a dy o f t he house to ask a gues t to sing

or pl ay ; and wh e n he or she c a n do so they will if we ll
bre d at once con se n t wi t hou t any palav e r A young
,
.
lady must be led— poor vic tim — t o t he piano by some

ge n tl e man n e a r a t h a nd who t he n offe rs to fe tch her mu
,
‘
s ic for her ; and t h e r e is one hint which I will ven t ur e t o
give t o young l a di e s when t hey hav e gc t t h e ir music a nd ,
ha v e qu i c k l y cho s e n t h e ir s o ng or pi e c e n e v e r wa i t ti ll
the comp a ny is silen t do n o t go o n pl a yi n
,
i nt r o o u c t i r y g
ba rs a nd looking round as if you e x pe c ze d t h e m to s to p

,
ta l king for on t h e o n e ha nd you will sel dom succ e ed in ,
ma ki ng the m do so ; on the other those who no tice you ,

MORNI N G A ND ns rN i PA RTI ES
will thin k you ar e vain o f your talents Ma k e up yrs ! .

.
mind t h a t you are to sing only fo r the s a ke o f the c on

vers a tion a nd be consoled t h a t t hose who c a n a ppr e ci a t e
o u r si nging will dr a w near a nd lis t en T he g e n t l e ma n
y .
who ha s conducte d y o u to t he piano now stays t o tu rn

over your p a ges for you ; take care t hat he is able t o ti d .
low y ou or give him a sign at t he pr e per moment oth e r

,
.
wise he will be turning too soon a nd bring you both intt ,
te rri ble con fusion The best way of giving recep t ions
.
,
which cost very little is to fi x on some day o f t he week

, ,
a nd repe a t them ev e ry time it comes round You then .
issue i n vi ta t ions to a very much larger number than your

roo ms will hold and for the whole course o f reception s ,
so t hat your friends can choose the weeks most conveni e nt

to t hem If at the first party you should only have a
.
l oze n gues t s do not be dishe a r tened

. If your rooms are .
we ll lit up and we ll arranged and yoursel f agreeable , ,
they will be filled to e xcess be fore the middle of the

season .
Private concerts and amat e ur theatricals ought to be

very go o d to be success ful P ro fessionals alone should
.
be eng a ged for the former none bu t r e al amat e urs for the
,
l a tt e r
. Bo t h ought to be but rarely are follo wed by a
,
sli pper since they are gene ra lly very fatiguing if not
, ,
positively trying In any case re freshmen t s and ices

.
,
should be handed between the songs and the acts Pri .
va te con c erts a re o ft en given in t he morning t ha t is "

, .
"
from two t si “
P M ; in t he evening their hours a rt
'
. . .
fr om eight to e leven The rooms should be a rra nge d in

.
the sa me m a nner as fo r a recep t ion the guests shou d be ,

-
se a ted , a nd a s music is the avo wed obj ect a gen e ra l ,
sil e nce r eserv e d while it lasts Betwee n t he son s the

p .
g .
404 MORNING A ND E \ na
‘
me P ARTIES .
in to wn s where people will dress e x or bit a n tl y fo r e very

,
b
thing o f t his kind Ho wever i f we l l arranged a nd u ndo!

.
, ,
propi t ious skies a ma t in ee is a v e ry good t hing for Urba

.
I
fl
nus who lo ves sunshine flo we rs a nd gay t t i l e ts The

, ,
,
.
comp a ny should be very numerous C O ll l pl l S l l l a l l t h e be st

‘
O
’
dre ssed people you k no w for dress is every t h i ng on t h e s e ,
occ a sions In a ddi t ion t o a good brass —b a nd you wc ul d

.
,
do wel l to ob t ain t he s e rvices of a glee club to si ng in the

Open air betwe e n t he ins t rum e nt a l pi e ce s ; bu t t h e n a ma .
‘
tin ée becomes a very exp e nsive en t e rt a inm e n t and so in ,
fact i t mus t be You invi te your gues ts for one o clock ’
,
.
,
they arrive a t t wo and disp e rse in time to dress for dinner

. .
Th ey content t hems e lves wi t h walking about list eni ng to ,
the music and t aking re fr e shment s or i f you give it them

, , ,
a lunch in the large mar q u e which o f course you have

"
, , ,
had erected on the l a wn You h a ve no trouble wi th your .
guests and never dream o f introducing them ; you bring

,
them together under propitious circumst ances a nd they ,
must amuse themselves In ma t i né es abroad they o ft en .
dance The y are t here very fa shionable and much liked

. .
In these Ope n air par ties in large t o wns and their neigh
-
bor hood people who do not kno w one ano t her remain i n
,
tha t condi t ion ; they are rarely if ever introduced a nd , ,
they never dream o f speaking to one ano ther wi thou t a n

introduction V ery di ff rent and much more sensible is
.
e
, ,
t he fo reign custom .
Fo r t hese to wn p a rties there are one or two g e n era

-
‘
,
rules : The hostess should not be too e m r es s é no r bu s t

p
»
l ing in he r welcome s he should r e ceive every one alik e ,
with amiable digni ty and above a l l if she exp e c ts a l ie n

,
or a grandee should dismi s s him from her though ts till

,
he comes and then ma k e no difier e nc e in his reception tc

'
.
c o UNTE Y PA ar — ms . 4 Uh
tha t of t he other guests If she does mal o a dist i nel ie n

. t
the la t t er wil l smile cynically a t he 1 t oa dyis 1u a 1 d ( Gn ,

u
tz a t t h e ir own recep t io n wi t h t h a t o f t he f avo re d gu c s t

‘
s
To ma ke up fo r t his r e str a i nt on her en t husi asm ?

7
sac i
a t o blig e d t o kno w n uch about t he domes t ic o fl a ire o f
h e r gu e s t s In good compa ny o f t hi s kind t he babi e s and

.
,
mar se l y ni ids t he so n a t t he Cape and t he d a ugh t e r in

..
, ,
I ndia a re forgot ten fo r t he t ime or reserved for t he sm a lle r

, ,
tea par ty In t he co nvers a zioni and recep t io ns you will

-
.
,
he a r n one but publi c s ulzij e c t s — every e ne s proper ty ,

’
brough t on the z ap z s This knot you take f or st a te smen

’
‘
.
for a s you pass e ach one o f t he m is proph e syi ng wi t h a

, ,
e hre wd look wh a t next s tep the Emp e ro r will t a ke

,
No . .
6 113 they are simply fa t hers o f f amilies

,
Here you a r e cer .
w in yo u have ligh t ed on a batch o f cri t ics male and ,
female
; could ove r any one else sho w such venom in the
li s c u s s io n o f the l a s t celebra t ed book ? N o t hing o f the \
kind ; critics ar e doves in company a nd t hese a r e only ,
e ducated men w i t h a s li t t le a c t u a l co n nexi o n wi t h li t era

,
< ure as a sailor on the 111 iz e nya rd Then these men who .
a re scien tific a lly disc us sm some recen t discov e ry and o

,
hangi ng pro fou ndly ov e r t he fat e o f some engin e ering e n

t e r r i se
p are
,
merely t hink e rs by no me a ns pro fe ssional , ,
while those who t alk of Lord J ohn a s a n in t im a t e chu rn

and I a m as a man t hey could cl a p on the should e r are
‘
.
,
not M P s but on l y club loungers Even t he goss ip

’
-
. . .
,
J o ke s {1 public charact e r and t he scandal is ab ut peopl e ,

o
kno wn t o t he wh ole world o f f ashion Th e n aga i n the ,
manne i o f the gu e s ts i s c alm and e a sy ; there is no ne c e s

s ty to cr e ate mirth t l e l a ugh t e r is q uie t e ven the wi t is
'
re ce i ved wi t h a smile and discu ssions are carried on wit h

,
mteres t but not with e xcitement All the co mpany too .

