[Announcer]
Welcome, ladies and
gentlemen. You are about
to see a story of murder,
greed, corruption,
violence, exploitation,
adultery and treachery –
all those things we all hold
near and dear to our
hearts.
[Dance Captain]
Move it! Move it! Hurry!
(He bumps into Velma.)
[Dance Captain]
Where the hell have you
been? And where is
Veronica?
[Velma Kelly]
She… She isn’t herself
tonight. But don’t sweat it,
okay? I’ll do it alone!
[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, the
Onyx Club is proud to
present Chicago’s hottest
show in the world. Two
jazz babes moving as one.
The Kelly Sisters!
[Velma Kelly]
Come on, babe
Why don’t we paint the
town
And all that jazz
I’m gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings
down
And all that jazz
Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the piano’s hot
It’s just a noisy hall
Where there’s a nightly
brawl
And all that jazz
[Velma Kelly] [Company]
Oh, you’re gonna see your That jazz
sheba shimmy shake
[Roxie Hart]
[Company] Hey, why is the hurry,
And all that jazz babe? Amos ain’t be home
until midnight. Freddie?
[Velma Kelly]
Oh, she’s gonna shimmy [Roxie Hart]
till her garters break Hey! You know, I don’t
[Company] want you to think that I’m
And all that jazz using you or anything. But
don’t you think it’s about
[Velma Kelly] time for me to meet your
Show her where to park friend down at the Onyx?
her girdle It’s been already a month
Oh, her mother’s blood’d since you told him about
curdle me. I still remember.
‘Cause that was the night
[Company] they met Velma plus her
If she’d hear her baby’s husband and her sister.
queer (looks at Fred who walks
away again)
[Velma Kelly] You’re not going away,
For all that jazz right?
Come on, babe
Why don’t we paint the [Fred Casely]
town It’s getting late, Roxie.
And all that jazz
[Roxie Hart]
[Company] Freddie, once I get a name
And all that jazz for myself, I think we could
open a club in Varum, you
[Velma Kelly] know? You could run it,
I’m gonna rouge my knees and I could be the
And roll my stockings headliner.
down (walks toward Fred and
And all that jazz touches him)
[Company] [Fred Casely]
And all that jazz Get off!
[Velma Kelly] [Roxie Hart]
Start the car What’s the idea, babe?
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold [Fred Casely]
But the piano’s hot Wake up, kiddo, you aren’t
It’s just a noisy hall never gonna have an act!
Where there’s a nightly
brawl [Roxie Hart]
And all that jazz Says who?
[Fred Casely]
Says I! Just face it – you’re
just a trying-hard
performer! And… I am a
furniture salesman, not a
referral agent!
[Roxie Hart]
But he’s a friend of yours!
At Onyx –
[Fred Casely]
There’s no such guy.
[Roxie Hart]
You – You lied to me? You
never told anyone about
me?
[Fred Casely]
Sugar, you’re hot stuff. I
would tell you anything to
get a piece of that.
(beckons at her body)
[Roxie Hart]
You! You never really
loved me!
[Fred Casely]
Oh, yeah, so what?
[Roxie Hart]
How dare you? Son of a –
(gunshot) Argh!
LIGHTS OFF
[Photographer]
What’s still bothering you,
Martin? The case is
already closed.
[Martin Harrison]
Where’d you get your
murder weapon?
[Amos Hart]
I always keep a gun in my
drawer. You know, just in
case of trouble.
[Photographer]
Well, that settles it.
[Martin Harrison]
No, I still believe it’s
murder.
[Photographer]
Shooting a burglar ain’t
murder. It’s just self-
defense. Come on, Martin,
you’re a lawyer – you must
be better than me.
[Martin Harrison]
I’m always grateful if the
citizens know
the law. Now, would you
stop snooping in our
conversation?
[Amos Hart]
A man has the right to
protect his home and his
loved ones, right?
[Martin Harrison]
Of course he has. But he
has no right to kill anyone
because that’s the law!
[Amos Hart]
With all due respect, sir,
I’m telling you the truth!
I’ve just arrived home
when I see him climbing
through the window while
my wife was in deep sleep.
[Martin Harrison]
Is that true, Mr. Hart?
[Amos Hart]
Really, sir, my wife has
nothing to do
with it. She won’t even hurt
a worm.
[Photographer]
See? They did not want
what happened, either!
[Amos Hart]
She only opened her eyes
when I fired the first shot.
But even though I already
shot him, he kept coming
at me! So I had to pull the
trigger again.
[Announcer]
For her first number, Ms.
Roxie Hart would like to
sing a song of love and
devotion for her dear
husband, Amos.
[Roxie Hart]
Sometimes I’m right
Sometimes I’m wrong
But he doesn’t care
He’ll string along
He loves me so
That funny honey of mine
[Amos Hart]
When I think of what could
have happened had I went
to see a friend instead of
coming straight home, I
feel sick.
[Roxie Hart]
What if the world
Slandered my name?
Why, he’d be right there
Taking the blame
He loves me so
And it all suits me fine
That funny sunny honey
Hubby of mine
[Martin Harrison]
Enough. Do you know that
the name of deceased is
Fred Casely?
