Save Your Relationship

HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP PAGE 1 OF 106

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relationship decisions or outcomes.
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Introduction 6
Who I Am 8
My Readers Love to Weigh In! 11
Chapter 1 - Relationship Layer Cake 12
How The “Synergistic Workshop” Will Work 14
Chapter II - Importance of a Fit Relationship 17
Relationship Tennis Analogy 20
Doubles 23
Singles 24
Building Blocks of a Great Tennis Union 26
Special Situations on the Court 28
Serving Love & Sex 29
Keep Your Eye on the Ball 30
The Truth About Saving Your Relationship 31

Chapter III - The 5 Synergistic Principles for a Successful
Relationship 34
The Long Pole in the Relationship Tent 35
Chapter IV - Spending Time TOGETHER Alone 39
The Relationship Time Bandit 41
Deposits of Love 44
Chapter V - Embrace Each Other With Positivity &
Kindness 47
Positivity is a State of Mind 47
The Kindness Study 47
The Pied Piper of Positivity 49
Your Relationship Summit 52
Angular Velocity in Relationships 54

Chapter VI - Practice Balanced and Transformative
Communications 55
Relationship Wisdom from Yoda 59
Message in the Bottle 60
Chapter VII - REVITALIZE Your Relationship 64

Relationship Entropy Trap 65
Chapter VIII - BECOME the Best Version of Yourself 70
The Holy Trinity 71
The History Of Relationships & Marriage 74
Chapter IX - What Makes For a Successful Relationship77
What Does Science Say About Compatibility? 78
1) The strength of your current communication with your
significant other 79
2) The demonstrated level of commitment 81
3) Your knowledge of each other 82
The Habits of Highly Successful Relationships 85
The Relationship Tree of Life 85
Sharpening Your Relationship Skill Sets 88
Relationship Positive Theory 97
Grabbing the Relationship Tiger by its Tail 98
The Legend of the Thorn Bird 100
Chapter X - Conclusion 105

INTRODUCTION
Welcome to my Training Module: How to Save Your Relationship!
Before we get started,
I want to make a pretty bold claim.
Are you ready for the bold claim?
This is going to be one of the most in-depth and helpful e-books ever
created around the topic of Saving Relationships.
You see, most of the time when you go around the internet to search
for advice on saving a relationship, you get the generic “list articles.”
You know what a list article is, right?
They are those generic articles that have titles like,
“10 ways to Save Your Relationship”

“The 5 Things You Need to Do to Fix Your Relationship”
Oh, and my personal favorite…. “15 Unconventional Ways to Get Your

Ex Back”.
Now, I don’t want to start any wars with any other webmasters out
there, but oftentimes these generic articles do little to actually help you
with getting your Ex back or improving your relationship.
These kind of flashy titles may be attention getting, but the content is
often lacking.

Sure, maybe some of them have some tips on helping you save your
relationship, but the truth is that it’s rare for them to get into the details
that you actually need to understand to succeed.
I have helped a lot of couples over the years and there is always one
consistent “Want” among the people seeking my help.
THEY WANT DETAILS.
What should I focus on?
How does this work?
How does that work?
What does this mean?
What do I say here?
What do I do and when should I do it?
Well, I am going to tackle those questions and much more.
In fact, I am not even sure “Training Module” is an accurate way of

describing what this resource is all about.
Hmm…
Perhaps a more accurate way of describing this e-book is to refer to it

as a comprehensive workshop and it’s sole purpose is helping you save
your relationship.
But before we get into that, I think it is probably a good idea to

introduce myself.

WHO I AM
My name is Chris Seiter and I am a professional relationship consultant.
I currently own and operate three world class websites in the

relationship industry, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery”, “Ex Girlfriend Recovery”
and “My Marriage Helper”.
To date, these three websites have reached over 7.5 million men and
women. I have also authored 6 comprehensive books on the topic of
relationships. I will discuss this a bit more toward the end of this
article.
So I guess you could say that I have seen a lot. I have been around the
block more than just a few times. I have corresponded with, coached,
counseled, advised and motivated many millions of individuals seeking
help with their relationship woes.
On any given day, over 25,000 visitors will seek my advice on all matters
of love and relationships and about half of my audience will return
seeking more answers to the challenges they face.
In developing these three websites, I have sought to provide more than

a simple template to follow. After all, when it comes to relationships,
nothing is simple.
I strive to look at relationships in a holistic manner.
My academic background is in the Humanities.
In other words, I like humans! I love the fact that we are such complex
creatures and am fascinated with the intricacies of human behavior and
how it relates to our relationships.

I received my Associate’s Degree from San Jacinto College and
University of Houston is where I set up camp for my Bachelor’s of Arts
Degree.
For years I have been fascinated by relationships and all of the

disciplines that affect relationships including biology, sociology,
psychology, and social media.
In other words, I help people with their relationships and I enjoy it

immensely.
I guess it’s coded into my DNA!
But you probably don’t care about any of that do you? Well, hopefully
you do! I think it does matter what a person’s preparation, motivation,
and practical experience is when it comes to their field.
What you probably care about a lot is HOW I can help you today.
As you read on, I am sure you will notice one of the biggest differences
between this e-book and other “save my marriage” resources is the fact
that my writing is influenced by my multi faceted approach.
It is grounded in my real world experience with marriage and

relationship coaching, extensive research into revolutionary findings
from science, neuroscience, sociology and psychology on why
relationships succeed and fail, the dynamic learnings derived from
owning and operating large relationship websites and interacting with
many thousands of visitors and clients.
Oh, and I suppose right about now is a good time to mention that I am
a married man. Indeed, my entire life has been influenced and shaped
by relationship success in that my parents and grandparents, along with

my wife’s parents, have provided long term (35+ years on average)
relationship models of success.
I think it is vital that a person practices what they preach, otherwise one
is poorly equipped to advise others.
I have seen cases of relationship consultants offering relationship

advice to couples and the person offering the advice wasn’t even
married or had little real, practical experience with visitors and clients..
I don’t think that disqualifies the person from possibly helping others,
but it sure can make it difficult for the person to fully understand,
empathize and identify with some of the marital challenges we all face.
You know, the way I look at it is that we are all on a journey and should
be willing to learn more about finding ways to experience a fulfilling
relationship.
I count myself as part of that journey. I am eager to learn new things

and sharpen my own competencies. And I consider it an honor to help
you as we journey together.
Anyway, I want you to understand that I know firsthand what it’s like to
be married. I also have experienced the pain of relationship conflict and
break-ups.
I can genuinely empathize with your pain and misfortune as I am

uniquely tuned to your suffering as thousands of people reach out to
me weekly.
More importantly, I know what it’s like to have a great relationship

(which is something that you are seeking help with right now).
It is my mission to help those in need.

MY READERS LOVE TO WEIGH IN!
One last thing before we get this party started.
Everything that you read on this page is 100% free and is completely
original. The content is from me. I don’t cut and paste or peddle
someone else’s content.
What I do is bring my own unique set of personal and professional

experiences to bear on what I believe are the salient issues. And I love
it when you comment on my websites and share your view or unique
situation.
If you visit my relationship websites (i.e. see bottom of this post for
website urls), you can see for yourself the unique relationship I have
with my readers.
I am also skilled in synthesizing information and boiling it down to the

things that matter.
So what the devil does that mean?

Essentially, I read a lot. I stay abreast of relationship research which is a
very wide and extensive field including multiple academic and scientific
disciplines.
I take this information and match it up with my own set of extensive

practical experiences. I look for relevant commonalities….greater
truths….so as to shed light on the relationship puzzle.

CHAPTER 1 - RELATIONSHIP LAYER
CAKE
So I guess it would be fair to say that I offer a unique brand of
expertise. I think of it as offering up a relationship layer cake.
Everyone in the business of relationship coaching in a way offers a

“layered” perspective. They owe many of their insights to others in the
field that preceded them.
And if they are creative and have relationship insights that they have
gained from years of practical experience and if so motivated, certain
people can develop their own unique layer cake. Possibly adding
another layer or two or changing the filling or frosting to address
certain specific tastes and situations..
Ok, enough with the metaphors! I think you get the picture. I will be
serving you up my own specially branded and well informed
relationship layer cake.
So should this most delicious layer cake be offered to you for free?
Some relationship experts charge for everything.
I believe in giving back.
“Give and you shall receive.”
You probably have already purchased one of my ebooks in the past.
Thank you for that.

But I want you to know that I worked as hard on making this content
exceptional as I have all my other e-books
My main goal here is to help you and I think when money gets in the
way of that, then you end up the loser and so do I in the long run.
Sometimes when an e-book is given away for free, the writer will have a
tendency to hold back and not deliver the most critical information you
can benefit from.
I am NOT wired that way.
I have found that if you go above and beyond, people really appreciate
and they will return for more.
And I will offer more.
If the content is engaging and dynamic, then I can help people. When
you help people, they remember.
This field of helping people with their relationships is huge. So there is

plenty to talk about.
50% of my visitors to my websites are returning visitors. Do you

remember that movie with Kevin Costner, “Field of Dreams”? “Build it
and they will come” was what the voice told him.
guess it spoke to me as well.
As you read on, be aware that you are participating in a very special
relationship workshop.

When you are through reading, you will have weighed through over
20,000 words and will have completed to one of the most novel, original
Save Your Relationship workshops available (for free).
So enjoy and feel free to swing by any of my websites to learn even

more about relationship success.
HOW THE “SYNERGISTIC WORKSHOP” WILL

WORK
You know what synergy is, right?
Well, for those of you who don’t, synergy is defined as:
Synergy: The interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations,

substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than
the sum of their separate effects.
In other words, with synergy if you take three things and have them all
join and work together, then that means that the sum of those three
things will end up creating something more powerful than if the three
things were all working separately.
Having a successful relationship works in the same way.
It is at its heart, a synergistic union.
I can’t tell you how many times I get approached by a man or woman
who asks me:
“Chris, what can I do to save my relationship?

Just give me one thing to work on.”
Well, unfortunately the best way to save your marriage isn’t just to work
on one thing, but to work on multiple things.
But you need to seek balance. You should not try to work on
everything, otherwise you may only learn a little about a great number
of things. Your efforts will be diluted with very little to show.
I call that the “shotgun” approach.
I see that tactic with some relationship consultants and it makes me

cringe. You need to draw the focus down to those things that
matter…..those things for which you will get the most bang for your
buck.
Hmm…
How can I put this in a way so that it’s easy for you to understand? Ok, I
got it!
As you will learn in a moment, I have identified five things that every
relationship should have to optimize success.
Let’s just call those five things, “The 5 Synergistic Principles Of A

Successful Relationship.”
(You will soon notice I have written a HUGE section on these Principles
below.)
I bet you are wondering what the 5 principles are, right?
1. Spending Time Together ALONE

2. Positivity/Kindness
3. Balanced & Transformative Communication
4. Revitalize Your Relationship
5. Become The Best Version Of Yourself
Let’s pretend that you start working on Principle One in tandem with
Principle Two.
In other words, you start spending more alone time with your boyfriend
or girlfriend and work on being more positive around them.
Well, as a result of your work with Principle One and Two, you start to
notice that your communication gets better.
As your communication gets better, your relationship starts becoming

more and more revitalized.
Oh, and as your relationship gets more revitalized, you feel more happy
and ultimately take steps towards becoming the best version of
yourself which you will learn is actually HUGE, but more on that later.
This kind of “domino effect” is what we are shooting for here with the
five synergistic principles.
Did you notice how one Principle impacts another and affects it
positively?
That is what part of this workshop is all about. It is to help you zero in
on the important things you should focus on and see how they
correlate to each other.
Basically, I am going to be compiling the ultimate step by step guide to

make your relationship as fit as possible. Speaking of a fit relationship…

CHAPTER II - IMPORTANCE OF A FIT
RELATIONSHIP
I would like to take a moment to introduce you to this idea of a “fit
relationship.”
Let’s pretend that a relationship could take a physical form.
And by the way, when I think of “loving relationship” I really do think of

it as being a spiritual entity.
We will give it a first name. Let’s call it “One”. Ok, it needs a last name
too. Let’s call it “Union”
What’s the physical form?
Well, my wife and I always say that we are “One Person”, so let’s go with
that.
Basically in this little fantasy world that I am creating, your relationship
can take the form of a human being with spirit and aspirations to
improve.
So, here is my question to you.
What would your relationship look like if it were a person?
Would it have a fit body?
Would it have a fat body?
Would it be morbidly obese?
Hmm…

Perhaps I should define the parameters a bit more.
Fit Body = SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP
Fat Body = Troubled RELATIONSHIP
Morbidly Obese = On The Verge Of BREAKING UP
Ok, let me ask you again.
What kind of body would your Relationship have?
It’s probably not as fit as you want, right?
Maybe your relationship is close to fitness. Maybe it is far from fit. This
is what we have to fix!
I mean, if your relationship had an exceptionally fit body, then you

probably wouldn’t even be participating in this Training Module, trying
to improve it or prevent a break up.
Heck, you wouldn’t even need my help. I would be studying your

relationship.
My guess is that your relationship is somewhat unfit and needs some

serious toning up.
It may have taken on far too much weight in the form of anger, distrust,
boredom, resentment, frustration, and conflict.
Possibly, these negative behaviors and outcomes have occurred with

such frequency that your relationship is evolving to be morbidly obese.

