How

to work
together
Why do startups fail?
Run out of money.
Founders stop working.
Run out of money.
Founders stop working
together.
Founders need to
optimize a relationship
that can last for 10 years.
John Gottman
15 Minutes = 85%
1 Hour = 94%
Everyone fights.
 Money Fundraising / Runway
Kids Customers / Employees
Sex Performance
Time Roadmap
Jealousy Competition
In-Laws Partnerships
The Four Horsemen
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Criticism
Contempt
Defensiveness
Stonewalling
Make a plan
before you fight.
Divide and Conquer
 Money Adora
Kids Kevin
Sex Adora
Time Kevin
Jealousy No one.
In-Laws Adora
 Money CFO
Kids Support / HR
Sex CTO / COO / Sales
Time CEO / CPO
Jealousy CEO
In-Laws Biz Dev / CEO
Once you decide
ownership.

Determine success
and failure.
 Money Successful fundraise
Kids High employee retention
Sex 20% YoY sales growth
Time Shipping on time weekly
Jealousy We’re rated top 3!
In-Laws Referral program working
 Money 3 months runway or less
Kids Low NPS score
Sex Website loading 10 sec+
Time New features not used
Jealousy Churn too high
In-Laws Failed partnership
Usually, CEO has final say.

Board has real final say.

Know Thyself
What is your 

attachment style?
• Secure
• Anxious
• Avoidant
What is your cofounder’s

attachment style?
youtube.com/watch?v=2s9ACDMcpjA
Document a process
While you’re emotionally
sober, create a process
for dealing with
disagreements.
https://matterapp.com/blog/decision-disagreement-framework-how-we-encourage-disagreements-at-matter/
There are lots of ways.
You just all have to agree
ahead of time.
Use Non Violent
Communication
“When [observation], I
feel [emotion] because
I’m needing some
[universal needs]. Would
you be able to [request]?”
Observation vs
Evaluation
Emotions vs
Thoughts
https://www.slideshare.net/nonviolent/evaluative-words-list-nonviolent-communication
Universal Needs
Example Universal Needs
• Autonomy • Respect
• Collaboration • Reassurance
• Consistency • Security
• Clarity • Support
• Integrity • Understanding
• Recognition
Requests vs
Demands
• Make it specific
• Say what you want
• Stay curious
https://medium.com/s/please-advise/the-essential-guide-to-difficult-conversations-41f736e63ccf
Pay down your
emotional debt.
Pay this down everyday.
Practice Having
Level 3
Conversations
 Goals
• What are our short term
goals for the company?
• Are we using the right
metrics?
• Are we hiring our goals?
 Roles
• Is it clear who is
responsible for what?
• Do we agree that the
current division makes the
most sense?
 Performance
• Is our workload distributed in an
optimal manner today?
• Do we all feel a high level of
dedication and motivation?
• What mechanisms are in place
for providing feedback to each
other?
How to Work Together
• Everyone fights, so make a plan.
• Figure out roles, goals and a process 

before emotions get involved.
• Start having hard conversations now.
• Use non violent communication to share

honest feedback without
• Pay down emotional debt regularly.
Kevin Hale
Y Combinator

@ilikevests