[Amos Hart]
Fred Casely? How could
he be a burglar? My wife
knows him. He sold us our
furniture and gave us 10%
off.
[Roxie Hart]
Lord knows he ain’t got the
smarts
[Martin Harrison]
You told me he was the
burglar? You mean he was
dead when you got home?
[Amos Hart]
You see, I’m covering for
her. She was telling me
this stupid story about
some burglar and I’d say I
did it ‘cause I was sure to
get off.
[Roxie Hart]
Now he set off his trap
I can’t stand that sap
Look at him go rattin’ on
me
With just one more brain
What a half-wit he’d be
That scummy crummy
dummy
Hubby of mine
[Amos Hart]
Why had I believed her?
She’s too smart on me,
huh? I protected her… and
now she’s traveling around
like some single woman!
That’s something I can
take. But this time, she
pushed me too far. Fool,
what a sap I was.
[Roxie Hart]
You double-crosser! You
big blabbermouth! You
promised that you’d cover
for me!
[Amos Hart]
What are you talking
about? You’ve been
setting me up, Roxie! You
told me it was a burglar!
This whole time…
[Roxie Hart]
Look, it’s true. I shot him.
But it was self-defense. He
was trying to burgle me.
[Martin Harrison]
Yes, Fred Casely’s been
burgling you to treat his
wife and their five little
Caselys to a fancy meal.
Had he mentioned?
[Roxie Hart]
What? That bastard! Yes, I
killed him and I would kill
him again!
[Martin Harrison]
Take her to the Cooke
County Jail!
LIGHTS OFF
[Liz]
Ever met Morton before?
She’s fine… as long as
you keep her happy.
[Announcer]
And now, ladies and
gentlemen, may I present
you the keeper of the keys,
the countess of the clink
and the mistress of
murderers’ row. Matron
Mama Morton!
[Mama Morton]
Ask any of the chickies in
my pen
They’ll tell you I’m the
biggest mother hen
I love ‘em all and all of
them love me
Because the system works
The system called
reciprocity
[Mama Morton]
You might think I’d make
your life a living hell, but
it’s not true. (pauses) Oh,
you must be Roxie Hart.
You’re pretty, uh?
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, thank you, ma’am.
[Mama Morton]
Why don’t you call me
Mama, too? We can take
care of you. You’d be
happy taken down this
block. Murderers’ Row, as
we call it.
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, is that nicer? I don’t
think I belong here. I didn’t
actually do anything
wrong.
[Mama Morton]
Got a little motto
Always sees me through
When you’re good to
Mama
Mama’s good to you
[Velma Kelly]
Hey, mama. Come here.
[Roxie Hart]
Oh my God! Am I actually
seeing the one and only
Velma Kelly?
[Velma Kelly]
Hey, look at this, Mama.
“Not in memory do we
recall so finishing horrible
in double homicide” –
Redbook Magazine
[Mama Morton]
You shouldn’t buy that kind
of publicity.
[Velma Kelly]
Mama, can you put this
down for me?
[Mama Morton] [Hunyak] there’s Bernie, layin’ on
When they pass that Uh-uh the couch, drinkin’ some
basket beer and chewin’. No, not
Folks contribute to [Velma] chewin’, poppin’! So, I said
You put in for Mama Cicero to him, I said, “Bernie, you
She’ll put out for you pop that gum one more
So what’s the one [Mona] time!” (gasp) And he did.
conclusion Lipschitz So I took the shotgun off
I can bring this number to? the wall and fired two
When you’re good to [Murderesses] warning shots… into his
Mama Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, head!
Mama’s good to you! Cicero, Lipschitz
[Murderesses]
[Mama Morton] [Murderesses] He had it coming
Lights out, ladies. Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, He had it coming
Cicero, Lipschitz He only had himself to
LIGHTS OFF blame
[Murderesses] If you’d have been there
[Liz] Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, If you’d have heard it
Pop Cicero, Lipschitz I betcha you would have
done the same
[Annie] [Murderesses]
Six He had it coming [Annie]
He had it coming I met Ezekiel Young from
[June] He only had himself to Salt Lake City about two
Squish blame years ago and he told me
If you’d have been there he was single and we hit it
[Hunyak] If you’d have seen it off right away. So we
Uh-uh started living together.
[Velma] He’d go to work, he’d
[Velma] I betcha you would have come home, I’d mix him a
Cicero done the same drink, we’d have dinner.
And then, I found out –
[Mona] [Murderesses] single, he told me. Single,
Lipschitz Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, my ass! Not only was he
Cicero, Lipschitz married… oh no, he had
[Announcer] six wives! One of those
And now, the six merry [Murderesses] Mormons, you know. So
murderers from the Cooke Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, that night, when he came
County Jail in their Cicero, Lipschitz home from work, I mixed
rendition of the Cell Block him his drink as usual. You
Tango. [Liz] know, some guys just can’t
You know how these little hold their arsenic!