So, I have some good news and I have some bad news.
What do you want first?

The good news?
It is very possible for your relationship to lose the weight of these

negative behaviors and relationship outcomes.
You can have a more fit “Union”. You and your significant other can be
“One Person”.
In other words, it is very possible for your relationship to move from its
poor fitness level to one that can run the marathon with vigor because
you don’t have all of the negative things pulling and weighing you down.
Of course, I haven’t told you the bad news.
The bad news is that it’s not going to be easy.
But it is very doable for most couples.
I am getting flashbacks of that TV show, “The Biggest Loser”, in which

they take people who actually are morbidly obese and put them
through a workout regimen so that they can lose weight.
Guess what…
That workout regiment is very tough and the entire process can be
grueling.
Now, I don’t want to scare you, but getting a fit relationship is a little like
that.

It’s not going to be easy and I am going to be giving you some pretty
challenging things to work on, but just know that if you accomplish
most of these things that I tell you to do today, then you will assuredly
have a better chance of not only saving your relationship but having a
better one.
Now, since we are staying with this theme of relationship fitness, I

would like to introduce you to the perfect analogy that sums up
everything I am trying to teach you.
I like to call this the “Relationship Tennis Analogy.”
RELATIONSHIP TENNIS ANALOGY

I am a huge fan of tennis and it just so happens a fit relationship ties
into tennis in so many different ways, that I couldn’t help myself and
had to include it.
So, what I have done here is created an analogy for you.
Basically this section is the blueprint to relationship fitness and like I

said, it ties directly into tennis.
Here we go!
Though tennis may look like a simple game, if you have ever played it
(and tried to excel at it), you will find that it is actually one of the most
challenging games in sports.
Let me give you an example.
In order to be successful at tennis, you have to have a complete game.

Are you aware of what a complete game is?
It basically means that you are competent at every area.
Serving…
Returning…
Groundstrokes…
Overheads…
Volleys…
Angles…
Spins....
Lobs…
Drop shots...
The list goes on and on.
So, how do you even train for tennis?
Realistically, you only have a finite amount of time that you can
dedicate to training, so what do you spend your time on?
The answer is everything! But some shots are more important than
others and those are the ones you devote more of your time.
Like I said, in order to succeed in tennis, you need to have a complete

game and that means that every area of your game needs constant

work. There are some shots that you need to specifically improve that
will really shape and round out your game.
Just as there are key Principles that can positively impact your
relationship, in the game of tennis there are 4-5 shots you just really
need to get down.
Oh, and if you think you can get away with just practicing all of the
important shots except one are two, like overheads or drop shots,
guess what?
When you are in a match (i.e. relationship) where things count, the
shots you didn’t practice and improve, can set you back.
In other words, over the course of a match, your weaknesses will

eventually be revealed.
I have found that relationships works in the same way.
Let’s compare it to a doubles match.
We have two players coming into this “union” looking to do their best
and win. If either of you have not prepared well, you could struggle with
your shot making.
Just as in a relationship, your weaknesses will be revealed and

exploited. If you don’t work to shore up those weaknesses as a couple,
you can find yourself in trouble.
So, let’s talk Relationship Fitness (i.e. within the framework of tennis).
It will help you with focusing on the key things you need to work on.
Think of it like the ultimate preview for what’s to come.

Let’s get started!
DOUBLES
A strong doubles team is like a strong relationship.
Take “The Bryan Brothers” for example.
Together, they make up one of the greatest doubles teams in tennis

history and they are perfect compliments to each other.
One is left handed and the other is right handed.
One is a great server and the other is a great returner.
Oh, and did I mention that they are twins?
Yup, they dress alike…
Move alike…
Heck, they even walk alike.
The are constantly practicing together, honing their skills.
If you watch their match play, they are constantly communicating.
And, this union of players are constantly encouraging, praising, and

uplifting each other.
It is remarkable. I am not kidding. Pull them up on Youtube and just

watch them.

In a relationship, you have a doubles partner and in order to succeed,
you are going to have to do many things together.
You are going to have to communicate well, practice together, “invent

some new shots” and most important you will need to be remarkably
positive towards one another.
Ok, I admit. I shoot high!
I am trying to push you! Even if you and your partner are “solidly
positive” to each other.
Look, right now I know that you and your partner are probably not a
great good doubles team and that’s ok.
That’s what relationship fitness is all about.
With practice you are going to get there.
SINGLES
It’s funny, out of all the online relationship gurus out there,you don’t
hear them talking about “being the best version of yourself” very often.
In fact, most of their advice revolves around “partner activities” which is

all good and fine, but if you really think about it, you can actually hone
your skills for doubles by playing singles.
Hmm…
Perhaps a better way to say this is that sometimes in order to give your
relationship the best chance to succeed, you need to have some time
alone to work on your own shots so that you can bring more to the
table down the road.

In fact, as you’ll learn later, this is one of the BIGGEST things that you
can do for your relationship.
It seems counterintuitive, doesn’t it?
I mean, the average person would think that in order to make sure their
relationship survives, they would need to give their boyfriend or
girlfriend more attention.
But I want you to think about what I said earlier when I was talking
about synergy.
Do you remember how I talked about this awesome snowball effect

that can happen when things work in synergistic fashion?
How one thing can positively impact another important marriage

fitness component?
Well, that happens when you work on yourself.
Later on I will talk a great deal about how the Principle of Positivity &
Kindness can have a huge impact on your marriage.
Keep that in mind and listen to this example.
Let’s pretend that you just had the worst day of your life. You are feeling
really bad about your appearance, since your best friend made fun of
your looks. You got into a fight with your boss at work and got fired. Oh,
and to make matters worse, you can’t make rent for the month.
…..
That’s a pretty horrible day, right?

Now, when you come home or meet with your significant other at the
end of the day, do you think you are going to bring a lot of positivity
and kindness to your relationship?
Chances are quite high that you won’t.
Now, let’s turn this over and look at the other side of the coin.
Instead of experiencing the worst day of your life, you just experienced
the best day of your life.
You stepped on the scale this morning and lost 5lbs (your monthly
goal). Instead of being fired, you got a promotion and as a result you
got a massive bonus of 100,000 dollars.
Coming home or meeting later with your significant other, do you think
you will bring a lot of positivity to your relationship?
I am willing to bet you would.
Do you see how self improvement can lead to a positive things

happening in your life and do you see how those successful behaviors
can lead to a positive attitude?
Just as every tennis player benefits from singles play and practicing on
unique shots, improved conditioning, and improved confidence…..you
too can benefit by becoming the vest version of yourself and bring that
back to your relationship.
BUILDING BLOCKS OF A GREAT TENNIS UNION

Remember when I talked about your need to focus on certain critical
shots and other elements? Let’s walk you through those that matter
most. In tennis they consist of the following things:

• Core Groundstrokes
• Volley
• Serve
• Return of serve
• Conditioning
Interestingly, there are 5 key components.
Just as there are 5 essential synergistic Principles you need to learn

about and work on to have the fittest relationship.
I won’t spend much time telling you about the elements of each of
these shots, because after all, we are not really here to talk about
tennis.
But it suffices to know that all these building blocks of a great tennis
player or doubles team, work together in a synergistic fashion.
If you are in great shape (i.e. conditioning), then it can positively impact
all of the shots described above. If you work hard on improving the
speed and variety of your serve, it can really make your volley a lot
easier to execute. And if you have solid groundstrokes, it lifts up all the
other parts of your game as you build rhythm and confidence.
You get the picture, right!
Well, the strength of your Relationship is also built upon a foundation.
Certain aspects of your marriage need a good deal of attention. I want

you to be good in all aspects that lead to a fit marriage. But I really
want you to excel in 5 key areas. More about that later, as promised!

SPECIAL SITUATIONS ON THE COURT
I am sure you have watched a few tennis matches, right?
Well, during the course of the match there will be times when the
players will get into arguments. They might start fighting with the chair
umpire who oversees the match
They might get angry with the lines person who calls shots in or out. A
player can even get fussy with the opposing player to the point where
there is a physical altercation.
Well, fighting usually brings out the worse in us. Now, imagine playing a
tennis match with someone when you have no lines persons or chair
umpire.
In fact, every non professional tennis player must call their own lines.
More specifically, they have to decide if each of their opponent’s shots
are in or out. Imagine the fireworks that can ensue.
Within your Relationship, you also have to call your own lines and
resolve your disputes.
There is no relationship umpire sitting up high on a chair looking

overlooking everything. You and your spouse are on your own so you
best learn how to deal with conflict and keep the relationship lines of
communication wide open.
Later, we will be discussing a fabulous technique that is proven to work

that you really need to wrap your mind around. It does a wonderful job
of keeping the lid on fights and softening your approach in settling
disputes.

SERVING LOVE & SEX
So long as we are talking about how relationship is analogous to the
game of tennis, then we can’t ignore the importance of serving up a
steady dose of sex in your relationship.
But I need to point out that while having a healthy and imaginative sex
life in your relationship is very important, it not the primary focus.
The game of tennis is once again instructive in helping you understand

how sex plays an important role.
The flashiest and most thrilling of shots in tennis is the ace. Not every
service shot you attempt will be an ace, but when you do execute an
ace, it can be the high point of your service game.
When I think of the importance of intimate relations within a

relationship, I am reminded of the server.
An excellent server (or marriage partner) is one who understands the

importance of mixing in a lot of different “looks”, “spins”, “angles”, and
“speeds”.
It is variety that makes for a great server, just as in a great lover.

Keeping things fresh and exciting are all part of maximizing the effect of
a good server (i.e. lover).
Now, this workshop is not designed to go into details about improving

your sex life.
But I must point out that you CAN’T “win” in tennis or in a mature
relationship with just a big serve or a great sex life.
While it helps a lot, you need to have a complete game to achieve your
potential.

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL
To conclude our tennis analogy, there is one other very important
learning you need to appreciate.
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the results will be short of what
you aimed for. You may encounter unforced errors, faults, and defeats
when competing in tennis, just like you and your significant other may
have setbacks and disappointments, ultimately reverting back to old,
destructive habits.
Remember, this is not unusual.
If you play any sport or have a serious relationship for any appreciable
period of time, mistakes or other more serious problems will likely
occur. Expect it and come to understand the underlying causes of what
has your relationship in a funk.
The key thing to realize is that for every problem you encounter in your
relationship, there is usually a solution.
So, perseverance is really important. You cannot just throw up your

hands and give up at the first, second, third, or more signs of trouble.
Mature Relationships are not short sprints, but rather they are long
marathons where you adapt to the changing conditions.
What your focus should be on is understanding how you (and your

partner) can take specific actions in certain areas of your life that can
heal the wounds and put the focus back on the positive.
Remember, you need to have a complete game to excel.

You can’t just throw in the towel when the going gets tough. And i know
you are not that kind of person, otherwise you would not be looking to
improve.
THE TRUTH ABOUT SAVING YOUR

RELATIONSHIP
Before we start getting to the meat of this Training Module, I feel there
are a few more things I would like to cover with you.
As I have said, having a successful relationship is not easy.
If it was, then this e-book wouldn’t even be needed. Heck, thousands of

therapists would be out of a job.
The truth is that the art of a successful relationship consists of

understanding certain key Principles operating within the complexity of
human behavior.
There are literally hundreds of skills that you can acquire to safeguard
your relationship.
Truthfully, it’s not all that surprising given how complicated we humans
really are.
But that’s the beauty of the synergistic system that I am going to teach
you about in this workshop.
You see, this synergistic system takes into account the multitude of
factors that relate to a strong and fit relationship and distills them into
the most important and essential elements.

5 factors to be exact.
Think of it like this.
I basically “filtered” the hundreds of factors that relate to a strong

relationship into five actionable principles.
Now, you may be sitting there thinking,
“Why five?”
Easy, if I told you that in order to get your relationship back on track you
were going to have to master one hundred things, you would probably
have a panic attack.
So, to prevent anything like that from happening, I concluded that it

was necessary to identify the most important, impactful things you
need to accomplish to better your relationship.
It turns out there are 5 incredibly important elements.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“There are only five principles. Mastering them should be easy”
Well, don’t get up on your high horse yet!
Becoming a superb practitioner of all five principles is going to take a

lot of work and commitment on your part.
Is it achievable?
Yes!

