53 INSULTS FOR VICIOUS MOCKERY

by Esper
Short phrases a character can say when casting vicious mockery.

General
1. They say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
2. Your roar didn’t scare me. The stench of your breath did though.
3. Ugly. Putrid. Vile. I’m not insulting you, I’m just describing you.
4. This is a special occasion. I don’t typically engage in mental combat with the unarmed.
5. If I had a face like yours, I’d jump headfirst into a pit of acid.
6. You’re proof that even the gods make mistakes sometimes.
7. I’ve taken shits that were better-looking than you.
8. As it turns out, stupidity is a crime, and you have been sentenced to death.
9. It’s a shame your last words were so vapid.
10. You will never again face an opponent as great as I. In fact, you will never face anyone
again.
11. This isn’t going to hurt for long. But oh damn is it going to hurt.
12. We’re not going to simply stand here poking fun at you. We’re also going to poke
swords and arrows at you.
13. People told me you were terrible. It’s not true. You’re actually far worse than that.
14. Some babies get dropped on their heads. You obviously were thrown against a wall.
15. When I first saw you, I thought you seemed an idiot. Now you’ve open your mouth and
proved me right.
16. I’m not certain what it is that makes you so stupid, but it really works.
17. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
18. Is this your first battle ever? Well, it’s certainly your last.
Against Undead
19. Every undead I’ve ever seen is nothing but bitchy. Just die and get it over with already.
20. “Oooh! I’m a ghost.” I get to moan and lament about how miserable my life was.
21. Oh, won’t you die already? It’s bad enough having to deal with living people who are
insane.
22. You smell like a cross between troll shit and rancid orc breastmilk.
23. What was the first part of you to rot off, your brain or your balls?
24. Ah, a bloodsucker. Well, you certainly do suck.
Against Spellcaster
25. This going to end with that staff sticking out of your ass. (or wand/rod/scepter,
whatever arcane focus the spellcaster is holding)
26. Magic is mysterious. The greatest mystery is how a moron like you is able to use it.
 27. Spellcasters always hold staffs and wands because they wish they had real cocks.
28. Yes, I may be as much of an asshole as you, but the difference is that you’re boring.
29. I don’t need to know ​fireball​ to roast your testicles.
Against Warrior
30. At first, I thought you were brave. Then, I realized you’re actually just stupid.
31. You run about whacking things with a piece of metal. Truly, what an advanced being you
are.
32. You remind me of an ape in armor.
Against Aberration
33. Typically I have to pay to see a freakshow like you.
34. As an outsider, how does it feel to have humanoids slaying you?
35. Do you realize that tentacles and slime are not attractive? Perhaps that explains why
you’re so upset.
Against Fiend
36. You fiends are most courteous. After you die, you melt away to nothing and spare us the
trouble of cleaning up your dead body.
37. You are full of malevolence, wickedness, and evil. Soon, you’re going to be full of our
weapons and spells.
38. Fiends have been trying to take over the world for thousands of years, and you’ve failed
every time. Are you noticing a pattern here?
Against Monstrosity/Beast
39. You hairy piss-stained ball sack.
40. You’re probably too stupid to understand this, but worry not, the confusion will be over
soon.
41. Are you hungry? How about a big plate of ass-kicking?
Against Dwarf
42. You flea-bearded dirt-licking cave pig.
43. If you shave a dwarf, all that’s left is a nose and a beer gut.
44. You look like an ogre’s genitalia fell off and sprouted arms and legs.
Against Elf
45. You tree-humping pansy-brained fairy wannabe.
46. Some people have sticks up their asses. An elf has the whole tree up his ass.
47. Elves live ten times longer than humans and accomplish ten times less.
Against Human
48. You self-obsessed whore-blooded mongrel.
49. I tried to see things from the perspective of a human, but I couldn’t fit my head up my
own ass.
50. The worst plague the world has ever known is called humans.
Against Halfling
51. You knee-biting sticky-fingered whelp.
52. Your breath must stink so badly because you spend your entire life at the level of other
people’s asses.
53. The only thing lucky about halflings is how they don’t get crushed to death by real
people walking around.