406 MORNI N G A N]: E V EN I N G PART IES .
is for the time on an equ a lity a nd i t is ba d t a s t e tc reco g

,
ni z e a ma n s r a nk in a mark e d ma nner Preced e nce is .
b est laid asi de a nd the cur a t e may i f he likes pass o ut

, , ,
c f t he r o o m be fore t he bishop In shor t the re c e ptic n is

.
,
x kind f e vening lounge

o .
V r ry di fferen t is t ne char a cter of cou nt ry p a rties If -

.
th ey a re more sociable and fri e ndly b e cause almost ever y ,
body is kno wn t o o ne ano t her i f t h e re i s less formality ,
and displ a y about t hem t here is a lso l e ss equ ali ty

,
If .
it is no t nec e ssary to ligh t your rooms brilli a n tly and ,
secur e the s e r vices of pro fe ssional singers in sh o rt to .
supply so me p a r t icular a t traction i t is incumben t to bo w ,
to t he local posi t ion held by each guest No t ind e ed that .
t h is s good style but th a t it is expect e d by people who

,
ve i o ft e n h a ve li t t l e mo re t h a n t h e ir posi t ion to r oc e m
y
mend t he m The de pu ty lieu t enant may be a much duller
.
-
man t ha n the small s q uire bu t in his o wn coun ty he would

take i t very ill i f yo u did n o t show him more atte n t ion
ba n to t he oth e r The vic a r may a nd o ft en is fa r less
.
,
a gree able than the cur a t e bu t the l a t ter would never

,
dre a m of maki ng a move t o go be fore t he s tat ely i nc u m

bent had risen Then too t he conv e r sation al ways verges
.
, ,
on loc a l a nd rural topics The t wo squires talk of cr0ps

.
game boundaries and m agis t erial ques tions and find t he ir

, , ,
fa r more in t eres t ing than t he f at e o f Europe Their wives .
d scuss t he fl owe r—sho w the h u nt b all the return of s ome

i
,
-
fami l y to t he n e ighborhood The young p e ople get a step

.
fa r th e r in ye a r long fl ir t a t ions and discus s wi t h more or

-
le ss ac e rbity t he en ga g e ments of t heir mutu al friends In .
sl n r t people ra t her t han t hings a r e t h e t hem e s o f in t e r

.
, ,
est and a S t ra ng e r in a cou ntry par ty finds himsel f almos t

,
.
-
11 foreigner in the l a nd
. And woe to him if he does not
.
4 08 MOR N I N G A ND E V EN I N G PARTIES .
for tl . of t he
vill age as countr y people are somewha t
,
g iven to maki ng t h e s e sub jec ts ma t t e rs fo r s e ri o us di ffe r ”
e nce a nd i t is a r are c s e fo r t he s q u i r e a nd t he cl e r
. a gy
111 1 1 1 t o be pe r fe c t ly a g 1 ood on a l l po mt s n he 1 e t ht i i sup
1
e e d r i ht s can o ss 1 bl cla sh I h a v e kn o wn a 1 ill

p g p y
1
. . 1
di vi de d i n t o a d e a dl y fe ud i o r t e n ye a i s by no t hi ng bu t
s pe ws in t he cl u n ch — ono pa l ty wishing t o k e e p t hem
S hd ano t her t o pull them do wn 1nd t hough t h e s e re

,
.
,
ligio u s —min ded p e ople me t p e rh a ps once a mo nt h a t v a ri

ous t e a par t ies a nd din ne rs t he c hurch was ne v e r s pok e n
-
of and a s t i a nge i who mi ht h a ve unco nsciou sly me n t ion

,
n
ed t he pe ws t h e 1 e 1n would h a ve t ln o wn in a fire bi a nd
,
win ch would h a v e l i t up t he who l e p a rish .
On en t eri ng a country par ty you a t once se e k out the ,
lady o f the house a nd shake h a n ds wi th her The s a me

. .
pro c ess is t h e n per formed wi t h th e s e m e mb e r s of t he

family whom you kno w a nd a ny o ther o f your a c qu a in ,
tanc e presen t In t a ki ng l e ave t he s a me proc e s s is r e pe a t

.
e d a nd a simple bo w wo u ld g e ne r a lly be consi de red a s an

,
impoli teness The invi t a ti on s t o t he se p a r t i e s p a r ta k e o f

.
the same sociable c ha ra c te i a nd a re m ad e by friendly

no t es sent a fe w day s l 1e f ore l1 a11d or eve n on t he very da y
.
i tsel f Yo u h a v e no t t he same li ber ty o f d e clini ng t h e m

.
as i n to wn nor can you have r e cou rse t o the poli t e fo r mu

.
la of a previous e ng a g e men t sinc e e v e rybo dy kno ws ,
What is going 011 i n t he n eigh bor hood a nd who is t o b e ,
at a ny pa r ty You must t he ro f 1re fi nd a good e x c use at

.
g o . For m y par t I t hi nk we should be be t t e r C h ri s

,
Gia na a n d j us t a s frie ndly i f we st a t e d o u r r e a l r e aso ns

.
,
I dc m t
”
I regret th at I h a ve no t the t im e t o sp a r e ,
f ee : incl ined for socie ty or I have no dr e ss for t h e

"
, ,
S uc h re nlie s might create a little su rmise

”
occ as io n .
I N TH E C OUNTR Y . 4 os
but peopl e must admire t heir candor and ev e rybody could ,
sympa t hize wi th t he wri t e r s feeli ngs A t a ny r a te 5 ]

'
. 1 1 1
,
mu s t av o i d a s neer s u ch a s t h a t g1 ve n by a t oe c a n did l
(l o a cl e rgym a n s wi fe w ho h a d invi t e d her t o a qu i t
’
y t . e .
li ttle discussion o f Inu ll i ns on Shr e ve Tu e sday I .
”
y et ,
s he wro t e t hat I sh a ll be unabl e t o a cc e p t yo ur .
in vi t a t io n as t he near a pproach o f L e nt would pr e cl ud e

,
my j o ining i n any fes t ivi ties ”

.
C oun t ry hours ag a in a re much earli e r th an thos e in

, ,
to wn Exc e pt a t gre at hous e s wh e re t he dinn e r hou r is

.
,
s even eigh t o clock is t he usu a l ti me for a t e a party to

,
-
begin and be fore t wel ve t he l a s t gue s t d e par ts

,
I t is no .
c e ss a ry to be p u nc t u a l i n t he coun t ry wh a t e ver you may ,
be in to wn a nd it would be consid e re d a s an un warrant

able assumption o f f ashion to arri v a n hour a fter the
t ime s t a t e d i n t he invi ta t ion .
Tea is handed in t he dra wing room or If the p art y he -
a s mall one so a rranged th a t all may s i t round In the

,
.
latter c a se the t e a table mus t be p l e n te ou sly spr e ad wi t h

-
cakes frui t &c he Appetites flourish in t he free air

, ,
. t .
of hills and me adows a nd as a rule coun t ry par t i e s have

, ,
more o f t he feeding sys te m about t h e m th an t hose o f to wn .
I h us unless dinner ha s been a t a la t e hou r i t is usual t o

'
have a supp e r l a id out or a t least s and wiches j e llies a nd

.
, , ,
t rifle at a side table T hi s I mus t s ay i a more agI e e a

-
.
,
s
bl e feature o f c o u nt r v en t e r t a inmen t s t han that o f roun d

g a mes At .t h e se ho w ev er you
,
m ust not lo ok bo re d ; ,
o u must re a lly for t he t u n e b e lieve yoursel f 0 c h ild

y .
agai n allo w yoursel f t o be a mus e d and en t er he a rt a nd

, ,
s oul in t o it En deavor by e ver y me a ns in y our po we r

.
to add to the g e n e ral hil a ri t y ; t a lk wi t hou t r e s t ra int e n ,
te r into innocent rivalry wi th t he young ladies o r if

; ,
18
110 MO R N I N G A ND E V EN I N G PA RTIES .
one of them yoursel f challenge the most youth ful espe

, ,
ci a lly the s hy o f the other sex ,

You must find som e
.
thing to laugh at in the mer e st trifle but never re ar 01 ,
shr i e k Never claim your wnm ings but i f they a re

.
c ife rc d you must take them excep t from a young lady ,
and from her on no consid e r a tion .
While we are mel ting here under the dog star and -
c rushing up cro wded s tairc a ses a nd into ovens o f roo m ,
In the tigh t est dress tha t is worn our country cousins are ,
really enj oyi ng t hemselves They a r e now having tea .
out on the la wn wi t h bo n a fide cr e am to it too none of ,
our miserable d e lusions o f calves brains ( beauti ful satire ’
on those who cr e dulously s wallow them ) or chalk and

water Then when t e a is done they are positively going
.
,
to dance here on the lawn or there in that l a rge empty

,
ou t — house resolved that no t hing shall induce them to go

,
into that house again till night and i f they do not

they bring out every chair that is in it and sitting round , ,
pl ay at hunt the —ring post turning t he trencher or Blind

-
, , ,
Man s Bu ff What de ar children they a re ! how ple a sant

’
.
to see the old gentlemen dragged in by the young gir l s ,
and made to play n o l e n t es c o l e n t es ’ how charming t he .
la ughter of t hese merry maidens and the play ful fl i rt a ,
t ion o f the sturdy you t hs who all day long ha ve be e n

,
carry ing a gun or breaking a new horse in Well well , ,
i f there is beauty enough t o make us bless the excitemen t
whic h brings the color to some lovely cheek i f the -
oun men can really he l p looking bored a nd the old

y g ,
e nt s shan; delight ( as we old ones can let me t e ll you

-
, ,
sir) why t hen t hese o u t —door gaieties may be fresh and

, , ,
reviving and cheering t o us d us ty wi t hered smoke dried

-
, ,
towns men B u t then Where is conversation ? Sw am pe d

.
4 12 MOR N I N G AND EV ENI N J PARTIES .
Ser vants o u g ht possible to be dispensed wit h and a

,
if . ,
free flo w o f t he e a sies t merri ment not f r e e in it s el f it , ,
Wi ll be u nde r s t o o d shou l d be all o wed a nd e nco u rag e d