Is it going to be easy?
Absolutely not.
However, I have found that it’s the most challenging things in life that
often bring us the most pleasure when it’s all said and done.
So, without further ado I would like to introduce you to the five
synergistic principles for a successful marriage.

CHAPTER III - THE 5 SYNERGISTIC
PRINCIPLES FOR A SUCCESSFUL
RELATIONSHIP
There are many things we can talk about when it come to helping
couples with improving their relationships.
What I have learned from talking with thousands of motivated

individuals looking for advice is they want something that they feel they
can understand and act on.
What they are looking for is something to fill in the gaps they have in
their relationship.
I love that Rocky Balboa quote on marriage. He says to Adrian…
“I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other’s gaps”.
Sometimes we just need to focus on our key “gaps” to enhance our

relationship.
If you look at a lot of the relationship advice literature out there, one of
the common themes I see is what I called the “shotgun effect”.
These love gurus will literally have 30, 40, or 50+ things you can work
on.
I don’t know about you, but if you give me a recipe for relationship
success that requires I have to sort through many dozens of things to
figure out how to make my relationship better….well I am going to get
bogged down...confused...and most certainly frustrated.

Well, I don’t want to do that to you.
What I think is a much better plan is use common sense, coupled with
verifiable research findings that point you to the “few” things you need
to master.
Ok, so maybe you won’t be a master in every critical aspect of

relationship, but you certainly should be able to make progress over
time.
But if you tell me I have to juggle 47 things to make my relationship

successful, I am sure I would just check out.
So what are these critical things that every successful relationship must
have?
Why are they important?
Who says they are important?
And how do they work together?
Well, part of the answer lies in Nature.
THE LONG POLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP TENT

I love going camping.
Have you and your significant other recently gone out into nature to
experience what living away from all the clutter and noise is really like?
I am telling you, it can really be a bonding experience!

But I bring up my love of nature to make a point.
When you are out in the wilderness, there comes a time to set up camp
and make a tent.
I come from a family who have been married over 35 years. And my
parent’s parents also had very long marriages. Same on my wife’s side
of the family.
Anyway, my family loves to venture out into the wild.
One of the most important lessons I learned was about setting up the
tent. I have done so many times. And if you do it correctly, a tent (like a
relationship) can withstand just about any force of nature.
Whether it be rain, hail, or wind….a strongly constructed tent will see

you through your trip.
So what makes a tent strong?
How can a couple benefit from the lessons of tent construction?
I will let you in on the secret. It is basic to tent making, just as there are
critical elements your relationship requires to be strong.
Every tent has poles.
Some have a few more than others. But every strong and effective tent
I have come across has one “long pole” from which the other poles
connect.
Together the poles of the tent, along with the longest pole, as well as
the canvas (i.e. covering) of the tent make this place of shelter strong
and reliable.

But is the “long pole” in the tent that keeps the tent from collapsing all
around you.
Just like a highly effective relationship requires at least one essential

element to keep it afloat, a tent stands on the strength of its main pole.
And like any good relationship recovery system, all of the poles of the
tent have a synergistic connection with each other.
Well, I suppose now, you are dying to know what is the “long pole of the
tent” as it applies to your relationship.
I will tell you soon!
And if you truly want to build something special within your

relationship, then you must come to know and understand these 5
essential Principles (i.e. like the sturdy poles of your tent).
I will walk you through each, telling you what I firmly believe is the “long
pole” in your relationship.
But here is the deal!
To master these 5 principles, you have to make a concerted effort to

put them in practice.
Knowing and doing are two completely different things.
Of course, it takes two to tango.
You can make inroads and progress by just working on each of these
principles yourself.

But to optimize relationship success, you should talk to your partner
and gain their commitment. There are many ways to do this with
varying degrees of involvement from your partner. Even if you just
select one of these principles and gain your partner’s commitment to
improve, that is progress.
I often find that it is one partner that “leads”. When the other partner
notices, they eventually follow.
So ready yourself, fellow campers, as we are about to enter into the

construction phase of a greater marriage.
I would like to talk to you first about one of the essential Principles that
often gets overlooked.
It is mind boggling to me, but it is true.
One of the most critical components of a happy and sturdy relationship

is the one that researchers have discovered is lacking in many
relationships.
I think of it as the blood that courses through each of the other 4

essential relationship Principles.
While a lot of couples are suffering from this anemic condition, guess
what? It may be the easiest of all the 5 Principles to improve.

CHAPTER IV - SPENDING TIME
TOGETHER ALONE
The first Principle we will cover is “Spending Time Together Alone.”
Without “alone” time together as a couple, it is nearly impossible to

have a healthy relationship.
Now, you might be thinking, “ah ha, so this Principle is the “long pole” in
the relationship tent.”
Nope, sorry. Close, but no cigar!
Why do people say that? (“but no cigar”). It probably has something to

do with when a baby is born and the cigars get handed out.
Ok...I digressed.
The synergistic nature of the 5 principles for a successful relationship

becomes very clear when we take a deeper look at why spending time
together as a couple is so important.
Without that quality time together as partners, it becomes most difficult

to address any issues that may be plaguing the relationship.
Nor can a couple build on the progress they worked so hard to achieve
if they don’t continue to carve off time just for themselves. Without
quality time together “alone”, your relationship will likely suffer from the
one step forward and two steps back syndrome.
I see this happen frequently as couples drift apart.

It is as if the inertia of just their ordinary routines takes hold and before
the partners realize, the relationship begins to show signs of weakness.
It can become brittle and fractured or old and stale.
This is why I refer to this Principle as the “lifeblood” of any marriage.
It sounds so easy, doesn’t? “Let’s just spend time together”, one of the
partners of the marriage may think.
Certainly, if we do that, things will have to get better, right?
My experiences with relationship coaching has informed that, no, it is

not easy.
Obtaining commitment from each partner to increase the time they

spend together is not a surefire thing to pull off.
And if both partners do agree to spend more quality time with each
other, it begs the question of just how will they spend that time
together?
More time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, does not automatically

translate to a healthy bond.
And even if you and your partner do work through all of those time
challenges, a relationship between two people is usually not high
functioning unless the other essential synergistic Principles are being
successfully practiced.
Easy as pie, right?
Well, no, not quite.
This is why humans the most complex creatures on earth.

There is no one “sure fire” factor that you can put into practice that will
solve all of your relationship woes.
I don’t say this to discourage you. Not at all. I just want you to
understand that this relationship Workshop I am presenting to you is
designed to help you understand the key things you need to put into
practice.
Spending time together is one.
And like our circulatory system that runs throughout our body,
experiencing quality time with your spouse starts with understanding
what that might look like in the healthiest of relationships.
THE RELATIONSHIP TIME BANDIT

Now, let’s peel back a few layers to become more acquainted with how
“time” figures into all of this.
Many of you instinctively know what you should do with “quality time”.
It may be that your relationship is already on solid ground, but is

suffering somewhat from an anemic condition that I call, the “time
bandit”.
The time bandit is that force that invades relationship and takes away,
little by little, the quality time the couple needs to spend with each
other.
There is a host of reasons why this happens.

Busy schedules can get in the way, causing one or both of you to
shortchange your relationship. It is like you take a deposit of time out
of the relationship and invest it into your job, a hobby, or other
interests.
As months and years pass, the withdrawals of time out of your

relationship increase. Before your even realize it, you and your lover
are operating under a different paradigm of how a serious relationship
should operate.
The Time Bandit makes its appearance in many forms.
If you have children, the relationship becomes very fulfilling as now

there is a new and strong bond that fuses the couple together.
It is a beautiful thing to see these little human beings come into the
world and give you joy and pride.
But there are two sides of the coin.
These wonderful children require a lot from both of you….
time…
patience….
resources….
commitment…..
fortitude….
So you can see how it is tempting to shortchange the “alone time” each
of you spend together.

Certainly, in the beginning stages of child rearing, you will be challenged
to balance your time between all of the important things in your life.
This is perfectly normal and expected..
Just don’t lose sight of the importance of this Principle.
Just know that the time you spend alone with your partner is one of
those factors in your relationship that has an outsized impact on the
success of your relationship.
So, how do you defeat the relationship time bandit?
Well, you cannot entirely eliminate this relationship gremlin.
It is just a fact of our lives that the arrow of time moves in one direction
at the same speed.
Well, I suppose you could travel at the speed of light and slow down
time. But I suppose we all have to wait awhile before that ride comes
along!
But I have good news. You can set the time bandit back on its heels.
It starts off as recognizing that your relationship has a problem in this

department. Acceptance is a key step to recovery. Denial is the time
bandit’s friend.
Once you and your partner have accepted the need to increase the
time you spend together, then you need to take specific action to do
just that.
Commit to it and build it into your schedules.

So what are you to do with this special time alone with your partner?
Well, I think of it as the premium opportunity for you to make long

lasting “deposits” in your relationships. Just like you do when you put
money in the bank, you need to build a foundation in the “relationship
account”. As more deposits are made, the balance grows. The “interest”
in your relationship account accumulates. The relationships feels
protected and secure.
The key here is to use this time together alone with each other wisely.
And just to be sure we are all on the same page here, when I talk about
time spent together alone, that does not mean time alone with
yourself. Nor does it mean time you spend with your lover in the
company of friends or family. It means both you and your significant
other are together, ALONE.
You may be in a private place. You may be in public. But you are
together doing things with each other or talking with each other or just
physically with each other.
DEPOSITS OF LOVE
All of the relationship deposits you make need to be positive and
genuine.
I think of them as love deposits. These deposits can come in the form
of opportunities to work on your communication skills, which we will
get more into a bit later. The love deposit can also be things as simply
as asking each other questions and getting to know what the other
person thinks.
When alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you should make every
opportunity to understand what they may be feeling….what they may

need support with.. Even if you cannot solve their concerns or
completely share in their joys, a deposit of listening is a most wonderful
gift. Making love or just holding each other are also wonderful deposits
you make into your relationship bank.
Eli Finkel (Kellogg School of Management of Northwestern University)

talks about the problem of a suffocating relationship where the time
the couple spends together is diminished to such a point that it takes all
of the oxygen out of the relationship.
I like to think of time together alone as the lifeblood of a relationship.

Another wonderful way you can make long lasting deposits in the
relationship account is to use this special time together to try
something NEW with your lover. Forge new experiences. It is these
types of new experiences that cause the relationship to bond tighter,
reinvigorating the special bond between the two of you.
When a couple is not committed to investing alone time into each other
to allow for expressions of love, then the prospect of strengthening the
relationship becomes more difficult.
So do me a favor! Talk to your partner about making some deposits

into your emotional marriage account. Here are 5 actionable
suggestions on things you and your relationship partner can do to beat
back the Time Bandit and increase your relationship wealth.
• Create a special code word that either one of you can invoke. Once
spoken, both of you agree to immediately spend at least 1 hour of
special alone time together. Each partner can use the code word
once every week.
• Play Tennis together. Set up a fair competition contest. Whoever
wins, gets a sensual back rub.
• See a movie every week. Then do dinner alone with each other

• Once a month, arrange for a fling in a nearby hotel. Pretend you are
new lovers.
• Jog or walk together. Listen to the same music as you do so.

CHAPTER V - EMBRACE EACH OTHER
WITH POSITIVITY & KINDNESS
Well, in case you guessed it right, congratulations! You have arrived at
the “mother of all Principles”.
If you and your partner can each practice faithfully just this one
Principle, well guess what...you have an outstanding chance of having a
fulfilling relationship.
Now just to be sure you understand, there are a total of 5 synergistic

principles I encourage you to learn about and put into practice as they
will insulate your relationship from just about anything that could harm
it. But if you are so inclined to start first with the Principle of Positivity
and Kindness, well you are definitely knocking on the right door.
POSITIVITY IS A STATE OF MIND

Positivity is a state of mind.
When we drill down to more specifics, I think of words like “kindness”,

“nice”, “generous”, and “upbeat”. A positive and kind person’s
demeanor is one that infuses the relationship with a gift that just keep
on giving. A lot like that old commercial with the “Energizer” bunny that
just keep powering on.
Kindness is like a cool breeze in your face on a hot summer day.