[Liz] habits could get you
Pop down? Like Bernie. Bernie [Murderesses]
liked to chew gum. No, not Ha! He had it coming
[Annie] chew, pop! So I came He had it coming
Six home this one day and I He took a flower
am really irritated and In its prime
[June] looking for a little And then he used it
Squish sympathy. And then, And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime
[Company]
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh,
Cicero, Lipschitz
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh,
Cicero, Lipschitz
Pop, six, squish, uh-uh,
Cicero, Lipschitz
[June]
Now, I’m standing in the
kitchen, carvin’ up the
chicken for dinner, minding
my own business. And in
storms my husband,
Wilbur, in a jealous rage.
“You’ve been screwin’ the
milkman,” he says. He was
crazy and he kept on
screamin’, “You’ve been
screwin’ the milkman!” And
then, he ran into my knife.
He ran into my knife ten
times!
[Murderesses]
If you’d have been there
If you’d have seen it
I betcha you would have
done the same
[Hunyak]
Mit keresheker
Oz monyak ahiresh
Lakom lefogta a feryemet
En meg lekshaftam afe it
Denemoguz in artatlan
voyok
Nem tudom mert monya
Uncle Sam hok-intantan
Proboltom
arendorshenggan
Megmarazni denamartatek
meg
[Murderesses except
Hunyak]
Yeah, but did you do it?
[Hunyak]
Uh-uh! Not guilty!
[Company]
He had it coming
[Velma]
My sister, Veronica, and I
had this double act and my
husband, Charlie, traveled
around with us. Now, for
the last number in our act,
we did these 20 acrobatic
tricks in a row. One, two,
three, four, five, splits,
spread-eagles, back flips,
flip flops, one right after
the
other. So this one night
before the show, we’re
down at a hotel Cicero.
The three of us boozin’
and havin’ a few laughs
and we ran out of ice, so I
went out to get some. I
come back, open the door
and there’s Veronica and
Charlie doing Number
Seventeen – the Spread
Eagle. Well, I was in such
a state of shock. I
completely blacked out. I
can’t remember a thing. It
wasn’t until later, when I
was washing the blood off
my hands, I even knew
they were dead.
[Velma, Murderesses and
Company]
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all
along
[Velma]
I didn’t do it
[Murderesses without
Velma, Company]
She didn’t do it
[Velma]
But if I’d done it
[Murderesses without
Velma, Company]
But if she’d done it
[Velma]
How could you tell me that
I was wrong
[Velma, Murderesses and
Company]
They had it coming
They had it coming
They had it coming all
along
(They took a flower in its
prime)
I didn’t do it
(And then they used it)
But if I’d done it
(And they abused it)
How could you tell me that
I was wrong
(It was a murder but not a
crime)
[Mona]
I loved Alvin Lipschitz
more than I can possibly
say. He was a real artistic
guy. Sensitive, a painter.
He was always trying to
find himself. He’d go out
every night, looking for
himself and along the way,
he found Ruth, Gladys,
Rosemary and Irving. I
guess you could say we
broke up because of
artistic differences. He saw
himself as alive and I saw
him dead.
[Murderesses]
The dirty bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum
[Murderesses, Company] Artistic differences [Mama Morton]
They had it comin’ (They That’s what happens when
had it comin’) [Liz] you have a Redbook
They had it comin’ (They Pop presentation.
had it comin’)
They had it comin’ all [Annie] [Velma Kelly]
along Six You know what, Mama?
(They had it comin’ all I’ve always wanted to play
along) [June] in Gym Conesus most.
‘Cause if they used us Squish D’you think you can get
(‘Cause if they used us) me that?
And they abused us [Hunyak]
(And they abused us) Uh-uh [Mama Morton]
How could you tell us that Velma, you’re like family to
we were wrong [Velma] me. But it’s gonna take
Cicero another phone call for that.
[Murderesses, Company] For you, I’ll do for 50
He had it coming (He had [Mona] bucks.
it coming) Lipschitz
He had it coming (He had [Velma Kelly]
it coming) LIGHTS OFF 50 bucks for a phone call?
He only had himself to You must’ve got a lot of
blame (Roxie is eavesdropping to wrong numbers, Mama.
(He only had himself to Velma and Mama Morton’s
blame) conversation.) (Velma Kelly walks out and
If you’d have been there sees Roxie, who hurriedly
(If you’d have been there) [Mama Morton] does other things to hide
If you’d have seen it Let’s talk about what’s the fact that she was
(If you’d have seen it) gonna happen this week. eavesdropping.)
I betcha you would have Now, Billy Flynn set a
done the same travel on March 5th. By [Roxie Hart]
March 7th, you’re already Oh, Miss Kelly. Can I ask
[Liz] acquitted and on March something? You know that
You pop that gum one 8th, I’d get you a job at the Harrison guy? He says my
more time Vaudeville Circus. case is still a hanging case
and that he’d be ready to
[Annie] [Velma Kelly] ask for the maximum
Single, my ass So now you’re an agent penalty.
too? And what about the
[June] job? [Velma Kelly]
Ten times Yeah? So what do I do?