. .
T he coll a ti o n cold o f cours e i s g e ne r a lly t he fi rs t ob

.
ie e t a fte r arri ving a t t he rend e zvous I t is o f ne c e s si t

y .
r e n owh at rough for thes e s a me pic nics are the h a ppy

,
-
re c a si ons when p e opl e t r t o forge t t hat t he are hi h l

y y g y
c ivili zed but are scarcely ever allowed to do so
, How .
e v r n o t hing is more j ustly ridicu l ous than that peopl e

e
,
who come o u t to p l ay the rus tic s hould be a ccomp a nied by

a bevy o f Mercuries a nd that wh il e we at t emp t to imi t a te
,
the s i n pl i c i ty of rural dryad li fe spreadi ng our viand s .
be nea t h t he shady trees we should have some hal f dozen ,

-
s t a t ely acolytes o f fa sh i on moving about us with all the
sole mn t y of a London di m er p a r ty The servants then

i -
.
s hou l d be d riv e n aw ay 2f o r c e d a r m e s and the gen tle

(
’
me n t ake t heir pl a c e Th e n see how imm ens e ly it in

.
cre a s e s he general hil a ri ty t o wa tc l1 Fit z bo ots of the

Muffine e r s sent about by t he pi e tty misses mad e o f u se ,
"
o r t he first time in his li fe a nd wi t h h is ha nd s so full ,
;h i t h e c a nno t e ven s t i o ke o u t his s p l e ndid whi s kers

.
Cert ainly t he ba rr ie i s o f so c i e ty ough t to be broken

down on these occa s ions Everybody should be p e r fec t l y
.
at his c a se a nd i f t he p e opl e a re r e a ll y wel l bred t he

,
-
li be r ty t hu s given will no t be t he least abused A ma n .
who drinks t o o much ch a mp a gn e 01 a young lady w ho

s m e ll s a wa y f or a co u p l e o f hours wi t h a yo ung ma n .
t w e ng t h e ruins o r in th e woo d sho uld sc a rce l y be a sked ,
to i c zn a s e cond pic nic Th e n too fr e e a s t hey a re ga y

-
. .
,
t au gt :n c
,
and c a re l e ss the y shou l d no t de scend to noisy
.
l umpin g T he m 0 11gh t to be a f air s n ink ting o f ch ape i
h a s and eld e rly people L ot to damp t he gaiety but tc ,

PIC NICS
-
. 41 3
re s train the carelessness of the you nger one s A fter all

.
,
le t youth be youth and l e t it have its fling

,
If i t be
.
really innocent and well brought up Miss Et iquette pr i m

, ,
old m a id will have nothing to say

,
if otherwise then s he
,
may preach in vain a t a carnival .If our spirits a re

o od ( and I feel quite young aga i n in talking of the se
g
things ) let us enjoy t hem to the fullest and be as silly
,
and as wild as the youngest . Never shoot a Skylark

Whi l e s oa ring ; never curb young mirth in its pro pe r ea
CHA P T ER XV .
MAR R I A G E .
Ar a ti me when our are or ought to be most sus

feelings
ce pt il to when t he happiness or misery o f a condition in
,
which t here is no medium begins we a re sur rounded wit h ,
forms and etique t tes whic h rise be fore t he unwary lik e

Spectres , and wh i ch even t he most rigid ceremonialist s
regard wi t h a sort o f dread .
l Ve re i t not ho wever for these forms and for thi s

, , ,
necessity o f being e n r ég l c there might on t he s ol e mni

, ,
z a t io n o f marriage be con fusion forge t fulness and even

, , ,
speak i t not aloud — irri t a t ion a mong t he parties most i n

ti ma te l y concerned Exci t ement migh t ruin all
. Wi t h .
o u t a definite programme t he old maids o f t he famil

, y
would be t hrus ting in advice The aged chronicler of .
p a st events or grandmo t her by t he fireside would have

, ,
it all her way ; the venerable bachelor in tights wi th his ,
blue co at and me tal bu t tons migh t t hro w everything in t o

,
con fusion by his sugges t ions It is well that we a re in .
dependent o f a l l t hese in t er fering a dvisers ; that t here is

( to nec e ssi t y to appeal t o t hem Preceden t has arrange d.
it al l ; we have only to put in o r und e rs t a nd wh at t h at

ster n authority has l a id do wn ; how i t ha s been v a r i e d by
modern c hang e s ; and we must j us t sh a pe ou r co u r s e

boldly . Boldly But t here is much t o be do ne be ‘
fore we cc me to that First th e re is the o ffer to bl

.
,
( 414 i
41 6 MA RRIA G E .
tantam ount to fortune ; eve n the power of writing tho se

two li t tle le tte rs D e be fore your name has some val u e in
t he marri a ge contract Havi ng satisfi e d themsel ves the y
.
thus address the yo u ng lady It is no w time fc r you

t o he married ; I know o f an eligible match vou can s ee
th e gentleman either a t such a ball or ( i f he i s seri ous )
,
at church I do not ask you to take him i f his a ppear

.
ance i s posi t ively disagreeable to you ; i f so w e will l ook .
”
ou t for some one else .
A 3 a matter of custom the young lady answers that t he,
W ll o f her parents is hers

i she consents to take a survey
i f hi m to whom her destiny is to be entrusted
; and let
“
us presume that he is accepted though it does not follow , ,
and sometimes it takes several months t : k out as it o

,
does for other matters a house or a place or a pair of , , ,
horses However she consents ; a formal introduction

.
,
tak es place ; the p r o m is calls in full dress to see his fu

ture wi fe ; they are only j ust to speak to each other and ,
those fe w unmeaning words are spoken i n the presence of

the bride elect s mother ; for the French think it mos t
-
’
indiscreet to allow the a ffections of a girl to be interested

be fo re marri age lest during the arrangements for t he
,
c ontract all should be broken off If she has no dislike .
it is enough never for an instant are the engaged coupl e

l e ft alone and in very fe w cases do they go up to the al ta r
,
wi th more than a fe w weeks ac q uain tance and u su a l l v

’
wi th less . The whole matter is then arra nge l by n( ta

ie s who squabble over t he marriage contract and get al
,
-
th ey can for their clients .
The con t ract is u s ually signed in France on the day

be fore t he marriage when all is considered sa fe ; the r eli
,
i o ns ortion of their ba nd takes place in t he c hurch a nd

g p ,
THE PROPOSA L . 4 17
then t he t wo young creatures are l e ft togeth e r to u nd er

st a nd e a ch other if t hey can and to love ea h e ph e r n
,
c
the y will ; if not t hey must con t ent t hemsel ves wi t h wha t
.f: te r med 1m m é n ag e do P a r i s .
. It Engl a nd formerly much the same system prevailed

A be y o f four t een be fore going on his t ravels was c on
, ,
trac t ed to a girl o f el e ven selected as his future wi fe by

,
parents or guardians ; he came bac k a fter the g r a n ds

to ur to fulfil t he engagement But by law it was imper
.
a tive t hat forty days should at least pass between t he

contract and the marriage ; during which dreary interval
the couple leashed together like t wo young greyhounds
,
would have time to think of the fu t ure In Fr ance t he .

,
perilous period of reflection is not allo wed I really am .
”
so glad we are to take a j ourney said a young Fre nc h ,
lady to her friends I shall thus get to know some t hin g

”
about my husban d he is quite a stranger t o me Some .
striking i nstances of the M a r r ia g e de c o nve na n c e being

in fringed on have lat e ly occurred in France The la te
,
.
Monsieur de Tocqueville mar ie d fo r love a fter a fi ve ,
years engagement Guizot probably influenc e d by bit

’
.
,
acquaintance wi t h England gave hi s daughter ,

liberty tc s
choose for themselves and they m a rried for l e uc t a

i
very indelic a te proceeding rem a rked a French com

,
tesse of the old rég im e whe n speaking of this arra nge

,
ment .
Nothing can be more a ppose d to all this than our Eng

li s h sys t em. We are so tenacious o f the freedom of cl zoie e .
tha t even persuasion is thought criminal .
In France nego t iations are o ften commenced on the la
Two brot he rs , na med Do W ith .
’
18
41 8 MARRI AG E .
dy sid e ; in England never Even too encou raging a

’
s ,
.
manner even the ordinary attentions o f civili ty are c o a

, ,
c
s io na l l y a ma t ter o f reproach We English are j ealo us .
of the delicacy o f t ha t sacred bond which we presume tt ,
he pe is to spring out o f mutual a ffec t ion It is not h re .

e
ou r province to inquire what are the causes that have so
s ulli e d t he marriage tie in England ; what ar e the reas on s
that it seldom holds out all th a t it promises we have only

to treat of t he rules and e t ique t t es which pre face t he
union A gentleman who from whatever mo t ives has
‘
.
, ,
made up his mind to marry may set a bout i t in t wo ways ,

.
He may pre pose by le t ter or in words The cus toms of .
English socie t y imply t he necessi t y of a su fficient know

ledge of the lady to be addressed This even in t his .
,
coun t ry is a di ffi cul t po int to be attained and a ft er all

, , ,
cannot be calculated by time S i nce in large cities v ou , ,
may kno w peo ple a year and ye t be comparati ve stran ,
gers ; and meeting them in the country may become in

, ,
~
timate in a week .
Having made up his mind the gentleman o ffers— wisely ,
if h e can in Speech . L e t t ers are seldom expressive of

.
what really passes in the mind o f man or i f expressi ve , ,
s eem foolish since deep feelings are liable to ex a ggera t ion

,
.
Every written word may be the theme of cavil S t udy .