Kindness is like our friend and we want to be in its presence….all of the
time.
THE KINDNESS STUDY

One of the most amazing and well known studies by researchers (i.e.
Dr. John Gottman, “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”) revealed, after
studying couples for decades, that the most important thing a couple
can embrace is kindness.
Kindness is the most common thread that shows up in successful,

highly functioning relationships. So even if your relationship is lacking
in some areas, if you and your lover have this positive way of treating
each other...offering praise and bestowing kindness much more often
than not, then your relationship is on very solid ground.
Ty Tashiro, psychologist, also talks about this phenomenon in his work

(i.e. The Science of Happily Ever After). He talks about “kindness” as
being like a muscle that you can exercise. While some people may
bring into the marriage a high level of innate positivity and kindness, it
is still a behavior than can be learned, practiced, and become more of
the norm.
And therein lies the science behind this interesting phenomenon.
When people become committed to practicing positive behaviors, such

as exhibiting kindness in small acts, generosity in spirit, friendliness in
behavior, these acts and behaviors can take form and shape in your
brain from a neurological perspective and influence other aspects of
your relationship.
Scientists and behaviorists have learned that to form new habits, it

typically takes on average about 66 days.
It can be many days less or many days more, but that is the statistical
average. The firing of neurons in the brain when practicing the new
habit will take shape and become more dominant with repetitions of
the desired behavior.

Some habits form sooner. Some take longer. But the idea here is that
we are not doomed to behave or act a certain way, all of the time. The
way people behave can literally change as a result of our evolving brain
chemistry.
One interesting finding is that couples who practice kindness in relation

to how they interact with each other and do so at the ratio of 5 to 1
(kind acts vs. negative encounters) have a remarkable 87% success
record in their relationship.. That is how powerful the act of being
positive truly is in our lives.
One should learn to exercise positive behavior through repeated acts of

kindness toward your lover. Even if your partner is reluctant to change
at first, you may be quite surprised at how highly suggestible your
behavior turns out to be.
Couples are well know for mirroring each other, which means that what
one does, the other often does.
A biblical verse comes to mind. Irrespective of what you think about

religion, it is wise to adopt the lesson of “doing on to others, what you
would have them do onto you”.
So since we are on sort of a religious theme, when was the last time you
listened or watched this guy named, Joel Osteen?
Now, I am not one of his followers so to speak, but wow, take a listen to
what this individual has to say both about relationships and everything
else in life. If there was ever a man that manifested positivity, well, his
name is Joel. His presentations are “positively” hypnotic!
THE PIED PIPER OF POSITIVITY

Let me give you a few examples. And by the way, do you think he is just
lucky to have many millions of followers. No, I think not. Positive
thinkers and doers are like the Pied Pipers of spreading the message of
kindness, praise and generosity.
My point is that even if your can’t bring your boyfriend or girlfriend to

truly believe in the Principle of Positivity, then you become the Pied
Piper of positivity and eventually they will begin mirroring your
behavior.
Ok, so here are some gems from Joel Osteen, who by the way also
appears to be a huge believer in the significance of kindness and
generosity in relationships.
He wisely goes on to point out that “no two people are completely
compatible” and therefore the knot that keeps couples tied together are
their willingness to practice “sacrifice and praise” within their marriage.
The criticality of adopting this mode of thinking cannot be emphasized

enough.
The belief is that if the relationship partners nurture their admiration

and fondness for each other through both small and large acts of
kindness, they are making the most valuable of all relationship
deposits.
I like it when Joel says “turn toward each other instead of away”.
Now trust that I am not trying to round you up and send you off
packing to the next Joel Osteen speaking engagement. But if you need
a few positive thoughts to carry you through your day, then enjoy these
pearls of wisdom:
• “Marriage is a Commitment, not a feeling”

• “We have to learn to become One. That means we may have to
make some sacrifices….overlooking things”
• “You have to make a switch, start to appreciate your spouse’s
strengths... downplay their weaknesses”
• “Listen carefully to the words and tone of voice you use with your
spouse...are you doing like Solomon: blessing, encouraging,
uplifting.”
• “At times you will get angry….but we don’t have to blow up and say
hurtful things... learn to step back and collect your thoughts…”
Contempt is the # 1 reason for the tearing apart of marriages.
If there is a glue or bond that holds relationships together, it is the

positive frame we place our relationships in. How easy it is to
understand how kindness can uplift your relationship and strengthen
your marriage. But, how hard it is at times to practice that which you
know in your heart is true.
The answer to your relationship difficulties are almost always right in

front of you. As you are read about these concepts I have laid out, you
may be thinking:
“Yes, I agree...my boyfriend (or girlfriend) and I need to interact in these

ways”.
But as clearly as we think we can see the solution, implementing the

principles I have outlined can be cumbersome for many.
So why is that?
Why do we understand what we should do on a conscious level, but

when it comes time to implement some of the ideas, we fall short.
There is a simple, but powerful reason why this is so.

It is the force of our old habits that dull us to changing. Once a
behavioral habit takes root in our everyday actions, it becomes a
routine in our lives. And when we have two people, such as in a
relationship, they must learn to modify their behavior to make
improvements with their relationship. Tearing down that wall of
negative habits can be challenging.
But it can happen. It starts with a commitment to change. It starts with

embracing something as simple as “kindness” and understanding how
it can lead your relationship back into its healthy stride.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP SUMMIT
If you believe the Principle of Kindness is the single most essential

factor in your relationship being successful, then you have cleared a
very big hurdle.
Your journey has begun.
There are more hurdles to clear. You need to tear down those old
habits of how you interact with your lover and/or they need to to learn
to do the same. I mentioned earlier that habits can take up to 66 days
to take root. So patience and commitment are needed to achieve the
relationship bliss you seek.
You also need to understand the powerful force of synergy and how all
5 essential Principles to an effective relationship come together to help
you and your partner overcome the wall of old, negative habits.
So how do you break the vicious cycle of old habits and behaviors
pulling your relationship down?

Well, in my honest opinion, once you and your lover agree that you
both want to change some of the ways in which you interact with each
other, you then need to do something to springboard the change.
You need to get out of your regular environment and go someplace

different.
Choose a place that you have not been before. Someplace beautiful,
serene, quiet, and private. Call it your “Relationship Summit”. And it is
there that you and your significant other can decide to make a vow of
starting new, healthier, and more positive habits.
If you genuinely agree that incorporating more kindness in your

relationship can be a pivot point for getting your relationship back on
track, then write that down and provide examples of those behaviors
you both wish to do more of.
Write it all down and then exchange these written vows with your loved
one.
From here, it becomes a matter of practicing what you preach long

enough so that it takes root as your new habit….your new, healthy
routine.
Then I want you to celebrate this exchange of vows at the very place
where you chose to have your own personal Relationship Summit so
that the experience is cemented in your memory.
Ideally, you want to do all of this with your lover. But you can achieve
results even if you do it by yourself if your relationship partner is
unwilling. Just be sure to tell them what you did as that can have a
highly, positive and influential effect.

ANGULAR VELOCITY IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a law of nature that deals with angular velocity.
Think of the ice skater that starts spinning. They first start with their
arms and free leg stretched far apart. Then as they start pulling in the
their arms and their one free leg, their angular velocity increases.
Magically, they start spinning faster and faster.
When I think of the Principle of Positivity & Kindness, I am reminded of

the powerful effect of angular velocity.
Just as in figure skating, the relationship truth of “positivity/kindness”

will speed up the recovery of your marriage.
It is that powerful and if implemented consistently, can amplify the

positive momentum in your marriage.
This is why the Principle of Positivity & Kindness is the long pole in the
tent. It is magical and powerful and stands as the core element of the 5
Principles of a synergistic relationship.

CHAPTER VI - PRACTICE BALANCED
AND TRANSFORMATIVE
COMMUNICATIONS
A lot of people who profess to be experts or relationship coaches will
tell you that you that you and your boyfriend and girlfriend need to
improve your communication skills. So what does that usually look
like? Does that mean you should talk to each other more? Or are we
talking about better listening skills, coupled with honest questioning?
Could it mean other things?
Well, the short answer to these questions is all of the above.
To be in a highly functioning relationship, you need to be able to talk to

each other freely, without a feeling of it being forced upon you.
You need to practice “attending” communication skills which is

essentially listening to what your significant other has to say without
interruption. This skill is really important to the men out there. If you
can consistently master the art of really “Listening” to your girlfriend or
significant other with minimal interruption, then the heavens will open
up and rain upon you its gratitude.
And you also need to employ the use of positive non verbal skills.
Sometimes, less is more.
If you spend all your time talking, you can miss out on those times
when you can achieve a close bond through non-verbal
communications.

But here is where some of the relationship Gurus get it wrong in my
opinion. They talk about communications, but they do not describe the
synergistic nature of how communications should fit into our
relationships.
So let’s peel back the layers and understand what effective

communications is really about. You are probably beginning to see the
synergistic connection between the Principles we have already
discussed. For example, if you spend time together alone (i.e. Principle
I) and employ a good deal of positivity in your relationship (i.e. Principle
II), these behaviors connect with Principle III, Balanced and
Transformative Communications.
Having an opportunity to spend quality time together alone (Principle I),

enables you to experience quality and positive communication
opportunities. The way I see it, every chance you have to talk to your
spouse is a communication opportunity.
When you are alone with you lover, that communication opportunity is
enhanced.
When there are no distractions and the two of your are together alone,
then what you say and how you say it is very important in building
trust. This is where you and your relationship partner can make a
difference if your relationship has been suffering from the blahs or
worse.
Combining what you know about the importance of “positivity” (i.e.

kindness, praise, generosity) and incorporating that type of
communication behavior into your daily interactions…..doing these
things amounts to a powerful relationship cocktail.
Bear in mind though that quality communications is more than just

talking in a positive way with each other.

It is also very much about finding balance.
Ideally, you want to achieve a 50/50 split in talking and listening. This a
general guideline and while there will be times when you or your
relationship partner will tend to dominate the conversation for a score
of good reasons, more often than not, having balance in your
conversations will afford each person a chance to share what is on their
mind.
So what do we mean by Transformative Communications? What is it

about talking to each other in a positive and constructive manner that
makes it transformative?
For starters, if you have been together for some time, it is very likely
that you have fallen into some communication routines. It is very likely
that some of these routines or habits are not altogether healthy.
The communication routines I refer to can take many forms. It may be

that very little is said to each other as each of you just fall into your
established patterns of going about your own daily activities. An even
more destructive behavior pattern is where one or both parties of the
relationship give in to sarcasm, criticism, or even contempt.
If you recognize any of these unhealthy communication patterns in

your relationship, then you may need a transformative experience to
change these destructive routines.
Since you and your lover are largely in control of your future in terms of
how you communicate and respond to each other, this transformative
experience need not be a negative...meaning that you do not have to
have a knock down, drag out fight to awaken the better communication
angels within yourself.

My experience in coaching couples is that when they build from a
negative event, the path to the desired place you both want to reach is
more difficult.
When memories of the ugly and petty comments and gestures take
root in your subconscious, your efforts to reconcile and improve your
communication routines become even more difficult.
We are after all, very vulnerable creatures and when confronted with
negativity, we often respond with negativity.
So what I want you to think about with regard to this Principle is

breaking the unhealthy routines you and your boyfriend or girlfriend
may have established.
To make this transformative break from your normal communications,

you first have to recognize the present state.
So what the heck does that mean?
Well, it’s pretty simple. Often what happens is a couple becomes

caught up in routines and habits that are not conducive to a healthy
relationship. After some time, this way of communicating with each
becomes the norm. You may not even realize it, until you step away
and evaluate how you talk to each other.
So the first step is to recognize that you have a problem.
Discussing the problem helps with eventually changing the pattern.

But changing how you talk to each other will not happen overnight. It is
road you both commit to taking, but the journey will cover many days.
Why so long?

Because the power of your current habits and routines have been
shaped over many months and years. Defaulting back to your old
patterns is a lot easier than it is to learn and practice new habits and
routines.
RELATIONSHIP WISDOM FROM YODA
So transformation is partly about recognition and acceptance of the

problem. And it is also about commitment to change.
Just as we discussed with Principle II (i.e. Positivity & Kindness), the way
you can jump start a transformation to adopt new communication
routines that are positive and balanced is to SEED this change by doing
something that is big and meaningful.
Something that gets the attention of both of you.
I like to quote this little guy, named Yoda. He is a smart little dude when
it comes to building relationships.
Yoda understood the importance of doing things in a big way. Powerful

is our little friend.
So what would Yoda advise in this situation. He would like tell us that if
we seek to SEED a big change in behavior then we need to make it an
EVENT.
He would also tell us, “you must unlearn, that which you have learned”.
Hence, your challenge is to break the pattern.
Yoda also said, “Do or do not, there is no try”.
This is where commitment come into play.

