or I might say breast-milking (in my situation).

Some people might think that giving your baby/babies

your pure milk-the milk that comes from the mother- is a must to all mothers. You have no excuse,
and you definitely can never say no to breastfeeding or else, you are a bad mom. And to this, I beg to
differ. I always have issues with breastfeeding. With my firstborn, I was struggling very hard to
breastfeed. During the first few weeks, it was my worst nightmare. In pain, tired, post-pregnancy
depression, contracting high fever during confinement(bentan)- you name it. Until I went to see a
paed who is also a breastfeeding consultant. she taught me the correct way to breastfeed and she
was the one who noticed that my Khadeejah had tongue-tie. By having tongue-tie, it distracted the
breastfeeding process. To solve the problem, she did a small and quick surgery on khadeejah by
nipping the tie. It bled a little but after that, everything was fine. At first, it was still very painful due
to old blisters but later, it went well. I fully breastfed her (I pumped when she’s at babysitter) for one
and a half year before I got pregnant again.

As for Fatimaa, it was easier and I managed to fully breastfeed her for more than 2 years.

However, with the twins, it’s a different story. After delivery, the twins were isolated due to
breathing problem (nothing very serious though). I only managed to see them on the second day, let
alone being able to breastfeed them. To be honest, I was so sad but at that time my main priority
was to see both of them to be healthy. We were in the hospital for 5 days as they had to finish their
antibiotics. It was the toughest period for me. Just imagine, I was still in pain (it was very painful as
my uterus was still very swollen even after a week). The doctor said it was normal for twin
pregnancy as the uterus was stretched to the fullest. So it took time to heal. Alone, in pain with two
babies. How two breastfeed the two babies at the same time. I youtubed before, but the real-life
situation was different. Through that challenging time, the nurses helped me a lot. The helped me
feeding the babies with formula. Yes formula. I was okay with it as I really needed that. Once, it was
midnight, on the third day at the hospital, both babies were crying. Loudly. I tried to tandem-nursing
(nursing two babies at the same time) but while trying, I almost dropped one of the babies. I was so
terrified and I was shivering uncontrollably (even while writing this, my heart pounded heavily). I ran
to the nurse station, begging them to take one of the babies to be fed with formula. And I was
relieved. So no, I don’t feel regret giving my babies formula milk. They needed that. I needed that.
That is why I never judge those who do not breastfeed their babies. By choice or not.

Breastfeeding is tough. Like seriously tough. But it is also an experience that you will treasure for the
rest of your life as a mother. It is one of the ways for you to bond with your little one/s. plus breast
milk is undoubtedly the best milk for babies. As for me, I have saved hundreds of ringgits monthly as
now I don’t have to buy formula milk (formulas are expensive!!). I don’t really direct-feeding them, I
pumped regularly and feed them through bottle. They don’t like direct feeding nowadays (and it
saddens me as I have lost my bonding time with them). But I am okay with it.

So mommies, breastfeed or not, it is your choice. Nobody can dictate or put pressure on you.
Though it is undeniable breastfeeding/breast milk have vast benefits. However, we know what is
best for our baby/babies. And of course for ourselves as well. We do not become good mothers
based on our ability to breastfeeding/breastmilking your baby/babies per say. We are supermom in
our own special ways.