[Mama Morton]
[Hunyak] With your recent sensation [Roxie Hart]
Myert skot Uncle Sam activity, they seem like I’m just scared. But I would
bortonbe thinking to give you really appreciate some
$2,500. advice, especially from
[Velma] someone I admire as
Number Seventeen – the [Velma Kelly] much as you. Since I can
Spread Eagle $2,500? Geez, the most remember, I’ve really
me and my sister made is wanted to be on the stage.
[Mona] $35,000!
[Velma Kelly]
Really? What’s the talent?
Washing and drying?
[Roxie Hart]
No, I dance in the chorus.
But that was before I met
my husband…
[Velma Kelly]
Look, honey, you need
advice? Here it is, directly
from me to you. Keep your
hands off my underwear,
okay?
(walks away)
[Roxie Hart]
Yeah, okay. Thanks for…
nothing.
[Mama Morton]
She’s not that nice, ain’t
she? That’s why I’d like to
help you, darling. So, tell
me, what’re you gonna tell
the jury?
[Roxie Hart]
I’m afraid I have to tell
them the truth.
[Mama Morton]
The truth? That one leads
to the death house!
[Roxie Hart]
Oh no.
[Mama Morton]
But you know, relax. It’s
just that you’re talking to
the wrong people. Why
don’t you try talking to Mr.
Billy Flynn? He’s some of
the best criminal lawyer in
all of Illinois.
[Roxie Hart]
Who? Billy Flynn? How do
I get to him?
[Mama Morton]
Unfortunately, not by
prayer, dear. First, give me
a hundred dollars. Then I’ll
make a phone call.
[Roxie Hart]
A hundred dollars? Will
you just… I mean, it
seems pretty stiff for a
phone call.
[Mama Morton]
Trivia, baby. He has never
lost a case for a female
client yet. And with that
astounding beauty, Roxie,
oh…
[Roxie Hart]
He never lost a case?
[Mama Morton]
Yes! Every girl in this place
would kill to have Billy
Flynn representing them!
[Girls]
We want Billy
B. I. Double L. Y.
We’re all his
[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting the silver-
tongued prince of the
courtroom, the one and
only Billy Flynn!
[Billy Flynn]
I don’t care about
expensive things
Cashmere coats, diamond
rings
Don’t mean a thing
All I care about is love
[Girls]
All he cares about is love
[Billy Flynn, Girls]
That’s what I’m here for
(That’s what he’s here for)
[Billy Flynn]
I don’t care for wearing silk
cravats
Ruby studs, satin spats
Don’t mean a thing
All I care about is love
[Girls]
All he cares about is love
[Billy Flynn]
Good morning, Cooke
County!
[Hunyak]
Sir, I’m not guilty! Veg el
faz ugyemet
[Mary Sunshine]
Excuse me, Miss Kelly. Do
you remember anything at
all that night?
[Velma Kelly]
I passed out. Can’t
remember anything. Only
that I didn’t do it.
[Mary Sunshine]
Any idea who did it?
[Billy Flynn]
No. But my client is
offering a substantial
reward to anyone with
information about this
crime. Now, if there’s no
more question, Miss Kelly
and I have a lot of work to
do.
[Girls]
All he cares about is love
[Roxie Hart]
Hi, Mr. Flynn. I’m Roxie
Hart. You know me, the
cute one? I was hoping if
you could represent me.
[Billy Flynn]
You have $5,000?
[Roxie Hart]
That’s a lot of money.
[Billy Flynn]
Listen, you mean just one
thing to me. Call me when
you got $5,000.
[Girls]
All he cares about is love
[Billy Flynn]
Take a seat, Andy. You
know, you’re a remarkable
man. Your wife used you.
Plucked the guy and
picked it on you. Most men
are gonna leave, but no,
you’re sticking by her. Did
you bring the money?
[Amos Hart]
I didn’t do well as I hoped,
Mr. Flynn. I’ve only got
$2,000 here. That’s all I
got so far. But I’d give you
part of my salary every
week. Until every cent is
paid.
[Billy Flynn]
Look, mister. When you
came to me the other day,
I didn’t ask you if your
wife’s guilty or innocent. All
I said was, do you have
$5,000? You said yes! But
you don’t have $5,000! So
I figure you’re a dirty liar
and I don’t waste time with
dirty liars!
[Amos Hart]
I’m really sorry for wasting
your time, sir.
[Billy Flynn]
On the other hand, your
devotion to your wife is
really touching. I’ll take the
case ‘cause Billy Flynn
plays fair and square. All
right, this is what we’re
gonna do. I’m gonna have
Roxie’s name at the front
page of every newspaper
in town. “Sweetest jazz
killer in Chicago” – that’s
the angle I’m after. Then,
we’re gonna have an
auction. You tell them we
gotta raise some money
for the defense. They’ll
surely buy everything
she’s touched. Everything.
[Billy Flynn]
When we go to trial, no
one’s gonna care about
your defense unless they
care about you. So first
thing we gotta do is work
up some sympathy from
the press. Because there
is one thing they could
never resist to – a
reformed sinner.