So if the two of you are in serious need of improvement in your
communications….if you find that you seldom talk...or when you do
there is little in the way of balance or positivity….then you need to
TRANSFORM your communications through a memorable event that
neither of you will ever forget.
MESSAGE IN THE BOTTLE
I like big symbolic gestures that underscore intentions.
Let me tell you a story of a couple I know that was experiencing

communications issues.
Their names are Stacie and John.
They were both caught up in their own busy lives. Seldom would they
take time to connect. Almost like drones in a colony, they got caught
caught up in routines where they went about their day, seldom
scheduling quality time together and rarely saying anything that would
equate to kindness and praise.
So they came to me for some advice.
I could see from the get go that this couple was spiraling away from
each other by just how they described their daily communications and
interactions. Achieving balance in how they spoke to each other was
the least of their problems. But they definitely got failing grades in the
area of frequency of communications and the quality of content.
I firmly believed this couple had all the ingredients of a successful

relationship. They just needed a little good ole fashioned coaching….a
little push in the right direction.

I decided they would benefit most from a healthy dose of revitalization
in this department of their relationship. And what better way of
accomplishing that then to tell them to go somewhere special (and
affordable) where they could reconnect and revamp the way they talked
to each other.
I love symbolic acts.
I love moments that are unusual. It is these things that get lodged into
our minds and stick. This is what you and your relationship partner
should seek….really nice and sticky memories. They help you form
good habits.
So I told John and Stacie that this one event will not by itself change
their old patterns and routines of which they had slowly become
prisoners to, but that it would kickstart and symbolize a new beginning
in how they communicate.
I explained that if they continued to practice certain vows, then in time

they would form new communication habits and routines which would
enable them to draw even closer to each other.
I told them I wanted them to plan a weekend trip to Galveston island,

located along the gulf coast of Texas. I wanted them to check into a
hotel in the late afternoon. I gave them an empty wine bottle with a
cork and told them to each write down 2 things they vowed they would
do much, much better on the verbal communication side of their
relationship; and 2 things they commit to doing on the non-verbal
communication side of their relationship. I explained that these things
they vowed to do going forward had to be focused on a new level of
communication filled with kindness, praise, and generosity.
Then I instructed them to take their paper writings and the bottle and
stroll along the beach until sunset. At the moment the sun touched the

horizon, I told them to take out their respective messages and read
them to each other. Here is what they ultimately came up with:
Stacie:
• “I will greet you each and every morning with a smile and praise you
for caring for me.”
• “If I get angry at you, I will remember first to tell you that you have
been a most wonderful husband to me and only then will I express
my concerns”
• “I will hug you everyday”
• “I will look into your eyes each day with appreciation”
John:
• “Stroking your hair and telling you I love you will become a way I
show how I feel about you”
• “I will surprise you each week with a small surprise”
• “You will get hugs and kisses every day”
• “I will hold your hand every opportunity we have”
I thought they did really well with their pledges of how they would
communicate in the future verbally and non-verbally. Then after
reading their vows, I told them to roll up these messages and place
them in the bottle, then cork the bottle and cast it into the ocean.
This all happened a few years ago.
I am very happy to say that both Stacie and John are still a happy couple
and that moment in time on Galveston beach is something they still talk
to me about.
This is what I mean when I talk about transforming your

communications. It takes an event...a happening…. or an unforgettable

occurrence that can shake you loose from the old, tired out and
negative communication patterns.
It takes a sincere vow or commitment that is the fuse that seals the
memory of this special thing you do together as a couple to improve
your communications.

CHAPTER VII - REVITALIZE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP
It is essential within a relationship that the two people avoid getting
stuck in old habits.
There is nothing worse for a relationship than repeating the same, tired
out routines and habits. Now don’t get me wrong. Some of your
routines and habits are very healthy and necessary as they forge a
bond of familiarity and security. But relationships change as they age.
Both you and your partner change over time. Sometimes these
changes are hardly noticeable when examined in the short term.
It’s like a tide rolling in from the sea. As you walk the shore line, you
cannot even notice the tide rising. But after a great many hours, you
will see the difference as you reflect back earlier in the day.
Well, relationships are similar in that they are fluid and change. The
person you are and the things that you may be interested in, change
with time. It is the norm and you should embrace such changes if they
support a healthy lifestyle and relationship.
What you don’t want to do within a relationship is cling to always doing

things the same way. You don’t want to just repeat the same activities
or go to the same spots or eat at the same restaurants or etc, etc.
It is essential that you and your boyfriend or girlfriend experience new

things.
Not only will those experiences serve to revitalize your own set of
personal experiences which you will find fulfilling, but they will
immensely benefit your relationship.

When you experience new things together, you also bond together
without even realizing it. And bonding does not happen by itself. There
needs to be a catalyst....a memorable experience of some
kind….preferably new and exciting or interesting or thrilling or curious
events or activities you both participate in.
Too often I see couples suffer from the slow pull of stagnation.
Attachment to the past way of how to always do things is a blueprint for
stagnation or worse. Stagnation leads to a couple tearing
apart...growing apart.
This happens partly because one or both couples seek new experiences
to fuel their passion in life. When they OFTEN do this APART from each
other, then this “tearing apart” manifests itself within the relationship.
This usually happens slowly….but assuredly, a slow descent into
stagnation can lead to emotional separation.
I think it is a central core element of our personality to experience new

things.
This is how we learn and grow. It is perfectly OK to do this by yourself

for your own individual self fulfillment. But we need to strike a balance
such that you and your relationship partner also experience new things,
together.
But to do this, you sometimes have to work at it. New experiences do

not necessarily come knocking on your door saying, “hey, try me out, I
am a lot of fun and am fulfilling”.
RELATIONSHIP ENTROPY TRAP

In my view, it is critical that you do not fall into what I call the
“emotional entropy trap”.
So what do I mean by “Relationship Entropy Trap”? Well, it starts with

understanding a fundamental law of nature.
Entropy is defined as “a gradual decline into disorder”.
It is a wasting away...a deterioration….a breaking up. This is what

science tell us about the universe we live in. Things eventually go to a
disorderly state. Things wear out, rust, collapse, and degenerate.
Yeah..I know, it’s kind of sad we live in such a universe, but I have good
news for you!
Every day we buck the system. Nature allows for that. You can put
“energy” into other places to fight these forces.
You need not just give in to these random, boring patterns that just
ever so slowly, pull your relationship e apart. Once you recognize that
all relationships can get bogged down in mediocrity, you can actively do
something about it.
The problem is when couples do not recognize the entropy trap and
just follow along with the same routines and patterns.
You know something? If you talk to some of these great minds of

science…..and yes, if you understand just a bit about science, it can help
you with your relationship.
Science teach us that our very existence is a result of breaking the

original pattern. Life evolves from breaking the pattern through
adaptations and change over time.

We live in an ever changing universe. So why is your relationship
different?
Well, it’s not! To breathe renewed life and vigor into your relationship,
you need to shift your paradigm.
You need to get out of the box. And the sooner you start incorporating
some new activities and adventures for the two of you to experience,
the greater your bond of common experience will be.
Bonding with your lover through new experiences create new

memories that the two of you can cherish. But better, such bonding
through these new sets of experiences cements the relationship.
A lot of very smart people, they call them neuroscientists, have learned
that if you set out to experience positive new things with your lover,
new neural pathways (i.e. electrochemical pathways) are formed.
Like with the growth of a healthy tree, the idea is you want to prune the
problem causing neural pathways (i.e. those old, negative, and stagnant
pathways) and grow new, positive pathways. Through these sets of
positive, new experiences, your relationship continues to grow.
By now I am sure you are starting to see the way in which the essential
Principles of effective relationships are intertwined with each other.
We talked about having time alone with our lover. We discussed the
importance of positivity. We covered the topic of effective
communications. And now we have touched on the significance of
revitalization of your relationship by incorporating new, positive
experiences and doing things together. This is the synergistic and
holistic effect of the 5 Principles.
So far, we have covered 4 of them.

Hang in there! We will soon be talking about the 5th. But before we do,
I would like to provide you with some actionable things you and your
partner can do to stimulate and revitalize your relationship.
Revitalizing your relationship is not just about going to places and doing
new things. It can be something simple, yet powerful such as executing
the 5 Principles of Highly Successful Relationship.
Get started TODAY with the process and you will make great inroads
into pruning the old, tired out habits and replacing them with new,
fulfilling routines.
• Revitalize your relationship through improving the sexual intimacy

in your relationship. There are many good books out there that
can help you with changing up your patterns and routines when it
comes to sex. Buy one and tell your lover you are committed to
both of you achieving more fulfillment.
• Do something you never would dream of doing. Perhaps it has a
slightly elevated risk. For me, it was taking my wife on an
incredible hot air balloon ride.
• Get your nervous system engaged. Studies show that excitement
and thrill can form some powerful neural pathways, with the
added benefit of leading to sexual arousal. So go to a rock concert
and then check into a nearby hotel and rock each other’s world.
• Psychologists tell us that after some time, we get to know a great
deal about each other and as we repeat familiar routines, the
mystery and challenge is largely removed from our lives. So break
the mold.
• Challenge yourselves to something you have never done and
accomplish it. Behavioral Scientists say that the sense of positive
accomplishment will transfer over to how you think of each other.
You will feel closer together and more attracted to each other
because you teamed up to do something difficult, and succeeded.
• Hike up the face of Pike’s peak. It’s 13 miles.

• Enter a mini triathlon.
• You get the picture!

CHAPTER VIII - BECOME THE BEST
VERSION OF YOURSELF
So now we have arrived at the 5th Synergistic Principle of Successful
Relationships.
Because I discuss it last does not mean it is less important than the
others. Nor does it mean that it is the “best” of Principles which I saved
for last!
What it does mean is that if you fail to take care of principle 5, then you
will not optimize your relationship success.
So what is the mysterious X factor that if we practice, we can better

both ourselves and our relationship?
The mysterious relationship “x factor” is founded in each partner’s

willingness to develop themselves. What I ask my clients to do, whether
they are presently seeking to improve their relationship or getting over
a break-up, is to seek to become the best version of themselves.
You may ask, “why would I want to do that? I want to have the best
version possible of my relationship.”
Well, I would want you to strive for both. By becoming the best version
of yourself, you enable your relationship to be successful.
I think it is wise sometimes to take a step back and look at the big
picture.
Do you remember that quote I provided earlier from Joel Osteen?

He said, “no two people are completely compatible”. The simple reason
is that we are all unique. We all have different aspirations and goals.
We all have areas in our life that we seek to improve.
When we are in a relationship, these things do not entirely change. A

strong relationship is a union of two people who are not completely
compatible.
Your mission, if you should accept (Ok..this is really not a “mission

impossible”!), is to strive to perfect that union.
But to do so, you need to look within as well as outside of yourself. No

relationship is healthy if all of your accomplishments are defined within
the circle of the union.
Just as we discussed earlier, when we were talking “tennis”, to be a

great doubles player (i.e. or marriage partner), you need to seek
improvement within yourself.
THE HOLY TRINITY

Your individual personal growth can take the form of psychological,
spiritual, hobbies, or success in one’s chosen field.
Researchers have discovered that those partners who are allowed to

pursue their “intrinsic goals” (i.e. things such as personal growth) are
happier than those who entirely focus on “extrinsic goals” (wealth,
fame, popularity in social media).
As with most all things we talk about, a balance needs to be struck

between one’s focus on their relationship and efforts to become the
best version of themselves. These two goals are not mutually exclusive.

Indeed, the pursuit of a balanced set of goals associated with
“relationship” and self is “synergistic”
Arthur Brooks (“Love People, Not Pleasure”) at University of Rochester

speaks eloquently about why the focus should be on “loving” people
and not on a sole pursuit of one’s own pleasure. I think we can all learn
from this sentiment.
There is a term I coined as it relates to this Principle of becoming the

best version of yourself. I call it seeking the Holy Trinity.
In the relationship jungle and particularly those who have suffered

through the trials and tribulations of a break-ups, I advise individuals to
do a number of things, but embracing in the Holy Trinity is probably the
most important.
So what is this Holy Trinity? Ok...first let me clarify I am not talking

about taking up a new religion or anything like that. Whatever your
faith is, keep it. I am sure it will help you in many ways. The Holy Trinity
I refer to revolves around bettering yourself in 3 areas:
1. Health
2. Wealth
3. Relationships
Before we take a closer look at each one, I want to point out that what
makes the Holy Trinity somewhat magical is the synergistic way in
which these 3 essential life components interact. Take away something
from one, you can adversely impact the other two. Likewise, if you
improve in one area, it often has a positive added force on the others.
Few of us can honestly say we have mastered each of these three life
components. The idea is you should strive to make continuous
improvements in each of these three areas.