,
care which avail in every o t her species of composition

,
are de ath to t he lover s e ffusion A fe w sentences spoken ’

.
,
in earnest and broken by emo t ion are more eloquent than

, ,
p ages of sentim e nt both to parent and d

. a ughter Let .
hi m however speak and be accepted

.
,
He is in that ca se .
instantly taken into the in t imacy o f his adopted relati ve s .
Such is the notion of English honor that the engaged ,
co uple are he nce f i rth allowed to be fr e quently alone to

1 20 MA RRI AG E .
ne r smok ing if disagreeable frequenting places Jf

amus ement without her ; or paying at ten t ion t o c t ln
women In t his respec t indeed t he sense o f honor sho u ld
.
, ,
le ad a man to be as scrupulous when his future wi fe i '
absc nt as when she is present i f not mo r e so

,
Th es e .
rul es of conduct apply i n some respects to ladies als o .
Nothing is so disgusting or unpromising fo r the fu t ure a s

the fl i rt at ions which eng a ged young ladies permit them .
se lves to carry on a ft er they have ple dged themselves to
one person alone This display o f bad taste and va nity

.
o ften leads to serious unhappiness and the impropriety , ,
i f not folly should be strongly pointed out to the youn g

,
lady hersel f .
The attitude assumed by a flirt i s o ften the impulse of

folly more than of boldness It is agreeabl e to he r vani t y
.
,
sh e finds to excite j ealousy and to show her p ower

, ,
Even .
i f the rash and transient triumph produce no lasting e f

feet on the peace o f mind be fore marri age i t is o ft en re ,
f i led wi t h bitterness a fter marriage by him who was t hen

a
» s l av e but i s n o w a master
a .
,
In equally bad taste is exclusiveness The devotion s .
c f t wo engaged persons should be rese ved fo r the l i re ( i r -
( f i e and w omen are generally in f aul t whe n i t is o t h er

,
W se They like to exhibi t their conq u est ; t hey c a nnot

.
dispense wi t h a t t en t io ns ; they forget t h a t the dem onst ra i
t ion o f any peculiar condition o f things in soc i e ty mu s t

’
n a a ke some one uncom fort able the you ng lady is u n .
c omfortable because she is no t equ a lly h a p py ; t he you ng
man d tests wha t he calls nonsense t he old thi nk t h e r e

e
i n a time for all things All si tt ing a par t t h e re for e a nd

. .
,
e culiar displays are in bad t as t e I a m incl i ned to th i n k

p ,
th at they o ften accompany ins i nc e ri ty and that the tr u es t

,
PECUN IA R Y MATTERS
. 42 1
are t hose which are reserved for the genui ne

'
afl ec t i ens
and h e art felt i n t imacy o f priv a t e in t ervie ws A t t he s a m e .
”
i me the airs o f indi ff rence and avoidance should be
,
e
s i al l guarded a gain s t since ho w e ver strong a mut ual

p y ; .
i t ta c hme n t ma b e such a line o f co nduct is a pt n l u an
y
l essly to mislead others and s o produce mischie f ,
Tr u .
e
fe eling and a ladylike consideration for o t hers a point in

, ,
wh ich the present generation essentially fails are the be s t ,
u ides fo r steering between the ex t remes o f de mo n s t r a

g
e
t ion on the one hand and of frigidi t y on t he other

,
.
D uring t he arrange ment o f pecuniary ma tt ers 3 youn g ,

.
l ady should endeavor to u nderstand wha t is going on re ,
c e i vi ng it in a right S pirit If she has fortune she .

,
should in all points le ft to her be generous and c o n fiding

, ,
at the same time prudent Many a man she should re .

,
member may abound in excellent quali t ies and yet be

, ,
improvident He may mean to do well yet have a pas

.
,
sion for building ; he may be the very soul o f good na
ture yet fond o f the gaming t able ; he may have no

,
-
Wrong propensities of t hat sor t and yet have a con fu se d ,
notion o f accounts and be one o f those me n who mu l dl c

,
f
a way a great d eal o f money no one knows ho w or he

;
may be a too strict economist a man who takes too good ,
care of the pence till he tires your very li fe out about an

,
e x tra or he may be acile or weakly g e od

’
u ee n s h e a d f
q ;
~
na tured a nd have a fri nd who preys on him and fo r

,
e
,
whom he is di sposed to become security Finally the .

,
be l oved Charles H enry or Reginald may have none oi

, ,
t hese propensities but m ay chance to be an hone s t me r

,
c hant or a tradesman
, with all his fl o a ti g capital in
,
n
business and cons quent ris k of be ng o ne dag r ch thc

a ,
e
i
i ,
ne xt A au er
p p .
42 2 MARRI A G E .
Upon e very account there fore it is i esirabl e fo r s

, ,
young lady to have a settlement on her ; and she s houl d

not from a wea k spirit o f romance O ppose her friend
, ,
s
who advise it since it is for her husband s advan t age as

’
well a her own s

By making a set t lement there is always
.
a fund which cannot be t ouched — a some t h ing howeve r ,
small as a provision for a wi fe and children ; and wheth e r

.
sh e have fortune or not this ought to be made ,

An a l .
'
lowance for dress should also be arranged ; and t his shoul d

be adminis tered in such a way that a wi fe should not have
to ask for it at inconvenient hours and thus irritate her ,
husband .
Every preliminary being settled there remains no t hin g ,
except to fix the marriage day a point always le ft to the

,
lady to advance ; and next to se t tle how the ceremonial is

to be per formed is the subj ect of consideration .
Marriage by banns is confin e d t o the poorer classes ; and

a license is gene ra lly ob t ained by those who aspire to t he
hab i t s of g oo d s oc i e ty ”
It is within the recollecti o n of
.
many even middle —aged persons th a t the higher classe s

, ,
were some twenty years ago married only by special

, ,
license — a process costing about £ 5 0 instead of £ 5 ; and

there fore supposed by our commercial country especially to
denote good society Special licenses have ho wever be
.
, ,
c o me un fashionable They were ob tained chie fly on a o

.
count o f thei r e nabling persons to be married at any hour

whereas the can on prescribes the forenoon ; a fte r mid — day
t is ill e gal to celebrate a marriage In some instance s .
.
.i u xing t he Crimean war special licenses were resorted t

,
'
to unite couples — when the bridegroom elect had bee n -
or d e r e d o ff and felt wi t h his bride th a t it w e re happie r

, , ,
for both to belong to e ac h other even in death B ut the .

4 24 MA RRIA G E .
s hould it be necessary as it migh t be abroad or at sea or , ,
where ladies are fe w in number Great c are should be .
t k e n not to give o ff nce in t he choice o f bridesmai ds b

a e
y
a pre ference which is always in bad taste on momento us
,
oc casio ns .
The guests at the wedding should be selected with sim

il a r attention to what is right and kind with consideratio n ,
to those who have a claim on us not only to what we ,
ourselves pre fer .
In London for a great wedding break fast it is custom

, ,
ary t o send out prin t ed cards from the parents or guar

dians from whose h ouse the young lady is to be married .
Early i n the day be fore eleven the bride should be , ,
dressed t aking break fast in her o wn room In England

,
.
we load a bride with lace fl ounc es on a rich silk and even ,
sometimes wi t h ornaments In France it is al ways re .
membered with be t ter taste th at when a yo u ng lady goe s

,
,
,
“
up t o t he altar she is e n c or e j e u ne fil l s
,
her dress ,
there fore is exquisitel y simpl e ; a dress o f tulle over white

,
silk a long wide v e il of whi t e tulle going do wn to the

, ,
very feet a wrea t h o f maiden blush roses in t erspersed

,
- -
with orange flowers This is the usual costume of a .
French bride of rank or i n the middle cl a sses equally In .
England however one must con form to t he established

, ,
custom although it is much to he wished that in the classes

.
who can set the example the Fre nch us age shou l d be ,
a dopted A lace dress over silk is generally worn in Eng

.
land ,The lace shou l d be o f the fi nest quality B rus .
s ls or Honi t on is the most delicate an d becoming

e
the veil
should he o f the same sort o f lace as the dress A wreath .
o f roses and orange flo wers is worn round the hea d not ,
con fini ng the veil The sil k ought t o be plai n ; gl acé not
.
WE DD I N G -
G A RM ENTS . 20
mat r e , i f t he
’
bride be young as t he latter is to o hea y ,
v
if she i s no l onger young no t hing is so becom i ng as moir é

,
silk either wh ite or silver grey

,
Wido ws and ladies not .
young are usually married in bonnets which should b } f ,

e
the most elegant description t r immed with flow e rs 3 ) ,
fe athers according to the taste of the wearer

,
.
The gentleman s dress should di ffer lit t le from his ful l

’
morning costume The days are gone by when gentleme n

.
were married — as a recently deceased friend of mine was

—i n white satin breeches and wais t coat In these days .
men show less j oy in the i r attire at the fond c o nsummation

of their he pe s and more in their faces A dark blue
,
.
-
frock coat — bl a ck being supers t it i ou s]y considered ominous

-
— a whi t e wais t coat and a pair of ligh t trousers su ffice

, ,
”
fo r the ha p py man The n e ck tie also should be light
.
-
and simple Polished boo t s are not amiss t hough plai n

.
,
ones are better The gloves must be as white as the linen

.
Bo th are typical — for in t hese d ays types are as important

as under the Hebre w la wgivers— of t he puri ty o f mind
a nd heart which are supposed to exist in their wearer .
Eheu ! a fter all he cannot be t oo well dressed for the

, ,
more gay he is the gr e a ter the compliment to his bride .
Flowers in the bu t t on hole and a smile on t he face Show

-
.
”
the bridegroom to be really a h a ppy man .
As soon a s the c arri ages are at the door those brides ,
maids who happen to be in the house and the ot he r

, ,
members of the f amily s e t off fi rst The bride goes last .

