UNIT – I ( Lesson: 3 )

Anger management:
Anger management is a term used to describe the skills you need to recognise that you, or
someone else, is becoming angry and take appropriate action to deal with the situation in a
positive way. Anger management does not mean internalising or suppressing anger.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips —
from taking a timeout to using "I" statements — to stay in control.
Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when
your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's
important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your
health and your relationships.
Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management
tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few
moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in
the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but
nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting
others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your
anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable
physical activities.

4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to
be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle
what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your
child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every
night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a
week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I"
statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset
that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do
any housework."

7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out
positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of
injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the
situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.

8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry
and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid
sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises,
imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You
might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to
encourage relaxation.

10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for
anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts
those around you.

How to control your anger

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. However, it can be a problem if you find it difficult to
keep it under control.

Dealing with anger

"Everyone has a physical reaction to anger. Be aware of what your body is telling you, and
take steps to calm yourself down," says Isabel.
Recognise your anger signs
Your heart beats faster and you breathe more quickly, preparing you for action. You might
also notice other signs, such as tension in your shoulders or clenching your fists. "If you
notice these signs, get out of the situation if you’ve got a history of losing control," says
Isabel.

Count to 10
Counting to 10 gives you time to cool down, so you can think more clearly and overcome
the impulse to lash out.

Breathe slowly
Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, and relax as you breathe out. "You automatically
breathe in more than out when you’re feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more
than in," says Isabel. "This will calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly."

Managing anger in the long term

Once you can recognise that you’re getting angry, and can calm yourself down, you can start
looking at ways to control your anger more generally.

Exercise can help with anger

Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking,
swimming, yoga and meditation are just a few activities that can reduce stress. "Exercise as
part of your daily life is a good way to get rid of irritation and anger," says Isabel.

Looking after yourself may keep you calm

Make time to relax regularly, and ensure that you get enough sleep. Drugs and alcohol can
make anger problems worse. "They lower inhibitions and, actually, we need inhibitions to
stop us acting unacceptably when we’re angry," says Isabel.

Get creative
Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and reduce feelings of anger.

Talk about how you feel

Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful and can help you get a different
perspective on the situation.

Let go of angry thoughts

"Try to let go of any unhelpful ways of thinking," says Isabel. "Thoughts such as 'It’s not fair,'
or 'People like that shouldn’t be on the roads,' can make anger worse."
Thinking like this will keep you focused on whatever it is that’s making you angry. Let these
thoughts go and it will be easier to calm down.
Try to avoid using phrases that include:
 always (for example, "You always do that.")
 never ("You never listen to me.")
 should or shouldn't ("You should do what I want," or "You
 shouldn't be on the roads.")
 must or mustn't ("I must be on time," or "I mustn't be late.")
 ought or oughtn't ("People ought to get out of my way.")
 not fair

Anxiety, fear and anger

"Often when people experience or appear to show anger, it’s because they are also feeling
fear or perceive a threat, and they are responding with a 'fight' response to this."
"Asking yourself, 'What might I be scared of?' can give you a different set of choices about
how to respond," says Dr Woollard. "You might be angry that something has not gone your
way. But you may also be scared that you might be blamed or hurt as result. Recognising
this might allow you to think and act differently."

"Managing your anger is as much about managing your happiness and contentment as your
anger," adds Dr Woollard. "It should be a part of developing your emotional intelligence and
resilience."

Domestic violence and anger

If uncontrolled anger leads to domestic violence (violence or threatening behaviour within
the home), there are places that offer help and support. You can talk to your GP or contact
domestic violence organisations such as Refuge, Women's Aid or the Alternatives to
Violence Project.
.
Getting help with anger
If you feel you need help dealing with your anger, see your GP. There might be local anger
management courses or counselling that could help you.
There are private courses and therapists who can help with anger issues. Make sure any
therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British
Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy.

Anger management programmes

A typical anger management programme may involve one-to-one counselling and working
in a small group. The programmes can consist of a one-day or weekend course. In some
cases, it may be over a couple of months.Programmes include cognitive behavioural therapy
(CBT), as well as counselling.
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