[Billy Flynn]
So tell me, what were you
good at in school?
[Roxie Hart]
I got high marks in
courtesy and hygiene.
[Billy Flynn]
Perfect, you wanted to be
a nun. Where are your
parents now?
[Roxie Hart]
Probably on the front
porch in their rocking chair.
[Billy Flynn]
They’re dead. Family
fortune swept away. Then,
you fell into a runaway
marriage. Left you
miserable, alone and
unhappy. You got swept in
a mad world, the city. Like
a moth drawn to the flame.
[Roxie Hart]
You see, I was a flame
drawn to the moth… Oh
no! I’m never gonna get
this straight!
[Billy Flynn]
Calm down. From now on,
you should say nothing
wrong. Try it again.
[Velma Kelly]
You know what I’m gonna
do at the witness stand?
I’d get teary-eyed and ask
for Billy’s handkerchief.
Then I’d take a peek at the
jury like this and flash
some thigh, what d’you
think?
[Roxie Hart]
(ignorantly)
That sounds great.
[Velma Kelly]
Hey, I heard your press
conference is tomorrow.
You need advice, right?
I’ve got one for you – don’t
forget Billy Flynn’s number
one client is Billy Flynn.
[Roxie Hart]
Meaning what?
[Velma Kelly]
Meaning, don’t let him hug
the spotlight. You’re the
one that pays the scene.
[Billy Flynn]
Ready, Roxie?
[Roxie Hart] 1920 [Mary Sunshine]
Yes. With a pistol?
[Mary Sunshine]
[Billy Flynn] How old were you? [Billy Flynn]
Hello, ladies and From my bureau
gentlemen. My client just [Billy Flynn]
entered a plea of not Don’t remember [Mary Sunshine]
guilty. We look forward to Did you fight him?
the trial to be as soon as [Mary Sunshine]
possible. Questions? Then what happened? [Billy Flynn]
Like a tiger
[Roxie Hart] [Billy Flynn] He had strength and she
Everyone, I’d like to say I met Amos had none
how flattered I am that you And he stole my heart And yet we both reached
all came to see me. away for the gun
Convinced me to elope Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, we
[Billy Flynn] one day both
Shut up, dummy. Oh yes, we both
[Mary Sunshine] Oh yes, we both reached
[Announcer] Oh, poor girl. I can’t for
Mr. Billy Flynn in the press believe what you’ve been The gun, the gun, the gun,
conference rag. Notice through. A convent girl, a the gun
how his mouth never runaway marriage. Now, Oh yes, we both reached
moves! Almost. tell us, Roxie. Who’s Fred for the gun
Casely?
[Mary Sunshine] [Mary Sunshine,
Where’d you come from? [Billy Flynn] Reporters]
My ex-boyfriend Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes,
[Billy Flynn] they both
Mississippi [Mary Sunshine] Oh yes, they both
Why’d you shoot him? Oh yes, they both reached
[Mary Sunshine] for
And your parents? [Billy Flynn] The gun, the gun, the gun,
I was leaving the gun
[Billy Flynn] Oh yes, they both reached
Very wealthy [Mary Sunshine] for the gun
Was he angry?
[Mary Sunshine] [Billy Flynn, Mary
Where are they now? [Billy Flynn] Sunshine]
Like a madman Understandable,
[Billy Flynn] Still, I said, Fred, move understandable
Six feet under along Yes, it’s perfectly
But she was granted one She knew that she was understandable
more start doing wrong Comprehensible,
The convent of the Sacred comprehensible
Heart [Mary Sunshine] Not a bit reprehensible
Then describe it It’s so defensible
[Mary Sunshine]
When’d you get here? [Billy Flynn] LIGHTS OFF
He came toward me
[Billy Flynn]
[Announcer]
Move over, Al Capone.
The windy city has taken a
new criminal into its heart.
Roxie Hart, the sweetest
lady ever accused of
murder in Chicago.
Women want to look like
her and fellas want to go
out with her.
[Roxie Hart]
The name on everybody’s
lips
Is gonna be Roxie
The lady raking in the
chips
Is gonna be Roxie
I’m gonna be a celebrity
That means somebody
everyone knows
They’re gonna recognize
my eyes
My hair, my teeth, my lips,
my nose
From just some dumb
mechanic’s wife
I’m gonna be Roxie
Who says that murder’s
not an art?
And who in case she
doesn’t hang
Can say she started with a
bang?
Roxie Hart!
[Mama Morton]
I’ve got some bad news,
kid. Your trial’s been
postponed. Your name’s
out of the paper too long.
Roxie’s too popular these
days.
[Velma Kelly]
I can’t take it anymore! I
just can’t go anywhere
without hearing her name!
So what am I supposed to
do? Bow down to her like
everyone else?
[Mama Morton]
It couldn’t hurt.
[Velma Kelly]
Hey, Roxie! How are you?
You’ve been busy a lot
lately. Anyway, I just
realized you’re just the
same size as my sister. I
mean, you’d fit into her
costumes perfectly.
[Roxie Hart]
You think so?