,
wi th he r fa t her and mo t her or wi t h her mother a l one a nd ,
the brother or rel a t ive who is to represent her fa t her in

case o f death or absence The brid egroom his friend or
.
, ,
bridegr oo m s man a nd the bridesm a ids ought to be waitin g

’
,
In the ch urch The father o f the brid e gives her his arm
.
! 26 MARRIA G E
and leads he r to the altar Here he r bridesmaids st a nd

.
ne ar her as arrange d by the clerk and t he bridegroo m

, ,
takes his appointed pl ace .
It is a good thing fo r the bridegroom s man to distribu te ’
the di ff rent fees to the clergyman or clergymen the c ot k ,

e l
.
and pew opener be fo re the arrival o f the bride as it i e

p
-
Ven t s con fusion a ft erwards .
The bride s t ands to the le ft o f the bridegroom and ,
ta k es the glove o ff her right hand whils t he takes his ,
glove off his right hand The bride gives her glove to the
.
bridesmaid to hold and sometimes to k eep as a good

, ,
omen .
The service then begins D uring the recital it is cer

.
,
t a inl y a mat t er o f feeling how the parties concerned shoul d

behave ; but if tears can be restrained and a quiet mod ,
esty in the lady displ ayed and her emotions subdued it, ,
adds much to the gratification of others and saves a fe w ,
p angs to the parents from whom she is to part .
It should be remembered that this is but the closing

scene o f a drama of some duration— first the offer the n ,
the consent a nd engagement In most cases the marriage .
has been preceded by acts which h a ve stamped the whole

with cert ainty al t hough we do not a de pt the contract sys
,
tem o f our for efa t hers and although no event in this li fe

,
c an be certain .
I h a ve omi tted the mention of the bouquet becau se it ,
se ems to me al ways an awk ward addition to the bride and ,
that it should be pr e sented after wards on her return to the

brea k fast Gardenias if in season white azalia or e ve n
.
, , ,
c amellias wi t h very lit t le orange flo wers form the rida i ,
bo uquet The bridesmaids are dressed on this oc c a swn

.
, ,
so as to complete t he picture w ith e ffec t When there .

428 MARRI AG E .
g ame pi es raisins savory j e llie s s we e ts c f e ve l y de sc rip

-
,
~
tion all cold Ice is a ft er wa rd s h a nd e d and b e fore t hc

-
.
,
.
heal t hs a r e drunk t he wedding cake is c u t by the nea res t

,
-
en tl man and hand e d round

g n .
Th ) father then pr e poses t he he al t h o f t he bride a nd

bri degroom The l a t t er is expec t ed to ans wer and to
.
,
pr opose the bridegroom s man The bridegroom s man ’

.
’
r e turns thanks and pledges t he bridesmai d s who answer

, ,
through the bridegroom All ot he r toasts are Op t ional

.
,
but it is de r ig u e u r th a t t he h e al t h of t he c l ergyman or
clergym en who tied the kno t if presen t should be dr unk , ,
.
A fter these ceremonials have been duly per formed a nd ,
ample j ustice has been done to t he break fa s t the bride ,
retire s and t he company usually take leave of her in t he

,
drawing r oom and dep a rt .
It must be borne in mind t h a t the wedding break fast -
is not a d i nn er and th at the gentlemen do not stay be

hind to take wine when the party breaks up and the la
dies go up stairs .
A fe w words be fore this sometimes gay sometimes sad ,
scene is dismissed .
The good sense o f several personages in the high er

ranks has broken through the customary appe a rance of
the bride at the break fast or indeed i f she break fast at ,
all In France the friends assembled to witness a wed

. ,
ding do not fol b w the bride home A bal l or soire e .
general ly follows in the evening Mos t people one woul d . .
s uppose would be gladly released from the unnat ural re

,
a st a t an unusual hour ; the headache t hat makes the

p
rest of the day miserable ; t he hurry of the morning ; t he
lassitude of the a fternoon the tear ful stumbli ng speeches ,
”
of d ear pap a a fter champagne ; the modest shy bro ke n , ,
A FTER r u n EV EN T .
se n t enc e s of t h e victimized bridegroom ; the ex tr m e l y e
critical Si t u a t ion o f h is bachelor friend expect e d to be in ,
lo ve wi t h all the bri desmaids ; t he s ighs of t he m other ,
an 1 prognosti s o f maiden aun t s ; the heat t he d i sgu s t to

c .
th ose a r t icl e s which lo ok so well by candlelight but d o ,
fi st b e ar daylight — creams whips j ellies and al l t lu t

, , ,
tr ibe o f p oisons ; and worst of all t he vas t expense to

, ,
those who pay and slight degree o f pleasure to those w ho

,
do not— t hese are among t he miseries o f t he wedding

break f ast .
Then the peculiar situation of the br ide tricked out ,
wi t h finery like the baezgf g r a s on Shrove Tuesday -

v e ry -
,
e
one staring at her to see ho w she looks her sensi t iv e na

ture a l l e xcited by the p a st solemnity ; her inmost feelings
c rushed or raked up as may be by c ongra t u l a t i o ns To
'
,
.
,
subject a lady to such torture seems an act of cruelty in

cold blood Suppose her j oy is too great for ut terance
.
that there has been opposi t ion in delay why stick her u p ,
on a pedestal so that all may read the emo t ions o f tha t
throbbing heart beneath its encasement o f Brussels lace ?

Suppose that heart does not go along with the joy and ,
the compliments and the hopes of ever constant felicity ; -
let the stricken deer go weep do not para de what now

had better be forgot ten To some heart in that over.
tl re ss e d assembly of smiling friends there will be a touch ,
in wh atever is said to give pain ; on occasions also where

,
the fe elings form the a c tu a l theme the less said the ,
better .
The bride has ho wever retired and we will follo w

, , ,
.
l l sr tra vellin g dress is ne w to be assumed

-
This should .
be g ood in quality but plain like a handsome dress for

, ,
mor nin g cal ls .An elegant bonnet not too plai n a hand , ,
430 MARRI AG E .
some sha wl or mantle and colored gloves form the sui t!»
, ,
ble costume o f which it is impossible to define the c om

.
e n e n t parts but we merely recommend that the c ok r!

p .
o f t he dress and sha wl and bonnet should as nearly as

.
, ,
os s i ble a ss 1 mi l a t e : that the style shou l d be of t he ver y

p
be st so th at the impression le ft may be suitable agre es
.
,
bl e a nd elegant .
One more word about fees to servants These form a .
very varying point on a marri age and depend on the con ,
di t ion in li fe of t he parties A considerable sum is e x

.
e c t e d from a nobleman or a c omi ne n e r o f large fortun e

p ,
,
bu t a mu c h more mode s t calcula t ion fo r a pro fessional

man or a son whose f ather is s t ill living and who receive s ,
merely a n allo wance t o enable hi m to marry .
Prese nt s are usual firs t from the bridegroom to the

.
bridesmaids These generall y consis t o f jewelry the de

.
,
vice o f which should be uni q ue or quain t the article .
more elegan t t h a n massive The female servan t s of t he

.
family more especially ser va nt s who have lived many

,
year s in their place also expec t presents such a s gowns

, ,
or sha wls ; or t o a very v a lued personal attendant or

housekeeper a watch ,
B u t on such points discretion
.
mu st sugge st , a nd libe rality measure ou t the l arg es s s of

the gi ft .
G . W: C A RL E T O/V G ”
C O S P UB L I CA TI ON
.
’
May Ag ne s Fl eming s Nov el s