I remember doing a podcast for one of my other websites a few months
ago. A woman had called in to explain that her boyfriend had left her
and she was devastated. After purchasing one of my ebooks, she was
inspired to strive to be the best version of herself and part of that was
embracing the Holy Trinity.
She took it upon herself to lose a good amount of weight and improved
her general fitness and health which made her feel pretty darn good
about herself. She started eating better and getting more sleep. Then
she did something that even surprised herself. She took a business
idea she had always had and put it into motion and over the months
her small business began to really take off.
So not only did she make positive changes with her health and wealth,
but she also began spending more quality time with her friends and
family. These relationships were so important in helping her stay
grounded. She even credited her visits to my website with lifting her
up.
About one year later, she ran into her ex boyfriend and he could hardly
recognize his former girlfriend. It was as if they had met for the very
first time. It turned out that they eventually resumed the relationship.
I was happy for her. But honestly, I was most happy that she embraced
the Holy Trinity because her attitude in how she embraced these central
life components will always carry her forward.
I do want to emphasize something that I think is important to

understand.
It has to do with the “wealth component. Most people think of wealth

as increasing one’s net assets or growing their capital. But when you

embrace the Holy Trinity, I want you to also think of wealth in terms of
“spiritual” wealth.
I believe spiritual capital includes feeling really good about yourself.

Spiritual wealth could be a sense of connection with an organized
religion. Or it could be the feelings that are evoked when you attend
your Yoga class. Spiritual wealth is many things to many people. If you
create wealth of this kind in your life, your marriage will benefit in many
ways.
Becoming the best version of yourself is all about finding balance

between achieving self expression and development vs investing
sufficient time and energy in the relationship.
As we discussed, there is a synergistic relationship between these two

endeavors. When the balance is lost, the relationship suffers and so
does the individual sense of fulfillment.
We are talking about two sides of the same coin. This is why I like to
characterize a strong relationship as an “Union”.
THE HISTORY OF RELATIONSHIPS &

MARRIAGE
But relationships were not always this way.
Eli Finkel (Northwestern University) pointed out that in the late 1700s
(American Revolution Period) the focus of marriage was to realize “food
and shelter”. It may be hard to believe for us now, but times were
tough in those days, particularly for women.
Love and romance often took a back seat to the practicality of basic
survival. Food and shelter are by definition, basic human needs.

Marriage was more of a partnership, sometimes forced upon
individuals. People seldom married for love.
In the 1800s the next shift in marriage occurred with more of a focus on
love & companionship. The woman was often not considered equal to
the measure of a man in many respects. But things were looking up in
the love department! A lopsided union would be how I would
characterize marital relationship in those days.
In the first half of the 1900s, the man as the breadwinner and the
woman being the homemaker shaped the form of marriage. We still
have a lopsided union and that lasted for decades.
Then in the 1960s, the next titanic shift occurred where personal
growth and self discovery became increasingly important within
relationships and marriages. Eli Finkel argues that a “a fulfilling
marriage is strongly linked to a spouse’s support of the other spouse’s
personal growth and self expression.
Obviously, the rest of the 20th century further shaped the institution of
married life as the imperfect union was further refined.
Today, I like to think that the vast majority of people would agree with
my wife and I that being married or having a strong relationship is akin
to being “One Person”, but within that context, each individual should
strive to be the best version of themselves.
So, if you are inclined to define yourself only in terms of your

relationship, then I would argue that you are short changing your
personal growth and natural need for self expression.
On the contrary, if you take a more holistic approach to your

relationship, recognizing both you and your partner’s needs to explore

inner potential and self growth, then both relationship partners can
improve and that brings many positive benefits to your relationship

CHAPTER IX - WHAT MAKES FOR A
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP
I often get this question from my clients. Essentially, they want to know
if they should get married to a boyfriend or girlfriend or get very
serious.. Of course, this is a highly personal matter and given the
massive complexities associated with human beings, it can be one of
the most difficult questions to answer.
First, let me tell you what you should not do.
Do not think that the answer is in the stars! So astrology won’t help
you. And please...promise me...do not rely on one of those online
assessments that presumably tells you if you and your significant other
are compatible.
When it comes to matters of love, I tend to be more inclined to place

more stock into verifiable, empirical research.
So what does that mean?
It means that the social scientist and psychologists that spend their life
studying and researching such matters, probably have more value to
offer when it comes to questions of compatibility.
Certainly having the ability to become a Jedi Knight in the ways of the 5
Synergistic Principles is very important! But no one I know has ever
mastered that.
And it takes two to tango!
Not every individual entering into a serious relationship may be

motivated enough to firmly embrace these principles.

You know what I mean? For example, some people are just not very
nice or pleasant. Kindness may be like a foreign virus that they come
down with only now and then.
Some people have little internal motivation or ambition to become the

best version of themselves. They may be poorly self motivated, almost
slothful.
The 5 Principles I have laid out are not rocket science, but they are very
important to embrace and you can use them as a measuring stick.
So what I am saying is that if you are in a position to take stock of the

strengths and weaknesses of a guy or girl in terms of their readiness
and capital when it comes to marriage or a serious relationship….well
by all means do so.
I need not preach the statistics of failed marriages. You probably

already know that around 50% of first marriages do not succeed. And
70% of second marriages also fail. And the number of failed
relationships are equally high if not higher.
I know that sounds scary. But information and knowledge will serve
you well.
WHAT DOES SCIENCE SAY ABOUT

COMPATIBILITY?
Research has a lot to say about this issue of how compatible you are
with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Of course, it is a complicated issue.
Human behavior can be pretty puzzling at times.

There is a highly respected study, referred to as the “Cornell Marriage
Advice Project” that acknowledges that while their are many variables
that influence whether we will be happy in our relationships, some
factors are much more important than others.
With all of the hit and miss outcomes of relationships, a lot of people
think of relationship as a form of gambling or an art form that defies
explanation. I tend to look at past results and science to help in making
sense of things, particularly if the research looks at the big picture.
What do I mean by that?
Well, if you look at the something long enough, certain patterns will
emerge. That is what I like about the Cornell study. They studied 400
individuals who have been involved in marriage (or a romantic
relationship) for at least 30 years.
When you look at success long enough, usually certain important

findings will emerge and this what the people from Cornell University
discovered. According to this study, if you had to boil it down to 3
things, it would revolve around:
1) THE STRENGTH OF YOUR CURRENT

COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT
OTHER
We have already established that balanced and transformative
communications is really important. While you are getting to know
your future husband or wife, you will have an opportunity to evaluate
the strength of their communication skills. When it comes to verbal
communications, does he or she open up and talk freely? Or does your
potential marriage partner keep things closed off as tight as a clam?

Does your boyfriend or girlfriend dominate all of the verbal
conversations, such that there is little balance? Do you have a hard
time with getting them to listen effectively and respond to you when
you are sharing?
On the written side of communications is your boyfriend or girlfriend

balanced in how and when they respond to your texts and emails. Or is
the individual a “me” person which I describe as an individual who
thinks their time is much more important than yours?
Then there is the non-verbal side of communications. Is your guy or gal

a hugger? Do they enjoy giving and receiving little subtle touches or
make gestures that reinforce the positive support you each seek? Do
you feel serene and safe in their presence?
What about the quality of the communications?
Remember when we talked about how the Principle of Positivity was a

very good predictor of marital success. If you had to measure your
significant other’s “kindness in communications”, how would you rate it
on a scale of 10 (i.e. with 10 being the highest quality).
If you have them coming in at a 3 or 4 or 5, you really need to ask

yourself if this person has the generosity of spirit that will enable a
marriage or serious relationship to succeed.
When you fight, does it last a long time? Do you fight fair? Does your
boyfriend or girlfriend genuinely apologize for the role they played in a
fight?
The key take away is to keep talking to each other. If there is balance
and a lot of words going back and forth with some degree of positivity,
you are paving a great path that if followed consistently, will allow your
relationship to be happy and successful.

2) THE DEMONSTRATED LEVEL OF
COMMITMENT
When you are in the dating stage of your relationship you have time to
evaluate each other’s level of commitment.
Now for the sake of this discussion, I am going to assume that you are
committed to the relationship and idea of marriage and so my remarks
will address the question of how committed your boyfriend or girlfriend
might be.
How does one know if a prospective marriage partner is committed?

There are essentially two tactics you can employ. One is more
aggressive, while the other is more passive.
Probably, the most effective way to to gauge one’s level of commitment

is to specifically ask them. But you cannot just blurt it out. You have to
do your due diligence. Like a good attorney, you should already know
the answer to your question, even before asking.
Why is that?
Because you have already done your homework having spent a great
deal of time with this person evaluating their behavior in all facets of
the relationship, particularly when the conversations turns to issues
and topics suggesting a future together.
So like a well versed and prepared attorney, when you ask “the
question”, you will have a darn good idea of what they will say.
Essentially, in this scenario, you are looking for confirmation of what

you already believe. If you don’t get that confirmation…..if your

significant other hedges….well it’s not the worst news. Just take things
slow and allow “time” to sort things out.
The other tactic is never to ask the question, but direct the conversation
in such a way that the other person feels compelled to explore
commitment levels.
My experience with couples who cross the bridge of commitment is

that they do so naturally over time and there is usually little doubt what
each wants. If you are plagued with doubts or if the other individual
does not seem very enthusiastic, then take a step back and re-evaluate.
Remember, little steps can get you to your final destination.
3) YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF EACH OTHER

Before entering into marriage or serious relationship, a couple should
have an opportunity to learn a great deal about the other. None of us
are without fault and all of us have some wonderful qualities.
Knowing the “good” along with the “areas of opportunity” with regard to
your prospective husband or wife, prepares you for whether you
ultimately will be a good match.
It is never wise to rush into things. As you learn about all of the
qualities about your partner and what their life is currently about, you
enable yourself to make an important decision.
I have seen the opposite happen far too many times when a person,
filled with the raging hormones of love, jumps too soon into the
decision of marriage or into a serious relationship.

When emotions run high, logic runs low. You need both to make
decisions, but you need balance as well.
Don’t be that person who is blind to the important things you should
know about your future spouse.
The canvas of things you should look at in your potential partner for life
is wide.
Do you have a shared belief or faith? Have you met this person’s
friends? What is this person’s experience with love? How is your sex
life? Do you each share similar goals regarding family and children?
What is this individual’s ideas around parenting? What is this person’s
ambitions in life? What is their track record regarding financial matters?
Behavior psychologists and learning theorists are fond of saying that a

person’s past history is “predictive” of their future. Meaning that what a
person has done in the past, is often repeated in the future.
I place a great deal of credibility to this line of thinking as I have seen

how an examination of a person’s history can be a very useful way of
figuring out their future behavior.
So please do not make the mistake of turning a blind eye to a person’s

past or fall victim to only listening to the words they have to say.
Actions do often speak “louder” than words.
Now, this is not to say that a person cannot learn from the mistakes of
their past or lift themselves up from negative experiences in their life.
You are looking for positive patterns of behaviors and decisions that
makes you feel secure that this is a person you want to spend your life
with.

So I think you are getting the picture here.
It takes time to learn about all these things and it also takes discipline
because you will be fighting against emotional urges to hook it up and
get the marriage on its merry way.
But I would advocate you do something very, very, very important

before getting married or entering into a serious relationship.
I want you to Wait.
Yes, I want you to wait and ensure you have had a lot of shared
experiences with your prospective marriage partner. Get to know
about these things we talk about. Don’t think of it has snooping or
hesitation. Think of it as a relationship life insurance policy you are
investing in.
The picture of the strengths and weaknesses of your significant other

will come into clearer focus over time. And don’t be surprised if you
marry someone with many of the same qualities that you have so says
the experts.
The road to happiness is often forged along a familiar trail.
3 Factors = Happy Marriage
If all 3 of these things are in place during the courtship, then a strong
marriage or relationship is very likely according to the findings of these
researchers.
Maintaining a strong relationship is difficult at times for all couples, so if

you find that the two of you are highly correlated when it comes to
commitment, knowledge of each other, and communications

levels….then you position yourselves to succeed and weather the
eventual storms couples typically have throughout their relationship.
THE HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL

RELATIONSHIPS
By making use of the 5 Synergistic Principles for Successful
Relationships, you will be able to hone skill sets that enable you to
achieve relationship success.
I consider these 5 principles that we have discussed to be the

framework for any strong relationship. As I have discussed, you do not
have to master all 5. Few relationship partners can honestly say that
they perfectly exhibit all of the behaviors that underlie these principles.
But like building a home, you start with a foundation.
In my view, that is the Principle of Positivity & Kindness. With a solid

foundation, the other principles should naturally fall in place, most
notably the Principle of Balanced & Transformative Communications.
THE RELATIONSHIP TREE OF LIFE

You can also think of a successful relationship as a healthy and growing
tree.
If being positive, kind, and generous is the seed and quality time alone
with your lover is the nutrients, then the fruits of your labor will be
revealed in the manner in which you talk to each other, seek to
revitalize your relationship with new and fulfilling experiences, along
with each of your efforts to become the best version of yourselves.