[Velma Kelly]
Yeah, you know, with all
the publicity piled up
between us when Billy
gets us off, we could do an
act together.
[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Velma Kelly in an act
of desperation.
[Velma Kelly]
My sister and I
Had an act that couldn’t
flop
My sister and I
Were headed straight for
the top
My sister and I
Earned a thou a week at
least
But my sister is now
Unfortunately deceased
Oh, I know, it’s sad, of
course
But a fact is still a fact
And now all that remains
Is the remains of a perfect
double act
Watch this
First I’d
Then she’d
Then we’d
But I can’t do it alone
When those dingdong
daddies started to roar
Whistled, stomped and
stamped on the floor
Yelling, screaming,
begging for more
We would say, “Okay,
fellas, keep your socks up
‘Cause you ain’t seen
nothing yet”
But I simply cannot do it
alone
[Velma Kelly]
So what do you think?
Come on, you can say.
[Roxie Hart]
You think you’re fooling
me? You’re all washed up.
And it’s me they want now,
‘cause I’m a big star. Oh, I
almost forgot. You’re in the
paper today, at the back.
“Velma Kelly’s trial has
been postponed
indefinitely.” Seven words.
Poor Velma Kelly.
LIGHTS OFF
[Billy Flynn]
(on the phone)
This all took place in
Lesurevelt? Incredible. All
right. Thanks.
(call ends)
They just arrested a
woman for triple homicide.
Killed her husband and the
two women she caught
sleeping with him.
[Mary Sunshine]
Miss Baxter! Miss Baxter!
Mary Sunshine from the
Evening Star. Would you
mind saying a word or
two?
[Kitty Baxter]
Sure! Go to hell!
[Roxie Hart]
Mr. Flynn! Mr. Flynn! Did
you get my trial date yet?
[Billy Flynn]
Yes, Tracy? All right,
enough questions for Miss
Baxter!
[Velma Kelly]
How does it feel, kid?
Pretty soon we couldn’t
find you in the papers.
(Roxie pretends to pass
out.)
[Billy Flynn]
Roxie!
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, please, don’t worry
about me. I just would like
to say that my own life
doesn’t matter now. It’s
just that of my unborn
child.
[Mary Sunshine]
Poor girl, you’d have your
baby born in jail. My
readers won’t stand for
that.
[Amos Hart]
Hey, Roxie! Roxie! I just
heard the good news! It’s
me, Amos, the baby’s
father! I got here as soon
as I could! Hey, Roxie!
[Amos Hart]
If someone stood up in a
crowd
And raised his voice up
way out loud
And waved his arm and
shook his leg
You’d notice him
And even without clucking
like a hen
Everyone gets noticed,
now and then
Unless, of course, that
personage should be
Invisible, inconsequential
me
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
‘Cause you can look right
through me
Walk right by me
And never know I’m there
[Billy Flynn]
Hey, Andy. I need you to
support my client.
[Amos Hart]
The name’s Amos.
[Billy Flynn]
Who said it wasn’t?
Anyway, I want you to tell
the jury you’re the father of
the baby.
[Amos Hart]
Baby? Roxie’s pregnant?
And you want me to cover
for the real father?
[Billy Flynn]
We’ve taken care of all
matters already. The only
unsettled variable is your
support.
[Amos Hart]
Support her?
[Billy Flynn]
Huh? Isn’t she your wife?
[Amos Hart]
Yes, she is! But…
[Billy Flynn]
What are you to do?
Divorce her?
[Amos Hart]
Yes, you’re damn right! I’ll
divorce her! She probably
won’t even notice. Now, if
you’d excuse me, I’m
leaving. I hope I didn’t take
up too much of your time.
[Billy Flynn]
Hey, while Andy’s on the
witness stand, I want you
to pretend like knitting a
baby garment.
[Roxie Hart]
That’s no way to win the
jury’s sympathy.
[Billy Flynn]
Oh, you don’t need advice
anymore?
[Roxie Hart]
Hey, I’m the one who’s
coming up with the good
ideas. I’m sick of you
telling me what to do. You
treat me like dirt, like some
dirty criminal.
[Billy Flynn]
But you’re a dirty criminal.
[Roxie Hart]
Well, it’s better than being
a greasy-mite lawyer.
[Billy Flynn]
Who’s up here to save
you!
[Roxie Hart]
Who’s up for all that he
can steal!
[Billy Flynn]
You read the morning
papers? They love me! But
maybe a lot more when
you’re hanged. Why?
‘Cause it’ll sell more
papers.
[Roxie Hart]
You’re fired.
[Billy Flynn]
Oh, thank you! I’m quitting
anyway.
[Roxie Hart]
Any lawyer in this town
would die to have my
case!
[Billy Flynn]
Yes, you’re a celebrity. But
in a couple of weeks, no
one would care about you.
That’s Chicago.
LIGHTS OFF
(Hunyak’s crying.)
[Murderesses except
Hunyak]
Hunyak lost her last
appeal.
[Roxie Hart]
Which means?