’
.
Guy E a r l s c o u rt ’ s $1 50 A W o n d e r fu l W o m a n
A Te r r i b l e S e c r e t 1 50 A M a d M a r ri a g e .
N o r i n e s Re v e n g e O n e N i g h t s M y s t e ry
‘
’
1 50
S il e n t a nd T ru e 1 50 K D a nt o n
ate
H e i r o f C h a rl t 0 n 1 50 C a rr i e d b y S t o r m
L o s t fo r a W o m a n —N e w
,
1 50 A W i fe ’ s ( N o v! )
The Game of W h il s t
h i s t —T h e h
.
W W i th Rule s
0
Pole on n g hs h s t a n d a rd w o rk . t he P o r tl a n d .
M i ri a m C ol e s Ha r r i s .
Ru t l e d g e $1 50 l T h e S u t h e r la nd s
F ra n k W a rri ng t o n 1
50 S t Ph i l i p s.
L o u re s L a s t T e r m, S t
'
. M a ry '
s 2 50 Ro u n d H e a r t s fo r C h i l d r e n
A P e r fe c t A d o n i s 1 50 Ri c h a rd V a n d e r m a r c k
M i s s y —N e w 1 50 Ha p p y G o L u c ky - -
. .
Mrs . Hill ’
s C o o k B o ok .
M rs . A . P Hill
N e w S o u t h e r n C o o k e r y B o o k , a n d d o m e s t ic
.
’
s re c e ip t s
J u l i e P S mi t h s N ov e l s .
‘
W id o w G o l d s m it h s D a u g h t e r, $ 1 50
’
1 he W idow er
C h ri s a n d O t h o . 1 50 T h e M a rri e d B e l l e
T e n O ld M a id s 1 50 C o u rt i n g a n d F a r m i n g
H i s Y o u n g W i fe K i s s a n d b e F ri e n d s
L u c y —N e w 1 50
V ic t or Hu g o
M i s e r a b l e s —T ra n s l a t e d fro m th e F r e nc h T he o nl y c o mpl e te e d i t io n
.
L es .
C a p t a i n Ni a y n e R e i d .
Th e S c a l p H u nt e r s $ 1 50 T h e W h it e C h i e f
T h e R i fl e Ra n g e r s 1 50 T h e T i ge r H u n t e r
T h e W a r T ra i l H s Fe ast
'
. 1 50 h
T e u n t e r
The W oo d
T h e W i l d H u n t re s s 1 50 O s c e o la , t h e S e m i no l e
A . S o Ro e ’
s Sel ect ie St or s .
T ru e t o t h e L a s t $1 50 A L o ng L o o k
I v e B e e n t ni n k m g
‘
T h e S t a r a nd t h e C lo u d
’ '
1 50 . .
How C o ul d H e H e l p i t ? 1 50 T o L o v e a nd t o b e
Charle B ic ken s
E n g l a n d —C
s .
”
Ch il d H i s t o ry of Il l u s t r a t e d
'
New Sc /z o o l E d z t z o n , $1
’
l
'
’
s ar e to n s . .
H a n d B o ok s o f S o c i e t y
-
.
T h e H a b it s o f G o o d S o c i e t y —T he n ic e p o in t s o f t a t e a n d
s fl
o o d m a n n e rs .
T h e A r t o f C o n v e r s a t i o n— fo r t h o s e w h o W i s h t o b e a g r e e a b l e t a lk e r s
T h e A r t s o f W r i t i n g Re a d i n g a n d S p e a k i n g —Fo r S e l f Imp ro v e m e n t -
N e w D i a m o n d E d i t i o n —E le g a n t l y b o u n d 3 v o l u m e s in a b o x
.
P o p u l a r Qu o t a t i o n s .
Ca ’
ton s rl e
C a r l e t o n s N e w H a n d B o o k —Fa m i h a r Qu o t a t io n s , w i th t h e ir Au th o rs h ip $
'
-
1
—
F a m ou s B o ok s C a r l e t n s E d i t i on
f
c
.
A ra b i a n N i g h t s x o t e — D o re
0
00 Don q
Ro b i n s o n C r u s o e —G ri s e t 1 00 S w i s s F a m i l y Ro b i n s o n
. 1 . 0
J o sh B i l l i n g s .
H i s C o m p l e t e W r i t i n g s —W i th B io g ra p h y S t e e l Po r t ra i t a n d 1 0 0 Ill u s t ra t io n s $ 2
‘ 1
0
O l d P r o b a b i l i t y —T e n C o mic A l m m a x , 1 8 7 0 t o 1 8 7 9
. . .
B o u n d i n o ne v o l u m e 1 .
1
0
A ll a n P i nk e r t on .
Model T o w n a nd 50 I S p i r i t u a l i s t s a nd D e t e c t i v e s $1 t
n
S t r i k e rs . C o m m u n is t s , e t c 1 50 M o l l i e M a g u i re s a n d D e t e c t i v e s 1 m
C r i m i n a l Re m i n i s c e n c e s , 1 50 M i s s is s i pp i O u t la w s , e t c 1
i
b
Gy p s i e s a nd D e t e c t i v e s 1 50 B u c h o lz a nd D et e c t ive s 1 m
A N ew B o o k 1 50 R R F o rg e t
. . a nd 1
l
U
C el i a . B . G a r dn er
’
s N ove l s .
S t o l e n W a t e rs ( In v e r se ) .
$1 50 T ested
B ro k e n D r e a m s ( In \ e rS C ) . 1 50 Ri c h M e d w a y s T w o Lov es
C o m p e ns a t i o n W m s W i les
'
’
( In v e rs e ) . A o a n
T e rr a c e Ro s e s 1 50 A Tw -
i ste d ve rs e
0 . IV . C A RL E T OJV f f
CO S .
’
P UB L I C A TI O JVS .
N w e Y or k W e e kly ”
Se r ie s .
Th r ow n on t he W B r o w n i e s T ri u m p h
’
o rl d $1 50
A B i t t e r A t o ne m e nt 1 50 T h e F o rs a k e n B r i d e
L o v e W o r 5 W o n d e rs 1 50 H i s O t h e r W i fe
E v e l y n s Fo i l y N i c k W h i fii c s
'
1 50
L a dy D a m e r s S e c r e t L a d y L e o no re
'
1 50
m an T e m pt at i o n T h e G ri n d e r P a p e rs
'
A Vil o s 1 50
Re p e n t e d L e i s u re
at 1 50 F a i t h fu l M a r g a r e t
Betw een Tw o Loves 1 50 C u r s e o f E v e rl e i g h
Pe e rl e s s C a t h l e e n 1 50
—\V
Artem as W a r . d
C o m pl e t e Co m ic W ri t i ng s 1 t li B i o g ra p h y , P o r t r a i t, a nd 5 0 i l l u s t ra t io n s
Charl f ic kens
i
es
—w i th
.
D i c k e ns P a rl o r T a b l e A l b u m
,
f Il l u s t ra t i o n s d e s c r ip ti v e t e x t
'
o
P om er c —
y
S e ns e A s e r io u s b o o
. k . .
50 N ons e ns e .
(A co ic bo o k )
G ol d D u s t Do . . 1 50 B ri c k d u s t -
. Do .
O u r S a t u rda y N i gh t s 1 50 Ho me
Er n e s t Ren an ’
s Fr e nc h W orks .
T h e L i fe o f j e s u s T h e L i fe o f S t P a u l T ra n s l a t e d $1
75
—
. . . .
L ive s o f t h e A p ostles . Do . 1 75 T h e B i b l e i n I n d i a B y j a c o l l io t . . 2 00
G W C a rl et on
A lg ie r s —1 50 C a ric a t ure s
. . .
O u r A r t i s t i n C u b a , Pe r u , S p a in , a nd of t ra v e l 1 co
M i s c e l l a n e ou s P u b l i c a t i o n s
F a i ry G e o g r a p h y —“Hmh u n d d s o f b e a u t f
.
i ti l
'
T h e C h i l d re n s re
Ha w k ey -
e s — A c o m ic b o o k b y T h e B u r l in g t o
"
n H a w k e y e M a n
”
A m o n g t h e T h o r n s —A n e w n o v e l b y M rs M a ry L o w e D ic k i n s o n
.
t h m o t e rs b y M a i n H a a d ,
“
O u r D a u g h t e rs tal k w i h r o r l n a u t h o r o f A lo n e ,
Re db i r d s C h r i s t m a s S t o r y —A h i l lu s t ra t e d u ve n i l e
.
B y M a ry Ho l m e s J .
J .
C a r l e o n s P o p u l a r Re a d i n g s E d i t e d b y M rs A n n a Ra n d a ll D i e h l
’
t
J
-
T h e C u l p ri t F a y — o s e p h Ro d ma n D ra e 5 Po e m
.
k V
.
\ i t h 1 00 ill u s t r a t i o n s
L A s s o m m o i r — En g l i s h T ra n s l a t i o n fro m Z o l a s fa m o u s F r e n c h n o v e l
.
’ ’
P a r l o r A m u s e m e n t s —G a me s , T ri c k s , a n d H o m e A m u s e m e n t s , b y F B e ll e w
. .
—
.
k
. .
L o v e [L A m o u J T ra n s l a t i o n fr o m M i c h e l e t s fa mo u s F re n c h w o r
' ’
r .
W o m a n [L a F e m m e ] Do D o.
V e r d a n t G r e e n —A ra c y E n g l is h c o ll e g e S t o r y V
. .
\ i th 2 0 0 c o m ic i ll u s t r a t io n s
S o l i d fo r M u l h o o l y —T h e S h a ip c s t Po l i t i c a l S a tir e o f t h e D a y
. .
A N o r t h e r n G o v e r n e s s a t t h e S u nn y S o u t h — B y P ro fe s s o r
Lau s V
e n e ri s a n d o t h e r P o e m s — B y A l g e rn o n C h a r l e s S w ni b u r n e
.
H Ing ra h a m J .
.
.
B i r d s o f a F e a t h e r F l o c k T o g e t h e r — B y E d w a r d A S o t h e r n, t h e a c to r
B e a t r i c e C e n c i —fro m t he I t a l i a n n o v e l , W i t h G m d o s c e l e b i a te d p o r t ra i t
.
’
. .
M o r n i n g G l o r i e s — A c h a r m i n g c o lle c t io n o f C h i l d re n ‘s s t o rie s B y L o u i s a A l c o t . .
S o m e W o m e n o f T o d a y L A n o v e l b y M r s D r “1 m H W h i t e
'
- -
F ro m N e w Y o r k t o S a n F r a n c i s c o —Il y Mr s Fra n k L e s l i e
. . . .
I llu s t ra t e d
W h y W i fe a n d l Qu a rr e l e d —A P o e m b y a u t h o r B e t s e y a n d I a re o u r ”
. .
W e s t In d i a P i c k l e s — A y a c h t C r u s e i n th e T ro p ic s B y W P T a lbo y s
T h re a d i n g M y W a y —T h e A u t o b i o g r a p y o f Ro b e r t D a l e O w e n
. . .
D e b a t a b l e L a n d b e t w e e n t h i s W o r d a n d N e x t —Ro b e r t D a l e O w e n .
L i g h t s a n d S h a d o w s o f S p i ri t u a l i s m Il y D D H o m e , t h e M e d i u m -
s P r i m e r —In s t ru c t io n s fo r A ma t e u r S a i l o r s
.
Y a c h t m a n
’
B y l V a rre n
—
.
T h e Fall o f M a n A D a rw u i i a n S a t i re , b y a u t ho r o f “ N e w G o s p e l o f P e a c e
T h e C h r o n i c l e s o f G o t h a m —A N e w Yo r S a t i re D0 D0 k
T a l e s fr o m t h e O p e r a s —A c o l c c t io n o l s t o ri e s b a s e d u p o n t he O p e r a
. . .
'
'
L a d i e s a n d G e n t l e m e n ’ s E t i q u e t t e B o o k o f i h b e s t F a s h io n a bl e S o c i e t y
S e l f C u l t u r e i n C o n v e r s a t i o n , L e t t e r W ri t i ng , a n d O ra t o ry
L o v e a n d M a r r i a g e —A b o o k fO i y o u n g p e o p l e
-
l y F re d e r i c S a u nd e r k
Un d e r t h e R o s e —A C a p i ta l bo o k , b y t h e a u t h o r o f E a s t
.
—
1 00
S o D e a r a D r e a m A no v e l b y M i s s G a i i t , a u t h o r ( f “ T he S u n M a i d
—
'
i
G i v e m e t h i n e H e a r t A C a p i t a l n e w L o v e S to ry b y Ro e
M e e t i n g H e r F a t e —A c h a r m in g n o v c l by th e a u t h o r o f “ A u ro ra F lo y d
.
T h e N e w Y o r k C o o k B o o k —B o o k o f D o m e s t i c Re c e i p t s
-
B y M rs A s t o n . . .
0 . IV . C A l i L E T O /V
’
( yT C 0 ’S. P UB L I C A T I O N S .
M i s c e l l a n e ou s W ks
H u g o —Au to bio g r a p h y
or
N o o n —B y Vi Vi .
D aw n to ole t l 50 ctor $1 50
C o ns t a nc e s Fa t e
’
Do . . 1 50 O rp h e u s C e r r —4 v o l s i n o n e
. K . . 2 00
H o w t o W i n i n W a l l S t re e t 1 00 F a n n y F e r n M e m o ri a l s z 00
Poe ms —
B y M r s B l o o m fie l d Mo o re 1 50 P a ro d i e s —C H W e b b ( o h n Pa u l ) J 1 50
V
. . .
A B a d B o y s F i rs t Re a d e r
’
10 M y a c a t io n Do Do 1 50
S a n d w i c h e s —Ar t e m u s W a rd
. .
J S i s T ra v e l s
‘
o h n w n t o n 25
S a ra h B e r n h a r d t —He r L ife 25 W a t c h m a n o f t h e N ig h t
A rc t i c T r a v e l —Is a a c I 1 50 N o n s e n s e Rh y m e s 1 00
C o l l e g e T r a m p s —F A
.
50 L o r d B a te m a n — C r u i k h a n k ’
s Ill 2 5
—
1 s
—
. . .
H M S P i n a fo r e T h e Pla y 10 N o rt h e r n B a l l a d s E L A n d e rs o n 1 oo
A S t e a m e r B o o k —W T H e l mu t h
. . . . .
i B e l da z z l e B a c h e l o r P oe m s
—
00
J M e —M rs S p e n c e r \V C o e
. .
L i o n a c k l ’
y P T B a r nu m 1 50
J J L i t t l e G u z z y — o hn J
. . . .
ac k i n t h e u ngl e 1 00
—
1 50
K
.
G o s p e l s i n P o e t ry E H imb a ll O ffe n b a c h i n A m e r i c a 1
— 50
. . . 1 50
S o u t h e r n W o m a n S t o ry Pe m be r 75 A b o u t L a w y e rs 1 50
M a d am e L e e rt s V '
2 00 A bo u t D o s tor s Do 1 50
H e a n d I —S a ra h B S t e bb in s W i d o w S p r i g g i n s —W i d o w B e d o t t
.
50 1 50
H o w t o M a k e M o n e y —D a w e s “
. .
A nn a l s o f a B a b y Do . .
50 1 50
Mise e l l a n eon s Nov e l s
S ub Ro s a —C h a s T Bl u rr a y $ 1 50 A l l F o r H e r —A T a l c o c w Yo rk $ 1 00
A l l F o r H i m — B y A l l Fo r H e r
. .
H i l d a a n d I— E B e d c l l B e nj a m in .
M a d a m e — Fra n k L e e B e n e d i c t F o r Ea c h O t h e r Do
P e c c a v i —E m m a W e n d l e r
.
H a m m e r a n d A nv i l Do
'
C o n q u e r e d —B y a N e w A u t ho r
.
H e r F r i e nd L a w r e n c e Do
Ja n e t —A n E n l i s h
. . .
A C o l l e g e W i d o w —C H S e y mo ur g 1 50
S h i ft l e s s F o l k s —Fa n n ie S m i t h S a i n t L e g e r —Ric h a rd B K
. .
i m ba l l 1 7;
V
” . .
P e ace Pe lic a n Do il a
s H e S u c c e s s fu l ? Do 1 75
P r a i r i e F l o w e r —E m e r s o n B e nn e t t
. . .
. Und e r c u r r e n t s o f W a l l S t D o . .
R o s e o f M e m p h i s — VV C Fa l k n e r Ro m a n c e o f S t u d e n t L i fe D o
P r i c e o f a L i fe —R F o r b e s S t u rg i s
. . . . .
To Day
-
. Do .
H i d d e n P o w e r —T H T i b b l e s
.
L i fe i n S a n D o m i n g o Do
T w o B r i d e s —B e rna r d O Re ill y
. . . .
’
H e n ry P o w e r s , B a n k e r Do
S o r ry H e r L o t —M i s s G ra n t B a r o n e s s o f N Y —o a q u i n M i l l e r J
. .
. .
T w o o f Us C a lis t a H a ls e y
-
O ne F a i r W o m a n Do
A n o t h e r M a n s W i fe —M r s H a r t t
. .
S p e l l B o u n d —A l e x :1 n d re D u m a s ’
73
C u p i d o n C r u t c h e s —A R W o o d P u r p l e a n d F i n e L i n e n —F a w c e t t
-
. . .
P a u l i n e s T r i a l —L D C o u r t n e y
. . . .
D o c t o r A n t o n i o — G Ru fl‘i ni
’
1 50
i s s —M K
. . . . .
P a r s o n T h o m a— B u c k i n g h a m
i‘fl a r s t o n H a l l —
T h e F o rg i v i n g 1 7 g
l i r t a t i o n —A W e s t P o zn t no ve l
. .
L l i ll a B y r d 0 0
A n g e —I l o re n c e M a rr y a t t
. .
'
1 oo L o y a l i nt o 50
E r r o r s — Ru t h C a r t e r 1 50 T h a t A w fu l B o y
H e a r t ’ 5 D e l i g h t —M rs
.
A
. .
l d e rd ic c T h a t B r i d g e t o f O u rs
U n m i s a k a b l e F l i r t a t i o n —G a r n e r
. .
B i t t e rw o o d B y M A G r e e n
*
-
P h e m i e F ro s t —A rm S S t e p he n s
. .
W i l d O a t s —Fl o re n c e . ”
W i d o w C h e rry — B L C h a re t t e A n A m e r i c a n n o ve l
—J
- f -
.
k
. .
S o lo m o n l s aa c s Do F a i r fa x o hn E s te n C o o e
'
L e d A s t ra y —O c t a v e F e i i i ll e t
.
.
H i lt t o Hi lt .
S h e L o v e d H i m M a d l y —B o ry s . . O u t o f t h e Fo a m Do . .
T h i c k a n d T h i n — M e ry H a m m e r a nd Ra p i e r D O
V i/ a rw i c k —B y M 1
. .
S o F a i r y e t F a l s e — C ha i e t t e . .
A F a t a l P a s s i o n —C i e rn a r d L ulu
W o m a n i n t h e C a s e —B
. . .
H o ts pur
M a r g u e r i t e s Jo u r n a l —Fo r G irl s
. .
S t o rm c l i fi
'
’
1 50
E d i t h M u r r a y —Jo a n na M a t h e w s
. . .
1 00 D e l a p l a i ne
D o c t o r M o r t i m e r —F a nn ie
. . .
B e v e rl y
t t e d a t L a s t —S A G a r d ne r K —S
B ro c k
.
O ut e nne t h a ll ei A
V V — K —
. . . . .
esta a ne L in , R
g H e a r t H u n g r y W e s t m o re l a n d
L o u i s e a n d I—C R D o d g e
. .
C l i ffo r d T r o u p e DO .
S i l c o t t M i l l —M a ri a D D e s l o n ci e
.
M y Qu e e n — B y S a n d e t t e
J
. . .
Fa l l e n a m o n g T h i e v e s oh n M a r i b e l Do
S a n M i n i a t o —M rs H a m il t o n V
. .
‘
. Lov e s e n g e a nc e . .
CHARLES DICKENS WORKS
“ ’
EDITI ON .
A mo n g t h e m a m e d i t i o n s o f t h e w o rk s o f th i s g re a t e s t o f
Eng l i s h N o v e l i s t s t h e r e h a s n o t b e e n u n t i l n o w o n e th a t e n t i re l r
,
s a t i s fie s t h e p u b l i c d e m a n d — “l i t h o u t e x c e p t i o n t l i c y e a c h h a ve ,
s o me s t i o n g d i s t i n c t i v e i bj e c t i O Ii — e i t h e r t h e fo rm a n d d i m e n
<
,
s i o n s o f t h e v o l u m e s a i e u n h a n d x — o r th e t
) pe i s s mal l a n l
-
i n d i s t i n c t— o r t h e i l l u s t ra t i o n s a t e u n s a t i s fa c t o ry—o r, t h e b i n d
,
in g i s p o o r— o r t h e p r i c e i s t o o h i gh
, .
A n e n t i re l y n e w e d i t i o n i s n o w h o w e v e r, p u bl i sh e d b y G W , . .
C a rl e t o n CO o f N e w Yo rk w h i c h i n e v e i y re s p e c t , c o m ,
i
,
l e tel s t i fi t h l d n d —l t i s k n o w n a s
p y a s e s e p p
o u a r e rr a .
Car l et o n s Ne w Il l ustrate d Edi t i on ”