The study of Neuroscience has led to some fascinating findings in how
to strengthen a relationship.
As you know, every healthy tree requires commitment to care for its
particular needs. Just as relationships can branch off into unhealthy
routines and habits, a tree at times needs pruning of its unhealthy
branches.
Scientists have learned a lot about how the mind works and why we
behave in certain ways. You may have heard of the saying that, “you
can’t teach an old dog, new tricks”.
Well, I repudiate that kind of thinking as it applies to the behavior of

relationship partners. It is completely wrong to think we are destined
to act and behave the same way.
The science of the mind teaches us that new neural pathways can be
created and with time, can become the norm. The key is forming the
right neural pathways and repeating that behavior.
The idea is to “prune” problem causing neural pathways and create and
strengthen the pathways of desirable behaviors/habits.
This is a perfect place to talk about the 66 days it takes to form a

habit….particularly the correct habit. Just to underscore what I covered
earlier, habits are believed take on average about 66 days to form.
Earlier studies suggested it was closer to a month and in some cases,

that is true. But more recent work suggests that if you want to change
old, negative habits with new, positive habits, it will on average take a
few months of repeating the new routine/habit.
There is some fascinating work that emerges from the research of Dr.
Antonio Damasio on emotion and behavior as well as Dr. John Gottman

(Why Marriages Succeed or Fail), that have led to a conclusion that if
couples practice certain Skill Sets, these behaviors can lead to highly
successful relationships.
So what are these skill sets? How do you develop them?
First let me point out that that one way of looking at these skill sets is to
think of us drilling deeper into the 5 Synergistic Principles we covered
earlier.
These skills sets, which I am about to describe, are borne from the
essential Principles. But even more telling is that these skill sets are
backed up by a great deal of academic research where actual couples
were studied for a very, very long time.
So let’s get back to defining what a skill set is.
Consider a skill set as a behavior that you and your lover exhibit
frequently within the relationship. It could be also called a “practice” or
a “belief system”.
Most telling, a skill set represents how couples interact and treat each
other. To develop and hone such skills, the relationship partners need
to first believe that their actions will make a difference.
The couple must be committed to behaving and interacting with each

other in this manner consistently. And as we outlined above, for this
new way of behaving to take shape and form and become a habit
within the relationship, the couple needs to consistently behave or
support the behavior. Perhaps it could take a month or two before such
skill sets take firm root within the relationship.
So what are these very special skill sets that researchers tell us make
relationships very likely to succeed?

Well, they are remarkably straightforward and easy to understand.
If you find them completely missing from your relationship, well, you
have some real work to do in my opinion, But typically all couples do
some or all of these things to varying degrees.
Your work on getting better in these areas can make a huge difference.
SHARPENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP SKILL

SETS
“Soft Start Up” - One of the skills that couples need to embrace fall
under two of the Synergistic Principles (Balanced & Transformative
Communications and Positivity/Kindness).
Indeed, if you make progress in this area, then you and your partner
will truly have a transformative experience. And guess what? It is not
hard to do at all.
What happens all too frequently in a relationship is things will occur

which can easily lead to upset feelings.
Communications can get prickly. An issue will arise that needs to be

discussed. Something may need to change or a topic may need to be
explored. Invariably one or both of the relationship partners will
default to their normal way of tackling the topic, which more often than
not is very direct and head on. Fireworks ensue and soon the issue or
conversation topic has grown to an interpersonal firestorm.
Here is what you should do when you want to breach a potentially

sensitive topic.

I want you to do the best job you can to channel Joel Osteen. Yes, I
know, this may sound a bit odd. But I think you know where I am
coming from. Whatever you think of Joel Osteen and his religious views,
I think we can all agree the guy is incredibly positive and supportive and
kind and generous in spirit and given to praising people a lot….you get
the drift.
So if you find yourself at the communication crossroads where you

need to delve into something that could be a sensitive issue, then use
what is described as a “soft start up” approach. Never lead with the
criticism or harshness or short and terse tones. That is a pathway to
ruin.
I like to talk about the sandwich technique in describing the soft start
up.
When you talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about something that has
the potential to be prickly, always start off with a positive (i.e. that is
one of the pieces of bread that comprise a sandwich), then get into the
meat of the conversation though always remember the importance of
tact and gentle conversational tones.
Then complete the sandwich technique with another positive (i.e.the

other piece of bread). People remember beginnings and endings, so
make those positive and supportive.
“Embrace Your Partner’s Ideas” - Studies reveal that if both partners

can consistently avoid becoming defensive and remain open to their
partner’s ideas, requests, critiques, and upset periods, they will
experience 80% relationship success.
Now that sounds like an unbelievably high percentage.

But the way I think about it, if both you and your lover are able to have
such a close relationship that you are able to genuinely talk openly
about each other’s ideas and consider proposals, accept constructive
criticism and show a generosity of supportive spirit when your lover is
upset…..if all of these things can be done consistently, then an 80%
success factor does not sound so high after all.
We are all incredibly complex, somewhat unpredictable creatures.
Heck, sometimes we have not a clue why we feel or act a certain way.
Even if we choose to behave this way, it can be difficult to consistently
maintain this standard. Fatigue, stress, and confusion are just a few
emotions that can betray the better angels within us all.
Do you see how the Principles of Communication and Positivity have a

synergistic impact on the success of relationships? But the main point
here is that you should strive to embrace your partner emotionally
when they are vulnerable.
You want them to feel safe and encourage them to share their ideas.
You do not want them to become defensive. This does not mean you
will ultimately agree with their ideas or requests. What it does mean is
that your lover will feel safe to discuss whatever is on their mind,
without fear that it will be struck down or they will feel belittled.
If your relationship partner is experiencing a difficult time at work or a

personal situation, you want there to exist an environment where your
lover will be secure to discuss this problem with you. Lend them your
ear. Give them that hug. Show genuine interest in their concerns.
“Hit the Refresh Button” - Another essential skill that couples need to
do much more of is learning how to quickly fix or repair a conflict
situation and avoid the upset feelings from spiking.

If you and your boyfriend or girlfriend practice this conflict
management skill consistently, the end result is a highly functioning and
effective couple.
Fighting or fussing over some issue is normal. Unless you are a robot,
fighting with your lover cannot be avoided.
Hopefully, your relationship is mature and sound enough where fights

are not commonplace. But even if that is not the case or if the two of
you are exceptionally passionate people and fights occur more
frequently than with the average couple, you can still learn some basic
skills that will enable your marriage to continue to grow and prosper.
When a couple tells me how they should fight fair, I usually ask them,
“What can we learn from professional fighters?” Whether they be
boxers, wrestlers, or UFC fighters, all combatants have certain
behaviors (rules) they follow.
The first rule is to avoid hitting below the belt.
That just plain hurts! Any comments that are personal (as in
personality based), mean spirited, ugly, or crude are prohibited. Any
comments that are negative about one’s appearance is prohibited. If
the couple cannot control themselves and begin fighting unfairly, then
you both better take a “time out” before you cause some damage you
each will regret.
But as I said, fights will happen and have you noticed that more often
than not, the topics you end up fighting about is usually insignificant in
the scheme of things?
Sometimes the fight is over something entirely stupid. But that is just
one of the complex qualities of our species...we say and do stupid
things at times. Sometimes the fight is a subterfuge to the desire to

discuss something under the surface. Perhaps the individual is
reluctant to bring up a point and it eventually gets revealed during the
fight.
Fights are often triggered by fatigue and stress.
So just know that fights will happen for a score of reasons. The key
point here is not just how you fight “fair”, though that is an important
skill. Rather, what I wish to underscore is the aftermath of the fight.
When professional fighters are finished with their fight, they embrace
and show respect and wish each other well.
Research tell us that couples that learn to hit the “refresh button” and
avoid carrying the upset feelings with them, such that they linger for
days and days and get pulled into the next fight…..couples that
understand the importance of both physically and emotionally
embracing after the fight….these are the couples destined for success.
The Holy Trinity of Strong Relationships
I think there is a Holy Trinity when it comes to the whole business of

relationship. There is the man. There is the woman. And there is the
marriage “Union”.
The man and woman will fight. But they must always revere and
respect that special “union” they have created….specifically the
relationship.
Now, you do not need to be particularly religious to understand and

follow this line of logic. Just simply agree with your partner that when
you fight, the end result will always end on a positive note or otherwise
the relationship suffers.

And remember a key lesson of fighting.
Once you are in the ring and find yourself in the midst of a fight, you
are both responsible. Don’t get lost in who is right or wrong, if such a
thing even exists.
You are both at fault because as consenting adults, you agreed to climb
into the ring and start fighting with each other. So you are both wrong.
You have both caused injury to the Holy Trinity of Marriage.
Two wrongs never makes things right. So get that straight!
Once you understand that, then commit yourself to NEVER completing

a 3rd wrong by failing to uphold the positive spirit of your relationship.
Tell each other you are both wrong to allow the topic to morph into a
fight. Tell each other you are sorry for your role in the fight. Tell each
other that “we can do better” or “we can get through this”. Turn the
fight from conflict to a solution based way of communicating.
If you do these things and do them all relatively quickly, then the fight
you had ceases to become injurious to the Holy Trinity of a Strong
Relationship. Rather, your fight can be instructive and helpful.
Learn from the fight what is on the mind of your loved one.
Perhaps it is nothing particularly serious. Possibly it is fatigue and

stress that shaped itself into a fighting spirit. Whatever it is, seek to
learn from it. Then hit the refresh button and hold no lasting grudge or
resentment for the negative things that happened or was said during
the fight.

Remember, when emotions run high, logic runs low and we all say and
do some really stupid things when we are upset. If you learn the value
of hitting the refresh button, your relationship will be well served.
“Be a Dreamcatcher”- Couples who respect, honor, and demonstrably

support their lover’s aspirations, dreams, and important goals are what
I call “Dreamcatchers”.
If you look up the definition of a dreamcatcher it is described as a small

hoop construction made of yarn or wire and feather and beads. It is
thought to originate with the American Indian and usually artfully
decorated. Once made and given to an individual, it is suppose to
confer good dreams to that person.
I don’t know about you, but I love this notion of a dreamcatcher. I

seriously doubt that it really works on any physically level. But as a
metaphor, a Dreamcatcher is exactly what I would want couples to be
for each other.
To often, when I coach couples to better their relationship, I discover

they get bogged down in just their “own” dreams and aspirations.
Now, there is nothing wrong about being focused on your important

goals. Indeed, that is one of the 5 Synergistic Principles (i.e. becoming
the best version of yourself). But I will tell you, as I have told thousands
of others, you gain more in the long run if you make a SPECIAL effort to
be a “dreamcatcher” for your lover.
Help them with their aspirations. Enable them to fulfill their dream.
This is the generosity of spirit we talked about earlier. Good things
come to people who help others. Helping your boyfriend or girlfriend
achieve what is really important to them is like putting a huge deposit
into the “trust bank”. The dividends you will gain will be beyond what
you could have imagined.

Let me tell you what I did for my wife when she wanted to change jobs.
For her, this move carried some risk but there was considerable upside.
Now, I find myself extremely busy these days in managing my
relationship websites and growing my business. There are literally
many hundreds of actions items for me to perform each day and they
continue to mount.
Ok, enough of my sob story! But my point is that I am exceptional

taxed with far too much to do. But when I learned my wife wanted to
undertake a challenging job change into a completely different industry,
I made it priority #1 to support her in every way I could think of.
This involved long conversations about the prospects...conference calls

with others who understood the practical tactics involved in a job
change...preparation for interviews...and development of special
personal profiles to suit the job.
There were many things I could do to help and I did those things. But
by far, the most meaningful thing I could have done to help my spouse
was to give her unconditional support.
That meant the world to her.
Well, to make a long story, a lot shorter, she got the job on her very first
interview and successfully made the transition. But let me tell you the
great part to this story. Just as I helped my wife with her aspiration to
secure a new position, she seemed to take an even greater interest in
the things that I do with my business.
Don’t get me wrong. My wife is awesome about such things. She has
always been interested in helping and supporting me when she can
with my business goals. But in the process of helping her, we

discovered that some of the things I do came up as “analogues”, which
essentially means that she got more exposed to my work and some of
the unique challenges I face and those experiences were helpful in
preparing her for a job change.
As a result, she has taken an even greater interest in my business of

relationship coaching. Honestly, I think it is partly due to the fact that
she is so intuitive and has had considerable experience in helping other
couples and individuals with their relationships. Her degree and work
experiences are also a good fit. But naturally, I think she felt compelled
to help me even more as she was appreciative of my sincere desire to
help her.
Well, this may sound incredible, but my wife is now my business

partner. Our business aspirations are one and the same. We became
Dreamcatchers for each other and our aspirations have merged to
become one.
“Positive Beats Negative” - Emerging from the Principle of Positivity is

this fascinating discovery that if marriage partners observe a 5 to 1
ratio of positive encounters with their lover versus negative encounters,
then the chances of a successful and fulfilling relationship is highly
probable.
So how do you accomplish this? For some people, it is a natural form of

their behavior. They seem perpetually happy and positive, with a
generosity of spirit we can only dream about.
For others, being positive takes work.
Look, I understand. It is a tough world out there. And if you are dealing
with the woes of a broken relationship, it can be even tougher to lift
yourself to a place where you frequently exude positive qualities.