[Murderesses except
Hunyak]
Next week, she’s gonna…
[Mary Sunshine]
This is Mary Sunshine,
coming to you from the
Cooke County Jail, where
history would be made
today. Katelin Helinski
would become the first
woman in the state of
Illinois to be executed.
[Announcer]
And now, ladies and [Billy Flynn]
gentlemen, for your Was there any reason for
pleasure and your filing at this particular
entertainment, we proudly time?
present Katelin Helinski
and her famous Hungarian [Amos Hart]
Disappearing Act. I’d say, from what I’ve read
in the news, Roxie was
LIGHTS OFF expecting a stranger when
she knew she was
[Billy Flynn] pregnant.
You clear about
everything? [Billy Flynn]
You mean you doubted the
[Roxie Hart] fraternity of the child? You
Yes, I’ve been up all night slept next to this woman
rehearsing. every night without
exercising the rights of a
[Billy Flynn] husband? Oh, did you
What should you do if even bother asking her if
Harrison comes to you’re the baby’s father?
you?
[Amos Hart]
[Roxie Hart] Am I?
I sit still and look straight
ahead. Never look at the [Billy Flynn]
jury. Yes! Roxie has sworn that
you’re the child’s father!
[Billy Flynn] Will you take her back?
I just want to remind you
that I’ll do all the talking, if [Amos Hart]
you don’t want to be next I’m sorry, Roxie.
to that Hungarian lady.
(on the phone) [Billy Flynn]
Oh, let’s go, Roxie. Give ‘em the old razzle
They’re here. dazzle
Razzle dazzle ‘em
[Roxie Hart] Give ‘em a show that’s so
Billy, I’m scared. splendiferous
Row after row will grow
[Billy Flynn] vociferous
There’s nothing to worry, Give ‘em the old flim flam
Roxie. flummox
Fool and fracture ‘em
[Billy Flynn] How can they hear the
Hello, Mr. Amos Hart. truth above the roar?
When did you file for Throw ‘em a fake and a
divorce? finagle
They’ll never know you’re
[Amos Hart] just a bagel
A month ago. Razzle dazzle ‘em
And they’ll beg you for
more
[Mary Sunshine]
This is the moment we’ve
been waiting for. Roxie
Hart finally takes the stand
in her own defense.
[Billy Flynn]
Roxie, I have here a
statement that you
admitted having an illicit
relation with deceased
Fred Casely. Is this true?
[Roxie Hart]
I’m afraid that’s true.
[Billy Flynn]
What an honest girl. Can
you tell the jury how it all
began?
[Roxie Hart]
I first met him when he
sold Amos and I our
furniture. Well, one night,
he asked me if he could
escort me home, I
permitted him if only Amos
and I hadn’t quarreled that
very morning.
[Roxie Hart]
It was my fault. I just
couldn’t stop pestering
him. I didn’t like him
working those long hours
at the garage. I wanted
him home with me…
[Billy Flynn]
Roxie Hart! The state has
accused you the murder of
Fred Casely. Are you guilty
or not guilty?
[Roxie Hart]
I plea ‘not guilty’. Yes, I
killed him. I did. But… I’m
not a criminal!
[Billy Flynn]
Can you tell us what
exactly happened that
night of June 14th, Roxie?
[Roxie Hart]
When Fred came over, I
told him that Amos and I
are gonna have a baby.
[Billy Flynn]
What did Casely say when
you told him the news?
[Roxie Hart]
“I’ll kill you before I see
you have another man’s
child!” Then, in his fury, he
threw me on the bed,
where Mr. Hart’s pistol was
lying there between us.
We both reached for the
gun but I got it first. He
was very angry!
[Billy Flynn]
Wild! And did you think
that he might kill you?
[Roxie Hart]
Oh, yes, sir! So I closed
my eyes and I shot!
[Billy Flynn]
To defend your life!
[Roxie Hart]
And the life of my unborn
child!
[Mary Sunshine]
Here in the courtroom,
Mrs. Hart’s behavior has
been truly extraordinary!
She looks around now,
seeming to want
something. Oh, it’s a glass
of water.
[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama! That was my
bid! I told her I wanna do
that at my trial!
[Mary Sunshine]
But now, her eyes flatter
wildly and Mrs. Hart has
fainted. She flumps over
her chiffon dress up
around her knees,
revealing a glimpse of a
blue garter with Ryan-
stone buckle.
[Velma Kelly]
Oh, Mama! First, she
steals my publicity, then
she steals my lawyer, my
trial date. And now, she
stole my precious garter!
[Mama Morton]
Don’t break my radio!
[Velma Kelly]
There ain’t no justice in the
world. And there’s nothing
I can do about it.
[Mama Morton]
Don’t worry, I’ll help you
out. This time, for free.
(shows her Roxie’s diary)
[Martin Harrison]
Miss Kelly, would you
please tell the court what’s
this object you’re holding?
[Velma Kelly]
This is Roxie Hart’s diary,
which I’ve come upon the
defendant’s cell.
[Martin Harrison]
Your Honor, I submit this
as Exhibit D.
[Billy Flynn]
I object! My client never
kept a diary! And even if
she did, this would be
invasion of privacy and a
violation to the
fourth amendment.