“ ’
.
C O M PLE T E IN 1 5 V O LUM E S .
Th e s iz e a nd fo rm i s m o s t c o n v e n i e n t fo r h o l d i ng —t h e typ e i s
e n t i re l y n e w , a n d o f a c l e a r a n d O p e n c h a ra c t e r t h a t h a s re c e i v e d
t h e a p p ro v a l o f t h e re a d i n g c o m m u n i ty i n o th e r w o rk s .
T h e i l l u s t ra t i o n s a re b y t h e o rig i n a l a rt i s t s c h o s e n b y C h a rl e s
D i c k e n s h i m s e l f— a n d t h e p a p e r, p ri n t i ng , a n d b i n d i ng a re o f an
a t t ra c t i v e a n d s u b s t a n t i a l c h a ra c t e r
T h i s b e a u t i fu l n e w e d i t i o n i s c o m p l e t e i n 1 5 v o l u m e s — a t th e
.
e x t re m e l y re a s o n a b l e p ri c e o f $1 50 p e r v o l u m e , a s fo l l o w s : .
I —PIC K W IC K PA PE RS A N D C A T A LO G UE
— O LIV E R T W I ST —UN C O MME RC IA L T RA V E LL ER
. .
2 . . .
3
— D A V ID C O PPE RF IEL D
—IT AL Y
. .
4 .
-
G REAT E X PEC T A T IO N S A ND AME RICA .
5 D O M BE Y AND SO N
—B A RI\ A B Y
-
. .
6 RUD G E A ND ED W I N D RO OD
'
—
. .
7 N I C H O L A S N I C K L EB Y
8 —C u RI O S i T v S H O P A N D
. .
. MISC ELL A NEO US .
9 .
-
B LEA K IIO USE .
ro .
— L IT T LE D O RRIT .
II — M A RT IN C H UZ Z LEW IT
—O r R M UT UA L FRIEN D
. .
12
—C H RIST M AS B O O K S —TALE
. .
I3 .
~
o r Two C IT IES .
I4 —S K ET C H E S B Y B O Z A ND H A RD T I M E S
—C u i LD
. .
’
i s . S E N G L A ND A ND M I S C EL L A N E O US .
Th e firs t v o iu me —
P ic kw ic k P a p e r s — c o n t a i n s a n a l ph a b e t i c a l
’
C h a rl e s D i c k e n s w ri t i n g s , W i t h t h e i r e x a c t
'
ca ta l o g u e o f a l oi
po s i t o n s i n t h e v o l u m e s
T h i s e d i t i o n i s s o l d b y B o o k s e l l e rs e v e ryw h e re —a n d
.
, s i ngl e
S p e c i m e n C o p i e s w i l l b e fo rw a rd e d by m a i l p os tag e f r ee , o n re .
c e i p t o f p ri c e by
.
G . W . C ARLETON CO P u b l i s h er s ,
Ma di so n S q u a re , - Ne w Yo rk

