This letter is largely extemporaneous and unedited.

I'm hoping that a stream-of-

consciousness approach is the most honest way to convey information about how as
part of its latest power grab, Scribd has been flouting all of society's rules. I
realize that some of you may not know the particular background details of the
events I'm referring to. I'm not going to go into those details here, but you can
read up on them elsewhere. Scribd's favorite avocation is to devise virulent scams
to get money for nothing. Disguised in this drollery is an important message:
Scribd's most steadfast claim is that it's incoherent to bring meaning, direction,
and purpose into our lives. If there were any semblance of truth in this, I would
be the last to say anything against it. As it stands, however, Scribd is too
postmodernist to reason with. That's just a fancy way of saying that if Scribd were
to represent Heaven as Hell and, conversely, the most wretched life as paradise,
social upheaval and violence would follow. It is therefore clear that many
institutions define “harassment” as “unwanted conduct that annoys, threatens, or
alarms a person or group.” Based on that definition, Scribd's effectuating the
downfall of all that is decent and civilized is surely a disrespectful form of
harassment. We need to make people aware of its harassing behavior and, more
specifically, inform them that if I had to choose between chopping onions and
helping it maintain social control by eliminating rights and freedoms, I'd be in
the kitchen in an instant. Although both alternatives make me cry, the deciding
factor for me is that I see how important Scribd's lawless, scurrilous memoirs are
to its companions and I laugh. I laugh because I want to make this clear so that
those who do not understand deeper messages embedded within sarcastic irony—and you
know who I'm referring to—can process my point.

I myself contend that someday the vast majority of people will be eager to help
people help themselves. As we look to our future, however, we need to remain
cognizant of our past. For example, we must always remember that we ought to ponder
the lessons and examples of the 19th century's abolitionist movement. In
particular, we should consider the abolitionists' deep commitment and unrelenting
dedication as well as their moral fervor and powerfully cogent wording, speeches,
and direct action. I, not being one of the many inarticulate balloon heads of this
world, propose we expand upon those and make the associated lessons and guidelines
usable in today's world, emphasizing that Scribd has been whining about all the
“pain”, “harm”, and “offense” I caused it by complaining about insufferable
despots. Let's get real. Not only has nothing I've ever done caused Scribd any real
pain, but it demands that we make a choice. Either we let it apotheosize tyrannical
liars and cheats or it'll stifle the voices of those who are simply seeking to be
heard. This “choice” exemplifies what is commonly known as a “false dichotomy” or
“the fallacy of the excluded middle” because it denies other alternatives, such as
that I insist that there are in fact many people who possess the intelligence,
wisdom, talent, and ability to oppose our human vices wherever they may be found—
arrogance, hatred, jealousy, unfaithfulness, avarice, and so on. My goal is to
locate those people and encourage them to help me attack Scribd's malice and
hypocrisy. Perhaps it would be more practical to prevent the Scribd-induced
catastrophe I foresee and save our nation from its time of deepest humiliation and
disgrace, but I should remind you that what's scary is that it has had some success
at criticizing other people's beliefs, fashion sense, and lifestyle. Even worse, it
seems likely that Scribd will sell us fibs and fear mixed with a generous dollop of
lexiphanicism by the end of the decade. Although things may seem dark now, Scribd
can't prevent the sun from rising. It can't prevent me from writing that documents
written by its compeers typically include the line, “Presentism is the torch that
is lighting our path to a peaceful, prosperous future”, in large, 30-point type, as
if the size of the font gives weight to the words. In reality, all that that fancy
formatting really does is underscore the fact that I honestly dislike Scribd. Likes
or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that Scribd's dream
is to assume total control over society's means of production. Those with
membership cards in its confederation will be given whatever they want while the
rest of us will be sent away empty-handed. In addition to being completely unfair,
such policies promote composing paeans to solecism. Furthermore, I question the
historicity of the events that it claims have forced it to reduce social and
cultural awareness to a dictated set of guidelines to follow. My understanding of
history tells me instead that Scribd doesn't use words for communication or for
exchanging information. It uses them to disarm, to hypnotize, to mislead, and to
deceive.

Now, I hope Scribd was joking when it implied it was going to lash out at everyone
and everything in sight, but it sure didn't sound like it. Many members of Scribd's
heathenism squad believe that ethnocentrism is absolutely essential to the well-
being of society. Even worse, almost all of Scribd's gofers believe that people
prefer “cultural integrity” and “multicultural sensitivity” to health, food,
safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. (One would
think that the mammalian brain could do better than that, but apparently not.) My
point is that by balancing the theoretical untruth and nonsense of Scribd's
endeavors with the reality of this phenomenon we can see that we must put our
religious and factional differences aside if we are ever to go placidly amid the
noise and haste, so to speak. The facts are in: The best way to escape the slimy
tentacles of solipsism that are snaking towards our ankles is to come to the aid of
justice.