[Judge]
Order! Order! I’ll allow it.
[Roxie Hart]
What’s the big deal? I
didn’t even do it.
[Judge]
If you would read for us,
Miss Kelly.
[Velma Kelly]
What a laugh, plucking
Fred Casely. I’m just sorry
I can only kill him once.
[Roxie Hart]
I never wrote that. She
made that up! She made
that up!
[Judge]
Order! Mr. Flynn, please
get control of your client.
[Billy Flynn]
Miss Kelly, I’ve got an offer
to you. I’ll help you get
away with your charges if
you help me in this case.
[Velma Kelly]
Of course, sure.
[Velma Kelly]
(reads from the diary)
Fred Casely assured to get
me a job at the Onyx.
Then he reneged on his
pledge and that’s my
motive for attack.
[Billy Flynn]
Miss Kelly, do you know
what perjury is?
[Velma Kelly]
Yes, I do.
[Billy Flynn]
Do you also know that it’s
a crime?
[Velma Kelly]
Yes.
[Billy Flynn]
And for example, if it turns
out you knew this diary
was a fake, I hate to think
you rotting away in prison
for the next 10 years.
[Velma Kelly]
All I know is what I was
told.
[Billy Flynn]
So you didn’t find this diary
in Roxie’s cell?
[Velma Kelly]
No, Mama, I mean, Miss
Morton gave it to me. Said
someone anonymous sent
it to her.
[Billy Flynn]
All right, let’s work this out.
Someone who writes
about reneging on
pledges. Don’t care if you
call me crazy, does that
sound like a lawyer to
you? A lawyer, who
honestly has a sample of
Mrs. Hart’s handwriting.
Mr. Harrison, didn’t you
ask Roxie to write out a
confession for you?
[Martin Harrison]
Yes… You’re not
suggesting I tampered with
my evidence, are you?
Your Honor, this is
outrageous!
[Billy Flynn]
Won’t work, Mr. Harrison.
This guy is a corruption. I
cannot stand.
[Mary Sunshine]
Folks, this is Mary
Sunshine, reporting live
from the Cooke County
Courthouse. The city of
Chicago comes to a
complete stand still. As the
trial of the century finally
draws to a close, Mrs.
Hart sits quietly at the
defense table, hands
folded. Now, the members
of the jury have returned
slowly to their seats.
[Judge]
Gentlemen of the jury,
have you reached a
verdict?
[Jury]
We have, Your Honor.
[Judge]
The defendant, please
rise. What is your verdict?
[Jury]
We, the jury, find the
defendant… not guilty!
(Reporters leave the
courtroom.)
[Roxie Hart]
Hey, don’t you wanna take
my picture? What’s going
on?
[Billy Flynn]
This is Chicago, kid.
[Roxie Hart]
What about my publicity,
Mr. Flynn? My name on
the papers. I was counting
on that. You got $5,000.
What do I get? I get
nothing.
[Billy Flynn]
Five? Actually, it’s ten
once I collect from Velma.
Billy Flynn’s still never lost
a case. And you? You’re a
free woman again, Roxie.
And God save Illinois.
[Roxie Hart]
Let’s go, Amos. Let’s go
home.
[Amos Hart]
Hey, Velma told me she
wants to see you. But it
would be better for you
and the baby to rest.
[Roxie Hart]
There ain't really no baby,
Amos.
[Amos Hart]
What? There ain't no
baby? I can’t stand any
more of your lies, Roxie! I’ll
divorce you!
[Roxie Hart]
You really are something.
Meeting me here like some
queen bee, full of advice
for a poor slop like me. Let
me tell you something,
Miss Kelly. I got a new life
now. And one of the best
things about it is it doesn’t
include you.
[Velma Kelly]
Fine. I just thought we
could help each other out.
You know, we’ll make a
perfect double act. We can [Velma Kelly]
make a couple hundred a Me and Roxie would just
week at this theater like to say thank you!
downtown. Faces back on
the paper and names back [Roxie Hart]
in the market. Velma Kelly Believe us, we could’ve
and Roxie Hart. never done anything
without you!
[Roxie Hart]
Shouldn’t it be [Roxie Hart, Velma Kelly]
alphabetical? Oh, we’re no one’s wife
But oh, we love our lives
[Velma Kelly] And all
That could work. That
Jazz
[Roxie Hart]
A couple hundred? Maybe [Company]
we can ask for a thousand. That jazz
We’re worth it.
CURTAIN
[Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
you’ve read about them in
the papers. Now, they’ve
come back and here they
are live at the Chicago
Theatre. The nation’s
killer-dillers, the
scintillating sinners, Roxie
Hart and Velma Kelly!
[Roxie Hart, Velma Kelly]
You can like the life you’re
living
You can live the life you
like
You can even marry Harry
But mess around with Ike
And that’s good
Isn’t it grand
Isn’t it great
Isn’t it swell
Isn’t it fun
Isn’t it
But nothing stays
In fifty years or so
It’s gonna change, you
know
But oh, it’s heaven
Nowadays