TheHabitsofGoodSociety 10024191

Caricato da

Informazioni sul documento

Titolo originale

Copyright

Formati disponibili

Condividi questo documento

Condividi o incorpora il documento

Opzioni di condivisione

Hai trovato utile questo documento?

Questo contenuto è inappropriato?

Copyright:

Formati disponibili

TheHabitsofGoodSociety 10024191

Caricato da

Copyright:

Formati disponibili

G UI D E TO TR UE P OL I TE N E S S

LA DIES A N D G E NTL EME N S

IN F ORMAT ION A ND IN STRUCTION

FOR THO SE A B O UT E N T E RIN G , AN D T H O SE W HO D E SI RE To

PA RTIES , B A L L S, D I NN ERS . A ND S O C IAB L ES,

IN V ITATION S , B AL L S , RE G RE T S, MA RRIA G ES . F UN E RAL S, ET C .

HO W can they b e ac q uir ed

N ecessity o f some G uide .

A n c ient and Modern Authorities on Manners .

The true prin c iple o f Manners .

Anecdotes o f E xtreme Familiari t y in the last

Fa mili ari ty from w ant o f Respect ; from

2 . disting u ished by pre t ensi on ;

Rise and presen t position of t he Middl e

G ood B ree ding .

C u l t ivat ion o f Taste .

The Art o f Spee c h .

A Kno wledge o f E nglish L iterature .

Moral Chara c ter .

The Yo u n g Married Man .

The Youn g L ady .

The Bath : Hot Cold and Tepid , , .

Razors and Shavi n g .

B ear d s Mu staches W hiskers

Rouge and Cosmetics .

Perf umes Toilet Appliances

CHAP TER III .

Fashion ; Appropriateness t o Age ; t o Posi

Cl eanl i ness an d Freshnes s .

E s t ima t e o f a W ardr obe .

Morning D r ess at Home .

Dress fo r D i nner Parties .

Dress fo r Evenin g Pa rties and B alls

W e l l dr essed a nd Ill dressed

The L ove o f Dress .

Extravagance Pecuniary an d i n Fashio n

Modern Dress Stays Tightness &c

Dress and Feeling .

The Ordinary In door Dress -

The Ordinary O ut door Dres s -

Carriag e and V isiting Dres s .

E venin g Costume at Home .

E vening Party Dre s s .

The S w ord and the

A ssisting a L ady to Mount .

Hints on Dan c ing .

Kno w ledge o f Current

J oints ( B ee f Mutton L amb V eal P ork, , , , ,

Fo wl s G ame G oose Turkey &0

Social and Domesti c V alue .

E ti q uett e o f Singin g and Playin g .

G erman and Italian Singing .

W orking Parties Abroad «

The N ecessity fo r L aw s o f Eti q uette .

D iff erent k i nds of Ma nner t o be a vo i de d

A c h ange o f Manner demanded by circu m

Physical Carriage and h o w a man shoul d

V ehement a c tion t o b e a voide d .

A L e c t u re o n E ating and Dri nki n g at Dinne r ,

and Habits at Meals .

Its Importance to the Se x .

F astness Fl irtin g & c

The Pru de and the B l u e Stockin g -