But do so. You must.
Unless you forgot, the Principle of Positivity as it pertains to a

successful relationship is the “long pole in the tent”.
Even if it’s just primarily “you” striving for positivity, then be the
lightening rod. If you lead, your spouse is likely to follow. After all,
most couples subconsciously follow what is called “mirroring”. If you
behave in a certain way, consistently, then your behavior can have an
influential impact on your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s demeanor.
Think of the attitude you adopt as a choice.
You can strive to be consistently positive and pull people up with you or
you can flood your zone of influence and pull people around you down.
Negativity is a path to toxic thoughts and outcomes on all levels.

Relationship research reveals that when people dwell on the negativity
it can have adverse effects on both their physical and emotional health.
RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE THEORY

Negativity promotes chaos and ugliness.
Chaos theory teaches us that everything we do and every negative act

we set in motion affects everything else, most often in a negative way.
Well, I am asking you to embrace positivity. Be a role model for positive

behavior. This type of attitude is highly contagious, even affecting your
own outlook on life in the most wonderful way.

Anger, fear, frustration, resentment, hate, depression, and the other
negative feelings poisons your soul like a growing cancer. Worse, it spill
into all areas of your life and the landscape around you.
I am not suggesting that the occasional rain clouds will not burst upon
the scene and dampen your mood or negatively impact your
relationship. But learning to weather these natural occurrences are all
part of the seasons of your relationship.
When the tide turns against your relationship, know that this is normal.
Put it behind you quickly. Seek constructive solutions and get back on
the positive track.
GRABBING THE RELATIONSHIP TIGER BY ITS

TAIL
Imagine you are walking along a trail.
I really love walking in nature and as you will see below, it is one of the
behaviors you should practice frequently to train yourself to become
the best version of “positivity” you possible can.
Well anyway, I digressed!
So you are walking along this trail and a tiger jumps out. Of course this
won’t happen to you, but just pretend! People will almost always act in
one or two ways. This is because a certain part of the brain takes over.
Chemicals come flooding through you and the fight or flight syndrome
will kick in.
What happens is that your field of choices of how to act and how to
process the information gets very narrow. You might not see the other
choices available to you like picking up a stick or rock or climbing a

nearby tree. This is just the way our brains work after millions of years
of evolution. The brain is programmed to shut off the other potential
solutions when confronted with this negative outcome.
Well, when your are fighting within your relationship, your field of
choices also become narrow in that moment. You may feel temporarily
paralyzed by the flood of negative thoughts.
This is normal, though it is not optimal. What I mean is that when

confronted with an adverse situation, people are conditioned to give in
to the survival instinct. And often, they make the wrong decisions. I
am sure you have heard the saying, “blinded by rage”. Well, it is partly
true. So how do you train the tiger that resides within you?
Barbara Fredrickson, psychologists from the University of North

Carolina, published a landmark research paper that discusses the role
of being positive and how it impacts your mental and physical health.
She discussed how a positive mindset can create real value in your life.
She performed an experiment putting various groups of people into

situations where they viewed positive, neutral, and negative images
When later asked to complete a task, guess what happened? The
people dealing with negative images were blunted in how they saw they
saw the world. They had considerable difficulty in completing the
exercise. Whereas the individuals who were exposed to positive
images, were highly functional, coming up with numerous solutions to
the task.
Clearly, positive emotions opened up these people’s minds to many

possibilities. Fredrickson coined the phrase “broaden and build
theory”, which she described as the person’s capacity to take the
positive experiences they engaged in and turn them into new positive
experiences and accomplishments in other areas of life.

So what do these behaviors look like within a relationship?
I think we all have a pretty good idea. But if I was to build a template of
habits you should strive for it would look like this:
• Frequently express appreciation

• Smile and laugh a lot and when you are finished, do it some more
(releases endorphins which are brain chemicals that lead to
pleasurable feelings)
• Praise your boyfriend or girlfriend
• Plan fun outings so you can express appreciation, smile, laugh,
and praise
• Share affection
• Flirt
• Sing and dance
• Hug, kiss, and touch gently
• Surprise with delight
• Walk with nature. Listen to the wind, the birds, and smell the
freshness of the air
• Meditation
• Write about positive experiences
• Play and go on adventures
THE LEGEND OF THE THORN BIRD

I am going to tell you something that few relationship experts will ever
talk about.
My jaw drops when I read about some of the claims that other
relationship gurus make about their teachings and methods. I

particularly find it bordering on the ridiculous when certain individuals
claim these super high success ratios, such as 90% or higher.
Though, I suppose it depends on what you are measuring, right! I could

say I have a 100% success ratio because if you just try out everything I
recommend, it will certainly help you to some degree.
Of course, to get access to some of these relationship guru’s marvelous

products, you have to pay $400, $500, or often much more.
If you get individualized personal coaching or couples therapy, the costs

can run even higher as the sessions mount. Often, you may eventually
invest thousands of dollars trying to get your relationship back on track.
Forgive me for being skeptical. But I really get upset when I see these
kind of claims. I have purchased some of these products and they vary
from below average content to very solid advice in my humble opinion.
And I do not offer my opinion blindly without practical experience in
this field.
My experience is that individuals and couples who are seeking help are
more often than not in a vulnerable place. Sometimes, they fall prey to
these slickly written sales pages that promise them the moon.
Really, give me a break!
Does anyone really believe that there exists a relationship recovery

system that is so highly effective (e.g. 90%+ success rate) that couples
all over are dancing in the aisles ready to renew their vows.
Frankly, I doubt it. Relationships are extremely complicated and ideally

both parties need to be properly motivated just for starters. A
relationship recovery system needs to be pragmatic, focused and
grounded in sound practice.

So let me be one of the few relationship recovery experts to tell you
that while I genuinely feel my advice has great potential to make a
meaningful difference in your relationship, I would be delusional to
suggest that it will always absolutely save your your relationship.
It is hard enough for us human beings to understand and control every

aspect of “love” and human behavior, so for anyone to say they have a
near foolproof relationship recovery system...well, I don’t think they are
being straight with you.
So let me tell you something else that most other relationship coaches
will not.
Some relationships are dysfunctional and will not work.
Now, if you are in a relationship or seeking to reunite with a boyfriend

or girlfriend, I want you to commit yourself to everything you can do to
make your endeavor successful.
I believe you and your partner need to take extraordinary steps to

improve the relationship.
The words “can’t” or “won’t” should be stricken from your relationship

vocabulary. And remember, your first, second, and third attempts to
make things right between the two of you, may not succeed. But if
everyone quit on their relationship after encountering rough waters,
then failure rates would be even higher.
Nevertheless, once in awhile, despite extraordinary efforts to turn

things around, a relationship may prove to be detrimental for both
people.

There is a story that comes from a Celtic legend that helps us
understanding how dysfunctional relationships can wound one or both
of partners, pulling them down...way down into an abyss.
According to this story, there is a very special species of bird called the
Thorn Bird.
This bird is most beautiful and filled with love and song. The Thorn Bird
is driven to find a thorn tree, upon which this lovely bird nestles into
what it believes is a place of peace and sanctuary.
As times goes by, the Thorn Bird from its perch begins to slowly suffer
from the nicks and pricks of the Tree’s thorns. As the Thorn Tree inflicts
pain, the tree also suffers as it becomes scarred and broken in places.
Neither the bird or tree meant to injure the other, but with the passage
of time, it becomes evident that neither Thorn bird or Thorn tree are
suited for each other.
Then the Thorn Bird sings the most beautiful song ever heard, even as
it is suffering from the wounds of the thorns. The Thorn Bird had finally
realized that if it was to achieve its own inner beauty as well as support
the magnificence of the tree, it would need to fly away so to recover
from its wounds and become renewed.
In the original Celtic version of the story, the bird chooses not to depart
and dies singing while impaled by the thorns.
Well….I don’t really like that ending. I always believe there are options
for most everything in our lives.
The lesson of the Thorn Bird is that despite our best intentions, even
after suffering great pain, we may need to lift ourselves up and away in
order to heal and become the best version of ourselves.

Sometimes this happens in the form of a separation or formal Time
Out.
It is possible, that with time, even a prickly tree can lose its thorns. But
once in awhile, the a relationship should end to the benefit of both
partners.
That is a painful process too, but sometimes it is necessary.
My hope is that by reading this e-book, How To Save Your Relationship,

you are seeking not to end a relationship, but to succeed with your
Union.
I am reminded by what Mark Twain said about a relationship:
“To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with”.

CHAPTER X - CONCLUSION
As we conclude this Training Module on “How To Save Your
Relationship”, I just wanted to share a few more valuable thoughts and
resources.
I strongly believe in “passing it forward”.
All of the things I have learned in my business of coaching individuals

on their relationships has been both rewarding and enlightening. My
own set of personal experiences, academic research and studies has
informed my views.
My websites give you an idea of my philosophy. If you give generously

to others, they in turn will return the good deed. My websites are free
to peruse and you do NOT need a membership to access all of my
content. I encourage you to read and learn and then I want you to
share your own experiences.
With each of my posts on my websites, I provide visitors an opportunity

to offer a comment. I will strive to answer your comments and you
should know that your own relationship experiences and/or advice will
almost always prove to be very useful to the larger audience.
You can do this anonymously in the comment section below each post
This is been my relationship advice model since day one.
I have utilized this approach at all of relationship recovery websites

which include:
www.exboyfriendrecovery.com
www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com

I built these websites from scratch as an extension of my relationship
coaching business and the reaction was so profound, with numerous
requests for more detail and help for individual situations.
Hence, I decided to write comprehensive relationship recovery books

for people to purchase as it was impractical for me to take on more
relationship clients.
Also, because of the demand from my audience for a marriage specific

website, I created www.mymarriagehelper.com.
I plan on writing and publishing my 7th e-book on the topic of Marriage

Success and it will be my most comprehensive project ever. Typically,
my e-books are 300-400 pages in length.
If you are interested, the e-books that are available now (in
downloadable text and audio formats) include:
“Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro System”

“Ex-Girlfriend Recovery Pro System”
“The Texting Bible - Your Constant Relationship Companion”

Save Your Relationship

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Our complete Disclaimer Statement and Privacy Policy which govern

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The Truth About Saving Your Relationship 31

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Chapter VII - REVITALIZE Your Relationship 64

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Before we get started,

I want to make a pretty bold claim.

Are you ready for the bold claim?

You know what a list article is, right?

They are those generic articles that have titles like,

“10 ways to Save Your Relationship”

Oh, and my personal favorite…. “15 Unconventional Ways to Get Your

HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP PAGE 6 OF 106

THEY WANT DETAILS.

What should I focus on?

How does this work?

How does that work?

What does this mean?

What do I say here?

What do I do and when should I do it?

Well, I am going to tackle those questions and much more.

In fact, I am not even sure “Training Module” is an accurate way of

Perhaps a more accurate way of describing this e-book is to refer to it

But before we get into that, I think it is probably a good idea to

HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP PAGE 7 OF 106

I currently own and operate three world class websites in the

In developing these three websites, I have sought to provide more than

I strive to look at relationships in a holistic manner.

My academic background is in the Humanities.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP PAGE 8 OF 106

For years I have been fascinated by relationships and all of the

In other words, I help people with their relationships and I enjoy it

I guess it’s coded into my DNA!

It is grounded in my real world experience with marriage and

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I have seen cases of relationship consultants oﬀering relationship

I count myself as part of that journey. I am eager to learn new things

I can genuinely empathize with your pain and misfortune as I am

More importantly, I know what it’s like to have a great relationship

It is my mission to help those in need.

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What I do is bring my own unique set of personal and professional

I am also skilled in synthesizing information and boiling it down to the

So what the devil does that mean?

I take this information and match it up with my own set of extensive

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Everyone in the business of relationship coaching in a way oﬀers a

Some relationship experts charge for everything.

I believe in giving back.

“Give and you shall receive.”

You probably have already purchased one of my ebooks in the past.

Thank you for that.

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I am NOT wired that way.

And I will oﬀer more.

This ﬁeld of helping people with their relationships is huge. So there is

50% of my visitors to my websites are returning visitors. Do you

guess it spoke to me as well.

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